Do We Expect Too Much From Our Partners, Death of a Pastor’s Wife, and Boarding School Drop-Off

Tony and Tobie are back together and kicking things off with a question that hits close to home: Do we expect too much from our partners? They dive into studies that challenge some of their own ideas about modern marriage, partnership, and whether we’re asking one person to fulfill too many roles in our lives. Then, Tobie gives her take on Netflix’s Death of a Pastor’s Wife and reveals just how deep her fascination with cults; and the psychology behind them, really goes. Finally, they take us inside the emotional roller coaster of dropping their son off at boarding school, from saying goodbye to anxiously waiting through four very long days for him to finally pick up the phone and call home. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Guys, if you know me, you know, there's always something going on. Big games, streaming, traveling, making plans with the crew. I'm always on the move. That's why I like getting more out of the things I'm already doing. With T-Mobile, I get America's best network. Plus, weekly perks with T-Mobile Tuesdays. Like savings on movie tickets, streaming benefits, and access to unforgettable experiences. That's just one of the reasons to switch to T-Mobile. Find yours. Visit tmobile.com/switch. Qualifying plan required. Best mobile network in the U.S. Based on the analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data. One H 2026.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 1:08Speaker 02

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• 1:44Speaker 03

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• 2:53Speaker 04

  If you've been putting off car shopping because it sounds like a whole thing, I get it. Life moves quickly, and I really like when things are clear and easy. So here's a little tip. Buying your car online on AutoTrader makes the whole process way easier. Really. Start online, then head to the dealer for a test drive, and finish wherever works best for you. Your information stays with you, and you're working with local dealers. So real people are there to help. So flexible, so convenient, so recommended. Buy your car online on AutoTrader. Really.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  Just, just relax. R E L A X, Aaron Rodgers style. Relax. Tony, do you understand that the universal trigger for women is the word relax? The second you say relax, my cortisol, I can feel it like in my throat. And I want to like breathe hot fire and, and watch your head disintegrate into ash.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  Well, welcome everybody back to No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez. How you feeling today, honey? Feeling good, good. How about you? I feel good. We just got back from New York. I know, we did. Feeling like very, my heart is full because we got to spend time with my stepson. Your son, our son. Our son. And it was really fun. I love New York. Yeah, New York is great. New York is a vibe. It's especially this time of year. Because it's actually was a little hot, a little muggy, but not too bad. Yeah. It's always good to go walk around. I don't mind it in the summer. Some people hate New York in the summer. It does smell like hot garbage, but I do, I do, I do still enjoy it. Ah. Yes. But I love going there for the food. We had a great, great meal. Yep, we like to eat. What was the name of that place?

• 5:12Speaker 02

  It was called Seesaw or Cesar or Caesar. Anyway, it was like a double Michelin star, like two Michelin star restaurant in New York City. If you guys happen to be there, it is life-changing. A life-changing meal. Yeah, one of the bites was like, you could, you could, you could cry, right? No, you could. Like tear, tearjerker. Well, you, you get, you get, you get a little nuts about food. I do. A little insane. Enjoy a good bite. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, uh-oh. But the reason we were in New York, we were visiting our, my stepson. Yeah. And visiting Nico. And he's like really killing it right now. I'm actually very proud of him for how hard he's working on this new business venture. Do you want to like tell our listeners a little bit like about what he's doing?

• 5:56Speaker 02

  You gonna re-describe what he's doing? Uh, no, you know what? It's, it's an app called Synapse. And I'm same thing as you. I'm very proud of him. It's cool when your kids grow up and, you know, our, our boy, when he was younger, I, if you would have said, yeah, he's going to be running his own business, creating an app. If you told me that in high school, I'd have been like, oh, hell no. Uh-uh. Like, that's just not, I don't see him doing something like that. He would be more like a nightlife type deal, which he did do for a little while. Yeah. But now he's running his own, I guess it's a technology-type company. It's, it's an app. It's called Synapse. And it's basically, I would describe it as, it's like getting Google alerts for academic research.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  So you sign up and then you pick the subjects that most interest you in academia. Uh, and they will send you an alert when, when like the latest paper is published about that. Exactly. And, and it's, it's, instead of doing all that research, hours and hours, looking for research, it consolidates it and it does it for you. Uh, and so you get to read these amazing articles and latest research on whatever subject that you're interested in. Yeah, guys, it's better than going to TikTok or Instagram or some weird social platform to find your information. This is like real studied, real information backed by science. Right, yeah. From some of the top people. So there's no, there's no like confusion, isn't an opinion. Correct. Yeah, it's, it's like academic research. It's high-level stuff, so.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  It's an epic way to get your information. Really easy, really for the people. And he's killing it. And we actually, I was just looking at his Instagram and there was just recently a, a paper published. Well, not, it wasn't recently published. I think it was like 2017 or something. But it was a paper published on marriage by somebody named Eli Finkel, who described marriage like climbing some sort of like mountaintop. And how like marriage has changed enormously from the 1950s marriage to now.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  Because what our expectations have become and how as you get to the top of that mountain, you keep trying to evolve with your partner, you're left with no oxygen. You know, you can't really survive it because it's like you're suffocating because you have, you have nothing left to give because we have so many expectations on relationships now. What a word. Marriage is like suffocate. Suffocating. Do you feel suffocated, honey? I can't breathe. It's too much. But it's true. I think expectations have gone wildly out of control when it comes to finding a life partner or a husband, a wife. So they're saying like at the beginning, marriage was, what'd you say? It was, it was like for business, business reasons. Yes.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  Family, to have children, to like, to basically like bear sons who, who work on the farm, work on the land. And then to have a wife who can cook and clean, take care of the kids. And it's like you have your duties and they're very laid out and very simple. Yeah. And now, fast forward. Yeah. It is like, you're supposed to be my lover, my workout partner, my therapist, my everything. You're supposed to be someone's everything. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, you're supposed to help them become a better version of themselves. I think that's, that's what I remember. I remember that line. Right. Or at least the way I, I sum it up, the, the way marriage is now. And that's unrealistic. You can't look to your partner, or can you? Or can you? Well, he's saying the, the flip side of that too. Yeah.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Is that divorces gone up, uh, so it's, it's riskier to get married. But the flip side is if you can actually get through it. Yes. Uh, the reward and the feeling that you get from your.

• 9:39Speaker 00

  Marriage is so much greater than the people back in the day ever had.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he was actually giving tips on how to do that. Like, there's ways to do it where you don't become completely depleted. Or, or to get to that, that point of satisfaction or fulfillment in the marriage. By giving the most you can in certain increments. You, you don't need to give everything to someone all the time. And you can't have, like, you're not my everything. Like, no offense, but like, this marriage has lasted this long, this long. Because I am comfortable having a life outside of this relationship. I have different, I have friend groups. I have things going on for myself that have nothing to do with you, which I think is healthy. So there's tips in that article that are really nice to hear because it's, it gives you sort of a path to follow.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  If you want to evolve to that, you know, more elevated marriage, relationship point where we all want to get to. We're not, I'm not here just to like be partners with you. I mean, maybe, maybe some people are still doing that. But I feel like most people want a little bit more out of a relationship.

• 10:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  Like, I do want you to be the person that I call first when something bad happens. And I want advice, you know, all those things. And I do want you to like be my best friend.

• 10:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, but do you want me to make you a better person? Bring out?

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Fuck yeah, yes. Hell yes.

• 10:59Speaker 00

  You do?

• 11:00Speaker 02

  Yes, I, I demand it.

• 11:01Speaker 00

  So that's what the article's saying, is saying that that's actually what's making marriages harder now.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Harder yet better.

• 11:07Speaker 00

  Cause people are looking, yeah, it makes it better, but it's also, it's somewhat, I don't know if that's unrealistic.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  Cause like, it's like, dude, handle your, handle your own shit. Like, you, you get better.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, but isn't the person you're in a relationship with supposed to make you better just by osmosis? Like, I'm supposed to be, I want to, ideally, I'm, I'm supposed to marry somebody that I feel brings out something good in me. That some, some, that part of me that I'm like, I like, I like me better when I'm around you. And so that in and of itself is going to make you better. But I think as marriage progresses, like, you're gonna keep evolving and changing. And like, if you have to continuously remember like what you bring to the table, I'm constantly trying to find ways that I can make you better. I hope you're doing the same.

• 11:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. I think also too.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:53Speaker 00

  And it, I think when you have that type of attitude, you kinda can get used to that though. And if you're constantly looking at your partner to bring out the best in you, you kinda, you can, you can become lazy. I, I think you can become lazy. And then when they, cause when they don't do that, because they have their own stuff going on in their head and their lives. Uh, cause you are separate.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 00

  Uh, then you start to resent them. And people don't have the energy to, to keep that up over a hey. Five year, ten year, fifteen year, twenty year, thirty, whatever.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  Uh, period. And then you can run out of steam. And then maybe that's why a lot of divorce. Or people can say, well, you, you've changed. You're not in, you don't have my, my back anymore. I don't feel like you're supporting me anymore.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  I think you're right.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  Or if you can keep doing it, then that's where the fulfillment comes in because they actually keep doing that.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  You don't want to rely on somebody solely for all of that. But I do think it's important that your partner brings some of that to the table.

• 12:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  Right? Do we agree on this?

• 12:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, I agree, I agree. But I, you know, my attitude is like, I want you to handle your own personal growth.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  To be honest, when you, when you're not around, I know this is kind of off topic, but like, when you're not around, I kind of am better. Because like, when you're gone and then when the kids were little and like, you'd be gone and you weren't there to help me do anything, like, I would become super mom. I don't know what would happen inside me, but I'd be like, the house is clean, the dinner was made, kids have gone out on activities, we went on like walks, we went to the park. It's almost like when you were there, I was sort of like, well, he's here, he can do it. Or he's here, he can help me. Or he's here.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  I'm just being honest, I did get a little bit lazier when you were around.

• 13:35Speaker 00

  Oh, oh yeah, you still do?

• 13:37Speaker 02

  I know, I think I do sometimes, actually. Which is not good.

• 13:40Speaker 00

  It's okay.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  I know, like, if the dishes are in the sink and like.

• 13:43Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. He'll do it.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  That's not true, like, all the time, but sometimes, yes. Sometimes I'm like, oh. Well, I know these will get done, cause he's gonna come down in the morning and I know he loves to do the dishes, so why would I deprive him of this experience? I'm just gonna let him.

• 13:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  You know, do what makes him happy.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  I do love to do this. I do, I don't love.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  God, bless you. Okay, I have a question. Do kids' careers, phones, and everyday life leave too little oxygen for our marriage?

• 14:15Speaker 00

  Like, their, what they're doing, their schedules and focusing on them?

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  Uh, absolutely, absolutely. I think that is, but I, I don't know if that story has changed over time. It's, I think it's more prevalent than ever.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  But isn't that unavoidable?

• 14:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, unavoidable.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  Know how people, I don't know how you get out of that.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  Shoot, the kids' schedules nowadays, it's ridiculous. Especially, don't have them play a sport nowadays.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  Okay, I can't even get into the topic of, of, of, of kids.

• 14:44Speaker 00

  That's a different topic.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  But travel sports is ridiculous.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 14:49Speaker 00

  And what that does to their time and taking away from your time with your spouse. Uh, especially, because it's actually, the reason it, it, it, it does that, it takes them so much time is because it's fun. I enjoy watching my kids play.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:04Speaker 00

  I enjoy going to their, I'm, I'm, I'm psycho like that. I mean, I'll go to, you know, I'll go to Rivers' practice, I'll go to Malia's practice sometimes.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  You do. And I didn't grow up like a sports person, so I, I never really understood the parents that are like, you know, blood in, blood out. Like, there with their friggin' solo cup, not solo cups, there with their, their Yetis and their umbrellas and their, uh. I'm just like, I stroll in like, mm, mm, I'm just taking a little gander at my kids, shooting, and then I'm out.

• 15:33Speaker 00

  Well, you don't, you don't care. You don't care about sports.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Absolutely care, but I don't care like that.

• 15:37Speaker 00

  You don't care about sports.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  Honey, I do care.

• 15:40Speaker 00

  You could careless, you could careless. I mean, when I first met you.

• 15:43Speaker 02

  I care.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  I remember like after a game, we would lose a big, big game against our rival. And we, now we're not going to the playoffs and you come up, it's okay, don't worry about it, it's, it's fine, let's go grab some wine, let's go eat. Let's, like you didn't care.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  What was I supposed to do?

• 16:00Speaker 00

  Like everybody else, you're sad. You're like, you weren't sad.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  I felt bad for you. I felt bad for the whole team. I, I did.

• 16:06Speaker 00

  Wasn't that big of a deal. It's not. Guys, if you know me, you know there's always something going on. Big games, streaming, traveling, making plans with the crew. There's always something on the calendar. So I'm all about getting more out of the things I'm already doing. And that's why I like about being a T-Mobile member. I get America's best network and weekly perks with T-Mobile Tuesdays. Every week, there's something new to check out, from savings on movie tickets and streaming benefits, to access to unforgettable experiences. And now, T-Mobile Tuesdays are available in Spanish too. Just set your phone to Spanish. I know, easy, right? That's a lot of value on top of a network that already gives you the most. And it's just one of the reasons to switch to T-Mobile.

• 16:49Speaker 00

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• 17:01Speaker 03

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• 17:46Speaker 03

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• 18:09Speaker 01

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk-takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 18:39Speaker 04

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• 19:20Speaker 04

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• 19:36Speaker 00

  You know that place you've been thinking about?

• 20:30Speaker 00

  Life, like you said, blood in and blood out. It, which it is in, in some cases.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  I get it.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  It feels that people bleed the color of the team and.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  I know.

• 20:38Speaker 00

  And I think we're but.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  But I look, look, I don't, I do think that those things get in the way of a marriage. I do think those things. If you do not pay attention to them and learn to like put some guardrails around it like.

• 20:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  It can become too much and and you can lose each other like. Again, I I go back to the travel sports, I know, but like parents are supposed to travel. They travel. You can't. Literally all leave and go and play, go to a sports game every weekend. If you have other kids, one parent has to stay back, one parent has to go. You're constantly separated. You're having dinner with some random parents in some podunk town, you know. A hundred miles outside the city and you're it's miserable. And talk about causing a huge wedge in a marriage, like sports cause a huge wedge in a marriage.

• 21:26Speaker 00

  They do, and that's changed. That's a big difference than what it used to be because of the money.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  I think it's a racket.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  Involved now.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  Oh, it's big time money, big cash.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  God awful. But what are we supposed to do? We want our kids to play sports. We want them to feel successful. They wanna play. So it's like. We're now handcuffed.

• 21:42Speaker 00

  I think somebody would challenge you, one of these parents would challenge you and say, you know what? We go together.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Right.

• 21:48Speaker 00

  Uh, we go as a family.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  Right.

• 21:50Speaker 00

  Uh, we, we, we, we eat the dinners, you know, the kids, the kids love it, the kids enjoy it. We have family members.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Uh, yes.

• 21:57Speaker 00

  That that have children that do this, that are very into this.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  But wait till the younger kids.

• 22:02Speaker 00

  And they love it.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  Get a little, get a little older and like, I don't wanna go with my older brother and on with his team and all those people. I'm trying to stay here with my friends and everything. When you have little kids, it works easier, but as they get older, they're not gonna wanna go. They just aren't. And then you're, and then you're, you know, in the pickle.

• 22:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  You're in a pickle. But yes, there's so many distractions. What do you think about? You know, with, with obviously social media and all those things, like it's obviously very distracting.

• 22:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, like as far as. What like taken away from the time that you could spend with your spouse, their social media attention to it?

• 22:37Speaker 02

  I think there's a lot.

• 22:38Speaker 00

  I don't think that has anything to do with it.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  You don't?

• 22:40Speaker 00

  Well, how?

• 22:41Speaker 02

  I kind of like feel closer to you when I'm like in bed with you scrolling on our phones and you're doing your thing and I'm doing my thing.

• 22:47Speaker 00

  What we do, what we talking about now?

• 22:48Speaker 02

  I don't know. They think that they're talking about these things creating wedges in marriages like because it's so different now.

• 22:53Speaker 00

  Oh, you're talking about.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  Technology.

• 22:55Speaker 00

  Because of your attention to, to.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:59Speaker 00

  Social media.

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 23:04Speaker 00

  I know, I know. That's what people do that now, the people.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Well, you're a YouTuber. I'm a Instagrammer.

• 23:11Speaker 00

  We will be in bed.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 23:12Speaker 00

  Watching our own, stuck to our own, own devices.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:17Speaker 00

  Right? Yeah. Where before, we could watch a movie together, we could watch a show together. And that's how people did it throughout the last fifty, sixty years.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  I know. I mean, getting your kids to watch a movie with you or like with with us, like getting one of our kids to do that, they're like. They can't think of a worse idea.

• 23:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  And that's all we did. We went to Blockbuster, picked out a movie, went home, all gathered around the TV set and watched the movie.

• 23:41Speaker 00

  Do that anymore. That's over. That's the last thing they wanna do.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  I know.

• 23:44Speaker 00

  I tried to get him to watch a movie that first of all, they don't like our stuff.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  So rude.

• 23:48Speaker 00

  Which is.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Tony's like, you don't wanna watch Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? You don't wanna watch, you don't wanna watch Rambo?

• 23:55Speaker 00

  I tried to show, um, the Rambo is a good movie. Rambo one and two.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 24:01Speaker 00

  Great movies. Um, uh, I tried to show him the Naked Gun. From the eighties.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  How did that go over?

• 24:08Speaker 00

  Uh, bombed. Did not hold up. They were.

• 24:11Speaker 02

  Are you surprised? This is the thing. We have failed multiple times. Every time we've shown them a movie, thinking it can like stand up today and it just doesn't.

• 24:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  It's like we tried to show them the Neverending Story and they were like.

• 24:23Speaker 00

  They like that.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  They did like that.

• 24:24Speaker 00

  Highly recommend. Anybody out there with kids? Show your kids at around the age of.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Well, the wolf can be scary, so not too young.

• 24:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, right around eleven, twelve, show them Neverending Story. Oh. One of the best movies ever made for kids.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  Okay, honey. Okay.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  What a great soundtrack too. Remember the soundtrack?

• 24:46Speaker 02

  Never ending story.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  Magical.

• 24:50Speaker 02

  Okay. Do you sometimes wish that, or do you think I have too high expectations of you in our marriage? Is a question for you.

• 24:59Speaker 00

  Too high expectations? Uh, yes and no.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 25:03Speaker 00

  Certain areas. I think that no one can can stamp that box like, oh, yeah, yes.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  Right.

• 25:06Speaker 00

  No, I mean, it depends on what subject you're talking about. Do you have expectations as far as, uh, work and bringing home the bacon type?

• 25:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  Type expectations.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  We're a little old school like that.

• 25:17Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, I think your expectations are fine. I don't feel any pressure.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  Okay, that's good.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  There's, there's, uh.

• 25:23Speaker 02

  I'd like you to feel a little pressure.

• 25:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I think that comes from me. Most, most men out there probably have that come from themselves.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  Why, vice versa, what, what pressures do you think, um, that I put on you that are unrealistic?

• 25:36Speaker 02

  Um, well, today we got in a fight because I don't like to do paperwork. And when it comes to paperwork, AKA anything that involves like deep like. You know, we're signing up for our daughter to like do SATs right now because she's a senior in high school and there's like.

• 25:51Speaker 00

  College applications.

• 25:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, college applications, like so much stuff. And I have horrible ADD and I get overwhelmed very easily and I get anxiety and I emote. Okay, I emote my feelings. I have to get it out. And when I'm frustrated, you can't handle it.

• 26:08Speaker 00

  Can't handle it. I don't like it. Just relax.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  And you say to me very often that you could never work. We could, we could never, you could never work for me or we, I would be the worst person to work for.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  Uh, work with.

• 26:20Speaker 02

  I take offense to that.

• 26:21Speaker 00

  Well, I work for? No way. Work with? Nope. Can't do it. Cause you can't. The pressure, the way you handle pressure and the way I handle pressure is no way, no way. Um, because you, you, you lose your shit.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:39Speaker 00

  And you get frustrated and you're very quick to, to say, oh, this doesn't work. It's over. It's over. Like if we were in a, a war. You'd be the first person like, we're gonna die. It's over. Like we, we're not gonna win. And, and it's like, look, just calm down. I'm saying I can picture myself fighting next to you in a bunker.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  Right.

• 27:01Speaker 00

  Like World War Two style.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  Or Vietnam style.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 27:05Speaker 00

  And, uh, and you freaking out because the bombs are going off around us, but you can't handle it. And so you're like, let's just give up. It's over. This, this, I could see you falling apart. And that's how it is.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  Just tossing my gun and running into the.

• 27:21Speaker 00

  You did that today.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  The line of fire.

• 27:23Speaker 00

  Because you couldn't find a certain section for her SAT signup or something. You're like, this is stupid. This doesn't work. I don't. And I'm like, calm down. You're helping nobody. So that's why I don't wanna work with you.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  Throw my gun and, and run into the, to like, yeah. But I do think that I would be a nightmare. Yes, maybe fight alongside. Yeah, I probably would because I would be saying a lot of things. Expressing myself.

• 27:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. And well, that's the pressure that I try to put on. My pressure to you is always the same, same subject.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Right.

• 27:55Speaker 00

  And you insert the same advice.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Yes, which is.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  I'm not telling you what to do. Relax.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 28:01Speaker 00

  Just relax. Just, just relax. R E L A X, Aaron Rodgers style. Relax. If you could just do that, if a lot of people could just do that.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  Tony, do you understand that the universal trigger for women is the word relax? The second you say relax, my cortisol, I can taste, I can feel like in my throat. And I wanna like breathe hot fire and, and watch your head disintegrate into ash.

• 28:31Speaker 00

  Because, because I told you to relax?

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Yes, I, I feel so much anger when you say the word relax to me, especially when I am. In my very unrelaxed, anxious.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  Place.

• 28:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  But yeah, I need you to not ever say that word to me again.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  Calm down.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Also unacceptable.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  Honor. Uh, simmer.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  Simmer?

• 28:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  I mean, that's a tad better, but not much. No.

• 29:01Speaker 00

  Tranquil.

• 29:02Speaker 02

  Okay, no. This is not working.

• 29:04Speaker 00

  What do you wanna say? How do you say calm down then? How do you tell your spouse?

• 29:08Speaker 02

  How about you?

• 29:09Speaker 00

  The men out there listening, they probably wanna know. What do you say if you want? Your lover to calm down.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  I would love for you to say, hey, it's gonna be okay. Let's, let's, we'll get through this. I'd like to hear that.

• 29:22Speaker 00

  Okay, yeah.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  Does that, is that doable?

• 29:24Speaker 00

  That's absolutely doable. I don't know if it's gonna work though.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 29:28Speaker 00

  It's always doable, but we'll see.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Do you sometimes wish that we could go back to like the nineteen fifties and I could be more like a nineteen fifties wife?

• 29:37Speaker 00

  Sometimes, yeah, yeah.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  I feel like you do.

• 29:39Speaker 00

  Sometimes, I'll be honest.

• 29:40Speaker 02

  You'd love me to like show up like in an apron with a martini and like dinner on the table and like, I feel like that you would get.

• 29:49Speaker 00

  Oh, come on.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  You kind of would love that. Do not even act like that. You would like that.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  And by the way, there's nothing wrong with that. I think if, uh, what do they call that? The trad wife, right?

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:56Speaker 00

  There's nothing wrong with the trad wife. I don't, no, I would not want that from you. No, I don't. But I think out there, the women that are listening, if, if, there, there's nothing wrong with that. I think that's a great one.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  I love how you're like, I wouldn't want you to be with it. But if somebody wants to do that, hey, I think that's great. I actually think that's amazing. You don't have to be like that, but it is amazing. I think it's wonderful. So what do you, you, would you want me to be like that? Yes or no?

• 30:19Speaker 00

  Speaking of suffocation of marriage.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:22Speaker 00

  Do you think that maybe that's a big problem? I would bet some people out there are gonna have some opinions about this too.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 30:28Speaker 00

  Be, because, and I think some of the research has shown that, that, uh, because women are working and doing way more.

• 30:36Speaker 02

  A lot.

• 30:37Speaker 00

  Probably because you have to too. Everything's so damn expensive around. It's like you gotta have two incomes.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:41Speaker 00

  But that, that also creates a little bit of suffocation in a relationship now too, along with the added.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  It's true.

• 30:47Speaker 00

  Hey, I have to be your emotional support dog.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Right.

• 30:49Speaker 00

  I have to.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  Guide you here spiritually. I gotta, I gotta, and I gotta go have a stress of a job and all that stuff, so.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  Well, women have it five times worse when you have a two-income household. She's not only working, but now she's gotta come home, cook a meal, clean the house, make sure everything's in order. It's like, it's like triple the amount of work a woman has to do because of the old-school expectations that were put on her back in those days. So, man, it's still, it's still, there's still a nineteen fifties little left up here in the brains of everybody because we still put so much more on the women as to, to be and still do the trad wife things while also doing the masculine things and earning the money and bringing home the bread and all of that. So, you, you know, I just think there, again, I think husbands have come around a lot, but like, there needs to be a lot more balance in a home with two people at work.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  And I think that it, yes, and I think if it's not, it's not. And I think everyone should pull their weight. Like, there's certain expectations you have on me because guess what? I don't work. I should be getting more done around the house. Like, it's my job and I look at it like so. So, I think if you approach it like that, you're just a good teammate. That's what you should be at the end of the day, right? This is how I don't suffocate. This is how you don't suffocate. You gotta like, you know.

• 32:02Speaker 00

  Suffocation's part of the process though, meaning that.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  Hey, we have suff, we have both been in suffocation.

• 32:09Speaker 00

  No, nobody's getting out. You're gonna suffocate every once in a while. So.

• 32:16Speaker 00

  Learn how to breathe. Breathe through it. Get, get through it.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  Right.

• 32:20Speaker 00

  Uh, cuz I think that's a big part of it too, is, uh, is learning how to deal with the.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Suffocation.

• 32:25Speaker 00

  The, the stress when it comes.

• 32:27Speaker 02

  Right. I agree.

• 32:29Speaker 00

  For sure.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  Speaking of marriage and suffocating and all of that, uh,

• 32:35Speaker 02

  the number one Netflix show right now, and I don't know if you guys have seen it, but it is called Death of a Pastor's Wife. And I can't stop talking about it. Anybody, I ask everybody on the streets who, if they've seen this, this documentary because I have so much like I wanna talk about. Like, I, I like, this documentary shook me to my core. I grew up in the church. I grew up around some of these narcissistic sort of like religious leaders. And I, maybe I was triggered. I don't know what it was, but like this pastor, JP Miller, JP Miller, this awful human being, okay? Just basically coerced this, this, this girl since she was thirteen years old who was like singing in her church choir and, you know, in the church band, worship band.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  And basically knew her from thirteen, ended up cheating on her later on when she was like eighteen or nineteen or something. He cheated with her on his wife. They divorced, got together, and basically he just groomed her and, and then it evolved to some sort of like control and just manipulating and stalking and then abuse. It was horrible. And at the end of the day, the question I have that I'm constantly asking people is, how responsible?

• 33:49Speaker 00

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• 34:42Speaker 03

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• 35:51Speaker 01

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• 37:18Speaker 02

  You know that place you can't think about? El departamento con la lavadora y secadora, con la casa con patio. That's your Sunday. Everyone has one. Para mí, ese sueño no era solo llegar a la Grandes Ligas. It was every early morning, every workout, every swing. Fueron el sacrificio, la pasión y creer en mí. Little by little, my Sunday became today. Encontrar tu próximo hogar funciona de la misma manera. Whether you're buying, selling, or renting, Silo has everything you need in one place. Sus herramientas profesionales y aliados de confianza te acompañan en cada paso. So you can move forward with clarity and confidence. Hay algo que sé con certeza. You don't reach home standing still. Tienes que dar el primer paso. So don't just keep talking about Sunday.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  Ask que ese día sea hoy. With Silo, Sunday starts today. Visit silo.com/today. Responsible are you for somebody if they end up offing themselves, okay? For them doing that? Like, what, what should be, what is that a, is it a crime to stalk someone that much, to torture someone that much, treat somebody like that to then, which eventually leads them to committing something like that? How responsible should that person be held?

• 38:31Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. Like, I think first, yes, you should. You should be held responsible.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Like, go to jail?

• 38:37Speaker 00

  Go to jail. Like, to me, yeah. I think if you're creating that chaos in somebody's life, obviously, we're not policemen or.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  No, obviously, we have uneducated opinion. This is just opinions.

• 38:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, totally. We have every right to have an opinion. Um, I, I don't, what, why, what'd you think? Do you think?

• 38:51Speaker 02

  I think he needs to go to jail. This person is a criminal. And I'd be very curious to hear what his ex-wife has to say about this because I know she knows something. That's all I'm gonna say.

• 39:04Speaker 00

  You figured it out, huh?

• 39:05Speaker 02

  No, but I just, it's just, it's just a wild story. It's a wild, wild story. And I feel like, you know, we love a cult documentary. You and I go down the rabbit holes. And every time I begin a cult documentary, which this felt a little bit like, I, I'm always like, I would join it. I'm immediately joining the cult. Like, I love the cult, everything about it. I, I love, I love the community. I love what the message is. I love that they're like, just love everybody and welcome everyone. It's all love and happiness. And there's always one pervert who has to ruin it all for the group. One guy that has to sleep with everybody. Because apparently, men cannot have that much power.

• 39:43Speaker 00

  Or according to whether it's their divine, right?

• 39:46Speaker 02

  It's their divine, right?

• 39:47Speaker 00

  Yes. And, and, uh, yeah, it's ridiculous.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  It's absolutely ridiculous.

• 39:52Speaker 00

  Um, that, that's the, that, when you, I don't wanna be controversial here.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Be controversial.

• 39:59Speaker 00

  I think, uh, I think when you, religion can become, um,

• 40:09Speaker 00

  It can become because there's rules that are set up within certain religions and and certain belief systems where it's like, hey, we don't, we don't leave. You don't, you can't get out of it. And if you do get out of it, you're going to go to an awful place after you die.

• 40:23Speaker 02

  It's called Hades, honey, Hades.

• 40:25Speaker 00

  Or you're gonna be shunned from, from your community, uh, and, and, and all that stuff. And so it can force people to, to especially relationship wise, you'll be, you'll be in a, a place you kind of know that you probably should leave, but there's other reasons besides your spouse. You know, that's not good for you, but you, but you stay there out of, out of, um.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  Well, there's, there's, there's a brainwashing, okay? Just like this poor woman who passed away in Death of a Pastor's Wife, there is brainwashing, a manipulation, a using religion, you know, to manipulate. It's using the, the Bible and, and the belief system to control. Well, you know, I love me a church and I, I, I love me some Jesus, but this stuff can go dark, no matter where you are, in any religion, in any cult, in any, anything. There's just, there's always a dark side to all of it. Once certain people get a certain amount of power, it's just too much, it's too much.

• 41:22Speaker 00

  What about when that, in, in this particular case, when your spouse is your spiritual authority too? Like this guy was the, was the preacher.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 41:31Speaker 00

  He's, he's your preacher, but he's also, he has a, a flock congregation.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  Yes. Who by the way, followed him all the way through. Let him divorce his wife, like was abusing his current wife and they're just like, praise the Lord, you know, it's like.

• 41:45Speaker 00

  Still to this day, I saw at the end of it.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  Apparently he still has a congregation of like four.

• 41:50Speaker 00

  As in a lot of the cult, that people are like, there's nothing you can say to me that's gonna make me move. But also too, when, when your spouse is your spiritual authority, I think that's bad news. That's bad news. It's not, because now you can't think for yourself.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  Well, he kept using that against her, like, this is not what God wants. You're doing, going against what God has said and all of these things. It's wild.

• 42:11Speaker 00

  What about when your family is looking in on that too? And they're spiritual and they're telling you like, hey, you probably should just give it a chance. You should stay. You don't, don't leave.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  This woman's family was definitely against her husband and did not get good vibes from him. And from day one was always like, thinking this guy was off. But then again, the family, at like, at what point, so say you're a member of her family and you see this going on, you're, this is your like younger sister, older sister, whatever, and you see her going through all of this, right? You know she's being abused. She's told you. You know what kind of guy this is. At what point do you step in and be like, enough's enough? Like it is done.

• 42:49Speaker 00

  It just depends on if it's my daughter, day one.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Well, I know you'd come there with a shotgun and.

• 42:55Speaker 00

  If I see him look at her funny, I'm like, hey, man, stop looking at her like that. What's wrong with you?

• 42:59Speaker 02

  I know. But it's, it's, say it's your sister, okay? Maybe that's a little bit different, but still, at what point do you jump in? Do you get involved?

• 43:08Speaker 00

  I think.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  Or do you?

• 43:10Speaker 00

  I think you gotta, yeah, you gotta say something a couple of times, but also too, when you do do that, you, you drive people away from you. Uh, when you try to insert your opinion in people's relationships.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Tony.

• 43:20Speaker 00

  You do?

• 43:20Speaker 02

  You know what type of sister I am. You know who I am. I'm taking that mic at the congregation. I'm tapping it like, is this thing on? I need y'all to know that this motherfucker right here is doing X, Y, and Z. I'm getting up in front of the whole congregation and I am letting everybody know.

• 43:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Okay? I'm letting everybody to like know the lies that are being, that are happening. I will, I will bring up a PowerPoint up on that screen at church. I will have proof. These people will walk out and be like, I want nothing to do with this person ever again. But that's me.

• 43:50Speaker 00

  That's you.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  And if my sister never wants to talk to me again, so be it, but at least she'll be alive. Okay? At least she won't be in this relationship that eventually, you know, ends her life at the end of the day.

• 44:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:03Speaker 02

  Awful.

• 44:04Speaker 00

  Very sad story.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Horrible.

• 44:05Speaker 00

  Sad all around.

• 44:06Speaker 02

  I can't get over it. It's the saddest thing ever. This girl was so beautiful and seemed so sweet.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  Terrible.

• 44:12Speaker 00

  Terrible, terrible.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Okay, on to a lighter and brighter note and sort of like a sad, a sad note. A sad note. Um, we just dropped our son off at boarding school.

• 44:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  That was a process.

• 44:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:27Speaker 02

  That was a lot.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  It was a lot. It was a lot.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Was it more than you expected it to be? Like, was it more emotional than you expected it to be? Or was it like, because you played it really cool?

• 44:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:37Speaker 02

  If I'm honest.

• 44:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  Very cool.

• 44:38Speaker 00

  Well, he's boarding school, he's sixteen. Uh, he's, he reclassed, so he would be a junior. So, so he's old, he's an older kid.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:50Speaker 00

  And we would have done this anyway, within the next two years if he was on track. But anyway, he reclassed because of sports. It's what everybody does now. Totally different subject. It's like, you gotta do it if you want your kid to be competitive. So he did it.

• 45:05Speaker 00

  But, and, and I think with boarding schools, we're both from LA.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:09Speaker 00

  California, west coast. That is totally foreign to us. Nobody, nobody does boarding schools out here. It's.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  Taboo. It's like, how, how, how could you ever send your child away?

• 45:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, and we had friends and people saying that to us.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:21Speaker 00

  Where on the east coast, people out there are way more familiar. Like, oh yeah, that's what you do. Like, kids ask to go to boarding school. Obviously, our, our boy, it's a great situation for him, but I don't think it was at the top of his list. It was kind of, we had to come to this conclusion together.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think life in LA is a little too sweet for teenagers. I think it's too much at, at their fingertips. It's not like, you know, you, you're living in the Midwest or you're living in the south where it's like sports, school, friends. It's, it's so distracting. Like the idea that these kids have access to like these insane parties, these Instagram plugged parties, kids from all these different schools, they get like fake IDs, they go to the clubs, like it's, it's a madhouse here. I can't imagine having the access that these kids have at their age.

• 46:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  I mean, I was like in a little beach town, but, and, and I, you know, it was a normal high school sort of upbringing, but this is like next level. These kids are like living like college kids in high school.

• 46:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, you can't stop it either.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Wild.

• 46:21Speaker 00

  There's nothing you can do to stop it.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  Well, there can't, there is, which is what we did. We said, we said, time to buckle up, buttercup.

• 46:29Speaker 00

  Uh, it's like, yeah, so, yeah, you're absolutely right with the, the access that they have now in a big city.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:36Speaker 00

  Uh, they're doing the stuff that's like, they're living a life of a twenty-two, twenty-three year old.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  It's too much.

• 46:41Speaker 00

  Um, especially with everything that's, it's different. Like when in high school, yeah, we drank, uh, just smoking, like I, I didn't do that stuff. I didn't smoke.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Well, I, everybody was either drinking or smoking in high school when I was growing up, but it, it's just too much, too fast. And I feel like kids sort of lose, they lose their momentum, they lose their focus. They lose sort of like the fun of being young. It's like everyone wants to be grown so fast. And so you miss out on those like teen years, which are really I don't know, in my, in my personal opinion, meant to be lighter. Um, and, and, and sort of focused on like the future, like putting in the work so that you get into a good college, you, you know, get set up for the right things. And I, I feel like with these, with this boarding school and with these really great boarding schools on the east coast,

• 47:34Speaker 02

  specifically, you have such huge opportunities to dig in and as, as the kids say, lock in, you know, and really.

• 47:44Speaker 00

  I know distractions. The distractions become way less when you have this type of environment.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  Right.

• 47:50Speaker 00

  Uh, or even private schools versus public schools.

• 47:52Speaker 02

  Right.

• 47:53Speaker 00

  And you got people that are more invested in your future if, if, if, you know, if you're at the right type of place. Where at a public school, it's kind of like, hey, go, go do your thing. If you don't do it, you don't have to do it. And that's where your parents come in, I guess. I mean, we're both public school kids, so I'm big on public school. I don't, I don't think that's a, a, a, a bad place.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  But public schools for a certain type of kid, right? A kid that like, and you're a freak, right? You, in high school, you were like laser focused. Locked in, focused on sports, focused on where you wanted to go. Like you're, you're a different kind, kind of cat where for me, I was just kind of floating along. Like I was just enjoying life and singing in the choir and I was a cheerleader for a second. And then I was singing and I don't know, hanging out with my friends, doing regular things. So there's kids like me, there's kids like you, and then there's kids that want to grow up real fast and end up like, you know.

• 48:44Speaker 00

  Yeah. So it's good to, I guess all in that to say, we, we felt comfortable sending him there. I, I did. I thought, I did have a dream. So we, we flew out, uh, a couple of days ahead of time just to tie up some loose ends, like, like getting them stuff. We went over to Walmart, went to the Walmart.

• 49:02Speaker 02

  Tony has him into a Walmart in a second. And this was like a massive Walmart, like a mega super Buc-E's type Walmart.

• 49:10Speaker 00

  Buc-E. People don't know what Buc-E's is.

• 49:13Speaker 02

  Well, we lived in Austin for a second, but Buc-E's is like, got a gas station up in there. Okay, go ahead.

• 49:18Speaker 00

  Um, yeah, so, so we, so we had to get out there early. And I remember the night before we, uh, we're gonna drop him off the next morning. Um, I had a dream that, and he, we all, we stayed in the same room. We slept in in in the bed and he slept on the pullout couch on the or on the floor, whatever. And I had a dream that I went down on the floor and I was hugging him and I was crying.

• 49:42Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 49:43Speaker 00

  Because he was leaving.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:44Speaker 00

  Um, and I was like, it's gonna be okay. And he was all upset and he was like, oh, yeah, you know, whatever, cuz you know. He he wants to go, but he doesn't wanna go.

• 49:53Speaker 02

  Yes, it's mixed.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Um, it's mixed for him, but he knows it's it's the best situation for him. Anyway, I woke up. I was feeling kinda sad and I got go up to him and I tried to give him a hug and I tried to like.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  This is in real life now.

• 50:04Speaker 00

  This is real life now. And he gave me a look like, get the like, don't even look at me, get away from me. And so he doesn't want that. So. I thought when we dropped him off, that that it would be way more emotional. And I guess in my dreams it was, but then when they when it came time for him to leave.

• 50:19Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 50:20Speaker 00

  When we got his room set up and we're all even, he gave us a hug. You gave him a you gave him a kiss on the cheek and he got mad about that.

• 50:28Speaker 02

  Oh, he yelled at me. Swab, God. He's like out of a movie. Like, I was like so offended. I was like. But I'm not gonna see you for like two months. I can't. I need to give you a kiss and a hug.

• 50:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, but it wasn't I'm all that to say I wasn't I wasn't as emotional as I thought.

• 50:42Speaker 02

  Okay, I cried twice.

• 50:44Speaker 00

  You cried, but I I was.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  I was holding back.

• 50:47Speaker 00

  I was happy for him. I'm happy for him. It's kinda like a.

• 50:50Speaker 02

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• 52:50Speaker 01

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk-takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 53:20Speaker 04

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• 54:17Speaker 00

  You know that place you can thinking about? El departamento con la lavadora y secadora o la casa con patio? That's you Sunday. Everyone has one. Para mí, ese sueño no era solo llegar a la Grandes Ligas. It was every early morning, every workout, every swing. Fueron el sacrificio, la pasión y creer en mí. Little by little, my Sunday became today. Encontrar tu próximo hogar funciona de la misma manera. Whether you're buying, selling, or renting, Celo has everything you need in one place. Sus herramientas profesionales y aliados de confianza te acompañan en cada paso. So you can move forward with clarity and confidence. Hay algo que sé con certeza. You don't just stand still.

• 54:59Speaker 00

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• 55:11Speaker 02

  Rite of passage or something?

• 55:13Speaker 00

  It's way more sweet than it is bitter for me, cuz I know this is great for him.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:17Speaker 00

  And I know he's gonna grow up out there. He's gonna be on his own. He's one of those kids that are real independent anyway. Like, he wants to be have his own apartment. Literally asked.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  Well, he walked in nine months.

• 55:30Speaker 00

  If he can get his own apartment.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  Walked in nine months?

• 55:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:32Speaker 02

  Quick, quick, quick. Go, go, go.

• 55:34Speaker 00

  So so I found it. I found it really a lot easier than I thought it was gonna be. Like, but you, it was a little bit different?

• 55:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm like walking by his room and I get a little teary-eyed. I'm like ordering groceries or I'm, you know, shopping for things that normally I would buy because he likes them and he's not here. And so, yes, I am, you know, as a mom, I get sentimental and sad, but I am willing, in my mind, I have to keep reminding myself, like, I am willing to sacrifice my selfish, like, want and need for him to be around so to go and have him grow up and get the things that he needs to go and be great and, you know, get ahead in life and I don't know, make huge strides.

• 56:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, the only way they can do that is I think you gotta throw him into the the fire.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  Describe what I love the way you describe being being a parent with like when you describe like being in a pool like. And this is so true for all kids is like you. What do you say about?

• 56:27Speaker 00

  I think I think with teenagers, especially, um, they're in a pool and they're independent, they're floating around in the middle of the pool. They're out there doing their thing. That's them just living their life. But eventually, they're gonna get tired because they can't touch the bottom. So but they're big and they're and they're floating. Um, they come over to the side.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 56:49Speaker 00

  You're the side of the pool. They come over and grab you when they need to to catch their breath.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 56:54Speaker 00

  Uh, as soon as they catch their breath, it's like they get mad that they needed you. And so they wanna go back to the middle of the pool. But in order to get there, they actually kick away from you now cuz they're pissed off that they actually even need you. And so that's what we feel like sometimes, especially with with both our kids.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 57:10Speaker 00

  It's always they they come over, they want the they want you to calm them down. They want you to feel safe around you cuz you're the edge.

• 57:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 00

  You're safe, but then they wanna get back to just being by themselves, being independent and they but they kick away in that process, so.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  It's it's an important thing to remember because it's hard being a parent and it's hard not to take those things personal, right? Like, you can even take things personal.

• 57:31Speaker 00

  Totally. I take it personal.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  You really do. Almost too much, where I'm constantly trying to remind you, like, these are selfish teenagers. Like, if they don't call us back or if they don't, you know, give a certain sort of like attention or respond in a certain way, like, you are a sensitive person and you get your feelings hurt by them.

• 57:47Speaker 00

  Feel it. Yeah, but it's also like a respect thing. It's like, hey, I'm paying the bills. I buy the clothes and the food. You respect. When I text you, you text me back.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  Right.

• 57:59Speaker 00

  And nowadays, the kids are just great. They'll be talking to you in the middle of a conversation about.

• 58:04Speaker 02

  And something catches their attention or somebody is talking to them, they'll just hang up on you.

• 58:09Speaker 02

  Our oldest boy, he's twenty five. He does this stuff. I'm like, this, that's so disrespectful to me. I know, it's just a weird way of communicating now, which again is so different than how we grew up. Like, you just would never think of ever doing that. No. In a million years. Like, I would love to see what Judy Gonzalez, your mother, would do. Judy Gonzalez won't play. She had done something like. She would call, she would call back and say, have you lost your mind? And I'd be like, Mom, I'm sorry. But we're not getting. That's right. Things, things have changed.

• 58:45Speaker 02

  But yeah. What about checking in with him? I thought that was interesting, too. What, checking in with him? But he didn't call us, you guys, he didn't call us for four days and I was freaking out and I was like, oh, my gosh. But by the way, we're reaching out in the product, we're trying to be like, hey, how's it going? What are you up to? Love you. And I'm like, should I take? Yeah, nothing, crickets. Should I take this as a good sign? And that he's not calling back and, you know, maybe he's, he's just busy, I don't know, but I'm like spiraling. I'm looking at Life 360 to make sure he's alive and he's okay. And obviously he is, I'm just psychotic. Uh, and then finally, he FaceTimed last night. He FaceTimed me back and turns out he's fine. It's fine. And I think. Better than fine. And I think when you, when we look back on that, when both of us together. Yeah.

• 59:28Speaker 02

  It is, it's one of those things, him not contacting you is actually, that's, that's probably the best thing. Yeah. That you could want, because that means he's having a good time, that means he's occupied, they're keeping him busy. And because if you can bet, at least for this kid that we have. Great kid. He'll let you know. But he's gonna let you know if something's off, or if he doesn't like something. Yeah. Uh, he did shoot us a text and said his roommate was snoring. Yeah, he did. He said he's, uh.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  He did, but he has a sound machine and he did tell me that he gave his roommate some mouth tape, because I bought him some mouth tape. What a nice kid. I know, well, River's a snorer, so, you know, he, I was like, you need to help your roommate out, put some mouth tape on that thing and learn to sleep on your side, honey. Yeah. Figure that out. Well, I think he's gonna thrive, I think he's already thriving. I think a lot of my worry is like, it's definitely going down. I feel better about it, I feel calm, I feel like we made the right choice. Yeah. His biggest fear was that he was gonna go to the school and he was gonna be surrounded by a bunch of, uh. Yuppies. Yup. What's your name? I mean, yes. Where do you vacation? We love. In Stodd. Yeah, no, no, I mean. And some of those kids are there.

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  There are there, but isn't that like the beauty of life is you should, you should be around every type of kid. You should be around every type of person and learn to network, learn how to get along with every type of person. This is, this is part of life, right? This is what he's there to go and do and grow up and learn how to acclimate. You can't, you can't teach resilience. What about, uh, his sister? I mean, she's alone in the house now with us. I know. Do you think that we're gonna be, what are you doing? Where are you going? I feel like I'm like. Smother, smother the poor soul. I've been a nightmare. Yeah. It's been awkward in the house, because I think I am like, God, I hate that I like, just wanna be around her all the time.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  Like, cause I know I'm annoying, I just wanna go and lay in her bed and she looks at me like, why are you here? Yeah. Get off my bed. And then I'm just like, try to be cool. I'm like that mom that I thought I would never be, it's disturbing, actually. No. Just constantly trying to like, hang out with her, find out what's going on in her life, trying to like, find out what's, you know, what her friends are talking about. But I guess it's inevitable, don't we all become like that? Yeah, I think it's fine, too. I don't care at all. I go, Malia, you're gonna be just like me. She's like, I will never. And she will. Well, I think you wanna, you wanna know what your kids are doing. I don't, I'm, as long as you. There's no shame in my game. No, I wouldn't feel. I don't care. Go for it.

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  But I do, we do have close friends that have older kids now in college that like, call them all the time and they're so into them and like, want their parents to know everything about their lives. And I'm like, I can't wait to be there, can't wait to have my kids call me and, and want to tell me about their day and want to tell me about everything going on. Like, guys, you with little kids who are listening with young kids, soak it up, soak it up. Because there's gonna be a huge, huge amount of years where they don't wanna tell you shit. Yeah. Unless you have one of those kids that just is a sharer, and then you're just lucky, you just have one of those outgoing, very open kids. But like, majority of my friends who have teenagers, you're lucky to get three words. Yeah. Three words. Yeah.

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  I'm jealous. I can't wait to have them get to the point where they wanna like, be around us and, I mean, obviously they wanna be around us, but like, share their lives with us. Yeah. That is something to look forward to. And I think that always comes back, absolutely. Don't you think? I mean, that, well, they say that's how you know if you did a good job raising your kids. Well, Nico loves saying all this, are you kidding me? Yeah. It's the best seeing Nico to be, be the way he is, because like, I feel like he genuinely likes us. I think he does, too. Yeah, I think he does. That's a win in my book. You know? Fun to hang out with, why not? God, how, how sad that I'm, you know, so desperate. The, another thing, too, that's the drawback of, of him being so far away is. Uh, River or Nico?

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  River, River. I think with the boarding school, just, I'm just thinking about it right now, it's just that I love to do. I, I, I can't go watch him play sports anymore, you know, it's just not gonna, I mean, we can, but you get like one game, two games a year. That breaks your heart a little. Yeah, that's, that's the heartbreaking part of it. I know. Is that you just can't see, you can't be around him at night, you can't talk through games after. Uh, especially him, he's probably not gonna wanna talk about it. Your little boy. Yeah, but. I know, but he's gotta grow up. The bitter part, yeah, he's gotta grow up. Yeah. He's gotta grow up and, uh. And the southern one will be off in five minutes, we got her last year and then she's gone and then it's just you and me. Yeah.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  It's already quiet around the house, though. So quiet. Quiet. Isn't that crazy? One kid, like, gone is, and it just changes the entire energy. Yeah. It's nuts. Well, because our, our daughter plays volleyball, so she's gone, tournaments or games or something like that. Usually River would be home during that time and now it's just, just emptiness. Emptiness, the nothing, going back to the Neverending Story, it's like the nothing. The swamps of sadness. Upon us, the swamps of sadness.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  It's true. But this is another phase of life that we're, we're easing on into, that we're gonna, we're gonna be okay. Yeah. I'm gonna be all right. These are good questions for our guests who have gone through it. These are. They handle it. But the reconnecting part and us doing dinner parts, uh, we can do that, we did that last, we did that last night. We, we had a dinner with just, uh, just us two and, and our daughter. Yep. At the table, talking to her, like, everything's about her. Do you think she's like, sitting there going, this is my worst nightmare, River, SOS, get home now, what is happening? Nah, she's cool. I think if we keep that in mind and we don't, we try not to smother her, that's where we have to be on the same page of not smothering her. And letting her, letting her live her life. I, I need to not be the smother mother. Yeah, it's hard for you.

• 1:05:31Speaker 02

  I am a smother mother. You are. With love, not helicopter-y, but like. Yeah. Affection, like, need to know what's going on, all of that. You're like, uh, our dog, we have this dog named Bear. That's rude. Who, um, who swallows underwear, too, how about that? Oh, God, that picture, ugh, ugh, I can't, we just got a picture of her dog just shit out a pair of underwear. You guys, it was so disturbing, TMI, it's just, it's, I don't know if anybody else is. It's a poodle, is it one of those standard poodles? Disgusting. It's not the first time. Malia calls him trash, because he is, he's trash. Underwear. It's disgusting. And. Socks. Whatever. I pulled an entire sock out of his butt. Yeah, I remember that. Look like a pantyhose.

• 1:06:16Speaker 02

  The level of things I have done. I want a sock, it's a pantyhose, you can't eat a sock. It's wrong. Too thick. Anyway, so go ahead, what were you gonna say? I'm like, I'm like that dog, I'm like the dog who eats dirty, disgusting. Not, not, and not, not, not that part. Great. Um, he's, he's very, um, overly affectionate sometimes. Like, uh, he's the one that comes up and puts his head in your lap and it's cool and you pat it for a little bit, or he'll literally come up and try to lay on you. Yeah. And then you're like, get off, and he won't, he won't. Yeah, you like that with your kids, like, they try to push you away, but you'll be like, and you'll keep grabbing them and you'll keep coming back, you'll keep coming back. I know. And I think, um, that might be, yeah, we got. Annoying? Yeah, it's a little annoying to, to kids. I'll get better, I'll work on that. No, I won't. That's where my mom was.

• 1:07:03Speaker 02

  You're not, you're not gonna try, you're just going to, oh. Eventually, somebody's gonna give me a hug, I'm just gonna keep going for it. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta back up off them a little bit, give them their space. It's true. We'll get through it. We'll get through it, just like we always do. All right, well, this was really fun. I can't wait for our guests that we have coming on, uh, soon. Some fun guests, some friends of ours, that'll be really fun to talk to. They've already raised kids and all of that. So, you guys, let's look forward to some fun guests coming up and we'll see you next time. Honey, Felipe sent another photo. From Argentina, how? With T-Mobile.

• 1:07:47Speaker 00

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  Qualifying plan required. Not for extended international use. You must reside in the U.S. and primary usage must occur in our network. Visit tmobile.com. Hola, es Mr. Monopoly. Has soñado con ganarte 50,000 dólares para el pago inicial de una casa? O una gift Cherokee del año? Monopoly volvió a McDonald's. Y esos son algunos de los premios que podrías ganar. Fe por lo tuyo. No se necesita comprar 50 estados de Estados Unidos y DC. 18 años o más. Consulte las reglas en PlayerMCD.com y PlayerMCD.com/MOE para información sobre jugar sin una compra por correo antes del 2 de noviembre. El Chance Card Game termina el 8 de noviembre. El juego termina el 22 de noviembre de 2026. Detalles de los premios en las reglas. Monopoly es una marca registrada de Hasbro.

• 1:08:42Speaker 04

  If you've been putting off car shopping because it sounds like a whole thing, I get it. Life moves quickly and I really like when things are clear and easy. So here's a little tip. Buying your car online on AutoTrader makes the whole process way easier. Really. Start online, then head to the dealer for a test drive, and finish wherever works best for you. Your information stays with you and you're working with local dealers. So real people are there to help. So flexible, so convenient, so recommended. Buy your car online on AutoTrader. Really.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 1:09:46Speaker 03

  This is Iris Palmer from Against All Odds with Iris Palmer. You know that feeling when your skin needs a tall drink of water? That's when you reach for Clinique Moisture Surge 100-Hour Moisturizer and let your skin soak it up. It absorbs instantly and gives you 100 hours of hydration for that plump, healthy-looking glow. And the texture? Lightweight, refreshing, oil-free gel cream that feels so good going on, never heavy or weighted down. Plus, it's allergy-tested, fragrance-free, and safe for sensitive skin. Check, check, and super check. Try Clinique Moisture Surge 100-Hour today at Clinique.com. Feels like Moisture Surge.

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  Hey, what's up? It's Chiqui from Chiqui's in Chill. Okay, today's vibe? Upgrade season. Because why do we level up in life but keep the same ride? If you're stepping into a new chapter, your car should match your energy. And Cars.com is the perfect place to find it. With over 2 million new and used cars to choose from. I love the tools and filters. They make it easy to narrow it down by price, features, style. So this is this. Y hello, no endless scrolling. You can check out real reviews from real people with real experiences. So tap into that new car energy and search Cars.com. Cars.com. Where to next?

• 1:11:00Speaker 00

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