MBMBaM 821: Time Lost is Cool Lost

Scrounge up your ferris wheel money, grab your waffled cones, and wear a coat I guess because it’s America’s 250th birthday and we’re going all out by catching up with William Henry Harrison, exposing secret jugglers, and dodging the paparazzo. If someone tells you they saw Griffin at that OTHER fair, no they didn’t. He would never. Suggested talking points: Sorry Teachers This is Ferris Wheel Money, Crosstalk is the Worst When it’s Lying, It’s All Fear Baby, That’s a Load-Bearing Pergola Derek, You Have the Stink of Retail, Bottle Up Your Dark Energies, The Griffalanche Asian Pacific Environmental Network: https://apen4ej.org/our-work/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  One, two, three, four. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has gossip, it's rapid into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:09Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother Mean Advice Show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:15Travis McElroy?

  What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf of Vroom Vroom, the heater, award-winning McElroy.

• 1:21Griffin McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 and a 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy.

• 1:25Travis McElroy?

  Uh, welcome to, I mean, it's like ongoing celebration, I would say, of America and West Virginia, especially with American.

• 1:35Travis McElroy?

  And Trav Nation.

• 1:36Travis McElroy?

  We're all partying for the 250th.

• 1:39Griffin McElroy?

  I'm so stoked to be here for the big, beautiful ladies quarter millennial.

• 1:44Travis McElroy?

  Is it hard getting around, Griffin, like all the traffic and the people coming into town for it?

• 1:49Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, dude, yes, it sucks. The congestion is like fucking for miles around the mall.

• 1:56Travis McElroy?

  Everybody trying to get there.

• 1:57Griffin McElroy?

  Everyone is trying to get down there because everyone wants to know.

• 2:04Griffin McElroy?

  What's the big inventions this time around?

• 2:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:07Griffin McElroy?

  You know what I mean?

• 2:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:08Travis McElroy?

  The latest inventions.

• 2:09Griffin McElroy?

  Everyone wants to check because they know that's what like all kinds of shit was mostly at the Colombian expedition in Chicago. We were, we love that one. Devil in the White City. Fuck, yeah. And we want to know what's the next telephone? What's the next Ferris wheel?

• 2:25Travis McElroy?

  The next light bulb.

• 2:26Griffin McElroy?

  The next alternating current.

• 2:28Travis McElroy?

  Have you tried the latest? It's a coned waffle.

• 2:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man, that shit.

• 2:32Travis McElroy?

  A waffle cone.

• 2:34Travis McElroy?

  Now everything's in cones.

• 2:35Travis McElroy?

  Dr. Brenner's candied floss. You know what I mean? It's all there.

• 2:40Griffin McElroy?

  I tried to find a list online.

• 2:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:43Griffin McElroy?

  What the big inventions are this time.

• 2:46Travis McElroy?

  Where the inventions?

• 2:46Griffin McElroy?

  And I've been, I have struggled and I'm guessing they just want it to be a surprise.

• 2:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:51Griffin McElroy?

  When you roll up and you're there, boots on the ground, your boots on the ground and you're watching a Reba McEntire cover band perform for 14 people. They want the inventions to catch you because they know turnout's been low. They want the inventions to catch and surprise you and lift you up and make you celebrate America.

• 3:07Travis McElroy?

  Uh, I, I do think it is, it's tough, Griffin, that like you're one of the people on this show. And one of the funniest things to ever happen is not, you know, 30 miles as the crow flies from your doorway. And I just, you just won't walk over there and see what's going on. You know what I mean? Like if you would just like go there, you could have already gone there and you'd be talking about it.

• 3:30Travis McElroy?

  I doubt you'd even have to pay to get in. I don't know if they're charging.

• 3:33Travis McElroy?

  If this was happening in Huntington, you guys would be so mad at me for not going.

• 3:36Griffin McElroy?

  You tell me what I would need to wear or otherwise do to signal to everyone that my presence at this extremely and tragically politicized event is as, is, is as for a goof. Is for the intent, this is my.

• 3:54Travis McElroy?

  These are the same excuses you gave on January 6th when you wouldn't go down there.

• 4:00Travis McElroy?

  I know, I did. I actually don't think that's as funny as what I was gonna say. Because this is.

• 4:07Travis McElroy?

  There's a bit of acid on the tongue with that one. Yes, I was going to say, Griffin, in a much more convivial fashion, if you, one of the headlines has been how few people there are. So I do think that you could start to shift the narrative of like, there's not many people here. There is this one guy in a my brother, my brother in me t-shirt, who seems to be in a lot of the shots.

• 4:26Griffin McElroy?

  That's my fear. My fear is that I will go and the paparazzo will be so, I've never had an issue with the paparazzo myself, but I, if I go and there's 14 people there, there's a real chance that I will be one of the more notorious individuals on site. And it will get out and then people will be like, hey, man, what the fuck? And I can't say I wanted a $12 foot long corn dog. Like I would just pop down for lunch.

• 4:57Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, you're my brother and I love you and I've known you for almost 40 years now. I don't think you would have a hard time conveying your displeasure at being at a place visibly. I think that in photos, it would be very clear that you were not happy to be there.

• 5:16Griffin McElroy?

  One of my love languages is visibly displaying my displeasure at being at a place.

• 5:21Travis McElroy?

  Yes, it's something that you have perfected over the years. I think your ability, like a camera would pan across the 14 people present at this huge event and they'd be like, but that guy hates it. He hates this so much.

• 5:37Griffin McElroy?

  I, I don't love being in a situation, whether it's a concert or open mic comedy or something like that, where I know that the performers are putting a lot of, I'm, I'm carrying a lot of weight for the performers, being one of the very few attendees here. I don't want to make eye contact. With uh with me but rack and tire the Reba McIntyre cover band like their guitarist and see the desperation in his eyes and if I go because it sucks or I have something way better to do I'm gonna see the panic in their face of like oh no oh no don't go but tell us what do you want fancy we'll play fancy again I know we've done it a couple times

• 6:21Travis McElroy?

  I mean it's schmancy their version's called schmancy

• 6:24Griffin McElroy?

  Well no they can sing the song that you understand

• 6:26Travis McElroy?

  Legally you think Reba McIntyre is fine with them singing fancy at the 250 great American fair

• 6:32Travis McElroy?

  Can I talk about our wheel?

• 6:35Griffin McElroy?

  Please talk about your great wheel

• 6:37Travis McElroy?

  Keep on turning

• 6:38Travis McElroy?

  We have a great wheel in West Virginia called the America 250 wheel it's the world's largest portable Ferris wheel

• 6:43Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck yeah dude

• 6:44Travis McElroy?

  And it's I was I

• 6:45Travis McElroy?

  You keep using that word too

• 6:47Travis McElroy?

  Portable and it's not

• 6:49Griffin McElroy?

  All Ferris wheels are portable if you're strong enough

• 6:52Travis McElroy?

  If you're mighty Joe Young

• 6:53Travis McElroy?

  In this case it means rickety so the world's largest portable Ferris wheel

• 6:59Griffin McElroy?

  It's mobile on a different axis than most Ferris wheels are mobile it goes there's a depth to its movement

• 7:06Travis McElroy?

  It's just simply not an adjective I want attached to my Ferris wheel or large machinery of any kind

• 7:14Griffin McElroy?

  A permanent fixture actually I would love from my Ferris wheel

• 7:17Travis McElroy?

  So it's not that West Virginia had West Virginia has the reason this is important is that it started at the Florida State Fair

• 7:25Travis McElroy?

  Hmm

• 7:26Travis McElroy?

  And next month it's going to the Wisconsin State Fair but right now it's in West Virginia so ha chi machi it's the biggest one in the world and we finally put ourselves on the map

• 7:37Travis McElroy?

  But not exclusive

• 7:38Travis McElroy?

  No

• 7:39Travis McElroy?

  Not exclusive

• 7:40Griffin McElroy?

  You don't need that though

• 7:41Travis McElroy?

  Here's a quote from the West Virginia Secretary of Tourism Chelsea Ruby we wanted an attraction that people would tell their kids and grandkids about I've already told my kids about it and I had a lot of really great great words

• 7:54Griffin McElroy?

  Does it say kids grandkids and podcast slash streaming audience as a goof about was that clarified?

• 8:02Travis McElroy?

  The second half of the quote is it took all of about two minutes for the governor to okay the idea

• 8:07Griffin McElroy?

  No shit

• 8:08Travis McElroy?

  Ah

• 8:09Griffin McElroy?

  No way

• 8:09Travis McElroy?

  You don't fucking say.

• 8:11Travis McElroy?

  You're you're telling me this wasn't a long deliberated? We got experts in to talk.

• 8:17Travis McElroy?

  You're kidding me. Our dip ship carpetbagger governor didn't take more than two minutes to clock whether or not this would be a good idea or not. I don't, I don't believe it.

• 8:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Here's a quote from the leader of the teachers' union of West Virginia. They've been kicking this one around for like a year, guys. They've been trying to figure out whether or not they should pay us any money for way, way, way, way longer than two minutes. Like so much longer. We just got an email from them actually saying, sorry, teachers, this is Ferris wheel money. Better luck next time.

• 8:47Travis McElroy?

  When it's time to move it to a different fair, do they just loosen two big nuts on the side of it and just let it roll there?

• 8:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yep. They point it from Florida to here. There it had to go through the Badlands a little bit, through some swampy terrain, a couple of the, they lost a couple of cars on it for sure.

• 9:04Travis McElroy?

  What's that? You want it? Oh, no, we can't. That crosses the Grand Canyon. Um, that create, it's like basically a pothole.

• 9:11Griffin McElroy?

  Now I'll say this. All will be forgiven for the, for the sham of this 250th celebration. All will be forgiven if we can ramp this big Ferris wheel over the Grand Canyon.

• 9:22Travis McElroy?

  That would be so sweet.

• 9:22Griffin McElroy?

  Nothing would be, nothing would make me prouder, nor would it be more representative of the American experiment to watch a big Ferris wheel do a huge jump over the Grand Canyon and almost certainly absolutely explode when it lands on the other side.

• 9:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but that's fair. Like if that happens, that's part of it.

• 9:38Griffin McElroy?

  Get Red Bull on this pronto. We can figure out the logistics on how to get this thing over. The landing is.

• 9:43Travis McElroy?

  And literally, coat it in Red Bull. Gives you wings.

• 9:47Griffin McElroy?

  Give it wings to fly.

• 9:48Travis McElroy?

  One, uh, just, if you're curious what the experience of riding the big wheels like. The wheels elaborate light show incorporates an effect that mimics sparklers. And it casts its glow on the entire Capitol complex. Especially appropriate to the holiday, the ride has a bottom to top patriotic theme, including 45 gondolas decorated in tribute to each of the 45 American presidents. Complete with audio mini bios that play during the 10 minute ride.

• 10:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 10:17Griffin McElroy?

  Well, hold on. Now, okay. It's not my experience when waiting in line for a Ferris wheel that I get to pick the car. I don't ever, I don't think you're allowed to say like, nope.

• 10:25Travis McElroy?

  You get whoever you get.

• 10:26Griffin McElroy?

  Keep going, keep going. That one. I think you do just gotta hop in.

• 10:30Travis McElroy?

  Well, it's me.

• 10:31Travis McElroy?

  William Harrison.

• 10:34Travis McElroy?

  I, I also think that 10 minutes is pretty kind, meaning every time I've been on a Ferris wheel, if you're the car right after they stop to let the first person off, you're going all the way slowly back around while they unload.

• 10:51Travis McElroy?

  How do you think Harrison does fill up the 10?

• 10:54Travis McElroy?

  He does. He gives you a minute and a half.

• 10:56Travis McElroy?

  Well, I won in a landslide. People were just crazy about my policies. Then I died.

• 11:01Travis McElroy?

  Oh shit.

• 11:02Travis McElroy?

  Wear a coat, I guess.

• 11:03Travis McElroy?

  What about you? What have you been up to lately?

• 11:06Travis McElroy?

  Wear a coat is my whole thing. I guess.

• 11:10Travis McElroy?

  How have things changed in the, like, do you guys have better medicine?

• 11:17Travis McElroy?

  Let me tell you some of the cool things I would have done in my presidency.

• 11:21Travis McElroy?

  I think it would have gone a little something like this.

• 11:24Travis McElroy?

  We would have gone to space in my presidency if I'd still been there.

• 11:29Travis McElroy?

  It's more than just a ride, Ruby says. It's truly an all-American experience from beginning to end.

• 11:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, in many ways, I would say that's true.

• 11:38Travis McElroy?

  It will be free while in Charleston. Speaking of,

• 11:41Travis McElroy?

  It's free.

• 11:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, given that the state Capitol complex includes the governor's mansion, is Governor Patrick Morrissey expected to take a spin himself? Absolutely, Ruby says. He wouldn't miss it. Limits permitting, I guess, but like, yeah.

• 11:56Travis McElroy?

  But also, yeah, if he thought about it for two minutes before saying yes to it, he was first in line with his, like, I heart Ferris wheel t-shirt and his, like, Ferris wheel shaped hat and his commemorative Ferris wheel cup.

• 12:10Travis McElroy?

  Not so fast, Mr. Governor.

• 12:13Travis McElroy?

  But I,

• 12:16Travis McElroy?

  you have to wait for us to put it together. Go faster. Safety, safety rules be damned.

• 12:21Travis McElroy?

  Governor, it's not done. It's in my house. It's in my backyard. The Capitol complex includes the governor's mansion. This is technically my house. Technically, you had to let me be the first one on it every morning.

• 12:30Travis McElroy?

  How much of a service is this if I'm not on the Ferris wheel?

• 12:33Griffin McElroy?

  You just see, as you go to visit, you see him stumbling out of the car, just barfing like, only nine more presidents to go. I've almost completed the whole set.

• 12:43Travis McElroy?

  Fuck, Harrison was boring.

• 12:46Travis McElroy?

  Hey guys, don't let people on Harrison. That was so boring.

• 12:49Travis McElroy?

  Hey guys, I learned some stuff about some of the presidents. It's made me rethink some things.

• 12:54Travis McElroy?

  Rethink. You know what? History is not kind to some of these decisions, I will say.

• 13:00Travis McElroy?

  Maybe I shouldn't have gotten a $2 million Ferris wheel. It's this, what are they gonna say in my Ferris wheel gondola about me?

• 13:08Griffin McElroy?

  Depending on the content of these biographies, we might change some hearts and minds on this Ferris. Like, someone of a certain persuasion might get, might get assigned the Obama Ferris wheel ride and then go around it, or the Trump Ferris wheel ride and get off and be like, I had no fucking idea. Wow. Holy shit. Um, guys, we need to, we need to have a big family talk right now about our priorities.

• 13:31Travis McElroy?

  I was curious. I know that at the fair, Griffin won't go over there, even though it's very funny. He won't go over. So I had to look up for myself what West Virginia's doing.

• 13:41Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 13:41Travis McElroy?

  Over there. Thank, yeah. So here's our first thing. It is, you know, country roads take me home. Here is a driving sim- it's a driving simulator.

• 13:52Griffin McElroy?

  Of country, of country road. What are they playing there, man? What do we got? What game are they cooking?

• 13:57Travis McElroy?

  I'm real, I think it, I don't know, man. It's hard to say.

• 14:01Griffin McElroy?

  Come to West Virginia. It's a lot like-

• 14:03Travis McElroy?

  It says Shenandoah River at the bottom.

• 14:05Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, but like, yeah, that's fine, but is it a, like a Forza map? What are we doing?

• 14:10Travis McElroy?

  We also got, uh, this is good too.

• 14:12Travis McElroy?

  Oh, cool. Like a mini golfing kind of thing.

• 14:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we got some fake stumps that you could take your picture on. There's also, it doesn't show it in here, but there is also a stuffed black bear that you could take your picture with as well.

• 14:24Travis McElroy?

  Really elevating the West Virginia kind of identity there. Thanks, guys.

• 14:28Travis McElroy?

  If they didn't show up, just have a stamp that has their state name on it.

• 14:32Griffin McElroy?

  It's just like, I wanna bring, I wanna get in a time machine. I wanna bring back Daniel Burnham from 1890, whenever, and just show him what our version of World's Fair kind of looks like, just to let him know, like, dude, you went way too fucking, like, all the landscaping and stuff. Are you kidding me, dude? Rhode Island's just got two chairs facing each other, because they didn't really wanna rep at the fair. You didn't need to do all the stuff that you, that you did end up doing.

• 15:01Travis McElroy?

  It would be sick if it, West Virginia's boo that was- Just a big picture of our kick ass wheel. Yeah. Like, listen, don't think about anything else with West Virginia. We're starting over. It's the big wheel state.

• 15:12Griffin McElroy?

  The big wheel state, the rolling state.

• 15:14Travis McElroy?

  We built a 99% scale model of the giant wheel.

• 15:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:20Travis McElroy?

  For this display.

• 15:21Travis McElroy?

  We dropped the mountain state thing. We don't have mountains. What we did have was a big wheel. Now it's in Wisconsin now, but for one glorious month.

• 15:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, so we rolled over the mountains, crushed them.

• 15:31Griffin McElroy?

  Crushed them. We had to blast them, cut them down flat to get this wheel here from Florida.

• 15:36Travis McElroy?

  Worth it.

• 15:36Travis McElroy?

  This is.

• 15:37Travis McElroy?

  We miss it.

• 15:38Griffin McElroy?

  We can still smell the fresh swamp air in some of the cars.

• 15:41Travis McElroy?

  Now us in Florida, Wisconsin, we're gonna stand at three different points in a room and call to the wheel and see who it goes to.

• 15:49Griffin McElroy?

  Exactly.

• 15:51Travis McElroy?

  I am currently working as a beer merchandiser.

• 15:54Griffin McElroy?

  This is an advice show.

• 15:55Travis McElroy?

  This is an, oh, Griffin, thank you.

• 15:57Griffin McElroy?

  You usually say it and you didn't.

• 15:59Travis McElroy?

  Usually I say it. Thank you. You're right. This is an advice show. I'm currently working as a beer merchandiser over the summer. The company I work for sends beer, wine, and seltzers to grocery stores and I stock it on the shelves. Yeah. That's what a merchandise.

• 16:14Travis McElroy?

  That's not the end of the question.

• 16:15Griffin McElroy?

  No, hold on.

• 16:16Travis McElroy?

  No, I thought it was like a definition.

• 16:18Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think I knew what a merchandiser was, so I actually appreciate.

• 16:21Travis McElroy?

  Griffin hasn't worked retail, Justin.

• 16:24Griffin McElroy?

  I have.

• 16:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.

• 16:26Griffin McElroy?

  That's not true. I worked at, I worked at GameStop for like two years.

• 16:28Travis McElroy?

  Doesn't count.

• 16:29Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 16:29Travis McElroy?

  It's an educational opportunity.

• 16:31Griffin McElroy?

  I took a fucking bullet for my retail job.

• 16:33Travis McElroy?

  That's not quite true. You hypothetically could have.

• 16:35Griffin McElroy?

  I could have almost taken a bullet for my retail job, so don't sit here and tell me what I can't do.

• 16:40Travis McElroy?

  Is the worst when it's lying. That's, I think, when the cross talk is the worst.

• 16:44Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, like I interrupted for a nut, for a lie, for a sin.

• 16:48Travis McElroy?

  To sin. You interrupted me to sin. To condemn your soul to hell.

• 16:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:52Travis McElroy?

  That's why it's called sin interrupting.

• 16:55Travis McElroy?

  Quite frequently. That was the original title of this show. Quite frequently, customers at the grocery stores I work at will come and ask me questions about the location of product I have nothing to do with. Such as, where are the almonds? Not these almonds, the other ones. Or where are the diced peaches? Most times I can say I simply do not know, but at times customers will insist I do. Brothers, how am I supposed to deal with customers insisting I know where the secret almonds are? That's from Merchandiser Misconception in North Carolina.

• 17:25Griffin McElroy?

  Subtle. I like it.

• 17:26Travis McElroy?

  I have you got, this isn't, this isn't the heart of the question, but have you guys ever been in a situation? All right, I might be alone.

• 17:33Griffin McElroy?

  The heart of the question was the other alternate title.

• 17:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:37Travis McElroy?

  When I'm at a grocery store and I can't find something, it takes a lot of courage and gumption for me to bother an employee to ask them where the thing is. And then the moment when I realize they also don't right away know where the thing is. I wish that there was a code phrase I could give that's like, okay, scrap this hole in debt. I actually don't care that much anymore.

• 18:00Griffin McElroy?

  Undo, undo, undo.

• 18:01Travis McElroy?

  I would, I thought you would be able to give me like latitude and longitude and I'd go straight there and grab it. But you and I on a hunt together is more burden than I was planning to give you today.

• 18:12Griffin McElroy?

  I want to be crystal clear because I think a lot of the time, these types of behaviors are wrongly categorized as, oh, well, that's just macho like man bullshit of, oh, I'm not going to ask for help to ask where the thing is at the Home Depot. I'm scared to talk to another person. Maybe they're busy. Maybe they don't fucking work there. They just wear the same color shirt as everyone else who works there. There's so many ways this thing can go bad that have nothing to do with pride. It's all fear, baby.

• 18:44Travis McElroy?

  Maybe they were already helping someone else?

• 18:46Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe they were already helping someone else and now I look like an asshole to two people. It's all fear, baby. All the way down.

• 18:52Travis McElroy?

  Not Home Depot, but Lowe's or sometimes like any of those home improvement stores. I'm also worried about like, uh, I'm going to call it the right thing. Cause if I knew, if I knew exactly what I needed, I would look it up on the app and the app tells me what aisle it's in. So I don't know what it's called. So, uh-oh, now I'm having to be like, I need a bent piece of metal with holes on each end. And I know there's a name for it. I know there's something it's called. You know what? A springy thing that goes between a door with the other end. Where's that?

• 19:23Travis McElroy?

  Imagine you're working at a theater and you're building weird prop shit and they ask a question, well, what are you using it for? And you have to say, well, we're doing a production in Macbeth and I need a fake pipe bomb.

• 19:36Griffin McElroy?

  Don't have to say.

• 19:39Travis McElroy?

  I don't know how else to describe what I need.

• 19:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, because you can't be like, I need a pipe. Yay, large. I need to put, I need it to look like a, what if I was making an exploding pipe? Uh, for, uh, for pretend play.

• 19:53Travis McElroy?

  It's hard too, because as somebody who's worked a lot of different retail jobs, there are some employees you're going to talk to that absolutely know the store like the back of their hand. Will tell you exactly where the thing is because they know it as well as they know their own name. Or it's like me at Best Buy in any department other than media where it's like the car stereos? What the fuck? I've never been in there. How would I have any idea? I've never even got, where is that in the store I work?

• 20:15Travis McElroy?

  Cause I have a clue. I have a dude at Lowe's that if I see him, I know that not only does he know the aisle and the section, he'll tell me what like level of the section to look at. And I've talked to him probably 50 times in the last three years. There's no recognition in his eyes when he looks at me, but when I see him, I'm saved. I know.

• 20:41Travis McElroy?

  I've been, I've been spending a lot of home, uh, time at home improvement stores, uh, recently. And, uh,

• 20:48Travis McElroy?

  sorry. Yes, thank you.

• 20:51Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, Travis. In accordance with the law.

• 20:54Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, these stores, we gotta be clear, sell merchandise and memorabilia from the home improvement television program.

• 21:01Travis McElroy?

  The thing, the, my, my, uh, my least favorite.

• 21:04Griffin McElroy?

  I got one of the planks from Wilson's fence. It cost me $7,000.

• 21:07Travis McElroy?

  I got Wilson's face.

• 21:09Griffin McElroy?

  No way.

• 21:10Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's a chase face. It was hard to find.

• 21:13Travis McElroy?

  Tough to navigate. Home improvement stores are the only stores where they will just all of a sudden be like, this aisle is closed. You cannot shop here. That's crazy. Nobody does that. And then it's like, sometimes there's nobody in there. So it's like, hi, is this part of the store still? I need something from there. And then if you have to, if somebody's clocks you looking, then it's like, hey.

• 21:36Griffin McElroy?

  Don't even think about it.

• 21:37Travis McElroy?

  Don't even think about it.

• 21:38Travis McElroy?

  We might, we might be using. Yeah, it might be using Big Joe or whatever it's called to grab this thing down.

• 21:44Travis McElroy?

  This, this really, this really got me. There was an aisle closed that I really needed something from, and I waited for a long time for them to open it back up. And I was like, I really need, and then they had a machine in the other side, in the adjacent aisle. And I was thinking like, God, guys, this is ridiculous. Just let me in here. And I was almost about to be frustrated. And then I realized what they were doing was going up way up to the top. And if they had messed that up, they would have pushed it over into the next aisle that I was so desperate to get my fucking foam out of or whatever. It's like, yeah, you know what? I should have trusted you, Loz. You knew what you were doing. I'm sorry.

• 22:20Travis McElroy?

  And this Derek's first day on the forklift, and he had a rough night last night. So we're actually the closed three aisles.

• 22:29Travis McElroy?

  We don't know what this cat's gonna do. He could take a fridge out. He took out the entire

• 22:33Travis McElroy?

  He's wearing dark sunglasses. We don't know where he's even looking right now.

• 22:38Griffin McElroy?

  Who we got on inventory? Oh, Dizzy Derek? No, shut down. That whole wing of the store is gone for Dizzy Derek.

• 22:44Travis McElroy?

  Lock the doors.

• 22:44Griffin McElroy?

  Off limits.

• 22:45Travis McElroy?

  Get your screws from Target.

• 22:47Travis McElroy?

  Everybody out to the garden center.

• 22:49Travis McElroy?

  Go to the garden center.

• 22:50Griffin McElroy?

  Evacuate.

• 22:50Travis McElroy?

  You might be safe there.

• 22:52Travis McElroy?

  No, it's a load bearing pergola, Derek. You're gonna.

• 22:57Griffin McElroy?

  We've talked about this, Derek.

• 22:58Travis McElroy?

  We talked about that. God damn it.

• 23:00Travis McElroy?

  What am I gonna do? Derek, no!

• 23:02Travis McElroy?

  Derek. God, if his dad didn't own the store.

• 23:05Travis McElroy?

  Um, this happened when I worked at Best Buy. It did not matter what someone was wearing. If people saw them putting stuff on shelves or taking stuff on shelves, the assumption was, this cat knows things. I've been places in regular clothes and people have asked me where things are.

• 23:23Griffin McElroy?

  You have the stink of retail all about you, Travis.

• 23:26Travis McElroy?

  I, I do. I carry that with me. I can't shake it.

• 23:30Travis McElroy?

  It's an energy.

• 23:30Travis McElroy?

  And I, man, just say like, yeah, I, I just focus on the beer. All I know is the beer.

• 23:37Travis McElroy?

  It's awkward though, because you have two choices. One is, I don't know. Okay. I mean, that's a little, I get it. That's probably the fair, reasonable thing to do. The hard thing is, most stores are like, are like, a lot of grocery stores especially, are labeled in such a way that if you will take a couple of seconds and just like orient yourself and look at a sign. But then if you start doing that and the person clocks you, it's like, well, I could have.

• 24:01Travis McElroy?

  That's exactly it.

• 24:03Travis McElroy?

  You know, it's like, okay, but, yeah, but that is what to do. You look at the sign. I don't know.

• 24:07Griffin McElroy?

  That's what you do. Yeah.

• 24:08Travis McElroy?

  When it retroactively makes, even if I've been walking the aisles for like 15 minutes looking for a thing, and then I ask someone, and then they're doing the same thing I did, I want to like, just stop and like, hey, before we continue this journey together, I want you to know that I did this too. And maybe I'm not saying you should stop. I just don't want you to think you were my first stop. Before I looked at the headings on everything.

• 24:33Travis McElroy?

  Talk, talk about these invisible borders to people who have trouble interacting in the world. Uh, another thing at these home improvement stores is a lot of products aren't ready for you to buy it. There's one more step where you gotta get somebody to say, hey, cut this to what I want it. When I see that, what I think is, no, I will buy something else. I can't buy this. I can't go get a guy to do the thing. I will, I will buy the standard sized thing and have it be wrong.

• 25:02Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 25:03Travis McElroy?

  Find this key, get somebody with a key to unlock this thing, because do I need more stuff in my life? Perhaps my life is already too cluttered.

• 25:11Travis McElroy?

  Actually need to find somebody with a key.

• 25:13Griffin McElroy?

  Justin, if I'm not mistaken, you seized the means of production just so you would not have to ask someone for help cutting wood to specific sizes.

• 25:19Travis McElroy?

  Right. This is why I fabricate. Yes, I fabricated myself. Thank you. I need.

• 25:23Travis McElroy?

  That's why I learned lockpicking.

• 25:25Griffin McElroy?

  I want to remind you, and you're, I'm sure your bosses would be happy to do this too. And maybe the grocery store don't, doesn't want you to do this. You're not just in merchandising. You're also in sales. This is an opportunity. Oh, you don't want almonds. Gross. Have you tried a beer?

• 25:44Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, you, oh, you wanted, you wanted crunchy nuts? That's fine and all, but you know.

• 25:50Travis McElroy?

  I can't help you with that, but I can't help you take the edge off.

• 25:53Travis McElroy?

  Hey, you're gonna be really disappointed that you couldn't find those almonds tonight. It's gonna be a hard day for you. You're gonna have a lot to come back from. Try this seltzer. It's not gonna replace the almonds, but it will feel a void in your heart from not being able to find them.

• 26:07Travis McElroy?

  You should be allowed, if you are a beer merchandiser, you should be allowed to, once a day.

• 26:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:13Travis McElroy?

  Just once a day.

• 26:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:15Travis McElroy?

  Someone says something and you're like, hey, I know it might help.

• 26:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, one.

• 26:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Just once a day, you should be legally allowed to crack open one and just hand it to somebody in the store.

• 26:26Travis McElroy?

  This is gonna make the searching feel a lot more fun.

• 26:30Griffin McElroy?

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:30Travis McElroy?

  Goodbye.

• 26:31Griffin McElroy?

  Where do you keep the Pokemon cards? Oh.

• 26:35Griffin McElroy?

  You don't, don't worry about that. Those will depreciate in value. You're not gonna get it, Charizard. Have you tried a big beer? Have you tried a big cold beer?

• 26:44Travis McElroy?

  A big beer for big boys?

• 26:45Travis McElroy?

  Have alcohol anymore.

• 26:46Travis McElroy?

  You just, just hand, pass it over.

• 26:49Griffin McElroy?

  Just pass it over to them.

• 26:52Griffin McElroy?

  Don't give beer to kids.

• 26:54Travis McElroy?

  I suspect my partner is learning to juggle in secret. The problem is that he's still learning and keeps dropping the pins late at night while he practices. We live in.

• 27:03Travis McElroy?

  Not much of a fucking secret.

• 27:05Griffin McElroy?

  Why is he starting with pins?

• 27:07Travis McElroy?

  It, there's a 500 square foot apartment with wooden floors, so the sound wakes up both me and our dog, who proceeds to bark until the juggling stops. Brothers, how do I help my partner get better at juggling so he stops dropping things without telling him I know about his secret hobby and or embarrassing him? That's from Sleepless in Silver Spring.

• 27:24Travis McElroy?

  When I was in college.

• 27:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:26Travis McElroy?

  I took up throwing knives and I practiced in my dorm room because there was a corkboard on the wall. And eventually, RAs, why is that? When I say eventually, within 10 minutes, RAs came by and they were like.

• 27:39Griffin McElroy?

  Stop.

• 27:40Travis McElroy?

  What are you doing in here? And I said, putting up posters in the corkboard and they said, it's really loud. And I said, yeah, having a hard time getting these thumbtacks to stick. And they looked at me and I looked at them and then they realized they didn't care and they left. And what I mean to say here is, learning to juggle in secret is a really good. Lie about something else this person.

• 28:06Griffin McElroy?

  There's for sure something else going on. My thoughts, they are running a speakeasy candlepin bowling situation up on the higher floor of your of your lodging. That's that's one, that's only one option.

• 28:21Travis McElroy?

  Why not something softer? You, if you left, maybe in a passive way, just a bunch of soft balls around.

• 28:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:29Travis McElroy?

  Like, is there a passive tasteful way to just have bunches of soft balls?

• 28:35Travis McElroy?

  Did their uncle who owned a bowling alley die and leave them a bunch of pins?

• 28:40Griffin McElroy?

  Didn't even think about if there was a tasteful way to leave a bunch of soft balls around.

• 28:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:43Griffin McElroy?

  I feel like you immediately jumped in.

• 28:45Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes it starts to feel like we're just saying different ideas.

• 28:48Griffin McElroy?

  But there's gotta be a way to leave a bunch of soft balls around in a manner that is.

• 28:52Travis McElroy?

  We're telling you about balls that are soft, not soft balls, right?

• 28:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, well, soft balls would be.

• 28:57Travis McElroy?

  Soft balls are pretty hard, which is crazy.

• 28:59Griffin McElroy?

  Make less sound, but yeah, I mean, but you gotta be careful. You don't want to give them one of those like sets of klutz balls. Cause who wants to be called a klutz by the juggling items they just bought?

• 29:09Travis McElroy?

  You need to secretly take up hacky sack.

• 29:13Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 29:13Travis McElroy?

  Right? And then let your partner find your soft balls lying around. And then you own up to hacky sacking. Like, yeah, I've been trying to learn hacky sack in secret.

• 29:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:24Travis McElroy?

  But now, if I'm being honest, I bought too many soft balls. And like, you can really only hacky one sack at a time. I don't know what I'm gonna do with all these other soft balls lying around.

• 29:36Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know if hacky sacks are regulation sized juggle balls. Just one issue with the play.

• 29:41Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I try to play in the space. You guys yelled at me about not playing in the space. I played in the space and then Griffin's giving me regulations.

• 29:48Travis McElroy?

  I've turned on Griffin.

• 29:49Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not.

• 29:50Travis McElroy?

  It's crazy.

• 29:50Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:51Griffin McElroy?

  Cause I'm helping, what I did was helpful. I said, do a different idea, that one won't work. That's helping, that's not like, that's not just, what do you got there, Justin?

• 30:01Travis McElroy?

  A wrist support?

• 30:02Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I thought you were like pulling out something to juggle. Honest to God, dude, I think I've been waiting with bated breath for you to be like, some juggle balls like these guys.

• 30:09Travis McElroy?

  The turn, the prestige.

• 30:10Travis McElroy?

  I don't know how to juggle. Okay, sorry.

• 30:13Griffin McElroy?

  Sure, dude.

• 30:13Travis McElroy?

  I have tried. I mean, like, listen, if we had, if I had not tried and failed to learn to juggle so many times, I don't think I would have been as hard on jugglers as I have been over the years.

• 30:21Travis McElroy?

  Is it possible, Justin, like Rookie of the Year, now that you've had your carpal tunnel surgery, you're like gonna pick him up and be like, holy shit.

• 30:30Travis McElroy?

  Amazing.

• 30:30Travis McElroy?

  He's super good at juggle. They tightened some stuff in there.

• 30:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:34Travis McElroy?

  And his, his juggling reflexes are faster than they've ever been.

• 30:38Travis McElroy?

  How, why, why wasn't Rookie of the Year, it would be sick if the rookie had just been a remake of Rookie of the Year, about an old man that gets a surgery that makes him good at pitching. That would be a better flick, right? Like,

• 30:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:52Travis McElroy?

  It's just that I get a 45 year old, Justin McElroy type.

• 30:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:57Travis McElroy?

  Gets a surgery.

• 30:59Griffin McElroy?

  Stepping in for Dennis Quaid, I believe?

• 31:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:02Griffin McElroy?

  Who was the rookie?

• 31:03Travis McElroy?

  This is the same, this is really. They get called to the same auditions all the time.

• 31:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, for sure. Thing about it that really twists us into like fun territory. He doesn't really understand the rules of baseball.

• 31:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:13Travis McElroy?

  So as long as they want him to keep pitching it in the square, he can do that no problem. But if one of the gentlemen starts to take a different bag that they prefer, then he's not gonna be able, he's not gonna be aware of know how to.

• 31:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:26Travis McElroy?

  Hey, that guy's on the wrong side. That guy's on the wrong side of the plate.

• 31:29Travis McElroy?

  He's running.

• 31:30Travis McElroy?

  What's he doing? Stop.

• 31:31Griffin McElroy?

  Is this okay?

• 31:33Travis McElroy?

  Is he allowed to do that? Oh, he just slid into the dirt pretty hard.

• 31:37Travis McElroy?

  Hey, hey, Jeter, Konseco, throw him out.

• 31:41Travis McElroy?

  Our names are Todd.

• 31:43Travis McElroy?

  Pete Rose. Chris Sabo, throw him out, somebody.

• 31:47Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's four. How many other baseball players?

• 31:49Travis McElroy?

  There's five.

• 31:50Travis McElroy?

  David Ortiz.

• 31:51Travis McElroy?

  I only know the ones that are in the Simpsons baseball episodes like that, or if they've been on Shark Tank.

• 31:56Griffin McElroy?

  Daryl Strawberry?

• 31:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:59Griffin McElroy?

  That's seven guys.

• 32:00Travis McElroy?

  Manny Ramirez.

• 32:01Travis McElroy?

  Eight.

• 32:03Travis McElroy?

  Um, I'm trying to remember other Boston Red Sox who won the World Series.

• 32:06Travis McElroy?

  Frickin', uh, the big unit?

• 32:10Travis McElroy?

  The guy with the long hair.

• 32:11Griffin McElroy?

  Randy Johnson.

• 32:12Travis McElroy?

  Randy Johnson.

• 32:13Griffin McElroy?

  Johnson.

• 32:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Guy with the long hair.

• 32:15Travis McElroy?

  Shohei.

• 32:16Travis McElroy?

  Look like, uh, uh.

• 32:17Griffin McElroy?

  Joey Votto.

• 32:18Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 32:19Travis McElroy?

  That's eight. Well, it's a lot. I mean, I could do Reds.

• 32:21Griffin McElroy?

  We've done like 12 now. We gotta, I think we've done our.

• 32:23Travis McElroy?

  No problem.

• 32:24Travis McElroy?

  The sorta? No, he was a manager.

• 32:28Travis McElroy?

  La Forge?

• 32:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:29Travis McElroy?

  He's in Star Trek.

• 32:30Travis McElroy?

  Well, he played baseball a lot, I bet.

• 32:32Travis McElroy?

  Are the pins hidden? This is what's weird to me. Are the pins

• 32:40Travis McElroy?

  hidden away? Or do we all know about the bowling pins? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, are the-

• 32:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. What was not included in this email is what is the excuse your partner is giving when you're like, "Hey, what the fuck was that noise?" I would have loved some supplemental information here of like, "When I pressure them about it, they say like, 'Sorry, I dropped all of my, my, you know, tea kettles.' My collector tea kettle said, 'All my Bratz dolls fell off the shelf.'" Like, what are they saying?

• 33:08Travis McElroy?

  As someone who has cohabitated with a partner for a long time, were I to be dropping several bowling pins an evening in a 500 square foot apartment? After a few days of them not asking me about it, I'm going to start to think something's up with them.

• 33:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why aren't they more curious?

• 33:25Travis McElroy?

  They've definitely heard me drop these bowling pins in our 500 square foot apartment.

• 33:30Travis McElroy?

  It's a cry for help. I mean, help me from learning to juggle, please.

• 33:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, stop me.

• 33:36Griffin McElroy?

  This is your own, this may be your last chance to intervene because once they're good, they're not going to be making much noise when they-

• 33:42Travis McElroy?

  You don't hear it anymore. That's the, that's the, that's the tragic thing about it. You can only, like, you can stop it early, but when it's too far gone, you don't even know when they're juggling anymore. You could turn away and they'd be juggling.

• 33:52Travis McElroy?

  Time lost is cool lost.

• 33:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. They're gonna say, "Oh babe, it's just my first time doing it. I was just experimenting and I won't do it again." It's not the first time they're doing it. It's the first time they got caught doing it. This has been happening for a long, long time.

• 34:08Travis McElroy?

  It's actually the 10th time they got caught. And it's just the first time you felt the energy to go up and see what was happening. Because you have caught them many times and just thought like, "Well, maybe next."

• 34:18Travis McElroy?

  "Hey babe, what are you doing?" Because I will say in their defense, learning to juggle, especially bowling pins, is not something I would want to do in front of someone I would want to continue to find me attractive.

• 34:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:30Travis McElroy?

  Right? Because there is that immediate, yeah, even the first 100 throws and you don't get it, there's a feeling in the room of like, "I should stop this," right?

• 34:40Travis McElroy?

  Stop. This isn't for me. I mean, I can, yes. I would tell you, Travis from experience. Yeah.

• 34:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. A hundred percent. Uh, hey, uh, would it be all right with you guys if we took a quick break for our sponsors to support us and our work?

• 34:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:57Travis McElroy?

  And then came back and did more jokes?

• 34:58Travis McElroy?

  How was that?

• 35:09Travis McElroy?

  I don't know about you, Justin, but I keep getting older. Have you noticed this about yourself?

• 35:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's unfortunate, man.

• 35:16Travis McElroy?

  And I need doctors now more than ever.

• 35:20Travis McElroy?

  Now more than ever, doctors are keeping Travis going.

• 35:23Travis McElroy?

  Yes. Every day, there's a new thing that hurts and is uncomfortable and shouldn't. I've never felt like that before and now feels like it.

• 35:34Travis McElroy?

  And what can you do about it, Trav? We need to pivot to the solution because everyone's getting

• 35:38Travis McElroy?

  I don't know, Justin, because I don't know how to find any GD doctors.

• 35:40Travis McElroy?

  Let me do it then. I'll tell you about Zocdoc. Zocdoc is a service that helps you find the doctor that's perfect for you. So if you've got something going on in your life, you're like, I don't know the, the appropriate physician for this. Uh, maybe just move to a new place or you want to mix up your care, whatever.

• 35:55Travis McElroy?

  You need a complicated team of medical experts to keep your various, um, machinations and parts going.

• 36:03Travis McElroy?

  Got new, new insurance, whatever the, the case may be. Zocdoc lets you search and compare your local in-network doctors. So like you, you look around, you say, hey, these are the ones that work for me. And then they, uh, are going to help you find them and help you get set up with the people that are, are, are going to get you the appropriate care. You can see actual appointment openings and click to book a visit, usually within like 24 to 72 hours. It's pretty cool. I think if you're, uh, it can be kind of overwhelming, I think, to find a physician, to find the appropriate one for you. And Zocdoc really does make it easy.

• 36:38Travis McElroy?

  Your health matters. This was so important to Justin that when he found a physician, he married her just to know, like, that's where my position is.

• 36:46Travis McElroy?

  I, that predated Zocdoc, but like, it would have made it a lot easier, I think.

• 36:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:52Travis McElroy?

  Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with Zocdoc. Head to zocdoc.com slash mybrother to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z O C D O C dot com slash. My brother.

• 37:09Travis McElroy?

  Now, Justin, we've talked about Squarespace many, many times and perhaps there are people listening who have heard it, but haven't really listened. But Justin, I want to ask you, what is this that I'm holding right here in my hands?

• 37:20Griffin McElroy?

  Well, Travis, that's the iHeart Media Best Podcast Read Award.

• 37:24Travis McElroy?

  Best Ad Read Award. That's right. Right here. You know what that means?

• 37:28Griffin McElroy?

  What does that mean?

• 37:29Travis McElroy?

  Means we know what the fuck we're talking about when we talk about ads and our sponsors. So when we tell you that Squarespace fucking rules, that's coming from someone with the hardware to prove that they know what they're talking about.

• 37:42Griffin McElroy?

  It's like really intense. I don't know that they wanted this intense. I mean, they've stuck with us through thick and through thin. No.

• 37:47Travis McElroy?

  Squarespace is great.

• 37:49Griffin McElroy?

  All right.

• 37:49Travis McElroy?

  You'll like it. It gives you everything you need to offer services.

• 37:52Griffin McElroy?

  It's not good, but it's a better energy than...

• 37:55Travis McElroy?

  I love Squarespace like a brother.

• 37:58Griffin McElroy?

  Good. Love is better. You get more sticky. You get more...

• 38:01Travis McElroy?

  I would kill someone to support Squarespace.

• 38:04Griffin McElroy?

  That's too far. You went too far.

• 38:05Travis McElroy?

  You don't say again, Travis, you ever shot it.

• 38:07Travis McElroy?

  I would injure someone to support Squarespace. No?

• 38:11Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 38:11Travis McElroy?

  I would...

• 38:12Griffin McElroy?

  I would make them hurt. I would make. I would make someone hurt for Squarespace.

• 38:16Griffin McElroy?

  I'd hurt them for Squarespace.

• 38:18Travis McElroy?

  You'd hurt somebody for Squarespace?

• 38:19Griffin McElroy?

  I would hurt a person for Squarespace.

• 38:20Travis McElroy?

  Wow. Like if they asked you to or to defend their honor or...

• 38:24Griffin McElroy?

  I'd do anything. I'd do anything they ask me to. This is one of the longest term, healthiest relationships I've ever had is with Squarespace and I would hurt some. I would hurt a person for them. Yeah.

• 38:33Travis McElroy?

  Wow.

• 38:33Griffin McElroy?

  But that's, that's the opposite of what they're about. They're all about helping people and helping them make great websites.

• 38:38Travis McElroy?

  That's why they have Griffin to do the, to do the hurting for them.

• 38:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah. They need me. They need me to do this dark fucking work for them.

• 38:49Travis McElroy?

  Squarespace is wet works guy.

• 38:51Travis McElroy?

  Whether they'll say it. It's weird. You don't hear much about GeoCities these days.

• 38:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:56Travis McElroy?

  What happened to them?

• 38:59Griffin McElroy?

  Gave him the elbow.

• 38:59Travis McElroy?

  The Griffle Lance, that's what happened.

• 39:01Griffin McElroy?

  The Griffle Lance came storming down the mount. That's what happened. I said, "The storm's coming," but I took it back from QAnon.

• 39:08Travis McElroy?

  I don't think they said that.

• 39:09Griffin McElroy?

  Now it means a different thing.

• 39:10Travis McElroy?

  Seems unlikely.

• 39:11Griffin McElroy?

  QAnon's done, and so I went in there and I picked and chose the best parts of it. Like, "The storm's coming," and I hit my elbow to let them know I would hurt someone for Squarespace, and they need me to do this work. They will say they don't want me to do this work, but they need me to do this work for them. They need it, it's necessary.

• 39:28Travis McElroy?

  And they also work for you. See how I turned that around?

• 39:32Griffin McElroy?

  Did you say the hyperlink?

• 39:33Travis McElroy?

  I will.

• 39:34Griffin McElroy?

  I would like, I, we, yeah, I mean, I, I'll say it again, though. Everybody knows how we feel about Squarespace. We use them, we love them, they are the only reason the show continues.

• 39:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:43Griffin McElroy?

  Probably. Head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 39:57Speaker 05

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast, taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 40:41Speaker 06

  Hello?

• 40:41Speaker 07

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.

• 40:44Speaker 06

  No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.

• 40:46Speaker 07

  It's a multi-award-winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

• 40:51Speaker 06

  I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?

• 41:10Speaker 07

  Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast...

• 41:11Speaker 06

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 41:17Speaker 07

  Simply go to MaximumFun.org.

• 41:19Speaker 06

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

• 41:25Speaker 07

  Have another question?

• 41:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 41:29Travis McElroy?

  I'm a DoorDash delivery driver and I love getting to see people's

• 41:32Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you for your service.

• 41:33Travis McElroy?

  People's cute pets when I drop food off. I usually take a minute to try to get the pet in my drop off photo. I love that.

• 41:40Travis McElroy?

  I like that too.

• 41:41Travis McElroy?

  I like being in my own drop off photos. You guys ever do that?

• 41:44Travis McElroy?

  No, God no.

• 41:45Griffin McElroy?

  Comes up. Love it.

• 41:47Travis McElroy?

  I can't wait to eat the spaghetti.

• 41:50Travis McElroy?

  But I do like the idea of my dog being in the photo, like my dog answered the door. I think that that's awesome.

• 41:56Travis McElroy?

  That's cool. I just try to get an especially excited dog in the shot and it got a little too excited and pushed the door open and the door slammed shut behind it. The dog's now out here with me. Get off your phone. And my knocks and calls for the owner go unheeded. Do I just leave the dog out here? Certainly not. Do I fully open the door, front door to let the dog back in? Is this my dog now? That's from pause. This is typically confused in Pennsylvania.

• 42:18Travis McElroy?

  Huh? Latch your doors. You messed up.

• 42:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, clearly. No, yeah, but it's not their fault. Let's rank the three options they gave us before I think we hop into it.

• 42:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:29Griffin McElroy?

  I would say, I would say, is this my dog now is obviously the most sinister of the questions presented here.

• 42:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's theft for sure.

• 42:37Griffin McElroy?

  That's theft. You don't want to do that. Do I leave the dog out here? That's animal endangerment. So I would rank that around number two. And I would say maybe your least bad option here is to break into enter for good, for a good purpose, for a good reason.

• 42:50Travis McElroy?

  Here's what I'll say. I know for a fact exterior front doors open inward. So this must be like a screen door or glass door scenario. I feel less weird about you opening that. If their front door is open, right? Then you're just opening a screen door like a glass exterior door.

• 43:11Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, screen doors are not, vampire rules don't apply to screen doors. If the front door is open and a vampire sees that, they can swing that little rusty son of a bitch out of the way. No problem.

• 43:22Travis McElroy?

  Screen door is just for bugs.

• 43:25Griffin McElroy?

  That's just to keep bugs out, not people, vampires or anything else. It's just a bug guard.

• 43:30Travis McElroy?

  Vampires don't have to obey screen door.

• 43:32Griffin McElroy?

  No way, dude. They can miss right through those, so.

• 43:35Travis McElroy?

  If a, if a eight-year-old Griffin can walk through it, you don't need to honor as a vampire.

• 43:39Griffin McElroy?

  First of all, I was much older than eight years old when I walked through and destroyed our Uncle David's screen door at his nice house in Florida.

• 43:47Travis McElroy?

  Thank you for reminding me of the details of this.

• 43:49Travis McElroy?

  Is that better, Griffin? Is it better that you were older?

• 43:52Griffin McElroy?

  I was at least fifteen.

• 43:53Travis McElroy?

  Don't interrupt him.

• 43:54Griffin McElroy?

  I was at least fifteen or sixteen, and I did see his cool golf cart in the driveway, and I yelled, "Grand Theft Auto!", and I jumped through his screen door with aplomb. And it's, he got angry at me.

• 44:04Travis McElroy?

  He did, Griffin. Even though he always had a plum in his hand, he's just a little scamp. Always had a little plum, and he'd be nibbling on it.

• 44:11Griffin McElroy?

  Loves his fresh Georgia plums, and he got madder at me than I think is appropriate for a family member to get mad at another family member.

• 44:19Travis McElroy?

  Madder than Griffin than our father ever got mad at any of the three of us for any of the stupid shit we ever did.

• 44:25Griffin McElroy?

  The madder family member's ever been at me, and he got only, I will say, madder when I tried to call to apologize and ended up laughing through the apology. That's, he was PO'd. That one, I don't blame him, but the other one, I'm, hey, Dave, I'm family, man. I apologize.

• 44:40Travis McElroy?

  Madder than I ever saw Uncle Dave get about anything else, which makes you think that maybe Uncle Dave had beef with Griffin, that he was keeping seething under the surface?

• 44:46Griffin McElroy?

  I think he maybe just hates bugs, and it was a new door.

• 44:50Travis McElroy?

  It was a new door. I do remember that it was a new door.

• 44:54Griffin McElroy?

  It was a brand-new door, and he hates bugs, and I jumped right through it, and I did yell "Grand Theft Auto", which makes it sound premeditated. And I was talking about the game and not the crime, but really, what was I do, what was I doing? I don't know. I can't Monday morning quarterback this one, except to say, "Uncle Dave, take a chill pill, buddy."

• 45:13Travis McElroy?

  I think.

• 45:14Griffin McElroy?

  It's good to get this off my chest. Rarely is this show a place of familial healing. And now I feel like we've made space for that, and I appreciate it so much from you guys.

• 45:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:24Travis McElroy?

  On this week's heavyweight, Griffin deals with the screen door.

• 45:28Griffin McElroy?

  Uncle Dave. Griffin asks Uncle Dave, from like seventeen years ago, to take a fucking chill pill, dude. It is not that big a deal, man.

• 45:35Travis McElroy?

  Um, that would be, that would be a better, like, that would be a good version of heavyweight if it was just people calling to let people apologize to them.

• 45:45Travis McElroy?

  "I believe there's something you wanted to say to me, Uncle Dave. I did see your memories. You'll find it to be so, I'm sure." Keeps you up at night?

• 45:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:53Travis McElroy?

  I'm ready. Whenever you are, let the apology begin.

• 45:57Travis McElroy?

  I, I own two dogs, one of them, like a seventy-five pound, very rambunctious, excitable, uh, beast named Lily. If, if this dog is able to push the door open on its own. First of all, not the first time this has happened.

• 46:14Travis McElroy?

  No way.

• 46:14Travis McElroy?

  Second of all, latch your do- like, let the dog back in.

• 46:20Travis McElroy?

  You gotta understand, that person.

• 46:22Griffin McElroy?

  The person who owns the house and the dog isn't listening, we can't talk to them.

• 46:25Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let the dog back in. If my dog got out, let the dog back in and maybe with a note that says like.

• 46:31Griffin McElroy?

  Do better.

• 46:32Travis McElroy?

  Got out again.

• 46:33Travis McElroy?

  Better.

• 46:35Griffin McElroy?

  Latch it, idiot.

• 46:36Travis McElroy?

  On every gift receiving occasion.

• 46:39Travis McElroy?

  The dog will eat the food. The dog will eat the food. Put the dog back inside. Okay.

• 46:45Travis McElroy?

  On every gift receiving occasion, my brother spends an eternity opening his presents because he insists on untying every knot and loosening every bit of tape. What's a fun and inventive way I can make sure I don't spend endless hours watching someone open a gift? That's from outraged observer in Oslo. That's fascinating. That this is still a problem in other countries. Everybody's still doing gifts.

• 47:08Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, this is interesting because I thought for sure we'd all kind of approach this from a different, pretty aggressive manner. But it sounds like you're aligned with this person and their feelings.

• 47:18Travis McElroy?

  I, sorry, my comment, Griffin, I think I'm, you may have misunderstood. I was just thinking like, wow, global reach. You know what I mean? That's all.

• 47:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh, that our show is reaching Oslo.

• 47:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, just like, cool.

• 47:28Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay. Yeah, I misinterpreted the comments. Yeah.

• 47:31Travis McElroy?

  It's just, I was like, also, people are doing gifts. It's like, wow, it's a problem everywhere. But it was like, wow, we've really made an impact. You know, I think that was more, more recognition.

• 47:40Griffin McElroy?

  How many presents?

• 47:43Griffin McElroy?

  Not counting Christmas, because Christmas, you, we expect this to go long, but how many presents are y'all opening in a given year? We could take a monthly average, although most, I'll say this, guys, I go entire months without opening a present.

• 47:58Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I get presents for myself all the time.

• 48:00Griffin McElroy?

  Well, do you wrap them and put shit on them?

• 48:03Travis McElroy?

  Depends on how spicy I'm feeling.

• 48:05Griffin McElroy?

  It's crazy. You absolutely don't. I'm trying to be vulnerable and ask a real question.

• 48:08Travis McElroy?

  I don't wrap anything all year. Maybe at Christmas, I will wrap some things, but other than that, it is just gift bags.

• 48:17Griffin McElroy?

  Well, you wrap, well, you, you, you, you wrap about the gospel.

• 48:23Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 48:23Travis McElroy?

  That's true, Griffin. I wrap about my relationship with Jesus Christ and my very, very traditional interpretation of his teachings. So yes, I do wrap about that.

• 48:32Griffin McElroy?

  All I'm saying is...

• 48:34Travis McElroy?

  And about gender roles. Like, I do wrap about those things extensively.

• 48:38Travis McElroy?

  To be fair, R O L L S. Justin loves baking gender roles.

• 48:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. These are, if you haven't had them, they're great.

• 48:48Travis McElroy?

  I, I, is gift bags also a thing? Gift bags?

• 48:52Travis McElroy?

  I feel like gift bags is a way of saying, I want to keep the surprise, but I'm not going to expend any energy towards it. Yeah.

• 48:57Travis McElroy?

  Especially now. My children have reached nature where they get invited to birthday parties regularly, school age, and the moment of like, oh shit, that kid's birthday party's tomorrow, right? I'm not wrapping that thing for them.

• 49:11Griffin McElroy?

  If I get a beautiful parcel, that's all taped up just the way I like, let me have the time I want to enjoy revealing it. I think that that's a, I think that's not an outrageous ask. I'm not opening presents most months. You can sit there for a minute and a half while I undo it, like I'm doing some sort of burlesque routine for my present. Allow me the time and space that I need for this, because I don't have a lot going on right now. You know what I mean?

• 49:39Travis McElroy?

  What if you got so good at wrapping a gift that you could do it all ribbon and everything with one piece of tape?

• 49:49Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy.

• 49:50Travis McElroy?

  Then it like folds around that you've cut it, you've cut it into like an octagon shape that folds around the bottom.

• 49:56Griffin McElroy?

  What is that?

• 49:57Travis McElroy?

  And the ribbon comes from the.

• 49:58Griffin McElroy?

  What if you could eat the wrapping paper when you were done with it?

• 50:01Travis McElroy?

  Like a wrapping paper? The snozberries taste like snozberries?

• 50:05Griffin McElroy?

  The present inside could be a hoverboard that lets you fly around the city.

• 50:10Travis McElroy?

  Hey, well now. When you guys go to birthday parties with your kids, uh, by and large, are people opening presents at the parties? Cause I'm seeing a wild disparity in this.

• 50:21Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 50:22Travis McElroy?

  It's, I'm seeing it's all over the map at parties that I have been to. It seems like people are opening, not opening. Where are we at?

• 50:28Travis McElroy?

  The only time we open is like in the small family, you know, the grandparents. And right, because it's like the grandparents need to see that.

• 50:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:35Travis McElroy?

  And it's fine. I get that, but no, it with Kit, no, first of all, one, I don't want to assume every kid is able to bring the same kind of a gift and everything, or that they, everybody will bring gifts. It's not expected.

• 50:48Travis McElroy?

  Or that anybody wants to watch that.

• 50:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:50Travis McElroy?

  That's the other thing, man. You're basically, it's like if you fed one wolf out of hungry wolves at a time and you're like, hey, you ate other hungry wolves, just watch me feed this one wolf.

• 51:03Travis McElroy?

  I want to confirm this before I start complaining about it then. If that's where we're all at, why does it seem like there's always one fucking person at every party that's like, well, shouldn't we?

• 51:13Griffin McElroy?

  When we get, when we get.

• 51:14Travis McElroy?

  Shouldn't we start to, shouldn't everybody gather around and start opening? Shouldn't we?

• 51:18Griffin McElroy?

  They know, they.

• 51:18Travis McElroy?

  Shut up. Also the person who says, and that big one is from us.

• 51:22Griffin McElroy?

  They, they know they did a kick ass job. They know they did a kick ass job. The thing we're not saying, but I think we all feel in our hearts, and I bet every parent does, is that I can't guarantee the reaction either of my beautiful boys are gonna get. It's gonna be satisfactory to, I already have this slime. Like they're not, they won't do it exactly like that.

• 51:42Travis McElroy?

  Thirty-six. Last year I had thirty-seven. Oh, no, boys, don't.

• 51:46Griffin McElroy?

  Not quite that diabolical, but we had one birthday where, uh, two different kids and an extended family member all sent one of my beautiful boys the same. A stomp rocket where you stomp on a thing and it shoots a rocket way up in the sky. I love those. I don't think we can get enough of them because so many of these things end up on the goddamn roof. When I bring my powerful boot down.

• 52:09Travis McElroy?

  Hell, yeah.

• 52:10Griffin McElroy?

  To launch it way up high. My special boot and my kids want to see how strong I am. I'll show you, but that shit's going to go right on the roof. I want as many rockets as I can get my hands on, but the kids are gonna, I have, okay.

• 52:22Travis McElroy?

  And my kids will say it with no malice or judgment.

• 52:25Griffin McElroy?

  I have this.

• 52:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I already have this one. And when that happens, you will see Teresa and I lock eyes from across the room. And like, look at Bebe and she'll look at me and I'm like, mm, mm.

• 52:38Griffin McElroy?

  Don't say it. Don't do it.

• 52:39Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah. Just like the one I already have. I love it.

• 52:42Griffin McElroy?

  That's a better version.

• 52:43Travis McElroy?

  Huh. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Cool. And then Teresa and I will say something along the lines of, yeah, but who knows where that other one is?

• 52:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that one's broken and sucks. The one you have now sucks. We all have been saying it.

• 52:58Travis McElroy?

  Actually, honey, I think that broke. Yeah, I burned it.

• 53:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm pretty sure it broke. Uh.

• 53:06Griffin McElroy?

  Before we wrap, I just wanted, this is like, I just wanted, I, this was in my desk. And I didn't want to lose track of it real quick. I want to tell you guys about Camilo. It's a haunted doll watch.

• 53:14Travis McElroy?

  Justin, I'm going to interrupt you real quick. If you guys haven't watched the video Justin posted where Sydney opens the haunted doll with like that, uh, the crocheted slinky clown thing.

• 53:25Griffin McElroy?

  He's right there behind him. You can, you can call him by name.

• 53:27Travis McElroy?

  Her facial reactions are so good. Watching, because it feels like both a judgment of the haunted doll and Justin's life choices. I love it.

• 53:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Uh, I want, this one today is Camilo. And I wanted to talk about, about Camilo, uh, because this is really a very fat and very, um, very interesting story.

• 53:49Travis McElroy?

  Who's on that raisin bran box, Justin?

• 53:50Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, you like to talk about my commemorative raisin bran box? Thanks, Jeff.

• 53:55Griffin McElroy?

  Scary to have a haunted doll on the screen while we're looking at the Raisin Bran box. Who is, hold on, let me pin you. Okay.

• 54:02Travis McElroy?

  What are we looking at here?

• 54:03Travis McElroy?

  It's William Shatner.

• 54:05Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 54:05Travis McElroy?

  It says Will Shat. He did a, um, he did a Raisin Bran promotion.

• 54:11Griffin McElroy?

  Help Will Shat keep his mission moving. So that's William Shatner.

• 54:14Travis McElroy?

  Oh, cause it says right on the front there, high fiber.

• 54:17Griffin McElroy?

  Shat's daily, Shat's daily log, like he's shitting.

• 54:21Travis McElroy?

  Will Shat.

• 54:22Griffin McElroy?

  I don't wanna, why would Raisin Bran, is that a joke box or did Raisin Bran really wanna?

• 54:26Travis McElroy?

  No, it's commemorative. You can get it on Walmart.

• 54:29Travis McElroy?

  About Will Shatner's.

• 54:30Griffin McElroy?

  But Raisin Bran was like.

• 54:31Travis McElroy?

  I already bought it, not that one.

• 54:33Griffin McElroy?

  We know what will move product is people thinking about Will Shatner's.

• 54:39Travis McElroy?

  Movements.

• 54:41Griffin McElroy?

  It's gross dude.

• 54:43Travis McElroy?

  I mean, people like Star Trek.

• 54:45Griffin McElroy?

  They don't, I like, I like Star Trek, okay. I don't like thinking about this old man's poop. It certainly doesn't make me, it certainly doesn't whet the appetite.

• 54:57Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Tech war, I don't see why they wouldn't like.

• 54:59Griffin McElroy?

  So back to the haunted doll, back to Camilo.

• 55:02Travis McElroy?

  I didn't bring up the William Shatner commemorative Raisin Bran box. That's for my cereal podcast.

• 55:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 55:08Travis McElroy?

  Uh, meet Camilo.

• 55:09Griffin McElroy?

  Meet Camilo.

• 55:12Griffin McElroy?

  I don't want to.

• 55:14Travis McElroy?

  I acquired Camilo, this is, I acquired Camilo in the kind of way that makes your stomach drop before your mind can catch up.

• 55:21Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 55:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 55:21Travis McElroy?

  Oh, it was on the Hollywood Tower of Terror.

• 55:24Travis McElroy?

  It came from a private seller who refused to list her publicly. Someone who messaged me late at night saying, I don't want her in my home, another sunrise.

• 55:34Travis McElroy?

  Wait, why sunrise?

• 55:35Travis McElroy?

  Not another sunrise. A small antique doll with glass eyes that quote shifted on their own and a presence that made the seller's pets refuse to enter the room.

• 55:44Travis McElroy?

  That would imply, not another sunrise implies like, it's the middle of the night, come right now.

• 55:49Griffin McElroy?

  She sleeps at night. This is the only time I can contain her.

• 55:53Travis McElroy?

  Drive across state lines and get this doll right now.

• 55:57Travis McElroy?

  Okay, when the box arrived, it was wrapped in layers of cloth and twine, as if the previous owner believed containment mattered.

• 56:04Travis McElroy?

  It took forever for my brother-in-law to open it.

• 56:07Griffin McElroy?

  He's such a dick.

• 56:08Travis McElroy?

  The moment I lifted her out, the air around me tightened.

• 56:13Travis McElroy?

  Air around me tighten.

• 56:15Griffin McElroy?

  What's that feel like?

• 56:15Travis McElroy?

  Her name wasn't given, but the energy that rolled off her whispered one word over and over. Camilo, Camilo, Camilo, Camilo, Camilo, Camilo.

• 56:25Griffin McElroy?

  Don't get, don't you dare get ASMR to that weirdo.

• 56:28Travis McElroy?

  Camilo's origins are tangled in witchcraft and old world dark magic with a J and a K.

• 56:34Griffin McElroy?

  That's the best kind of, that's the best kind of dark magic. Don't even fucking come at me with your dark magic if it's not from the old country. She was crafted in the late 1800s by a practitioner who specialized in binding spirits, not benevolent ones, but those pulled from the edges of curses.

• 56:52Travis McElroy?

  Grief and shadow work gone wrong. Uh, you know, that was such a niche profession back then, but you could make a living on it. And I think that that says a lot about how the economy has changed.

• 57:03Griffin McElroy?

  I think the economy could also benefit from having more skilled tradecrafters.

• 57:08Travis McElroy?

  Bring back American production.

• 57:10Griffin McElroy?

  Bring back American production of spirit vessels.

• 57:13Travis McElroy?

  The spirit that took, the spirit that took root in Camilo was said to be a fragment of a woman who practiced blood rites and sympathetic magic with a K, but a G.

• 57:23Travis McElroy?

  Said by you.

• 57:25Griffin McElroy?

  Interesting.

• 57:26Travis McElroy?

  This doll is 200 years old. Who was there that's like, hey, I'm going to say this to you. It was a fragment of the soul of a woman.

• 57:34Travis McElroy?

  She was feared in her village for her ability to hex crops, twist luck and manipulate dreams. When she died, her followers attempted to preserve her power by anchoring her essence into an object. Camilo was the result. Her original keeper disappeared within months. Every owner after that either sold her quietly or abandoned her entirely. She has never stayed anywhere long until she came to me.

• 57:59Travis McElroy?

  Then why the fuck are you e-banging her?

• 58:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 58:02Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? She's got settled. And now I'm looking to turn a profit.

• 58:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, times are tight. Well.

• 58:09Travis McElroy?

  Also, if I was Camilo at this point, yeah, I'd be a little miffed. I would make some people's life. I'm getting bounced around.

• 58:15Griffin McElroy?

  Banned him in issue. Camilo just looking for a forever home.

• 58:17Travis McElroy?

  Give me some stability.

• 58:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 58:20Travis McElroy?

  Camilo's not a passive spirit.

• 58:21Griffin McElroy?

  If I collect all the fragments.

• 58:23Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 58:23Griffin McElroy?

  Can I put the witch back together?

• 58:25Travis McElroy?

  How big will she be?

• 58:26Griffin McElroy?

  Eight feet tall.

• 58:27Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 58:27Griffin McElroy?

  You can make an eight foot tall Galactus.

• 58:29Travis McElroy?

  If you get all the witches, each one of them has a different piece.

• 58:33Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 58:33Travis McElroy?

  How many fragments do we talk in here? Cause I could do, I could do, I could find eight dolls on eBay. But if it's like, if they really exploded this lady.

• 58:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 58:41Travis McElroy?

  Her, her essence into like a thousand pieces. There's no fucking way.

• 58:45Griffin McElroy?

  Resident Evil game is so weird. You gotta collect all these dolls but together.

• 58:49Travis McElroy?

  It's almost like woman.

• 58:50Griffin McElroy?

  It's more of a Banjo Kazooie collectathon. Like you're finding all the witch fragments all over.

• 58:56Travis McElroy?

  And it's browser based?

• 58:57Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, Camilo is kept in my storage room with my other dark energies. I don't like to mess with.

• 59:02Travis McElroy?

  That seems safe.

• 59:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, let them all bottle up and.

• 59:04Travis McElroy?

  Just lock them up in one little dark box and give it a good shake every once in a while. You know, just really piss them off. Let them hang out and talk. Uh, every tool confirms the same thing. Camilo is powerful, deliberate and deeply rooted in dark magic. J and K.

• 59:21Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm, JK.

• 59:22Travis McElroy?

  Hmm, JK. Uh, thank you so much for listening to our podcast, which is called My Brother, My Brother and Me. Still, despite the fact that it is hard to trademark.

• 59:32Griffin McElroy?

  Impossible, some people would say.

• 59:34Travis McElroy?

  Hey, very exciting news. Next week, the final graphic novel in our Adventure Zone Balance series is coming out. Story and Song, but you can still preorder it right now at theadventurerzonen comic.com. If you preorder from one of our indie bookstore partners, you get a book plate signed by one of us and Carrie. Uh, there's a book release event next week in Boston. Tickets are on sale now. It's July 16th at 7:00 PM at the Chevalier Theater and each ticket includes a signed paperback copy of Story and Song, provided by Brookline Booksmith. And there's a special mid-month episode of Clubhouse on Tuesday, July 14th to celebrate the book coming out. Uh, and we're going to do a regular monthly clubhouse on the 21st. So it's all there. It's all there.

• 1:00:17Griffin McElroy?

  This book is so good and I'm so excited for people to read it.

• 1:00:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's weird to be proud of something we make, but this is definitely.

• 1:00:23Griffin McElroy?

  This one's for real. We got merch over at the Macro merch store, new stuff for the month of July. Um, I want to call out the Trav Nation Centennial Magnet. If you're feeling in the mood to be patriotic, but not for this. Particular country, then you can celebrate Trav Nation as you.

• 1:00:38Travis McElroy?

  That's actually one of our many slogans.

• 1:00:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, a place you can be proud of is Trav Nation's slogan. 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to the Asian Pacific Environmental Network. All of our merch stuff is over at macaroymerch.com. Hey, thanks to Montane also for the use of our theme song, "My Life is Better With You." It's a song that brings me strength in my times of greatest need.

• 1:01:01Travis McElroy?

  Wow, that's beautiful, Griffin.

• 1:01:03Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 1:01:03Travis McElroy?

  Really beautiful.

• 1:01:05Travis McElroy?

  What are we gonna throw?

• 1:01:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I think, I feel like I threw something last time.

• 1:01:09Griffin McElroy?

  Give me a second.

• 1:01:10Travis McElroy?

  Okay, sure, yeah, of course.

• 1:01:12Griffin McElroy?

  Chad, would you be pissed off if I threw the pocket watch that you gave us as groomsmen presents at your wedding?

• 1:01:18Travis McElroy?

  Nah, man.

• 1:01:19Griffin McElroy?

  Are you sure?

• 1:01:19Travis McElroy?

  Time flies, baby.

• 1:01:23Griffin McElroy?

  That's...

• 1:01:24Travis McElroy?

  That's really good.

• 1:01:25Griffin McElroy?

  It's really good, man.

• 1:01:26Travis McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 1:01:26Griffin McElroy?

  He just came up with that. You sure you won't be pissed off if this thing like explodes? Cause it's pretty old at this point.

• 1:01:31Travis McElroy?

  Nah, go for it.

• 1:01:32Griffin McElroy?

  It's beautiful.

• 1:01:33Travis McElroy?

  I have no attachment.

• 1:01:34Travis McElroy?

  Here we go.

• 1:01:39Travis McElroy?

  Oh!

• 1:01:41Travis McElroy?

  It hit my hat.

• 1:01:43Travis McElroy?

  I am so, I am so pissed off.

• 1:01:46Griffin McElroy?

  It bounced so good. Did you see how good that bounced? It went all the way back across my chest.

• 1:01:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that was actually one of the things I looked for when I purchased them.

• 1:01:52Griffin McElroy?

  That's fucking crazy. Yeah. I'm Justin McElroy.

• 1:01:54Travis McElroy?

  I'm Travis McElroy.

• 1:01:56Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy. This is my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad, square on the lips.

• 1:02:32Griffin McElroy?

  Maximum Fun.

• 1:02:33Speaker 05

  A workaround network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.