Pod Insights Myths and Legends 437: Czech folklore: House of the Dragon About this episode 🍼 If your parent goes through the trouble of getting you superpowers...
Kind of the least you can do is get them a new house. And fight all the dragons infesting that house. And get their increasingly specific and dangerous medical treatments for their very real and not made-up illnesses.
😈 The Creature: Sisimito
I did not know the Soviets had a secret program to create Chimpanzee-human hybrid. That's almost unrelated to the Sisimito. Almost.
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🎵 Music Credits
this is where I leave you by Breakmaster Cylinder
snails attack! by Breakmaster Cylinder
An Egg-Shaped Room For Your Thoughts by Breakmaster Cylinder
Building Blocks B by Breakmaster Cylinder
Our Names Engraved by Blue Dot Sessions
Transcript 10,376 words · 7 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 This week on Myths and Legends, it's the story of Vitasko the Victorious, and you'll learn how to turn your child into a superhero. Turns out, you have to get started very early, and you might have already disqualified them. Sorry, but if you manage to, I hope you enjoy your free, formerly dragon-infested castle. The creature this time is an ape-man who may or may not have inspired a Soviet mad scientist.
0:33 Speaker 00 This is Myths and Legends, episode 437, "House of the Dragon."
0:42 Speaker 00 This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins, and others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. Today's story comes to us from the cultures of the Slovak and Czech peoples. The area that makes up the modern-day Czech Republic and Slovakia was, at the time this story was put down to paper, part of Austria-Hungary, an empire famous for sparking World War I and then also not existing after it. After World War I, the country of Czechoslovakia was created, and then fell under Soviet control after World War II. After that empire fell, Czechoslovakia reemerged, and after the velvet divorce,
1:25 Speaker 00 a bloodless dissolution, we have the modern-day nations of Slovakia and the Czech Republic. That's a lot, and while I might be interested in the nuances of Slovak and Czech culture, the 1910s translation is not. It's possible that there could be some elements from either culture or both, but the American writer just calls everything Czech. Anyway, we'll jump in with Vitasko, the hero of today's story, and his very reasonable request.
2:05 Speaker 00 Hey Mom, Vitasko the Victorious said after dinner. Yes, dear, the mother said, buttoning up her shirt. All right, here goes. I think it's time for me to stop breastfeeding, Vitasko said. What was he saying? Why? His mother didn't understand. Well, I'm 21 years old, Vitasko replied. And it's true, his mother had been breastfeeding him for 21 years. Being her only son, Vitasko had a lot of expectations placed upon him. When she looked on her baby boy, she had reportedly whispered to herself, "He shall be a hero, and his name shall be Vitasko the Victorious."
2:50 Speaker 00 The gateway to heroism was, apparently, breastfeeding. A lot of breastfeeding. One of my previous professional lives was in pediatric hospital medicine as a researcher, and breastfeeding is really good for babies. If you choose to go that route, places like the CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend breastfeeding at least until the age of two. There appear to be a lot of different opinions about what age to stop, but I think we can all agree that the age of 14 is too long. When Vitasko was 14, his mother took him out to the woods to an old beech tree, and, pointing, told him to pull it up.
3:29 Speaker 00 Vitasko looked around, he guessed he could go back to the house and get a shovel and a pickaxe. It would probably take him a little while, but sure, okay. No, his mother had said, with your bare hands. There's a quote attributed to Henry Ford that says, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right." A little-known second part to that quote goes, "Unless the question is whether or not you can pull up a beech tree by the roots as a 14-year-old, with your only training being a lifetime of breastfeeding, then the answer is that you definitely can't." But Henry Ford was also a Nazi sympathizer, so maybe he was wrong about this too.
4:12 Speaker 00 Vitasko, to his credit, did try, and failed, because he was a 14-year-old trying to pull up a beech tree by its roots. Like Puxitani Phil, seeing a shadow and subjecting the world to six more weeks of winter, Vitasko failing to pull a tree out of the ground meant seven more years of breastfeeding. "I just feel like maybe this is not healthy," Vitasko said. "Most of my friends don't even remember when they stopped breastfeeding because they were so young, and yes, that is an awkward conversation to have with your friends. I think you might be under some sort of delusion that breastfeeding is gonna give me superpowers." His mother's eyes widened. "It was his 21st birthday, that meant..."
4:56 Speaker 00 Cut to them standing in front of the beech tree. "If I don't pull this up..." Vitasko trailed off. "We both know the answer to that. Another seven years of breastfeeding." The mother smiled. Maybe thinking he should give it his all to make mom proud. Maybe Vitasko did not want to be breastfeeding when he was pushing 30 years old. The young man knelt down to lift with his legs and stood. At first, he thought he lost his grip. It was so easy to stand, but opening his eyes from the strain, he saw that he was holding on to the tree. It was done. He had done it. Vitasko had lifted a tree up by its
5:38 Speaker 00 roots. Turning, his slack, awestricken jaw didn't match his mother's. She was smiling. He tossed the tree to the side and asked how. How had she known that would happen? She put her hand on his shoulder. "Now, my son, you are strong enough," the mother said. "Now, you are worthy of your name, Vitasko. Forget not the mother who has suckled you for thrice seven years, but now that you are grown, take care of her." "Oh, yes. Oh, my gosh, yes," Vitasko said. "I will never doubt you again, and I see now how that would be difficult for you too, you know, doing this, so I'm very glad it's over. What should I do now?"
6:19 Speaker 00 "Go out into the world, my son, and get me a house," the mother said. "Oh," but Vitasko looked back to the cottage. "We have a house?" "Son," the mother said, "you don't help your child become an epic hero and then stay in the same house. I always knew that. Upon nursing my kid for decades and turning him into a super soldier, I would leave whatever house I'm living in and get a better one. That's the dream of turning your kid into a super soldier." Vitasco wondered if there was like a forum she was going on. How does she even know this stuff? But he shook his head. He did owe her, sure. Did she have a place in mind? She did. There was a nice castle she had heard tales of.
7:04 Speaker 00 And I make enough money on my adventures doing good in order for you to purchase this castle from its current owners? Vitasco hoped. But he knew better. I think the beech tree would make a fine club for you, the mother pointed. Besides, the castle's current owners are dragons, so you would be doing everyone a service by clearing them out. Looking at the tree, Vitasco said, okay, sure. Great, thanks. Let me know when I can move in. Don't be too long. I don't know how much time I have left on account of spending over two decades giving you superpowers, she said, and went to pack.
7:58 Speaker 00 Superpowers don't make sleeping on the ground magically better, which was a bummer for Vitasco, because there was a lot of that. Like most of us, he had never been adventuring. So there was a lot of on-the-job training. He learned after the first night that he should probably learn how to make a fire. The first time it rained, he thought that a tent might be nice. The upside of adventuring was that he didn't need to go find a bathroom, and that came in handy when he kept eating the wrong berries and mushrooms. But, like his mother, he was persistent. By the time the parapets grew in the distance, he was finally getting the hang of this adventuring thing. Life is such that, once you learn the rules, the rules seem to change. Whether it's raising
8:42 Speaker 00 kids, finding a new career, or fighting a castle full of dragons, adaptability is critical to survival. I am personally grateful that I've only ever had to deal with the first two of those. As he walked up to the castle, Vitasko was maybe hoping he could have spent another week, or ten, on the road, because those dragons are no joke. I was tempted at first to think calling them dragons might have been a dysphamism, which is the opposite of the word euphemism, and a word I definitely have known for years and didn't just find when I looked up antonym for euphemism. A euphemism, as we talked about a few weeks back, is a sort of a nice, less harsh substitute for something bad, like calling layoffs downsizing, or calling the Cincinnati dish of chili on
9:27 Speaker 00 spaghetti a culinary abomination that shouldn't exist. The opposite of euphemism is, apparently, dysphamism, using a derogatory term instead of a neutral one, like maybe dragon instead of lord or baron, like maybe dragon instead of lord or baron. But for reasons we will see later, it's not a dysphamism. The castle is infested with actual dragons. I don't think they're Game of Thrones-sized dragons. They're more like Arthurian dragons, like the type Yvain fought in the second episode, where they were so reasonably sized a lion could defeat them. How do you attack a castle, let alone a castle full of dragons? Well, you nullify the castle part by getting them to underestimate you.
10:09 Speaker 00 And you do that by, well, going and knocking on their front door, because no one would be foolish enough to go knock on the front door of a castle they know is full of dragons. "Hi," Vitasko called out through the thick wooden door. "I'm here because I would like your house, preferably with you not in it. How that happens is really up to you, but I imagine..." The door opened, and Vitasko paused. "I would imagine seven dragons probably have access to more castles than this one," Vitasko said to the seven dragons in the entryway. They dropped to the ground and charged the young man, hungry eyes and hooked claws, trailing after salivating mouths full of teeth.
11:07 Speaker 00 There were nine dragons to fight. Two of them were off in their rooms and only arrived after the first few were batting practice for Vitasko and his beach slugger. Each of them ended up as a spray of varying viscosity when Vitasko went room to room to find them. When it was all done, Vitasko tossed down his tree club and looked on the house. The castle. It was nice. After a lot of scrubbing, it would be in good shape. Hello? Brothers? Vitasko heard from somewhere deep in the house. In the farthest room of the deepest hallway, an iron door called out to him. It wasn't locked. The dragons obviously didn't fear what was inside, and Vitasko had just killed all of
11:50 Speaker 00 them, so the latch on the door creaked, and Vitasko opened it. Inside, in the filth and darkness, a tenth dragon hung on chains attached to his wrists. "What are you doing here?" Vitasko asked. The reptilian eyes contracted as the dragon looked at the young man. "Oh, him? Not doing much of anything, obviously. His brothers imprisoned him, but it sounds like he no longer needs to worry about them." "Unchain me, victorious one, and I will reward you richly." The dragon smiled. Vitasko reached for his club, but then he remembered he left it upstairs, and that was a walk.
12:34 Speaker 00 Also, it felt extra wrong to kill a bound creature, even a dragon. But if he unchained the monster, it might attack him or take off, and he did just kill all the thing's family. Vitasko stepped back and began closing the door. "What are you doing?" The dragon's face, the shaft of light growing more and more narrow on it, looked panicked. I'm just gonna let things keep going the way they were. For you, Vitasco explained. Besides, if you were so bad your own brothers had to chain you up, I'm not gonna get involved in that. But, but, that doesn't make sense, the dragon pleaded. They were evil dragons. For all you know, they chained me up for empathy or something.
13:18 Speaker 00 But it was too late. The thick door muffled any further please, and Vitasco made the mental note to get a lock for that thing. Okay, now, where do these dragons keep the buckets?
13:43 Speaker 00 Here, my mother, is the dwelling I have won for you. Vitasco opened his arms before the walls. It was a little difficult to get some villagers from town to come work in the castle. There was a bit of a language barrier, and they didn't seem to understand completely that Vitasco had defeated the dragons and liberated them. Vitasco wasn't sure that they didn't believe he had put a curse on them if they didn't work there, but he got people. They met Vitasco and his mother, taking their horses to the stables and their bags from the carriage. So, three-carriage garage, butler's pantry, 10 bedrooms, no full baths, because that's not a thing yet, and we have a lot of weird torture rooms in the basement that, if we can get the ghosts to go away and those walls aren't load-bearing,
14:27 Speaker 00 maybe turn that into a theater room? Vitasco said as they found themselves in the basement. What's that one? The mother asked, pointing at the big iron door. That's nothing, don't worry about that. Also, don't go in there. Why not? She asked, inching toward it. Why do you care so much? Vitasco stepped in between her and the door. You gave me this castle, so it's my room, and you're acting weird. The mom crossed her arms. Amendment, Vitasco said, pointing a finger in the air. I give the whole castle to you, except for this room. In fact, see to it that this door is never opened. If it is opened, an evil fate will overtake you.
15:11 Speaker 00 Both faces wore a scowl until one broke into a grin. "All right, with the tour over, I'm immediately going hunting," Vitasco said. "I'm gonna take my beaching club and I'll be gone for hours. Probably not all night, but maybe. If you want food, the people in the kitchens can help. I think they're afraid of us, and I'm not encouraging frightful superstition, but they will work faster if you glare and hiss at them. Love you, bye." Vitasco made straight for the door, his horse and the gate. In minutes, he was completely gone. And the mother was still alone, in the basement, in front of the iron door. Was it riches? Was it power?
15:54 Speaker 00 After all she had given him and done for him, spending decades getting him superpowers? For him to hold out on her now? It was basically a betrayal. No, no, no. She would see what was behind that door. "Oh, my gosh, what are you?" She gasped and held her hand to her mouth. The dragon inside looked up at her. "Oh, me? I'm only a poor, harmless dragon," the dragon said. "My name's Shar Khan. My brothers chained me up in here. It was a short-term thing, but Vitasco killed them all. Please, please free me." The mother looked to the side. "That felt wrong, but okay, his brothers were evil, right?" "Yes," Shar Khan said. "And they imprisoned you," she continued.
16:40 Speaker 00 "Then wouldn't it follow that he is not evil?" "That's literally what I was trying to tell the other guy," Shar Khan sighed. "But he seemed like a kid who, once he had an idea in his head, he wouldn't be moved at all." "Oh, my gosh, you have no idea," the mother sat down. "I raised him. I gave up years to breastfeed him into being a super soldier, and did he ever thank me? No. He was relieved that I wasn't making him do it like it was a picnic for me." "Well, I don't know what a picnic is, but I do know that that's ridiculous," Shar Khan laughed. "You being the other guy's mom, that is, there's no way." The mother turned to face the dragon and, "Why was that?"
17:23 Speaker 00 "Because, well, you look like you could be his sister. Sorry, I don't mean to make this weird, but you are stunning." You must hear that all the time, though. She had been living in a shack with her son for 21 years. She, in fact, did not hear that all the time. Yeah, speaking of which, is the kid's dad, is he still in the picture? Or? Shar Khan floated, biting his dragon lip and looking her up and down. "How do I unchain you?" the mother asked. The unchaining process turned out to be somewhat the same as what they both had in mind for what would come after the unchaining process. Wine. Shar Khan instructed her on which cask to grab from the cellar and, pouring in his
18:07 Speaker 00 mouth, he grew in size until, with a flex, he tore the iron hoops around his arms, legs, and chest. "I can't believe him," the dragon man said to the mother, later. "That he would give you this house and forbid you to enter a room? It's like he's holding this grudge and doesn't want you to be happy." Shar Khan paused and took a deep breath. "You look like one who has given so much for others. I wouldn't ask you to go against your son's wishes for what he commands you to do, but, well, never mind." "No, what is it?" the mother asked, sitting up next to Shar Khan. "Well, I love you, and I know this is moving fast, but I want to marry you.
18:50 Speaker 00 Your son would never allow that to happen." Meeting her dragon, well, her fiance's eyes, the mother asked what she needed to do.
19:12 Speaker 00 Vitasko heard the cries outside the castle and rushed in. His mother was in bed, writhing in agony. "What? She was sick?" "Obviously," the mother said. "I'm sick, so sick. Could be anything, definitely not salmonella from coming into contact with a frog, turtle, or lizard, though. Please, son, leave me, and I'll die alone." Vitasko paced, "How did you even get sick?" glaring up at him. "She said that these were the medieval times. No one knows how anyone gets sick, but they do. All the time." Now, she was dying. "Okay, okay, okay. Here, I'll run downstairs. I have some venison for my hunt today. I'll cook it up. That'll heal you, or at least give you strength."
19:56 Speaker 00 Vitasko said, kind of illustrating his mom's point about how no one knows what to do with sickness. "Venison tempts me not," she said, draping her hand over her forehead and swooning. But she was already laying down, so it was really just the first thing. "Nothing can tempt my waning appetite but a suckling from the earth sow." "Then that's what I'll get you," Vitasko said, and nodded resolutely. "The earth sow. Easy enough." He just needed to figure out where that was. And also, what that was.
20:39 Speaker 00 "Suee!" Vitasko said a few days later, ranging back and forth across the plains. He had started with the forest outside of his house, thinking that it would be both convenient and nice if the feral hogs in the woods were the earth sow. But none of them had sucklings. Then, he had a breakthrough. "Where are you going?" Vitasko, Vitasko heard as he broke through the trees. "Toward the base of a stone tower that stood alone in the forest." He was already riding that way to investigate, but an elderly woman who lived alone in the forest and who already seemed to know his name? That was obviously a woman who would know something about the earth sow.
21:20 Speaker 00 Her name was Nedielka, and because she was good and wise, people called her Saint Nedielka. Which people, Vitasko had no idea, because he had been riding for days smushing any hogs with his beech tree club and looking for their babies, and he had not seen a single person. She was nice and seemed to expect him, so he went in for some tea and bread. The house at the base of the tower was tidy and sparse, and soon conversation came around to what Vitasko was doing, walking alone in the forest. "That, my son, is a difficult task you have set for yourself," Nedielka said when he finished filling her in. "However, I will help you, provided you do exactly as I say."
22:03 Speaker 00 Vitasco agreed. It wasn't like he had anything else to go on and she seemed wise and enigmatic enough that she would know a thing or two about an earth sow, once again, whatever that was. Nedelka handed him the sharpened spit and gave him the instructions.
22:29 Speaker 00 We'll see how Vitasco deals with the earth sow, but that will be right after this.
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24:28 Speaker 00 Tattosh, the horse of Ned Yelka, slowed, though even slowing, the animal was faster than any he had ever seen. It literally rode on the wind there to the earth sow. The earth sow snored, half buried in the muck, with her piglets, each of which being a little larger than a lamb, clamoring over each other to suckle. The mud held Vitasko's boots as he crept forward, and the young man could only get them free with enormous effort and a deep gargling up from the earth. The piglets and the sow made more noise than he ever could, though, and when he got within pricking distance, he froze. Okay, time to see if that random old woman he met in the woods was trustworthy. As he
25:12 Speaker 00 extended the spit toward the piglet, Vitasko gritted his teeth and prayed. "Ow, Mom! There's a guy here poking us with sticks." Mud rained after the earth sow exploded from sleep, blocking the sun and looking down. Vitasko didn't know if it was the case that pig vision was based on movement. In fact, he was pretty sure it wasn't, and if the earth sow had seen him, he would have been torn to pieces. Feral hogs are nasty, and actually a major invasive species here in the United States, so one the size of like a convention center would be pretty terrifying. But the only hope for his mother was this piglet, and Vitasko had only found the piglet
25:57 Speaker 00 thanks to Ned Yelka, so he would trust the woman and remain completely still. "Where? Where is he?" the earth sow rumbled, clods of mud the size of Vitasko's chest dropping from her nose. The piglet looked directly at Vitasko. "Um, I actually don't know. He's not there." The earth sow sighed. "Okay," she said, settling back down and wiggling her body into the muck. "I'm only gonna say this once. Being a single pig mom to like, 12 of you, is challenging. And while I love you, I also need to prioritize my well-being so I can
26:37 Speaker 00 take care of you little scamps. So, the next piglet to say anything and wake me up will get torn to pieces. By me. And before you say, 'Oh, that seems mean and counterproductive,' you have to realize that we giant pigs have such big litters because we need to make examples out of some of you so we can get some sleep. It's, uh, let's call it evolution." With that, the earth sow went back to sleep. As soon as the snores were deep and resounding, Vitasko grabbed the piglet and dragged it from its mother's teat. It looked back and gasped. And Vitasko nodded. "Go ahead. Cry out. I'll just disappear again."
27:21 Speaker 00 The piglet was quiet. And the indent it left, after Vitasko dragged it in the mud, was filled nearly as quickly as the spot on the earth sow's side was by an unsympathetic sibling.
27:38 Speaker 00 "It worked," Vitasko said when he returned to Ned Yelka. Her smile fading, Ned Yelka looked to the earth sow, piglet hog, tied to the back of the horse. "Tatosh. You didn't... It's still alive?" Vitasko looked over his shoulder. "Yeah. This being a time before refrigeration, it seemed better to keep the meat fresh." "You found it too cute to kill, didn't you?" Ned Yelka asked. "It's so cute. And it talks. I'll do it. I mean, I love my mom, so, gonna have to. I'll probably have one of the villagers do it. They think I'm a vampire or something, anyway." Ned Yelka looked on Vitasko skeptically, and the young man rode off. His mom must
28:23 Speaker 00 have been very sick and pained, because he heard some surprising cries coming from her window. As he got closer, though, things grew silent. Vitasko ascended the stairs and found his mother's bedroom dimly lit. It smelled... sickly wasn't the right word, but... Off! A lone candle flickered by her sweaty face. "I brought you a suckling of the earth sow. You're gonna be okay." Vitaskos smiled. "Let me know when you're ready and we'll slaughter it." "You, you took too long, son. My illness has progressed. The suckling will be no help to me now." The mother said. Stepping forward, Vitaskos stopped when his mother rose her hand. "No!" She didn't want him to get ill as well.
29:09 Speaker 00 There was only one thing that could help her. But she supposed he didn't love her enough to get it. "Come on, I'll, I'll do anything. What is it?" The mother held up her hand and said, "The only things that can help me now are the water of life and the water of dearth, death." "Darn it." "Water of death." Vitaskos stopped his pacing and looked over. Was there something wrong with her arm? He could take a look. "Oh, it's a rash. A bad one." "You don't want that, trust me. Better stay far away." "Far away like the water of life and the water of dearth, death." "Darn it." "Well, okay. I'll get them." "I may not know where they are or what they are, but I'll be back much faster this time because I know someone who does." With that, Vitaskos left the room,
29:55 Speaker 00 made a quick stop off at the kitchens to grab provisions and to get that adorable giant talking piglet, and left for Negyelka's tower.
30:17 Speaker 00 "Hmm, yeah, okay, I'll watch the piglet, I guess." Negyelka said as Vitaskos paced the tower. "And I can also help you find the waters of life and death, but your tea's growing cold." "He said there was no time for tea, and also thank you for watching the piglet." "My horse is literally as fast as the wind. There will be time." "I'll help you get the waters." Vitasko nodded. "Thank you so much for helping my mother." "Yes, that is what I am doing," Nedelka said and rose. Two pitchers, two shores, and two springs made up the path forward for Vitasko and Tatos. The waters of the respective shores parted for a moment, and a moment only.
31:01 Speaker 00 The water of life at noon and the water of death at midnight. There was a pool, a spring under both shores, and Vitasko need only reach in and scoop out the water. "And fight the Minotaur?" Vitasko asked. "What? No, just get out of there before the sea returns and crushes you." "Oh, all right. This seems kinda easy." "After the threat of mastication that was the earth sow," Vitasko said, even more relieved. "It seems that way, but remember that you need to get these at exactly midnight and noon, respectively, and we live in a time where the smallest clock is the size of a coffin, so it's more of a technical challenge."
31:44 Speaker 00 And it was. Vitasko thanked the woman, and Tatos carried him away. It took a couple of days to get the timing right, but the young man did, slipping in and scooping the water before the ocean came down on his head. By far the harder challenge, I imagine, the story does not state this, is transporting two open pitchers of water on horseback. I don't know how he did it, because I can barely do that walking across my kitchen. Nedelka was impressed and asked if she could see the waters. It was quite a feat, and no hero had returned with him in a hundred years. When she took them to the other room, Vitasko said it was fine if she used a little, but he wanted his mother to have the best chance possible. "Oh, I think she'll be just fine."
32:29 Speaker 00 Nedelka returned and handed Vitasko the pitchers.
32:47 Speaker 00 Really? Vitasco asked. It was only gone for two days. Two days too long, it seems, the mother said. Now, not even the waters of life or death could help her. Only the sight of the great bird, Pelican, with a K. If Vitasco really loved her, he would go get it for her. There is so much about medicine I don't understand, Vitasco marveled, wondering at how the sight of a bird was better than the waters of life and death, and the suckling, though he was secretly glad he didn't have to slaughter the piglet. Still, his mother must know best, because, thanks to her super soldier serum breastmilk, he could defeat a castle full of dragons and seek the earth sow and ride on horseback
33:32 Speaker 00 holding two pitchers of water. An hour or so later, he rode up to Ned Yelka's tower. Here, try this, Ned Yelka said, handing him a gun. Go out and test it. Shoot it in the direction of the wind. She said she needed the Pelican alive? Vitasco said. And Ned Yelka said that that's why he needed to go shoot in the direction of the wind, the moment he saw an eagle outside, to test it. So that's what Vitasco did. Ned Yelka watched him and then rushed over with the ramrod and stopped at the barrel, taking only a peek. Perfect. It was time for Vitasco to go hunting. And he did. After Tattash took him to what seemed like the edge of the world,
34:16 Speaker 00 Vitasco saw the massive bird fly over the horizon. He shrugged and turned to follow the direction of the wind, fired, and rushed to stop up the barrel moments after. When he returned to Ned Yelka's tower, she waved him over, lifted the ramrod just a bit to reveal Pelican. The bird was bald and stuffed inside the barrel, its hateful gaze terrifying even at that size. Outside, Tattash neighed, and Ned Yelka, standing before him, gasped. Vitasco rushed to see what the problem was, but it was nothing. It was unlike the horse to act like that. And Ned Yelka walked outside with a shrug, handing the gun to Vitasco. He rode toward home to finally cure his mother with the sight of a small bird.
35:14 Speaker 00 She didn't even look at the bird. It was too late. But there was one last thing that could help her. She told him about the golden apples. Vitaskos sighed. Was she sure about that? I mean, it seems like it could just be allergies, maybe? Allergies? You think me, your dying mother, who's dying, has allergies? The mother grew livid. No, of course not. It's just it's been weeks. Things seemed pretty dire back at the earth sow part, but you seem to be in the exact same spot. Vitaskos just put that out there. Oh, I see. Okay. So my own son wonders why I don't just die already.
35:59 Speaker 00 I must have been the worst mother in the world to deserve this sort of treatment. Okay, go on, go on. You know best. Just let me die here alone. The mother cried and threw her wrist over her forehead. No, Mom, I'm sorry. It's just this whole thing has been a lot. Vitaskos said. You know what else is a lot? Dying of a preventable illness when your son can save you, but he takes so long with his questioning of you that you progressed to the next stage of the illness before he gets back. But no, no, you have it worse. You go on your little quest, but don't take too long. I'll just be here, dying. Nadioka took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose when Vitaskos got to her. Do you know what narcissistic personality disorder is?
36:44 Speaker 00 The elderly woman asked. Does it have something to do with Greek mythology? Because I think I have to do a Hercules thing and get some golden apples from a dragon. Vitaskos said. Kind of, the woman said, but then changed the subject. When it comes to the apples, that's dangerous. More dangerous than any other thing she's asked you to do, but then hasn't used. Nadioka turned and rooted through a drawer. But that's what a good son does, right? They do anything for the people they love? Vitaskos said, throwing his brow. Yeah, you'll you'll get there. We'll see how much it takes from you, though. Nadiaoka took a deep breath and then found something in the drawer. Get where? The garden with the golden apples?
37:30 Speaker 00 Vitasco said as she turned and presented a ring. You'll get there, too, she replied, and handed him the ring. Turning this ring on his finger would give him the strength of 100 men. No, I actually already have that. I got super breast milk or something. Vitasco said as he tried to hand the ring back. It won't be enough, Nadiaoka informed him as she pressed the ring into his hand. But why would my mom send me on this trip? If I'm not strong enough to defeat the dragon as I am? Vitasco laughed. Nadiaoka clasped her hands together. So close. Vitasco was so close.
38:19 Speaker 00 We'll see Vitasco journey to get the golden apple and find help from an unexpected source, but that will, once again, be right after this.
38:29 Speaker 01 Hey, it's Niall Rogers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by Miguel.
38:47 Speaker 04 That last year, finishing that record was the hardest experience of my life. To find your creativity and to believe in yourself, because somewhere in the midst of it, I stopped believing that my voice mattered and that I could find it again. That's a challenge. I was not feeling very confident creatively, only,
39:10 Speaker 04 again, defiant in my belief that.
39:16 Speaker 04 What this is about is express something honest. Say something honest.
39:23 Speaker 01 Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeart Radio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Niall Rogers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by breakout singer-songwriter Alex Warren.
39:54 Speaker 02 I'm like a kid when I play music and I make music and I'm constantly asking questions. You know, whether it's an instrument I haven't played, or it's a melody that seems foreign. You know, there's every night you play a show and it's the same set, but it's not the same show. At a certain point, your brain kind of goes on autopilot. When I'm in the studio, or if I'm making music, that's where that curiosity kind of comes back. You know, I haven't lost it yet, but I'm also on my sophomore album. So, and you, you obviously are an expert here.
40:20 Speaker 01 Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeart Radio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.
40:37 Speaker 00 Vitasco didn't know why she kept saying that he was so close to getting it. The apples were far, even on Tattash. When they arrived, Tattash cleared the first hurdle when he cleared the wall that seemed to stretch up to the sky in a single leap. Then, in the garden, with the tree in the middle climbing high above them all, Vitasco saw her, a young woman, sitting in the garden. "Hi," Vitasco said, looking around to see if this was a trick. She was just as surprised as he was, saying that in the months that she had been there, under the dragon's power, she had seen few make it over the wall.
41:19 Speaker 00 None that had left. They all died badly. Vitasco asked about the apples. The woman sighed. They were up ahead. The dragon slept under the tree, though. Well, I had super breast milk and I have a magic ring of power, but not that type of ring of power, Tolkien Estate. So I should be good, Vitasko said. Well, I feel like there's more context to that, but even with those things, the young woman said, he'll still kill you like a fly. You should leave. Heroes don't flee. Besides, my mom needs me, Vitasko said, and explained the whole sequence of events that led him there.
42:03 Speaker 00 Hmm, the princess muttered, looking to the ground. Kind of sounds like your mom used you to get her a house and now that she's living like a queen is trying to do away with you by sending you on increasingly difficult quests with hopes that you won't come back. Vitasko laughed. Well, that was obviously wrong. That's not how mothers are supposed to act. So it was obviously his fault for being so slow on all these quests, something he was trying to fix right now. Being able to see that Vitasko wasn't going to leave, the princess pulled her own ring from her finger and presented it to him. Twist that and it should give him the strength of 100 men. Vitasko looked at both the rings and wondered if the effects stacked or if one multiplied
42:46 Speaker 00 the other, but he supposed he would figure that out in due time. Ho, you murderer of dragons. What do you want here? The dragon under the tree asked when he awoke. I am come to shake down some of the golden apples, obviously. Indeed, the dragon roared. Then you will have to shake them down over my dead body. Also, obviously, Vitasko said and readied his beech tree club. The dragon lunged and tackled Vitasko off his feet almost immediately. And it took all of Vitasko's super breast milk strength to keep the snapping jaws away from his neck. But when things looked the most dire, both the dragon and Vitasko heard something from
43:31 Speaker 00 the sky. Hey, guys, I noticed you're fighting. Which one of you wants my help? Oh, you, mightiest dragon, or you, Vitasko the victorious? A voice called. Both looked up to see a giant flapping raven. Help me, the dragon roared. Uh, sure, but I'm not helping you for free. I hope that was understood. Apparently it wasn't. What will you give me? The raven asked. Gold, as much gold as you want, the dragon barked. Hey, sorry, hi, Vitasko here, but you already seem to know that. Who are you? I'm a giant raven. I feel like that's pretty obvious. The raven laughed. Do you live here?
44:17 Speaker 00 Vitasko asked, still straining against the dragon that was trying to kill him. No. Um, okay, this is, sorry, this is just a little weird. Help me and I'll give you, I don't know, all his stuff? You like horses? I saw a bunch of horses grazing in a meadow over there. You can have those. Oh, sweet, deal, the raven said. What, what do you need a horse for? The dragon complained. What do I need gold for? You think there's a market economy for corvids? I don't even have pockets. And you think I want crows hassling me for shiny stuff? Vitasko called out that he would need help with a fire breath. With that sentence, he finally reached his finger and turned the first ring.
44:58 Speaker 00 Strength surged through him and he lifted up the dragon and shoved him waist deep into the earth. Having just been reminded about his own fire breath, the dragon used his fire breath. The raven swooped down and flapped his wings, creating a wall of wind that stopped the fire before it hit Vitasko, who took that opportunity to turn the other ring on his finger. The effects, indeed, stacked. And leaping over the wall of air and fire, he was behind the half-submerged dragon, pushing him further into the earth until he was up to his scaly neck. I bet you think you've won. But if you kill me, what's to stop you from becoming a monster? The dragon snarled.
45:43 Speaker 00 Um, I mean, not kidnapping princesses? Oh, not murdering travelers? Kind of doing the right thing, I guess, having empathy? I mean, there's a, there's so many ways to not become a monster. Vitasko said with a shrug. "Oh," the dragon replied, and then his head rolled across the ground. Vitasko shook the tree, and a golden apple fell. "I've heard it said that adverbs are the weakest words, and that you should avoid using them, and the fact that the princess thanked Vitasko, quote, 'prittily,' seems to confirm that advice. You have saved me, Vitasko, from this fierce monster, and now I am yours if you want me."
46:24 Speaker 00 Vitasko said he did, yes, in fact, want that, but for now, he needed to go home and save his legitimately sick, not manipulative mother. He would come find her. With that, he left her on the edge of the world to find her own way home.
46:49 Speaker 00 "Mm, kissy, kissy, kissy," Sharkhan the dragon said, and did. "Mm, kissy, kissy, kissy right back," the mom replied, and then a wind blew through the window, tearing off the curtains and exposing them to daylight. "What's that?" the mother rose and scrambled over to the window, ducking down to stay out of sight. It was Vitasko, riding on the wind, on Tattas. "What do we do now? How do we get rid of him? Nothing worked. He has the golden apple," the mother said, turning. But unlike the last several times, Sharkhan wasn't quick with a quest that would get Vitasko out of their hair forever. He ran shrieking back to the tenth room to put his chains back on.
47:32 Speaker 00 "My son," the mother said, running to the door when Vitasko walked through it. "Just seeing that apple, I am cured of my malady." "Oh, cool, nice," Vitasko said. They stood there awkwardly for a moment. "Um, feast?" the mother proposed. Celebratory moving-in feast?
47:57 Speaker 00 Vitasco thought that this region must have some strange dietary traditions, because the first course was just like dried crickets and mealworms. And his mother set them straight in private, and soon, Vitasco was stuffed with beef, bread, and wine. "Do you remember back when your father was still alive, that game he would play?" the mother said. "Tie Dad up and see how many flexes it takes for him to break the cord with his muscles?" Vitasco shouted the long but descriptive name, and his mother nodded. It was now his turn to play that game. So, Vitasco laid down on the floor of the great room, the fire crackling at the edge, as his mom tied him up with a woolen cord.
48:41 Speaker 00 Vitasco strained with the first flex. "Nope, that one does not count, that was a practice flex." He flexed again, and the wool cord popped, and the shreds peppered the room. "Ah, you are strong," his mother said, "but come, let me try again with a thin silken cord." "A thin silken cord? Seems suspiciously easier, but you're my mother and you love me, so there's no reason to suspect anything is amiss." "Sure." Once the cords were cinched, Vitasco said, "All right, one, two, ow!" The silken cords were sharp, it was like being wrapped in razor wire and being told to flex. It cut into his muscles in a half dozen places, and he couldn't move.
49:26 Speaker 00 "Mom, what's going on?" Vitasco asked, but his mom was standing in the doorway, waiting. Then, he strode in, the final dragon, Shar Khan, grinning and triumphant. "You?" Vitasco looked at him with confusion. "Me," he said, and cut off Vitasco's head.
49:57 Speaker 00 It was grisly business, dismembering the hero, but not grisly for Shar Khan. As an evil dragon, it had to be the day that you dream of. Vitasko's mom didn't care much either way. She had her castle and servants, so Vitasko had played his part. Too bad he didn't know when his cue to leave was and stayed past the curtain call, leaving a mess on all of her floors. Shar Khan was sentimental, it seemed, and kept the young man's heart, hanging it from the rafters in the great room as a trophy. Vitasko had a nasty habit of coming back from things he shouldn't, so when they were done and heaped all of his bits into a dripping bag, they tied the bag to the horse, slapped it on the rear, and watched it ride away.
50:50 Speaker 00 Ned Yelka heard the horse and the rider approach. Her worst suspicions were confirmed, and she went to work dragging the sack inside and clearing out a space on a stone table. She couldn't have told him. He wouldn't have believed her. Sometimes it takes pain in order to face a horrible truth. She finished piecing him back together and opened up a cupboard to find the pitchers containing the waters of life and death, waters she had switched out after the suckling of the earth sow wasn't enough to cure the mother. Pouring the waters over the corpse, it knit itself back together, fusing and healing, until Vitasko's eyes opened with a start and his mouth with a scream. He sat up. He was alive?
51:35 Speaker 00 His memory was brief and half-tattered by the shock and terror of what had followed. So Ned Yelka told him the rest. They killed him.
51:46 Speaker 00 His mother, his mother, and the dragon Charcon. She was never ill, and had only been feigning sickness in attempts to send him to his death. Vitascio knew that he should feel something from this news, but didn't? Why didn't he feel anything? They kept your heart as a trophy. The birds told Ned Yelka that it hung in the great room by a string from the crossbeam. If he stayed like this, heartless, he would be like them, always and forever. He needed his heart back.
52:32 Speaker 00 So, a couple things. Bagpipes, the instruments, look frightfully difficult to learn to play well, or at all. Also, as far as I can tell, Vitascio was not given the backstory of years of practice learning the bagpipes. I guess it's something that happened, though, because he knew how to play the bagpipes. Ned Yelka dressed him up like the village piper, and he walked through the castle town, prettily playing his bagpipes, until he gained the attention of the lord and lady of the castle, Charcon and his own mother, who invited him into the great room. There, enjoying the bagpipe music, they danced until they could dance no longer.
53:13 Speaker 00 Now, full disclosure, I've deleted many lines over the years where I've made fun of bagpipes. I'm telling you this because people can change, and I was super wrong about bagpipes. I looked up bagpipe dancing music, and I actually found a YouTube video that I didn't dance to, but looks like a ton of fun. Like how some people are with Brussels sprouts, black coffee, and poetry, and I personally was with green tea. I think bagpipes are one of those things that I didn't like because I only experienced bad versions of it. I will say that I probably still wouldn't give a bagpipe player a blank check. That being said, the exhilaration he provided for the couple, who, with Vitasko seemingly
53:55 Speaker 00 gone, needed another way to attempt to fill the gaping void that is their respective souls, was probably priceless. Vitasko refused the money, though, and instead asked for a bit of meat that was hanging from the rafter. The mother granted it, and Vitasko left them to find something else to fixate their intense hatred and anger on after the brief respite that the music provided.
54:32 Speaker 00 "You lied to me?" Vitasko asked as the Pelican, the bird freed from the gun Ned Yelka had switched out earlier in the episode, used its long and narrow beak to place Vitasko's heart back in his chest. "Yes, I'm sorry I had to do that," Ned Yelka said. "And before you start feeling things again, the giant piglet that you brought back, I did not, in fact, send it to a farm upstate. It-- we'll talk about this later, because the heart was in place." It should be only moments now. She readied the water of life to close the opening. "Well, as far as betrayals from mother figures go, you had a reason." Unlike-- Vitasko paused.
55:16 Speaker 00 She rubbed the water on his chest. Healing him, physically, as the sobs began, she took Vitasko into her arms. Other wounds would take longer, and they would leave scars that no one would be able to see. Pelican, who could apparently understand human speech, was freed for his service, and no longer forced to stay in that medieval Czech or Slovak pokeball, aka a gun. I have to do it, Vitaskos stated after a long pause. Nadiaika knew what he meant and didn't dispute it. She killed me, her own son. They're just going to keep hurting people.
55:58 Speaker 00 All this time she raised me to be the hero. I wonder if she knew that she was the monster. Vitaskos sighed. Nadiaika said that she could help him get there secretly. Why he didn't just go as a piper again is beyond me because while not as fast as in the form of a pigeon, at least he would have been able to sneak a weapon under his cloak. As Vitaskos the pigeon fluttered to the window and really wish those two kept the curtains closed because there were some things he could just not unsee. He immediately earned his mom's attention. Stopping mid-activity, she pointed. Quote, "See?" she cried. "A pigeon is on the windowsill. Quick, get your crossbow and shoot it."
56:41 Speaker 00 I guess she is that level of messed up that she just loves killing and will interrupt literally anything to do it. Ever the dutiful dragon boyfriend, Charcon rose and dug through his nightstand for his crossbow. But when he stood, found that he was looking at the form of Vitaskos, who had transformed from the pigeon and stood just a few paces away, holding one of Charcon's swords. "Hey, son." Charcon tried to extend an olive branch, but it was both too little too late and way too much, given what Vitaskos had just interrupted. Vitaskos extended his sword arm and with a single slice, the dragon's head dropped and his body slumped.
57:27 Speaker 00 Vitaskos let his mother dress and then she dropped to her knees, pleading.
57:34 Speaker 00 You killed me, Vitascos said. She rose. No, I didn't. What are you talking about? He did. The mother pointed to Charcon's body. I am your mother. I gave 21 years of my life for you. I'm offended you would say that of me. You were there. He was a monster. I have been trying to help you, trying to get you far from here, all the while being stuck in here with him. And, and, and apparently you had access to magic you could just use to not just come here and kill him with a flick of your wrist, but come back to life? Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with me and taking the time out of your busy schedule to free me from this nightmare. Vitascos closed his eyes. I can't. His mother smirked.
58:19 Speaker 00 I can't take the lies, Vitascos said, as he rubbed his face with his left hand. Who, who is lying? She said, I've never lied, and if I've ever had to, it's because you made me. I'm not, I can't kill you either. Vitascos the victorious said, and took his mother by the hand, leading her down to the courtyard. Stand there, Vitascos commanded, leaving her on the green grass. He walked a few paces away and took his own spot. I will let God decide. With that, Vitascos flung the sword into the air.
58:58 Speaker 00 Frankly, I, Jason, have never heard of this execution method, which seems to mix trial by combat with lawn darts? The mother, though, wasn't about to stick around and be a chump for her ungrateful spawn. She bolted for the door the moment he threw the sword into the air. The blade caught her through the heart mere steps from the doorway. She didn't know that he truly did not want her to die. And, in an attempt to spare her, had thrown the sword wide. He buried his mother in the courtyard.
59:35 Speaker 00 Vitasko, with the final aid and last goodbye from Nedjalka, traveled the world, looking for the land of the princess he had met in the garden of the golden apples. They married, and he lived as a prince and then a king, ruling side by side with her. The castle he had won for his mother sat abandoned. The servants fled the cursed place. The remains of Shar Khan were left where they fell in the bedroom. The mother of Vitasko the victorious lay forever in the home she had bought with the life of her son in an untended, barely-marked grave in the wild courtyard of a forgotten castle that slowly crumbled around her.
1:00:31 Speaker 00 I'll try not to linger on this too long because the episode is already pushing an hour even before the ads, but I found this story to be really interesting. It's an inversion of something like the Baba Yaga trope or the witch in the woods, where usually a hero leaves home, like a safe place, and encounters a woman in the forest who might accidentally help him despite wanting to kill and eat him. Here, the stranger in the forest was looking out for Vitasko, without the hero having any knowledge of the danger he was in when he returned home. Next week, we're returning to the stories of Maui. I'm refusing to even look at when the last Maui episode was because I remember specifically promising it would not be another ridiculous three-year-long gap between them.
1:01:15 Speaker 00 And I know it's been longer than three years. Anyway, in it, we'll join all the people that are gathered for a funeral. Maui's funeral, because he tried to save us all, and well, it didn't quite work out. Real quickly, thank you to everyone who entered the giveaway for the book. If you didn't know, Myths and Legends has a book series coming out. It's a comprehensive telling of the King Arthur legends. And the first book comes out in December, available for preorder now. If that sounds interesting or you'd like to support the show, please check it out. Preorders are so important, and there are links to everything in the show notes. Thank you so much.
1:02:01 Speaker 00 The creature this time is the Sisimito, from Belize and Honduras. The Sisimito is something of a bigfoot. He's a gorilla-like creature that walks upright and possesses a human-like head, but with long hair that covers his body. So, just like different cultures mean different human values, different places for the Sisimito to live mean different Sisimitos. Most of them appear to be, like I said, an ape-man, but with four fingers on each hand, no thumbs, and backward-facing knees, like a bird for some reason. In Honduras, the creature is known for its vegetarian diet, surviving mainly on berries it finds in the woods and not humans. It lives high in the Honduran mountains.
1:02:45 Speaker 00 Now, you probably noticed that I've mainly referred to the Sisimito as being male. Yes, well, the Honduran one does not eat people, but he does have certain appetites, and will, from time to time, go down to the villages to take a human woman. Notice I didn't say kidnapped, though he definitely, probably does, because there's some talk of the relationship being consensual. And if a woman falls in love with a Sisimito, she'll never be seen again, but maybe in a positive way, like she's enjoying her cave-and-berry life so much that she has no desire to return to the village? Please let that be the case? The union of the human and Sisimito is said to produce ape-men, aka "human-z's", which are apparently a theoretical thing
1:03:30 Speaker 00 that led me down a rabbit hole of the 1920s Soviet attempts to create such a being. The Soviet scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, that they didn't stop to think if they should. Turns out the answer to both of those was "no", and it wasn't attempted again after the death of the main scientist. Anyway, the Belizean version of the creature, which lives in dense jungles, is absolutely worse, and not only kidnaps humans, but will eat them as well. If you go hunting on a religious holiday, or any Sunday, watch out, because the hunter will become the hunted by the large ape-man, who is following you to either eat you, or rip off your thumbs and also eat you.
1:04:12 Speaker 00 The Belizean one hates dogs and water and will often avoid either, even if they're by that delectable human. But it's fairly easy to outsmart all of them. You can dance in a circle and it will try to follow you, but trip over its backwards feet. If you lead it into a bush and can manage to get it to lose track of your footprints, it will exit following its own, because remember, its feet are backwards. And the ultimate way to get rid of it is the way to also get rid of any person or animal following you, by setting fire to its beautiful, no doubt extremely stinky, hair.
1:04:54 Speaker 00 That's it for this time. Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Weiser. Our theme song is by Broke for Free and the Creature of the Week music is by Steve Colmes. There are links to even more of the music we used in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time.
1:05:14 Speaker 05 What's that?
1:05:15 Speaker 04 My fresh detector.
1:05:16 Speaker 05 Uh, your what?
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1:05:22 Speaker 05 Okay, what happens if it detects something really fresh?
1:05:28 Speaker 04 Apparently we celebrate.
1:05:30 Speaker 05 At Food Lion, you can count on fresh food at fresher prices when your fresh detector is going off. Head to your local Food Lion or shop at foodlion.com.
1:05:40 Speaker 06 This is Colin Coward from the Colin Coward Podcast. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota Fordability. All starts with a great deal on an off-road ready Tacoma or a half-ton Tundra to a Toyota's most capable and longest-lasting trucks. Built on a reputation for quality and reliability, Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which could mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. For a great deal today to a great value tomorrow, shop toyota.com. Toyota, let's go places.
1:06:13 Speaker 01 Hey, I'm Nile Rodgers. This fall, I'll be driving across the country, meeting some of today's coolest and most fascinating artists. We'll explore the stories before the moments that changed everything. Because every musician remembers the moment where it all began. Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln Original Series on the iHeart Radio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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