MBMBaM 739: Face 2 Face: Munch Squad Works For Me Now

We got lost in Cleveland’s Masonic Temple, but thankfully we were found by a potato-touting Kyle MacLachlan, who guided us through winding corridors of ambiguously abandoned bookshelves and designer headstones, and gifted us a cabinet full of mugs with people’s faces on them. Suggested talking points: Deep Vein of West Virginia Dirtbag, Coin-Operated Hot Dog, Miracle Tarp, Are You Dishwasher Safe?, Fun TikTok Headstone Dealer, Burial at Pee First Nations Development Institute: https://www.firstnations.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Griffin McElroy?

  The McElroy brothers are not experts.

• 0:04Griffin McElroy?

  And their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert. But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:17Travis McElroy?

  Would you guys like to learn an interesting fact about mushrooms?

• 1:25Travis McElroy?

  If I were to ask you, are they plants or animals?

• 1:29Griffin McElroy?

  They're fungus. It's plasma, I'm pretty sure. It's the fourth state of matter. No, it's fungus, because the study of mushrooms isn't botany, it's mycology.

• 1:38Travis McElroy?

  Okay, Griffin?

• 1:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I wasn't listening to the show before, so I don't know.

• 1:43Travis McElroy?

  I just knew that.

• 1:44Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay, cool.

• 1:44Travis McElroy?

  If I were to say, are they animals or plants, what would you say?

• 1:50Griffin McElroy?

  I would say, what's an animal?

• 1:53Travis McElroy?

  Damn!

• 1:54Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks.

• 1:56Griffin McElroy?

  In a lot of ways, plants is animals. Some of them eat bugs.

• 1:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:01Griffin McElroy?

  That's sort of our thing, animals, that is.

• 2:04Travis McElroy?

  Look how carefully the little spider spins the web around the fact that he doesn't know.

• 2:09Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 2:10Travis McElroy?

  Yes, all right, moving on. Welcome to our show. So happy to not be alone anymore. And we are so happy to be here with you, here in Cleveland. This is an advice show. I don't know if you've ever seen one of those before.

• 2:25Griffin McElroy?

  Well, we haven't said our names yet, Justin.

• 2:27Travis McElroy?

  Why not?

• 2:30Griffin McElroy?

  Well, weirdly, you sort of hopped in immediately with fun mushroom facts.

• 2:35Travis McElroy?

  Now, to be fair, you started talking about dad karate chopping the...

• 2:38Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, yes, thank you. But to be fair, my pants and crotch are super duper wet.

• 2:43Travis McElroy?

  With White Claw?

• 2:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, with White Claw.

• 2:47Travis McElroy?

  Woo, woo. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. Hey.

• 2:56Travis McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation?

• 3:01Travis McElroy?

  I'm your middlest brother, big dog, Woof Woof Travis McElroy.

• 3:08Griffin McElroy?

  It's hard to know when to get in there with my thing during the Woof Woof.

• 3:12Travis McElroy?

  I know.

• 3:13Griffin McElroy?

  With applause, I'm like, oh, it's dying down. The Woof Woof just seems to continue.

• 3:17Travis McElroy?

  Even when it's not being done, it's in their hearts.

• 3:19Griffin McElroy?

  It really is. I'm the sweet, baby one, Griffin McElroy.

• 3:26Travis McElroy?

  That's nice. Well, now that we know you can hit that level, let's start back at Justin and go through again.

• 3:31Griffin McElroy?

  It's a special relationship I have with Cleveland.

• 3:36Travis McElroy?

  How's your tummy?

• 3:37Griffin McElroy?

  Not good.

• 3:39Travis McElroy?

  So let me tell you the arc that happened, but Griffin's villain arc.

• 3:44Griffin McElroy?

  And it's to himself, right? Always.

• 3:47Travis McElroy?

  100%. We drove here, and this is what I saw today. We stopped at a rest stop.

• 3:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. It's not gonna be funny for a while.

• 3:56Travis McElroy?

  We stopped at a rest stop. It had a bunch of, like, restaurant and quick service places, and Griffin, at 11:30, said, "I can just bypass lunch and eat here." And everyone was like, "Yeah, it's 11:30. That makes sense." He got a pastry.

• 4:09Griffin McElroy?

  Everybody else got lunch. I didn't want to commit, because I didn't want to eat Panera Bread. I'm sorry if that makes me a vil... Wait. So, hold on. Just to understand that woo.

• 4:22Griffin McElroy?

  Were you excited to hear the name Panera Bread? Or do you just fucking hate Panera Bread so much? Okay, kick ass.

• 4:28Travis McElroy?

  It's hate. So then, cut to 4:30, when we arrive at the venue, and Griffin's like, "Fuck, I should have eaten lunch, I'm so hungry."

• 4:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Travis McElroy?

  Then he sees pepperoni rolls that have been provided by the venue.

• 4:42Griffin McElroy?

  Now, listen. My hindbrain did a lot of stuff before my more-evolved forebrain could get a hand on the ball. It was already in the microwave for 20 seconds, and then I scorfed that bad boy right down my...

• 4:58Travis McElroy?

  Within each of us is a deep vein of West Virginia dirtbag.

• 5:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:03Travis McElroy?

  And Griffin's like, "Oh, yeah, pepperoni rolls." Didn't even think about it. And he was like, "That did me so right." And then a ticking clock began.

• 5:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. It's bad.

• 5:11Travis McElroy?

  And I think 23 and a half minutes went by. We were doing soundcheck, and Griffin's like, "I need to leave the stage right now." Griffin, the day before this, went to a coin-operated arcade museum with me. And while there, it's called Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum.

• 5:30Griffin McElroy?

  It's incredible.

• 5:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah, you've been there. If you have, it's a coin-operated museum full of machines that date back to the 1900s and before. And yes, my brother Griffin did order a hot dog there. From a machine? No, from the counter there. Oh, thank God. Which he described...

• 5:47Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, I swear to God, it popped right out of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade machine. Fully cooked?

• 5:52Travis McElroy?

  I'd eat that.

• 5:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 5:55Travis McElroy?

  Which he described as the most wrinkly thing he's ever...

• 6:02Griffin McElroy?

  It was pretty wrinkly.

• 6:03Travis McElroy?

  Moments before horping it into his mouth in three bites, and minutes before complaining about the intestinal distress that the coin-operated arcade hot dog was causing him.

• 6:15Griffin McElroy?

  If you guys just want to let me know where the cool hospital is...

• 6:19Travis McElroy?

  But Griffin, it's like daily, man. The little plastic castles are a surprise every time. Like, you know the...

• 6:26Griffin McElroy?

  When the cat's away.

• 6:27Travis McElroy?

  No, you're the cat. Wait, no, who's the cat? You're the cat!

• 6:31Griffin McElroy?

  If I don't have supervision of any kind from people who love me and feel some responsibility over me, I make bad food choices constantly.

• 6:42Griffin McElroy?

  I'm like a little baby over here.

• 6:44Travis McElroy?

  Now, I wanna say, because this has come up multiple times on the show recently, where you're like, "You guys talk about me like I'm a child."

• 6:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, before we went to the museum, Griffin was like, "I'm so hungry." And I was like, "I have some fresh fruit in my room." And you said, "No, I'll find something there."

• 6:59Griffin McElroy?

  And I did.

• 7:00Travis McElroy?

  And then when we, your brothers, are like, "Hey, bud, you need to take care of yourself." We're like, "I'm not a child." Now, watch me eat this hot dog. It's the wrinkliest thing I've ever seen.

• 7:10Griffin McElroy?

  Pepperoni roll was good as hell, though. Thank you so much. Hey, let's start the show instead of talking about how brave I'm being. I think we can all agree by appearing on this stage here tonight.

• 7:21Travis McElroy?

  And if Griffin has to leave the stage for a moment, no one make a big deal out of it.

• 7:25Griffin McElroy?

  Don't write that check for me unless you're ready to cash it, Travis.

• 7:31Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to look out for you.

• 7:32Griffin McElroy?

  I appreciate it.

• 7:33Travis McElroy?

  I was sitting on my porch, as I often do during the summer, and a delivery driver pulled up with a package. What should I do in this situation? If I go inside, that makes me seem rude or anxious. If I get up and walk away halfway to meet them, it seems like maybe I'm trying to steal it, or I'm overeager.

• 7:50Travis McElroy?

  If I greet them and let them put the package on the porch, I feel like I'm acting better than them, or that I don't appreciate their efforts. I've ordered a lot of online stuff, and I really enjoy my porch, so this will probably happen a lot. Help!

• 8:02Griffin McElroy?

  I wish this mean delivery man would stop bugging me.

• 8:05Travis McElroy?

  That's from Overthinking in Ohio. Are you here? Hi.

• 8:10Griffin McElroy?

  Hi.

• 8:11Travis McElroy?

  I love the long con worry of you were sitting on the porch and then met them halfway to steal it, as if you thought, "I'm a neighbor, and they get good shit here. I'm gonna wait on the porch till something comes, just in case there's a delivery today." Oh, it's the perfect crime. I'll just get a lawn chair and sit out there and wait.

• 8:32Griffin McElroy?

  Make sure they see my face and everything when they hand it to me.

• 8:36Travis McElroy?

  Never be there again. It's perfect. Now, I was gonna suggest you could, like, mark out an area for the bag and say, "Just right there." But that does seem like a trap, doesn't it?

• 8:45Griffin McElroy?

  It does.

• 8:46Travis McElroy?

  That's gonna open up and drop 'em into a pit or something.

• 8:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. They're looking out for that kinda thing. Boy, things sure have changed since we were kids, huh? Sheesh. Yeah, wait. Go on.

• 8:57Griffin McElroy?

  Go off, King!

• 9:00Travis McElroy?

  Like you never see Mr. Rogers like putting on his slippers like, "Won't you be..." "Oh, fuck, it's me feeling kids, get out of here." Close the blinds, guys.

• 9:11Travis McElroy?

  She's gone.

• 9:11Griffin McElroy?

  I think he's gone.

• 9:12Travis McElroy?

  He's gone, he just left it out there.

• 9:14Griffin McElroy?

  Clang, clang, pretend to be asleep right now, they can see us through the windows.

• 9:18Travis McElroy?

  Is it, when the delivery driver comes, just look at him and go, "Yes, please."

• 9:25Travis McElroy?

  "Give me package." "Give me package." And then you say, "No, no, no, stay, it's a one-on-one unboxing." Yeah. "Like and subscribe."

• 9:33Griffin McElroy?

  I got-

• 9:34Travis McElroy?

  "Don't cry."

• 9:35Griffin McElroy?

  "I got Twister in the mail, let's play it together."

• 9:38Travis McElroy?

  Here's, when you're confused about social interaction, here's what I tend to default to. How stoked am I gonna be not to have to walk up that driveway? And the answer is, "Very stoked, thank you, thanks for coming to meet me, I appreciate it." I didn't wanna carry the box all the way down. If you come up to get it as a delivery driver, I think as a delivery driver, I'm stoked. "Thank you, that was very nice of you, thank you." Justin, then you've never been in the position where you meet them halfway, and then they have to take a picture proving they delivered it. Of you holding it in the- A thing that has happened to me? So then I get texted a picture with my hands?

• 10:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I wanted to do some tasteful portraits of me and my soda stream refill tank.

• 10:26Griffin McElroy?

  "I'll treasure this forever, Michael, thank you."

• 10:29Travis McElroy?

  That is a cheap way of getting family portraits done.

• 10:34Travis McElroy?

  This is my new social media platform, Too Real.

• 10:37Griffin McElroy?

  I also think that there is a proximity that is too close for you to come to meet them to get the package. You don't wanna be standing on the curb, just kinda bouncing up and down. "Oh, well, the Wells Fargo wagon is a-

• 10:50Travis McElroy?

  Nope, you're wrong. On the curb, it could be accidental. If you're on the house and then you sprint up to the curb, that's not good either. Now, but if you're standing on the curb doing this? Yeah. Just back and forth, "Hey, are they coming?" Now, there's also, I don't know how big the porch is, but if you're too far away from this, like if it's a big porch, and you're at the far end of the porch, and you just watch them come up and leave it and leave? No way! That's the worst version for me.

• 11:18Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I thought you were gonna go a different way.

• 11:20Travis McElroy?

  No, I'm not endorsing this.

• 11:21Griffin McElroy?

  Well, you said if it's a big enough porch, which made me think, how big a porch does this gotta be for you to also be on?

• 11:27Travis McElroy?

  If it's a wraparound, you're around the corner.

• 11:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:29Travis McElroy?

  Now that, okay, now that would be bad, to see that happening as you're coming out to the front door. I actually pictured myself doing it as in heaven. Come, come, come, come, come, come. I should be arrested.

• 11:37Griffin McElroy?

  Um, how about another question?

• 11:39Travis McElroy?

  Our new neighbor has been slowly moving in next door and left a large wooden bookshelf in their yard. The next day, it started raining, and I thought I'd be a good neighbor, and covered the shelf with a tarp to protect it. It's been a week now, the rain has passed, and the neighbor has been to the house multiple times since then, and they have not acknowledged the tarp-wrapped shelf in their yard. Brothers, I'm not looking for praise for being a good neighbor, but I do want my tarp back at some point. Do I just take it back? Do I have to cover the shelf back up if it rains again? Do I wait till they acknowledge it? What do I do? That's from Tarpless in Cleattle.

• 12:14Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here? Woo, alright.

• 12:17Travis McElroy?

  Now, one time, there was a, a big ol' windstorm in Cincinnati.

• 12:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:22Travis McElroy?

  Maybe you guys have heard of it? And, uh, someone in our neighborhood's trampoline blew, like, two blocks over.

• 12:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:31Travis McElroy?

  And I've always thought that if I woke up in the morning, and there was just suddenly a trampoline in my backyard where once there was none, I would have a thought of, "Thank you, God."

• 12:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:42Travis McElroy?

  And so perhaps, your neighbor was like, "What are the chances? It started raining, and a big wind blew a tarp over to cover my bookshelf. Miracles really do happen." Yeah, it's, it's such a blessing, like, the universe did that for you. You're not gonna question the universe.

• 12:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, and then if you go over and grab it, the neighbor's like, "Whoa, that's my miracle tarp."

• 13:02Travis McElroy?

  The universe did that for me. You know how in algebra, they love when you, like, do it backwards? Like, that's the first part of solving it, it's like, okay, first, make it backwards. Do you get it now? This, I feel like, is a really good example of, you have to think of the inverse of this question, and if you would also send it into this podcast, you have probably made a mistake at some point. If someone's like, "Hey, I put a bookshelf outside, and I was about to bring it in, and then my neighbor ran over and covered it with a tarp? And now I don't wanna take the bookshelf in, cuz that's like I'm stealing their tarp." Is it theirs now? Is it theirs now? Did they claim my bookshelf? Sincerely, should I move?"

• 13:46Griffin McElroy?

  And then we'd be like, "Yeah, man, you gotta get out of here."

• 13:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you gotta get out of here. What? They're trying to kidnap your bookcase. It's so weird. Horses, ghosts, whatever.

• 13:53Griffin McElroy?

  And we'd be like, "Maybe they thought it looked cold and they're just trying to put a bookshelf shirt on it." And then you get to be like, "That doesn't, that's not funny, Griffin." And I'd be like, "Whatever, man." And then I'd be weirdly quiet for the rest of the episode.

• 14:07Travis McElroy?

  So thank goodness you're not that person.

• 14:08Griffin McElroy?

  I'm so glad we didn't get that question, guys. Sliding doors.

• 14:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. What a miracle.

• 14:12Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe they wanted it wet.

• 14:17Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 14:18Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe it was dirty and they wanted the rain to wash it off.

• 14:22Travis McElroy?

  Maybe that was a bookcase they got from a relative they don't like.

• 14:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:27Travis McElroy?

  Maybe they wanted it for a good excuse to throw it away and that swelling of the wood is exactly what they were waiting for. "Oh no, it's trash now." Maybe it's the laziest birdhouse on earth.

• 14:38Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe they thought they were putting together a sort of tiny public library, but didn't really know it works or anything.

• 14:46Travis McElroy?

  Maybe they're afraid it's haunted now.

• 14:48Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe. Cause it does look like probably a big, blue, eyeless ghost. Can you sneak over to their yard and discreetly...

• 14:56Travis McElroy?

  Clearly, clearly, yes.

• 15:00Griffin McElroy?

  And discreetly steal the bookshelf out from under the tarp while leaving it...

• 15:06Travis McElroy?

  The prestige! No, don't steal it. If you're gonna do that, you have to get it into their home.

• 15:13Griffin McElroy?

  Put it into their home.

• 15:14Travis McElroy?

  Reverse heist, Justin. I'm hearing you. Yes. I, yeah.

• 15:19Griffin McElroy?

  If you're gonna do that, load it up with books, too. Come on, man.

• 15:21Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, it's the least you could do.

• 15:23Griffin McElroy?

  Start covering other shit in their yard with tarps.

• 15:28Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 15:29Griffin McElroy?

  Like one a week. Really slow roll this.

• 15:31Travis McElroy?

  We just want to keep it free of dust for when Madame returns from her estate?

• 15:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 15:36Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I have one foolproof solve for this. It's a little bit of work, but you're gonna need to put one of your bookshelves outside. And then you take the tarp back and put it on yours. Like, "I'm sorry, I've only got one tarp." And a lot of people on this street, one of the normal things we do is put bookshelves outside. So I'm glad you heard about that. You're already on that tip. That's very cool of you.

• 15:59Griffin McElroy?

  Does your bookshelf also stink like rancid shit? Cause mine does. That's why it lives outside.

• 16:06Travis McElroy?

  No, I know it doesn't, because I got real close to it when I put the tarp on. Yeah, that was me. I know, I should have said something to you about it at any point, I'm sorry. Prior to this moment.

• 16:19Griffin McElroy?

  I came back in, told my wife, "I don't know why they put the bookshelf outside, it doesn't stink like rancid shit." Like ours does.

• 16:27Travis McElroy?

  I take the train into work every day, and every day I find myself jealous of the conductors and their sweet hats. I've been pining for one of those hats since I was a child. Unfortunately, there's nowhere I can find that sells them, meaning I'd have to get one straight from the source. How can I convince one of these conductors to give me their hat? Should I offer them money or something? That's from languishing on the Long Island Railroad.

• 16:48Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here? No.

• 16:51Travis McElroy?

  On that train?

• 16:52Griffin McElroy?

  Living that train life, baby, I don't blame you. Hey, I'd rather be on a fucking train than on this stage doing a show right now, I love trains, I get it.

• 17:00Travis McElroy?

  Offering money isn't gonna work, that's the number one thing that they teach them to. "Hey, can I give you money for a hat?" This is the test. Yeah, because they have to be incorruptible, because the biggest danger for train guys is somebody's gonna be like, "I'll give you a hundred dollars if you pass these next three stops, I'm in a huge rush." You gotta have somebody who's like, "I don't think I'm gonna be able to do that." That's why they're paid so well. Right, I'm incorruptible, right.

• 17:26Griffin McElroy?

  All the power's in the hat. With the hat on, you can go right into the captain's chamber and say, "We're going backwards all of a sudden, whee."

• 17:33Travis McElroy?

  "We've gotta break 88 miles per hour, I'm never getting back to Hill Valley." Now let me ask you this, when you say "straight to the source", do you think the conductor is the source?

• 17:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's also my question, is... They buy the hats also. It's not like when they get the job, the conductor's like, "Fontanelle spreads open and a hat."

• 17:55Travis McElroy?

  See, I was thinking more of like a "make your own lightsaber" thing. It's not like, "Well, there's one last step you must complete," and they send them into the woods, and then they come back with their own conductor's hat, and how they made it is each one's journey.

• 18:08Griffin McElroy?

  To, to Lids at the mall, to get their hat.

• 18:12Travis McElroy?

  I don't think Lids sells conductor hats.

• 18:17Griffin McElroy?

  I bet if you-

• 18:18Travis McElroy?

  Any job you want, our hats give you the power of that job. Well, go to Lids.

• 18:23Griffin McElroy?

  Be a firefighter guy, we got a hat for that here at Lids.

• 18:28Travis McElroy?

  I'd like a Lids employee's hat. God damn it! Hey, you thought of it, huh? We always are worried somebody's gonna pull that on us.

• 18:35Griffin McElroy?

  There's gotta be a service that sells uniforms for jobs.

• 18:40Travis McElroy?

  Cintas, right? That's all they do.

• 18:42Griffin McElroy?

  No, not that.

• 18:43Travis McElroy?

  No, not that, okay.

• 18:44Griffin McElroy?

  It could be. The problem is, I don't think you can call one of those services and get one of something, because they're just going to assume that you're in a heist and you need to disguise yourself.

• 18:54Travis McElroy?

  I think at this point, probably, Catch Me If You Can is like required viewing for any uniform provider.

• 19:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:01Travis McElroy?

  Where they're like, "No, no, no." If a guy just shows up and like, "I lost mine."

• 19:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, okay, let's play that scene out. Let's play that scene, okay, you lost yours. Uh, where is it? I lost it. Okay, where'd you lose it? If I knew that? Okay, well, let me ask you this. Is it on the train? Fuck, yeah. Okay. Because if he had said no-

• 19:18Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, call me, I'll do the- I'll do the- right.

• 19:20Travis McElroy?

  Okay, is it on the train?

• 19:21Griffin McElroy?

  Nah, man, I was going too fast on the train with the window open and flew right off the fucking window, man!

• 19:25Travis McElroy?

  One of the-

• 19:26Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta help me out, I grew it myself!

• 19:30Travis McElroy?

  One of the main rules we have is you don't take your hat off, and you don't take it off the train. So if it's not off the train, I don't know how you lost it.

• 19:38Griffin McElroy?

  So you're saying that every conductor has to leave their hat in the train before they get off the train?

• 19:42Travis McElroy?

  I'm saying if you suddenly don't have a hat, you're gonna have to do some explaining to your bosses about where your hat went, because they're on guard for it. That's the number one thing you have to do, is not lose the hat. Because they cannot have other people pretending to drive the trains.

• 19:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:57Travis McElroy?

  It's wholly unacceptable. I don't think the conductor drives the train. We are torn about this currently.

• 20:06Travis McElroy?

  Is a conductor a plant or an animal?

• 20:10Travis McElroy?

  There's been a lot of back and forth about this. Science isn't sure. I drink coffee every day, so I go through a lot of mugs. My roommate has mugs with pictures of him and his fiancee on them. Ooh la la, did you summer in France?

• 20:27Griffin McElroy?

  Isn't the word fiancee true?

• 20:29Travis McElroy?

  Now, did you hear the pronunciation, Griffin? Then my question is, would it be weird? Say it again. Okay. I drink coffee every day, so I go through a lot of mugs. My roommate has mugs with our pictures of him and his fiancee on them. So my question is, would it be weird to drink out of them? I don't want to unnecessarily run the dishwasher for half a load, but I don't want to seem weird putting my mouth on something that has my picture of my roommate and his beloved on it. That's from Seeking to be Caffeinated in Not Cleveland.

• 20:58Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here?

• 21:00Travis McElroy?

  Alright.

• 21:00Griffin McElroy?

  Hello. Oh, wait, hold on. Very important follow-up. Is your roommate here? Thank God.

• 21:07Travis McElroy?

  Awesome. Now, listen. I picked this question, and we chose this question, and it wasn't until hearing my brother read it that I processed them as not the mugs, but thinking about it as drinking out of them, my roommate and his fiancee. But you're not. And when I thought about it in that way, the answer is so obvious to me.

• 21:32Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, do you think that when the room-

• 21:34Travis McElroy?

  No, I don't think that's what they meant.

• 21:36Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, no, I know, but for a moment there, you definitely did think that when the roommate drank out of this mug with his own picture of him and his wife on it, he was like, mm, drinking out of me and my wife?

• 21:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:47Griffin McElroy?

  Alright, dude.

• 21:49Travis McElroy?

  I'm not saying like, we're drinking out of me and my wife. More of like, my wife and I's love has warmed to my coffee.

• 21:56Griffin McElroy?

  I think there's a way to drink out of your roommate and fiancee mug. And my immediate thought is straw will help get you out of this situation.

• 22:08Travis McElroy?

  That seems weirder to me. That seems weirder.

• 22:12Griffin McElroy?

  Seems weirder to you to not-

• 22:14Travis McElroy?

  I'm really sure. If it's like, if you needed to briefly, if you're making a movie and you need to very briefly communicate that the roommate was a problem, the number one way you would do it-

• 22:25Griffin McElroy?

  This is a good point, yeah.

• 22:25Travis McElroy?

  Is by having them drink out of your special love mug, right? Like if they're, if you see like, yeah, burp, you're like, well, we gotta get rid of the roommate, right? Clearly, he's the problem in this. He's the third wheel.

• 22:38Griffin McElroy?

  It's like you're doing a big kiss on it, though, kinda, huh?

• 22:41Travis McElroy?

  It is. Like you're kinda trying to draw-

• 22:42Griffin McElroy?

  If I see that and I'm an extremely weirdly jealous roommate, are you kissing a picture of my fiance and me also?

• 22:51Travis McElroy?

  There is, there is a moment for me where if I'm the roommate and I'm like, "Why won't he use those mugs?"

• 23:02Travis McElroy?

  Oh, you think it's weird to not like- I think they're really nice mugs. I don't understand. They're always the last ones left. We put them in the mug things that people would use them, or else we put them in our special hidden spot.

• 23:15Griffin McElroy?

  Can you just scratch their faces off the mugs?

• 23:18Travis McElroy?

  Put a sticker of your own face next to them.

• 23:20Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool, yeah.

• 23:22Travis McElroy?

  Or on top of the fiance. Can you make it a little bit more of a thing? Like you're really celebrating it, like, as you're drinking, you're like, "Yup, that's the love I'm crazy about."

• 23:35Griffin McElroy?

  You can really taste the Kevin and Patricia.

• 23:38Travis McElroy?

  Hey, are you guys microwave safe?

• 23:42Travis McElroy?

  Again, Travis, they're not drinking out of the roommates, and I can't make that clear enough to you.

• 23:49Griffin McElroy?

  Start getting your own mugs with pictures of you going "ahhh" on it.

• 23:54Travis McElroy?

  Hey, though, but can you get a mug that has a picture of you drinking out of their mug?

• 24:01Travis McElroy?

  And then see who drinks out of that motherfucker.

• 24:06Travis McElroy?

  Arms raised.

• 24:15Travis McElroy?

  I wanna munch.

• 24:22Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch.

• 24:28Griffin McElroy?

  I saw it get stuck in your face. I thought you saw your sleep paralysis demon in the waking daytime hours.

• 24:35Travis McElroy?

  I saw everything in you tense up and try to push it out.

• 24:40Travis McElroy?

  It's thematic. The return is here. Fan favorite potato cakes are back at Arby's.

• 24:48Griffin McElroy?

  Shit, man.

• 24:49Travis McElroy?

  Wow.

• 24:50Griffin McElroy?

  I really. I have a new.

• 24:54Travis McElroy?

  That's all the.

• 24:54Griffin McElroy?

  I have a new voice inside out style in my brain and it's just the pepperoni roll who's like, "I don't wanna fucking look at that right now, man. Get that out of here." Joy is like, "Yum, yum. I love fried potato cakes." Discuss is like, "I don't know," but the pepperoni roll is like, "Get that shit out of here." "Or I'm pushing the yarts button."

• 25:16Travis McElroy?

  Do you mean hash browns? Hash browns? No, Trav, it's Arby's, so it's potato cakes.

• 25:25Travis McElroy?

  And Kyle McLaughlin is gonna explain why you should join the order of potato cakes. And he's here tonight. That this July, Arby's is answering fans' calls to bring back potato cakes. A fan favorite, potato cakes have passionate fan base across the social media insisting on the return of the shredded potato fried to a crispy golden brown. "There's no better building material," says fans.

• 25:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man. I've been plugged into social media these last couple of weeks because of the news. And man, it's hard to follow because of all these people demanding potato cakes to come back at Arby's.

• 26:01Travis McElroy?

  The iconic side is gracing Arby's menus nationwide for a limited time.

• 26:06Griffin McElroy?

  Do they use the word gracing?

• 26:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Trav, it says gracing. Arby's menu. Gracing Arby's menu. I mean, maybe. For the past three years, Arby's fans have mourned the loss of their beloved potato cakes.

• 26:20Griffin McElroy?

  Mourn what?

• 26:21Travis McElroy?

  Mourn the loss. Do you know how fucking sad it is that? The Arby's is like, "Well, we can't sell them the fried potatoes they love in York." "It's just too expensive. They're potatoes. We have to fry them. We can't make the numbers work."

• 26:36Griffin McElroy?

  Also, Arby's, hey, Arby's, hey, Arby's. Three years ago, there was some other stuff happening globally that also had us pretty bummed out.

• 26:47Travis McElroy?

  That also maybe might have had an impact on sales of potato breads.

• 26:52Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know, man. I'm looking at their sales. It's fucking April 2020. I'm looking at our sales. I don't get it. They've fallen off the face of the earth. They must just be so sad about the potato cakes.

• 27:03Travis McElroy?

  You guys are living a pretty privileged life if at some point in 2021, you didn't have to say out loud, "This too? You're taking this too, huh? Alright, thank you." "My last bit of joy: potato cakes." "From the..." Y'all, in the past year alone...

• 27:21Griffin McElroy?

  Don't cry. It's okay.

• 27:23Travis McElroy?

  "In the past year alone, potato cakes have been mentioned more than 10,000 times on social media."

• 27:28Griffin McElroy?

  That's not a lot!

• 27:30Travis McElroy?

  "With loyalists issuing passionate pleas for the revival." "Why do you have to justify selling hash browns? "Just sell them or don't." "We didn't want to. We didn't want to. We fucking hate these things, but you guys..." "From the thousands of social posts, online petitions, and even dedicated fan accounts, "Arby knows the true adoration of potato cakes devotees and is eager to please." Paul, do you have the video handy?

• 28:01Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, God.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Hello and welcome to the Order of Potato Cakes.

• 28:11Travis McElroy?

  Now, hold on.

• 28:12Griffin McElroy?

  No, don't.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  We've seen you in the comments section. Some might say you were obsessive or deluded. Heck, some might consider it corporate harassment. But in the Order of Potato Cakes, we call it passion.

• 28:27Travis McElroy?

  So Paul has briefly taken a break. Travis, did you have a question? Yeah, that's Illuminati, right, what he did?

• 28:36Travis McElroy?

  Nah, it's a hash brown. That's the shape of potato cakes. That's the shape of them.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  We've seen you in the comments section. Some might say you were obsessive. Or deluded. Heck, some might consider it corporate harassment.

• 28:50Travis McElroy?

  You remember when McDonald's made a clown?

• 28:51Speaker 02

  But in the Order of Potato Cakes, we call it passion. Because you see the world like we see the world.

• 29:02Speaker 02

  Huh, I love that.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  See that devotion?

• 29:07Travis McElroy?

  That's pretty good.

• 29:08Speaker 02

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  You belong here. With us.

• 29:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, God.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  The Order has taken over Arby's social media to ensure the prophecy is fulfilled. Don't worry, they're fine.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  But the will of the Order has pervaded.

• 29:32Travis McElroy?

  You already won me over.

• 29:36Speaker 02

  Potato cakes are back at Arby's.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  The only thing missing is you. Our ranks grow stronger each day, but we must remain vigilant.

• 29:49Travis McElroy?

  Was that quite calm that they just showed?

• 29:50Speaker 02

  As this is a limited-time order. Now is our time. And the Order of Potato Cakes needs your help. The more you comment about Arby's potato cakes, the more you purchase Arby's potato cakes, the closer we all get to true potato cake enlightenment.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Join us.

• 30:10Travis McElroy?

  What am I supposed to feel?

• 30:11Speaker 02

  Help us fulfill the prophecy. And together, we will demonstrate one simple thing to the powers that be. Potato cakes must remain. This concludes our orientation.

• 30:24Travis McElroy?

  Or else.

• 30:27Griffin McElroy?

  I hope, I pray that QAnon gets its hands on this commercial.

• 30:35Griffin McElroy?

  Just, just because I think it would finally put that whole thing to bed.

• 30:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:42Griffin McElroy?

  Because half of the full-

• 30:42Travis McElroy?

  Wait, which whole thing? QAnon or the commercial?

• 30:45Griffin McElroy?

  Probably QAnon, because half of the QAnon people would be like, "This is nothing, guys." And the other half would be like, "I don't know, I'm pretty sure."

• 30:55Travis McElroy?

  I think it's part of it.

• 30:56Griffin McElroy?

  If you really look at it, I think Kyle's passing along some pretty coded deep state messages.

• 31:02Travis McElroy?

  Can we go, hold on, real quick, Paul, can we go to like, second 25, I think?

• 31:07Griffin McElroy?

  Did you time code it while we watched?

• 31:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I wanted to talk about it. Now, keep going back, I want to see his shoes, there we go. So, yeah, if we could pause right there.

• 31:17Travis McElroy?

  So, what I want to talk about here is of this two-minute video.

• 31:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 31:22Travis McElroy?

  These shoes are visible for about three seconds.

• 31:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 31:28Travis McElroy?

  So, someone very passionately chose these shoes for Mr. McLaughlin.

• 31:32Griffin McElroy?

  Or, unless, "He brought them from home today."

• 31:38Travis McElroy?

  Also possible. Also possible. And then they made sure, like, "And if you could just cross your legs, Kyle, so we could see him real quick, we don't want those shoes to go to waste." Oh, thank you so much. This is what I wanted to say about this ad, really. This is Kyle McLaughlin starring in an ad that is pretending to be for some sort of like, Jejun Institute-style fake retro computer cult. And it's also Kyle McLaughlin again, and it's for potato cakes, and it's a fake infomercial. What I'm saying is like, I think I've brought the Munch Squad to heel. I think Munch Squad works for me now, is what I'm think-

• 32:18Travis McElroy?

  I worry that I've like, perverted it to my own, it's like, well, I know one way we can get a little attention.

• 32:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:25Travis McElroy?

  What about the husky boy in the bim bam?

• 32:26Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 32:27Travis McElroy?

  This, this feels like they did some dream mining. It really does feel like, to a point where it's like, "And it's about RV's potato cakes, because since 2021, I've been mourning their absence."

• 32:40Travis McElroy?

  So, uh- Did you request this? Several omens have recently foretold the reemergence of Arby's beloved crispy side item.

• 32:49Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, is this from the press release?

• 32:51Travis McElroy?

  I'm just reading the text. "Several omens have recently foretold the reemergence of Arby's beloved crispy side item, and only Lynn enthusiasts like McLaughlin can be trusted to inform all the members of the Order of the Details of Potato Cakes Limited to return. As a Potato Cakes devotee myself, I'm proud to enlighten all Potato Cakes lovers about the return of our cherished menu item," said McLaughlin, leader of Arby's newly-founded Order of Potato Cakes. "We've been waiting three long years, and our voices have finally been heard. Potato Cakes are back at Arby's, thanks to the powers that beef." When I said "powers that beef," you know how you all are finding this kinda funny, but not as funny as it should be?

• 33:36Travis McElroy?

  It's because they just made it for me. Do you understand how narrow, like, they wrote "powers that beef" in my own blood? You know what I mean? It's like- We've also, we've talked about a lot of celebrity endorsement pairings, and quite often they reek of like, "I don't know, man, I don't care anything about this, put my name on it." This is the most like Kyle McLaughlin was, had ideas for it.

• 34:01Griffin McElroy?

  What are they? Fried potato triangles?

• 34:04Travis McElroy?

  I've written up a script for what I'm going to say. I've figured it out already.

• 34:09Griffin McElroy?

  I've got the shoes picked out already.

• 34:12Travis McElroy?

  I already have some shoes that are appropriate.

• 34:14Griffin McElroy?

  What's the budget for the commercial? Seven hundred dollars?

• 34:18Travis McElroy?

  How much of that is for me? None of it. Okay, uh, so this is gratis, fair enough. Anything for you, Arby's. "To further honor Potato Cakes' return, Arby's will also offer a variety of bespoke, limited-edition merch items created specifically for the Order, including a Potato Cake Amber Necklace, Potato Cake Candle, enamel pin, and official garb of the Order in the form of a t-shirt and hoodie." Have we lost all sense of what bespoke means? Well, I just wanna say that the sad thing is, I didn't read this paragraph until I got up on stage, so it's been a kinda distracting show trying to see how much of that I can still buy. I was wondering what you were doing, Justin.

• 35:01Travis McElroy?

  I did catch a little out of the corner of my eye. And I bought it all, but you know, like I- Arby's has built a reputation of offering bold delicious menu items from our well-known classics like roast beef sandwiches. And jamoca shake to our limited time specials like, yeah, for sure. And the bourbon BBQ sandwiches. It's not as good as Rax's, but I bet they didn't even make it up here. The fans asked for again and again. Now we're bringing back potato cakes, one of our most requested and beloved items to celebrate the true love, passion and devotion our guest show for them day in and day out. I guess they didn't tell her about the skit, huh?

• 35:43Travis McElroy?

  They should tell people about the skit if they're gonna ask him for a quote so they don't come off like a real, you know, turd. Right. Anyway, they're back now. You can go get them. Not right now, please wait till the show's done. But uh, thank you and thank you, Arby's and thank you, Kyle. I really appreciate it.

• 36:10Travis McElroy?

  I'm tired of sitting on my butt and not doing anything to help anybody and I'm not even doing anything about my dream and I promised you guys I was going to in 2024, I was gonna make real progress on my dream and honestly, it's no, it's, it's late in the year and I feel like I'm running out of time. What should I do? Help? Well, Justin, is your dream to build a beautiful website? It could be the first step of a dream, maybe? Okay, because if you want to build a beautiful website to engage with your audience and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, and on your terms, you could do that on Squarespace. And I'll tell you, Justin, it's pretty weird that you didn't already know that because we've talked about Squarespace. Well, like a lot, like a lot. This, you could say, Trav, that this is my third time talking about Squarespace today.

• 36:55Travis McElroy?

  And it just hasn't sunk in because I guess at this point, we're also telling our audience again about Squarespace, which we've talked about a lot. Yeah. And I don't know why our audience is so fucked. Fucking dense.

• 37:07Griffin McElroy?

  Get the net, audience.

• 37:09Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying, guys.

• 37:10Griffin McElroy?

  We have to fucking tell you about Squarespace.

• 37:13Travis McElroy?

  I don't want to get angry about it. I've, I've held my tongue for too long, audience. It's Squarespace time. Buckle in.

• 37:21Griffin McElroy?

  We've all used it. We've all made websites with it.

• 37:24Travis McElroy?

  And look at us now.

• 37:25Griffin McElroy?

  Look at us now. We're so successful. Um, it's so easy and it makes your stuff look good. They give you templates and you pick the stuff out of the templates you want. And it looks like you're a, uh, internet pro. And you don't actually have to know anything, except that Squarespace is the place you should go to do the things.

• 37:42Travis McElroy?

  So go to Squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com/ mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Fly, you fools.

• 37:53Griffin McElroy?

  Now, Justin, I don't know if having a website is gonna really further your dream of, if memory serves, you said you wanted to be a Mortal Kombat guy? You said you wanted to be a, a playable fighter in Mortal Kombat. And I don't know how the website is gonna.

• 38:08Travis McElroy?

  My dream, if you remember, Griffin, is to do a better job sharing my photos with my friends and family. Having to be a Mortal Kombat playable character was his nightmare, Griffin. Justin has a recurring nightmare every night where they show up and just beat his ass. That was my Are You Afraid of the Dark episode. My dream is to.

• 38:28Griffin McElroy?

  The Are You Afraid of the Dark episode is just 21 minutes of Justin getting his ass fucking stomped by Scorpion and Katana and Sub-Zero.

• 38:37Travis McElroy?

  All of them working together, which they don't normally do.

• 38:41Travis McElroy?

  And it's weird because normally they don't give the other fighters lines about why they're doing it and why they feel so good about kicking the other person's ass. This time they have to absolutely tee up to stomp my ass. For, for quote, wrongs you've committed against them and God is what they keep saying.

• 38:57Griffin McElroy?

  They make special fatalities just for Ju- just for Justin, like Johnny Cage. Justin, uh, Johnny Cage rips off his penis and throws it and it smacks against the Hollywood sign.

• 39:08Travis McElroy?

  Wait, he rips off his own penis? That's how bad he is?

• 39:11Griffin McElroy?

  Johnny Cage yells, "I hate Justin so much." And he rips off his own penis and throws it against the Hollywood sign.

• 39:18Travis McElroy?

  And Justin dies of shame.

• 39:21Travis McElroy?

  Are really good frames.

• 39:23Griffin McElroy?

  Aura frames, you said?

• 39:24Travis McElroy?

  Trying to tell you guys about Aura Frames. They're so good. And I segwayed into it. You guys don't talk about all this nonsense. This absolute garbage about people's dicks and stuff. I'm just trying to make a living. Yeah, it's here in the coffee, Justin. We didn't make that up. It's word for word. This is all highlighted in the coffee. I'm a family. I have, I'm a, I'm a community leader, guys. You gotta be.

• 39:47Griffin McElroy?

  You're right.

• 39:47Travis McElroy?

  Okay? Just do a normal ad. It's a gift.

• 39:50Griffin McElroy?

  I'm with you now.

• 39:51Travis McElroy?

  It's a gift. You give a gift to somebody you love and you have an Aura Frame. You can set it up ahead of time. On their wifi details, you can, you can get it all hooked up. They don't need to be tech savvy to have one. And you don't really have to be tech savvy to use it. It's really easy with the Aura app. You can upload pictures that you take right away, wirelessly to anybody's frame. Your own frame at home, or maybe like a grandma, uncle, whatever. It's a, it's a beautiful gift. We've given them to lots of people.

• 40:16Griffin McElroy?

  If, if you've got kids, if you've got kids and your parents aren't online, this, this is a way to get the pictures of your kids. To your, but to your parents, having to explain how, you know, Instagram works and.

• 40:28Travis McElroy?

  And keep them off of it. Keep them off of social media. They don't need to be on Facebook. Tell them that the Aura Frame is Instagram. They don't know their kids.

• 40:35Griffin McElroy?

  They don't know anything.

• 40:37Travis McElroy?

  Hey, if you would like to try this out, I promise you, it makes a great gift. I've literally given it to probably a half dozen people at this point. For a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com and get $45 off Aura's best selling Carver Matte Frames by using promo code MYBROTHER at checkout. That's A U R A Frames.com promo code MYBROTHER. This exclusive Friday, Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so don't miss out. Terms and conditions apply.

• 41:01Griffin McElroy?

  Real quick, it's got a couple of announcements before we get back to the rest of the show. It's Blart Week, baby. The 10th anniversary of Tell Death to Us Blart drops this Thursday on American Thanksgiving.

• 41:11Travis McElroy?

  So all week, we'll be showcasing special Blart content. You can see Blart marathons all week long.

• 41:18Griffin McElroy?

  We're not doing any of that.

• 41:19Travis McElroy?

  Look in your mailbox. There's a Blart mailer in there.

• 41:21Griffin McElroy?

  Just doing the one episode that we did record a while ago, but it's coming out and it's going to be great. Please join us as we watch Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 with our friends Tim and Guy for the 10th year running. Also, we're doing our Candle Night special on December 14th at 9:00 PM. We've got special bits we've made and special videos and we're gonna do my bim bam bits and it's all holiday themed and we don't cuss. And it's a great time of year and you get together and you share it with your family. And it's just lovely. Bit.ly/candlenightstickets2024 is where you can go to get a ticket for that. So you should do it and then join us December 14th at 9:00 PM. It's all pre-recorded, but we air it live so everybody can watch it and chat about it. And it's a, it's a good vibe, I promise.

• 42:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. And speaking of a good vibe, if you're listening to this week of, right now, week of Thanksgiving, I am appearing off Broadway in the Twenty-Sided Tavern. It's a live D and D improv off-Broadway show. It's an absolutely chaotic good time. You can get your tickets at the20sidedtavern.com. I'm only doing seven shows, so don't miss it. The20sidedtavern.com. Come see me there. I'll be doing like a stage door meet and greet after each show. So come, see the show.

• 42:31Griffin McElroy?

  We got merch.

• 42:32Travis McElroy?

  And say hi.

• 42:32Griffin McElroy?

  We got some new merch for Candle Nights. The Candle Nights poster and ornament are available now, designed by Matt H. Taylor. And all proceeds for, for that particular item and the Candle Night show go to Harmony House, which works to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs. And then also, other merch we got, Deathblart 10-year anniversary poster, celebrating our so far, pretty great track record of staying alive.

• 42:56Travis McElroy?

  Flawless run.

• 42:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:57Travis McElroy?

  Killer, yeah.

• 42:57Griffin McElroy?

  And, and also, if you want to get fungal or merch, you should do it before the end of the year. And 10% of all merch sales this month of November will be donated to the First Nations Development Institute. Their mission is to uplift and sustain the life ways and economies of Native communities through advocacy, financial support, and knowledge sharing, all at macroymersch.com.

• 43:16Travis McElroy?

  And in case we didn't say it in the episode, thanks to Montane for the use of My Life is Better with You.

• 43:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I know we said it. We always say it at live shows. I pride myself on myself.

• 43:24Travis McElroy?

  Just in case, who knows when this was?

• 43:26Griffin McElroy?

  But I do thank Montane. I do thank Montane.

• 43:28Travis McElroy?

  I thank you.

• 43:29Griffin McElroy?

  Enjoy the rest of it. Bye.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  Who's ready for some science?

• 43:36Speaker 03

  With sources and new owners?

• 43:40Speaker 03

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 43:44Speaker 04

  And some funny jokes from me. On Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too. From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins. From quantum physics to the history of swearing. As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green. And some funny jokes from me. Me, Caroline Roper. Dr. Ella Hubber. And Tom Lum. So join us next time, where we will learn about...

• 44:07Speaker 03

  Everything!

• 44:11Speaker 04

  Hey, are you playing a video game right now?

• 44:14Speaker 05

  Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG.

• 44:17Travis McElroy?

  Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time.

• 44:20Speaker 04

  Been there. I'm Maddie Myers.

• 44:22Speaker 05

  I'm Jason Schreier.

• 44:23Travis McElroy?

  And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast.

• 44:27Speaker 04

  A podcast you can listen to while you do other things.

• 44:30Speaker 05

  Like driving, or cooking, or playing video games.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  On Triple Click, we share our thoughts on the latest games.

• 44:38Speaker 05

  And breaking news out of the video game industry.

• 44:41Travis McElroy?

  And we also talk about other stuff besides games.

• 44:43Speaker 05

  So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out Triple Click.

• 44:47Travis McElroy?

  Listen on MaximumFun.org, or wherever you find your podcasts.

• 44:55Griffin McElroy?

  We are now going to call some folks down to the microphone that is here at Stage Left, House Right. We ask you to send in your questions. I'm gonna call out your name and your seat number. And when you approach, what are you, what the fuck are you doing?

• 45:10Travis McElroy?

  God damn it, dude!

• 45:11Griffin McElroy?

  Because you crushed a can of White Claw?

• 45:14Travis McElroy?

  He did it with his mind, Griffin.

• 45:16Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 45:16Travis McElroy?

  I was trying to send a secret signal. It got through!

• 45:19Griffin McElroy?

  Alright.

• 45:21Travis McElroy?

  Alright, thanks, Paul!

• 45:23Griffin McElroy?

  When you come on down.

• 45:25Travis McElroy?

  I was really, have you guys ever done, hey, here's a quick question. Have you guys ever done the question on your head thing? I feel like... Not for you! I clearly wasn't asking everybody in the audience to answer individually for themselves, but I do love that spirit, honestly. The way in which you answered it, like, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Obviously, Justin. Are we gonna do it right now?

• 45:47Griffin McElroy?

  No, please.

• 45:48Travis McElroy?

  I'm really not already crushed my head. I was just curious. I don't think I would, I think...

• 45:51Griffin McElroy?

  It would hurt, and we'd embarrass ourselves.

• 45:52Travis McElroy?

  Do you feel like you, you're not gonna?

• 45:55Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not Stone Cold Steve Austin, if that's what you're asking.

• 45:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, no shit, Griffin. I'm not gonna, but like, you think you could, right? I mean, I've been into one like a werewolf and Teen Wolf.

• 46:07Griffin McElroy?

  I'm already-

• 46:08Travis McElroy?

  I'm a human.

• 46:09Griffin McElroy?

  I'm already going to the hospital after the show, so I may as well cut my forehead terribly.

• 46:14Travis McElroy?

  I think the trick has to be you squeeze a little as you do it. I think you gotta squeeze a little as you do it, right?

• 46:19Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know, man. I'll ask Stone Cold Steve Austin next time I see him. We're gonna call you down to the microphone when-

• 46:25Travis McElroy?

  At book club.

• 46:26Griffin McElroy?

  Please let me get through this, please. It's not funny, it's just informative, but I have to do it and you're not letting me!

• 46:39Griffin McElroy?

  It's just an exfoliation!

• 46:41Travis McElroy?

  This is actually a good time-

• 46:43Griffin McElroy?

  And we'll let you do it!

• 46:43Travis McElroy?

  This is actually the perfect time for me to finish my Arby's transaction.

• 46:48Griffin McElroy?

  You have to log in?

• 46:50Travis McElroy?

  Shut up, Travis! You have to log in with Arby's-

• 46:52Griffin McElroy?

  You have an Arby's account!

• 46:53Travis McElroy?

  You have it saved!

• 46:56Griffin McElroy?

  You're- Justin has his Arby's account password saved on his password manager!

• 47:07Travis McElroy?

  Stop it! Stop looking, Travis! I can't do it if you look!

• 47:10Griffin McElroy?

  But what if that's the thing that like gets you on the dark web sites?

• 47:17Griffin McElroy?

  Arby's today suffered a terrible hack. I mean, they're dope. Okay.

• 47:21Travis McElroy?

  I get emails about it all the time, like, "Hey, they cracked this password, J-Man." It's like, "Well, they'll give me street cred, let them rifle through there, I don't care." It's a long purchasing history.

• 47:31Griffin McElroy?

  When you come to the fucking microphone...

• 47:36Griffin McElroy?

  When you come to the microphone here at Stage Left, House Right, if you want to give us your name, your pronouns if you'd like, and a synopsis of the question that you sent in, that would be lovely. Hello? Who are you? Uh...

• 47:51Travis McElroy?

  Tell us about yourself. That was not supposed to stump you.

• 47:54Griffin McElroy?

  I've been a designer for most of my life. No name! Name! What's your pronouns? Some things happened three years ago and I went on some hard times.

• 48:02Travis McElroy?

  Wait, our mic's not working? Wait, I didn't- we have- What's your name? What is your name, please?

• 48:07Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I'm Paul. I'm sorry, he-hum.

• 48:08Travis McElroy?

  It's okay. Hey, Paul! Welcome to the stage, Paul!

• 48:13Travis McElroy?

  All right, Paul, with our introductions out of the way.

• 48:16Griffin McElroy?

  They're new meds.

• 48:17Travis McElroy?

  It's our...

• 48:18Griffin McElroy?

  It's all good, Paul.

• 48:20Travis McElroy?

  What's going on, Paul? How can we help?

• 48:22Griffin McElroy?

  So I've been a designer for like 30 years. Went into some hard times about three years ago. Something happened, but anyhow. Was it the potato cakes getting taken out of Arby's? Because that hit a lot of us. You know how it goes.

• 48:34Travis McElroy?

  That's when McRoy stuff went downhill fast.

• 48:37Griffin McElroy?

  I finally landed a job in sales, but I don't have a whole lot of experience at it. And I wanted to sort of inject some fun and pizzazz into my sales pitch, and I was hoping you guys could help me. I do sell headstones.

• 48:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah, you save that for the end in the email, too. And we were all, my brain was all getting very excited about different gags. And then, oops, right there at the end. It's just so sad. Okay, I got two things for you.

• 49:05Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 49:06Travis McElroy?

  First, start talking about like a celebrity endorsement. Like, this is the headstone, like John Wayne uses, right? And so that way, you tie it in that way. And then if you want a little joke, you can say, and you can use it. It's flexible, headstone, footstone, however you want to do it.

• 49:22Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 49:22Travis McElroy?

  Well, that won't go over real good. It's proven here. Then you make a joke.

• 49:30Travis McElroy?

  Listen, screens are the future. How big are screens right now for you guys? Yeah, I thought so. I, the next step after that is...

• 49:37Griffin McElroy?

  Do you mean measurement or popularity?

• 49:39Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, screens like, screens in the headstones, it's huge right now. Yeah, but you said, how big is it? And I thought you were asking, what's a quarter? Like, how many? No, no, no, no, I don't need a big screen there. I'm not trying to be flashy forever. And besides, if you get a big screen in your headstone, what about five years, they got better screens? You're gonna look like a dork for dying when you did. You don't need that. So you need AI to update it. So whatever's hot then, that's what's on your headstone. It's like, here lies Justin. And then you've got like a Fortnite guy, or, you know.

• 50:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:09Travis McElroy?

  And he's like skibidiing all over me. And my name, and he's just giving it...

• 50:15Griffin McElroy?

  But then, what if there's a glitch? And that's what it gets stuck as forever? And then in the year 3100, during the second great human renaissance, people are like, we gotta smash this fucking headstone, guys.

• 50:25Travis McElroy?

  We can all agree, we like this one the least. History's greatest villain, according to...

• 50:30Griffin McElroy?

  Dig that creep up! What's his fucking deal?

• 50:34Travis McElroy?

  Is there a law that says the dates on a headstone? Doesn't have to be true.

• 50:41Griffin McElroy?

  Technically, no.

• 50:43Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 50:45Travis McElroy?

  Because if you could stretch it out to a ridiculous number, and then wait, like 200 years from now, someone's like, yeah, what the fuck?

• 50:53Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa, they were born in 1251, died 1998?

• 51:00Travis McElroy?

  That's all I want.

• 51:01Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. Or have it go backwards. Whoa!

• 51:05Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to-

• 51:07Griffin McElroy?

  Does it have to be the right name? Or can you put like Benjamin Button on there and just like freak everyone out?

• 51:11Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to think- The real Benjamin Franklin, and we found him! I'm trying to think of other, like, de facto sales pitch stuff that's already out. Like, oh, that's my favorite. No, that's, that one's delicious. Like, you can't do that. That works at a restaurant. Or like, um, yeah, people are wild about that one. We hear a lot of, we get a lot of repeat business on that.

• 51:33Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know why. The last headstone you'll ever need.

• 51:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 51:38Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know why we have seeded the fun marketing ground exclusively to like auto dealerships on TikTok. I feel like there's an opportunity there for you to become the fun TikTok headstone dealer.

• 51:55Griffin McElroy?

  And maybe-

• 51:59Travis McElroy?

  Is there a way to make a headstone get taller over time?

• 52:06Travis McElroy?

  A big, like, you know, licorice? A big licorice stick that looks like it's dipping into my crawfish?

• 52:11Griffin McElroy?

  Edible headstones.

• 52:13Travis McElroy?

  Can it be a 3D printer, but it's like so slow? So like in 30 years, it'll finally finish. It's a statue of me or something. That would be killer.

• 52:25Griffin McElroy?

  What's your usual pitch, like?

• 52:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, where do you start?

• 52:28Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, usually I start with, I'm sorry, your family member died.

• 52:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah! Okay, that's a bad place. That's not fun. There's no pizzazz there.

• 52:35Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck, guys, no, we should have said something. God damn it.

• 52:38Travis McElroy?

  No, that's a place to start like, man! I'm so glad you're here.

• 52:43Griffin McElroy?

  Nah. Finally. My dumbass was just like, do a TikTok dance. I should have said, apologize about their dead family, man.

• 52:52Travis McElroy?

  Wait, people aren't picking out their own headstones ahead of time? You gotta get that going. I don't want these ham and anchors picking out my headstone. They're gonna get boring ass headstones. I wanna pick my own headstone.

• 53:04Griffin McElroy?

  Why on God's green earth would we be the ones to decide on your headstone?

• 53:08Travis McElroy?

  We are 20th on that list if we are anywhere on it at all. Because my wife is crying so hard, she's throwing up. Travis, I swear to God, there's probably literally two dozen people that would do a better job in the line of succession. But do you know? Who? If you let me. My seven year old? Travis. You monster. You have known us for a very long time. If you let Griffin and I be in charge of it, you will not like it. You won't like it, dude.

• 53:37Griffin McElroy?

  Our asses guaranteed.

• 53:39Travis McElroy?

  I was gonna do that anyways, but I thought it was gonna be like, nice headstone, bro. Geez Louise, now I'll never die. This is my impression of Griffin and I for the rest of our lives. It's what he would have wanted, right? I mean, he would have.

• 53:53Travis McElroy?

  He would have got, he would have gotten it. He would have got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He would have gotten it. He would have got it.

• 53:56Griffin McElroy?

  Can you make some of the headstones vert ramps and just like?

• 54:00Travis McElroy?

  I'd love that, actually.

• 54:02Griffin McElroy?

  Super easy. That would be cool.

• 54:04Travis McElroy?

  If one in a million people who stepped on my grave fell into it, that's actually what I want. Just a trapdoor and you never know when it's gonna go.

• 54:12Griffin McElroy?

  Can you write on every headstone, no treasure here, guaranteed?

• 54:16Travis McElroy?

  Wink.

• 54:18Griffin McElroy?

  That statement has to be true. Well, maybe.

• 54:22Travis McElroy?

  Is there a law about that? Better question, have we helped you?

• 54:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 54:27Travis McElroy?

  Oh, good. This is real late.

• 54:31Travis McElroy?

  Good luck.

• 54:32Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 54:34Travis McElroy?

  How's it going? Hi there. Hi, how's it going? Going good. Ryan, he/him? Hey, Ryan. Hello, Ryan. I teach for a living and I have a lot of free time in the summer. And one of the things I like. To do is go to garage sales locally because you never know what you're gonna find. Yeah.

• 54:51Griffin McElroy?

  Um, and I mean, you kinda do.

• 54:53Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, it's mostly garbage. Board, board games and smelly clothes.

• 54:59Travis McElroy?

  Half of a basketball hoop. 12 records. Ripped up Pokemon cards, you know, um. Oh, that's a story there. That's the holy grail, really. Why do they rip them up and keep them? Bad breakup. So what is your question? How can we help? My, uh, my question is, though, what do I say to the people running the garage sales when I don't buy anything? You say, "Anything else good inside?"

• 55:25Travis McElroy?

  Where's the primo's? Where's the cream shit? You got, you got any? Where's the pre-rigs? You got any stock in the back room? By which I mean, your house? Where's the, where's the black market in your ho? T-shirt, take me to the seedy underbelly of your house. Where's the stuff for thee? Delivered connoisseurs. Do y'all do food? I'm hungry. Hey, I love the display you got out of here for the normies. What do you got for us discerning adults? Wink, wink. Wink, wink. Where's the beaded curtain I can step through? Right. Where's the adults-only section? Uh, you could do what I do whenever I leave a place without buying something and loudly announce to anyone who's listening that I left my wallet in the car and then, and then leave.

• 56:10Griffin McElroy?

  You do that every time you leave a garage sale without buying something?

• 56:13Travis McElroy?

  He does that when he leaves my house, Gerbo. I do that when I leave. I do that when I leave most places without buying something. Yes, I will announce that I left my wallet. Now, there is a problem with that, though, Justin, where garage sales do mainly dig place outside. So they would watch you get into car, start car, change gears, drive away. Yes, but by the time I've gone, so have they, from my mind, I mean.

• 56:39Griffin McElroy?

  And that's better, Travis. Don't you think it's better for the garage sale runner to be like, oh, he's fucking gone? Rather than the person working at the shop that can't see Justin get on drive off, just waiting, should we lock up? It's way past closing time. Nah, man, Juice said he'd be back with the wallet.

• 56:56Travis McElroy?

  And I'm a huge fan of my brother, my brother me. I know I didn't say that to him then, but he's coming back.

• 57:02Griffin McElroy?

  Um, yeah, I think you gotta be honest with, um...

• 57:06Travis McElroy?

  This shit sucks.

• 57:07Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta get better shit. You made precious memories with this stuff?

• 57:14Travis McElroy?

  No, you didn't hear me. I said, "One man's trash is another man's treasure." I'm not the person that thinks it is treasure, so I have to go.

• 57:22Griffin McElroy?

  I will be honest with you, Ryan. I don't think I've ever done this because you can usually find something at a garage sale for like a quarter. And that's a penalty you pay for not finding any cool shit at the garage sale.

• 57:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I, yeah.

• 57:36Griffin McElroy?

  Although that's weird when you're like, "Just the ashtray, thanks."

• 57:42Griffin McElroy?

  "I just started smoking."

• 57:45Travis McElroy?

  I haven't started smoking yet, but I'm thinking of taking it up.

• 57:48Griffin McElroy?

  "I don't know if I like smoking, but I love Betty Boop."

• 57:53Travis McElroy?

  Ryan, if you walk up to a garage sale, what is it the first thing you're looking for? Like, what are your, what's your first priority? Non-ripped up Pokemon cards. Non-ripped up Pokemon cards. So Pokemon cards are the number one. Then you just walk up, look him square in the eye and say, "I'll take all your Pokemon cards."

• 58:12Travis McElroy?

  And when they say none, you say, "Okay, then why did you make me come?" Yeah. Then why did you put "Pokemon's for sale" on the poster? You didn't? Fuck, what address is this? I gotta go. Have you ever not stopped? Have you ever driven past like, "Got any Pokemon?" Nope, all right, bye. I 100% have done like the slow drive by where you can kind of like scope it out and you're like, See if you see any really big Pokemon. And not have to stop here.

• 58:39Griffin McElroy?

  One time I was at a garage sale with Rachel when we were still living in... Austin and before we had kids and stuff, when we could still just drive around the neighborhood in the weekend and look at garage sales. And I, we were like, fuck yeah, that one's got a hammock for sale. So we bought the hammock. And then they were like, alright, so um, are you gonna be by with the truck later to pick it up? And we were like, oh yeah, that's right.

• 59:05Griffin McElroy?

  It has to get to our house somehow. It's a hammock. Forgot about that part of it.

• 59:11Travis McElroy?

  So what did you do?

• 59:12Griffin McElroy?

  It was like three blocks away. We carried it home. That's how we got strong.

• 59:17Griffin McElroy?

  We used it like four times. It was well worth it, guys.

• 59:20Travis McElroy?

  Excellent. Does that help? Uh, yeah, that actually really helps. Awesome. Oh, cool, Ryan. Thank you. I didn't expect you'd feel that way.

• 59:30Travis McElroy?

  Did anyone else? Oh, thank God.

• 59:32Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 59:33Travis McElroy?

  Hi.

• 59:33Speaker 03

  Hi.

• 59:33Travis McElroy?

  How's it going?

• 59:34Griffin McElroy?

  Hi.

• 59:35Speaker 03

  I'm Katie H. I asked a question about hot air balloons.

• 59:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Katie.

• 59:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Katie, so many questions from us on this one.

• 59:41Griffin McElroy?

  I'm so delighted.

• 59:41Speaker 03

  Hi.

• 59:42Griffin McElroy?

  So what's up with the hot air balloons, Katie?

• 59:44Speaker 03

  Uh, my question was how do I get them to stop landing in my yard?

• 59:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, now.

• 59:49Travis McElroy?

  Right?

• 59:50Griffin McElroy?

  So.

• 59:52Travis McElroy?

  Kids eat change with their hula hoops with their hot air balloons. I'd love to let Katie talk for like 30 seconds, because I do need a lot of information really quickly.

• 1:00:01Speaker 03

  So I live in like the middle of a cornfield and it was an empty lot for like 40 years. So I think it was just like their secret landing spot.

• 1:00:10Griffin McElroy?

  To do, to get, okay, yes, I guess if you do need to piss or shit as a hot air balloon pilot, you can't do it in the skies.

• 1:00:17Travis McElroy?

  No, you gotta plan for that. Okay, sorry.

• 1:00:20Griffin McElroy?

  They did plan for it. They had this nasty little cornfield they would park in and do their business before rising back up.

• 1:00:26Travis McElroy?

  Hey Katie, I know this isn't the question you asked, but moving forward in the future, if someone asks you where you live, don't say, I live in the middle of a cornfield. Because it does sound like you've just risen up from the ground.

• 1:00:39Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so, but they're still, they're still parking it, you're saying?

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:00:42Travis McElroy?

  How often?

• 1:00:44Speaker 03

  Like, at least once, like, a year, they'll try and land them.

• 1:00:47Travis McElroy?

  Okay, they got year was the end of that?

• 1:00:48Griffin McElroy?

  No, Travis, you say that, but my rate of hot air balloon parking encounters is approximately zero a year for the whole of my life. One a year is a lot of hot air balloons to randomly land in your... If you all had an annual hot air balloon visit?

• 1:01:06Travis McElroy?

  I think you could make more space in it for your life if it was more frequent. That's true. It's almost worse than it's annual. You could set up, like, an outpost and sell them goods and serve... Ah, you're here to trade furs. And then if it happens every few years, it's magical, like Brigadoodle. Once a year is the worst frequency you could happen with.

• 1:01:28Speaker 03

  It's, like, really weird, too, 'cause, like, they have people on the ground, I don't know if you guys know this, but they have, like, people on the ground, and they, like, come driving up my driveway with, like, walkie-talkies, and they're, like, trying to tell them not to land because there's a house there.

• 1:01:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:42Travis McElroy?

  Do they land on your house?

• 1:01:44Speaker 03

  No, but they...

• 1:01:45Travis McElroy?

  How fast are these fucking balloons going? They can't clock the fucking house on the ground?

• 1:01:52Griffin McElroy?

  I didn't know hot air balloons could...

• 1:01:53Travis McElroy?

  It's too late, it's too late, I don't know what to do! Give it more hot, so it go up. I didn't know landing was such a committed process. I'm like, "No, man, I'm coming in, tell the house to move." I know why they need pullers, obviously. Right, like, it's a delicate balance, for sure. I don't know why they need spotters for houses, it's just a balloon, don't go there!

• 1:02:15Griffin McElroy?

  You have literally nothing obstructing your sightline, except for maybe four ropes.

• 1:02:21Travis McElroy?

  Katie, you need to put a bunch of cactuses on your roof.

• 1:02:26Travis McElroy?

  'Cause then the hot, that's the hot air balloons naturally... Enemy. Hey Katie, you got a label maker? You want, can you get ahold of a label maker? You wanna own a hot air balloon?

• 1:02:41Travis McElroy?

  I'm saying that guy lands, you're like, "Bring her in pal, bring her in, no problemo." Soon as it lands, Katie's, "What? What is this down here?" Well, it's, let's see, it's at my house and it says Katie's on it. So I guess that's my hot air balloon.

• 1:02:56Griffin McElroy?

  But I'll go to the police, will you?

• 1:02:58Travis McElroy?

  Will you?

• 1:02:58Griffin McElroy?

  Cause you landed in my fucking yard, dude.

• 1:03:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you landed on my, you landed on my yard and if you'll notice, I'm 10 feet above you. I'm flying away like the Wizard of Oz. You'll never see me again, motherfucker.

• 1:03:12Griffin McElroy?

  But wait, wait, wait, hold up. How did you go down? Because, oh no.

• 1:03:17Travis McElroy?

  Hey, wait, hold on, climb up that rope, hurry! Hey, wait, do you guys still have any other cornfields? Cause I can't land here, it would be hugely embarrassing. But maybe with owners who are less crabby than me?

• 1:03:28Griffin McElroy?

  Can you get some friends to come over and dress up as, I don't know, scary looking balloon scavengers?

• 1:03:34Travis McElroy?

  Okay, Griffin, sorry. It's a really good movie. Have the friends come over and dress like the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Man, um, Scarecrow, and Dorothy and be so excited that the balloon came back.

• 1:03:50Griffin McElroy?

  That would also work, yeah, I think that would also work.

• 1:03:52Travis McElroy?

  I was, Katie, I was about to say if that helped, but like, we're really doing a good job.

• 1:03:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:57Travis McElroy?

  So I think, that, I feel like question answered, right? Feel good? Yeah, I thought so.

• 1:04:03Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you, Katie.

• 1:04:04Speaker 03

  Thank you, guys.

• 1:04:07Griffin McElroy?

  That's a little Shrek on it.

• 1:04:10Griffin McElroy?

  A lot of you would probably think, I bet they don't have a Shrek hot air balloon.

• 1:04:13Travis McElroy?

  We gotta stop making such big Shreks, everybody. Bye.

• 1:04:17Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  Hello, my name is Sawyer, I use they/them pronouns.

• 1:04:20Griffin McElroy?

  Hi Sawyer.

• 1:04:21Speaker 03

  I got so lost coming down here.

• 1:04:23Griffin McElroy?

  I know, I'm so sorry.

• 1:04:24Travis McElroy?

  It is, a little bit.

• 1:04:24Speaker 03

  You're like, where is everyone? In a labyrinth?

• 1:04:27Griffin McElroy?

  We got lost backstage, backstage a couple of times, too.

• 1:04:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:30Griffin McElroy?

  It's the, the Masonics were constantly under threat of invasion, so they needed to...

• 1:04:37Travis McElroy?

  The weirdest part is all the arrow holes facing out?

• 1:04:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's weird. Anyway, Sawyer, what's your question?

• 1:04:44Speaker 04

  Okay. So, my sister had a fish, R.I.P. Its name was Screwdriver. And as you do for the-

• 1:04:53Travis McElroy?

  It's a great name for a fish.

• 1:04:54Speaker 04

  Yeah. Traditional fish funeral, we flushed it down the toilet.

• 1:04:58Travis McElroy?

  Burial, let's see, yeah.

• 1:04:59Speaker 04

  Nearly immediately, I had to use the bathroom.

• 1:05:05Griffin McElroy?

  Did you, perchance, eat a pepperoni roll 25 minutes prior to the funeral?

• 1:05:13Speaker 04

  Um, no, but it sounds good.

• 1:05:17Travis McElroy?

  It doesn't.

• 1:05:18Speaker 04

  Maybe for me.

• 1:05:20Griffin McElroy?

  So, what happened next, I guess?

• 1:05:24Speaker 04

  Luckily, we have, like, other bathrooms-

• 1:05:27Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:05:27Speaker 04

  -in the house. But that one is, like, the one closest to my room.

• 1:05:31Griffin McElroy?

  Sure. It's the good one.

• 1:05:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, your favorite, that's fine.

• 1:05:34Griffin McElroy?

  We all have a favorite one.

• 1:05:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you have a home base. What would Screwdriver have wanted? Like, was Screwdriver nasty?

• 1:05:44Travis McElroy?

  There may be some fish that are like, "You'll never believe it, it finally happened." "I never thought it would happen to me." "Every eight different cycles on this shit planet, seven different incarnations, finally it happened." "The burial pee I've been waiting for."

• 1:06:04Travis McElroy?

  Sawyer, if that ever happens again, let me prepare you with this statement. "I just needed a moment alone."

• 1:06:11Travis McElroy?

  "I have a lot of feelings right now, all building up inside of me." "I just needed a moment alone with the ghost of Screwdriver." Ashes to ashes, I'm about to bust.

• 1:06:24Travis McElroy?

  You guys gotta get out.

• 1:06:29Travis McElroy?

  And now the traditional moment when you all quickly leave the room.

• 1:06:34Griffin McElroy?

  Paul, if you're still looking for headstone, uh, sales tactics, I think offering a burial at P could be novel, at the very least. It's not like that same day, right? You gotta let the sun set on screwdrivers. Oh no, am I?

• 1:06:52Travis McElroy?

  Like, no, it's... What are you talking about? Once the flush has happened... It's flush! It's gone! It's gone! Now, a flush does have to happen. Yeah, you gotta, yeah, you gotta flush. You should be, can I say though, pro tip to everybody, you should be flushing when you put it in, because if you don't, it's not good. Say whatever you're gonna say before it enters the toilet. Don't put it in and say your words. And make sure, and honestly, while we're at it, make sure you flush before, too. You really, you wanna be really... You should be flushing your toilet constantly. It's a taste issue, honestly, it's a taste issue.

• 1:07:28Griffin McElroy?

  You should be taking your...

• 1:07:30Travis McElroy?

  It's a taste, not taste. God, man, guys, this used to be a classy show, you know? It sounds like you're talking about Sue feeding your fish in the toilet. It used to be a classy show for adult, discerning adult. Then what did you mean? You can't say it's a taste issue.

• 1:07:46Griffin McElroy?

  Are you getting dressed like you're about to walk offstage?

• 1:07:49Travis McElroy?

  Do you need to use the bathroom? Well, I never. Paul Rumpf. No, I'm just saying it's distasteful to not flush before and after the service. I'm saying there should be a little bit of taste applied to the ceremony. And yes, ideally, you do have a marching band lead you into the toilet, Justin. Obviously, in a perfect world.

• 1:08:12Griffin McElroy?

  Do you take out the little, like, blue cleaning disc inside the toilet before you put the fish in there?

• 1:08:18Travis McElroy?

  That's what they would've wanted. And turn off the music when it flushes, because you have a special music...

• 1:08:26Travis McElroy?

  That would be embarrassing. Mercy cleans the fish in the bidet. Right. Yes, spray it out. No, you put the fish in first, fire out the bidet, give him one last ride.

• 1:08:36Travis McElroy?

  Goodbye. Sawyer, does that help? I don't wanna talk to my brothers about this anymore. Yeah, yeah, thanks, Sawyer, I appreciate it. Does it help?

• 1:08:44Speaker 04

  It did help, thank you.

• 1:08:45Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Sawyer.

• 1:08:46Travis McElroy?

  I knew it.

• 1:08:51Griffin McElroy?

  Hey y'all, thank you so much for coming to our live show tonight. It has been an absolute blast. You are incredible, and there's so many of you, holy shit.

• 1:09:01Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much.

• 1:09:02Griffin McElroy?

  That's ama-- oh wait, I'm gonna be real you. Nah, I don't know where my phone is, never mind. But I'll tell all my friends later, they'll be so jealous.

• 1:09:09Travis McElroy?

  We wanna say a big thank you to Justin Gray, who did our poster.

• 1:09:13Griffin McElroy?

  It's, uh, you can find it outside, maybe we signed a whole bunch of them, and you can buy them out front.

• 1:09:19Travis McElroy?

  My favorite part is where there's a birdhouse in my soul.

• 1:09:23Griffin McElroy?

  And your face, for some reason, I love it.

• 1:09:25Travis McElroy?

  Well, that's where my soul is, and it's on my feet.

• 1:09:27Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you to Paul and Amanda, and to Rachel, and to Jack, and everyone who helps us do all of these shows.

• 1:09:33Travis McElroy?

  To Sawbones. Hey, thanks Sawbones.

• 1:09:38Travis McElroy?

  To, uh, Clint McElroy. Thank you Clint. Thank you to the staff of this beautiful temple, they've been so accommodating. And our spread backstage, they really went above and beyond with the candy, and we so appreciate that, extra touch. Uh, there's like eight different candies back there, it's great.

• 1:09:56Griffin McElroy?

  It's gorgeous. Uh, thank you to Montane for using for our theme song, "My Life Is Better With You."

• 1:10:03Travis McElroy?

  I have a wish here that I would like to elevate for Funglor, we don't need to, but I wanna elevate--

• 1:10:08Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, and thanks to Sawbones for opening, uh, and absolutely crushing it.

• 1:10:12Travis McElroy?

  I said that, right?

• 1:10:13Griffin McElroy?

  And thank you also to Paul, and Clint McElroy, and to you.

• 1:10:20Travis McElroy?

  You.

• 1:10:22Travis McElroy?

  You all can see me, right?

• 1:10:25Travis McElroy?

  Okay, they brought Strudel to its backstage as well. Not for you, for us, but--

• 1:10:30Griffin McElroy?

  And pepperoni rolls, they will lose points for that, when God judges them.

• 1:10:35Travis McElroy?

  And thanks to Paul.

• 1:10:36Griffin McElroy?

  And thanks to Paul.

• 1:10:37Travis McElroy?

  And hey, big thanks to Paul. The headstone dealer. We have a wish for Funglor--

• 1:10:42Griffin McElroy?

  We have a wish for Funglor--

• 1:10:44Travis McElroy?

  I have a wish that I wanna elevate, shut up.

• 1:10:46Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I'm sorry Travis, is it hard to talk sometimes on the show? Cause the other two guys are just doing their fucking-- Alright, we're gonna do a sound bath, raise up this wish, Funglor, right.

• 1:10:57Travis McElroy?

  House left, your mind, stage right--

• 1:11:00Griffin McElroy?

  Just jazz it, baby, no rules, just right, just feel it, and do it.

• 1:11:03Travis McElroy?

  Ha.

• 1:11:09Travis McElroy?

  Rub, rub, rub. I wish rain would taste more fun. My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. Just been my brother, my brother, me kiss your dad square on the lips.

• 1:11:56Speaker 05

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.