Listener Tales 112: Vacation

Weirdos! Let's pack up the MORBID family station wagon and get ready to go on a little vacation! This time, Deb has found vacation tales that will have you freaked out AND cackling with laughter. OH! And these tales are BY you FOR you and ALL ABOUT YOU! So, buckle your seatbelt and hold onto your butts, friends! Check out the YOUTUBE version is packed with extra Nicholas footage!

• 0:01Speaker 00

  The Hulu original series Phony is coming to Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus October 20th. Sunny's life is pretty great until he wakes up from a car accident to a world that looks exactly like his, with one exception, his mom. Starring five-time Emmy nominee Connie Britton and Sam Nivola, this small town is hiding the mother of all mysteries just beneath the surface. Watch the Hulu original series Phony on October 20th. Streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Chilling crime cases are mysterious, but finding coverage shouldn't be. With the State Farm Personal Price Plan, you have options and can personalize your plan to help create an affordable price, so you can get back to cracking all of life's bigger cases. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Head to statefarm.com to get a quote. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.

• 1:07Speaker 00

  Here's one holiday mystery officially solved. What to get the man in your life. The Old Spice Holiday Gift Pack is that perfect gift that he's actually going to use. It's also a great value, since each ready-to-gift pack includes four, one, two, three, four, honey, full-size products. There's a deodorant, body wash, body spray, and a shampoo. Choose from scents including Swagger's Cedarwood scent and Fiji's Palm Tree and Coconut scent. Old Spice makes holiday shopping easy, leaving more time for building that epic backyard snow fort. I'm obsessed with that. I will absolutely be putting this in Drew's stocking. Buy Old Spice Holiday Packs for a limited time to give the gift of scent this holiday season. Hey, weirdos, I'm your dad.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  I'm your other dad.

• 1:53Speaker 00

  You have two dads. And we're on vacation. And this is Morbid.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  Where your dads on vacation.

• 2:15Speaker 00

  Period.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  What up?

• 2:17Speaker 00

  What up?

• 2:17Speaker 01

  We're gonna be talking about vacation listener tales today.

• 2:20Speaker 00

  Duh.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  And this just felt right.

• 2:22Speaker 00

  It did.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  And it was comfy.

• 2:23Speaker 00

  The flamingo set to me.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  Is everything.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  It feels real good.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  And I look like I don't have pants on, which is probably upsetting to some.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  Some dads don't wear pants.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  Some dads don't wear pants. I got aliens on vacation.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  I'd probably wear this other places.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  I was gonna say, just wear that anyway.

• 2:38Speaker 00

  If I just wear it on your book tour.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  Honestly.

• 2:40Speaker 00

  Maybe I will. Just this, this in like a little dress underneath.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  I'll support that.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  I support that a lot.

• 2:47Speaker 00

  And like some cute flats.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's go.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  I like it.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Hey, guys, have you seen it? Have you seen the bookmark?

• 2:55Speaker 00

  That's the bookmark.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  This is the bookmark.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  The. It's not a bookmark, it is the bookmark.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  This is the bookmark. Look at that.

• 3:02Speaker 00

  And then you can put it in your special edition of the book, which you can preorder right now. And look, the blood continues to drip, and it drips in line. Oh, wait, you can even make three blood drips come out. That's what, that's what I did wrong.

• 3:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:16Speaker 00

  Look at that. Leave that on your coffee table?

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. In this bookmark? She's hard, she's thick. She's not gonna break, you're not gonna lose her.

• 3:26Speaker 00

  No.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  She's shiny, she's acrylic, she's pretty.

• 3:28Speaker 00

  This.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  No.

• 3:29Speaker 00

  My dog eats my bookmarks so frequently.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Your dog probably couldn't eat this, and if they do, you should go to the vet right away.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  But if you preorder the book, if you preorder The Butcher Legacy.

• 3:41Speaker 00

  This book.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  Then you will be entered to win one of these. There's a bunch of people that are gonna win some of these, and it's, you just have to enter, and the link is in my bio, you just have to enter proof that you preordered The Butcher Legacy. Just your receipt, you know, that kind of thing, you got that. And then you'll be entered automatically to win. And they're really cool. They're really cool. And this special edition is something I'm really excited about, because I finally have a special edition.

• 4:08Speaker 00

  Personally, if you don't get a box set soon, heads will roll.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  I would like a box.

• 4:13Speaker 00

  As far as I'm concerned.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  So maybe I'll get a box set.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  I'll get a box.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  But we got, we got a special edition, we got some, some art. Let me see, we got some art here. We got some art.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  I like it.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  We got some, we got some annotated chapters in here, maybe.

• 4:32Speaker 00

  You get to see Elena's handwriting.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  I don't wanna show you too much. We, there's, there's lots of cool stuff in here, and the sprayed edges.

• 4:40Speaker 00

  Do you know what my favorite thing about you, one of my favorite things about you? You have like the bubbliest handwriting for, for the spookiest girl.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  You have like girl in eighth grade passing note handwriting.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Because I was a girl in eighth grade passing notes.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  Me too, of course.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:57Speaker 00

  I'm actually so mad. I used to have a box of all my notes. But I don't know, I mean.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  And we'd fold them in that extra special way.

• 5:05Speaker 00

  Yeah. You'd fold them into like triangles sometimes, yeah.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  We got real fancy with it.

• 5:09Speaker 00

  It's true. Those were the days.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  They really were.

• 5:12Speaker 00

  I was, oh my god, I got in trouble so many times passing notes.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  I think we all did. Here we are. So we're gonna do some, I think we got our business down, right?

• 5:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's time for the listener tales, which are brought to you by you, for you, from you, and all about you.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Let's do this.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  I feel like we need to make like dad puns if we can, and like dad jokes.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Definitely some dad puns and dad jokes.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  John's really good at those, we should have invited him.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  I should, every now and then I should call him and just tell him to give one.

• 5:36Speaker 00

  Just be like, yeah.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Cool, I'll do that.

• 5:45Speaker 00

  I was gonna be like, yeah.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  That's what I'll do, I'll call him and I'll go, yeah. Yeah.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  We've been married long enough, so I don't know what that means.

• 6:04Speaker 00

  I was gonna say, call him and say, we need your help. But then, and then he would say, I'm dad, but it didn't work.

• 6:20Speaker 00

  Like, you know, when you're like, I'm hungry, and he's like, I'm dad. I need your help. I'm dad.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Shit.

• 6:32Speaker 00

  I'm like really tired, you know?

• 6:34Speaker 01

  We're here.

• 6:35Speaker 00

  It's summer.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  It's summer, it's almost fall. It's coming. All right, let's read this first one, shall we?

• 6:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, we should definitely.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  I fell in a bog twice.

• 6:46Speaker 00

  You shouldn't do that.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  You shouldn't even do that once.

• 6:49Speaker 00

  No, you shouldn't.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  All right, let's see, hi Ash and Elena, please note, you may use my name, thank you. I don't know it yet, but we're gonna get there.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  Someday we'll learn.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  First of all, fangirl moment, y'all are the best.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  And I love the support and encouragement y'all provide to women.

• 7:04Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 7:05Speaker 00

  We're all girls.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  We need to support each other. As someone who struggles with MDD, major depressive disorder.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  I'm sorry.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Thank you for all the times you've.

• 7:13Speaker 00

  I'm gonna take my glasses off, because I can't read with them.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Really?

• 7:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm too old for this. It's like nice, I don't like the big light, and there's like a lot of lights in here, so I think this is my new solution.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  It, you know, it just, it like blurred it for me, and all of a sudden I was like, whoa.

• 7:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Sorry about that. Thank you for all the times y'all have been there for me during my low points.

• 7:35Speaker 00

  Oh, we'll always be there.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  Y'all's commentary never fails to make me laugh and feel better. Which leads me to my next thing. Sometimes y'all say that you're gonna be called out or yelled at for mispronouncing or using an incorrect term.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. But please know your fans wouldn't do that, or even bat an eye, or give a fuck. Fuck the haters who complain and seem to have some sort of superiority complex.

• 7:59Speaker 00

  Hell yeah.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Have they ever started a beyond successful podcast? Are they being forced to listen to Morbid? I'm going to say no and no. Maybe they should be forced to listen to every episode until they can come to appreciate what y'all do.

• 8:12Speaker 00

  Period.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  You both are so loved and adored.

• 8:14Speaker 00

  We adore you right back.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  My goodness. Okay, on with the story. I was listening to the bog episode. And thought I should tell you about the time I fell in a bog.

• 8:25Speaker 00

  Did you fall on a bog body?

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Oh shit. In 2023, my sister and I took a trip to Scotland for her 40th birthday.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  If we don't go to Scotland soon, I might pummel you.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Truly. Let me tell you, this trip was a doozy. We both have ADHD and traumatic childhoods, I'm sorry, which means we strive, we strive in chaos and tend to be too common situations other may panic and find alarming.

• 8:48Speaker 00

  Maybe that's why I freeze.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Maybe.

• 8:51Speaker 00

  Like, I'm not, I'm not like running, I'm just like, you're just like.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Here we are.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  You're just deer in headlights. I won't go into everything, but the trip was a doozy. Let me set the first, the stage of our journey. Day one, our flight gets canceled after sitting on the tarmac for over two hours due to a blizzard. Yay, Minnesota weather. Day two, we successfully arrive in Glasgow, but our bags do not.

• 9:14Speaker 00

  Oh, that's my worst nightmare.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  What can you do? By this time, my sister is hangry. I only mention this because we went to pick up the rental car, and the man asked if we both planned to drive, and she wasn't too keen on answering. So I answered that I would be the sole driver. I should mention this trip was us driving the entire perimeter of the country, but the woman needed food, and I couldn't fault her for that. So off to Edinburgh, we drive with two fluorescent yellow bracelets on each wrist that say left side, given by, that's actually really smart.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  That actually is smart, yeah.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Given by the car rental place to remind me which side of the road to drive on, along with the promise of our bags to be delivered at some point in time. I didn't know they did that, that's really smart.

• 9:54Speaker 00

  That would fuck me up still, even with the bracelet.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  I know, you're not good at lefts and rights.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  I'm not good at lefts and rights, and I just feel like I would hate it, like.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  See, I think it would help me.

• 10:03Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I like, I think the bracelet would help, I would just hate the fact that I had to drive on the other side. Like, I don't think I could do it.

• 10:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. With day two starting off with a bang, we decided to go explore the city since we didn't have luggage to drop off at the hotel. We parked the car, we packed the cat, and are walking around when we notice a group of people gathered on the sidewalk. As we approached, the first thing we hear is an EMT say, "Yep, looks like antifreeze." Ends up a woman, oh no, had died on the sidewalk after ingesting antifreeze.

• 10:33Speaker 00

  Fuck.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Now, I grew up being taught that you don't stop to watch car accidents or emergency situations because it causes, uh, it causes getting in the way or another accident. So on we continued, passing right by the dearly deceased Jesus.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  It causes getting in the way.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  No. Once I got my sister fed, we headed back to our hotel where our bags had arrived.

• 10:53Speaker 00

  Yay.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  We go to our room, and as we're getting settled, I look over to her and said, "Remember that time we saw a dead body?" Both of us burst out laughing. To clarify, we were laughing at the fact that we're so fucked up from childhood that we don't know how to properly respond or react to crazy events. That's completely okay, it happens.

• 11:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  For the deceased woman, I do sincerely hope she has now found peace. Our world is shitty, and you never know what someone has endured to lead them up to that point. Halfway through the trip, we went to the Highlands, where we stayed on a wonderful, at a wonderful cottage owned by two sisters who had just opened the day prior. One day, we decided we wanted to see the fairy pools.

• 11:28Speaker 00

  Wanna see them.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Oh, one of our sisters told us to go to a spot a few miles down the road and walk through the forest versus the place all the tourists go. That meant we would get to see the prettier pools frequented by the locals. So off we went. After surviving a one-lane road on a mountain without any railings, covered in potholes, and meant to for traffic going both ways.

• 11:48Speaker 00

  No.

• 11:48Speaker 01

  We finally pull into a small parking area. Uh, so it was next to the forest. We get out of the car and notice many articles of clothing laying around. I make a comment about how rude it is for people to leave clothing in trash instead of properly disposing of it. As we approached the forest, we noticed there is no path. We were legit going into a random, slightly dim, dense forest. I look over and happen to see a sheep.

• 12:11Speaker 00

  Love that.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  As my witchy woman, nature-loving self, I tell my sister, "We should follow it, since I'm convinced it'll lead us to water."

• 12:17Speaker 00

  After a few yards.

• 12:19Speaker 01

  After a few yards, and I go to take my next step, and I fall right into a motherfucking bog.

• 12:25Speaker 00

  I love that because you were following a sheep, you fell into a bog. That's really ash-coated, to be honest. It really is.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  You said, "That sheep will bring us somewhere."

• 12:35Speaker 00

  And to be fair, he did lead you to water, so.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  He just didn't tell you which one.

• 12:40Speaker 00

  And he didn't say what it was coming.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  He didn't ask. So my sister started coming for me, and I yelled, "Don't you dare take one more step, or we will die in here."

• 12:48Speaker 00

  Oh, God.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  I happened to be wearing my favorite flannel jacket and took it off and threw it at her. I then decided I would try to move forward since I was only covered, since I was only covered in bog muck up to my claps. Oh, my God.

• 13:00Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  However, as soon as I moved, I started to sink. And by sink, I meant that at this point, the bog was up to my tits.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  Not bog water up to your tits.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, my sister is dying of laughter.

• 13:12Speaker 00

  That's, that's a sister.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  Which was making me both laugh and sink even further. Oh, my God, you're gonna drown in a bog. She then sees a broken branch and grabs it for me to hold on to, and she pulls me out. What happened next, you ask? My shoes, new rothy sneakers on my dad.

• 13:28Speaker 00

  Those are so cute.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Pants and underwear decided they wanted to live in the bog.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  What?

• 13:34Speaker 01

  The bog took your underwear.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  Oh, my God.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  Since bogs preserve things, I guess in the future, people may one day discover these cool shoes and the magical thing known as yoga pants.

• 13:46Speaker 00

  They'll be like, "What are these?"

• 13:48Speaker 01

  But back to the story. Uh, we were laughing so hard as we took stock of what had been stolen from me and what we needed to do next.

• 13:56Speaker 00

  What do you do? You literally don't have pants or undies on anymore. Like, what do you do in that sitch?

• 14:01Speaker 01

  I guess she has the flannel.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  But since we didn't really have any options, we took off running to the car. Once at the car, the realization hit me that I could not get inside with bog shit covering what little clothes I had.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  Oh, my God.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  Left, since the seats of the rental car were fabric. I already knew I had scraped against one too many curbs and hit one too many potholes, so I didn't want to risk having to also pay for the interior damage as well. My best option was to take off the rest of my clothes and leave them next to the discarded ones I mentioned earlier.

• 14:29Speaker 00

  You just have to drive naked?

• 14:30Speaker 01

  That's all just bog clothing. I drive us back up the mountain road completely naked. We make it back to the cottage.

• 14:37Speaker 00

  We, also, I feel like these locals punked you. It's because it's like, let's see who has to drive home naked next.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  I think they do that to people.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Good for them.

• 14:44Speaker 00

  Now we know.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh, so yeah, you're naked. We make it back to the cottage, and my sister says, "You're naked, and other people are staying here. Do you want me to go grab you a shirt?" I respond that, "I will not allow the bog muck to ruin anything else." So I hop out of the car and take off sprinting to our room. I should mention that our room is an unattached cottage from the main house. My sister goes in the main house to grab extra towels and notices the two sisters and a few guests huddled around the window. They turn around and ask, "Did your sister just run by naked?" She responds, "Yeah." So she fell in a bog. Apparently, they had never heard of such a thing happening to someone, so lots of laughter and many questions followed.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  Or they hadn't.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  As a lady, my biggest concern was for my lady parts. I didn't know what the fuck that bog was already preserving, and I wanted to be clean ASAP.

• 15:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  I showered for a solid hour, hour and a half, and then took another shower as soon as the hot water returned.

• 15:36Speaker 00

  He h is a serious thing.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Once done, my sister asks how I knew that she shouldn't take a step towards the bog to try to reach me. I responded, "That wasn't my first time." She laughed so hard that tears were streaming down her face, with me quickly joining in, because you know what? What else could we do but laugh? Though I now live in the Midwest, I'm originally from and grew up in the Appalachian Mountains, so I have many spooky experiences I'm happy to one day share. Yeah.

• 16:02Speaker 00

  Definitely share those.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Definitely. Anyways, stay weird, and don't fall in a bog.

• 16:08Speaker 00

  Don't fall in a bog. We, I want to know about the other time you fell in a bog. I need to know about that.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Was it in Appalachia?

• 16:15Speaker 00

  Are there bogs in Appalachia?

• 16:17Speaker 01

  So many questions.

• 16:18Speaker 00

  I mean, we have bogs. There's like cranberry bogs.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, bogs, some bogs, some bogs.

• 16:22Speaker 00

  But they have spideys.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, bog spiders?

• 16:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's a no for me.

• 16:27Speaker 00

  That's so fucked up.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  I don't want that.

• 16:39Speaker 00

  Nearly 50 years after Stephen King's Carrie became a cultural phenomenon, Mike Flanagan is reimagining the iconic story for a new generation. After her father's sudden death, Carrie White enters public school for the first time, and must navigate a viral bullying scandal, the relentless pressure of the social media age, and the awakening of mysterious telekinetic powers that rise alongside her adolescence. You know, the usual. Carrie is a story about how small acts of cruelty snowball into something catastrophic, a theme that feels as painfully relevant today as it did 50 years ago. I feel like maybe even a little bit more, because we are all hooked on social media, and we all know that can be a terrifying place, but not quite as terrifying as the prom scene. Carrie is now streaming on Prime Video.

• 17:24Speaker 00

  Chilling crime cases are mysterious, but finding coverage shouldn't be. With the State Farm Personal Price Plan, you have options and can personalize your plan to help create an affordable price, so you can get back to cracking all of life's bigger cases. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Head to statefarm.com to get a quote. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. As a former stylist, I have seen a lot of types of hair damage, and there's all different kinds. There's over-processed, overheated. My clients were always like, "Girl, what can

• 18:09Speaker 00

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• 18:54Speaker 00

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• 19:20Speaker 00

  Okay, our next tale is Can't Stop, Won't Stop, Must Stop, Rest Stop.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 19:24Speaker 00

  I'm obsessed. Hey weirdos, my name is Daniel and I'm from-

• 19:27Speaker 01

  What's up, Daniel?

• 19:28Speaker 00

  Hey, Daniel. I'm from the middle of nowhere in upstate New York, currently living in Maryland, getting ready to move to Colorado. See Nicholas New. He said, "Don't triangulate."

• 19:35Speaker 01

  He said, "Too much."

• 19:36Speaker 00

  My husband-to-be is in the Space Force, so we'll be moving around a lot. We're getting married next weekend. Oh, my God!

• 19:42Speaker 01

  Congrats!

• 19:42Speaker 00

  Congrats. I'm currently listening to your show, drinking a pumpkin spice espresso martini, and writing my vows. What a wonderful combination. Ha ha.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  That's lovely.

• 19:53Speaker 00

  That's the most beautiful combination I've ever heard in my life.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 19:56Speaker 00

  I figured I would take a break from writing my vows and tell you about the most raunchy encounter I've ever had. Spoiler, it has a good ending, and I tend to use the word raunchy a lot, so you'll know why.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  I love this already.

• 20:07Speaker 00

  I have been a huge fan of your show for a while now. Shout out to my best friend Avalon, who got me hooked on it.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, you and Avalon?

• 20:13Speaker 00

  Avalon.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.

• 20:15Speaker 00

  And I've been hooked ever since. I just finished the Albert Fish case.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 20:18Speaker 00

  And boy, did I need to shower in bleach and holy water after hearing about that, about what that old saggy shit-eating monstrosity did.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Yup.

• 20:26Speaker 00

  He literally looks like a crossbreed of Isma and Dennis Rader.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  Fucking Dennis.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  You're correct.

• 20:31Speaker 00

  He actually really does.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  Fucking Dennis.

• 20:33Speaker 00

  Anywho, you're probably wondering where this story is going with a title such as this. Well, ladies and listeners, hold on to your butts. And if by any chance you do end up reading this, I do apologize for the length and raunchiness of this story.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  Never.

• 20:45Speaker 00

  Feel free to edit anything you deem too much or unnecessary.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  No, I won't do it.

• 20:49Speaker 00

  I'm two espresso martinis in, and I gotta get this memory off my chest.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  Let's go.

• 20:54Speaker 00

  Oh, I love when people are separated into parts.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:56Speaker 00

  Part one, Can't Stop, Won't Stop, rocking to the rhythm. I've added that for you. I was driving home from New York on a stretch of highway after Christmas one night, and there was nothing ahead of me but a stretch of highway that went for a good 100 and something miles until reaching a somewhat populated area. It's late and I'm starving, and I need to make it home by morning so I can get a few hours of sleep and make it to work for my afternoon shift. But I need food, so I decided to stop at the next Sheetz I come across.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Sheetz, you say?

• 21:24Speaker 00

  Sheetz. I never heard of Sheetz. I don't know about you, but there are some gas stations that have really good coffee, and I love me some Sheetz coffee. I honestly would love my coffee through an IV. Anyhow, I go in, I order a coffee, and I order a Chicken Sammy with some extra Boom Boom Sauce.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 00

  Because that Boom Boom Sauce is the awesomeest.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  It sounds awesome.

• 21:43Speaker 00

  I wanna go to Sheetz. I'm devouring the sandwich in my car with the cashier staring at me through the window as if he was watching an animal at the zoo.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  That's judgy.

• 21:52Speaker 00

  So I stared right back at him while eating the rest of my sandwich.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.

• 21:55Speaker 00

  It was intense, and it was awkward, and I loved it. I even licked the bottom of the Boom Boom Sauce off my wrapper just to gross him out even more.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:03Speaker 00

  I'm obsessed with you. Finally, after satisfying my hunger and need for entertainment, I decided to get back on the road. Part two, Must Stop.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  This is perfectly set up.

• 22:12Speaker 00

  I'm like, are you gonna poop? All right, ladies, I don't know if you've ever had Sheetz's Boom Boom Sauce.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  I can't say I have.

• 22:18Speaker 00

  We're Sheetz Boom Boom Sauce virgins, but it is probably the most delicious sauce in existence. I could eat gallons of it. Anyway, about 15 minutes after being on the road, I feel this sensation in the pit of my stomach.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 22:30Speaker 00

  This worries me because there is nothing but open road ahead of me. Now, I completely understand why Sheetz calls it Boom Boom Sauce, because after 15 minutes on the road, boom, whatever I ate in the last two days fell from the pit of my stomach straight into my lower intestine. I knew I was in trouble. Thankfully, I saw a sign that read, "Rest Stop, 10 miles ahead." So I did what any rational human being would do. I undid my seatbelt to take any pressure off my waist, clenched the booty, and prayed to whoever was listening that I made it to the rest stop in time. I was clenching so hard, my ass was literally about six inches off my seat. I looked like a fucking semi-colon driving down the highway. I prayed for Jesus to take the wheel, but the way I was driving, his ass wouldn't even be in the car.

• 23:15Speaker 00

  Part three, Rest Stop. Note, this is about to get raunchy. Proceed with caution.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  I'm cautious.

• 23:20Speaker 00

  After about five minutes and 30 Hail Marys, I finally pull into the rest stop parking area. I notice there's only one other car there, but this place looks like it hadn't been cleaned since Eisenhower was in office.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  That's horrible.

• 23:33Speaker 00

  I swing my door open, lock the car, and run to the bathroom. Thank God no children were around because I was dropping trou before I even made it to the door. I swing the door open and run to the closest stall that was open. Suddenly, my soul was at peace, but my body was erupting like Mount Vesuvius. I blacked out for a second, but I was too out of it to tell. After a few minutes, I finally gathered myself. I noticed that there was another pair of legs in the stall next to me.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 24:05Speaker 00

  He too was having a difficult night, as there were interesting sounds coming from his stall. After a moment of listening, I could just hear him laughing. "Did you have the Boom Boom Sauce too?" I asked. "Nah, my wife's chili," he said. I could tell from his voice that he was an older man. The explosions hit us both, and we were laughing so hard at our current situation. Here I am, here I am, playing battle shits with a complete stranger, and suddenly the door swings open. I see another pair of legs walk into the stall next to the old man further down. "I wonder if it's John Williams coming to conduct his orchestra of ass?" I said. We were both laughing so hard. However, there was nothing but silence from the stranger in the faraway stall. "Dang," I heard the old man say. "Do you have any toilet paper over there? I'm all out over here."

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Dang, indeed.

• 24:49Speaker 00

  Dang. I chuckled and saw that I had a few rolls in my stall, so I handed one under the stall to him. Suddenly, I heard the old man gasp next to me. I asked if he was okay, and he didn't respond. I started to see his legs shake violently and started to worry. I kept asking if he was okay, but he didn't respond. I called 911 and told the operator I was at a rest stop and the old man is shaking violently in a stall. He asked where I was, and I told him which rest stop I was at. I tried keeping the old man calm and tried to get him to do some breathing exercises. I would have gotten up and helped him, but unfortunately, I was not done yet.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 25:23Speaker 00

  After a few minutes, I could hear cars pulling into the rest stop parking lot. A paramedic bursts through the door and starts knocking on stalls. When he gets to my stall, I panic, hoping he's not gonna burst open my door. I tell him the old man is in the stall beside me. He opens the door to the stall beside me, and silence, nothing. I continue to hear more doors opening further away, and suddenly I hear the paramedic say, "We're gonna need a stretcher in here."

• 25:47Speaker 01

  Oh, what the fuck?

• 25:49Speaker 00

  I'm confused yet relieved that they were helping him. I finish my business, then walk out of the stall and see a young man on a stretcher. I promise, I washed my hands. "What happened to the old man next to me?" I asked. There was no one in that stall, but we did find this young man a few stalls down. It looked like he was shooting up in there, and he OD'd. They said he was gonna be okay, but that they needed, that's good, he's gonna be okay, but they needed to get him to a hospital immediately. A police officer asked for my statement, and I told him everything that happened, especially about the old man in the stall next to me. They searched the rest stop again, but they never found anyone else. The other car in the lot belonged to the person working at the rest stop. Funny, he does a shitty job at cleaning this place.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  Literally.

• 26:29Speaker 00

  The police officer recalled that an old man named William did die in this rest stop a few years ago from a heart attack under similar circumstances. After hearing that, I was super confused about the whole situation. I honestly couldn't wrap my head around it for the longest time. I'm not one for paranormal situations, but this is by far one of the weirdest things to happen to me.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:49Speaker 00

  Did the ghost of this man appear to me so that I would get help for the kid that overdosed in the stall further down?

• 26:54Speaker 01

  Oh, shit.

• 26:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's what I thought. To me, it was something extremely strange, but honestly, something I truly hold dear in my heart, because I had a great encounter with this old man, and he was so nice and funny. He's somebody that I truly would have wanted to get to know as a person. Every time I drive past that stop, I always stop and leave flowers, a roll of toilet paper, and a packet of Boom Boom Sauce on the lid of that toilet.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  Oh, shit.

• 27:16Speaker 00

  I didn't know you were gonna put it in the toilet in the stall of the old man that helped me save that boy's life.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  I just got chills.

• 27:23Speaker 00

  Daniel, well, there you have it. Sorry it was so raunchy in detail, but I wanted to make lightheartedness of a sad situation.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  To me, laughter is the best medicine, and this memory is something I really do still laugh about, but also reflect on. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story. Hope you both have a wonderful day. Make good choices, stay away from Boom Boom Sauce, and always take a chance and make friends with strangers in other stalls. LOL. Love you, Daniel.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Daniel.

• 27:50Speaker 00

  Daniel, that was bonkers.com.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  That really was, and I loved it, but it was so heartwarming.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  It was heartwarming and heartbreaking. I wanna know everything about that old man.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  I do too. I love that you guys just had like some moments together.

• 28:01Speaker 00

  Wait, I love that you went full dad with your sunglasses and put them on the back of your head. Like, commitment to the character even though they can't see it.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 28:07Speaker 00

  Also, you're right, it's hard to read.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  It is hard to read, yeah.

• 28:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  With my old eyes. All right, this one's called Ghosts and Pimple Patches.

• 28:15Speaker 00

  Oh, one thing about me, I fucking love a pimple patch.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  Fucking love.

• 28:20Speaker 00

  They're so good. Do you ever use a pimple? I feel like you don't.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  No, I don't really.

• 28:23Speaker 00

  You don't really acne anymore.

• 28:24Speaker 01

  No, I acne'd enough in middle school to last a lifetime, so.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  I didn't acne.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  The universe was like, you've paid your debt.

• 28:32Speaker 00

  I acne'd like a little bit in middle school and high school, like very, very minimally. And even still, like, I don't get pimples that much, but when I do, you get a white head, you put that sucker on the next morning, gone.

• 28:44Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 28:45Speaker 00

  The mighty patches in particular.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:47Speaker 00

  Sponsor us.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  I know, I'm gonna hold on to, I'm stocking up on some of those because the girls are getting to the age now.

• 28:53Speaker 00

  They're getting to that age.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  And I wanna be prepared.

• 28:55Speaker 00

  Well, now, kids love to walk around with like cute stars on their faces, and they look adorable.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 00

  I'm like, I just had to live with my white head.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Trust me, it would have been nice.

• 29:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Would have been nice. I'm glad they have it.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  This episode is sponsored by Stella Rosa. Weirdos, Mikey here. After all the murder mayhem and deeply unsettling stories, sometimes a palate cleanser is exactly what you need. Stella Rosa Black is a semi-sweet, semi-sparkling red wine with ripe blackberry, blueberry, and raspberry flavors. It's dark fruity and honestly feels extremely appropriate for weirdos like you and me. Like, if a wine was going to join you for a creepy story at night, obviously it would be this one. Then, there's Stella Rosa Moscato di Asti, a semi-sweet, semi-sparkling wine with ripe pear and apple flavors. It's lighter, bright, and basically the perfect palate cleanser to have after spending an hour discussing something deeply disturbing.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  I am not a huge fan of dry wine. I can't have things that taste like the barrel that they were stored in. I just like something sweet. I love the sweet things in life. And the best part about Stella Rosa is that it also is sparkling. I love me some sparkling water and I love sparkling wine. It's so refreshing and bright and it's so delicious. It's the perfect way to end a meal. I absolutely love it. Find Stella Rosa at stellarosa.com or at your local retailer. You must be 21 plus to drink responsibly.

• 30:41Speaker 00

  The Hulu original series Phony is coming to Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus, October 20th. Sonny's life is pretty great until he wakes up from a car accident to a world that looks exactly like his, with one exception, his mom. Starring five-time Emmy nominee Connie Britton and Sam Nivola, this small town is hiding the mother of all mysteries just beneath the surface. Watch the Hulu original series Phony on October 20th. Streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

• 31:12Speaker 00

  Today's podcast is sponsored by Chamberlain University. Thinking about advancing your nursing education but wondering if you'll have the support to succeed? At Chamberlain University, you're never on your own. From personal faculty mentors and responsive instructors to tutoring services, clinical skills support, NP board exam preparation, and a 24/7 online resource center, Chamberlain is committed to helping you reach your goals while balancing work and life. Your next step starts at Chamberlain. Learn more at chamberlain.edu. Chamberlain University, belong to something greater. Certified to operate by SHV.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  Alright, so it says, "Hi, my name is Tova. And yes, you can use my name. Hey, Tova." We're jumping right into this sucker. I love that. I love that about you. "This specific story takes place in Sandusky, Ohio. I travel for work frequently, staying overnight in hotels roughly three times a month. I had to stay, I had stayed at this specific hotel in Sandusky once before. During that first day, every light in my hotel room turned on in the middle of the night, jolting me from sleep. I chalked it up to a loss of power and subsequent, subsequent generator kicking on. So that was the only odd thing that to occur during my first overnight in the hotel. Fast forward two weeks and here I am again at the same hotel. Imagine my surprise when I see that I'm also assigned the same room number."

• 32:32Speaker 00

  What a quinkydink.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  "The hotel smelled strongly of chlorine, though I originally thought that the source to be was a pool on the first floor."

• 32:39Speaker 00

  It wasn't.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  "It emanated throughout the entire hotel."

• 32:42Speaker 00

  Someone died there.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  "It was so overwhelming that I had a near constant nagging headache when I was there. Yeah, that would fuck me up."

• 32:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, that'd be gross.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  "It was because of this that I decided to open the window in my hotel room despite it being 58 degrees that night. It was, I turned off the window unit that was inevitably recycling the nauseating smell and allowed the cool breeze to fill the room. Tuck this bit of information away for later."

• 33:04Speaker 00

  Fresh air is for dead people.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  Tucked. "I am a complicated sleep girly. Any source of light will result in a fitful night of rest since my circadian rhythm apparently has a deep obsession with staying on schedule. This night, I proceeded with my out-of-town ritual, using painter's tape to cover the clock on the microwave alarm clock, etc. My mom is like that."

• 33:27Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  "Like I said, bitch is obsessive. And I used the hangers in the closet to close and fashion together the window curtains. I fell asleep around 20, that's nine, eight o'clock, I think."

• 33:39Speaker 00

  I can't do that.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  I think it's eight o'clock. "With the clocks in my hotel room covered, it's hard to say when I was awoken the first time, but at some point, I awoke to hear a doorknob gently turning."

• 33:50Speaker 00

  No.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  "Back and forth. I am a side sleeper and am currently facing the door to my hotel room. I see no shadows underneath my door and observe that my doorknob is still. I brush it off as coming from my neighbor's door or another overnighter down the hall. My conscious brain has survival instincts. My sleep brain does not. I fall back asleep and am again awoken by the same sound, back and forth, back and forth. Still, there are no shadows or shadows or movement. My sleep brain is now pissed. Frustrated and thinking it might be the kids who were loudly playing in the room next to me all evening, I turned over and fell back to sleep."

• 34:24Speaker 00

  The room next to you is empty. I'm calling it.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  I think so. Now, I want to preface this by saying that the events in the next paragraph happened quickly, in the span of maybe like 10 seconds. With my back to the door, I'm awoken again, but this time, the doorknob is not turning gently. It is being violently shaken. Fuck that. Back, forth, back, forth, back, forth, and then silence. Suddenly, my entire body is filled with a feeling of absolute dread. The hair on my arms and neck standing, every alarm in my lizard brain blaring a warning. The seconds drip by when I feel like a bed, when I feel the bed decompressed behind me."

• 35:02Speaker 00

  No.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  "You read that right, as if someone were trying to get into bed with me."

• 35:07Speaker 00

  No.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  "Heat then fills the space between the back of my ear and neck. Someone is breathing on me."

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Stop it right now.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  "And I'm screaming, period. I throw the covers off and reach behind me to turn on the bedside lamp. But in that split second of staring into the darkness, before light filled the room, I see a man standing in the hallway of my hotel room and in front of the door. The moment light fills the void, he's gone."

• 35:31Speaker 00

  What? Oh, actual fuck.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  "I was not a popular person that night. Several neighbors and overnighters on my floor rushed to my hotel door after they heard the screaming. Being woken up at 3:00 a.m. by hysterical 30-year-old with pimple patches, wearing a pretty privileged t-shirt, had them all questioning their choice of hotel that day."

• 35:54Speaker 00

  And I'm obsessed with you.

• 35:56Speaker 01

  "I tried my best to explain, but was met with wary looks. And so, do you want us to call the police? The police were not called. And I, and reluctantly, I returned to that room. After I regained my composure, my right brain put her on her big girl pants and attempted to reason her way through the night's events."

• 36:13Speaker 00

  How could you?

• 36:13Speaker 01

  "But I was left with the following questions. One, none of my neighbors heard the doorknob, so what did I hear? Two, I had turned the window unit off and opened the window to a 58-degree night, but I distinctly felt heat on my neck and behind my ear. So what did I feel?" Breath. "Three, lastly, I eventually worked up the courage to turn off the lights again and examine the desk chair lamp, etc. to determine if what I saw in the hallway could have been a trick of my imagination. But that hallway and the pathway to it were completely empty."

• 36:43Speaker 00

  That's fucked.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  "So what did I see? My husband believes it was a night terror."

• 36:47Speaker 00

  Wrong.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  "My mom believes it was a demon."

• 36:49Speaker 00

  Correct.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  "And my mother-in-law believes it was a ghost."

• 36:52Speaker 00

  Also correct.

• 36:52Speaker 01

  "What do you think, ladies? Keep it weird, but not so weird that you develop a fetish for scaring 30-year-old women wearing pimple patches in the afterlife. P.S. Oh, and here's photos of me and my beautiful husband. If you do me the honor of actually choosing this story, I cannot wait to surprise him with it."

• 37:07Speaker 00

  Today's your day, baby.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  "And then casually play it off like it's not one of the most fulfilling and exciting moments of my life. Because, you know, I'm chill. P.S.S. I am not in the least bit chill."

• 37:18Speaker 00

  Tova, I loved that. I love that.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  "I hate the story, though."

• 37:23Speaker 00

  I think, I hate that for you.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  "I think ghost." It was, I think it might have been a demon.

• 37:30Speaker 00

  You think so? Was it, was it the door rattling?

• 37:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's angry. It's yucka.

• 37:34Speaker 00

  Some ghosts are angry.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  And he was like breathing hot breath on it. Hot breath?

• 37:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  Ghosts don't have hot breath.

• 37:39Speaker 00

  That's true. That's a, that's a valid point.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Diamonds have hot breath.

• 37:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't fucks with that. We just saw Paranormal Activity.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:46Speaker 00

  I, I barely had a restful night's sleep since.

• 37:49Speaker 01

  Also, quick little side note.

• 37:51Speaker 00

  Aside.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  If you have not, or if you've heard of Paranormal Activity, like the stage play?

• 37:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  And you haven't, and you're like, I don't know.

• 37:59Speaker 00

  No.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  I'm not kidding you.

• 38:01Speaker 00

  Go.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  It is one of the best things I've seen on stage. I think it's incredible. It was terrifying and it was so fun.

• 38:08Speaker 00

  Never been.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  This is not an ad.

• 38:10Speaker 00

  It's not an ad. I've never been more scared in my entire life.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, I'm serious and I want everybody to go see it because I think it deserves like all the hype.

• 38:17Speaker 00

  I keep seeing people and it's like the perfect way to describe it. People are saying it's the closest they've ever been to like being immersed in a horror film.

• 38:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:24Speaker 00

  And I slept with the lights on that night in my room.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  It's true, she did.

• 38:27Speaker 00

  I did. And honestly, it's been tough for me to sleep since.

• 38:31Speaker 01

  And it's one of those things where you're not sure how like a play can be that scary.

• 38:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, I didn't know what to expect going into it.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Go give it a shot. It's well worth it.

• 38:39Speaker 00

  It's so fucking good. We're actually going again.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Not an ad.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, not an ad.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  This is just us telling you to do it.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  Alright, next listener.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  That was awesome. I think it was a diamond.

• 38:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, you know what? The more, the more you said, I, I felt compelled by your argument.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  Maybe don't.

• 38:52Speaker 00

  Oh my god.

• 38:54Speaker 01

  Wait.

• 38:55Speaker 00

  You and your husband? That's the most beautiful couple I've ever, I'm sorry to anybody else who's ever sent photos in.

• 39:03Speaker 01

  To my glory.

• 39:04Speaker 00

  You guys.

• 39:05Speaker 01

  Turned around and said, what the fuck?

• 39:06Speaker 00

  You guys are the most gorgeous couple I've ever seen in my li, that feels like AI. You're, you're AI pretty. Holy shit.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  You guys are gorgeous.

• 39:16Speaker 00

  Zooming in. Look at these faces. I did Loki zoom into your, your men's chest. Oh, and your necklace? And look at him, look at him's tendrils.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Stunning.

• 39:28Speaker 00

  That head of hair.

• 39:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:30Speaker 00

  Both of those heads of hair. My god.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 39:33Speaker 00

  Holy shit. Okay, Tova.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  Wow, Tova.

• 39:36Speaker 00

  Damn, girl.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  Wow, Tova and your husband. Holy shit.

• 39:40Speaker 00

  Okay. The time a ghost took my body for a ride, and not in a fun way.

• 39:46Speaker 00

  Aiden literally was just writing something on his notebook and then he went.

• 39:51Speaker 00

  I like, and not in a fun way. And not in a fun way. It was not consensual. You were wondering. Good morning spooky hoes. My name is Kale, like the vegetable, but with a C and you can use it. I'm writing this from New York City and it feels a little frantic. I legit almost got hit by a car while walking my dog on Broadway. Like hands on the hood of the car, pushing my dog out of the way and ass out like I was about to twerk my juicy ass for all of Harlem to see. I didn't do that because it would have caused an earthquake and we don't need any more buildings falling down in this city. The twat waffle in the car blamed me, even though my light was on. I shook my fist, yelled back and begged him to hit me to get me out of this insane timeline that we find ourselves in. So valid. Are we screaming into fascism? Who knows?

• 40:36Speaker 00

  Okay, so I've been a fan of your podcast for five years. When I started delivering for Amazon during COVID. Oh my God, COVID was that long ago? Yeah. Holy shit. I know. This must be an older email because it was six years ago now. Oh shit. A wild timeline. Good job math. Thank you. I also, fuck you. I also got to see you both at Barnes and Noble in Union Square when you were launching The Butcher and the Wren and I still have my signed copy on my shelf. We'll be back for The Butcher Game. Yeah. Get your ass there. Come back. I've had a really hard and long five years and listening to your podcast has really helped me out of those places through your banter and the bond my sister and I have since we both listen and talk about it. Long story short, I graduated college in 2020 with a music theater degree. Literally went home for spring break and I never went back to school.

• 41:22Speaker 00

  Lost all my jobs I'd lined up in the industry since theaters shut down. Then moved back to my college town, got a dog, met an emotionally manipulative man. Don't we always? There you go. Moved to New York City with him, married that manipulative man, had some really, really hard family things happen, divorced that manipulative man because I'm one strong baddie. Hell yeah. And I'm now living by Sex and the City, Young Divorcee Lifestyle in New York City. Get it, girl. I hate most of that for you, but I love who you've become out of it. Love where you've ended up. Well, financially, I'm struggling TM and I'm chasing my dream of being on Broadway. I'm single. Post my photo on your Instagram so hot men can see me. Will do. I love you. Will do babe. Divorce is extremely hard, but I was strong enough to stand up for myself more than I ever have in my entire life. Good job.

• 42:06Speaker 00

  When I was sitting in my empty apartment, selling all my shit to get by, your podcast echoed through the rooms, keeping me company. Elena, you being so open about your past relationship really helped validate me on how I was being treated. Also, there is an incredible podcast called Navigating Narcissism by Dr. Romani that is absolutely incredible and I think everyone should listen to it. Hey. Good to know. I know a lot of narcissists. Yeah. Shameless plug. Yeah, we know a lot of them. Shameless plug, I also have my own podcast with my best friend called Queer Insight. Where we talk about all things queer. We're smart but mighty and always welcome new listeners. Come party. Hell yeah. Well, come party. I want to come party. Oh yeah. We're here, we're queer and she's an ally. An ally.

• 42:51Speaker 00

  Okay, enough about me, my want for attention and rambling. I wanted to write in and tell you a wild story that happened to me in a haunted hotel in Chicago, Illinois. Oh, let's go. I always want to say Illinois. Illinois. Just looks that way. Okay, so to set the scene, every year there are nationwide auditions that happen for college theater programs. They do them by region. One of those regions is the good old Midwest where I grew up. Ew. The Midwest region auditions were in Chicago in a hotel called Palmer House. Have we covered Palmer House? I feel like that's familiar. I think I, I think I may have picked that one. I'm going to look it up. Maybe you did. I just remember hearing about it. Attached to this are a couple of photos of the Palmer House. Clearly we need them. It's absolutely stunning with a really cool history of many performers who have performed

• 43:36Speaker 00

  there. Louis Armstrong, Eartha Kitt, Frank Sinatra, et cetera. Since it's old and historic, it's haunted as hell. I think Ghost Adventures did an episode there. Could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure. I bet they did. I'm sure they did. If it's haunted in America, they've done it. Yeah. Our college would allow a few students to join them to help run the auditions and chat with parents and prospective students. The way I could not say the word prospective. It's hard. I like spit it out. It ain't easy. Perspective. I'm also trying to zoom because I too am old. Now, I am very charming, funny, sexy and nice. So I was a perfect fit for this. Let's go. I love you. Kale. Since the divorce, I've tried to be more confident in myself, my body and my personality.

• 44:19Speaker 00

  Although this came off stronger than anticipated, but I'm going to leave it because yeah. You absolutely should and Nicholas just said, sure. Sure. Sure, girl. Absolutely. Get down with your bad self. He's hyping you up. You know what Ma would say? Be boppalupa baby.

• 44:33Speaker 00

  Be boppalupa baby. And that means get down with your bad self. In Ma language. In Ma. I went there with three fellow students. We got food and money every day. Their food money every day. Not food and money. Money every day.

• 44:49Speaker 00

  We got food money every day. And we got to go to downtown Chicago for a week. I love Chicago. Chicago. Chicago. My best friend lives there and I miss him daily, but I'm happy he's so happy in a city he loves. Similar to me in New York City. It's so hard to live here as the city tells you to fuck off on a daily basis, but there really is an energy here. We all stayed in the same room, which was just really fun and some of that food money may or may not have gone towards some alcohol as well. Maybe. I mean, live. We were there for a full week and had extremely long days. One of the nights we were there, we started to experience some weird things happening in our room. The room was pretty big with two queen beds, a TV, dresser, bathroom, closet, et cetera. I realize I just described what a normal hotel room looks like, but you get it.

• 45:32Speaker 00

  My friend, we'll call her Hannah, was getting ready for bed with the dresser drawer open. This was an older dresser that doesn't have the tracks on the drawers. Like you pull it out and it takes some force to close it. It had been open for a solid 20 minutes while we were all just watching TV. Out of nowhere, the drawer just slammed shut. We all stopped and looked at the drawer. Hannah, did you close that? I asked. Nope. Hannah responded. Nope. All four of us sat in silence as Hannah opened the drawer once more and it very slowly closed in front of our eyes. The hanger on the wall just started to swing back and forth. All of us were just straight staring forward, stunned in silence. One of the other girls with us, we'll call her Jamie, said to the room, we're sorry we're in your space, but we don't want you here, but we don't want you here and we're

• 46:17Speaker 00

  going to bed. Good night. Wow. I love that. She was like, I know we're in your space, but you can't be in your space. Sorry, we're in your space. We don't want you here. Good night. Okay. Jamie, that was brave. Damn Jamie. Nothing else happened for the rest of the night. The next morning, we were all telling our professors what happened the night before and we spent a good 30 minute sharing ghost stories with one another over brunch. That sounds fun. That does sound fun. I'd like to join. Not much else happened the rest of the time we were there until the final night. After a very long week, we all decided to head into the hotel bar for a few drinks. Now, I only had three drinks. Three. I am a thick guy and my last human German means intoxication. So I can hold my alcohol. I was tipsy, but not drunk. I remember everything from that night. That's important to know.

• 47:00Speaker 00

  We had a great night, paid our check and headed upstairs to get ready for bed. We were all very tired, so we settled in quickly and went to sleep. When I awoke, I was walking down the center of the hallway completely alone. I'm blind as fuck, so I had no contacts in, could not see. Thank God I had clothes on. And I had locked myself out of the room. What's crazy about this is that in my mind, I was questioning what I was doing, but I couldn't stop myself. Like I was questioning why I was doing, but my body was just walking. I also had to pee, like legit so fucking bad. In my mind, I was like, oh, the lobby has a bathroom. Knock on our door until someone wakes up, et cetera, et cetera. But my body was just walking and couldn't stop. What the fuck?

• 47:43Speaker 00

  I started going up the stairs and ended up two floors above where our room was, still desperately trying to find a bathroom. Desperate times call for desperate measures and I went into a stairwell and pissed in the stairwell of this haunted elegant hotel in downtown Chicago. Like, did you get roofied? Doesn't it kind of feel like that? It does kind of feel like that. After the emptying of my bladder, I started to think a lot more clearly and decided to head down to the front desk to tell them I got locked out of the room. I still never thought about going back to the room to knock. I went down to the lobby, blind as fuck at 3 AM and talked to the front desk, talked to the front desk, telling them I was locked out. They looked at me strangely. Little did they know what I just did in their stairwell. And they told me security would meet me up there. I waited outside.

• 48:26Speaker 00

  They let me in and required me to show ID, which I did. And then they left. I went to the bathroom again and looked at myself in the mirror. I can't explain it, but it felt like I almost came to while looking at myself in the mirror. I then crawled into bed and went right back to sleep. We woke up the next morning as if nothing had happened. No one in the room woke up while I left and came back or anything like that. When I told my friends what happened, they were all shocked and confused. We came up with some theories. Theory one, I dreamt the whole thing. My friend said, maybe when I looked into the mirror, it was me realizing that I was dreaming and it was just a lucid dream. It explains going to the bathroom in the dream was just me going to the bathroom in real life. Oh, maybe. I could see it. Theory two, I was just super tired and alcohol mixed with how tired I was and fucked up my body. Maybe.

• 49:12Speaker 00

  Theory three, my drink was drugged. Yeah. I kind of think so. I'm a little worried about that. Yeah, I feel like it was. Now, I know this is really scary to think about and made me sick thinking of all the what ifs. Yeah. But I was at a table with college girls in a really busy hotel. We all got the same drinks. Maybe the drink I got was meant for one of them. I have no proof, but like, why was I so confused and such? Mm hmm. That is a really scary theory that I try not to think about. It is possible. Yeah, especially knowing that you were at a table full of a bunch of college girls. Yeah, that makes it more likely. Unfortunately, I think it's the most likely. Yeah. The fourth and final theory is that the ghost who was hanging out in our room decided to take my body for a ride. See what they could do.

• 49:52Speaker 00

  This explains the utter confusion and not being able to control myself and seeing myself in the mirror was me seeing my body again. Oh shit. Could be. I do not know which is the real theory and for seven years, this has confused and haunted me. It still really bothers me and brings up uncomfortable feelings, thinking about what could have happened, especially if I actually was drugged. I've never had something like that happen again, so I just don't know. Maybe I was drugged, maybe I was dreaming, or maybe I was taken over by a piss-filled ghost, ready to unleash their pissy wrath on the city of Chicago. You know what? I think that was it. That's pretty fun. Yeah. I like a pissy wrath. It was a pissy wrath ghost. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Another time I'll write in about the haunted movie theater I used to work at in high school, where the doors would slam.

• 50:34Speaker 00

  We'd hear people walking around, see people sitting in seats that weren't there, would feel like I was being watched constantly. And one time I saw a little girl walk across the lobby with long, black hair. Is she from The Ring? Yes, please write about that. Damn. Thank you for reading and thank you spooky bitches for bringing joy to my subway rides and making me more aware of my surroundings. Keep it weird, but not so weird that, take it away, Ash. Not so weird that you're just trying to get away and have a good time with your girlies and either your drink is drugged or you're overtaken by a ghost who really wants your body to pee. All over a hotel. All over a hotel. Yeah. P.S. I am a tour guide in New York City where we do historic sightseeing and food tours. And I would absolutely love to take y'all on one. Oh, hell yeah. We can be besties and talk about our dogs. Yay.

• 51:18Speaker 00

  I will attach my tourist company website to the email, as well as some photos of the Palmer House, myself and my gorgeous dog. She is so, so, so cute, but don't let her looks fool you. She's a fucking dick. I love her so much, but she's an asshole. Bye. It's like Bailey. Oh, my God, that is bummer. She was such an asshole. She's so beautiful. Gorgeous. Oh, my God, I love it. That's a gorgeous hotel. Holy shit. I swear we've covered this. I know. Looking at that old timey picture of it. We've either covered it? Oh, my God, you're the cutest. You're so handsome. Holy shit. Oh, is that your headshot? Because that's a really good headshot. Why is everyone so beautiful? Look at the dimp. The dimple. I would kill for dimps. I could die. Oh, my God, I love your dog. She's a beautiful baby. I love your dog so much. What a beautiful baby.

• 52:02Speaker 00

  Oh, another picture. Oh, you're just so cute. She's zooming in on you. I love it. Oh, you and your dog. You and your dog, your dog. Oh, my God, look at all these pictures. I love them. Oh, you guys. Yes. You give the best vacation listener tales. You really do. And we're your dads forever. We are. All right, so we hope you keep listening. We hope you. Keep it weird. But not so weird that you don't go on vacation with your dad and have an alien flamingo good time. Yeah.

• 52:54Speaker 03

  3 o'clock, kids are home. Your to-do list isn't done. New Kraft Mac and Cheese Power Mac was made for days like this. Kraft Mac and Cheese Power Mac packs the same irresistible creamy, cheesy flavor you love, now with 17 grams of protein and 6 grams of fiber. Fuels you up, keeps you going, because your day doesn't stop. Kraft Mac and Cheese Power Mac. Find it at your favorite retailer. The best thing ever keeps getting better.

• 53:24Speaker 04

  Join me, Cindy Lauper, with chef Michelle Bernstein and Dr. Panico to talk about psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, the potential connection and risk of developing permanent joint damage.

• 53:38Speaker 05

  Cosentyx secukinumab is prescribed for adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis 300-milligram dose and adults with active psoriatic arthritis 150-milligram dose. Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur, like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal, or viral infections. Some are fatal. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough, had a vaccine or plan to, or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen. Serious allergic reactions and severe eczema-like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-COSENTIX or cosentyx.com/cindy.