Is Stoicism the Secret to a Good Life?

Do you find yourself overthinking, worrying about things you can't control, or letting life's challenges dictate how you feel? In this episode, I’m breaking down four powerful lessons from Stoicism that will help you master your mind, manage your emotions, and stop creating unnecessary suffering. I’ll show you how to let go of what you can’t control, change the meaning you give to events, take power away from your fears, and use every obstacle as an opportunity to become stronger. Freedom Live is a 3-day live experience in Austin designed to help you break through what’s keeping you from your next level. Get $100 off your ticket: https://robdial.short.gy/freedomlive The Mindset Mentor™ podcast is designed for anyone desiring motivation, direction, and focus in life. Past guests of The Mindset Mentor include Tony Robbins, Matthew McConaughey, Jay Shetty, Andrew Huberman, Lewis Howes, Gregg Braden, Rich Roll, and Dr. Steven Gundry. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  To the millions of small business owners out there, we appreciate you. We see your early mornings, late nights, and all the hard work in between. And with the US Bank Business Essentials Card, you don't have to go it alone. With unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase, because we know your community is counting on you to be here, there, everywhere. So yeah, we don't just appreciate you, we support you. The creditor and issuer of this card is US Bank National Association, pursuant to a license from VC USA Inc., some restrictions may apply.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Let's talk about Angie. Angie's been connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years, and they've made it easier than ever to tackle home projects. Their nationwide network has experts in everything from plumbing and landscaping to roofing, remodels, and more. You can read verified reviews and requests and compare quotes to find your best price. So join the millions of homeowners who use Angie for the projects that matter. Download the Angie app today or visit Angie.com. Making hiring decisions on my own means I'm often the only person weighing each candidate and deciding who's the right fit. Having a partner who understands what I'm looking for and can challenge my thinking would make the process much stronger. Hiring for a small business is hard. LinkedIn Hiring Pro acts like a helpful hiring partner.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Chat with it about what matters most, compare candidates side by side, and share feedback like, I want someone with more hands-on experience. Hiring Pro adjusts and surfaces candidates who fit your needs. With 88% of small businesses trusting LinkedIn's recommendations, you can feel confident in your hiring decisions when using LinkedIn Hiring Pro. Get started by posting your job for free at LinkedIn.com/dial. Terms and conditions apply.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. Today, we're going to be talking about the philosophy of Stoicism. Over 2,000 years ago, the most powerful philosophy for self-mastery, in my opinion, was created. If you struggle with overthinking, worrying about things that you can't control, or letting other people's actions affect your mood, or just feeling like life keeps throwing shit at you and you don't know how to handle it, you need to understand how Stoicism works. Because it teaches you how to control your mind when everything else can feel out of control. It teaches you how to stop creating unnecessary suffering in your life,

• 2:30Speaker 01

  and also how to take the challenges that life throws at you and actually use them so that you can become stronger. So today, I'm going to give you four of the most powerful lessons from Stoicism so that you can start using them immediately. Okay, let's go ahead and dive in. Here's what is really fascinating when you look at Stoicism, okay? Stoicism has two really famous names attached to it. One of them is Marcus Aurelius, who was the emperor of Rome, at the time, the most powerful person alive. And the other is a man named Epictetus. Epictetus was born a slave, and he was owned by another man. He had a crippled leg and he owned nothing. And so you're talking about two humans at the absolute opposite ends of power, and they arrived at the exact same conclusions.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  And so here's why this is important. It means the playbook has nothing to do with your circumstances in life. It worked for a man who owned the entire world, and it worked for a man who had absolutely nothing. So Stoicism is considered a philosophy, not a religion, but I like to think of it more than anything else as mental and life training. Because a philosophy is something that you can agree with and something that you live by, but training is something that you actually do, okay? And so let me go through the four lessons with you that I think will really change your life. Number one is this: sort everything into two buckets. Let me explain what I mean by that, okay? This is the center of the whole thing. Epictetus said it very plainly.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  Some things are up to us and some things are not. That's it. So your effort, your attitude, your mindset, your standards, your response to life, what you say, what you think, what you do next, all of that, that's yours. On the other side of it, the other bucket, if you've got traffic and the economy and the weather and your ex and what people's opinions of you might be, or whether somebody does or does not text you back, none of those things are yours. They never have been. And where most people get this wrong is they don't sort everything in life into those two buckets.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  They take all of it, both buckets, and they carry around the whole pile all day long trying to control everything. And if you want to burn yourself out quickly, try to control everything. And so people wonder why they're tired all the time. And the reason why is because they're trying to control what they cannot control. I don't know about you, but that sounds really exhausting, doesn't it? So you're not tired because your life is hard. You're tired because you are mentally and emotionally invested in things that you have literally zero control over. Things that you cannot control, no matter how hard you try. Like, think about it, how much of your stress this week

• 5:26Speaker 01

  or the past month came from something that you had no control over? Whether it be your boss, whether it be the business, whether it be your employees, whether it be your significant other, your children? Like, the amount of stress and anxiety that you feel on a daily and weekly basis is in direct proportion to how much you're trying to control that which you cannot control. You're trying to basically change the way that the world is, and it's something that you cannot change. Which is really what Epictetus focused on while he was a slave. He couldn't control the majority of things that were going on, what he had to do, where he lived, all of this stuff. But what he could control is his reaction to it and his mindset around it as well.

• 6:10Speaker 01

  And so here's how you use all of it, okay? When you catch yourself spinning on something, and you're stuck in it, you're overthinking, you're overwhelmed, just ask yourself right now, is there an action that I can take? So like, is there an action that I can take right now that has to do with this? If yes, stop thinking, stop the mental masturbation, and just go do it. If the answer is no, you're not going to ever solve it. You're just making yourself suffer by ruminating on it. And so that distinction alone will give you hours back to your life every single day. So the summary of lesson number one? Focus on only what you can control and let go of everything else.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  You will be so much happier in life, okay? Lesson number two: nothing that happens means anything until you decide what it means. Okay, so Epictetus also said this. People are not disturbed by events, but by their opinions about events. And that's exactly what cognitive behavioral therapy is built on. And so here's the mechanism underneath all of it. Something happens, that's the event. Then your brain writes a story about it, and that story, or the meaning that you give it, your brain makes this, and just so you know, like, your brain is a meaning-making machine. It's always making meaning. It's always making meaning about everything that happens.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  And so there's the event, and then there's the entire story that your brain makes up about the event. So like, let me give you an example, right? Your boss walks past you without saying good morning. That's the event, but then you think and you create a story. Oh my gosh, he might be mad at me. Did I do something wrong? Did I send an email that I didn't say something correctly? You know, I think I'm getting fired. I knew this was going to happen. That's the story around the event. That is what actually sets you off. Not the event itself, but the story that your brain made up about the event. And so your heart rate doesn't respond to him walking past you. It responds to the story that you just unconsciously made up. And I want to be really clear.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  This is not like pretending that everything is fine. Stoicism is not positive thinking, right? It is clear thinking is what it is. It is accurate thinking. It is working on the ability to see things as clearly as possible without a clouded lens of the world. And we will be right back. I used to take a whole bunch of different supplements every day. And honestly, it was a lot to keep track of. Since starting IM8, I've simplified my routine so much. I just have one daily drink and I'm done. The problem with supplements is you think you need a cabinet full of them to feel your best, but you don't. IM8 is the way to simplify your supplement routine once and for all.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  IM8's Daily Ultimate Essentials has 16 supplements, replacing 90 ingredients across nine major organ systems in one drink for $2.61 a day. IM8 has made my daily routine so much simpler. Instead of keeping up with a bunch of different supplements, I just have my daily IM8 and it feels good knowing I'm keeping my routine simple and consistent. Go to im8health.com/mindsetmentor right now and use code MINDSETMENTOR for a free welcome kit, five free travel sachets, plus 10% off your order. That's code MINDSETMENTOR at im8health.com/mindsetmentor. Code MINDSETMENTOR at im8health.com/mindsetmentor. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Lessons move quickly this time of year. iXL aligns with what kids are learning in school so they can practice the same concepts they're covering in class and keep pace with confidence. iXL is an award-winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand what they're learning, whether they're building math confidence, strengthening reading and writing skills, or reviewing science concepts. From pre-K through 12th grade, iXL offers personalized, interactive learning that adapts to each child's level and pace. Now that the first quarter is underway, I want to make sure my child feels confident with what they're learning. I like that iXL gives instant feedback and clear explanations, is organized by grade

• 10:29Speaker 01

  and skill, and makes it easy to track progress while staying aligned with what they're learning in school. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get iXL now. And the Mindset Mentor listeners can get an exclusive 20% off iXL membership when they sign up today at ixl.com/mindsetmentor. Visit ixl.com/mindsetmentor to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. For kids, summer means freedom, and as adults, summer still means freedom thanks to Mint Mobile's summer sale. Right now, all of Mint's plans are $15 per month, even unlimited. Free yourself from big wireless and switch to Mint for high-speed data and coverage on the T-Mobile 5G network. My experience with Mint Mobile has been really simple.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  The setup was easy, the service has been reliable, and I love that I'm getting what I need without overcomplicating my phone plan. To get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com/mindsetmentor. That's mintmobile.com/mindsetmentor. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com/mindsetmentor. That's it, there's no catch. Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months. Plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 50GB may slow when network is busy. Includes up to 20GB hotspot. Capable device required. Availability, speed, and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com. And now, back to the show. Right?

• 11:56Speaker 01

  And so here's the tool. When you are upset about something, and you're just, "Oh my gosh, something happened, I'm upset." Imagine that a camera was recording the event, and you could go back and watch the camera. Strip it all down to what the camera saw. Right? The camera records, "My boss walked past me," if we're using that example, right? That's what the camera records. The camera does not record, "He's mad at me." That is your story. Because most of the stories that our brain tells us are not true. They're just old stories from the past. "Oh, I did this, my mom got mad at me. Now I have this pattern of being afraid of people in authority getting mad at me." Right?

• 12:36Speaker 01

  And so, we should all strive to see reality clearly and not through old stories and old patterns. Right? So, that's what it comes down to when you look at it. You look at the event, and then you try not to get yourself wrapped up into a story. All right, lesson number three. Rehearse losing something before you lose it. And this is like a really counterintuitive thing that the Stoics did, okay? They called it premeditatio melloriam. I probably butchered that, but that's what they said, right? Basically, it is imagining the bad thing before the bad thing happens. In psychology, today, it's actually called negative visualization. And I know it sounds like the worst possible advice, to visualize and imagine the worst thing happening to you.

• 13:21Speaker 01

  Because everybody out there tells you that you should visualize the win, visualize the life that you want, visualize the outcome, see the best-case scenario. And there's definitely a benefit in that. And you should do that, too. But here's why I think you should actually do negative visualizations as well, and what it actually does for you. It takes the fear out of the fear. Because once you've already lived it in your head, it can't ambush you, it can't surprise you, there's no uncertainty. So you're basically rehearsing losing or not winning at something, so that you can own it and not be afraid of it. Because fear thrives in the ambiguity. The more that you bring your fears to light, the less they have control over you, and the more that you kind of realize they're not that big of a deal, and they're probably

• 14:06Speaker 01

  not going to happen. So Seneca, who was another really, really famous Stoic, would deliberately spend days eating poor people's food, wearing rough clothes, and acting like he lost everything. Because that is something that he feared. And then he would ask himself, "Is this what I was afraid of? I was afraid of losing everything and being in this situation." And he didn't do it because he just wanted to be miserable and make himself suffer. He did it so that he could look at the thing that he's most afraid of and take his fears' power away from him. Right? So psychologists have found that 85% of what we worry about never happens.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  Out of the remaining 15%, 12% of it happens better than we thought, and only 3% of what we worry about actually happens the way that we think. So that means one out of 33 circumstances that we worry about will ever actually turn out to be what we thought it was. And so here's the practice. It takes about five minutes, right? Take one thing that you've been fearing, and imagine it all the way through to the end. Like, losing your job, and then what, and then what, and then what? Your business failing, and then what, and then what? And you go as far as you possibly can, the absolute worst that could happen. It will make you more mentally resilient towards it, but most of the time, and I've done this with many people, when you actually go to the end of your fears, you realize

• 15:30Speaker 01

  that what you're fearing is ridiculous, and it's catastrophizing, and it will probably never happen the way that you actually unconsciously think that it's going to be doing it. Their brain is just catastrophizing everything. But then, once you see that, and you're like, "Oh my gosh, that's not going to happen like that." Logic comes in, and you go, "That's probably not going to happen this way, I need to stop fearing this thing." It takes the power out of your fear. Okay? That's lesson number three. And lesson number four. The obstacle is the training. Marcus Aurelius wrote in a line that basically says, "The thing that's standing in your way becomes the way. What blocks the path becomes the path." Ryan Holiday, who studies Stoicism, says, "The obstacle is the way."

• 16:13Speaker 01

  And most people read that as like a motivational quote. It's not. It is the mechanism for your growth is really what it means. Remember, like I said, the whole thing is a mental-in-life training program. All of Stoicism is. And you cannot train anything without resistance. You cannot build muscle without weight. You cannot become stronger unless you keep adding more weight. You cannot become resilient to anything if you don't have any challenges in life. What's the phrase, it's like, "Calm sea never made a skilled sailor." Right? You cannot build a mind that handles hard things without doing hard things first. So the difficult person at work isn't ruining your week.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  They're only in place to help you get better at patience. Right? You don't get patient in an empty room. It's like the people who get mad at their children for interrupting and being loud while they're meditating. Silence doesn't make you a better meditator. Finding the silence in the chaos is what makes you better at meditating and have more peace inside. Like, for me, every day that my son's been alive, basically, like 95% of the days he's been alive, I've done breathwork and meditation with him. I used to do breathwork with him on my chest when he was a newborn. And so, we still do it every single morning. He now has about a two- to three-minute max on sitting still. That's about it. And then it's, I'm sitting there, and I do breathwork, and then I meditate, and then it's, "Dada, dada, hey, dada, dada, look, dada, play with me, dada, read this book,

• 17:43Speaker 01

  dada, look, dada, look, dada, look." And there's a part of me that's like, "Ah, it'd be so much easier if this was silence." But I'm not training if I'm not constantly trying to be pulled from something. You become a better meditator when you are challenged while you're meditating. Right? You become stronger in everything that you do when you have more pressure. Right? So you have to understand, the thing that you keep praying to have removed from your life is usually the exact thing that would build the part of you that you say you want. Like, think about that. You like pray for patience, right? But you don't just wake up and you're patient one day. You wake up to a kid who won't listen and a line that won't move and then being stuck in

• 18:27Speaker 01

  traffic. All of those things are building your resilience to make you more patient. You pray for more mental or internal strength. You don't just wake up stronger. You get handed something heavy in life, something that's going to challenge you so that you can get stronger. You pray for your business to grow. You know, money just doesn't make it, it doesn't come in easier when you pray for it. You get a problem that's big enough that you have to become the type of person who can solve it, which then makes you better at running business and then your business ends up growing. Right? So like life or God or the universe or whatever you believe in, it's not ignoring you. It's answering you.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  You're getting exactly what you asked for, but in a way that forces you to grow, not in just like being gifted it by waking up one day and oh my gosh, you've got it. Like you asked for muscle. You just got handed the weight. That's the way that it works. So here's the question that I want you to use in these circumstances, right? Most people ask, why is this happening to me? Oh, my business is hard. My wife is doing this. My children are doing this. My employees are doing this. My boss is doing this. Why is this happening to me? Which makes you a victim. That question has no useful answer. It never has. So whenever you start feeling that way, just replace it with, what is this asking me to become? You know, when your business gets hard, what is that asking me to become?

• 19:51Speaker 01

  When your children are challenging, what is this asking me to become? It's the exact same situation, but it's completely different frames of looking at the actual situation. And I'm not telling you like to fall in love with your challenges. I'm telling you to stop waiting for them by thinking that they're the thing that's holding you back. No, they are like the thing brought to you so that you can challenge yourself so that you can grow from it. Right? So if you really want to master soicism, the four lessons I think are the most important. Number one, sort everything into two buckets. Number two, nothing that happens means anything until you decide what it means. Number three, rehearse losing it on purpose. And then number four, the obstacle is the training. So that's what I got for you for today's episode.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories, tag me in at Rob Dial Jr., R O B D I A L J R. And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Something amazing is happening.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  Despite a citywide blackout, this company is still up and running. That's because CDW deployed and managed a cost-effective Eaton Triplight Series Smart Pro UPS to safeguard equipment easily and reliably. Keep the power on and protect your IT equipment from electrical challenges. Triplight by Eaton and CDW. Make amazing happen. Find out more at cdw.com/ triplight.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  What do I gift my mom and nieces? Walmart has top brands you know, like Ninja, Disneyland. Oh, dad loves music. Sonos can bring his songs to life with sound that hits just right. And my coffee obsessed bestie. Delongi Brew's coffee right for mornings extra bright. All those great brands at Walmart? Who knew? We knew, now you do too.

• 21:45Speaker 04

  Shop gifts, no love at Walmart.

• 21:49Speaker 04

  The real cost of a break in isn't your valuables. It's the feeling that your home stopped being safe. SimpliSafe keeps danger away from your family with three layers of protection. One, smart AI cameras and live US-based agents help stop intruders before they break in. Two, we sound the alarm at points of entry. Three, our agents request emergency response. Plans starting around a dollar a day. Right now, get 70% off your new system with professional monitoring at simplisafe.com/sxm.

• 22:14Speaker 05

  Outdoor deterrence plans start at $49.99 a month. Visit simplisafe.com/ licenses for alarm license information.