Why Your Childhood Wounds Keep Showing Up in Your Life

What if the things triggering you today aren’t really about what’s happening right now, but about something from your past that still needs to be healed? In this episode, I coach Cindy through an emotional trigger with her boss and uncover how childhood experiences can create behavioral patterns that follow us into adulthood and hold us back from our full potential. I’ll show you how to identify what your triggers are really trying to tell you, heal your inner child, and finally let go of the emotional weight that’s been keeping you stuck. Freedom Live is a 3-day live experience in Austin designed to help you break through what’s keeping you from your next level. Get $100 off your ticket: https://robdial.short.gy/freedomlive The Mindset Mentor™ podcast is designed for anyone desiring motivation, direction, and focus in life. Past guests of The Mindset Mentor include Tony Robbins, Matthew McConaughey, Jay Shetty, Andrew Huberman, Lewis Howes, Gregg Braden, Rich Roll, and Dr. Steven Gundry. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  To the millions of small business owners out there, we appreciate you. We see your early mornings, late nights, and all the hard work in between. And with the US Bank Business Essentials Card, you don't have to go it alone. With unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase, because we know your community is counting on you to be here, there, everywhere. So yeah, we don't just appreciate you, we support you. The creditor and issuer of this card is US Bank National Association, pursuant to a license from VC USA Inc. Some restrictions may apply.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Let's talk about Angie. Angie's been connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years, and they've made it easier than ever to tackle home projects. Their nationwide network has experts in everything from plumbing and landscaping to roofing, remodels, and more. You can read verified reviews and requests and compare quotes to find your best price. So join the millions of homeowners who use Angie for the projects that matter. Download the Angie app today or visit Angie.com. Making hiring decisions on my own means I'm often the only person weighing each candidate and deciding who's the right fit. Having a partner who understands what I'm looking for and can challenge my thinking would make the process much stronger. Hiring for a small business

• 1:11Speaker 01

  is hard. LinkedIn Hiring Pro acts like a helpful hiring partner. Chat with it about what matters most, compare candidates side by side, and share feedback like, I want someone with more hands-on experience. Hiring Pro adjusts and surfaces candidates who fit your needs. With 88% of small businesses trusting LinkedIn's recommendations, you can feel confident in your hiring decisions when using LinkedIn Hiring Pro. Get started by posting your job for free at LinkedIn.com/dial. Terms and conditions apply.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I've got something a little bit different for you today. This is a real coaching session, recorded from one of my private groups called Mindset Academy. And it starts with a lady named Cindy telling me her situation with her boss that keeps triggering her. But as we dig deeper, we realize something that's really important here. Her boss isn't actually the problem at all. He's triggering a wound that was created decades ago in her relationship with her mom when she was a child. And this is important for you to see, because sometimes it's great to listen to a podcast episode, but sometimes when you hear somebody else be coached, and actually hear the context of their life, and see yourself in them, you can actually start to learn more about yourself

• 2:30Speaker 01

  and heal quicker. And I think you're going to see yourself somewhere in this conversation, because so many of us spend years trying to fix what's happening on the surface, without actually ever realizing, there's something much, much deeper happening below the surface. And so if you keep treating the symptom, and not finding the actual root, the pattern will keep coming up. And so I'm going to coach Cindy through this, and how to actually find the root, so that she can actually start changing it and start healing herself. So I think you're going to love this episode. And if you want to learn more about Mindset Academy and coaching with me, there's currently a seven-day free trial happening right now, inside of Mindset Academy. You can go to coachwithrob.com right now to learn more.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Once again, it is coachwithrob.com. Okay, let's dive into today's episode. My question is about emotional attachment. My mentor for my business is very frequently telling me that I'm too emotionally attached to everything. He says that I need to work on deattaching emotionally. I have a big heart. I have always been one to take care of others before I take care of me. My concern is if I emotionally detach, will this be a positive thing or a negative thing for me? Is there a fine line of being too emotionally attached? Do I need to work on becoming more emotionally detached? I want to live the best me that I possibly can, so I'd love your input on it. Well, I would kind of need some more context of what exactly that means of being too emotionally attached to something. Cindy, do you want to describe it for me?

• 3:57Speaker 02

  Lots of times when something comes up, his big thing is if you could just emotionally detach, you are too, to whatever. Something happens with a coworker, if you weren't emotionally attached, you wouldn't react that way. I am an emotional being. I know we all are to an extent. So I guess my question is, is there a way to level that attachment down, without changing who I am on the inside? Or does that even make sense?

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Let's, let's try to work through it. Can you give me an example of like, one situation where this actually happened?

• 4:29Speaker 02

  Okay, just a few days ago, I'm in sales, and I've not been in sales about a year, almost two years. And I have always been not real confident. So if I don't understand, or if I have a question, I ask. I always ask. And his thing is, Cindy, we have gone over this a million times. Well, when he says that, I feel very, I feel like a child. So I brought that up the other day. This is just one small example. And he's like, that's just because you're emotionally attached. It's like, it's almost like, he's like, I'm an asshole all the time. You should try it. That's just one of his little things. That's not who I am.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  So here's, here's the easiest way to work through it, right? Whenever we're triggered by something, you guys all are triggered by something different. Cindy might be triggered by something that I'm not triggered by. I might be triggered by something that Cindy's not triggered by. Because the way that I like to think about things, guys, this is just my mental processing, is, is I like to look at things from like 50,000-foot overview. So if we look at a situation, and we're getting triggered by something, we can go, why am I triggered? But if we go a level above, and we look at it from 50,000-foot looking down, why are we triggered in some sort of way? What's happening is your boss is reminding you of your parents, most likely. And it's something that's unhealed. So if we can try to think about it for a second, Cindy, when your boss does that to you, does it remind you of any situation from one of your two parents?

• 5:55Speaker 02

  Of course it does. But the thing that also throws me off is, your parents are not even here anymore. They have both passed away. Why do you let them control the way you think?

• 6:06Speaker 01

  They're not controlling the way you think. They raised you to be the way that you are. Do you think that you automatically heal from your childhood trauma when your, when your, when your parents die?

• 6:15Speaker 02

  Oh dear God, no.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  So you just answered your, you just answered your own question. It's like, oh my, guess what? It's not when my dad died, and when I was from, from, when I was 15 years old, from being an alcoholic, I wasn't like, oh my God, my trauma from an alcoholic father disappeared. No, it's because, not on purpose, nobody purposely instills trauma into their children. It could be big T-trauma or small T-trauma. So let's go back to the original question I asked you. What, when you look at your boss and what happened, what parent does that kind of remind you of, if there's some similarities?

• 6:45Speaker 02

  Always my mom. Always. I had one sister. She was always very thin. She was born three months early. They thought she was going to die. So I guess in my mom's eyes, she was it. I was not. I was always a bigger child, not like I am now, but not tiny like her. She used to literally make me weigh on a scale every single day. And she would, and do the same with my sister. And, sorry, this is so hard to talk about. But she would tell my sister, oh, you know, you're beautiful, small, blah, blah, blah. And then she would look at me and just say things a mother should never say to a child. And I still, that still hurts.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  It still hurts. And then I lost my dad when I was 56. So like, he died in a car wreck. Anytime I hear of anybody dying in a car wreck, it hurts, because number one, I know what they're going through.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  First off, number one, don't ever apologize for being emotional, because that's the problem, is that we've all been taught that that's incorrect to be emotional, to stick, you know, throw it away, all that type of stuff, to not feel emotions. It is not the situation that we're currently in, that is causing the emotions. It is, these emotions have been here for a long time, and now you're giving yourself a chance to feel them. That's the crazy part, is we think we're like, we're the only one that's fucked up with this stuff. Everybody has these things, right? So I want you to understand-

• 8:06Speaker 02

  I do wonder that sometimes. Honestly, I do.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  So to answer your question around this, is the, and this is why I had to ask you a question directly, and not answer the emotionally detached thing, is because the problem is not emotional attachment or detachment. The problem is you're not healed, and the triggering is trying to show you where you're not healed. I will take you through, for those of you guys that are, I know a lot of you guys are coming to Freedom Live in December in Austin, this is why we have three days. Like, we're going to work through all of this shit, so that we can literally get rid of all of the weights that are holding you back and holding you down. And we will be right back. Take a whole bunch of different supplements every day. And honestly, it was a lot to keep track of.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Since starting I am eight, I've simplified my routine so much. I just have one daily drink and I'm done. The problem with supplements is you think you need a cabinet full of them to feel your best, but you don't. I am eight is the way to simplify your supplement routine once and for all. I am eight's daily ultimate essentials has 16 supplements, replacing 90 ingredients across nine major organ systems in one drink for $2.61 a day. I am eight has made my daily routine so much simpler. Instead of keeping up with a bunch of different supplements, I just have my daily I am eight. And it feels good knowing I'm keeping my routine simple and consistent. Go to I am eight health.com slash mindset mentor right now and use code mindset mentor for a free welcome kit. Five free travel sachets plus 10% off your order.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  That's code mindset mentor at I am eight health.com slash mindset mentor. Code mindset mentor at I am eight health.com slash mindset mentor. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Lessons move quickly this time of year. IXL aligns with what kids are learning in school so they can practice the same concepts they're covering in class and keep pace with confidence. IXL is an award winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand what they're learning, whether they're building math confidence, strengthening reading and writing skills, or reviewing science concepts. From pre K through 12th grade, IXL offers personalized interactive learning that adapts to each child's level and pace.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  Now that the first quarter is underway, I want to make sure my child feels confident with what they're learning. I like that IXL gives instant feedback and clear explanations is organized by grade and skill and makes it easy to track progress while staying aligned with what they're learning in school. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now. And the mindset mentor listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at IXL.com slash mindset mentor. Visit IXL.com slash mindset mentor to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. For kids, summer means freedom and as adults, summer still means freedom, thanks to Mint Mobile's summer sale. Right now, all of Mint's plans are $15 per month, even unlimited.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  Free yourself from big wireless and switch to Mint for high speed data and coverage on the T-Mobile 5G network. My experience with Mint Mobile has been really simple. The setup was easy, the service has been reliable, and I love that I'm getting what I need without over complicating my phone plan. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash mindset mentor. That's mintmobile.com slash mindset mentor. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash mindset mentor. That's it. There's no catch. Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months. Plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy.

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Includes up to 20 gigabytes hotspot. Capable device required. Availability, speed, and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  And now, back to the show. It's like, the way I like to look is like, if you're trying to, if you're a swimmer and you're trying to swim faster, right? You're, you're gonna swim a lot. You don't need to work harder. What you need to do is you need to take the weights that are on your ankles off, and you'll naturally just swim faster with the same amount of effort. That's what life is. And the problem is, all of us, all of us are walking around with weights all over our body, all over us. And we're like, why can't, I've been working so fucking hard to try to do this? Yeah, you've got to realize there's things that have to be let go of to then become someone who is a high performer, or else you're not going to get to your true potential ever. Because if you've hit like 60% of your potential and you're trying and trying and trying and trying, it's not your potential that's the problem. It's not your effort. A lot of times it's a problem is that there's weights that you need to let go of so that therefore you can become better

• 12:42Speaker 01

  with the same amount of effort. That's the craziest part. So the thing that we all have to look at is when we are triggered by something. It is my opinion that I think this is God's way, the universe's way of saying, this is your work. Because this thing that is being triggered within you is showing you where you're not free.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  And so I've got to work at where I'm not free because I need to become free of the things that are holding me back. Right? And so, once, what I am triggered in some sort of way, it is showing, like if I get into an argument with my wife and I'm triggered, it's usually not the situation between me and her. It's usually a situation between me and something in my past that is not healed. And what happens is, over time, being a child, and mind you, like I've, I've known this, I've taught this, I've read so many therapy and psychology and neurology books, but having a two year old downstairs is literally the, I'm in it from the very beginning, right? Like I'm in it in the most important stage of building a human psychology.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  And I'm noticing ways that I could go down old paths that I know my parents would have gone down with me. And they, that is then going to build the same things within him that they built within me. And mind you, my parents built very, very good things within me. It's not all that. I'm not trying to say that. I noticed the things and I'm like, ah, but I'm going to choose this way because I know what the long term effect of building an adult is going to be like. Cause I'm essentially trying to fix adults' problems that come from the childhood, that come from the parents. So now I'm in it with the parent, childhood relationship. And so, the thing that happens is, nobody can raise a perfect person because there's no such thing as perfect. There's, I think, is part of our mission and, and part of us being humans is to lose ourself to find ourselves.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  And the way that we lose ourselves is we come in, we're excited, things are amazing, beautiful little children, and maybe they're too loud. And they're screaming in a restaurant, and that's not okay.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  So your parents have to say, be quiet, you're too loud, all of this stuff. So that the child learns to silence themselves and not let out their true emotions or true feelings or true happiness. And that's what's called a behavioral adaptation.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  So we adapt our behaviors to fit in with the environment that we're in. And we all were raised in different environments. Those behavioral adaptations, as we get older, morph and change into different things. Like maybe what it turns into in a more romantic relationship is that you don't speak your truth because you're afraid of losing that person. Do you guys see how the behavioral adaptation then morphs into something a little bit different, but still very similar?

• 15:28Speaker 01

  And what happens is, then we go, you know what? I need to learn to speak my truth. I need to learn to speak my truth. I've got to speak up in this relationship with my husband. And we try to fix the current situation, you, your emotions, when in reality, the way that you fix it is by healing the child that didn't get what they needed to in the first, in the first time. Like whatever happened was healing our inner child. I was like, that sounds fucking woo wee and stupid. And then as I dove into it, I was like, oh, fuck, this is the whole game of life.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  The situation in this made up example that I have with someone with their husband, they're trying to become more vulnerable with their husband and speak up more. They definitely can work on that. But what's going to make this behavioral adaptation dissolve is by healing the inner child that we have. How do you heal the inner child? You ask yourself, what did I not get that I needed in childhood? And you start giving it to yourself. Because you might see like on this, guys, this, this, let me tell you that the full truth, and this is why I have so much compassion for people. I have heard the worst things you could possibly imagine. Like, take it to the worst degree, hurt it, anything, everything. I've heard it all. So I can't have massive amounts of compassion for people, right?

• 16:46Speaker 01

  So when you're looking at Rob, you're not looking at a 40 year old guy. You're looking at a seven year old boy that really just wants his dad to be around. And guess what? Never going to get it. Who can give it to me, though? I can learn how to give it to myself. That healing is what gets rid of all of the behavioral adaptations that are holding me back from being the person that I can live to my true full potential. So when I see you, I'm not seeing an adult, I'm seeing a child who didn't get specifically what they needed to in childhood, created behavioral adaptations to fit in and to be what they needed to be in order to get their parents' love. Because all we care about is getting our parents' love. That's it. That's, that is literally the only thing that we care about is in childhood, seeing our parents' love. And so we adapt ourselves to get the love that we feel like we want.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  That behavioral adaptations morph and shift over time in order to be something. And those are, those behavioral adaptations are usually our barriers to our greatest potential. And so we try to, and the crazy part about it, I fucked this up for 16 years of self-development, everybody. And I was like, I need to jump the barriers. I need to jump the barriers. I need to jump the barriers. When in reality, what I needed to do was heal the parts of me that were still unhealed. And the barriers just dissolve. So your, your emotional, or too emotional or not emotional enough, has nothing to do with emotions. It has to do with this moment is reminding you of something in your childhood that is not healed. All of us have this. And so when I bring it up to you and you say, oh, well, this thing that happened with my boss,

• 18:15Speaker 01

  I'm not hearing about something that happened with your boss. I'm going, well, where does this remind you of your childhood? It reminds me of my mom. Boom. And when you feel the emotions come up, we found it. That's it. That's 100%. I know. It's like, it's been waiting to come out. It's literally like you've been holding on to a hose, you know, where you bend the hose and you hold it. And it's like, we have this moment, you've been holding, you're fucking holding it back. And now like your boss has something to get triggered and stuff. And you get this moment where you can think about it. It's like, release, it's out. And that's the, that's how you know that this is the thing that you need to work through. Is ask yourself, what does this remind me of my childhood? It almost always is about one of your two parents.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  And then ask yourself, what did I need back then that I did not get in my childhood? And you learn how to start giving it to yourself now. A lot of times, it's like closing your eyes. The cave that you're afraid to enter holds a treasure that you seek. The main thing that it's about is two things, love and safety. Something made you feel unsafe, something made you feel that you weren't loved. And so what you've got to do is get yourself into a state where you're, do some breath work for five minutes. You've got yourself calm and you might have to develop some sort of strategy. Put your hands on your, your chest, you feel your heartbeat. And you think about like that little six year old girl that was going through what she was going through. She didn't feel loved. She didn't feel fully safe. And you might just say to yourself, I see you, I love you, and you're safe.

• 19:35Speaker 01

  The first few times you do it, it's, you feel fucking weird. You're like, I'm talking to my six year old self. Like this is the weirdest thing I've ever done. Over time, you'll start to notice your body just like settles into it. You'll feel it truly. And that's how you actually start to heal these things. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, once again, like I said, this is exactly what I may be diving into in a much, much, much deeper way over the course of three days at Freedom Live in Austin, Texas. It is going to be live in person, Austin, Texas, summer 3rd, 4th, and 5th. If you want to learn more about it, you can go to freedomlive2026.com. Once again, freedomlive2026.com. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

• 20:24Speaker 03

  When an intruder approaches a home, they expect a camera. What they don't expect. Stop. This is simply safe. Police are on the way. Using smart AI cameras, live US-based agents help deter intruders in under 30 seconds. Don't just record a break in, stop it from ever happening. Plans starting around a dollar a day. Right now, get 70% off your new system with professional monitoring at simplysafe.com/sxm.

• 20:47Speaker 04

  30 seconds response time requires monitoring plan with outdoor protection starting at $49.99 a month. Visit simplysafe.com/licenses for alarm license information.