Champagne At Joanne's

It's a housewarming party!! It feels like AGES since Vogue & Joanne were actually in the same place, but this week they recorded the podcast TOGETHER AT JOANNE'S NEW HOUSE!! OMG!! There's Steven Bartlett chat to unpack, a bottle of champagne to open, some housewarming presents to unwrap and that's only the beginning... If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] mailto:[email protected] You can now watch FULL video episodes of My Therapist Ghosted Me! Visit www.youtube.com/@mtgmpod http://www.youtube.com/@mtgmpod and remember to subscribe! Please review Global's Privacy Policy:https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit:https://www.mytherapistghostedme.com/www.mytherapistghostedme.com http://www.mytherapistghostedme.com/

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Are you going to talk about Stephen Bartlett?

• 0:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 0:11Speaker 02

  I'd be good at it. Imagine me, Peg.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  You'd be brilliant.

• 0:13Speaker 02

  I would be good at it.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:14Speaker 02

  I know I would. I already know.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. You wouldn't even need the strap on.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  He just, he boils my blood.

• 0:24Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ, I hope he never bumped into me.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  Maybe I fancy him.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Say hello and welcome.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Are we on? Are we up?

• 0:35Speaker 03

  We're on, yeah.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Are we up? Yeah. So, so this is, this is like the, you know, when you had, when you're in school, you'd have the non-uniform days.

• 0:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  And it felt like just chaos.

• 0:45Speaker 02

  They call it a muffty day over here.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  What?

• 0:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, muffty day. My kids have it on Friday.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  That's not true.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  Joe, isn't it called a muffty day over here?

• 0:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  Muffty day.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  They don't think about muff the way we do.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  Muffty day.

• 0:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Well, that doesn't even make any sense.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  They call knickknacks, what do you call them again? Ring, ring ginger or something.

• 1:06Speaker 03

  Oh, as in knocking on people's doors right away?

• 1:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09Speaker 03

  That, that varies.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Ring, ring ginger?

• 1:12Speaker 02

  Knock, knock ginger.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  But where we're from, call it ratties.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  Ratties.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Oh my God, can you imagine?

• 1:19Speaker 01

  You were fucking dragged up, Joe.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  Ratties on your new road.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  If I do get a few drinks.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  To meet the neighbours.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  No, do you know what, do you know what blows my mind? I was actually speaking about some, I was doing research for this other thing the other day. And I was talking about the fact that I used to knock around to the neighbour's house. And when they'd open, I'd just start singing and dancing.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, I used to do it too, but I'd have a box for charity.

• 1:39Speaker 01

  Oh, I had no charity box.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  I'd be like, charity.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  I just wanted to get signed.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  Seven years of age. But like, I have to say, if a child knocked on my door now and started singing and dancing, I don't know. I guess I'd have to listen to them.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, you'd feel like you're going to get in trouble for it.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  That if you don't, like, I'm just surprised at the generosity of the neighbours, that they actually put up with that shit. Some of them would invite me in and let me do it in the sitting room.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  You see, you just couldn't get away with that now.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  I'm like, you'd have to pick a pocket or two. I think I was playing the spoons at one point.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Oh my god, Gina at Mary Black. I'm gonna get her magnificent. She played all her bangers and she really, she left me hanging. Cause at the end she went off and she said goodbye, then she came back on and she did one song and I was like, oh my god, she's not doing my favourite song.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  She edged you.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Past, yeah. I was like, I honestly was like, where's Past the Point of Rescue? How could she not do that song?

• 2:31Speaker 01

  I'm not as familiar with her work.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  Oh, it's a glorious song. It's an absolute banger. Sent us all out on a high and it was the last song she played.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Oh, she teased you and then came out and sang it.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  She teased me. But Svenny and I are having a wedding anniversary. When it's our 10 year wedding anniversary in our new house and I was like, maybe I'll get Mary Black. I know she's retired.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Well, you'd smut the mumba for the 40th.

• 2:51Speaker 02

  I'd love Mary Black for the, for the wedding anniversary.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Would you actually, would you book her?

• 2:55Speaker 02

  I would love her. She might not want to do it though. She didn't really want to do the 40th.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  She said no before. There's, there's previous there.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  She was like, I'm not.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Beep beep beep.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  I don't really want to do it.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Here's Bo offering me another 300 quid to sing in her garden.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  300 quid, I wish.

• 3:16Speaker 01

  I know, yeah.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  I forget why I brought up Mary Black because this is what we do. Jo, why did I bring up Mary Black?

• 3:24Speaker 01

  I was talking about, oh, we went from Mufty Day or whatever it's called. I was saying, we are in my house. We are recording in my house. That's where it started.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  How you got to Mary Black? I don't know.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  We're gonna keep an eye on this, listeners, okay? That was our first fault.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  We are in my house. Jo suggested we film in a house and we were like, oh my god, this is so much better. And then I was like, I could get Jo to help me. There's a couple of boxes and I need a mirror board upstairs and.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  That's why we're here.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  I can't lift, I'm pregnant.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  I'm not even joking.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  Oh, watch.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  And, and you hadn't seen the house?

• 4:00Speaker 02

  The house is fantastic.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  I love showing love.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  I said to, yeah, but I said to Joanne, I was like, it's like it was, it was made for you because all her furniture that never fit in the flat fits perfectly here.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Everything suddenly makes sense.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Like, how the sofa was in your flat, I don't understand.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  I know. Well, yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. I find, I finally found a place to fit the furniture. Anyway, because we're in the house.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  I want to celebrate.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  And by celebrate, she means have a bottle of champagne.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  I don't know how else to celebrate. That's all I know.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  Well, it is. It's actually, I think it's like, it's bad luck. I have to have a sip, by the way, listeners, and you're allowed to have a sip because it's bad luck not to toast a house.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Well, Bonnie Blue apparently is hoovering the shots into her and she's pregnant. Although I think that's a, I think, I am assuming that's a press stunt. But she is, she is pregnant.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  I, well, she, she had a pregnant, fake pregnancy, to me. Congratulations to Joanne.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  Celebrate myself.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Who's, there you go. You got so much.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Do you have a little wine glasses? You got me.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  I know.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Now, that's all you can have, or the baby will have a tiny head.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  Just.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Jo, are you pregnant with child? Is your period, your period late?

• 5:07Speaker 02

  You can have a full glass.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Are you on the coil? You can have a full glass.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  I know somebody who was 48 and basically. I know. I know someone who was 48 and basically thought she was going through perimenopause. They went and did blood tests on her. Pregnant.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Well, and spoiler alert, if you're watching A Manta Land series two, spoiler, spoiler, blah, blah, blah.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  I haven't watched it. Not all of it.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Can I tell you?

• 5:30Speaker 02

  No. Oh, yeah. Go on, all you.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  Anne is, Anne thinks she's going through the period. She's going through the menopause and she goes in. It's one of the funniest scenes in A Manta Land. I have to say, series two is really funny. She's like, I have hot flushes, foggy brain, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, is it the menopause? And the doctor said, Anne, you're pregnant. And she faints. It's, it's, you know, I love a bit of physical comedy.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  It's up there with Mr. Blobby.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  I just, I love Anne.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  One of the funniest storylines in series two is Joanna Lumley, who plays Amanda's mother.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  And I mean, my God, it's.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Pour the champagne. This is not life.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  And one of the storylines is that she can't, that she's a really terrible driver and the, the visuals of her driving around London in a Mini Cooper banging into things. It brings me, Anne, that's Joanne. And she's trying to get Amanda to take her points for her and all. It's fucking so funny. Spoiler, spoiler, sorry. Jo, do you want a glass of champagne?

• 6:21Speaker 03

  Yes, please.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  This is great. Let's come to Joanne's house more often.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  I'm gonna get a landscaper and I've started measuring the, I'm measuring for a bed. I'm gonna measure this time.

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Do you want me to measure for you? Cause I just feel like you're, okay.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Mmm. Do you want your present?

• 6:35Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  I'm gonna get the-

• 6:36Speaker 01

  What about for Christmas?

• 6:37Speaker 02

  I'm gonna get the rest of the present because I know-

• 6:39Speaker 01

  I need to tell them like again.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  I know you're not gonna have what you need for the presents.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Is it willpower? What do we need?

• 6:47Speaker 02

  You'll understand now. You know, they'll just sit there as ornaments.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I love it.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  I was like-

• 7:00Speaker 03

  For the audio listener, it is a-

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  Open the other one.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  There's another one.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  It is a neon salt and pepper mills.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Shut up.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  I know.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  It's very you, isn't it?

• 7:16Speaker 01

  I love them.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  And I'll get the rest because I know you're never gonna go and buy salt or peppers to put in it.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Do you have to have special salt and pepper?

• 7:23Speaker 02

  No, you just have to buy something you just want.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  I have a bag of molten downstairs.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Do you?

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  No, but they have to be like, it has to be salt that you need to grind down.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  That's an exceptional present. Jo, I'm ready for your-

• 7:34Speaker 02

  I saw them.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  Can I have your present?

• 7:37Speaker 03

  Soon, really soon. I didn't know I was coming today in fairness.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  You did. We arranged it yesterday.

• 7:42Speaker 03

  Uh, until yesterday evening, I didn't know.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  Everyone has a candle knocking around the house.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  And I've got your presents in the storage.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Speaking of candles, well, I think I owe you a Christmas one from 2018, so we're fine.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  Let's call it quits.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Let's call it quits. Uh, speaking of candles, a friend of mine, Noel, sent me a, again, like, I actually feel so bad when people move in. I start sending cards. I've had so many nice cards. I'm like, shit, I'm not doing that.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  Who's sending you cards?

• 8:02Speaker 01

  Well, like my mom and stuff.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was thinking, only people over the age of 70 are sending cards.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  Well, my friend Noel came over. She dropped a card in on a, on a, on a, uh, what was it? It's a low A. What's that brand? Low A box? Low A, one of those. And it was a candle and I opened it and it was burnt-

• 8:17Speaker 02

  A candle?

• 8:17Speaker 01

  It was burnt down to the wick. And I said, Noel, this regifting, I mean, listen, I'm a regifter, the same as you, but you can't be regifting shit you've used. There's a line. There's a boundary.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  She maybe wanted you to have the packaging. She was low A.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  She's like, that's new. I said, Noel, don't kid a kidder. And she said it was new. So I was like, oh my god, I got tuna canned. Do you remember back, do you remember that story back? Someone thought they were buying a watch and they bought a tuna and someone had taken the watch and sent, returned the box with a tuna in it. It was the same weight as the watch. Do you remember this show?

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Was it to Amazon?

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, something like that.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  Well, Amazon, you can send stuff back to Amazon.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  Fair play, whoever decides to send something back should really get a free product. But some people use like. No, some people use a whole product and then send it back and they're like, it just wasn't right. Or fill it up with something else. A K eighteen. I think they had a real problem with that on Amazon where people were using the K eighteen and refilling it with something else and sending it back and then it wasn't real K eighteen.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  I know, but K eighteen is brilliant.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  It's really brilliant, it is. It's kind of spicy.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  Saying like I'm doing an and again.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Oh, for fuck's sake. Okay.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  Anyway, I got those. I was at the Chelsea Flower Show and I saw those and I was like, who is gonna buy them? And then I thought, I am for Joanne.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  They're like, who'd buy those monstrosities? Oh.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  They had loads of them though. They said loads of people would be into them.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  I absolutely loved them and I'm gonna use them both for salt because I don't eat pepper.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Oh, you don't eat pepper? You're fat, you're fat, you're, people, guests you have over will eat pepper.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  You'd never put pepper on any food.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  I don't fuck with pepper at all now.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  Have you ever seen Spenny's and pepper?

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Do you eat pepper?

• 9:51Speaker 03

  That's remarkable.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Do you eat pepper?

• 9:52Speaker 03

  I think most people do.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I eat pepper. Ground pepper.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  Eggs.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no. You know how I like my eggs? I like them rock hard like golf balls covered in salt.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Do you know I have to make three types of eggs every morning? Do you know that that's my morning?

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Before saying when you move in across the road because I'll be up.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  You can, you can either have, you can have an egg in a cup, you can have an egg in a cup, scrambled eggs or an omelette, that's all you're getting. I'm not doing any more eggs.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Do you know I had to hoover the driveway yesterday with my Henrietta hoover because while I was away for work, well, Fox obviously got it a bag.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 10:22Speaker 01

  And there was eggshells everywhere, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I've no yard equipment. Um, because obviously I'm not a yarder.

• 10:30Speaker 03

  Let's wait a few days because I hope to fuck that was papped because the image of you hoovering your front.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  She's really lost it now.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  I was out there with the Dyson, but the Dyson wasn't charged. Then I dragged that Henrietta.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  The Dyson went out there?

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  Are you mental?

• 10:46Speaker 01

  I actually, when I text you the message, I said, you're coming over. I said, I'll hoover the driveway.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Sorry, please tell me about the paddling pool.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Well, I'm actually, so I was obviously building myself up towards, uh, hot girl summer because obviously it was a heatwave and I was kind of planning out the garden because, you know, with a garden, I did I mention a garden? And I was.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  I'm glad you decided upon a gardener.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get a gardener. Um, and I ordered this stunning, bright red, heart shaped paddling pool. I took ages picking it out, right?

• 11:15Speaker 02

  Where'd you get it? Yeah.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  I don't know what's that.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  That place that we're not supposed to go to, but I mean, I, I, I had to get it from there because I needed to know when it was arriving because I was away for work.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  It was like, when I was thinking about it, I was like, where would you get one of them? And then I was like, oh, did she do that, that dirty bitch?

• 11:38Speaker 01

  I had, look, listen, what can I say? Every now and again.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Jo hasn't even figured out what we're talking about, have you not?

• 11:43Speaker 03

  But before, before you say what was wrong with it or why it was wrong, can I ask the next question?

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Did you measure?

• 11:50Speaker 01

  No, no, no, but I had a good look at it.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, no.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  I looked through it with my eyes, up and down, up and down.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  You saw how many people fit into it and then you saw it.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, yes, yes. And I saw there was a woman and a, and a, and a, and a dog, I think. And I went, perfecto.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  That's exactly the size I need.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  And you knew where you were gonna put it?

• 12:06Speaker 01

  And I knew where I was gonna put it.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  In the garden.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Um, or maybe just as like a foot spa in the sitting room. I don't know. There's no rules. I live on my own now. Do what you want. And anyway, ordered it from.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  I'd love to know. Do drop a comment below if you know what she's saying.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  They're really unethical place.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's not great, but they do, they do have stuff like that.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  They do have stuff like that. And, and the, and what's great about buying stuff on.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  You can buy another one if you got it from them. Because it was probably a fiver.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  It wasn't. It was a hundred, it was a hundred pounds. I don't know. It was seventy odd and then they charged me for the delivery.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Ah.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  Because I had to pre, I got the.

• 12:45Speaker 02

  You don't have Prime?

• 12:47Speaker 01

  I don't know if I have Prime now.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  What?

• 12:49Speaker 01

  I don't have, I don't have Prime because I don't like to shop on.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  I have Prime because he is mine. I mean, none of us like shopping, but I, I remember I was offered a business account. They're like.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Shut the fuck up because I was offered a business account for delivery because I ordered that so much.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, they thought I was a business.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  Are you fucking joking me?

• 13:08Speaker 02

  I know, I know, I know, I know. I've since cleaned up my act.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  Anyway, Panacol arrived. I was buzzing like an elf fridge.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  Still roasting, ripped it out and I have a box cutter now.

• 13:20Speaker 03

  Oh, great.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Because one of the lads from, yeah, Caroline left it here and I'm having a ball and using it to butter bread. It's really sharp.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  You had my fellows from Caroline though. They're really nice, aren't they?

• 13:28Speaker 01

  They're really lovely. But one of them left their box cutter here and I am so happy with this. I've, I'm tweezing. I did my hell bikini line with it. It is so sharp, I can't take it out of my hand. I'm like Edward Scissorhands, I'm like, I just have a hand.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  God forbid you'd offer it back.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  God no. No. Listen, they know where it is. But it's really, really good. And I'm slicing three things really, really, really well now. I, the paddling peel came in, I'm buzzing with the excitement of the peel party, and I throw the box, cut it through the box to open the paddling peel, and didn't I, didn't I slice the paddling peel? Didn't I slice and dice it?

• 14:03Speaker 02

  Could you send it back and say this was damaged?

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Well, I said it.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  I can't say who it was damaged by.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  I said it on Instagram, and in fairness, because obviously, to tell all my news, and someone did say, would you not just send it back?

• 14:15Speaker 02

  No, that's dishonest. I was joking, you can't do that.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  They're the one people that you would take the piss out of.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it goes back to the seller, so they take the piss out of the seller. Amazon never lose, lose in the race.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  Fine, I don't want to upset the paddling peel community.

• 14:33Speaker 04

  What do a football bunk off caught on live telly Taylor Swift's wedding and Susan Foyle's brand new bob all have in common?

• 14:40Speaker 05

  We are talking about them on Shouldn't Laugh But with me Laura Smith.

• 14:43Speaker 04

  And me Carmen Bitcher.

• 14:45Speaker 05

  This week, we're getting into the millions of Brits apparently planning to pull a sickie for the World Cup.

• 14:49Speaker 04

  We are also talking Taylor Swift's no plus one wedding rule.

• 14:53Speaker 05

  Plus, we have to discuss Susan Boyle's new look because the bob is bobbing.

• 14:57Speaker 04

  Expect strong opinions, wedding hot takes and probably a few things that we shouldn't laugh at.

• 15:02Speaker 05

  But obviously we will anyway.

• 15:04Speaker 04

  Listen and watch Shouldn't Laugh But on Global Player, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  I did get into a taxi there the other day, right? And you know when someone's like, there was a young fella, like a young guy, kind of all right looking, but he was listening to a podcast and like, the only lines I heard in it were like, oh, and when women are ready to mate.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  And I was like, what the hell is it? And then I was like a bit concerned, manosphere vibe. But he looked so normal.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  But no, no, no, that doesn't necessarily, when someone says the line when we're ready to mate isn't of its own, probably like the context, that in itself is okay. I mean, I mean, it suggests consent. He's saying ready to mate, not just saying when you're ready to ride them.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  I just found it such an odd conversation. Speaking of, yes.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Are you going to talk about Stephen Bartlett?

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  Can I just say, were I, do you know, like, if you have a dinner party, but I used to like him. He's the, what happened to his job?

• 16:04Speaker 02

  I think, I think he might be all right in real life. I think I've heard that he's kind of sound.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  So what we're talking about is Stephen Bartlett, he's only over one scandal where he basically said that maybe society should intervene with incels. And because incels weren't going to get the ride and that should society intervene. And everyone was like, what are you suggesting? Some sort of giant, unconsensual gangbang. Yeah, it was all that jazz and we weren't too pleased about it. And, um, and now he's come out with, now, and bearing in mind, this annoyed me.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  Let me see what he said. Well, because it's, I find stuff like this, even as like.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  I know exactly what he said, I can quote you.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  A wellness person, like I enjoy looking at wellness, I enjoy getting involved in some of it. But some of it is such a load of bullshit that I absolutely cannot bear it. It's like, would you, would you rather do like over wellness or enjoy your life a little bit and do a bit of wellness? Dip the toe in each, in each barrel.

• 16:57Speaker 01

  So Stephen Bartlett said.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Let me get up my notes.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  He had three, Stephen Bartlett, who doesn't drink, he gave a drink at 30, he's now 33, I think. He said.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  He's only 33, is he?

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:06Speaker 03

  Wasn't that because he drank three glasses of wine and it ruined him for a week?

• 17:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, he said, I drank three glasses of wine.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  Now I'm being toxic now, that's not good.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  That's not what it's.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  I said it in a tone of voice.

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Well, that's what he said.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what he said, I drank three glasses of wine and it ruined my life. Now, obviously ruined my life, I was like, oh my God, ruined your life. You got pissed, sold an organ, hired a prostitute, tried to pray for on Clarinet. Like, what happened? Like, this is obviously like high end self destruction. Read out what he said.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  He said, uh, he had a drink and it ruined his life.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  His life?

• 17:34Speaker 02

  So he had three glasses of wine and it ruined his life because it made him not optimal for three days. First of all, he said that he wasn't able to podcast well, which I actually don't agree with because I think when you're hungover, you are on full fwaygo.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  I have my stride at three, I, I won't podcast at three drinks a week.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  I think you're at your funniest when you're hungover. I also think you're at your best two drinks in.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  That's when a, a human is at his best. I get that people. I do. If everyone went around, two drinks in and they were all kept at that level, we'd all, there would be, there would be no war. Everyone would be getting on.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  If Putin had a little prosecco in the morning, he wouldn't be half as angry. Isn't that true?

• 18:13Speaker 02

  A little prosecco, like maybe a little mimosa in the morning.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  Nigel Farage, a little Negroni in the morning. He wouldn't be such a melter.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  They do have live, laugh, love.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  Nigel's gone overboard. I'd say Nigel's on drink five probably. And when people get to drink five, it gets stoppy and messy and they talk shit. That's what's happened to Nigel.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  I know Mihal Martin has a pint of Guinness every morning for saying this. Yeah.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  Ah, well, Mihal Martin was saying some.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  Allegedly, whatever.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  Mihal Martin was saying some mad shit last week.

• 18:40Speaker 01

  Was he?

• 18:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was blaming the housing crisis on immigrants.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Oh, well, then, there you go. Okay. So he obviously wasn't, he didn't have the pint that day. Now, there you go.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  He'd had four pints that day.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  Oh, he overstepped. Got it, got it. He went too far. Yeah.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  He was at two pints and he was making sense. And then he got to four pints and then he started talking about social housing. Yeah, okay. So that's what he did.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  Ah, Mihal.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  So there's a thing called being an optimization person. Because Stephen Bartlett's whoop said he was at something like, I don't know, 28% recovery or something. The amount of times I've seen a 1% recovery on my whoop, and I look at it and I'm like, I know I'm dead today because I know what I did yesterday and I know I've had two hours of sleep.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  What does that mean?

• 19:19Speaker 02

  A 1% recovery means like you're pretty much close. You are circling the hall of death.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  Oh, right. Okay.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  It means you're just. You're like, you're lucky you woke up, bitch. Yeah.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Someone got the resuscitator machine.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  I was, when I used to wear the whoop, that's kind of why I stopped wearing the whoop because I was like, this is too judgmental for me.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it is. Because I sometimes, I'm like, do you know what? You don't need that much intel. You just don't.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  No.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  You can get kind of obsessed by it. And Stephen Bartlett is an absolute, he's a whore to his whoop, from what I can tell. I'd say he rides, like when his whoop tells him he can ride.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  An early whoop investor.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  Oh, oh my god, I'm so thick.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Is he an early whoop investor?

• 19:54Speaker 01

  Google it, Jo.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  Now, I like the whoop. I will say, I like the whoop.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not against whooping.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  I like the aura because I do like looking at the data. But what I will say it does sometimes is I wake up, stretch, feel great, look at my aura. And it's like, oh, you, you, you, you're in an hour's sleep debt. And I'm like, great.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  I'm so thick. He's obviously invested in whoop. And that's why he's so whoop-tastic. He's always banging on about it. Yeah.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  But he does go on about human connection and stuff like that. But like, it just feels like he's only connecting to himself and not actually like living his life. There is a level of looking after your health. And then there is a level of just like those people that will just, I know somebody and he's a really nice guy. But he has lived off those meal plan boxes for like 12 years. Literally 12 years. He has these meal plan boxes. And I just think it's a sucker of joy of your life to be living off those boxes.

• 20:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  Eating broccoli, brown rice and chicken.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  I kinda, I kinda like those. I don't, so this, do you know what I will say? Obviously, I'm very, I'm very, um, I'm a positive Pino person. But I also aware, some people don't drink, they don't want to drink. They think it's, they, no, they understand that it's poisonous and it's not for them. It's not about that. It's just his general vibe. He's just such, he's so fucking dry. And that's again, I'm not saying you have to drink to be crack. I know you don't. I've loads of friends who don't drink and they're great crack. It's, do you know what I think bothers me about him? He is preaching about his concerns about incel men, involuntary cell, but men who aren't socializing. They're not meeting women.

• 21:22Speaker 03

  He did invest in women.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  I knew it! I'm so thick.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Oh god, lucky bastard though, if he got in there early. If he got in there early, it's like, it's like getting in an apple early.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  I'm going to invest in those fluorescent salt and pepper holders. I think that's a fucking genius idea. That's Dragon's Den shit to me. Like, hello?

• 21:43Speaker 01

  I'll take 1% of the business.

• 21:44Speaker 02

  Same level as we, for sure.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  But I'm like, if you're preaching, if you're concerned about the male loneliness epidemic and you're talking about men that like, and suggesting, I don't know, some like, whatever gang, I think he was on, what you're also doing is keeping men even more isolated. I'm not saying drinking is the key. I'm not saying it's the code, but what I am saying is, if a man is just obsessed with dumping himself in ice, not drinking, sitting in, optimising, tracking his sleep, tracking his, all this shit, you're not, what sort of, how is it, what, these, also, you're preaching to incels. They've never ridden anyone. They need to be pissed for the first one.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  You need, yeah.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  Is that not fair? A sober ride from an incel. No wonder now it's riding them. Is that terrible?

• 22:29Speaker 02

  No, I don't think, I'll tell you what he said. I stopped drinking at 30 years old. When I was 31, I thought, I'll have a drink again because now I could really A/B test it. I had a year of not drinking and decided to have a drink again. It ruined three days of my life. I had a, oh, sorry.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Was he roofied?

• 22:45Speaker 02

  I had a couple of glasses of wine.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  Was he spiked?

• 22:48Speaker 02

  Now, in fairness, if I had a couple of glasses of wine, I would get drunk, but I wouldn't, it would not take three days away from my life.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  Sure, I have three drinks to go to the gym.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  It ruined three days of my life because of the domino effect it caused. I got worse sleep that night. And then because I got worse sleep that night, I ate more poorly the next day because my dopamine system or whatever. The cortisol system was all messed up. I podcasted worse. I didn't go to the gym that day or the day after because I felt really bad. I then slept worse and I could track all of this on my whoop that I invested in.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  I am so silly.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  You went off quote, just for that last bit there, I feel like.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  Oh, he didn't say on my whoop. He said, he said, I could track all of this on my whoop, full stop.

• 23:29Speaker 03

  Brackets.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Brackets.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  Vogue speaking now.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  He has invested in whoop.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Of course you can track it on whoop. We can all track it on whoop or, or, or it doesn't mean that we don't want to live our lives and have a little bit of fun. And as you're saying, doesn't mean you have to, not, doesn't mean you have to drink. I'm not drinking at the moment.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  I'm still great crack.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  It's not about the drinking. It's just about, he's just so, he's such a melt. Do you know what he is? He's a crack vac. He's one of these people who walks into a room, he just sucks the crack out. He vacuum packs crack out of rooms. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I guess because I am a drinker. I don't know why. And I also know he speaks in clickbait. I know what he's doing. He knows what he's doing. I just feel, Stephen Bartlett, if you're listening, which I'm sure you are.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  Go out, get fucked up, get pegged, lose, lose, lose your way.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  Or don't get pegged, okay?

• 24:14Speaker 01

  No, get pegged.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  Get pegged.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  I think everyone needs to get pegged once in their life and I, and I think that that's, he just needs to let loose.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Are you talking about men just getting pegged or, or us getting pegged as well?

• 24:23Speaker 01

  I know women who are.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  Who've been pegged. I haven't been pegged.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Or are pegging.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  Are pegging?

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Yeah.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Hmm, I just know for me, I don't think.

• 24:31Speaker 01

  Olivia, my trainer was over the other day.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  Although I'd be good at it. Imagine me pegging.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  You'd be brilliant.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  I would be good at it. I know I would. I already know.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. You wouldn't even need the strap on.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  You just finally get to be who you really are, your authentic self.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  Not want my newly puffy vagina.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  So, Ronnie Spencer's saying she's got a puffed vagina.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  So, do you know what he said to me last night?

• 24:58Speaker 02

  I walked into the room naked and he goes, "See? Less puffy." Sorry, I'm sorry.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  Sorry, are we gonna go down the road of Spencer saying he have a puffy vagina?

• 25:06Speaker 02

  I do have a puffy vagina. In pregnancy, I've, I've spoken about it. I think it's an important thing that women know. Izzy, did you know that you get a puffy vagina when you're pregnant? You do, it's an important thing to know because it will just end up there. And if one of my friends, one of my friends, Laura, there's loads of Lauras in the world, you won't know who she is, told me about it.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Maybe bleep her name.

• 25:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, told me about it and I was like, "What?" And she goes, "Yeah, wait till you see when I was pregnant with Theodore." And I was like, "That's not gonna happen to me." And then I was like, "Oh my God, where are the larger knickers?"

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Well, I will say, in defence of the puffed vagina.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  Women are getting.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Women are puffing, they're paying to get their vaginas puffed.

• 25:40Speaker 02

  But he wasn't even trying to be mean because I had said to him, I was like, "Oh my God, it's different." Like, and, and he was like, "Well, it is a little, it is a little puffier. It's, it's puffier." And then yesterday, he was like, "It's less puffy today." And I was like, "I think it's because the day that I showed it to you, I had done a whole cliff walk and it was, it had been out and about. It had done a long day."

• 25:56Speaker 01

  Send this man back to the Antarctic. He needs to run this off. This is fucking ludicrous. This happens when he's home for any length of time. No, too much judgement, too much scrutiny on the girth of my vagina. No. I'm growing your child.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  While we're talking about this, they can't, they couldn't possibly make a headline out of this, could they? Because like, I just don't want my mom reading this.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Well, if anything, you should be, if you've got like, they'll be like Vogue, Williams, Sugar Puff McGee.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  What's the sugar puff monster called?

• 26:25Speaker 01

  Sugar puff McGee.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  What's his name?

• 26:26Speaker 01

  Google Joe.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  The honey monster?

• 26:28Speaker 01

  The honey monster, yeah.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  What is it? The labia monster? That's what we'll call you. I mean, it's not that puffy. I'm looking at it now. It seems fine.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  I'll show you.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  It's not like I had to.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  I'll show you.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  You didn't have to come through the door sideways. You were fine.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  Let's go for a long walk at the weekend and I'll show you after.

• 26:52Speaker 06

  You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.

• 27:16Speaker 06

  Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Funny shit drunk people have done. Now, these are the people you want to do at a party. Drunk man performs CPR on rubber dinghy after mistaking it for a dying person.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Classic. Love him. Bring him over.

• 27:35Speaker 02

  Fair play to him.

• 27:36Speaker 01

  Florida man, obviously, arrested for drunken joyride on motorised shopping cart. Standard. I wouldn't even do that pissed. I'd do that sober.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  Who hasn't brought a traffic cone home with them? Come on.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  This was a motorised shopping cart.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  I know, yeah, but he's just upped the game.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Drunk man gets stuck in leprechaun cut out after celebrating 21st birthday. Now, that's not, that's not, that's not that intense.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  I liked that one.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Intoxicated passenger tries to pay taxi fare with a live hamster. Now you're talking.

• 28:05Speaker 02

  That's good shit.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  That's good shit, Stephen. Stephen, optimise your social scene.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  Man calls 911 to complain that the moon keeps following him. Now, that's shrooms. That's shrooms for sure.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  Woman wakes up after a night out to discover she's accidentally adopted a tortoise.

• 28:21Speaker 02

  Did you see that woman? Did you ever see that video of this man had on his ring camera? And he was like, my wife said she was coming out for a couple of drinks for lunch. And there's a video of her getting out of the car. She walks around the back of the car and you don't really know what she's doing. And she stumbles the whole way around the back of the car, right back around to the front until she falls on her arse. And it's like, I didn't know what, I was like, is she dancing or what is she doing? She was literally just trying to stand up.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  She, didn't they have to call an ambulance for her in the end? There was the, there was the, the ring camera footage of her heading out the door, looking like gorgeous. So like the curly blow dry, the lashes were lashing. And then cut to she, yeah, a couple of drinks. Yeah, blah, blah, blah. Cut to, I mean, look, she's living her best life. And like I say, I know, I'm, I have loads of friends who don't drink. It's not about the drink side of it. It's just the preachiness or the sanctimonious shite or the earnestness of him. I don't know. It's like, oh, he just, he boils my blood.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  Christ, I hope you never bump into him.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Maybe I fancy him.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  I want to know what you feel about this, uh, Russell Crowe.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Did you see him with the Autograph Hunters?

• 29:21Speaker 01

  I saw, yeah, I, I, okay, yeah. I saw, I saw he kind of had a bit of a wobble, but then I like, did he have a wobble or was he just absolutely, was it just a melt that he did?

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Russell Crowe walked outside his hotel room and there was a big crowd of people waiting out there to meet Russell Crowe. And he basically was like, he started it, but he was really blunt at the start. He was like, I'm going to get to everybody. Everyone stay where you are. Don't start swarming me. I will get around and sign everyone's autographs. But just don't swarm me because then I'm leaving and I, I'll come to you. And then everyone was like, God, Russell Crowe's such a dickhead. And I was like, well, no, he's not a dickhead because he's actually told them all that he is going to go to them. He just doesn't want a load of people swarming on top of him, shoving things in his face. At least he can now like have a, a system. There's a system of organisation there and also some.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  You're the same about Izzy Park.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  You're like, girls.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  I will get to you.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  There's a system, girls.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  Some people just collect autographs. They don't actually want your autograph. Do you never get that? Like, like, listen.

• 30:21Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, no, no, I've had them, yeah.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Outside of Global and stuff like that, and you're like, listen, I don't know who you think you're selling mine to, but like, yeah, you can have three. No one's got three Eustace autographs that no one's gonna want. I would never buy somebody's autograph, although.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  Are they selling those autographs?

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, they do. Although my friend got Theodore, there's a footballer.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  Just to explain, sometimes there are autograph collectors, I guess, outside radio stations and stuff. So if you're listed as going on a radio show, they'll be there and they'll get a photo and you'll sign their book for them. And they usually have nice printed out photos of you.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  For you to sign, but then they will sell those.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  Are they selling them?

• 30:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Well, that's.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Not all autograph hunters, I'd say. Some of them just genuinely love you. The rest of them are selling them on eBay and that's.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  I don't know how much, Google there, is there, there's no way anyone's buying either of our signatures.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  I don't want the shame of knowing that ours is.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  We could see who's getting the highest price, couldn't we?

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Well, ever since my WikiFeet scandal, when I got 3.5 for the time I didn't manage to get a pedigree or in time for making off.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  Are they up? Are they back up?

• 31:19Speaker 01

  I don't know what it is now.

• 31:20Speaker 02

  Well, anyway, so I, I personally think that Russell Crowe's right. What do you think?

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think he's, I think he handled it really well. He knows security, he's bopping around, he was getting inundated. You're allowed to have a boundary. I mean, I don't have any, but you're allowed to have them.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  I think that some autographs, like Theodore got given by, our friend Varus gave him an autographed t-shirt by a footballer called Declan Rice. Is that his name, Theo?

• 31:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is, yeah.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  And I just thought that's nice of him to do that for tea.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  You don't know Declan Rice?

• 31:49Speaker 02

  I don't know any footballers. I'm learning.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  Is he not an Irish footballer?

• 31:52Speaker 03

  Well, he was eligible to play for Ireland, but he decided to play for England.

• 31:58Speaker 02

  Come on now.

• 31:59Speaker 01

  Like, I mean, we're sitting here taking the soup. I'm sitting here in a house in London, do you know what I mean? And like, I'm not exactly Michael T. Higgins myself.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Give your money, give your, give your payment back to the state. He gave his money back to the state.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  If you want to succeed and the play, and the game that you're playing isn't going to, it's not going to happen for you in Ireland. I think you are entitled to want to.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  I've nothing bad to say about Declan Rice anyway, because he did.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  He didn't even know who he was.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  He did, uh, excuse me, I knew he was a footballer.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Oh, fine, fine, fine, fine.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  Who plays for Arsenal, does he?

• 32:27Speaker 01

  Oh my God, Joe Watts.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  John's feet have gone up.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Few bits of news. Firstly, WikiFeet is now blocked on my work laptop. I think they're on to me. Because I've had to search it so many times for you.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  You had to get on my rating, we had that agreement.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  But not because I want to see your feet, but while we're at work together.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I was also asking you to anonymously vote to get it up to five.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  I can't get to WikiFeet anymore. That's not something I can do.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:53Speaker 03

  But autographs on eBay.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Hmm, no.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Shut up.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  Signed photos. Who wants to go first?

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Are we on there?

• 33:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  I absolutely cannot believe, what?

• 33:06Speaker 03

  Loads.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, loads, because no one's bought them. They just keep building up.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  They're in the two for one. Are they, are we in the two for one aisle?

• 33:15Speaker 03

  Okay, so I'll go for the top entry on eBay for both of you.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 33:19Speaker 03

  Uh, Vogue.

• 33:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:22Speaker 03

  Vogue Williams' signed photo.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  God, I'm nervous for you though.

• 33:25Speaker 03

  Does it look like your signature, a little kiss on the end?

• 33:27Speaker 01

  I'm nervous for you.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  I'm nervous. But I'm just happy I'm there, to be honest.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  I can't believe it. Do you know that?

• 33:33Speaker 03

  Thirty nine ninety nine, our best offer.

• 33:35Speaker 02

  Thirty nine ninety nine.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  That's not bad.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  I'm kind of happy.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  That's not bad, yeah. Our best offer, I mean, it could be, it could be a pound.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  Offer thirty p and see if they, if they take it.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  It's four pound delivery as well.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  Joanne.

• 33:49Speaker 01

  Tell them you'll deliver it yourself. With a, with a good offer. She'll deliver it herself. She'll waddle up herself.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Weirdly.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  Just for the cachet.

• 33:58Speaker 03

  All of Joanne's coming from Canada. If you want Joanne, you're paying more for delivery because it's coming from Canada.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  Hmm, okay.

• 34:04Speaker 03

  Four pounds delivery.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  What am I?

• 34:09Speaker 03

  Thirty five pounds sixty seven or best offer.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  John, that's like really good for us. They're around the same, including delivery.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  Thank God. Imagine if one of us, imagine I was like six grand.

• 34:18Speaker 03

  You actually are. You're on, on a, on exactly a bar when you consider delivery.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  This is nice for us. We're equals.

• 34:23Speaker 02

  I just can't believe we're even on there.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  We're equals. I'm obviously firing all my agents, but we're equals.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  I'm firing everyone involved in my career, but we are equals.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Do you remember like going around, like my kids go around Disney with the autograph books to get like Mickey Mouse's autograph and stuff like that. They love that.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  Someone was saying to me recently, they were trying to buy a cardboard cutout of me and they're like, you're not on there, but they're going to put folks on there. And I was like, really?

• 34:46Speaker 02

  Shut up, we can get a fuck out of here.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Joe, Google cardboard cutout of me. You can get one of Spenny. Spenny has calendars and stuff. Like he did all that jazz. Oh my God. I found stuff when I was clearing out the baby clothes. I, I did a calendar for Star, the newspaper, the Daily Star. And there's pictures of me on this like two page calendar. It's.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  Are you, what, are you, is it a beep beep?

• 35:13Speaker 02

  It's so funny. It's beep beep, like knickers, like underwear.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, but like, sorry, the body is body.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  I remember.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Let people see it. Let people enjoy the body.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  I was thrilled at myself.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  Let people enjoy it.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Two of the greatest comebacks of our generation. Robert Downey Jr.

• 35:35Speaker 02

  Did he go away?

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Robert Downey Jr. Had a very bad, bad.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Bag.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Bag, sorry. Robert Downey Jr. Had a very, very bad drug problem and he was basically uninsurable and no.

• 35:47Speaker 02

  That was such a long time ago.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Companies would work with him and then he got cast in Iron Man. How he got cast, I don't know.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  I think he cleaned up his act by then.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  He cleaned up his act and like people really like him, but there was, I'm sure there's some story behind it. But it was like one of the biggest comebacks in Hollywood history and everyone was like, oh my God, Robert Downey Jr.'s back.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  Second biggest comeback of our generation.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:06Speaker 01

  Susan Boyle.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  Susan, a baddie Boyle.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  Susan Baddie Boyle. She is, I've never seen anyone make a Karen haircut work. It is, the bob is back, the glasses, she's wearing faux fur. She's doing.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  Full length faux fur.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Did you know, she, so. Obviously, we all know Susan Boyle. She won X Factor.

• 36:24Speaker 02

  Britain's Got Talent. Britain's Got Talent. She won Britain's. She was an amazing opera singer.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  I'll never forget it. She walked out on stage, Britain's Got Talent, and at the time, we were very used to seeing kind of young, it was like the One Direction era, Little Mix, all that stuff. Gareth Gates, and she came out, she was an older auditioner.

• 36:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:43Speaker 01

  And she was like, you know, dressed, normal dress, doing her bits and bobs. She wasn't maybe, she wasn't giving star when she walked out, I think it's fair to say.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  That's a very good way of putting it.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  She wasn't giving star. She looked just normal, like, she looked like a regular person. And then she, and there was kind of like a little bit of like, kind of judgment in the audience. You could hear them. There was a little tone.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  I feel like people weren't expecting very much when she walked out on stage.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  Exactly. And then she opened her voice and she hammered them with, I dreamed a dream.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  Amazing.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  And it was like Pavarotti, here we go, unbelievable. And it was that great moment of like, just, you know, you weren't expecting it. Wow, what a, what a performance. Then she went on to have a very decent career. She was a household name.

• 37:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  But she is, she's, she's, I don't know, she's cut out for like.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  I don't think she wants it. She doesn't want to be in the public eye all the time. She lives like quite a quiet life. Up in Scotland, where she was from, bought a nice house. She lives out her days there. But she is kind of iconic.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  She is gorgeous.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  Her voice is incredible. What she did was amazing. And I think it's in the face of everybody not expecting it.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  Big time.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  Like, everybody kind of had her pegged as like, just, she'll be a flash in the pan, she'll be gone. And she's kind of hung around.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  And then I think people were like, is she like equipped for fame? Is anyone? I don't know. Anyway, then she kind of went a little bit quiet.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 38:06Speaker 01

  One, two, skip a few.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  Bang, bang, bang. She strips her Instagram account. She writes, she does one update where she goes, oh, it's boiling out there. New track up on the way. Everyone's like, what the fuck? Promo photos of her dressed like I saw one.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  Anna Wintour.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  So anyway, she comes out, we're like, oh my God, what's happening? Susan Boyle is back. She's wearing great shades. She's got, she's making the Karen Bob work.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Anna Wintour.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Full blown. She's, she's rinsed the Instagram. She's starting again.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Dropping tracks, hint, hint, nudge, nudge. We're like, oh my God, what's going on? Turns out it is a genius.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  Ad for Cornetto. She has released a remix of the Cornetto tune. Just one Cornetto.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  Which I like to sing.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  You do. And like I say, I.

• 38:52Speaker 02

  It's a banger. It turns into like a bit of a dance, a dance song.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  I was thinking of going to Ibiza in August. And now I'm like, I don't know if I need to. If I just get a sonnet in the garden.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Ibiza in August.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Bang out Susan Boyle and get a new padling pill.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  She can't go to Ibiza in August.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Well, I don't need to now because Susan's bringing the tunes.

• 39:09Speaker 02

  You will melt away.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  How dare you? I'm gonna come off the antidepressants.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  We went to Ibiza in August.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  Joanne's gonna be whimpering at my door for the next six months.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Well, I just think fair play, Susan. You're back in the game.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  We look forward to it.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Well, what do we look forward to?

• 39:28Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, she's got, I look forward to the tune coming out. She's gotten paid, I'd say, an absolute fortune from Cornetto.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  I hope she has.

• 39:35Speaker 02

  Of course she has. Are you mad?

• 39:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  With that amount of marketing behind it, she's deleted her whole Instagram.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  It's very, it was very Taylor Swift coded. I also think now that she's back.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  Couple of hundred grand, I'd say.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  In this iconic way, that now she'll actually be back. Also, it's a great way. If you're like, I'm not arsed with the whole fame side of things. I just wanna live my life, live a private life.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Make a bit of cash.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, come out every five years, drop a banger for Cornetto, Solero, Magnum, whoever's going.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  Michael Buble does it. Why can't she?

• 40:01Speaker 01

  Her surname is Boyle. It makes sense. She's a summer brand.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Michael Buble is Christmas. He defrosts, comes out at Christmas. She refrosts, freezes, comes out at summer. I'm here for it. Also, if she's, do you know what? I can guarantee you now, she'll be DJing next.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  Well, do you know, Martin Kemp makes an absolute fortune DJing. He goes around, sells out like all these places all over the country. He does Friday, Saturday, Sunday, every single week.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  No way.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Sells out massive gigs, yeah?

• 40:29Speaker 01

  I really wanna learn how to DJ, Jo. I have, I have, I have signed up for a pottery class and maybe after that.

• 40:35Speaker 02

  Say goodbye. Say goodbye.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  That's it for me.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  And me.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  And live from my home. It's got its own door and a lock.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  And it does have a front garden, Jo. You've seen the front garden.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  Garden. Well, I mean, it's, it's, it's an area.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Beautiful. It looks like someone hoovered it.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  I do.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  I do. Thank you. Thank you for suggesting that. I actually did. I did hoover it earlier. Bye, everyone.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  I full-blown hoovered it. The neighbours were looking at me. I was like, hey, uh.