413: European folklore: Justice

🔔Ring the bell for justice🔔Want justice? Ring the bell. Doesn't matter if you're a horse or a snake or a merchant or a peasant but if you're one of the latter two probably don't get caught ringing the bell of justice. King Charlemagne puts of a bell of justice and consequences ensue. 😈 The Creature: The Dun Cow A giant cow that just wants to give your free groceries. Just don't try to take more than your fair share. --- Links: 📚️ Fictional is back!: https://fictional.fm/subscribe 💬 Discord: https://myths.link/discord 📷️ Instagram: https://myths.link/instagram ✍️ Bluesky: https://myths.link/bluesky 📼 YouTube:https://myths.link/youtube 📖Source 1: https://myths.link/damonpythias 📖Source 2:https://myths.link/bellofjustice --- 📢 Sponsors Smalls: For a limited time only, get 60% off your first order PLUS free shipping when you head to Smalls.com/LEGENDS http://Smalls.com/LEGENDS. Betterhelp: This is an ad by Betterhelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/myths. Quince: Go to https://quince.com/legends for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Mint Mobile: Get this new customer offer and your 3-month Unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month at https://mintmobile.com/legends. --- 🎵 Music Credits "Collapsing Slo-mo" by Chad Crouch "Darning the Night" by Blue Dot Sessions "De-Facto" by Chad Crouch "Simple Aside" by Blue Dot Sessions "The Cost of All Things" by Blue Dot Sessions

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This week on Myths and Legends, there are three and a half stories of love and justice from European folklore. We'll see why you should let that snake vomit in your drink, and why you shouldn't be friends with tyrants. The creature this time is a cow that brings you free groceries, but only if you don't get greedy.

• 0:24Speaker 00

  This is Myths and Legends, episode 413, Justice.

• 0:35Speaker 00

  This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular stories you might think you know, but with surprising origins. Others are tales that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. Today, there are three-ish stories of love and justice from ancient medieval Europe. We'll jump in with the story of the Bell of Justice, a bell that will get you justice, if only you're brave enough to ring it.

• 1:13Speaker 00

  "Okay, everyone, here is a bell," the Lord said, holding up the end of a rope, "for all in the city who could make it out on that particular Thursday morning to see. I'm all about justice and the rights of you, you people," he said, pacing. "Here's the deal. You ring this bell, you get justice. You get a hearing, no matter the reason, big or small. I want this to be a town with rights for all," he whispered for his advisor to write that down. "That's a good slogan." "Promise you, you won't be mad?" one voice yelled out. "Yeah, why would I be mad?" the Lord squinted. "Who said that?" "Well, what if it's one of your friends who's mistreating us, one of the common people

• 1:58Speaker 00

  in the city?" another voice cried out. The Lord laughed. "Well, okay. Assuming the rich and powerful with their superior bloodlines and all that, if they would do that, and the rich and powerful abusing their position for the sake of cruelty or personal gain, that's a pretty big if, yes, he would hear the case with impartiality." The commoners said, "Hmm," and asked if they could go back to working themselves to death. And it should be no surprise, over the next few weeks, no one rang the bell. "Why is no one ringing the bell?" the Lord demanded weeks later.

• 2:42Speaker 00

  All he wanted to do was help the people. Was he, wait, was he too good a ruler? Was there no one in need? "We could go with that," sure, one of his advisors said, advocating the clearly wrong answer. "But then how will people know of my magnanimity if my city is too perfect?" "No, we must..." "What if we start doing crimes? Committing crimes and then how will we bring people to justice if it's us?" the advisor asked, wary that this was how a supervillain might get their start. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until he finally exhaled when they heard it.

• 3:25Speaker 00

  The bell was ringing. "Someone is using my bell. Someone is using my bell. I'm so excited." the Lord was giddy. Putting on his finest ermine cloak, he assembled his greatest knights and judges. They were going down to the bell tower. They weren't doing crimes today. They were doing justice.

• 3:55Speaker 00

  "Wh- where's the bell ringer?" the Lord paced. The square where he built the bell tower was always pretty deserted. The Lord might say one thing, but everyone, from the lesser nobility to the merchant class, to the free peasants and the serfs, all got the impression from the rung above them, or their peers when it came to the class just below the Lord, that snitches get stitches and, in a time with an incomplete grasp on germ theory and before antibiotics, stitches could very well be a death sentence. So, no one wanted to be seen in the square lest desperation move one of their peers to actually ring the bell, and they get spotted by someone with power over their life. But the bell rang again.

• 4:40Speaker 00

  The men marvelled. What was happening? How was the bell of justice ringing on its up? Oh, it's just a horse, one of the ministers pointed out. And it was. A horse was chewing on the cord. Like, really chewing it. Is he? Is he trying to eat the cord? The lord shook his head. Actually, now that he was noticing it, that horse didn't look like he was doing too great. He looked downright famished. Hey, I, I know that horse, one of the noble said.

• 5:25Speaker 00

  This your horse? The servant held up the reins as the knight stood in the doorway of his manor. Who wants to know? The knight glowered. Your lord! The lord stepped out from behind a barrel with a perfectly timed reveal. Bowing, the knight said, yes, it was. How could he serve his sneaky, sneaky lord? By answering the question why this horse was chewing on my bell cord. The knight said he was so sorry. He would get him a new bell cord and beat the horse accordingly. It's not the bell cord I'm concerned about. It's the horse. The horse rang the bell for justice, and he is getting justice. The lord seemed a foot taller, standing over the knight.

• 6:08Speaker 00

  But i- it's a horse? The knight said. What I think has happened is that this horse served you well for years. It never shirked from battle or from a joust, but in its old age, it was of no further use to you. So you didn't even let it graze in the field. You just let it go in town. Yeah, it's, it's a horse, the knight chuckled. It served you faithfully for years, its entire life, the lord said. A crowd was growing behind him of merchants and the others coming out of their houses. But the moment it was seen as useless, you cast it aside, to the point that it had to chew on a rope to ease the pain of its stomach.

• 6:53Speaker 00

  The Lord grimaced. Respectfully, it's my horse. I can do with it what I like. The knight replied. The Lord leveled a glance at the man. True enough, but the horse did something about it. The horse rang the bell. The horse sought justice and the horse would have it. From now on, the knight would feed and care for the old horse until his dying day. The Lord thought about it. The horse's dying day of natural causes, they would have to draw up a contract because there was a lot of ways the knight could wiggle out of this one. Still, the Lord would see it done because the horse rang the bell.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  After that, seeing what the Lord would do for even a horse, not only an animal that couldn't do him any benefit, but who was literally the property of someone else. The people relaxed. They saw that the Lord was earnest and serious in his desire to change things. To be different, to be just. The people started using the bell too, and the city flourished. So, the local magistrate grinned. King Charlemagne snapped too. So, sorry, what was the point of that? To tell about the bell of justice, the man smiled expectantly.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  Great, good story. The man, the Holy Roman Emperor, definitely meant and wasn't just trying to move the line along. So, what do you want? I want a bell of justice here in Zurich, the man said. It was the perfect spot. The rest of the supplicants were getting annoyed, but the man kept on. And why is it the perfect spot? Charlemagne asked, not realizing that he had just teed up another story.

• 9:08Speaker 00

  The Theban Legion was a Roman legion of Christian soldiers in the 3rd century. A bad time to be a Roman, a legionnaire, and a Christian. It wasn't called the Crisis of the 3rd Century because things were going great. But really, it was a time of civil war, invasions from Rome's various enemies, assassinations, and unrest. Which was why, if you have a legion who is happy to serve, but maybe just doesn't want to violate their religious beliefs and sacrifice to the cult of the emperor, maybe let it go, until your cities aren't on fire, and then revisit that. Or just be cool about people believing different things. I'm joking, of course, though I do think that people should be cool about other people believing different things.

• 9:50Speaker 00

  But to the Romans, refusing to sacrifice to the emperor was a problem. This was at the tail end of the crisis, and they just had so many problems with disloyal troops and commanders who would use those troops in declaring themselves emperors and marching on Rome. People generally use the term "decimation" to mean "the complete destruction." But the Roman use of the term and practice was actually kind of the opposite of that. Decimation was a form of military discipline, used to regain control. Kill enough of the people to make an example for the rest. And how many they killed is right there in the name. "Deci" means "ten," so it's killing a tenth of the group, like every tenth person. It was the most extreme punishment in the Roman army.

• 10:35Speaker 00

  I don't know the timeframe, but it feels both charitable and misleading to say that they disciplined them with decimation, when they kill a tenth of the group, then a tenth of the group, and then a tenth of the group, and then just kill the rest. The rest being 72% of the original group, but numbers didn't really matter to the Romans executing an entire legion. Like, you can't just do three decimations back-to-back and call it three decimations? That's... you're killing 28%. That's a completely different thing. I think it probably became clear to the people ordering the executions that, while it likely wasn't rebellion against the empire, it was a devotion the magistrate didn't fully understand:

• 11:18Speaker 00

  the willingness to die yourself after just watching nearly a third of your friends killed. So, like I said, the rest of them were put to death. And sadly for them, the Roman Empire would declare legal tolerance for Christians fewer than 30 years later. Among the group of martyrs were two people, Felix and Regula. Now, legions were big. I'm not sure exactly how big this one was and if the whole legion was Christian or just a subset, but with that many people awaiting execution, a few were bound to slip through the cracks. Like brother and sister Felix and Regula, and their servant, Exupperiantius. Re-equally, I don't know how Regula was there with a legion, as she's specifically mentioned to be the sister of Felix.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  Maybe she was visiting her brother, maybe they were from the area, maybe she was traveling along in some non-combat capacity. Regardless, they fled to nearby Zurich. But, well, people dead-set on zealously executing others for their beliefs sadly are not the lazy type, and the Romans caught up to them. Seeing no escape at this point, they too, became martyrs. Then, things got interesting. I will say that I don't know how much of the medieval stories of the saints and their supernatural exploits are part of modern Catholicism. But I imagine the Roman executioners, in various states of disbelief and complete panic,

• 12:43Speaker 00

  when the three people whose heads they just cut off stood up, picked up their heads, and walked away. They didn't walk far, only about 40 paces uphill, where they prayed, or I guess their heads prayed, buried themselves comfortably, according to one story that's specifically folklore, and died. Felix and Regula are, to this day, the patron saints of Zurich. You can see the spot where they were supposedly executed, at a church called the Wasserkirch, the Water Church, and walk to the spot where they buried themselves, the location of the Grossmuster today. Neither of those things were around in Charlemagne's time, though. Roughly 550 years after Felix and Regula, and 1,200 years before the 1989 release of

• 13:28Speaker 00

  Belgian musical act TechnoTronics Pump Up The Jam. And unlike kunk on earth, I can't afford the rights to pay that, and wouldn't actually know the first thing about getting them. "So, okay, you want a bell of justice?" Charlemagne asked, on the site where the future saints buried themselves.

• 13:48Speaker 00

  The man nodded. The growing line behind him was beyond impatient. So Charlemagne shrugged. Sure, whatever. It would not only keep a man from digressing into yet another story, but it did seem like good optics, that he should care about justice. And if he was going to be Holy Roman Emperor, he needed to set himself apart from all those simply regular Roman emperors who were so into killing Christians. So he would build a bell tower, so that the town that would come to be known as Zurich, Switzerland, would have a bell of justice. He called for one of his advisors to contact the stonemasons and a bellmaker. And then Charlemagne left. He had a big-ish kingdom to rule and couldn't just hang out

• 14:33Speaker 00

  in one place. Quick history lesson. Charlemagne was king of the Franks, who went on to found the Carolingian Empire. Crowned Emperor in 880 by Pope Leo III, he formed the Holy Roman Empire, which persisted in one form or another for over a thousand years, until Napoleon in 1806. He had a lot going on. And while Zurich was pretty central, it did take him a while to get back there, well after the bell of justice was established. As he was reclining in a manor, after a long day of riding, he heard the bell. Someone was ringing the bell of justice. Did that just work? He called the local lord in and asked if the

• 15:15Speaker 00

  bell rang regularly, to which the man laughed. What? No, he was a thoughtful incompetent ruler, and the bell was largely unnecessary. Obviously not, Charlemagne said. Someone waited until the king was in town to ring the bell, because they needed justice the lord couldn't provide. He ordered both for his men to go up to the bell tower, to see who rang the bell of justice, and for them to keep the lord here, just in case he was the unjust party. A tense few minutes passed, for the lord at least, until the men came back, empty-handed. There was no one around the bell. The hill was empty. The bell, though,

• 15:56Speaker 00

  rang again. Charlemagne laughed and rocked backwards. Okay, actually, go look for horses? Something chewing on the rope that rings the bell? He didn't think the tropes were this prominent, but here they were. The men, once again, returned with nothing, no horses even. Charlamagne was pretty cranky at this point. Did they have any idea how hard it was to travel in this time period? I mean, sure, he rolled around in a nice box, but that box wasn't air conditioned and they didn't have shock absorbers. He really just wanted to get some rest. Go see who's messing with the bell so they can be publicly flogged and he could take a nap. They came back for the third time stunned and confused.

• 16:41Speaker 00

  There was a snake, a big one, wrapped around the bell tower. It had the cord in its teeth and it was apparently ringing with purpose. This wasn't an accident. The bell wasn't dipping into the snake's nest or anything. The snake was seeking justice. All right. Yeah, I'm tired, but I have to see this. Charlamagne rose and found his boots. Let's do it.

• 17:19Speaker 00

  We will see the justice request the snake makes, but that will be right after this. Everyone talks about how challenging it is to raise kids, but what about protecting them? Outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, baby gates? Where do you even start? Well, protecting your home and auto is a great place to start. Progressive offers customized coverage options so you can be sure you have the right coverage for you and your loved ones. They're basically the outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks and baby gates of insurance. Don't wait. Get your quote today at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company, affiliates and other insurers. Not available in all states.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  Hey, I'm Nile Rodgers, producer, songwriter, guitarist and co-founder of the group Chic. A great song has a way of defining a moment, a moment of joy, heartbreak, or anything in between.

• 18:17Speaker 01

  This fall, I'll be driving across the country, dropping in on some of the coolest, most fascinating artists working today. We'll go deep into their lives and careers and hear what it was like before the moment that made them. From hitmakers like Miguel...

• 18:34Speaker 02

  That last year, finishing that record was the hardest experience of my life. Regardless of how everyone else buys into this, I believe in this and I'm gonna push.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  To rising stars like Alex Warren.

• 18:49Speaker 03

  You know, a song is a story and the verse is setting the scene. And for me at least, it's allowing me to be personal and vulnerable with the audience, whether it's about my wife and I'm being vulnerable about her, or it's about, you know, my parents and I'm being vulnerable to them. And it's almost like a cinematic piece in a way where each song tells that beautiful story.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  It's gonna be one hell of a trip. Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 19:19Speaker 04

  Hey, it's Covino and Rich Davis from Covino and Rich. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability. And it starts with a great deal on an off-road ready Tacoma or half-ton Tundra, two of Toyota's most capable and longest-lasting trucks. Combining power for work, tech for adventures, and style in between. Built on reputation for quality and reliability, Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which can mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. So get a great deal today and great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for more. Toyota, let's go places.

• 19:55Speaker 05

  Hello, I'm Chris Richards, general manager at Safran Volkswagen Richmond. I'm here to announce an exciting new program that I want you to listen to. Here's my friend, Happy. Hi, I'm Happy Harry Turner, special finance manager at SafranCredit.com. If you're in an open Chapter 13 bankruptcy, recently filed a Chapter 7, or you've been turned down because of credit challenges, don't give up. For nearly 30 years, I've helped people get reliable transportation when others said no. Visit SafranCredit.com. Remember, I'm not happy unless you are.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  The snake bowed before the monarch. That was a first. Snakes are evil, right? One of the soldiers asked the lord. Like, that's a whole thing with the bible and stuff, the serpent. They decided to put a pin in this conversation when the snake shot them a glance. Flattery isn't always the way to get what you want, but when you're dealing with royalty, it appears to be a good opening move because Charlemagne asked the snake what it wanted. How could he give the snake justice? The snake began slithering away. The soon-to-be emperor and others were left nearly as confused as they were when they first saw a snake ringing the bell.

• 21:17Speaker 00

  But then the snake stopped, slithered back to them, turned around, and began slithering away again. To their somewhat credit, it only took two more rounds of that for the emperor and his lackeys to catch on that they should follow the snake. It wasn't a long trek down to the river. According to a map I'm looking at, I've never actually been to Zurich. The snake slithered up to some reeds and stopped. "What is it, girl? Is it, is it, is there trouble? Trouble at the old river?" one of the soldiers said. Charlemagne grumbled that it wasn't a collie just part the reeds so they could see what the snake was trying to tell them. They did, and they saw the nest of the snake. Four eggs sitting in the mud.

• 22:00Speaker 00

  But it was the toad, sitting next to a smooth, concave spot in the dirt, that drew their attention. We've talked about frogs and toads and why they're actually low-key terrifying. They don't just catch flies with their tongues. They eat mice, birds, and they do it calmly with that dead-eye stare, which is probably the worst thing about it. For a snake wanting to protect her nest, a giant squat toad slowly eating her children one by one was a waking nightmare. For the three armed soldiers, the toad was a toad. The emperor said that the bell of justice had been rung, and justice would be done. Execute the toad. And they did.

• 22:45Speaker 00

  Because it was a toad. After they flung the toad corpse in the river, the snake slithered right up to the front of the emperor, bobbed her head in a bough, and wrapped herself around her nest to rest with her children. Well, that was weird, Charlemagne said. Bell of justice, huh? Who would have thought? He went back to his interrupted meal and nap. It got weirder, though. Wouldn't be myths and legends if it didn't. The next day, while the king sat down to dinner, with some local lord or noble or something or other, who knows, it was a lot to keep track of. Anyway, while he sat eating, shouts went up from the guards for whoever approached to stop right there. At the third and purportedly final warning,

• 23:31Speaker 00

  the king stood to see who dared attack the cloister where the king was staying at the center of his empire, but soon saw that it wasn't an attack. It was a snake. The snake. Word, apparently, hadn't gotten around of Charlemagne's actions where, like the lord in the old story, he too was such a fiend for justice that he would give it to an animal who rang the bell. Telling the men to step aside, the king invited the snake inside the cloister. Possibly growing concerned that this was a "when you give a mouse a cookie" situation, the snake crawled into dinner with the lord and slithered atop the table. Charlemagne tried to explain to the lord about what happened the previous day with the bell and the toad,

• 24:16Speaker 00

  but then remembered that being high king means you don't have to explain anything to anyone. Commanding the lord to calm down, Charlemagne turned to his most recent guest, who was now, it seemed, lifting the cover to the emperor's drinking cup. This was a step too far, even for a reasonably intelligent and/or magic snake. And the king tried to tell her such, but she couldn't hear him. Over the vomiting, the emperor nodded. They could just throw that cup out. Also, probably the snake, because no matter how smart a creature appears to be, once they start purposefully vomiting your drinks, it's time to go. That was before the emperor saw the jewel.

• 24:59Speaker 00

  Plopping in the wine, the snake vomited up a large, magnificent diamond to say thanks for slaying the toad and saving her children. With that, the snake bowed a final time, slithered from the manor, and was never seen again by anyone not rooting around in the reeds by the river looking for smart snakes. I'm not judging, though. I don't know what people did in their free time in the Middle Ages. Charlemagne also didn't know what to do with the diamond. Then he remembered his wife. He handed off the diamond to a jeweler to have a ring made.

• 25:46Speaker 00

  You know, times were different, one hopes. This was likely set in the early 790s. So in my head, when it mentions Charlemagne and his wife, Fastrata, I pictured two people about the same age, maybe in their early 40s or 50s. A sweet, middle-aged couple who had weathered the turbulence of court and royalty together and were closer for the experience. That was not the case. Charlemagne married Fastrata when he was 35 and she was 18. That being a high number for the ages of Charlemagne's wives at marriage, but we'll get to that. She was his third wife, if you're not counting his first consort, who I guess was technically a concubine.

• 26:30Speaker 00

  And Fastrata didn't count it, apparently, because Charlemagne had a son by that union, Pep and the Hunchback, and she had the man publicly shamed and tonsured. Charlemagne in total had four wives, five concubines with whom he had children, and several lovers, two of which were abbots. So yeah, when I thought about Charlemagne a few years ago, in my head, I pictured something like the wise and elderly Marcus Aurelius portrayed by Richard Harris in 2000's Gladiator. And not how he actually was, like Henry VIII with better PR because his wives died of natural causes.

• 27:09Speaker 00

  All that in mind, it was noteworthy then that Charlemagne could not get enough of his wife, Fastrata. Now in her late twenties, him in his mid 40s. Expectations were probably different back then, and she probably didn't care about his proclivities, but after gifting her the ring, he became every bit the doting, loving husband. So much so that his people began to worry that something was wrong. The emperor is too nice, too attentive to his wife. It was, according to one German source, almost sinful, the passion with which he adored his

• 27:50Speaker 00

  wife, apparently ignoring the actual sinful passion with which he adulterously adored pretty much everyone else. One aspect of the Middle Ages that the advisors could rest on was that everyone dies, and by virtue of it being the Middle Ages, people might die a lot sooner and more unexpectedly than you think. Fastrata, the wife of the king, became ill, and in under a week, she was dead. The court collectively breathed the sigh of relief that the king was no longer constantly attached to a woman with a allegedly cruel disposition. But they had no way of knowing that, unlike the deaths of his previous two wives, the

• 28:34Speaker 00

  emperor would not move on so quickly with another teenager. The folklore emperor, the real one, was married again before the year was out to, yes, another 18-year-old. The folklore one, though, was beside himself with grief that his wife would be buried. He refused to accept it and ordered her dug up.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  He's still doing this? How long is this gonna be going on? Turpin, a courtier, asked. He thought that this was just a phase of the emperor. The overnight oats or the birding? The courtier who arrived with the emperor asked. Both phases have been going on for a few months, so they look like they had some staying power. The corpse. The corpse at the breakfast table. Turpin hissed, his finger pointing to the... Yeah, the corpse. The corpse at the breakfast table. Nodding, the other courtier said, "Oh, that... Sorry, that had been going on for... For so long, he honestly didn't notice the decayed husk of Fastrata that the emperor had been bringing with him to breakfast. And dinner. Lunch, too.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  Really, it was kind of everywhere, always. Turpin paced the anteroom. He had heard rumors that the emperor had been acting strangely since the snake incident at Zurich. But it was so much worse than he thought. That was 18 years ago? Why had he been carting around his wife's corpse for nearly two decades? And yeah, according to the story, Charlemagne had been doing just that. He, quote, "carried Fastrata's body with him wherever he went." I'm unsure if he talked to the body. It's troubling, definitely. It makes me think of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, but instead of a very ill man preserving his mother's body and acting out violently, this is a fundamental breakdown of every

• 30:38Speaker 00

  rule of decency and propriety in society to appease the whims of a deranged ruler. "Okay, this is not normal," Turpin declared. "Also, this was his house. And the emperor was getting corpse bits all over the upholstery. Did he have any idea how expensive elaborate fabric was in this time?" Turpin was gonna say something. The clinging fingers of his colleague, trying to stop him from entering the room and accosting the emperor while he breakfasted, were useless. Turpin couldn't be swayed. "Here comes the giant bird carrying Sinbad because airplanes won't exist for another 1,150 years," the emperor said to his very late wife's corpse. "Ah, she was never hungry."

• 31:23Speaker 00

  He would finish her breakfast, too. Again. "Oh, hi, Turpin," the emperor smiled, throwing his arms around the corpse.

• 31:32Speaker 00

  My Lord Emperor, the courtier bowed and rose. There was a bit of an awkward silence as the Emperor looked at him expectantly. Turpin, you have yet to address your Empress. Charlemagne broke the long silence and grumbled the words with a scowl. I'm not doing that. Turpin swallowed hard. Excuse me, she is your queen. The Emperor rose with a shout, Fastrada's corpse lurching and hitting the table, her jaw coming off completely. Our queen died eighteen years ago, sire. This is perverse, grotesque. It desecrates both every place you bring her and her memory.

• 32:15Speaker 00

  Turpin said, but Charlemagne wasn't listening to him berate the Emperor. He was in anguish because his wife's jaw had fallen off. As gross as this was, Turpin noticed something else. Amid the scramble of teeth that skittered across the floor, something came to a stop near his shoe. A ring. He and Charlemagne, and everyone else for that matter, had no way of knowing, but Fastrada, well, she knew of the ring's power and had enjoyed those last few months actually beloved by her own husband. She knew he would remarry, but perhaps hoped that his times with whomever he married next would not overshadow her memory.

• 33:01Speaker 00

  So she held the ring under her tongue. She had no way of knowing that the Emperor would carry that same affection for her to her corpse and that her preserved remains would travel with him for the next two decades. Of course, Turpin had no way of knowing any of this when he picked the diamond ring up off the floor of his great hall. Charlemagne recoiled. It was like for the first time in eighteen years, he was seeing her with clear eyes. This was macabre and profane. He loved her, but he needed to let her rest. But still, there was something that needed to be addressed.

• 33:41Speaker 00

  A courtier, a servant of the crown, refused a direct order, no matter that that order was weird and gross. Charlemagne called the guards. Turpin would answer for his crime. Of being a heartbreaker. Turpin blinked, um, what? The guards also looked around, was that? Was that a thing? Should they arrest someone for that? Yeah, it's a crime how blue your eyes are. An emperor could get lost in there. Charlemagne winked. Uh, I guess you're, you're under arrest for having great eyes?

• 34:25Speaker 00

  The guards stepped forward with the irons. But Charlemagne turned to face them. Gentlemen, please, he was joking. The emperor laughed, though he supposed he could sentence Turpin to dinner tonight with. He stopped, hey, where, where'd Turpin go? Charlemagne searched the room and then the fort. He finally spotted Turpin when sounds came up from the front gate of the keep. Outside, a horse clattered through the crowd of peasants and merchants. Turpin looked behind him and he and Charlemagne locked eyes. Turpin spurred his horse onto a canter and took off on the road through the woods. As Charlemagne ordered his own tacked up and readied.

• 35:16Speaker 00

  The emperor and his guard caught up with Turpin about a mile outside his keep by the mineral springs. As Charlemagne approached the courtier, Turpin, he realized his affections toward the man had somewhat dimmed over the past hour or so. Well, dimmed implies a gradual fade. His affections had all but dropped off a cliff not five minutes ago. When he questioned why he was riding here in the forest in the middle of March for, for Turpin. Uh, hello, Turpin. Charlemagne studied the man who now appeared to be nothing special at all. I guess the light is bettering your keep or something because, you know what, never mind.

• 35:59Speaker 00

  You were the only one brave enough to speak out and break me from my haze of anguish. But you also defied a direct order. Let's say those cancel out. Fair enough. Turpin glanced down into the murky mineral springs. Guess it was the ring then, huh? He muttered. He turned to the emperor. Sure, all was forgiven. And that was definitely not because the emperor was the emperor and he had no recourse, legal or otherwise, to hold the man to account. So, yeah, forgiven. Great, Charlemagne said. He told his own men to tarry here a bit. He was just gonna water his horse at the mineral springs. Turpin stopped a little ways down the road to see how this would play out. He had plopped the ring into the mineral springs.

• 36:43Speaker 00

  In a last ditch effort to ditch both the ring and the emperor's unwanted affections, and was curious about the rules. If it could make the emperor love a corpse, and him, could it make him love... water? Whatever the ring's power over the emperor, the horse did not feel the same way. It requiled from the spring and Charlemagne, seeing the naturally wary animal step back from a threat it obviously saw, but he did not, did the medieval emperor equivalent of that thing from an 80s horror movie, where a teen goes to investigate a weird noise they just heard outside, alone in the dark, with all those murders happening.

• 37:26Speaker 00

  He knelt down and investigated the water. It had less destructive but more far-reaching consequences because Charlemagne... loved that spot. Like, not loved, loved, probably, but here, at the mineral springs at Ex La Chapelle, he said he would found his capital. And he did. According to the story, he loved the spot so much that he never left. And, according to the story and the history, he was buried there in his Palatine Chapel in 814.

• 38:09Speaker 00

  The story of Charlemagne's "Bell" is interesting because love is good, justice is good. Justice for a snake that leads to an emperor carting around his wife's corpse, harassing a courtier, and then never leaving a spot because he falls in love with the ground? Not so great. We're going to wrap up today's stories of love and justice with one more from ancient Greece, but that will, once again, be read after this. Everyone talks about how challenging it is to raise kids, but what about protecting them? Outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, baby gates? Where do you even start? Well, protecting your home and auto is a great place to start. Progressive offers customized coverage options so you can be sure you have the right

• 38:51Speaker 00

  coverage for you and your loved ones. They're basically the outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, and baby gates of insurance. Don't wait. Get your quote today at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company, affiliates, and other insurers. Not available in all states.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Hey, I'm Nile Rodgers, producer, songwriter, guitarist, and co-founder of the group Sheik. A great song has a way of defining a moment, a moment of joy, heartbreak, or anything in between. This fall, I'll be driving across the country, dropping in on some of the coolest, most fascinating artists working today. We'll go deep into their lives and careers and hear what it was like before the moment that made them. From hitmakers like Miguel...

• 39:43Speaker 02

  That last year, finishing that record was the hardest experience of my life. Regardless of how everyone else buys into this, I believe in this and I'm gonna push.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  To rising stars like Alex Warren.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  You know, a song is a story, and the verse is setting the scene. And for me, at least, it's allowing me to be personal and vulnerable with the audience, whether it's about my wife and I'm being vulnerable about her, or it's about, you know, my parents and I'm being vulnerable to them. And it's almost like a cinematic piece in a way where each song tells that beautiful story.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  It's gonna be one hell of a trip. Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln Original Series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 40:28Speaker 06

  This is Jason Timp from Hoops Tonight with Jason Timp. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability. And it starts with a great deal on an off-road ready Tacoma or half-ton Tundra. Two of Toyota's longest-lasting trucks combining power for work, tech for adventures, and style in between. Built on a reputation for quality and reliability, Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which can mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. So get a great deal today and great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for more. Toyota, let's go places.

• 41:11Speaker 00

  "You have committed a crime against the crown, and for that, you will be killed," the ruler of Syracuse, Dionysius, said. Pythias bowed his head. He knew the dangers of living under a tyrant. But this was where his life was. His mother had left years ago, but she was struggling in a nearby kingdom. To stay was challenging, but to leave was worse. Better to remain home and fight against tyranny by example, to stay and show how to live with courage, honor, and justice. In a time when a tyrant could declare anyone to be a lawbreaker for any reason, arrest them and, in the case of Pythias, have them killed.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  That Pythias didn't even know the crimes he had been charged with and that he would be executed for was not surprising. Dionysius hated him and his friend Damon personally. And Pythias knew that he didn't need to look farther than that for a reason. Still, the gods had placed the tyrant here. And he could trust that there was a reason for that. And he would continue to live within his values for as long as he was able to remain living. "My only request, my king, is that I be able to travel to my mother," Pythias spoke up. Dionysius took notice. And before he shut Pythias down, the man explained that his mother was very old and he had a younger sister. She was, as far as he knew, unmarried.

• 42:38Speaker 00

  And he wanted to ensure that she had a protector before he died. Uh, one, no, and two, no talking. He already had a trial. The tyrant stopped when an advisor whispered. Oh, he didn't? Well, we're not gonna put that in the history. Just say that he did. We're the writers, editors, and publisher of the history. So, you know, it'll be, it'll be good. He turned back to Pythias and told the man, no. It's not that he didn't care about the man's mother and sister. Well, it's not just that he didn't care about the man's mother and sister, but it's not like there were ankle monitors and GPS. Pythias gets one kilometer outside of Syracuse and he's in the wind. I'll take his place. A man stepped from behind Pythias.

• 43:20Speaker 00

  Oh, you, Dionysius said, Damon, Pythias's best friend. What did he mean he would take Pythias's place? It means exactly what it sounds like. I'll take his place in prison and if he does not return in time, his place on the cross, as one story says. And even though the ancient Greeks didn't really use crucifixion as a method of execution, this is set in Sicily. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Yes. The tyrant bit his lip. This was amazing. No man would willingly come back to be killed. He would have to value his friendship over his very life and people just, they didn't

• 44:05Speaker 00

  work that way. Yes, this was amazing. He'd still get to execute one of the pair for being a goody-goody justice nut who wouldn't bend the knee to him, but he would get to make one forsake everything he stands for and get to watch the other's spirit slowly break when he realizes his friend isn't coming back for him. Yes, please, take his place. Dionysius motioned to the guards, who took the cuffs off Pythias and put them on Damon. Yeah, say thank you and make all your promises, Pythias, because we all know this is the last time you're gonna see your friend. It's shameful what you're doing, by the way, but that's people for you. That's what they do. The tyrant laughed. Pythias thanked his friend again and sprinted out the door of the palace.

• 44:50Speaker 00

  Look at how fast he runs. Last time we'll be seeing him. The tyrant chuckled. He ordered a stool to be taken down to the jail so he could watch the very moment Damon's faith in his friend breaks. Ooh, snacks too.

• 45:14Speaker 00

  The tyrant was right, Pythias feared. In a day, he made it home, across the hills and through the villages of central Sicily. He told his mother he wouldn't be back for some time, and secured a husband for his sister. It wasn't difficult. Everyone in his mother's town knew him to be an honorable, honest man, and would gladly marry into his family. Coming home, though, alone and on foot, he ran into thieves. Trying to reason with them that he was already a dead man and that he had nothing for them to steal, they decided to delay the former when they realized the honesty of the latter. They beat him bloody and tied him to a tree in a desolate spot, where the sun or the beasts

• 45:58Speaker 00

  could work more slowly and more painfully on the man than they could. He came to as the sun began to dip lower and lower, and he knew, if he wasn't back in Syracuse by sunset, Damon would die. His arms and back tore faster than the cord that bound him. Pythias drooped, still bound on the tree, blood streaming from his hands.

• 46:35Speaker 00

  It's an hour until sunset. One of the soldiers bowed before the tyrant. An hour, and Pythias still isn't back! Dionysius grinned. You know he left. He's halfway to Spain or Rome by now, Dionysius said. What a fool Damon was. Friendship, ugh! If he can return, he will, Damon asserted. But I hope he doesn't. He's my friend, and I want what's best for him. I will gladly die in his place. False, the tyrant shouted. Lies. No one feels like that, ever. This is death. Your death.

• 47:19Speaker 00

  Dionysius shook his head. Damon overplayed his hand. He could maybe, maybe, believe that Damon had faith in Pythias's return. But no one would willingly die for another, especially one who betrayed him.

• 47:34Speaker 00

  The tyrant waved to his men, "Get him out there." Damon walked to the spot outside the city, to the trees with the reddened dirt beneath them. The nails were ready. Now, they would wait. The sun dipped lower and lower, as the road into town remained empty. The tyrant watched the face of Damon, as night closed in, and a tremor grew. Soon, everyone would see the folly of these two men. But, in a moment, Damon's face changed. It lit up, and murmurs grew from the crowd. The tyrant turned and saw Pythias. Bruised, torn, burned, and half drowned, he sprinted until he collapsed at Damon's feet.

• 48:20Speaker 00

  At the last possible moment, both he and Damon burst into tears. Pythias from relief, Damon from fear mixed with anguish that, though Pythias had been faithful, Damon would lose a dear friend on that day. Pythias presented his wrists and begged to be bound. He made it in time. It was him who was supposed to die, not Damon. The tyrant stepped forward. He ordered the chains removed from Damon's wrists, and that they be cast aside. He would pardon Pythias. He didn't think it was possible that people could care so much for one another,

• 49:05Speaker 00

  even to the point of death. And he wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't just seen it with his own eyes. He never had a friend like Pythias or Damon. He didn't have any friends. He thought loneliness was endemic to the human condition, that people were a certain way and couldn't change. But maybe, maybe it was just him. Maybe he was broken. Then he looked up at the two men. Maybe he could heal. He took the hands of Damon and Pythias into his own. Could they help him? Heal, that is?

• 49:46Speaker 00

  Could he be the third friend in their number? Pythias looked at the man who, up until the last few moments, had been threatening his life. Absolutely not. No, right? He and Damon pulled their hands away at the same moment. Damon agreed. No, yeah, definitely not. You're a terrible person. Just because you're powerful and rich doesn't mean we need to like you or be your friend, Damon said. I would literally rather die, Pythias said. Is that a choice? Between being friends with you and crucifixion? Is that still on the table? The tyrant, though, was speechless.

• 50:29Speaker 00

  He turned and began walking away as the soldier shrugged and let the two men go. And the two men's friendship became proverbial because when two men are devoted friends, they're compared to the legendary friendship of Damon and Pythias.

• 51:00Speaker 00

  This is a famous one, and there have been many takes on the work. I even posted an ad from like the 50s where it said, "Your eye drops will be the Damon to your eyes Pythias." Either a classics major copywriter was really getting away with something on that one, or people were much more familiar with these stories back then. Them refusing to be friends with the tyrant at the end is only in some versions, but it was too perfect for me not to include. And I think it actually really fits with our modern world. Because social media has really highlighted the tyrant's problem at the end. Because no matter how much money or power someone has, they still seem desperate for approval and universal acclaim.

• 51:43Speaker 00

  But this story is cool because it illustrates how just because someone has money and power, that doesn't entitle them to your friendship, love, or adoration. And with all the other things they have, love might just be what they want most. Next time, we're back in the story of the Monkey King, where Piggy gets a promotion.

• 52:08Speaker 00

  The creature this time is the Dun Cow from England. A giant cow that can give you all the milk you could ever want. That's the Dun Cow. So why did it have to die? Well, greed for one. So the deal is this. You bring a container to the Dun Cow, a giant cow, and she will fill it up. It's a good deal. But part of this is that containers contain a finite amount of space. What happens when a sneaky witch brings a sieve to the field with the Dun Cow and constantly switches out containers to get more milk? AKA, white gold, as only I call it and only in this context. Well, death and destruction happens.

• 52:51Speaker 00

  A giant angry magical cow bent on revenge? Yeah, you can see where this is going. Absolutely wrecking the wood and thatched structures of the Middle Ages, the cow rampaged the countryside and the villages. Enter some guy, but well, really, the guy. A legendary hero, Sir Guy of Warwick. He chased the cow to Dunmore Heath and killed it. For a time after that, the, in some cases, female cow's horn, and in other places, her rib, could be seen at Warwick Castle. Warwick Castle is actually open to the public nowadays. It's a bit of a tourist destination. We actually went on our trip around England and Wales not too long ago, and I didn't see the horn or rib of the magical cow,

• 53:35Speaker 00

  but to be fair, I wasn't looking for it at the time. Still, feels like something you'd want to show off. Apparently it does exist, the bone thing that is. And there's some debate on what it is, with some sources saying it's an elephant tusk brought back by a crusader, and the other that it's a narwhal horn. No matter what it is, I think we can all agree, take your free groceries and don't try to trick the magical cows. Or even better, get back in line. That feels like it's allowed. You think cows can tell people apart? I don't.

• 54:14Speaker 00

  That's it for this time. Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Weiser. Our theme song is by Broke for Free, and the Creature of the Week music is by Steve Colmes. There are links to even more of the music we used in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

• 54:34Speaker 07

  She's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think about her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Zolair, omalizumab. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.

• 54:47Speaker 08

  Zolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Zolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolair. Zolair may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Zolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Zolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Zolair.

• 55:30Speaker 08

  This is an advertisement for Zolair paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

• 55:33Speaker 09

  This is Shirley Strawberry from the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability. And it starts with a great deal on an all-wheel-drive Camry, Corolla Cross, or a Corolla sedan with the latest features and tech. Or test drive a spacious Grand Highlander or adventure-ready RAV4. And with so many hybrid models available, you can enjoy longer trips without all the stops. While Toyota's legendary resale value means you could get more at trade-in, get a great deal today and a great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for deals and details. Toyota, let's go places.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Hey, I'm Niall Rogers. This fall, I'll be driving across the country, meeting some of today's coolest and most fascinating artists. We'll explore the stories before the moments that changed everything. Because every musician remembers the moment where it all began. Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln Original Series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.