The Gratitude Shift That Can Change Your Life

What if the things stressing you out the most right now are actually the things you once prayed for? In this episode, I’ll show you how asking four simple words—“How lucky am I?”—can shift your perspective, help you manage difficult emotions, and turn everyday frustrations into reminders of what you have to be grateful for. I’ll walk you through four practical ways to use gratitude to rewire your brain, appreciate the blessings you’ve been overlooking, and build a mindset that helps you see the good even when life gets hard. Freedom Live is a 3-day live experience in Austin designed to help you break through what’s keeping you from your next level. Get $100 off your ticket: https://robdial.short.gy/freedomlive The Mindset Mentor™ podcast is designed for anyone desiring motivation, direction, and focus in life. Past guests of The Mindset Mentor include Tony Robbins, Matthew McConaughey, Jay Shetty, Andrew Huberman, Lewis Howes, Gregg Braden, Rich Roll, and Dr. Steven Gundry. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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  Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you'll probably love the text messages I send throughout the week. If you're in the United States or Canada, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, I'm going to give you a question that could completely change the way that you see everything happening in your life. Because what if I told you that some of the things that are stressing you out the most right now in your life are actually things that you once prayed for? You have to understand, your brain has a terrifying ability to turn the greatest blessings into

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  things that you barely notice over time. And there is a four-word question that can completely shift the way that you see and change how you feel even in the middle of the most frustrating moments. And once you start asking it, you might actually realize that your life is a hell of a lot better than you've been allowing yourself to see. And so today, I'm going to give you that one question. It's four words long, and it will change your life. It has completely changed my perspective of my life in the middle of all of the shit. Like when life is happening and life is coming at you and is punching you in the face. And I'm going to show you a couple of different ways that you can use this question so that it can help you on your worst days and your worst

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  moments. Cool? So let's get into it. So a few years ago, I was really working on myself. I was busy. Business was exploding, but it was taking like a lot for me and I wasn't getting a lot of sleep. And there was just also a lot of stress that I was feeling every single day. And so I did something that I always thought kind of sounded corny. I started a gratitude practice. And I was like, even feels cringey just to be like, I started a gratitude practice, right? Like for me, it does. But honestly, I can tell you, it's one of the most life-changing things that I've ever done. And I don't mean gratitude practices in like toxic positivity kind of way of like acting like your house is not

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  burning down when it is. But I mean it in a way to focus my brain on all the things that I'm grateful for, that I am actually missing every single day. And so you have to understand as humans, we do have something built into our system that's called the negativity bias. It is natural. And humans have it in their brain and their psychology. And so the negativity bias, it's just really more than anything else. It's a protection mechanism. Our brain is always looking for what's wrong. We're the ones who call it negative. And so if we want to not be negative, it's not going to happen just naturally. It's going

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  to require you and I to be very intentional to override the system of negativity that is built into us for millions of years for protection. Right? So here's the question. How lucky am I? That's it. That's the question. It's so simple, but if you really get it, it is absolutely life-changing. And so follow me through here, okay? Let me show you what I mean by this. Let's say that your kid is having a full-blown meltdown. I am going to be fully transparent with you. Downstairs, I can hear a meltdown happening while I'm recording this podcast episode. I can hear it right now, okay? But let's say that your kid is having a full-blown meltdown, screaming, crying, kicking, the whole thing. And you've

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  tried everything and you're so close to losing it. You know what I'm talking about, right? You can feel yourself about to do something or say something that you're going to regret. And you're, you're white knuckling your way through not freaking out. And right there in the middle of it, you ask yourself this question. How lucky am I? If you're a parent and you've been in a situation, think about that. Ask yourself the question, thinking about your kids right now. How lucky am I? Now, I know how it sounds. Once again, this is not just positive thinking and pretending that the screaming is cute. It's not not acting like you don't want to freak the fuck out. It's a question. And here's the thing

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  about questions. Your brain has to answer questions. So what does it find? Well, think about this. Your, your kid could be melting down in front of you and you're about to freak out and you go, how lucky am I? And then your perspective changes and you look at the kid. Oh, my God. I love this thing more than anything I've ever loved in my entire life. How lucky am I? My child is healthy. How lucky am I? That child has lungs strong enough to scream out loud. How lucky am I? There are people in the world right now that are struggling to have a child. How lucky am I? There are people tonight who would give anything to hear the screaming in their own house again. How lucky am I?

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  How fucking lucky are you? The tantrum doesn't change. The only thing that changes what you are looking at in the middle of the tantrum. And I use this all the time. My son has big emotions. All children have big emotions. And sometimes his emotions can get pretty wild. And I can feel a part of me wanting to ramp up and freak out just like he is. But if I can remember to ask myself this question, it's kind of like, the way I like to think of it, it's kind of like somebody throwing a bucket of ice into a pot of water that's about to start boiling. It's going to cool it all down. And it changes my perspective. And I think to myself like, oh, my God, I am so freaking lucky. I'm just being fully

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  honest with you. It has allowed me to be a such a better father, because I'm able to support my son when he's going through big emotions. Like, most of us are not taught how to handle or understand our emotions in childhood. And that's why you can struggle with them while we're adults, right? And so now I can have this child going through big emotions. And instead of me getting a big emotion, that is just the worst thing to happen in that, that situation, I'm ultimately teaching him how to handle big emotions later on in life. And so why do we need a question to see something that's standing right in front of us? Well, there's a, a famous study from 1978. There's a psychologist named Philip

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  Brickman. And he looked at people who had won the lottery and compared them to regular people who hadn't. And the lottery winners were not significantly happier. And the part that really gets me about this is they actually got less pleasure out of everyday things. Talking with a friend, eating breakfast, getting a compliment from somebody. And we will be right back. I used to take a whole bunch of different supplements every day. And honestly, it was a lot to keep trying. Since starting IM8, I've simplified my routine so much, I just have one daily drink and I'm done. The problem with supplements is you think you need a cabinet full of them to feel your best, but you don't. IM8 is the way to simplify your supplement routine once and for all.

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  And so psychologists call this the hedonic adaptation. It's also called like the hedonic treadmill, if you've ever heard that. In plain language, this is basically what it means. Whatever you get in life, you are gonna get used to it. And what that means is that the things that you once prayed for just become normal. That house that you were so excited to move in four years ago, it's just normal to you now. And you're like, I would like another house. Your spouse, I'm sorry, they just kind of become normal, right? Your kids, they kind of become normal. Your health becomes normal. And it's all like wallpaper, right? You know, if you put wallpaper, you see it for a little while, and then after a while, you don't even notice it. Eventually, you just don't even see it anymore. And it's not because it's not there, it's because you're not looking at it, because it's just normal.

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  That's why gratitude is actually important here, because it's actually reframing your mindset and looking at the good that's already in front of you, but you're just not focusing on it. And so, think about how crazy that actually is. The problem isn't that you don't have enough to be grateful for, the problem is that you stopped seeing it. It just became normal. And so the question, how lucky am I, is how you actually start seeing the amazing things that you have in your life that you've been missing for a while. Okay, so let's talk about how to actually use this, okay? Number one, ask this question the second you start feeling. And what I mean by that is, the first way to use this is like right in the moment, like right when it hits, when you're gonna freak out, when you're gonna scream, when you're

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  getting angry, when shit's hitting the fan. You have to understand, when you get triggered, your brain is already asking questions, and you didn't even realize it. And so usually, it's something like, why the hell is this happening to me? And like I've said before many times on this podcast, your brain is like cosmic Google. Whatever you ask it, it's going to find the answers. If so, if you ask, why does life keep screwing me over? Why is life getting so crazy? Or, you know, are these people judging me while my sun is melting down the middle of Target? It's gonna pull up every single time life has screwed you over, or other people have judged you, and now you're just on a downward spiral. So if that's the case, let's just change the question. Let's change the search.

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  You know, let's say that you're stuck in traffic, right? We'll use this example. You're late, you're freaking out, you're gripping the steering wheel, you're yelling at the guy who just cut you off, and then you take a second, you realize you're starting to freak out, and you just go, how lucky am I? You know what, like I have a car, I just saw a guy walking down the street, I just saw somebody at a bus stop. How lucky am I? I have a car. I have somewhere to be. Like, how lucky am I? I have a person who's expecting me. How lucky am I? I'm sitting in a comfortable seat. How lucky am I? I'm listening to this amazing podcast. Wink. How lucky am I? I might be late, but at least I get a moment of relaxation while driving. How lucky am I?

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  You've probably been wanting some alone time recently. This is the universe giving you more alone time. Ah, okay. You see how it just, it's the same traffic, it's a completely different drive, though? And so the key is, you don't have to feel grateful yet, you just have to ask the question. The feeling will follow the question. Makes sense? Like, but sometimes you ask it, and you might get not a whole lot that comes up. And it's because the problem is like right in your face, and that's when the second situation of how to use this actually comes in. Number two, try to get yourself to look under the complaint. Here's what I mean by that. The second way is to look for the, like, look at the problem, and then look at what's under the problem.

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  Because almost every complaint that you have is sitting on top of something that you once wanted, right? So let's say, for instance, you've got an employee who drops the ball, and now you're up at 11 o'clock at night fixing their mistake. It's frustrating, right? Like, I've been there, I get it. Then you ask yourself, how lucky am I? Well, I have a business. How lucky am I? I have a business that's big enough that it needs other people. How lucky am I? My business, this business feeds my family. How lucky am I? This business feeds other families. How lucky am I? This business allows me to travel. How lucky am I? There was a time when you were struggling just to get that business off the ground, you get it?

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  Where you would have given anything to be in the exact moment that you currently are, to have the problem that you currently have. Do you remember that version of you? The one who is praying for the exact thing that you're complaining about right now? What a privilege to be stressed out about something that you once prayed for. Like, most people have forgotten about that person that we once were that was looking for what we currently have, that was praying for what we currently have. Like, I remember back in 2015, when I was sitting in Zilker Park in Austin, Texas, and I was struggling and journaling, how in the hell can I get my business to $10,000 a month? Like, I couldn't figure it out. It was like a puzzle that didn't make any sense, and I was struggling and struggling and struggling.

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  Today, we've done over $20 million in sales in the past five years. Whoa. And I'm not saying that to brag, I'm like, that's just two completely different realities. So do I get stressed out sometimes? Absolutely, I'm a human. But what a blessing it is to be stressed out about something that I prayed for years ago. What a blessing to be stressed out about something that has given me the most incredible life. What a blessing to be stressed out about something that will give my children an incredible life. What a fucking blessing. Every complaint is almost always standing on top of a blessing. You just have to get yourself to look for it. Okay, but now, let's go to the next. What about when you're so frustrated that you can't see the blessing at all?

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  When you're so deep in it, that looking around doesn't even actually work? Well, let's take it away from you then, okay? Number three, subtract it. You ready? The third way is to remove that thing completely from your life, in your head. There was a study that was done in 2008 by a team of researchers, and they found that when they had people think about something good in their life, and that like, for instance, like meeting their romantic partner. They had one group write about how it happened, like how they met the romantic partner. The other group wrote about all of the ways that it could have never happened, right? Like, you didn't go to that college, you didn't move to that city, you never met that friend,

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  and that friend invited you to the party, you would have never gone to that party, you would have never actually met that person, you would have never fallen in love, you would have never seen them there, you've never had your children. Which group do you think felt better? Well, it was the group that imagined all of it gone. They felt happier. Researchers call this mental subtraction. And so in plain language, you don't appreciate something by thinking about having it. You appreciate it by imagining that it's gone. Think about that for a second. You appreciate something more when you imagine it gone. Stressed out about the job? Imagine it gone. Stressed out about your children? Imagine them gone. Stressed out about your spouse?

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  Imagine them gone. Take away whatever it is for 10 seconds, the thing that you're stressing out, and it turns back into something that you would fucking fight for. Like think about your marriage, for instance. Maybe it's been rocky for a little bit, right? You and your spouse are arguing about the dishes for the fourth time this week. Subtract them, right? Picture walking into your house, silence. Some of you guys are like, man, that would be amazing, right? But if you picture walking into your house, silent, there's nobody there. There's no one to argue with about the dishes because there's no one to eat dinner with. Imagine eating dinner alone from that one. How lucky am I to have somebody to argue with about the dishes? Shit, that kind of changes the argument, doesn't it?

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  It doesn't mean that the dishes don't matter. It means that you'll start to recognize what you have in front of you instead of forgetting about it. So now the first three that we just covered are for when things are going wrong. The last one, number four, is the one that actually changes who you are. Number four is to ask the question when nothing is wrong, right? So the fourth way is to ask when nothing is wrong at all. Don't just search for gratitude when life gets hard. Use gratitude for mental training because your brain gets really good at whatever it is that you practice. Practice finding what's wrong, you will become an expert at finding what's wrong. Practice finding what you're grateful for, and you will start seeing things to be grateful for everywhere.

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  And if you do it long enough, eventually you will start finding things to be grateful for without even trying. And that's how you know you've truly rewired your brain. And so here's what I want you to do. Just sit back right now and ask yourself for one quick second. How lucky am I? Say it to yourself. How lucky am I? Things are going to start to pop up in your head. Might be your job, might be your children, might be your car, might be your family, spouse, whatever it is, dog, cat. Your perspective will shift. Those things were always right there, right? Your thoughts will shift. Your feelings will shift almost immediately after that. Now try to be specific.

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  The more specific that you can be, the more that you're actually going to feel it, right? I'm so grateful, how lucky am I? I'm so grateful that I had an extra 20 minutes to be able to drive my son to school today and to be able to give him a hug before he went off to school. And you get more and more specific, the more you're actually going to feel it because it becomes more vivid in your mind. If you do that every day for a month, watch what happens. So you have to understand, when you're looking at gratitude, grateful people aren't grateful because they're lucky. They feel lucky in their lives because they're grateful. And so if you use this, this entire question, how lucky am I, can completely rewire your brain. So that's what I got for you for today's episode.

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  If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories, tag me in it, rob dial junior, R B D I A L J R. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

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