MBMBaM 742: Vesecticon Seven

We’re going CYBER and getting all new augs and mods to make this show even better! Sunglasses that come out of our cheeks! An extra-wet mouth to maximize your peanut butter pretzel consumption! Rizz implants to flirt with computers! It’s the future, choom! Suggested talking points: Too Old For Spencer’s, Too Young for Spencer’s, My Balls are Prescription, Your Algo is Your Blade, Feel Different Together, Fan Fave Santa Belly Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy Brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:21Speaker 01

  It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has gossip, it's rapid into a precious friendship.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:11Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome. My brother, my brother made an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Oh, what up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog, Wolf Wolf McElroy.

• 1:22Griffin McElroy?

  What's up, Chooms? It's me, your sweet, baby brother, fucking Chrome Jock Psycho Griffin McElroy. Griffin Zap McElroy.

• 1:32Travis McElroy?

  Did you say Chrome Jock Psycho?

• 1:34Griffin McElroy?

  I'm a fucking street samurai Chrome Psycho Jockey, Trav.

• 1:39Travis McElroy?

  Jack Jockey.

• 1:39Griffin McElroy?

  And the fact you don't know that makes you a real gonk.

• 1:44Travis McElroy?

  Hey.

• 1:44Griffin McElroy?

  Makes me a what?

• 1:46Travis McElroy?

  Why have you been shredding through so much ice lately? Why are you such a...

• 1:49Griffin McElroy?

  Baby, you know me. I'm a jockey, and I gotta get chipped with the new shit. I was cruising down Dog Street.

• 2:00Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 2:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yesterday with my tubes and I saw this ad in the scream sheets for a real psycho fucked up ripper doc down on down in tiny Kyoto.

• 2:18Griffin McElroy?

  And so I cruised down there because I'm always trying to get chipped with the new shit. Uh, I had, I was flush with eds from this gonk I zeroed.

• 2:29Travis McElroy?

  What the fuck are you talking about?

• 2:30Griffin McElroy?

  I zeroed a gonk and I clapped his eds, took him to the fucking psycho ripper doc I found in the scream sheets and he was like, what are you looking for? And I pointed at my crotch. And he was like, third nut. And I was like, no, the other way. I was like, I want you to zero my, all my seed, zero my seed for me.

• 2:50Travis McElroy?

  Clear my cash.

• 2:51Griffin McElroy?

  He got in there. He fucking bumped the ram on my sand devastand and puts new launchers on my mantis blades and then he severed my vas deferens.

• 3:05Travis McElroy?

  Completing the trifecta.

• 3:08Griffin McElroy?

  And now I'm, look at me, guys. I'm glowing. I got all the new bio mods available. I gotta be at the top of the line when I live on the edge.

• 3:18Travis McElroy?

  Now with your overclocked penis.

• 3:20Griffin McElroy?

  Um, it's more Travis about the underclock.

• 3:23Travis McElroy?

  You underclocked your penis.

• 3:24Griffin McElroy?

  I took, I took a look at some of my benchmarks and I said, there's one of those in particular I would like to reduce to zero. Yesterday this was that I was.

• 3:36Travis McElroy?

  Took out all your ram?

• 3:37Griffin McElroy?

  Dog street. Um, I unloaded, I unloaded and I miss it. I miss, I miss all my guys.

• 3:44Travis McElroy?

  So what, you're 24 hours post?

• 3:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, just about 25 hours post as the crow flies.

• 3:50Travis McElroy?

  How, how is the recovery process been? What's the heaviest thing?

• 3:54Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, as funny as you think it's gonna be, it's like, it's like non-stop nut humor that you're like, is also a moment that you're in.

• 4:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 4:06Griffin McElroy?

  And the moment lasts for a long time. Um, but this is it, man, guys. That's, this is the martini shot on the whole generation of McElroy creation. That's it.

• 4:18Travis McElroy?

  Did you have them put in the, the fake testicles for you like they give dogs?

• 4:23Griffin McElroy?

  They didn't, as far as I know, because I asked afterwards, which was embarrassing. I was like, so what did you just do? Um.

• 4:31Travis McElroy?

  You didn't, you didn't think the.

• 4:33Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I knew what the end game was.

• 4:35Travis McElroy?

  Griffin.

• 4:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 4:37Travis McElroy?

  When you asked what they just did, did the doctor say something like, don't worry about it? Or like, it's done now, so it doesn't matter?

• 4:44Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, my doc was super chill. He was like, you're gonna feel it. He was like, you have to feel it. Which I thought was weird. He was like, you're gonna feel it a little bit. And I was like, you really can't just pump it so full that it, I don't feel it at all. And he was like, it's normal to feel it a little bit. But he said, don't bear down. That makes it harder. He said, just kind of, just kind of take, take that moment and make space for it. Which I thought was cool.

• 5:09Travis McElroy?

  Just a second ago, that your, your doctor for your vasectomy was super chill. Considering the procedure was, you allowed it to continue. I would assume that's understood. Because if he had come to you like, well, here goes nothing. First time for everything. Yeah, right? I can't believe they're letting me do my first one by myself. Heck, you don't have a spare hand to hold this scalpel, do you?

• 5:33Griffin McElroy?

  He gave me a bit of a hard time during the, the first.

• 5:37Travis McElroy?

  Actually, the reverse is supposed to happen.

• 5:39Griffin McElroy?

  Soft time, but the first nut was hard, was difficult for me. And I was sort of doing some heavy breathing and I got a little nauseous. And I was like, is it normal to feel like really nauseous right now? And he was like, yeah, for, for nervous guys.

• 5:53Travis McElroy?

  Well, but he also read you like a book, man, Griffin.

• 5:55Griffin McElroy?

  Well, yeah, he also had my scrotum spatchcocked on the table in front of him, which is a real power dynamic that I don't even think he took time to stop and consider.

• 6:05Travis McElroy?

  That's why you have to like, wear a cool mask or something. So you're intimidating him while he's intimidating you.

• 6:11Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I had on the sunglasses that pop out of my cheekbones, which was one of my first OGS.

• 6:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah? Was that an expensive one?

• 6:18Griffin McElroy?

  There were some older, old head freaks there too, who were getting some prostate OGS. And I was like, hell yeah, dude, don't ever give up. With the kind of body work we're able to get now, none of us ever has to die.

• 6:31Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 6:33Travis McElroy?

  Did they give them to you in a jar afterwards for you to take home? I was, dang it, Travis. I was just about to ask that question.

• 6:39Griffin McElroy?

  Aside, so there's no, and you guys had both had this done. I know. So there's, I still got them.

• 6:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we don't wanna, are you worried that people might listen to this podcast and take it as medical advice? Yeah.

• 6:53Griffin McElroy?

  I still got him, but he did leave, you know, they go in and they take a little bit of the tubing out. And he just left that on the sort of operating tray after he was like,

• 7:05Travis McElroy?

  Flopping around?

• 7:06Griffin McElroy?

  He said chill here for five minutes. Yeah, he poured a hot broth over them and they writhed on the tray. I was like, that's a chill dude, man.

• 7:14Travis McElroy?

  And then you ate it for vitamins, right? No, Travis, no. No, you're gonna give people really misguided ideas about what this procedure is like. You do not consume anything.

• 7:25Griffin McElroy?

  They don't make you anything.

• 7:26Travis McElroy?

  Here's the good news, anyone listening at home, getting a vasectomy, whether you never wanna have kids or done having kids, rules because then after that, when someone's like, you guys ever think about having another one? You could say stuff like, nah, that factory's closed. Nobody ever goes in. Nobody ever comes out. That factory's done. If you wanna be fucking weird.

• 7:47Griffin McElroy?

  If you wanna be like the weirdest possible about it.

• 7:50Travis McElroy?

  You guys know me.

• 7:52Griffin McElroy?

  I know you.

• 7:52Travis McElroy?

  Insane thing to ask. Mind your own damn business. That's also true. That's also a good way to go with that.

• 7:57Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna start wearing shirts that say, don't ask me about my vasectomy.

• 8:01Travis McElroy?

  Read this pamphlet I've printed out. Hey Griffin, if you wanna start selling shirts that say that, I think that we could make a really nice business.

• 8:08Griffin McElroy?

  Actually, yeah, that's actually one of our-

• 8:10Travis McElroy?

  About my vasectomy today. We could, if there's a tiny- About my vasectomy. A tiny please at the top, but it's just very, very little please. Don't ask me about it. I don't wanna be too aggressive about it. Please understand. I'd rather you not ask me about my vasectomy.

• 8:25Griffin McElroy?

  There might be, there might be people who buy that earnestly, wanting to get that message across, but it's gonna attract a lot of people who are gonna be fucking jokers about it and think this is a joke t-shirt probably bought at Spencer's.

• 8:36Travis McElroy?

  We'll make the don't really big then. So it'll be like, don't ask me about my vasectomy. I feel like Spencer's Gifts, I, I went from, I realize this at the mall this week.

• 8:49Travis McElroy?

  I, there is an inflection point where I thought I was too young to go in Spencer's Gifts. And if I got caught in there, someone would be like, get out of here.

• 8:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:59Travis McElroy?

  This is grown up stuff. Look at all these butts on this postcard, kid. Get out of here.

• 9:04Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 9:04Travis McElroy?

  And now I definitely feel too old.

• 9:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. It's just like, if I went to Spencer's, they'd be like, get out of here. This is, this stuff has Charlie XCX on it. You're not allowed to be in here. And so I've, I don't know if there is a point where anybody's allowed in Spencer's. Twenty-one to twenty-three.

• 9:20Griffin McElroy?

  I would say sixteen, sixteen and seventeen. You're one of those two ages where you're old enough to drive, but too young to vote. You can go into Spencer's Gifts.

• 9:30Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. I, here's what I think. I think that everybody feels that way, or else it's not Spencer's. That's true. Cause if you're not being- Look in your heart. If you're somebody who walks into Spencer's Gifts and you think, I'm not challenged by any of it. Block yourself in prison. If you're not getting pushed out of your comfort zone, it ain't a Spencer's. Yeah, or you're a monster. Spencer's is next to your comfort zone, to the left of Auntie Anne's.

• 9:55Griffin McElroy?

  What if cyber fucking psycho body mods became like reality? I bet Spencer's Gifts would definitely become a big, big player in the space.

• 10:04Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:05Griffin McElroy?

  In the Chrome space. Give me a torso plate with Demon Slayer guy on it.

• 10:10Travis McElroy?

  I would like to transition from this discussion to our first question, cause I think it's Jermaine, if we could.

• 10:16Griffin McElroy?

  Please.

• 10:17Travis McElroy?

  I'm in a standstill traffic in Atlanta right now, staring at a trunk with a hot pink truck nuts hanging off the hitch. Can you please tell me why only balls? Don't dudes care about the size of their noodle rather than the size of their balls? Am I missing something? What happened to this truck's noodles? So this person is just asking about truck nuts. Now, I wanted to get your guys' read on this because I have an assumption about the purpose of-

• 10:42Griffin McElroy?

  About why it's, why it's nuts and not the-

• 10:45Travis McElroy?

  The full package, yeah.

• 10:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Okay. I'd love to hear your theory.

• 10:49Travis McElroy?

  My assumption is the truck represents the dick. So the truck is the dick and the balls hang off the back to indicate this is my truck dick.

• 10:58Griffin McElroy?

  Well, and I also think there's a suggestion that a truck probably has an internal dick, like one that

• 11:03Travis McElroy?

  Mmm, a crankshaft.

• 11:05Griffin McElroy?

  Like it can come out. And I don't want to get too gross and blue about it, but I think anyone, also with the shaft, sorry, shaft. Okay, here's the bumper of the truck.

• 11:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm picturing it, yeah.

• 11:19Griffin McElroy?

  Is the shaft on the front of the balls as we're seeing it, or is it going this way? If the trucks, I'm saying if the truck's headlights are its head, and then you followed it down and there would be balls, the shaft would not face the car behind.

• 11:34Travis McElroy?

  No, it's on all fours though.

• 11:36Griffin McElroy?

  It would face the front.

• 11:36Travis McElroy?

  The truck is on all fours.

• 11:39Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 11:39Travis McElroy?

  You never see a truck walking on just two wheels.

• 11:42Griffin McElroy?

  No, Travis, that's, I understand that, but if you went downward dog right now, would your shaft hang on the back of your balls? No, man.

• 11:50Travis McElroy?

  No, it would be on the front, kind of pointing down, that you would still only probably see.

• 11:55Griffin McElroy?

  So I think anyone who just expects, maybe the shaft is there and you just can't see it because you're behind.

• 12:01Travis McElroy?

  No, the truck is the shaft.

• 12:04Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, okay.

• 12:05Travis McElroy?

  Okay, you sound so wild right now. You know that as a easy sense.

• 12:09Griffin McElroy?

  Why are the nuts the only anatomically correct part of the truck?

• 12:13Travis McElroy?

  Well, I assumed you were indicating like, this truck is a metaphor for my dick, and so here are some literal balls.

• 12:19Griffin McElroy?

  But then in the metaphor, I'm inside my dick, driving it, going crazy.

• 12:24Travis McElroy?

  It also would imply, just on a scale difference. Yeah, I, my truck nuts are a prescription. I like to have my balls out all the time. And I had trouble getting into vehicles. Even structures were a challenge for me because I didn't want my balls view to be obscured at any point.

• 12:44Griffin McElroy?

  You need proxy balls.

• 12:45Travis McElroy?

  Truck was really hard for me, especially truck cab, because I feel like I needed that behind me to carry all the baggage I had.

• 12:53Griffin McElroy?

  If you.

• 12:53Travis McElroy?

  So my doctor said.

• 12:55Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, let him finish, please.

• 12:56Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. You're sounding a lot like my doctor right now. I know you don't. I'm sorry, yes, please, go on. Thank you. Uh, the doctor said that maybe I could attach these artificial. nuts to the back of my truck. So I could always be displaying my scrotum. Uh huh. It's modeled exactly on mine. It costs $18,000. Oh, did you do like a plaster cast kind of like epoxy? It was neoprene. Yeah, it was. Yeah. And the the truck nuts themselves are held on with a neodymium magnet that actually is helps to charge my cell phone. That's amazing. Well, that's cool, man. Rare, rare earth is in layman's parlance.

• 13:40Travis McElroy?

  If you're someone with truck nuts, out of respect for your truck, you probably like tuck them away if you're going to do like some mudding or off roading or whatever.

• 13:47Griffin McElroy?

  That's illegal, actually. If the cops catch you and you have magnets on the back of the truck nuts that let you swing them up out of sight whenever you're in a precarious social situation, that's illegal. You're not allowed to do that.

• 13:59Travis McElroy?

  I would just feel terrible just letting my truck's nuts bang around like that and like hit rocks and get all muddy and stuff. You can't, you can't see this image that we have, friends, but this on the back of this truck, in addition to these, I gotta say, pretty big truck nuts. I mean, even for like, I know, I don't like to comment on people's genitalia, but like, those are pretty big, I feel. They're Optimus Prime. Yeah. Something on there on the truck that says, call for a free estimate. And I think that that is pretty.

• 14:30Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome.

• 14:30Travis McElroy?

  It's pretty good to not only have truck nuts, but here is a phone number where you can call me directly at any point to discuss these nuts. You know exactly how to ask. This is a perfect, this is a work vehicle. Yeah. Yeah. I can't see the area code or I would have got an answer on this already. I would just, yeah, I would just call them up. I'd like you to estimate why you, why you have those. Could you estimate where's your truck dick? Just estimate it for me, please.

• 14:57Griffin McElroy?

  Is the truck that, can you estimate if the truck is the dick and you're driving?

• 15:01Travis McElroy?

  Or is it internal?

• 15:02Griffin McElroy?

  Are you driving inside the metaphor of your truck dick?

• 15:05Travis McElroy?

  The shaft is actually coming up underneath the tailgate. It's been squished. Oh, no. It's caught. Not again.

• 15:16Griffin McElroy?

  You can actually see a little rubber man sticking out of the truck bed like.

• 15:22Travis McElroy?

  Not again.

• 15:25Travis McElroy?

  That's gonna happen again.

• 15:28Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 15:28Travis McElroy?

  I see blondies repeating. Strips Dagway got his nuts stuck in the truck again.

• 15:35Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna start making truck like arms and like a truck shoulder and maybe like a truck knee and just slowly kind of metamorphosis.

• 15:46Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 15:47Griffin McElroy?

  Slowly metamorphosis.

• 15:48Travis McElroy?

  I want a hereditary brand truck daughter for my passenger window.

• 15:55Griffin McElroy?

  The dick isn't funny. The balls are the only funny part of what's going on down there.

• 15:59Travis McElroy?

  Dick is very serious.

• 16:00Griffin McElroy?

  Dick is gross and weird.

• 16:01Travis McElroy?

  I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna go that far. Bodies are beautiful, but dick is a serious matter.

• 16:07Griffin McElroy?

  Compared to the, compared to the bottom part of it, it's funny and like it rules, man, down there. Hey, can I?

• 16:13Travis McElroy?

  The whole situation is awesome.

• 16:14Griffin McElroy?

  The whole stuff is so cool. I have an idea and it's for a segment. And it's like WikiHow, except Cynthia sent this in WikiHow does a lot of other stuff other than just silly articles.

• 16:29Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 16:29Griffin McElroy?

  Written by well-meaning amateur artists. They got games and this one is the Riz game. Test your Riz.

• 16:38Travis McElroy?

  Huh, okay.

• 16:39Griffin McElroy?

  I thought, let's knock it out. Wondering how much Riz you actually have? Calculate your Riz score and find out whether you've reached peak Rizler status with our interactive game. I don't think you can say Rizler status. I think I should have gotten that status on that one.

• 16:54Travis McElroy?

  Rizler has been co-opted by the Rizler so hard that only the Rizler gets to be the Rizler. Is that some, is that something multiple folks can be? Are you saying that was a title one had to earn through a series of like tasks? I only know of one in my house. There's only one, the Rizler.

• 17:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, okay.

• 17:11Travis McElroy?

  He's friends with Big Justice and AJ, so like. Yeah, there's the Rizler, the Onesler, and I think that's it. I think there's just the two. Salasaloo.

• 17:21Griffin McElroy?

  So this is a literal like little text parser quiz where you actually type in your answer? So I thought we could like come up with the best answers together. I don't know how they grade this. It's probably not AI just because it's WikiHow and they only have like.

• 17:37Travis McElroy?

  Graded by like a professor? What are you talking about?

• 17:40Griffin McElroy?

  It's possible, but I don't know how.

• 17:42Travis McElroy?

  Is it an essay question?

• 17:43Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, it can be an essay if we wanna write an essay, but that would probably not be great audio. So let me hit you with this. You come across one of these dating profiles. What's your opening line? We got Rebecca, 25, creative director at WikiPicky. So here's my story. I'm a teacher by day and a wannabe Reiki master by night. A native Oregonian. I couldn't live without my daily barefoot walk in the dewy morning grass. If you ask my friends, they'd say I'm a typical Libra with Aquarius tendencies. Or Michael 28, he's going to University of Colorado Boulder. I'm a competent, passionate and funny person. I teach Taekwondo and do stunt work in films and television. You know, all those times you see a naked man butt on screen? Yep.

• 18:25Travis McElroy?

  Is there a, is it Rizler to be like, pass?

• 18:29Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's cool. I kinda don't hate that. Pass. Next.

• 18:34Travis McElroy?

  Swipe whatever direction means you don't like it. I'm sorry. I got married in 2005. Okay. Yeah, either one of those people I'm sure is special for someone, not for me.

• 18:43Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, we could also do this. We could be like Rebecca, you should hit Michael up.

• 18:49Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah. You two would get along great. That is a cute pairing. I wish I could pick. Yeah.

• 18:54Griffin McElroy?

  He teaches Taekwondo and you know, the butt, the butts you see on TV? Go for it.

• 19:00Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Griffin, I think you stumbled on something really good. Quick sidebar.

• 19:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:05Travis McElroy?

  A killer version of those apps would be like, I would do the dating apps if I didn't do the dating. I just saw people like, ooh. I got to do it. Can I do that? They don't need AI for that. I'll do it. I'll do it.

• 19:19Griffin McElroy?

  AI would not get it right. AI would be like, they both like Seinfeld. Kiss, kiss. And you know, like, there's more shit.

• 19:26Travis McElroy?

  They just gotta tell me everything. Man, I'll take it a step further and pay for the like premium version and I'll like impractical jokers in your ear, tell you what to say on the date.

• 19:36Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck, yes. Alternatively, after you do the matching, those two have to get married at first sight. We'll be there every step of the way to help them through this challenging romance journey.

• 19:49Travis McElroy?

  We'll debarge your actor, whole marriage. The whole deal, man, beginning to end. It's like The Sims, but real life.

• 19:56Griffin McElroy?

  You're calling someone you're interested in. How do you make them smile?

• 20:01Travis McElroy?

  I validate their feelings.

• 20:03Griffin McElroy?

  Validate their feelings?

• 20:06Travis McElroy?

  And I listen and don't try to fix their problems. He's just talking a bunch of nonsense. What?

• 20:11Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so I just wrote everything Travis said.

• 20:12Travis McElroy?

  Am I going in on cold, cold approach?

• 20:15Griffin McElroy?

  Um, yeah, make them smile, Juice.

• 20:17Travis McElroy?

  Hard nag.

• 20:18Griffin McElroy?

  Hard, okay.

• 20:19Travis McElroy?

  Hard nag early. My next is gonna be asking about their day and be actually interested, but. Defensive smile.

• 20:26Griffin McElroy?

  Defensive smile. Okay, so so far I have.

• 20:28Travis McElroy?

  Hey, a smile's a smile.

• 20:30Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, okay, so I got validate their feelings and listen and don't try to, just kidding, hard nag early. A smile is a smile.

• 20:41Travis McElroy?

  Even a, even an uncomfortable.

• 20:44Griffin McElroy?

  We're on the next one. What's your favorite question to ask on a first date?

• 20:48Travis McElroy?

  I don't think that that accurately. I think if Travis and I could workshop that a bit, we could.

• 20:53Griffin McElroy?

  Well, that would take too long.

• 20:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Justin, when you're on the date, you don't have time to workshop. That's true, but that's why we're taking a quiz, right? Not on a date.

• 21:01Griffin McElroy?

  What's your favorite question to ask on a first date?

• 21:05Travis McElroy?

  Let me remember 15 years ago. Um, what I, I would ask my first date the same question I ask all strangers. What food could you eat the most of? That's pretty good.

• 21:20Griffin McElroy?

  Do you eat the most of? They're gonna be confused by that. Can we like flesh it out with like, for instance?

• 21:27Travis McElroy?

  I'm saying that while the, the, I say, what, well, I guess you could say like, what food could you eat, win an eating contest of? Cause that's usually if people need more clarification. Yeah, I like that.

• 21:38Griffin McElroy?

  Could you win an eating? I mean, do you have a, do you have an answer locked and loaded for this?

• 21:45Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 21:46Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 21:46Travis McElroy?

  What? Yes, obviously. You think I'm going around asking people that without having an answer?

• 21:52Griffin McElroy?

  Are you stalling right? Nachos?

• 21:56Travis McElroy?

  Munchaus. Munchaus. Munchaus, huh? Hey, I ain't fucked, I like four bags of munchaus. I don't care.

• 22:02Griffin McElroy?

  The amount of oil.

• 22:03Travis McElroy?

  You're a fucking rebel, dude. I'm a, I'm a lunatic. You don't know what I'm capable of. You know what else? You know what my real answer is? I just changed it.

• 22:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:11Travis McElroy?

  Cause I'm hungry. Peanut butter. Pretzels.

• 22:14Griffin McElroy?

  Holy shit, dude.

• 22:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, dude.

• 22:15Griffin McElroy?

  I drained a bucket of those the other day.

• 22:19Travis McElroy?

  If I could get, if I could get like a Novocain shot that would like, like numb my jaw to any kind of jaw pain, fuck, there's no stopping me with that. Okay, yeah, right. I would need some sort of lubric- I, man. Pretzel. Cindy and I were talking about this and she got mad at me because I said, I just need some way to keep my mouth wet. She said, don't say that. And I was like, but I mean. We have to acknowledge. You know what I mean, right? I just gotta keep my mouth wet. Yeah.

• 22:46Griffin McElroy?

  It is the human condition that we spend every moment of our life balancing the dryness or wetness with our mouth, of our mouth with food or drinks. And pretzels throws that shit so far off balance.

• 22:57Travis McElroy?

  So come in milk.

• 22:58Griffin McElroy?

  Eat it like.

• 22:58Travis McElroy?

  Everybody's always looking, when you're perusing for snacks, it's actually like, this is this time honored American tradition where you're like, going to the gas station, you're like, so what snacks do you want? And then you look at the snacks for a long time. You just want peanut butter filled pretzels.

• 23:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 23:11Travis McElroy?

  Cause they taste good. That's all you want.

• 23:12Griffin McElroy?

  Taste good.

• 23:13Travis McElroy?

  Just go get them.

• 23:13Griffin McElroy?

  Fills you up if you need that.

• 23:16Travis McElroy?

  Protein. Fills you up. Get good protein.

• 23:19Griffin McElroy?

  So I'm gonna, hold on, let me.

• 23:21Travis McElroy?

  Type that all out.

• 23:23Griffin McElroy?

  My, I have, what could you, food could you, what food could you eat the most of? What food could you win an eating contest of? Munchos or PBP's? So thirsty good. Next, you see your gym crush working out. How do you make the first move?

• 23:41Travis McElroy?

  Don't.

• 23:43Griffin McElroy?

  That's a quick one and I agree and we'll move right on. You spot someone cute in a cafe. How do you approach them?

• 23:51Travis McElroy?

  Uh, is this seat taken? Is that?

• 23:54Griffin McElroy?

  You're pointing at their seat, you're pointing at the seat they're sitting in.

• 23:57Travis McElroy?

  No. Griffin. Serpentine. That's the best approach? Yeah, that's the approach. You gotta go in veering back and forth. They can't see you coming and then like you're next to them like.

• 24:10Griffin McElroy?

  Serpentine, maybe, maybe slice the pie.

• 24:13Travis McElroy?

  Slice the pie. You're next to them on the same side of the table?

• 24:16Griffin McElroy?

  Watch your angles. Um, actually, if I could show you guys the image.

• 24:22Griffin McElroy?

  Can you screen share in Riverside?

• 24:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, click share.

• 24:26Griffin McElroy?

  If you look, actually, it does look like a man is kind of like.

• 24:30Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:31Griffin McElroy?

  He's kind of doing a little solid snake.

• 24:34Travis McElroy?

  It looks like a two way mirror.

• 24:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:37Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I have to, sorry. This is completely different. This is a completely different question than the text would imply. The text says, you spot someone cute in a cafe. How do you approach them? Absolutely fair, but in the image, what becomes clear is that you are outside the cafe. And the person is inside the cafe.

• 24:57Griffin McElroy?

  Ding!

• 24:57Travis McElroy?

  That's different.

• 24:59Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, hey!

• 25:00Travis McElroy?

  That's a different. It's not a girl shop. You can't, like, right? Like, you can't.

• 25:06Griffin McElroy?

  Reading a book, which is the universal sign for like, I would like to be left alone. Okay, so how do you approach them? Go the opposite direction.

• 25:17Travis McElroy?

  Yes, if it's meant to be, you'll immediately write your phone number in a book. They like books.

• 25:22Griffin McElroy?

  Wait.

• 25:22Travis McElroy?

  Sell the book at a nearby.

• 25:25Griffin McElroy?

  Wait for serendipity.

• 25:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:27Griffin McElroy?

  It'll happen.

• 25:29Griffin McElroy?

  Keep your.

• 25:31Travis McElroy?

  Grades up.

• 25:32Griffin McElroy?

  Stay prayed up.

• 25:35Griffin McElroy?

  And just wait.

• 25:36Travis McElroy?

  Keep your grades up.

• 25:38Griffin McElroy?

  Keep your grades up. Yeah, sorry, I should be putting that at the end of each of those. It's your partner's birthday, what thoughtful gift do you give them? Yeah, right, like, I'm gonna waste one of those on our fucking podcast. Nice, nice try. Like, I'm gonna turn one of those into a joke and not an actual thing I do.

• 25:54Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna give them. Time away from me.

• 25:58Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's sad. That makes me sad, Trav.

• 26:01Travis McElroy?

  That's sad, man. You're better than that.

• 26:03Griffin McElroy?

  You're better than that. It's Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Like, you're better than this.

• 26:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, here's. I'm, hey, guys, I'm clearly not, or they wouldn't need the day away from me. You know what I mean? I can be a lot.

• 26:14Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man. Yeah, it just hurts to hear it. Makes me sad to hear it.

• 26:19Travis McElroy?

  The picture shows flowers, so just say flowers.

• 26:23Griffin McElroy?

  I guess so.

• 26:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Right flowers, like in the picture. I mean, the thoughtful thing implies that I'm thought, I'm thought about them and I can't thought about them in this hypothetical situation. A specific thing for their specific tastes. Yeah, you know, like it's something they like.

• 26:40Griffin McElroy?

  They should make a shop where you go in and then there's just like a billion flowers to pick from. And it's like you're at the Lego store or at Cold Stone and then you can put a bunch of different flowers together. You can take those and be like, I put a lot of thought into it. I picked each of the flowers in this.

• 26:59Travis McElroy?

  There you go. I think too, man, let's put some of those internet sleuths out there to go where I wish I could go into a store and give them like all of Justin McRoy's socials and then be like, in 20 minutes, give me like a list of recommendations for gifts. Are you saying like a private detective gift? Yes. Advisor? That's so good, Travis. Yes. This sucks. You know why we're never gonna be rich? It's just this stupid fucking podcast. Yeah, we're giving it, we're giving it away. If it went for this dumbass podcast, I ate 80 times in my life already, when I picked it up, I'd be like, Travis, you're never gonna believe it. We'd never have to work again. Ah, and it was like, that's it. We're rich.

• 27:36Griffin McElroy?

  Flowers like in the-

• 27:37Travis McElroy?

  Like those two blind brothers that I, on Facebook all the time? That could have been us. We're brothers.

• 27:43Griffin McElroy?

  What are you talking about, man?

• 27:44Travis McElroy?

  Two blind brothers. It's a clothing company. They're brothers also, but they got rich. We did this stupid show. We should have done that.

• 27:53Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not on your algo juice. Your algo is your blade that you crafted.

• 27:58Travis McElroy?

  Well-known clothing. This is just, this is a well-known, well-known thing. Okay.

• 28:03Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I got flowers like in the picture, customize them like at Cold Stone Private Detective Gift Advisor. I lost the plot.

• 28:09Travis McElroy?

  No, you nailed it.

• 28:10Griffin McElroy?

  You're in charge of the next date. Where do you plan to sweep them off their feet?

• 28:15Travis McElroy?

  What do you do to sweep them off their feet? That, that's easy. You're going for the ankles. You wanna go like a leg, leg kick or maybe like a shoulder throw too would work?

• 28:27Griffin McElroy?

  Get the waiter to kneel down behind them.

• 28:33Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 28:33Griffin McElroy?

  For a classic bullies push.

• 28:37Travis McElroy?

  I love that.

• 28:40Travis McElroy?

  The classic bully's. The classic bully's push.

• 28:43Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, can you even imagine the first time, it's probably like 1780 and there was a kid who was like pushing his friend, but another friend was tying his shoes behind him and it was totally an accident, but those two looked at each other like, whoa, we've really stumbled on something powerful.

• 29:00Travis McElroy?

  That's how we bring the big kids down.

• 29:02Griffin McElroy?

  Benedict bully, you nailed it.

• 29:04Travis McElroy?

  Get some.

• 29:06Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, okay, last one.

• 29:07Travis McElroy?

  I would actually say that trick, the, I, I don't think of it as a bully's shove, right? I think that is like a David and Goliath style technique. Oh, it's the way to take out. Get a big guy out of it.

• 29:17Griffin McElroy?

  Well, it would be like David and Greg and Goliath.

• 29:21Travis McElroy?

  Right, Goliath.

• 29:23Griffin McElroy?

  You need a couple Daves in there. Your partner is having a bad day. How do you cheer them up? Last one.

• 29:31Travis McElroy?

  Hold them. Why, I just looked at their feet. Why are they still so sad?

• 29:35Griffin McElroy?

  Um, hold them comfortable, Travis.

• 29:38Travis McElroy?

  I said accountable, but.

• 29:39Griffin McElroy?

  Accountable.

• 29:40Travis McElroy?

  Comfortable.

• 29:42Griffin McElroy?

  For their sins.

• 29:44Travis McElroy?

  And then comma, make them comfortable. I would like them to be comfortable while they're accountable.

• 29:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, okay. So they're doing some reflection. And you're making.

• 29:53Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, Greg. Sorry, quick sidebar. I would like to reverse the clauses so that they are comfortable and then you hold them accountable for their sins. Yeah, for balance. The accountability is gonna flow a lot better if they're already physically comfortable. You want them to let their guard down before the accountability starts? Yeah, if the accountability happens, then the comfort.

• 30:13Griffin McElroy?

  While you hold them accountable for their sins. Okay, cool. All right. Uh, let's see how we do.

• 30:21Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, MX ad, not gonna sign up for one of those. This is my reward, according to this ad window. Oh, no!

• 30:30Travis McElroy?

  Oh, boy.

• 30:31Griffin McElroy?

  We got a 22 out of 100. Your Riz is terrible.

• 30:34Travis McElroy?

  On what metric? I gotta see a little bit more context.

• 30:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm sure that they have the um machine learning fucking breakdown. No, I mean, they just said, have you interacted with a person before your responses came off as confusing and at times rude?

• 30:50Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 30:51Griffin McElroy?

  Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's confusing.

• 30:55Travis McElroy?

  And now you're talking about it. So tell me who's Riz's bad computer? Because we, you're still thinking about it, computer, trying to understand it. That's Riz, baby. This wa- this is the number one thing that computers should not be telling us how to do. Talk to humans. Like, yeah, there's nothing.

• 31:13Travis McElroy?

  We can barely figure this out and we got like a thousand supercomputers. There's no way that a computer should be telling me about Riz. It's the last human frontier.

• 31:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:23Travis McElroy?

  I wouldn't tell a computer how to seduce another computer.

• 31:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:29Travis McElroy?

  When we have to pick the Cylons out from us. It's the Riz. That's what separates us. Yeah. You don't know how we're selling these lines.

• 31:36Griffin McElroy?

  I saw Battlestar Galactica, man. They can Riz with the best of them.

• 31:40Travis McElroy?

  Pretty hard, dude. Well, you just did incredible impression of the XO while you're doing the, yeah, I know where the Cylons are. They're Riz'ing everywhere. My spine glows all red whenever I get a boner.

• 31:57Griffin McElroy?

  That's my next hog.

• 31:59Travis McElroy?

  Let's take a break. A hog hog.

• 32:01Griffin McElroy?

  Next time I hog my hog, I'm getting that glowing spine stuff, baby.

• 32:15Travis McElroy?

  If you are in the market for a holiday gift for someone you love or maybe just yourself, I'm gonna stride out of the shadows and take you by the hand and say, come on, we're going Aura Frames, because they are a fantastic company. Voted actually the number one digital frame by Wirecutter, believe it or not. I do believe it. Dude, I'm glad you do, Trav, because it's 100% true. There, it's a great gift because you can set it up beforehand, even if the person's not super tech savvy. You can plug in their wifi info, all that stuff before. Or and then after you give it to them and plug it in, you can shoot them pictures from all over the world using the Aura app. Right after you take them, you can just zip them over to your friends

• 32:58Travis McElroy?

  and family's frames. Uh, the person doesn't have to know a lot about technology. They just have to love seeing new pictures of you. Uh, it's a great way to keep people in the loop. I don't often give guarantees like this, but this is a Travis and I can guarantee that in Aura frame, there's almost a hundred percent chance that you're not going to accidentally eat it. So like, that's huge. That's true. You're almost probably never going to eat these. Save on the perfect gift.

• 33:21Griffin McElroy?

  They don't look tasty. They don't look like.

• 33:23Travis McElroy?

  That's what I'm saying. Food on there. Unless you have a picture of. Oh shit. Save on a perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com. Buy two in case you eat one. What are you gonna do? Thirty-five dollars off Aura's best-selling Carver Matte Frames by using promo code MYBROTHER at checkout. That's A U R A Frames.com promo code MYBROTHER. This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply.

• 33:48Griffin McElroy?

  For real. God's honest. The fucking scream sheet I went on to find this Ripper doc, guys, for my, for my modification, was in fact Zokdoc. I did go on Zokdoc.

• 34:01Travis McElroy?

  More like Cockdoc. I'm so sorry. Listen, um, listen, Zokdoc, if you're listening, I'm sorry, my brothers, uh, my family, um, I've decided to take some time off to reflect on my choices, spend some time with my wife and kids. Um, I'm so sorry for everything I've done. I'm just gonna live here in this moment.

• 34:30Griffin McElroy?

  We're all in this moment, aren't we? You've all made us part of this moment. You've trapped us in this moment, like a, like the jaws of a, of an ant lion.

• 34:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Already done an advertisement and I'm not gonna do your guys' work for.

• 34:48Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, it is not about the work. I was revved up and ready to go. Zokdoc was listening. The fucking bosses, Zokdoc was like, yes, yes, yes, they're going to do one actually, like with a very present experience. This is gonna be a good one. Yeah. Uh, and, and what sucks is like, at this point, he now has realized.

• 35:05Travis McElroy?

  Like he got excited. He was like, wow, a four minute ad. We're really getting our money's worth. Like in this way.

• 35:11Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I hope someone told him. I hope someone told him. Zocdoc is a place you go to find medical practitioners for whatever you need in your area. And then you can find out if they're like in network for you. And then you can sometimes you can just book your appointments right fucking there on the app. I said, I am looking to sterilize, baby. And Zocdoc was like, here's your guy. Catch you Tuesday. Well, it was first I had to do a consultation, but then I then I did. Anyway, I found the guy on Zocdoc. I found most of my medical folks, my team, as I call them here in DC on Zocdoc.

• 35:52Griffin McElroy?

  Because it's, it's really, really easy. And if you live in a big city and you struggle to find that, you should do it too. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality and network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs. Click to instantly book an appointment. Talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skincare and much more. Plus, Zocdoc appointments happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. Stop putting off those doctors appointments.

• 36:22Travis McElroy?

  And again, I'm sorry, Zocdoc, if you're listening. Again, apologies.

• 36:27Griffin McElroy?

  And that boss was probably like, well, at least they'll get through the call to action without interruption. Oh, no. Stop putting off those doctors appointments. Go to zocdoc.com/ mybrother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z O C D O C dot com slash my brother zocdoc.com slash my brother. Travis, anything else you want to say?

• 36:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, just again, just again, I'm so sorry.

• 36:52Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  Who's ready for some science? With sources and new ones.

• 37:01Speaker 04

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 37:05Speaker 04

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 37:07Speaker 05

  Well, let's learn everything we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins.

• 37:13Speaker 04

  From quantum physics to the history of swearing.

• 37:16Speaker 05

  As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green.

• 37:19Speaker 04

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Me, Caroline Roper.

• 37:22Speaker 05

  Dr. Ella Hubber.

• 37:23Speaker 04

  And Tom Lum.

• 37:24Speaker 01

  So join us next time where we will learn about. Everything.

• 37:32Speaker 05

  Hey, are you playing a video game right now?

• 37:35Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG.

• 37:38Speaker 04

  Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time.

• 37:41Speaker 05

  Been there. I'm Maddie Myers.

• 37:43Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Jason Schreier.

• 37:45Speaker 04

  And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast.

• 37:49Speaker 05

  A podcast you can listen to while you do other things.

• 37:52Griffin McElroy?

  Like driving, or cooking, or playing video games.

• 37:57Speaker 05

  On Triple Click, we share our thoughts on the latest games.

• 37:59Griffin McElroy?

  And breaking news out of the video game industry.

• 38:02Speaker 04

  And we also talk about other stuff besides games.

• 38:05Griffin McElroy?

  So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out Triple Click.

• 38:09Speaker 04

  Listen on MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.

• 38:15Travis McElroy?

  How about another question?

• 38:17Griffin McElroy?

  Please.

• 38:17Travis McElroy?

  My fiance proposed to me at the local tree farm while we were there picking out a Christmas tree. He had everything planned and put an incredible amount of effort into making it perfect. He led me to look at a specific tree he'd already picked out ahead of time that had a scenic background and a sunset behind us. Of course, I said yes. But brothers, how do I tell him I hate the tree?

• 38:33Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck.

• 38:34Travis McElroy?

  That's from Pine Proposal Pickle in the Palouse.

• 38:39Griffin McElroy?

  You've already... Shit, man. Can we just lay out sort of a blanket? This is, obviously, we've been doing this for a long time. We have a lot of kind of like best practices when it comes to writing a question to my Bimbam. I think a question you should ask yourself before you submit anything to us is, by sending this question into the boys, am I creating or otherwise dramatically extending the paper trail of this quandary that I am stuck in?

• 39:11Travis McElroy?

  Right. That's true, because now we're complicit.

• 39:13Griffin McElroy?

  We're complicit. You have tied our hands, our hands, behind our own backs to say anything except, well, he's gonna find out.

• 39:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:21Griffin McElroy?

  He'll find out at some point, and you might have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for these darn kids.

• 39:26Travis McElroy?

  And you know, if you-

• 39:27Griffin McElroy?

  You voluntarily emailed your issue to-

• 39:29Travis McElroy?

  If you had sent this email in like three weeks ago, like, my boyfriend keeps coming home smelling of pine, and I'm finding like wedding ring receipts everywhere. I think he's gonna propose to me at a Christmas tree farm in front of a tree, but I want to make sure it's a good tree. If it's ugly tree, I don't know what to do. Then, you would have had options.

• 39:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:49Travis McElroy?

  I think the bigger question mark for me that I don't know, besides the fact that like, is there a picture of the tree? No, Tom was included. Interesting. Okay. So other than that, um, I would ask, uh, man, I thought I was gonna sneeze. God, I told you.

• 40:07Griffin McElroy?

  Holy shit, man, for real. I thought you were having an emotional moat like.

• 40:11Travis McElroy?

  I thought you were having a tiny heart attack.

• 40:13Griffin McElroy?

  I thought I was gonna, oh, man.

• 40:14Travis McElroy?

  No, you just like touched your chest in a way. I was like.

• 40:17Griffin McElroy?

  You touched your chest and you, you like licked your lips and I was like, is this man about to bust?

• 40:20Travis McElroy?

  I thought he was, I thought you were having a medical, a tiny medical emergency.

• 40:25Griffin McElroy?

  But that was just a little sneeze?

• 40:27Travis McElroy?

  For me, the number one question is, is it decorated yet or not? Because I hate decorating Christmas trees. I'm sorry, guys. I hate that shit. There's a thousand of them and you have to put them all up and then a month later, take them all down. I hate that shit. If I wanted to do this, I would clean my house. Now, it's just making a mess and then cleaning it back up later. I hate doing that. So if it's already decorated, fucking who cares? If it's not decorated, we can have a talk, we can talk. Here's what I'll throw out, because we have artificial.

• 41:00Griffin McElroy?

  So close to the camera, Travis, and it has given the entire show this wild energy.

• 41:04Travis McElroy?

  We have an artificial tree and there is always a moment, there is a period of time when tree comes out of box. And you have to start spreading everything out. Where when I start, I'm so committed to like, as I spread, it's gonna look perfect. And then I get like a third of the way through and I'm like, this is fine. One of the hardest ones to explain to the aliens, I think, is fake tree to look like real tree. They're like, why would you ever have real tree in hell? It's like, I know, I know, I know. But I do the same thing. They don't know about the fluffer process. You gotta fluff it. Every year.

• 41:36Griffin McElroy?

  I only ever fluff the bottom third though, giving it a sort of flirty Farrah Fawcett kind of flick, uh, at the, at the bottom.

• 41:43Travis McElroy?

  Flirty Farrah Fawcett flick? Yeah, man. Fuck.

• 41:46Griffin McElroy?

  I also wear work gloves now when I do the fluffing process. I learned that.

• 41:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, work gloves and long sleeves are a must for fluffing.

• 41:53Griffin McElroy?

  Otherwise. So fluff it. Have you not, well, it's a real tree. You can't really, it's harder to fluff a real tree, huh?

• 41:58Travis McElroy?

  Is there a good sign to it? What? Is there a good side to the tree that maybe if you displayed that side? Good side of the marriage. That's the better question.

• 42:07Griffin McElroy?

  Well, is there a good way to spin this whole stinker of a situation of like, it's not reflective of the future love we share. It's funny, actually.

• 42:16Travis McElroy?

  If you find the good side, though, that's a good story to do at like, you know, the wedding reception where you're like, you know, just like Derek, at first I thought this tree was a real garbage heap. But then I found a way to kind of fix it.

• 42:31Travis McElroy?

  The secret, I think, to a happy marriage that I think is a, this is actually a really good time to learn this. Oh, okay.

• 42:38Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck yeah, man.

• 42:38Travis McElroy?

  Now, here comes that emotional moment, Grubman. This is it. This is it.

• 42:43Travis McElroy?

  When you feel something that you feel like might make the other person feel pain. Uh huh. Or discomfort. And this is really, I guess with every relationship. Oh, he's trying. You can, you, the trick is, I think, as you get older, you learn the trick is to make yourself not feel that. You know what I mean?

• 43:01Travis McElroy?

  So if, huh. So if, if in your marriage or friends or whatever it is, if you think like, if I say this about the tree, it would hurt them and you know that's true.

• 43:12Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 43:13Travis McElroy?

  I think the secret is to look deep down in yourself and change that feeling.

• 43:18Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 43:19Travis McElroy?

  So as to not make others, any other, yeah. So you're saying like your own needs and wants and like stuff that'll make you happy.

• 43:27Griffin McElroy?

  It doesn't always have to be that.

• 43:27Travis McElroy?

  There are only needs and wants before you change them. Do you understand?

• 43:32Griffin McElroy?

  Now they're just memories.

• 43:35Travis McElroy?

  Memories. It's a different guy.

• 43:36Griffin McElroy?

  Stuff I have, stuff I liked once. I will say, Juice, if you could, if we're recording this, which is awesome, because this is an energy you're gonna need to channel when we're in the boardrooms of the investors for our, our matchmaking, get married at first sight app. If you can bring this heat, we're gonna be batting 1,000 in a way.

• 43:54Travis McElroy?

  And soon our.

• 43:54Travis McElroy?

  My brother, my brother me, feel different. You know what I mean? It's like, it's.

• 43:58Griffin McElroy?

  Together.

• 43:59Travis McElroy?

  Together. Feel different together.

• 44:01Griffin McElroy?

  It's huge.

• 44:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 44:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 44:10Speaker 04

  I've on to munch squad.

• 44:12Griffin McElroy?

  I've never seen the transformation before.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  I've on to munch squad.

• 44:19Speaker 04

  My cape is draped draped over the side of my chin.

• 44:23Travis McElroy?

  It's a beautiful cape.

• 44:24Speaker 04

  Like I have a growth.

• 44:27Travis McElroy?

  Very velvety.

• 44:28Griffin McElroy?

  It is, and I don't remember seeing those bandleader buttons.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  Podcast.

• 44:33Travis McElroy?

  You sound kinda sick. Are you okay?

• 44:35Speaker 04

  Or apple let's Griffin.

• 44:37Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry. Do you have walking pneumonia, Dracula? I mean, Count Donut? Oh, sorry.

• 44:43Speaker 04

  Welcome to munch squad, the podcast within the podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating.

• 44:51Speaker 04

  My name is Count Donut. Today I'll be speaking to you about a new offering.

• 44:56Travis McElroy?

  This is very professional.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 44:59Travis McElroy?

  We don't normally get this kind of shark tank presentation.

• 45:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, usually you like fly out of our brother's chest.

• 45:05Speaker 04

  I'm coming to you. I feel a little bit out of sorts and I'm going to be leaning on you to provide some much needed context.

• 45:13Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 45:13Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 45:14Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, we'll do it. We can.

• 45:16Speaker 04

  I'm going to share a picture because I think it communicates much more quickly.

• 45:24Speaker 04

  This Christmas season, but not yet. This Christmas season, every who down in Whoville will cry out woohoo. Because they had Krispy Kremes, no collection, and so could you. There's a mischievous Grinch who likes.

• 45:40Travis McElroy?

  A what?

• 45:43Griffin McElroy?

  Count Donut, that made me laugh so hard my balls hurt.

• 45:47Speaker 04

  Who likes cookies and cream and Cindy Lou Who is a Mary Berry dream. Our fan fave Santa belly is back and bursting with cream.

• 45:56Travis McElroy?

  Did you see Mary Berry, like the former judge on Great British Bake Off?

• 46:01Speaker 04

  Meet Grinchy Claus with sprinkles, red and green. We're getting Friday, November 29th for a limited time at participating Krispy Kreme shops.

• 46:11Travis McElroy?

  Wait, before you show the image, Count Donut, can I make a guess?

• 46:17Travis McElroy?

  Two of them will be like really well detailed and themed. One will be sort of themed and one's like really phoned in.

• 46:23Griffin McElroy?

  A color that is typically associated.

• 46:27Speaker 04

  Well, how interesting. Let me summon up a picture of them to see just how. Of the mark you could possibly be not at all.

• 46:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Oh, fuck.

• 46:39Speaker 04

  The answer is exactly.

• 46:44Griffin McElroy?

  These shitty donuts made me laugh and then it made my body hurt. That sucks, dude.

• 46:49Speaker 04

  Santa belly is a red one with a belt across that there's three glazed just for the fuck.

• 46:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:57Speaker 04

  Just for that. We all know what that one tastes like, right?

• 47:01Griffin McElroy?

  Now, I, I do, I am curious, um, Count Donut, which of these sort of makes you the most kind of, um, hungry vis a vis kind of like consuming?

• 47:13Speaker 04

  Well, let me, I will, I will answer your question with a quote. And then more talking is from Dave Skinner.

• 47:22Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah. Who wants to celebrate Christmas with Krispy Kreme? Our Merry Grinchmas donuts are guaranteed to make even the Grinchiest Grinch smile, said Dave Skinner, Krispy Kreme Global Chief Brand Officer. At Krispy Kreme, you're a sweet one, Mr. Grinch.

• 47:39Speaker 04

  So guys, who is this Grinch? Who is the Grinch?

• 47:43Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, okay, okay, okay.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  Who is the Grinch? Everyone is, I only know of Santa and then there's a man who looks like him, but he's a Grinch.

• 47:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, okay.

• 47:55Travis McElroy?

  I don't think he's a Grinch. I think he's the Grinch.

• 47:59Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think there's, there's not more than one Grinch. There's just the one. So I do think you would actually enjoy this character a lot, Count Donut. He lives in solitude.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  I love this.

• 48:12Griffin McElroy?

  At the peak of a mountain, he plays an organ.

• 48:15Speaker 04

  Very, so he's old money.

• 48:16Travis McElroy?

  I think.

• 48:17Speaker 04

  Try to find a mountain these days. Impossible. He's old money. I love this.

• 48:22Griffin McElroy?

  It's he was grandfathered into the mountain. His parents laid him there in an egg. He came out of.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  Controlled.

• 48:29Griffin McElroy?

  So yeah, sort of a rent control, but he plays the organ and he really resents all of the stupid villagers.

• 48:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, the commercialism, really.

• 48:39Griffin McElroy?

  The commercialism, but he also just doesn't like the people very much.

• 48:42Speaker 04

  He hates Christmas.

• 48:44Griffin McElroy?

  He does hate that.

• 48:46Speaker 04

  My, what does he do?

• 48:47Travis McElroy?

  He commits grand larceny.

• 48:50Griffin McElroy?

  He steals the whole fucking town, Count. Like, he steals the whole town.

• 48:54Travis McElroy?

  And now, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Who apologizes?

• 48:58Speaker 04

  This is a great, this man sounds like, this Grinch, it sounds like a great criminal.

• 49:04Griffin McElroy?

  It's actually pronounced Grinch. It's pronounced Grinch.

• 49:07Travis McElroy?

  He lies to children. He sings in through.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  Is this right?

• 49:10Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:11Speaker 04

  Grinch.

• 49:11Travis McElroy?

  Nailed it.

• 49:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:12Speaker 04

  Grinch.

• 49:14Griffin McElroy?

  Can you say donkey for me, Count? Just out of curiosity?

• 49:17Travis McElroy?

  Donkey. Yeah. That sounded like it was one of those, like, how to pronounce this word videos, like, on YouTube.

• 49:23Speaker 04

  I used to watch those to fall asleep.

• 49:26Travis McElroy?

  Donkey. So.

• 49:28Speaker 04

  There's a lot, there's a, I never know which words would be, would be like that.

• 49:31Travis McElroy?

  So, the Grinch is written from the point of view.

• 49:34Griffin McElroy?

  Step stool.

• 49:35Travis McElroy?

  From the point of view of who apologists, who are like, uh, the Grinch doesn't understand Christmas, the Who's really dear, he steals stuff from them, they sing, and he learns the true meaning of Christmas. But really, the whole problem was their houses were filled with dumb shit that they were giving each other and playing with at Christmas. And then he kind of reminds them about the real meaning of Christmas.

• 49:57Griffin McElroy?

  Wow.

• 49:57Speaker 04

  Story sounds like a mess. Why does Santa allow him to operate?

• 50:02Travis McElroy?

  Amnesty.

• 50:03Speaker 04

  He's trying to turn a blind eye.

• 50:05Travis McElroy?

  The Grinch is a confidential informant, so he gets away with a lot of stuff because he yarks to the cops.

• 50:12Griffin McElroy?

  Whoville's also so small that you could fit it on the head of a pin. And so, if Santa Claus tried to intervene in any way, he would absolutely obliterate the entire, like, world that they live on.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  So if I went, if I went to Dave Skinner.

• 50:28Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 50:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:29Speaker 04

  Krispy Kreme, and I said, David, why are three of the donuts plain? He would say, it's like a Grinch joke.

• 50:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 50:39Speaker 04

  That's maybe that's what they would tell you is like a hilarious Grinch joke.

• 50:42Travis McElroy?

  Well, one of the donuts is also, from what I can see, a chocolate donut with kind of Christmas colored sprinkles.

• 50:48Speaker 04

  Two of them are this.

• 50:49Travis McElroy?

  An absolute like turd of white frosting and then it appears just like a plastic Grinch on it.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  Probably not plastic, but yeah.

• 50:58Griffin McElroy?

  It's probably, yeah.

• 51:00Travis McElroy?

  And you're not gonna tell me that every time you order one of those Christmas tree donuts, that one of their donut technicians is sitting down to intricately do a curved perfect Christmas tree every time.

• 51:10Griffin McElroy?

  Um, that's the job. I am still curious, Count Donut, if you want to chomp in. I know you don't like to eat donuts, but one that is a sort of simulation of a man's torso.

• 51:23Speaker 04

  No, thank you. I would, I feel like the center belly full of gooey sauce head. It's so, it makes me unpleasant to eat it and think of it.

• 51:31Griffin McElroy?

  Would you rather eat the head of the Grinch?

• 51:34Speaker 04

  I barely know this man now. Can't talk into his face.

• 51:37Travis McElroy?

  Wait, do you prefer to eat people that you know well?

• 51:41Speaker 04

  I don't wish to eat any people. I, I, I just drink their blood. If you eat the people, they don't make more blood.

• 51:49Travis McElroy?

  That's beautiful. That's true.

• 51:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:51Speaker 04

  On December 12th, Krispy Kreme will continue to spread holiday cheer with the return of its annual 12 12 Day of Dozens.

• 52:00Griffin McElroy?

  12, 12, 12 Day of Dozens.

• 52:04Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I see. Cause it's on 12 12.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  $1 original glaze dozen when they purchase any dozen regular price.

• 52:11Travis McElroy?

  There's no way you're making money on that Krispy Kreme. No way.

• 52:15Speaker 04

  No, unless you're, unless they're just selling sugar and butter, in which case they're doing okay.

• 52:20Travis McElroy?

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:24Travis McElroy?

  Oh, Justin, you're back. Hi, how's it going?

• 52:26Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, usually there's more fans there.

• 52:28Travis McElroy?

  Wow, there's some really delicious donuts on my screen here. Let me click these off, cause I'm getting too hungry. Justin, say step stool.

• 52:36Speaker 04

  Step stool.

• 52:37Travis McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 52:37Griffin McElroy?

  It's backwards, yeah.

• 52:38Travis McElroy?

  I knew it.

• 52:39Griffin McElroy?

  Do you remember when Justin had that electricity accident?

• 52:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:43Griffin McElroy?

  And it switched some of his stuff around backwards?

• 52:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:46Griffin McElroy?

  That's one of them.

• 52:47Travis McElroy?

  Here's the, here's the deal. We'd normally record longer, but it's the same. Okay, I got senioritis. Darker earlier these days. Early, that means I have less daylight for podcasting and the show's over.

• 53:00Griffin McElroy?

  And every time I laugh, it hurts downstairs.

• 53:04Travis McElroy?

  And for some reason, I am extremely sweaty as though I've been wearing a fur lined cape. Griffin, I want you to know with that in mind, I've tried to be really not funny this episode especially.

• 53:14Griffin McElroy?

  Question, I appreciate that so much.

• 53:16Travis McElroy?

  I was really like tamping down. How long ago did you think you got it done? A couple of months ago, right?

• 53:22Griffin McElroy?

  It was now about 25 hours and 50 minutes.

• 53:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my God, I got so many goofs stored up. Next episode, I'm coming in hot and heavy.

• 53:30Griffin McElroy?

  So do I. I got a lot of goofs stored up.

• 53:35Travis McElroy?

  Nice.

• 53:36Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think that that's actually how it works. Again, I went into this whole process filled with nothing but kind of blind faith in my brothers that they were like, you gotta get this hack. You gotta get this mod done. And I did.

• 53:48Travis McElroy?

  Uh, you could, you could watch the candle lights special if you missed it. Uh, I, I hope you liked it if you watched it, but if you missed it, you can go to bit.ly forward slash candle lights tickets 2024. You can still get that vaan through January 4th. Uh, and all proceeds from that show and merch related to it are going to Harmony House, which works to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs. It's a fantastic organization. Sydney works there. We've supported them for a really long time and they really, really could use your support. I was literally upstairs before this, getting together some winter coats to take over. It's, it's tough. So if you, anything you can do is really, really appreciated. Bit.ly forward slash candle nights tickets 2024.

• 54:33Travis McElroy?

  Also wanted to make sure y'all know, uh, we're not going to be doing new episodes of Sawbones, Wonderful Schmanners, Adventure Zone, or My Brother, My Brother and Me, December 24th through the 30th, taking that time off for the holidays. Um, also want to let you know, so Champions Grove 2025 packages are on sale now. Champions Grove is the event that I did last year and I went so well, we're doing it again. Uh, get together at Ravenwood Castle in, uh, Hocking Hills, Ohio on Memorial. I went, it's fun. Thank you, Justin. Um, get some creators together. We're gonna have Jason Charles Miller, Danielle Radford, uh, Katie Osborne, Paul Foxcroft, Tybee Diskin, and Jasper Cartwright. They're, uh, hosting games and doing different activities with everybody. Uh, come.

• 55:17Travis McElroy?

  You can put me on a poster about it if you want. Oh, maybe. It's fun. That's all I'll say. Yeah. Right, it's fun. Uh, but those packages are available now. There's only a few left, so don't miss your chance to get them. Shit, man, Griffin looks like he's looking at the Devil's Nudes. Yeah. Okay, I'll wrap up real quick. Go to ChampionsGrove.com. No, not so quick. You're gonna make a bust. Please, slow down.

• 55:38Griffin McElroy?

  I, I, I, I love, I'm so happy for Champions Grove.

• 55:42Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 55:42Griffin McElroy?

  And I, I desperately want people to know, we got merch 20% off dice all through the end of the year, and you gotta get that fungal or stuff you want. 10% of all proceeds gonna be donated to Harmony House. Also, don't forget about that.

• 55:54Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I've got the-

• 55:55Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks to Montane. Thank you, Montane, also. You're so choice-

• 55:58Travis McElroy?

  Justin- I just wanna say that, um, I feel like throughout this episode, I've been a little overly loud and aggressive, and I think it's because the idea that by making my brother laugh, I could also make his nuts hurt, has filled me with a sense of power and wonder? Urgency. Urgency. Thank, yes! Urgency, Travis, that's the word of the-

• 56:19Griffin McElroy?

  This is our, this episode caps off our fucking Cornetto trilogy of Vasectos- Vasectosodes. This is Vasectosode number three. Complete the fucking trail, dude.

• 56:32Travis McElroy?

  You scan this Mountain Dew UPC, you can unlock Vasectosode 7. New from Lego, Vasectosodes. Put yours together today.

• 56:41Speaker 04

  You'll never capture the Vasecta Crystal.

• 56:46Travis McElroy?

  Vesecticon, roll out! No two Vesecticon are the same. Mix and match with your friends.

• 56:54Speaker 04

  He's removing my truck nut!

• 56:56Griffin McElroy?

  Stop, do the fucking wish.

• 56:59Travis McElroy?

  Okay, Justin, read the wish, Griffin, and I will do the sound bath.

• 57:08Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, I'm looking for it. I just saw it. I wish Columbo was in every detective show. Yes, I'm including house. My name is Joseph McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. My brother, my brother, may you kiss your dad square on the lips.

• 57:55Speaker 05

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.