Empty Nesting, Scheduling Sex & Fighting Fair with Chris and Vanessa Spencer

Chris and Vanessa Spencer are in the house! They take us back to where it all started; a comedy club, Kevin Hart playing matchmaker, and a connection that turned into more than 20 years together. We get into how they’ve balanced two careers in Hollywood while raising kids close in age, the rules that keep their arguments from going off the rails (including a strict no-cursing policy), and why scheduling sex at least three days in advance might actually be the secret to keeping the spark alive. Now that the kids are out of the house, Chris and Vanessa are officially empty nesters; and they’re giving us the real story on what that next chapter of marriage looks like, what they love about it, and what you definitely shouldn’t get your hopes up about. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:42Speaker 00

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• 2:34Speaker 05

  Hey, guys. Welcome back to No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez. Today, we have some incredible guests. Chris and Vanessa Spencer, who are quite amazing and have a lot of really cool credits. First credit dates back all the way to 1992, where Chris appeared on In Living Color, one of my favorite shows of all time. Other notable roles are Don't Be a Menace to South Central, Where Drinking Your Gin in the Hood, The Jamie Foxx Show, and Two Can Play the Game, The Sixth Man, and significant others, and Postal. He played a notable role on the development of Nick Cannon's Wild Nout, a writer on Kevin Hart's Netflix Roast, and currently hosting a podcast with Terrell Owens. Most recently, he has a special on Hulu called Chris Spencer, Goat Adjacent.

• 3:18Speaker 05

  And his beautiful wife, Vanessa Spencer. She cast for Entourage, McFarlane USA, The Call, and more. She also was an executive producer for black comedy in America. It was really fun talking to them. I mean, they had so many good pieces of advice, especially for, like, empty nesters, which is what we are going to soon become. And I'm having a lot of feelings about it, which...

• 3:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, they were good. They were good, really good.

• 3:43Speaker 05

  They were amazing. But let's just talk about empty nesting, first of all, because you...

• 3:48Speaker 06

  Oh, you're not ready for that. You're not ready for that.

• 3:50Speaker 05

  I'm not ready for that.

• 3:50Speaker 06

  But it's good, because they were talking about how it could be something that's sad.

• 3:54Speaker 05

  Yes. They actually really, they really helped me lower my cortisol levels, if I'm honest. Because I have been feeling like I'm not gonna make it, like I might die, once my kids are gone. I mean, my daughter graduates in... I mean, our daughter, I say my daughter. Our daughter graduates in a year, and I have been crying off and on already.

• 4:15Speaker 06

  Already, last night, you were crying.

• 4:16Speaker 05

  I know. But you don't like that. How come?

• 4:19Speaker 06

  Because, I don't know, we...

• 4:20Speaker 05

  Let me work through this.

• 4:21Speaker 06

  I know, but we, you know, Nico, 25 years old, went through this before.

• 4:25Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 4:26Speaker 06

  Although, you know, we did split time with him, so it's a little bit different. But I don't know. For me, I'm like, yeah, get, bye. See you later. Like, go, go get grown. Go, go have some life experiences. I'll be sad, but...

• 4:38Speaker 05

  Yes, but walking by their bedrooms and like, looking at their empty beds and not hearing them, like, make noise downstairs, that is gonna be sad, right?

• 4:45Speaker 06

  No, I don't think so.

• 4:47Speaker 05

  I think you're lying to yourself.

• 4:48Speaker 06

  I know, I wonder if I am lying to myself. I wonder if, because, you know...

• 4:53Speaker 05

  Because you're, because...

• 4:53Speaker 06

  Daddies and their daughters. Uh, uh, uh, my daughter.

• 4:56Speaker 05

  I know, well...

• 4:57Speaker 06

  Love her.

• 4:57Speaker 05

  Look, look.

• 4:58Speaker 06

  I'm gonna miss her.

• 4:59Speaker 05

  And then our son's about to go to boarding school.

• 5:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:01Speaker 05

  Very soon.

• 5:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:02Speaker 05

  And that's also, like, messing me up. Like, it's just a different, it's a weird place in life to be as parents, like, in this, I don't know, like, in this phase of letting go, should I say? I mean, it's everything that you know is coming and that you hope is coming, and you want them to launch. And birdies learn to fly, but all at the same time, while like, missing, knowing that you're gonna miss... miss them in a way that, like, I don't know.

• 5:29Speaker 06

  But don't you think there's something? There's, there's gotta be something where they get to go grow up. They get, we get, we get to get our house back. We get to get our life back. We, it's a chapter. It's like, it's like graduating high school.

• 5:39Speaker 05

  Right.

• 5:40Speaker 06

  And you're leaving to go to college, or you're, you're moving out of your parents' house, whatever you choose to do after you leave high school. It's sad.

• 5:47Speaker 05

  But exciting.

• 5:47Speaker 06

  You're gonna miss all the people at the school and all that stuff, but bye, like...

• 5:51Speaker 05

  I know.

• 5:51Speaker 06

  I'm onward. Let's, let's go.

• 5:53Speaker 05

  I know.

• 5:54Speaker 06

  Especially for them, though. I wanna see them get older. Go meet somebody.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  I have to look forward to this phase of life and not be sad about letting the past go. Like, the, you know, the little kid phases and the, like, tween phases and all the things that, like, I know I'm going to miss and I don't have anymore. I mean, look, the alternative is what? Your kids move into your basement, and they never leave home? Like, that would not be...

• 6:16Speaker 06

  No way.

• 6:18Speaker 05

  That would not be...

• 6:19Speaker 06

  Well, they said, technology is different. They talk to them twice a day, two, three times a day. You just FaceTime people.

• 6:23Speaker 05

  I know.

• 6:24Speaker 06

  It's so easy nowadays. It's not like how it was when we were kids.

• 6:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, that made me feel, honestly, so much better. I thought for a second, like, how am I not gonna just be flying out there all the time? But with technology, it is true. Like, I'll get to just see their face. I'll get to actually see their faces.

• 6:37Speaker 06

  You know, it just dawned on me. It, it might even be something that's, that brings you even closer.

• 6:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:43Speaker 06

  Because they are gone, and now they're gonna realize how much you meant to them.

• 6:46Speaker 05

  You and I closer, or the kids enough?

• 6:48Speaker 06

  I'm talking about the kids.

• 6:49Speaker 05

  Right.

• 6:50Speaker 06

  Because I remember when I left, uh, when I went to college, I went to Berkeley, and I moved up there.

• 6:53Speaker 05

  Oh, you went to Berkeley? You'd like to announce that to everyone. I want to Berkeley.

• 6:56Speaker 06

  You've heard of it?

• 6:58Speaker 05

  Yes, go ahead.

• 6:59Speaker 06

  Anyways, so you go up to get up to Berkeley. I remember I felt like I, I missed my mom. I started to appreciate home better. I realized, you start to grow up, you start to think, okay, you know, I, I kinda took everybody for granted. I took this for granted. And I think our kids need that. I think our kids need that, and I bet...

• 7:15Speaker 05

  Spoiled-ass kids.

• 7:16Speaker 06

  Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled. Not rotten, but spoiled.

• 7:19Speaker 05

  Well, they're all spoiled, right? Like, compared to what we grew up with, there's no real, real comparison. But I think you're right in the sense that, like...

• 7:25Speaker 06

  They're gonna appreciate it, and they'll appreciate us, and I think they're gonna be calling us more, and they're gonna realize how good they had it.

• 7:30Speaker 05

  I actually can't wait for that. I can't wait for them to go like, oh, my God. Actually, living with you guys was, like, fabulous. Because now, they just, yeah, they take it for granted.

• 7:39Speaker 06

  People, teenagers, they, they, they suck.

• 7:42Speaker 05

  Selfish, little fuckers in the world.

• 7:43Speaker 06

  Yeah. Oh, my goodness.

• 7:45Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 7:45Speaker 06

  So, huh, I'm not gonna miss that, coming home, walking around, hey, how you doing? And like, eh, leave, leave me. This is my house. So, yes, I think they'll appreciate it a little bit more.

• 7:56Speaker 05

  It's so cliche, raising teenagers, honestly. And I am excited for this next chapter for them. I'm excited for this new chapter for us. I don't know what it looks like, and I know I'm gonna...

• 8:04Speaker 06

  That too.

• 8:05Speaker 05

  You're excited for it.

• 8:06Speaker 06

  Oh, my goodness.

• 8:07Speaker 05

  You wanna get to going.

• 8:08Speaker 06

  Let's go, let's travel. Let's go see them. I mean, I, I want, like, our daughter, she has an opportunity to go to school far away, like, South Florida, which is, we live in L.A. So, it's like, how great is that gonna be? If she does go there?

• 8:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:23Speaker 06

  Let's go. Let, we'll go out there for like, a week, two weeks. We know all the people in South Florida. We can go have a good time, just post up.

• 8:29Speaker 05

  I'm sure she'll love that.

• 8:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:31Speaker 05

  Oh, we're here again, honey, weird. Yeah. I mean, I think she'll like it, but I, yeah.

• 8:35Speaker 06

  She'll love it. I loved it when my parents came and visited me at Berkeley. Yes.

• 8:39Speaker 05

  At Berkeley. Well, yeah, I mean, I think that I, I have to start looking at it like that. And I think the biggest, like, takeaways for me from this interview with Chris and Vanessa were that, you know, it's just, it has to be something different that I have to look forward to, and that can be just a totally different relationship, looking forward to them, like, blossoming and discovering who they are as adults, and knowing that I can, like, I can reach them at any point in time and look at their faces on FaceTime. Like, I'll be okay.

• 9:07Speaker 06

  Yeah. Another thing, I was, uh, a little disappointed. Well, not disappointed, but they said about, uh... Because, you know, when you become an empty nester, I was thinking, oh, yeah, it's time for us to reconnect.

• 9:19Speaker 05

  Honey, we don't wanna give away the whole interview.

• 9:21Speaker 06

  I don't want to. Well, I mean, well, you have to watch to see what they say about that. I thought, I thought it was gonna be opposite of what they said.

• 9:28Speaker 05

  Well, Tony was hoping to get lucky more often, but it looks like, it looks like 20 years of marriage is 20 years of marriage.

• 9:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, and then you just...

• 9:34Speaker 05

  Empty nester not.

• 9:35Speaker 06

  I'll shoot you a text when I'm, when I'm ready. Iraq, hey, uh, make a reservation for two days.

• 9:40Speaker 05

  Well, I'm looking forward to this. I'm looking forward to this interview. It's really fun. You guys are gonna love it.

• 9:48Speaker 05

  Well, welcome Chris and Vanessa Spencer. We're so happy to have you here.

• 9:51Speaker 04

  Thank you for having us.

• 9:53Speaker 05

  How are we feeling about life? What's going on with you guys? I heard you just celebrated a long anniversary of marriage and marital.

• 10:00Speaker 06

  Twenty years, right? Twenty years, a long time.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Twenty-three or twenty-four together.

• 10:05Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 10:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  And twenty married.

• 10:07Speaker 04

  Twenty married. Which is like in LA is like a lifetime. People are, I guess it amazes me where I hear people like, oh, twenty years, that's so long. How did you do it? And I'm like, my parents have been together forty-seven.

• 10:18Speaker 05

  Really?

• 10:19Speaker 04

  So many people in our lives, his parents, a long time. And I'm like, what?

• 10:24Speaker 06

  Your parents were married forty-seven years?

• 10:25Speaker 04

  Well, okay.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  Step.

• 10:27Speaker 04

  Step, yes, but I mean, he's been your stepfather since you.

• 10:31Speaker 05

  It's still a long time.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  So what is that, nineteen eighty-two?

• 10:33Speaker 04

  But your step parents have been together for like forty-five years. It's been a very long time.

• 10:39Speaker 06

  Did your parents get divorced young?

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Yes, I was eight.

• 10:42Speaker 06

  You were eight years old?

• 10:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:43Speaker 06

  So you, they, both parents were in the house until eight years old.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  And then both of them remarried later.

• 10:48Speaker 06

  Uh huh.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Yep. Um, but whatever nineteen eighty-two is, can you do the math, man, please? Forty years, forty, forty-five years, forty-four years?

• 10:57Speaker 05

  Both, that's a parents married for a long time.

• 10:59Speaker 04

  Long time.

• 11:00Speaker 05

  We're both from broken homes, so we're just lucky that we've, we've really, I mean, we've.

• 11:05Speaker 06

  And I think that affects you too.

• 11:06Speaker 04

  I think it informs you. Yeah, I also think it informs you, like, how you want to move in your relationship.

• 11:11Speaker 05

  Right.

• 11:12Speaker 04

  And how communication becomes so important and what's your level of tolerances for things and not. It's kind of like you already start out with the recipe for what not to do.

• 11:22Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  So you know what to do.

• 11:24Speaker 05

  We got that.

• 11:24Speaker 04

  And that works.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  We got that down.

• 11:27Speaker 06

  So what is it, what is it? What's the secret? How have you guys been doing this for, especially in, in, in the world of entertainment? It's like dog years.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  We don't, I don't think we've ever gone to bed mad.

• 11:39Speaker 04

  No.

• 11:39Speaker 06

  Really?

• 11:40Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  Well, I think.

• 11:42Speaker 05

  Well.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  Like, we've gone to bed.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  Cause we have couches.

• 11:46Speaker 04

  We, yes. We've gone to bed mad, but we've always ended up in a bed. Even if somebody, even if somebody has fallen asleep on the couch, they've always made their way back to the bedroom.

• 11:54Speaker 05

  Okay. I love that.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  And I think that that's always been important.

• 11:57Speaker 05

  I love that. So bring me back a little bit. How did you guys meet and come together? Where were you guys both at in your lives?

• 12:03Speaker 02

  So go ahead and tell it.

• 12:04Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  I somehow got it wrong the other day. Yeah. I got it wrong the other day, so you better use it.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  I'll just take the short version. Um, I was doing Chocolate Sundays at the Comedy Club in, in, uh, Holly, West Hollywood. And, uh, she was there, uh, scouting, she's a, was a casting director. And was looking for talent, uh, for this movie. And she ended up casting a husband.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 12:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:32Speaker 04

  That's definitely the appropriate version.

• 12:34Speaker 05

  Casting the husband.

• 12:35Speaker 02

  I became the husband.

• 12:36Speaker 05

  I love it.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I just, it's just tighter version.

• 12:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:40Speaker 05

  Right, but was it like when you saw each other?

• 12:42Speaker 04

  I know, like, so, and.

• 12:44Speaker 06

  And that's love.

• 12:45Speaker 02

  It was love at first sight.

• 12:46Speaker 06

  Just, it's over, this is her.

• 12:48Speaker 04

  The long, the long, long story is, I had gone to the club, maybe like a couple of weeks before we actually met. And I was like, oh, I went with a friend and it was actually a bad date.

• 12:59Speaker 05

  No.

• 13:00Speaker 04

  And I was dying to leave. And the person I was with decided to talk to him, cause they knew each other. And I was like, I just want to leave. So we had made eye contact and he was like, you're not interested in talking. And I was like, no, I'm actually ready to go. Um, a couple of weeks later, as I was casting this film, I called a mutual friend of ours.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  Say his name.

• 13:22Speaker 04

  Who probably would like the credits. So I called Kevin Hart, who I had cast in Soul Plane and was like, Kev, can you take me to this club? Like, you know, I think it's called Chocolate Sundays. I don't want to wait in line.

• 13:31Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 13:32Speaker 04

  Can you get me in? So Kevin gets in, Kevin and I are talking like via two-way pager.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  This is where I gotta jump in.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  Kevin and I are texting.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  You're not, you're next to each other talking.

• 13:43Speaker 04

  We're texting messages.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  You're next to each other talking.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  We're not next to each other talking.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  You are.

• 13:47Speaker 04

  Kevin is sitting on the couch where the comics were and I was sitting on the other wall. We are, Kevin and I are texting via Skytell two-way pager, yes.

• 13:58Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:59Speaker 04

  And then you sent him a message.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  We'll show you how you stay married. Yep.

• 14:04Speaker 05

  That's what I was gonna say. I was looking at you, trying to give you a sound like you say, mm-hmm. That's right. Well, that's so cute.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  I know we have mutual friends, Boris and Nicole. So you call Nicole when this is over and ask Nicole what my nickname is. She's gonna tell you it's ninety-eight percent. And she calls me ninety-eight percent because she'll tell you I'm ninety-eight percent right all the time.

• 14:22Speaker 05

  Ooh.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  So the story is.

• 14:24Speaker 05

  I love that.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  That. And then you went, you can finish it. Cause you're, you're great at the finish. You're great at the finish.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  I just want to be able to play golf tomorrow, so. Whatever you say is it.

• 14:34Speaker 04

  You always get to play golf. It'll, you've never been unpunishment for playing golf.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 14:38Speaker 05

  Oh my gosh, that's so cute.

• 14:40Speaker 04

  That's a little more of the fun story. We ended up meeting.

• 14:42Speaker 00

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• 19:04Speaker 05

  We, the show is over. We went to Greenblatt's and I guess kind of fell in love with over chicken soup. Over chicken soup?

• 19:10Speaker 02

  You didn't fall in love with me. I fell in love with you.

• 19:12Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 19:13Speaker 06

  How old were you guys at the time?

• 19:14Speaker 05

  I was.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  Fifteen.

• 19:17Speaker 06

  You look like it.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  This is twenty-four years ago, so whatever, yeah.

• 19:20Speaker 05

  I was twenty-six. I think I just turned twenty-six.

• 19:23Speaker 06

  At that time, were you guys looking to settle down? Was it like, I'm, I want to get married?

• 19:28Speaker 02

  I had just got out of a relationship and I was ready to hit the streets.

• 19:31Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  I was like, let me see what this, uh, new and improved cute and a little bit of money can do. And then I had to meet this.

• 19:38Speaker 05

  Yeah. I. Timing.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  And it hit, and I always describe it as, you remember in The Godfather, when, when, when, uh, Sonny has, you know, they've killed McCloskey and he's off into, he's in Corleone, Italy, and he sees the girl, he says he got hit by the thunderbolt.

• 19:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 19:53Speaker 05

  Oh, Michael.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  I said, Mike, Michael Corleone, sorry.

• 19:56Speaker 05

  I love that.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  And so when I saw her, I was like, and I was like, I don't want to be ready yet. I want to hit these streets.

• 20:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  There's people out there that want me.

• 20:03Speaker 05

  Well, you guys have that in common because Tony Duffney was not ready to settle down when he met me.

• 20:07Speaker 06

  No, no, not at all. But I, I was, I had a plan. I wanted to be single for a long time.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 20:13Speaker 06

  And I executed, but you, you couldn't execute on that.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  No.

• 20:17Speaker 05

  I said, the dog days are over. You know what I mean? Lawrence and the Machine. I said, no, this is, look, I, it wasn't love at first sight by any means, like very different than you guys, but I would say that like, I don't know, there's like a familiarity when you meet the right person.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 20:31Speaker 05

  Right? When you guys like met, I'm sure there was like, you were sitting there and you like, you felt like you picked right up with someone you already knew.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Right.

• 20:38Speaker 05

  Right? That sort of feels like the love zing that happens.

• 20:43Speaker 06

  So you guys have been married that long. What are some things that, that keep that marriage strong?

• 20:48Speaker 05

  I think.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Uh, this is the cliche is communication, but it's, it's so, it's so vital and so important.

• 20:53Speaker 06

  Do you guys have little rituals or anything like that? Like morning coffee? Do you guys do date night? Do you guys do, uh, let's watch a show together?

• 21:00Speaker 02

  We show a lot. We, we, we watch a lot of shows together until I fall asleep.

• 21:03Speaker 05

  First episodes together.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  And then I wake up and she's on episode nineteen. I'm like, huh? It'll be four in the morning. She's still watching.

• 21:10Speaker 05

  I get like that too. I do too. I'm so obsessed. I watch TV shows like they're a movie and they're not meant to be watched that way, but. I know. I mean, that's what streaming has done.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  No, it's so funny because one of my new jokes on, on stage is there's different levels of cheating, right? Seventies, sixties, our parents, you have lipstick on your collar.

• 21:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Eighties, nineties, whose phone number is this? Uh, and the two thousands, I've read an email or a text. Now it's, hey, we talked to you. Yeah. What, what episode of Ozark are you on?

• 21:41Speaker 05

  Be honest.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  What episode of Ozark are you on?

• 21:43Speaker 05

  Don't lie.

• 21:44Speaker 02

  Um, um, three. Well, when I woke up this morning, I, I turned on TV and it was all of them were red.

• 21:51Speaker 05

  You could see like.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  And you're like this.

• 21:53Speaker 05

  Shh. Damn.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Sorry for cussing. I'm sorry.

• 21:59Speaker 06

  So speaking of that, dude, you're on the road a lot, right?

• 22:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:02Speaker 06

  So being away a lot, that helps? You're saying that helps?

• 22:05Speaker 05

  Like, to be honest with you, like, yeah, like I.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  I have a weird wife.

• 22:10Speaker 05

  No, a lot of women say that. A lot of women say that.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Been gone a while. I'm like, do you have a boyfriend?

• 22:15Speaker 05

  No, it is. It's not, it's, I, I love, like, I hate when he's gone when I go to bed. Yep. That's when I miss him the most. And like night comes and I'm like, oh, he's not here. That I hate. But, you know, it's part of the gig. Like I met him and that was part of his life. I'm in production, so my life was being on set and working crazy hours. So I'm ne- I've never been one of those people, even in a relationship, any other relationship where like I have to be with a person. I, I actually understand how I'm built. Exactly what you're saying because when you meet somebody and your life looks a certain way and then all of a sudden it changes, like the NFL or like comedy, acting, you know, entertainment.

• 22:55Speaker 05

  It's like all of a sudden now your whole schedule is, it's looking at people and you're trying to figure out, yeah, how this person fits in, even though you're my husband. No, no, completely. How you fit into this. Back into the situation because you. What is that? Dynamic, especially when the kids were little and he'd be on the road and come home. I was like, oh shit, what am I going to talk to him about? I know. My whole world for the last two weeks has been conversation with children. Mm-hmm. You know, and now like, I've got to fold them into the routine and now they've started this and now they've started that or they've got practice tonight. And he just, he was never offended by any of it. And I think that's probably how it's. Right. So worked. It's just been easy. I don't, I don't know. Like when you, I know it's very cliche to say, but I, I truly feel like

• 23:38Speaker 05

  we met and married each other as friends and then like the love continued to grow. Yeah. You know, so like it just.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  It's a T-shirt.

• 23:46Speaker 05

  When you marry your friend, like things are, things are easy. But I think that's like the piece of advice for longevity and like, uh, for marriage in general, if you want to make it long-term, I think that it has to be based in the friendship. Completely. Has to be. Otherwise, I mean, like the lust and all that sexy stuff lasts for a little while, but then it's like, do we like each other? Do we like to hang out? Like if I had to pick one person to go on vacation with, would it mostly be you? Right. Probably. You know what I mean? Like, aside from, you know, a couple of girls, but like you'd be right up there.

• 24:18Speaker 06

  For sure, for sure. And I've, I've had friends where it's the opposite way, where like, they're any time they get, they want to get away from their wife.

• 24:26Speaker 05

  Right.

• 24:26Speaker 06

  And that, and they'll get mad at me. I'm like, hey, I want to bring this, bring the girls. And they're like, no, we don't want to do that. We don't want, like, I, I actually like her. I want to hang out with her.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  That's what it is. You like them. Like I like her.

• 24:35Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 24:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:36Speaker 05

  Yes, which is rare, but then again, you know, it's why we've been married for so long, I think.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 24:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, it works. So when he's on the road all the time, especially in the beginning of you guys' relationship, did you ever have like any feelings of like jealousy or insecurity or like, were there any, was there any of that along the way? Cause I know for me, there definitely was. I was young, you know? Yeah.

• 24:58Speaker 02

  She's too cocky to be jealous.

• 25:01Speaker 05

  She said, I'm an asshole. Like I, I own it. I'm an asshole and I, I think even early on, like I said, I was like, that's okay. I'm younger than you. I'm smart. I'm cute. I come from a family that'll support me. Right. And. I don't need you. Like, I'm choosing you.

• 25:19Speaker 06

  So you're not the puppy dog sitting by the door waiting for him to come home.

• 25:21Speaker 05

  No, it never was.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  That was me.

• 25:23Speaker 05

  No relationship. Like in, in no relationship. And honestly, I think that's kind of in a weird way, what made him like me. No, yeah. I wasn't, I wasn't chasing. For sure, for sure. I wasn't chasing him. Look, um, and I think when we were chasing, it was like a mutual chase. Like we were just mutually interested in the other person. Yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 02

  You can't catch.

• 25:45Speaker 05

  Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, I mean, I had to put him on pause. Like we, we took a timeout. Okay. I had to put him on timeout.

• 25:51Speaker 06

  What do you mean you had a timeout?

• 25:52Speaker 05

  Like when we were dating, I had to put him on timeout. I was like.

• 25:54Speaker 06

  How long that's, how long that lasts?

• 25:56Speaker 02

  An hour.

• 25:56Speaker 05

  No. An hour! In the scheme of things. Easy. I, I mean, it was like, um, what, two, two months?

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Two, three months.

• 26:03Speaker 05

  Two, three months. Okay, that's healthy. I think that's good. It wasn't working for me.

• 26:07Speaker 06

  If you don't mind me asking, like, why?

• 26:09Speaker 05

  Cause.

• 26:09Speaker 06

  Cause.

• 26:10Speaker 05

  Oh, I think, was it that you, oh, he was like in a, the person he had, no, no, no, no.

• 26:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 26:16Speaker 05

  Uh, we're open. Yeah, yeah.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Twenty years.

• 26:19Speaker 05

  Like the person he had been with. Mm-hmm. I, he had felt guilty about having broken up and, you know, and not moving forward. They had been in a relationship for a long time. And I think she was, had a lot of questions and was trying to figure out like, how could we make this work? And I think he felt like he owed it to her. And there was just something that made me ask him. I was like, let me, where, where are you in this? This chapter needs to be closed before. I feel like you're here, but you're not because he has moved, like he started to move differently. And I went, I'm going to tell you what I'm not going to do. Right. Like I left a relationship where it was long distance and when he was in town, he was in town. And when he wasn't, he wasn't, but I'm not doing that now.

• 27:00Speaker 05

  Like I'm clear on where I am, what I want. And he was like, okay, well, I think I got it. And I went, then if that doesn't work and I'm still interested, maybe. And if not, then high five and we like keep it, keep it pushing.

• 27:16Speaker 06

  That's mature.

• 27:17Speaker 05

  Mature.

• 27:18Speaker 06

  That's good.

• 27:19Speaker 05

  And, and that's what happened. I think, oh, ironically, three months later, I called him because I was casting another movie. Oh, my gosh. And we were desperate for like somebody to come in and nail this role and they wanted black comics. And I was like, let me give old boy a call.

• 27:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 27:38Speaker 05

  And I was like, listen, I don't want to ruin the chance for, for this to be something that could work for you. If you're interested, I need you to come in. And he was like, oh, well, I can't make that happen because I'm at the Derby. And I was like.

• 27:50Speaker 04

  Well, good for you, you know.

• 27:53Speaker 05

  What a story.

• 27:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think.

• 27:56Speaker 06

  Well, she was really trying to figure out a way to see me and she was like, aha, we're casting black comedians.

• 28:01Speaker 05

  She was like, I can only think of one person. Wow, wow, wow. Well, I can't say the same thing. I, I, I, look, I was very confident and I knew who I was, but I definitely was having insecurities. And you know, as with your way.

• 28:15Speaker 06

  Him being pretty.

• 28:15Speaker 05

  With his.

• 28:18Speaker 05

  I, you know, and he was just, when I met him, he was a complete disaster. You know what I mean? Like as far as like. Relationships went. I mean, girls were like opening their shirts so he could sign them on their boobs and just wild, wild, wild life.

• 28:36Speaker 05

  And at one point, I, I was sitting at a club with him and we're together, we're living together at this point. And this guy was just looking at girls, talking to girls, signing girls, like in their faces. And I just said, I'm right here. I'm sitting right next to you. And he described it in a way about where he was at in, in life at that point. And he said, you know, I'm like a Ferrari that's been going, you know, a hundred and ten miles, two hundred miles an hour for like a long time. And if I slam on the brakes, I'm gonna, I'm gonna roll the car. I'm gonna crash the car. And I said, I don't know what we're talking about.

• 29:11Speaker 06

  I can explain.

• 29:11Speaker 05

  So then he says, so then he says, I gotta slow down to turn around. So just give me, just give me a little time and I'll get there. I'll turn around eventually. But I gotta, I gotta, I gotta slow it out. And I said, nothing. I just stared at him like, you're an absolute imbecile. But I, I understood. I understood the analogy. And so like, I think I gave you grace, but you can tell me.

• 29:31Speaker 06

  You did. No, no, you did. You did. I, I just think as, as, especially a professional athlete or entertainer, somebody who's in the public eye. And you're young. And remember, I got in the NFL when I was like twenty one. So I'm young. I'm, I'm a young kid and I'm going for it. It was football and having fun. Football, football was at the top and then having fun, second family and having. Uh, so you get to a point where you're like, okay, this is just my routine. You know, we're gonna go to the club, we're gonna go out and I just have this mode. And then I wasn't even looking to fall in love. So that's why.

• 30:04Speaker 04

  He was going two hundred miles an hour trying to run, but like not wanting to let you go.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  I mean, I, I don't think I've signed any breasts.

• 30:15Speaker 05

  He's signed a lot of inappropriate body parts.

• 30:20Speaker 05

  His face was on a bus in Kansas City. Look, it was hard to go anywhere with him when I met him in that city in particular. And they were not used to seeing you with a girlfriend. So I was like, it was a situation.

• 30:31Speaker 04

  You also became, I'm sure, a target. And I'm sure so much of that became out of like, how can we push her away? How can we move her out for him? Even if he wants her, how could we move her out the way?

• 30:45Speaker 04

  I will say, I'm like, I'm, I'm a girl's girl to an extent, but like.

• 30:50Speaker 05

  It's insane.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  Our own worst enemies.

• 30:52Speaker 05

  I know, I know.

• 30:53Speaker 04

  And when somebody wants something that you have.

• 30:56Speaker 05

  I know. Well, I kinda like.

• 30:57Speaker 04

  And the worst part was that you were cute. Like you're really pretty. So I'm sure that pisses off even more all the girls.

• 31:02Speaker 05

  Totally. But you know what makes me like, even to this day, like I'm the type of person that like, if he gets hit on or the girl's interested in him, I'm like reminded that he's hot. I'm like reminded that he's attractive and like cool because I'm used to him now and I'm like.

• 31:15Speaker 04

  I, I, that's why I picked him.

• 31:16Speaker 05

  Take out the trash. Clean up that mess. What the hell you doing over there? But now like when a girl hits him, I'm like.

• 31:24Speaker 05

  He cute. He's cool. Okay, see it? So it's good for our marriage. I'm like, I like that. Gets me going again, you know?

• 31:32Speaker 06

  Are you guys jealous? You guys get jealous of each other, stuff like that?

• 31:34Speaker 05

  She's definitely not jealous.

• 31:35Speaker 06

  She's definitely not.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  I have a joke. She's jealous of the wrong people.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  She'll be like, who's that? Who's, who's the lady in the wheelchair talking to you? I saw you over there rubbing her grips and adjusting her oxygen tank. Is that, is that what you're into? Those models I was talking to, you, you can't get the models. I'm talking about her.

• 31:56Speaker 05

  The one that's very readily available.

• 31:59Speaker 06

  How do you guys, um, how do you guys handle discrepancies and fights and disagree?

• 32:05Speaker 00

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• 32:50Speaker 00

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• 32:56Speaker 04

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• 34:05Speaker 01

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• 35:32Speaker 06

  You know that place you keep thinking about?

• 35:38Speaker 06

  That's you Sunday. Everyone has one.

• 35:44Speaker 06

  It was every early morning, every workout, every swing.

• 35:52Speaker 06

  Little by little, my Sunday became today.

• 35:58Speaker 06

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• 36:08Speaker 06

  So you can move forward with clarity and confidence.

• 36:12Speaker 06

  You don't just stand still.

• 36:16Speaker 06

  So don't just keep talking about Sunday. What do you?

• 36:27Speaker 02

  We fight.

• 36:28Speaker 06

  How? Like is there, do you guys yell? Do you guys have?

• 36:34Speaker 02

  We don't yell at the same time. Which is weird. If I'm yelling, she's like, and if she's yelling, I'm like, and then we end up going, that was dumb. I'm sorry. Cause it's always over something stupid.

• 36:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, always. Does comedy find its way into those fights?

• 36:51Speaker 02

  No, that sometimes starts a fight.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  She, I could count the times she's ever called me a name. Um, we had a, a, a situation with our refrigerator.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  There was a leak caused, you know. It's a disaster. It's a, it was a slow leak that's ruined our floor. We pulled the refrigerator back. There's mold. Yes, and so.

• 37:15Speaker 04

  All while we, it's like, this is what we came home to. We were away and somehow in three weeks of being gone, like the entire kitchen is like. Disaster.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  And so, uh, uh, I don't wanna sound bougie. Our nanny, what is she, what is she?

• 37:34Speaker 04

  I know you're gonna be like, you said you were empty nesters. So how do you still have a nanny? But she's family.

• 37:40Speaker 05

  You can't let her go.

• 37:43Speaker 04

  She's still like, we were away and our daughter came home because she wanted to visit some friends before having to go back to school. And like, she would sleep over with her. Like she babysits the dogs. I will keep her forever. Her plan is to like take care of our children's.

• 38:02Speaker 02

  What's funny about Verelise though, is that we've been gone two weeks and she's been cleaning two weeks. But when we get back, she's still cleaning as if the house is messy. I'm like, you've been here for two weeks. There's nothing for you to do.

• 38:14Speaker 05

  She's like, you need me.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  So she's, she's absolutely incredible and we love her. So let's go back to the mold.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  I said, and then you, she's gonna take what Verelise said about me, which is why we're still together. Not why we're still together, but why I'm wonderful.

• 38:34Speaker 02

  I don't even remember what I said. There's something about the mold. Oh, no. She was showing Verelise things that had mold on them, right? And then I said, you might have.

• 38:46Speaker 04

  You're like, you don't wanna show.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  The husband can see. And she goes, and she said something kind of flippant.

• 38:52Speaker 04

  Oh, I was like, it's right here. And he was like, where? And I was like, right here. And. He walked away cuz he didn't feel like bending down in the moment and then I said, I'm showing you, do you wanna see? Like, I moved all the stuff out, do you wanna see?

• 39:05Speaker 06

  I said, nope, nope.

• 39:07Speaker 04

  No, you said something else. You said, I'm gonna go, oh, he was going to get boxes. You're like, no, I'm just going to.

• 39:15Speaker 04

  And it was very, very sarcastic and I was like, and literally like under my breath.

• 39:23Speaker 06

  She was under her breath, but she was mic'd.

• 39:28Speaker 06

  Don't be an asshole.

• 39:29Speaker 04

  And he heard and he was like, what? He was like, what'd you say?

• 39:33Speaker 06

  No, I didn't.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  You said?

• 39:35Speaker 06

  I said, don't, don't, don't, don't call me names in front of Verelise.

• 39:40Speaker 06

  So I leave.

• 39:40Speaker 04

  And I said, sorry.

• 39:42Speaker 06

  Time out, no, we finish. So, uh, she texts me, apology. I took this out of, uh, somebody who I, a dear friend of ours playbook. So she, she texts me and I said, you know, I said, you have to apologize to me publicly. Cuz you called me a name publicly. Don't try to text me and apologize privately. So then, when I got back home. She apologized. I was like, Verelise?

• 40:10Speaker 04

  Yes, but I apologized to him and I apologized to Verelise for saying that, like, in front of her.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  But while he was gone, Verelise said to me, she said, you know, I love Hefe and I love you two together. She said, cuz if he had been Latino, you know, the two of you would have been like fighting and bickering and the whole thing would have been like a war. And I was like, no, you're right. Trust me. I, I grew up that way, so I know. And she said, he just was so calm and so nice. And like, all her mannerisms that, and, and he's just, he's so sweet. And he loves you. He really loves you.

• 40:50Speaker 05

  Not gonna make it.

• 40:51Speaker 04

  So I said, no, V, you're totally right. You're totally right. So as soon as he walked in, I was like, babe, I'm really sorry. I just was so stressed in that moment when you said it. And I was like, but I thought I said it under my breath and he was like, no, no, no, you didn't.

• 41:05Speaker 06

  And she, I get, literally, if she's ever called me asshole two times before, then it's, if.

• 41:16Speaker 04

  And never like, never cur, like, if we're cursing in an argument, it's not like I'm cursing at him.

• 41:25Speaker 04

  Fucking understand or whatever, like.

• 41:28Speaker 06

  She cuss, she doesn't really cuss at me. She cusses at the kids. I cuss more.

• 41:33Speaker 04

  I'm just a cusser.

• 41:34Speaker 05

  Right, but your kids are grown too. It's not like they're like little tiny kids.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  Get the fucking shoes on, like.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  I don't understand, like, every fucking day we do the same routine, like, why are we not with the bags?

• 41:59Speaker 04

  And the, like, what are we doing?

• 42:06Speaker 04

  Really? I went, well, I've already asked like seven times nicely, so now like, now I've lost my shit.

• 42:12Speaker 05

  You don't start out that way.

• 42:13Speaker 04

  We had to take our kids up the hill every day and I knew that if we didn't get out of the house by like, seven twenty.

• 42:24Speaker 04

  The traffic was so different getting up to Mulholland, so I was just like, we gotta get in the car. So I'm not understanding why this routine every day is messed up.

• 42:34Speaker 05

  Nothing'll make you more crazy than some kids.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  But yeah, so other, like, won't curse at him, but sometimes, you know.

• 42:40Speaker 05

  You kinda got me onto the no name calling. I didn't know that that was, cuz I used to fight dirty with my ex-boyfriend. He was a real piece of work. But, uh, you were like, this is actually not what we're gonna do. We're, we're not gonna ever call names. And I said, oh, okay, well, I like that. And literally from that day on, it was just never a thing.

• 42:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, we were down, uh, we're doing a little.

• 43:00Speaker 05

  We don't have to tell the whole story. We're not gonna do the whole thing, but yes. At one point, I called him a joke, which was. Pretty mean.

• 43:08Speaker 06

  What, what was in front of that joke?

• 43:10Speaker 05

  What, what do you mean?

• 43:11Speaker 06

  You called me a fucking joke.

• 43:12Speaker 05

  Oh, shit.

• 43:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, and, and I was like, oh, hold on, hold on. We can't talk to each other like that. That's not gonna work.

• 43:21Speaker 06

  And it's kinda ever since then, I mean, that was twenty something years.

• 43:24Speaker 05

  And I haven't called him a name since. No.

• 43:26Speaker 06

  I was like, if this is gonna work, like, we just can't talk to each other like that. But we do have friends that talk, talk to each other like that and they're still married. That's their love language. Which is crazy to me.

• 43:36Speaker 04

  Like, I mean, if it works for them, great, but I, I never understood that. And I had parents who argued and, and not that they called each other names. But like, the, the way in which they argued, I was always like, yeah, I can't see. I don't want that. Like, I literally grew up waiting for my parents to divorce. Like, there are, I was like, oh, this is the argument that's going to do it. This is gonna be the one.

• 44:02Speaker 05

  And as a kid.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  So I just never wanted that for us and I never wanted that for, for our kids. So I think like, having kids, and look, to be totally frank. I mean, we had kids pretty quickly, so, so much of our relationship as it grew, grew around growing a family. So, we, we just had to learn, like, on the fly with a lot of things and, uh, you know. Yeah, I, I think like we made great parents together and so it helped in the way in which we communicated with each other. And every time it got hard, we just leaned in closer to each other to like, that was always the rule, like.

• 44:45Speaker 04

  When it gets hard, just lean in, like, cuz if the moment that one of us steps one foot out the door, it's a wrap. Like, it's too hard to come back at that point.

• 44:54Speaker 05

  I think raising kids is probably the hardest thing to do as a team. And not let it, I mean, like, what is it? Money, kids? What are the top reasons for divorce?

• 45:08Speaker 05

  We've done it all, but I, I would say that like, raising kids is hard and you guys are empty nesters now and we're almost there. I mean, did you guys find that you agreed on, like, most of the time when it came to like, rules? And like, how your house is run with the kids and all of that? Or did one person sort of like, take that responsibility and like, just run with it and let the other person sort of stay in the background?

• 45:30Speaker 06

  I think she set the home, right? And I kinda just abided by the rules with, with the kids. Uh, and whatever she had set, cuz you know, me being in and out the house, I can't come in and go, I have a different idea.

• 45:42Speaker 05

  Well, thank you, but a lot of men do that.

• 45:45Speaker 06

  You know what I mean? So, uh, I fell into the pattern. You know what I mean? I don't wanna, you know, upset the apple cart or whatever, tip the apple cart. Look, look up how that's supposed to be said. And, um, and, and it worked. When you see our kids, you're gonna be like, these are some amazing children. Literally, and I, I owe a lot of it to this one right here.

• 46:06Speaker 04

  I love that. I appreciate that. I mean, but I don't want, like, I wasn't a bully with.

• 46:15Speaker 06

  I'm just talking about like. You tell them to put their fucking shoes on.

• 46:25Speaker 06

  Who's the nice parent? Who's the tough parent?

• 46:28Speaker 05

  I would say I'm the nicer one, but not really. I don't know, we kind of.

• 46:31Speaker 06

  Who would the kid, what would the kid say?

• 46:33Speaker 05

  Well, he's way more intimidating. He's just bigger, stronger. And when he gets angry or pushed too far, which is very rarely, then he gets scary. But I've just recently let him get scary with my son, but I, you know, with our daughter, she, he, he, he can do nothing. Our daughter can do nothing wrong. Absolutely ridiculous. He's like, she's my little baby girl. She's sweetest, most angelic. It's ridiculous.

• 47:01Speaker 06

  She's like that with my son.

• 47:03Speaker 04

  But you're like that with Bella and it's okay, but look, I'm forty nine, almost forty nine and, and I'm that way, like, my dad's still that way with me. So, I think it's what it should be. Like, I adore the relationship he has with my daughter. I love that he has made her so confident in the way in which she moves through the world, knowing that there is a good man behind her. She sees what a good man should be. She's made great friends, like, like the, the, even the one boy that she, she liked. Like, when she was younger, um, just a great kid. Like, I just feel like that's what it should be. I don't begrudge it at all, but, you know.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  I think with my son, um, you know, yes, I, like, he's my guy. He was my first, he was literally was like my firstborn. And, you know, I just remember feeling like when I looked at him, like, this tremendous sense of responsibility and like. I'm the only thing that's gonna keep you alive right now, like.

• 48:05Speaker 05

  Yes, there's that bond.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  And if she had been born first, I would have felt that, I would feel that way about her too. And it's not that I don't, I'm just like, there was just this moment of like. Oh my God, you're my firstborn child. I can't believe I made this. When you.

• 48:25Speaker 04

  That has come out of your body and you're like, wait, how that whole thing just happened?

• 48:33Speaker 05

  This is crazy.

• 48:34Speaker 04

  I mean, the first day home was crazy. And like, and he, he went back to work cuz he was in the middle of production and the, he locked out the door and the door closed and I was like. Oh my God, it's just me and you.

• 48:47Speaker 04

  How does this work? But yeah.

• 48:49Speaker 05

  Unbelievable that we raised these kids and now we're about to be empty nesters. Do you guys feel like now that the kids are gone, that you guys have like a different sort of relationship dynamic or is it kind of the same?

• 49:03Speaker 02

  We order food faster.

• 49:06Speaker 05

  The house is cleaner. Yeah, like we could, it's quieter. Is it sad? No, I know. It's so funny. Everybody's always like, aren't you sad?

• 49:15Speaker 02

  We're sad that we're not sad.

• 49:16Speaker 03

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• 53:40Speaker 02

  Really? We thought we would have been sad, but it's because of technology.

• 53:43Speaker 05

  Okay, that makes me feel better.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  They're on the phone, they're FaceTiming us. Literally, she's walking in the house and she's on the phone, but I'm like, hey, literally, you talked to her twice already this morning. I talked to him twice this morning.

• 53:53Speaker 05

  Okay, that makes me feel so much better because I am starting to like get a little like.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  She was crying yesterday. Already. She's not even gone for another year.

• 54:00Speaker 05

  Here's what I'm gonna say. I cried, like, when my son was graduating and my daughter was graduating. I cried the month leading up to graduation. Graduation day, I didn't even cry because I think I had just cried in preparation for. And then when we were dropping him off, it was like fun moving him in and all of that. And I couldn't cry when we were leaving because it was just my daughter and I. He had to leave. And she fell apart. Oh, the daughter fell apart. Because they're, they're like twins. And when she fell apart, I was like. Oh my gosh. Keep your shit together because the two of us can't be a mess.

• 54:41Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 54:41Speaker 05

  Right. But I will tell you, when you come back after dropping him off, and the pilot says, for those of you, like, coming to Los Angeles, like, for a visit, welcome. And for those of you who are home, welcome home. And I just lost it on the plane. Like, that was it. That was when I was like, oh my God, I've just left my child 3,000 miles away and we got the right thing to do. Right. But when you hear their joy and you see their development and then they're FaceTiming you and they're texting you, you're like, oh, you're not really gone. You're kind of here. So, and you feel like job well done. For yourself. You're like, want to give yourself a high five because you went, I actually launched a good human into this world. And he's gonna be okay.

• 55:25Speaker 05

  He's gonna be okay. That's great advice. I needed, I needed to hear that.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  What changed around the house though, now that they're gone? Would anything pop up that wasn't there before? Trying to, because you have more freedom now.

• 55:38Speaker 05

  Like, are you traveling more? What are you guys doing now?

• 55:41Speaker 02

  God, I'm gonna say something that she's gonna hate.

• 55:44Speaker 05

  More sexy time? What was happening?

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a myth.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  Ain't nobody walking around naked, fucking in front of the refrigerator.

• 55:53Speaker 06

  You're kidding me. I'm, I'm.

• 55:54Speaker 05

  I'm sorry.

• 55:56Speaker 02

  Same, same, same amount. And it could because I'm older. And I'm like, we can do what we want to. If we don't, if not, we can finish Ozark. But there's this myth that as soon as the kids leave, there's, you know, you're.

• 56:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:11Speaker 05

  That, that is true. That is true.

• 56:13Speaker 02

  We're 20 years in. It's like, you want to go, you want to go to get some frozen yogurt? Or you want to go to, you want to go mess around? If you want to mess around, I'll mess around. But I'm just saying, I saw you was on a Zoom, and I know you was working on your golf swing. So if you want to finish the swing, and if you tell, yeah. We're not horny little teenagers, you know what I mean?

• 56:30Speaker 05

  A dog. Oh, you're into your dogs. I feel like I'm definitely gonna be way more into my dogs. The dog is definitely, the dog is actually an impediment to our relationship. Oh my God.

• 56:40Speaker 02

  The dog is a sea blocker.

• 56:42Speaker 06

  Oh, really?

• 56:43Speaker 05

  For sure.

• 56:43Speaker 06

  It's a little dog, huh?

• 56:44Speaker 05

  No.

• 56:44Speaker 02

  Well, we've become white. The dog sleeps in the bed. So we've become, we've become white people.

• 56:49Speaker 05

  But he's not a shedder. He's like, he's a dog. Well, by the way, all right, but let me, let's just explain this. We bought the dog from this really crunchy white woman breeder up in Seattle. And we got home.

• 57:03Speaker 02

  Well, she told us he was potty trained and crate trained.

• 57:06Speaker 05

  Crate trained the whole thing. Like, I went, okay, she's a world-class breeder, blah, blah, blah. Get the dog home, put the dog in the kennel, turn off the lights, the crate, like, gets to the bed, and it's like 1:30 in the morning because our flight from Seattle getting home was delayed. We were exhausted and just wanted to go to bed. Turn off, and the dog is like, like.

• 57:31Speaker 02

  It sounded like you're saying, help me.

• 57:33Speaker 05

  Literally. So it's got the crying. Like crying. And then it went to this, like, yelp. And then it went to, like, having a wolf in the fucking living room howling at like 2 o'clock in the morning. And I just looked at him and I went, let's just take him out. He went, he's supposed to be in the crate. I went, let's just take him out. We'll put him on the bed, on the, like, on the floor, his dog bed on the floor. Put him down there, turned off the light, and now he's scratching and like, and still crying. And I went, I would just go to bed, go to bed. I moved the bed to the side, like, so we could make eye contact. And he's still. And I went. Maybe we should just try putting him on the bed. Maybe he just

• 58:13Speaker 05

  No, immediately.

• 58:14Speaker 02

  Like he had a cigarette.

• 58:15Speaker 05

  Literally. On the bed, the dog went to sleep. And I went.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  Game over.

• 58:22Speaker 05

  Okay, well, we'll try it again tomorrow, earlier, the same shit. And I went, I just looked at him and I said, I know we never thought we'd be these people. But I can't do this. Like, I've already nursed two babies, like, for years and we, I just.

• 58:36Speaker 02

  And then when I would leave, because there was a moment where we kind of got him to go back into his bed.

• 58:41Speaker 05

  Until. Until.

• 58:45Speaker 02

  He just, I, I just.

• 58:47Speaker 05

  And now you have.

• 58:48Speaker 02

  Well, here's what's funny. Here's what's funny.

• 58:51Speaker 05

  Fifty pounds, yeah.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  He's in and out of the bed. It's like, he doesn't sleep the whole night in the bed. He comes in the bed, and he goes by the window because he likes his cold. He likes, he's a French water dog. So he likes the, the cold air from ne- being next to the sliding glass window. Then he'll come back and say, what's up? You guys good? And he'll go over here, he'll come back, make sure we're not having sex, and then he goes over by the window.

• 59:12Speaker 05

  No, that's a weird question, so I do have a, a strange question. I find it very uncomfortable when my dog is in the bedroom when we're having sex. And so like, I would prefer to lock the dog out of the bedroom while we're having sex. But then he'd scratch it at the door. Right, and it's a thing where they're whining or they want, you know they want to be in there and I'm like. Well, because they also know what's happening. It's like a weird sixth sense. What is that? They can smell the pheromones in the air and they're like. Wait a second. Where is my mate? Where is my partner?

• 59:45Speaker 02

  I'm like, this ain't the threesome I've been begging for.

• 59:48Speaker 05

  And your dog is sitting there like this.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, just staring.

• 59:51Speaker 05

  I don't like that. No, he's figured out, like, he, he bought this massive bone and he stuffs it with peanut butter. Like, perfect, all the way through, so like.

• 1:00:01Speaker 02

  This is a good six minutes.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  That's the timer.

• 1:00:10Speaker 02

  The six minute timer. He gets to all the peanut butter. Baby, we gotta hurry up.

• 1:00:15Speaker 05

  That's fair, that's fair. So that, that's like how he's figured it out.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  And that's our code, like peanut butter, she's like, yeah.

• 1:00:23Speaker 05

  That's, that's one thing that we need to work on. At least was like, what's in this bag? I was like, nope, that, that stays, don't worry.

• 1:00:35Speaker 05

  Nope, that, that stays, don't worry. It didn't get touched by mold, it's in a plastic bag, just wipe the bag down. Oh my gosh, wow. Life's about to get fun, honey. We gotta find the peanut butter bones. All right, I have some rapid fire questions for you guys to wrap this all up, because this has been very fun. Getting to know you guys. I feel like we've been hanging out at dinner and like, over cocktails.

• 1:00:56Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 1:00:57Speaker 05

  Maybe we should do that. Okay, rapid fire questions. Who is the most responsible with money?

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  Me.

• 1:01:03Speaker 05

  All right, who has the worst hygiene?

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  We both have great hygiene.

• 1:01:07Speaker 05

  I'm probably, I'm just OCD. OCD, multiple showers a day?

• 1:01:12Speaker 05

  Definitely, yeah, but I'm like with my hands. My hands are really the thing. Interesting, yeah. So like, I have a hundred wipes in my bag. I like that, I like that, I like that. Okay, so who initiates sex the most?

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  Me.

• 1:01:23Speaker 05

  Although, what do we consider initiate? Like, are we talking like sexy texts? Or like, are we talking about the actual? If it's the actual physical, yeah, like, if there's the actual physical him. But I love a good, like, I love to pet him in the middle of the night or like. And I'm, I'm great at texting.

• 1:01:45Speaker 02

  You remember when I went like this?

• 1:01:47Speaker 05

  Touch your, touch your knee.

• 1:01:49Speaker 02

  Yes, about twelve oh one, I went like this, and you didn't do nothing. I'm like.

• 1:01:55Speaker 05

  You didn't catch my drift.

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  I said, you know what, after twenty-three years, you guys probably schedule it too, right? Do you ever say like, hey, tonight, tonight it's on?

• 1:02:03Speaker 05

  It was funny, I was at this conference, sorry.

• 1:02:12Speaker 05

  I couldn't get into my notes, for some reason I was like locked out, and I'm text like, I had his text open, like our text thread open, and I'm sending all these notes and he's like, is this for me? And I was like, well, not really for you, but like, I was gonna come back and share this news with you. But, interesting note, this woman was talking about, uh, sex and how women need like, two days to warm up. I was like, I think that's ridiculous, but we, we should definitely at least start the day before so we can get it right for the day of that we actually.

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  Foreplay should start on Wednesday if you're trying to have sex on Friday.

• 1:02:47Speaker 05

  I kind of like that idea. Like, I'm not mad at that.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  What does that mean, though?

• 1:02:50Speaker 05

  Because basically she was like, men think that women can.

• 1:02:54Speaker 02

  Like on Wednesday, you're gonna tear that ass up next week.

• 1:02:58Speaker 05

  She was saying that men think that women can climax as easily as they do, and they don't, so they need a lot more, like, more time to warm up. So the warm up could be part of the sexy foreplay of like texting and like, getting them excited and blah, blah, blah, so the day of, they're already like rearing to go. So I went, oh, let me share this information with him.

• 1:03:23Speaker 05

  So yeah, so it was just like this out of context text, but it's just FYI that, so that's my idea of like initiating, but for him, it's just. It looks different.

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  And now I'm scared, because I'm like, are we allowed to do quickies anymore?

• 1:03:38Speaker 05

  Are we warm?

• 1:03:39Speaker 02

  I gotta text her three days before, but we're gonna have a quickie on Thursday.

• 1:03:44Speaker 05

  Okay, next question, next question. Uh, is it okay to go through the other person's phone? No, no.

• 1:03:53Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  And we leave our phones right there.

• 1:03:58Speaker 05

  Right, right, right, yeah, same. Okay, so separate bedrooms. Do you, do you believe in that? No.

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  What does that mean, like for?

• 1:04:06Speaker 05

  A lot of married couples these days believe in separate bedrooms, especially if somebody snores or somebody has.

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  I might get kicked out soon, but no, so far so good.

• 1:04:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, I think that's weird. I think it's totally weird too.

• 1:04:17Speaker 02

  I need to feel that hot leg on me.

• 1:04:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, I feel like if you've chosen to be in separate rooms, you're probably already saying something that like, you're just not wanting to say out loud, but there are people that it, like, it works.

• 1:04:30Speaker 02

  But if you have a sleep apnea machine and she's trying to get some.

• 1:04:32Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, I agree with the sleep noise. I think if it's that, sure.

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  I've heard some where that, that's like a trend going on, people sleeping in separate beds. Maybe not separate rooms, but separate beds.

• 1:04:41Speaker 05

  What is this, Ricky and Lucy? Ah, no, no, no, no, no.

• 1:04:43Speaker 02

  My grandma and grandpa, they had separate beds in the same room. Like, that was very normal back then. No, no, listen, Adrian's parents, twin beds or whatever, two full beds right next to each other. Yeah, and if you want the sexy.

• 1:04:54Speaker 05

  So you're gonna tell me sexy time happens in a twin bed?

• 1:04:58Speaker 02

  Come over.

• 1:04:58Speaker 05

  Okay. Wow, amazing, okay. All right, um, do either of you have a celebrity, uh, crush or hall pass?

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  A what?

• 1:05:07Speaker 05

  Crush or hall pass?

• 1:05:09Speaker 02

  No hall passes.

• 1:05:11Speaker 05

  No, no hall passes. Crush, yeah, but my, my crushes are so nerdy.

• 1:05:15Speaker 02

  And they're old.

• 1:05:16Speaker 05

  I know, it's so weird. I have friends who have weird crushes too, like ones that I'm like. Is like. Oh, interesting. Is like, one of my crushes.

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  Who is it?

• 1:05:24Speaker 05

  Eddie Glaud, remember who, um, Don did the interview with, uh, LWD? The older gentleman.

• 1:05:35Speaker 02

  He can still holler. Eddie, we looking at my wife.

• 1:05:40Speaker 05

  I love it, okay. Separate bank accounts, yes or no?

• 1:05:44Speaker 02

  Yes and no.

• 1:05:45Speaker 05

  Yes and, I mean like. You believe in it, like it could. I think, yeah.

• 1:05:48Speaker 02

  It's better that I don't see what she's doing sometimes.

• 1:05:51Speaker 05

  Like, I have a pocket account. Okay.

• 1:05:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I have a pocket account.

• 1:05:54Speaker 05

  He's got a pocket account.

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  She would go nuts if she saw how much golf I spent and then.

• 1:05:58Speaker 05

  I was, I was getting an allowance for a while, which is really funny. I do get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. Yeah, and then. And then I spend his money on top of it. And then I go, then I go to the.

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  Allowance makes no sense.

• 1:06:08Speaker 05

  No. Well, it's also like.

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  Just hear the Amex. Take it easy. My lap.

• 1:06:13Speaker 05

  I can't, I can't, it's so funny. Okay, um, going to bed angry, we already discussed this. There is, you guys don't go to bed angry. I just, was just with another couple and they said that it's okay to go to bed angry. Um, and they said that's because some things can't be hashed out at one AM after a lot of cocktails. And I said, well, in that case, yes. Yeah. Yes, go to bed.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  I don't drink.

• 1:06:35Speaker 05

  He's not a drinker. Oh, no drinking, okay.

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  And I don't think I've ever seen her drunk.

• 1:06:39Speaker 05

  That helps with fights.

• 1:06:44Speaker 05

  Mama gets a little saucy sometimes, you know what I'm saying? Okay. Uh, do you believe in couples therapy? Yeah.

• 1:06:51Speaker 02

  We did ten years, fifteen years ago.

• 1:06:53Speaker 05

  Well, that's what we're doing right now, isn't it?

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then we realized, just talking to each other worked.

• 1:06:58Speaker 05

  Right, I like that, okay. Uh, opposite sex friendships, do you believe in that? And do you have that?

• 1:07:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, we both do.

• 1:07:05Speaker 05

  Yeah. Okay, I love that. I think that's important, actually. But I'm gonna say this, like, all of my male friends, he knows. Okay. And like, they're like, my best friends are still in my life, but from like elementary school. I love that. And so. So there's like a comfortability that you have with these people that she's allowed you to have.

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  You know mine too.

• 1:07:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, like, I, like, I think it's important that they're not in secret. Yeah.

• 1:07:31Speaker 02

  And I don't think any of her friends, and they're definitely not the girls that are my friends, I don't talk to them about her.

• 1:07:37Speaker 05

  Like complain.

• 1:07:38Speaker 02

  Complain, you know what I mean, like, this is my homegirl from elementary school, Keisha, and Jackie used to kind of train us. So, no.

• 1:07:46Speaker 05

  Don't you feel like that anybody that would want to sit with you and talk shit about your significant other probably isn't just, isn't healthy in general for the relationship? Right, I agree.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  I got my guy friends for that.

• 1:07:59Speaker 05

  I got golf.

• 1:08:03Speaker 05

  We know what you do out there on that golf course, okay, we're not blind. All right, well, guys, thank you so much for being on.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  We gotta go.

• 1:08:09Speaker 05

  This has been so fun. I feel like we just, that was quick and easy and so much fun, yeah, thank you.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

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