411: Celtic folklore: The Wake

⛵️Get lost at sea with Maelduin⛵️All Maelduin wants to do is avenge his father's murder...with more murder. He should have listened to that wizard. Because he didn't, his trip just got a whole lot longer. And stranger. 😈 The Creature: The Donestre The lion headed stranger who will eat you, sure, but also feel really bad about it. --- Links: 📚️ Fictional is back!: https://fictional.fm/subscribe 💬 Discord: https://myths.link/discord 📷️ Instagram: https://myths.link/instagram ✍️ Bluesky: https://myths.link/bluesky 📼 YouTube:https://myths.link/youtube 📖Source 1: https://myths.link/maelduin 📖Source 2:https://myths.link/maelduin2 --- 📢 Sponsors Betterhelp: This is an ad by Betterhelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/myths. GhostBed: Go to GhostBed.com/legends https://ghostbed.com/legends and use code LEGENDS to get an additional 10% off your order. Mint Mobile: Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at https://mintmobile.com/legends Harry's: Be your own icon. Shower with Harry’s. Try Harry’s body wash today for just $8 at harrys.com/LEGENDS http://harrys.com/LEGENDS. --- 🎵 Music Credits "The Onyx" by Blue Dot Sessions "Median Point" by Blue Dot Sessions "New Crescente" by Blue Dot Sessions "Morning Glare" by Blue Dot Sessions "Two Pound" by Blue Dot Sessions

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This week on Myths and Legends, it's a story from Ireland about forgiveness, and vengeance, and giant ants, and angry talking horses with large talons that definitely aren't trying to eat you. On the creature this week, it's a lion-headed friend who wants to help you adjust to your travels by having you over for dinner. And yes, that's exactly what it sounds like.

• 0:27Speaker 00

  This is Myths and Legends, episode 411, "The Wake."

• 0:37Speaker 00

  This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins. Others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. Today's story is a big watery adventure from Celtic folklore. It's a quest for vengeance that turns into something stranger. Put down to paper after the turn of the millennium, the other one, Y1K, but set far sooner, it's a tale of a young man traveling to figure out what he should do and what type of life he actually wants. If he needs to uphold the grievances and feuds of the past, or live a life of peace. We'll jump in with his father getting murdered.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  A burning church and a sword through the chest. It was an ignoble end for the chief. A Lille edge battle had enemies. His wife was one of them, and while riding hard as the smoke of her former life rose in the background, she didn't lament the demise of her husband, she feared for the baby in her arms. She had been a nun once, before she caught the eye of the clan's chief, as it took control of her village. He demanded everything of her, and he took it. Her one joy had been him, Maldoun, her son and the heir to the chief.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  She thanked God that the marauders only came for the chief and his people to settle some old feud. Still, his people were, by the virtue of Maldoun, her people. And she wouldn't let her child come to harm. So she rode. She rode for the King of Erin. It was a day's ride to port and then a week in the crossing as she made her way across the Irish Sea and then among the islands of Scotland. There, she found a friend. The queen had been a peer of her sisters. They took Maldoun in without question to raise alongside their three other sons. And the mother left.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  All this would be for nothing if her husband's enemies were more diligent than she thought. The best she could do for the one person she loved most in the world was disappear and never see him again. She kissed Maldoun goodbye and was gone by sunrise.

• 3:21Speaker 00

  "Who are my mother and father?" the teenage Maldoun asked the King of Erin, whose goblet clanged on the ground and wine darkened the stones. "Uh, we are..." the King chuckled. The queen stepped forward. "Heed not the jealous mutterings of the losers in your sport. Haven't I always been a mother to you?" "A mother, not my mother. And those losers are your three sons, your true sons. Don't act like you don't know." The queen had a bit of time to prepare, but only moments. Word came from her servants who had been serving the princes that the talk had gotten out of hand, that a secret was uttered

• 4:06Speaker 00

  that the princes didn't even know but had long suspected. Their youngest brother was not their brother, not by blood, at least. The irony was that it wasn't that he was insufficient or lacking in any way, but that he beat them at everything. Sports, swimming, moving ivory men around a board, which is likely some medieval Celtic game analogous to chess, like tavle, where the pieces were made from walrus ivory and not elephant ivory, but this is a digression. No mother in any land loves their child more than I love you. Blood or not, you are my son. The queen's voice was equal parts strong and pleading because she knew.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  She knew what would happen if she told Maldoun the truth. Tell me, he demanded. It will not make you any happier. It will not profit you. He has been dead many long years. Let him stay dead. Please, tell me. Maldoun's voice cracked. A single tear fell. The queen's shoulders slumped in defeat.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  Six months later, Maldoun stood by the burned foundations of the church. After the queen told him, he left the following day. Being able to take one of their ships, he made for his father's land directly. A Lille edge battle. The old men of the region saw his father's likeness in him, and a council convened to name him chieftain. But after all that, he still had no idea, no clue what had happened to his father. The queen of Erin, his adoptive mother, told him only the name of his biological father and where he came from. She refused more. When he arrived, there was something everyone seemed to know, but no one would speak aloud.

• 6:07Speaker 00

  It was an evil thing that raiders had collapsed the church on the dying chief, and no one wanted to speak of it. His father, Aleal, was buried in the center. A brave man doesn't just look at graves, he does something about them, Maldun heard over his shoulder. He doesn't cast glances over the shamed, burnt bones of those long gone, but instead seeks vengeance. Maldun turned. Smiling, a man approached and dipping his head in greeting, he said that he was Brakon. The poison tongue, Maldun finished the man's sentence. No, what? Who told you that? Brakon sneered. Everyone?

• 6:52Speaker 00

  Everyone all the time? They said not to talk to you because you're like constantly trying to stir up trouble and get people killed. Maldun pointed out. Okay, whatever, just if you want to stand here and call people names and not know who killed your father, I'll leave you alone. Brakon poison-tongue said. Trying to stir up trouble and get people killed? Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, what? Maldun replied. And with another grin, Brakon turned.

• 7:33Speaker 00

  So I've never been on an all-consuming quest for vengeance. But if I had to, and I also lived in a world where wizards existed and had real power, that would also be my first stop in order to get some special charms to crush my enemies and see them driven before me. Now, one version very much details the locations. And then an older version of this story says, no, those locations don't match the actual geography at all, which I actually also had written. So safe to say, this is set in Ireland, but not in any Ireland that represents real life. And in one of these places that isn't really a place, Maldun met the wizard. Nuka, the wizard, said, nope, sorry, can't help you. Wizards don't exist.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  Maldun dropped a fat bag of gold. Nuka looked it over before scooping up the bag. Wizards didn't exist. He, however, was a Druid and would be happy to help. Good. This should cover the charm. Maldun said, "Great." Then he thought about it. "Hey, the way the man said that, it sounded like there was more." "Oh, there is, but only if you're interested in Nuka Plus," the Druid said. Maldun sighed. "Okay, sure." He hefted another bag on the table. With this, he learned the conditions for success. He needed to leave on a certain day, needed to take seventeen people with him, no more, no less,

• 9:02Speaker 00

  and have a wicker boat covered in ox hides. So, that's what Maldun got up to. He began building his boat and sent word home to recruit seventeen guys, no more, no less. And, after that, who was to come but his own three brothers, who came to help with the preparations? His adopted brothers said that no matter who his father was, he would always be their brother. Also, Mom said they had to come help him leave. "Oh, who's that guy?" The brothers turned to see Nuka walking up. And Maldun asked when he should leave. Nuka smiled. "That's actually exactly what he wanted to talk to them about." "There have been some exciting new developments at Nuka Plus,

• 9:44Speaker 00

  and their rate will be going up, so Nuka can keep delivering the same great content of telling them the day to leave, so they're not killed when they raid an enemy city." Maldun sighed. "Fine." He produced a third bag and handed it to the Druid. Didn't really see how those were exciting changes when it just meant more money for the same service. "Well, exciting for me," Nuka said. "I'm getting more money." "Oh, and leave tomorrow." "Where's your sail? You were supposed to have a sail stitched of clothes of many colors. Did you not get my raven?" No, I told him to stop coming. It was just him trying to get me to give you more money. I thought that raven was for critical notifications only.

• 10:26Speaker 00

  You unsubscribe for my ravens? There's your problem, Nuka said, but yeah. He needed to have a sail of many colors. Should be easy to make. It's just a bunch of junk collected from wherever. Cool. Well, he'll be off. He'll resubscribe Maldune, so he keeps getting critical updates and marketing emails. Don't resubsc- Maldune started, but gave up when Nuka disappeared in a puff of smoke. When the smoke cleared, a raven came into view. Hey, what's up? Were you the guy who wanted to hear more about Nuka Plus Premium?

• 11:10Speaker 00

  So today's the day. Maldune stood on the beach. Seventeen young men from his father's village stood aboard the ship. Its many-colored sails furled. You sure you're gonna be okay, little brother? One of his brothers asked. You don't want us to come with you? First, thank you. We already have eighteen total guys, though, and the wizard said that that was the max. We have German, who is a person presumably, and Durin the Rimer. They're both named, so they have to be good. You guys can head home. I'll send word when my quest is complete. He boarded the ship and waved goodbye. As the men started rowing out and unfurling the sail.

• 11:53Speaker 00

  No, one brother said, and began wading out into the water. Wha- What are you doing? Maldune cried from the edge of the boat. I'm coming with you. One brother kept waiting. The other two started to follow. No! No, you're not. The wizard was very clear about the number, and I paid good money for that subscription. Oof, need to cancel that. Anyway, you're not coming. Maldune cried. But the brothers just kept walking. If thou wilt not come back for us, we will follow thee into the sea though we drown, the other brothers said. Maldune exhaled sharply. Turn around, fine. Pick them up. They can't swim, so they'll absolutely drown.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  The brothers were flailing at about five feet of water when Maldune extended a hand, and they scrambled aboard before he could tell them to stop. He paused there, looking around as his brothers coughed up seawater. Why did they drink so much of that? Their head was above water. And he noticed that the day was carrying on as it was before. The sun was shining, the wind was strong. Maybe it was fine. Maldoun thought at that moment that it was possibly more likely that a wizard had scammed them than that they were horribly cursed. Wanting to get on the road, well, the sea, which is kind of like a big blue watery road.

• 13:21Speaker 00

  Instead of fighting with his brothers about how they couldn't come, Maldoun ordered the sails up. They were leaving.

• 13:41Speaker 00

  They were here. Truly, the victory is ours, said Durin the Rhymer. And God has led us here, steering the bark himself. All right, let's land and kill these guys as God would want. Yeah, maybe God would want it. I don't know. It is a fact that the guys on the beach were bragging about their plunder. Still, Maldoun and company weren't the Avengers. They weren't going to go around righting the wrongs of people raiding in early medieval Europe during the Viking Age. They needed a little more to go on than that. Stand off from me, the big shadow on the beach cried to someone rooting through his pile of treasure. For I am a better man than thou.

• 14:24Speaker 00

  I was, slew Elial Edgebaddle and burned the church over his head. And his kin have never dared to venge it on me. Hast thou ever done the like of such deed? Okay, that's actually direct confirmation. For all the sails and let's go. Maldun whispered. But it was too late. Maldun could see on the water, a wind snaking towards them. It had purpose, which was noteworthy because winds generally didn't. It caught the sail and didn't just push them. It flung them. The 21 men could barely hang on to the boat, let alone take down the sail to stop them from moving.

• 15:09Speaker 00

  And it wasn't gone before the desolate island on the horizon, with the two forts silhouetted against the dying light of the day and the fires glowing on the beach, were gone. And they could only see the sea. Three days later, they stopped. When the ship awoke to the hull scraping on the gravel of an island. Man, am I glad we're not being pushed aimlessly along on the waves with no idea where we'll go or if we'll sink at any moment, killing us all. German said as he stepped from the boat. Maldun grimaced. Yeah, anyone would feel that way. All right, everyone, go look for some food and then let's get back on the boat. Type 15. Hey, does anyone know how perspective works?

• 15:53Speaker 00

  One of Maldun's brothers squinted. I mean, like, generally? You look at something far away and it's small and it gets bigger as you're closer. German dropped some very basic knowledge on how seeing stuff works. Okay, so how does? What's going on here? One of the brothers pointed to the ants. The ants were far away, but they were bigger, so did that mean the group was closer or far away? It's, it's giant ants. Maldun pointed out as the ants, filing from the mountain in the distance, approached the boats. He didn't know if he should be scared and frankly, neither did his companions.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  But that didn't stop them from freaking out. Screaming and boarding the boat, the men said that this was a cursed place. Giant ants. They're like the size of falls. How do we know that the ants where we live aren't just really tiny ants? Maldun said as he turned and saw his compatriots pushing off without him. He gave the ant a pet and splashed to join them in the boat. Four days later, they were approaching another island. "Hey fellas, wanna dock here?" they heard. All of their eyes went to the beach where they saw a beast. Quote, "In shape, it was like a horse, but it had the legs of a hound and on its feet

• 17:20Speaker 00

  were talons long and rough and sharp." "Hey gents, great spot right here on the beach." "Ignore all those red stains on the sand, I just ate a lot of berries, but I have more to share if you're hungry." "It's not a trap." "I definitely won't murder you," the beast said, prancing back and forth. "Nice berries," Durin began throwing a leg over the side of the boat. "No, this is obviously a trap," Maldun groaned, waving for the rowers to turn around. "He said he won't murder us." "He couldn't have been more clear about the murder thing," Durin cried. And German nodded, but Maldun was unmoved.

• 18:05Speaker 00

  "The thing on the beach said you should listen to this guy, he's smart and succulent looking." Durin grew bashful, "Oh, you." "I won't ping you to the beach and consume you while you're trying to eat pebbles that are painted purple like berries," the beast pleaded. "See?" Durin whined, "Totally legit." "We are not stopping." Maldun prodded the rowers on when he saw the beast rooting through sand with his large talons. And Maldun joined them in rowing when the beast began pelting them with rocks and demanding that they come back to be eaten. And yeah, that was the whole interaction in the text.

• 18:57Speaker 00

  We'll see the group continue with their journey, but that will be right after this. Everyone talks about how challenging it is to raise kids, but what about protecting them? Outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, baby gates? Where do you even start? Well, protecting your home and auto is a great place to start. Progressive offers customized coverage options so you can be sure you have the right coverage for you and your loved ones. They're basically the outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, and baby gates of insurance. Don't wait. Get your quote today at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company, affiliates, and other insurers. Not available in all states.

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• 22:05Speaker 00

  An island later, one of his brothers laughed. To be fair, that was the best stop yet. Giant demons fighting on giant horses? Yes, please. As behind them, horses with hooves the size of their ship's sail battled each other with demons on top. It was actually pretty entertaining now that they were at a safe distance. We're starving, and we've been on the sea for a week, and there's no safe harbor because of this weirdness, and I can't help thinking it was your fault, Myldun said. He only wanted to avenge his father and have purpose in life, but they had to come along. This could have been a quick two-hour adventure, but now they were hopelessly lost in the world, and he would never fulfill his duty to his father.

• 22:49Speaker 00

  It was that starvation at the next stop that led to them braving a house. An ocean house. Maldoun, his brothers and the others squinted as they rocked on the waves. It was nearly nightfall and there was an ocean house. It was one with two doorways, a wooden one that opened to a grassy hillside and a stone one that opened to the sea. Maldoun might have wondered why this humidity and mold nightmare of a house existed, but understood when he saw free groceries. Salmon flew into the house with each wave that crashed against the stone side.

• 23:29Speaker 00

  "They're not giants, there are no monsters trying to eat us, there are no ants. We're gonna go check this out," Maldoun said. Inside, it was weird, yes, but on the sliding scale of weirdness they had been on since they left, it was like a one, one and a half tops. A house for a chieftain and his men. There was a bed for the chief, a bed for every three of the men, and food. They must have been out for a while, because the floor was full of salmon from living to various states of decay. Maldoun stoked the fire while the others, covering their noses, rooted through the chests, finding liquor.

• 24:10Speaker 00

  They ate the most recently living fish, drank, and then got out of there, mainly because of the smell, but also mainly because they didn't want to burn through their good luck too quickly and get themselves into a Goldilocks situation. They were somewhat lucky at the next stop, to find the medieval Celtic equivalent of Lembas bread in the form of very satisfying apples, which kept the crew satiated for forty days. At the stop after, there was a big stone fence all around the island, the most direct symbol of "do not stop here, seriously, I don't want guests." But they were tired, and to be fair, fences could mean more than that. For example, you can fence off an area to keep people and things out, but you can also

• 24:53Speaker 00

  keep things in, like a feet beast. So imagine a rhinoceros without the horn. That also had spinner rims? Yeah, it's weird, and that's the point. While the men peered around the gate for food, or a way home, or any semblance of normalcy, they found none of those things. They only found the feet beast. A giant beast that slept on a stone table. The flesh and bones remained still while the skin around its torso rotated like a gruesome, tight hula hoop. Maldoun and crew were filled with dread, not wanting to get involved with this ridiculousness, and ran back to the boat.

• 25:36Speaker 00

  The creature ran to the fence's edge and flung rocks at them. This, for some reason, was the event that broke Maldoun. Not quite literally, but almost literally, as one of the rocks went through his shield and lodged in the boat. The men were sad, complaining, and feeble for, quote, "They knew not whither in the world they were going, or in what land they might find rest or aid." And then they came to an island full of golden apples and red, hot swine. Got something to eat, and they were good again. I also get grumpy when I'm feeling peckish.

• 26:21Speaker 00

  Maldoun and his men leveled their spears at the small cat. A small kitty cat, playing amongst limestone pillars that touch the sky, well, that normally wouldn't be a threat to 21 hardened Celtic warriors, but after the month they'd had, no chances. The small cat looked on them with disinterested disdain and meowed. After about 10 more minutes of prodding the surrounded cat with their spears, they relaxed and explored. "It's just a cat," one of Maldoun's foster brothers said. "Oh, food." The little cat followed as they explored the three rooms that surrounded the central pillar on the island they had discovered.

• 27:04Speaker 00

  The first one had golden and silver brooches, necklaces, and hilted swords. One room had white garments, and the third had roasted ox and ale. Having a meal that wasn't apples, and a bed that wasn't wood on the ocean for the first time in weeks, the ale did its work, and the men were out in a matter of minutes. Mildune woke up the next morning to his brother rooting through some stuff. Groggy and still feeling that ale a little bit, he sat up. "Oh hey, they probably shouldn't mess with that stuff," he told his brother, who was inspecting the necklaces. "Not that there was a theme in any of this, but he felt like the food was okay because that was a necessity, but he didn't want them to have to learn a lesson about greed here."

• 27:48Speaker 00

  "No one's here," Mildune's brother laughed, taking the golden necklace from its hook. "No one will even know," he said, turning at the meow. "Well, no one except this little kitty." He sat down, and the kitty leapt onto his lap. "But you won't tell anyone, will you, little baby cat?" The brother said. The cat mewed in return, touched a paw to the man's chest, and he burst into flames. His screams were cut short, only when there was no more mouth, throat, or lungs to do the screaming, and thankfully, that happened pretty quickly, because in mere moments, the cat was sitting on a pile of ashes. Mildune was awake now.

• 28:32Speaker 00

  Nothing quite sobers you up like a cat immolating your brother. On the verge of completely freaking out, Mildune forced a smile. "Good kitty, great kitty, I'm just gonna put this back and never touch it again." The cat meowed. "Perfect fun. Everyone, wake up, we're leaving now. Please wake up, take as much ox as you can, and absolutely nothing else." After Mildune replaced the necklace, he scooped up his brother's ashes into his cloak, not daring even to take a goblet from the house, and they ran for the boats. So, the next island was pretty racist, to be honest. There's literally no other way to read it, with the prospect of the sailors being magically and painlessly turned into a presumably

• 29:17Speaker 00

  different race than they started with, being enough of a reason for them to flee from the island with at least as much terror as when they were chased by a skin hula hoop rhino or fire cats. That's actually why last month's King Arthur was so refreshingly progressive and accepting, because usually when there's an explicit mention of race in British, Celtic, and European folklore, it's a not a good look for a medieval writer. Anyway, I'm trying to strike a balance because I don't want to completely wash away all the bad stuff in the story, because there are aspects of the past we need to confront, but I also don't want to propagate racist nonsense. So, there.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  It exists. I posted a source if you want to find it for yourself. "One more island, one more man riding an ox standing in front of an acid river later, and they were back on the boats. On one island, there was a hideous man with an even more hideous mill. I'm not sure how that works, to be honest. Day and night, a steady stream of people came from the east and west, and the island extended over the horizon. Mildoon finally asked the hideous man whipping the hideous donkeys, moving the hideous millstone hideously, "What this mill ground? Anything not given willingly in all of Ireland. Half the corn in Ireland passes through my mill." "And what's the name of your mill, buddy?"

• 30:39Speaker 00

  Mildoon asked. "Hell," the man replied. Mildoon sighed, turned, and left. "Wait, why are we going back to the boat?" One of his other brothers asked. "Couldn't they follow that line of people coming from either direction and go back to Ireland?" Mildoon splashed in the surf. "Look, one of two things was going on here. Either the man and everyone bringing him free corn thought they were in hell, which, could they really trust anyone so disconnected from reality to bring them back home? Or, less likely but even more terrifying, this was hell. Literally the one place in all of existence that he wanted to be less than the boat."

• 31:23Speaker 00

  "Okay, yeah, fair enough," the brother said, and climbed aboard.

• 31:42Speaker 00

  Black clothes. Wailing. The fields beyond the dock were a swaying mass of people, wearing black veils and black robes, swaying back and forth, weeping. "As far as dangers go for this trip, some singers with questionable fashion sense is really low, and that many people means they have to eat something," Maldune pointed out. "All right, we'll draw lots to see who's going in to see if they can help us." "No, I'll go," one of his older brothers said. It was his brother's fault that they had to leave the island with the 'all-you-care-to-eat' ox and the beds. He would try to make up for it and restore his family's honor.

• 32:25Speaker 00

  "Our family's honor, but yeah, just be safe. There is... it seems like there's always a twist when it comes to these islands." Maldune clasped his brother on the shoulder, and the man leapt from the boat, splashing in the shallows. Maldune had no way of knowing, but this would be the last time he ever saw his brother. "I can't make out what's happening," Maldune squinted as he looked on his brother, approaching the mass of swaying, crying people. German craned his neck. The other people on the island were approaching his brother. His brother was talking to them, his...oh. His brother was breaking down now, his face was in his hands.

• 33:08Speaker 00

  "Okay, they're handing him a black cloak and he's...he's taking it. He took it, he's putting it on. Okay, let's go, we have to go get him." German tapped Duran. "Now." "Why are you guys freaking out? What's the urgency here?" Maldune said, but soon understood when his brother robed himself in black and instantly was gone. He was part of the crowd. "Keep your eyes on him," German cried. During yelled that they were closing ranks. The form burying his face in his hands was gone, behind rows and rows of the weeping. The weepers didn't fight back when, person after person, the sailors ripped their veils from their heads.

• 33:52Speaker 00

  But Maldune understood before even they did. They could unveil as many of the weepers as they wanted, but they would not find his brother. They stayed docked for another week. The weepers seemed to cycle, or even if they didn't, the sailors were unveiling the same people over and over again, day after day. As hunger began to bite at those on the ship, no one dared to go farther inland to find provisions, lest they lose themselves. I have to assume that he wants to remain, or else he would have come to us. Maltoon was nearly weeping himself, looking off the side of the boat as they pushed off.

• 34:36Speaker 00

  I mean, it's hard to say. Can people really be considered in control of their actions during a heightened emotional state? Especially one brought on by presumably some sort of magical intervention? Duran asked, but then thought about it. They were starving and had to leave anyway. So let's just go with the, he wanted this so we can live with ourselves.

• 35:07Speaker 00

  We'll see the guys stop at a place that they actually like, but that will, once again, be read after this. Everyone talks about how challenging it is to raise kids, but what about protecting them? Outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks, baby gates? Where do you even start? Well, protecting your home and auto is a great place to start. Progressive offers customized coverage options so you can be sure you have the right coverage for you and your loved ones. They're basically the outlet covers, kitchen cabinet locks and baby gates of insurance. Don't wait. Get your quote today at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company, affiliates and other insurers. Not available in all states.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  Hey, it's Niall Rogers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by breakout singer-songwriter Alex Warren.

• 36:11Speaker 05

  I'm like a kid when I play music and I make music and I'm constantly asking questions. You know, whether it's an instrument I haven't played or it's a melody that seems foreign. You know, there's every night you play a show and it's the same set, but it's not the same show. At a certain point, your brain kind of goes on autopilot. When I'm in the studio or if I'm making music, that's where that curiosity kind of comes back, you know? I haven't lost it yet, but I'm also on my sophomore album. So, and you, you obviously are an expert here.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Experience before the moment. A Lincoln original series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 36:45Speaker 03

  This is Stugatz from Stugatz and Company Live. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability. And it all starts with a great deal on an all-wheel drive Camry, Corolla Cross, or a Corolla sedan with the latest features and tech, or test drive a spacious Grand Highlander or adventure-ready RAV4. And with so many hybrid models available, you can enjoy longer trips without all the stops, while Toyota's legendary resale value means you can get more at trade-in. Get a great deal today and a great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for deals and details. Toyota, let's go places.

• 37:33Speaker 00

  Is this heaven? I think this might be heaven, Durin said. It was day three in this land and it was going great. They passed three fences on their way in. The gold one, in the land of kings. The silver, the land of queens. The brass, the land of warriors. And the crystal fence, the land of maidens. They fancied themselves warriors of a sort, enough to go avenge Mildew's dad against seasoned raiders, but well, they had been on a ship full of sweaty guys for a month and a half now, and they took the designations to be less an identity thing and more about who they wanted to spend their time with.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  And they wanted to spend their time in the land of maidens. And they were welcome there. Think of it as similar to Castle Anthrax, but instead of one particular aspect of Castle Anthrax, they had cheeses. And I am talking great cheeses, like whatever your favorite food is, this cheese tasted like that. Now, for me, it would be a bit much to get past the consistency, even if it did taste like waku beef. But they were not particular. Probably because they also had fantastic ale. When they fell asleep the first night, they were expecting the women to turn into demons or something. But they woke up to more gourmet cheeses and more pleasant conversation with charming

• 39:00Speaker 00

  young women. And also ale. They fell asleep the second night and woke up to the same situation. "I want to stay here the rest of my life. I don't even care if it's a trap." Maldune began to see a life outside of vengeance. With his best friends and with this amazing food and with these people, he fell asleep that night, approaching some semblance of peace. And they all woke up on the ship, drifting in the middle of the ocean. "No, no!" they cried out in unison. "It was magical nonsense. It was all just magical nonsense." they wept.

• 39:50Speaker 00

  "I bring thee greeting, Maldune," said the woman from behind the brass door they had been trying to open for the last three days. And then she named each of the crew by his own name. "It is long since your coming here hath been known and expected," she went on. "Okay," Maldune said. It wasn't like he wanted to try and raid their castle. He... They had been on the sea for two months and they were starving. "Come with me," the woman waved them in. Duran and German looked at each other, and then to Maldune. "What about if it was cursed?" "It most likely is, but we'll deal with that as it comes," Maldune said, and followed the woman into the house.

• 40:31Speaker 00

  As far as curses go, it was the best one yet, even better than the cheese woman. The sailors were glancing furtively around as, feasting each night and exploring her wondrous land during the day, they started to speak of marriage between the lady and Maldoun, a prospect Maldoun didn't seem to hate. The woman, smiling an enchanted smile, poured them more liquor and said she would answer them on the morrow. They were barely surprised when they woke up on their ship, drifting in the middle of the ocean. Yep, that's about right. Maldoun sat up and found an oar.

• 41:22Speaker 00

  More days passed and more stops with them. There was a man clothed only in his own hair, which I don't think we're supposed to take that to mean that he meticulously wove a nice cloak or suit from his hair, but that it's just a nice way to say hairy naked man. He was as pleasant as his message was alarming. All of them would make it home, save one. They ate food that was delivered by angels. Don't worry, they detailed the entire menu and I listed it on the site. And the group continued on. On the next stop, they retreated backwards from angry smiths and little boys wearing cockle shells. Your guess is as good as mine on that one. There was an island with a stream that arched like a rainbow into the sky, and you only

• 42:07Speaker 00

  needed to stand under it and poke at it with a spear to get some salmon. The island smelled, though, so they picked up food and left. As they approached the next island, they saw a beautiful woman seated among eighteen maidens dining under a tent in a wide field that was visible from the sea. Knowing certainly that they were just gonna wake up on a ship again in a few days, they made their way inland. Might as well get a meal out of it. Stay here and old age shall not fall on you, the queen said the next morning, explaining that she ruled this land after the death of her husband. And the land was, surprise, surprise, magic. But you shall keep the age you now have.

• 42:48Speaker 00

  Lasting life shall be yours always, and every joy and delight. Why then go wandering longer from island to island over the wide and barren ocean? Oh yeah, definitely. Why continue on at all? Totally not gonna wake up on my ship in two days wondering if this place ever existed. Maldun winked. That's really specific, the queen noted, but oh, okay, so he would? Stay forever? Sure, why not? Maldun laughed. Three months later, they were still there. The story isn't specific, but the numbers, along with the talk of Maldun and the queen being in love,

• 43:28Speaker 00

  mean that the eighteen remaining sailors probably found a match with the eighteen daughters of the queen. And magical islands being magical, the daughters had grown to adulthood and then continued on in immortality. Um, are we going home, though? German said. Why? What's for us there? Maldun took another drink of wine. I don't know. Look, this has been fun, but life? Life is for us there, our families, our home? German trailed off. Maldun had a chieftain to rule, and he and his one remaining brother had to tell his parents about his other brothers. You can leave, I'm staying.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  Home won't be better than this, not for me, Maldun said. German narrowed his eyes. We'll see about that. What are you doing? Maldun shrieked as, waking up bound and carried, he demanded they put him down. This is for your own good, this isn't healthy, this is avoidance coping, Duran cried. You don't wanna deal with your dad, or the deaths slash disappearances of your brothers, or your duties, so you're willing to stay here in a land of perpetual youth and plenty? Yes, absolutely, Maldun said. Why would anyone choose those other things over this? Well, we are, and we're gonna help you get healthy even if it kills you, they tossed him aboard.

• 44:56Speaker 00

  Magic queens are gonna do magic. It's right there in the name. The nineteen men weren't out of sight of the coast before the queen stood on the rocks beside her eighteen daughters, a grappling hook in hand. Look at her. What is she doing? She's gonna try to pull us in by one grappling hook? The sailors laughed. They weren't wrong. It was a little silly to think that she was gonna pull the boat in by herself, which is why she wasn't gonna do that. Because they were gonna bring Mildune back. The hook attached not to the boat, but to Mildune's hand, pulling him to the side, screaming, he begged for them to turn around. And they did. They rode back, untied Mildune, and disembarked.

• 45:40Speaker 00

  But these were true friends. They weren't gonna leave their friend with this medieval Irish circe, even though she was, it was really closer to the lotus eaters, but anyway. Another attempt three months later ended the same way, with them returning when grappling hook found Mildune's hand. He said, "Really, please, leave without him. He was good never having to confront his problems at all. He could live his whole life like this." They made another escape attempt, though it really wasn't an escape. They could leave whenever they wanted. It's really more of a kidnapping attempt? Anyway, three months after that, so nine months in total, they made for the ship. Again, the queen appeared on the beach, and again, the hook found Mildune's hand.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  German and Durin looked at each other and pulled out the sword. From the beach, the queen heard the scream, and the boat kept moving. Pulling the hook back in, she saw what she already knew was there, the severed hand of the man she loved. The sailors had gotten away with Mildune.

• 46:58Speaker 00

  Two things, Maldoun said, nursing the bandaged stump that was his left hand. First, thank you for keeping at it. He couldn't stay there forever and avoid his troubles. Well, he could, but life was more than pleasure. Second, next time, cut the rope, not his arm. The rope. Oh, man. Durin slapped his palm on his forehead. Wow, was his face red. Not as red as my gaping arm wound. No, Maldoun grumbled. Bandaged gaping arm wound, his friend corrected, and then looked out on the horizon. Oh, what do you know, an island. The next island was one with berries, where the juice

• 47:43Speaker 00

  was such a powerful anesthetic and knocked you up so quickly and thoroughly, it was unclear whether you were sleeping or dead. As you can probably guess, Maldoun, with his quest on top of his mind and now missing a hand, thought that those berries were pretty great. They took a handful and made some juice. On the next island was a hermit, but only kind of by choice. One of the fifteen monks traveling with Brendan the navigator, he had become shipwrecked there, but now prayed and sang and stuff, so it worked out. He let them eat some of his sheep so they didn't starve, and he didn't try to keep them forever or magically transport them to the middle of the sea. So that was a nice change of pace. He also only clothed himself with his

• 48:26Speaker 00

  own hair, which was neither nice nor a change of pace. On the next island, a massive bird flew overhead with a branch of berries. The bird was obviously old and withered, but when he bathed in a lake at the center of the island, he emerged rejuvenated and young. Only Durin followed him into the lake, and even though it worked on him with no apparent strings attached, no one else risked it. They continued on. The next island had a wall, surrounded by fire. And it had a moving door, so I guess you had to risk the fire in order to get inside. But inside, it seemed pretty great. A joy-filled civilization of beautifully dressed people singing beautifully.

• 49:10Speaker 00

  The randomly timed door appeared every so often, and you had to pass through fire to get through. And you didn't know how long the door would last. So they just enjoyed their view of the city for a few passes of the door. And they got on their way. Next up was the cook.

• 49:38Speaker 00

  "Clothed in your own hair, I see." Maldoun hiked up to the old man's cave on the next island. That sort of thing wasn't as rare as it should be. "I was a cook once." The man looked off into the sky. Maldoun looked at Chairman and his one remaining brother. That didn't clarify things. "I was a bad cook. I sold food for money." The man said. Before Maldoun could point out that that was what cooks did. The man pointed out that he was a cook for monks, and he sold their food for money. He was a bad man. Chairman was about to say that was bad. But everyone had it kind of rough. It was the Middle Ages. But the stranger continued. "He also used to tunnel under the church in order to rob it.

• 50:23Speaker 00

  When his house was full of gold, and he was owning a boat rich, he thought he could probably retire, and should probably leave town, seeing as he was a simple monastery cook and had a house full of stolen gold, and was, once again, owning a boat rich. So he left. He set out on the sea for a place where he and his ill-gotten riches could live in peace." The men looked to one another. Sounded less like a desire to live in peace and more like he was looking for a hideout. The sea stopped. "I might as well have been looking out on an ocean of glass," the man said. "And he was threatened with starvation, so he prayed.

• 51:07Speaker 00

  And demons answered, which was really not who he was trying to reach, but they were helpful in their own menacing way, saying that as soon as he died from starvation, because he wouldn't throw his treasure overboard, they could have his soul." Wait, was he not supposed to know that? "In another 'your money or your life' situation, or rather, 'your money or your soul,' he tossed everything overboard, and the demons left. Still, the sea didn't move. So, he prayed. He prayed for three days straight for forgiveness, and also food, and then a wind picked up. Not an hour later, he scraped on a desolate rock." Okay, alright. He was saved from starvation in a boat... for starvation on an island.

• 51:52Speaker 00

  But, at that moment, he heard a helpful young otter leap out of the water with a salmon in its teeth. The repentant cook took one look at the fish, and tossed it back. Ew, gross, it was raw. Sure, he was starving, but he had standards, God. God did meet him halfway, sending him two otters next time, one with a salmon and one with a flaming piece of wood. This was how he lived for seven years. After that time, he got wheatcakes and liquor, which might mean something that was lost in translation, but I'm gonna operate under the assumption that it was hard alcohol. Otters came and dropped off wheatcakes and liquor for everyone, and, after the hairy naked man gave thanks, they ate.

• 52:36Speaker 00

  As they did, he dropped that he had seen them. In his prayers. They would reach home, well, all save one. He turned to Maldun directly. "He would find the man who killed his father." "Slay him not," the hermit said, "but forgive him." "Forgive him, but he deserves death." Maldun stood. The hermit barely registered his outrage. "So do I," the hermit said. "So do you. How many times has God saved you on this trip? How many times did he save you from a raging monster, or eternal captivity, or an island of wailing people? More times than you deserve, I should imagine, so don't talk about what people deserve."

• 53:22Speaker 00

  He killed my father. He's a raider. This is the life he chose the day he picked up the sword, and his actions have consequences, Maldun stated. The hermit shrugged. Really, whatever. If that was the world Maldun wanted to live in, then sure, he should kill the man. The hermit didn't care. He was gonna die here on this island someday. He was just telling the young man that there was another way.

• 54:03Speaker 00

  Maldun lost his last brother on an island of happiness. No joke. Of all the places, this seemed the best to want to stay forever. As soon as the brother drew lots to explore the island of people playing and laughing without ceasing, he, too, began laughing and, for the lack of a better word, frolicking. There were worse ways to live out your life. Forbidding anyone from leaving the boat, Maldun sailed away, saying a somber goodbye to his brother, who was laughing and smiling and dancing, and didn't even notice him go. With that, they were back to their original commanded eighteen passengers, just like Nuka the Druid had told them to have.

• 54:47Speaker 00

  The next island was one they recognized. The one with the two keeps. The island of Raiders that had killed Maldun's dad. Maldun heard outside the door, him and his eighteen men clutching their weapons. The raider inside said, even before he knew the young man had lived, he was haunted by the memory. He'd turned that boy into an orphan for trinkets, and now, for the past two years, he lived in fear that he would wake up with a knife to his throat, or worse, wouldn't wake up at all and would have to answer for everything he had done in life. What would you do if he came in now? A man asked the leader.

• 55:29Speaker 00

  I would welcome him gladly. I would beg his forgiveness, the man said in the original. Outside, despite his desires, the fires of Maldun's anger were dying. Maldun had wanted to kill this man for, for years. But now, learning that he sought Maldun's forgiveness, not his head, Maldun swore and relaxed his sword, gesturing for everyone else to do the same. He knocked on the door.

• 56:12Speaker 00

  Maldun forgave the man who murdered his father. Learning that, and the time since they spotted him on the beach that day, he had been plagued by guilt. They had been trying to do right, trying to make amends for the raiding and terrible things they had done. And he was so glad that Maldun lived. The former enemies embraced his friends. Duran the Rhymer told the story of Maldun for as long as he lived. And since he had done that restorative eagle bath, he lived a long time. Maldun became a legend. Maldun, though, didn't care about legends. He had seen enough magical things in the world.

• 56:51Speaker 00

  What really mattered to him was living, living unburdened by the past, by revenge, by pain. He led his people, and he was a good chief.

• 57:20Speaker 00

  Quick note, there are a few different versions of this story. The main version I went with was far more readable and complete, but was a little iffy when it came to the details, so I tried to supplement from elsewhere. It's also why I accidentally called the Druid a wizard a couple of times. The major differences between this and the kind of older, more authoritative version, Are that maybe Malduin meets his birth mother, once again a nun, and learns of his home from her after the queen sends him away. I didn't want to undercut the Kane Queen's one job, so I just stuck with the other version on that one. Also, the number of sailors is the other big difference, with another version having 60 instead of 18 being the required number. I, once again, went with the main version since only five of them seem to actually matter.

• 58:03Speaker 00

  I like how this story is more than it appears. Sure, it's a big island adventure with magical weirdness, but I also like how it looks at Maldun psychologically, and how he kind of comes to terms with who he is and what he feels like he has to do. I mean, throughout the islands, he gets everything he wants and appears to live in paradise, but realizes that he can't shirk his responsibilities. His brothers surrendered to greed, sorrow, and joy, but none of those seem like the right path for him. Then, finally, when he has control over his life, when it comes to killing his enemy or forgiving the man, he sees that after all the chaos he was just subjected to, he can define the world in which he lives by how he responds. And he chooses peace. One source I read at least hinted at the fact

• 58:45Speaker 00

  that the raiders who killed Aliel Edgebattel, Maldun's father, did so because he raided a church, kidnapped a nun, and assaulted her. So maybe it was a sense of Maldun weighing what he should do, according to customs and traditions, with the type of man his father actually was. Next week, we're in the folklore of India, where we learn that if a god meets you on the road and asks you to put in a good word with the person he's trying to date, and that person is your significant other, you, well, you're in for a terrible time. I'm sorry. Oh, and I know this episode was long enough, but real quickly, Fictional is back for a 10-episode season. Fictional, if you didn't know, is our podcast where we tell public domain stories from classic literature, and also awesome 20th-century sci-fi where they didn't renew the copyright.

• 59:29Speaker 00

  Two episodes launched last week with the island of Dr. Moreau, and it'll be every other week on Myths and Legends Off Weeks. Links in the show notes.

• 59:44Speaker 00

  The creature this time is the donestra, from the legends surrounding Alexander the Great. Now, international travel can be rough. It's fun, and it's certainly exciting to see new cultures and new lands and try new foods, but it can wear on you. That's why it is so nice to hear someone speaking your own language, and invite you to their home so you can relax and connect. All those things are great. If, however, that person has the head of a lion with huge eyes, furry ears, and a long mane on his shoulders that can sometimes go down to the waist, and, oh yeah, a collection of severed human heads that make him sad, maybe just try to shake off the culture shock and go get something to eat.

• 1:00:26Speaker 00

  A lot of times when I feel off when I'm traveling, it's because I forgot lunch or something. Just a pro tip to avoid, um, cannibal lions. Anyway, if you decide to go with that lion-headed stranger who, in my case, would sport a North Midland American accent, um, I'm sorry, but you've fallen for his trap. Of friendliness. Unfortunately, that's the last bit of friendliness he'll offer, because his next act will be to kill you and eat you as soon as you're both in the privacy of his own home. And yeah, so I mean, we should all see this coming, but travel is tough sometimes, and I don't blame you. And maybe you can take some solace in knowing that the donestra does, in fact, blame himself. He eats all but the head of his victims, and, after he does so,

• 1:01:09Speaker 00

  sits down next to them and cries. One academic reading of this creature that I found was that it was how people in the Middle Ages might consider other cultures, which, yes, is a little xenophobic, but more specifically, people who became lost in a culture that was not their own. How they might still be able to communicate with those of the past, but identify with the new culture to the point where they might fight against them. Uh, one tip for not feeling bad, though, and crying over your friends? Maybe don't eat them and store their heads in your house.

• 1:01:44Speaker 00

  That's it for this time. Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Weiser. Our theme song is by Broke for Free, and the Creature of the Week music is by Steve Colmes. There are links to even more of the music we used in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

• 1:02:04Speaker 06

  She's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think about her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Zolair, an omealism app. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.

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  Zolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Zolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolair. Zolair may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Zolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Zolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Zolair. This is an advertisement for Zolair,

• 1:03:01Speaker 07

  paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  This is Jonas Knox from Two Pros and a Cup of Joe. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota Ford Ability, and it starts with a great deal on an off-road-ready Tacoma or half-ton Tundra, two of Toyota's longest-lasting trucks, combining power for work, tech for adventures, and style in between. Built on a reputation for quality and reliability, Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which could mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. So get a great deal today and a great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for more. Toyota, let's go places.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  Hey, I'm Nile Rodgers. This fall, I'll be driving across the country, meeting some of today's coolest and most fascinating artists. We'll explore the stories before the moments that changed everything. Because every musician remembers the moment where it all began. Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeart Radio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.