Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 777: Preparation Hoops About this episode You’re a winner with our JACKPOT of an episode, featuring wild stream-of-consciousness stories about destroying microwaves, horny lattes, BYOP (bring your own parmesan), and a bonus update to Justin’s suppository adventure.
Suggested talking points: Her-merroids, Marcel Sweetcheeks, The Peristaltic Foreman, Cheezing Fee, Did You Creamy?, You Can't Add Awoogas
World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/
Transcript 10,777 words · 8 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's an advice show for the modern era and I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
1:18 Travis McElroy? I'm your middlest brother Travis McElroy, period.
1:21 Griffin McElroy? I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary, Griffin McElroy. Cha-ching, cha-ching.
1:27 Travis McElroy? What?
1:27 Griffin McElroy? You've hit the, you hit the jackpot. I, on this episode 777, it's your lucky day, pal. Cause we're, we're about to, what's wrong, Trav?
1:39 Travis McElroy? I was just thinking for this one, maybe we could try doing like a really professional, right down the middle. This is, like we've always said, this isn't your daddy's podcast, but this would be your daddy's podcast.
1:50 Travis McElroy? We never really, we have a tag this time. We can talk about 777. That's something.
1:56 Griffin McElroy? And we never get to do like numerology stuff. Yeah. We forget, but this one seems like it writes it's like, we won't have to go, Trav, come over here.
2:05 Travis McElroy? Okay.
2:05 Griffin McElroy? Cause I don't want them to hear.
2:06 Travis McElroy? Okay.
2:07 Griffin McElroy? We won't have to come up with as many jokes.
2:09 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
2:10 Griffin McElroy? If we can lean on our sort of numerology.
2:12 Travis McElroy? Okay. Can we do it in like a professional, mature way, you think?
2:16 Griffin McElroy? I don't understand why this is the ti- this is the time in the moment.
2:20 Travis McElroy? Let's speak on-
2:20 Griffin McElroy? Save that for seven, seven, eight. That's a great angle for seven, seven, eight.
2:24 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
2:24 Griffin McElroy? We don't have the numbers.
2:25 Travis McElroy? Let's speak on-
2:26 Griffin McElroy? Oh, and for seventy-nine, we could talk about how that's why nine is afraid of- Six is afraid of seven. We love this. We'll get the joke right-
2:33 Travis McElroy? Seven, eight, nine will actually be funny. That will be good.
2:35 Griffin McElroy? Okay, great. Because it's another number one and there's less joke-
2:38 Travis McElroy? That's the one we don't have to come up with. I, I was curious if the last time these like beautiful sevens had lined up was, of course, we all remember episode seventy-seven.
2:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
2:48 Travis McElroy? Which was called-
2:50 Griffin McElroy? The lucky one.
2:51 Travis McElroy? The whole shebang. And that was from twenty-eleven. And I was curious if we had done some like, some stuff about seven stuff. Like, I just didn't want to retread.
3:00 Griffin McElroy? Well, okay, two's not as, two's not as exciting. Yeah, look back to episode seven. Did we talk about the movie Seven a lot and like what's in the box?
3:09 Travis McElroy? In, in seventy-seven, we said, "Cut a hole in some sheets. Cut a holes in a sheet. Candy and apple. Bob it and get ready. It's H time."
3:19 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
3:19 Travis McElroy? I don't think it was about-
3:20 Griffin McElroy? A hundred percent sure if we were different guys-
3:22 Travis McElroy? But I'm using this to make a point. I actually, I brought this out because I was hoping we said something about seven. But like, I do want to make a point. This was fourteen fucking years ago.
3:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
3:33 Travis McElroy? And we are still just grasping for anything to talk about in the first five minutes of the show.
3:39 Griffin McElroy? It's funny, I'm looking at the transcript for episode seven right now, and let me see. Um, what about men's rights? No one ever talks about men's rights. Yeah. Um- Well, we were groundbreaking at that point. Yeah, we were the first ones talking about, talking about men's rights. I'm more interested now in men's wrongs. You know what I mean? Yeah, there's been plenty of men's lefts. What? I need them to. I need them to. Yeah. Men at work. I doubt it. I need, I need the men's to have lefts. Oh. And so in episode seven thousand seven hundred seventy-seven, we're gonna look back on this a hundred and forty years in the future and be like, what the fuck does that even mean? Yeah. Well, by then, all the men will be gone. Sure.
4:23 Travis McElroy? Let's hope. Uh, I had a brief update for everybody about my hemorrhoids. I did notice-
4:31 Griffin McElroy? Justin, please, hero-roids.
4:33 Travis McElroy? Hero-roids, thank you. We're erasing.
4:37 Travis McElroy? So I, that video popped up this week. We just happened to pop up the video about uh, me debating whether or not I was gonna use suppositories on my hemorrhoids. And I, I do have to, when you do a show like ours, it's very much true of consciousness, there is a sort of walk of shame that happens. When you see that pop up, you're like, aw, Justin.
4:58 Griffin McElroy? We don't, we don't pick the clips. We should make it clear. The three of us don't. Uh, our wonderful, uh, like video team and social folks help figure that out for us, which is great, because that means less that I have to listen to the show. The choice sometimes to put you and your butt wounds specifically to lift that up in front of the algo.
5:21 Travis McElroy? I think the incorrect assumption they make, ha, ha, ha, is that Justin wouldn't bring it up on the show unless it was a choice he was making that he was proud of and wanted to be surfaced. And I think this is jazz.
5:33 Travis McElroy? Record button has been pressed. I have to talk for an hour.
5:37 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it's a huge thing. Especially the last 15 minutes. There's no accountability.
5:42 Travis McElroy? And the first five minutes.
5:44 Travis McElroy? Yeah, the first five minutes and the last 15, there should be no accountability for the very private things we discuss.
5:50 Travis McElroy? So I did do, I did get them. I, not on purpose, but I did call them into a pharmacy out. So like, I was like way out. I did not need to be spotted.
6:06 Griffin McElroy? That's, that's, that's where Dustin Gackelroy gets his pills. When he needs a little bit of discretion.
6:12 Travis McElroy? He's extreme and loves putting pills up his butt. Good evening. My name is Marcel Sweetcheeks and I believe you have a prescription for my selection.
6:23 Travis McElroy? And I, I am not sitting pretty.
6:28 Travis McElroy? Doughnuts asked me to take a seat without my hemorrhoid donut. So I go into the, damn it. I shouldn't have said. Rachel edit it out, the specific pharmacy.
6:41 Griffin McElroy? No one would have known that was the name of an actual place.
6:43 Travis McElroy? I know, that's why I had to cut it out.
6:45 Griffin McElroy? But if you hadn't said it, it sounded like you forgot the word pharmacy.
6:49 Travis McElroy? This is edited.
6:51 Travis McElroy? It's not edited. Pharmacy, I get, I go to the pharmacy, I get, I don't want people to know where the pharmacy I go to. Okay, whatever. There's probably not that many pharmacies.
7:01 Travis McElroy? Anyway.
7:01 Griffin McElroy? That's true.
7:03 Travis McElroy? So I get the suppositories. They look like the ends of number two pencils.
7:10 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
7:11 Travis McElroy? Like the top inch and a half of a number two pencil.
7:14 Griffin McElroy? The right and end or the, or the straight?
7:16 Travis McElroy? The right and end, but we're good with that because we do want, well.
7:21 Griffin McElroy? A tapered experience.
7:22 Travis McElroy? A taper is welcome. USA tapers welcome.
7:26 Griffin McElroy? But no flare, no flare at the bottom of this one?
7:28 Travis McElroy? No flare at the bottom of this one. So, so it's like a bullet. It's a bullet. It's a bullet. It's a bullet.
7:33 Griffin McElroy? That's how people, I hope, describe our show. A fine tapered experience for easy.
7:37 Travis McElroy? No flare.
7:38 Griffin McElroy? Insertion, no flare.
7:40 Travis McElroy? Well, come as no surprise to you folks at home, I have a physician living in the house with me. So I asked her, I said, so like, what?
7:49 Travis McElroy? What do I do? And she said, I mean, you just.
7:53 Griffin McElroy? Go.
7:54 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it's a pretty, it seems a pretty one step process to me, Jamie. Yeah. It's a cool trap. Remember that?
8:01 Griffin McElroy? Round peg, round hole.
8:02 Travis McElroy? No, no, no, no, hold on. Griffin, you go ahead with yours.
8:05 Griffin McElroy? Round peg, round hole.
8:07 Travis McElroy? Okay. Thank you.
8:09 Griffin McElroy? Easy.
8:10 Travis McElroy? Easy. And that's what she says to me. Easy. So I don't do it for a while.
8:16 Griffin McElroy? Did she say, is it tapered for your comfort?
8:19 Travis McElroy? Didn't even ask. Here's that. I just told you the entirety of the conversation and that will become important soon.
8:25 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
8:25 Travis McElroy? So she says, yes.
8:27 Griffin McElroy? Skip over the part, if you do put it in your butt, can we like tastefully, I'm not on Travis's like grown up.
8:33 Travis McElroy? Windows with curtains blowing and then come back?
8:36 Griffin McElroy? Give us the story from Sid's POV so we don't have to.
8:39 Travis McElroy? I literally can't. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will. I will. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:45 Griffin McElroy? Tasteful editing, that's all I'm asking.
8:46 Travis McElroy? I will. So.
8:49 Travis McElroy? A random morning that had no real significance to me, Sidney McElroy. I'm in the kitchen, taking care of our children.
8:58 Travis McElroy? Is there a bird outside the window? How's the sunrise?
9:01 Travis McElroy? For school in the morning, right? I'm working hard and I'm getting my kids ready for school. There is an announcement throughout the speaker on the home speaker system and it sounds like this.
9:13 Travis McElroy? Sid, come to the bathroom, please. I need your help.
9:16 Travis McElroy? Jesus, man.
9:18 Travis McElroy? When Sidney comes to the bathroom, she finds me, Justin McElroy, with my pants around my ankles, laying on the floor, sweating as though I've just been drenched in a bucket of mop water.
9:32 Travis McElroy? And like a weird ice bucket challenge.
9:34 Travis McElroy? Trying to rend the shirt from my chest so I could breathe again. That's what Sidney walks into. So here's the thing about putting in a suppository.
9:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah, go on gang.
9:44 Travis McElroy? Should, you should not do it standing up.
9:49 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah, that's not the way.
9:52 Travis McElroy? If you do it standing up, you can press a thing or do it a wrong, well, if this can happen regardless, but the reason we don't do it standing up is while the suppository is going in, you can, Sidney called it vagaling. And basically you press the wrong tube in there and you basically explode your whole butt. You, your blood pressure gets fucked up. You can't stand, you burst into a sweat and you basically have to lie down on the ground because you think you're gonna die for putting the pill in your butt wrong.
10:27 Travis McElroy? Uh huh.
10:27 Travis McElroy? Your wife said you couldn't do it wrong. She said, just pop it in there. She did not say loop it up. She did not say lay down. She said just pop it. She didn't say mind the vagaling because you could fucking die, hoops.
10:45 Travis McElroy? Do you think you're stronger now than you were before?
10:47 Travis McElroy? She remembered the conversation exactly. When she walked in the bathroom, she knew. She knew what she had done.
10:55 Griffin McElroy? She was like, oh, the bacon.
10:56 Travis McElroy? When she heard the announcement on the Alexa, she knew.
10:59 Travis McElroy? She was like, she was like, oh, my God, he vagled. What did I do? Oh, my God, he beg him, my sweet boy. She thought she was gonna walk into a big pile of blood. You know?
11:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
11:10 Travis McElroy? Oh, Justin.
11:12 Griffin McElroy? And now I have to Google vagling.
11:14 Travis McElroy? I don't know.
11:15 Travis McElroy? So the good news, now you have this, if like, when someone talks about like how hard childbirth is, you can be like, well, I put a suppository up my butt wrong, so I understand like 10% of it.
11:26 Travis McElroy? I, here's the only thing I'll say about the suppository. This is the tip for the future. This is the only challenge with it. It's not putting it up there. It's that there is a certain point where your body says, I will take it from here. And you don't know exactly what that point is. And if you guess it wrong, your body's like, no, no. But then at a certain point, your body's like, yes. Now it is inside me. I will take it from here.
11:50 Griffin McElroy? You, you, you gotta trust the peristaltic foreman inside your body that's like, oh, all right, boys, bang it up.
11:58 Travis McElroy? This is what we practice for, guys. Let's do it. Just like I told you.
12:05 Travis McElroy? Hey, this is why we train, guys. This is why we train.
12:09 Griffin McElroy? Esophagus is like, we heard it was medicine time. We're ready and raring to go. Don't worry, boys.
12:14 Travis McElroy? We've got this round.
12:16 Griffin McElroy? Take the day off.
12:17 Travis McElroy? It's easier to teach it. It's easier to teach an anus to dissolve a pill than it is to teach an esophagus to cure hemorrhoids. It's like the Armageddon thing, you see?
12:27 Griffin McElroy? Right, yeah.
12:27 Travis McElroy? Do you think when that happens, the foreman of your butthole feels like when a defensive tackle gets an interception and runs it in for a touchdown? And he's like, I'm never gonna do this.
12:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah. Medicine? What a treat.
12:40 Travis McElroy? It was a presence too. There's a, you're aware of a presence.
12:44 Griffin McElroy? The Lord, it sounds like, because you had an N D E on your bathroom floor.
12:49 Travis McElroy? Holy crap, though. But can I tell you guys?
12:51 Travis McElroy? Please.
12:51 Travis McElroy? The, the combination of.
12:56 Travis McElroy? The combination of learning that I was not dying.
13:00 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
13:01 Travis McElroy? And learning that I, my wife had messed up in a way where I was right about something and she was wrong.
13:09 Griffin McElroy? A doc, a medical thing.
13:10 Travis McElroy? A medical doctor and I no longer had pain in my anus. I could have lifted a fucking truck, guys. I was invulnerable that day, dude. I was right. Do you know how rarely Sydney messes up? It's like never. So I had that.
13:25 Griffin McElroy? Why been 777 episodes?
13:28 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah. This is a first and like, I got a brand new shirt on because I sweated through the last one. That's kind of like a.
13:35 Griffin McElroy? That feels good.
13:36 Travis McElroy? It's like null, but like a clean shirt, like.
13:38 Griffin McElroy? It feels nice.
13:39 Travis McElroy? It was feeling really good for the rest of the day until I realized I would have to tell you guys about it.
13:42 Griffin McElroy? You know what you got, Justin? Triple seven jackpot, baby.
13:46 Travis McElroy? Yeah, baby. And that's the kind of promise that we're making you on this episode. Everything's coming up you.
13:52 Griffin McElroy? I also don't know if you've noticed, but the video that we did post of you talking about your hemorrhoids did get some actual interaction, I believe on TikTok with the Preparation H account. This is a brand partnership that I think we've all been waiting for Preparation Hoops special. It'll be like, um, it'll be like the McDonald's meals where it's like, I'm Travis Scott and this is how I fuck around.
14:15 Travis McElroy? Or like a shaccaroni pizza. Dude, I, I would be such a good spokesperson for Preparation H. Just clip this out, y'all. You can use it for free. Hi, it's Justin McRoy. When I'm packing a bag for travel, here's my rule. The first thing should be, you pack should be the last thing you'd ever want to ask for. That's why Preparation H is the first thing in every bag I have. I probably have seven tubes of it, just lying around like a smoker who swears they're gonna quit soon, man. I got Preparation H all over this place. I'd be dead without it.
14:45 Griffin McElroy? Dead drop.
14:46 Travis McElroy? Justin has it in the lining of his suitcase like a smuggler. Click my link below to head on to the shop to use my special code to get the package with my face on it. Right. And they'll come to you from China. I don't know why they're doing that. I, I asked them to not do that.
15:00 Griffin McElroy? It, I think you could offer, this SKU could really stand out on a store shelf if you didn't have to go to the pharmacy and say like, let me get some Preparation H for my ruined bung. And instead, you could just walk up and be like, let me get some of that hoops goop.
15:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
15:15 Griffin McElroy? And be like, I don't know what that is.
15:17 Travis McElroy? And listed as like a performance enhancer.
15:20 Griffin McElroy? Performance enhancer, yeah.
15:21 Travis McElroy? Maybe all, maybe this is kinda like the Coke thing where you like, give a buddy a Coke, give a pal a Coke. Maybe the H could stand for something different on each of the packaging. So like, mine could be like Preparation Hoops, but you could be like Preparation Hug, or like Preparation Helping, you know what I mean?
15:39 Travis McElroy? Preparation Hemorrhoid.
15:41 Travis McElroy? Well, see, that is what.
15:42 Griffin McElroy? I think that's maybe.
15:43 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:45 Travis McElroy? That has been my suspicion from the beginning, yeah. I started a new job a little over a month ago. I really liked the job, but I have made a huge whoopsie. This morning, I used the microwave to warm up my breakfast. However, when I pushed in the lever to open the door, it wouldn't open. No matter how hard I pushed the lever or pulled the door, I assumed it was broken and I pried the door open with my hands and a pocket knife. Only after I destroyed this poor microwave, did I see the button that said lock slash unlock. Nobody saw what happened.
16:20 Griffin McElroy? That's really, really, really rough, man.
16:24 Travis McElroy? Nobody saw what happened. A lead walked by afterwards and I said, hey, this microwave is broken. He looks at the damage and says, oh man, they're gonna be mad. This thing was brand new. This happened first thing in the morning, so they're blaming night shift. Dear brothers, what do I do? That's from Micro screwed in SoCal.
16:44 Travis McElroy? First, can I compliment you? I wanna give big props to you for using the passive voice of this microwave is broken.
16:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
16:53 Travis McElroy? That was a good first step.
16:55 Griffin McElroy? That's strong.
16:56 Travis McElroy? Broken this microwave is.
16:58 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
17:00 Griffin McElroy? Don't, Justin, please.
17:02 Travis McElroy? Sorry.
17:02 Griffin McElroy? Please don't counter him.
17:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, man, you stabbed him. If the knife hadn't been part of it, if you had just like, broken it a little bit.
17:12 Travis McElroy? Certainly not the knife.
17:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, if you've been like, the door got weird and I don't think it's working anymore, you have plausible deniability. If you insert a blade into this thing, you can't say that's unrelated.
17:25 Travis McElroy? If you're a, if you're a knife person.
17:29 Travis McElroy? Everything looks like something gets stabbed with a knife. The problem is, I see, I see knife as like an extension of me. So I don't really think of it as an escalation so much as it is my like claws or a sack.
17:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:42 Travis McElroy? It's what you would do. I always have it, so it doesn't count. Like, I don't think the TSA should be able to take my knife.
17:49 Griffin McElroy? No, you're a knife guy.
17:50 Travis McElroy? My knife. This is my knife.
17:51 Griffin McElroy? It's also, Justin, I have to say, the smallest knife I've ever seen.
17:54 Travis McElroy? Exactly. I, I just want a little bit of a knife.
17:57 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:57 Travis McElroy? He's not out there hunting crocodiles, Griffin.
18:00 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, he wants a treat, a little knife.
18:02 Travis McElroy? Now, here's, I think, what this is too, is a perfect encapsulation of new job panic. When something goes wrong, because the fact that you went to stab, and I'm going to assume here because you didn't clarify, a plugged in microwave with a knife, that you weren't thinking about best case scenario. You were thinking about, how do I get away from this as quickly as possible before anyone in the office clocks that I have broken the microwave with a breakfast sandwich? Because if I'm at home and my breakfast sandwich gets stuck in the microwave, I'm like, well, time will fix this and I walk away.
18:44 Travis McElroy? Um, alright, I'm just gonna pop off then, if we're not, if nobody's gonna talk about it.
18:49 Griffin McElroy? Go king.
18:50 Travis McElroy? Microwaves are horrible.
18:54 Griffin McElroy? Oh, thank you so much, Justin.
18:56 Travis McElroy? Microwaves are designed by maniacs for no one, okay? Here's the thing about microwave, right?
19:03 Griffin McElroy? Say it.
19:05 Travis McElroy? You wanna defrost, you wanna cook, you wanna...
19:09 Griffin McElroy? That's it.
19:09 Travis McElroy? That's it. There's cook it hot, cook it not as hot, two things. And then how long I wanna do it. That's it. The I, the fact that these fucking things all have a popcorn button and everyone universally knows, don't fuck, don't press that.
19:26 Griffin McElroy? Fuck it up real bad.
19:27 Travis McElroy? Don't press the popcorn button if you're making popcorn.
19:29 Griffin McElroy? Can you imagine if you rolled up to a stove top in a kitchen and it was like, hey, we would love to give you selections for the heat. And how high you want the heat to go. Instead, we have one big button that says fish on it.
19:43 Travis McElroy? Imagine you're making
19:44 Griffin McElroy? hoping to do that.
19:46 Travis McElroy? Imagine you're making stove top stuffing on the top of your stove and your mom comes in. She's like, no, God. It's like, what, mom? It's stove top stuffing. Yeah, but you don't make it on the top of the stove. Not stove top stuffing. That's the popcorn button. That's microwaves. That's where we're at.
20:02 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it's terrible interface design and anyone, anyone could fix it.
20:06 Travis McElroy? There's three things I ever want to do with this box. Why are you asking? The weight is what kills me. You think I'm gonna trust you, the microwave. I'm gonna tell you I have a pound and a half of chicken. And you're gonna be like, hmm, well, let me see. Fuck you. How about this?
20:22 Travis McElroy? Carry one.
20:23 Travis McElroy? Carry the one. How about this? How about every 15 seconds I open it to see if you burned it yet, idiot? Cause that's what I do every single time. I'm not gonna trust you with this.
20:35 Travis McElroy? I assume that the, the lock unlock button is a safety feature to keep like kids from climbing into it, I guess.
20:42 Griffin McElroy? Like little tiny microwave sized kids. Yeah, for sure.
20:45 Travis McElroy? You shouldn't lock it.
20:47 Travis McElroy? Um, yeah, I'm trying to figure out a scenario in which you're like, this is my microwave safe.
20:51 Travis McElroy? Is it, is it an unlock? So you could open it while it's running? Is that the, is this, is this the feature? It's like, well, if you're sure, I guess you're an adult. Go for it, man. Unlock it.
21:03 Travis McElroy? I think you did him a favor.
21:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, getting rid of this shitty microwave.
21:08 Travis McElroy? You know what?
21:08 Travis McElroy? This is sort of a good call.
21:09 Travis McElroy? It's definitely under warranty though.
21:12 Griffin McElroy? This is sort of a trolley problem for me where I need to know how many people are on the night shift.
21:17 Travis McElroy? And is there a real stinker among them?
21:20 Griffin McElroy? That is, well, that changes the math, I guess, a little bit, but I'm mostly thinking in terms of like, what? What share of the guilt are these people gonna carry? If it's three people, that's too much. And I think that you're like, those three people are gonna be looked at very suspiciously. If it's like five, six, seven folks, they can carry the weight of a microwave mystery amongst them. As long as there can be some doubt.
21:44 Travis McElroy? I will say also, uh, it's next time.
21:49 Travis McElroy? Next time, don't jump to a levering action. Perhaps an unscrewing or a deeper examination with the knife. If you have a multi-tool, maybe the world's smallest screwdriver. And you see if you could do that a bit. Levering is almost always, you know, you are going to break it. Like, the idea is like, it will break before you do.
22:09 Griffin McElroy? Of all the simple, of all the simple machines, it is the one that can do certainly the most harm.
22:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
22:14 Travis McElroy? I think it would be wild to have a microwave that's designed to be like, you can either push the button to open it or wedge something in the door.
22:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
22:22 Travis McElroy? And kind of.
22:22 Griffin McElroy? I'm determined with.
22:23 Travis McElroy? Either one works.
22:25 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
22:26 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
22:26 Griffin McElroy? You can either, you get a railroad spike and a gandy dancer to come over and frigging pound it in for you. Or you can press the lock, unlock button.
22:35 Travis McElroy? Either one. The lock, unlock button is still bothering me because like, there is a state called on and off for this thing. And if it is on, this do not open. It should not be able to open. That should be as locked as it gets.
22:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. It shouldn't be on and unlocked. Those are two binary states that should never overlap.
22:55 Travis McElroy? It's, you're basically turning it into a display case at that point. Like, I want to, I don't want to cook anything in it, but I don't want anybody to steal it. Like, I just want to keep it in here and hot.
23:06 Griffin McElroy? Is that it? Is it an anti-theft mechanism? Because what are you gonna do? Use a locked microwave?
23:10 Travis McElroy? Is it for like?
23:11 Griffin McElroy? It's useless.
23:12 Travis McElroy? You wouldn't download a boat.
23:14 Travis McElroy? What?
23:15 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, for sure, man.
23:16 Travis McElroy? Whenever I make Cooper a breakfast corn dog, though, she is like ready and raring to rip that out of there. And she will burn a mouth on it if she's hungry enough. Maybe that's it.
23:24 Griffin McElroy? Well, a corn dog is a, is a, is a breakfast food. A breakfast corn dog is still same concept and sort of molecular structure. It's a, it's a hot, it's a lava hot core inside of a sort of obfuscating shell.
23:39 Griffin McElroy? Another question.
23:40 Travis McElroy? I love that Griffin. Whenever I order pasta at an Italian restaurant, the server always comes around with fresh Parmesan and says, tell me when to stop.
23:50 Travis McElroy? The problem is I want an ungodly amount of Parm on my pasta. I'll sit there watching them, uh, grate for what feels like forever. And at some point I feel like the server gets uncomfortable and I worry they'll just stop without me saying anything. Brothers, how do I politely tell the server to quote, stop when I tell you to stop? And that's from passionate Parm lover. Okay. Okay. The first thing I do want to say is we don't need you guys to explain to us everyday occurrences. So like, if you were to like, we know when you go to an Italian restaurant and so it grates the Parmesan, you don't have, that's not something that happens special at your local spot. Or like,
24:32 Travis McElroy? a quirky thing.
24:33 Griffin McElroy? I go to the factory where the spaghetti is made. Thank you very much. They do it a little different here.
24:41 Travis McElroy? So we do know about that. So you could just say like, when he's grating it up, like I'll know.
24:46 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
24:46 Travis McElroy? You know?
24:47 Griffin McElroy? We'll understand.
24:48 Travis McElroy? We'll get it.
24:48 Griffin McElroy? Just trust that we'll get that.
24:49 Travis McElroy? We'll get it. Cause we all, we all think about this. Um, I think what he is wanting, what the server, uh, is wanting you to balance is your desire for cheese with your discomfort from taking more cheese than you are deserved. Like that you're owed. Cause you should know, obviously it's not your cheese. So there is an inbuilt guilt.
25:13 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
25:13 Travis McElroy? And the, the waiter is asking, what's your limit for discomfort in taking my cheese?
25:19 Travis McElroy? This is, I think if I were to ever open an Italian restaurant, first, it would be terrible. Don't eat there. But second, it would be bad. I don't, one, I don't know anything about running a restaurant. Two, I don't know like how to make food. So, but I would have a rule of like, if you grate more than 10 seconds, it becomes a side and there will be an upcharge for it. You could do it.
25:42 Griffin McElroy? Interesting.
25:43 Travis McElroy? But at this point, you've now added a new element to the pasta is now an ingredient. It's a side.
25:50 Griffin McElroy? My, mine would be, I would make the server move the, the grinder all around. And so you have to move the pasta bowl underneath it to try and catch, to catch all of it. And if you drop too much on the table, it ends, the game ends.
26:03 Travis McElroy? What would you guys think about this move? Okay.
26:07 Travis McElroy? What were we talking about?
26:08 Travis McElroy? Sorry, what were we?
26:08 Travis McElroy? Parmesan.
26:09 Travis McElroy? Parmesan.
26:09 Travis McElroy? Okay, okay, thank you, thank you.
26:11 Travis McElroy? What would you think about this move? Why don't you let me take the helm? Let me take the stick on this one.
26:16 Travis McElroy? Oh, grab it.
26:17 Travis McElroy? Oh. No, you don't grab it, you don't grab it, Griffin. We don't, we don't grab. But you say, I'll do the cranking. Let me crank it. Right? Because my worry would be whatever, whether it's a grating motion or a cranking motion, their arm's gonna get tired if you get the amount of parm that you want. Right? But you say, let me do it. You tell me when to stop.
26:39 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I like it, you say, I like it chunky. I like a chunky grind.
26:44 Travis McElroy? It's not, it's not the grinding they mind. It's the fact that they have to walk back to the kitchen. Once this cheese is done, they have to go get more. So every nanosecond of cheese you're getting is condemning this person to walking back sooner. Like, you're giving them a chore, right? That's the balance. You're balancing that with how much delicious salty zesty Parmesan you want.
27:05 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's gonna make the pasta taste.
27:07 Travis McElroy? That's fine.
27:08 Travis McElroy? The pasta tastes so good.
27:09 Travis McElroy? What about a pre-tip? What about a pre-tip? Where you're like, listen, I'm, you're gonna grate and you're gonna be grating so long that you're gonna think I've forgotten to tell you to stop. But my friend Jackson here is gonna get added to the tip if you just keep going. Until I tell you to stop.
27:29 Travis McElroy? With that is, if I realize that someone is doing a protracted bit with a server like that, and that's what it feels like to me, it doesn't feel like a, a, there, it's not a common courtesy. Because courtesy would be just having enough cheese, right? We wave goodbye to courtesy. You're not being courteous by saying like, just for courtesy's sake, I'm a total, it's the dog in me and I will just go ahead and eat all the crummy cheese you have and like, I'll bite my, and I might, just to be a gentleman up front, I might bite your hand if you take the cheese away, cuz I love the cheesy, if you know what I mean.
28:07 Travis McElroy? Okay, then just call ahead before you get there and say, hey, is it okay if I bring my own grater and Parmesan with me? I don't want to use up your guys' Parmesan, and I know I've got that dog in me when it comes to the grated cheese. So I'll bring my own from home, and if there's any leftover and anyone around me, even at other tables wants some, I'll take care of that, too. I'm not trying to be greedy.
28:30 Griffin McElroy? Do you offer a sort of 401k Parmesan matching program? Where you will, however much I bring, you also will add to the dish, because I can't get enough of this fucking salty dog.
28:42 Travis McElroy? A lot of restaurants will have corking fees, where you could bring your own bottle of wine, and you just have to pay to like open it and drink it. They should have that with cheeses.
28:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's cool. You could also do, I really like the useful hack of whenever I get a haircut that looks good, I'll take a picture of it so I can show the barber next time. Maybe when you get an ideal cheese pour, you take a picture of that, and when someone says, tell me when to stop, you'd be like, up, up, up, up, up? Just this much, please. This is the perfect amount. My boy Tony hooked me up last time I was here. Are you gonna play ball, or what's up?
29:12 Travis McElroy? Okay, when I open my own Italian restaurant-
29:13 Griffin McElroy? I've had some trouble in the past with some of your less generous coworkers. Gotten some look, some looky-loosie I didn't appreciate.
29:20 Travis McElroy? When I open my own Italian restaurant, we will have a cheesing fee.
29:24 Griffin McElroy? Pay a scene for me.
29:26 Travis McElroy? We can, first of all, it's not good, is that it's being run very poorly, it's either overstaffed or understaffed at any given time. I can't, I can't seem to find the right amount of people to have. But, we will have a cheesing fee, where for a fee, you can bring any cheese or cheese-flavored thing you want to put on your pasta. No judgment. You want to come and crunch up some Cheetos over your pasta?
29:53 Griffin McElroy? That's cool.
29:54 Travis McElroy? It's yours, man, do it. You know what I mean?
29:57 Griffin McElroy? The chef, they should bring the chef out to watch you do it, though.
30:00 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's what the fee includes.
30:02 Griffin McElroy? Oh, gosh. Counseling for the poor chef.
30:06 Travis McElroy? I, if you gave, if they said, I'll stop when you say when, if you gave them like one little look, and just like, that's great, but fair warning, I got that dog in me. And a little bit of a wink, would that get you thrown out?
30:18 Griffin McElroy? I think they'd like it.
30:20 Travis McElroy? I said the same thing, but you're paying them money for it, Justin? You're doing, your version is, do it.
30:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
30:26 Travis McElroy? But wink at them.
30:27 Griffin McElroy? But like- Tipping is so uncomfortable. It makes it dirty, offering the-
30:32 Travis McElroy? Yours had a wink in it.
30:34 Griffin McElroy? It's not a tip, it's a bribe.
30:34 Travis McElroy? The money makes it dirty.
30:36 Travis McElroy? Justin.
30:37 Travis McElroy? The joke makes it, the joke makes it dirty.
30:39 Griffin McElroy? The joke and the money makes it dirty and a dirty bribe. And I think they should get paid, but I think they'll also just.
30:46 Travis McElroy? We should pay servers a living wage. Thank you.
30:48 Griffin McElroy? We should pay servers a living wage. Brave and bold.
30:50 Travis McElroy? Yes, thank you.
30:52 Griffin McElroy? Can we go to the money zone? Cause I also think we should get paid.
30:54 Travis McElroy? I love getting paid.
30:56 Griffin McElroy? Great.
31:06 Travis McElroy? I got a new kitty.
31:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:10 Travis McElroy? She's two months old. Her name is Jazin. We've had her for about three days. She's great and I love her.
31:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:19 Travis McElroy? I'm looking forward.
31:20 Griffin McElroy? I'm on the, I'm still undecided. I, it, but it takes me a while sometimes.
31:24 Travis McElroy? You're undecided on whether you love my kitty or not?
31:26 Griffin McElroy? Sweet, pretty kitty, but like, there's a lot of time for the, for the apple cart to spoil.
31:32 Travis McElroy? That's true. You have a like hundred different point metric that you use.
31:36 Griffin McElroy? It's prove it to me. Yeah. Prove it to, show me what, show me what you got, kid.
31:40 Travis McElroy? But I'm excited. Maybe, I'm not gonna say the whole reason I got a kitty was to try some Smalls, but I've heard such good things from Justin.
31:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:49 Travis McElroy? His kitties love it and it gives that ability to maintain consistency with food while still changing up the flavors and keeping your cat all interested and hooked on it. And I'm really looking forward to it.
32:03 Travis McElroy? Mm hmm. It's been a great relationship between us and the cats and Smalls. Everything has been better since we started serving them wet food. Like Travis said, you can pace out how much you're feeding them. Their coats have looked better. Uh, and I feel good about the stuff that we're giving them. And you know, there, well, uh, there's like little bonus in there. Sometimes like there's a, some treats in there. It's fun. Kids like, the kitties love that. They'll go digging for the treats. It's fun.
32:28 Griffin McElroy? Justin's kitties hate my fucking guts and that is because they know I will, I do not hook them up with Smalls and they've told me as much.
32:36 Travis McElroy? For a limited time only, because you are one of our beloved listeners, you can get 60% off your first Smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash my brother. That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com slash my brother plus free shipping. Again, that's smalls.com slash my brother.
32:55 Griffin McElroy? Summertime's wrapping up and we're all panicking and freaking out about all the stuff on our big summer list that we were gonna get around to.
33:03 Travis McElroy? I did it all.
33:04 Griffin McElroy? Said this, well, that's good for you Travis, you.
33:08 Travis McElroy? Cause I said, have fun. That was the only thing on my list. Have fun.
33:13 Griffin McElroy? Mine was more ambitious, ride the big roller coaster.
33:17 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you did say that, yeah.
33:19 Griffin McElroy? There was learn to, learn to swim, have my first kiss.
33:26 Travis McElroy? Yeah, get taller was on your list, which I thought was weird.
33:29 Griffin McElroy? Get taller while having a first special kiss and like a lot of stuff.
33:34 Travis McElroy? You said you wanted your first kiss to be like the Spider-Man kiss. Specifically from Tobey Maguire.
33:41 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
33:42 Travis McElroy? Yeah. You wanted to be Kirsten Dunst, right?
33:44 Griffin McElroy? And I haven't, I haven't gotten around to fetching my special baseball hat out of old man Murphy's yard with the junkyard dog. But if I'm gonna have time to do that shit, then I can't be wasting time in the kitchen. Cook, cooking up meals, doing prep, doing all the stuff that I absolutely hate to do in there. I wanna eat good food. I don't have time to do it because Mr. Murphy's junkyard dog is so scary and I have to learn how to run real fast to get away from them.
34:13 Travis McElroy? You need PF Flyers Griffin, I told you. You gotta, you gotta get them.
34:17 Griffin McElroy? My feet are too fucking wide for traditional baseball shoes.
34:21 Travis McElroy? I know Griffin.
34:22 Griffin McElroy? Damn it. And you know that and you embarrassed me on purpose. But Factor is where I go to get delicious chef prep meals that are delivered right to my door. So I don't have to stress out about the time I'm wasting in the kitchen when I need to be training for dog survival. Uh, they got over 65 weekly meals to choose from. And, uh, I don't think they send you 65 meals. That would be a really tremendous amount of food. Maybe there's some way to request that. Um, but they have so many different meal options regardless of your diet. They got premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp, no extra cost. Uh, just flavors from all around this big, beautiful world of ours. Uh, I've, I've used Factor and.
35:05 Griffin McElroy? The food genuinely is quite good. It's always sort of a crap shoot, I know, with certain services like this, and Factor's one of the good ones.
35:15 Speaker 04 Yeah.
35:15 Griffin McElroy? So what we want you to do is eat smart at factormeals.com/brther50off and use code brother50off to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. That's code brother50off at factormeals.com for 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. Get delicious regular meals delivered with Factor. Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. I'm bold of them to think that we can handle that level of disclaiming, but I feel like we stuck the landing completely.
35:50 Speaker 04 Nice job, Griff.
35:52 Griffin McElroy? Thank you.
35:55 Speaker 04 Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited. No matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on maximumfun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.
36:39 Speaker 05 Hello?
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36:43 Speaker 05 No, I'm sorry. No sales calls. Goodbye.
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36:49 Speaker 05 I don't know what a Josie Long is. And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones. I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?
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37:09 Speaker 05 Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.
37:15 Speaker 06 Simply go to maximumfun.org.
37:18 Speaker 05 I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!
37:24 Griffin McElroy? Oh, what do we, what's this juice?
37:33 Travis McElroy? I wanna look at Sabrina Carpenter's mouth! I don't. Make my brothers look at Sabrina Carpenter's mouth! There's a string of saliva in the picture.
37:44 Griffin McElroy? It is.
37:45 Travis McElroy? You remember when you could sell donuts without blowjob ads? Neither does Dunkin' Donuts.
37:51 Griffin McElroy? Jesus Christ.
37:52 Travis McElroy? Guess who's back, back again? More like Junk Car Blow Nuts. This fall, Dunkin' is taking mornings back to where they began with the clink of a spoon in a cereal bowl. That's... What does that have to do? Crazy as Miss Carpenter. It's the craziest fucking sentence! Dunkin' is taking mornings back to where they began? What in the fuck could that mean? To when the fucking primordial ooze slipped out of the ocean? To when God called, "Let there be life." Yeah. Watching Nationwide today, the all-new cereal milk latte transforms that memory of the beginning of time into a sweet nostalgic slip.
38:33 Griffin McElroy? Why did you have to screen share this extreme close-up on Sabrina Carpenter's mouth way before you were gonna...
38:39 Speaker 07 Hello there Dunkin' Daydream Hotline, what can I do for you today?
38:46 Speaker 07 Oh.
38:50 Speaker 07 You're hot. I see.
38:56 Speaker 07 I think I know what you're really craving.
39:01 Speaker 07 A strawberry daydream refresher.
39:11 Speaker 07 I'm sorry, did you... Creamy cold foam and strawberry bliss. Sabrina strawberry daydream refresher.
39:16 Griffin McElroy? I'm sorry, so what was the cutoff there? Did you bust?
39:19 Travis McElroy? What?
39:20 Griffin McElroy? What is, why did it cut off?
39:22 Travis McElroy? The video that's playing right now? I mean, is it... No, no, no, when she was talking. I just... No, she was talking to him. Okay, okay, I'll rewind it, I'll rewind it, I'll rewind it, here.
39:33 Speaker 07 I'm sorry, did you creamy cold foam?
39:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
39:35 Griffin McElroy? Did you creamy?
39:37 Travis McElroy? So like.
39:38 Griffin McElroy? So the suggestion.
39:39 Travis McElroy? So the suggestion is the man he's.
39:41 Griffin McElroy? She's talking to jizzes? Do you remember earlier, listener, when I said, remember when you could sell donuts without a blowjob ad? And you thought, oh, Justin's being a little puerile?
39:52 Travis McElroy? Not really. I mean.
39:53 Griffin McElroy? The man busts.
39:54 Travis McElroy? Really, the man busts in in the.
39:56 Griffin McElroy? A man busted on my Dunkin ad. A man busted on my donut commercial.
40:01 Travis McElroy? All I'm saying.
40:03 Griffin McElroy? All I'm gonna say.
40:04 Travis McElroy? The man busted.
40:04 Griffin McElroy? That's nonsense. I mean.
40:06 Travis McElroy? At some point.
40:07 Griffin McElroy? Nonsense.
40:07 Travis McElroy? A room full of people watched this finished product. And I'm going to bet unanimously said, yes, that's exactly how we want to do it.
40:18 Griffin McElroy? Exactly it. The man should. How much of the man busting?
40:21 Travis McElroy? And then one guy in the back was like, and what I had, a booyang.
40:25 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
40:26 Travis McElroy? And can I add one arugah? No, Jim, you can't. How long have you been the CEO of this company? You know, you can't add arugas.
40:33 Griffin McElroy? I appreciate Sabrina Carpenter's brand a lot.
40:35 Travis McElroy? You do?
40:36 Griffin McElroy? Requires a certain suspension of disbelief.
40:39 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
40:39 Griffin McElroy? That talking to someone on the telephone about a cold and frothy beverage being offered at the local donut restaurant would be enough to make you bust in. Juice, show me the time code on the moment of the busting, because I think it's like 20 seconds. That's crazy, dude.
40:55 Travis McElroy? I also.
40:56 Griffin McElroy? Wait, hold on. I gotta see the time on this.
41:01 Travis McElroy? Okay.
41:01 Griffin McElroy? Thirty three seconds from nothing to busting by hearing about a donut drink? Are you okay, sir?
41:07 Travis McElroy? There is also.
41:08 Griffin McElroy? Uh.
41:09 Travis McElroy? Level.
41:10 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
41:10 Travis McElroy? There's a level of sincerity to this commercial, too. Like, where's the winky jokey part exactly?
41:18 Griffin McElroy? I love this. This is. This is. I want to be specific here because you did mention Sabrina Carpenter's brand of of nonsense, to be specific.
41:29 Travis McElroy? I think this is great. Like if you, if I was Sabrina Carpenter and Duncan was like, you want to do this ad? And I was like, okay, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna be kinda insane with it. Like, you know me, I'm Sabrina Carpenter. I'm gonna put some like sex stuff in there. And Duncan's like, yeah, absolutely. We love this. Can you put a cum joke in? We're Dunkin' Donuts. Like we, like, can you put a cum joke in for Sabrina? Get the money. I'm saying, go for it, Sabrina. Go for it. Here's what it is. It's a wild partnership. It's a wild story. Spider donuts that are orange with the donut holes to have a fake spider. They trusted Superman donuts. You just, no. What is, Travis, I don't think you watched the same movie. What juice?
42:10 Travis McElroy? That was a Krispy Kreme promotion and a Dairy Queen promotion, but there was not a Dunkin' promotion with Superman.
42:16 Griffin McElroy? Also, Superman would be all about a guy busting 33 seconds into a phone call.
42:23 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's what I'm gonna say. If this showed.
42:25 Griffin McElroy? That's what being a human is about.
42:26 Travis McElroy? If this showed up as one of their funny fake commercials on Saturday Night Live or Smell, as we in the know call it, I'd be like, oh yeah, they nailed this. That's hilarious. That's great.
42:36 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. But if it was on SNL, you know, they would put more of the busting in. Like they would make it louder and more pronounced and not like kind of suggestive.
42:44 Travis McElroy? How long do you think the discussion was about what noises the person on the phone should be heard making?
42:53 Griffin McElroy? A lot of debates.
42:53 Travis McElroy? Unthinkable, unthinkable that that was not scripted. It was probably like they do with Kenny on South Park.
42:59 Griffin McElroy? Exactly. The nasty stuff he was saying.
43:01 Travis McElroy? There was almost certainly a version that contained, let's say, more explicit sounds. And they're like, we, we can't.
43:09 Griffin McElroy? They probably had a version in there that was very like Peanuts teacher, muted Trump.
43:19 Travis McElroy? Yeah. I'd like to continue with the news, please. Can I continue with the news? Duncan is serving up a latte that tastes like childhood all grown up. The new cereal ooze milk latte combines espresso with cereal milk for a marshmallow cereal flavor that's creamy, rich, and unmistakably nostalgic. I should stop here and mention, hi, I'm Justin McElroy, the human being. I will fuck with this on an incomprehensible level. I'm gonna add an extra shot and it may be the first decent thing at Dunkin'. It's yeah, it's rare for you to be excited about a Dunkin' offering like this.
43:54 Travis McElroy? I also, I do want to point out that this is another of my favorite, and Dunkin' is guilty of this a lot in their press releases, of like, talking about this like it is a metaphysical spiritual experience and not just like, hey, we had an idea for, like, I know this is gonna sound nasty at first, but hear us out. What do you guys think? You guys are gonna love this, right? But instead it's like, this is your childhood. You can get back, get back to a simpler time.
44:19 Travis McElroy? Born again. We can, uh, building on the success of the Dunka Latte. Dunkin' is taking its taste, latte innovation to the next level with cereal milk, made with real cereal, unlocking that unmistakable bottom of the bowl sweetness. Now, now let's pause here.
44:38 Travis McElroy? It's latte innovation to the next level with cereal milk, made with real cereal. Hey, why?
44:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, what do you do with the cereal out there?
44:46 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Why and how? Are you making cereal? So you can destroy the cereal and put it in the milk? That's cruel.
44:56 Griffin McElroy? Who's eating that?
44:57 Travis McElroy? Who's eating that?
44:58 Griffin McElroy? Someone better be eating that. I'll, I'll, I'll be so pissed off.
45:00 Travis McElroy? Why are you making with real cereal? You have fucking science, man. Go get the vial that says Fruit Loops and scooch it in there. Oh, don't destroy the cereal.
45:10 Travis McElroy? You say that, also, but I bet for employees of Dunkin', this is a great unexpected benefit of like, hey, and Jimmy, we need you to eat all this cereal. That's your job today is just sit here.
45:22 Griffin McElroy? I, I, but I don't want Jimmy's dirty mouth anywhere near my cereal. Like, I don't want it to be pre-eaten.
45:28 Travis McElroy? Associated, Griffin.
45:30 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I'm still, I don't, I, I, yeah.
45:34 Travis McElroy? You wanna see the, uh, they're doing some gear. Do you guys wanna see the gear?
45:37 Travis McElroy? Oh, hell yeah.
45:38 Griffin McElroy? Does it specify what cereal the milk is tempered with?
45:41 Travis McElroy? Isn't that, isn't that absolutely, it's a ratio. I mean, I don't know how else to say it, Griffin. That's certainly not what I meant to say.
45:47 Griffin McElroy? A cocoa pebbles cereal milk? Up against like a cinnamon toast crunch cereal milk? It's two completely different textures.
45:54 Travis McElroy? There's three families, right? There's, there's the cinnamon family, there's the fruit family, there's the chocolate family. You can overlap some of those, but like, I gotta know where I'm going.
46:02 Travis McElroy? Then there's the one that the parent buys where it's like, no, this is the one we're getting.
46:06 Griffin McElroy? The Kashi family. Fuck that. Yeah.
46:07 Travis McElroy? No, thank you.
46:08 Travis McElroy? Get your cracklin' oat brand flavored.
46:12 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah, sorry. I was gonna show you guys the gear. Um, you can guess for free if you want, which I bought, but I'm not gonna tell you. Duncan gear. They had Duncan. They call it a Duncan pop-up shop. Oh, good. You fooled me. That's neat. A neat little tent right here on the internet.
46:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that says Duncan at the top and bottom and all over it.
46:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah. And you got Duncan gear.com. Um, this is a cereal and milk. Uh.
46:44 Griffin McElroy? Can we get a zoom on the milk in the bowl?
46:47 Travis McElroy? I don't think I can do that. It's consistency is like yogurt. That's a yogurt. It's a very thick milk. We've got level up your side. There's a T-shirt. There's a sweatshirt. There's a trucker hat. Oh, you got the trucker hat, Justin. No, I didn't. I got too many ball caps. I got the, the, the sweatshirt and T-shirt. Um, so that is the story on that. I did want to also let you know, guys, more public service kind of thing, but uh, mark it on your calendars. 21st of August, we're talking about it. The return of pumpkin at Duncan. Pumpkin at Duncan. The pumpkin at Duncan is back.
47:24 Griffin McElroy? I thought you said, I thought you said pumpkin.
47:26 Travis McElroy? It's back already. Pumpkin at Duncan. Guests can add pumpkin swirl to their favorite hot or iced coffee, cold brew, or espresso drink. So I just want to let you know.
47:35 Griffin McElroy? Can I pumpkin? Can I pumpkin up the cereal milk drink?
47:39 Travis McElroy? I would rather.
47:39 Griffin McElroy? Put pumpkin in the cereal. Can it be cereal, milk and pumpkin?
47:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you can pumpkin in the cereal drink. You can put pumpkin in the cereal drink and then call and talk to Sabrina Carpenter about it.
47:52 Griffin McElroy? What if that commercial was like, oh, you put pumpkin in the cereal drink? Yeah, that'll make you jizz for sure, sir. Don't worry, I'm, I'm connecting you to the poison control hotline right now. You shouldn't be busting in 33 seconds. That is a result of the pumpkin toxin.
48:07 Travis McElroy? Uh, so that is the scoop over there at Duncan HQ. I gotta get one of those. Um, soon.
48:14 Griffin McElroy? How about one more question?
48:15 Travis McElroy? I'd love that. I've just gotten off work and I'm walking home. As I was crossing a parking lot, I saw a young man walking on a sidewalk, sidewalk nearby. He had a very long stick, was doing some kind of bo staff movements with it as he walked. I'm talking spinning it, twirling it behind his back, even swinging it as he was fighting off a group of assailants. In, in context, it was a strange thing to see, but it did look pretty cool. I admire this young man's skills and confidence to practice them while walking down Main Street during rush hour. And I wanted to say something like sick moves, but I was worried that I'd come off as mocking him and didn't want to feel embarrassed. So I stayed quiet and I didn't watch him for long. Is there a way I could have paid this young warrior a genuine compliment?
48:58 Travis McElroy? That would be taken in the way that I meant it, and that's from Bo Staff bystander in Kentucky.
49:05 Travis McElroy? The guy was probably a college student and they work at a college. So there was like, or on campus, the college does have some kind of Jedi club or LARP group or something. So maybe he's in that.
49:18 Griffin McElroy? Man, if he's not, go grab him. You got fucking great.
49:23 Travis McElroy? You should try to get some of the details sketched in for yourself because you shouldn't run up and be like, hey, just so you know, we got some kind of nerd. Club here. Look into it. Like, thank you.
49:33 Griffin McElroy? If you're not the president of the Jedi Club, you should join them because.
49:37 Travis McElroy? You're the Jedi Club or? Okay, sorry, stupid.
49:39 Griffin McElroy? What's up?
49:40 Travis McElroy? I just watched a video the other day of Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen at some kind of like, uh, convention. Where somebody handed them both lightsabers and they're kind of like, uh, yeah. And then they start busting out full like whip it behind their back and still doing the moves.
49:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
49:56 Travis McElroy? It was the coolest thing I've ever seen.
49:59 Griffin McElroy? So cool.
50:00 Travis McElroy? You can't unlearn it.
50:02 Griffin McElroy? You can't. No, yeah, I mean, I still.
50:05 Travis McElroy? Credit, by the way, credit goes to Hayden and Ewan. If I can. Yeah, they have just clung to that fucking shit and refused to acknowledge that those movies are dirty dishwater. And somehow just through the sheer force of will, they waited a fucking generation. And have snowed these young people into thinking that is one of the good movies. It's insane. Just by like being there and hanging in there long. Enough. We have just like decided to ignore the fact that those movies suck.
50:39 Griffin McElroy? Well, they didn't have to fucking look forward to it in real time and drink the Star Wars Mountain Dew and go to Phantom Menace opening night with their dad and then have like a really weird energy in the drive home of like, was it not, was it not, like they didn't have to deal with that sort of trauma. They can just watch the fight scene with Yoda on YouTube and be like, fuck yeah.
50:58 Travis McElroy? Yoda man, Yoda man, Yoda man indeed.
51:03 Griffin McElroy? We've said his name more than three times in this one episode. We're playing with fire so fucking hard.
51:07 Travis McElroy? What's difficult is I often get this just because like someone's lifestyle choices makes me happy. Cause it makes me happy that they're like just living their life and doing whatever. Like I saw a lady, like just talking to her dog as it used the bathroom, like full on talking to her dog. And it was like making me so happy. And I, and I was like driving and the, my consistent rule is if you are driving, there is nothing you can say to anybody that will not be taken as bullying. I'm going to assume if you're saying it from a car, your Doppler effect.
51:40 Griffin McElroy? Like, yes, exactly. It's, if you're hanging out of the passenger side of your best friend's ride, there is nothing you can holler at me that is going to come off as like a positive thing. But just a walking, just a pedestrian pass by, there might be a way, I do think we're gonna have to.
51:56 Travis McElroy? That from the, so the power imbalance in the first scenario is obvious and that's why it's not okay. But there is a power imbalance to paying someone a compliment and then being sort of chained to your own foot speed. You know, like for, and then you're really, foot speed then becomes incredibly important.
52:19 Travis McElroy? Yeah, you're going in the same direction.
52:22 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Velocity, angle, there's a lot of, of geometry that goes into whether or not you can do this compliment.
52:29 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna give you the universal, I think there's a universality to the compliment.
52:34 Travis McElroy? Hell yeah.
52:36 Griffin McElroy? Hell yeah, brother.
52:37 Travis McElroy? Hell yeah. I don't think you could take hell yeah as insincere.
52:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
52:43 Travis McElroy? Hell yeah.
52:44 Travis McElroy? Yeah, hell yeah. Hell yeah is always pretty sincere. Hell yeah. Yeah, I don't think you could.
52:47 Griffin McElroy? Hell yeah. Even if I think they're goofing about it, it's still like kind of a fun way to do.
52:52 Travis McElroy? Right.
52:53 Griffin McElroy? I don't think that's gonna hurt so bad. Also, you're twirling a bo staff in the middle of the college grounds. You know you'll be seen. There's a certain extent to which you know you'll be seen. I'm not saying that you're inviting commentary, but you're walking around twirling. You must, I'm excited for you. You must understand it's an uncommon practice.
53:09 Travis McElroy? You should also understand that if you go to someone and you say, hey, moves are looking good. This person's doing the moves in public. With all due respect, they know they looking good. You know what I mean?
53:20 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sure.
53:20 Travis McElroy? They didn't come out here day one. You're probably seeing day 158 of their bo staff journey, right? They just now decided to treat us all to it. This is, they've been on the grind inside.
53:32 Travis McElroy? I would also worry, I think where my particular brain would go is if I complimented anything with any specificity, this person is now going to start talking to me about how they could introduce me to the way of the bo staff.
53:46 Griffin McElroy? You want nothing to, that's not, yeah.
53:48 Travis McElroy? I'm not part of this. Like, you can't perceive me. I perceived you. Don't perceive me back.
53:53 Griffin McElroy? No, no, I'm a character.
53:55 Travis McElroy? Hell yeah is like, I support this from a distance. Hell yeah.
53:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
53:59 Travis McElroy? Hell yeah. Clearly, that's all I needed to say. I was moved by the spirit. This wasn't a planned response. It just bubbled up. But if I'm like, sick moves, that's gonna feel like, let's compare and contrast. Like, now let me show you my bo staff moves.
54:16 Travis McElroy? So many greeting, oh man. Okay. So many greetings that we have are societal based in that, like, I'm trying to signal to you that I'm a normal person in society and you're a normal person in society and we're both safe and normal. So we do this like common accepted greeting, whatever it may be, right? There's not a good way of acknowledging that both of us are like. In on the joke, you know what I mean? That we are approaching this whole thing with the appropriate amount of levity. It's hard to signal that in a, in a life-affirming way because genuinely, when I see people who are just like going for it, it brings me all out of joy. I want to communicate that to them, but also it's none of my business.
55:00 Travis McElroy? You know, that's kind of the whole point with being on your own journey. You're just kind of doing your own thing and it's hard to say to people in a non-ironic way like, we both kind of get that this is a kind of silly, huh?
55:11 Griffin McElroy? But this is cool.
55:13 Travis McElroy? It's cool.
55:13 Griffin McElroy? You're into it.
55:14 Travis McElroy? We're having a good time though, right? No, I mean life, like the whole thing, right? Like, we're having a good time.
55:20 Griffin McElroy? Not the bo staff.
55:21 Travis McElroy? Not the bo staff.
55:21 Griffin McElroy? The whole human experience.
55:22 Travis McElroy? The whole human experience. Like you're having fun with it. You're not like, I don't know, never having a bo staff. You know?
55:29 Travis McElroy? My, my personal, my personal view of this is if someone has made a clear choice, that is a very visual, like if I wear my suit jacket that's covered in like gold sequins, I didn't wear that so people wouldn't compliment it. You know what I mean? This dude's out here twirling his bo staff with his sick moves, walking down Main Street. He didn't do that to blend in. That he wants to get noticed and perhaps compliment.
55:55 Travis McElroy? He's being impeccable with his word. I got my bo staff out. I want people to come tell me my bo staff moves are cool. Didn't tell them my bo staff moves are cool.
56:02 Griffin McElroy? Hey, to approach this from a different angle, maybe he's on his way to kill somebody.
56:07 Travis McElroy? Yeah, maybe.
56:08 Griffin McElroy? And you just let him fucking go because he's carrying a weapon around and flailing it around because he's going to kill someone dead. But, and you just let it slide.
56:17 Travis McElroy? Griffin's intention to challenge him to a fight.
56:19 Griffin McElroy? Wouldn't it?
56:19 Travis McElroy? Yes. Griffin, imagine you're a homicide detective and you get the call and you're like, okay, what, what's the murder weapon? What do we think? It's like, guy came in with a bo staff. He was sick as shit. Like, there's a level to which you, even as a homicide detective, would be like, holy shit, really?
56:37 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
56:38 Travis McElroy? He killed him with a bo staff?
56:40 Griffin McElroy? Blunt impact trauma, many, many hits, and he was humming Duel of the Fates the entire time. So I think we actually know our guy. Cool. You can go home. Clock out.
56:50 Travis McElroy? And it was kind of cool.
56:52 Griffin McElroy? It was cool.
56:53 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I had to admit it. Not to him, but I did. Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you liked it.
57:00 Travis McElroy? Did our best. Yeah.
57:02 Griffin McElroy? We did our best and we had a good time. And at the end of the day, that's all that really matters. But it would also matter to us a great deal if you'd come see us live if you live in Atlanta.
57:10 Travis McElroy? Or near Atlanta. Or you're willing to travel.
57:14 Griffin McElroy? If you're willing to travel, Atlanta is beautiful this time of year.
57:16 Travis McElroy? It's a Delta hub.
57:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, we're gonna be there for Dragon Con, doing stuff there this weekend. We're gonna be there doing the Adventure Zone. It's Taz versus Popeye, which I'm very excited for. And my brother, my brother and me all during Dragon Con in Atlanta.
57:32 Travis McElroy? And Dragon Con events too. We'll put that up on our, on our McElroy family Instagram, so you can see where we're gonna be and everything.
57:38 Griffin McElroy? If you are gonna be at that Mabim Bam show in Atlanta and you have a question you want answered, or a fear you want read aloud, email it to m b m b a m at maximumfun.org and put Atlanta in the subject line and we'll consider it. We got other shows coming up too. In San Antonio, and Austin, and Utah, and San Diego. You can find ticket links and everything at bit.ly/mcElroyTours.
58:00 Travis McElroy? Also want you to know, we've got a back to school sale going on. It runs through August 31st. With select items up to 40% off. We got three different back to school bundles on sale. Check that out. And you get a free mystery pen with purchase of $30 or more. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to World Central Kitchen. McElroymerch.com.
58:21 Griffin McElroy? Thank you to Montane for the use for our theme song, "My Life is Better With You." Check out Montane's new album, It's Hard to Be a Fish, if you haven't already. It's got so much, so much wonderful music to offer you. And it's all right there and you can just listen to it.
58:37 Griffin McElroy? Do we have a fear?
58:37 Travis McElroy? We do. Griffin, will you read it this week?
58:41 Griffin McElroy? Sure thing. Here it comes. Just gotta shrink this big tab of you guys out of the way. Get out of here, brothers. What is this? Get out of there. You still there?
58:51 Travis McElroy? Yep. It's right here.
58:52 Griffin McElroy? Cool. Here it goes. "This year, I will be faster than my fear of being bullied at the farmer's market."
59:02 Travis McElroy? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.
59:04 Griffin McElroy? I'm Griffin McElroy.
59:06 Travis McElroy? And my brother, my brother may kiss your dad square on the lips.
59:41 Speaker 04 Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.
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