440: Monkey King: The Shakedown

🐒 Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, knows a demon shakedown when he sees it. And what's happening in this town, where people need to pay upwards of $30k (in 2026 USD) a year to a Buddha they never see? That's a shakedown. Does his master, the Tang Monk, believe him? Of course he doesn't. 😈 The Creature: Man-dragon Hey, just because man-dragon knows something bad is about to happen and shows up there ahead of time doesn't mean he's obligated to tell you the bad thing that's going to happen. --- 📖 The Book! Myths and Legends has our first book coming out on December 1st! FOR THE KING is a comprehensive retelling of Arthurian legend, focused on humanity and written for the modern age. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book, and preorders are a massive help to us. Check it out here: https://myths.link/preorder 🔗 Links: Membership: https://www.mythpodcast.com/membership Myths and Legends YouTube:https://myths.link/youtube 💬 Social: Discord: https://myths.link/discord Instagram: https://myths.link/instagram Bluesky: https://myths.link/bluesky --- 📢 Sponsors BetterHelp: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/myths Wayfair: Ready to upgrade your home for way less? Head to https://wayfair.com https://wayfair.com/ right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less. --- 🎵 Music Credits A Peaceful Plummet by Breakmaster Cylinder Spheres of Doom by Breakmaster Cylinder Damn Yea, Shebeasts! by Breakmaster Cylinder Dislotec - Pitbull by Breakmaster Cylinder Embers Bounce Around You on the Way Downward by Breakmaster Cylinder Elmore Heights by Blue Dot Sessions

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This week on Myths and Legends, we're back in the story of the Journey to the West. We'll see that if it looks like demon extortion, swims like demon extortion, and quacks like demon extortion, it's obviously just a holiday celebration you don't understand. Also, stop mixing your metaphors. The creature this time is Man Dragon. Helpful enough to come hang out before deadly tragedies, but not helpful enough to give you any specific warnings about said deadly tragedies.

• 0:36Speaker 00

  This is Myths and Legends, episode 440, The Shakedown.

• 0:45Speaker 00

  This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins. Others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. We're back in the stories of the Monkey King on the Journey to the West. No worries if you haven't heard the other ones. They're really fun and episodic, and I'll just tell you everything you need to know right now. Basically, a monk in medieval China, Zhuangzong, was tasked with retrieving some holy scriptures from a temple in India, and Heaven saw fit to give him some bodyguards in the form of supernatural monsters trying to redeem themselves. The most famous of which is the Monkey King, Sun Wukong, a supernatural monkey with seemingly countless powers,

• 1:29Speaker 00

  who was imprisoned under a mountain for hundreds of years for rebelling and trying to overthrow Heaven. He fights with a rod that can grow and shrink. Next up is Piggy, a stinky pig man, who does not value intelligence or hard work, and who fights with a muck rake. Then there's Sandy, a dour, indigo-colored sandman who fights with a staff. There are horses, a dragon who never leaves the form of a horse. And we'll jump in today with Piggy actually noticing maybe a threat?

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Get your hands out, ready to fight, Piggy whispered. I'm not doing that, Monkey said back. Big Brother, Master is afraid. I can tell by the way he keeps furtively glancing back at us. This is a sketchy part of town. Lots of vagabonds sitting out in front of the buildings. They could be demons. We need to be ready to fight our way out of this. We are not doing that, Sun Wukong said. Also, Master isn't afraid for his safety. He's afraid because he thinks we're gonna start doing exactly what you said we should do. That is ridiculous, Piggy reached for his rake. Go ask him then. That's the point of the furtive glances, Big Brother.

• 2:54Speaker 00

  They're signs, so we don't need to ask, Piggy hissed. Monkey rolled his eyes. Master, do you want us to leap into action and protect you from vagabonds? Monkey said as he looked to the guy sitting by the buildings. With a finger pointing back to Piggy, he said, his word, not mine. Oh my gosh, guys, please don't. We've talked about this so many times, Zhuangzong groaned. See, Monkey said, and led a grump ear Piggy to the temple at the center of the city.

• 3:41Speaker 00

  You look so dignified, but your disciples, they're so ugly. The local abbot marveled at Monkey's ugliness. Monkey wondered if it worked against his redemption arc that he really wanted to just revert back to full monkey and like, bite this guy's nose off his face, or if simply not doing that was enough. Probably a little of column A, little of column B. We have all types in China, the Tang monk stated. And these creatures, though so uglifyingly horrible that they prompt the creation of new words to describe them, have been indispensable on the journey so far. The Tang monk, Zhuangzong, explained their quest.

• 4:24Speaker 00

  And they all learned that they were now a mere 2,000 miles from the Thunderclap Temple. So close and also so far. And they all actually enjoyed their stay in the city for the first time, like, ever. Zhuangzong was honored and, for two days, felt like he was back at home. He even swept a pagoda, something he had apparently sworn to do whenever he had the opportunity. And before I get the opportunity to say, citation needed, the book provided a citation to the volume in which he said that. Zhuangzong was even surprised to find that it was time for the annual Lantern Festival. Between life on the road, cities full of actual demons,

• 5:06Speaker 00

  and being kidnapped by demons, and being prepared to being eaten by demons, and washing the demon blood off of him after Monkey killed demons, Zhuangzong hadn't had much time for celebrating holidays. The Lantern Festival relates to the Chinese New Year, or Lunar New Year, and takes place on the 15th day of the first lunar month. So this year was March 3rd, and in 2027, it'll be February 20th. People light lanterns, there's food and fireworks, and riddles, apparently. There are many debated origins of the festival, but one such origin, and one the story goes with, is that it started as a way for monks and the other faithful to honor the Buddha.

• 5:49Speaker 00

  But it grew to be a practice and a celebration for the wider culture. Zhuangzong, having grown up in the Tang Dynasty, knew all about the Lantern Festival. Here, though, it was an extravaganza, as back home, there was no nocturnal curfew, so people stayed up until all hours of the night. There were people on stilts, some dancing, someone rode an elephant. No one batted an eye at Monkey, Piggy, or Sandy, thinking that they were all in costume. The group, after their meal at the temple, walked through town until they made it to the Golden Lamp Bridge, where whole teams of men were wheeling massive basins of oil out onto the bridge. What's all this?

• 6:32Speaker 00

  Monkey turned to the priest overseeing the preparations. Oh, it's just our tax, I mean donation, the priest replied, then turned back. Inside the sloshing basins were 49 wicks. Um, donation to whom? Monkey asked. Big Brother, I believe it's donation to whose? Piggy chimed in. It's not, Monkey said, and waited for an answer from the priest. The man was holding his breath until the lanterns were lit. And when the 49 coiled wicks sputtered to life in each of the three lamps, the priest turned. Sorry, that's always nerve-wracking. We used to have the same guys who poured the oil light it, but that never ended too well,

• 7:17Speaker 00

  the priest said, and then said he would be happy to answer Monkey's questions. They, as a city, lived next to the Prefecture of Compassionate Heaven, which graciously supported the Lantern Festival and its oil needs. But why do you need so much oil? Monkey asked. The priest hadn't answered any of his questions. The Buddha, of course, the priest said. Oh, of course, but I'm just a simple monkey. I poop in my hands sometimes, and I can only do about half of the New York Times crossword puzzle before I need to look up an answer or two. Please, help me understand, the priest elaborated. Well, they had to set these oil lamps out each year as an offering for the Buddha to make the crops grow.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  If the consecrated offering oil was pure and fragrant enough, the summer would be verdant and the harvest full. If the Buddha left the oil, then things wouldn't go so well for them in the following year. Sandy, help me out here, Monkey said, and asked Sandy to break out some counting rods. They were gonna do some quick math. So, 240 oil families, providing 200 tails of oil per household. What about the fragrance? Sandy asked. Right, add about another 2K in silver, Monkey directed. Sandy nodded and adjusted his figures. As a thought exercise, with a Ming era tail being worth,

• 8:42Speaker 00

  in purchasing power at the time, approximately 100 to 150 US dollars in 2026, this was a tax. Donation, the priest interrupted. Donation, yes, a donation of approximately $25,000 to $30,000 per year. This is a ruinous sum. Monkey stood and waved for Sandy to draw the marks back into a sand body. It's devotion, Wukong. Zhuangzong, the monk, his master stepped in. The priest nodded in agreement. I don't give up everything for hope of return. I do it because it's the right thing to do. Exactly, the priest said. You disciples, you ugly, ugly disciples, you'll get there.

• 9:25Speaker 00

  It takes some people and animals longer than others. Now, we must leave, it's nearing the third watch. The priest placed a hand on Monkey and Zhuangzong's backs and led them down the bridge, back toward the temple. Sandy and Piggy followed. They were halfway back to town when Piggy asked offhandedly, why they had to leave? Well, the Buddha himself descends to take the oil. No one can be in his presence, the priests stated, obviously. What? Xuanzong stopped and turned. Yeah, we're not allowed to be there. The last person who was, well, he was never seen again, the local priest said.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  I am not some village priest, Xuanzong replied. I am the Tang monk. I was tasked by the Jade Emperor and the Bodhisattva Guanyin with retrieving the scriptures from the West. I have been preparing myself for this as long as I can remember. If the Buddha is gonna be there, I will go meet him. Monkey sighed and told Pigsy and Sandy he would meet them both back at the temple. Where do you think you're going? Xuanzong stopped him. Not to see the Buddha, surely? I'm your bodyguard, so I go where you go. Also, I've seen the Buddha, Sun Wukong told his boss. Yes, you've told us many times how you peed on his hand.

• 10:49Speaker 00

  Purity is important, so, well, you can stay back with the others, Monkey. Master, I have real reservations about what's going on, Monkey started to say, but Xuanzong cut him off. Monkey, if you even begin to sully my mind with baseless suspicions about the Buddha being a demon, the Tang monk held up a finger. Monkey shrugged. Master was the master. Xuanzong gave him a stern look and stomped off back toward the bridge. So, this is clearly a shakedown for oil, right? Monkey turned to Sandy. That was my reading of the situation, Sandy agreed. Why are they shaking up oil? Is it for salads? Pigsy said, his gaze trailing off to the sky.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's the worst thing about being a monk, having to go vegetarian. Pigs are omnivores. You know what pigs can eat? Everything. Dirt? We can digest bone, um, like rotting roadkill, thanks to our aggressive stomach acids and robust immune system? Feces if we're in the bathroom and spot some undigested nutrients. Sorry, what were we talking about? The priest stepped forward. Are you honestly saying that the Buddha we've been giving our oil to for generations is merely a robber? His voice grew in intensity and pitch. Uh, that's literally what shakedown means, Monkey said. And thank you. Your speaking role is done here. The part of dangerously naive priest was played by this dangerously naive priest.

• 12:18Speaker 00

  The priest walked off in a huff. Wait, what time did you say the Buddha shows up? Monkey called out after the priest, but the man pointed to his mouth with a shrug and a scowl. His speaking role was over. As the drum sounded from the tower, Monkey remembered it was the third watch. It should be any minute. A wind swept through town, blasting even Monkey, Pigsy, and Sandy off balance. A visage of the Buddha appeared in the sky, and a sound rose from the Golden Lamp Bridge, one of either ecstasy or terror. Not even pausing to call up a cloud, Monkey leapt straight for the bridge with Sandy and Pigsy trailing behind him. When he made it, he only confirmed what he had been worried about.

• 13:03Speaker 00

  His master, the Tang monk, was gone.

• 13:18Speaker 00

  Abducted? How could he be abducted by the Buddha? The Buddha would never do such a thing, the priests cried out when Monkey informed them of what happened to his master. Yep, keep going, keep following that line of thought, Monkey said, but the priests were perplexed. That could only mean, that wasn't the real Buddha. Pigsy looked to the sky. I won't tell anyone Pigsy got there first, Sun Wukong informed the priests. I will, Pigsy laughed. You've been bamboozled by demons, pretending to be holy beings, crushing your land into poverty for donations. But don't feel so bad. Even my master was deceived up until the end, and they outran me.

• 14:03Speaker 00

  You're dealing with some real S-tier jerks here, Monkey said, and turned to Pigsy and Sandy. Luckily, the monsters left a trail with the wind, and Monkey could go follow it, but he had to leave. He told them to go back and wait with the bags, and you long the dragon horse. He will be back with master shortly. The wind was fading, but Monkey had a general idea where he needed to go. Besides, he could always ask these four completely unsuspicious goat herds who were herding goats down the road. Monkey landed in front of them. Hi there, goat herds, he said. Hi, they waved and continued herding their goats.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  All three goats for the four shepherds? Where are you herding your goats? At four in the morning? Monkey asked. Oh, down the road a ways, one of the goat herds stepped forward. We take them from the pens to the grazing fields. That's where we take the goats, because we're goat herds. Yes, got it, Monkey asked. But specifically, what is the name of your town? Your hometown that you local goat herds come from? The goat herds looked to one another in a long silence, before looking back to Sun Wukong. Um, town? Your town is named town.

• 15:30Speaker 00

  Okay, what about the fields? What are they called? Sun Wukong asked. Fields, one of the men said before looking to the others and nodding. Goat Fieldston. Okay, how long are we gonna keep doing this? Monkey asked, plucking his rod from behind his ear. You're obviously the Four Sentinels. Year, month, day, and hour? In a moment, they changed back into their true forms, that the story does not detail at all. You're supposed to be watching over him, but since I appeared, I haven't seen you at all, Monkey circled them.

• 16:11Speaker 00

  The Four Sentinels, ordered by the Jade Emperor to be one of the few different invisible protection forces for the Tang monk, were, I mean, let's be real, extremely bad at their job. They probably felt like that since Sun Wukong was there, and it was kind of the Sentinel's job to be neither seen nor heard. They could be neither seen nor heard from the break room or a nice beach. Monkey chastised them for being lazy and not once presenting themselves for service to him, and they said that they knew Monkey had it in hand. They would only appear when he needed help, and since this was a matter of Xuanzong's soul, here they were.

• 16:55Speaker 00

  I know you're trying to smooth things over by playing to my ego, Monkey told them, and it's working, but what do you mean, his soul? They explained that Xuanzong, the Tang monk, had been backsliding a little bit. He was enjoying sweeping the pagodas in the Mercy Cloud Temple back in town too much, so the negativity produced by this attachment had turned his joy to grief. Monkey had been traveling most of the night, so they were worried that he didn't know where the mountain cave was, where Xuanzong was being held. Okay, Monkey said, but why are you sneaking around like goat herds? Because it really seems like you don't want to be found.

• 17:39Speaker 00

  Apparently, the three goats were to counteract the misfortune Xuanzong had brought about on himself. It, okay, it has something to do with an ancient divination text and hexagrams and yangs, as in yin and yang. A deep dive into divination is beyond the scope of this podcast, but apparently yang is a homophone for the word goat. So it not only was helpful from a cosmic, spiritual perspective, but it was also a pretty facepalm-worthy pun. Monkey liked it, though, and put away his rod. He learned that up ahead, there were three demons. The Sentinels had discovered through rigorous detective work that the demons had been imitating the Buddha and conning the local.

• 18:22Speaker 00

  No, yeah, what, that was pretty obvious, almost immediately, Monkey interrupted. Oh, the Sentinel said, well, the, they drink the oil? Gross, Monkey said. Not really, the Sentinels explained. It's kind of a fragrant food-grade oil used in votive lamps. It can sometimes be a clarified yak butter or a sesame seed oil. It's what makes the veiled extortion of all the more difficult for the villagers, because they're literally burning the most expensive type of foodstuff they can. Oh, okay, I probably didn't need to know all that, Sun Wukong replied. And at about this time, they'll likely be wanting to cut the flesh off the Tang monk's body and cook it in that oil, so that they can live forever, the Sentinel said, as if

• 19:06Speaker 00

  it wasn't his job to go stop such a thing. Okay, I do in fact need to know that. Thank you for the puns and the history lesson when the boss of both of us is moments away from a nice seer, Monkey said, and called up a cloud. You're welcome, the Sentinel said with a smile, and went back to their ninety-nine dollars a person luxury goat herding experience. Monkey followed the directions they gave him in the non-dialog portions of the last scene to arrive at the mysterious Flower Cave on the Green Dragon Mountain, in which the three rhinoceros demons, Great King Cold Deterrent, Great King Heat Deterrent,

• 19:45Speaker 00

  and Great King Dust Deterrent, respectively, sat discussing how to best slice and/or dice the Tang monk.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  We'll see what plans these three rhinoceruses have for the Tang monk, but that will be right after this. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. One of the good developments in the past handful of years is that people are much more open to talking about mental health. But maybe we should do more than talk about it. BetterHelp's 2026 State of the Stigma Report surveyed 2,000 Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. For my own journey in recent years, I would read books, I would read stuff online, but when it came to talking to someone, well, I didn't know if I needed that. All it took was someone in my life talking openly about how he started going to therapy

• 20:49Speaker 00

  and how great it was for him for me to give it a try. And yeah, it has been great. For a whole host of reasons, therapy has been really helpful for me. If you're considering therapy, check out BetterHelp. They have over 30,000 therapists that are fully licensed in the US and work according to a strict code of conduct. And BetterHelp does all the work to match you with the right therapist. With their 12-plus years of experience, they usually get it right the first time. But if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch at any time. And people love them. BetterHelp has an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on 1.7 million client reviews. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/Myths.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  That's better H E L P dot com slash myths. I sleep in our extra bedroom when I get sick. And last month, you can probably tell from the episode that came out, I was sick. That extra room is the guest room we put together from Wayfair last year. So I actually got to appreciate it, how the bed frame goes with the nightstands, goes with the lamp. The Veach nightstands are my favorite, by the way. Simple yet elevated, and they really bring the room together. Before, that room was just a mismatched eyesore that I hated. Now it's pretty cool. Carissa picked it out, of course, so she loves the selection on Wayfair. Every style variation and material has seemingly dozens of options. For me, I love the price.

• 22:15Speaker 00

  We got the entire room for what the bed frame would be somewhere else, and it looks exactly the way we wanted it to. Also, delivery was perfect. We've bought from other places where they said a week on the site, and it was, no joke, adjusted to six months after checkout. With Wayfair, they said the planters we just put on the front porch would be here in five days, and they were here in three. If you're on the fence, I'd say just go check it out. You will 100% find something you love. Wayfair is a quick, easy, and frankly, affordable way to make a meaningful change in your space. I am so glad we did it. I don't even mind being sick now. Ready to upgrade your home for way less? Head to wayfair.com right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less.

• 23:00Speaker 00

  That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 23:14Speaker 00

  Great King's cold deterrent and heat deterrent looked at dust deterrent, or let's just say CD, HD, and DD from now on. Um, who was this guy? I don't know, DD said. He just had an aura about him when I was picking up the oil. He's, he feels different, right? CD said, yeah, they couldn't quite put their claw on it, but they felt it too. Like a little attracted, like they wanted to strip the flesh from his bones and consume it, but also a little repulsed, like there was something holy and powerful about him. But instead of being a deterrent, it just kind of made it a little forbidden and exciting and dangerous. Anybody else feel that? HD and DD said that that sounded like a hymn thing, but you know, they, they kind of saw it.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  Hey, bosses! A demon with a bull head knocked on the kitchen door. Good, he was bathed, the demon pointed to the Tang monk. Something else came up in the meantime. There's someone outside. He said they had his master, the Tang monk, the scripture pilgrim. He said that if we gave him back, he would let us live. If we don't, he'll, well, I'll just read you his words. Quote, overturn your den and reduce us to blood and pus. I guess, maybe could you advise us on how you'd like to proceed here? The three kings looked at one another and then to Shuanzong. You, who are you? Shuanzong was weeping. I was sent by the Great Tang Emperor in the land of the east.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  I'm seeking the scriptures in the Thunderclap Monastery in the Kingdom of India. You see, I was born Chen Shuanzong, and I was raised as a monk since I was a boy. I was appointed to an official position in the Temple of Great Blessing. Then my whole life changed. The Tang Emperor had a terrible dream where he toured the underworld but returned to life. He was moved to action and wanted to provide redemption for the lost souls in the darkness. So he convened a meeting where I was chosen to shed light on how this could be done. The Jade Emperor's hand was in this, though. And when I was chosen, the Bodhisattva Guanyin revealed herself and the quest we would need to undertake.

• 25:25Speaker 00

  There would be three canons of true scripture in the Thunderclap Temple, and I would need to undertake the journey west to obtain them and provide salvation for the deceased and enable the ascension into heaven. On this quest, I was provided three disciples, four if you count the horse, but we don't. There was Zhu Eight Rules, Pigsy, the Sha Monk, Sandy, and Sun Wukong, the one who made war against heaven under the moniker Great Sage, equal to heaven. Wait, DD said, is that the one from 500 years ago? I mean, is there any other monkey that made war on heaven? Shuanzong asked.

• 26:08Speaker 00

  The knocking at the front door grew louder. Shuanzong wiped his eyes, the long, tearful backstory having done its twofold job of stalling enough to raise Monkey's ire and instilling enough terror in his captors that they didn't just ball Shuanzong up like a piece of Wonder Bread and eat him before the fight. Chain him, CD yelled to the buffalo guards, who dragged Shuanzong toward the wall, calling all of the water buffalo guard, old, young, trained and untrained. The three kings and their army, the deadly herd, rumbled toward the door.

• 26:53Speaker 00

  Okay. Monkey stood panting hours later. If I'm not reading this incorrectly, the waves of water buffalo seem to be endless. I'm officially taking not dying off the table for you three. I'm not even doing a fast and slow thing. You're now between slow and excruciating, Monkey said. It was, admittedly, big talk for a comparatively little monkey, especially because hours later, he had failed to even touch the three rhinoceros demon kings. Their battle axe, cutlass, and a quote, naughty cane sparked, sliced, and bonked, respectively, against Monkey's rod, as Monkey felt the weapons of the surrounding buffalo army

• 27:38Speaker 00

  begin to bite in on his hide. He didn't even realize that was possible. Seeing that he was getting nowhere and that dusk was painting the sky while his master remained where he had been this morning, Monkey knew he had to think of a different plan. A pluck, a chew, and a somersault, and Monkey was a dozen paces behind the army, while his doppelganger fought the buffalo and the rhinoceruses. He never liked to retreat, but the west, wow, the west was different. One of these minions was like one of the earlier kings they had fought. 20 miles away, safely on a cloud, he recalled the hare to his side, and the battle ceased before the mysterious flower cave.

• 28:31Speaker 00

  It must be the demon kings from the capital of darkness, Pigsy said between and during bites of rice. I mean, maybe, Monkey said. More likely, they were just heavenly rhinos that got loose down here on earth because it's almost always heavenly animals getting loose down here on earth and turning into demon kings. It's weird that that's a pipeline, you know? Like, at some point, you think heaven would see that, hey, maybe it speaks to, I don't know, a wider problem that all of our animals and beasts of burden become violent nihilistic tyrants whenever they're given a little bit of power. Maybe we should treat our animals better. I don't want to get political, Sandy, the Sha Monk said.

• 29:13Speaker 00

  Hey, I know it's kind of against type, Pigsy said, but don't you think we should go free, master? Are we worried that they might be emboldened by Monkey's failure and use the opportunity to eat the Tang monk and gain the powers that everyone seems to be after? Sighing, Monkey pushed back from the table. First, it wasn't a failure, it was a tactical retreat. Knowing when and how to retreat is a valuable skill in battle. As valuable as winning? Sandy asked. All right, Monkey replied second, as much as he hated to say this, Pigsy was right. But really, it was Monkey's teaching Pigsy over the years that led to Pigsy's rightness. So that good idea was still in the monkey column.

• 29:57Speaker 00

  But he could still credit Pigsy with an assist. Pigsy pumped his hooves. All right, nice. All three walked outside the completely empty hall that the town had fled in fear of the monsters who now ate all their food, completely unfettered by their monk master. A cacophony of doors and shutter slams prompted by the terror of the city preceded the three disciples calling up clouds to make their way to the mysterious flower cave.

• 30:34Speaker 00

  Is this weeping acting or real weeping? Xuanzong heard in his ear. He wiped his eyes. That depends. Did you really lose? The Tang monk hissed back at the Firefly. It was a tactical retreat, Monkey said, waving his Firefly hands over the lock, using his quote, "lock opening magic." Both froze as the metal clattered on the stones, but the room remained snoring around them. All right, I'm gonna give this signal and Pigsy will break down the door. Once we get you clear, we will absolutely massacre this place, Monkey said, and then paused. Hey, so probably not the time to say this, but I forgive you. Xuanzong turned to face the Firefly.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  Uh, wha-what? I told you that those Buddhas weren't on the level, and also that something was fishy with the whole situation, but you were so eager to prove your merit in front of those nobody priests that you basically got yourself into this situation, Monkey said. Monkey, you speak of things you don't understand. Xuanzong cut him off. Well, I mean, I also have it on good authority that Heaven noticed this. And where we are right now? It's sort of a consequence of your backsliding, Monkey said. Backsliding? And who told you this? Xuanzong blurted. Well, the Sentinels, for one, actually four, Monkey rejoined. Oh, the Sentinels.

• 32:04Speaker 00

  Nice of them to show up finally, Xuanzong laughed. Well, when we get out of here, he will be having to talk with them, too. That might take a little bit longer than either of them hoped because, in Monkey's excitement to finally be right, and Xuanzong's outrage that he could possibly be wrong, neither of them were paying attention to how loud they were talking. They bumped into a water buffalo demon, who was fully awake and standing in front of a literal army of water buffalo demons. How did you get your chains off? The one in front looked at the Tang monk. It was a valid question. So was the question, why is that rod the width of, quote, "a rice bowl"

• 32:50Speaker 00

  floating in the air all by itself? Neither the guard in front, nor the one directly behind him would ever know the answer to either question, though, because their minds were scattered over most of the room, floor, and ceiling when Monkey used the rod. Seeing an army in front of him and no way to protect Xuanzong from every spear poke, the rod shrank back and the Firefly fluttered to yet another tactical retreat as the guards sounded the alarm and the whole stronghold rumbled with the incoming steps of the Demon Kings. Buzzing up to an alcove, Monkey watched as Xuanzong completely ratted him out.

• 33:34Speaker 00

  To be fair, the Demon King threatened to cut him in half, and Monkey both wasn't sure the rhinoceros wasn't just threatening and also not sure that Monkey could stop him, even if the creature truly wanted to. Monkey watched his master tremble. As Xuanzong told the demons about Monkey's ability to shapeshift and take the form of animals, insects, even demons, far from despairing, the Demon Kings laughed. Finally, a challenge. They ordered the water buffalo guard to seal all entryways. If some Wukong was in here, he wouldn't be getting out. And if he made it out, he wouldn't get back in so easily.

• 34:19Speaker 00

  Just then, an explosion echoed from the entryway. The entire army turned to see Pigsy standing triumphant, his rake in hand. Monkey hadn't quite clarified what the signal would be, and assuming alarms were the signal, Pigsy broke down the door. Monkey flew to his side and transformed, and Sandy slithered up. Big brother, Pigsy nodded, and then fainted. The door was a tough one, and he had used literally all of his strength. The battle was short. Pigsy got back up, but no one was surprised when the buffalo demons swarmed him, hogtied him, and dragged him in. Monkey was legitimately surprised

• 35:03Speaker 00

  when the buffalo demons managed to understand what Sandy was and improvise a wax-lined sack for the indigo sand monster, catching him too, after exhausting him in battle. Monkey could see that this had somehow gone even worse than it had the day before. He had now lost two more members of his party to only the waves of minions. The big bads, of which there were three, had taken their seats at the back to enjoy the fight. Monkey swore and, once again, took flight. Though even the double didn't fool them for long, and the buffalo demons took off after his cloud for a few miles. Finally alone, Monkey paused to catch his breath.

• 35:47Speaker 00

  Man, the West just went unreasonably hard. Was there a difficulty toggle he accidentally triggered or something in the past few days? What in the world?

• 36:06Speaker 00

  After stopping by the Mercy Cloud Temple and asking the monks there to look after the horse and luggage, though really the horse should look after the luggage himself, and what was the point of it anyway if the Tang monk died? Monkey had to, yet again, break the glass in case of emergency. After arguing with the monks that the rhino demons weren't gonna kill Xuanzong, they were just the most capable so far of killing Xuanzong, and yes, apparently there is a difference, Monkey called up a cloud and ascended to Heaven.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  We'll see how all this wraps up and see Monkey come to a shocking revelation, but that will, once again, be read after this. Everyone talks about how challenging it is to raise kids, but what about protecting them? Outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, baby gates? Where do you even start? Well, protecting your home and auto is a great place to start. Progressive offers customized coverage options so you can be sure you have the right coverage for you and your loved ones. They're basically the outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, and baby gates of insurance. Don't wait. Get your quote today at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company, affiliates, and other insurers. Not available in all states.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  Hey, it's Nile Rodgers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by my friend, John Legend. What still makes you just sit down at the piano?

• 37:54Speaker 02

  If you sat down at 9:00 AM and then at noon, you had a full song that you recorded and putting your voice recorder or you recorded at your studio, you just created something brand new that didn't exist when you woke up. What a beautiful feeling it is. I'm always excited to write something new. I've been writing for Broadway, which has been a new challenge with new collaborators and these amazing performers who are triple threats, who can sing and dance and act and do all these amazing things. And I wanna keep feeling that. And so that means not resting on my laurels, going out there and continuing to create something new.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  Hey, what's up? This is Kelvin Washington from The Odd Couple with Rob Parker and Kelvin Washington. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability, and it starts with a great deal on off-road-ready Tacoma or half-ton Tundra. Two of Toyota's longest-lasting trucks, combining power for work, tech for adventures, and style in between. Built on a reputation for quality and reliability, Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which could mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. So get a great deal today and a great value tomorrow. Shoptoyota.com for more. Toyota, let's go places.

• 39:15Speaker 04

  Come on and get happy with Happy GLP. At just $99 a month, Happy GLP gives you one set price every month. No tiers, no tricks. Getting started with Happy GLP is fast, convenient, and happens virtually with a licensed provider. Check it out for yourself at happylp.com. That's happylp.com. A happy price for a happier you. Compounded medications are not FDA-approved. Eligibility required and determined by a licensed provider. Individual results may vary. See website for details.

• 39:55Speaker 00

  CD looked at the door, boarded up after the pig smashed it in. "This was just terrible. DeeDee, you seen this?" "The contractor can't get out for an estimate until Wednesday," DeeDee called back from the throne, bouncing a pink ball on the ground. "What do we need an estimate for? We tell him to fix it, or we kill him," CD said. "Yeah, that's why we can't get any contractors to come out anymore," DeeDee replied. "Wednesday." Squeezing the pink ball in his hand, the Rhino Demon looked at it with disdain. "I'm bored. This bores me now," DeeDee said, and chucked the ball at the wall. Bruised and beaten, Pigsy hit the wall and finally uncurled, as DeeDee commanded the buffalo guard to chain the pig back up.

• 40:40Speaker 00

  He wanted to play with some magic sand. A muffled yell came from the bag, and it was joined by other yelling. One that came right through the slipshot job the buffalo demons had done. Boarding up the door, Pigsy broke. "It was a challenge." "I always said that if we got the chance, we could take on Sun Wukong." HD emerged from the bathroom, leaving that sink and soap as dry as a bone. "We're just like him, but we're rhinos that gained immortality. We're even older, too, a thousand years. And there's three of us. Huh, maybe after this, we make war on Heaven." DeeDee said, "One, excellent recapitulation of their backstory for the room that either already knew it

• 41:22Speaker 00

  or didn't need to know it. And two, they had a good thing going. Challenging Heaven was a nice way to bring an inordinate amount of heat down on them. Even this Tang monk, whatever that meant, was close to too much." Speaking of which, what were they gonna do? Monkey was outside, reviling them. You think it could be a trap? "Well, I mean, the little guy already brought help, and look what it got him," CD said. "Let's go finish this." He put on his armor. "Nice door," Monkey laughed. "Shut up. A contractor's coming out Wednesday. I'll have to take a break from dancing on your grave to get a quote," CD said. The other two Rhino demons stepped out from the boarded door. Around their ankles, dozens of water buffalo demons readied for the fight

• 42:06Speaker 00

  against the lone Sun Wukong. "Ban horse plague," CD said, stepping forward. "You thought you were someone making war on Heaven, but if we wanted to, we could ascend today and take over this world." "Well, that's the benefit of hindsight," Monkey plucked his rod from behind his ear. "You're right. I lost. Heaven is stronger than me, and yeah, I had to learn a hard lesson a few times, but I learned it. I've also learned that, well, it's not just me who wants the Tang monk to make it to the West." Monkey said that he went to Heaven, just now, because, well, he might be not as all-powerful as he thought.

• 42:48Speaker 00

  But he also learned when to ask for help, which is the greatest superpower of them all." "Wick," CD laughed. "For real, were any of his fellow Rhino demons getting a load of this after-school special right here?" Just then, the four Stars of Heaven descended. The Rhino demons chuckled. "Oh, who were these? Stars from Heaven? Twinkle, twinkle, little star, let's go." Then the Rhino demons felt something strange. Something like a glowing smoke seemed to rise from their armor, from their bodies. It was their immortality.

• 43:29Speaker 00

  Decades of consuming the blessed oil that followed eons preparing themselves had given them the power to hold their own against Monkey. But in a moment, messengers from Heaven had come and taken it all away. CD roared and charged Sun Wukong, and while CD was as strong and as powerful as he was before, and while he even expected Monkey's rod to smack him across the face, he didn't expect to bleed his own blood. Looking down in horror, CD shook, ditched his weapons, and cut a scar through the forest as he ran as fast as he could. It was bedlam after that. The other two Rhino demons tried to run back inside and slam the door,

• 44:14Speaker 00

  but that door was planks, since once again, the contractor couldn't get out there until Wednesday on account of them murdering so many contractors. Inside, though, they found Pigsy and Sandy, who Pigsy had freed. The two Rhino demons did not come back out. Escorting Shuanzong out, Pigsy and Sandy met the two Stars of Heaven that remained, while the other two followed Sun Wukong, the final Rhino demon, and the remaining buffalo down the mountain. Shuanzong dropped to his knees and begged Heaven's forgiveness, thanking these beings for his rescue with tears and a gushing overflow of exaltation bordering on worship. "Master, please," Pigsy said. "If you praise too much, it becomes insincerity.

• 44:59Speaker 00

  These beings were only doing what was commanded of them by the Jade Emperor, and out of respect for older brother, we should make use of the time we have and tear out the foundations of their stronghold so that they do not return." Shuanzong glanced up in awe at Pigsy, and the Sha monk Sandy looked askance. Pigsy shook his head. "Sorry, did he say something?" He wasn't paying attention. Why was everyone looking at him weird? "Let's get out of here," he tapped his stomach. "Piggy, piggy, hungies." "Marshall Heavenreads is quite right," said one of the heavenly beings to the other. Pigsy paused. "That name... yeah, that, that was his title. Long ago, before he lost it."

• 45:43Speaker 00

  "Curtain-raising general," the other turned to Sandy. "You should protect your master and return to the temple in the city. We will destroy what is left of the host." Sandy and Pigsy stood in shock, hearing someone refer to them by their old titles. Lives they had lost long ago. "Come, do what they say. Let's return to town." Shuanzong roused them from their stupor, and the three descended the mountain.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  Monkey looked at the severed head of the Rhino. In it, he saw his own dark reflection. It was then that he realized he wasn't special. He wasn't powerful. He thought he made war on Heaven and peed on the Buddha's hand because he was an unstoppable force. He was a toddler, coloring on the walls and throwing his meals. He still existed not because he was too powerful to stop, but because the forces for good in this world saw something in him worth saving. Monkey mistook their patience for weakness. At any moment, Heaven could have taken the power he took so long to cultivate

• 47:08Speaker 00

  if, like the Rhino demons, he had strayed so far as to be beyond all hope and help. It made him re-appreciate his quest. And even Pigsy, they weren't so different. Both were ignorant, both were weak. It was just a matter of degrees. Monkey tore his eyes away from the Rhino's head and back to the table, with his master, friends, and colleagues. He picked up his chopsticks to begin a meal with those he, well, truly cared about, and... Wait, his plate was gone. He looked over to Pigsy. "Seriously?" Pigsy said Big Brother barely touched it, and he was obviously off having some sort of epiphany

• 47:52Speaker 00

  or something, so he didn't think it would be missed. Also, Pigsy beheaded two demons this morning. "Piggy, piggy, hungies." The Rhino horns were sawed off, and two were sent to the Jade Emperor as tribute. One stayed with the city as proof that the oil tax donation was abolished. The demons' hides were made into armor to outfit the city's armies, and their meat was distributed to any and all people, including the vagabonds sitting out in the street. The humbled priests demanded to know what the city could do to thank the Tang monk and his disciples. Shuanzong said no thanks was necessary, and Monkey and Sandy followed their master's lead.

• 48:33Speaker 00

  Pigsy, belching, asked for more food, and the priests clapped their hands. "Yes, that they could do." Over the next month, the party feasted at the houses of each of the 240 families that had to donate oil. Even though each family was exceedingly grateful to not have to pay 25 to 30 K a year to essentially a demon-protection racket, Pigsy got their food bill kinda close. By my math, 240 families divided by 30 days, they ate eight feasts a day, until Shuanzong announced that, yeah, they needed to get back on the road. Despite Pigsy's laments that they were leaving food on the table, they left in the night, donating all their treasures and rewards to the temple. On the road, as the sun rose behind them,

• 49:18Speaker 00

  Monkey, walking as the rear guard, saw his master get off his horse, and slow, until the Tang monk walked beside him. "Pilgrim's son," Shuanzong said. "About what happened?" "I've been thinking about it, too," Monkey said, "and I wanted to thank you." Shuanzong looked to him in confusion. "It was all just another lesson, right?" Monkey said. "Even this, the apology part. You're such a good teacher that someday, we'll all be monks like you. But we've all fallen before, and we will stumble again. We just have to know how to get up and take those first steps, lest we keep falling and end up back where we were.

• 50:00Speaker 00

  You were just showing us that even monks of the level we hope to attain can be vain, arrogant, just completely smug, sanctimonious. But still, we can humble ourselves, admit we were wrong, and try to be better." "So, no apology necessary, master." Shuanzong, almost teary-eyed, put on a serious face and nodded. "Hmm, Monkey figured it out. Very good." As Pigsy, up front, marveled that Master was so wise, Shuanzong softened and met Monkey's smirk. The Tang monk strode forward and remounted the horse, while Sun Wukong looked to the darkness of the West.

• 50:41Speaker 00

  And while there were still dangers to come, he knew that they would face them together. Until the next time Master got kidnapped, and everyone else subsequently got kidnapped, and he had to probably handle it all himself again.

• 51:05Speaker 00

  The journey to the West in the later chapters sticks to a formula we've sort of meta-referenced at this point. Monkey and friends get in over their heads and Heaven steps in to help them. I was actually kind of struck by how close the story got to actual character growth this week. What with Xuanzong's backsliding and the demons essentially being a version of Monkey that Heaven wasn't going to save. I sort of nudged it with Xuanzong's apology at the end and Monkey realizing Heaven's power, that it was able to easily execute essentially three Sun Wukongs and had simply chosen not to do so with him. Next week, we're back in Irish folklore, where we'll see that if a person you want to date keeps leading you to houses of murderous robbers,

• 51:47Speaker 00

  there are other fish in the sea, or deer in the woods. Real quickly, Myths and Legends has a book coming out, three-part comprehensive telling of the King Arthur legends. First book out December 1st. Available for preorder. Preorder so helpful. Me apparently talk like caveman. Link, show notes.

• 52:12Speaker 00

  The creature this time is Man Dragon from China. In 1926, the people of the Xiaotou region of China, and I know I'm butchering that, but you'll see later why it doesn't matter. Anyway, the people of that region saw something curious. On the January mornings, through the snowstorms, they saw shadow wings framing glowing red eyes atop the dam. A dam that held back 40 billion gallons of water. For a few days, dark wings appeared flying above the dam. Then, on January 19th, 1926, the unthinkable happened.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  A massive structural failure in the dam led to it bursting, sending all 40 billion gallons of water down toward the villages below. The death toll was reportedly over 15,000 people. The survivors, though, said the Man Dragon, as it was called, looked on them mournfully with those red eyes before taking to the sky and never being seen again. There were no photographs of the Man Dragon, but if he sounds familiar to the West Virginia Mothman, who also reportedly shows up before tragic events, well, yeah. There's a reason for that.

• 53:38Speaker 00

  The source for the Man Dragon was reportedly the 1975 book, The Mothman Prophecies. But I have a version of that book and I wasn't able to find any mention at all of Man Dragon. So digging deeper, I found a few different mentions of the creature in the same vein as the Mothman. Quick sidebar, somehow in the 11 years of this podcast, we haven't mentioned the Mothman of West Virginia. And today is not that day. I'll save it for a week when the story is shorter. What I will say is that both the Mothman and this fall into a broad category of creatures that are helpful enough to show up before a big tragedy that's about to happen, like the aforementioned dam collapse in China

• 54:22Speaker 00

  or the infamous bridge collapse in West Virginia, but not helpful enough to communicate in any way that these are the things that are going to happen. I found a book that listed the Man Dragon, the Freiburg Shrieker from Germany, and two from Ukraine, one of which allegedly warned before the Chernobyl meltdown. The thing about these creatures? Stories of them all came out after The Mothman Prophecies book. Chernobyl and the collapse of the Silver Bridge in West Virginia are tragically real, but the mine of the Freiburg Shrieker, a being that shrieked at miners, surprise, leading to them running away in terror right before a cave-in. And yes, the dam collapse.

• 55:05Speaker 00

  And as far as I can tell, the completely made up Xiaotou region of China are both, yeah, completely made up events. It's one thing to make up a creature. I mean, this is the creature of the week segment. Some creatures are bound to be fabrications. But to make up 15,000 deaths as evidence for a creature that supports your creature, and then to shamelessly publish all those things as fact, and then have other books cite your book as evidence for this made up dam collapse in a made up region to support your made up creature, it kind of helps you see how folklore spreads in the first place. A couple of things. You don't have to feel bad about the 15,000 dead people

• 55:49Speaker 00

  because they and their home and their entire region probably never existed. Because as far as I can tell, the spelling of this region is just made to look real, but doesn't actually fit in any sort of standard Mandarin or anything like that. Also, if you see a winged monster, probably go the other direction. Or, I mean, maybe just walk up to it and try to get a straight answer. Also, also, if you're thinking Man Dragon sounds like a Marvel superhero in the same way that Man Bat is a DC one, so was I. But as far as I can tell, there's a Dragon Man, but not a Man Dragon. Yet.

• 56:35Speaker 00

  That's it for this time. Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Weiser. Our theme song is by Broke for Free, and the Creature of the Week music is by Steve Colmes. There are links to even more of the music we used in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time.

• 56:53Speaker 05

  This is Jason Timp from Hoops Tonight with Jason Timp. Buy smart, drive for less and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability. And it starts with a great deal on an off-road ready Tacoma or half-ton Tundra. Two of Toyota's longest lasting trucks combining power for work, tech for adventures and style in between. Built on a reputation for quality and reliability, Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which can mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. So get a great deal today and great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for more. Toyota, let's go places.

• 57:24Speaker 06

  Come on and get happy with Happy GLP. Just $99 a month. Happy GLP gives you one set prices every month. No tears, no tricks. Getting started with Happy GLP is fast, convenient and happens virtually with a license provider. Check it out for yourself at happyglp.com. Again, that's happyglp.com. A happy price for a happier you. Compounded medications are not FDA approved. Eligibility required to determine by a licensed provider. Individual results may vary. See website for details.

• 57:56Speaker 06

  From the New York Times bestselling author of Hidden Pictures and The Last One at the Wedding comes Look What the Cat Dragged In, a new supernatural thriller about a young woman petsing a cat with a mysterious secret, featuring more than 80 pages of illustrations. New York Times bestselling author Frida McFadden says, Rakulik has a knack for making the creepy crawly supremely readable. On sale now wherever books are sold.