Ep 644 - Bum Check (feat. SWIM)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live in FLAWDA n NEW JERSEY @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live yo0o0o. Fambly ep for you guyz. Hope you're all having a good week so far :) SWIM took the bus in. It was free, but it'll cost money today (when this is coming out). So don't even try it. No funny biz. Please enjoy the episode. Have a great rest of your week. God Bless. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/MSSP Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $150 if you win your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Matt McCusker?

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:03Matt McCusker?

  Yay.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  Hey, we're ready to do the podcast.

• 0:05Speaker 02

  Ready, dude.

• 0:06Speaker 01

  This is time.

• 0:07Speaker 02

  Made it.

• 0:08Matt McCusker?

  We're fired up.

• 0:08Speaker 02

  Fired up.

• 0:09Matt McCusker?

  Have you adjusted well here or were you still spinning out in terms of like the local? I know like I felt like I wasn't spinning out until six months passed and I was like, damn.

• 0:16Speaker 02

  I was chilling, dude.

• 0:17Matt McCusker?

  You've been chilling.

• 0:18Speaker 02

  I've been chilling.

• 0:18Matt McCusker?

  That's what I thought.

• 0:19Speaker 02

  I'm on the bus.

• 0:20Matt McCusker?

  The bus is chill.

• 0:21Speaker 02

  I took the bus today, man.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  He told me you're taking the bus to his house.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  Lit.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  It's crazy. You're taking the bus.

• 0:25Speaker 02

  Dude, it's free.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  Awesome.

• 0:30Matt McCusker?

  I mean, free bus is nice.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  I couldn't turn. He was like, yeah, you want to? I was like, dude, the bus is free today.

• 0:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  And it's right in front of my house. Election day.

• 0:37Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 0:38Speaker 02

  But I started some commotion on the bus.

• 0:40Matt McCusker?

  What'd you do?

• 0:40Speaker 02

  The bus driver didn't know it was free. So I hopped on. There was three gentlemen on the bus already and he hit me for my fare because I walked right by him.

• 0:47Matt McCusker?

  He's like, excuse me, sir.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  He was like, yo, man, you got paid a fare. And I'm like, bro, the bus is free today.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  He said, sir, I'm a Democrat.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  Well, I was like.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  It's free.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  I hit him to the fact that the bus was free and then there were three gentlemen that he had hit for a fare. So they started screaming at him.

• 1:03Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  They started, they took, they all worked for their money and then they had to give it to the dude.

• 1:07Matt McCusker?

  Were they breaking his balls more so or were they?

• 1:09Speaker 02

  They were more so breaking his balls because it was only a dollar twenty.

• 1:11Matt McCusker?

  I mean, it's pretty setting off three old black dudes. That's.

• 1:14Speaker 02

  They were young. They were like thirties. They were fired up though.

• 1:18Matt McCusker?

  But they were giving it to the bus.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  It's interesting you assume that.

• 1:20Matt McCusker?

  That's true. He told me. He's self editing.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  It's interesting. You just assume something like that.

• 1:27Matt McCusker?

  It's a better, I think it gives more, for me, it's more about texture to the story. Setting off, having three black dudes on your ass over a couple bucks, that's, they were breaking his balls.

• 1:36Speaker 01

  It's just interesting.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  It adds to the element of the story. It was like three nerds.

• 1:40Matt McCusker?

  It's interesting. Less than less.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  It's interesting. It's free. The bus is free on election day. It's interesting.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  You gotta get the dudes the bus.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  It's just interesting. That's all. There's no, there's no NBA games. That's interesting.

• 1:53Matt McCusker?

  Is there nothing on tonight?

• 1:54Speaker 01

  There's no NBA, right?

• 1:55Matt McCusker?

  No way.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  I could be, I could be wrong. I think the liberal league says no games on election day. I could be wrong.

• 2:02Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  There's no games?

• 2:04Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  It's just interesting.

• 2:05Matt McCusker?

  That's very interesting.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  It's very interesting. You gotta get out and rock the vote. You don't get any NBA.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  But they also.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  You gotta vote. No basketball until you vote. Then you get your dessert.

• 2:19Matt McCusker?

  Dude, you know they have an app to track whether you voted or not?

• 2:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 2:22Matt McCusker?

  And now people come to my house. They come, these two ladies knock up and like, oh, just so you know. And it's like, yeah, get the fuck out of my house.

• 2:28Speaker 02

  Well, they knock up and like, we see that.

• 2:30Matt McCusker?

  Bro, you can check your family members to see if they voted or not. And you can text them like, did you vote? If they're like, yeah, they're like, I'm upset you didn't.

• 2:37Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 2:38Matt McCusker?

  That's a thing they have. And now they have ladies patrolling my neighborhood.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  YouTube ads. It's like all my target YouTube ads are like, you know, you don't say who you voted for, but they know whether or not you voted and your friends and family can see that you didn't vote.

• 2:48Matt McCusker?

  Bro.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  I wasn't gonna vote Republican, but if one of those ladies comes to my house and says, you need to vote and I'll give you a ride to the polls. I'll say, thank you for the ride. I'm doing it now.

• 2:59Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Straight Republican ticket.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  Are you a Paxton head?

• 3:03Speaker 01

  I was thinking about that. He got his boy out of, out of jail.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Did you see it? Did you see his comeback?

• 3:08Speaker 01

  No.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  He's like, everyone's trying to say I let a pedophile out after one day. He was in there for sixty.

• 3:12Matt McCusker?

  Sixty?

• 3:13Speaker 02

  Sixty days for ped.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  I'm just saying, you do have to respect the loyalty. I got, yo, if you went down for it, I'll go give him sixty.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  Give him sixty.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Let him think about it for sixty.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, put him in the can for sixty days.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Let him miss football season. That's gonna suck.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  That's a hot defense. It's like, yeah, you let a pedophile out one day. He's like, try sixty.

• 3:32Matt McCusker?

  Sixty days is crazy. Two months.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  And Freako's on it too.

• 3:38Matt McCusker?

  Freako is on it.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  The towel Freakos are on his ass.

• 3:41Matt McCusker?

  For letting the pedo off.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  I think he's gonna win.

• 3:43Matt McCusker?

  Freako's gonna win for sure.

• 3:44Speaker 02

  Freako's gonna win for sure.

• 3:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he's.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  The pedophile hunters became a nice, that was a great move by the libs.

• 3:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Because it was all right wing people that were like, we need to stop the pedophiles.

• 3:54Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  And then when Trump got in office, the libs were like, I thought you guys wanted to stop pedophiles.

• 3:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  And now both parties have to agree, dude, we're definitely.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  Well, that's what they do.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  The libs were quiet on the pedophiles.

• 4:04Matt McCusker?

  Well, that was, that was pedophiles. They almost made, they had the chess piece like, are pedophiles gay adjacent? And then everyone's like, dude, get the fuck.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Yo, I forgot they tried that.

• 4:13Matt McCusker?

  We'll put it back. We'll put it back.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Well, with the Trump's pedophile, actually.

• 4:15Matt McCusker?

  They tried to kind of, yeah, they tried to do.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  They were putting out like.

• 4:18Matt McCusker?

  Minor attracted person.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Minor attracted persons. They were putting out articles.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, they were like cruising for a little.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Thinking about adding it to the flag. And then they go, wait a second, we can use this.

• 4:29Matt McCusker?

  They almost had, yeah, that like.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  Before, if you mentioned pedophiles, you were lumped as a conspiracy theorist.

• 4:33Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  So like, if you were like, he's a pedophile, it was like, oh, you're a right wing Nazi for saying.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  A lot of years ago.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then they flipped. But dude, that's what they do constantly.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Because like back in the day, all the conspiracy theorists were left wingers. And then they flipped it. They gave it to the right wing bros and then they're gonna flip it again. So it's a constant game of confusion.

• 4:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, who done it? True. Yeah, they were hardcore. They stopped, the Occupy Wall Street was like, that was like the peak of left wing conspiracy.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:00Matt McCusker?

  Or it was like definitely a high mark. And then it just like, out of nowhere, they flipped.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  They flipped the switch.

• 5:05Matt McCusker?

  They love Pfizer now. It's just like, I thought you guys like hated all of capitalism.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  They love experts now.

• 5:10Matt McCusker?

  They do love experts.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  That's the new lib thing to be like, I would rather listen to a doctor.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  It's like, okay. You ever have people like subtly put that on you?

• 5:20Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Where they're like, well, I mean, you're not a doctor. And you're like, I mean, we both have Google now though. So it's like.

• 5:26Matt McCusker?

  I hold it down like the old school Russians where it's kind of, you kind of like laugh at medicine. You're like, if you believe in that, that's, that's kind of your business. But we both know. Those old school Russians were like, if you got a doctor, they'd be like, good luck, bro. What's that guy know? But also to their credit, like the doctors back then would come in and be like, uh, like there was the one thing I was reading and the, the lady was like a, it's like an eighteen year old girl. And he was like, I gotta see her naked. Just to like, see how she's, if her, if her, if her spirits are low, I gotta see her. And they kept like staring at this lady naked. He's like, seems all right. And she was like, the lady was pissed. She was like, bro, what the fuck?

• 6:00Speaker 02

  When was this in classic Russia or recently?

• 6:02Matt McCusker?

  It was just, it was a fiction story, but I seen it happen. But, but back in the day, they would send you to the springs. If you were sick back then, they would be like, go like travel abroad and go sip like spring water from France.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Doctors used to slap though. Like doctors used to like, like back in the day, you'd be like, is there a doctor in the house? And he would have his bag and he'd be right.

• 6:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  But they've kind of fallen to just like super nerds that like did really good in school and like went all the way and kept doing really good in school as good as they could do.

• 6:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  Now they're doctors.

• 6:28Speaker 01

  Speaking of, I don't know if I've defended it here before, but the, uh, speaking of doing really good in school, the, at Texas football games, they're getting a lot of heat because anytime they show the student section, it's mostly Indian.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Really?

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Or maybe not mostly, but it's a lot.

• 6:44Matt McCusker?

  Sorry, the segue's so good.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  I'll get there, dude. I'll get there now. Everybody's making fun of them, but it does make me very happy. I enjoy it. I like seeing the Indians on the screen again. Pump for college football. You go, now that's assimilation.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  I like that. If everybody, if everybody came in and was like, dude, I got a college football team, you go, you're in, dude.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, fired up.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  But the reason they're getting all the seats is I think Texas bases their, uh, student section on GPA. So they get first, whoever has the highest GPA gets first dibs on the tickets. So now the whole student section is just a bunch of Indian dudes. I think. It's fucking nice, dude.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  I think the like, white kids aren't getting tricked into college like they were back in our day. Like remember back when we were in high school, like if you weren't going off to college, like it was kind of frowned upon.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, you were the, dude, my school used to put a shamrock up with your name and what school you were going to.

• 7:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  And then there'd be like three shamrocks at the end that were like, dude, work.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  I went to.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  God damn loser.

• 7:46Matt McCusker?

  Probably gonna die soon.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  It's like trade school, uh, sucks. I went to Drexel. We didn't start, you know, everyone went away to college when you were a senior. They all left like in early August. You said bye to all your friends. Drexel didn't start till the end of September. And I was working at a dry cleaner in town. So like all these parents would come in and be like, oh, that's nice. You got a job. I'm going to school on the twenty seventh. Here's my acceptance. But like I went a whole month after. And I, I had a tight job at a dry cleaner.

• 8:14Matt McCusker?

  I remember that.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  It was, that was probably one of my best jobs.

• 8:17Matt McCusker?

  Really? Did you ever, did you ever find cash in the pockets?

• 8:19Speaker 02

  Dude, the, one of the first weeks I found like three hundred bucks, right? And I pulled my boss aside. It was this like beautiful Puerto Rican lady and I was like, hey, I found three hundred bucks in this guy's suit. Like, what do we do here? And she took it and she was like, you don't say anything. Next one's yours.

• 8:34Matt McCusker?

  And she bagged the whole thing?

• 8:35Speaker 02

  Took the whole thing. It was like, next time you shut the fuck up.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  Was there ever a next time?

• 8:39Speaker 02

  Constantly.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  But I was never a bag like that. It was always twenties and tens after.

• 8:44Matt McCusker?

  I want to go back for the vape pens. You probably find so many vape pens.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Nowadays, you probably find tons of like Nick pouches, tons of vape pens.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  When I was, when I was cleaning out, uh, repo cars, there was my, my coworker, it was just me and him. He was a special needs man and he was cleaning out the coins.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  What kind of, oh, you get like quarters, knives, nickels?

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Every single fucking coin drawer. He was, he had jars of fucking nickels and pennies. He was fired up. And then Phil would come pick me up and be like, you making him work? And he'd be like, yeah, he sucks at his job. Phil, Phil allied with the bro.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  What was your job? Just cleaning out repo cars?

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Literally cleaning out a parking lot of repo cars.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  You ever find anything real sick? Like knives or guns or anything?

• 9:22Speaker 01

  You get like a CD book.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  That's kind of.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Those are nice.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Probably all mixes though.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  Uh, it was mostly like condoms and diapers that had been sitting in a.

• 9:30Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's a brutal mix.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Like unpacked?

• 9:32Speaker 01

  Yes. Yeah.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Mags are like.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  Used, bro. Disgusting.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Oh, Jesus Christ.

• 9:37Matt McCusker?

  You could use condoms for like little impromptu rain boots for your infant. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 9:44Speaker 01

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• 10:01Matt McCusker?

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• 10:20Speaker 01

  Incredible.

• 10:21Matt McCusker?

  You could just wrap their legs in them. Get mags. You might need some mags.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:26Matt McCusker?

  For baby leg.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  What was he cleaning up change wise? Like twenty bucks a day?

• 10:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Strawberry flavored.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  He was going hard.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  Dude, I was telling Matt before he got me here, I got bum checked when I got off the bus. Cause I pulled up into Matt's neighborhood and I'm always turned around in Matt's neighborhood. But I forgot that I had had my bus fare. Cause the bus was free. I didn't know it. So I had like ten dimes and I was shaking in my hand. And then I asked some gentleman in his neighborhood. I'm like, yo, which way is like the coffee shops? And I was shaking my dimes while I asked him. And he was like, it's that way. And I was like, all right, thanks, bro. And he's like, are you good, man? Do you need anything? And I was like, I'm probably just getting like a matcha latte or something. And I was like, oh, fuck, I'm shaking change.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  While asking you where the coffee.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  Fresh off the free bus.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  I'm not going to vote. I'm getting coffee.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  But he was like fully ready to hook me up. I should have worked him for a fucking free matcha.

• 11:13Matt McCusker?

  Should have. My family's up in the car.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Once I mentioned the matcha latte, like the confusion kind of cleared and he was like.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, you say matcha, you're not homeless. You should have screamed at him though and scared him. He would have been like, hey.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  I was confused until I realized I'd been fidgeting with change while talking to him. But it was just my unused bus fare.

• 11:29Matt McCusker?

  I might start a group fitness class down around my neighborhood where it's homeless fitness. Where you just like, you just like, bro, just go nuts.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  They're jacked. They're already the most fit.

• 11:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but you can still run around and it's like, ah!

• 11:40Speaker 01

  Yes, scream people.

• 11:41Matt McCusker?

  For a thousand calories, just running full speed.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  I was driving with my daughter the other day and there was some tweaked out dude at the bus stop, like doing like spastic tweaker movements. And my daughter was like, yo, dad, that guy's got so many muscles, you don't have any.

• 11:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  And I was like, no, I got muscles. And she pulled her own shirt up and was like, you have the same body I have.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  And she's like, look at this dude. She's got like a little baby belly. She's like, you look just like me when you're on a shirt.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  Honey, he's a loser.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  And I was like, that guy's not doing work. Like, I started trying to explain like crystal meth.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  I have to do a podcast.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  That guy's been up for fucking a week, like screaming at her. And I was like, it's a lost cause. Like, you're kind of right.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Go over there and tell him.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  What's it? Yeah, I was gonna, next day, I was like, yeah, there's your boyfriend. There's your fucking boyfriend.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Go talk to him. See how cool he is.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Hop out, spend a day at the bus stop with him.

• 12:26Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I, I get jealous of how ripped those guys are sometimes. But we, we saw, one time we were sitting there and we just came off the highway and we're like on like an underpass and this guy had a rope and he was just swinging it above his head. And it was me, Maya and Chloe. And Maya's like, what's he doing? What's he doing? I'm like, I don't know, Maya. I was like, he's going crazy. And she's like.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  He knows what he's doing.

• 12:45Matt McCusker?

  He's, I was like, he's up to something. Then he took the rope and he went, and threw it and hurled it across the street. And she was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that for? I'm like, Maya, nobody knows. He's doing crazy stuff. And she was like, ah, she thought it was the funniest shit ever.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  He's locked in though.

• 12:59Matt McCusker?

  She thought it was so, I was like, you'd have to ask him. But like, he's just doing that because he's nuts.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  He's gonna lasso a car. He's gonna break.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  Was it a full lasso or just a loose rope?

• 13:09Matt McCusker?

  It was just a loose rope with something heavy on the end. He was whipping it. He launched it over our car. And I was like, he's just going crazy.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  That's what fascinates me down here is we never had tweakers in the northeast. So like all of our like people that were on drugs on the street were sleepyheads and like folded over. But down here, like I saw a dude like cleaning a long piece of metal the other day. And I'm like, damn, these guys are on a mission.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're rocking.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  It's like, they're not like.

• 13:32Matt McCusker?

  Dude, the, the.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  They're not even asking for money either. They're out locked in.

• 13:36Matt McCusker?

  They're locked in.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  Doing their thing.

• 13:37Matt McCusker?

  There, there, there are a lot of them get into the scooter hustle. You'll like just take scooter batteries apart and they'll fucking like storm somewhere. That warehouse I had, there was a bro living in there who was, I swear to God, rappelling down from the roof. He would climb up on the roof. He had a rope attached to a, a skylight that had been busted out. And he would climb down on the roof and get in there. And that's how he eventually did it. And he opened the door and unlocked it.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  So he would climb to the top of the warehouse.

• 14:02Matt McCusker?

  That's how he got in. He Batman, he Batman'd inside.

• 14:06Speaker 02

  Just to be in the warehouse.

• 14:07Matt McCusker?

  Be in the warehouse. And then he was just stealing like people's motorized scooters and just taking the batteries apart. There was like forty scooter batteries in the fucking thing.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  It's admirable.

• 14:15Matt McCusker?

  It is.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Like in his head, he was gonna fill that warehouse for a good use.

• 14:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. He actually, yeah, I think he was doing oil changes illegally in there.

• 14:22Speaker 02

  We should start funding these guys for a year and be like, just follow your vision.

• 14:26Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  See what happens to the whole.

• 14:27Matt McCusker?

  Tweaker tank would be nice. Tweaker tank would be sick.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  Just call in like twelve tweakers and be like, what are you up to today? And he's like, I gotta take apart this VCR and be like, here's ten thousand dollars. Take apart a ton of them and finish your project.

• 14:39Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  Like, follow your vision till it's end.

• 14:42Matt McCusker?

  And get them a full medical team. That could be like, yo, bro, hold on, we're gonna put you in like a medicated coma. Okay, back, mom, meth them up, right back out there.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Just get them the perfect amount of meth.

• 14:50Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Constantly.

• 14:51Matt McCusker?

  Apparently if you shoot meth, you, there, there's an urban legend, but I, I've heard it's true that you'll come your pants. You can, there's a, there's a mythic dose of IV meth that will make you bust. So just putting that out.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  Where did you hear this? Reddit?

• 15:04Matt McCusker?

  I've been researching meth. I've, I've had it on a good authority from a couple

• 15:08Speaker 02

  So there's like a nut dose you can hit?

• 15:09Matt McCusker?

  There's a nut dose. There's a nut dose.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  Where it's like, if you get the right dose, you just bust?

• 15:13Matt McCusker?

  It's, I swear to God.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  What's your refractory period?

• 15:16Matt McCusker?

  What do you mean?

• 15:17Speaker 02

  Like, when can you bust again after busting?

• 15:19Matt McCusker?

  That, I don't know. But I'm pretty sure you can get it right up. Those dudes, those dudes like go on for like twenty four hours straight.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  They hit levels of horniness that are unforeseen.

• 15:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's crazy. But no, that, for real, look up the nut dose. That, guys, look that up. You can literally nut your pants. I was reading a Quora post about.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  Rock's gonna be like, I'm sorry, I can't advise you on how to shoot meth and nut.

• 15:40Matt McCusker?

  Square. And you ask him about meth prices. Oh my gosh.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:45Matt McCusker?

  This is gonna be an easy peasy.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. This episode is presented by PrizePix. Basketball season is off to a crazy start. And PrizePix has your back when other apps don't. With features like the injury reboot, if a player in your lineup gets injured in the first half and doesn't return, your lineup can still cash. The PrizePix Injury Protection Policy helped users win over thirty one million dollars in the twenty twenty five football season. Yeah, thirty one million dollars. That's a lot of money. That's enough to kiss your brother.

• 16:16Speaker 01

  All right, Matt, make a pick, uh, make a pick for the start of the NBA season. Briefly share your reasons. Go ahead.

• 16:23Matt McCusker?

  Okay, uh, this season, uh, I'm, I'm all in on Maxi and the Sixers. Those guys are maybe the most fun team to watch every night if they stay healthy.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:37Matt McCusker?

  This might be the season they take it all the way. That's, that's my guess right now.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  It's a good guess.

• 16:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I think so.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  I like, I like what's going on with the Seventy Sixers. They're a fun team to watch.

• 16:46Matt McCusker?

  Gotta watch the injuries.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:48Matt McCusker?

  As long as they stay healthy. Download the app today and use code DRENCH to get one hundred and fifty dollars instantly in lineups if you win your first five dollar lineup. That's code DRENCH to get one hundred and fifty dollars instantly in lineups if you win your first five dollar lineup. PrizePix, run your game.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Run your game.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, Grok tightened up lately.

• 17:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 17:07Speaker 02

  What?

• 17:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Grok used to tell you anything. Yeah, they used to now.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  Has Grok ever taken the clothes off of women on Twitter?

• 17:15Matt McCusker?

  I don't know.

• 17:15Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 17:16Matt McCusker?

  I've never.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  I haven't seen it once.

• 17:19Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I've never done the images. I'm more, I'm more for.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  If you look at Twitter, there'll be a picture of a girl and they'll say Grok. Take off, put her in this outfit.

• 17:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 17:27Speaker 02

  They probably stopped.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  I've never seen it.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  I don't know. I'm not much of a Grok gooner.

• 17:35Matt McCusker?

  I think he used to, but they patched it.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  He used to do it. It's pretty funny.

• 17:40Speaker 03

  Hot patch. They patched it out.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  Cause you could do it to, you could do it to fellas too. It'd be very funny. Do it to your friends. Go, pull the man in all fours, put him in a Mortal Kombat, female, female Mortal Kombat character outfit.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  Dress him up like Chun-Li.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:54Matt McCusker?

  You see the picture I sent you yesterday?

• 17:56Speaker 01

  What was it?

• 17:57Matt McCusker?

  Dude, the body scan photo.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:59Matt McCusker?

  It includes a little bit of dong.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Wait, what?

• 18:01Matt McCusker?

  Did you notice that?

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 18:04Matt McCusker?

  The body scan. So I got it. I had to, I had to do this whole VO2 max test. I have new doctors.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  That was you?

• 18:09Matt McCusker?

  That was me. So it, there was, they showed, they did.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  And it shows your equipment?

• 18:13Matt McCusker?

  They did a body scan. They're supposed to show your body fat. And then I like.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  And it shows how much of a fucking.

• 18:18Matt McCusker?

  It kind of shows your flaccid dong.

• 18:21Speaker 01

  I'm gonna, I thought it was your wife. I thought it was a weird ultrasound. And I zoomed in and I thought it was a pussy. And I was like, dude, that's crazy.

• 18:30Matt McCusker?

  Damn, dude.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  And I didn't mention it and I didn't want to.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  You got mussy docs by a doctor?

• 18:36Speaker 01

  Your wife?

• 18:38Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it was like, first thing in the morning, I lay on this thing and they scan you for body fat. And then I'm like, the dude is like messing with the computer. I'm looking.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  It looks like a, I looked at it real quick because I was afraid it was an ultrasound.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Let me see this. No, no. Oh, Jesus Christ, dude. And there's a nut stain on the top of it.

• 18:59Matt McCusker?

  There's not a nut stain.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Did you goon right before you went to the.

• 19:01Matt McCusker?

  No, wouldn't pick up a nut stain.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  There's something, dude.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  There's a little nut stain.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  You got a toy car on your butt.

• 19:08Matt McCusker?

  There's like, you got something in there.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  That's my cheeks, bro. Let me see that.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  That's your brother's penis.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  Damn dude, were you tucked? Huh? Were you tucking?

• 19:16Matt McCusker?

  Dude, what do you got? It was first thing in the morning.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  God, fucking your hips.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  I would have been like, yo, hold up.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Your hips are crazy.

• 19:24Matt McCusker?

  It was so funny because I'm looking at the scan. It's just the outline of a fat body and a penis. And I was like, dude, that picture sucks.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  This picture's nuts.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Did the doctor get one?

• 19:34Speaker 01

  No, I thought, I'm not, I thought it was a feminine.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  No. You should have got a Packer, dude.

• 19:38Matt McCusker?

  I mean, obviously that's all just like the waterway. That's a great picture. I'm telling you.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  That's quality.

• 19:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I got it. I sent it to Brittany right away. I was like, dude, this is awesome. She's like, do not send that to anybody. I was like, I'm sending it to Shane right now.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  I, yeah.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  That's insane.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  I don't want to put any, I'm not putting anything on Brittany. It just looked, no, it looked like a short woman.

• 19:56Matt McCusker?

  I know. It was a brutal.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  It makes your head so small. Makes your head, it's just your skull.

• 20:02Matt McCusker?

  It's fat. It's just fat. So wherever you see fat.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  Oh, it's, it's a fat scan. Holy fuck. I'll never come near that fucking thing. Oh my God.

• 20:12Matt McCusker?

  It's a fat, so it's just registering fat on your body. So I saw that pic and it's funny. It was like.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  That makes a lot of sense because otherwise this is the craziest looking body.

• 20:23Matt McCusker?

  It's just like you're fat.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  So what is the doctor trying to do?

• 20:26Matt McCusker?

  They just want to see where your body is.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  You got a fat dick though. Did your dick shit up?

• 20:30Matt McCusker?

  No, I don't. I was fully, fully teenist out, just laying in that thing being like, alright, I thought it was like a orange.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  What was it? Like a tank you went in?

• 20:39Matt McCusker?

  It's a DEXA scan. You know, you lay on a table and it thing just goes, it's a Xerox, just goes over you. And then I'm watching the guy go over the phone. There was like three things. That was the first one. He's going over. I'm like, I'm over his shoulder like, some fucking dick. What the fuck? And then he goes to the other one, starts, he uses the other ones to explain. But then I, afterwards, I'm like, yo, let me see that first one again. And he pulled it up and I snapped the picture. And he was like, he looked at me and I was like, I'm gonna use that for like flyers to promote. And he just looked at me like, okay, dude.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  Was he pumped?

• 21:07Matt McCusker?

  He was just kinda like, okay. Just like, kinda like let it go. But the whole time I was, and they're like, you know, when you do that, I don't know if you, when you have a baby, when they do the ultrasound, they're like constantly snapping lines and zooming and like, he had.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, and they're like marking stuff.

• 21:20Matt McCusker?

  That's called your like, coinoid area, some bullshit term for it. He was like, your trunk and your rondoid area. And I kept just being like, bro, it's just my fucking penis, my fucking guitar shaped body and my penis. It was the most unflattering picture.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  That's an insane photo.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  What did he say when it came out? Was he like, you look good? Or was he like?

• 21:40Matt McCusker?

  Uh, no, they were, well, they were just kinda like, body fat's a little high. Body fat's a little high. He's like, turns out you have a fat body and a tiny penis.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  I didn't need to go get scanned for that. I got a mirror.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Damn. Bro, I thought I was ripped. I thought I was ripped. I got out of it.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Way different doctors. My doctor was like, dude, shit's looking good. I got my blood back yesterday. They're like, bro, you're killing it.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 22:06Matt McCusker?

  But here's the thing, they, the fat body penis, that's my humble earth suit. VO2 max test, I showed up and showed out.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Well, what's VO2 max?

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Matt put on a mask and sprinted on a treadmill at the university.

• 22:19Matt McCusker?

  Like 50 Cent in the club video.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 22:21Matt McCusker?

  Did you ever see the in the club video?

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  For no reason.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  Wait, so what do you, are you just like, yo, what's up?

• 22:26Matt McCusker?

  It's just showing you.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Are you just trying to get good boy points at the doctor? You're like?

• 22:28Matt McCusker?

  I haven't been to the doctor in forever. So now I have a doctor who's just like, fuck all that bullshit. We're doing, we're gonna see like if you're actually healthy or not. And the VO2 max test is like how much oxygen your body's able to process per minute at max.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  How long were you there? Like three days?

• 22:43Matt McCusker?

  No, I was there for like 20 minutes, dude. I was there for like an hour.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  What was his readout when he was done? He was just like?

• 22:49Matt McCusker?

  Excellent, bro.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  You're a good boy?

• 22:50Matt McCusker?

  Excellent. Yeah, I wanna do this. VO2 max is excellent. They put you on a treadmill and it's so, dude, I was telling everyone, I'm like, this is my weighted vest. I've obviously put on this weighted vest just so I can get my VO2 max up. But you just go, you put on a fucking mask. It's like your head's attached to this like tube. And you run on a treadmill at a regular pace, but then they keep jacking the incline.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  He's a nut. Dude, you are a nut.

• 23:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but this is the best part. So I'm like, the thing is, it's 12 minutes straight of running. And some people can't finish the test. That was a great fear of mine that wouldn't be able to finish.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  Up a fucking incline?

• 23:20Speaker 02

  12 minutes, 12 percent.

• 23:22Matt McCusker?

  They get up to 12%. They do like, you know, two, four, six, eight, finally 12 and a half. It's just a student at UT who saw my tiny penis on a scan.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  It's a dude?

• 23:31Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's a bro.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  What's his, like, what do you, what are we?

• 23:33Matt McCusker?

  There's a lady too involved who's probably seen my penis, but.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 23:36Matt McCusker?

  It is what it is.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  You're like, psh.

• 23:40Matt McCusker?

  I mean, they're very professional about, I was the whole time was like, this is crazy. That's.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Could never be a doctor.

• 23:44Matt McCusker?

  But it did, it's kind of a good thing because it made me.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  If I scanned a dude and he was packed out, I'd be like, bro, what the fuck?

• 23:50Matt McCusker?

  But it is motivation for the treadmill test. Cause I was like, alright, my, I'm fat as hell. I have a penis. I gotta show out on the VO2 max. It was pure willpower. So I was like, towards the four, there's five rounds, just continuous. Fourth round, he was like, alright, let's finish this out. I'm like, this is really hard, but alright, I can finish this out. I have another minute. And then after that, when he goes, alright, we're gonna 12.5%, let's go, last one. And I was like, dude, I thought that was the last one. Cause I went all out at the end. I'm dying. And the whole thing, the only thing that got me through it, I was pretending the whole time that I was, there was like this thing where like, earth was like exploding and you had to pass a physical test to get your family into outer space.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  Were you smoking meth yesterday?

• 24:28Speaker 01

  I mean, what?

• 24:30Speaker 02

  You need to get like 12 meth disciples and take them on these quests with you. They're the only ones that understand what the fuck you're talking about. Everyone else goes to the doctor and they're like, uh, dude, is anything hurt? And you're like, no. And you're like, alright.

• 24:42Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm talking, that's, that's medicine 1.0, dude.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  Oh, you're on fucking.

• 24:45Matt McCusker?

  Medicine 2.0, I'm on medicine 2.0.

• 24:47Speaker 01

  I need to run on a treadmill at the university. Like I'm a fucking athlete.

• 24:52Matt McCusker?

  In the football stadium.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  And they're like, okay dude, you should be cleared to podcast and.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Now you can podcast.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  You're medically certified.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  The only exertion you're doing is for the test.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  Okay, you should be fine picking your brother up tomorrow.

• 25:08Matt McCusker?

  It's good for you to know that you can turn it on like that. I mean, the funniest part was, so I, I complete the test. I, dude, for real.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  Dude, if something pops off and there's a slight incline and you have to run for 12 minutes?

• 25:18Matt McCusker?

  No problem. If earth, if earth, are you guys laughing? If earth somehow gets fucked up and there's a physical test that has you get to Mars, I'm gonna pass. Sorry.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  They're like, sir, there's a rope that needs to be thrown across the street tomorrow. You needed to make it to the bus stop. You're like, I'm your man.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Yo, we're gonna actually need a lot of scooter batteries. Yeah, maybe the meth guys are right.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Warehouse and a man who can rappel down and build the equipment we need to continue this medical quest.

• 25:43Matt McCusker?

  Funniest part is I get done. I'm like, I was shocked. I was like, what the fuck? I can't believe I got a good score in the, I thought it was gonna be terrible. I got done. And then I, the original lady who did the intake walks by and she got it going. And I was like, not bragging, got excellent. She was like, yeah, go for it. Superb. And I was just like, completely didn't miss a step. She was like.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  Did you get like a certification when you left or you're like?

• 26:00Matt McCusker?

  No, I just had the chart.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  No offense, no offense.

• 26:02Matt McCusker?

  No, no, I'm taking.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  She probably deals with the biggest dildos in Austin. Every single fucking tech, bro. The worst dudes alive. Come in there and be like, I need to test my VO2. And go, sir, you're 48. Nothing matters. Why?

• 26:20Matt McCusker?

  The dude was telling me, he goes, cause you do the, the gradual test gives you like different information for like zone one through five. He's like, we get a lot of people who come in off of like a video they saw online. They go, bro, I wanna do all out sprint VO2. And he's like, well, it kinda like defeats the purpose.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  If you had gone through that body scan and showed a huge dick, would you have just left at that point?

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's the proof. That's the proof.

• 26:41Matt McCusker?

  For sure. I would have, no, I would have put the mask on and wa, I would just wanna walked on a thing like this, just fucking.

• 26:48Matt McCusker?

  I would have hit the claw. I would have hit the claw the whole time.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  I need to go see this doctor.

• 26:53Matt McCusker?

  I would have been like.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 27:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was a weird morning.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  I had a good experience with my, my blood doctor.

• 27:04Matt McCusker?

  Oh, the blood's good?

• 27:05Speaker 01

  Blood, the blood was great, but it was very funny. Cause she was like, I, you know, I know who you are and uh, you're very stressed. She was like, you doing alright? Cause you had a massive cortisol spike.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  How was your blood pressure?

• 27:19Matt McCusker?

  Fucking brutal.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  Blood pressure, I don't think shows up in that.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  They don't test that too?

• 27:23Speaker 01

  They tested before with the little.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  Well, was it good?

• 27:25Speaker 01

  It was good. Yeah.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Dude, they don't do the pump anymore. They have like a weird little.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  There's a machine.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  And you put on your thing. Was that, I went to the dentist yesterday and they gave me a, blood pressure thing. And it was just a little wristband I had across my chest.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  I didn't know, I didn't know what a cortisol spike was. I just heard, I thought it was just a look maxing funny term.

• 27:43Matt McCusker?

  It was a real thing.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Oh, it's a very real thing.

• 27:45Matt McCusker?

  So wait, you have a, is it constant cortisol spike or is it like?

• 27:48Speaker 01

  No, it's just recent. It's just the last month.

• 27:50Matt McCusker?

  Damn, she called you on a cortisol spike?

• 27:52Speaker 01

  Insane cortisol spike.

• 27:53Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 27:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like your body goes into fight or flight. I've been in fight or flight for a month.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  And your blood's still popping?

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, there's stuff that won't be affected by it. Just regular.

• 28:04Matt McCusker?

  Just your aura though.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  Aura's, aura's stressed as hell.

• 28:08Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying. If you have, if your cortisol spike, it fucks your aura up.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:11Matt McCusker?

  It's hard to aura, aura farm when.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, but once you settle, your aura comes back glowing.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Aura's gonna be glowing.

• 28:16Speaker 02

  I can already tell between this week and last week.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  Once I, once I got my uh, blood test, I was like, alright.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  You're like, I'm good. Everything's good.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, everything improved from last time.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  That's good. Have you changed your lifestyle at all?

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, took a, she was like, your liver's a lot better. I was like, yeah. Had to slow down. Well, I was, went from 30 beers to 10.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  What, daily? Or like weekly?

• 28:37Speaker 01

  When I'm out, when I'm out of doubt. When I'm out in a bout, you gotta slow it down a little.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  True, true.

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was time.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  You drink hard liquor?

• 28:46Speaker 01

  Sometimes, but not really.

• 28:47Speaker 02

  But not like?

• 28:48Speaker 01

  No, almost never.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  What's your go to? Like shots or like sip?

• 28:50Speaker 01

  I like a little vodka sodas.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  You like to sip whiskey?

• 28:54Speaker 01

  No, not at all.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  I can never get into it.

• 28:55Matt McCusker?

  I can't get into it, man.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  Dudes will be like, that's fucking.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, whiskey and a cigar, I go, I'm gay.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  Cigars?

• 29:01Speaker 01

  No, not for me.

• 29:02Speaker 02

  I don't like cigars either. They give me a stomach ache. Immediate.

• 29:05Matt McCusker?

  I love, I get dizzy. I smoke them with dad and get dizzy. Me and my dad smoke cigars.

• 29:09Speaker 01

  And dizzy's nice.

• 29:10Matt McCusker?

  It's, we get dizzy and I'm like, how's work? And he just tells me about like some old building in Bethlehem, MPA where he's tearing down. I sit there like trying to hold on to my chair like, dude, that sounds sick.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Gotta tell you, testosterone up 100.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 29:22Speaker 01

  All natty, all natty, dude. Natty testosterone spiked. I felt good about that.

• 29:27Matt McCusker?

  Probably from the cortisol spike, your test rates.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Perhaps. She said, no, she was like, that, that wouldn't really.

• 29:32Matt McCusker?

  It plummeted.

• 29:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. Not plummeted, but she was like, it wouldn't.

• 29:36Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  Are you more flight or fight?

• 29:39Speaker 01

  Come on, man. I've never been flight, dude. I could never fly.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  You're ready to go.

• 29:41Speaker 01

  I was physically, I could never fly.

• 29:43Matt McCusker?

  To be fair, it's flight, fight or freeze. I'm freeze. I go.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, I hit a hard freeze.

• 29:48Matt McCusker?

  Circumstances.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I might hit a freeze.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  I hit a hard freeze. Like as soon as my chick starts freaking out, I'm just like, ooh, like I'm freeze. I never freak on. I just freeze and I'm like, I a hundred percent agree with you. And I walk outside and smoke like 10 cigarettes.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  That's flight. That's complete flight, dude. That's full flight.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  No, but I don't panic. I just like, I block it.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  It's flight. You go, I agree with you, then run outside.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's, it's like a robot. Like I'm not like, I'm not like, it's more just like, not right now. And I just kinda drift into it.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  I swear to God, that's flight.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  I go through all three. Cause I flighted before and you flight, you're like, ah, I'm talking, it's just like.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  I see.

• 30:26Speaker 02

  The blinds go down and I'm like, oh, you're doing this. Cool. I'm gonna go outside and smoke till I die.

• 30:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you go cold, you go cold on her. Yeah, I go, I go through all three stages. I go through freeze and then I go, what? And I fight.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  I've seen some flights on the Rinca.

• 30:38Matt McCusker?

  And then I fight. I fight and then I, and then I flee. But yeah, I definitely, I can get, I can get nasty.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  Oh, speaking of Rinca, I got some good footage this weekend.

• 30:49Matt McCusker?

  What'd you get?

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Of what?

• 30:49Speaker 01

  Some Halloweenes.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  I left out a candy bowl of like healthy candy, which was very funny because it was sent to me.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  And then.

• 30:57Matt McCusker?

  Healthy like Welch's grape snacks and shit?

• 30:59Speaker 01

  No, no, like. Like seventy calorie.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  I had a stack of two dollar bills. So I was like, it'd be fun to throw this in there. There's dispersed two dollar bills amongst the candy. And then the ring carry, I get to watch little kids come up and steal all the money. And then a dad come in and go, you can only take one.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 31:19Speaker 01

  And put one. It was very fun to watch.

• 31:21Speaker 02

  Two dollar bills is a legendary.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Two dollar bills was nice.

• 31:25Matt McCusker?

  I was, I was hawking all the kids on grabbing the kids. There's a lot of candy.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Scream at them. They would put them back.

• 31:30Matt McCusker?

  That's so.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Two dollar bills is like the polar opposite of that guy who gives out like toothbrushes. That's how you get egged.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:38Speaker 02

  You put out like dental floss packs.

• 31:39Matt McCusker?

  Dude, nobody eggs anymore.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  My son was trying to, he's like, dad, spring eggs and hit up houses that suck.

• 31:44Matt McCusker?

  You gotta do it the day before.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  He wanted to retaliate if houses sucked.

• 31:48Matt McCusker?

  There's a couple that, there's a couple egg worthy spots in my neighborhood. I saw someone just put up caution tape and blocked their whole front entrance. So like you couldn't even try to trick or treat. I was like, bro, I would have lit that fucking.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  A hundred percent. No, I said no.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  We don't do Halloween.

• 32:08Matt McCusker?

  Although not doing Halloween is like super fundamentalist Christian.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  It's Jehovah.

• 32:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  Jehovah Witness don't do.

• 32:13Matt McCusker?

  A lot of Christians down here.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Christians are like.

• 32:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Halloween is a little bit like tooth fairy Halloween that there's a lot of people down here are like, hell no to that.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  That's a deep, I respect that level of Christianity.

• 32:24Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of sick, honestly.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  I respect any extreme political view that you fully take to the end.

• 32:30Matt McCusker?

  That's true.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  Like if you take something to its fullest extent, I'm like.

• 32:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there was a, I was talking to someone.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  Like all of them?

• 32:37Speaker 02

  I don't agree with them, but like, I don't like half steppers.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  You respect.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Like when people are full tilt, I'm like, bro, I must respect.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  Your full tilt political view.

• 32:46Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 32:46Speaker 02

  I don't like when people be like, nah, well, not that.

• 32:49Matt McCusker?

  A complex issue. It's like, no, it's not.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  Pick a side and go hard as hell.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  I want you to take it to its fullest extent. Then I can like at least tip my hat and be like, at least you're rocking a hundred percent.

• 33:03Matt McCusker?

  True. There was, there was a haunted, uh, some haunted house around here that apparently these guys set up shop and just started doing like praise music outside of it to be like, nah, come over here. Don't, don't get scared by Michael Myers. Yeah. They like set out, they like set up next door to be like, why don't you come over here? But JC, no need to get, no, don't go to the spooky house. Come praise.

• 33:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I support that.

• 33:23Matt McCusker?

  So funny to think, okay, yeah.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 33:26Matt McCusker?

  It's pretty wild, dude.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  It's wild, but I'm saying the mentality, I'm like, dude, I'm into what you're like.

• 33:31Matt McCusker?

  I like that.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  I'm into the fact that you're so into Jesus that you hate spooky houses.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  You don't like masks.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 33:37Speaker 01

  They're afraid of the scary.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're afraid of like anything.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Costume.

• 33:40Matt McCusker?

  I'm kind of with them though, but I don't like those spooky trails and shit.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  I love them. I love.

• 33:44Matt McCusker?

  They're so fun. I don't think they're fun, man.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  I love spooky ass Halloween stuff.

• 33:48Matt McCusker?

  So I don't.

• 33:50Matt McCusker?

  I hate that shit. I don't want.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  I like terrifying displays out front.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:55Speaker 02

  Like skulls getting ripped open and stuff.

• 33:57Matt McCusker?

  I'm not a fan.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  I'm a fan, dude.

• 33:59Matt McCusker?

  I saw, we went to some pumpkin night thing and they had like a, they had like these like fake severed limbs, but they had them set up to like electricity where they would dangle and move a little bit still. And I walked up and I'm like, that's a little much. Trying to get my praise on.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  You're a cutie pie Halloween guy.

• 34:13Matt McCusker?

  I'm a cutie pie Halloween guy.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  You like, like pumpkins and hay rides and caramel apples.

• 34:17Matt McCusker?

  Actually, yeah, I completely am.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, cutie pie Halloween.

• 34:23Speaker 01

  I had an inflatable jack-o'-lantern. That's cutie pie.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  That was cutie pie. I love cutie pie Halloween. I love like Raggedy Ann costumes of husband and wife.

• 34:32Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, I'm a family, I'm a, I'm a.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  Family costume, big. I love it.

• 34:36Matt McCusker?

  I'm a family costume guy.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  You were a girlfriend costume guy though too, which is nothing wrong with that.

• 34:40Speaker 02

  Was I a girlfriend?

• 34:41Matt McCusker?

  You knew the heavy girlfriend costume guy?

• 34:43Speaker 02

  What are you basing this off of? I think you're confusing him.

• 34:45Matt McCusker?

  Yo, minions is my idea.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  There's nothing wrong with girlfriend Halloween.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  I think you're confusing him.

• 34:52Matt McCusker?

  Man, you get excellent VO2 max. The whole world turns on you.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  You know, I'm going through a massive cortisol spike.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  If you want to get into girlfriend costumes, you've got the wrong brother. Big Bill loves a couple.

• 35:09Speaker 02

  Broke back. He went like full Dragon Ball Z.

• 35:12Matt McCusker?

  He did.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Billy loves.

• 35:14Matt McCusker?

  Broke back kind of is nice though. That's the one. Cause then you get to pretend to have gay sex.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Doggy style.

• 35:21Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Or.

• 35:22Speaker 02

  I think he was Jake though. I think Billy was.

• 35:24Speaker 01

  Butt mess with your cowboy girlfriend.

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Billy was Jake.

• 35:27Matt McCusker?

  He was Jake?

• 35:28Speaker 02

  I think he was Jake. I think he got, I don't, I don't want to speak on his. It's not for me.

• 35:33Matt McCusker?

  I mean, if it's Halloween, I think it's, I think that should be. If you want to do any butt stuff as a guy, just save it for Halloween. And just.

• 35:40Speaker 01

  True.

• 35:40Matt McCusker?

  Factor it into your costume and then just wake up the next morning.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  Turn it on, chill.

• 35:44Matt McCusker?

  It's November. It's time to lock in. It's November.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Put on some cat ears, draw some whiskers. Just get fucking pegged out.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Just get into costume.

• 35:53Matt McCusker?

  The whole time it's like, woo.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  Eat a fun size Snickers when you're done to get a support.

• 36:00Matt McCusker?

  I would just suck a fun size Snickers.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  You smuggled a fun size into that fucking doctor's office.

• 36:13Matt McCusker?

  I smuggled half a fun size Kit Kat up in there.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  It's, I support your peers in that. Mine would have been half. That's crazy.

• 36:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:25Matt McCusker?

  I saw that and I was like.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Were you naked?

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Not bad, for real. Had some girth.

• 36:29Matt McCusker?

  No, I was in a fucking, I, I think it was my balls are getting mixed up in the picture. I think I got some ball glory in that, that I didn't deserve.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  It was good ball glory.

• 36:36Matt McCusker?

  Got some ball glory. No, I was fucking laying there in all my clothes. Then the guy pulled up the picture and I was like, yo, what the?

• 36:41Speaker 01

  Tell me about that.

• 36:42Matt McCusker?

  Let me know if you're gonna be scanning my fucking birds like that.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Covered.

• 36:45Matt McCusker?

  I should have. They made me keep my arms out, dude.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  Damn dude.

• 36:48Matt McCusker?

  I'm feeling some kind of fucking way.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  TSA is hitting us with that exact.

• 36:53Matt McCusker?

  TSA sees your dick every single time. That's why they stopped Nate at the fucking thing. They stopped Nate and they sexually harass him every single time.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  I saw Nate get groped.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  At TSA?

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Got dropped down too. They get blues too.

• 37:08Speaker 02

  I got ripped.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  I got stopped though and debunked it. I did debunk it.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  Really?

• 37:13Speaker 01

  There's no way it's dick size. It's just shit getting scrunched up. Now maybe somebody else had a massive dong and they got it.

• 37:19Matt McCusker?

  Shannon Sharp claims that he got dong checked.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  He got dong checked at TSA?

• 37:22Matt McCusker?

  He loves telling me.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Jacked up when you did the link.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:27Speaker 02

  Security got me fucking, they fucking tackled my ass.

• 37:30Matt McCusker?

  For what? Hounds of tobacco.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  I had a pack of rolling tobacco in my pocket, right?

• 37:35Speaker 01

  You're getting bum checked everywhere.

• 37:40Speaker 02

  Dude, I had a pack of rolling tobacco in my pocket. So I like went up to the security check and she was like, empty your pockets. So I put all my shit out and she's like, you can't bring that in there. And I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. I just bought it. And she's like, no, you can't bring in rolling tobacco. You can't smoke in here. I was like, I'm not gonna smoke. I'm just, it's.

• 37:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  All my person.

• 37:59Matt McCusker?

  My work.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  So she was like, go, I was, I'm gonna go throw out my car. So I walked out and like tucked it in my boot and then came back in and some stud ripped me up. What the fuck is in your boot? She probably thought it was like drugs or whatever. So I pulled it out. Then like a couple of them were like staring at me like, why did you hide this in your boot? And I was like, oh, she said I can't bring it. And then they were like, uh, you, you can bring tobacco in here. Then another one stepped up and was like, grip them up. And she like.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Got pees?

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Got all up in my shit. No, she brought a dude, like a young dude down and the young dude had to like.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Hey, you gotta get that job. You gotta work at the link.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  And then they let me in.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Stroke balls.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  All on my wife watch, like, what the fuck are you doing? What are you bringing?

• 38:40Matt McCusker?

  They take your tobaccy?

• 38:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, she made me throw it out.

• 38:42Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that sucks.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  I was bummed.

• 38:44Matt McCusker?

  And then they grab your dick?

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Dude, this young dude came in and like full on like got up in my.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  So yeah, you like that shit?

• 38:54Speaker 02

  But it was all a whirlwind of just like getting tossed around. So it was.

• 38:57Matt McCusker?

  At least the stud kind of, if a stud jostled me around, I might present a little.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Now the stud got in my face and then summoned the young bull.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  I was like slightly chubbed from the excitement of it all too.

• 39:10Matt McCusker?

  You should have pushed down a little on it.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, I thought I was gonna get kicked out.

• 39:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's. Damn, I, I've gotten kicked out of bars for smoking a vape pen a bunch of times and Brittany's just been like, bro, for real.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  What, they make you leave?

• 39:24Matt McCusker?

  They'd be like, dude, one more time. You're fucking out of here. I'm like, sorry, sorry, sorry. Please, please, I'm, we're here with like six people. Please don't kick me out. I'd ruin the night. Please, please, please, please, please.

• 39:34Matt McCusker?

  I try to get slick with it too. I'll like do, I'll go like this and wait and look around and see. The guy's just be like, dude, what the fuck was that? I'm like, what do you mean?

• 39:42Speaker 02

  Nothing.

• 39:42Matt McCusker?

  Nothing. It's Halloween, dude. Steam's coming from everywhere.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Oh, you're Halloweenies, baby.

• 39:47Matt McCusker?

  Not for val, I've done it before. Just, but yeah, the, uh, I didn't, I did I vape on Halloween?

• 39:51Speaker 01

  Would you go as for Halloween?

• 39:55Matt McCusker?

  I was the scientist creator of the Powerpuff Girls.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  That was a tight family costume.

• 39:59Matt McCusker?

  That was a good fam, huh? Professor Newton, yeah, Professor Plutonium. I was Professor Plutonium.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  That was nice dude.

• 40:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Brittany had the Powerpuff costume on late night. Tried to get freaky in it about the Powerpuff.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  What was happening?

• 40:09Matt McCusker?

  And I was like, bro, I'm your dad. Like chill. And she was like, no, he's not the dad. He's a scientist that made him. I'm like, I made you?

• 40:18Speaker 02

  It's even hotter.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  That's even hotter. Well, I guess.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe not. Yeah.

• 40:24Matt McCusker?

  No, I know. I was like, well, what about the two sisters? Your two Powerpuff sisters? Kind of fucking weird. You're ruining it. And I'm like, yeah, I am, I am, I am. I am.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Did you file through or they ended it?

• 40:35Matt McCusker?

  Got a little something.

• 40:40Matt McCusker?

  That's what's up, dude.

• 40:43Matt McCusker?

  I ended my night by going eh.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  Scurried into the bathroom.

• 40:50Matt McCusker?

  My plan worked.

• 40:53Matt McCusker?

  Here we go.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Yes, it's been a while.

• 40:54Matt McCusker?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  The help with the better.

• 40:58Matt McCusker?

  Lately, I feel, talk about what you dislike about the holidays. What's something you would change? How would you change it? Hmm, about the holidays.

• 41:07Speaker 01

  About the holidays.

• 41:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I mean, I'd really like to change when I'm sitting there with my family and I go, I still feel flat. It's never gonna get better.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, when you sit around, you go, these are the times I'm supposed to cherish the most. And you look around in the eyes of your family members, you go, I don't even know these people.

• 41:24Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  This is it? This is apparently like what I'm supposed to feel is like love?

• 41:29Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  You go, I don't feel love like that.

• 41:31Matt McCusker?

  Yep, there's nothing.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  That's when it's time to contact BetterHelp.

• 41:34Matt McCusker?

  Yes, exactly. That's my, that's what, guys, the holidays come with problems for everybody. But the nice thing is, you don't have to go through it alone. BetterHelp offers you the time and space to talk things through with a therapist, even during the busy season.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  BetterHelp. I remember when we were friends.

• 41:49Matt McCusker?

  Or when we kissed.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, there you go. I remember all that. And I feel nothing. Something's been, I don't know when.

• 41:56Matt McCusker?

  Something's been weird between me and my brother.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  Me and my brother have been acting different. And then also, you're like, something, I don't know when it happened. But something, I don't feel the same as I used to.

• 42:06Matt McCusker?

  Good thing, good thing we're all just gonna die soon.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, then you go, yeah, then we'll all die. But that's nice, though, because then you can contact.

• 42:14Matt McCusker?

  BetterHelp.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  BetterHelp.

• 42:15Matt McCusker?

  Is now in-network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/MSSP. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash M S S P.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  The help with the better.

• 42:36Matt McCusker?

  Let's go, let's go, let's go. Guys, please come out this weekend, November 6th, 7th, and 8th. I'll be in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Tampa, Florida, and Orlando, Florida. And then after that, my god, I'll be in Newark, Newark, or however you're supposed to say it, Newark, New Jersey, Baltimore, Columbus, Cincinnati, San Diego.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Is Newark clicking? Is it picking up?

• 42:56Matt McCusker?

  I haven't even checked, honestly. I kind of, my new bags is I show up and see what's up, but I don't even check. I just show up and I'm like, oh crap. Or I'm like, nice. But guys, mattmccusker.com, please get the tickets off my website. Don't text me being like, oh Chuck, don't fucking Fandango on Google and it's $9,000. Dumbass, that's not me. That's a fourth party thing. What up? Yeah, it's fucking, click the fucking description below.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  I know we're doing this, but I was watching, uh, Megyn Kelly was interviewing a pilot about the crash and what happened with the plane crash. And they're bringing it down. And then at the bottom, she's like, she has like a like and subscribe, like click here. So it's like, while they're very seriously discussing how horrible the plane crash was, the bottom of the screen, she's like,

• 43:44Speaker 01

  pointing to a subscribe button. It's like, anyway.

• 43:47Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:49Matt McCusker?

  You gotta edit that one, man.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:51Matt McCusker?

  You should take a day off.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  Back to the podcast.

• 43:56Matt McCusker?

  Halloween was lit over your way too, dude. We were fucking partying. It was awesome. It was fun. Good time.

• 44:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, both ran into some Halloween buzzsaws.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  I ran into a nice buzzsaw. Nate, Nate witnessed me. Had a massive cortisol spike at the Halloween party. No, I didn't. We were at the Texas football game before that, so I wasn't getting a Halloweeny out there.

• 44:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  But I did get there and toss on a wig. So I just had, just had blonde hair.

• 44:23Matt McCusker?

  Just general wig?

• 44:24Speaker 01

  I had your wig.

• 44:25Matt McCusker?

  Oh, hell yeah. You were me for Halloween.

• 44:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 44:28Matt McCusker?

  His Halloween costume was nice. Only one dude spotted it. It's Russ Cole. Everyone else just thought I was an asshole.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  You were Russ Cole?

• 44:34Matt McCusker?

  I was Russ Cole, so I had a cig and a can of Lone Star. Perfect. Bro. The Lone Star was filled with water, so I was like drinking it and give it to my kids too. I came downstairs, he was sitting at the top of my kitchen table with the six pack of Lone Star, holding the cig. And I was like, holy fuck, dude. And only one of your neighbors got it. Yeah, the rest was. I was growing down.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  That's a bad sign. You gotta toss your neighbors on to season one.

• 44:55Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  They're gonna respect that.

• 44:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there was somebody, someone I told who was like, I've never seen that before. I'm like, dude, for real, it's. It's the great, it was the peak of television. I think so. It's all been downhill since. I mean, it hasn't gotten worse, but I would say that was so good that everything else is kind of like.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 45:10Matt McCusker?

  Like, nothing has slapped that hard, with the exception of possibly White Lotus in Thailand.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  White Lotus was pretty good.

• 45:16Matt McCusker?

  White Lotus is good. But it's not as, like, White Lotus was, dude, White Lotus. White Lotus is funny.

• 45:21Speaker 01

  Thailand, you liked?

• 45:22Matt McCusker?

  I thought it was so fucking good.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  Wasn't that when the brothers banged?

• 45:25Matt McCusker?

  Yes.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  That was, that was nuts.

• 45:27Matt McCusker?

  I was madly in love with the one character, though. The English lady? The English lady.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:32Matt McCusker?

  Yep. She spazzed. I think she had a spazz. She had a post thing and I wanted to message her so bad, like, it's okay.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  Well, people were, I remember people were criticizing her teeth.

• 45:41Matt McCusker?

  People started cutting up.

• 45:42Speaker 01

  She was gorgeous.

• 45:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Yeah, they, I think, uh, it was some night, some network show was making fun of her.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  I think SNL did.

• 45:50Matt McCusker?

  Really? SNL was clowning her for the way she looked. That's fucked up.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  I don't like when they criticize women.

• 45:56Matt McCusker?

  And she got really upset. And then, uh. Or perpetuate body standards that I think are, I don't like that. But they were like really ripping on her for having big teeth. That's cra- oh, they did. Yeah, they ripped on her teeth and she got pissed. Well, like, I don't wanna get spoilers, but like, the end of that was like, it wasn't as good as True Detective season one, but it was.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  It was pretty great.

• 46:14Matt McCusker?

  It was a different lane. Yeah, for sure. I had to take a walk after True Detective season one. I remember getting up and like hitting the block and just walked like. I was fucked. I wanted to be an undercover cop bad. Yeah, I mean, bro, welcome to my world. All day, every day. I would love to be undercover cop. You could. You could just get busted with some hair on. They'll put you on as a CI. Yeah, they probably put me on. Just keep riding the bus every day. It'll happen naturally. They don't have him, bro. Hold, someone will be, yo, hold this. Someone will be, yo, hold this. I would go full Donnie Brasco, though. Dude, we know somebody who tried to do this. They want CI, and then they showed up with the cop. And he's like, the cop is like, are you ready? He goes, yeah, man, I brought a knife. And the cop was like, you can't have a fucking knife. He's like, you have a gun. He's like, I can have a knife. He's like, bro, you're not a cop with me. Like, you're a fucking, you're in trouble right now. I'm using you to buy heroin.

• 46:58Matt McCusker?

  That's like the reality of CI's and undercovers, but we've seen them through Hollywood where these like slick dudes, where they're just like junkies trying to stay out of jail. Yeah, pretty much. And they'll also, they'll use you, because usually the deal is, like, however many, say you get caught with pills, and so however many pills you get caught with, you gotta get that many pills off the street, and then it's kind of a wash. But they'll just keep using you and using you and using you. So dude, he got scented by like heroin in Chester. And he was like, I don't know, man, this is getting kind of crazy. And the cop was like, you better fucking do it, pussy, you're going to jail. And then he went on the lam. And then he went to the judge like, please, please, please, I'm going to rehab. Please don't make me buy heroin. We'll get killed. Damn.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, buy heroin in Chester?

• 47:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude. Don't get your fucking ass.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:39Matt McCusker?

  Especially, I know this.

• 47:40Speaker 01

  Definitely shoot you in the head.

• 47:41Matt McCusker?

  He had been buying it with fake money. And I was like, bro, you're gonna get in trouble. Better get out of there. He was using counterfeit bills to buy drugs and then got caught doing that? Yeah, he got busted with the counterfeits, dude. I mean, it's kind of a legend move. Busted with the counterfeits and a bunch of heroin. Got kicked out of an apartment complex. Called the cops the next day, was like, yeah, there was $200 of real money in that mix. He had like thousands of dollars of counterfeit money. He goes, I'm gonna come down and grab that 200 bucks. The cops were like, get fucked.

• 48:11Matt McCusker?

  He's like, you charged counterfeit? Or was it all just a wash? I think it was just kind of a wash. Yeah. Cause it's like, you don't even have that prop money. It's like pretty real looking. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, he got busted with the fake mons. And then he was like, yo, I need my real money out of that. So if you don't mind, just peel me off 200. You don't mind checking all the bills? How did you get this number? Get the fuck out of here. Legend move, you get caught with the fakes. Let me go grab those reels. Those are mine. Cause I'm on the team now.

• 48:39Matt McCusker?

  I know I'm in trouble for like selling heroin. Wait, what was your buzzsaw?

• 48:43Speaker 01

  Oh, there's just a bro at the party that was hitting me with just hoss level insults. Just coming up, being like, dude, I saw that HVAC sketch you made on SNL. People were sending it to me. And I was like, oh, cool. And he was like, it wasn't that funny. I don't know. And I was like, yeah, man, that's cool. And just kept letting it go, kept letting it go. Finally, towards the end of the night, Nate watched it. I was just like,

• 49:04Speaker 01

  I gotta go inside, dude. You suck to be around me. And he was like, I'm sorry, I offended you. And I was like, you didn't offend me at all. You just really, you suck being around.

• 49:13Matt McCusker?

  You're the textbook definition of insufferable. Did he take it easy or?

• 49:17Speaker 01

  No, I went inside, but the, the story got back to me. He was very upset.

• 49:21Matt McCusker?

  Did you have any connection to this guy or is this a stranger?

• 49:23Speaker 01

  I don't know who he was. He was bummed out about it, allegedly.

• 49:27Matt McCusker?

  I mean, eventually you gotta fucking.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  And he was shirtless. His Halloween costume was shirtless.

• 49:31Matt McCusker?

  It's always a nice move.

• 49:32Speaker 01

  Apparently tossed on the shirt after. I was like, dude, you really suck.

• 49:35Matt McCusker?

  What was he?

• 49:36Speaker 01

  I forget who he was.

• 49:38Matt McCusker?

  I mean, that's defeat, bro. Tossing the shirt back on.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  He was all right.

• 49:43Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  He.

• 49:44Matt McCusker?

  Probably a youngster.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  He was a youngster.

• 49:46Matt McCusker?

  That'd be a nice use of AI. You just sit there, a bunch of people talk, and you all put your phones up and then let, like, AI listen to this entire conversation. Tell us who sucks. Yeah. Cause it would give you a read up. Pick out the Punisher. Like, you are kind of brutal. Everyone's not really responding to you at all. Did you notice that? Everything you said, people changed the subject immediately.

• 50:05Matt McCusker?

  Every statement you made was an interjection to someone else's conversation.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, it was like, I let him go on like five, five different like walking up to me insult.

• 50:16Matt McCusker?

  Like friendly insults?

• 50:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, just, yeah. Dude, I don't even, oh, the last one. Now I remember. Cause I brought beer, cause they were out of beer. So I bought beer. And he was like, dude, my boys were like afraid to drink your beer. I was like, fuck that asshole. I'll drink them. And I was like, you suck. Why would you say that?

• 50:33Matt McCusker?

  That's, well, that's the archetype of dude who's like, I'm gonna keep it real with you, bro. You probably don't have people keep it real with you enough. I'll tell you to your face, you're a fucking asshole. You're like, I don't even know you.

• 50:44Matt McCusker?

  Why are you doing this to me? Tell you straight up, brother, I don't give a fuck. Like, okay? Like, okay, bro, cool, thanks. Clearly, there's wheels spinning in your head right now. I love that. I'll tell you, I'll tell you what's up right.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I told, I told my friends, fuck that asshole. I'll drink his beer. I was like, dude, please leave me alone. It's like six people here.

• 51:03Matt McCusker?

  Would you treat anyone else like this?

• 51:04Speaker 01

  Keep walking up to me and talking shit, please.

• 51:07Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Oh, I like this.

• 51:13Matt McCusker?

  I like that too. AG1, the healthy stuff I've been drinking recently. Still just one scoop, once a day. Vitamins, minerals, probiotics. All this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide. Mix is great. Doesn't taste like a fistfight. Packaged travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out, which dude, come on. They also recently came out with AG1 Pro, the same foundation, but with creatine in one simple delicious drink. So if you're someone who trains a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack, this one might be worth checking out. So hurry up and go to drinkag1.com/secretpod and for a limited time only, get a free immune

• 51:56Matt McCusker?

  support bundle, including omega three fish oil and vitamin D three plus K two with your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/secretpod. This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:10Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance Joggers and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  Well, I know you do.

• 52:17Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're soft, lightweight and have four-way stretch, so they can move with you with no restriction. They're technically workout clothes, so you can train in them, but they don't look like workout clothes. You can wear them out and people will think you've got your life together. Honestly, they're comfier than whatever you're wearing right now, unless you're already wearing Viori, in which case, respect.

• 52:40Speaker 01

  And with the holidays coming up, Viori makes gift giving easy. Uh, I was close to that. Whether it's the Sunday collection or the Strato collection, their bestsellers are go-to gifts for everyone on your list, including yourself. Get 20% off your first purchase at viori.com/secret and discover the versatility of Viori clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. Nate, you got to witness it. How'd you feel about the, this guy stinks?

• 53:07Speaker 04

  I knew, I knew he stunk as soon as I saw him. Shirtless, if you, if you're a dude and your thing is shirtless Halloween.

• 53:13Speaker 01

  Shirtless Halloween at a small gathering.

• 53:15Matt McCusker?

  If you have an S blank, blank, blank, why you costume as a guy?

• 53:20Speaker 04

  He, he had markered like a back tattoo. It was like everything about it.

• 53:24Matt McCusker?

  Wait, he had what?

• 53:25Speaker 04

  He had like a marker, he had his boy marker in a back tattoo for him.

• 53:29Matt McCusker?

  Oh, for the costume?

• 53:30Speaker 04

  For his shirtless costume.

• 53:31Matt McCusker?

  What was he like Maui or something?

• 53:32Speaker 01

  No. It was like, it was a.

• 53:36Speaker 04

  Shit, I could have been Maui this year, recorded in my DEXA scan.

• 53:39Matt McCusker?

  Oh damn, that's tough.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  For a second, I thought it was just like shitty Cena, cause he was like wearing the jorts and the hat, like no shirt, but it, but the back tattoo.

• 53:47Matt McCusker?

  What was he working with? Was he shredded, jacked? Athletic?

• 53:50Speaker 04

  I respect, I respect that he wasn't, he wasn't in great shape. He kinda was a piece of shit body.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was alright.

• 53:56Speaker 04

  So, so like I kinda, I do respect going shirtless if you're not, if you're not.

• 53:59Speaker 01

  I think, I think as the night went on, his gut got bigger.

• 54:03Matt McCusker?

  That's what I.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  I think he was drinking his bucket, his gut got a little bigger, but he was.

• 54:06Matt McCusker?

  Or maybe his posture started to fail a little.

• 54:09Speaker 04

  He could have been croaking like a bullfrog, just sticking it out.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:13Speaker 04

  He wasn't like fat as shit, but usually those dudes.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  It wasn't like a shirtless, a shirtless guy that you're like, damn, bro.

• 54:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, put it away.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:21Matt McCusker?

  So he was just average, he was an average body male.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  But, yeah, hit him with an audible, this guy stinks.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  He was upset about it. He kept trying to, I don't know if you've noticed, he kept trying to like get you back in conversation to be friendly. He was, he was balled.

• 54:34Speaker 01

  I would have accepted it.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  Maybe.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it was a lot.

• 54:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  It was about four or five.

• 54:41Matt McCusker?

  I mean, getting nagged by a guy you don't know is just like, why are you doing this to me? We also, we don't have to talk.

• 54:47Speaker 04

  My bad, what?

• 54:48Matt McCusker?

  You'd be like, we don't have to talk. Why are you nagging me right now, dude? This is crazy.

• 54:51Speaker 04

  Yeah. He was pulling that move for like hours, like two whole hours.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  He was hitting me with like some really good ones.

• 54:58Matt McCusker?

  I mean, he was this close to the most epic night ever, be like, man, I'm fucking, I basically bitched him all night.

• 55:05Matt McCusker?

  I pretty much bitched him all night, bro.

• 55:06Speaker 01

  I mean, he did, he did. Majority of the night, I was just letting him fucking bitch me. I was like, dude, I don't care.

• 55:12Matt McCusker?

  Yo, also, you're coming off a massive cortisol spike. You're trying, your chill is huge. Yeah, your chill mode. You can't get me.

• 55:18Speaker 01

  And then he was like, uh.

• 55:20Matt McCusker?

  You froze.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  He was like, dude, was that like, was that like huge for you when you did kill Tony? That was probably like when your career like took off. And I was like, you're saying everything wrong. Every single thing.

• 55:32Matt McCusker?

  Were you just nodding along the whole time?

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was like, yeah, man, that was.

• 55:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that was fucking huge.

• 55:36Speaker 04

  He might have been, he might have been an operative, dude. He might have been sent to try to destabilize you.

• 55:39Matt McCusker?

  He might, dude.

• 55:40Speaker 04

  That's like for real, like that's CIA level shit.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  Cortisol was already plummeting. I was fine. I was just going, dude, please.

• 55:48Matt McCusker?

  That's so funny. It's not that there's only like a dozen people there, so it's not, you get faded.

• 55:54Speaker 01

  And it was on like a small patio, so wherever I went, the guy was just.

• 55:57Matt McCusker?

  Right back at you.

• 55:58Speaker 01

  He was lingering, coming over to hit me.

• 56:00Matt McCusker?

  Damn.

• 56:01Speaker 04

  Nice getting a punish, especially an active punisher.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  Active punisher.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  Who would just be like.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Entire, it literally, start to finish, the entire duration of the party, I was getting punished by this dude. He was killing, he wasn't punishing anyone else.

• 56:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like I, I remember we did somewhere, we did a casino. I remember, I forget where it was, but it, we, you, we, I opened for you in a casino and then I'm walking around the casino afterwards and it was just, you know, people were like, hey, man, great job. This one guy was hammered with a group of like three people who were just being like nice and complimentary and he looks over and goes,

• 56:33Speaker 04

  I didn't like you at all. I was like, alright. I was like chatting them up and I'm like, whatever, same thing. I was like, that's all good. I'm like chatting them. He's like, seriously, dude, that was not for me. And I'm like, okay, buddy. Thank you, man. Appreciate it.

• 56:44Matt McCusker?

  Appreciate your input.

• 56:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, that's like, alright, I'm out of here. Yeah, it's always nice.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  It's the worst.

• 56:50Matt McCusker?

  It's like always like, thanks, man.

• 56:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:52Matt McCusker?

  Really appreciate you.

• 56:54Speaker 04

  I'm just being honest, dude, so I fucking don't love you.

• 56:58Matt McCusker?

  I have to tell you this right now.

• 56:59Speaker 04

  I can be honest too about you. I'm not gonna do it.

• 57:02Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, it's like, it's like we don't have to, we can just cut this off.

• 57:06Speaker 01

  You wanna do honesty?

• 57:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:09Speaker 01

  Let's do honesty.

• 57:11Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I'm fucking geeked on whales right now.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 57:15Matt McCusker?

  I had to do a, uh, we're doing, I'm doing a presentation. Maya has to do one on the beards beaked whale.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Never even heard of the book.

• 57:21Matt McCusker?

  Bro, I, I was, I'm like embarrassed about how limited my whale knowledge was. I mean, beards beak whales is one of the biggest, it's, I'm sorry, excuse me, it's the biggest beaked whale out of all the beaked whales.

• 57:31Speaker 04

  What are the beaked whales?

• 57:32Matt McCusker?

  They're just whales. They have these fucking like bottlenose, like they look like dolphins.

• 57:36Speaker 04

  Oh damn.

• 57:36Matt McCusker?

  So they have like long.

• 57:37Speaker 01

  They're like a little parrot.

• 57:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Parrot beak.

• 57:40Speaker 04

  I don't fuck with whales at all.

• 57:41Matt McCusker?

  Bro, well, the, the.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Yo, get into killer whales.

• 57:43Speaker 04

  Killer whales, like orcas and stuff? They are pretty cool.

• 57:46Matt McCusker?

  They prey on beards beaked whales.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  They, they fuck everybody.

• 57:49Matt McCusker?

  They're nasty, but the beards beak whale goes so deep, it's only escaped from the killer whales. It can go, I mean, literally like a mile and some change underwater and the killer, the orcas at some point are like, boys pull up, we can't.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:59Matt McCusker?

  They go down to the depths, dude. They're fucking sick.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  It's exciting.

• 58:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was, it was pretty nice. We got a lot of facts about them, dude. They're, they weigh like 40,000 pounds. They're massive. Dude, the biggest, the whale sizes are crazy.

• 58:11Speaker 04

  They're fucking massive.

• 58:13Matt McCusker?

  The biggest, I think, is the gray, right? The gray, blue whale, blue whale.

• 58:16Speaker 01

  And the blue whales, blue whale is the biggest, uh, animal that's ever lived.

• 58:20Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 58:21Speaker 04

  Dang.

• 58:21Matt McCusker?

  Hundred feet.

• 58:22Speaker 04

  Even like prehistoric numbers and stuff?

• 58:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's bigger than every dinosaur.

• 58:24Speaker 04

  Damn, even like mastodon and whatnot?

• 58:26Speaker 01

  Bigger.

• 58:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, bro. Dude, they're a hundred feet long.

• 58:28Speaker 04

  Or no, not mastodon, what's the shark?

• 58:30Speaker 01

  Megalodon?

• 58:30Matt McCusker?

  Megalodon, bro.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  Blue whale's bigger, dude.

• 58:32Matt McCusker?

  They would slurp megalodon like a spaghetti noodle.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  If they wanted to slurp.

• 58:36Matt McCusker?

  If they wanted to slurp.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  But thankfully, thank goodness, they don't slurp.

• 58:40Matt McCusker?

  The beards beaked whale sucks. The way it eats food, it just goes to the bottom and goes.

• 58:45Speaker 04

  Bottom food?

• 58:45Matt McCusker?

  And just sucks squid into his mouth. It's fucking awesome.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  It's getting some pescetti.

• 58:50Matt McCusker?

  Get some squidgetty. But yeah, the bear, I'm geeked on the beards beaked whale right now. Thing's fucking nasty.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 58:57Speaker 04

  You have to take like a trifold for it and everything?

• 58:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we're setting it up. I wanna play, I wanna paint it blue with just like some black undertones to represent the, the depths of the dark, deep water they get, they chill in.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  The orca are chasing it.

• 59:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that can be good.

• 59:08Speaker 01

  Just to make the orca kid jealous. Be like, I have orcas, it's not fair.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  Does everyone have a different whale species?

• 59:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, everyone's got a different whale species.

• 59:16Speaker 04

  That's fucking sick.

• 59:17Matt McCusker?

  The beards beaked, you would think it's not that lit. It's also, they were so stoked, cause I was like, the, the girl whales are a little bit bigger than the boy whales. And I was like, yo, I was like, Maya, girl whales are bigger than boy whales. And she was like, wait, really? Why?

• 59:29Speaker 01

  That always pissed me off.

• 59:30Matt McCusker?

  Let's look it up. Yeah.

• 59:31Speaker 04

  There's a name for that.

• 59:32Speaker 01

  As a little kid being like, dude, the female praying mantis rips the head off the fucking male.

• 59:39Speaker 04

  I'm so mad about it.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Fuck that.

• 59:41Matt McCusker?

  Did you ever get into, there's a thing I saw online about how in the animal, pretty much all of the animal kingdom, the males are the more beautiful of all the species. Peacocks, male peacocks.

• 59:50Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, they show up.

• 59:51Matt McCusker?

  Lions, manes.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  Humans.

• 59:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:55Speaker 04

  We got it twisted.

• 59:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, my kids are in like the thick of like, I hate boys shit. It's so funny. They, they fucking hate each other.

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  They hate boys?

• 1:00:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're like, they're boys.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  Don't let them see my fucking monologue, dude.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  Don't let them see my edgy shit.

• 1:00:08Speaker 04

  Are they on some like girls are better than boys stuff?

• 1:00:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're just like, boys are annoying. And I'm always telling them, like, guys, boys are fucking so.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  Your daughter's got hit with the midterms.

• 1:00:15Matt McCusker?

  They did?

• 1:00:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  The news.

• 1:00:17Speaker 04

  Damn dude. Their algo's fucking cooked.

• 1:00:22Speaker 04

  Yes, every man. They're like watching Mr. Rachel and she's like, yes, every man.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  Every man?

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  You sure about that?

• 1:00:31Speaker 04

  Damn dude.

• 1:00:32Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, we're, we're rocking it. It's whales and boy hate in my house and I'm leading the charge on all fronts. I'm like, dude, boys fucking suck, guys. I'm like, I hate boys. Like, you're a boy. I'm like, I'm a man.

• 1:00:43Speaker 01

  I wish.

• 1:00:44Matt McCusker?

  I was like, bro.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  I wish I was different.

• 1:00:48Speaker 02

  Guys, I have big news for all of you. We're really all a girl house now.

• 1:00:54Matt McCusker?

  I might have to, bro, for real. I for real might have to, dude.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  What, swap out?

• 1:00:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, dude, I'm.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Especially the way you're running right now. You are on your Caitlyn journey.

• 1:01:02Matt McCusker?

  I am.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  I wonder what his V or her VO2 max was.

• 1:01:07Speaker 01

  Insane.

• 1:01:08Matt McCusker?

  It was climpy. It was the decathlon, right?

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  Definitely superb.

• 1:01:11Speaker 02

  It's probably still fire.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:12Matt McCusker?

  I mean, yeah, it's, I mean, I'm excellent. It's, yeah, superb for sure, but.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  Is superb the highest you can get on VO2 max?

• 1:01:18Matt McCusker?

  Or whatever the fucking thing. I think I'm using Mortal Kombat terminology, but it's like.

• 1:01:21Speaker 02

  Superb.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  Excellent.

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  I want to go get all my shit tested.

• 1:01:26Matt McCusker?

  Bro, it's kind of tight.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Don't do that way. Just get the blood, dude.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:01:29Matt McCusker?

  I want everything.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  The blood's good. Every medical test possible.

• 1:01:32Matt McCusker?

  Bro, I'm telling you, man, this creature out. It's kind of fucking sick to see where you stand.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  It's actually, I was, I was so happy about the blood test.

• 1:01:41Matt McCusker?

  Blood's big.

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  That was a bit of a cortisol spike as well, just waiting for it. You go, well, I'm definitely, I have to.

• 1:01:47Speaker 02

  How they do it? It's like they go in the back room and come out and like.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  No, no, it was like a week and a half.

• 1:01:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  I don't want that.

• 1:01:51Speaker 01

  Week and a half of me sitting around going, oh yeah, I forgot about the blood test. I'm gonna find out I have fucking diabetes on Tuesday.

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, or like if I have leukemia.

• 1:01:58Matt McCusker?

  What was the A1C? Do you remember?

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  Uh, like five?

• 1:02:01Matt McCusker?

  You're rocking, bro.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  Four, nine, five. I couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe it.

• 1:02:06Matt McCusker?

  I had the opposite. I had an O ring and it was like, dude, your biological age is like 19. And I was like, yeah, obviously, dude. I got my blood work. It's like, bro, you're prediabetic. I was like, God damn it.

• 1:02:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, but that can spike. You could have picked out at breakfast.

• 1:02:17Matt McCusker?

  No, A, that's not true. A1C is a three month average.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  My glucose was, it was okay, but I was like explaining to the lady, I was like, I did go see a movie that night, the night before, and I ate a bucket of popcorn and M and M's and like a 40 ounce Coca-Cola. That was the last thing I ate before I got my blood. They're like, yeah.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  And you were still good?

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  A1C is fine, but yeah.

• 1:02:37Matt McCusker?

  A1C is a three month average. It's how much, like, what percentage of your red blood cells have a little bit of sugary coating on them?

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Gotta be honest, the liver, getting my liver results was.

• 1:02:48Matt McCusker?

  That's huge. That's nice.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:50Matt McCusker?

  Just came right back.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  And just.

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  It's a salt healing organ.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  Just tossing in, uh, by the way, your, your T went up 100.

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  It doubled?

• 1:02:58Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  Oh, I thought you said it went up 100%.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  It went up 100 points.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  100 points. Damn, I gotta get my T checked.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  All natty.

• 1:03:04Matt McCusker?

  True. It's a big swing.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  I think that just proves it's bullshit.

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  What, that?

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  I didn't, I didn't really, I just, I guess inflammation went down from the lack of booze.

• 1:03:14Matt McCusker?

  Well, that makes sense though. Yeah.

• 1:03:15Speaker 02

  And then when you drop the booze, the T goes up.

• 1:03:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  That's why my T's like.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're through the roof. Yeah, you're on the bus.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  If you're taking free bus, your T is fucking crazy.

• 1:03:27Speaker 02

  It was just me and three teed up bros.

• 1:03:29Speaker 01

  You gotta start pounding on the glass like you're at a hockey game. Go up to the side of the bus. Once they start fighting.

• 1:03:34Speaker 02

  I realize I love about Austin is like, you can freak out as much as you want and no one's gonna stop you.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:03:39Speaker 02

  Like I see these dudes around my house, like up on the bus stops, one of them barfed the other day, but no one bothers anyone.

• 1:03:45Matt McCusker?

  When we first moved here, we saw a lady pee on the bus stop seat right near our house. And Brittany's like, oh, that's gross.

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 1:03:52Matt McCusker?

  Like, yeah.

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, but no one's stopping. Like in Philadelphia, like everything was self-regulating. So like some other dude would start kicking his ass for barfing.

• 1:03:58Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:03:59Speaker 02

  But here everyone's just like.

• 1:04:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like whatever.

• 1:04:01Speaker 02

  Whatever, I just gotta get on this bus.

• 1:04:03Matt McCusker?

  Uh, the bus fucking rules.

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  I'm gonna start fucking with that.

• 1:04:05Matt McCusker?

  I used to take the Spring Garden bus from West Philly to like Sixth and Spring Garden. I used to bring the loud packs on the bus. It would stink. I was fucking just sitting in my seat like.

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  I did the bus today and yesterday I did like a long crosstown bike ride.

• 1:04:21Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 1:04:22Speaker 02

  Same move. I was just like riding my bike along, dude, and fuck it.

• 1:04:25Speaker 01

  You are gonna be homeless soon. You're doing all the bum activities.

• 1:04:30Speaker 02

  I'm just trying to see like the base level of existence in Austin.

• 1:04:33Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:04:33Speaker 02

  So I rode a bu, I rode my bike to the state park and then like rode through the state park for a couple hours.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  That's awesome. Pretty chill.

• 1:04:39Matt McCusker?

  Dude, McKinley. Cruise at all or no?

• 1:04:40Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 1:04:40Matt McCusker?

  Cruise?

• 1:04:42Speaker 02

  Cruise vibes are low in the park.

• 1:04:43Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:04:43Speaker 02

  Family oriented.

• 1:04:44Matt McCusker?

  You know, state parks are big for cruising.

• 1:04:45Speaker 02

  Big for cruise spots. I threw out some signals just to test that it wasn't a cruise spot and everything was cool.

• 1:04:51Speaker 01

  Just another guy walking by being like.

• 1:04:53Speaker 02

  Just nod like, hey.

• 1:04:54Speaker 01

  Good day to get your dick sucked, isn't it?

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  The weather's beautiful out here. You ever have butt sex with a guy out here?

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  I'm like, we have no idea who each other are. Isn't that kind of interesting?

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 1:05:05Matt McCusker?

  Two strangers.

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  I got cruised one time before I knew it was a thing. So it was like, I was like 22, right?

• 1:05:13Matt McCusker?

  Perfect.

• 1:05:14Speaker 02

  And my buddy was like, my buddy was like, dude, I forget what it was, but he was like, go to risque video off 76 and you can get like buckets of DVD porn. I had just broken out in my girlfriend, so I needed like a porn supply. I was like 22 and I pulled up and I'm like looking through the, the discount bin of like, you know, like nine hour DVD porn. And this dude, this like 50 year old dude walked up right next to me and was like, hey, what's up, man? I was like, nothing, just getting some porn. Like, what are you up to? And he was just like, oh, and like, he like locked eyes with me. And I was just like, am I in your way or something? Not just got my vids and left. Then years later, I was like, oh, that dude assumed I was a, yeah, fucking cruise.

• 1:05:51Speaker 01

  I think there was, I think I got cruised once. I was at, maybe, did a rest stop and a guy next to me in the stall started blasting porn.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  That's a cruise.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  That's a cruise. Yeah.

• 1:06:03Speaker 02

  Oh, was there like a hole in the stall with tape?

• 1:06:05Speaker 01

  No, it was, it was, uh, it was at the Gandolfini, dude.

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  And I was just ripping a dump, dude. I don't know, this guy could have, I don't know what he was thinking.

• 1:06:14Speaker 02

  He might have just been jerking.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think he might've been jerking because I was clearly dumping.

• 1:06:18Matt McCusker?

  That's open invitation though.

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  And I was, I was walking into the Gandolfini with a little pep in my step.

• 1:06:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:23Speaker 01

  I mean, I was flying.

• 1:06:23Speaker 02

  I don't know. That might be a cruise. I don't know. I don't know the cruise. I don't, I'm not.

• 1:06:27Matt McCusker?

  Truck stop?

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like.

• 1:06:29Matt McCusker?

  I always thought it was the foot tap.

• 1:06:30Speaker 02

  It's like a foot tap. Then there's like bandana signals.

• 1:06:32Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  A blast in porn on your phone.

• 1:06:34Matt McCusker?

  Blast in porn is, that's like.

• 1:06:36Speaker 02

  That's kind of an open invitation.

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  And it's so disrespectful at the Gandolfini.

• 1:06:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is at the Gandolfini.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  He's a fag.

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  I was quoting Sopranos.

• 1:06:45Speaker 02

  Wait, so did he, like you just finished your dump and rolled and he kept watching?

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  My dump and the porn was blasting.

• 1:06:51Speaker 02

  That was probably was cruise, dude. That was full cruise. He was trying to see who else was gonna knock on the stall.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was gonna go, hey, man, what are you watching? Well, underneath, go check that out.

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  Was he tapping his foot underneath or anything?

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  I don't recall. I would have remembered that because I knew that was.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  You knew that was cruise stuff?

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:07Speaker 02

  How old were you?

• 1:07:09Speaker 01

  It was, I was 30.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  So it was post twink death.

• 1:07:14Matt McCusker?

  What's twink death?

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  When he, he was a twink.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  See, I got cruised as a twink.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 02

  When you hit twink death at like 30, so you were just getting sloppy cruise.

• 1:07:23Speaker 01

  I was just getting regular. Yeah, I looked like a, I probably looked like a young Republican.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's probably trying to pick it up.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  This guy's definitely gonna.

• 1:07:29Matt McCusker?

  Get some of that log, Kevin booty.

• 1:07:35Speaker 02

  We had cruise, cruise signals were low in McKinley.

• 1:07:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:38Speaker 02

  It was mostly family oriented.

• 1:07:39Matt McCusker?

  That's chill.

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  So it's fucking beautiful though.

• 1:07:42Matt McCusker?

  I haven't been, yeah.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Stunning.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  I forget which one I was at.

• 1:07:45Matt McCusker?

  We used to go to, um.

• 1:07:46Speaker 01

  McKinley have a waterfall?

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's two waterfalls, lower and upper.

• 1:07:50Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's chill. What's the swimming like? Can you swim in there?

• 1:07:52Speaker 02

  You can swim there? It's fucking, it's chill.

• 1:07:55Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  But the swimming goes by how much rain you've had.

• 1:07:58Matt McCusker?

  Got you, got you.

• 1:07:59Speaker 02

  So like right now it's not good, but.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, I went to McKinley. I sat right there and looked at the, a weak ass waterfall.

• 1:08:05Speaker 02

  It was probably gets real low as the water.

• 1:08:07Speaker 01

  It was a bit of a drought. There was a little trickle in the.

• 1:08:08Speaker 02

  But then there's all kinds of like wooded paths through the woods.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  And the, the guy was being nice. He was, he was a very nice guy, but the park ranger was a fan.

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  I was just trying to, I was trying some solitude and he came up like, hey, man, don't want to bother you.

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  He's like, but that HVAC thing sucked.

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's like, it's like, man, don't worry about everyone saying you're a fucking asshole and you suck, dude. You're the man.

• 1:08:29Matt McCusker?

  Thanks, man. I was literally just thinking about that city on a rock.

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  He's like, dude, a bunch of people sent me that thing. It fucking sucked actually.

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's like, I didn't fucking think it was that funny, but like.

• 1:08:39Matt McCusker?

  Thanks, dude.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  For some reason comedy is like the only thing people will do that with. Like if you put out albums, no one ever be like, your music sucks.

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  I bet they do.

• 1:08:49Speaker 02

  You think so?

• 1:08:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:50Matt McCusker?

  They got like your old stuff better. Yeah.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess so. Maybe they do.

• 1:08:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but yeah, comedy, there is something about it though, where it's like, it is, it's like, it's so popular.

• 1:08:59Speaker 02

  I think the thing with comedy is everyone, especially like if you go to helium and everyone has like two or three beers, everyone thinks that they should be up there too.

• 1:09:05Matt McCusker?

  Oh, dude.

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  Like you go to take a piss at helium and like everyone's like telling jokes to each other.

• 1:09:10Matt McCusker?

  People are max funny. People, I hear it. They leave a comedy show and they're like, their, the funny juices are flowing. They're like, yeah, I told this fucking guy. And you're like, okay. A lot of times in the clubs, there's no distinguishable, there's no like comedian bathrooms where I'm peeing with the audience.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:25Matt McCusker?

  Be like, ah, fuck, man. I, you know.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  That's the worst. Take a piss and go, the opener sucked.

• 1:09:32Matt McCusker?

  All right.

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  And they see you in the mirror washing your hands. They go, nah, I was just saying that, dude.

• 1:09:36Speaker 02

  I'm just fucking, yeah, dude.

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  It's all right, man.

• 1:09:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I think with comedy, everyone in the audience, whereas like if you go see music, no one thinks of themselves.

• 1:09:44Matt McCusker?

  Not at all.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  They're being entertained.

• 1:09:46Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:46Speaker 02

  I'd say like 80% of a male.

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  I don't know. I saw Olivia Dean and I was like, that could be me.

• 1:09:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe.

• 1:09:51Speaker 01

  For sure. Nice princess dress.

• 1:09:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the mermaid dress, the mermaid dress is so beautiful.

• 1:09:58Speaker 01

  Just a sea of women around you going.

• 1:10:02Speaker 02

  Where'd you see Olivia Dean?

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  At the, here in Austin.

• 1:10:04Speaker 02

  How was it? Good show?

• 1:10:05Speaker 01

  It's a good show.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  I haven't been to any music since I got here.

• 1:10:08Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:10:08Speaker 02

  No, I saw a little.

• 1:10:09Speaker 01

  You're the live music capital of the world.

• 1:10:10Speaker 02

  I am.

• 1:10:11Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:10:11Speaker 02

  I've been, I've been like hibernating, like just feeling out my air.

• 1:10:14Matt McCusker?

  One thing at a time.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  Slowly spread out.

• 1:10:17Matt McCusker?

  I haven't caught a ton. I've, I've definitely seen a couple ACL. I was telling, we were talking the way down here. ACL is a little much for me. I'm not.

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  I will, I will never go to that.

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  It's not my scene.

• 1:10:25Matt McCusker?

  It's too much, bro. The kids section does rock where there's like, they have activities, they have drum circles the kids can do and that, that's kind of sick because you get to slip in there like, do all I'm here to. But yeah, it's, it's dude, it's just like, it's so many fucking people, so much dust and the audio quality outside. I gotta be indoors.

• 1:10:43Speaker 02

  You're a big crumb head though, aren't you?

• 1:10:44Matt McCusker?

  What are you talking about?

• 1:10:45Speaker 02

  Crumb head or?

• 1:10:46Matt McCusker?

  Crumb head? No, I'm not actually. I think they're nice. I just.

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 1:10:51Matt McCusker?

  Just telling him off the way down.

• 1:10:52Speaker 02

  Billy, tell, confuse you with Billy again.

• 1:10:52Matt McCusker?

  I used to rock, I used to jam to Krung Ben. I'd put, it was like, for me, it was like muzak. If I was like picking someone up in my car, I'm like, here's something I can throw on. I'm very sensitive of people knocking my tunes.

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:11:01Matt McCusker?

  So my Krung Ben is such an easy vanilla thing to throw on. That's like.

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  What is it?

• 1:11:05Matt McCusker?

  It's like that. You know, they're like, again, sorry, but that's like one, yeah, they're like instrumental.

• 1:11:12Speaker 02

  It's like chillax music.

• 1:11:14Matt McCusker?

  It's like chillax.

• 1:11:15Speaker 01

  You hit them with fucking.

• 1:11:17Matt McCusker?

  No, no, no. You put it on and it's like.

• 1:11:20Speaker 02

  Chill beat and a little Spanish guitar.

• 1:11:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's like a chill beat, but then I saw him live and it was like a backing track with just like a hot lady and like a model-esque guy just playing little licks on guitar to like a fucking tape deck. And I'm like, what the fuck? This is the shit I'm fucking knocking in my car? I thought they were gonna be like a 10 piece band of some like far out freaks. And it was just like two models just noodling around on the guitar.

• 1:11:41Speaker 01

  You know what it is when you get in my car? Iceman.

• 1:11:43Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:11:44Speaker 02

  It's just Drake all the time.

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  It's Iceman. So I said, dude, Iceman hits when your cortisol spiked.

• 1:11:49Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, you need it.

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  Everyone's against me. Fuck everybody. Yes, yes, yes.

• 1:11:54Speaker 02

  That's what his music's for.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, for cortisol spike.

• 1:11:59Speaker 02

  Like leaving the gym and you're like, wait till they see what I fucking just put up.

• 1:12:02Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 1:12:03Speaker 02

  Fuck everyone that said I couldn't do that.

• 1:12:04Speaker 01

  I got whiz.

• 1:12:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, let's pay. We're at an hour.

• 1:12:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:09Matt McCusker?

  Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

• 1:12:13Speaker 01

  Do it.