Pod Insights Myths and Legends 409: Reynard: Nasty, Brutish, and Short About this episode 🦊 Reynard the fox hates meetings, too 🦊Especially because at most of the meetings he's invited to, people usually try to kill and eat him. Today, we're back in the stories of Reynard the fox, with sick kings, superpowered storks, and Isengrim the wolf trying to not constantly get skinned alive.
😈 The Creature: The Devs
I guess you have to worry about head trauma and TBI a lot less when you have seven heads.
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🎵 Music Credits
"Devanz" by Blue Dot Sessions
"Spunker" by Blue Dot Sessions
"Laddo" by Blue Dot Sessions
Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 This week on Myths and Legends, we're telling the stories of Reynard the Fox. You'll see how LARPing might just save your life, and how if your dinner begs to be eaten, that might be a little suspicious. The creature this week is a seven-headed cyclops with destructive hobbies.
0:23 Speaker 00 This is Myths and Legends, episode 409, Nasty, Brutish, and Short.
0:32 Speaker 00 This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins. Others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen. We're back in the stories of Reynard and friends. Well, that's not strictly accurate. Reynard doesn't really have friends. He's an anthropomorphic talking fox who lives in the beast kingdom with other anthropomorphic talking animals, like Reynard's greatest enemy, Ice and Grim the Wolf. A wolf priest who is a wolf in priest's clothing. It's exactly what it sounds like. The Reynard stories are oftentimes brutal parodies of other medieval texts. And while they were originally written in Old French, the tales come from the Netherlands,
1:16 Speaker 00 France, and Germany. We're not in any of those places today, or maybe we're vaguely in all those places because we are in the Kingdom of the Lion, and he is not doing well.
1:40 Speaker 00 Rufanus, the king who was a lion but not, well, yes, a lion king, but not THE lion king due to international trademark law, was sick. It was summer. There was no respite. His bed was in a deep shaded valley, but no one could figure out the cause of his illness. These were the Middle Ages, and the cause of any illnesses were kind of a shot in the dark, but a lion's illness? Well, someone had to have something. So the lion's heralds called forth the leaders of the beasts: Brefritus of the goats, Grimo, the chief of the boars. Riardas from the deer, Bruno of the bears, Joseph the leader of the sheep,
2:23 Speaker 00 Isingrim of the wolves, Guterro leader of the hares, and the last and one hundred percent least, according to the other assembled nobles, Reynard, governor and the glory of his race? The lion's herald read. Reynard the fox smiled. They all got to choose their own titles. He didn't know why the others didn't add a little razzmatazz to. Reynard bowed. Here in the flesh. Not for long. Isingrim, the monk, who was also a very dangerous wolf, growled. You'll be attending the king in spirit soon. Isingrim salivated. Because I, I'm going to eat your flesh, killing you and turning you into a spirit.
3:08 Speaker 00 Because you'll be dead. No, we all got it the first time. Reynard said. Isingrim should have more faith in his own writing. Isingrim growled that he wasn't looking for notes. He was looking for the fox's skin, and his flesh, and his bones, and his, "We really don't need to keep doing this," Reynard the fox said, closing his eyes and opening his arms. Well, let's get this over with. The wolf's hair stood on end. Oh, this was too perfect. He licked his nonexistent wolf lips and loped over to Reynard. Just in time to get absolutely laid out by Bruno the bear. "The king has decreed safe passage for all under penalty of death," the bear grumbled.
3:54 Speaker 00 Enjoy, Reynard laughed at the nobles who were lumbering toward the king. He turned and headed back to his burrow. "Wha- what? You're not going?" The bear asked. "Are you serious right now? This is a serious question. I have my own to look after." "The king will have you all and he won't even miss me," Reynard said. A poor man like him was either unknown or despised at court, and those with wealth think they deserve to have him as a slave, that it's reward enough for the poor man to serve and remain despised. Let the wealthy obey the summons. What more reward for him was there in the king's service than simply staying alive? The rest of the animals shifted uncomfortably at this class-conscious subtext that was quickly morphing into text.
4:40 Speaker 00 Bernard smiled and his sharp teeth flashed. But he lived to serve the king. Still, a servant doesn't jump to work without being commanded. When the king called him personally, he would come. He didn't think the king would care all that much, though. Bernard was on no one's side, and no one was on his side. With that, Bernard went back home.
5:15 Speaker 00 The king was in bad shape. He had a fever. Now, we know a bit more about medicine now, but it must have been harrowing to live in a time where you could get a fever and either it's something that will run its course in a few days, or you're dead. And they had no idea which it was. Eisengrim didn't know, but that didn't stop him from diagnosing. He pushed the other animals aside and bowed before his king, taking his lion wrist into his own paw and feeling, yes. Yes, the lion had a pulse. That was a good thing. You need that. This fever wasn't much to worry about, though. The lion looked up, cocking an eyebrow. What, really? Oh, yeah. No, you're fine. You're gonna be great. You just need some meat.
5:58 Speaker 00 You see, Eisengrim hadn't liked the way the goat snickered when the bear laid him out on the way to the meeting. And since the rightful focus of his anger, either Reynard or Bruno, were out of reach at the moment, Reynard by his cunning and Bruno by his strength, he had two choices: get the goat and sheep killed, or face up to his own shortcomings, powerlessness, and emotional immaturity. He, of course, chose the former. "You need goat meat," Icingram smiled back, just long enough to see the goat beginning to shake, and his legs seize up. "And before you go on about, 'Oh, that'll break the king's peace,' one, I'm a priest, you're absolved, don't worry about it, and two, which is more
6:43 Speaker 00 useful? The life of one sheep, or goat, or the life of a king, a lion?" That question basically answers itself. Icingram then went on to expouse the virtues of a system of government solely based off exploitation and might being right. He had been thinking about this, and probably been on some pretty sketchy YouTube channels. Basically, his political philosophy boiled down to the king being the one to enforce the laws, and thus, he should not be bound by them. If he was bound by them, he was no better than the common peasant he ruled. Icingram's words, not mine. And, as God stands above his own
7:24 Speaker 00 creation and rules it, the ability to make and enforce the laws puts you above them. And the ruler's strength gave him the right to do whatever he wants. You see, if you haven't guessed, the stories of Reynard are many things. And among those things, with a critique of human social and political systems being among those things. The king is literally a lion who not only rules, but needs to strategically consume his subjects. Predators have power, and even the priest, Icingram, is a wolf advocating for, at best, some sort of enlightened despot, and at worst, naked authoritarianism. Icingram's
8:03 Speaker 00 problem, well, one of Icingram's problems, when it came to the king at least, was that he was boring. If you've ever been cornered by someone talking about politics, or like cryptocurrency or something at a party, you know how the king felt. The annoyance was doubled by his illness. And the goat and the sheep saw their opening. Eisen Grim looked over and saw the pair next to him. On their faces, hooves outstretched. He shook his head. What were they doing? They looked up. It was really bold of him to be so close to the king. It was almost like, no, no, he wouldn't dare. The lion got warm fuzzies by seeing these two animals bowing down to him.
8:48 Speaker 00 He loved it when things bowed down to him. He also loved hearing how great he was. "My king, you are so great." Eisen Grim did not mean it. The goat pleaded as the sheep pleaded. "He wasn't trying to seem as great as you, like he could take your place." Eisen Grim straightened. What? No, they're twisting his words. The goat looked up. The wolf said the king's power came from his strength. And here, the wolf was standing over the king, who was stricken with fever. "The king will be the first one to fall if they listen to the wolf. They wouldn't put up with this egregious threat to their king, or this flouting of his justice in decrees. They mean to enforce the king's justice." The wolf laughed, looking over at them.
9:32 Speaker 00 "Oh, and how would they do that? Wait, weren't there two of you?" There was two of them. Joseph the sheep had moved to Eisen Grim's other side, and as the goat screamed out "justice", they began kicking him back and forth between them. Now, when making a play for the throne, you either have to be charismatic and offer the people something, or you have to be so powerful they can't ignore you. Eisen Grim the wolf was neither of those things. The leader of the boars, and Bruno, the leader of the bears, laughed. Even though Eisen Grim was speaking in support of their own interests, of, you know, consuming whatever they wanted, they just really deeply hated the guy.
10:16 Speaker 00 But Eisen Grim occupied the gray area where he was strong enough that it would be more annoying to confront and get rid of him than it was to just ignore him and make fun of him behind his back. Still, they didn't hate watching him bounce back and forth between the violent hooves of the sheep and the goat. The boar nudged the bear and gestured with a snout. The king was loving this. The lion sat up, brightened by, I mean, like, take your pick. The obsequiousness of the goat and the sheep, someone fanatically and violently fulfilling his command, or just that it was Icingrim getting kicked around. Remember, no one likes that guy. Bruno could see which way the wind was blowing, though, and decided to help his own position
10:59 Speaker 00 a bit, when he went and grabbed Icingrim by the scruff and said it was time to go. The wolf acquiesced, because when a bear has his paws to your throat, what else are you gonna do? And took a seat at the back of the meeting, behind the skunks. The king thanked the goat and the sheep for so fervently enforcing his will, and the sheep said he was grateful for the king's approval of their actions. "We only exist to serve you," the sheep smiled. The goat said, um, "What's this 'we' talk? Remember when I said this story was a maybe overly cynical, maybe deeply realistic take on human political and social systems? Depending on your own level of cynicism? Well, yeah.
11:44 Speaker 00 There was one seat next to the king, and alliances existed only so far as they helped you. Perfidious the goat wasn't so much anti-animal eating as he was anti-perfidious eating. With Icingrim shamed and no longer throwing his own future into question, it was time to throw the sheep's future into question to increase his own position. The world can be a hard place. Immeasurably so if, at every business meeting, there was the implicit possibility of you being murdered and consumed by everyone surrounding you. The sheep hadn't made it so far in being alive by addressing questions like this directly, though. He said, "Yes." You know what?
12:26 Speaker 00 The goat was right, and the king was still sick, and Icingrim was right, because he had all that priest medical training. So the king needed meat. You know who's super smart and always seemed to know the answer to stuff? Reynard. Hey, Reynard, who should be eaten here? Joseph the Sheep, of course, knew that Reynard was essentially playing hooky, mainly objecting based on his very specific complaints on power and class, and also because these meetings were boring and there was always like a 20% chance that someone would try to eat him. That percentage was a lot higher as the king discovered what the rest of the crowd already knew. Reynard wasn't there.
13:24 Speaker 00 We'll see how Reynard deals with tattletales, but that will be right after this.
13:30 Speaker 01 Hi, I'm Jenna Oshkowitz. You might know me from Glee. This is At the Table, the food allergy podcast, a show about food, connection, and what it really looks like to live with food allergies. Each episode, we hear stories from real people like Daniel.
13:44 Speaker 02 People would always think I was lactose intolerant, so I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic in a big way that defined a lot of my childhood.
13:55 Speaker 01 And while there are challenges, there are moments that remind you you're not alone.
14:01 Speaker 03 One of the best guys that I dated, he made a point to memorize all my food allergies.
14:06 Speaker 01 So join us and hear their stories and more because living with food allergies isn't just about what you can't eat. It's about still having your seat at the table. Brought to you by Genentech and Novartis. Listen to At the Table, the food allergy podcast on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow At the Table and start listening on the free iHeart Radio app today.
14:27 Speaker 04 Hey, it's Niall Rogers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by my friend, John Ledger. What still makes you just sit down at the piano?
14:50 Speaker 05 If you sat down at 9:00 a.m. and then at noon, you had a full song that you recorded and put in your voice recorder or you recorded at your studio. You've just created something brand new that didn't exist when you woke up. What a beautiful feeling it is. I'm always excited to write something new. I've been writing for Broadway, which has been a new challenge with new collaborators and these amazing performers who are triple threats, who can sing and dance and act and do all these amazing things. And I want to keep feeling that. And so that means not resting on my laurels, going out there and continuing to create something new.
15:25 Speaker 04 Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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16:21 Speaker 00 Hey, Reynard. Gutierrez, the leader of the harris, came to visit Reynard, who was gorging himself on, quote, "a heap of meat at his house." The rabbit grimaced. Any context or explanation for that? No? Cool. The hare said the king was looking for him. And he was mad. Reynard looked up from his meat heap. Oh, that was fantastic. Guterow, the hare blinked. It was? Reynard nodded. Oh, yeah. Anyone who wasn't worth hating wasn't worth loving. And frankly, the hatred and anger of the mighty was of more use to the cunning than their favor was to the fool. Besides, neither lasts long.
17:05 Speaker 00 Okay, so are you coming, or? The hare was getting tired of whatever this was. No. Tell him you couldn't find me, Reynard said. He would be there, though. Whatever. It's your funeral. Probably, literally, the hare said, and left. Back at the meeting, the king laid back down when he heard Reynard was nowhere to be found. Already overexerting himself, he could barely manage to sit upright. The animals looked at each other. No one wanted this. The lion might not be the best ruler, but he was better than chaos. If he died without an heir, the predators would fight each other to see who got to rule.
17:48 Speaker 00 Most of them would die, and the prey animals would no longer have the protection of the lion's peace. Almost all of them would die. Is it possible that something better could emerge in time? Maybe? The key words there, though, were in time and maybe. There will be years of chaos and violence until that happened. Or didn't. So that's why everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief when Reynard the Fox finally arrived. Imagine the most elaborate medieval healer LARPing that you can think of, then double it. Reynard stumbled in under so many herbs, powders, potions, and tinctures that he could barely walk. My lord and king, I apologize for my delay.
18:33 Speaker 00 I have traveled the world to be here with you, and I only now just returned. Reynard bowed. No, no, he didn't. We all just saw him outside like a few hours ago, and he didn't look all dirty and well-traveled. Icing Grim called out from the front of the crowd. He had been slowly working his way forward to the lowest spot of the animals in charge. No one was gonna back him up on this. They all watched him get beaten and shamed, and if Reynard had a plan, and Reynard always had a plan, it was better than waiting around for the lion to die. Reynard stumbled in and held up his shoes. Six shoes, all worn through.
19:16 Speaker 00 He said he had a dream about this several months ago, that the king was going to die. The crowd gasped, looking his own mortality directly in the eye. The king trembled a bit. But Reynard turned to face the crowd, "I knew I couldn't just let that happen." So, prodded by this premonition, he went on a journey, a journey to save the king. It took him through three lands. Hungary. He raised up one pair of shoes and began speaking Hungarian, as far as anyone in attendance knew. The next pair of soulless shoes were described in something that sounded almost, but not completely unlike Greek.
19:58 Speaker 00 And then Latin, which Icing Grim actually knew enough of to know that Reynard didn't. But, once again, no one listened to him. Now, though, Reynard took a bowl from his pack and filled it with herbs and various aromatic liquids. He said that it was funny. His teacher in all of this was actually Icing Grim's, a wolf in Rome. Icing Grim was taught this very method. Curious then that he should have forgotten it, or, no, no. He would never withhold it from the king. Ah, Reynard said there. He pushed the bowl of herbs to the king. Well, that was almost everything he needed to save the king from his fever. The king, holding the bowl in his paws, said, "What? Almost?"
20:44 Speaker 00 What was the last thing? Bernard shook his head. It, no, sorry, it was impossible to obtain. The lion grew serious. He was a king. Nothing was impossible for him to obtain. What was it? The one who has it wouldn't want to give it, not even to save his king. Quote, "While the miser values his possessions, you'll not make him do the decent thing under any circumstances," he sighed. "These herbs are nothing without the final piece of the remedy. They must be taken, and then the patient must sweat, under the skin of a wolf that's three and a half years old." With this, Icinggrim backed up, but found the crowd he had just moved through a wall.
21:28 Speaker 00 Uncle, Bernard turned to look at the wolf. "Are you leaving on a pilgrimage? You don't need to." The king called the bear and bore to him, whispering in their ears. Bruno nodded. "The king commands you to bring a three and a half year old wolf from your clan here, that it may be skinned that he could live," Bruno said. Icinggrim smiled. "You know what? Absolutely. He would leave and go find them right at this moment, by leaving." Bernard put his hand on Icinggrim's shoulder. "Oh, the miser, the mean man. He would rather lose what he has than sell it for a price. He'll endure losses just to hold on to what cash he has." "Oh, misers, hate misers for sure."
22:12 Speaker 00 Icinggrim tried to get away, but Bernard was holding on to him. "Oh, oh, Icinggrim, oh no, why are you like this?" "I tried," Bernard turned to face the king. "I tried to give him time to do the right thing, but he'd rather save his own skin than give it up." "I would rather save the king," Bernard sighed. "I'm sorry, brother," he said as he put his paw on Icinggrim's shoulder and took a deep breath. "Icinggrim, the wolf, is three and a half." The crowd gasped. Icinggrim reeled. "No, what? He was like forty. Look at all these gray hairs." Bernard didn't point out that Icinggrim was a gray wolf, and he'd always been gray.
22:57 Speaker 00 No, instead, the story went into a long legal rambling about Icinggrim's age.
23:03 Speaker 00 Where Reynard called the goat and the sheep, you know, those people who are just beating Isengrim, to ask if they remembered wink, that conversation, wink, where they talked about Isengrim's upcoming fourth birthday, wink, wink. "He's even saying wink!" Isengrim pleaded. "Oh, I'm sorry, it's a tick I have when I'm concerned, because I love my king so much," Reynard said. And the crowd awed. Meanwhile, the king was reduced to eating herbs and like, random vegetables, basically trash, because Isengrim refused him the skin. "It's, you gave him those, that's your remedy!" Isengrim barked.
23:43 Speaker 00 Reynard sighed, "Look, it was easy, the king would give it back to him when he was done. Isengrim could keep the skin on his arms and he could keep his claws." "No, no, no, no," Joseph the Sheep pleaded. "He saw Reynard's game here, his con." Reynard's eyes widened, he hadn't expected to be called out, least of all by Joseph. It was a terrible thing that Reynard was asking. That was only half the fur on Isengrim's body, that wouldn't be enough to save the king. Reynard was jealous of the honor Isengrim was getting, and so he was sabotaging it. "You're welcome," Isengrim.
24:28 Speaker 00 Joseph nodded solemnly. "Please stop talking," Isengrim said, "and I'll spare you the rest of it." Bruno had the honors. Using one of his razor claws and easily holding the shrieking wolf down, he sliced Isengrim in several places and pulled. In a few minutes, Isengrim was naked, but like, without his skin, naked, probably the most naked. Now, I don't really have enemies, but if I did, I'd like to think I'd probably stop there, at skinning them alive for no reason whatsoever. Remember how I said that no one really liked Isengrim though?
25:11 Speaker 00 Well, they decided to press things even farther. The closest I've ever gotten to skinning an animal is playing Red Dead Redemption 2, so I can kind of see where this next part is coming from? "He's purple?" Joseph cried and pointed.
25:28 Speaker 00 And yeah, beneath his fur and skin, Isengrim's muscles and stuff were purple-ish. Bruno the Bear wrapped the king in, frankly, the very gross and likely slimy wolf skin, and the rest of the crowd reeled. Who did this wolf think he was, wearing a purple cloak? Now, if you didn't know, and I didn't until I binged The History of Rome by Mike Duncan about 12 years ago, purple was the color of the Roman emperors, and thus, royalty. And Isengrim the Wolf dared to wear it. "This is literally my exposed muscles and organs. What is happening?" Isengrim wept.
26:12 Speaker 00 The animals were incensed. "To wear a secret purple cloak inwardly, and then deny the king the cloak needed to save his life? Terrible. Just terrible." Isengrim knew when to fold him, though. And he shrunk to his knees, dropping his snout to the ground. He said he was sorry. It was his arrogance and pride. "Reynard said that the wolf had earned his forgiveness." Didn't the king think? The king, sweating out his fever, nodded. He did not care. "Yes, forgiven. Whatever." The wolf froze, and the king commanded, "Wait." Isengrim froze. "Oh no. What now?" "Thank Reynard," the king pointed.
26:57 Speaker 00 Reynard had recommended mercy, and the wolf should thank him. That Reynard was the one to recommend skinning the wolf was lost on no one except the king. And Isengrim growled. Still, the longer Isengrim remained, the more he risked. "Thank you," Isengrim muttered. Reynard smiled back. "Anytime." With that, the ceremony was over.
27:36 Speaker 00 Corvigarus, the horse, stopped dead in the marsh. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," the stork said, holding up his wings. "What, is it a predator?" The horse froze, glancing around. The stork breathed, "No, oh my gosh. He should be so lucky." No, it was his talons. The horse had no idea the stork could have killed him. "With your, with your talons?" The horse bit at some of the reeds poking up and chewed. "Yeah, that's why we're out here, right? Because like me, you're worried about your feet causing earthquakes? And so you're keeping them in the marsh because it's soft and absorbs the shock?" The stork nodded. "Um, no, no one is worried about that."
28:21 Speaker 00 "Are you worried about that? He was out here for food because the predators generally wouldn't disadvantage themselves to wait out in the muck so he could eat in peace." "Not me, bro," the stork said. No, he wasn't worried about himself. He was worried about everyone else. He just, he didn't want to kill again. "What are you even talking about?" Corvigarus, the horse, asked. "What was going on here?" "Horses have it the worst. Storks are always landing on them and crushing them," the stork said. "It was because they looked strong, but they folded like a baguette, slowly and brutally with a lot of cracking." The horse grimaced, but he shook his head. He had never heard of a horse being killed by a stork.
29:06 Speaker 00 Pointing, the stork said, "Exactly. No one had ever lived to tell about it." "It made sense in a way that was perfectly reasonable if you didn't think at all about the logic behind it, and the horse didn't really think at all about the logic behind it. He only knew that he was down in the water with the most dangerous animal he had ever known." "If you don't believe me, I can show you," the stork said. But Corvigarus wasn't waiting around for that. He, according to the text, panic-farted and then rushed from the water, just like the stork, who was annoyed that the horse was in his fishing spot and who didn't want to get accidentally trampled by the horse during his own hunt, had been hoping for.
29:48 Speaker 00 The horse went from one hunt to the other. Only he didn't realize this was a hunt. Frankly, neither did Icing Grim the Wolf, until he turned the corner and saw Corvagaris right there. Um, where's your skin? The horse looked the Wolf up and down, less afraid than very confused. Icing Grim said, oh, that was quite a story. You see, he just came from the king's meeting for all the important... the horse wasn't invited, was he? Well, anyway, the king was sick. He needed a sweating cure for his fever, and the Wolf knew that the only medical intervention that would save him was his own skin, so he gave it willingly.
30:32 Speaker 00 Now, the Wolf paced left and right, getting closer to the horse and backing him up to the water. I need a different skin, and everyone at court said you were the one. They said that you loved your king and all who helped him. I don't need it for long, just until mine grows back. The horse, Corvagaris, snorted and looked to the ground. That, well, he did love his king, and he was grateful for Icing Grim giving the king his own skin so willingly. Icing Grim nodded. Yes, it certainly was willingly. He could tell that Corvagaris was so eager to give this gift that Icing Grim's lengthy speech was irritating to him, so he would sweeten the deal.
31:16 Speaker 00 He would also help Corvagaris lose some weight in the process. He would help the horse lose just the fat. It would make him faster. He wouldn't take the flesh and bone, of course, and only a few bites would help Icing Grim. Besides, the horse could eat grass and turn that into flesh. That was a good deal. The king himself decreed a royal thank you to whomever gave his coat to the Wolf. The horse looked at the Wolf and said, "How dare you." Icing Grim chuckled nervously. What? He was not expecting this kind of pushback from a prey animal. "How dare you ask this of me." The horse snorted, this time in annoyance.
32:00 Speaker 00 Did Isengrim really think that a friend needed to ask? Isengrim cocked his head, so Corvagaris would do it? Corvagaris laughed, "Of course." When the king needed Isengrim's coat, Isengrim didn't need to be dragged like a prisoner to give it up. He gave it up willingly. Corvagaris would follow his example. Corvagaris looked over his shoulder to the stork in the pond. Thing was, that guy over there, he means business. Isengrim squinted. "Him?" "Oh, yeah, so we should go to the forest, lest he see you taking off my skin and eating me,
32:43 Speaker 00 and thinking that something bad was going down." "I literally don't know where he sits on the alignment chart, if he'd kill you and eat me, or kill you and save me, because he thinks something bad is happening. Best to do it in private, in the woods." Isengrim said, "Yes, that was indeed wise. In the woods, where no one could see or hear." It started off toward the woods. "Your hair's looking a little scruffy. Want me to give you a haircut?" Corvagaris asked, as the wolf trailed behind him into the forest. Isengrim ran his hand through his hair. His tonsure, the shaved bare spot at the top of his head, had regrown. Then he thought about it. "How did the horse give haircuts?"
33:28 Speaker 00 "Oh, I have razor blades on my feet. I do it for all the monks in the area. Why do you think they're always giving us horses hay?" Isengrim shook his head. None of this made sense. Wouldn't foot razors be dulled by the road, or paths, or anything? "Oh, for sure, but I have my own strop, so it's all good." The wolf had a bag and stuff, but the horse was completely naked. Where was his strop? And yeah. Reynard's stories oscillate wildly between cynical political allegory and bathroom humor, all while remaining in the orbit of extreme violence. So, think about a leather strop, and then think about the one part of a male horse
34:12 Speaker 00 that's similar in length and shape to a strop. Yeah. Oh, so that's what that is. Icinggrim nodded. Still, he couldn't believe that Corvagaris had razor blades on his feet. Oh, for sure. Here, here, take a look. Corvagaris gestured back over his shoulder. When Icinggrim was directly behind him, waiting for that look at Corvagaris's back hoof, well, he gave him that look at the hoof. A very fast one, but it was thorough and up close. Icinggrim caught the horse hoof in the face and flew back like five feet, hitting the tree. The horse felt different. Oh, he shook his foot. Darn it.
34:57 Speaker 00 His shoe had come off and implanted itself right in Icinggrim's forehead. Corvagaris laughed. Well, he actually did give the wolf a ring in his head. Nice, the stork called out from the water. The horse, spooked by the super-strong stork, bolted into the woods.
35:22 Speaker 00 We'll see how Reynard deals with Icinggrim when the wolf pays him a visit at home, but that will, once again, be right after this.
35:31 Speaker 01 Hi, I'm Jenna Oshkowitz. You might know me from Glee. This is At the Table, the food allergy podcast, a show about food, connection, and what it really looks like to live with food allergies. Each episode, we hear stories from real people like Daniel.
35:45 Speaker 02 People would always think I was lactose intolerant, so I just kind of shortened my explanation to I'm deathly allergic, in a big way that defined a lot of my childhood.
35:56 Speaker 01 And while there are challenges, there are moments that remind you you're not alone.
36:01 Speaker 03 One of the best guys that I dated, he made a point to memorize all my food allergies.
36:07 Speaker 01 So join us and hear their stories and more, because living with food allergies isn't just about what you can't eat. It's about still having your seat at the table. Brought to you by Genentech and Novartis. Listen to At the Table, the food allergy podcast, on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow At the Table and start listening on the free iHeart Radio app today.
36:28 Speaker 04 Hey, it's Niall Rogers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by Miguel.
36:46 Speaker 07 My small experience with the discrepancy in the business of music made me angry in the best way, and I wanted to, I wanted to finish. So I started really like leaning into my therapy, trying to get down to like what matters now. Somewhere, Miguelito felt like he didn't have a place to say how he felt, and music was the place that I went to, to say how I felt.
37:09 Speaker 04 Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.
37:28 Speaker 00 "Hey, hi," Reynard said, standing over Icinggrim. "Um, me and my family, we're, we're trying to sleep, you know, with the winter coming up. Think maybe you can suffer somewhere else? Or at least more quietly?" Reynard's wife walked up to him and whispered in his ear, as he stood over the form of the weeping, shivering Icinggrim in the forest. "No, no, you're right," he nodded and looked down at Icinggrim. "We actually think the silent, anguished cries of your tormented soul might be worse for the kids, you know, if they know you're out here. Probably good to find somewhere else to be. You."
38:08 Speaker 00 Teeth chattering so loudly that Reynard initially thought it was someone chopping wood, Icinggrim looked up. "You, you did this to me," he growled. Even with the patchy fur just starting to grow, he was still a wolf many times the size of Reynard. Reynard said he thought he heard the kids, and his wife went back to the burrow. When she was gone, he met the wolf's eyes. "I survive. It's what I do. I'm a survivor. You bring me into a situation and it goes wrong for you? That's on you. I'm not on your side. I'm not on the king's side. I'm on my side."
38:52 Speaker 00 Reynard's claw pointed to his chest. Icingrim glanced at his burrow. Yeah, sure, them too, I guess, Reynard said. He told Icingrim that the wolf knew better than to tattle on him and bring him to court. Icingrim said that that wasn't him. That was Joseph the sheep. Then your beef isn't with me, it's with Joseph, or rather, your mutton. Reynard smiled. Joseph had a family of 12, and they lived in a field. I mean, I'm not saying they're begging to be eaten, but a field? Seriously? Reynard sighed. Look, he was sorry about how things went down.
39:32 Speaker 00 The wolf had his size and teeth and claws. Reynard had his cunning, that's it. If Icingrim wanted, he would show the wolf the field where Joseph and his little sheeplets lived. Truce? Reynard held out a paw. He was met with the wolf's skin paw. Ugh, he was looking forward to Icingrim's fur growing back. This was off-putting. As the pair walked off in the moonlight, Icingrim looked down at Reynard. You know, what you said about the size and teeth and the claws. I could kill you right now. Icingrim's mouth began dripping with saliva. Reynard looked up and met his eyes once again.
40:14 Speaker 00 I skinned you alive in 10 minutes with my words. Icingrim nodded. Just, that was just a fun hypothetical, of course. The eating Reynard thing. Fun little thought experiment, had no bearing on actual reality. Ha ha. Yeah, that's what he thought.
40:42 Speaker 00 Um, maybe don't be you? Reynard said to the hairless wolf as they approached the sheepfold. What do you mean, don't be me? I'm delightful, the wolf snarled. Just like, be nice. Lead with some flattery and some peace. You're a priest, right? Say priestly stuff. Peace be upon you brethren. Eisen Grim stood and stretched his arms out. Joseph's twelve children huddled behind him, but he remained planted in the center of the sheepfold. Oh, it was the wolf Eisen Grim. What did he want? "I want what's owed to me for your insolence," Eisen Grim growled, quickly throwing away all that peace stuff.
41:26 Speaker 00 "I will take everything you have, everything you are as payment, and your twelve children as interest." The saliva began to drip once again from his mouth. "Promise?" Joseph stepped forward. Eisen Grim said he didn't care how much Joseph begged for his— Wait, what did Joseph say? "Yeah, you're gonna eat me, right?" Joseph shrugged. Great. What did he think? Joseph wanted to be eaten by some, like, rando peasant? He was there when Eisen Grim's father ate his father. It was only fitting that Eisen Grim ate him. "That actually tracks," Reynard chimed in. "Could you maybe leave one of his kids alive so your children can hunt his for the next generation?"
42:09 Speaker 00 "Oh, could you?" Joseph bleated. "Uh, sure, I guess," Eisen Grim froed his wolf brow. "I peed on Eisen Grim's kids," Reynard chimed in again, just reminding everyone of the canon. "I peed on his kids." "Cool." "See what I mean, though?" Joseph said. "With you eating me, it just felt right. Otherwise, I have to deal with little weirdos like Reynard." "Anyway, where do you want to do this? If we wait long enough for morning for the shepherd to return, you're gonna have problems. And if we go into the woods, your family might decide they want to bite." "In fact," Joseph began to pace, "that's a problem.
42:51 Speaker 00 I want you to eat me, not some unnamed wolf who isn't a descendant from a wolf who ate my dad." Then he did a short hop. "Wait, did Eisen Grim think he could eat Joseph in one go? That way, he didn't have to fight any wolves or..." He took a distasteful look. "Foxes for the scraps of him." Reynard shot him a nasty look right back. "Eisen Grim said he usually liked to enjoy his food." But think of the mouthful. Me. I'll go straight from your mouth to your entrails all at once. Joseph was getting weirdly excited about this. Um, sure, I guess, but how?
43:34 Speaker 00 Icingrim started opening his mouth as wide as he could, trying to gauge if the sheep would even fit. Joseph gestured over to the shed that the shepherd used sometimes. Here. There were some holes by the door frame, and Icingrim stuck his lower paws in when he got there, per Joseph's instructions. It was still weird that Joseph was so into being consumed. Look, I'm an old sheep. I've had 12 children. At a certain age, you accept your own mortality, and you're more concerned with legacy. This just makes sense. Okay, now brace your back against that pillar so I can jump down your throat.
44:15 Speaker 00 The story assures us that this logic checks out, that it was possible for the sheep to actually be eaten all in one go if he ran and jumped feet first. He, however, did not. So male sheep do naturally have horns. If you think a sheep charging at someone's face as fast as he can sounds like it might be painful, you've thought about this more than Icingrim did. You flinched, Joseph yelled after hitting Icingrim's head against the pillar and tearing his horns through the wolf's soft palate. The wolf, shrieking, collapsed. Get him up. I want to be eaten, Joseph cried. Reynard obliged.
44:59 Speaker 00 Dazed and, you know, probably concussed. Icingrim stood with Reynard's help slash coercion. You used to eat sick sheep as an appetizer, and now you're falling down at the taste of one? Joseph yelled. He ran and tried again. After this, Icingrim, bloody and broken, was crawling away. After just a taste, look how far you've fallen, Joseph yelled out after him. Pitiful. Hey, tell all your wolf friends how good mutton tastes. I'll be happy to give them a little taste too, Joseph cried out after the wolf, who crawled toward the forest as fast as he could while the sun rose behind him.
45:57 Speaker 00 You look hungry, Reynard smiled, out of absolutely nowhere. "I'm a lion, I'm always hungry," the Lion King said. Reynard pointed. Well then, he was in luck. Reynard had dinner for him. Well, Reynard didn't. He was actually just a messenger, for Isengrim the Wolf. The king had healed, and Isengrim's fur had regrown completely. The Wolf, he was no longer sufficiently cowed, and was starting to get a little bit more menacing. Reynard had resolved to fix that. He told the king that the Wolf wanted to express his thanks to the king for allowing him to help. So he wanted to have the king over for dinner. "Hey, so, bad news," Reynard whispered to Isengrim, inside the Wolf's den.
46:42 Speaker 00 Isengrim shrieked. "And his kids cowered." And the Wolf asked him how he got in here. But Reynard didn't answer. The king was outside. He wanted to dine with Isengrim. "What? Why?" Isengrim blurted out. "He wants to honor you? I don't know. Look, I can help. There's a cow nearby," Reynard said. Moments later, they walked out the front door. "Your Grace," Isengrim smiled at the lion. He was so glad the lion stopped by for dinner, so honored. Reynard, actually, had what they would be eating that evening. Right, Reynard? "Right this way," the fox smiled. They spotted the heifer in the field. Now, I'm not sure exactly what rules were operating under,
47:26 Speaker 00 but the king's peace did not seem to apply to cows. Maybe there's something to read into there. Regardless, the cow was ordered to yield her flesh, and she obliged. She wasn't given much of a choice, or any. She was asked with, quote, "teeth and claws." And obeyed, when the lion's weight forced her to the ground and the teeth tore into her throat. "I'll divide the meat for us," Icinggrim said when the cow stopped moving. The king wiped his bloody mouth. "Oh, sure. They wouldn't just tear at this corpse like animals. Go ahead." So the wolf set to it: front, middle, back. One, two, three, in order of importance.
48:08 Speaker 00 The king, obviously first, and then him, Icinggrim, then a distant, distant third, so far away, Reynard. One, front, two, middle, third, back. It was only when he saw Reynard snickering and Rufanus, the king, looming, that he thought something... might be wrong. "This is how you divide the spoils? You jump in front of me and take what you want? You leave me the head and Reynard the rear and you take the best for yourself?" Icinggrim looked. Oh no, yeah, the king was right. He wasn't trying to offend. "Then I hope you're not offended by my compensation," the lion roared,
48:51 Speaker 00 and tore Icinggrim's skin from his body for the second time in nearly a year. Icinggrim shrieked and collapsed, gripping his sticky, purple of the whatever part of the body that is, as the lion put his cloak on. He actually kinda missed it? A giant wolf cloak was like a whole Game of Thrones vibe. Reynard said he would love to be so honored as to have the king wear his skin twice. As for him, he wanted to give his part of the heifer to the king. At this, the lying king grew serious. Alongside Icinggrim's tears, he growled that he was no common thief. To take what wasn't his, no. They would still divide the corpse, but Reynard could do it.
49:35 Speaker 00 Reynard said, "Sure," but he loved his friend the wolf. It wouldn't do it unless the wolf was pardoned for offending the king. The king inspected his luscious new wolf cloak, flicking a flea off. You know what? Sure. So Reynard made three piles that were all equal. The first was the king's, fat and delicious. The second was to take to the queen, who just gave birth and needed her strength. And the third to the young cubs, who could grow strong teeth by chewing on the bones. What about him? The king pointed to Eisen Grim, now rocking back and forth in the fetal position. I don't think he's hungry. As for me, Reynard produced a hoof. He was little, that was all he needed.
50:21 Speaker 00 The king thanked Reynard for his magnanimity and left with the food. Several minutes after he left, Eisen Grim sat up and flew to Reynard, hugging him. "Thank you, thank you," Eisen Grim wept. "You got me pardoned." "You got ahead of yourself," Reynard said. "Where there is abundance, it is good to be content with sufficiency. If you had been wise, you would have left unharmed and on good terms with the king." Eisen Grim's foe was his own greed. Greed and discretion can't coexist. You bit when you should have licked. Power takes no notice when people lick, but when they bite, power bites back. Eisen Grim said yes.
51:05 Speaker 00 Reynard was so wise. He was so lucky to have a friend like the fox. Yes, you are, Eisen Grim. Yes, you are. Reynard patted him on the back and then grimaced when his hand came away sticky.
51:35 Speaker 00 That's where we'll leave things with Reynard. I think we have one more Reynard story left, and it does wrap things up, but that will be for a later date. Next week, we're back in Japanese folklore, and we're in the provinces, telling five interconnecting stories of love, loss, and surprising cliff mushrooms.
51:54 Speaker 00 Real quickly, if you want to get ad-free and bonus episodes, check out mythpodcast.com/membership or find us on Apple Podcasts. And if you'd like to connect with the community, I did some work on the Discord server to make it easier to connect and talk about the show. We have a fun little community growing over there, and you can find us by going to myths.link/discord or by following the link in the show notes.
52:23 Speaker 00 The creatures this week are the devs from Armenia. And I'm not talking about Armenian software developers, unless the seven-eyed, seven-headed humanoid giants from Armenian folklore decided to do a hard pivot late in life to a different career and took up coding. No judgment. I know people where that's really worked out, so good for them. There is a lot of overlap between cultures when it comes to this creature, so please forgive me if I unintentionally equate the Armenian dev with the Georgian dev or the Iranian dev. The Armenian ones, though, enjoy the simple pleasures of harassing travelers and boulder fights. Like I said, according to one source, they have seven heads and one eye in the center of each head.
53:06 Speaker 00 Quote, "The size of a bull." It's like a cyclops, but can a creature be called a cyclops if it has seven heads each with one eye? It doesn't feel right. We're obviously asking the real and important questions here on Myths and Legends. They're said to be fallen angels, so dev seems to fit. When they're not trying to give each other brain damage with their favorite games, I mean, they do have a lot of brains to spare, so they're probably okay. They're gardeners, guarding their flower gardens. Before you think they have a heart of gold, though, some versions of them catch fairies in cages and keep them there, torturing them because they have to touch iron until they starve, because they can't smell perfumes as part of a multi-generational war between the devs and the fairies.
53:51 Speaker 00 That all sounds really specific and cool, but I couldn't find anything more about it. And some places say that it's part of the Persian version. Regardless, whether they're throwing rocks or imprisoning fairies, head up the mountain and try to convince them to make that career change. And like, learn Python or something. Then run, because in some versions, the dev can actually turn into a python.
54:19 Speaker 00 That's it for this time. Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Weiser. Our theme song is by Broke for Free and the Creature of the Week music is by Steve Colmes. There are links to even more of the music we use in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time.
54:38 Speaker 01 She's been thinking about this sleepover all week, but I think about her food allergies all the time. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed Zolair, omalizumab. It's proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens.
54:51 Speaker 07 Zolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people one year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one of more foods. While taking Zolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Zolair. Zolair may cause a severe, life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Zolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis. Zolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see zolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist
55:33 Speaker 07 about Zolair. This is an advertisement for Zolair, paid for by Genentech and Novartis.
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56:15 Speaker 04 Hey, I'm Niall Rogers. This fall, I'll be driving across the country, meeting some of today's coolest and most fascinating artists. We'll explore the stories before the moments that changed everything. Because every musician remembers the moment where it all began. Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln Original Series on the iHeart Radio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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