Are we slagging Shania Twain?!

DESCRIPTION: There are a lot of people getting dragged this week… Shania Twain (that is ONLY Vogue), Kim K and Lewis Hamilton… Shots are being fired. Recorded at Joanne’s new gaff for the 2nd week in a row, there are telly appearances to announce and the evidence for THAT c.a.t.e.r.p.i.l.l.a.r incident has surfaced. My Therapist Ghosted Me is a Global Production. Tickets for Joanne's tour Pinotphile are now LIVE: www.joannemcnally.com http://www.joannemcnally.com/ If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] mailto:[email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com http://www.mytherapistghostedme.com/ This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  It comes and it goes and then it comes back and then it goes for long periods of time and then you consider going back nursing in an Alzheimer's home and then it comes back again.

• 0:14Speaker 02

  Lewis Hamilton, Kim Kardashian. I smell bullshit.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  You should be disgusting at this stage, but I'm kind of challenged because I don't think you're revolting.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  What happened?

• 0:24Speaker 01

  I know, at least you had it. I never had that style.

• 0:26Speaker 02

  I had it. Where did it go?

• 0:28Speaker 01

  You got married and had kids.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  On... Yeah.

• 0:37Speaker 02

  Thank you for renting us your house, rent free, Joanne. I'm happy.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  The Pinot Pod Palace. You're very welcome.

• 0:43Speaker 02

  I am disappointed in the price of the parking. Tenner an hour. Tenner an hour.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Well, now that I'm expensing a giant Pinot Palace down the back of the garden, I'm thinking of putting a two-storey car park down there as well.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  You could get one of those car parks in your front garden. I keep mentioning the front garden.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  I mean, it's... Yeah, it's an area.

• 1:03Speaker 02

  You have like three or four acres out there, so I think...

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Three or four acres, my arse.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  I see what you're doing.

• 1:10Speaker 02

  You're dead right, it's nine or ten.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I see what you're doing. No, no. Things have changed, but you remain the posh one, Vogue.

• 1:19Speaker 02

  I tried to look around this house and I got too tired. It was too expensive.

• 1:24Speaker 03

  I ended up in the staff quarters. I've no idea how I got there.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  Did you? Yeah, how you got out, I don't know. You got three... That's right, I sent you there.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  And she left Phil out.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  I sent you there. I said, "Please come through the staff quarters, Jo." He came through the front door. I was like, "Excuse me."

• 1:37Speaker 03

  How embarrassing.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  There's a staff entrance down the back and it's another postcode down the road. It's so awkward when the staff come through the front door, Vogue, isn't it?

• 1:47Speaker 02

  Oh my god. Jo, come on now, remember your place.

• 1:50Speaker 01

  Where's your uniform, Jo? I gave you a penny to wear. Why are you wearing your own, why are you wearing your own clothes?

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Penny. Can you, I, I, I know, I'm aware of people that do give people uniforms.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  Pennies?

• 2:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, like full uniforms.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  They're friends of my, like, parent, my friends, friends, my parents. Did I say that? Oh, no.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  I think you said friends of your parents.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, friends of my parents, that's what I mean. Friends of my parents, but like, they're very, very wealthy.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  And they gave their staff costumes to wear.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  Full outfits, like, full.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  What kind of outfits? I'm thinking like chicken suits and stuff.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  No, like, stuff that you would have seen on that movie Richie Rich. You're kind of going, and you're like, oh.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Like, the proper, like, what you would assume, not, not a sexy version of a maid outfit, just a maid outfit.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, listen, I, when I was cleaning toilets in Clonie Castle Hotel, which, you know, was one of my favourite, one of my favourite jobs. I've come up, you know.

• 2:49Speaker 02

  You could come clean toilets in my house.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  I've come through the toilets. I've come through, I've come up through the toilet. Joe, I had, I had an, a little apron and penny and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

• 2:56Speaker 02

  Well, at least you're not getting toilet on your own clothes.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  No. We were filming something else this weekend and every time I went to the toilet, I was like, oh, why is it wet? I, I honestly was like, have I wet my pants? Because it's a possibility at this stage. I was like, why am I wet? What? And I kept feeling like I was wet. And the toilets, like, were full of this blue dye as well and they, they did reek now. They were very bad smelling toilets. And so then eventually, towards the end of the second day of filming, I realised that the garments they had given me kept falling in the toilet every time I sat down and it was wetting the back of me. So it wasn't, it was a nice thing to know. It was.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  She was dragging a tail of fecal matter around there all weekend and she didn't know. Yeah, I know.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  I didn't piss myself, but I had piss all over myself.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  There was string on the costume they gave us. That's what we will say. And her string was full of, well, I know. You were the talk of, you were the talk of the town. We'd see you coming and we would dispatch quickly.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Don't get too close.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  I'll tell you what, we can say we were filming because it's out today, it's out tonight at nine o'clock.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Is that a drum?

• 4:02Speaker 02

  I'm kind of taken aback by how quickly it just came out. We only filmed it yesterday and they're like, oh yeah, it's out on Friday. I was like, pardon?

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Because we're so used to filming stuff like, and it coming out maybe in a year's time or six months' time, eight months' time, or potentially never if it's dog shit.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Well, that's, sorry, that's why your show, you just filmed, what was it called?

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Unacceptable.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Unacceptable TLC.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  Unacceptable TLC, out June.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  I was surprised that that was such a quick turnaround because it feels like you only, like you only did that in the last few months. Like that's still quite a quick turnaround.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  July 5th.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  Oh, she's, she's birthday.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  Unacceptable, July 5th, 9pm. Is it?

• 4:37Speaker 02

  Party, party.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Oh, party, a party, okay. So that unacceptable, just it's a, it's a panel show, new panel show with myself as a team captain, Richard Iwadi as a team captain and Ed Gamble as host, where we take unpopular, unacceptable opinions and we argue them to, much to the laughter and lols of the audience and the onlooker.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Well, I'm excited to watch this.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  I'm excited to watch it too.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  Now, what Joanne and I are doing this Friday is?

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Gogglebox.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Gogglebox. The best job of, it is what you think it is. You sit there, they let you watch TV, you talk about it and you eat food.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  I finally got you to sit down.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  I was thrilled. Well, I could sit down because I knew I was working, so I felt like I was doing something.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Fine, yeah. I've kind of dragged Vogue into my bedrock life, but it's a job now, which is fantastic. So yeah, we're on Gogglebox this Friday and next Friday.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, Channel 4.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  If anyone's arsed.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  When you watch people doing basic things, it's like, I'd love to do a show where you just go around and, and like, you stay at a till in a supermarket and you just see what people have bought. Like each different person coming in, oh, that's what you got. Oh my God, you got that. I wondered who bought those fairy cakes. You know what I mean? I'd love to see what people do with their shopping.

• 5:51Speaker 03

  We can do that. We have the, we have the infrastructure to do that. You could commentate.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, but do we have the interest, Jo? I don't, it doesn't sound very.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. You never watch extreme couponing. Oh my God. What a load of shit. I could never get enough of that show.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Really?

• 6:06Speaker 02

  Like these people and the amount of money they save, but they literally have like storage rooms in their house, full to the brim of all this additional stuff. And there's some nice extreme couponers who basically extreme coupon and give it all to charity.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  I mean, I can see the appeal. There was a great film about couponing with your one, your man's wife. Does that clear it up? Doc Shepherd's wife, what's her face?

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Oh, Kristen Bell.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Kristen Bell had a re- what was it? Joe, what was the name of it?

• 6:30Speaker 02

  About couponing.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Queen Pins. Oh, it's brilliant. So basically they end up, I won't spoil it. Well, maybe I will actually.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  You know, we discovered yesterday, I don't care if anything gets spoiled.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Folks like to know the ending of everything. She's unspoileable. The Queen Pinning where they, they, they're coupon, two women couponing and then they realise that they can fake coupons and then they set up this big fraudulent coupon ring. And it ends up like, they end up getting like busted by the FBI and stuff, but it's really, isn't it such a good, Joe, have you watched it?

• 7:00Speaker 03

  I've not seen it.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  I think it's on Netflix. It's brilliant.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  America are really funny about like small crimes like that. They get really bothered by it.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Oh no, this was like, they end up taking like billions. This was no small crime.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Oh, fair play to them.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  This was like proper.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  Forty million dollars.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  Forty million dollars?

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Okay, Billions was an example.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Wow, close enough.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Forty million, yeah. That ain't no small crime.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  No tax.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  That ain't no small crime, baby.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um, my kids have been insulting me all week long this week.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  Otto turned around and told me that I look like Daddy Pig.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Daddy Pig?

• 7:36Speaker 02

  He said I have, he said I have the same tummy as Daddy Pig. Daddy Pig hasn't been to the gym in a while and the whole joke around. Kev is quite mean to Daddy Pig. Look at Daddy Pig.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Daddy Pig is.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Daddy Pig's basically a ball.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Well, tell Theodore Daddy Pig is.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  It was Otto.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  Otto, Daddy Pig is hoarding his successor. So if he keeps talking like that, he's going to be forgotten about and never seen again.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  I was looking at things that I put in my, Shishi was wondering when I was going to cut my mole off. Yeah, we had a long chat about that. And she said, and what if, what if you had one here and it was green and had hair coming out, would you cut it out then? But why are you not cutting out the one there? Why won't you get rid of it?

• 8:16Speaker 01

  God.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  I know.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  She's been reading the Daily Mail comments.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  She's just been insulting me left, right and centre. And the last thing I found was, I found a 200 foot lazy river for your back garden.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  What?

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Remember, we were talking about getting you a paddling pool. Did you see the 200 foot lazy river on Instagram?

• 8:32Speaker 03

  Looked like AI.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  Oh, don't tell me, please don't say.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  I think it was because.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  I don't, why would that be AI? It was only like, it was just like a snake paddling pool.

• 8:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it fit into their garden perfectly and round all of their plants.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Joe, that, yeah, I know, but that was because they were, they set it up.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  I'll look into it.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  Look into it. I, I got, I got stung by a panda the other day who, you know, these ones that they, the Chinese videos.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  Follow the zookeepers around.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Well, they're like, panda recognizes the voice of his old zookeeper. And of course I love that stuff. And, but he actually ran up and like jumped into the zookeeper's arms. And I was like, huh? Do pandas jump into, I was like, oh God, I've done it again. Do you know what? Actually, I keep getting rinsed on AI. Cause I'm trying to get furniture for the house, right? So I need a couple of bits, like I need like a kitchen table and stuff.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  And I keep getting stuck on designers accounts and they're like, oh no, that's a, what's it called? A prototype. They're like, it's AI. I saw this stunning chrome kitchen table with these matching seats. And I was like, that is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And I contacted your man. He's like, oh, that's AI. And I was like, write it in the caption.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  But why does he, why does he have it on his Instagram if it's AI?

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Cause he's trying to drag people in with prototypes. And then he's like, oh yeah, no, that doesn't exist. But like, here's a coaster.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it can't, can you not just get someone to make it for you?

• 9:51Speaker 01

  I'd say, like, I, I probably could, but like, you know, I'm not Michael McIntyre. I don't have that kind of money.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, fair enough.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Can I talk about something, please?

• 10:00Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Sorry, I have another plug. Sorry, we're plug heavy today. Plug, plug, plug, plug. Um, I have added an extra new London date.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Okay. I know, it's not even.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  It's only one date. Please get it right.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  It's not, it's not exciting anymore. I realize that. December 16th, London, Hammersmith Apollo, penophile on sale now. Well, it's on sale this Friday. What date is this Friday? It's today?

• 10:24Speaker 03

  This Friday is the 12th of June.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  12th of June or, no, no, sorry. It's on sale today, Wednesday. So sorry.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  By the time this goes out, it will be on sale.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  It's Wednesday. How does she get through this tour?

• 10:38Speaker 01

  December 16th, on sale now. Think of me as your Christmas party. It is a Wednesday, but I don't care. It's December.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  It's December. The days don't matter. And also, the world shuts down on December 17th. There's no work on December 17th. I worked it out. That's when I finish work, December 17th. No one wants to give back some emails. Don't insult people by going into the office. Get wrecked at your own show.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  Get wrecked.

• 11:04Speaker 03

  If you're listening back to this episode at Christmas and it's December the 24th or 5th and you're working today, I'm sorry.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  I'm sorry.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  Well, you might be getting double pay. You might be getting double pay.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  They're probably getting double pay.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  Or you're saving lives.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Well, sorry, Jo. Sorry. I know. I know you're looking at me saying, that's not a fair thing to say. When I was a carer in an Alzheimer's home.

• 11:26Speaker 03

  Pausers for effect.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  Pausers for effect.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  What a, oh my God, she's such a kind woman. We forgot for a moment.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Thank you. You might say that again out there. I was talking over you.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Let's get that clean. Yeah.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  What a lovely, caring woman. I'd say that they... Okay.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I loved my job because that's the kind of person I am.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  How long did it last? Be honest. How long were you there?

• 11:49Speaker 01

  Three years. I did it for a college.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  What do you mean you did it for college?

• 11:53Speaker 01

  I did it for a couple of years at the long ass degree that I did. St. Joseph's in Shankill.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  Did you love it?

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Loved it.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  When the tour's over, perhaps.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  I could go back.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  Sort of volunteering maybe?

• 12:04Speaker 01

  And I loved the night shifts. Now, it was heavy work. All the nurses, their backs are wrecked because they're lifting. Like even though you have to hoist and stuff, it's really heavy work and it's very repetitive work, I will say. I think three years, it was kind of, I think it was like two and a half. I think that was my max. Anyway, my point was, when I was being an incredibly kind person, I worked Christmases. Like I would have worked Christmas Eve, Stevens Day and all that, Jo. I'm just saying. I'm one of the people.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Do you have a local pub?

• 12:40Speaker 02

  No, John.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  You do, you still know it.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  I have a pub that's near me, yeah.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, you don't know it.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  They actually do a nice margarita. I've had one there.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  My suggestion is you need to be more engaged in your local publicans newsletters and community notice board because, much to the shock and astonishment of the locals of the Shacklewell Arms.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  I think it's in.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  I'm desperate to know where you're going with this.

• 13:03Speaker 03

  East London, Dorset.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Of course it's in Dorset.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Very cool.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Much to the astonishment of the locals down at the Shacklewell Arms, they were offered tickets, 200 tickets, 200 lucky ticket buyers of the local pub at the Shacklewell Arms.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  200.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Got to see none other than Shania Twain.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Really?

• 13:25Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  I can't.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Shania Twain sold 200 tickets in the Shacklewell Arms.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  She played the Shacklewell Arms?

• 13:33Speaker 01

  Shania Twain played the Shacklewell Arms.

• 13:36Speaker 03

  Praise be.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  Praise be. Now.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  No, I don't.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  I think she could.

• 13:40Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  Do you want to think carefully before you say what you're about to say?

• 13:45Speaker 02

  I will think. Listen, I've got no shade towards Shania Twain. It's not, I didn't say it. I didn't see her in real life.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  Our Lord and Lady Savior.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  Well, I didn't see her in real life. So actually, this is not coming from my mouth, the horse's mouth. This is coming from a lot of other people's mouth. I heard she was not having a good life.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  The horse, this horse was there. Do you mean in Hyde Park?

• 14:01Speaker 02

  I heard she was not having a good life.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  She was perfectly good.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  Okay, how many drinks has she had?

• 14:05Speaker 03

  That is irrelevant.

• 14:06Speaker 02

  Yes, and also because you were, because you were like, that you were, your, your, your, your mouth was wetted by the Corrs and the Corrs were brilliant, but I heard.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  Well.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Sorry. So I didn't say it. And also I heard that about Class and Brie.

• 14:24Speaker 01

  Who?

• 14:24Speaker 02

  I heard it about Class and Brie as well.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Sorry, I have to look up my notes here to confirm. Are we slagging Shania Twain?

• 14:31Speaker 02

  I'm not, I am not. I would dream of slagging Shania Twain. I'm just passing on the information that was given to me by the papers and by the people. But sometimes people are a bunch of moaners and maybe she was brilliant. I don't have a personal opinion because I didn't see her.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  Well, I will say, as someone who works in the performing arts myself, you know, we're not always, you know, there's days where we're not.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Fair.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  On our best, I would say, and, you know, talent is sporadic.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  I would say I'm very sporadically talented.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Park, it's sporadic. It comes and it goes. And then it comes back and then it goes for long periods of time. And then you consider going back nursing in an Alzheimer's home and then it comes back again. And then you've spent all your money and then it goes.

• 15:16Speaker 02

  You can't have talent all the time. It's exhausting.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  You can't. It's sporadic, you know. And, um, and it's a journey. But anyway, whatever about whether she was good in Hyde Park or not, these 200 people got to see her. And I mean, I looked at the videos, like, she looks, she literally, that woman is immortal. She's like Cher and those sandwiches from Tesco and cockroaches.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Cher is absolutely insane.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  She will never die. Now, she's, she is only 60. She looks phenomenal. And I know we don't like to talk about women looking good at their age. I can't bear that term. But in the same breath, I'm gonna say it. She looks amazing. For any age.

• 15:48Speaker 02

  I want to be told that I look amazing if I'm 16 and I look amazing. I'd like to be told it.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, but not for, I hate the for your age, because that discredits you, basically saying, you should be disgusting at this stage. But I'm kind of challenged because I don't think you're revolting. That's what that says to me. You look great for your age is like, you should be in a bin now, but you're not. And now I'm confused because I think maybe I want to ride you. That's what it says to me.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  When does that start for women? When do people start saying that?

• 16:16Speaker 02

  Oh, now. Now, now, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, you're 40. Yeah. Yeah, it is actually kind of rude. I do, I do find it rude when people are like that.

• 16:26Speaker 01

  For your age.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  Forty, but like, when you think about what we used to think of 40 year olds when we were in our twenties, I thought 40 year olds were literally like on the way to the nursing home.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, that I'd be hoisting you in and out of your bath.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was getting ready to get bathed by Joanne. I was looking forward to it.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Anyway, I'll, I'll, I'll bring us back to the shock of well, arms, please.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  You missed a spot down there. Yeah. Go again. I'll get my kicks wherever I go.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  I'm not putting a tampon in vogue. You're perfectly able to do it yourself.

• 16:56Speaker 02

  You went through the menopause. I did not.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  I've seen you do it. I've seen you.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  I'm post-parsum.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  You have a concussion, folk. You have a concussion. You can put in your own tampon. Anyway, back to the Shacklewell Arms, if you don't mind.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  So there was huge excitement among the locals and one guy was saying, he's like, I assumed it was a scam, but he went anyway, which I liked because I was like, that's a bit of me. That's a bit of me now. Thought it was a scam, paid the money anyway and went. And she actually put on a great show and I was like, I think it's press because I think she has a big stadium show to sell and it's a really smart move. Like Ed Sheeran does it as well. If you pop into your local.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Well, Ed Sheeran owns his local.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  He does, yeah. But I think he's done other stuff in the Devonshire and stuff in Dublin, in town. But like, I was thinking if, if you're not selling, but the problem is, so I'm not really selling tickets in Salt Lake City, but if I, like, if I put in 200 seats in the Shacklewell Arms, I think my, I think my venue in LA or in Salt Lake City is 200 seats. So I think I'd have to do like a five seater to build up. Or like just basically perform to the queue and Wendy's in Salt Lake City.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Did you get drunk and watch the Housewives of Salt Lake City and then get on to your agent and say, I wanted to a show in Salt Lake City?

• 18:08Speaker 01

  No, there was no reason for me going there.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  I think you went last time. Did you go last time?

• 18:13Speaker 01

  No, I've never been to Salt Lake City.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  I can't wait to see what it's like.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  Apparently they're all on caddo man.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Really?

• 18:18Speaker 01

  Apparently they don't drink, but they all do cat. That's what I heard. Did I tell that before?

• 18:21Speaker 02

  That was a very large generalisation because cats, are you sure it's not rooms? Cats, cats, cats, pretty dark. Like you can't piss and stuff.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  No, it's definitely cat. They're cat, they're cat girls.

• 18:30Speaker 03

  I don't know if an entire city can sue you, but I'm going to say that that is.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  Allegedly they're all on cat, yeah. I heard and like, I have no interest in cat. I'll say that right now.

• 18:40Speaker 02

  I've no, I actually have no interest in cats.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  I thought this is so exciting. It's a really good way to get press, to go to a small room. Because then you're like, oh my God, what's this superstar doing? And from now on, because I don't really pay attention to my community board in my pub. I'm too busy, busy like ordering and stuff, but from now on, I'm like, you could look at it and be like, it could be pub quiz Monday, half price curry Tuesday, Madonna Wednesday.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  I mean.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  Keep an eye on the Tim Bob and community now.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  I'll keep an eye, I'll keep an eye, but this is a very rare occurrence. This is like an.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  I don't know. I don't know.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  Well, if it goes, I just, I feel like, do you know what? I'm surprised because it's not like she needs, like she'll just sell tickets anyway. She doesn't need this for selling tickets.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  Well, I think it's to build up a bit of like, a bit of excitement, you know?

• 19:25Speaker 02

  But it's like nice community vibes. You like to feel like you can be like touching the person that you love.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  We could see Bono down in Gales.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  That noise, by the way, everyone is work being done outside on Joanne's.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  Joe filing a toast.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  They are just, um, they are just cutting back some of Joanne's forestry at the front.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  I've decided to build into the neighbour's garden. I've asked for no permission.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  Well, it's something that.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Anyway, Shania, you looked fab and apparently she did a great Joe, great Joe.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Let me have a little look.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  In the Shacklewell Arms. And also a great promo for the Shacklewell.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Shania Twain, Shacklewell.

• 20:03Speaker 01

  I bet she got changed in the toilets.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  I mean, she got a lot of press. Wow.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  That's why I think it's such a good idea. But I'm trying to figure out how I make it work for me in North America because I'm trying to sell 200 seaters. So I just don't know how small I can go to get press.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  10 seaters. Am I 10 seaters?

• 20:18Speaker 01

  10 seaters.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  That does look great.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  A bus stop. Yeah. Jerome McNally live from a bus stop in Salt Lake City.

• 20:25Speaker 02

  She always, she looks like, uh, that one from Selling Sunset, Chriselle.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  She does, she looks like just a really hot woman.

• 20:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. Very attractive. She's always been attractive.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  Did you ever hear the story about her, um, Garode used to do it in stand up, but the, when she did the, when she did the three, you know, well, it was the point back in the day, Shania, and she was flying around the place. Cause she wanted to fly. So she put herself on strings and off she went. Something I'm considering doing myself in the three.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  I don't know why you don't fly. I think that that would be a really good idea.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  I looked into flying, but when she flew, when she came back, someone had stolen her shoes.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  Stop.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  I suggested, I said, Garode, maybe you take the hit in this and we shoot you out of a cannon.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  She looked to the people with the, with the restricted view. They've got a real, they won't complain then.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  Just shooting friends and family out of a cannon. Shoot you up to the restricted view. Pass, come on. Next. Stock them and rock them.

• 21:17Speaker 04

  What do attention-seeking tourists, tennis players' toilet problems and sleepwalking naked all have in common?

• 21:23Speaker 02

  We are talking about them on Shouldn't Laugh But with me, Laura Smith.

• 21:26Speaker 04

  And me, Carmen Butcher.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  This week, we're getting into the tourists who got ourselves fined a ban for taking a dip in Rome's Trevi Fountain.

• 21:33Speaker 04

  We're also talking about the French tennis player who had to run off court after telling the umpire he was about to [BLEEP] himself.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  And plus, the most unlikely romance story, which all began with a naked sleepwalk and getting locked out.

• 21:45Speaker 04

  Expect chaos, oversharing and probably a few things we shouldn't laugh at.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  But, obviously, we will anyway.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  Listen and watch Shouldn't Laugh But on Global Player, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Did you watch the Formula One this weekend? No. My god, I just, I love Formula One because I remember when I was younger and my dad used to always watch Formula One and like, I'd go out in a bender and I'd come home and I'd be really quite fiery, so I would just lie in the sitting room with him and just like, I wouldn't watch it, I'd just hear the noise. Meow. Yeah, it would just make me feel really, I'd be like, oh god, this is nice. The fire would be on, I'm like, it's okay, it doesn't matter what you did yesterday, forget about it. The Formula One's on. Yeah. But I feel like it's having another moment, I feel like loads of people are, it used to be kind of an older man's sport, and now I feel like people are getting back into it, but I've liked it for my whole life, I love the noise, but I think it's a really like fun thing to watch on TV, but it was obviously in Monaco this weekend, which is an amazing one to go to.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  I once, this kind of freaked me out, because you know when I remember things? Hmm. So I remember, I went to the Monaco Grand Prix, I used to DJ at the Grand Prix's, I DJed Kuala Lumpur, I DJed Melbourne, I DJed Monaco, and then I remember, and I felt really embarrassed about Monaco, because I went with somebody and we went absolutely bananas. We were staying on a boat on the track, so staying on like a proper yacht. Yeah. In a room, ended up getting absolutely deranged, ended up on your man Flavio Briatore's yacht. Who is he? He used to be, he's like this billionaire, and he used to go out with Naomi Campbell.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  Why we were on the yacht, I don't know, I remember it was very strange, like it was really dark and loads of people were in all different corners, and I was like, this feels weird as to why we're here.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  God, I really wish we'd have been close back then, I mean, I feel like I've very much gotten the...

• 23:42Speaker 02

  I know.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  The pared down version, like, I could have been in Monaco.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  What?

• 23:47Speaker 01

  She's in her purple dragon era. She's in her purple dragon era.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  You're so right, Jo. And then she's dangling stories about yachts in Monaco in front of us.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  I only remembered, but anyway.

• 24:01Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, she's like, do you want to come to Gigi's petting zoo?

• 24:03Speaker 02

  No. I want to go to Monaco and get fucked up on a yacht. I'm ashamed of this story. I feel really bad. So when you're in, like, they close all the roads, obviously, at a certain time in the morning. So like, at 6am, I'm like, walking back across over to the yacht that I was staying on. I don't remember who owned it. And we were, we were, we were, it was with a brand. I was, a part of the deal was that I was staying on this yacht and it was really amazing. And we'd watched qualifying. I was yachting. We were watching qualifying, which was the day before. And then it was the day of the race, which is a really exciting day. But like, I'd obviously stumbled in at like six or seven in the morning, trying to get in before they closed the road. Didn't see the race.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Didn't see the race?

• 24:44Speaker 02

  I was so hungover. I know, I'm ashamed.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  I thought, sorry, I thought this was gonna be way worse.

• 24:50Speaker 02

  I find that so embarrassing that somebody kindly invited me to stand on a yacht and watch the race and I couldn't even get out of bed.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  You watched, you're watching Formula One from a yacht?

• 25:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  This is the busiest thing I've ever heard.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  I don't, well, what's, do you know what I was thinking? What's happened? Why has my life gone downhill so fast as well? What happened?

• 25:08Speaker 01

  I know. At least you had it. I never had that style.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  I had it. Where did it go?

• 25:12Speaker 01

  You got married and had kids.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  I'm sorry. And that's, and I, that is now, I mean, I'm sure there's married women with kids also getting deranged on yachts. But I mean, you can't live that life forever. Also, it was a job. Sadly, it's not your life. If it was, we wouldn't be, we wouldn't be filming this in the Pino Pod Palace. We'd be filming it in your yacht in Monaco.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  I feel like it, it feels like, remember that time I said I didn't like flowers and then people stopped giving me flowers and I really didn't like it? Maybe because I had gone on the yacht and people thought I didn't like being on the yacht.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  So I would like to say that I, I liked it.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  And I'd go back.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  I like, she likes us.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Please.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  Pro yacht podcast.

• 25:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, we're pro yacht.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're pro, we are, we're very much pro yacht.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  And do you know what, actually, it was the first and only time I've ever stayed in a yacht. And like, it's not going to happen very much in my life. So I'm, maybe I should be happy that I just stayed in bed.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  Did you shag anyone for a job? I heard that's what goes on in those yachts.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  No, I had a partner at the time.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Who cares about them? No, it doesn't matter.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  Well, I was, he was just there. He was there all the time.

• 26:14Speaker 01

  Apparently they used to hire really hot actresses and they'd go out and kind of like, everyone kind of just big, have big orgies on the yacht.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  Well, we, are we turning into, we want to be boat girls?

• 26:23Speaker 01

  I'd be a boat girl.

• 26:24Speaker 02

  I don't know if I'd be good. I don't think we'd be.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  If it got me, if it got me a couple of ticket sales in Salt Lake City, I'd do it.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Listen.

• 26:30Speaker 01

  I'll boat. Yeah, yeah.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  I'm not saying, this is no shade to you or I, it's no shade. I just think you have to be a classier girl to be a boat girl. I think we're a bit blokey.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  I've got, sorry, I've got a chance.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  We're a bit, look, we can't show up like this on a boat. Like, look at the state of us. Come on. We're not boat girls.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  I'd wear my swimmer's socks.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Speedos, high, high neck speedos with one of those hats.

• 26:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, and a swimming hat. I'd be, I'd be ready, like, you know, and my, and my, my, um, life jacket, I'd be ready.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  I'm honestly not just going to go, not prepared.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  What's it called? The tender, the tender Juans on the tender, sitting with her, with her goggles and her hat on, ready to go.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  Ready to ride my way to the top.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  Will you put the slide out, please?

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Juang, you've actually, you've actually, the three tickets that had been sold for Salt Lake City, they've actually rescinded.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  What I wanted to know about the Formula One, Lewis Hamilton, Kim Kardashian. I love Kim Kardashian. I smell bullshit. I don't believe it.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  It's such horseshit.

• 27:44Speaker 02

  Isn't it such shit?

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Bollocks. It's such horseshit. It actually annoys me. It annoys me now.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  That they think that we're that stupid?

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it annoys me.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  I have not seen it, like, you see little, they, the only, like, kind of, like, Thing you see of them like touching each other, like it's very like, it's like kissing your brother or sister.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  It would literally be like me and you, Joe, scoring in the stalls of Wimbledon to get a, to get a pap shot. It'd be so obviously not a thing.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  They haven't even done that properly though. They've done like a peck on a lip. It's like, you'd be getting like, if you're at the start of a relationship, you should be like, you should be at least down to the neck, swallow the whole head down. It's like they're barely kissing.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Who, who in that industry comes out publicly with your boyfriend after three minutes? You don't.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  And they've been friends for years supposedly because.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  Sorry, do you remember, I, I saw him on Rea, remember?

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  I mean, that isn't, that isn't anything to do with the story. I'm just throwing it in there. We didn't match, we didn't match, but I feel like maybe he wanted to. I just said, it's not a career. You know, he'd be travelling all the time.

• 28:46Speaker 02

  That was our in for the yachts. That was our in.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  I think Lewis Hamilton, I don't know what his deal is, but I think it really, and I was getting really worked up about it last night because they looked really smug and they're like, oh, look at the little people thinking we're a relationship. How much, also, that's what you do when you need press.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  Look at the little people.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Look at the stupid little people thinking we're in a relationship and they're obsessed with us. They're all taking photos of stupid little peasants. That's what it feels like. And also.

• 29:11Speaker 02

  I am one of those peasants.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, obviously we are having a look. That's what's so annoying about it, but.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  You can't stop yourself.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  How much, like usually those PR relationships are because you need PR. In what, in what world does Kim K need any more press?

• 29:26Speaker 03

  We're probably legally required to say that all of these views are your own and that we have no evidence to back up the claims that you're making.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  I have evidence, I have, I have a lack of evidence.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Do you think Kim K is going to sue us for defamation? Your relationship's a lie, Kim.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  Lewis might.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  It is Lewis, yeah, right. He's too busy picking his outfits for racing.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  But what I did find, find interesting was Kim K, she's swanning around the Formula One, whatever, blowing kisses to Lewis, the whole thing absolutely reeks. But then this guy, Martin Brundle, who I was not familiar with.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  Ah, okay.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  This made me laugh.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Martin Brundle is like, he is like the king of F1.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, Kim K couldn't. Give a flying fandanga who Martin is. So Martin does these like impromptu interviews where he just goes up and obviously he's like, you know, he's kind of flexing his muscles and he thinks he's the man, the man of the moment.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  If you're gonna be on the grid and like you're, you're, you're famous enough for Martin Brundle to come up to you, like you've got to give him a little bit of time. Like what's that other, the footballer, Mbappe nearly didn't, didn't like talk to him. Cause if you don't talk to Martin Brundle, you're really like, you fucked yourself.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Well, she, I, I mean, well, anyway, the story is that Kate, that Martin tried to talk to her and she, he, she just kind of looked through him like the way that she does where she's just kind of looking around like she doesn't see him. And then the security kind of pushed him away. And he was like, and normally people have a quick chat with us. Not our Kim. She just kept on going. And I was like, that's even more evidence that you're not going anywhere with Lewis Hamilton. If you were, you'd understand the situation.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  You're just there to throw your weight around. But it made me laugh at Martin because I was like, that's, I'd say Martin was kind of humbled by that now, you know?

• 31:03Speaker 02

  I don't think he does get humbled.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Someone just goes, someone walks past you. Like imagine Hillary Clinton walked out the path there and I was like, Hillary.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, but Hillary Clinton is not like all dressed up for a, for a grid walk at the Formula One. If you're gonna do the grid walk, you've got to like, God, I'd be thrilled if Martin Brundle came up to talk to me.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  Martin Brundle would literally push me to the side. Did you see as well?

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Hey, Martin. Like, what would she even say to him?

• 31:25Speaker 02

  I don't think she would know even what team Lewis Hamilton's on.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course. She'd be like, go Reds.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  Go Reds.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  He scored a goal. I'm, I'm, listen, I'm taken for sure.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  I, I love her, but remember I interviewed her. Like she's very specific about how she's interviewed.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  Big time.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  She's looked at. So like, she likes to be face on and like, maybe Martin was going a bit to the side and she's kind of reached that stage in her career where she, but, but if they were together and if they spent a lot of time together, surely Lewis, knowing she's coming to the Grand Prix would be like, by the way, you're gonna, there's a fellow called Martin Brundle. You should probably have a chat on where everyone else, everyone will think you're a dick.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. No, no, no. They don't. This is all, it's faux news.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  And Martin had his, Martin had his hands handed to him. Oh yeah, it's absolute, it's up there. Do you know what it's up there? One of the weirdest things I've ever seen. Taylor Swift holding hands with Harry Styles back in the day. When I say it was like two cats holding hands. And they were paps walking around some park and I was like, oh here, come on. Like, there was just no sexual chemistry. She got lover. This was back before she kind of had a stylist and she was wearing like, you know, kind of like flat little pumps.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  A little pea coat.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  And a little bag across her front and kind of a long grey coat and he was wearing, back when he, before he kind of popped and he was wearing his little check shirt and they were holding hands, kind of looking away from each other. Like, it was just, it was just so obvious.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  I think though, if you were going out with Harry Styles, you kind of would be embarrassed all the time because he's such a ride. You'd be like, hello.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  No, this was like back before they, he hadn't really, there was no, he wasn't like Harry Styles.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  Sorry, I need to address.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  My spelling bee shame.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  Did you see the video? It was better than, it was actually better than I expected.

• 33:19Speaker 03

  Better even than the way that you told it.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  And I was actually gonna re-vote it and I thought, I won't do that to her if she might get offended.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  It was remarkable.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  The spelling bee, so the story tells.

• 33:29Speaker 02

  I or, I or.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  To, to, to riffraff.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Sorry, I told the story on the podcast, when I was in Australia, I did a TV show called Spelling Bee with Guy Montgomery and I had said on the podcast that I, I was like, I found it hard. I was a bit shocked and I couldn't spell caterpillar and I was like...

• 33:48Speaker 02

  There's a couple of things you couldn't spell.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  But they have now shared the video with the caption, can the Irish spell? So leaving the whole national spelling ability.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  You've dragged us all down with you.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, on me. So of course the comments are popping off being like, she's nothing to do with us, blah, blah, blah.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  Of course, yeah. I haven't looked at the comments.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  No.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  I'm getting absolutely rinsed. I'm like, I'm not in charge of the entire nation's spelling abilities.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  I'm so glad that she's, I'm glad it's not me. For some, for once they're not saying mean things about me. It's her, she is, she's dragging us down everyone. Someone was like, do you not like Reed, question mark?

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Yes, I do read, I do read, but nothing I've read of late had had a caterpillar as a main character. So I didn't, I haven't seen that word written down in a very long time. And the wolf thing, they rough, they were like, what sound does a dog make to spell rough? And I was completely thrown because I, I don't, I don't, we don't use that word rough for dogs. Rough to me is R O U G H.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  So I was like, I think you mean wolf. And of course I got that wrong as well, much to the

• 34:55Speaker 02

  Or U F F.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Or U F F, yeah. But again, like, what books am I reading with the word rough? That's a child's book.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  Do you know what? And Caterpillar is a child's book. So I actually

• 35:05Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  That was unfair.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  And I hadn't had the garden at that stage, so I wasn't familiar with caterpillars again. Now, of course, I have two days.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  Do I? I would sue them.

• 35:12Speaker 01

  Do you reckon?

• 35:13Speaker 02

  I think

• 35:13Speaker 01

  I feel it's defamation.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think you'd get a few bob out of them.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Surely can Joanna McNally spell would be a fairer caption than can Irish people spell?

• 35:22Speaker 02

  It was more this, it was more the smugness. The smugness at the start. Yeah. I mean, we, we have the same language. Okay.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  I actually have a degree in English, kind of. Spell brown.

• 35:40Speaker 01

  Anyway, I, I just, the captions a lot. And I do feel they could maybe tone it down.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  Um, there's something that I was going to say to you that I'm, I'm surprised I'm bringing it up, but I was so disgusted by it. Bonnie Blue and her golden baby shower.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Do you know what? I was actually, last night I was writing my little notes. I said, you know what? No, I'm actually not gonna give her the time of day.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  I actually said, I said, Joanna, I love that now. I will, I will have a little note.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  I said, I'm actually sick of her shit.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  Bonnie Blue.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna give her the time. I was like, I'm not gonna give her the time of day, but go on.

• 36:11Speaker 02

  Well, my baby shower is on Saturday and I just, I'm a bit concerned that people are gonna be disappointed.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  Or are you gonna reveal a plastic bump?

• 36:17Speaker 02

  Well, nobody's gonna piss on me.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  Unless it's myself.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  Now, hasn't she since admitted it's all a fake pregnancy?

• 36:24Speaker 02

  There was a fake pregnancy before this pregnancy, but I think this pregnancy is actually a real pregnancy.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  I think this one is fake as well. Joe, can you fact check us there, please?

• 36:32Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ, it's exhausting.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  She loves a PR stunt. She's actually, I've just put her down to being sociopathic.

• 36:39Speaker 02

  She's not well. No, she's not well.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  No, I think she's perfectly well.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  I don't think, I don't think it's fair to call her sociopathic because sociopaths are extremely intelligent, like CEOs. Like, no, she's not, I'm not giving her, she's not, she's not on the level.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Sociopath, no, you're thinking of, um.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  I'm psychopath.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  Psychopaths, yeah. Sociopaths are just people who just don't have a lot of empathy for stuff. I mean, in fairness, they are the freer people. If you weren't burdened by how other people thought of you or cared, you can, I can imagine.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  I'd rather be a psychopath than a sociopath.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  Really?

• 37:12Speaker 02

  Psychopaths are really intelligent. Fanny has a show coming out about psychopathy.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean.

• 37:17Speaker 02

  It's like, it's kind of fascinating to learn about them.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  I wouldn't be thrilled if you were a psychopath.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  Well, I know people who are psychopaths that are really like.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  Sound?

• 37:24Speaker 02

  I really admire them. Yeah. Not all psychopaths are murderers. A lot of murderers are not psychopaths.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  No, no, I know.

• 37:31Speaker 02

  But no, she's a, did you find out, Joe?

• 37:34Speaker 01

  I'm gonna ask ChatGPT. ChatGPT, hello, is Bonnie Blue's new pregnancy real or fake? Thank you. At the moment, nobody outside Bonnie Blue and her medical team can independently verify whether she's genuinely pregnant. She has a history of pregnancy publicity stunts, including a previous fake pregnancy claim that she later said she would do that. More recently, she's continued to insist that she's actually pregnant and has been posting photos and videos that some media, I'd say, appear consistent with the real pregnancy. Now, I will say, she does actually look, like, as in, she looks pregnant. She looks kind of like she's got fuller in her face and stuff, do you know? Like, sorry, Bonnie, if that's a mean thing to say. I'm just trying to, trying to figure out if you're pregnant or not. But also, like, Bonnie, fuck me.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Do I look fuller in the face?

• 38:17Speaker 01

  No.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  Good save.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ. I had to open the double doors to get you in.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  Daddy pig, oink.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  You're using my facial spray. That was four when you came in. Two squirts, it's empty. That's a bigger head.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  That was full. That was up to there.

• 38:40Speaker 02

  Okay, will we end on our embammer?

• 38:43Speaker 01

  Big time. I'd love to.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  Okay, so we basically were talking about embamming and how it could make you less aged. And we, an embammer got in touch over the last couple of weeks and we have been emailing her back and forth about some embamming bits and bobs.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  She has emailed us back.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  I'm so excited.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  Now, I asked her a weird question. It might be too dark to put in the pod, but I was interested in it. Her name is called Bryden Music and she is, she's a folk artist. She's based in Sligo and she's also an embammer. So here's some of the questions. Do people actually get, still get embalmed in 2026? The majority of people in Ireland are embalmed.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  What?

• 39:26Speaker 02

  It's not an exclusive thing, but we refer to it as modern embamming, as we're not embamming like the Egyptians used to, which was to fully preserve the body. We embalm for temporary preservation. I think I'd like to be fully embalmed.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  Like the Egyptians. That makes me less scared of death, I think, because then I know I'm not just gonna rot.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Um, how, how do some people last longer or look better than others? Depends on what stage of decay they're at when they begin embamming and also how concentrated the solution is.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  We should start bombing, embamming you now.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  Why me? Why do I have to die first?

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Well, it just because if we get you now in the way that you are now, then you'll look better for longer.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  And I'll be ready to be laid out.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  Okay, here is the, do you remember I was talking about amber, love and kissing dead people?

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  So, uh, once you're embalmed and hygienically treated, you are totally free from any diseases. You are totally disinfected. The only problem which we saw during COVID is that your body then becomes a surface area where people touch and kiss. And if they have the virus, they, so like, let's say someone kisses you when you're dead and they have the cold sore. And then someone else kisses you when you're dead. They might pick up the cold sore from your skin from the other person.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  I've never had a cold sore in my life, I do.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  I know.

• 40:44Speaker 02

  You might in death.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  I dare you.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  You might in death.

• 40:47Speaker 01

  I've had a death in my life.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  She said that she likes when we talk about death as well. So there you go.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  I want to know about like the weirdest, weirdest thing. She's embalmed. I want to know.

• 40:55Speaker 03

  She did say she's open to more questions.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Oh, grant. Okay, fine, fine.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  This is a two-way, uh, two-way thing now.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll give her a ring. Our weekly embalming section. Our weekly section on death wouldn't be too bad, you know.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  Do you know what? I think the more you talk about.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  My cousin's fiance is a forensic pathologist. She finds out how people died.

• 41:14Speaker 02

  Sorry, do you know?

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Sorry, so was the woman who married that murderer.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  On that Netflix, wasn't she?

• 41:20Speaker 02

  But you know Alan from RTE is a pathologist. He studied pathology for seven years.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  No, I didn't know that.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. I find that fascinating that people have just had these other lives. Pathology, I don't, I just, I don't love death.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  Well, I was a carer in an Alzheimer's.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  Were you?

• 41:35Speaker 01

  I've had, I've had, yeah.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Did you ever work in P O R? I think you'd be good at this.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  Then I went into, and then I went into P O R and then I worked as a publicist. Yeah.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  I don't feel like I speak about my building site work enough. Will we do our recommendations?

• 41:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's do our recs.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Okay, you go first.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  So there's a, I, now, I'm not saying this, and I suppose, I don't know why I have to say this. I knew this story before. I'd listened to a podcast on it. There's a podcast called Believe in Magic that I think the BBC Sounds did, but now, Mother of All Cons, they've turned it into a documentary called Mother of All Cons on the BBC Player, which you know is annoying because you can't get it in Ireland. But if you have a VPN, is it a VPN?

• 42:10Speaker 02

  A VPN, yeah.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  It's well worth a watch. It's about, it's one of my favourite topics, which is women pretending they have cancer.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Okay, my, um, my recommendation is from an author called Charlotte Leonard. Her book is on preorder. She, I gave a quote for it because she asked me to read it and I loved it and I don't always give people quotes, but it was such a brilliant book. It's called One Little Lie and her Instagram is Charlotte Leonard. And you can preorder it on there, but it's out in the next three weeks and it's very good, I have to say.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  Great.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  I really enjoyed it.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  And also, if people watch Mother of All Cons, please email in and tell me what you think. It is nuts. It is a journey. It is a roly-poly rollercoaster.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  Well, thank you everyone for listening.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  I just don't trust anyone anymore.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  Thank you for having us, Joan.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  I just don't trust anyone anymore.

• 43:01Speaker 02

  Oh, I never did.

• 43:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  Only people that I know for a long time.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  That's it. Hammersmith Apollo on sale now, December 16th.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  That was a great plug there.

• 43:08Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  This has been a Global Player original production.