How To Find Direction When Nothing Feels Right - Chris Bumstead (4K)

Go see Chris live in America - https://chriswilliamson.live Chris Bumstead is a professional bodybuilder, 6x Mr. Olympia Classic Physique title holder, and a business owner. From 6× Mr. Olympia to full-time business owner and stay-at-home dad, it’s safe to say Chris Bumstead’s been enjoying retired life. So what’s he been up to this past year, what’s changed most for him, and what’s he looking forward to next? Expect to learn how retirement is going for Cbum, if Cbum would have retired last year even if he didn’t win, how Chris learned to sit and process his emotions, if Cbum regrets retirement and if he misses the competing yet, how Chris plans on leveling up for baby Bumstead number two, he hardest part of losing that “Mr. Olympia structure” in daily life, if Chris ever plans on returning the stage again, and much more… - 0:00 Life After Olympia 6:58 The Addiction to Progress 11:25 What Makes Retirement Difficult? 15:27 It’s All About Rise, Not the Result 22:01 What If Chris Hadn’t Won? 28:57 Choosing Which Path to Follow 34:30 How Retirement Has Impacted Motivation 43:41 How to Work Through a Loss of Direction 47:16 Where Does Chris Find Self-Worth? 55:54 Deciding How to Step Away on Your Own Terms 01:04:39 Unteachable Lessons You Have to Experience First-Hand 01:13:04 How to Hold Onto the Olympia Physique 01:25:01 Chris on Being a Good Dad 01:34:02 Why Do Grooms Cry at Weddings? 01:44:17 Don’t Let the Voice in Your Head Win 01:52:02 Don’t Let Expectation Control Your True Self - Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Get a Free Sample Pack of LMNT’s most popular flavours with your first purchase at https://drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom Get $100 off the best bloodwork analysis in America at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom Get up to $350 off the Pod 5 at https://eightsleep.com/modernwisdom - Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.co/2MNqIgw Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic here - https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Chris Williamson?

  You've stopped competing and you're more tired than ever. How's retirement going?

• 0:05Chris Bumstead?

  The great question.

• 0:08Chris Bumstead?

  It's a very broad question to start. I don't even know where to dive into that.

• 0:14Chris Bumstead?

  It's both good and bad in different ways, I would say. It's interesting because when people ask me if I miss competing, especially right now with the Olympic coming up. It's like there's parts that I miss, but I don't wish I was doing it. Like I trained with Ryan Terry and like seeing the mindset he's in, remembering the pressure I felt and everything that came with it. I was like, I don't wish I was there right now, but there's aspects I missed. I'm happy with my decision, but there's also a lot of like feeling of like lost in direction and what am I doing? Where am I going right now? And I feel like I've filled that up with a lot of busy work, I feel like in the last year. It'd been business, it'd been being a dad, there's been just moving on to one thing to another and I haven't slowed down to really process like.

• 0:57Chris Bumstead?

  Life is very different now. You know, you had 10 years of chasing a single goal of being the best in the world at one thing. That was eat, sleep, train. And now it's gone. You know, so it's definitely been interesting, but I feel like the fact that I'm feeling a lot now in terms of like a bit of stress. This tired in my body, this like somatic experience that I might not have before it like shows that things are coming up. That might have been masked by the overwhelming pressure of competing. So there was like this side of me discovering like the new side of myself. Like this ego death of like bodybuilding is gone. Now who are you? And then there's this other part of my life that's like the most incredible aspect, which is being a father now. You know, my daughter's getting old enough to say my name. Me and my wife are getting the hang of things. We're really starting to find our groove in that. So it's like the most beautiful thing in my life.

• 1:41Chris Bumstead?

  And I feel like they're kind of balancing each other out. But it's still not like neutral peace.

• 1:47Chris Williamson?

  But I've heard you say physically and emotionally, you don't feel much until you slow down.

• 1:53Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah. Yeah, that was a

• 1:57Chris Bumstead?

  big awakening for this year for me. I feel like year after year after year, it's like Olympia, hero's journey. Kind of compete, come down, go through it, some type of adverse event, come through it again, win. High, back down, repeat, repeat, repeat. And I was never able to really experience things and I feel like what I really found out about myself recently is that I like constantly feel like I need to improve something in myself. Like I constantly need more. I need to progress at something. I need to make my health better. I need to. Do X more and I was channeling that heavily into bodybuilding, which made me an incredible bodybuilder. But once what once drove me started to drain me over time. So it was kind of started to alter and and now slowing down and not having that singular goal I was working towards. I realized now I'm trying to find all these other

• 2:41Chris Bumstead?

  external things to progress in as if I need to be proving myself that I'm getting better and better and I can't just rest and be good enough as things are. And I don't think I would have experienced that if I hadn't actually properly retired and stepped away from it. So it's one of the journeys currently experiencing.

• 2:56Chris Williamson?

  Lots of things get hidden under momentum and bravado and attention and chaos. You hide all of the quiet fleeting thoughts. I know. Shut up. I don't need to listen to you.

• 3:11Chris Williamson?

  Quiet down subconscious. I've got a competition to win or a podcast record.

• 3:15Chris Bumstead?

  I can go to the gym. I can focus on eating. I do this. Don't think about it.

• 3:18Chris Williamson?

  You get pulled through those little fleeting thoughts with the momentum. And then, yeah.

• 3:27Chris Williamson?

  Oh, fuck. All of those fleeting thoughts are kind of, they're not drowned out as easily anymore.

• 3:32Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah. No, I definitely had this like selective emotional efficiency where I could like understand what was important to me and how to actively work towards the things and like practical capabilities of applying specific things. You know, like bodybuilding is important. Prioritize life for that. It makes me feel better to do these physical things, X, Y, and Z. But I wasn't really feeling the things I needed to feel in the same way. So like the practical capabilities of understanding emotion and lining up life. So I was in a good place with good, but the ability to express the good and the bad through it, the kind of messier side of things wasn't really my expertise. And it put me in the state of like constant hypervigilance that could be easily hidden from by momentum and competing and I could fuel energy and more success and more, more, more. And I was falling forward and going good.

• 4:18Chris Bumstead?

  But eventually I was just tired, you know, it was like this lack of deep rest and like it's the joke that I have the worst HRV ever. My average is 29 now. We're chilling. That's going on.

• 4:28Chris Williamson?

  Brought it back up.

• 4:29Chris Bumstead?

  Going on the way up. And I don't know if that's even connected to it, but I don't need to have an HRV on my wrist to tell me that like. Like, do you feel calm? I'm like, yeah, do you feel stressed? Not really. But like, have you had deep rest recently? Have you felt deeply calm and at peace? And it's like, not really, you know, because it's constantly moving through that thing. And that state of hypervigilance of, am I safe to express this emotion? Or am I trying to control progress forward and the practical capabilities to be perfect and progressing in my life? So I feel like I'm doing enough rather than just sitting in the moment of what I need to feel. To me, I feel like I've been rewarded heavily for that side of practical capability. But still, the expression of emotion, the going through things rather than learning, it felt very like high risk, low reward for me.

• 5:14Chris Bumstead?

  So my body just as a way to protect hid from it. But being constantly hypervigilant means you're constantly on, constantly kind of stressed aware. Even if I'm not aware of it, it's like subconsciously happening. Hence, the feeling of tired now, you know, I don't have that energy burst from the success and progress. That's gone in terms of bodybuilding. So now I'm able to feel what I've always been really experiencing for who knows how long and process through.

• 5:39Chris Williamson?

  Funny to say that you don't get rewarded necessarily from being tapped in to the subtler emotions. Kind of like, um, if you needed to drink two liters of wine a day, you probably wouldn't be quite as attuned to the lighter notes and the subtle flavors because you've just got shit to do.

• 6:01Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 6:01Chris Williamson?

  And big goals, especially one that's very difficult. You don't have time to indulge yourself in, oh, I wonder if this is connected to that thing that happened when I was in third grade. Shut up. Like, I need to win this competition, you know, I don't have time. And you're right, it's not a performance enhancer.

• 6:17Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 6:17Chris Williamson?

  How is maybe, and I would put you as far as world champions go, in the time that we've spoken, significantly more attuned than anyone else that I've spoken to. And even you are saying, and I was hiding most of that and it's all coming up now that I've finished and so on and so forth. So you can only think if you're the, you know, the Tiger Woods's of the world, the Michael Jordan's of the world, the guys who kind of made it their brand almost to, um, continue to drive through, to not do the tap in thing. Unless it, unless the emotion was in service of the performance directly, it wasn't an emotion that was permitted. That makes sense.

• 6:57Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 6:57Chris Williamson?

  Um, I, I had this. Journal entry from before I even started the podcast when I'd started doing personal development. And I remember reflecting on why I always felt like I needed to make progress every single day. And I wonder if this resonates with you, at least part of it, I think, was

• 7:19Chris Williamson?

  even if I don't like myself right now, and even if I feel insufficient and not enough right now, if I can project that where I will be in future is going to be better, doesn't matter that I think I might be a little bit of a piece of shit in the moment, because tomorrow will be okay. Like, I don't love myself today, but I might love myself tomorrow, because I'm moving in the direction of better. And that's dopamine, and that's reward, and that's progress. But as soon as that starts to either flatten, or, you know, very worst, if it feels like it slows down, you go, oh, God, not only am I not enough today, but I might be even less tomorrow. And I need to take my sense of self-worth from somewhere different. I need to take it from

• 8:03Chris Williamson?

  my honesty, or, you know, my openness, or mundane successes and boring victories, or the fact that I was kind to that lady at the supermarket today. Like, how pitiful, how small is your life that that's what's going on? It's not grand enough, it's not impressive enough, and you're not moving in the right direction. You always need to be making progress. So this, um, the addiction to progress and what it feels like to be in progress rehab is, uh, something that I feel very much as well.

• 8:35Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, I feel like it's a tough battle, too, because if you don't have a goal or something you're working to in your life, it feels like your life has no meaning. In a sense, you know, there's like the idea of

• 8:48Chris Bumstead?

  that gap between like, the man you know you can be versus the man you are. And it's almost like the meaning you find in life is in the journey between those two. But it's kind of about the tension between the two, so much about the journey. If there's too much tension, if I need to do X to be good enough, or I need X, then it starts to hurt, you know? And it needs to be, I was thinking about this the other day, it needs to be, the goal needs to be a free choice. And I don't think, and I don't mean a free choice of like, someone's making you do it. But like, if you were to think about it, your brain, like, do you think your mind is free?

• 9:19Chris Williamson?

  That's a good question.

• 9:20Chris Bumstead?

  As a whole.

• 9:23Chris Williamson?

  I don't know. That's a good question.

• 9:25Chris Bumstead?

  It's not easily. Of course I'm free.

• 9:26Chris Williamson?

  Yes.

• 9:26Chris Bumstead?

  Like are the decisions you make about like I made the decision to compete in bodybuilding. Like, okay, I did, but am I making I'm making the decision to stay technically, but is it a free choice? If I feel like I have to do it to be good enough, but I feel like my self worth and my identity to is attached to competing now. So this goal I have, this journey I have now has this intense tension because it's not a free choice of or a positive choice. It's not a free choice of like this is wanting to do this. It's like I have to do this to be good enough.

• 9:51Chris Williamson?

  Hmm.

• 9:52Chris Bumstead?

  So if you can reevaluate those goals and when I started bodybuilding, it was kind of just like the gym was a beautiful place for me to go and escape and enjoy it. And I loved it. Started to see progress and it changed over time. It just kind of like shifted into a bit of a pressure and I started to have my identity to it and like, kind of like I needed a lot of aspects of it and I never wanted to. I never wanted to attach my ego to it. I thought I was different because I was aware that attaching your identity to something would be bad. So the kind of aware that possible, I'm not going to do it.

• 10:19Chris Williamson?

  You knew it up here, but you were still motivated by it.

• 10:22Chris Bumstead?

  Exactly. Yeah. It was like a shell game in my mind of being like this illusion I created around myself of like, okay, well, if I know that I can tell myself I'm not and just ignore the fact that I really am.

• 10:31Chris Williamson?

  Yeah.

• 10:31Chris Bumstead?

  And maybe there's nothing wrong with that.

• 10:32Chris Williamson?

  Just a more sophisticated version of cope.

• 10:34Chris Bumstead?

  Exactly. Yeah.

• 10:36Chris Williamson?

  But you're culpable for it because you know.

• 10:38Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 10:39Chris Williamson?

  It's even worse.

• 10:40Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 10:40Chris Williamson?

  Because you think, well, I've got nowhere to hide. I have no escape from this. The Stephen Pressfield talks about shadow careers.

• 10:48Chris Bumstead?

  Mm hmm.

• 10:48Chris Williamson?

  So he worked in Hollywood for ages before he became a successful author. And he saw lots of people whose original aspiration was to become an actor or a director. And they were scared of going for the big one. So they ended up working close to it, but in a slightly adjacent industry. So they'd be an attorney, an entertainment attorney, or they'd be an agent or something. So they didn't actually go after the thing that they wanted, but they went for something that was close, which is that like escape valve sort of trap door thing that they've got that's going on. So I guess.

• 11:25Chris Williamson?

  Were you aware before you decided to retire and retired? How difficult retirement would be from a existential, who am I in the world's place?

• 11:41Chris Bumstead?

  It's funny, the way my mind works is like a sense of cope. I'm like, I know it's gonna be hard. It's not now, but I know it's gonna come, but I don't know what's gonna come. And I think what I thought I was going to miss was like being Mr. Olympia, getting on stage, all the things in between, but it's like.

• 11:58Chris Bumstead?

  The reason I feel like, I mean, the word's thrown around, but it feels like a genuine ego death is because I was so unaware of what hit me. And one of the moments where it hit me really hard, and I'm not even proud to admit this, is I went on Instagram and I looked at my followers and it was like, last month you decreased 10,000 and I was like, oh, I felt this feeling in my body that I didn't like that. And I was like, I've told myself for a decade that I don't give a fuck about that. But it's easy to say when it's just constant skyrocket up. Like, I don't care about this success. I'm not attached to this. And all of a sudden it was like, not there. And I was like, it just made me really go inside and be like, what, like, what was I doing it for? What did I really care about? What was like? The have tos that I had to do it to be good enough? Was it because of the attention and all this stuff? Before it was like,

• 12:42Chris Bumstead?

  the love of the sport, it was love of bodybuilding. And then it became this attachment to this like need of like what came with it. Now I started to love the outcome, you know, when you're doing something for an outcome, you're more like, bound to it, you're stuck to it's creating like attention. And I think that was like a very modern day millennial ego death wake up for me to be like, damn, I thought I was better than that. And then I had to like really be honest with myself, but clearly you were attached to that. And now you may lose it all. Would you be okay with that? Would you be okay with it all gone? What's, what's left, you know? And it really made me reflect back on my career of like, what served me throughout and why I decided to retire and the fact that like, I wasn't getting anything from it anymore that was serving me.

• 13:25Chris Bumstead?

  My values started to shift, but I was still doing things in my life that were bringing in more and more success that were separate from my most important values. And it was almost taking away from what my values were. And I feel like one of the most important things I've done in the last few years is like consistently reevaluate my values and try and make decisions based off the highest ones, even if in the moment I don't really feel like it's what I want. So like competing, I could have kept winning. I could have kept getting more followers and more money and more fame, more success and more X. But those things weren't up high value to me anymore, you know? Starting to be a family, discovering who I was, being present with my family, having a mind that is emotional and tuned enough to be there for my family and to enjoy life and to enjoy all the stuff I worked for. Those were values that were much more important to me. So then I started to have this like

• 14:12Chris Bumstead?

  different feeling around bodybuilding. And going into the last year, I didn't even, I wasn't enjoying it. It was more of an attitude of like, I have to go work out so I can win the Olympia. Rather than like, I get to fucking train today and have the opportunity to be the best in the world if I do it right. It was just this different mindset shift that I realized in myself of why I was like, this isn't for me anymore. It's time for me to get off the stage because this isn't serving me and this isn't the proper reason, you know? Why you start something typically changes over time. And like I said earlier, like why you start something might have driven you, but now if it drains you, it's time to reevaluate what you're doing. And that was a huge important thing for me to do and make this decision. And all this stuff are incredible. Don't get me wrong. It's not like my don't value having money and attention.

• 14:56Chris Bumstead?

  Like I'm human, I enjoy it, but it's not what was making me feel good day to day. It was taking away from my ability to be at home and I would be like, I have to eat again. I missed a meal. I came to an event and I lost a pound. Am I gonna be, are my legs big enough this year? I feel like my waist got bigger, like on that day, that one day, that 10 minutes on stage, am I going to be good enough to be the best in the world? That pulls you away from being present in your day to day life because you're constantly worrying about that. And that's because I became more attached to the outcome than just the love of the game.

• 15:27Chris Williamson?

  The idea that you're able to talk in this very mindful, elevated, enlightened approach. This sort of abundance mindset, when everything is going in the right direction, is such a good insight. It's fantastic. You know, it's the billionaire that's able to be generous. As opposed to the person whose wealth is going in the other direction. So well, how generous are you if things start to feel a little bit more scarce? Even if you still have lots of money, but they're going in the wrong direction. And we spoke about this on stage at the Jim Shark event, but.

• 16:05Chris Williamson?

  Modeling somebody's rise, not their result, I think is a really important insight that hasn't fully caught everyone's attention yet. Because when you ask, most people that have the platform to be able to give advice have got the platform because they're successful. And if they're successful, that means that they have done something for a sufficiently long time at a grand enough scale for people to consider them an authority, one form or another. But the problem is, you, almost certainly, are at the beginning of your career. And they, the person at the top of the mountain, they might be able to remember what they were doing six months ago, or one year ago, or right now, and the challenges and the

• 16:47Chris Williamson?

  very particular sort of unique elite stratosphere that they're in, that they need to deal with. They can't remember what it was like to be a beginner.

• 16:54Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 16:54Chris Williamson?

  So when you ask somebody, what is the key to success in business? And they say, well, you know, it's all about work-life balance. I think it's very important, you know, you, you need to be using your intuition and your gut. And you go, huh, what did you do when you were at my stage? It's like, oh, everything was completely planned out and I didn't have any time for my friends or family. You go, right. I should probably do what you did when you were my stage, not what you do now that you have the luxury to do whatever you want. And I think with, yeah, talking about how I'm above this, the shallow need for validation and social love from those around me and the strangers on the internet, you know, it's all, I don't need it.

• 17:39Chris Williamson?

  Well, yeah, you don't because you have an abundance of it. You have so much, there's a surplus. What happens when it feels like that's being taken away from you? You, kind of that old adage of, you don't know what you've got until it's gone. You don't know what you valued until it starts to decrease a little bit.

• 17:53Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 17:53Chris Williamson?

  So.

• 17:54Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, even in like the. Like the emotional side of what's driving you. It's like, well, I the whole time thought it was bad to be driven by like, oh, I'm not good enough, so I need to accomplish X to be good enough. But then it's, I don't think that's a way to live, but maybe that's a good way to start. A lot of people are driven to high levels of success by doing that. And maybe that puts you in a position of abundance of success to show you the things that are important to you, to give you enough confidence, to give you enough life experience to go inside and reflect on ways that you can find lasting genuine self-worth. You know, maybe if you're like, well, no, you shouldn't do something because you're not good enough. Well, then maybe you never start, you know? Or maybe it makes you an incredible bodybuilder, you go on this huge run and you're able to go on this journey of self-discovery.

• 18:38Chris Bumstead?

  And then figure it out in the end, but I wouldn't have changed that going back of why ever I started, even if it was coming from a insecure or bad place, because it got me to the place I am now.

• 18:50Chris Williamson?

  Especially at the beginning, you just need to use whatever fuel you've got.

• 18:54Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 18:55Chris Williamson?

  And.

• 18:55Chris Bumstead?

  Just go.

• 18:58Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, this is again, it's model the rise, not the result. It's all well and good saying it's this beautiful balance, you know? I don't really think about the chip on my shoulder or the parents that didn't believe in me, or the teachers that were mean to me at school. Well, yeah, because you you used that fuel when you needed to get off the launchpad. And then you used another bit of fuel after that, and then it was your competition, and then it was your something else. And now that you're

• 19:23Chris Williamson?

  like floating out in space. Cool. Okay. Sweet. You've got this much more balance because you've worked through all of those things. Each one of those was a little, you know, the idea of false peaks in mountaineering?

• 19:34Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 19:34Chris Williamson?

  Yeah. So you look and you go, oh, we're at the top. Shit, no, we're not. We're at the top again. Fuck, not this time either. And um, that, those were all false peaks, all of those. And it's only after reaching them and then going.

• 19:51Chris Williamson?

  Damn it. I thought that was the thing. I thought that was gonna be it. That you have to restart and go again and go again. And um, yeah, I, this is a homosisism where he says, you know, use the fuel you can. And at the start, most people have way more hate than they do love. So yeah, all of the chips on your shoulder and the bitterness and resentment that you've got, you just use it. The, the need for validation, the want to prove yourself. I've got to get the goal. I got to do the riches. I need to, you know, fine. But I don't think that that's a bad thing. And I think it's largely a luxury belief of people who have big platforms that can say, this is the thing that you should do from the very start. Because it's not how they got there. It's not how I got here. It's not how you got to where you are either.

• 20:32Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, a hundred percent. Even in that direct forum, when I was competing, I was, at the end, I was like, I'm not trying to beat anyone. I don't know who's gonna come second. I don't even think about it. I'm just know I'm gonna come in and be my best and I'm gonna win. But like, I didn't start like that. Especially when I was second place. I was like, I'm beating that guy. You know, I'm coming after him. It's a very different game.

• 20:51Chris Williamson?

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• 21:35Chris Williamson?

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• 22:07Chris Bumstead?

  This year? That's an incredible question. I actually haven't even thought about that.

• 22:16Chris Bumstead?

  It's so funny because I went into that year without even like every year and my sister one year looked at me in the Olympics. She's like, are you ever gonna fucking believe you're gonna win? Cause it'd be the day before.

• 22:29Chris Williamson?

  Was it time three or four or five?

• 22:32Chris Bumstead?

  It was like in between prejudging and night show when I just dominated the show. She's like, so you feel good about it? I was like, I don't know. Like, maybe I'll win. She's like, are you ever gonna fucking believe that you're gonna win? Like, and I didn't. And then the last year I went into that prep and I like, I didn't even like, I had those moments of do I love this? Do I not? And I worked my way back to a point of like, this is the last time and I enjoyed it. I like, loved the experience, but the whole time it was just like, am I gonna do it? I'm gonna, am I gonna win or am I gonna not compete? That was what was in my brain. I didn't even think. And it was finally that point where I just believed in myself, where I knew like, I know what to do. I know my, what I'm capable of and like, I'm gonna come in and win if I do it. So I never even thought about it, but.

• 23:11Chris Williamson?

  That is a champion mentality, right? Finally.

• 23:13Chris Bumstead?

  I finally got it and I leave.

• 23:15Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:16Chris Bumstead?

  But now, yeah, I like to believe that I would have retired.

• 23:21Chris Williamson?

  I would have stuck to my principles.

• 23:23Chris Bumstead?

  Regardless. And looking back now, I can't, I can't imagine being in a prep right now, you know? And like I said, it's very different because my mind did just like release all these focuses where it opened up the ability to realize all the things that I had been holding that might've been creating tension in my life. So I'm in a state right now where I can't imagine trying to lock in and focus on being so selfish at something with a pregnant wife, sixteen month year old daughter, life changing like it is, but

• 23:53Chris Bumstead?

  my ego would love to tell you that. Hell yeah, man. I would have retired regardless. I wouldn't have even cared if I lost.

• 23:58Chris Williamson?

  Well, it's a luxury belief because you won. You can say whatever you want. You can't go back and run it, run the experiment again.

• 24:03Chris Bumstead?

  Very true.

• 24:04Chris Williamson?

  You know Mark Cavendish? He's a cyclist in the Tour de France, British, British guy from Manchester, I think. Thirty seven, thirty eight now, so older in the tour and he's a sprinter as well. And um, the Tour de France Unchained, if people need a good documentary, so it's Drive to Survive Formula One, but for the Tour de France. They've done it for three years now. And in the second year, he just needs one stage win.

• 24:32Chris Williamson?

  To have the title of the most stage wins in Tour de France history. So it's, I guess, it must be a particular hack that the sprinters have got that because they work for the finish, they actually end up with more stage wins than the general classification, the yellow jersey. And he is going for it and he's saying, this is my final year, I just need one stage win. And his wife's there and the kids are there and he's sort of working himself up to it. And he has a couple of near misses and then he has a big crash at the sprint finish. And he's devastated. Oh, no, he has, I think he breaks his collarbone in maybe a pilot partway through, which is even less glorious. And the whole thing was this was going to be the final year, he was going to win. And then season three comes along and he's made this big song and dance.

• 25:17Chris Williamson?

  He has this sort of tearful announcement about how he's going to leave the sport behind. And he had given my, given my life to this sport and he raced for England, Great Britain, all this stuff. And then it comes back and it's him and his wife and his wife basically says, I know that you're not going to rest. I know that you're not going to be satisfied. She's like, what does it matter? You said that you're going to leave. You're not satisfied, so run it back, do it again. And he does, and he gets his victory and he, he sort of goes out on his shield. But the opposite of that is John Jones. John Jones, it seems, wanted to vacate the title rather than lose it to Tom Aspinall, who is real aggressive fighter, also from Manchester, everyone's from Manchester. And

• 26:01Chris Williamson?

  it, it just seems like he was so concerned about his legacy being marred with the final fight up against this young, very heavy, very talented, natural heavyweight as opposed to John, who's maybe not quite so in his prime. And you have someone who, in both cases, have got the same mentality, which is my final performance cannot be a loss. I either need to go back and do it again in order to be able to achieve victory, or I need to bow out on my own terms as opposed to stop. And

• 26:36Chris Williamson?

  People remember the way that you left the party, so to speak, in that way. Like the footnote or the the final song, the encore of your entire career is so amazing. Shame about how his final competition went, you know, like when he got beaten by whatever, whatever.

• 26:51Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 26:52Chris Williamson?

  So I it doesn't surprise me that that would be a difficult question to answer.

• 26:56Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, no, it's funny, too. Hormozzi sent me a text going into the last prep and he had like suspicions that I was gonna retire that year. And he said something, I can't even remember exactly what he said about me going and winning or something. And I threw like a little flick back at him because we think very differently. And I like respect how like what he does is incredible. This is like the beautiful champion mentality, like you can think however you want, you just have to win. And I was like, well, what if I lost? What about the lesson that I could learn in the loss? And he was, he posted on Instagram the next day, being like, I got a text from someone last night and it made me mad.

• 27:29Chris Bumstead?

  What happened, I commented, I was like, that was me. But no, like genuinely, like when I, like I was talking about my most important values right now. If I trust and believe in myself to live up to those values. What I would have been able to do was to use that loss, something out of my control, to take what is in my control, how I handle it, to learn something. And try and apply it to be the best version of myself and to stick to my values. And in trusting myself, I would have still made the decision that I know I need to step away. Because before I won, before I had the chance of losing, I had made the decision while I was walking away, what was most important to me. And it wasn't about if I win, I'll lose, or if I lose, it was unrelated to all that stuff. It was, well, what's best for me and my life and my family is to step away right now.

• 28:12Chris Bumstead?

  And it's for the love, because I love the sport, I'm walking away so I don't put myself into a position where I'll resent it. Because people who go too long, then they'll stop away and they'll look back their whole career with resentment. Either at least the health issues or injuries or on a loss or something, it taints it in your own mind. And it loses that like, kind of beautiful like life that you have on it.

• 28:35Chris Williamson?

  Yes, yes, yes, yeah, yeah, you're able to cave yourself into.

• 28:39Chris Bumstead?

  The rose colored glasses, you can look back and be like, it was perfect, you know? And I have the privilege now to be like, my career was perfect, which it was far from, but.

• 28:47Chris Williamson?

  Well, imagine if it had been the other way and your only second place victory had been the final one.

• 28:51Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah. Why, I was second before, but it'd be my third second.

• 28:57Chris Williamson?

  Did you ever secretly want to quit before, but you stuck around due to expectation?

• 29:05Chris Bumstead?

  I'm still unraveling why I wanted to quit before, but I did announce privately that I was retiring after my fifth win.

• 29:12Chris Williamson?

  Right. So one year prior to when you actually did it.

• 29:15Chris Bumstead?

  And that was the year I had a really bad injury. We had discovered Courtney was pregnant. There was all this stuff going on. There was some personal, all this like chaos in my life that was pulling me away from focusing on competing. And I was like, I couldn't handle all of it in the moment. And I was like, I can't do this anymore. And I was stepping away from it. And I realized I was stepping away from it in fear. And because I had so much external things muddying my decision of, is it because I don't love competing or is it because of all these other things going on right now? The injury that almost made me lose, I should have dropped out. I kept pushing through all these things. That I wanted to give myself an opportunity to try again and be in it and be like, is this still for me? Can I still do this and love it and want more? Or am I going to compete again and be like, no, I am done.

• 29:56Chris Bumstead?

  So I actually had this like double moment of choosing whether or not I was going to retire. And that I feel like that, that was the only time where I was really truly like, it wasn't even a quitting. It was like a peaceful relief of I'm done. And then afterwards, and this is why I know this year is so different. Cause after that Olympia, about a month after I was like, fuck.

• 30:19Chris Williamson?

  I was like, told all of these people in my life, I'm gonna have to reverse the text.

• 30:22Chris Bumstead?

  I made this huge thing. I cried. I was like, this is so beautiful. I had a video on my phone. I recorded of me like talking. And I've only done this once in my life. Me crying in my gym after a workout, being like, this is my last Olympia. Like I got through this injury.

• 30:34Chris Williamson?

  You didn't even do it when you actually left the Olympics.

• 30:38Chris Bumstead?

  No, and all the, it's, it's really cool. Cause there's some like unseen, unspoken thing that are all like that video will be in the documentary that's coming out about it.

• 30:45Chris Williamson?

  So that video will be in it?

• 30:46Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah. Never. It's been in my hidden album for no one to see and stuff.

• 30:50Chris Williamson?

  Oh, wow. That's, it's in there with all of the other unspeakable memes and stuff.

• 30:54Chris Bumstead?

  I couldn't even, I couldn't watch it. They were like, you need to send that to us. I was like, I can't go look at it. It's too embarrassing.

• 30:59Chris Williamson?

  Blindly like.

• 31:00Chris Bumstead?

  Exactly. Yeah. But no, it was, that was really the only moment where I was like, I'm done stepping away. And then I had to come back and be like, I'm not done. I'm doing this again.

• 31:11Chris Williamson?

  I think that suggests that it's the right decision.

• 31:13Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, and I was sorry, that's what I was getting, yeah, it was immediate laughter. I knew I was like this tense, like, I didn't make the right decision. Whereas this year, I'm like, waiting for it to come back and I'm like, oh, wait, like, I actually am at peace with my decision. There's a lot I need to do and figure out in life to be at peace in life, but I'm at peace with my decision.

• 31:31Chris Williamson?

  I suppose the, I mean, this is a huge topic a lot of people deal with, which is life change, life direction change. You finish full-time education, you're twenty-two, twenty-three, and you're, you've been in full-time education since you were five. University or something and you go, okay, I'm not on a set of train tracks anymore and I need to choose my own direction. That's difficult. Or you want to change careers or move to a new city or leave a relationship or start a relationship or start a family or, you know.

• 32:03Chris Williamson?

  These life directions that split off in lots of different directions, people have

• 32:08Chris Williamson?

  loss aversion, scarcity mindset and sunk cost fallacy and anchoring bias and the need for validation. All of this stuff just loops together in this big mess and trying to untangle that is hard. I suppose the, the interesting thing that I can think about with your situation, which would be different, for instance, to mine. You're working toward one very big goal, which is basically success or failure. And that has identity wrapped up in it in the same way that I do. But it's not, there's no such thing as this is the podcast that I would go out on and not the next one or the next or the next one.

• 32:50Chris Williamson?

  And there's not really the same criteria of success and failure either. Even in sports like football, I guess maybe you've, did you win the league that year or not? But you're part of a team. How well did you play? How well did the team play? Is it really about you or the team's performance or your performance? And which league is it that you won? Was it?

• 33:10Chris Bumstead?

  And it's not expected for the same team to win every year.

• 33:14Chris Williamson?

  Exactly. Yeah, there's way more variables in that. So as solo sports go with a ruthless, binary, black or white outcome, with all of the preparation working toward. How long do you spend on stage each year? Ten minutes maybe in total?

• 33:33Chris Bumstead?

  It's probably a little bit longer than that for me, but under twenty probably.

• 33:38Chris Williamson?

  Okay, so whatever, three hundred and sixty four days, twenty three hours and forty minutes.

• 33:46Chris Williamson?

  Entire twelve month period to go on stage.

• 33:51Chris Williamson?

  It's about, I mean, I can't think of.

• 33:56Chris Williamson?

  I can't think of much else that's, I mean, maybe the presidency, you've got four years to try and work toward that as opposed to just one. The Olympics in some ways, but at least, you know, there's bits that you get to along.

• 34:06Chris Bumstead?

  Olympics is intense too. That's also why you hear of the intense depression afterwards.

• 34:11Chris Williamson?

  Gold medalist syndrome or silver medalist syndrome.

• 34:13Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, or even just leaving the weekend. They come back next.

• 34:18Chris Williamson?

  We've seen the stat that bronze medalists are less depressed than silver medalists.

• 34:22Chris Bumstead?

  No.

• 34:23Chris Williamson?

  Because they weren't that close. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very funny.

• 34:28Chris Bumstead?

  Our minds are so crazy.

• 34:30Chris Williamson?

  Has no longer having the Olympia. Impacted your drive and passion in other areas of your life? You know, you've got the dad, husband thing, business, desire to work on yourself in a sort of from a personal standpoint. How have you found drive and motivation separate and also wrapped up in what you were doing previously?

• 34:59Chris Bumstead?

  I wouldn't say it directly decreased because there's no Olympia, but I think almost as like a byproduct of what the Olympia was for me of like a schedule of a year of like the first half of the year is X. You have some time off, you can recover, give yourself a break and then you start to ramp up, you travel, focus on business and then near the end you go inward, you figure out what's driving you, what's pulling you back right now, self reflect, spend time away from bullshit, focus on yourself, be selfish, work, intense schedule and like it was just like organized routine and then all of a sudden it was all gone. And that on top of the singular goal, being like, where do I put my energy now? I think definitely left me in a place of feeling a little bit lost. I'm not figuring out like.

• 35:45Chris Bumstead?

  Where do, do I still have the passion for anything? Where do I find that energy to put into something? What do I put it into? Does it even exist? Will it exist again? And then it kind of led to me, then I had an injury. I stopped working out for a while and I just started to wake up in the morning exhausted and not knowing what to do, going in and helping with this business, going on this trip for that travel and meeting here with the distribution center of all these little things for all the other things that weren't really like driving me. I didn't have like an important big role in them. I was just like kind of coasting through and I started to wake up and feel pretty lost in general of like, where do I, where am I progressing to essentially? And that was when I was kind of like, what I'm, honestly, I'm still working through it.

• 36:28Chris Bumstead?

  I don't have this answer, but like thing I'm working for is just like empathizing with myself that I don't need to be constantly progressing towards something, that I don't need to be getting better and have this big goal and doing X and I can just sit and rest for a while and like truly just like do nothing and be good enough as that is and let something come and figure it as it goes. And that's, that was tough for me. It is tough for me and speaking in proper verbiage of figuring that out. And the funniest little thing of what has made me feel better recently was working out again on a schedule and eating five meals a day and weighing out my food and having that little bit of structure of like, and not having to as well. It's like all this stuff's going on in my life. I don't know, I'm kind of lost. What can I do?

• 37:14Chris Bumstead?

  Well, I can go work out again and I don't have to. So now I'm choosing to. Well, why are you still work out so hard? Why are you training so hard? It's like, well, I just cause I love it. I feel good.

• 37:22Chris Williamson?

  Why I used to do it 12 years ago.

• 37:24Chris Bumstead?

  Exactly. And that's all of a sudden I'm getting more, more excited to go back in the gym or even in prep last year, I started, oh, I have to go work out. And then all of a sudden I started to feel better day to day and it's these little changes. And I realized this is truly how I fell in love with the gym and why I'm such a big advocate of weightlifting. Like I honestly kind of hope I don't inspire the people to get into bodybuilding because it's tough, it's fucked up, it's not good for your health, but I do want to inspire people to go lift weights, get in the gym and want to get jacked because it's such like, oh, I'm lost, I don't know what to do, just go work out. Apply some discipline, work hard, find something you love that's like difficult, that shows you progress, builds confidence and just go do it. And then from there, then you can clear your mind a little bit, have self-confidence, start looking around a little bit more clear, start looking inward and figuring out what is next for you.

• 38:07Chris Bumstead?

  And finding that next goal and working towards it. So for me, that's why I like, I just fucking love the gym so much. I'm so grateful that I'm back to a point of like loving the gym.

• 38:16Chris Williamson?

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• 39:00Chris Williamson?

  That's drinklmnt.com/ModernWisdom.

• 39:17Chris Williamson?

  This is the cash value, or this was the price that you pay in retirement, I think. You know, because what you're talking about, it's going to be difficult and things will be hard and you won't have the, um, the drive or the goal that you used to in the past. All of those things are kind of fluffy concepts, but they come into land. They actually sort of meet reality with, I woke up on the morning and didn't know what to do. I felt tired a lot. I didn't want to train. I was short and snappy with my business partners. I, I found myself getting distracted with lots of little tasks because it made me feel important and like people needed me. I packed my calendar out and did, because.

• 40:02Chris Williamson?

  A lot of the time, in advance of something happening, we probably have a good idea about what it's going to be like in the macro, but what we don't know is how it's actually going to appear, manifest in life. And it's navigating those things. So for instance, I've been sick for the last 18 months or so, and that's been hard. And I knew, based on what the trajectory was going to be, what was going to be tough, that I was going to have a lot of self doubt, that I was going to lose confidence and self esteem, that I would feel like I was moving backward, all of these things. But the way that that actually appears, like the individual building block thoughts that you have, like that mean, random little voice, or that one night where

• 40:47Chris Williamson?

  you ruminate about that one thing, or you're more sensitive to criticism, and that one comment from that person, or you can't really focus on your meditation as much. Like, none of those are, I am going to lose confidence. They are the individual incidents that contribute to, my confidence has gone down. Even if you knew it was going to happen in advance, and even if in retrospect, you can say, oh, wow, both of these things converged. Each of the little steps that occurred to make that happen, kind of come out of nowhere, a little bit, because you don't know the effect of each little thing. Does that make sense?

• 41:16Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 41:16Chris Williamson?

  Yeah. So it's the packed calendar, the lots of travel, the, I'm tired, I don't really want to go train, I don't really, I'm not weighing my food, I'm maybe eating weird diets compared with what I used to. And this lack of structure feels alien and uncomfortable to me, but it also feels like relapse, or rest, or change, or variation. But that's also uncomfortable, because it's unfamiliar. And yeah, each of these little building blocks is contributing to that, like, I don't feel like me. I don't feel like me.

• 41:51Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 41:51Chris Williamson?

  And, and not in the way that I wanted to, either.

• 41:55Chris Bumstead?

  Hmm. Yeah. And it creeps in like that, and you have absolutely no idea that it's coming until one day, you're like, I don't feel good. So it's definitely interesting. And I feel like you need to, you need to, I've needed to treat myself like a science experiment of like, taking and removing pieces and see what's important. It's like, okay, bodybuilding was creating a bit of pressure and stress in my life. Is it everything related to that?

• 42:25Chris Bumstead?

  Or was it the whole, you know, so like as I pulled out like, well, I'm not competing anymore. I don't need to eat on a schedule. I don't need to train at the same time. I don't need to leave my phone outside the gym and be locked in and focused as much. I don't need to wake up with my alarm. I can kind of sleep. I can do all these little things that I can let go of because now I don't have to. Because the goal is different. But then I start to not feel good. And it was like, okay, it wasn't those things that weren't making me feel bad. Those were actually making me feel good. It was the outcome, like I said before. So now taking those things that from bodybuilding put in the back in my life. And I was like, oh, wait, the structure and the discipline makes me feel better. It fills me with more confidence and ability to go do other things rather than taking away.

• 43:02Chris Williamson?

  Regardless of whether it's in service of becoming Mr. Olympia.

• 43:05Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah. And I mean, I know those things, but like you said, it was all of a sudden it was like, oh, well, I'll just cut one meal out. Cause like, I'm busy now. Oh, well, my shoulder's injured, so I'm gonna do my rehab, but like, I don't really want to, you know? I'm gonna take today off.

• 43:18Chris Williamson?

  Competing this year, like who even cares?

• 43:19Chris Bumstead?

  Who cares? Yeah, I'm busy. I'm gonna reply to emails in between sets. I'm gonna sleep in because I went to bed late last night, like all these little things. Next thing you know, you're like, I feel like shit. I don't want to do anything. And you're way harder to pull yourself out of that than if you'd cut it earlier. So that's life though, you know? There's no direct descent to the top. It's ups and downs and building a new self as you go.

• 43:41Chris Williamson?

  What would you say to anybody that's lost direction in life in the way that you have?

• 43:56Chris Bumstead?

  I would say I'm still in the midst of it, but I do believe it will be for the better. I feel like the path I was on wasn't, I knew what I was on, it wasn't the best for me. So if I stayed on that path, it might not, might not be lost, but I'm not discovering anything else. And at least in being lost, you might discover something new that's better or different, but still good. You know, better is a subjective word, I guess. Nothing will be like the Olympia, but things will be incredible in my life. And I would say actively, like I said, the gym has been like the.

• 44:28Chris Bumstead?

  Thing for me of when I'm lost, it's always there. So having a constant in your life, having something within your control when things feel out of control to just go do, just to give you that little postural upkeep, I think is so crucial. And again, that's why like young kids were like, I don't know, I'm a lot, I don't know too much. Just go work out, go lift weights, start there. Just get jacked and figure it out. Obviously, you can't just

• 44:49Chris Williamson?

  Get jacked, figure it out.

• 44:49Chris Bumstead?

  You can't just stick with that. But I think understanding that a lot of people don't feel lost their whole life, but they're just stuck in this like box until they're 70 and they're like, look back and they're like, how did I get here? You know, because they had such a clearly defined path for them and maybe it wasn't where they wanted to be. So being lost is an opportunity to stop and slow down and reflect where you truly want to go. And that's what I'm trying to use that for right now and be like, oh, it's time to do this, that, that, that. It's like, people are, what are you gonna do next? I'm like, right now, nothing. I'm not adding anything to my life because I'm trying to figure out what that is. And it's okay to be lost right now. Telling myself it's okay to be lost right now. Dear Christopher, it's okay to be lost right now. It will get better and you'll figure it out and just do what you can, fill yourself up right now,

• 45:34Chris Bumstead?

  learn who you are in this season of life and just trust that whatever will come, will come.

• 45:39Chris Williamson?

  Isn't it poetically ironic that the thing you walked away from was the thing that you needed to give you structure after you'd walked away from it? The gym was the kind of the thing that I left behind. And when I worked out what it was that I needed to do in order to get myself at least back in a good state of mind, it was go back to the gym again.

• 45:58Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, yeah. Everyone needs some kind of constant in their life. And the true cheat code is relationships.

• 46:06Chris Williamson?

  How so?

• 46:10Chris Bumstead?

  Just the ability to be seen by someone else, I feel like is such a cheat code for life. If you're feeling lost, you feel alone.

• 46:20Chris Bumstead?

  Just like the genuine, the word lost. Would you rather be in a forest by yourself or with someone else who is lost with you? It's so, it's just such a drastic thing. And I feel like the being able to be with someone through hard times and understanding is the, I'm dealing with all these issues of identity. I'm losing this, I'm losing that. Did people like me for this? Am I losing followers now? Am I going to be the same? Is this going to still be a part of my life? Do I still care about this? But when I go home, my wife doesn't treat me different. She doesn't see me different. She just sees what I'm going through and loves me the exact same, no matter what I'm doing externally, whatever success I have, that's, it's like, can't define it better than a cheat code for life. There's no better confidence and ability

• 47:03Chris Bumstead?

  to believe in yourself than when someone else says, and when they see you no matter what, and you feel safe to be whatever you need to be with them.

• 47:10Chris Williamson?

  Whether you win, whether you lose, whether you stop, whether you keep going.

• 47:12Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 47:13Chris Williamson?

  I'm still here.

• 47:14Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 47:16Chris Williamson?

  Where does your self-worth come from now then? I think that's the if this challenge is with sort of the structural side, what does my day look like? What do I do? What am I working toward? There is sort of a moment to moment, who, who am I and why am I important? And I've lost followers. Oh my God, I'm irrelevant. People don't care about me so much anymore. Who's the next hot thing? That's whatever.

• 47:43Chris Williamson?

  What do you think about self-worth coming from post-retirement?

• 47:53Chris Bumstead?

  I would say

• 47:56Chris Bumstead?

  by genuinely knowing and believing that I'm living up to what my most important values are. Like, for example, if I want to be a good father, if I know I'm showing up as being a good father, that's my value.

• 48:10Chris Bumstead?

  That's within my control, then I feel good. But the difference of that is like, oh, I want my daughter. To love me or be happy with me or whatever it might be, something like that is out of your control in the moment. And those are what I would worry for, where if my daughter looked at me and she's like, I hate you, dad. Which probably will inevitably happen at some point. And then my self-worth is attached to her not hating me. So then I have a crumble and I believe it. And then I acted in a certain way rather than being able to dissociate with that and be like, what are my values? Being a good dad? Am I being a good dad? Yes, I know I have been being a good dad. My self-worth is attached to her not saying she hates me. It's in how I know I show up. And in believing in my character and who I'm being. So when she says, I hate you, dad. I can not react to that and be able to be like, something's going on with her.

• 48:55Chris Bumstead?

  What is she experiencing? And I don't have to have this selfish response of, oh, I need to get her to love me now. It's like, no, she's hurting right now. Let me be there for her. And I feel like that is, I mean, that's the double cheat code of being a good dad and having controlled self-worth, but learning to apply your values or learn what your values are and live by them in a way that they're within your control.

• 49:14Chris Williamson?

  Well, I mean, how wonderful it would be if people could do that in the Olympia. I didn't win this year, but I did my best. I gave it my all. I did all the rest of it. It seems like.

• 49:26Chris Williamson?

  I don't know. I'm trying to work out what the difference is between those two pursuits, right? A be good dad is process. Raise daughter well is outcome, right? Something like that, like whatever the, whatever the way that the child interacts with me being a good dad is, right? So even if there isn't specifically an outcome, we could come up with some equivalent equation for the Olympia. Like,

• 49:53Chris Williamson?

  train and eat in a disciplined manner.

• 49:57Chris Williamson?

  Win Olympia, right? Is maybe one of the outcomes. But those two things aren't necessarily linked. You can do the first one and not get the second one. And you can get the second one without necessarily doing all of the things of the first one. I'm sure that you had cheat meals at some point. Someone else will have done too, but for some reason, the constitution that you have and the way that you approached it, your cheat meals and volume of and missed reps, individual missed reps and, you know, shortcuts and stuff.

• 50:24Chris Williamson?

  Allowed you to still win at the end. And for somebody else doesn't. Yeah. So I, I, my point is I wonder whether it's easier to be a bit more.

• 50:36Chris Williamson?

  Embodied and mindful and sort of gentle and um like not philanthropic but like charitable sort of like giving in that way and less attached to the outcome. Because it's more resonant and it's more in inner than it is. And I will get the accolade on stage and I will, which is maybe why the sort of classic tiger mom archetype of the parents who are living vicariously through the performance of their children are stricter with their kids than they've ever been with themselves.

• 51:11Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 51:12Chris Williamson?

  You know, they demand a level of dedication and performance from their children that they don't from themselves because their children are a performance. They like that outcome of that child is them. That's their goal that they're working toward as opposed to I just want to be the best dad I can be, or I just want to be the best mom I can be.

• 51:34Chris Bumstead?

  It's it's tough. And I've had this debate and I have no idea the answer of like when you're working towards something like that and you're like, all I care about is that I gave my all. I did everything I could. And then whether I win or lose, I don't care. Sounds beautiful.

• 51:49Chris Williamson?

  But does it And easy to say when you keep winning.

• 51:51Chris Bumstead?

  And easy to say when you keep winning, of course. But does that is that is it possible? Is it? Does it make you better? Or does that level of like enlightenment also turn you into a place where

• 52:04Chris Bumstead?

  you there's no desire attached to the outcome. It's just in the effort. And then does that lead you to less effort?

• 52:11Chris Williamson?

  I I think it's unrealistic. This is where the rationality and the emotion kind of come into conflict with each other. And

• 52:24Chris Williamson?

  it's all well and good to say.

• 52:29Chris Williamson?

  If I was a closed system or if I was some G P T that I could program. This would be the optimal way to do it because it allows me to maximize utility in the moment whilst reducing stress about the outcome, which facilitates performance to achieve the outcome. But that's not how humans work.

• 52:46Chris Bumstead?

  No.

• 52:46Chris Williamson?

  Like, we are, uh, like telek creatures, right? Like, we're working towards this telos, this goal, this thing that we're aiming up at. You go, without that, all of this is bullshit. All of the steps that I'm using to get myself toward the destination.

• 53:06Chris Williamson?

  Like, this is supposedly the reason that the dopamine system, or one of the reasons, that as you approach a thing that you want, let's say it's a tree that's on the horizon that you know has some fruit in that you need to bring back. As you run toward the tree and the tree slowly grows and grows and grows and grows and grows on the horizon, you get closer and closer and closer. You feel reward because it motivates you to keep going, or else you go, fuck, it's still so far away. I can't be bothered. So, but if the tree was not there, or if you didn't know where the tree was, running towards it's way harder. Same reason that Uber works. Uber works for two reasons. First one is that you can order a cab from anywhere on the planet with one app. The second reason is you know how long the fucking cab is before it gets to you. So you go, ah, it's only four minutes away. That's good. And oh, it's getting closer.

• 53:48Chris Williamson?

  And think about how frustrated you get when the guy takes a wrong turn and it goes from three minutes to four minutes. You're like, god damn it, he's got to go around the one way. I think it sounds great in principle to say detach yourself from the outcome, just focus on the process, all the rest of it. And that might be a useful thinking tool. But practically, when it comes down to can I grow some fucking corn out of this strategy?

• 54:13Chris Williamson?

  I'm yet to see anybody that performs at the peak of their sport, including you, most mindful champion that I've ever spoken to, still, like, sort of glanced at it a little bit.

• 54:25Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 54:26Chris Williamson?

  Like, had a little side eye look at it. And was like, eh, fuck off.

• 54:29Chris Bumstead?

  I would, I would wonder if someone would even be driven to achieve that goal if they were in that place.

• 54:33Chris Williamson?

  Because it's unreasonable.

• 54:35Chris Bumstead?

  Because if they're in a place where, like... What what's that outsides thing driving them? Probably self worth self worth issue. If they feel like they're completely good as they are, win or lose. Maybe they think, well, then why am I even doing this? You know, like the people who like, I joke a lot about doing ayahuasca. Haven't done it, would love to one day. Still haven't done it yet, but I've spoken to people like, I'm just afraid like, I'll just won't like my life anymore. And in my, I don't know what it's like. I haven't done it, but in my idea, the vision is, well, if you don't already don't love your job, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. It will just show you that. People were like, well, I want to be rich first and then I'll do it because I'll be detached from money afterwards. And then blah, blah. Well, if you're in a journey to be Mr. Olympia and you awaken and you're like, I don't care about the outcome.

• 55:16Chris Bumstead?

  It's like, well, why am I going to suffer through all this bullshit and beat on myself every day? And keep pushing through all these moments I don't want to if I don't even care about the outcome. Maybe, maybe it is a better way to live to not care about the outcome, but maybe it will lead you to not doing it at all. Which again, if you're there, you won't care, but it's just different. If you're in a place of your life where you'd rather keep yourself in that box and achieve the thing than get the abundance. And you know, it's really good for me, but I still want to do it because it's fun right now. And then I'll go on the other side and open up beyond that. But when are you ready to do that to the matter like?

• 55:52Chris Williamson?

  It's a fascinating question, dude. I think about this so much. Sacrificing the thing that you want for the thing that's supposed to get it is, it's kind of like, again, equations seems like a theme this week, equations.

• 56:08Chris Williamson?

  It's one of these little sequences that seems to show up a lot. So don't sacrifice happiness in order to achieve success. So that when you're finally sufficiently successful, you can give yourself permission to be happy. And you say, well, maybe I can just, if you, if it was an equation, you could sort of just cross off success on both sides. And you're left with happiness, right? You're making yourself miserable in the pursuit of an outcome that hopefully can make you sufficiently successful to make you happy. You go, hey, that feels like sacrificing the thing you want for the thing which is supposed to get you the thing that you want. But. We're not perfectly logical rational creatures.

• 56:49Chris Williamson?

  We are social animals. We need validation. We want to feel recognized and we want to look back and go, fucking, like I made a dent in the world. Like I actually, I like hit it and I've left a mark there and that's fucking cool.

• 57:03Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 57:03Chris Williamson?

  Uh, as opposed to however many people just, you know, orange robes in a, um, cave somewhere, which I can see you pivoting to at some point. And maybe you've got the hair transplant, so you can't do the bald thing anymore.

• 57:14Chris Bumstead?

  I can still shave my head.

• 57:16Chris Williamson?

  All right, whatever.

• 57:16Chris Bumstead?

  Bick it.

• 57:17Chris Williamson?

  Um, but that, that sequence, you know, you are a, um, hard charging, uh, woman in their career and things are going real great. And you sort of have it in your head. Yeah, I think, I think kids would be, would be really, really good. Well, okay, you're going to sacrifice something that you know already does give you a sense of well being and fulfillment and recognition and validation and safety, which is your career and all of the accoutrements and stuff that come along with it. For a thing that you have an inclination might be good for you, but you have real no idea about whether or not it is.

• 57:59Chris Williamson?

  So, okay, you're telling me that I should sacrifice what I have, verifiable information does make me happy for the thing that I have, like a hint that it might be fulfilling, might be more fulfilling. Uh, well, how long do I need to stay in the career before I feel like I've got like career saturation or fulfillment saturation or something from this?

• 58:22Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 58:23Chris Williamson?

  And then I can pivot into this other mode, again, like the booster rocket thing. I've, I've spent this fuel and then I've got this next booster rocket and then I've got this next thing. And, um, I think a lot about the bravery that is needed to be able to say goodbye to something like that. Like I know that this thing gives me a sense of self-worth and fulfillment.

• 58:48Chris Williamson?

  Fuck. That quiet voice in the back of my head keeps getting louder and it just keeps saying the same thing, which is this isn't right for you and you should probably try this other thing. And how many people are trapped by loss aversion, fear, uncertainty, lack of self-belief, scarcity mindset? Yeah. I don't think that I can make that jump. And you, I was trying to think about this when I was filming the interview for your doc with Mark and I had it in the back of my mind. Everybody was like, how many times are you going to stick about like, you know, is he gonna do, go for six, go for seven, do whatever? And I had it in the back of my head.

• 59:31Chris Williamson?

  I was like, how many athletes have left their sport in their prime, or maybe even before their prime, right? Like, there's nothing that says that 31-year-old you, Title VII, wouldn't have been better. Like, who does that? No one. No one does that. No one does that at all. I told Mark this. No one does that. Nobody gets even close to thinking because you finally fucking arrived. You've just got there and now you're going to voluntarily leave. You work your entire life to get to this esteemed stage, this, you know, very exclusive VIP party of one. And now that you've got access to it, you know, yeah, I'm done. Nobody does

• 1:00:13Chris Williamson?

  that. I mean, Michael Jordan briefly did baseball, I suppose, but most people, most champions especially, are forced into retirement due to some sort of an injury. They can see the writing on the wall in terms of where that arc is, which is sort of the John Jones approach, like, don't think I'm gonna be able to make it on this next one. Like, I'll leave it there. Or they stick about so long. Floyd Mayweather's 50 fights, 51, 52, 53, 54, like, who are we gonna fight next? Yeah. They just can't say no and can't stop. So I, for me, I think it was, especially in our world, fitness, bodybuilding stuff, a much-needed

• 1:01:01Chris Williamson?

  Example, a much, a very important

• 1:01:06Chris Williamson?

  role model situation of what happens if you decide to step away from something on your own terms. People say I did it on my own terms. It's like, was it really? Did you had an injury no one knew about? You had some, something coming up?

• 1:01:23Chris Williamson?

  So, yeah, it's, well, I guess, how much was it on your own terms? Because you were not a motivation. Right? Like you, if someone held a gun to your head, I'm sure you could have done it for one more year. But like, I don't know, just, I, I, I think it's a an important example for people to see a world champion, multi-time world champion decide to step away when he could have got better. Not when he was on the decline. I think it's a

• 1:01:46Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah. And I feel like a lot of people think like everything's very black and white. Like they're waiting for, to be like, I hate bodybuilding and I'm done and I love being retired. But it, life doesn't work like that, you know? Multiple things are usually true. It's like, I really miss a lot of things about bodybuilding and I'm sad and there's a grief and it's sad. And life is good now. And there's parts I miss it. And it's not like clear, nothing's clean cut like that. Or like you said, the woman who's working really hard wants kids, like, well, like you will miss your job. You did work hard to get there and it will be hard to pull away and you will love your children. And it will be the best thing in your life, but you will miss, it's like, it's this constant kind of like, uh, uh.

• 1:02:27Chris Bumstead?

  And I feel like social media fucks us with that because it's like, and I've probably been guilty of this, or like exactly what we were talking about. The person at the end of their journey is the one talking about it. And social media is just a platform of people at the end of their journey, talking about like, hmm, we're here, this, why like

• 1:02:43Chris Williamson?

  View from the top of the mountain is really nice.

• 1:02:45Chris Bumstead?

  This 50 year old man in the orange robes being like, look at me, I'm free. It's like, well, I wouldn't have chosen any way to be different. There was a lot of stress and pressure I felt through my twenties, but like I would go through all that again. Because it's the only way that you can have that perspective in the future. And maybe it's a good thing to go through the shit times. You don't want to avoid them. The bad reasons why you do stuff, the hell, the this, the that, and you shouldn't try in your twenties to

• 1:03:09Chris Williamson?

  Shortcut that.

• 1:03:10Chris Bumstead?

  To shortcut that, to detach and let go. And you should just be like, my dad never said I was good enough. I'm gonna fucking tell him, you know? Like, fuck yeah, go tell him, you know?

• 1:03:19Chris Williamson?

  Maybe you should. But that's a really nice.

• 1:03:24Chris Williamson?

  It's a way that you can't really get it wrong. And I think a lot of the time what people have a fear of is doing it wrong. Like, I don't want to make the wrong decision. Like, what if the right decision is for you to do what feels right to you right now? And to have faith in the little voice that's sort of in the back of your mind, which is fuck you dad. It's like, all right, cool. Go and do it. Like, go and tell them fuck you. If you haven't been feeling as sharp or energized as you'd like, getting your blood work done is the best place to start. Which is why I partnered with Function. They run lab tests twice a year that monitor over a hundred biomarkers. They've got a team of expert physicians that take the data, put it in a simple dashboard and give you actionable insights and recommendations to improve your health and lifespan.

• 1:04:07Chris Williamson?

  They track everything from your heart health, to your hormone levels, to your thyroid function and nutrient deficiencies. They even screen for 50 types of cancer at stage one, which is five times more data than you get from an annual physical. And getting your blood work done and drawn and analyzed like this would usually cost thousands. But with Function, it is only $499. And right now, they're giving a thousand Modern Wisdom listeners another hundred dollars off, bringing it down to $399. So just go to the link in the description below or head to functionhealth.com/ModernWisdom. That's functionhealth.com/ModernWisdom. I had this idea of unteachable lessons, which are these types of insights in life that you can't accumulate without learning for yourself firsthand.

• 1:04:50Chris Williamson?

  Money won't make you happy. Fame won't fix your self-worth problem. You don't love that girl. She's just hot and difficult to get. You should see your parents more. You don't need to work so hard, et cetera, et cetera. Like, it just keeps going. And there's a lot of criticism whenever people talk about this on the internet for a couple of reasons. First off, it sounds like a luxury belief, right? It's easy to say money won't make you happy if you have lots of money. Oh, it is a luxury belief. Yeah. Well, you're right. It is a luxury belief, but it's also a luxury dream that money will fix my problems of happiness, that fame will fix my self-worth problem. Because at least the person who's at the bottom of the ladder still has the belief that there is a solution.

• 1:05:31Chris Williamson?

  The person that's at the top of the ladder is now rich and famous and still fucking miserable and doesn't have any self-esteem. It's like, oh.

• 1:05:39Chris Williamson?

  I thought I thought that thing was going to. You're telling me that the external solution won't fill my internal void. Oh, fuck. Now I need to. Now I actually really need to do some inner work. The person that is on the come and both of them will be jealous of each other. It's like, I wish I had your hope. Well, I wish I had your situation. So I do get it. But um. The thing about these unteachable lessons is. Trying to. Tell anybody about them.

• 1:06:11Chris Williamson?

  Is really interesting. And almost exclusively pointless, I think. I don't think that people can speed run this through insight.

• 1:06:21Chris Williamson?

  I don't think that uh Oz or Ramon, Raymond, the two guys that are sort of maybe battling for your now vacant title.

• 1:06:30Chris Bumstead?

  Oz is in the open now.

• 1:06:31Chris Williamson?

  Oh, has he? He's got too big.

• 1:06:33Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:33Chris Williamson?

  All right, well, so who's going to be the two front runners?

• 1:06:37Chris Bumstead?

  Probably Mike Summerfield, Ramon. Terrence Ruffin, maybe.

• 1:06:42Chris Williamson?

  Okay. Those guys are not going to look at you and be like. Chris said it didn't even matter. Chris said that you're holding his daughter was the most important thing. Oh, I should just shortcut my, you know, it's not, it's not the way it works. And um.

• 1:06:57Chris Williamson?

  People are. Critical of something that sounds like a trite.

• 1:07:04Chris Williamson?

  Well-worn cliche, platitudy thing. Because they go, yeah, money won't make you happy, whatever fame won't fix your self-worth. I've heard it before. And you go, okay.

• 1:07:15Chris Williamson?

  First off. If something has been repeated enough times to be obvious and trite. It might be because there's some truth in it. And secondly.

• 1:07:26Chris Williamson?

  If it's not true. Why does almost everyone who reaches this kind of destination so reliably?

• 1:07:34Chris Williamson?

  Start to proclaim it like they've just gone through fucking religious revelation. Like, well, do you think that there's some weird cabal, secret community? When people get to a certain level of wealth, when you hit your first million or something that they message and go, hey, by the way, you need to tell all of the poor people that it doesn't actually make you happy so that we can keep the wealth themselves. Yeah, exactly. It's like, no, it's not. It's because everyone arrives at the same place and has the same realization, which was fuck. I thought that this thing was going to fix my internal problem. It doesn't. I've got the thing and I'm still, I still feel the same way about myself that I used to.

• 1:08:07Chris Bumstead?

  In like a

• 1:08:08Chris Williamson?

  Damn it.

• 1:08:10Chris Bumstead?

  Flip like paradoxical way, don't you then think that it is the thing also? It's not the only route there, but money doesn't buy you happiness. But if money, having money shows you that money isn't the thing that makes you happy, then it's still having money that's making you happy.

• 1:08:24Chris Williamson?

  Yes, yes, it's a

• 1:08:25Chris Bumstead?

  In a, in a offhand way.

• 1:08:27Chris Williamson?

  It is, it's not the, uh, it's not the outcome that is going to make you happy, but it's the stepping stone to prove to you what does make you happy. Yeah, Naval says it's far easier to achieve our material desires than to renounce them. Like it's way easier to drive a beaten up truck if your last car was a Ferrari than if you spend your entire life thinking, I wonder what it would be like to own a Ferrari. You got, breaks down all the time and it's highly impractical and I can't drive it over speed bumps and everyone wants to key it and it's, he runs out of gas and it needs to be in the shop and all the things. Remember there was this guy I went to uni with and uh, he was big into pickup artistry, so he was, you know, doing the cycling through women thing. But it was almost like a sport. It was like very, very accomplished doing it.

• 1:09:10Chris Williamson?

  I remember thinking, I was like, dude, like, you really love sort of dating girls and going out on dates and working on game. And he said, yeah, man, my future wife better appreciate this. I'm like,

• 1:09:24Chris Williamson?

  okay, square, square this circle for me. How do we get to my future wife should appreciate me running through half of Newcastle? And uh, he said, yeah, well, you know, I'm walking down the street with my wife and I see a Brazilian chick going past me and I'm pushing the stroller with the kids in it. I don't want to think, I wonder what it's like to fuck a Brazilian chick. Uh, I want to have ticked off every different box, all of the different things. And that, look, that might be a lot of cope.

• 1:09:49Chris Williamson?

  But the idea stuck with me, which was it's easier to do the things that you want to do so that you no longer need to do them than it is to try and release yourself of the desire overall. And uh, yeah, whether it's.

• 1:10:02Chris Bumstead?

  The hell of an example.

• 1:10:04Chris Williamson?

  Look, I, I, I know my audience, so.

• 1:10:06Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:07Chris Williamson?

  Um.

• 1:10:08Chris Bumstead?

  That's funny. I've always connected with the Jim Carrey versions of that. He has like a couple of quotes of it where one of them is specifically, I wish for everyone to achieve their hopes and dreams so they can realize that it doesn't make them complete. It's like, damn. And then the other one was his like ironic, I think it was Golden Globe acceptance speech. He goes up there and I don't remember it word for word, but he's like, hello, everyone. I'm Jim Carrey. Five time Golden Globe winner. Today I'm going to go to bed and I'm going to dream about being Jim Carrey six time Golden Globe winner. And then, and then I will be enough. And then the whole crowd just starts laughing and they're all just, ah, he's funny. And then like a few people you could see like, whoa. You know, like that's fucking deep, you know, like he's.

• 1:10:49Chris Williamson?

  I'd never heard that.

• 1:10:50Chris Bumstead?

  Just up there like blasting on the whole industry, essentially the whole construct.

• 1:10:56Chris Williamson?

  The whole idea of goals.

• 1:10:57Chris Bumstead?

  Seeking after of goals and all these things. It's just like, he's beyond it now. And he's just like, when's enough enough, you know?

• 1:11:03Chris Williamson?

  Did you see, is it Scotty Scheifler? Schiffler, the golfer?

• 1:11:09Chris Bumstead?

  Golfer, yeah. Hell, yeah. I had like five people send that to me.

• 1:11:15Chris Bumstead?

  That was incredible.

• 1:11:18Chris Williamson?

  That, that speech that he gave, talking about how, and it must have resonated with you because his entire thing is, I work all this time. I practice. I play all of these competitions for these five minutes. And I gotta go home and change nappies and decide what I have for dinner and continue to play this game. There's a few people in that position that are really sort of tapped in. You were one of them. Scotty's another, um, Jim Carrey is another, and uh, it's never going to be.

• 1:11:59Chris Williamson?

  A lot of the time when you see something that looks like an effective philosophy, life philosophy or approach, go, wow, if it makes you more happy, eventually it'll be so effective that the meme will spread and more people will do it. But because of the you need to achieve it before you can get rid of it thing, I think that

• 1:12:20Chris Williamson?

  the need for validation, meritocracy, chase, chase, chase is always going to exist. And so will this counterculture. And it will only be spoken about by people that have already gone and achieved it. And all of the people that haven't yet achieved it will always call them luxury belief, velvet prison, like opulent wankers. And that that will just continue to repeat for the rest of time. I just don't think it's ever going to stop.

• 1:12:44Chris Bumstead?

  And the people who haven't achieved something and have realized that it's not the achievement that makes them happy and are just happy with their life are just at home happy with their

• 1:12:53Chris Williamson?

  No one will listen to or care about telling everyone.

• 1:12:55Chris Bumstead?

  They also don't care to post it on Instagram because they're too busy at home, happy with their life.

• 1:12:59Chris Williamson?

  Yep.

• 1:12:59Chris Bumstead?

  They don't need to declare it to the world.

• 1:13:01Chris Williamson?

  I didn't sacrifice the thing I wanted for the thing that's supposed to get it.

• 1:13:03Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:04Chris Williamson?

  Uh, I'm interested, and I'm sure a lot of other people are, in how quickly an Olympia level physique falls apart when you stop training.

• 1:13:16Chris Bumstead?

  It's tough to answer because of my injury I had this year. As a whole, it was holding on like real good until I had like the shoulder surgery. And then I took about three months off training. And in the midst of that-

• 1:13:28Chris Williamson?

  Three full months, basically.

• 1:13:29Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, I was, I had, I couldn't lift my arm for like a week or two. And then I was using like those fat grips because I couldn't hold a weight to try and do like a external rotator cuff of like a three inch range of motion. Like it was like a serious rehab back to moving my arm. And in the midst of that, I'm like, I'm going to do a 80 hour fast because I have never been able to do this as a bodybuilder and it's great for my health. I lost like eight pounds doing that alone. And then I only ended up losing like- I mean, I've lost, at that point, I've lost about twenty five pounds of muscle of like pure muscle, which was drastic on my physique, the change it was. And I was like, damn, that was a lot. But then it bounced back quick, too. I think muscle memory is absolutely insane. So I think it's harder than people realize to really lose that muscle. Like, obviously, there's the PED side of things,

• 1:14:14Chris Bumstead?

  and I'm not doing that shit anymore. I'm still on TRT because once you run that kind of stuff, you kind of need to, which is the dangers of doing it at a young age. But it's life. So me not doing all that stuff anymore and just eating healthy and training hard because I love it, I can still be two hundred fifty pounds, like, no problem, as you can maintain that. It's on Olympia level physique, but I could bounce back in like six months, you know?

• 1:14:34Chris Williamson?

  You think? If, if push came to shove, do you think that, how long do you think you could take off before it would be really, really tough to come back within the space of a year?

• 1:14:42Chris Bumstead?

  I have no idea.

• 1:14:44Chris Williamson?

  Not an interesting question.

• 1:14:45Chris Bumstead?

  It's very interesting. And I'm like, like, most, a lot of bodybuilders, I mean, classic physique is still a new division, but most open bodybuilders peak when they're like thirty five. And it's different for classic because we need less muscle, your waist get bigger over time. So it would be a younger age, but still, like, your ability to put on muscle like that continues into your mid thirties.

• 1:15:03Chris Williamson?

  Well, look at the strongmen, Brian Shaw and these guys, you know, uh, who's the huge black guy that did that really long hold? He's in his forties. And, uh, yeah, in strength sports, but endurance sports, too.

• 1:15:19Chris Bumstead?

  Endurance, yeah.

• 1:15:20Chris Williamson?

  Yeah. Is it, I guess, fast twitchy stuff, um, I'm gonna guess weightlifters, probably not so great, like Olympic weightlifters, not so great into later life, sprinters, I'm gonna guess, once you get past forty, probably not quite the same.

• 1:15:34Chris Bumstead?

  I wonder if that's an injury thing, too. There's a lot more likely to be.

• 1:15:38Chris Williamson?

  More kinetic.

• 1:15:39Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:39Chris Williamson?

  Stuff. Yeah.

• 1:15:40Chris Bumstead?

  I don't know.

• 1:15:40Chris Williamson?

  It's just an attrition rate. It's just that these people have been like headshot it out of the rotator cuff, shot it out of the thing. So your, um, uh, bloods and stuff coming back down into normal life, what have you learned about the post-competition physiology of someone that's done to their body what you did to it?

• 1:16:05Chris Bumstead?

  Like health wise in general?

• 1:16:06Chris Williamson?

  Mm hmm. And hormones and all the rest of this stuff. Cause I know that you you were already being as gentle as possible, trying to get as much out of as little from PD standpoint, trying to just take a month off each year from like even dieting and kind of aggressive training type stuff, just

• 1:16:23Chris Bumstead?

  It was like a stretch of three where I was in lowering and ramping up. Yeah.

• 1:16:27Chris Williamson?

  So yeah, I'm just interested in what your health after the Olympias looked like.

• 1:16:31Chris Bumstead?

  Um.

• 1:16:34Chris Bumstead?

  Feeling very grateful that I had that mindset of not trying to do too much and getting the least out of the most because my, I had like health issues in the past that were unrelated to bodybuilding, autoimmune and stuff, and that affected my health. And then it feels like bodybuilding wasn't declining it. It was kind of keeping it in a level. And now I'm at a point now where I've worked with a bunch of doctors and like, you're actually healthier than I thought you would be given what you've done to your body. And I was like, well, thank God I retired at 30 because I don't want to hear like, oh, like shit.

• 1:17:03Chris Williamson?

  You pushed it too far.

• 1:17:03Chris Bumstead?

  You pushed it too far, you know? And obviously the longer you do something, the better. And a few doctors had told me like, in your 30s, your body is a lot more likely, I mean, obvious to recover than in your 40s or in your 35 or whatever it may be. So there definitely is some damage that happened to my health. And with another huge reason of why it was easy for me to retire because I wasn't willing to make that sacrifice anymore. Just I was very conscious of bodybuilding is not good for your health. And I don't want to continue to do this to me with a family now and priorities and different values shifting. So there's a lot of focus on my health now. And I'm realizing you can't really attack everything at once. Like, hey, I want to fix this, this, this, this. Well, you can only take so many vitamins and do so many things a week. So like, take it easy.

• 1:17:44Chris Williamson?

  To the crowd here.

• 1:17:44Chris Bumstead?

  Exactly. Yeah. So right now it's, I'm trying to fix my gut, which is something that had gotten beat up for a while. You know, bodybuilders

• 1:17:50Chris Williamson?

  SIBO.

• 1:17:51Chris Bumstead?

  Eat constantly. I have SIBO mold, leaky gut, some heavy metals and all this stuff kind of affecting.

• 1:17:57Chris Williamson?

  My gut brothers.

• 1:17:58Chris Bumstead?

  Hell, yeah. Are you doing the antibiotic or are you trying to do the natural?

• 1:18:02Chris Williamson?

  Uh, combination of both. I'm using minocycline, but minocycline is a quite a high dose now. 200 milligrams a day. A lot of herbal antivirals, some peptides. Uh, I'm using LL37, SS31, uh, BPC. Plus I was using oral BPC for a while.

• 1:18:23Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, it's it's interesting because if you're doing the antibiotic thing, you can't do the rebuild the gut thing at the same time.

• 1:18:29Chris Bumstead?

  Probiotic.

• 1:18:30Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, so it's, bro, it's nightmare.

• 1:18:32Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:33Chris Williamson?

  It's so hard.

• 1:18:33Chris Bumstead?

  Oh, I don't even know what the words are. I didn't do it like the kill, restore, re-inoculate, rebuild, like all this, like you have to go through these phases of like.

• 1:18:42Chris Williamson?

  What do you want? Are you in kill? He's still in kill?

• 1:18:44Chris Bumstead?

  I had, no, I'm the guy helping me wanted me to build a little bit of like resilience in my gut first.

• 1:18:52Chris Williamson?

  And then.

• 1:18:52Chris Bumstead?

  Kill and then rebuild, just so the kill wasn't so like tough on my body. So when I get back from this, I start the antibiotics. Yay.

• 1:19:00Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:01Chris Bumstead?

  Fun talk.

• 1:19:01Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, no, I get it. Um, you mentioned TRT is that.

• 1:19:10Chris Williamson?

  I I don't know how it works with the suppression of sort of natural stuff.

• 1:19:18Chris Williamson?

  It's just easier and simpler than trying to completely go off and survive and see if it comes back online naturally with a ton of gentle supplementation. It's just easier to sit at a low dose, therapeutic dose of of replacement. Is that kind of the philosophy that you've come to?

• 1:19:34Chris Bumstead?

  I still haven't really fully decided what my goals are in that in the future, but I do know or have at least seen anecdotally through others. That if you drop it too hard after being so high for so long, then it's really bad on your body and your mind. You know, people go through some intense, people go through depression from natural low test versus like having insane to just dropping it down. So getting your body used to slowly decreasing over time is a lot better for your body to not have that like big shock of change. So, but yeah, it's difficult and, you know, I like people to be aware of the fact that putting an exogenous hormone in your body stops your body's natural production of it. It means you may have to take it for the rest of your life. It's reality, you know, so kind of going through if I'm even going to try to go that road or not right now.

• 1:20:18Chris Williamson?

  Well, dude, people say that testosterone.

• 1:20:22Chris Williamson?

  Decreases sperm count and you just continue to pump kids out. So you just.

• 1:20:27Chris Bumstead?

  You win some, you lose some, you know?

• 1:20:28Chris Williamson?

  Well, I I'm glad that the table's so long so that I don't get pregnant from being over here.

• 1:20:32Chris Bumstead?

  I won't get close.

• 1:20:33Chris Williamson?

  But yeah, dude, pregnant again. Congratulations.

• 1:20:35Chris Bumstead?

  Thank you. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. We're excited, very excited.

• 1:20:40Chris Williamson?

  So will it be, will it be two under two?

• 1:20:42Chris Bumstead?

  It'll be two under two, twenty months apart.

• 1:20:43Chris Williamson?

  Let's fucking go, dude.

• 1:20:44Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah. I don't know why everyone knows that saying. It sounds, it feels scary. They're like, they look at you.

• 1:20:48Chris Williamson?

  I'm pretty sure Courtney put a story out saying.

• 1:20:50Chris Bumstead?

  She said it.

• 1:20:51Chris Williamson?

  Oh, God. Like, anyone with advice for two under two?

• 1:20:55Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah. Moms will look at us or her and be like, two under two? Oh, good luck, you know? Which I hate. I hate that kind of mindset of parenting. I think it's huge and all my friends.

• 1:21:04Chris Williamson?

  Two under two, congratulations.

• 1:21:05Chris Bumstead?

  Right, yeah. Like, even like men with girls, like, oh, you have a girl, good luck for them, they're teenagers. It's like, fuck that. It's me. If you're a good dad and you raise your kids right, like, it's beautiful. We're excited.

• 1:21:18Chris Williamson?

  Dude, it's so exciting. It's so cool. I think, you know, the the main thing I took away from our conversation last year

• 1:21:27Chris Williamson?

  was how much more

• 1:21:30Chris Williamson?

  stability and confidence you were given by your identity being distributed, you know, on the blockchain. It's like a decentralized network of of stuff.

• 1:21:39Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:40Chris Williamson?

  You know, the best in the world, this thing. I'm also the most important person in the world and in this world. And I've also got this business thing. I'm pretty important there too. And people care about me and I get to contribute and hooray. That's lovely. And I've got some friends and they seem to like me as well. And I like cars and I have a couple of hobbies and, ah, wow. Is, I asked Tim Ferriss about this, the start of last year. I was like, how do you, because he's got a a tendency toward a low mood. He's a sensitive guy.

• 1:22:11Chris Williamson?

  Like, how do you hedge your? How do you stop yourself from being at the mercy of a good New York Times bestseller and my podcast number one in the world? Oh my God, I've fallen back. And he said about hedging your identity, distributing where you take your self-worth from in that way. And yeah, the, the fact that you've just got this amazing journey that you're on personally. And it gives you the confidence, I think, even if you're, even if it's just cope to say, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have mattered if I'd won. It gives you the confidence to at least be able to think it, as opposed to someone that goes, I can say this and not

• 1:22:54Chris Williamson?

  even, I even know that that wouldn't be true. Like, it just sounds like the thing I'm supposed to say. But yeah.

• 1:22:59Chris Bumstead?

  Even when you're increasing like the amount of most important people in your life, more kids, your wife, people, then you have more people who love you and like, I was reading this book and there was one line that wasn't even meant to stand out, but it was like, if for 10, if for one minute, you could see yourself the way your child sees you, you would never be the same. Like, you were like the biggest special hero, God strength, like, just everything you do is just wow to them, you know, like pure love and awe, that no matter what you do, if I lost an Olympia, if I told them when she was older, I lost Olympia, whatever, like, there's no change in that. It's like, they don't care. You know, my wife doesn't care. And having more people like hedging that too, having more people in your life who don't care when or lose on things, does make

• 1:23:44Chris Bumstead?

  you able to go through losses and it not affect you the same and still make the right decisions in life regardless of outcomes. So I think it's just the best thing ever.

• 1:23:56Chris Williamson?

  We'll get back to talking in just one minute, but first, I need to tell you about Eight Sleep. If you struggle to stay asleep because your body gets too hot or too cold, this is going to help. Eight Sleep just released their brand new Pod 5. It now includes a temperature regulating duvet that works with the smart mattress to deliver full body climate control. And the new base even comes with a built-in speaker, so you can fall asleep to white noise or stay awake. Listening to me. And it's got upgraded biometric sensors that quietly run health checks every night, spotting patterns like abnormal heartbeats, disrupted breathing, or sudden changes in HRV. It'll even start warming or cooling your bed an hour before you get in, which is why Eight Sleep has been clinically proven to increase total sleep by up to one hour every night. Best of all, they've got a 30

• 1:24:39Chris Williamson?

  day sleep trial, so you can buy it and sleep on it for 29 nights. And if you don't love it, they'll give you your money back. Plus, they ship internationally. Right now, you can get up to $350 off the Pod 5 by going to the link in the description below, or heading to eightsleep.com/modernd wisdom and using the code MODERNWISDOM at checkout. That's e-i-g-h-t sleep dot com slash modern wisdom, a modern wisdom, a checkout. It's an interesting one with girl dads, especially that you are the first man that she's going to love. And the imprinting, it does seem like dads are very important. I don't know why I had Anna Machinon, who wrote Life of Dad, and she's doing her new

• 1:25:19Chris Williamson?

  book is actually going to be about dads again, for the second time. She, um, I think it's her first kid, she had a complicated birth, and, uh, like really complicated. And then mum and kid were rushed out of the hospital room and, you know, all the priorities on them. And dad was just left, sort of wondering whether the love of his life and his newborn kid was okay. And no one came in to explain anything to check on him. And, you know, there's talk of the trauma that women go through in childbirth and them needing to kind of postpartum depression, all of this stuff. Absolutely. Like, she's done the legwork,

• 1:26:00Chris Williamson?

  right? But there is a world in which, looking at dads, they're not, they are surplus to requirements, at least in part, like they're not breastfeeding, they're not getting, like, the baby wants mum, at least for the first bit. But then there's kind of this. You sort of get tagged in after a few years' time. And then, oh, okay, now it's sort of it's your turn to step up. And it seems like that's really important. So.

• 1:26:25Chris Bumstead?

  I feel like that what you're saying about like, I've been thinking a lot about that. And like I said, people have been like, oh, good luck with the girl and being a dad. And where's your purpose and having a baby now infant, you're right. Your job is really just supporting mom and making sure she's still like, okay. And feels like a priority, especially when she was pregnant woman. Oh, my God, so exciting. That was baby. Oh, my God, so exciting. You know, it's like, see you later. Baby's so cute. So like, understanding as like a man, like, maybe you're not always in the spotlight, but you always have a very important role. And it's not as important in the beginning when the kids are young. Cause yes, men are not all men, however, we like to define these things. Come on, everyone can have their own roles, whatever.

• 1:27:09Chris Bumstead?

  By tradition, I would like to be the provider, logical, rational thinker of the family. Not always just to support, but wanting to be both. But if you just are stepped away when they're young and then all of a sudden they're like a little girl and you don't really know them, you haven't built a bond or connection when they were an infant before they could talk. A lot of dads I've read feel awkward with their children, especially daughters. They're like, I don't know how to hang it with them alone. Like, wanna go play sports? Or like, no, let's just sit and play tea and talk, you know? If unless you keep that going from a very young age, there might be a moment where it feels awkward. And you know, it is very important to be in their life as a dad. And I feel like not enough people talk about how important the role is for a man in a Dodger's life. Of course, it's important. We talk about daddy issues, but we don't talk about how important it is to avoid that.

• 1:27:53Chris Williamson?

  You you talk about what it is when it goes wrong, but not how you do things to get it right.

• 1:27:58Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, it's like, I'm absolutely like working, going to take so much pride and wanting my daughter to talk to me and come to me with things like, I don't want to teach her about sex and I don't want to know about it, but I'd much rather her come and talk to me about things than be afraid to. I'd rather her to be safe enough to come to me to talk about boyfriends rather than, well, dad's gonna get mad if I even talk to a boy. So don't hide it from them. I don't feel, you know, I want her to be like. Dad, I'm talking to this guy, blah, blah. And I want to be able to talk through it with her, you know, not be like.

• 1:28:26Chris Williamson?

  Want to be able to warn her off him immediately and all of them for the rest of time.

• 1:28:30Chris Bumstead?

  I would like to, but no, the goal would be more so to be able to hear her and feel safe to talk to me. So then she can, I can work my way into. Now she feels safe with me and then my opinions are more structured. I'm still dad, I'm still her hero. So if she feels safe to talk to me, then I have the opportunity to really give, well, here's what I think about it. And it's much more likely that she'll listen to me if she feels safe first and heard and validated and then understands what my opinions and boundaries are.

• 1:28:56Chris Williamson?

  What have you learned about child rearing and strategies? We had a conversation in a gym and some clip from that about. Well, eh, cry it out, but not cry it out, healthy, whatever it's called, attachment parenting went beyond fucking viral. I never thought that we would trend on mummy talk. But I, I think people have very strong opinions about how to raise kids. And when you hear something that sounds a little bit more gentle, maternal, grounded. That seems to resonate, but strategies, you guys did a lot of reading beforehand. You made sure that there were no toxins in the blanket and stuff. I know you went through all of that.

• 1:29:42Chris Williamson?

  What did you learn about? Good and bad ways, at least so far, for child rearing?

• 1:29:52Chris Bumstead?

  I mean, it's such a multifaceted question. I feel like it comes down to like that idea. You think you're reading these books and trying to prepare and you're getting the non-flamor, like non-toxic this. And then all of a sudden you're just like drowning and it's like opening a book and reading how to swim as you're taking a boat into the middle of the ocean. And looking up and being like, and diving in, you know, like.

• 1:30:15Chris Williamson?

  You, you just. Learn by doing.

• 1:30:17Chris Bumstead?

  You just learn by doing. You got to figure out, and you're right, people have so many opinions and their own things. So there's no right way of doing things. That I remember that thing going off about the all the mom. It was like this combo of women being like, hell yeah, go guys. And who are these fucking two?

• 1:30:33Chris Williamson?

  Idiot bros telling us how to raise kids. Dude, I had, I had mums and daughters of mums come up to me in the gym. I'm like, you think it's gonna be, my, my son is a huge fan of your channel or whatever. It's like, I saw you talking about gentle parenting and cry it out isn't.

• 1:30:49Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:50Chris Williamson?

  I've ended up in a corner of the internet. I did not think existed.

• 1:30:53Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah. And it's, and it's valid. And I understand after going through at least the baby's part of the baby stage.

• 1:30:58Chris Williamson?

  How so? What, what, what do you mean you understand?

• 1:31:01Chris Bumstead?

  Like you have no idea what you're getting into, you know, and people who are going through a hard time and everyone has their own experiences. It's hard to have someone else who hasn't gone through it talk about like fair. And I still can't because she's still just a toddler, but you know, we, we did just that. We, we didn't let her cry it out. We gave her the love and support. Courtney was always there for her when I wasn't around like she, we gave her what she needed. In terms of understanding when she was uncomfortable or sad or scared, you know, you start to learn what their cries are like and what they mean. And we comfort her for that. And now we're at a stage where we're just learning boundaries. You know, we're, we're not punishing her because she does something bad, but she's starting to learn. Oh, if I have a tantrum and freak out, then you're going to give me back the X you took away from me, you know?

• 1:31:43Chris Bumstead?

  So instead of like punishing her or putting her away or in a corner, a timeout or whatever, we're just like withholding our boundaries firmly. Like if it's time for us to take away and not do X anymore, well, then we're not giving it back if you have a tantrum. But I'm also not going to like reject your emotion right now. We can't, we can't talk to her, but it's okay. We hold her like, it's okay. We comfort her through it. Like you're not going to get it, but I still love you. My boundaries are here to protect you because I know what's best for you. I'm not going to isolate you because of your emotion. Your emotions are okay. It's okay that you're angry, but also I'm not going to give it back to you and I love you regardless of how you feel. And it's more, right now it's more about being able to show her with body language and like comforting through that. So.

• 1:32:23Chris Bumstead?

  You figure it out as you go. You know, there's so much to it, but our, our deep philosophy is her wanting to feel safe and secure with her. Her feeling that her emotions are valid, even if her behaviors are not. Teaching her it's okay to feel like this, but you might not get what you want.

• 1:32:38Chris Williamson?

  Have you considered that pivoting into a fathering influencer might be the next?

• 1:32:46Chris Bumstead?

  We'll see.

• 1:32:46Chris Williamson?

  Maternal gymshark wear, raw supplements for kids.

• 1:32:50Chris Bumstead?

  Paternal gymshark wear?

• 1:32:51Chris Williamson?

  Maternal, yeah.

• 1:32:52Chris Bumstead?

  Dad bod?

• 1:32:53Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, dad bod. You could do a, you could do a dad bod release. Clem, get on that. Thank you. In Slack.

• 1:32:58Chris Bumstead?

  Working on it.

• 1:32:59Chris Williamson?

  It's very important. Thank you.

• 1:33:01Chris Bumstead?

  No, they're, they're, I've shared a few things recently and I do want to speak my mind more because I feel like I do these podcasts and I do and people take from it. I like speaking about my experience, about stuff I've done that like is for me and trying to specify that because I don't know what other people are going through and.

• 1:33:17Chris Williamson?

  And I also don't know what I'm doing.

• 1:33:18Chris Bumstead?

  And I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. So at least I can be like, we did this and it didn't work and we did this and it did work. But I do just think it's important to advocate as someone who is incredibly happy and fulfilled. In large part because of their marriage and their family. You know, in a, in a world where some people are afraid to get in relationships and the trust or kids are bad or I want to bring them into the world of like, being like, okay, fair. If you want to live that life, valid, do what's best for you. But I'm someone who at least is absolutely fulfilled and loving life right now. And this is how I'm going about it. And it's pouring into my relationship, that being a priority. And then it's being a father and my daughter being second priority to my wife. And then it's whatever else I need for myself. I'm mixed in it and all the things along that.

• 1:34:02Chris Williamson?

  The conversation that we had last year, a couple of weeks before the Olympia in Florida, kind of felt to me personally,

• 1:34:11Chris Williamson?

  a little bit like a glitch in the matrix because.

• 1:34:16Chris Williamson?

  People at home get affected, hopefully positively by the messages that they take away from these conversations. But fuck me, like being here firsthand and watching it unfold is a unique place to be. And I use this analogy that when I have different decisions to make, sometimes it feels like I've got a homose on one shoulder and you on the other. And Alex is saying, stop being such a pussy, just work harder. And you're saying, you should probably listen to your emotions more. And that chat that we had last year, I think, was really formative for me because I'd been in this sort of homose energy for a long time, which was good. And that was what I needed. And really made a lot of progress and changes

• 1:35:00Chris Williamson?

  in the right direction. But just seeing how somebody that I think is wired in terms of nervous system and emotions in not too dissimilar of a way, had sort of cut through so much of the bullshit that people try, people end up getting distracted by, what are the different directions I should go down to try and find fulfillment? And you just said, hey, I just found a woman that I love that makes me feel safe. And we decided to build a family. Shocking, I know, you know, revolutionary philosophy. But it really,

• 1:35:41Chris Williamson?

  it took a long time. It's like still now, kind of there's echoes of that. But for months afterward, I was thinking, holy fuck, like that's, that speaks to me on so many different levels. This thing that sort of is shouting out to me, you're right, people are scared of getting into relationships. There's lots and lots of stories online. I talk about dating dynamics a ton on the show, and lots of them are not good. But

• 1:36:08Chris Williamson?

  How rare is it that you hear somebody that says what you or Courtney do? Like that is, you know, I stand up for this is something that made me really, really fucking happy. And I had options to be happy from other things as well. This isn't me doing it from a place of, um, of need, right? That, oh, my relationship's the most important thing in the world. Dude, you had nothing else going on. That's it. You had nothing else going on. Like, it's the only thing going on in your world. And I think that's a, it's a really good, really good role model. And it certainly fucking flipped my world upside down. So thanks for that.

• 1:36:43Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, that's what I do.

• 1:36:45Chris Williamson?

  How was the official wedding? I think you must have delayed due to all manner of other stuff going on. Do you think, even though marriage has been for a while, official ceremony, is that important? Like?

• 1:37:00Chris Bumstead?

  To us it was, to us it was. And I didn't, I mean, we had been married technically, legally. But like you said, yeah, we were having kids, bouncing around. Life was crazy, win Olympics and it was hard to ever plan it out efficiently. And I knew it was very important to her. And as a man, you're kind of like, yeah, whatever. And we have to pay how much for this?

• 1:37:23Chris Williamson?

  Italy or Spain.

• 1:37:25Chris Bumstead?

  The typical, and luckily we got to the point where we had eight people at our wedding because it was, we just want our close ones around and keep it super simple. But it really wasn't until like coming into it, I was like, this is important. Celebrate our love, really like implant this as like a thing. And it was more of a, a reminder, a deep reminder of how valuable we are to each other. And the day as a whole was just like, you know, you lead up to it. It was a little bit chaotic. We're traveling with a baby, yada, yada. But then in the morning, we wake up Bradley sleeping in, we're in this beautiful resort. I walk out and I have my vows I had roughly written on my phone. And we just had to handwrite them. And so I go in this beautiful garden with, with my coffee and fountains.

• 1:38:09Chris Bumstead?

  And I'm sitting there and I'm writing down with my, by hand, which I'd never do, our vows. And I'm sitting there, I have like tears coming up, I'm like changing them, I'm like thinking of like how. Deeply important she is to my life and how much we've been through together. How crazy it is that we've lasted even this long and now we've promising to go forever together continuously. And this is agreement that no matter what life does, no matter what comes at you. Even if you go through a phase where you hate each other, you're still not going to give up. You're going to always come back to that center together, no matter what. And I think just that agreement to that, I think it's just so beautiful and having that day to reflect and remember what you've been through, why you love each other so much, it's like it was incredible. And then I didn't see her and when you do the surprise, the first reveal after all the writing and she comes in her wedding dress looking so beautiful.

• 1:38:54Chris Williamson?

  Did you hold it together at the altar?

• 1:38:57Chris Bumstead?

  I didn't sob, but I was crying. I had tears coming down my eyes. We did a, we'd actually did a private reveal.

• 1:39:03Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, you do first, it's called a first look.

• 1:39:04Chris Bumstead?

  First look.

• 1:39:05Chris Williamson?

  First look.

• 1:39:05Chris Bumstead?

  First look.

• 1:39:06Chris Williamson?

  Uh, uh, I'm going to check with the women in the room.

• 1:39:11Chris Williamson?

  The, how many weddings have I been to? Maybe I've been to five weddings or something since I've been in America. This may be indicative of the sort of men that I'm friends with. So I'm going to caveat that this might not be for all men. But every wedding I've been to since I've lived in America.

• 1:39:31Chris Williamson?

  Every single groom has cried. And it's always been at the same point, even if they've done a first look. And it's not when they're doing the vows, they've held it together when they've done the vows. It's when the wife is walking up.

• 1:39:46Chris Bumstead?

  Walking down fiance.

• 1:39:48Chris Williamson?

  Is walking down the aisle toward them. And I've really tried to think, do you start at a wedding, sort of observing this thing unfold? It kind of happens in slow motion, a little bit, at least that bit does to me. And I'm watching this guy. And he's like swallowing, swallowing a little bit. So the tears are streaming down. He knows that there's a hundred or two hundred or three hundred people that are watching. And he's still trying to hold it together and he's got all of this concern about being embarrassed. I've been thinking about what it is that causes men to cry when they see their wife at the end of the aisle, arm in arm with father, maybe. I think one of them maybe is that it's the.

• 1:40:35Chris Williamson?

  The sense of being chosen that of all of the options in all of the world.

• 1:40:42Chris Williamson?

  A lot of the time, guys might feel like on the outside or alone or broken. There's a big uncertainty about whether or not somebody's going to choose me. Am I okay? Am I enough? Is someone going to actually love me for me? I think women's value to the world is um.

• 1:41:01Chris Williamson?

  They arrive in the world with value, whereas men tend to need to sort of build it up at least a little bit more. Men are more disposable in that regard, sort of evolutionarily. You've got twice as many um mothers as you do fathers ancestrally. It's like forty percent of women, forty percent of men reproduced, eighty percent of women reproduced. So even just like the lottery of I'm one of the forty percent, it's going well. But yeah, guys stood at the end of the aisle crying, I think, is because someone chose him and he's watching this very slow walk, depending on how heavy the dress is.

• 1:41:39Chris Williamson?

  Very slow walk come toward him and uh. Yeah, it's beautiful, but every single time that there's been a wedding, it's been the guy that's cried and not the girl. Uh, I'm sure that she's cried before and the dad and all the rest of this stuff. But yeah, that's uh, I don't know, it's it's interesting thing I've observed.

• 1:41:58Chris Bumstead?

  I think men too, we just take way less time to allow ourselves to feel emotion back to our.

• 1:42:04Chris Williamson?

  Oh, fuck, it's happening.

• 1:42:04Chris Bumstead?

  Our typical conversation, we're always like thinking, progressing, fixing this, that, that. Women have are much more attuned with actually allowing themselves to feel emotion. And so how many times do you stop and truly like you have your vows written as this day is you're prepping for it? There's no distraction. You're in this moment. You're staring at your wife. Took all day to look as beautiful as she could. Just thinking of your whole relationship and then you have this moment like we bicker about this, that, but this, that. Those are just all washed away and you just remember that like. You and this woman have this connection that you're agreeing to be together forever, that no matter what happens, it's like endless. And she accepts you for all that you are. Regardless of, she knows who you are too. She's seen you at your worst, at your best.

• 1:42:49Chris Bumstead?

  All this shit that you lie to everybody about, I don't do that. I would never act like that. I would never do, she's seen all of it. She knows all of it. And yet she's choosing to come and be with you forever, you know? Men don't take enough time to think about these things. So in that moment, there's just, they probably don't even know what's coming up. And I don't, didn't fully myself when I was crying. I cried. The first look, the vows.

• 1:43:11Chris Bumstead?

  So there was multiple moments of, so maybe I need to think about it too. But I don't think we give ourselves enough time to really reflect and think about how special that is and how important that is to our lives.

• 1:43:20Chris Williamson?

  I think the, what you're suggesting is that women would have maybe. Processed and alchemized and done like little ups and downs like, oh, that's a thing. Oh, that's interesting. Oh, that's a thing. Oh, that's interesting. Whereas you've gone like, nothing, nothing, nothing. Holy fuck. Like you got catapulted to the moon.

• 1:43:36Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:38Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, I think another thing.

• 1:43:41Chris Williamson?

  One consideration is. Being the groom at a wedding is a little bit like being the first fighter in the ring. That once you've done, you've done your walkout. And now you're just stood there nervously, shadow boxing. And then you've got to wait for the, the other, your opponent or your other half to come down the aisle. So you're just sort of. Sat, watching, you're like, you don't, you can't move around or pace. There's no blowing off of energy. You're just sort of sat watching this thing unfold and you're like. Oh God, the emotions are coming.

• 1:44:15Chris Bumstead?

  Let them out.

• 1:44:16Chris Williamson?

  Yeah. What about, um.

• 1:44:20Chris Williamson?

  I guess one of the challenges that at least it seems.

• 1:44:25Chris Williamson?

  You had in part during Olympia prep. But would have been hidden by. The pull toward the final goal. Would have been thinking and overthinking and asking questions and.

• 1:44:41Chris Williamson?

  Getting caught up in thought, which I think a lot of people can resonate with.

• 1:44:47Chris Williamson?

  When you can no longer hide those fleeting thoughts and those emotions in the

• 1:44:53Chris Williamson?

  the pull, the momentum, the drive toward this end goal. How much more difficult has it been to not to not overthink and not not not get lost in thought and not deal with self doubt and and and self esteem and stuff like that? Has that been a challenge?

• 1:45:09Chris Bumstead?

  I think to a fault, I've busied myself with even more things with the amount I have going on in my life right now. And it's hard to as a, like I say, I'm very busy and I'm busy, but I kind of like overstretched that. I hopefully know one at work was watching this because I spend my mornings slow with my family and my nights slow with my family. So in between, I only have X amount of time to work out and do everything I need for work and I travel a lot. So I try and prioritize the much time as I can of not like being busy essentially, but those moments are still very like present with your family, but that's not going inward and reflecting in what you're going through. There's no downtime or alone time ever in a day anymore.

• 1:45:51Chris Bumstead?

  And I I'm learning to, I'm going to need to restructure and find that and create a schedule now for doing nothing.

• 1:45:59Chris Williamson?

  That's in conflict with, I want to be a good dad, right?

• 1:46:02Chris Bumstead?

  It's finding a balance, you know, and understanding, well, will it make me a better dad to do this? Will it make me a better husband to be able to work through these things so that I can be even more present and show up as more of myself in more moments, you know? And balancing all that out is just part of the difficulties of life, but it becomes a challenge, you know? And for Courtney, even more than me, it's you get no time off as a mom, you know, it's it's not like especially when your child's young and they constantly need to be doing something, you know, it's like they can't go play on the by their own, really, they're too young for that still. So I think that's still been a challenge for me. And even just having enough time to speak with Courtney alone,

• 1:46:41Chris Bumstead?

  you know, is without distraction with that, hey, we start talking, the baby starts crying or wants to not be here or throwing food or something. It's like constantly kind of interrupted and for me, a huge thing that helped me to process stuff with being able to communicate with her about it. And just to be able to talk about it and let her see me and work through things like that. And we've had less time to do that. So again, the kind of sprint when you first have a children is kind of like chaos. And then you come out of it and you're like. Okay, we still need to figure out how to have alone time. We still need to have, figure out how to have alone time together as a couple and prioritize this. And sometimes it's not possible, though you are getting through the best you can without it. But when you get to a point where you can, you need it. So I think. I haven't had more time to sit and reflect the thoughts. If anything, I haven't had enough.

• 1:47:26Chris Bumstead?

  And I have never been someone who doesn't do well when I have too much time to sit and think. If anything, I usually helps me to think and work through things. So. I'm trying to carve out more time for that. And, you know, it's part of the reason why I've been a little bit more like.

• 1:47:41Chris Bumstead?

  I think anxious recently and on edge and just like rolling through and bouncing because I haven't had time to. Sit back and reflect enough, even when we've done podcasts in the past, I know I've been like, okay. Let me like do some time like. Journaling fucking if I were to write a, I do this, I used to do this thing way more where. Like. I would write a chapter of a book about something I'm going through that would never get published anywhere. Just like. A biography of myself and just write through something and think about it. And that would allow me to talk about things a lot better. And okay, I'm gonna do a podcast, like start reflecting more, go inward. What are you gonna talk about? What are you feeling recently? This was coming up. I was like, okay, I'm gonna do that. Last night I'm lying in bed, like I didn't do it once and I'm tired. I'm gonna bed, you know, like it just, it's part of life, how it changes and.

• 1:48:25Chris Bumstead?

  Even within that, it's just finding the moments that you can, you know, and again, like my relationship's such a big thing. Courtney literally sent me a text actually last night that almost like put me in tears. Cause I was like going to bed like heart anxious and it was like, she just said something saying like, I see you essentially. And I was like. I don't need to be fucking reflecting and doing this. I just need to slow down and like, understand it's okay as it is.

• 1:48:48Chris Williamson?

  So beautiful, man. I mean, this is my favorite conversation that we've had of, of all three. So, you know, maybe, maybe actually writing was.

• 1:48:56Chris Bumstead?

  Hurting it.

• 1:48:56Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, performance, performance detractor.

• 1:48:58Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:00Chris Williamson?

  You know, when you think about. What's been hidden in some of the fog of chaos over the last year? What do you think will be the emotions that maybe you weren't letting yourself feel? Is there anything that you? When you spend a little bit of time. Hearing those quieter voices in the back of your mind. What are the things that have come up that you've probably been a little bit? Too afraid or too distracted to be able to hear?

• 1:49:29Chris Bumstead?

  Sure, there's a lot, but one thing I know I have a pretty like on and off of a pretty self-deprecating voice inside my head. In many ways, like I'll beat myself up and then I won't let myself feel beat up. Like, well, your life's so good, you shouldn't be stressed out like this is hard, but like I'm so grateful for this is I shouldn't, I shouldn't feel like that. So I won't even let myself feel that.

• 1:49:52Chris Williamson?

  Feel shame at your own self-criticism.

• 1:49:54Chris Bumstead?

  Exactly, yeah. So I guess having empathy for myself within those thoughts and being conscious enough of them to seize them and change them and grow through them rather than just constantly subconsciously beating myself up and saying you're not good enough. And you're not allowed, not only that, but you're not allowed to feel not good enough. But even mundane things of like expressing emotion like gratitude or like complimenting people and stuff sometimes feels hard. When you're unaware of it, you know, in a culture where it's like

• 1:50:25Chris Bumstead?

  you just kind of go inward as a man, you don't really like go to a bro, a guy like a friend and be like, wow, you said this to me, I really appreciated when you helped me with that, like you mean so much to me. Thank you for being in my life, you know, like those little things like that is even a vulnerable thing that you're like withholding, because like I said earlier, it's like high risk, low reward, it's unsafe, you know, from whatever it was in your childhood where emotions started to feel unsafe while you build this idea of, I can't remember who explained it of the idea when you're young, you either choose to be authentic or accepted. You usually have to pick between one of the two and you will always choose to be accepted because as a baby, subconscious, of course, but as a baby, if you're not accepted by your parents or whatever, you get kicked out, you'd die.

• 1:51:06Chris Bumstead?

  Or as a child even because you can't survive on your own. So you'll sacrifice authenticity to be accepted by your parents if they're feeling like, oh, if I'm angry, they put me in a corner or if I do this, then they're mad at me. So I'm going to avoid doing the things that upset them, which is my authentic self and what I'm feeling in order to be accepted. And then that carves out how you live your life forever. And then you slowly need to peel those layers back over time to get back to your authentic self and even figuring out what that is.

• 1:51:34Chris Williamson?

  Which is even harder when you have public persona and momentum and bravado and expectation and attachment, sense of identity, all tied up in this thing that's outside, out there, performance, I must be that.

• 1:51:52Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, the greater the self-image, the harder it is to break.

• 1:51:57Chris Bumstead?

  Beauty of social media influencing in this world too.

• 1:52:02Chris Williamson?

  It's a curse of success as well, right? That again wildly unpopular opinion that nobody wants to hear. But if your self-image is one that isn't sought after and all that admirable or admired, might be admirable, but but not admired.

• 1:52:23Chris Williamson?

  It's significantly easier for you to be flexible with it. But as soon as you start to get some positive reinforcement from the world,

• 1:52:32Chris Williamson?

  like you have something to lose.

• 1:52:34Chris Bumstead?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:52:34Chris Williamson?

  Right? The the person that came number two last year and is going to be number one this year. Oh, my God, look at the trajectory. But if you're the champion that fell off, and it's the same thing with your identity, it's much harder to let something go when it's proving to you that it is a place that you can actually get finally, the world gives me at least a little bit of validation. Can you just a little bit of love?

• 1:52:59Chris Williamson?

  It's way harder when there's actually something to lose there.

• 1:53:03Chris Bumstead?

  Which is so interesting because I imagine you can agree or relate to this of like, because I feel like a lot of people have sacrificed authenticity and not to the point of like, these people are fake and they suck. Like, we're all just struggling to do the best we can. But there's like this theme of so many people I talk to where even if someone's a dick, you're like, at least they're being themselves. It's just, I'm just glad they're being authentic. Is there an asshole there or they're saying some crazy ass shit? Well, like, at least they're being honest. There's just like weird appreciation recently amongst people I speak to where someone could be the type of personality that is annoying or you don't want to be around. But if you know it's like they're being authentic or they're not doing it to get something out of anyone or to prove something, there's that's just.

• 1:53:43Chris Williamson?

  The type of respect that comes from that.

• 1:53:45Chris Bumstead?

  At least they're being honest, you know, like a justification for things now because at least that's better than being fake.

• 1:53:50Chris Williamson?

  So true. It's so true. I uh.

• 1:53:54Chris Williamson?

  I wonder why, I mean, maybe it's always been the case, or maybe it's more tuned up now that the curation of everybody's lives online means no one feels real. And there's already a ton of

• 1:54:15Chris Williamson?

  justifications for why you should hide your true self. And people do it and they don't want to show this bit of them and they're scared. I mean, it's a good example of that. It doesn't take much to make me tear up. I think I've cried on the show, you'll be episode 980 or something. I think I've cried on the show maybe twice, maybe two or three times. And there's tons, tons of times where there's been something that I could have let myself feel. And I've decided to like

• 1:54:47Chris Williamson?

  swerve around it or laugh it off or just not fully embrace that thing. And that's one tiny little part over and over and over and over again. This sense of expectation, who am I supposed to be?

• 1:55:06Chris Williamson?

  Is it okay to be that? Like, what are people gonna think? Maybe they'll laugh at me.

• 1:55:13Chris Williamson?

  It's a, a challenge that only gets sort of deeper, I think. Because the more attuned you are to your emotions, the like richer your experience of them. It's like, just, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm anxious, I'm depressed, whatever. It's like, I'm feeling something that's really, really rich and wide. And that's your thing of, you can't feel the good without feeling the bad.

• 1:55:39Chris Williamson?

  Yeah, it's a

• 1:55:40Chris Bumstead?

  It's so interesting because I feel like people would look at me and be like, oh, you're great at that. And like, my career and a lot of it, my relationship, a lot of things started from the first video I put on YouTube of me crying. But even myself

• 1:55:52Chris Williamson?

  Even your marriage.

• 1:55:53Chris Bumstead?

  My marriage, yeah. Even myself as a man, like, yes, I did that, but there's, and I've cried other times, I've cried on stage, giving a speech and all these things. But it's like, I have to have gone through something extremely difficult. And then it's okay that I cried. I just did something incredible and now I'm on stage and it's just like extremely masculine. The show of success and now it's okay to cry. And then in the moments in between, I've done the same thing where I've started to cry in public or something. It's just you fight it, you fight it. And it's like, well, then I don't want to become the guy who just cries all the time. You know, there's like, as a man, it's like there's a balance of how much you're allowed to cry until you're the guy who cries too much. And it's just a challenge, I feel like, to be able to authentically let that stuff out and to feel that all those emotions as they come up.

• 1:56:37Chris Bumstead?

  And I'm talking about it more than anyone and it's because I speak about it. It's because it's a struggle of something I work on.

• 1:56:43Chris Williamson?

  Did I ever show you the man points essay I wrote about you?

• 1:56:48Chris Bumstead?

  A nine point essay?

• 1:56:49Chris Williamson?

  Man point.

• 1:56:50Chris Bumstead?

  Oh, man points.

• 1:56:51Chris Williamson?

  Men need to accumulate sufficient man points before they can open up about their feelings. It feels like men have to earn the right to talk about their emotions. Chris Bumstead can talk about crying and fear and insecurities, but only because he's the greatest bodybuilder of his era and a six time champion. Only men who have achieved some degree of success in typical masculine pursuits like status, resources, attractiveness, muscularity and strength can open up about emotions with credibility. Once they've accumulated sufficient man points, some unspoken video game level unlock happens where emotions are finally allowed. But opening up before having the requisite man points is interpreted as feeble and weak. The world still has many aches around men showing their emotions, but far fewer if it comes from a place of prestige than one of poverty.

• 1:57:37Chris Williamson?

  And even the guy who has all of the bits of prestige to permit him to do it, feels like he needs to accumulate little credits within that. He's got, I did something really hard and now I'm okay to be emotional. This, it's a tough one. It's a tough one. And I.

• 1:57:53Chris Bumstead?

  But again, a place where I don't feel like that, that home with my wife. You know, there's no like holding back of tears there because that's the place where I'm safe. And we talked about like, oh, like on stage, on social media, on a podcast or on YouTube. But it's like, that's not real life. That shouldn't even exist, you know? It's not, a lot of it isn't really serving people. Your real life is with the people who know you and see you. And that's where it's important to have relationships with people who you can be safe with. And that's when it's hard when you don't even have that, in my opinion.

• 1:58:21Chris Williamson?

  There's not anywhere on the planet.

• 1:58:22Chris Bumstead?

  If you don't even have anyone, which I feel like.

• 1:58:26Chris Bumstead?

  I hope most people, some people don't, of course. I think some people do and are afraid to accept it.

• 1:58:31Chris Williamson?

  Number of people who don't.

• 1:58:32Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:33Chris Williamson?

  I think it is, and I think it's something that's increasingly needed and decreasingly had.

• 1:58:38Chris Bumstead?

  Yeah, I think there's a come of people being so afraid to earn it too. Like to do the things to build the relationship, to keep up and to check in with and to let them cry with you to then build a strong enough, safe enough relationship to have.

• 1:58:54Chris Williamson?

  To be a burden so you can be a burden and don't keep score about who was a burden.

• 1:58:59Chris Bumstead?

  Doesn't need to be even. Yeah, crazy.

• 1:59:04Chris Williamson?

  Dude, I love you. I appreciate very much the impact that you've had on me and everybody else as well. So I I look forward to seeing what comes next and

• 1:59:17Chris Williamson?

  yeah, I really, really hope that you don't stop talking about the stuff that you do because I think you've got more now to actually add to the world than you did when you were on stage. So.

• 1:59:28Chris Bumstead?

  Well, I appreciate that and hoping to discover that myself. And life does, is changing very fast. So I hoped, I hope so. And so my greatest moments I've had was people are talking about my podcast with you and what I've shared here. So I appreciate the opportunity to do this for a third time and hopefully have a fourth.

• 1:59:47Chris Williamson?

  I'd love to. Chris Bump said, ladies and gentlemen.

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