Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 779: Bugbag Mode About this episode It may be early September, but we haven’t forgotten what this autumnal season is all about. That’s right, Harvest Christ. He’s here to teach us about everything but air, blinking, and sin! This includes deep John Cena lore, how to hide in public, and putting up your own personal anti-bus stop.
Suggested talking points: Love Affair with the Spot on the Floor, Written But Real, Zero Goose Guarantee, Gourd Slurry
Equality Florida: https://www.eqfl.org/
Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
1:17 Travis McElroy? What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Vroom Vroom Big Dog Woof Woof McElroy.
1:24 Griffin McElroy? And I'm Bug Bag.
1:28 Travis McElroy? What?
1:28 Griffin McElroy? I'm Bug Bag. This is a new character because I'm sick and my voice sounds like this. I thought it would be a good time to trot out my new character, Bug Bag.
1:36 Travis McElroy? Okay, what's his deal?
1:38 Griffin McElroy? He's like a, he's like a bag of bugs that a wizard brought to life.
1:41 Travis McElroy? Oh.
1:42 Griffin McElroy? As a curse.
1:42 Travis McElroy? Tell all show. Wait, sorry. Show don't tell.
1:45 Griffin McElroy? Well, I can't, it's not a, it's an, as you so frequently remind me, Justin, it is an audio product we're making. I can't show you.
1:52 Travis McElroy? Right.
1:53 Griffin McElroy? I don't have a back.
1:53 Travis McElroy? You could do like a monologue against.
1:55 Griffin McElroy? Like you inhabit him.
1:56 Travis McElroy? Yeah, like.
1:57 Griffin McElroy? Like do a monologue.
1:58 Travis McElroy? Do his I want song.
1:59 Griffin McElroy? Where you're fighting with your enemy, John Bonington.
2:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
2:03 Griffin McElroy? And.
2:03 Travis McElroy? Well, no, this is, and I'm so glad you said that, Travis, because obviously it came to my mind that it might.
2:10 Griffin McElroy? People might think of Oogie Boogie and it's not, it's super duper not that. Cause it's not, he's. Oogie Boogie, I'm not an Oogie Boogie thing. Yeah, no, no, it's. I'm my own guy.
2:23 Griffin McElroy? He's not guy shaped. It's important you guys understand about Bug Bag that he's not shaped like a guy. Like a big old bag. He's just a big old bag. Not a man.
2:33 Travis McElroy? Is it like a Ziploc bag? Can you see through it?
2:36 Griffin McElroy? All I want some definition in my bag. Scent me up corsets, I'll give me a humanoid form that I can get on Tinder and meet us somebody special. Exoskeleton limbs would be so cool, but the text not there yet. Squish me out some arms so I can hug my kids.
3:05 Travis McElroy? He's got kids?
3:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, he does. Justin, did you just bust your lip on the microphone, pal?
3:10 Travis McElroy? Earlier.
3:11 Griffin McElroy? I love that. That's like a sacrifice for your art and it's powerful.
3:15 Travis McElroy? That's like when a pro wrestler really bleeds on the stairs and stuff.
3:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, Bug Bag loves that.
3:19 Travis McElroy? I have to tell a remaining, I have to tell a remaining Dragon Con story because I didn't want to deploy it while we were still uh, at the venue for pretty obvious reasons. Uh, we were in the elevator, uh, and the backstage elevators at conventions are wild because they're these big freight guys. And you're usually being ferried between like a green room and some signing place. You end up in the elevators with people you have no business in elevators with if you're us. And, uh, we ended up in an elevator with, uh, us and our dad and Amanda and Simon Pegg. And Simon Pegg's three people that keep people from talking to Simon Pegg.
3:56 Griffin McElroy? Do you guys, when you have the moment where you realize it's Simon Pegg or a person who's too famous that you're you shouldn't be allowed to be around them. It's, it's like a scary feel, like a big scary feeling that makes time kind of stop and slow down a little bit.
4:10 Travis McElroy? I do an unconscious head nod as if you're like, yep, this is the situation I'm in now.
4:16 Griffin McElroy? Travis, I see him steal himself.
4:18 Travis McElroy? Travis always does that nod and it's like, that is actually to me kind of reaffirming.
4:23 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
4:23 Travis McElroy? Because what you say is like, we're all seeing it. We're all on the same page.
4:27 Griffin McElroy? And we look to you Travis for that nod to know that you've got it fucking cocked and loaded and that you're going to step in here, but then at right before you could draw and shoot from the hip.
4:38 Travis McElroy? Or not draw.
4:39 Griffin McElroy? Or not draw.
4:39 Travis McElroy? And you gotta watch Travis. Can you see the body language? Travis was giving a full hangback.
4:43 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
4:44 Travis McElroy? Cause he knew we had a fleeting, an elevator is so rough.
4:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
4:49 Travis McElroy? Because what if they need to split immediately from you at any moment? And it's, that's uncomfortable.
4:54 Griffin McElroy? You can't have owned spaced on DVD and then say something in that moment.
4:58 Travis McElroy? Yes.
4:59 Griffin McElroy? You're unqualified.
5:00 Travis McElroy? There is also a famo body language code that I found when you're in a freight elevator.
5:04 Griffin McElroy? So.
5:05 Travis McElroy? The least interesting elevator in the world and it's full of people and they have picked a spot on the floor that they're just like, I love this spot. I can't stop looking at this spot.
5:14 Travis McElroy? Fascinated by this spot.
5:15 Travis McElroy? You guys ever seen on a freight elevator floor like this before? That they're like, oh no, they've disassociated. They don't want to be in this elevator with me.
5:23 Griffin McElroy? That's no judgment on Mr. Peg. We all dissociate.
5:26 Travis McElroy? Fine dude.
5:27 Griffin McElroy? Like, yeah, absolutely.
5:28 Travis McElroy? It's just that moment.
5:29 Travis McElroy? I deal with my kids constantly.
5:31 Travis McElroy? Everybody does it. This look of just like, I'm trying to just be inside my head right now.
5:38 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
5:38 Travis McElroy? And not out here with people. And I saw him doing that and I was like, this isn't the time.
5:43 Travis McElroy? So I briefly mentioned that dad was in the elevator too. So later, when I revealed the killer, it would be more surprising. Like I had hoped you'd forget he'd be in the elevator. So now when I'm like, but then dad, dad, dad is shameless. He doesn't care.
5:58 Griffin McElroy? No.
5:58 Travis McElroy? He just wants to get a story out of these people. He's 70 years old. Doesn't give a shit.
6:02 Travis McElroy? He wants to talk to Chris for a little bit about broccoli. It's a thing. Yeah.
6:06 Travis McElroy? And it's become a walking anecdote. And you know what? I celebrate it cause it's pretty funny to me personally, usually.
6:13 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
6:13 Travis McElroy? As long as we're not stuck in a moving box.
6:16 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
6:17 Travis McElroy? Yeah, Trav. As long as Tom Cruise's friend is stuck in a box with us. Dad clocks it and I see the gears turning and my dad is going for something. Some sort of thing he can say to Simon Pegg. And in my head, time slows down. And I think of all the different options. And then dad says, it's a great shirt. Now, Simon Pegg is wearing an Echo and the Bunnyman t-shirt.
6:44 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
6:44 Travis McElroy? Our dad.
6:45 Griffin McElroy? Yes. No concept. No concept.
6:47 Travis McElroy? Would not know an Echo and the Bunnyman if one was riding on his shoulder.
6:52 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
6:52 Travis McElroy? Wouldn't know Echo from the Bunnyman.
6:54 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
6:57 Travis McElroy? There's like three people in the elevator who are privy to this Venn diagram of information and it's us.
7:03 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
7:03 Travis McElroy? And I, I can't speak for you guys. I'm chilled to the.
7:06 Griffin McElroy? Oh dude.
7:06 Travis McElroy? Well, and Dad did it with like kind of a whole great like, I know. And all I could think is this gambit has such a short shelf life. If Simon Pegg pursues it one inch forward. Oh, thank you. You, you're a fan? It's all falling apart. I, I, if you think I won't leave you hanging, I will pick up a chef's hat and be like, bonsoir, I must check on the patacelli. And then go a different way.
7:32 Griffin McElroy? I ran through in my head, the life of our father to try and figure out when he would have dipped his snoot into like early eighties post punk British rock. And just trying to think like, maybe he, I don't know, spent some time in the aisles.
7:46 Travis McElroy? For the Doobie Brothers at any point?
7:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, maybe the Echo and the Buddymen opened for Michael McDonald.
7:52 Travis McElroy? No, okay, here's the thing though. If I had been a little bit quicker thinking and if I had been a little bit more merciless, I could have laid down Dad out flat in a way that probably would have impressed Simon Pegg. If you had turned to your own dad and said, name three Echo and the Buddymen songs, not counting the Killing Moon, go. Like you may, you may say like, if you mentioned Justin McRae around Simon Pegg in a, like in a week or two, he would be like, the podcast guy, he's ice cold. I went saw him kill his dad right in front of me with words. He laid him out with words. It was, he, we left. He just laid down on the ground. I've never seen anything like it.
8:32 Travis McElroy? Oh, I should also say, just to complete the thing, Simon Pegg then graciously did a, oh yeah, thanks.
8:38 Griffin McElroy? And he said, no, he Travis, Dad was very explicit about this. He said, oh, thanks, man. Gave him one of those.
8:43 Travis McElroy? Thanks, man. And then he went back to his love affair with the spot on the floor.
8:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
8:48 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
8:48 Griffin McElroy? Maybe there's a little bug down there.
8:50 Travis McElroy? Woo.
8:50 Griffin McElroy? Chilling, a chilling moment.
8:52 Travis McElroy? Absolutely. A chilling, a chilling moment. Not like the rest of this show though. This is an advice show. We help. This is a warming environment.
9:00 Griffin McElroy? This is a warming energy that we have here. Autumn is settling in.
9:04 Travis McElroy? Oh, thank you.
9:04 Griffin McElroy? The fire is crackling.
9:05 Travis McElroy? It's fall, y'all.
9:07 Travis McElroy? Spooky season.
9:08 Travis McElroy? Uh, next weekend, I'm taking my nephew to his first wrestling show. He's nine and I'm not sure he's even aware of the concept of pro wrestling. How should I explain it to him? I mean, I would say you probably should have started teaching him moves long ago.
9:21 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, he's gonna get fucking slam a jam it. Are you kidding me? Nine?
9:26 Travis McElroy? Yeah, no. He says, to what extent should I let him in on the K-Fabe? And that's, uh, from Rowdy Uncle.
9:33 Travis McElroy? Huh? I think that this is, uh, you're, you've got very zoomed in view here. Your nine-year-old nephew already has a huge concept of K-Fabe and pro wrestling through things like Pokemon.
9:49 Griffin McElroy? Interesting.
9:50 Travis McElroy? Like, what is Pokemon except animal pro wrestling and K-Fabe?
9:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I mean, that's one of the wronger's things you said.
9:59 Travis McElroy? What are you talking about? You put them against each other. They have signature moves. You get like, this type doesn't like that type. Think about the TV show where you get the like rematches.
10:10 Griffin McElroy? This question just so you could deliver your thesis statement on how wrestling is Pokemon? And I want to tell you that's wrong-headed.
10:16 Travis McElroy? No, no, no, Griffin, Griffin, Griffin, Griffin. Pokemon is wrestling.
10:19 Griffin McElroy? Pokemon is wrestling. Okay. That is cool. Um, I mean, there are Pokemon who are sort of like wrestlers, right? Like how, how Lucha, one of my personal favorites, fighting flying type. And he's got like the Luchador mask and everything. So like, I don't understand how that could coexist.
10:34 Travis McElroy? Justin, can I talk to you over here for a second?
10:37 Travis McElroy? Uh, no. You introduced Pokemon into the show and we've talked about this.
10:42 Griffin McElroy? I thought I'd put it in and we could have a conversation with it.
10:45 Travis McElroy? And then I'm not going to talk about Pokemon with anybody. Certainly not you, not you.
10:48 Griffin McElroy? I'm not even that deep, Travis, I'm not even that deep in the scene anymore, man. This is basic common knowledge. I'm surprised at you.
10:54 Travis McElroy? If it's outside the 151, Griffin, I, oh, he's turned his back on us.
10:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I did.
10:58 Travis McElroy? I've never seen her do this.
10:59 Griffin McElroy? Well, I've never had to fuck, I've never had to fucking do it before.
11:02 Travis McElroy? This has never been an option I was aware of. We could do this.
11:04 Travis McElroy? Can I say Griffin's back looks like he's weakened at Bernie's dead. Why does it look like he's posed in the chair?
11:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, man, I'm the bug bag.
11:13 Travis McElroy? Oh, I forgot. Yeah, I forgot.
11:16 Travis McElroy? Did you forget he's the bug bag?
11:17 Travis McElroy? I did for just a second. The bug bag turns his back on you is a powerful move. I think I it's it's tough.
11:26 Travis McElroy? One of the tough things about raising kids, you gotta teach them everything. They don't know anything when they come out. You gotta teach them everything, not air and blinking, but other than that.
11:35 Travis McElroy? And.
11:35 Travis McElroy? Sin. Sin, air, blinking. Well, no, they know about air and blinking, but like you have to teach them about.
11:41 Travis McElroy? This and they did.
11:42 Travis McElroy? You have to teach kids about seeing through bullshit. But really, the most effective way of doing that is to lay out some bullshit and hope that they start asking the right questions. Because you can't just lay it all out for them because they won't buy it. They gotta be able to work through it on their own. But you do hope that they'll pick up on the clues, you know what I mean? And start, start, starting to have their own suspicions.
12:05 Travis McElroy? I will say this, man, I wish more things had kayfabe because BB is one of those that's like, yeah, but why is that? Right? So like when we're watching a movie and it's like, that person just did something mean to that person. Why did they do that? And the only answer that it really boils down to is, well, the writers wrote it that way. But if I could say, because three years ago, that person like betrayed them during a tag team match. Because they like, like flirted with their girlfriend and then had a fight backstage and stole the hearse that they. Like if I could do that and she'd be like, makes complete sense. Show me a pile driver now.
12:44 Travis McElroy? That's really interesting point, Travis. I feel like John Cena's been getting off a little too easy in Hollywood. Like, I want to see him at a press junket for Peacemaker. And they'd be like, I'm so excited to talk about the show. You almost killed Cody Rhodes last week because The Rock put a spell on you. The Rock, excuse me, I'd love to talk about your work, some of your philanthropic business, Mr. Cena. But last week, I watched you beat the ever loving bloody shit out of Cody Rhodes because of the spell The Rock put on you. And maybe you could answer some questions about that first, please.
13:18 Griffin McElroy? Do you think that you could, do you think you could still break up John Cena with a, how well deployed would your I can't see you joke need to be to break up John Cena with an I can't see you gag? Like, how long, how protracted would you need to keep that bit going? Or do you think he has heard at this point, like literally every permutation?
13:41 Travis McElroy? I think just if you're doing an interview with him, just insist that they keep setting up more and more cameras.
13:46 Griffin McElroy? Mm hmm.
13:47 Travis McElroy? I see. I feel like he would, he would immediately, like, he was definitely, he'd be like, uh uh, no, I'm on to you. Like, he would definitely see through that.
13:55 Travis McElroy? Okay, film a whole, like, sixty million dollar budget movie. But every scene that he's in, you have digitally edited him out of. And you get to the premiere.
14:06 Griffin McElroy? Oh, that's cool.
14:06 Travis McElroy? And you show it. And it's like, fuck, he didn't show.
14:09 Griffin McElroy? Travis is right. There is still definitely stuff we could do to fuck with this guy.
14:12 Travis McElroy? That would be good. If you showed, if he showed up like season two and James Gunn is there and you know he's got the budget now.
14:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
14:18 Travis McElroy? He's got the juice to put out a premiere where like you can't see him. And like, what would be good is if James Gunn the whole time was like, as the premiere was airing, like in, in the theater, he just kept standing up like, fuck, damn it.
14:31 Travis McElroy? This is good. Fuck, John, damn it. You ruined it.
14:35 Travis McElroy? He doesn't understand. You ruined it.
14:38 Griffin McElroy? Do you think if you threw a marble at John Cena and it didn't pass clean through him? Well, you can feel him.
14:45 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
14:46 Griffin McElroy? That would be cool if that was his.
14:47 Travis McElroy? The other four senses still work, Griffin. You can hear him, feel him, taste him, touch him.
14:53 Travis McElroy? Why a marble? Is that referencing some sort of deep John Cena lore?
14:57 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, he's, yeah.
15:00 Travis McElroy? He's a shooter from way back.
15:01 Travis McElroy? Don't lie, Griffin. Don't lie to me. I will believe anything you tell me, please.
15:06 Griffin McElroy? There was a brief plot line where John Cena was in Neverland and he was one of the Lost Boys. And he was, he having fun out there and he lost his dang marbles there and, um.
15:15 Travis McElroy? I, I don't know. Is that real?
15:17 Griffin McElroy? No, that's not real, but.
15:19 Travis McElroy? Okay, see.
15:20 Griffin McElroy? I do apologize. All the things I said, The Rock, it's important you guys know that The Rock put a spell, a curse on John Cena to make. Can beat the shit out of Cody Rhodes and now, but now he's cool again. Now they're cool again. They squash that beef really fast. I just, I thought you would like this sort of magical realism that they're bringing. Don't say fucking, don't say anything to this nine year old. Let them go and then ask them what they thought afterwards and then go from there. Because if they think it's magic and cool and real, that's awesome. Because one day they'll learn that it's not, and they're going to go through a long, weird period until they start to respect the craft again. And they realize even though it is written and the athleticism, they realize even though it's written, it's still real to me, damn it.
16:04 Travis McElroy? Written but real.
16:05 Griffin McElroy? Written.
16:05 Travis McElroy? Written but real.
16:06 Griffin McElroy? But real. This, these are the new taglines for wrestling.
16:09 Travis McElroy? Wrestling?
16:09 Griffin McElroy? And I don't think WWE is going to pick them up, but maybe AEW or some other league. Written but real. You can feel me.
16:21 Travis McElroy? What scripted buts? You know what I mean? Like scripted but scurrilous. Like what's a scripted but?
16:29 Griffin McElroy? Didn't think we got it with written but real?
16:31 Travis McElroy? Written but real is good, but like script scripted but.
16:39 Griffin McElroy? You killed the vibe, man.
16:41 Travis McElroy? I know.
16:42 Griffin McElroy? Dude, the vibe is, the vibe is in the fucking trailer, dude.
16:44 Travis McElroy? Perfect's the enemy of good.
16:45 Travis McElroy? I never get to be the one who sits silently while someone says dumb shit. I was so happy during that moment. It's so good. I get why you guys do it to me.
16:55 Griffin McElroy? It's a nice break. It's a nice break for sure. It's a good, it's a good relaxer, but also.
16:59 Travis McElroy? Justin, that was a gift. That was a good joke. That was a good joke. Do a different, better one. Different, better one. Write this moment, please. Don't tell anything to this nine year old.
17:10 Travis McElroy? Except you love him. Tell him you love him.
17:12 Griffin McElroy? Oh, you love him, I guess.
17:13 Travis McElroy? Oh, and ask if they need like a drink.
17:15 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:16 Travis McElroy? Use the bathroom or something like you should.
17:18 Travis McElroy? Tell them where to meet you, you know?
17:20 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
17:21 Travis McElroy? Cause if you get separated.
17:22 Travis McElroy? He's nine. He doesn't have a GPS. Tell them if another kid is looking at him weird.
17:26 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:28 Travis McElroy? I mean, tell them important stuff. How about another question, please?
17:31 Travis McElroy? Yes.
17:32 Travis McElroy? I'd love to help you guys out with that. I work in a fairly industrial part of my city and there aren't really any places to sit outside nearby. I often like to enjoy my lunch outside as opposed to the oppressive clinical break room at the corporate retail store I work at. It's small and gray and covered in corporate images of real people acting like they enjoy working here. Anyway, I want to spend my lunch outside. However, the only place to sit and enjoy my meal is a comfortable looking bus bench a few hundred feet from my work. I see the bus come by and stop often, but it only stops if there's a potential patron waiting on the bench. I do not want to stop the bus for me when I'm just enjoying my break. Brothers, how can I sit on this comfortable bus bench?
18:14 Travis McElroy? Enjoy my lunch without the bus thinking I need a ride and stopping for me. Oh, man, that's from Barely Comfortable in British Columbia. Yeah, I mean, for the record, like you could just say next time you want to eat outside. Like you do not need to justify to us. We just do the podcast. Like you can eat wherever you want. We do not judge the reasons why you might want to eat outside. Is it my favorite side to eat in? No, but that doesn't mean.
18:38 Travis McElroy? Inside is where it is at. That's where geese are.
18:42 Travis McElroy? Geese is, I have a zero goose guarantee in this house. I can, I can tell you that. Bus bench, there's a few chairs out there that when you're sitting on them, you're, you're making a statement. Toilet, toilet, throne.
18:59 Travis McElroy? Stool in the corner.
19:00 Travis McElroy? Like electric chair. Electric chair for sure, juice. Modling, but, but yeah.
19:05 Travis McElroy? But modeling, but accurate.
19:07 Travis McElroy? Bus bench, bus bench.
19:08 Travis McElroy? Cuck chair.
19:10 Travis McElroy? Cuck chair. The bus bench is the cuck chair of the sidewalk.
19:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
19:15 Travis McElroy? I don't think that's actually true. You're not a cuck if you take the bus. I'm sorry. I said that you're a cuck if you take the bus. I love the bus. I love the bus.
19:22 Travis McElroy? No, I just said the sidewalk is the, hold on. Okay. I think we haven't brought it up in a while, but I think a sign would help.
19:30 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I mean, but there's lots of signs on the bu- there's lots of signs on the road that I do want the bus driver to be paying attention to. I'm not sure I want to throw bonus signs in there all willy-nilly.
19:39 Travis McElroy? And there's probably, and one sign that I would say should be helping right now is, um, bus. Like the sign that says bus stop, you know? That should tell you that you shouldn't, shouldn't eat there. Like, there's already a sign doing a job, you know what I mean? Like, you can't put up your own sign that's like, but not me. Cause there's a sign that says bus stop. There's already a sign there.
20:01 Griffin McElroy? There should be an exclamation point after bus and then a period after stop. And now that sign's for you, saying, bus. Stop.
20:08 Travis McElroy? Here's what you do.
20:08 Griffin McElroy? Eating here.
20:09 Travis McElroy? When the bus stops and opens their doors to let you on, you poke your head inside and look around and then say, I'll catch the next one and sit back down and keep eating.
20:17 Griffin McElroy? So weird, wasting so much. Do you realize if you make a bus stop for you and there's 30 people on it and that stop takes 45 seconds, all of a sudden, you're talking about.
20:32 Travis McElroy? Two minutes and 15 seconds.
20:33 Griffin McElroy? Two minutes and 15 seconds of, no, I think it's more, it's 20, like 20 minutes or something like that of people time. You've wasted gasoline.
20:43 Travis McElroy? A good way to gain some feeling of control though, over the universe and everything to inflict that kind of, uh, punishment on other people. You know what I mean?
20:52 Griffin McElroy? On public transit and public transit users?
20:55 Travis McElroy? You're slowing the system down? You're making it less efficient? When you see the bus coming, hop up and hide behind the bench.
21:02 Griffin McElroy? No, no, I mean, yeah, that'll work, but don't.
21:06 Travis McElroy? But don't, man. Man, I saw somebody yesterday, I was on Route 60 and it wasn't Route 60 Walker. It was a different guy. It was like, he was like in a parking lot. And, uh, he was wearing white linen pants, no shirt, no shoes.
21:22 Griffin McElroy? Fuck yeah.
21:23 Travis McElroy? Hookah necklace.
21:24 Griffin McElroy? Nice.
21:24 Travis McElroy? Striding through the parking lot outside the, uh, the, the, the fuel and the, um, uh, the Everonis there, just like striding, just striding through the parking lot. No shoes, no shirt, white linen pants. It was amazing. I want to stop at asking like. How's it going? Like, it's like, what's so chill today? You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I don't even know what to say to him. It's awesome, though.
21:47 Travis McElroy? So you're saying be just walk more? I'm confused how this is active, helpful.
21:52 Travis McElroy? Well, it's like, people, people.
21:54 Griffin McElroy? I love you saw a cool guy, Juice. Like, I'm fucking stoked.
21:57 Travis McElroy? No, no, I'm just saying, I love people out in the environment, just kind of make it their own. You know what I mean? Like, absolutely.
22:05 Travis McElroy? If you brought a folding chair from home, how far away from the bus stop would you have to place it? Yeah. Before A, you're outside of the bus stopping zone, and B, it's not weird.
22:18 Travis McElroy? If you got a folding chair, the bus stop is no longer in the equation. Suddenly, you're king of all outdoors. You know what I mean? Like, who cares about the bus stop anymore?
22:27 Griffin McElroy? But the answer is fifteen feet is the answer. Fifteen feet. And if the bus stops, you can be like, what the fuck are you doing, man? Clearly, this is not, this has nothing to do with the bus stop. Clearly, I'm on my own thing over here. I like the hiding idea. I did want to say that hiding in public is tough. As a dad, I do a lot of hide and seek with my kids, sometimes at like a playground or at the backyard or front yard of my house. And you can't see a middle aged man in his own bushes, fucking goblin mode, fucking bug bag mode. And I know that if people see me from the street, they're gonna be like, mm, cops.
23:11 Griffin McElroy? And I don't, I, you just can't, doing it at a playground, being fucking, some other kid runs up and finds you inside of like a little metal tunnel, like, he, he, he, I'm going to, I'm gonna hide so good, and I'm going to win the game with my son. There's no fucking way, man. There's no solution for it.
23:29 Travis McElroy? Do you think a good life, if you're breaking into someone's house and they call the cops, and you tell the cops, like, I'm playing a really competitive game of hide and seek with my kids?
23:38 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
23:39 Travis McElroy? Do you think that that would at least buy you enough time to get away?
23:43 Griffin McElroy? I don't know, Travis, but it's questions like that that make it hard for me to enjoy my leisure time with my children.
23:46 Travis McElroy? That's fair.
23:48 Travis McElroy? Rather than hide at the bus stop when the, the, the bus shows up, what if you hid at work? You know, if you think about the entrance to the building, that's one side of it. All right, there's gonna be three other sides to that building that people are not going in and out of. So I would encourage you to take a step off that beaten path, take that road less traveled, walk around to the side of the building. And maybe there's a little spot that you can start to reclaim, you know, to take on as your own. No one's gonna go over there, just like a little, like leave the chair, you know what I mean?
24:22 Griffin McElroy? Unless.
24:22 Travis McElroy? Like a little bench.
24:23 Griffin McElroy? Unless.
24:24 Travis McElroy? Get on the bus. Get on the bus and then get off at the next stop, walk back. You got your lunch, you got a little exercise? You saw the world, opened your eyes a little bit, maybe broadened your horizons. Spend some time with the bus driver, get to know him, write it every time. And then say, hey, just for future reference, I ate my lunch there, you don't have to stop and pick me up.
24:50 Griffin McElroy? I like both your guys' plans, don't make me choose.
24:53 Travis McElroy? Choose one.
24:53 Griffin McElroy? I don't make me choose, I like both of the plans, please don't make me choose.
24:57 Travis McElroy? Ask the driver to just drive around the block a couple of times.
25:01 Travis McElroy? Driver, driver, sorry? Get on the bus.
25:03 Griffin McElroy? You think that we're, so we're just looking for more inefficiency, like where can you make this great system? Justin's plan Travis was to find a little secret garden, your plan was to waste people's time.
25:16 Travis McElroy? We didn't even talk about my plan by the way, you charged right class by plan to do your plan, classic.
25:22 Travis McElroy? Can you build a secret garden on the bus?
25:26 Griffin McElroy? Do you know?
25:27 Travis McElroy? Now I'm just trying, now I'm just trying to find, I'm trying to find a middle ground.
25:30 Griffin McElroy? You heard it, right?
25:31 Travis McElroy? You heard it, but I'm trying to find a middle ground.
25:33 Travis McElroy? There's no middle ground between right and wrong.
25:35 Travis McElroy? Could you ride the bus inside your own secret garden, maybe a tiny bus?
25:39 Griffin McElroy? You're so attached to this fucking bus and you're not even hearing the other stuff.
25:43 Travis McElroy? You're not, I don't wanna deal with Travis.
25:45 Travis McElroy? Maybe start your own bus line to compete.
25:49 Travis McElroy? Maybe get a job at the bus company.
25:51 Griffin McElroy? That's a great idea. The bus is the enemy in this situation, the bus is our opponent and we're like trying to figure out like, here's a practical thing you can do, find your own little secret garden, go hang out with the Smokey Joes by the loading dock and snuff your lunch. And you're over here like, do you think, do you think two buses could get married?
26:09 Travis McElroy? Wait, hold on. I didn't even think about this.
26:11 Travis McElroy? What if a bus could become a person like a transformer and then you could bury that?
26:14 Travis McElroy? Could a Metro Bus marry a VW Bus in this scenario, Griffin? Or do you have?
26:18 Griffin McElroy? What's that even fucking mean, man? I'm trying to help this person get fed in the middle of the day. And you're over here talking about how much you want buses kissing.
26:26 Travis McElroy? Griffin and I are trying to be a giving tree for this person. And you're like, get on the bus and then hump the bus.
26:31 Griffin McElroy? Whoa, any sense, dude.
26:33 Travis McElroy? Get on the bus, ask for consent and then hump the bus. Don't hump the bus. I'm, well.
26:41 Griffin McElroy? Don't say unless either, Travis. Travis?
26:44 Travis McElroy? What if it's a hump bus?
26:45 Griffin McElroy? Said unless earlier. What if it's a, what's a hump bus, Travis?
26:51 Travis McElroy? It's Griffin.
26:53 Griffin McElroy? You can't just say shit. What's a hump bus?
26:55 Travis McElroy? The underpinnings of the whole.
26:57 Travis McElroy? It's a bus.
26:58 Travis McElroy? Chaser coming up.
26:58 Travis McElroy? It's a bus driven by a camel.
27:01 Griffin McElroy? Travis, just own it, man. Just disengage.
27:05 Travis McElroy? You got, you got high off of when I bombed earlier and you're still buzzing.
27:10 Griffin McElroy? Fuck, okay, you're right. I thought I could do anything.
27:13 Travis McElroy? You gotta calm down there. You're spinning out.
27:16 Travis McElroy? It's all falling apart.
27:18 Travis McElroy? I'm so tired. The thing is, we just did four days of jokes.
27:23 Griffin McElroy? The fighting makes me so tired.
27:25 Travis McElroy? Nah, man.
27:26 Griffin McElroy? Makes me exhausted.
27:28 Travis McElroy? Um, should we go to the bunny zone?
27:31 Travis McElroy? Take me there. Take me there, daddy.
27:33 Travis McElroy? Uh huh.
27:43 Travis McElroy? I wanted to apologize to you guys real quick because I haven't sent you birthday cards in several years. It's just that the getting stamps and everything, I don't know how to do it. And so I just, I know it's been like 12 years since I sent you a birthday card or a Christmas card. Or like good luck on, you know, your endoscopy card, all of that stuff.
28:03 Travis McElroy? What's weird about that is Travis, we have for many, many years been telling our listeners about stamps.com, which is a website where you can go.
28:10 Griffin McElroy? That's real?
28:12 Griffin McElroy? I thought that was a bit. Did you think it was a lot? You thought it was like a joke? You thought. Like we were pranking the listeners? We've run into this a few times and so sometimes Travis thinks the ads are still part of the show. I thought it was a bit. You thought that it was just too, it sounded too great, too complete? Yeah, yeah, there's no way. Which part? Which part? We tell jokes, we tell jokes during the ads sometimes, Juice. Yeah. Which part of the stamps.com proposition seemed the most unrealistic? Frankly, the fact that I could do it all at home, right from my computer phone or other smart device. Yeah, I know. I know. It seems unreal, but it's true. And it sound, it like bust, I fucking get it because it busts me up when I hear stuff like stamps.com gets you incredible rates like up to 89% off USPS and UPS. Yeah. Like. That's a funny number. That's funny. Yeah, yeah. It's all, yeah, it's close.
28:57 Griffin McElroy? And they offer 24/7 support. That doesn't seem real, but it's, it's true. No, there's only six days in a week. So like this next part, Trav and our listeners are totally real. Spend less time on busy work and more time on your business with stamps.com. Code to stamps.com and use code MYBROTHER for a one month free trial plus $5 in postage and a digital scale. That's stamps.com code MYBROTHER. I know I stumbled on the word digital. That was not a joke. That was an accident done during a very real and authentic. Hashtag not JK? Hashtag not JK. Hashtag real life? Hashtag real life. So where can we look forward to some more greetings from you, Trav? Is that? Yeah, man, I've got a backlog to send.
29:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, fucking right. What's my address? Uh, number one dump street. Fuck, man, you got my ass. I was trying to get your ass and you fucking turned it on me. Yeah, that's, yeah, it's that, that was. Is that not it? Is that not your address? Have you been sending letters to number one dump street? Yeah. We gotta stop saying addresses. It's like 6969 Cool Street all over again. Someone lives on one dump street. Now they're gonna get fucking Kraft macaroni and cheese mailed to their house or some shit. Don't do that shit, people. In Bootyville, you say? Travis, goddamn it, it's a cat because the world's so big that that does exist, I bet. Probably Wisconsin, I bet.
30:23 Speaker 04 Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.
31:07 Speaker 05 Hello?
31:07 Speaker 06 Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.
31:10 Speaker 05 No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.
31:12 Speaker 06 It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.
31:17 Speaker 05 I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?
31:35 Speaker 06 Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast...
31:37 Speaker 05 Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.
31:43 Speaker 06 Simply go to MaximumFun.org.
31:45 Speaker 05 I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!
31:52 Travis McElroy? (singing) I wanna munch. Squad! Oh, Bug Man, no! I want to munch.
32:10 Travis McElroy? You almost killed Bug Man. Shut up!
32:17 Travis McElroy? Stop talking. Trying to do one bit. This is a podcast of the podcast from one of the ladies and greatest brain eating. I went up to a pot. Dad's gonna be mad at me now that I say shut up. You know, we don't say that to each other. Sorry, but Travis called me stupid earlier. So I think we're probably you. Yeah, listen, it all balances out. That's what I tell my kids. It all balances out. Did you hear when he said I live at dump street? Like Travis is off the fucking chains this episode. We gotta go on tour again next week. I know. I don't know how we messed up so bad. No, those shows are gonna be great. They're gonna be amazing. We're gonna be broken by them. They may claim our lives. Uh, so it's my favorite time of the
32:58 Travis McElroy? year. That is pumpkin spice season. And for me, pumpkin spice season means something a little different because I don't really get pumpkin spice lattes. For me, this season is really about watching how other chains justify, including pumpkin on their menu, because I don't know why, but everybody is still out here trying to explain it away. So let's check in with, um, Voodoo Donuts to start off with. Voodoo Donuts announces pumpkin spice latte donut and a pumpkin buttermilk bar. Get ready for this. Voodoo Donut, the iconic creator of handcrafted innovative donuts, is excited to announce two new seasonal creations, the pumpkin spice latte donut and the pumpkin buttermilk
33:39 Travis McElroy? bar. You know, there's a spice latte donut is a, it's filled with delectable pumpkin spice fluff and dipped in bold magic roast espresso frosting. It's a pumpkin spice latte donut. There is a, when you live long enough, as we have children, you see edgy, cool, like companies and places, independent things become what they once hated.
34:07 Travis McElroy? Hey Trav.
34:08 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
34:08 Travis McElroy? A hundred percent. Here's the quote from the CEO of Voodoo Donuts, Chris Schultz. "We wanted to create a little pumpkin for everyone this fall. From the latte lovers to the pumpkin purists, "These limited time donuts are made to bring a little seasonal joy to every guest who walks through "those, uh, to walks through our doors." Chris, I once bought a bucket of old donuts from a Voodoo Donuts for $10.
34:34 Travis McElroy? Yeah, like a five gallon.
34:36 Travis McElroy? Plastic bucket.
34:37 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
34:38 Travis McElroy? You guys used to fuck. What happened? A pumpkin spice latte donut?
34:43 Travis McElroy? You're washed, corpo.
34:45 Travis McElroy? If I'm washed.
34:46 Travis McElroy? You're washed, corpo pig.
34:47 Travis McElroy? Iconic creator of handcrafted innovative donuts, and then you have the gall to announce a pumpkin spice "latte donut? Chris."
34:57 Travis McElroy? Also, if I met someone and they told me they were a pumpkin purist, I don't know why, but I would "assume like it's something really.
35:07 Travis McElroy? You've got a lot more stuff going on. Baskin Robbins, oh, sorry, Griff, go ahead. You want to weigh in on how cool Voodoo Donuts used to be? Yeah. No, I mean, it's, they gotta make a living. It's tough out there. You know, I get it. Baskin Robbins brings back pumpkin cheesecake ice cream and debuts new, uh, pumpkin spice. How should you say that? Debus? No, that sounds bad. I don't know. I like the way it sounds though. Debutts? Mm-hmm. Debus? Debus. Debus. New pumpkin spice frozen beverage. Falls in the air and in your cup. Baskin Robbins is welcome. One more time? Falls in the air and in your cup. Cool. I would assume that some of the air got in my cup then. Yeah, they got a new pumpkin spice.
35:49 Travis McElroy? So you gotta wash your cups, man.
35:52 Travis McElroy? It's a frozen coffee beverage that delivers cozy vibes with every sip. Hey, um, hey, guys. Yeah. You can't have a, man. Available nationwide beginning September 1st, these limited time seasonal offerings are the ultimate "way to embrace sweater weather, no matter what the thermometer says. There's like eight fall like buzzwords that have just become like just, I don't know, throw these in a blender, chop them up and sad libs it out. The whole season is just a flavor now. Like the entirety of the season has been subsumed.
36:28 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, we need to, we need to bust.
36:30 Travis McElroy? You're not in the pumpkin mood? Well, the cappy lineup features a variety of bold creamy flavors that hit the spot every time. Choose from fan favorites like classic caramel praline, chocolate fudge and Oreo. But wait, I hear you saying Duncan, how can you justify having pumpkin on your menu? On the Cole Boutwell, the vice president of brand marketing has this to say, pumpkin is more than just a flavor. It's a seasonal must have. With pumpkin cheesecake and the new pumpkin spice cappy, guests can enjoy cozy fall flavors with their refreshing twists that lets them celebrate the season in the most delicious way. All I'm saying is that fall used to be about one thing, a terminal Jesus.
37:14 Griffin McElroy? And now, thank you, Travis.
37:16 Travis McElroy? We have let corporations get in.
37:18 Griffin McElroy? Harvest Christ.
37:19 Travis McElroy? Thank you. Yes. And now we've, we've gone in and we've taken away the meaning of what harvest Christ, a terminal Jesus once brought to us and forgotten, forgotten about.
37:33 Griffin McElroy? Well, you also, we've forgotten all the other autumnal friends like green, like where's my green beams? Where's my green?
37:39 Travis McElroy? Sorry, say again?
37:40 Griffin McElroy? Where's my green beans smoothie? Where's my eggplant?
37:44 Travis McElroy? Where's my smoothie? It makes me shoot green beams.
37:46 Griffin McElroy? I want my green beam smoothie and I want eggplant fries and I want.
37:52 Travis McElroy? A party with rooms full of laughter, 10,000 tons of ice cream. Hey, nectar juice bar is unveiling a reimagined, better for you pumpkin lineup. Now, this is really, I, this is unhinged pumpkin spicy season is back, but at nectar juice bar, it's getting a clean, eat shit with that clean nonsense, a clean, elevated makeover. Launching September 2nd on the nectar app and October 1st at locations nationwide.
38:22 Travis McElroy? There's a whole month where you walk in, you're like, let me get that pumpkin. They're gonna be like, what the fuck are you? What are you saying? Pumpkin. Step outside, get on the app. We're not gonna help you for a month. That's the case. Uh, they're made from real pumpkin and nutrient-rich ingredients, never sugary syrups or artificial substitutes. But I like those things. I like those. Those make pumpkin taste good. Without that, pumpkin's gross.
38:48 Griffin McElroy? Can we bring our own artificial sweeteners from home, please, Nick?
38:52 Travis McElroy? We don't like the pumpkins. No, it's not called pumpkin drink. It's called pumpkin spice, the shit you add to the pumpkin to make it palatable. Available through December 1st. Oh, got it. Thank you. I can never remember how long. When fall stops, yeah. This limited time menu features, uh, uh, it delivers cozy fall flavor with a wholesome, functional twist. Crafted to fuel the season. What? Crafted to fuel the season.
39:21 Griffin McElroy? Fuel the season in your cup.
39:23 Travis McElroy? Crafted to fuel the season. Can we? This collection balances indulgent. Unless I'm mistaken, the second use of functional. Yeah. A fresh release society. Yes. Describing an edible thing. Yeah. It's a wholesome way to enjoy pumpkin spice any time of day, capturing all the, cause I know when I try to enjoy pumpkin spice, sometimes I'm like, oh, you bad boy. Enjoy pumpkin spice right now.
39:49 Griffin McElroy? Um, do you guys remember when, like two years ago, people were like, talking about how sweet potato was gonna be the new thing? Was the sweet potato was gonna take over and people were talking about how like you get that sweet potato latte. That's it. But then pumpkin came back strong the next year, like.
40:03 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
40:04 Griffin McElroy? Fuck out of here.
40:05 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
40:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
40:06 Travis McElroy? Sweet potato can't, can't, can't, could never, can't, it can't come at the.
40:10 Griffin McElroy? Such a bummer. I love this. I love that stuff, man.
40:13 Travis McElroy? I know what you're saying, though. How is it possible that Nectar Juice Bar can justify including pumpkin on their menu? Well, here's the answer. Pumpkin spice is everywhere this time of year, but too often it's all sugar and no substance. At Nectar Juice Bar, we're committed to doing things differently. By using real pumpkin and nutrient-dense ingredients, we've created a fall menu that feels indulgent, but actually supports our guest's health and wellness goals. It's pumpkin season the way it should be, real, fresh, and truly delicious. I really appreciate these brands that help us to really keep an eye on all the artificial shit and the sugar that gets like added to our drinks.
40:55 Travis McElroy? And the, they help us to eat the way that our ancestors.
40:59 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
41:00 Travis McElroy? Ate, which is get 10 pumpkins and grind them down to a pulp and then drink the slurry. You know how they used to do it.
41:08 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
41:08 Travis McElroy? Our, our, uh, the, our four, our progenitors, how they used to get a, like a bucket full of produce and just mash it all up and then throw away a lot of it and then drink what's left.
41:19 Griffin McElroy? If you served up a, a gourd slurry at the, at the town hall in the middle ages, you would be, you would be tried for witchcraft. You would not make it out of that place. This is fucking crazy. You can't pretend like this is nature's way.
41:36 Travis McElroy? Just give me a pumpkin to eat.
41:38 Griffin McElroy? Just give me a whole pump. Fuck yeah, that's it. Welcome to Sonic. Here's your, here's your whole ass gourd.
41:46 Travis McElroy? We heated it up for you. They gotta cook it or else people will use that as an opportunity to get their pumpkin without getting out of their car.
41:53 Griffin McElroy? No, no, no.
41:54 Travis McElroy? So you gotta cook it.
41:54 Griffin McElroy? You gotta cook it and then they watch you eat every bite. Crunch this little gourd like a porcupine while we watch.
42:03 Travis McElroy? Uh, this is, this is, uh, my favorite. Bobby's Burgers adds wild mushroom bacon burger and pumpkin spice milkshake for fall. Bobby's Burgers by Bobby Flay is celebrating fall with two new additions to the menu that captures the spirit of the season. The wild mushroom bacon burger and pumpkin spice milkshake. The wild mushroom bacon burger features certified Angus beef grilled to guest choice of medium or well, yada, yada, yada. They never mentioned the milkshake again.
42:29 Griffin McElroy? Oh, really?
42:30 Travis McElroy? But yes, they don't, they don't because, uh, you, you, you might be saying, uh, uh, because the, the person who they have to get a quote from is Bobby Flay.
42:39 Griffin McElroy? And he's not gonna say shit about this milkshake.
42:41 Travis McElroy? Here's what Bobby Flay says. The, the, the paragraph before Bobby's quote is this, for the ultimate fall indulgence, the pumpkin spice milkshake blends rich velvety custard with warm pumpkin spice. It's topped with house made whipped cream and a dusting of seasonal spice for a cozy crave worthy finish. But wait, Bobby Flay, professional chef, how do you justify having pumpkin on the menu?
43:07 Griffin McElroy? Can't wait.
43:08 Travis McElroy? As a chef, I've always drawn inspiration from my travels. This menu takes a cue from the ingredients of the Pacific Northwest and the inviting flavors of fall.
43:21 Griffin McElroy? When I spent a year in Halloween town, I learned all about, I learned about pumpkin milkshakes.
43:27 Travis McElroy? Bobby, are you telling me, as my brother indicates, that this is, this is informed by your travels through fall, your travels through autumnal splendor? You know, like?
43:40 Griffin McElroy? I would listen to the Bobby Flay, take a train, take a train through autumn, to it through America's autumn land with me.
43:49 Griffin McElroy? Come as I describe.
43:49 Travis McElroy? I heard this place has some of the best nutmeg. So I'm here looking after the nutmeg.
43:54 Griffin McElroy? You think you could eat an apple picking?
43:56 Travis McElroy? Let's do it. Bobby won't explain his, his pumpkin spice. There he refuses. I cannot imagine that was his call, right? They probably have been fighting it for years to get pumpkin, a pumpkin spice milkshake on the menu.
44:08 Griffin McElroy? There should just be a sign on the front of every shop, on every restaurant. And it's a sign over this, over the spigot out of which the juice comes out and they can just turn it so it says pumpkin on it. That's really all I need. Send a letter to everyone in the country and the letter is going to be sent by every food business ever. And it's going to say pumpkins start on September 5th and then pumpkins are going to go until December 1st. Thank you. You come out, get your pumpkin stuff, because you know we're gonna get it to you.
44:40 Travis McElroy? We're gonna do it. We're doing it.
44:41 Griffin McElroy? Raise the flag. Put the flag half mast. I will know that means it's pumpkin time. And then we can raise it up on December 1st.
44:49 Travis McElroy? This is an urgent question. Today, I was driving to work and realized my breath was not the freshest. While on the highway, I noticed I had a Dennis Goody bag in my car, complete with travel size mouthwash. Forgetting the basic principles of mouthwash, I decided to take a big gulp. Immediately after, I realized I had no way of disposing said mouthwash. My options are now to swallow the mouthwash, which seems physically impossible, spit it out of an open window while driving 60 miles an hour, or ruin my morning cup of coffee with used mouthwash. Please help. I'm crying. My mouth is burning. That's for emergency in the Midwest. Ah, you got to us just in time.
45:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah, this is our first ever live sent in recorded question. Don't spit it out the window. I've made that mistake before.
45:29 Griffin McElroy? It goes in the back.
45:29 Travis McElroy? It just blows right back in.
45:31 Griffin McElroy? Blows right back in. I, I, I wanna be gent- I wanna be tender and gentle, gentle parent here. But I do need to, I need you to accept the fact that you fucked up. Yeah, there's a certain amount of ownership that I feel like you do need to take of the situation of you did a bad, you did a bad thing and you fucked up for it. And because of that, you're gonna, there will be a consequence. The consequence is backseat gets minty fresh. The coffee gets ruined, or you swallow it, which you can do. Like, you can get that down. It's not physically impossible. You shouldn't. Not good. But there's a consequence for your action.
46:11 Travis McElroy? There's a fourth option, but I don't know if it's better, because the, there had to be a container that the mouthwash was in. Now, I recognize that that container is little and has a tiny.
46:22 Griffin McElroy? Hard to funnel it in there.
46:23 Travis McElroy? Orifice. You're gonna try to spit back in. It's gonna go everywhere.
46:27 Travis McElroy? No way. You won't be able to do it because the air.
46:29 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
46:30 Travis McElroy? Because the thing, the size of it, as you're trying to, you won't be able to get the air, you know what I'm saying? You almost had to drink the air, drink it all.
46:39 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
46:40 Travis McElroy? You almost had to put the entire bottle. Why did you do this?
46:43 Griffin McElroy? Why'd you fucking do this? You fucked up so bad.
46:46 Travis McElroy? So wild to me that you're trying to get all like high and mighty about road safety now. While you were rooting around in your car for, I'm sorry, that dentist bag was not like in your line of sight.
46:58 Griffin McElroy? There's no way it was propped up in the passenger seat. No way.
47:01 Travis McElroy? And, and did you one hand that lid off? Nope. I bet you didn't. You waved bye bye to road safety a long time ago. Let's just get this thing done. All right. Let's just get past this.
47:10 Griffin McElroy? This is why you shouldn't clean your car out too much. You know what I mean? Because listen, you never know when you're gonna have to MacGyver a situation like this. And oh, there's an old mug in the glove box or whatever. Boom. Solved. How, how did you escape the car after it crashed into the lake? Well, I used one of the many rock hard fig Newtons with a single bite taken out of them. That it had been filed to a, a sharp point and I used that to break the glass and save my family. Couldn't have done it without you, Gus.
47:38 Travis McElroy? Here, I was stranded here on this tiny island when I crashed off a bridge onto this island. And the only way that I was able to signal was by collecting all of the, uh, discarded Wendy's toys. That my kids are very excited about for 30 seconds and burned them. And the fumes made such a strange color in the sky that people knew that I needed rescue.
47:57 Griffin McElroy? I bound my wounds with the very old silly putty that had been glunked into the door's top. Um, there's another solution. And it's you fucking finish your drive while you rock with that spicy juice in your mouth until you get to the parking lot.
48:16 Travis McElroy? Oh, man. I don't know what hap-.
48:17 Griffin McElroy? Oh, no, it's gonna, oh, it'll be fucking hard, but you're gonna come through the other. That's like a fucking life-changing ordeal at that point. If you can keep that spicy juice in your mouth until you park it. And then you spit and the whole day, you're gonna have a sort of like vacant expression on your face.
48:34 Travis McElroy? But the cleanest breath anyone's ever had. What if something happens and if you hold it in there for long enough, it like bonds? And you become forever fresh. Like what if they're like.
48:47 Griffin McElroy? That's the dream dude.
48:48 Travis McElroy? You know what I mean? Like what if there's like something happens where you're like fresh forever?
48:52 Griffin McElroy? If there was, if, if we had that technology, I would like to think I would have heard about it at this point. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna suck.
49:00 Travis McElroy? Hmm? You gotta, you're not gonna hear about the latest developments unless you're reading Popular Mechanics. Or Wirecutter. Wirecutter is a good. I don't know what Wirecutter does. They review toilets. Oh. And vacuums.
49:12 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. They tell you which toilet vacuums are the good ones.
49:15 Travis McElroy? Could you spit it just into the cup holder? Bad news, Trav, they all suck. Ah.
49:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's how every one of them go.
49:21 Travis McElroy? Just spit it in the cup holder. No, wait, can we do, Griffin, you didn't. Let's try again.
49:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
49:26 Travis McElroy? Bad news, they all suck.
49:29 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that is, they're not great. So, um.
49:33 Travis McElroy? So anyways, just spit it in the cup holder and then you can shove some paper towels in there later.
49:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, there's a lot of places in your car you can get a little bit wet. Not, that's a good point, Trav. Spit it on the fucking floor mat and then you can just clean that up.
49:44 Travis McElroy? I'm saying a cup holder is designed. Spit it on your shirt.
49:48 Griffin McElroy? No.
49:49 Travis McElroy? Spit it on your shirt.
49:50 Griffin McElroy? You're missing my point. Spit it on your shirt, wash your shirt later, we're all fucking meat, man. Who gives a shit, dude?
49:55 Travis McElroy? No, where do you drink in your nasty face? But I say the cup holder holds liquid if a cup bursts open.
50:01 Griffin McElroy? Let it drip on your nasty face and then tell your boss like, yeah, my face is wet, we're all meat, fuck off, I'll clean it later.
50:08 Travis McElroy? That's right, what if he, what if he fills a cup holder with spit and needs to piss in it later? It's a fucking animal. That's why there's two of them up front.
50:16 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Take your shoe off and spit in there, walk around with one sloppy shoe.
50:20 Travis McElroy? Fill your shoe with piss.
50:21 Griffin McElroy? And if someone says.
50:22 Travis McElroy? Like Andy Dufresne and then drop it out in the yard.
50:25 Griffin McElroy? They said, did you spit it in both shoes? Say, no, I spit my mouthwash in one shoe and I pissed in the other because we're all meat and it doesn't fucking matter, I'll clean them later.
50:33 Travis McElroy? I'd like a raise, please.
50:36 Travis McElroy? We don't even need to introduce P into the question. That wasn't one of the, like, it wasn't a parameter, it's like, also P is part of this. If you don't think that's the concern, if you accidentally swallow mouthwash, is like, if it burns that much in my mouth, how is this gonna feel later?
50:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, dude. Yeah. Feel bad.
50:54 Travis McElroy? In my sensitive urethra?
50:56 Travis McElroy? Woo!
50:57 Griffin McElroy? You know Travis has urethra sensitivity issues.
51:01 Travis McElroy? Yes, my urethra needs a little respect.
51:03 Griffin McElroy? Stop.
51:04 Travis McElroy? Um, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed it. Um, you're, I've always taken great care of us.
51:12 Travis McElroy? You've always been there for us.
51:14 Travis McElroy? We're happy to be here for you in your time of need.
51:17 Travis McElroy? Hey, we're so excited. Uh, we're back on the road. Can't wait. Uh, the shows are gonna be amazing. We're gonna be in Austin and San Antonio.
51:24 Travis McElroy? We don't know what those guys were saying earlier, but we are really excited about these.
51:27 Travis McElroy? That was act one Travis, Justin and Griffin. This is act two.
51:30 Griffin McElroy? I'm gonna be healthy as hell for you, Texas.
51:33 Travis McElroy? Yes. Um, if you have questions for the MB and B A M shows, or if you have a fear you want to read, uh, you can send that to MB and B A M at maximumfun.org and put the city you'll be attending in the subject line. Austin is Taz versus Hercules. It's gonna be a hoot and a half. Um, and later this year, we'll come to Utah and California. You can get tickets for all the shows at bit.ly/macaroytours. The ticket links and information are there.
52:00 Griffin McElroy? Hey, we got some new merch up in the merch store over at macaroymerch.com. There is a Rad Gerro shirt uh, that was designed by Lynn Doyle. Uh, it's one of my favorite shirt designs we've had up in, in a really long time. Um, and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.
52:23 Travis McElroy? I want to let folks know Champions Grove is gonna be back for its third year. Tickets are going on sale in early November. You'll see more information or you can follow at Champions Grove on Instagram and get all the information there and see a lot of fun clips from previous years and find out what it's all about. Thank you. Or go to championsgrove.com.
52:40 Griffin McElroy? Thanks. Thank you to Montane for these, for our theme song, My Life is Better With You. Uh, it's all I really wanted to say. Um, Montane is a good one and uh, I'm very, very grateful that they have allowed us to use this very good song as our introduction for, for Zomolana. So thank you, Montane.
52:55 Travis McElroy? Who shall read the fear this week?
52:58 Travis McElroy? Not me.
52:59 Travis McElroy? Okay.
52:59 Travis McElroy? I'm scared enough as it is.
53:00 Travis McElroy? Griffin, you do it.
53:01 Griffin McElroy? This year, I'm gonna be faster than my fear of sitting in a theater box because that's where Lincoln was assassinated.
53:13 Travis McElroy? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Bug Bag. This is my brother, my brother, me kiss your dad square on the lips.
53:53 Speaker 04 Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.
Previous MBMBaM 778: Face 2 Face: Yellin’ at the Kellen Felons Next MBMBaM 780: Face 2 Face: Good Will Horsing Page updated November 1, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated