432: Japanese folklore: Sword it Out

🍜Samurai Pirates, Stabby Sumo Wrestlers, and Punchable Oni Are the consequences of Jiuyemon's actions. We all make mistakes. Too many of the samurai Jiuyemon's mistakes involved killing people with a sword while drunk, though. While the heat dies down, he needs to start a new life in exile. As a toothpaste salesman. 😈 The Creature: Kappa Famous for being cute and giving boat rides in Animal Crossing! Don't ask about what he used to get up to before he was a kawaii manga star, though! It definitely doesn't involve eating humans and having multiple anuses! --- 📖 The Book! Myths and Legends has our first book coming out on December 1st! Written by Carissa, it's a definitive version of the King Arthur legends. If you like the podcast, you'll love the book, and preorders are a massive help to us. Check it out here: https://myths.link/preorder 🔗 Links: Disclaimer: https://myths.link/432 Membership: https://www.mythpodcast.com/membership Source: https://myths.link/source Myths and Legends YouTube:https://myths.link/youtube 💬 Social Discord: https://myths.link/discord Instagram: https://myths.link/instagram Bluesky: https://myths.link/bluesky --- 📢 Sponsors ButcherBox: As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between chicken breast or top sirloin for a year, OR ground beef for life, PLUS $20 off when you go to https://ButcherBox.com/LEGENDS https://butcherbox.com/LEGENDS Home Chef: For a limited time, Home Chef is offering my listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box PLUS free dessert for life! Go to https://homechef.com/legends. GhostBed: Right now, listeners of Myths and Legends can take an extra 10% off already-reduced prices. Just go to https://GhostBed.com/legends https://ghostbed.com/legends and use promo code LEGENDS at checkout. Quince: Go to https://quince.com/legends for free shipping and 365-day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it, and you totally will. --- 🎵 Music Credits Gibbian by Blue Dot Sessions Marking the Clock by Blue Dot Sessions Spiro's Etude by Blue Dot Sessions Illa Villardo by Blue Dot Sessions Ghosts, Yo by Breakmaster Cylinder Ice Cream Truck EDMR by Breakmaster Cylinder Writer's Retreat by Blue Dot Sessions

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Quick disclaimer, we're back in Samurai stories, so there's some stronger-than-usual violence this week. Please see the post on mythpodcast.com for more info. This week, on Myths and Legends, we're back in the tales of the Samurai, with Juemon, runs for his life, gets attacked by pirates, and that's only in like, the first 10 minutes. We'll see how you can open up a lucrative side hustle as a toothpaste salesperson, and how it could be a good idea to dress up like a high schooler and beat up monsters in the woods. The creature this time is an entrail-eating water monster, who pulled off an amazing PR pivot to be a supporting character in a modern video game franchise.

• 0:43Speaker 00

  This is Myths and Legends, episode 432, "Sort it Out."

• 0:55Speaker 00

  This is the podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins. Others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. Real quickly, Myths and Legends has a book coming out. There'll be more info on it at the end of the episode, but if you want to know more about it right now, please see the show notes. Today, we're back in Japanese folklore, during the Edo period, so time of the shogunate and Samurai, with the adventure tale of Juemon, who begins his story as a Samurai, um, but with a few drinks and a sword, that could change.

• 1:45Speaker 00

  Juemon clapped his hands together. That would teach his coworker to do that thing that made him mad. That, uh, what was that thing that made him mad again? It was something, and it was maddening. Well, that's why he taught guys like this a lesson. So they learn from it, and he didn't have to remember. This fellow samurai was out cold. Jiuyemon was a good teacher. "Hey, hey, guy who brings me more sake? Bring me more sake." Jiuyemon turned his head back and yelled inside the restaurant. Wide eyes poked from the fabric in the doorway. As the man looked out, was it over? "Oh, it's over." Jiuyemon laughed.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  But the more pressing question was sake, or I guess sake? "He's, he's dead." The waiter stood frozen. Jiuyemon laughed. "That was ridiculous. No, he was just sleeping. Big sleepy guy. It was samurai stuff." He didn't expect the waiter to understand the traditions or the power his lords possessed, but the man would be okay. He just needed to sleep it off. In a growing pool of his own blood. Looking off at the growing crowd of men huddled around something in the street, maybe 10 feet away. Jiuyemon blinked. "Oh, the man, the samurai was sleeping without his right arm. That's...

• 3:12Speaker 00

  Oh no, not again."

• 3:27Speaker 00

  Jiuyemon held a short sword alone in his house. The point directed toward his own stomach. "Oh, okay, yep, this sucks." He had come home straight after killing that guy at the bar and mulled over his options. They weren't great. He could flee, become a ronin or a masterless samurai, and either be hunted by his former friends, or live in shame and infamy. Or he could die. If he did it himself according to tradition, then he would restore his family's honor. But he would have to do that and also be dead, so... There was a knock at the door. Juemon put down the short sword. Yeah? Your daimyo has orders for you.

• 4:11Speaker 00

  A voice half-whispered from outside the door. Juemon frantically picked up the short sword. I, yep, I know, just getting to that. You know that he wants to see you? The voice whispered, then sighed. They sent a backup messenger, really? He said that no one had any faith in him since that time he was robbed by a fish.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  No time to bathe, no time to do much more than towel off some of his sake-stinking sweat, fix his hair, and find his freshest-ish robe. By the time he made it to the daimyo's estate, his hangover was at the point where every bit of light felt like sandpaper on his eyeballs. His lord bade him sit, and he did. It seems you have been getting drunk and quarreling, the daimyo said. And you murdered one of your friends, my retainer. Juemon shrugged. Yeah, might as well admit it, he was on borrowed time anyway. He wasn't really a friend, Juemon said. Also, it was less of a murder and more of a duel that lacked proper documentation.

• 5:24Speaker 00

  There were several witnesses who said you screamed something in a drunken rage, drew your sword, and cut him down without warning, the daimyo informed his retainer. Um, he insulted me, that is the warning. That didn't make sense. But also, I don't remember any other samurai around. What are we, taking the word of commoners as to what is and isn't a samurai duel? You screamed, "I'm going to murder you," and then you murdered him. And then, after reeling for a bit, you said, "How do you like that, being murdered?" The daimyo informed him, and held up a hand before Juemon could speak again. Stop. He could see why this guy got in so many fights. But he liked Juemon.

• 6:07Speaker 00

  He was different from the rest of them, and different was sometimes good. Still, the law was the law, and he could not tell Juemon not to commit sebuku and plunge his dagger into his own stomach. Was it safe to assume Juemon did not want to do that? Juemon laughed, "Uh, yeah, pretty safe." "All right," the Daimyo said. Here was the deal. This was the morning after. His fellow samurai were out for blood. But give it a little time, and this whole thing would blow over. Juemon could flee the country. And after, say, two years, there should be enough turnover among a samurai that no one really remembers. At the rate these guys got into battles to the death over perceived slights, two

• 6:52Speaker 00

  months was a possibility. But in two years, Juemon would be ancient history. Then, he would recall Juemon, and he would be able to rejoin his lord's service. How did that sound? Um, seeing as it's either the most painful death I can think of, or that, I will go with that. Juemon took off his sword, but the Daimyo shook his head, refusing it. Juemon was in exile. He would need it. He would see Juemon again in two years' time. But this meeting never happened.

• 7:40Speaker 00

  So I just met with the Daimyo, and yes, it's true that I killed someone last night, and I'm wanted for murder. But also, that guy was a jerk and mean. So, anyway, the Daimyo says I can come back scot-free in two years, but I need money, because I need to make it two years on my own. So, can I have money?

• 7:58Speaker 00

  Making a pouty face and a grasping motion before his uncle, this was Jiuyemon's fourth stop of the day. In addition to all the people at work, his family also kind of hated him, but they were happy to support his leaving town. Mainly because they believed in him, also mainly because the samurai he killed had friends who were combing the town looking for him, and they didn't want to end up in the middle of that discussion. So, they had money, yes. Extra, if he made it a point to please leave immediately. Jiuyemon rolled up the money in his underwear, took a comfortable nap in a bush where he loved to take naps normally and not because a bunch of samurai were out looking for him, and stole out of town under the cover of darkness.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  The plan was Osaka, and that was it. In the big city, he could disappear for a couple of years. He could be a merchant or a hired sword for someone. The following afternoon, he arrived at the port town of Morugame, then in the then-named province of Sunuki, but was changed to the Kagawa Prefecture during the Meiji Restoration. That's not relevant because Jiuyemon only intended on staying there for as long as it took to leave there, but the winds weren't favorable. The first day was fine, the second day was annoying, the third day and Jiuyemon began to hear reports of some samurai who had killed a fellow retainer in a bar fight.

• 9:22Speaker 00

  Hooves now pounded across the countryside as the murdered man's friends expanded their search. "I don't know, that doesn't sound like a bar fight. Sounds like a surprise duel," Jiuyemon said to the people at the next table over. "You know, it's a duel where you win by surprising your opponent before he knows he's in a duel. It's a thing, it's a samurai thing," he assured them. "It doesn't sound like a thing," one drinker whispered to another, and then glanced at the samurai swords. They quickly paid their bill and left. Jiumon took a deep breath and knew he should probably get out of this town too now. And sooner than later, coins rolled on the table and he rose.

• 10:04Speaker 00

  The winds had gotten better, he learned, and most of the boats would leave at dawn. But, as he listened to passing the stalls and crowds, he wasn't sure he had until dawn. The samurai had the law on their side. They could lock down the port. He knew his hometown and knew how to move without being noticed. Here, he would be spotted and a regular person could just sell him out to have things return to normal. No, he needed to get to Osaka? He looked up at the man standing before him on the pier. Jiumon said, "Yes, but he needed to leave..." "Now?" the man, a sailor whose form was hazy in the flickering lantern light, asked. The sailor said he had a passenger vessel that just so happened to be leaving...

• 10:49Speaker 00

  "Now, right now." Jiumon looked to the vessel. A half dozen men stood there in the moonlight, looking at him. "This looks amazing, actually," Jiumon said. It didn't, but Jiumon had, well, he was a samurai. His father had been a samurai. He was raised a samurai and was of the class where, even when you maim people and eventually kill a guy in a surprise duel, the daimyo himself lets you off with a wink and a nod. Basically, he hadn't seen a commoner passenger vessel in... ever. And he certainly didn't sail commercial. Turning away from the sailors, he reached down and plucked out a coin from his underwear.

• 11:31Speaker 00

  He said he was unaccustomed to dickering. He would sail with them for one coin. If the sailor was surprised that the stranger was offering a ryo, a few weeks or months' worth of pay for an average household for the relatively short trip between Marugama and Osaka, basically channeling Lucille Bluth's, "It's one boat ride, Michael. What can it cost? $10,000?" The sailor didn't show that surprise and, frankly, had to compliment his lord on his excellent negotiating skills. "Thank you," Jiumon smiled, and the sailor directed him toward the boat and the guest quarters. Jiumon felt them shove off almost immediately.

• 12:22Speaker 00

  Jiuyemon touched the "Guest Quarters" sign again. That's, uh, that's fresh paint, still dripping, actually. "Oh, yes, our usual guest quarters are still being renovated," the captain said, pointing from the shadows to the door. It was a closet with a hammock, but a hammock that didn't actually extend out all the way. "Looks great, and I have it all to myself?" "Wow," Jiuyemon said, which would have actually been patronizing if he wasn't so ignorant of just how bad the accommodations actually were. Still, as he watched the city disappear, he knew the samurai would never follow him all the way to Osaka, and, even if they did, would never find him there. Even though he was folded up like an old clamshell phone, he slept great, rising late

• 13:06Speaker 00

  in the morning, and caught the tail end of breakfast, cold rice and salty fish, and looked at his itinerary. The day was a weird one. Even though the captain insisted that they were almost fully booked for this trip and that the other passengers were spread around the ship, Jiuyemon kept seeing the same dozen or so guys just glaring at him, or eyeing him like he was a piece of meat. They would also say cryptic things like, "Do you know where you're going, lordling?" and "I can't wait to kill and rob you and throw your corpse overboard." As Jiuyemon stood looking at the moon that night, he thought about it. Yeah, that was odd, especially that last bit. Now that he thought about it, that was kinda suspicious.

• 13:51Speaker 00

  He knew what the cruise director said about carrying weapons onboard, but he would actually feel way more comfortable with his swords at his side than tucked away in his room, especially because the room didn't even have one of those safes that is really just there for some semblance of peace of mind because the hotel can 100% get into those anyway. The first sailor he passed just met him with Snickers. The laugh, not the candy bar. Those were actually extra, like $4 plus tip. The price gouging actually only made the cruise look more legit. Making his way to the narrow passage that led to his room, the other boat's mirror lights in the darkness, and the villages on the islands beyond just hazy blooms twinkling on the edge of sight. Jiuyemon knew how alone he was, out there on the water.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  "Stop, my lord," a voice called up ahead. "A samurai, right?" Three sailors stepped into the moonlight. "Something like that," Jiuyemon stood up straight. His room was in between himself and these men. "Wrong. You're on my brother's ship. We don't have the shogun, daimyo, samurai, nobles, and peasants here. Away from all that, without your sword, or your money, or the respect you coast on based on whoever your daddy was, who are you?" Jiuyemon didn't answer. He was still working out the best plan of action in his head. "You are what you choose to be. You can either be a living pauper, swimming to shore wherever the great pirate Akagoshi Kuryemon chooses to drop you," the pirate's brother smiled.

• 15:21Speaker 00

  "Or you can cling to your titles and your rights and make a very dignified corpse." Jiuyemon shouted and rushed the men. "Corpse it is," the brother shouted. There were some samurai who did, indeed, coast on their fathers' names, who learned how to swing a sword a few different ways and left it at that, knowing that peasants and even other samurai wouldn't dare disrespect them. Jiuyemon had never been one of those. He came from a good family, but not a great one, and knew that what he lacked in pedigree, he would have to make up for in skill. So he learned everything, even how to grapple, which seemed to surprise the first man as Jiuyemon snapped the dagger from his hand, snapping several bones along with it, and flung them over the low wooden railing.

• 16:06Speaker 00

  The other, with the help of Jiuyemon's outer foot, collapsed in screams, when his knee bent the way it was definitely not supposed to. Jiuyemon didn't wait, but slid the door open to his room, stepped in, and... his sword was gone. "Looking for your sword?" "Here you go, the last remaining pirate of the initial trio and the brother of the captain, said, and brought the sword down." So, real quick aside, I'm from Cincinnati, and the quarterback from the Bengals, Joe Burrow, when he wasn't buying Batmobiles, bought his whole offensive line katana's with histories that stretch back to the 1500s. That sounds cool. Also, I wouldn't want one. Don't get me wrong, I really would, but I know myself and I would absolutely accidentally

• 16:51Speaker 00

  cut off my own foot or something within a week, just playing with the thing. Same reason I really, really would want, but should never, ever be allowed to have a real lightsaber. All that to say, just because you have a Samurai sword does not make you a Samurai, something the pirate learned when, after that first strike and the katana sliced through the bed completely, it lodged in the wooden beams on the ship's deck. Panicked, the pirate tried to yank it free, but earned only a kick in the chest and a tumble back over the railing for his effort. Gueye Mon rose and with a pull, the sword was loose. Gathering up his things, they hadn't taken his short sword, he left the room. Gueye Mon knelt down to pick up the sheath, ended the suffering that the pirate who remained

• 17:34Speaker 00

  on board, wiped his blade, and went to go see whoever pirate captain Akogoshi Kuyemon was.

• 17:54Speaker 00

  "So this has nothing to do with a bounty on my head," Gueye Mon called out, interrupting the pirate captain's speech about equality and resentment or something. "What bounty?" the captain yelled from the stern. "Never mind, don't worry about it," Gueye Mon said, cracked his neck as he stretched, and asked if they were just gonna get on with it. The captain waved to his men, all ten of which who were between him and the samurai, and they rushed Juemon all at once. "You guys are pretty good," Juemon said, as he lopped the spearhead off of one attacker's spear, and then the head head off of his body. "I fully expected you to fight me one by one, or separate for a bigger guy, and then when I beat him, you would all flee in terror.

• 18:36Speaker 00

  But I appreciate how you get down to it," Juemon complimented, and then pulled his sword from another's chest. "I guess you don't really get to be pirates if you only do fair fights," Juemon said, kicking assailant number eight overboard. "Indeed," the pirate captain said, leveling his flintlock pistol at the samurai's head. The samurai swore. "Pirates!" He was totally cool with them fighting dirty within the parameters he was comfortable with, but literally bringing a gun to a knife fight? That was unfair. And yeah, we've all seen the Indiana Jones with the intimidating sword guy where Indy just shoots the guy. Juemon knew that hokey honor systems in ancient weapons were no match for a good flintlock pistol at your side.

• 19:19Speaker 00

  He planted his left foot and juke to the right, making a dash for the edge of the boat. If they're using my homebrew D and D rules, which I'm writing this episode, so they're using my D and D rules, water at night provides full cover, and Juemon would at least have a shot at escaping. The story mentions, specifically, the attackers having spears and swords at the onset, but it doesn't mention the guy who fights with a big fishing hook. And you know that guy got made fun of, until you needed someone to snag an escaping samurai. Then who's laughing? Fishhook guy, that's who laughed, as he swung his hook and caught the back of Juemon's robes, right before he left the edge. Crippening him tight, the fishhook guy was beaming.

• 20:03Speaker 00

  His whole life, people were like, "Why do you fight with a fishhook? You're more of a danger to us, your own guys, than anyone else." "Ow, your fishhook hurts." Well, now he was the star. Juemon felt the fabric tear, and knew that once the fishhook's point sunk into his shoulder, he would be trapped there. He saw the captain lower his pistol with a grin, one that said they would have time to make the samurai suffer for all he had cost them. Jiuyemon was in anguish, not because of the fishhook that was scratching at his flesh, or that he had been stopped, but because he didn't want to say goodbye. But he would be saying goodbye one way or another. So with his right hand, he flung the sword and the blade found its mark.

• 20:48Speaker 00

  Fishhook Guy's chest, who, let's be real, probably wanted to live longer, but there was not going to be a greater moment for that guy for the rest of his life. When the captain, in shock that Fishhook Guy was on the deck with a katana in his chest, raised his pistol, he found only Jiuyemon's shredded robes. The samurai had leapt overboard. The pirate captain swore and ran to the edge. But in the darkness of the sea, he found that Jiuyemon had completely disappeared. Pulling the sword from Fishhook Guy, he called for everyone who was still living to throw the bodies of the dead overboard. He was going to go to his quarters, put the sword on alongside his flintlock pistol,

• 21:32Speaker 00

  look in the mirror and whisper, "Akogoshi Kuru Yemon, Samurai Pirate."

• 21:47Speaker 00

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• 24:59Speaker 00

  Jiuyemon's main strength was not his adaptability, though he was able to think on his feet. And it's not fighting, though he is great at killing people, even drunk. It's that he's lucky. Think about it. It obviously wasn't the first time he got into a possibly deadly barroom brawl. And even when it turned out disastrously, his daimyo liked him enough to send him on vacation instead of demanding he disembowel himself. Then, when he was about to get caught, he found a vessel out of town and yeah, it was infested with pirates who wanted to kill him. But even with losing his sword twice in the fight, he still managed to escape with all the money he had rolled up in his underwear. And facing exhaustion after fighting like 15 guys and mostly winning,

• 25:42Speaker 00

  he was rescued by the governor of Osaka, who was returning to city by boat. And after telling him the story of the fight, he was commended for his service, and the man helped him buy a house. Now, Jiuyemon, the samurai, or the ronin, rather, was a toothpaste salesman. Well, tooth powders, combs, perfumes, and other toiletries. Basically, Jiuyemon was hunted into exile and ended up as a friend of the governor and a homeowner with a thriving small business. He's lucky. His friend, the governor, told him that to really look like a good guy, trustworthy and all that, he should marry. So Jiuyemon did. Even though he was just a humble toothpaste salesman,

• 26:27Speaker 00

  I guess Jiuyemon had that kind of big noble energy about him. Soon after meeting a geisha, known as Ohiyaku, they were married. Now, the story kind of brushes this off, but it really stands out to me. Jiuyemon was a samurai, a noble. I'm not sure what level Jiuyemon was, but some samurai marriages above a certain level required shogun approval. So a samurai marrying a geisha was uncommon.

• 26:54Speaker 00

  Basically, for a guy who's only gonna be in town fewer than two years, he's jumping into the life of an upper-middle-class toothpaste salesman feet-first. Jiuyemon didn't do anything halfway, except for maybe his marriage. Samurai marriages were unions of power and various professional interests, so that's what his marriage to Ohiyaku might have been in his mind. Maybe she was looking for more, when each night, he wanted to play checkers, according to the translation, or whatever Edo period Japanese game the 19th-century British translator equated to checkers. The story assures us, though, it wasn't, because Jiuyemon was just sort of checked out of married life as soon as he achieved married life.

• 27:38Speaker 00

  It's because Ohiyaku was a woman of bad and profligate character, who was by nature passionate, that she ended up cheating on him with a sumo wrestler. They would have gotten away with it too, if not for diarrhea. Probably. As someone who knows the danger of poorly-prepared sushi, I once spent a cross-country red-eye flight huddled on the floor of the lavatory, so sick that I didn't care that I was huddled on the floor of a lavatory, Jiuyemon, as he sat down a go or shoji, but probably not checkers, felt an ominous rumble. He put his palms on the table, smiled at Tonoshin, the governor's 18-year-old son, and said,

• 28:20Speaker 00

  "Young sir, I feel an unaccountable pain in my stomach. I think I had better go home before it gets worse." The kid did not really catch on, seeing that Jiuyemon should definitely stay the night and he would find some medicine. Jiuyemon, though, found the playtest possible way to say, according to the text, "There's no amount of medicine that will stop what's coming. I prefer to be at home." Excused himself and did the most casual walk sprint he could back home.

• 29:03Speaker 00

  Jiyaman exhaled, as he slid the door to the outhouse shut. Wow, that was...close. He glanced at the street, at the lamplights, eh... Too late to head back to the governor's place, and probably rude, too. He might just call it an early night. He walked up to his house, made to open the door, but it wouldn't budge. Hmm. Well, he guessed it made sense that his wife would lock it. "Hey, honey, can you let me in?" Jiyaman said. And the only reply was... "Screams, screams, and he can't find us like this, and you need to hide." Jiyaman snorted. They did know that the interior walls were literally paper-thin, right?

• 29:44Speaker 00

  Annoyed at having to wait so long for them to figure out how to hide a sumo wrestler in his modest house, and the fact that he had pretty much already guessed that they were trying to hide a man in his modest house, Jiyaman found the bottom of the door and lifted it up off its track, setting it back down and sliding it on the floor. He found Ohiyaku and the sumo wrestler, Takasegawa, trying to fit himself into a chest in the main room. His wife and the man froze when they saw Jiyaman silhouetted by the moonlight. He simply walked in, took a seat, lit his pipe, and looked at them. "I was so excited to meet Ohiyaku's husband," the sumo said, climbing out of the chest.

• 30:25Speaker 00

  "I stopped by to call upon you and maybe buy some toothpaste. We should talk about the toothpaste. I hear you're great at that." "Anyway, your wife offered me some sake, and well, I'm a lightweight. I mean, not in the literal sense, but I didn't have much dinner, and it just knocked me out. I just woke up, and I was like, he's gonna think something untoward was happening, so I gotta try to hide in this chest. I am so sorry. This looks so bad, but I promise you, there is nothing wrong going on here." Yeah, I don't believe any of that, Jiuyemon said, taking a draw on his pipe. "Look, I'm going to be gone in about a year. I can go back to my own clan and then you two can marry, or whatever.

• 31:08Speaker 00

  Far be it from me to care what becomes of a woman with such a stinky heart," as the source says. The pair looked at each other. Wait, he was cool with it? Why did this somehow feel worse? "Well, I'm going to bed," Jiuyemon rose, tucking his arms into his robe. "Going to bed in the other room," he added, not looking at Ohiyaku. "You're welcome to stay," Tasagawa. Tasagawa, though, just realized what time it was, and then he had, oh, such an important meeting to get to in the middle of the night. After falling asleep, self-proclaimed drunk at a toothpaste seller's house, leading to a humorous misunderstanding. "Okay, good night, everyone. Glad we're all friends and cool."

• 31:54Speaker 00

  When both doors slid shut, Ohiyaku found herself standing alone in the main room.

• 32:15Speaker 00

  "Hello, Tasagawa-san," Ohiyaku said, while passing him on the street near her house. The sumo wrestler screamed a little on the inside, and the outside, but since it was hard to pretend you didn't see someone when you're looking right at them, he greeted Ohiyaku, and the pair walked together on the street. "Want to come back to my house?" she asked. "Uh, probably not. It's wrong, and I'm full-on terrified of your husband, so..." "Pray, do not talk in such a cowardly manner. Next year, when Jiuyemon goes back to his own country, he is sure to give me this house. And then you and I can marry and live as happily as possible," she smiled, and pulled him toward the door. His morality, and reason, and desire to live pulled him toward the street,

• 33:00Speaker 00

  but another, apparently stronger desire, pulled him toward the house. The sumo wrestler followed her inside. "Listen to me, Master Tasagawa," Ohiyaku said with a hiss, as soon as they were in the door. "I have been thinking over all of this for some time, and I see no help of it but to kill Jiuyemon and make an end of him." What? What was all that "we can be married" talk on the street? Tasagawa started hyperventilating. "That was my innocent polite talk. He has to die, otherwise I can't remarry. We have to do it. We have to poison him," she whispered. The sumo vacillated back and forth. Based on his tenuous grasp on the laws, and also his tenuous grasp on the phrase "tenuous grasp",

• 33:44Speaker 00

  he knew what she said had to be 100% true. He loved her, and he supposed the safest way to kill this really buff and imposing toothpaste salesman was to poison him. And the sumo wrestler actually thought he knew a guy who could do it. A physician he used to play with when they were both boys.

• 34:16Speaker 00

  Tasagawa waited, sweating, until the pharmacy was empty. When he finally approached, the man behind the counter squinted. Tasagawa? Was that him? After some small talk and some promised tickets to the next big match, Tasagawa said he needed something. Something his friend might not be prepared to give. The physician grew serious. "Oh, so this wasn't friendly ketchup?" Tasagawa said he needed poison. The physician nodded. "You know, if I'm being honest, I got asked this a lot in my early days, and I was tempted. Every physician comes to a point where he either needs to stand firm in who he believes himself to be,

• 35:00Speaker 00

  or compromise and be complicit in some of the worst things people can do to one another." "You know what? I'm sorry," Tasagawa said. "And me," the physician continued, "I am proud to say I chose to be complicit." "I totally understand..." "Wait, what?" "Yeah, you just make so much more money with option two, the crime option. I'm like a veterinarian that moonlights as a mob doctor. I mean, it doesn't even compare to my normal job. And then you meet other criminals..." And they connect you with other opportunities. It's a good racket, sometimes literally. And poisons? Nobody knows what's up nowadays. People die from all sorts of stuff. Stomachache, dead. Cough, dead.

• 35:44Speaker 00

  Small cut, dead. You know what tuberculosis is? Yeah, neither do I. Neither does anyone. They call it some form of consumption and think it's caused by depleted body energy or little evil spirits or something. So yeah, what do you need? When the physician was done mixing up the poison, he said that, you know, all this, he did kind of feel pangs in the old conscious sometimes. You know, the parts of him that weren't dead inside. But if Tasagawa didn't get it from him, he would get it somewhere else. Well, to be honest, you're my only contact to this sort of thing. Tasagawa rifled through his coin purse. Okay, but you want to kill this guy, so you'd find a way with or without me. The physician laughed. I'm just a replaceable bit part in this grand drama we call the human condition.

• 36:30Speaker 00

  Well, I think the guy might actually be a secret samurai and he's terrifying. So this is really my only option. Tasagawa found the coins. The physician exhaled, "Just give me the money and get out."

• 36:54Speaker 00

  Gyeonam grumbled. He could never find the nail clippers when he needed one. He looked at his wife's door and sighed. Sliding it open, he entered her room and rooted through her cupboard. He never actually did find the nail clippers because he stopped when he spotted a package. A package with a note. Poison, best when mixed with ramen, so it's not really detectable. Good luck killing the toothpaste salesman the woman you love is married to. Keep in touch. Gyeonam sat back on the floor. He, he was surprised how hurt he was by this. He didn't love her, she didn't love him. He had even given them mercy upon catching them in the act. Now they were going to poison him?

• 37:37Speaker 00

  He set the package and the rest of the cupboard back the way he found it, and left the room. The next morning, Giemon looked out when he saw a form on the street, just outside the window of his shop. Tasagawa-san! He slammed his palms down on the table. The sumo wrestler smiled nervously, as Giemon waved him over and into the toiletry store he owned. "I was just doing like, the accounting board and accounting and, nothing makes me wanna drink like accounting, so, I was thinking about going home and just tying one on, you know? You wanna join me? It's dull work drinking alone, and also an early sign of alcoholism, and I'm trying to sidestep that self-diagnosis for as long as possible. So what do you say?" Tasagawa was surprised.

• 38:22Speaker 00

  "Giemon wanted to drink with him even after, after I said I didn't care and that you were free to get married after I left? Yes, it's because I don't care and you're free to get married after I leave. She's a beautiful woman, what, why do you think I married her? But, for real, come on over," Giemon said. Happy that Giemon wasn't enraged, the sumo wrestler said he would be honored.

• 38:58Speaker 00

  "Hey babe," Giemon called out Ohiyaku. "I'm feeling ramen, anybody else up for ramen?" Tasagawa nodded eagerly, he always was. "I don't think we have any, mind running out and buying us some and then, making us some and then, serving us some?" Giemon asked. Normally, the request that she run out and then return to make a second dinner, so he could stay in and drink, was met with some resistance, but Ohiyaku said that that sounded like a marvelous idea. When she returned, she ducked into her room while Giemon was making a show of guzzling the drink, and then went to the kitchen to prepare the ramen, which the story calls macaroni, but is in no way probably macaroni.

• 39:41Speaker 00

  She set the bowls in front of the men, and then stood there, seemingly crackling with excitement at her husband's boring stories when he launched into one she hadn't heard before. One about how he was a samurai on the run for a crime he didn't commit. Sober. He absolutely did commit it, though. And then he was robbed by pirates and rescued by the governor. Because he didn't touch his food, though. Tasagawa also refrained from starting. To be polite. And Ohiyaku stood by the table. Her excitement melting into annoyance. Because all he had to do was take one bite. Is that real, that story? Tasagawa sat stunned. No, I'm just a toothpaste salesman. Jieyemon winked.

• 40:27Speaker 00

  And then stood, taking his bowl. Where are you going? Ohiyaku asked. They're cold. I'm gonna go warm them up. He said. The fire in the hearth was still warm. And the rest of the ramen still simmered. The meat and noodles from both bowls plopped in the broth. And he stirred them all together. Ladling them out into three bowls, he returned. First with two for his wife and Tasagawa. And finally, a third one for him. The three sat there with chopsticks for a long moment. Well? Jieyemon asked, looking at the pair. He didn't wanna have to keep warming it up. They should all eat before it got cold again. Tasagawa rose and begged an apology of Jieyemon. He was feeling ill and must accept the man's hospitality tomorrow.

• 41:13Speaker 00

  Oh, I'm so sorry to hear you aren't doing well. Jieyemon said. Not looking at him. Not breaking eye contact from Ohiyaku. My dear wife, there will be all the more ramen for you. She met his gaze. Having eaten earlier, she had no more appetite. It seems I've lost my appetite, too. Jieyemon shrugged. But for me, it was something that I read. Stay there. I will be right back. Returning from the kitchen and then Ohiyaku's room. He had a note. Poison, best when mixed with ramen, so it's not really detectable. Good luck killing the toothpaste salesman the woman you love is married to. Keep in touch. Jieyemon looked his wife in the eyes. And she only looked back, completely unrepentant.

• 42:00Speaker 00

  Most people, if they were caught in the act of attempted murder, would probably have a hard time maintaining eye contact. For Ohiyaku, it was the fact that she broke it, glancing up over Jiuyemon's shoulder, that saved the Ronin's life. Jiuyemon guessed what this was, ducked, and not only dodged the blow, but caught the sumo wrestler's right arm and twisted it behind his back, until he dropped the dagger. Sweeping Tasegawa's legs out from under him, the man crashed to the ground. With tricks like the poison in that little move, it would have defiled my sword to have killed such an ungrateful hound with it. Luckily, I have your dagger. But he wouldn't be able to do it right away. Ohiyaku caught him monologuing and,

• 42:44Speaker 00

  and Jiuyemon focused on the sumo, she had fled to the kitchen and returned with a knife. Now, anyone who has listened to our 2024 Halloween episode probably knows how hard Samurai Legends can go when they want to. Same was true about Jiuyemon. He, truly, had planned on leaving Ohiyaku to remarry the sumo wrestler, when he left her the following year. It was when he discovered the poison that he felt the need to confront her, and when they attacked, that he felt the need to kill them. The fight was short. He cut the sumo wrestler, quote, "from shoulder to nipple" with the man's own dagger, and, when Ohiyaku tried to bring the knife down on him, caught her by her hair. He did make it quick,

• 43:27Speaker 00

  and placing her by the wrestler's side, let her die in his arms. Sadened that it needed to end like this, he could offer his wife that kindness. It probably would have been more controversial that a toothpaste vendor killed a famous wrestler and his own wife, but this toothpaste vendor also happened to be a friend of the governor, played board games nightly with the man's teenage son, so it's not hard to imagine how the case went his way. Jiuyemon was free, but now, he was alone.

• 44:07Speaker 00

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• 44:50Speaker 01

  Hey, it's Niall Rogers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by rising star Sienna Spiro.

• 45:09Speaker 05

  My first ever in the world show was when I was 10, and I sang at a pub called the Georgian Devonshire. I was so nervous. I was 10, so they let me in only to sing my song, and then they kicked me out right after. And then I remember I wrote, I've been writing since I was 10, so I wrote this song called Lady in the Mirror. Made this little track with it, but I just like pressed it. And I remember I sang this song, and there was like five people in there. And I remember how myself I felt, and I felt like I understood myself and understood what I needed to do.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  So does that take us back to, I sing just to know I'm alive?

• 45:39Speaker 05

  Hundred percent, hundred percent, in my whole life.

• 45:42Speaker 01

  Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 45:51Speaker 06

  This is Jonas Knox from Two Pros and a Cup of Joe. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability, and it starts with a great deal on an off-road ready Tacoma or half-ton Tundra, two of Toyota's longest-lasting trucks, combining power for work, tech for adventures, and style in between. Built on a reputation for quality and Reliability Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which could mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. So get a great deal today and a great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for more Toyota. Let's go places.

• 46:38Speaker 00

  The governor was surprisingly cool with his son playing games with a confessed killer. Though, I mean, this is the Edo period and it seems like entrance into certain tiers of the nobility, like the Samurai class, requires at least some level of bloodshed. There was something Jie Man was beginning to notice about the boy, though. "You're awful jumpy, aren't you?" The murderer he was playing board games with asked as he nearly leapt from his seat at the noise out in the garden. The kid sighed, "Yeah." Tonight he was going to fight Oni and he wasn't looking forward to it. "Yeah, I can't say that I blame you there," Jie Man said. Um, maybe things had changed since his day, but sons of governors didn't usually go out in the wilderness to fight Oni.

• 47:24Speaker 00

  They still didn't, but the lot fell to him. At his school, the boys had been talking up the monster attacks in a forest shrine. Oni, Tanuki, Tengu... Since no one appeared to care enough to protect the people, it was up to them, the sons of the richest men in the city, to live with bravery and honor, fight the Oni, and sign their name to the pillar at the shrine when they were finished. "The boys were all together on it. I couldn't let them call me a coward anymore." Tonoshin, the kid, said. They drew lots and he drew the short straw. "Oni and Tanuki and whatever the bird one is, they're beasts. They can't exercise any power over people," Jie Man said.

• 48:07Speaker 00

  Not adding that they couldn't do that also because they didn't exist. He did add, however, that since he was something of a part-time Samurai, part-time Ronin, part-time toothpaste salesman, and hobbyist pirate hunter, it was well within Tonoshin's rights to take him on as a retainer to fight the monsters on the young lord's behalf. "You mean, instead of facing my fears and growing, I can just..." Throw my dad's money at my problems and never have to deal with them? Tonoshin marveled. Well, that's kinda saying the quiet part out loud. I mean, most people say it's rooted in Neo-Confucian philosophy that we all have roles and responsibilities, and putting yourself in physical danger was abandoning your duty to administrate and lead,

• 48:50Speaker 00

  while me sitting back and letting you do it is an abdication of my higher purpose. You know, like, we all have our roles. You're the head, I'm the hand, that sort of thing. Gyeamun bobbed his head back and forth. Yeah, that sounds better. I like that, Tonoshin said. Yeah, a lot of people do, Gyeamun replied. Okay, now where was his closet?

• 49:20Speaker 00

  Gyeamun sat by the pillar as the moonlight cast a blue hue on the edge of the forest. It's not that he was scared. He wasn't. But he did wish that he had a sword on him, though, if this was what he thought, then it was definitely better that he did not. It was a little awkward, sitting around the governor's house in his son's clothes, but the governor didn't ask questions and Gyeamun didn't offer many answers. There was a snicker of laughter from the forest. Gyeamun stood up and stretched. Alright, time to get limber, get warm, let's go. Sliding from the bushes, horns emerged over a shock of black hair and red skin. Oni, Gyeamun remembered that he had a part to play. Aw, man, I'm just a unsure teen who's afraid of stuff,

• 50:06Speaker 00

  but I'm here to face my fear and maybe gain some hard-won confidence because all we really need is to just realize that this is a challenging time for everyone our age and chill out and be ourselves and accept and respect everyone else for being themselves, and then we'll all be a lot happier. Gyeamun then shook his head. That sounded like something an old person would say. Was he getting old? While Gyeamun mentally grappled with the inevitable onslaught of aging, he realized that these oni were quicker than he thought they were gonna be. He stepped aside as the club grazed his sleeve. Catching the monster by the wrist, Gyeamun's palm crushed its nose, and he flung it off to the side. Three more emerged from the forest.

• 50:47Speaker 00

  If the stories were to be believed, taking on three Oni would be difficult. This was not difficult. There were seven in all, and Gyeamun held the lantern over them. When it was all done, the monsters laying in the constellation of bloody noses, broken ribs, and dislocations. And he could see the skin underneath the red face paint. The kids that had spread the stories of the Oni and rigged the drawing, come out with face paint and clubs to beat the son of the governor within an inch of his life, if they could restrain themselves. Didn't matter. After tonight, they wouldn't dream of touching Tonoshin. Stepping over the groaning bodies, Gyeamun made his way up to the pillar, wrote Tonoshin's name, and turned for home.

• 51:42Speaker 00

  "My boy has some confidence now," the governor said to Gyeamun, who bowed his head. Tonoshin should. The way he handled those Oni out by the forest temple. The governor's smirk of approval felt good to Gyeamun. "Indeed," the governor said, "well, as fate would have it, they needed Gyeamun's... services, again." "My son, well, he has a mistress," the governor smiled. Suddenly noticing how uncomfortable he had grown, sitting in this position for so long, Gyeamun the Ronin shifted. "And you're to thank," the governor acknowledged. After the events in the temple, Gyeamun's spot had risen in the world. Not back to the point where he had been when he killed a guy in a bar fight, was robbed by pirates, and had to become a toothpaste salesman, but he was working on that.

• 52:27Speaker 00

  The governor got up and paced. Yes. It wasn't a woman he approved of. Tonoshin had fallen in love with a singing girl and gave her gifts. She didn't even like Tonoshin at first, but Tonoshin won her over. Gyeamun smiled. "That was nice." "Yes, her father had an accident and was unable to work. And so, to support them all, Kashiku, the girl, was forced to become his mistress for money." The governor sighed. "Ah, young love." Gieamon stopped smiling. "No, that seems like you probably could have left out the words at first, earlier, when you said Kashiku didn't even like Tonoshin." "Noted, thank you," the governor said. "There was a problem now. Kashiku was having extramarital liaisons with a childhood sweetheart." "Aww," Gieamon said.

• 53:12Speaker 00

  "No, not awe. We're not paying for her access, we're paying for her exclusivity." "But also access, because she really does not like my son." The governor shook his head. "I'm not going after her." Gieamon raised his hands. "And the governor respected that." He imagined he would need to take on Gieamon as a sworn retainer, and not only would that cost a lot of money, but Gieamon, because he didn't even have a sword, was just a toothpaste salesman. "Thank goodness for that," Gieamon mumbled. Meeting the governor's gaze, he shrugged. "I'll go persuade this guy, this Hichirobe, to go through an old yearbook and find another childhood sweetheart. How about that?" Gieamon offered. Arched eyebrows and waved hands emphasized that Gieamon should do no such thing.

• 53:57Speaker 00

  Hichirobe and the girl had taken a suicide pact. She would rather die than be without him. Manning the counter at a wine shop down the street, though, the kid's older brother might be persuaded to talk Hichirobe down from this foolishness. Gieamon nodded and left. "Not saying that maybe it would be a good idea to pay a different woman for her time and attention, you know, one that didn't despise the boy, rather than try to stamp out flowering young love." "You can't fight every injustice in the world," Gieamon told himself. But was he gonna fight any of them? Then Gieamon re-remembered that he was technically still on the run for murder, so maybe he shouldn't be so hung up on justice.

• 54:54Speaker 00

  Jiuyemon would have justice. Ten minutes ago, he parted the curtains of the wine shop. It was still about 10:00 in the morning, so business was slow. Chobe, the older brother, stood at the counter with a smile, and as he called out to Jiuyemon, the ronin recognized something in his voice. Reluctant, Jiuyemon delivered the threat disguised as a plea from the governor and his son. All the while, Jiuyemon's eyes searched the man for why the wine vendor seemed so familiar. Having read the threat of state violence for what it was, Jiuyemon saw the sweat bead on the older brother's forehead. When one of the man's waiters came from the back room with a tray of sake, Jiuyemon saw something else, too.

• 55:37Speaker 00

  Every other person would have missed it tucked away in the back, but it might as well have been calling out to the ronin, because without it, he wasn't a ronin at all. Without his sword, Jiuyemon wasn't anything at that moment. Jiuyemon realized how he knew this man, why he recognized the voice but not the face. Shrouded in the darkness of the boat, he had never seen the pirate captain's face. Chobe was Akogoshi Kuroyemon, the pirate chief. Time slowed down as Jiuyemon realized two things. First, he didn't feel bad for the younger brother anymore, the man who tried to kill him with Jiuyemon's old sword and who caught a kick to the chest and went flying off the boat.

• 56:19Speaker 00

  The second realization was that Jiuyemon only cared about his sword, in that he wanted to get it back first and foremost, and Jiuyemon could get it back. Gripping the pirate's wrist and slamming his head on the counter, he could leap over, rush to the back room, and get his sword back. Maybe then, Jiuyemon could extract revenge, as he also extracted way too much blood from Chobe's body, but maybe not. Maybe the pirate captain would get away, maybe he would keep on doing this, and the next person wouldn't be lucky enough to fall into a lucrative toothpaste side hustle while also making friends with the governor, because literally, no one was as lucky as Jiuyemon. Jiuyemon took a deep breath as the pirate captain, with whom the threat of extra attention

• 57:03Speaker 00

  from the governor carried far more weight than it would for any other simple wine merchant, said that he would get his younger brother in line. Exhaling, Jiuyemon forced a grin. Excellent. Methodically turning and being painfully aware of his posture and how much time he was taking on each step, he walked out of the shop. Gyeamun left his sword, his soul, behind, and prayed that he wasn't making a terrible mistake.

• 57:40Speaker 00

  "I've made a terrible mistake," Gyeamun muttered as, in the vacant room in an inn across the street, he watched the two members of the "secret police," as the story calls them, get in a mock drunk argument. "They're the best at what they do," the governor assured him. "Yeah, I would hope so, because you know what both a barkeeper and a pirate is really good at? Spotting a drunken brawl," Gyeamun groaned. "No matter, we have the place surrounded," the governor laughed as Gyeamun looked down the road with a squint. Rising, he said he was heading out. The governor didn't understand, the operation had just started, they were about to arrest the pirate chief and get his sword back. Nonchalant, Gyeamun told the governor that the man said it himself, "They had this one

• 58:25Speaker 00

  in the bag, the men were the best." With those words, Gyeamun left and slid the door shut behind him. When the governor glanced back down to the bar, he saw that Gyeamun's reservations were, apparently, well-founded. "His men were not the best, and they very much did not have this in the bag." Staying out of arms' reach, the pirate chief walked over to the foe-fighting, foe-drunk men, and they broke character way too soon. Most of their detainees surrendered the moment the secret police shouted that they were under arrest, which was probably why they did that first. Most of their targets were not pirate chiefs, with a cellar full of contraband and nothing to lose. So Cho-bei shook them off and ran for the back room.

• 59:08Speaker 00

  Screams and chaos spilled from the house. The pressure on one of the guard's arms barely held back what was within as he staggered out and collapsed. Another guard dragged what remained of the third, his head half gone from one strike of Jiuyemon's blade, wielded by Chobei. Gripping the windowsill and straining out, the governor yelled for those assembled below to "go get him." A fruit vendor, a monk with his donation bowl out, a mother pushing her baby in the stroller, and the baby in the stroller all pulled off their disguises to reveal that they were the secret police and swarmed the building. They were halfway upstairs when the pirate captain climbed up onto the roof. This was not the governor's first rodeo because this was Edo period Japan.

• 59:51Speaker 00

  He had never been to a rodeo and thus was nearly completely unprepared. Nearly stationed in one of the neighboring buildings, a guard heard the alarms and climbed up on the roof, only to take a slash across his chest and a kick down to the street. The sound of clicks on the pirate captain's wooden shoes retreated, and the man made his way completely unhindered across the tiles. Streets choked with the daily traffic of Osaka slowed the secret police to a pace of steps and shoves while they commanded the people to get out of their way. Helpless on his perch, the governor saw that the pirate captain was making for the canal where he could take a boat and get out of the city before anyone could stop him. The governor buried his face in his hands he had lost.

• 1:00:35Speaker 00

  A knock sounded at the door behind the governor, and the man turned. "I've been trying to tell you for like, two minutes, he stole my baton." One of the officers complained. "How? You were outside my door, how could this pirate captain possibly take your baton? Is everyone ridiculously incompetent?" The governor groaned, he did not have time for this. "No, not him." The guard clarified.

• 1:01:09Speaker 00

  With a kick to the face of its now former occupant, the pirate captain Chobei commandeered a boat on the canal. Looking to the banks and the streets above them, he breathed. Before long, he would be out to sea, and then he would be gone forever. He had reinvented himself a half dozen times already, and had cash squirreled away in forgotten grottos all along the inland sea. Shouts went up from the low wooden bridge as the pirate captain passed below it. He assumed it was because a murderer rode below, his bloody sword laying in the boat. He was wrong. The shouts were because there was a jumper. The shadow of the bridge ended, and Chobei saw the man step from the railing just a few meters above

• 1:01:52Speaker 00

  and land with a thud right in front of him. Ju Yaman landed with his arms out and his knees bended to steady himself on the wide, flat-bottomed boat. Throwing from his bench, Chobei reached for the sword as soon as he understood what was happening, but it was too late. He got the police mace, probably a jite, probably a jite, across the temple and dropped unconscious into the bottom of the boat. Ju Yaman knelt and picked up his katana and his scabbard, wiping the blade clean and sheathing it. He, once again, had his sword.

• 1:02:34Speaker 00

  Ichirobi, the brother of the pirate chief, was apprehended between Osaka and Edo by, yes, police in disguise. Brought back to Osaka for trial and the subsequent execution, his head was exposed for all to see beside his brothers and his lovers. Everyone in the city knew Ju Yaman's name after the arrest of the pirate chief, and it wasn't hard to find where he lived. Why Kashiku went after him, a trained samurai who just regained his sword, and not the callow son of the governor who had set her whole tragedy in motion, probably speaks to her despair. Knocking quietly on Jiuyemon's door one evening, Kashiku whispered to the servant that she had an urgent message for the man's master, proceeded to stab the servant in the face,

• 1:03:17Speaker 00

  and then prowled the house looking for Jiuyemon. While there is probably a way to stab someone in the face quietly, I don't know what that way is. Apparently neither did Kashiku. The brief noise, combined with Jiuyemon's knowledge of his own house, found Kashiku bound and subdued in a matter of moments. The people of the city ate up this lurid story and marveled at the Ronin who could mete out justice seemingly in his sleep. Jiuyemon's story spread beyond Osaka, across the whole country. It spread so far that it made it back home. Jiuyemon's actions gave the Daimyo enough political cover to declare that there would be no retribution for past mistakes. Jiuyemon, the hero that dismantled an entire pirate empire,

• 1:04:00Speaker 00

  after being like a two-year-long victim of that entire pirate empire, could now come home safely. So Jiuyemon said goodbye to Osaka and returned home to his lord, where he lived in peace and prosperity for the rest of his days by controlling his anger, having a little patience and understanding for his fellow person, and also not getting in drunken deadly bar fights. It was actually mainly the third one. It was a very low bar.

• 1:04:41Speaker 00

  This started out as a fun story for me. Jerk Samurai goes on the run, pirates, poison ramen, beating up schoolchildren disguised as Oni. Checked a lot of boxes I didn't know we had. It was hard to find Jiuyemon's character arc because he goes through this whole journey just to end up exactly where he was when he started. But while nothing around him changed, he changed, which I know is the definition of a character arc. He started out as a hothead who gets so out of control he kills people without even realizing it. Slowly, though, he actually grows. He gets in a bad spot with the pirate, but he doesn't throw himself at the captain, instead making a calculated sacrifice. He tries to tell his wife and her lover that even though it's a massive hit to his honor, he's just gonna look the other way and does so until they try to poison him.

• 1:05:26Speaker 00

  He doesn't even seek blood, just trying to get them to admit it until they attacked him. But he even grows from there. He holds back with the teens and no one gets seriously hurt, works with the law and plans out the arrest of the pirate captain instead of just killing him, and then still doesn't kill him. Finally, in a sort of a mirror of the event with his wife, he has a woman stalking in the house with a knife, and he finds a way to calmly subdue her, choosing to not even go as far as he did before. He was recalled not because he ran out the clock, but because of his ability to bring everyone to justice, something that hothead Juemon would have been completely incapable of doing when the story started. All in all, it was a very satisfying, kind of modern-feeling story, even down to how the ending mirrored the beginning.

• 1:06:09Speaker 00

  For example, Juemon gains infamy, leading to him jumping from a pirate ship to lose his sword in the beginning, and he boards a pirate ship to gain his sword and earn renown in the end, based solely off of his change. As a quick addendum, I'm actually ahead on the podcast for once in my life, so I've had some time to sit with the story a little bit. I've been thinking off and on for weeks about what makes Juemon change. It's not killing the guy or being exiled, and then I realized that the story kind of loosely follows a three-act structure, but it doesn't break into act two until Juemon makes the decision to leave the sword behind. It wasn't forced, he gave it up, and that starts the process of growth for him.

• 1:06:49Speaker 00

  He slowly becomes a better person after giving up the one thing a samurai or even a ronin should never give up. We've done so many of these episodes at this point, so I'm sorry if I've talked about this, but the kind of classic hero's journey, or, like I mentioned, three-act structure, are predicated on something world-shaking happening to the protagonist that forces them to grow and change. For me, yeah, I would love to remain completely happy and comfortable forever.

• 1:07:16Speaker 00

  But bad things happen, and it's helpful, once again, for me, to reframe bad things in the concept of a story. So it becomes less about, oh, no, something changed and I'm no longer in my perfect cocoon of comfort and complacency. How do I get back there? And more, okay, this is hard, but I have to accept and face this. And how can I use this as an opportunity to grow? So yeah, I guess Jiuyemon wasn't a terrible example in the story. Just maybe if you're going through something, hold off on beating up teenagers in Halloween costumes. Next time, it's a revenge story from Spain about the lengths someone will go to and also maybe shouldn't go to for love. Okay, as I mentioned briefly at the top of the episode, Myths and Legends has a book coming out.

• 1:08:01Speaker 00

  It's a comprehensive telling of the King Arthur legends. Carissa, the podcast co-creator, wrote it, and we'll both be doing the audiobook. It is 100% new content. It's not just published scripts or old episodes. And right now, audiobook, hardcover, and ebook are available for preorder. And if you like this podcast, trust me, you will love the book. And if you're thinking of buying it, preorders help so, so, so much. I'm learning. This is our first time in this industry. I won't take up any more of your time. There are links in the show notes for everything. Thank you so much.

• 1:08:39Speaker 00

  The creature this time is the kappa from Japanese folklore. Somehow, we've been going nearly 11 years and haven't done the kappa yet, but it's a major yokai in Japan. Apparently, it means river boy or river child. It's a reptile-ish creature with a pointed mouth like that of a turtle, webbed, sometimes clawed flippers, and it's gained a shell in the depictions over the years. They almost always have a divot at the top of their head where they keep a pool of water. Like most creatures, they kind of stink, but in more ways than one. Three specific ways, actually, because, and I don't know why this is a point someone had to make over the years, but the kappa has three anuses and can pass three times as much gas as a human. If you've been listening to this podcast for any length of time,

• 1:09:24Speaker 00

  you know that water creatures are not messing around, and the kappa is no exception. Like the neck from Scandinavia, the vodnoy from Eastern Europe, the nix from Germany, Jenny Green Teeth from Britain, and the kelpie from Scotland, among many others. This is a creature that will pull you down to the depths and kill you. Hopefully, they wait for you to drown before beginning to consume your organs, but, well, they don't seem that focused on kindness. And that was a problem. You see, while, yes, they were a dangerous murderer, they're also quite smart, being one of the few okai to actually learn human languages. And they didn't like that people didn't tend to want to hang around them, or put them in their art and video games. But the kappa did what few creatures are capable of, especially ones that slurp up entrails like ramen.

• 1:10:09Speaker 00

  They rehabbed their image. Starting in the 1950s, when one artist used them in a, I guess, famous manga called Kappa Tengoku, or Kappa Heaven, depicting them as cute and stubby, they had sort of a rebirth, and they became the 1959 mascot of Tokyo Citizens Day, where they are sometimes featured on badges. I found the images of ones from the 50s and then again in the 80s, so I don't know if this is a stable thing that happens, or if it's just every once in a while. But yeah, given the kappa's intelligence, it's unsurprising that they managed to pull this pretty amazing PR pivot from snacking on human organs, and, as I was reading about this, apparently also anuses. Why? To be an acute little mascot.

• 1:10:51Speaker 00

  I actually learned of this creature not from the many, many hours I've spent reading books about creatures and mythology, but from the many, many hours I've spent playing Animal Crossing New Horizons, where the creature makes an appearance in the form of Kappen, the boat captain, and, with this year's update, hotel owner with his wife and mother. Officially, Kappen is a turtle, but he's named Kappen, and looks like a kappa, down to his hairstyle leaving him bald at the top of his head, in the trademark kappa style. And before you say, "Well, maybe that's just him, this is kappa pattern baldness," his wife and mother have the same thing, so when you're riding out in Kappen's boat, just listen to him sing and don't ask him what he used to get up to back in the 1500s.

• 1:11:34Speaker 00

  You don't want the literal gory details. And also be grateful that you're out there in the open air.

• 1:11:46Speaker 00

  That's it for this time. Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Weiser. Our theme song is by Broke for Free, and the Creature of the Week music is by Steve Colmes. There are links to even more of the music we used in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

• 1:12:04Speaker 07

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