Ep 632 - R.I.P. Andy (feat. Tim Butterly)

Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod WATCH Tim's Special now on his YouTube '30 Minutes with Tim Butterly'!! Support Tim @ https://www.patreon.com/dadmeatpodcast and @ https://www.patreon.com/timbutterly Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Tim Live @ https://linktr.ee/timbutterly Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/live y0o0o0o0. We got the Butta DAWG with us this week - our dear friend Tim. Go watch his spesh asap!!!!!! Check out his podzz. Say a prayer for Andy - R. I. P. to the good cat. Please enjoy. God Bless. Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED and use code DRENCHED and get $150 if you win your first $5 lineup! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wow, wow, Wes.

• 0:02Matt McCusker?

  I'm trying to think of like a disgusting sex act guys have to endure, but there's, we only have, we only have fun.

• 0:06Speaker 02

  Period sex.

• 0:07Matt McCusker?

  Period sex. I, I, I spoke to an older guy who was like, kind of hyping himself on period sex. And I was kind of like, bro, that's a young man's game.

• 0:16Speaker 00

  Well, he was like, I, I get down with that.

• 0:17Matt McCusker?

  I don't give a fuck. They're on a period. It's like, dude, you're too old for that, man.

• 0:20Speaker 00

  Does anyone still even hold that down anymore?

• 0:22Matt McCusker?

  There was a guy, I did a show.

• 0:23Speaker 00

  I mean, like, normal.

• 0:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, this, I found one guy who was like trying to hype it up. It's like, I think he was the same age as me. And it was like, bro, slow down.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  Also, who cares? I don't think I've met a guy that's like, I won't do it if she's on her period.

• 0:35Matt McCusker?

  I, it's like, I'll, I just, I used to be, when I was younger, I was like, I don't give a fuck. Now I'm kind of like, I'll just wait. I'm 40. I know what it feels like. I can wait a couple of days. Period sex for me now.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  You say you'll wait?

• 0:47Speaker 02

  It's on the table.

• 0:50Matt McCusker?

  I'll wait, dude. I'm at the point now where it's like, I'll give it a couple of days, man.

• 0:54Speaker 00

  Just lay it down. You say, I will wait.

• 0:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I would wait. God forbid you see a clump.

• 1:02Speaker 00

  Keep the lights off. Get away from the clumps. The clumps.

• 1:08Matt McCusker?

  I caught one of them boogers and I think I was like, I'm good on this. Caught one of them boogers.

• 1:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, you catch some of those. You gotta just not look. The worst is, yeah, you just finished, you go to the bathroom, you go, ooh.

• 1:20Matt McCusker?

  You gotta go wash your sword.

• 1:21Speaker 02

  Eyes closed all the way to the shower.

• 1:23Matt McCusker?

  I wipe my sword in the grass. I gotta inspect.

• 1:27Matt McCusker?

  Gotta wipe my blade in the grass, clean up.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  My dagger.

• 1:33Speaker 00

  Yeah. My tiny dagger.

• 1:35Matt McCusker?

  My boots, so I have my boot dagger.

• 1:39Matt McCusker?

  Dude, keeping a boot dagger is, that'd be sick. Next time I go to a wedding, I want, I think I want to equip a boot dagger.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  You're going to have to be a boot guy first. That's gonna be crazy. That's gonna be the weirder part. It's Matt Sudden in boots.

• 1:50Speaker 00

  Tony's gonna be jealous.

• 1:53Matt McCusker?

  I wear the boots around here.

• 1:56Speaker 02

  What about belt buckle gun? That'd be cool.

• 1:58Matt McCusker?

  Belt, like, you're talking about a teeny tiny gun.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Down and goes boom.

• 2:01Matt McCusker?

  That'd be kind of nice.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  I saw a guy at the, at the bookstore. He was a, he was a raging lib and he was an open carry.

• 2:08Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, him and his wife were clearly raging libs.

• 2:12Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 2:12Speaker 00

  Still with the open carry.

• 2:14Matt McCusker?

  That's interesting.

• 2:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:15Matt McCusker?

  What were the telltale signs?

• 2:17Speaker 02

  He was trans.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  At a bookstore, at a bookstore, uh, the wife, the wife was giving, giving big time Libby.

• 2:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that makes sense.

• 2:26Speaker 00

  She was slang.

• 2:27Matt McCusker?

  So he was strapped up?

• 2:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was, yeah.

• 2:30Matt McCusker?

  I'd say, I, that dude, if the libs go strapped, that would be so funny.

• 2:33Speaker 00

  Libs are strapped up.

• 2:34Matt McCusker?

  Back off, I have a firearm. Taking a six week course. If they get strapped, that's kind of tight.

• 2:41Speaker 00

  They, that's, they've been yapping about getting strapped for a while.

• 2:45Matt McCusker?

  I think we're talking about a different type, different guy.

• 2:47Speaker 00

  No, well.

• 2:50Matt McCusker?

  Strap attack.

• 2:51Speaker 00

  Well, the same, same exact crew.

• 2:54Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 2:54Speaker 00

  It was strap attack crew.

• 2:55Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 2:56Speaker 00

  They're also getting guns.

• 2:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, strap, I mean, we gotta stop on, we can't just come out of the gate.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  We can't. We gotta stop on.

• 3:02Matt McCusker?

  I'm a lib now anyway, dude. I sat down with Hunter. I'm completely libbed out.

• 3:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, I said.

• 3:06Matt McCusker?

  Dude, Biden never traded a single stock in office.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  I said we should have free healthcare. I'm a lib now too. I fucking hate podcasts.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  You get drunk, you go, why don't we have free healthcare? People are like, fuck you, you fucking bitch. All right, my bad. I don't know anything.

• 3:22Matt McCusker?

  That is, that is, well, that is a funny one to be like, fuck that. It's like, okay, sounds nice.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, the people holding it down for the insurance companies.

• 3:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Although my, my theory is our military, we need to have kind of like a dragon's den situation. Cause if everyone had free healthcare, free college, you're not gonna be able to get some young boy into the fucking military. He's gonna go, bro, I'm chilling.

• 3:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, Soviets did pretty good with it.

• 3:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, true.

• 3:47Speaker 00

  They got several million. China has, they're doing all right.

• 3:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 3:51Speaker 00

  The rest of the country has it.

• 3:52Matt McCusker?

  Well, aren't they forced though? They're forced. Okay, that's, that should be the thing. We have free healthcare for anyone who will volunteer. Fuck, that's just the military, damn it.

• 4:01Matt McCusker?

  Why is this so hard?

• 4:03Speaker 00

  I think.

• 4:04Speaker 02

  After they fully block off porn sites, I think they can go, we'll let you in. You just have to do 18 months and one deployment.

• 4:11Speaker 00

  You're saying you get, you get Pornhub.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  Pornhub back?

• 4:14Speaker 00

  You gotta.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  You get Pornhub back, you join the military.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  That's gonna be tough. You gotta do that fucking obstacle course.

• 4:21Speaker 00

  I agree.

• 4:21Matt McCusker?

  I mean, that would be actually.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Better than fucking going to X, N, X, X.

• 4:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:27Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 4:28Speaker 00

  That's an obstacle.

• 4:29Matt McCusker?

  I already sold this. I already sold this stuff. I've been on this site for six months. I've seen this one before. Dude, I was, uh, I witnessed some obstacle course action this weekend. I, I went to this place. It was like a ranch, like only an hour and a half away. And they had an obstacle course on the water. And I, I think we could use some maybe obstacle course.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  For porn hub. Wipe out for the military.

• 4:50Matt McCusker?

  Some dad struggled on the obstacle course. I said, we might need to fucking, if you want to get Pornhub, save your ID, hit this, this inflatable obstacle course.

• 4:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, it wouldn't even, if just.

• 4:59Matt McCusker?

  It was hard.

• 5:00Speaker 00

  The thought of struggling on the obstacle course in front of families is like, I'll never go out there. If there's a slight chance that I'll struggle on that, I'm not going.

• 5:07Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it was so hard.

• 5:09Speaker 00

  I went up on, on Burt's tour. I bit it. I was at the, climbing up the slide. I fell, dude. I fell so hard. My foot got stuck on the wall. I hit my head. It was, yeah, I'm not.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  Imagine how cool it'd be to hit the top of the fucking rope net. You're standing on top of the deck and you're just like, and then they hand you a laptop. That's probably so.

• 5:30Speaker 00

  Laptop from hell.

• 5:35Matt McCusker?

  That'd be a good auction item.

• 5:37Speaker 00

  Laptop from hell?

• 5:38Matt McCusker?

  Wonder, I should ask him if he ever got his dang laptop back.

• 5:41Speaker 00

  True.

• 5:43Matt McCusker?

  Can't even think about it. I would imagine at a certain point they're like.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  You're too busy hitting them with softballs.

• 5:47Matt McCusker?

  True. I'm telling you, bro, the Biden gaze.

• 5:50Speaker 00

  That was home run derby, dude. They gotta hire you for home run derby. You could pitch those things all day.

• 5:55Matt McCusker?

  The Biden gaze is undeniable. They're like vampires. He glamored me the whole time.

• 6:00Speaker 00

  They'll glam you.

• 6:01Matt McCusker?

  He hit me with the Delaware glamour. Also, I couldn't do politics. Right away, he's like, dude, we went to like, the high school he went to is rivals with the high school I went to. Right away. He's like, that's so cool. You went to the same high school. I was like, we're basically brothers, dude. I could never be a political hardballer.

• 6:17Speaker 00

  That's how it works. There's a reason these guys are in politics. They're actually good at that.

• 6:21Matt McCusker?

  Instantly disarm me.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  I fucking hugged the governor Abbott.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  In my defense, I was blacked out. It was at the Red River robbery, Texas, Oklahoma. And I was trying to listen to what he was saying.

• 6:32Matt McCusker?

  Also, what do you not?

• 6:32Speaker 00

  I leaned down and then I was like, you should give people weed. I don't even smoke weed. I was just fucking shitfaced. I, true. I didn't give him softballs. I gave him the hard hitting truth.

• 6:41Matt McCusker?

  That's a hard.

• 6:41Speaker 00

  That's where we differ.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  I ran into Governor Abbott at Texas versus Oklahoma in the fourth quarter. I was blacked out. What's your deal with weed and porn, man? I'm just messing around. He's an honor to meet you, sir.

• 6:56Matt McCusker?

  I think he actually, well, I think he actually stopped the first thing that was gonna take the farm bill weed away. So he actually, I think, if I could be, I could be wrong. But I think he's, dude, he's gotta be blessing Jah a little bit.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  Governor Abbott?

• 7:09Matt McCusker?

  He's in the wheelchair. Yeah, I think he's gotta be blessing Jah.

• 7:15Matt McCusker?

  There's no bigger Rasta man vibe, dude. Wag on. It's me, Greg Abbott, the big man.

• 7:23Speaker 00

  In this dang wheelchair.

• 7:26Matt McCusker?

  Me gonna do a 360, man.

• 7:29Speaker 00

  You think he reps 360s?

• 7:31Matt McCusker?

  He definitely blazes out of a pretty choice bowl.

• 7:35Speaker 00

  It's definitely a choice.

• 7:36Matt McCusker?

  Dude, he banned Delta 8. He hates Delta 8. He's the biggest stoner in Texas. Greg Abbott.

• 7:40Speaker 00

  There's nugs? Do you think there's cherries?

• 7:46Matt McCusker?

  He's just caught with like alien posters on his laptop.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  That's the laptop from hell, dude. It's the laptop, the laptop from Spencer's.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  You think he has a secret black light posters in his office? Somebody's gonna come in, he's gonna be like, no, don't hit that switch. No.

• 8:03Matt McCusker?

  As soon as he turns the lights out in the governor's office, he's like, me tired of all this foolish business.

• 8:10Matt McCusker?

  Pass me my zong man. It's a Z shaped bong. It's short. It's hard as hell.

• 8:16Speaker 00

  Do you think, do you think he has access to the hub?

• 8:19Matt McCusker?

  You think he has?

• 8:20Speaker 00

  Do you think?

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, he has a red laptop in his office. Only, it's direct connection to Pornhub HQ.

• 8:26Matt McCusker?

  He's able to click, I am under 18. It sends him straight through. He's like, that's what power is.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  I was talking to Gerbys about it. Obviously he submits, he submits the photo ID.

• 8:36Matt McCusker?

  Bro, I met one other person. That's crazy.

• 8:38Speaker 00

  Of course. He's like, well, I don't even care about it. I just.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Randy said he let it to take the picture of his, you know, it does like the bio scan of your face. Never. There's no way.

• 8:47Matt McCusker?

  No, you can't.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  There's no way.

• 8:48Matt McCusker?

  You can't, dude.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  With that lonely, the lonely gaze in your eyes.

• 8:52Speaker 00

  Dude, it's embarrassing to do it when your iPhone, when you get a new iPhone and it's like scanning.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Turn your left, yeah.

• 8:58Speaker 00

  You imagine doing that for Pornhub?

• 8:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:00Matt McCusker?

  Also, they got you. There's, I.

• 9:03Speaker 00

  I mean, they got you anyway. They got you no matter what.

• 9:04Matt McCusker?

  They got you no matter what?

• 9:05Speaker 00

  For sure.

• 9:07Matt McCusker?

  You think, I wonder if the government for real has a file where they're like, who? Pull it up. And like, oh yeah, dude.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Did you get a hotel room? Just like.

• 9:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, they used to have to, they used to have to build an island and bring kids. Now they just, they got you in your hotel room.

• 9:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:30Matt McCusker?

  That, I mean, it's also, you gotta give the guy a hug. If you see Abs, you gotta be like, what's up?

• 9:34Speaker 00

  I did hug him.

• 9:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  But I, I think I was for real leaning down to hear him. It was loud. It was, it was at the Cotton Bowl, man. It was.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  So you leaned down to hear and he reached up?

• 9:43Speaker 00

  I think I might have hugged.

• 9:44Matt McCusker?

  He wanted you to pick him up.

• 9:45Speaker 00

  We had, we, we had been drinking since we left. And that was, that was a great trip. La Mer didn't make the Sprinter. He was about 10 minutes late and just followed us in his car. Wait, was that? Oh, he Ubered.

• 10:00Speaker 00

  To Dallas.

• 10:01Matt McCusker?

  You took the Emperor ride right behind the Sprinter?

• 10:03Speaker 00

  Behind the Sprinter. That was our security detail.

• 10:08Matt McCusker?

  You're the decoy.

• 10:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, I fucking slept too late.

• 10:12Speaker 00

  You slept?

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:13Speaker 00

  Did you sleep in the Uber? I know you slept in that Uber.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  And I missed the, the Sprinter. Yeah.

• 10:18Speaker 00

  And you slept in the Uber?

• 10:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:19Matt McCusker?

  And if you slept in the Uber, that means you farted in the Uber. La Mer only farts when he sleeps, allegedly.

• 10:24Speaker 00

  This is one of the biggest fucking horse feeds I've ever heard.

• 10:26Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy, dude. I don't believe it. I don't think it's physically possible for you not to fart all day.

• 10:33Speaker 03

  I don't know. I had a pretty gassy day the other day.

• 10:35Speaker 00

  Bro.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  But I had a milkshake though, so that usually.

• 10:39Speaker 00

  I mean this, as a friend, if they made a pharmaceutical commercial for not farting, you'd be the spokesman. They would film you walking around in the park, like throwing frisbee, be like, now that I don't fart all the time.

• 10:55Matt McCusker?

  I had a night last night, dude. I was farting. Oh, my God. It was so, I had to, I was whenever I try to get up and at least be a gentleman and go fart like I fart in our closet. I'll walk up and just rip in the closet, come back out.

• 11:05Speaker 00

  Fart in the closet. Dude, what is going, that's the craziest shit I've ever heard.

• 11:09Matt McCusker?

  Dude, they're so bad.

• 11:11Speaker 00

  You walk into your, your clothes?

• 11:13Matt McCusker?

  I fart on my clothes. I just go and fart on my clothes. All my like, my suits for weddings, I just fart on them.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  How big is the closet?

• 11:21Matt McCusker?

  It's like, it's like the size of this, it's just narrow. It's like the size of that couch, a little wider.

• 11:25Speaker 00

  They must rip in there though. They must echo.

• 11:27Matt McCusker?

  Oh, bro, they, hey, fuck, I don't, I don't even know. Cause I'm like trying to, you know, look out. Cause if it's, they're like room crushers. I'll have like nine room crushers. So I'm like, I can't do nine room crushers to the babe. So I'll hit it in the closet, chill, make sure it doesn't trail me, fart on my suits and then I'll come back out.

• 11:43Speaker 00

  Do you, whenever, do you go back in the closet, go, oh, are there some crushers lingering?

• 11:47Matt McCusker?

  Every now and again.

• 11:51Matt McCusker?

  I go back to admire my work. And then, and then every time finally I lay down, I'm like, I'm not getting up again. And then I start the leak game where I'll start leaking under the blanket. And then I'll be like, I think I'm safe. I think I'm safe.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  You leak out, but you give it a little on your side, you go.

• 12:03Matt McCusker?

  I'll try to fan out a little.

• 12:05Speaker 00

  Release the dragon.

• 12:06Matt McCusker?

  I'll take a sip. I'll go, boy, that's what, fuck it. That's a little bit of Gouda under there. Enter the cheese cellar. I go, oh my God.

• 12:14Speaker 00

  Strong pour, god damn.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  She bitch about it?

• 12:18Matt McCusker?

  I've, when I, I'll wake her up out of a dead sleep every now, then she'll get a little cantankerous. She'll wake up and go, oh my God. And I go, sorry, babe.

• 12:24Speaker 00

  From the smell or the sound?

• 12:26Matt McCusker?

  Smell.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  Oh, that's.

• 12:27Matt McCusker?

  Cause I'll be leaking them and she'll go to switch and then the blanket will rise. I'm like, no.

• 12:30Speaker 00

  I'd be so mad.

• 12:32Matt McCusker?

  No, oh dude.

• 12:32Speaker 00

  She's right to be mad. If it's the sound, it's funny. Waking up from the smell is fucking crazy.

• 12:37Matt McCusker?

  I've done it a couple of times.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Every time, every time I walk into the room that my wife's in, in the house, I fart instantly.

• 12:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Pisses her off more than anything else that I do. She goes, why would you do that? And like, I, I don't, I literally, I, I think it's when I'm around you, I fart. You just relax me. I don't know. It's probably just because I've just gotten off the couch playing video games for like two and a half hours and my body's moving around for the first time. But I tell her, it's like, I see you and something happens inside my body.

• 13:05Matt McCusker?

  When I lay down, for real, if I lay down, I'm like, I'm clear out. As soon as I lay down, I'm like, instantly I have to fart. Something about me laying perpendicular, the bubble just goes straight out.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Like a horse.

• 13:15Matt McCusker?

  Just like a level, like a level. As soon as you move me, the bubble's like.

• 13:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was, I was, I was farting big time. And it's like, it's like, you think it's a favor, but there's something about just like, I, I can imagine I'm a girl. And then like the dude I know, married to walks away, you're like, I wonder where he's going. You hear.

• 13:35Speaker 00

  Also, is it, is it middle of the night?

• 13:37Matt McCusker?

  It's like bedtime stuff.

• 13:39Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 13:39Matt McCusker?

  Middle, once she's asleep, I'm playing the blanket game. I'm like, all right, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna leak these.

• 13:43Speaker 00

  Paranormal activity, you're ripping the blankets.

• 13:47Matt McCusker?

  We're gonna, we're gonna leak these out under. This episode is brought to you by Viori.

• 13:52Speaker 00

  Guys, we've been wearing Viori lately. It's a game changer.

• 13:58Matt McCusker?

  The core shorts work for pretty much anything. Gym, errands, hanging around the house, whatever.

• 14:03Speaker 00

  Matt, and the Strato Tech tee, insanely soft. You're gonna wanna wear it 24/7.

• 14:09Matt McCusker?

  Everything is comfortable, but looks good at the same time. It just works.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  It just works. Get 20% off your first purchase at Viori.com/MSSP and discover the versatility of Viori clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Full terms and conditions.

• 14:25Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.

• 14:30Speaker 00

  I like this.

• 14:30Matt McCusker?

  I like that too. AG1, the healthy stuff I've been drinking recently. Still just one scoop, once a day, vitamins, minerals, probiotics. All this stuff my actual diet doesn't provide. Mixes great, doesn't taste like a fistfight. Packaged travel easily if you're on the road doing shows or just too lazy to measure anything out, which dude, come on. They also recently came out with AG1 Pro, the same foundation, but with creatine in one simple delicious drink. So if you're someone who trains a lot or wants to get more impact out of your stack, this one might be worth checking out.

• 15:07Matt McCusker?

  So hurry up and go to drinkag1.com/secretpod and for a limited time only, get a free immune support bundle, including omega three fish oil and vitamin D3 plus K2. With your first subscription to AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/secretpod. Hey everybody, pardon the interruption. I'll be in Raleigh and Charleston, uh, next week. So please come if you can. Tickets are available at sean gardini.com. I'll also be in, in Seattle and Portland in Optimum Noctis. Thank you. Thank you.

• 15:40Matt McCusker?

  Guys, September 11th, this is big. I'll be doing stand up in Portland, Maine. Uh, September 12th, uh, stand up in Boston, Massachusetts. Then just going on down Royal Oak, Michigan, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Charlotte, North Carolina, Jacksonville, Atlanta, Chattanooga. Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, Orlando, Newark, Baltimore, Columbus, Cincinnati, San Diego, Sacramento. I'm going crazy on them.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  I'm, uh, I have nothing booked.

• 16:03Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome.

• 16:05Matt McCusker?

  Just ready for the freaking football season. Chomping at the bit.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Shane, have you farted around any really important or famous people yet?

• 16:14Speaker 00

  Hmm, probably.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  Farted in Abbott's face. That's so fucking funny.

• 16:20Matt McCusker?

  A hug fart would be crazy.

• 16:22Speaker 00

  Oh, I don't know if I have ripped too many.

• 16:24Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 16:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, I'm sure I have.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  Because there hasn't been an occasion or because you're like, it's probably not a great idea?

• 16:30Speaker 00

  There's never been a time where I was holding in a fart. I would never.

• 16:34Matt McCusker?

  You gotta let them out. Holding farts is crazy.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  It's very feminine.

• 16:37Matt McCusker?

  It is. Dude, I ripped, I went somewhere with a group of friends, farted so bad. I'm already in the 30 degree for Brittany. We're in a concession line. I'm like, chill, chill, chill, chill. Our friends walk up, like, god damn, what stinks? And I was like, wow, what the hell's going on here? And I was looking at her like, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up. She'll blow up my spot on a plane. You'll go, oh my God. And as soon as she looks at me.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Funerals? Dude, if you farted at a funeral, my wife's like, oh my God, did you fart?

• 17:05Matt McCusker?

  Also, if I do fart and someone I know looks at me, I instantly laugh. I can't, I can't hold it in. We're on a plane. I did one that was for real offensive. And I, and I, she looked at me and I was like, stop, stop, stop. And I started laughing. She's like, that's disgusting. I'm like, yeah, it wasn't me. I know it was disgusting. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, that was, that was a cow. I farted like a cow.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  As soon as she starts her shit, you gotta be like, sorry guys, my wife queefed really loud. It's so gross.

• 17:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the move is going, oh my God.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  That smells like queef. That's not even farts from a guy. It's clearly pussy.

• 17:37Speaker 00

  You ever see that, uh, it's a video of an Indian guy, Indian guy on a plane screaming. He's like, whoever's farting, where is he farting? I ran into the Indian bus all last night.

• 17:49Matt McCusker?

  Who?

• 17:49Speaker 00

  Where? There was a guy right before me at the bathroom. He was in there. He came out. It was an Indian fellow and the, boy.

• 17:57Matt McCusker?

  He lit it up?

• 17:57Speaker 00

  He did something special in there.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  Oh my God. Bathroom lines and gangbangs. That's a tough spot, man. Right behind the.

• 18:08Speaker 00

  Guy did work.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  The only time, uh, McKeever's ever, uh, even like frowned at me in all the time that we've known each other was, uh, we, we got, we got to make, uh, commercials for GE Silicone Caulk.

• 18:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Like 11 years ago. And it filmed at this like, uh, production house in like upstate New York. And it was like, it had pictures of all the famous thing. It was the Schmitz Gay beer commercial from Saturday Night Live.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  Damn, that's awesome.

• 18:31Speaker 02

  That house. And we're walking around and we're like just gawking at all like the comedians and shit on the walls. And we're walking through one of the hallways upstairs and I let like a, a clapper go.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  And there's a full production team and there's corporate there and there's people with clipboards and I clapped one out and I, I start like, and he turns around and goes, do not do that again.

• 18:57Speaker 00

  That's a good idea though. Now they're calling it a clappers. I'm gonna start being like, all right, scene four, act seven.

• 19:08Matt McCusker?

  Oh, that's another thing I get attacked for is I'll, you know, I give a little panache to my, I'll like lean a little bit or lift the leg. He's like, why do you have to lift your leg?

• 19:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, put some fucking tone on it.

• 19:22Matt McCusker?

  Why do ponies trot?

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Plunger on the end of the trumpet or whatever, you know?

• 19:27Matt McCusker?

  Little vibrato. It's insane. I'm not gonna nutcracker a fart and stand perfectly. That's, that's also offensive.

• 19:35Speaker 00

  That's what the Ocon man does. Ocon man's a freak.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  He'll keep the bubble between his cheeks, not let it out.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, he lets it come up the front.

• 19:44Matt McCusker?

  Sneaks by one ball?

• 19:46Speaker 00

  That's the worst feeling ever. It's been a long time since I had one of those. That's a good.

• 19:49Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's like, that's like when you fart in a pool. Comes up like, ew, I'm getting lifted.

• 19:57Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I got a good look at goats. I forgot how large goats nuts were. Goats have fucking, dude, I'm not lying. Goat sacks are like that big. Fucking sick.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, it kind of ruins it.

• 20:10Matt McCusker?

  It's fucking nuts.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  Where were you?

• 20:12Matt McCusker?

  I was at that, that ranch thing. We, we won a little ranch getaway for like a day and a half. It was, that place was so, so sick. So fun. We just got to feed animals. Got to go in, feed goats, look at their giant balls. Dude, see this?

• 20:27Speaker 00

  When you see their balls.

• 20:28Matt McCusker?

  It's kind of fucked up. See that little mark right there on my shoe? Sorry, I can't, I don't have the ankle flex.

• 20:32Speaker 00

  Yes, I see it.

• 20:33Matt McCusker?

  That's a pig's kiss.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 20:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, a nice pig came, fucking hit a little thing on my shoe. I was like, dude, that's gonna make me happy every time I see that.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  Did you ever see a video of the pig coming on the motorcycle tire?

• 20:46Matt McCusker?

  No, but I have seen a, I have seen a pig come on a ball in real life as a child multiple times.

• 20:51Speaker 00

  It's a lot of.

• 20:51Matt McCusker?

  We had a pig in our backyard. Dude, they come over everything. You know those balls you like jump on and bounce? We threw one in the pig pen and it would just fuck that ball and come all over it, like constantly. I swear to God.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ, no, I believe you.

• 21:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I remember we gave it to my cousin. We're like, yo, dude, bounce on this. And he bounced on the pig come. We're like.

• 21:12Matt McCusker?

  That's dude, they are horny, horny.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Static on his head with it and just rub the company's hair.

• 21:18Matt McCusker?

  It was such a mean thing to do.

• 21:20Speaker 00

  I saw a video that bothered me. Speaking of goats balls, I don't like when you see animals, uh, dick and nuts.

• 21:27Speaker 00

  I was, there was a cute video of a very fat dachshund. Very, very fat dachshund, but it was a female dachshund. It got so fat that it had like a pussy. It was disgusting.

• 21:38Matt McCusker?

  Had a little pudding in his panties.

• 21:39Speaker 00

  It was a full on, it was like laying on its stomach.

• 21:42Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 21:43Speaker 00

  It was so, everything was so swelled up that it looked like.

• 21:45Matt McCusker?

  A fat dog pussy.

• 21:46Speaker 00

  It had a, it, it looked like it somehow got a old woman's vagina slapped on the back of a dachshund.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Ultimately flashlight.

• 21:55Matt McCusker?

  It might have pumped it.

• 21:55Speaker 00

  It might have pumped the dachshund.

• 21:58Speaker 00

  Really took me out of the video. I was like, this is a heartwarming video. And then you see it lay on its stomach. God, what the fuck? A seventy-five year old woman's vagina on a dachshund.

• 22:10Matt McCusker?

  Just laying on his side.

• 22:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, trust me, dude. You see that dachshund? You're gonna go, whoa, whoa.

• 22:16Matt McCusker?

  That would throw, yeah, you're trying to, you're, and it's funny because you're like on, online trying to do the wholesome thing.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  I was trying to do the wholesome thing.

• 22:21Matt McCusker?

  And all of a sudden, God, that dog's got a fat pussy on it.

• 22:26Speaker 00

  The dog's pussy was crazy. Threw the whole, threw the whole fucking day off.

• 22:31Matt McCusker?

  You're in your bed just going.

• 22:39Speaker 00

  I'm telling you.

• 22:40Matt McCusker?

  I believe you. I was looking at all, I was looking at all kinds of shit this weekend, dude. All kinds of dicks and balls on animals. It's all kangaroo, kangaroos, by the way. Nah, take, bro, they're, they don't do anything.

• 22:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, they lay on their side. It's fun to look at them.

• 22:54Matt McCusker?

  I want to see him jump. If I, personally, if I had a little thing with animals, I would have the kangaroos, like, I would give them meth, so they were just fucking.

• 23:01Speaker 00

  We were in Australia, that was fun. I liked seeing the guys lay around.

• 23:04Matt McCusker?

  They were lazing. I want to see them jump. I want to see a kangaroo lay down.

• 23:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:09Matt McCusker?

  Be honest, I swear, I thought it was a rabbit. I drove by, I'm like, oh fuck, they got rabbits there. Came back and said, oh, it's a kangaroo.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  You should have squared up with it. That'll get it moving.

• 23:16Matt McCusker?

  I should have. Got against the fence.

• 23:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, that rabbit's huge.

• 23:20Matt McCusker?

  I just saw the ears.

• 23:21Speaker 00

  That rabbit's six five.

• 23:23Matt McCusker?

  Rabbit's standing up looking at me.

• 23:27Matt McCusker?

  Now goats, I hold it down. Goats are the number one farm, in my opinion.

• 23:30Speaker 00

  Goats rule.

• 23:30Matt McCusker?

  Goats are the number one farm animal.

• 23:33Speaker 00

  Did you get to try to scare them?

• 23:35Matt McCusker?

  They're not, not, Nate, I told you this. Not every goat is the fucking feigning goat.

• 23:39Speaker 00

  I just, I just get excited when I hear about it.

• 23:41Matt McCusker?

  That is, but no, these, most goats, if you try to scare them.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Scary enough.

• 23:45Matt McCusker?

  What are you talking about, dude?

• 23:47Speaker 02

  Did you even try?

• 23:49Matt McCusker?

  No, I didn't try to scare the goats. Why be crazy to try to scare them, dude?

• 23:52Speaker 02

  It's their whole thing. It's the whole reason they're around. You can't, we don't eat them or anything.

• 23:56Matt McCusker?

  Bro, I was in the, I was, I was in a pen with rams. Rams are in there. Look, everyone wants to talk tough until you're actually on the ranch. A ram would fuck you up. If a ram thought you were trying to make it go, they'd be like, first of all, we're not feigning goats. That's, that's offensive. Like, we're not fucking feigning goats. They're like the you-know-what of goats.

• 24:17Matt McCusker?

  They're like, bro, the fuck? We're letting you pet us? You're thinking.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  I'm not sure I know what.

• 24:22Matt McCusker?

  My bad. It was just not a nice thing.

• 24:24Speaker 00

  I don't either.

• 24:27Matt McCusker?

  The retarded word.

• 24:31Speaker 00

  You can say it.

• 24:33Matt McCusker?

  It's funnier saying the retarded word.

• 24:37Matt McCusker?

  Trying to do my family friendly shit, dude.

• 24:43Matt McCusker?

  Bro, we didn't, we didn't put it online. We're not the Larry, we're not the fucking pornographers.

• 24:53Matt McCusker?

  Look at that wiener dog, you got a whole pussy.

• 24:59Matt McCusker?

  Looking at wiener dogs for a reason. I'm on my phallic shaped dog tip.

• 25:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, I do like phallic shaped dogs. Corgis, dachshunds.

• 25:07Matt McCusker?

  Corgis, yeah, corgis are awesome. Yeah, there's, that's a whole, for real, that's a whole algorithm. We stumbled upon it. The wiener dog algorithm. The first time we did that.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 25:16Matt McCusker?

  Algorithm show.

• 25:16Speaker 00

  I've been in it for a long time now.

• 25:19Matt McCusker?

  Didn't know it was a thing. It's fucking wild.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, it makes me want to get a dachshund.

• 25:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that'd be nice. Dachshund would be good. I, I had the pleasure of hanging out with some pyrenees this weekend. They're a good dog.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  It's an enjoyable dog.

• 25:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, great pyrenees, big white guy.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  Fine canine.

• 25:32Matt McCusker?

  It's a very fine canine. They're guard dogs.

• 25:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:35Matt McCusker?

  They're guarding the ranch.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  You already got one. You already got a guard dog.

• 25:39Speaker 00

  I need another guard dog here, though.

• 25:41Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 25:41Speaker 00

  La Mer's sleeping. He's not a good security detail.

• 25:45Speaker 00

  Not good security.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  I'm good security, dude.

• 25:48Speaker 00

  Not a sneak up on you every day. Every single day I walk back.

• 25:52Matt McCusker?

  Goat.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  If you change nothing about La Mer, but made him six inches taller, he'd be terrifying.

• 25:59Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  But as it stands.

• 26:01Matt McCusker?

  He's like a bouncer in a plastic egg. You'd have to put him in water.

• 26:07Speaker 00

  He's a Russian nesting dog.

• 26:10Speaker 00

  The bigger ones out there somewhere.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  I can get some lifts, dude. I can get lifts.

• 26:14Matt McCusker?

  You should. I'd be sick. Height surgery, you can recover for six months and you can see it come out.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  You want to tank in the pool house?

• 26:25Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  You could just lay in goo for six months.

• 26:27Matt McCusker?

  You'd never run or jump ever again, but it's worth it.

• 26:32Matt McCusker?

  You should get a fucking nuts dog. You should get a nuts dog and then just have like a full-time dog handler or speaks German to him. The real, like, police dogs.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  We found exotic big cat.

• 26:43Speaker 00

  I would, I would enjoy that.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  That'd be way better.

• 26:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:45Matt McCusker?

  But it might not be loyal to you. Someone might attack you. It might be like, whatever. Although it would definitely.

• 26:50Speaker 00

  Probably just attack whoever's in the house.

• 26:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was about to say.

• 26:52Speaker 00

  Almost all the times.

• 26:53Matt McCusker?

  I was about to say, yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 00

  That could, that could get me moving a little.

• 26:56Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:57Speaker 00

  No more video games. No more, no more MLB to show.

• 27:00Matt McCusker?

  You have an apex predator in your house?

• 27:02Speaker 00

  There's a lion here.

• 27:06Speaker 00

  Nah, yeah, a jaguar would be sick.

• 27:08Matt McCusker?

  Jag would be nice.

• 27:09Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, it could be like Indian guys, you know, when they run through the village, they're just kind of fucking, they kind of just wrap you up and then keep running.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  Bears on the roof of the pool house.

• 27:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, declawed, declawed, like jaguar would be nice. Just to scare an intruder, then you just shoot them in the face.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:28Matt McCusker?

  The last thing they see is just a fucking gigantic cat.

• 27:32Speaker 00

  Jaguar and a guy with an eagle's gun.

• 27:36Speaker 00

  I didn't think anyone would die this way.

• 27:37Matt McCusker?

  Come out from behind these soundproof curtains with your boot knife. You go, you fucked up.

• 27:41Speaker 00

  I've been waiting for you.

• 27:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's a, I want to get Malwaz. That's my next dog.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  That'd be cool.

• 27:50Matt McCusker?

  That'd be really tight. They're, dude, they can literally, they could jump that fence.

• 27:53Speaker 00

  You gotta get him some teeth.

• 27:54Matt McCusker?

  Metal implants?

• 27:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, that'd be sick.

• 27:56Matt McCusker?

  I heard, I don't know how true this is, I heard there's military dolphins.

• 28:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, they've, they've been trying.

• 28:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 28:02Speaker 00

  Everybody's been trying for a while.

• 28:04Matt McCusker?

  Apparently the Rus, this is from YouTube, Russians had them. I think, I mean, if you could train a dog, why not a dolphin?

• 28:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, they, they'd train them to get like mines.

• 28:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  What do they do? They like blow themselves up on the mine?

• 28:17Speaker 00

  Probably.

• 28:17Matt McCusker?

  Probably, sadly, yeah. Or they find him and come back.

• 28:20Speaker 00

  You ever see the tank dogs they used to have?

• 28:22Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 28:22Speaker 00

  Pretty cool. They put a bomb on the back of a dog and they trained it to run under tanks. Yeah.

• 28:27Matt McCusker?

  Kind of dogs they rock.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  I think at that point, they're going, whatever dog we get.

• 28:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. Beagles, beagles are the number one experimented beagle dogs.

• 28:35Speaker 00

  Beagle.

• 28:38Speaker 00

  And then there was a story where the Germans tried to teach, you know how they were always doing dumb experiments? They were like trying to teach dogs how to talk.

• 28:46Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 28:46Speaker 00

  Which is a very funny experiment.

• 28:48Matt McCusker?

  That is kind of funny.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  They're like their evil geniuses. Like, brother, dumb as fuck.

• 28:52Matt McCusker?

  They were really fucking around a lot. Considering how much they had, I mean, they had a pretty serious heaping on their plates already.

• 28:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, they were, they had a lot to do. And then they were like, we need to also teach dogs how to speak.

• 29:02Matt McCusker?

  That's that dern meth.

• 29:04Speaker 00

  That is meth.

• 29:04Matt McCusker?

  That is that dern meth. You ever see the videos of the dogs where they could press a button for a different word?

• 29:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I like that.

• 29:10Matt McCusker?

  I think those are all fake.

• 29:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're probably fake.

• 29:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there, there's claims, though, that there's people claiming to be using AI to like, once and for all, be able to talk to dogs. So, same thing, it's probably just Adderall. I'm sorry, I'm sure I can figure this out.

• 29:25Speaker 00

  I, I can speak to dogs. They're probably not saying much.

• 29:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  He wants a snack again.

• 29:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  Can you believe our level of communication is unbelievable? He wants to go to sleep.

• 29:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, some motherfucking bull. Bro, I was on my, I was a full mommy sleuth this weekend. I watched that whole debate, the Candace Owens versus Andrew Wilson.

• 29:45Speaker 00

  Who was she debating?

• 29:46Matt McCusker?

  Andrew Wilson. So it was basically, and again, it's, who knows the real details, but it, it very much seemed like TPUSA was like, bruh, tipmaker stop. Which again, apparently it's not the thing, but it was, she's been, you know, on her thing about, she thinks, who knows, killed Charlie Kirk. And, uh, Andrew, Andrew Wilson was, uh, defending the official narrative. And, uh, he, he didn't win. A lot of people are now, a lot of people are claiming it was like an egregious loss. I'll be honest, I was too dumb to, I was just following it, like, whoever had more style would win to me. If you had like a nicer dig, I was like, win. You got it. But she, she beat him on the, uh, I think the real thing that got it was she was like,

• 30:25Matt McCusker?

  okay, so she like went and kind of, all the evidence the state was providing, she kind of gave like, I would say decent counter arguments. And then she was like, name one of the charges you think he's actually guilty of. And he was like, she's like, do you know the charges? She goes, I don't know the charges. She was like, name one. He goes, name all seven, how about that? And he was, she was like, I will, name one. He was like, I mean, this is just ridic, he didn't know any of like the act, and the thing, he goes, all right, murder, how about that? And she was like, it's actually aggravated murder. He goes, same thing. She goes, no, it's a huge difference. And dude, it was, it sucked. It was hard to watch. It was nice, the reversal was like, name all seven and I'll name one. It's like, nice older brother trick.

• 31:02Speaker 00

  Also, she's definitely gonna name all seven.

• 31:04Matt McCusker?

  And she asked the question for a reason.

• 31:05Speaker 00

  She's studying like crazy on this.

• 31:07Matt McCusker?

  Bro, she, and, and the funny thing was, her time was done, so it was just his turn to ask questions. She goes, can I just ask one more question? At first he was like, no, you can't. Then eventually they came back, she's like, let me ask you something. He goes, go ahead.

• 31:22Matt McCusker?

  Bro, it's, it was, it was, uh, I don't know. It's such a funny thing is both are like, well, none of us know for certain. It's like, how the fuck do you win a debate about it? But you know, it was, uh,

• 31:30Speaker 02

  Do you ever want to get into the debate circle? These guys are debating each, they're throwing it down all the time and challenging each other to debates.

• 31:37Speaker 00

  Matt wants, definitely wants to be.

• 31:38Matt McCusker?

  I want to do it. So it's my favorite.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  You gotta get into it.

• 31:40Matt McCusker?

  My, the thing is, God bless you.

• 31:42Speaker 00

  Thank you, guys.

• 31:43Matt McCusker?

  Thing is, I'm not a big fact guy. So it's like, I don't like memorizing facts and stuff.

• 31:47Speaker 00

  Facts don't care.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  You really don't need to know any facts. You have to say stuff like good faith and positive evidence. And you just, there's a couple of buzzwords you need.

• 31:54Speaker 00

  I hate the buzzwords.

• 31:56Speaker 02

  It's like karate moves. They all have a name.

• 31:59Matt McCusker?

  That's a logical fallacy. That's actually a good faith pro bono.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. The, the fucking buzzwords are so funny when they try to hit each other and like, that's actually not a,

• 32:07Speaker 02

  It's buzzword war.

• 32:08Matt McCusker?

  Double straw, man.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  You know, and I think you'd, you'd crush. You're impossible to pin down.

• 32:15Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Well, I, I fantasize about the debates, the debates fear a lot.

• 32:19Speaker 00

  You gotta get in.

• 32:20Matt McCusker?

  Twenty, I want to, I want to jump right into a 20 V one, to be honest.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  You want to do a surrounded.

• 32:24Matt McCusker?

  Surrounded.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  Or jubilee.

• 32:29Matt McCusker?

  I want to get surrounded.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Do you have a topic that you'd like to try on the libs or the?

• 32:33Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. That's the thing.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  Would you go libs? That seems like a easy, like a beginner.

• 32:37Matt McCusker?

  I can go 20 libs?

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:39Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. I want to go girls.

• 32:40Speaker 02

  One strong black conservative versus 20 female libs.

• 32:44Matt McCusker?

  That would be nice. 20 female libs versus, I would say, I would argue as their father, what they should do with their life.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 32:51Matt McCusker?

  Surrounded would be so nice.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  20 daughters versus one dad.

• 32:55Speaker 00

  There's one girl dad.

• 32:59Matt McCusker?

  What are you doing? Oh, come on. Not this again.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, dude, you're gonna get killed.

• 33:05Matt McCusker?

  No, dude.

• 33:06Speaker 00

  20 daughters versus one dad?

• 33:07Matt McCusker?

  I would, bro, I would.

• 33:08Speaker 00

  Smash it. You done up crying.

• 33:10Matt McCusker?

  No, I, I would eventually.

• 33:12Speaker 00

  So sweet. And it makes me think of my daughter.

• 33:16Matt McCusker?

  Third argument, like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

• 33:19Speaker 00

  That's what I meant. They'd all cry. You'd have 20 girls crying around you.

• 33:23Matt McCusker?

  Lose right away.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, you go, I'm so sorry, everybody.

• 33:25Matt McCusker?

  I would raise my red flag. I lost.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  No way. There's like a weaponized disappointment you can hit them with though, that non-girl dads don't know about.

• 33:33Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  It's worse than hitting them.

• 33:35Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  Although a lot of these girls seem like they're kind of beyond that.

• 33:40Matt McCusker?

  No, I think it's in there.

• 33:41Speaker 00

  Guys, time for a quick break from the show for a special segment called more or less football preseason additions. Wow. That's what, this is the, yeah.

• 33:52Matt McCusker?

  This is good stuff.

• 33:53Speaker 00

  Football is finally back and prize pick, I wish you hit that lady. Well, you know, I mean, the dump, not the, not hit a lady. Uh, football is finally back and prize picks bringing out their best offer yet. New users who sign up will get $150 in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. That's right. If you win your first $5 lineup, you'll get $150 in lineups. And now prize picks is available nationwide. So this is what we're thinking for picks this season. Matt.

• 34:19Matt McCusker?

  What you on?

• 34:20Speaker 00

  Matt, what storyline, what you on? What storyline are you thinking about this year?

• 34:23Matt McCusker?

  This storyline?

• 34:24Speaker 00

  What storyline in football are you thinking about?

• 34:26Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I'm really thinking about the Browns. That's the big storyline.

• 34:30Speaker 00

  You're just thinking more or less on Shador Sanders.

• 34:31Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm. Thinking more on that. Well, it, it, yeah, maybe. Yeah. That's a storyline. That's what, that's my pick. I'm saying, that's what I'm doing.

• 34:38Speaker 00

  I like that.

• 34:39Matt McCusker?

  More?

• 34:40Speaker 00

  More or less.

• 34:40Matt McCusker?

  The whole season?

• 34:42Speaker 00

  Just the preseason game.

• 34:44Matt McCusker?

  That's what you're doing.

• 34:45Speaker 00

  That's what you're doing.

• 34:46Matt McCusker?

  That's what you're on.

• 34:47Speaker 00

  So you're saying more.

• 34:48Matt McCusker?

  I'm saying more.

• 34:48Speaker 00

  You're saying mo.

• 34:49Matt McCusker?

  I was saying mo.

• 34:50Speaker 00

  Uh, stack September. Let's go. Crazy football deals, giving users new promos every day during stack September. Okay. So now it's time to lock in your picks. Download the app today and use code DRENCH to get $150 instantly in lineups to win your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCH to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. Prize picks.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Run your game.

• 35:13Speaker 00

  Run your game.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  Dude, your groundskeeper's getting so close right now. It's crazy.

• 35:17Speaker 00

  Fired up. He's just collecting a check. There's nothing to do out there.

• 35:22Matt McCusker?

  They're here. They're here seven days a week.

• 35:24Speaker 00

  They're here every fucking 10 minutes. There's nothing, yeah.

• 35:28Matt McCusker?

  Although they, they're mulching.

• 35:29Speaker 00

  I did see the mulch. I was fired up about that. I get, nobody tells me what anyone's doing. Cause it's not my house.

• 35:35Matt McCusker?

  Did they scrape off the mulch that was there before? That's the question.

• 35:39Speaker 00

  I don't care.

• 35:41Matt McCusker?

  They piled on top?

• 35:43Speaker 00

  I could care less.

• 35:44Matt McCusker?

  I might get out there and start screaming.

• 35:48Speaker 00

  We can do a little 20 V one right now.

• 35:51Speaker 00

  You're gonna have to.

• 35:52Matt McCusker?

  I have, I have an even sweeter spot for the lads. I have, I love the lads. I'll be honest.

• 35:58Speaker 00

  We are a very lad friendly pod.

• 35:59Matt McCusker?

  Hey, man, I, I just want to be, I just got to be honest. I fucking love those guys.

• 36:02Speaker 00

  Nothing wrong with it.

• 36:03Matt McCusker?

  Love the lads. Every job I ever had, I mean, dude, so much fun with them.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  I've gotten to, I've gotten to see Matt firsthand drop into the job site and demand answers.

• 36:14Matt McCusker?

  When was the job site? Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:16Matt McCusker?

  Yep. My warehouse.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  Some paperwork got mixed up and it's like, this has to be someone's responsibility.

• 36:21Speaker 00

  With a button down?

• 36:22Matt McCusker?

  No, no PPE. I enter, I enter no PPP, no PPE.

• 36:26Speaker 00

  You gotta do it, dude. Hard hat.

• 36:28Matt McCusker?

  That should.

• 36:28Speaker 00

  Hard hat, button down khakis.

• 36:30Matt McCusker?

  You know, you know what the real move is? You put it on in your truck before you get out. So you're not in any violation. You pop out already with the PPP on, with the PPE.

• 36:39Speaker 00

  It's the only thing, it's the only thing the lads truly respect.

• 36:42Matt McCusker?

  No, they're, they're.

• 36:44Speaker 00

  They see the button down khakis hard hat, they go, oh, get up.

• 36:46Matt McCusker?

  The white, I gotta get a white hat from the Chubb Institute. Commercial is the boss. No, you, you get out. I know, again, I know, but I'm, you know, I know just enough terms to be able to be like, all right, what are we doing?

• 36:56Speaker 00

  Very Trump.

• 36:57Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 36:58Speaker 00

  Very, very Trump.

• 36:59Matt McCusker?

  Very Trump. Yeah. We'll just flare those out. Yeah. Flat, whatever that word is. But yeah, no, I had, I had to go down and fucking, you know, I'm learning, I'm learning more and more. The warehouse is in full effect.

• 37:09Speaker 00

  I like that's how Trump operates. I just saw a video of him describing the granite they laid down in the White House. And he was, you could tell that somebody just told him what it was. Yeah. And his, his history facts. It's very nice.

• 37:22Matt McCusker?

  Tell him with marble. You go, marble? It's porous, man. You, you don't want marble. It's, it looks, sounds nice, but that's, that's going to be a bitch.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  Have you seen what he's doing to people? His history facts?

• 37:30Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 37:31Speaker 00

  Like he had like the Japanese prime minister, talking about the surprise attack on Iran. He's like, you guys know about surprise attacks? Pearl Harbor. Why don't you tell me about Pearl Harbor? And his Germany's chancellor in there. He's like, D-Day. We're celebrating D-Day. That was not a good day for you. And the guy's like, no, it wasn't. Actually, yes, it was.

• 37:50Speaker 00

  Actually, it was good. I didn't mean to say it was not.

• 37:56Matt McCusker?

  It's also funny to be committing things now. I'm like, oh, you guys remember fucking 90 years ago?

• 38:01Speaker 00

  Should have told me about Pearl Harbor.

• 38:02Matt McCusker?

  That's also, you know, who's in his ear about that. That's all, that's the handiwork of Betty Netanyahu being like, oh, you guys invaded the Middle, we can't do a little Middle East invasion? Come on. You guys did it. It's like, yeah, it was like a fucking bad thing. Come on.

• 38:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was bad.

• 38:17Matt McCusker?

  All right, well, let us do, we'll, we'll say this was a bad thing in 25 years and you know, that was funny to be like, you guys here have no right to talk about Middle East invasions. It's like, eh.

• 38:26Speaker 00

  We know it.

• 38:27Matt McCusker?

  We know it. We did it.

• 38:28Speaker 00

  We know.

• 38:29Matt McCusker?

  20 long years.

• 38:30Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 38:31Matt McCusker?

  You know, Biden's the one who ended that whole thing. He pulled out every game of shit for pulling out.

• 38:36Speaker 00

  Absolute disastrous pullout game. The Biden pullout game is terrible.

• 38:40Matt McCusker?

  You have to admit how hard Hunter rides for his, he's just like, bro, yeah, obviously we got shit for it, but we wanted to end the war more than anyone. You're like, god damn it, you're right. Fuck. I was under the Biden spell.

• 38:52Speaker 00

  There's not wrong with being under the spell, but the pullout game was.

• 38:55Matt McCusker?

  Pullout game was crazy.

• 38:56Speaker 00

  Guys hanging on to the fucking plane.

• 38:58Matt McCusker?

  They pulled out mid nut. They were like, uh. Bro, just leave it in, man.

• 39:02Speaker 00

  It's one of the worst pullouts of all time.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  A little bit of Joe comes out in Hunter.

• 39:08Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 39:08Speaker 00

  A little.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  When he's, when he's talking about smoking crack though.

• 39:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 39:12Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:12Matt McCusker?

  I was smoking crack. It's like, I'm open about it. Come on. I was a crackhead.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  That's my favorite. That's the only thing I like about him now.

• 39:22Matt McCusker?

  Smoking crack.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  He probably started like a fool in that crack butt.

• 39:27Speaker 02

  I don't know. What if he was, everyone that's, people that recover, recover from crack, they all talk about how elite they felt while they were smoking crack.

• 39:36Speaker 00

  Tell you what takes me off, listening to him when he's talking about, he's like, alcohol is worse. It's like, no, it ain't, brother. Trust me, it's not, dude. He's like, alcohol is way worse than crack, just so everybody knows.

• 39:47Matt McCusker?

  He's saying from like a physiological standpoint.

• 39:49Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's a cope. It's a complete cope.

• 39:51Matt McCusker?

  Cope for the crack.

• 39:52Speaker 00

  Yeah. It'd be like, yeah, they crack, but you guys drink fucking alcohol. That's crazy.

• 39:55Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 39:56Speaker 00

  You go, no, it's not.

• 39:57Matt McCusker?

  That was like, I think Trainspotting or one of those movies did that where they had like, they, they would cut to all the guys getting drunk, kind of like, yeah, it's the same thing.

• 40:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:06Speaker 00

  I mean, the only reason it's bad is because it leads you to smoke crack.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  True. I bet you smoking crack with your boys feels a hundred times cooler than drinking with them.

• 40:14Matt McCusker?

  For sure. Undeniably.

• 40:16Speaker 00

  Uh, drink with your boys rocks.

• 40:18Matt McCusker?

  There's no denying it.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  Crack.

• 40:20Matt McCusker?

  I'm not, I would never.

• 40:21Speaker 00

  But now the, the, the next day, the crack, yeah. Well, the three days later.

• 40:25Matt McCusker?

  Next day is probably tough.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  Four day crack hangover is gotta be bad for sure.

• 40:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. No, that's definitely tough.

• 40:31Speaker 00

  But while your own crack does probably rock for sure.

• 40:34Matt McCusker?

  A hundred percent. It's probably amazing. That's what I, that's kind of like unanimous. Unanimously, everyone's like, no, crack definitely rocks. Let's not get it twisted.

• 40:42Speaker 00

  Same thing with heroin. Same thing with all that.

• 40:44Matt McCusker?

  Heroin probably rocks. Heroin though, I think there's a huge chance you puke that first time. Which again, you're with the bro.

• 40:51Speaker 00

  You're on heroin.

• 40:51Matt McCusker?

  I fucking puke too.

• 40:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  Bro, he's leaf blowing and a, empty, dry concrete slabs.

• 40:59Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's probably some fucking pine needles and shit. Also, here's the thing, guys. I'm going to tell you, when you're leaf blowing, you kick debris every which way. So he's doing the right thing. He's covering the perimeter.

• 41:08Speaker 00

  Thanks.

• 41:09Matt McCusker?

  So, what's he got? That backpack? I think it's nice. Yo, here he is. Get him in the shot.

• 41:15Speaker 00

  Looks like raiding.

• 41:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's dude, that's kind of like, I don't like drive you mad when you're leaf blowing, you're always making more of a mess. So you eventually gotta call it. Probably dude, if I were him, no one's looking, I'd go right into that pool. Let the filter take care of it.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Pool guy's problem.

• 41:33Speaker 00

  Pool guy who was just here again.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  Flicks it onto the windows is the window guy's problem.

• 41:38Matt McCusker?

  They're probably trying to get you to fuck them.

• 41:39Speaker 00

  They're here every 10 minutes.

• 41:40Matt McCusker?

  Pool boys probably all slutty out there.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  Last time they brought three, three, there was two guys and a girl out there.

• 41:44Matt McCusker?

  The pool is.

• 41:45Speaker 04

  Pool girl?

• 41:46Speaker 00

  Pool's 10 feet long. Pool's a puddle. It's 10 feet long and three feet deep.

• 41:51Matt McCusker?

  Three.

• 41:51Speaker 00

  Three people out there is crazy.

• 41:53Matt McCusker?

  Three person squads nuts dude.

• 41:55Speaker 00

  I think they wanted to, yeah, they did, yeah, the last couple of times.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  They brought the girls an offering.

• 41:59Matt McCusker?

  Pool girls.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  They'll invite us to stay, maybe they'll open a couple beers.

• 42:04Matt McCusker?

  Nah, pool girl, that's a government, that's an asset dude. Hit you with the pool girls, crazy. First of all, no such thing. That's crazy dude.

• 42:12Speaker 00

  Yeah. They came here last time, you guys were outside smoking doobies.

• 42:17Matt McCusker?

  You saw the pool girl?

• 42:18Speaker 00

  They think it's a good time over here.

• 42:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 42:20Speaker 00

  They bring all their buddies over, they go, they could be out there smoking doobies, smoking junk with the fellows. They go, holy shit, Optimum Noctis is there. And the girl at the pool house was like, oh my God, I gotta meet Gardini.

• 42:34Matt McCusker?

  The biggest hang, the best hang.

• 42:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, number one hang.

• 42:37Matt McCusker?

  Number one hang in the Creek and Cave.

• 42:39Speaker 00

  Number one hang.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Congratulations, boys.

• 42:40Speaker 00

  It's official.

• 42:41Matt McCusker?

  They're sparring.

• 42:41Speaker 00

  I'm surprised you guys got that, cause I hear nothing but, almost nothing but negative reports.

• 42:46Speaker 04

  We were surprised too. I think it might have been some kind of sick joke.

• 42:53Speaker 00

  I don't think it is. I think you guys are just, you're so depressed all the time about it. You go, everyone hates us, the creek hates us, everyone hates us. You got a trophy for best fucking guys to hang out with.

• 43:04Matt McCusker?

  Best green room hang.

• 43:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:06Matt McCusker?

  In Austin, Texas, Optimum Noctis. I presented the award to the boys.

• 43:09Speaker 00

  How does Tommy feel? Tommy was up for that award.

• 43:13Speaker 04

  I don't think he know, he won another award. He won the best Philly transplant award.

• 43:18Speaker 00

  Best Philly transplant?

• 43:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:20Speaker 00

  Tommy Pope?

• 43:21Speaker 04

  He wasn't there to accept it though.

• 43:23Speaker 00

  This is outrageous.

• 43:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, we can pause if you want to.

• 43:26Matt McCusker?

  Wait, Tommy was up for best hang?

• 43:28Speaker 02

  Best green room hang.

• 43:30Matt McCusker?

  Half these guys are probably fucking leaf blowing right now, they don't even notice.

• 43:35Matt McCusker?

  It's also a ni, it's also a nice, I don't know, I think it's a nice little.

• 43:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, ground.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  Sound bed.

• 43:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, some ambient.

• 43:42Matt McCusker?

  I mean, I don't know.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  I am having trouble hearing you though.

• 43:46Matt McCusker?

  Oh yeah, it's right in your ears. That sells music to my ears, man. A little two stroke, little two stroke.

• 43:52Speaker 00

  I know, man. I know.

• 43:54Matt McCusker?

  I'm hoping that's a two stroke. If I'm wrong on that, I'm gonna be a bitch. A little two stroke, man. Little mixed fuel, sounds like some mixed fuel burning over there. Did you ever put the mix, did you ever fuck up the gas and put the wrong shit in?

• 44:07Speaker 00

  No.

• 44:07Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I put, I put, I think it was me or somebody put regular gasoline into a weed whacker and my, my dad and my uncle.

• 44:13Speaker 00

  Probably launched.

• 44:14Matt McCusker?

  Dude, they were so into siphoning gas, you would blow a thing and then you would go, it would come, and my uncle, I remember my uncle goes, god damn it. Spits gas out of his mouth. I'm like, dude, what, come on man. Dump it out, man, you don't gotta do all that. It is, it's hardo shit, be like, god damn it. He would siphon gas constantly and just spit out a mouthful of gas. I was like, dude.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  True.

• 44:37Speaker 00

  Don't worry fellows, I'll suck it out of there. Oh, it's in my mouth, ew.

• 44:45Speaker 00

  I know some fellows around here that would swallow it, but I'm not allowed to make fun jokes anymore. I promise, no gay jokes.

• 44:55Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by BlueChew. Oh yeah, fellows, let me introduce you to BlueChew Gold.

• 45:01Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 45:02Speaker 00

  No, it's not something a rich guy orders at a steakhouse. BlueChew Gold is the newest innovation. This isn't your typical good luck buddy pill. BlueChew Gold combines two ingredients for blood flow. With two for mental arousal and connection. So now your body and your brain are clocking in for the shift.

• 45:23Matt McCusker?

  Because sex is not just be, about being able to perform. I totally agree with that. It's about actually wanting to.

• 45:29Speaker 00

  Now, wanting to is extremely important for sexual intercourse.

• 45:33Matt McCusker?

  A million percent dude. And we've got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third free with promo code Drenched. You'll also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information.

• 45:53Speaker 00

  Oh yeah.

• 45:54Matt McCusker?

  This episode is brought to you by NutraFol.

• 45:56Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 45:57Matt McCusker?

  You're a fool.

• 45:58Speaker 00

  Nutri, you.

• 45:59Matt McCusker?

  A pity that NutraFol.

• 46:00Speaker 00

  NutraFol. NutraFol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand and it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists. Because hair health isn't one size fits all, NutraFol offers different formulas for both men and women at any age or stage of life.

• 46:17Matt McCusker?

  It's 100% vegan, biotin free, and comes in a smaller capsule size to make your daily routine easier. I can't get enough of this stuff.

• 46:26Speaker 00

  See thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months. Right now, NutraFol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription, free shipping, when you visit nutraful.com and enter promo code MSSP. That's nutraful.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com, promo code MSSP.

• 46:51Matt McCusker?

  Wait, what?

• 46:52Speaker 04

  Nothing, nothing.

• 46:53Speaker 00

  Nothing.

• 46:54Matt McCusker?

  Fair.

• 46:55Speaker 00

  That's an OL.

• 46:56Matt McCusker?

  That's an OL, that's fair.

• 46:57Speaker 00

  It's graduated from PAs to OLs.

• 46:59Matt McCusker?

  True. It's how it goes.

• 47:00Speaker 00

  That's how it goes.

• 47:01Matt McCusker?

  The OLs.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  No, no, no, it's not an OL, it's not an OL, it's just.

• 47:05Speaker 00

  Bit of an OL.

• 47:06Speaker 04

  It's only, it was only an OL, cause all right, now.

• 47:09Speaker 00

  No, we don't have to.

• 47:10Speaker 04

  Well, now it sounds like I begged you to.

• 47:12Speaker 00

  We can edit this right out.

• 47:14Speaker 04

  I'm not editing it out.

• 47:16Speaker 00

  Gardini's turning on you. The Noctis boy, the Noctis boys.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  It was only an OL, cause it was phony. It was, it was not real.

• 47:23Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 47:24Speaker 00

  It's just, oh yes, speaking of, we can just go straight into joke world. How was it guys? Host world.

• 47:36Speaker 05

  We had a great time.

• 47:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I had fun too.

• 47:39Speaker 00

  I heard, I heard somebody was a little grumpy, no show.

• 47:42Speaker 04

  Uh, well, who's Mr. Lover Lover?

• 47:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:45Matt McCusker?

  Yo.

• 47:46Speaker 00

  Mr. Lover Lover.

• 47:47Matt McCusker?

  You didn't go?

• 47:48Speaker 00

  I wasn't grumpy, I was just a little sick, you know?

• 47:50Speaker 02

  You were under the weather. You brought influenza to the host world.

• 47:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I had to, I dipped. I wasn't hanging too much, you know?

• 47:57Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 47:58Speaker 00

  True.

• 47:59Matt McCusker?

  He'd keep his arrow right in his heiny.

• 48:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, so what happened? Give me the rundown of joke world.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  The funny thing that I wanted to bring up was LeMaire tried to get us all to go in on an Airbnb.

• 48:11Matt McCusker?

  I remember that.

• 48:12Speaker 04

  But he didn't mention why. And then it turns out he's bringing a lady and he just wanted us all to pay for the Airbnb.

• 48:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:20Matt McCusker?

  He was bringing you to girlfriend hell.

• 48:21Speaker 00

  You brought a girlfriend to joke world. I'd been trying for months.

• 48:25Matt McCusker?

  That's when it becomes serious world.

• 48:28Speaker 00

  Fight world.

• 48:30Matt McCusker?

  That's not so funny world.

• 48:31Speaker 00

  I've been trying for months to get them an Airbnb with me, cause I was like, yo guys, let's do this Airbnb thing, cause this hotel's gonna stink.

• 48:37Matt McCusker?

  Yep.

• 48:38Speaker 00

  Everyone was just gonna be next to each other.

• 48:39Matt McCusker?

  Hit him with the Airbnb she.

• 48:44Speaker 00

  And then, and then I tried for like two weeks and everybody was like, no. And I was like, all right, I'm doing it. And you got an Airbnb chief for you and your babe? Yeah.

• 48:54Matt McCusker?

  And they weren't allowed.

• 48:56Speaker 00

  That worked out for Gardini, or whoever your roommate was.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  I didn't have to share a room with LeMaire, so I was pretty happy.

• 49:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta share with somebody.

• 49:04Matt McCusker?

  So you got your own, who, who was in your quarters?

• 49:06Speaker 04

  Andy.

• 49:07Speaker 05

  Andy Malafredo. We had a great time. We just kept, we would get McDonald's at the end of the night and blackout. We, we thought we were gonna keep each other up with our sleep apnea, but don't even remember falling asleep the night.

• 49:18Matt McCusker?

  Yo, you don't even know, you don't even know what happened.

• 49:22Speaker 00

  I heard, I heard, well, exactly. I heard, uh, you said, I heard, uh, joke world was a hoot though.

• 49:29Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 49:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. You have a hoot?

• 49:32Speaker 02

  I got my own hotel room.

• 49:33Matt McCusker?

  Ooh.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  But that was because they, they like assigned us buddies. It was all double hotel rooms. And, uh, when I found that out, I was said, oh man, that might stink. And then I found out that my partner was Tommy. And, uh, I, I hit up Tommy, I was like, yeah dude, we were bunking together. And, uh, and then I got a follow up email saying that I got my own room, so Tommy complained. Tommy didn't respond to me and then complained to the festival. I was like, bro, we're gonna get the heck out so much.

• 50:02Matt McCusker?

  That set his eyebrows straight up in there.

• 50:11Speaker 00

  That's uh.

• 50:11Speaker 02

  I was so lonely in my room all weekend.

• 50:13Matt McCusker?

  That was masterful, honestly.

• 50:15Speaker 00

  Good for him.

• 50:16Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck? Fucking bullshit.

• 50:20Matt McCusker?

  I mean, that's fair.

• 50:21Speaker 02

  I guess, man.

• 50:22Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 50:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 50:24Speaker 02

  I was so down in the dumps about it.

• 50:26Speaker 00

  Really? No, that's such a nice.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  I was like, dude, we could watch cool videos. We could bring beers back. And then I ate, I ate 12 chocolate chip cookies by myself in bed and got diarrhea at the festival. I need someone there to stop.

• 50:40Speaker 00

  Crazy.

• 50:41Speaker 05

  Wasn't I begging you to buy those cookies? Wasn't that what happened?

• 50:44Speaker 02

  You were begging me to share them with you. And I said, no, thank you.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  They were overpriced hotel cookies and I gave myself a really bad time.

• 50:51Matt McCusker?

  That's when the party starts. You bring the cookies back in the fucking four man hotel room.

• 50:56Speaker 00

  I'm in the tates, dude. I'm not, I'm not proud. I'm not too proud to admit I've gone in on some tates at a hotel.

• 51:02Matt McCusker?

  For sure.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a hundred.

• 51:06Matt McCusker?

  What happened?

• 51:07Speaker 05

  He's eating the house.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  He literally is blowing the front door. So what happened at the festival?

• 51:16Speaker 05

  Just got, got hammered.

• 51:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, we'll take, we'll take a leaf, flower break.

• 51:24Speaker 05

  I mean, we had a good time. We had a nice time at the festival. Uh, I don't know. I don't, I don't.

• 51:30Matt McCusker?

  Just got drunk. You guys were merry.

• 51:32Speaker 05

  Just had a merry, just a merry good time. Blacked out a couple times.

• 51:35Speaker 00

  But the girlfriend Airbnb bothered you a little?

• 51:37Speaker 05

  Uh, nah. Not seeing La Mer made me a little sad, but the girl for Airbnb didn't bother me.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 51:45Speaker 04

  I was just worried I was, he was trying to bamboozle us and, and then I, I.

• 51:49Speaker 00

  I don't think La Mer would bamboozle you.

• 51:51Speaker 04

  I believe in your explanation.

• 51:52Matt McCusker?

  How was the experience?

• 51:54Speaker 04

  I'm sorry for putting you on blast.

• 51:56Matt McCusker?

  Airbnb, it was funny. It's a funny thing. How was the experience from your perspective? These guys were pure fucking infantry. Down there farting, blacking out.

• 52:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:05Matt McCusker?

  What were you, what were you doing? Just like going out to restaurants and shit?

• 52:09Speaker 00

  Nah, I was just laying down a lot. Just sleeping.

• 52:13Matt McCusker?

  That's the number one babe move. Let's go out to eat before the show. It's like, no.

• 52:17Speaker 00

  I'll kill you.

• 52:18Matt McCusker?

  No.

• 52:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, not now.

• 52:20Matt McCusker?

  Hey, here's four people I met in college once. Let's go out to eat with them before the show.

• 52:24Speaker 02

  So how'd you get into standup?

• 52:27Speaker 00

  I have a show. I have a very important show.

• 52:31Matt McCusker?

  Now we're gonna have a sugary daiquiri right before. Come on, drink one of these.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was stone sober for most of the festival. I said, boys, come on, this is not skank fest. Let's show some decorum here.

• 52:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:39Speaker 02

  I was so pissed at everyone partying the whole time.

• 52:42Matt McCusker?

  That's good.

• 52:42Speaker 00

  I mean, you guys just go down there and party and act like fools.

• 52:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, man.

• 52:45Speaker 00

  Joke World put together a nice thing for you. You go, this isn't good enough for me. This hotel's not good.

• 52:49Matt McCusker?

  It's our only friend on the internet. It's our only friend online.

• 52:52Speaker 00

  It's the only good guy.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  The only guy that likes us.

• 52:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:54Speaker 04

  Everyone else.

• 52:56Speaker 00

  Not.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  We never said any of those.

• 52:58Matt McCusker?

  You guys act it out. You guys act it out. You got down there and you're like, you can't control me.

• 53:01Speaker 02

  From beginning to end.

• 53:02Speaker 00

  Start to finish disrespect.

• 53:05Speaker 00

  I heard you were skipping spots. You go, I'm not going on that fucking bullshit.

• 53:08Speaker 04

  I did extra spots.

• 53:11Speaker 02

  Seeing it in person was really just disgraceful.

• 53:13Speaker 00

  It was a disgrace.

• 53:16Matt McCusker?

  Oh, really?

• 53:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, well.

• 53:20Speaker 05

  Live panties is what I meant. And another live panties. It was a great time.

• 53:24Speaker 00

  La Mer told me Mal Farina was carrying the fest. Said he was killing.

• 53:28Speaker 04

  Andy's a beast.

• 53:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:29Speaker 05

  And he was doing great.

• 53:31Speaker 02

  It's awesome.

• 53:32Speaker 00

  It's good to hear.

• 53:33Speaker 05

  He was a vibe man.

• 53:38Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 53:38Matt McCusker?

  Oh.

• 53:40Speaker 00

  That's all right.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  He held you down?

• 53:42Speaker 00

  I didn't do anything that wasn't fun. I've been nothing but nice.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  Sean did something.

• 53:46Speaker 00

  I didn't do anything. He's exactly right.

• 53:48Matt McCusker?

  Wait, you're, yeah, you're pushing back. What are you pushing back on?

• 53:51Speaker 00

  No.

• 53:51Speaker 04

  I just, it was just a pause. He said he held me down when I was hammered.

• 53:55Speaker 00

  So he got drunk and Andy held him down in the hotel.

• 53:59Matt McCusker?

  Turned those cookies into crumbs. He pulverized those tates.

• 54:02Speaker 00

  That was cookies and cream.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  Gardini was the highlight of the weekend. Was this at the festival or before? But it was raining unexpectedly and none of us had umbrellas. And we walked out of the building and there was like a group of like four or five of us and Gardini went, oh shoot, it's raining.

• 54:24Matt McCusker?

  It is also funny to see a bunch, like nine dudes come out of two hotel rooms. Like, let us get our umbrellas really quickly. Excuse us. Where are my gloves?

• 54:35Matt McCusker?

  And evening jackets.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  Like we were going to an assassin's funeral, you know? No, we just got wet.

• 54:40Speaker 00

  It was, it was probably like the John Wick hotel. All those, all those assassins in one hotel. God damn, dude.

• 54:51Speaker 00

  Was, uh, was Joke World the man? Was he running around?

• 54:53Speaker 02

  Jake, Jake World, he's the, he's the sweetest dude ever.

• 54:56Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, he is. I love him.

• 54:57Speaker 02

  And it was like, well, Ron, I don't have any complaints about it. I wish I had something funny to make fun of him for, but he's just a sweet dude and he tried really hard. And I mean, he would make so much more money if he hated us and thought we were all gay.

• 55:07Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  He would make so much money. It's crazy how he let all the, there's 19 clip channels that think this is the gayest thing you could be doing. And they're all like Mr. Beast numbers now.

• 55:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  And Jake World's just like, no, this is cool.

• 55:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:22Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, not even the gayest. They're like, these are the most morally repugnant human beings to ever walk the face of the earth.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:28Matt McCusker?

  YouTube plaque.

• 55:34Matt McCusker?

  There's blood on your fingers, boys.

• 55:35Speaker 02

  In 2027, they're gonna start, uh, threatening violence, I think. I think someone's gonna be like, I'm going down to Austin. I'm gonna put an end to this.

• 55:43Matt McCusker?

  I mean, hey, yeah, those guys are out there for sure.

• 55:49Matt McCusker?

  There's no shortage of those guys.

• 55:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:52Matt McCusker?

  They're incubating for sure.

• 55:54Speaker 00

  So matched.

• 56:00Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, unfortunately, yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 56:04Matt McCusker?

  I've been having a good old time, man. I've been doing my, my summer, uh, my summer comedy clubs were awesome. It's Stardome, Blast, fucking San, San Jose was fucking nasty. So yeah, we had a good old time.

• 56:18Matt McCusker?

  Good old, good old time, man.

• 56:20Speaker 00

  That's great.

• 56:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was nice. I'm telling you, doing, opening for you at the link like literally broke my brain.

• 56:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:25Matt McCusker?

  Where I, I like, now is, it's weird. I like, anywhere else I go, I'm like, I like, can't freak out anymore. I'm like, I don't, I, my brain can't, it's just like, it used up all my freak out juice. Pause. And it, it just, I literally don't have it left now. I'm just like, okay, we'll see what happens here.

• 56:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was, yeah, that was fucking terrifying.

• 56:45Matt McCusker?

  It was nuts.

• 56:46Speaker 02

  We were, I was sitting in the third row with Louis and we both had panic attacks just looking up and seeing people in the entire periphery of your vision. If you looked straight into the sky.

• 56:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was dude.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  So many fucking people, dude.

• 56:58Matt McCusker?

  For real, Street Fighter background. I, that like upper level, I'm like, this is a video game background. I can't, your brain was just like, yeah, okay.

• 57:05Speaker 00

  The thing that sucked is when I brought out Chappelle, me and him were supposed to do like a lot of time together.

• 57:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 57:09Speaker 00

  We couldn't hear each other.

• 57:10Matt McCusker?

  Dude.

• 57:11Speaker 00

  Couldn't hear anything.

• 57:12Matt McCusker?

  I couldn't.

• 57:13Speaker 00

  He would say something, we couldn't, couldn't riff, dude. The riff.

• 57:15Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 57:15Speaker 00

  The impossible riff.

• 57:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that's, I, I, every word I said, I could hear it eight times. I'd be like, mm, goo, goo, goo, goo. And then the funniest part that made me laugh, I was like, up there, I'm like, all right, here we go. Chill out. We got this. Sound guys are probably fixing. I look over at them like two minutes in, just.

• 57:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:35Matt McCusker?

  All right, I'll, I'll figure out.

• 57:36Speaker 00

  I was backstage screaming. I was like, why the fuck is it echoing like that? Fix that. What the fuck?

• 57:43Speaker 04

  Dude, they were doing shit.

• 57:43Speaker 00

  They were fucking up. Everyone was fucking that show up.

• 57:46Matt McCusker?

  Dude, we did like two sound checks. We did two sound checks.

• 57:48Speaker 00

  There was so much going on.

• 57:49Matt McCusker?

  You know, they said, they go, once people are in here, it's gonna pad the sound and we'll be in that. I, dude, it was every, they had that, like the, that's why Shakira wears that fucking shit in her ear. We needed fuck, we, you guys, we needed these.

• 58:00Speaker 00

  I know.

• 58:00Matt McCusker?

  Sure changed ourselves. Should've went, rocks our lifestyle.

• 58:04Speaker 00

  We could've. We had to do that, uh, I did that any other time. I did Notre Dame, we did that. Anytime, Zach Bryan's people do it.

• 58:12Matt McCusker?

  Dude, that would've been sick. That would've been my new Facebook profile picture onstage with the earbud in.

• 58:19Speaker 00

  Would've been tight. They were fucking up. They tossed on, there, there was no communication about when the show starts. They're like, flyovers right now. We gotta go. I was like, send it. There's nothing we can do about that.

• 58:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 58:31Speaker 00

  Then they're like, all right, get Bam ready. It's like, don't get him ready.

• 58:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, wait.

• 58:34Speaker 00

  No one's in the fucking stadium.

• 58:36Matt McCusker?

  That's kind of fucked up because for the night.

• 58:37Speaker 00

  Tossed him on screen for a minute. And he was like, you guys ready to start the show? And then I was like, no.

• 58:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 58:43Speaker 00

  We're not gonna send out Meek Mill's with.

• 58:44Matt McCusker?

  Give me my Bam back.

• 58:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:45Matt McCusker?

  That's my Bam for the night.

• 58:47Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 58:48Matt McCusker?

  Bam's mine for the night. Give me my Bam. It's kind of fucked up. They just took your Bam like that.

• 58:53Speaker 00

  Stole my Bam.

• 58:53Matt McCusker?

  Stole your Bam. Dude, by the way, I, that guy fucking rules.

• 58:56Speaker 00

  Bam, yeah.

• 58:57Matt McCusker?

  Oh my God, that was such a nice, that was so nice to meet him. He's the, he's the ultimate legend.

• 59:02Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  He's fully back. He's back.

• 59:05Matt McCusker?

  Bro, he, I've seen him land in 360 kickflips, dude. He's back.

• 59:08Speaker 02

  They let him back in his house. He's back in Castle Bam.

• 59:12Speaker 00

  The return of the king.

• 59:13Speaker 02

  Dude, that's all.

• 59:15Speaker 00

  It's literally the return of the king.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  He reforged the skateboard.

• 59:17Matt McCusker?

  A hundred percent.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  The prophecy's been fulfilled. He's back.

• 59:21Matt McCusker?

  I saw him with, he's got his boy now. He's got a little boy. Saw a video of his little boy and everyone's saying he just looks, he's just like, Bam looks like Don Vito now.

• 59:28Speaker 05

  Why are you eating, bud?

• 59:29Matt McCusker?

  It's really funny. Yeah, he's, I fucking love that guy.

• 59:34Matt McCusker?

  Big bomb.

• 59:34Speaker 00

  That was wonderful.

• 59:35Matt McCusker?

  He is a full on superstar. He literally became like a giant super. He did the full experience. It's kinda sick.

• 59:44Speaker 00

  What uh, what was happening to you this morning? You said something was going on?

• 59:47Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, I had a really strange thing happen to me this week.

• 59:50Speaker 00

  What is it?

• 59:52Speaker 02

  Well, I was, so I did the uh, the thirty minute guest digital thing.

• 59:56Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  And uh, uh, I don't know, you guys have done like multiple specials and the whole time at every juncture, are you worried that something's going to make the entire thing fall apart?

• 1:00:07Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  From the second that you say yes to doing it, you go, there's gonna be a disaster that derails the entire thing.

• 1:00:12Speaker 00

  It's everything I do.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  Right, for sure.

• 1:00:14Speaker 00

  Forest fires before the Eagles show. And I was like, I didn't even think about this. Now there's smoke.

• 1:00:20Matt McCusker?

  My brother was spreading rumors that it was mask mandatory and I like, I for real, I for real believed him. I was like, oh dude, fuck, this is really.

• 1:00:28Speaker 00

  They were. I got, everyone was like, are you canceling the show? I was like, I'm not gonna cancel.

• 1:00:31Matt McCusker?

  No, we're doing it.

• 1:00:32Speaker 00

  It's gonna happen. Smoke added to it.

• 1:00:34Matt McCusker?

  Smoke was sick.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  Very uh, end of the world. Very cool.

• 1:00:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  Very thunder.

• 1:00:38Matt McCusker?

  So you were, you were convinced.

• 1:00:39Speaker 02

  So every, so every, every juncture, I said yes. I was like, alright, well it's gonna get canceled. They're gonna say they changed their mind. And then it's like, well, uh, there's not gonna be anyone there and the show's sold out and it's like, okay, cool. And then it's like, well, okay, now everyone's here. They're gonna see me fucking bomb. And then the shows went great. And then it's like, alright, well, you know, it probably didn't capture something, something failed. Like every step of the way, I'm waiting for the entire thing to fall apart, but it keeps going better and better. And it's like, whoa. And there was like a tiny success instead of a failure. Every step of the way.

• 1:01:09Speaker 00

  It never goes away.

• 1:01:10Speaker 02

  The edit, I'm going, the edit's gonna be a nightmare. They're gonna, we're not gonna be able to capture something. Dude, we cut, it cut down perfectly into the time that we needed. Um, and I was like, alright, well now I'm gonna, I'm gonna upload it and no one's gonna care and no one's gonna, they're gonna go, uh, I don't know what that crowd was, like the online viewer is gonna hate it. And so I just, it's just a night, not, not, at one point in the way, I didn't get to enjoy any of the small victories. I didn't enjoy the night of the shows. I went, well, this is just, I'm not even halfway there. And uh, but it just keeps building and going great. And uh, it, all the way up into the day that it's supposed to come out. And I'm like, hand trembling on the mount. I'm uploading the YouTube video myself and I'm just like, there's gonna be an issue.

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  And there was like a technical issue and then I'm like, this is the last fucking thing I need, dude. It's like, it's, I, and I said, everyone, hey, come to my YouTube channel at seven o'clock on Tuesday and check this shit out. I'm gonna look like a fucking idiot. And I'm in the middle of troubleshooting it and I swear to God, the second that I figured it out and it's like the last click of the mouse before the thing goes up and it's all scheduled. And I got the, is the title correct? Is the description right? Everything is finally in place. My cat walked into the living room and dropped dead in front of us.

• 1:02:28Matt McCusker?

  It was waiting. It was holding out.

• 1:02:30Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 1:02:30Speaker 00

  It's like Odysseus' dog.

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  Bro.

• 1:02:33Matt McCusker?

  What? What?

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  Dropped dead on the spot. We've had this cat for like ten years. He's older than my youngest son. He would, dude, he, we escaped the hood together. He, we, we had him in Kensington.

• 1:02:44Matt McCusker?

  He did.

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  And when I, dude, so the video is uploading and, and Mary Jo starts like freaking out. She goes, something's happening. And I, and so that I go into the living room and the cat is laying on his.

• 1:02:56Speaker 00

  Sold your soul for the.

• 1:02:57Speaker 02

  I sacrificed.

• 1:02:58Speaker 00

  Literally, yeah.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  I sacrificed for my dearest, closest.

• 1:03:02Speaker 00

  What was the cat's name?

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  Andy.

• 1:03:03Matt McCusker?

  Andy.

• 1:03:04Speaker 00

  R.I.P.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  Dude, Andy's on the floor in the living room and his tongue's hanging out and he's like, his eyes are wide open and his breathing's really slow. And I'm like, uh, uh, uh, uh. And she, dude, she's like beside herself. She doesn't even know what to even try to help with.

• 1:03:18Matt McCusker?

  Hold on.

• 1:03:20Speaker 02

  I swear to, I have my phone in my hand and I'm like waiting on an email reply on something. I'm like, uh, uh. And uh, I, so I got down and uh.

• 1:03:27Speaker 00

  CPR?

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  I gave him mouth to mouth.

• 1:03:30Matt McCusker?

  Did you really?

• 1:03:31Speaker 00

  You have to.

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  I had to.

• 1:03:33Matt McCusker?

  How, is there a specific thing for cats or same?

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  No, I don't know how to do it for a human. So I'm like pumping his shots. I'm like, Andy, wake up buddy. Come on pal. And I, and I cup my hand around his mouth and I go, and his body goes.

• 1:03:46Speaker 02

  And I'm like, I think it's working. And I keep doing it. At one point she has to be like, I think he's gone. So I'm just.

• 1:03:53Speaker 00

  You go, god damn it.

• 1:03:53Speaker 02

  Face fucking my dead cat in the living room, waiting for an email about this thing that I just uploaded that I'm like, I hope this isn't a huge disaster for me.

• 1:04:02Speaker 00

  Did you mark the time when you gave up on the cat?

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  To call it.

• 1:04:07Speaker 00

  Tim, you're giving a meow to meow.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  That's what I said to my wife, dude. The kids are at school, so they're not seeing this. I had to call a service to come pick them up to cremate them for us. And uh, I mean, the whole family's fucking crying, like headache, crying with each other. It was like a, it was like a religious moment of everyone just like sobbing by the time the kids get home. And uh, I, I was, I, I was the one that broke the news to the kids. And um.

• 1:04:35Speaker 00

  You were like, also, specials get a lot of views, but.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  This is before it even goes live. This is before it goes live. So I'm like, uh, I, you know, I'm like, guys, I don't know how to tell you this. I don't, Andy, uh, I don't know, we have no idea what happened, but he got.

• 1:04:52Matt McCusker?

  He got in one of my fent packs and he died.

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  And I, I go, and I tried to save him.

• 1:04:59Speaker 00

  Did you get the?

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  And my wife starts going, and she's laughing thinking about me giving him that.

• 1:05:05Speaker 00

  But you don't, you don't know how Andy passed?

• 1:05:07Speaker 02

  I, I think we, we had another cat from the same litter and he died like as a kitten from this, like in the same exact way.

• 1:05:13Speaker 00

  But they, they didn't do a polotopsy.

• 1:05:20Speaker 00

  I mean, that's how you said, get his bugle world record.

• 1:05:27Speaker 00

  There was no polotopsy.

• 1:05:28Matt McCusker?

  Polotopsy's nice.

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  I told Rainey, I said, you gave him C P U R R.

• 1:05:37Matt McCusker?

  Oh fuck.

• 1:05:37Speaker 00

  R.I.P Andy, that's a, yeah, that's tough.

• 1:05:40Speaker 02

  Rip Andy. So we haven't, so it, it's going, it's going, the special's going great, but we haven't, dude, we went out to dinner last night. It was, but we were supposed to be like celebrating and we just sat quietly in this nice restaurant. No one's feeling it.

• 1:05:51Speaker 00

  The loss of Andy was big.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  The loss of Andy was enormous, dude.

• 1:05:54Speaker 00

  Picture of Andy?

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  Nuke. It was an absolute nuke upon my household.

• 1:05:58Matt McCusker?

  Andy was definitely like, alright, video's initializing. I've done my job.

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  He got out of Kensington with you. Said, this is it. I, there's no more I have to offer you.

• 1:06:08Speaker 00

  He was done.

• 1:06:09Matt McCusker?

  Solid half an hour, you got another half in the tank.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  There's Andy chewing on his own foot.

• 1:06:13Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 1:06:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's the man. He made this really awful sound when he would chew on his nails and it was like, that's Fritz talking to him.

• 1:06:23Speaker 00

  We're gonna need this video for the YouTube. You guys are gonna wanna take a look at Andy.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  You're gonna see Andy. He's a sweet guy.

• 1:06:28Speaker 00

  That is a good cat.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  And uh, yeah, so we haven't, and then also it's like, my kids have never seen me do stand up before, so we were gonna like all watch it together.

• 1:06:36Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  And it's like thirty minutes of me being like, man, being a dad is really hard. You guys ever raised a teenage girl before? So they all wa, they, we, we canceled the viewing and they all went to bed and they all watched it in bed and it's just like, my daughter's like, so having a teenage girl is really tough. It's like, yeah, well, I was fucking joking.

• 1:06:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 1:06:53Speaker 02

  You just proved my point. I'm in, this has been the most stressful week of my entire life.

• 1:06:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  But the special's going well.

• 1:07:00Speaker 00

  That's, that's good.

• 1:07:01Matt McCusker?

  That's awesome. Cat died, daughter's mad.

• 1:07:05Speaker 00

  I had some angry.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  The boys are depressed.

• 1:07:08Speaker 00

  I had some angry family members from my YouTube special.

• 1:07:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you gotta ruffle Fred. If you're not pissing someone off, dude, you're not even doing it right.

• 1:07:14Speaker 00

  I mean, yeah, we're the canaries in the coal mine.

• 1:07:16Matt McCusker?

  It's true.

• 1:07:17Speaker 00

  It is what it is, the canaries.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  They're not ready for, uh, you know, you're speaking truth to power. You're speaking truth to sisters.

• 1:07:23Speaker 00

  Speaking truth to daughter.

• 1:07:25Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I really rue the day when my kids get old enough to be like, dude, what the fuck? You're like.

• 1:07:32Speaker 02

  It's not as bad as you think.

• 1:07:33Speaker 00

  Do you like your house? Do you like your car?

• 1:07:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:34Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:07:35Matt McCusker?

  Okay, then shush.

• 1:07:35Speaker 00

  I had to talk about jacking off for seven years. Well, fucking twelve years. Jesus Christ.

• 1:07:41Speaker 02

  It's gonna be fine, man. My daughter thinks we're all gay, but it's funny. My sons think this is, we're, we're cool guys, which is like, whoa, what an illusion, you know?

• 1:07:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  And it's not so bad.

• 1:07:51Matt McCusker?

  Yes, you know, it is what it is. It is funny though. I, I have zero ability to appreciate anything. Soon as anything gets done, if I'm doing anything, I'm like, okay, that's done. Alright, now I'm gonna work on something else. They're like, no, you should really sit back and like really take this in. I'm like, I can't.

• 1:08:05Speaker 00

  It's impossible.

• 1:08:06Matt McCusker?

  I'm not capable of.

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  I did it at the link.

• 1:08:08Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 1:08:09Speaker 00

  I made sure that while I was on set to be like, alright.

• 1:08:13Matt McCusker?

  Done.

• 1:08:14Speaker 00

  It was that, that, that and uh, first time SNL.

• 1:08:18Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:19Speaker 00

  That was.

• 1:08:20Matt McCusker?

  Sit and go.

• 1:08:20Speaker 00

  After shook hands with nine hundred people.

• 1:08:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:23Speaker 00

  Just you and me walked back into the studio and it was like.

• 1:08:26Matt McCusker?

  That was sick.

• 1:08:28Speaker 00

  I got about five minutes of happiness there. Ten seconds of happiness in the link. I still don't even like talking about it. I don't even discuss it. I can't even talk about it.

• 1:08:38Matt McCusker?

  That just adds to your mystique though. That's kinda nice.

• 1:08:40Speaker 00

  What, that I'm unhappy with everything?

• 1:08:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but you have to be, you have to just don't just be like, I'd prefer not to talk about it.

• 1:08:44Speaker 00

  And you go, god damn. I don't like it. People are like, how was it? I go, it was intense. I don't wanna talk about it.

• 1:08:49Speaker 02

  I, I have designs and I tell me what to think about this. I, I wanna enter you into high society. You have to make it, you have to now enter like high, like the Hiltons and make your debut. It's a whole thing.

• 1:08:59Speaker 00

  I'm already there.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you gotta make your debut.

• 1:09:02Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 1:09:02Speaker 02

  You have to host like a gala for high society.

• 1:09:04Speaker 00

  I gotta host a gala.

• 1:09:04Speaker 02

  And then come out and be like, ha, ha, ha.

• 1:09:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:07Speaker 02

  What a lovely evening. And then everyone's gonna be like, he's a buffoon.

• 1:09:10Speaker 00

  I could easily do that.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  You have to do it.

• 1:09:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:13Matt McCusker?

  Now you have to conquer high society. I'm reading.

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  Thank you all for coming.

• 1:09:17Speaker 00

  Just chucked on a beer.

• 1:09:20Speaker 02

  Oh, what a fine occasion.

• 1:09:23Speaker 00

  What did he fucking say?

• 1:09:25Matt McCusker?

  Have you seen that giant cat? Yes, of course you have. Don't worry, he's declawed.

• 1:09:29Speaker 00

  I was with high society at the soccer game this week.

• 1:09:31Matt McCusker?

  Were you really?

• 1:09:32Speaker 00

  And I got, they thought I was cheating on sweet Bud Light. Cause the person next to me had a Dos Equis in the cup holder. And then somebody handed me a Bud Light and they were like, dude, Shane, the second the camera's on him, his agent was like, dude, you need a Bud Light in your hand.

• 1:09:46Speaker 02

  It's.

• 1:09:46Speaker 00

  Didn't even know the camera's on me. I wouldn't have.

• 1:09:48Speaker 02

  It's a viper's den, brother. It's a viper's den. I'm reading that book right now. It's all about like Russian aristocracy. It's, it's, it's my favorite, like the eighteen hundreds Russian aristocracy or any aristocracy. It's so funny. Everything, you're always rising and falling. If like your son does something weird, everyone's like.

• 1:10:04Speaker 00

  Even gayer. Well, and TMZ ran an article that was like, he was drinking Bud Light. Don't worry about it.

• 1:10:11Speaker 02

  Oh, that is your people.

• 1:10:12Speaker 00

  That's even more embarrassing. Somebody, somebody did something. And I texted who, I texted people like, don't do that ever. Whoever did that, don't do that.

• 1:10:21Speaker 02

  You fire your publicist?

• 1:10:22Speaker 00

  I was a little annoyed with whoever did that. And I don't know who did it. They, they won't tell me who did that.

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  Your people are gonna turn on you all at once. They're gonna kill you like Anne Heche.

• 1:10:30Speaker 00

  For sure.

• 1:10:31Matt McCusker?

  If you shine too high, if you shine too bright in society, someone will try to take you down.

• 1:10:35Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 1:10:35Matt McCusker?

  Gotta be careful. Someone will start making designs on you.

• 1:10:38Speaker 00

  It happens in standup. If you go on the road for somebody, people underneath are like, fucking piece of shit. I'm gonna bring him down. He's not as good as he says. The Noctis Boys will bring people down. They'll stab them. I've seen you drag people to the dirt.

• 1:10:56Matt McCusker?

  No, we lift people up.

• 1:10:58Speaker 05

  It's about as lifting people up.

• 1:11:00Matt McCusker?

  Amplifying voices.

• 1:11:01Speaker 05

  The guys who don't get a bunch of spots around town, the spot at the Noctis.

• 1:11:05Speaker 00

  Then you drink a couple whiskies and you go, you fucking.

• 1:11:09Speaker 03

  Thank you for the Noctis.

• 1:11:10Matt McCusker?

  Who invited you here?

• 1:11:16Speaker 00

  I didn't say you could get on this stage. I go, yeah, you did. You were just drunk again. Fine, get on stage.

• 1:11:22Matt McCusker?

  Why is there sixteen people at this show right now?

• 1:11:25Speaker 00

  That's what happened. Three of them go their separate ways, get drunk, invite people to Noctis. There's fifteen comedians on the Noctis. They go, who did that? I go, fucking piece of shit.

• 1:11:35Matt McCusker?

  Three people are like, I actually flew here for this. It's the best green room hang. It is a sick hang.

• 1:11:41Speaker 05

  Where are you on the green room with wings?

• 1:11:43Speaker 00

  Those are good wings. Where are those wings from?

• 1:11:46Matt McCusker?

  The truck.

• 1:11:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, delicious wings.

• 1:11:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're yummy.

• 1:11:51Matt McCusker?

  Very yummy. We gotta do, we, we talked about, was that on the Patreon? We talked about Hop Dotty's for forty-five minutes? Yeah, yeah, a couple weeks ago.

• 1:11:58Matt McCusker?

  We gotta hit Dotty's, bro.

• 1:12:00Speaker 00

  What is that?

• 1:12:00Matt McCusker?

  It's a burger place. It's not, it's a, it's a, it's a paper, yeah, bro.

• 1:12:04Speaker 00

  I'll be there.

• 1:12:05Matt McCusker?

  It's fucking sick.

• 1:12:06Speaker 00

  You guys are gay keying these places.

• 1:12:07Speaker 03

  Happy hour starts at four. And it goes to like seven P. U.

• 1:12:11Matt McCusker?

  And again, not paid promotion. It's just, I love it. I went there recently. I went to a soft opening, so I got to eat there for pretty much free. And now I've been like, that's the best. I talked to the regional manager. Nice guy. It might be my favorite place in the world now. Guy's six years old. Tell you what, he looks like he's about maybe forty-nine.

• 1:12:28Speaker 00

  Guy looks good.

• 1:12:29Matt McCusker?

  He looks good for his age.

• 1:12:30Speaker 00

  It's incredible.

• 1:12:31Matt McCusker?

  Looks great for his age.

• 1:12:31Speaker 00

  I love to see an old man looking good.

• 1:12:35Speaker 00

  It actually kind of bothers me, to be honest.

• 1:12:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:37Speaker 00

  When an old guy's like, still cares about his looks a lot.

• 1:12:40Matt McCusker?

  See, this guy though struck me as an old, he's an old bar guy. So I kind of like an old bar guy to be like, yeah, man, fucking drinking all the time. Look, I look fucking great. I don't know what they're talking about.

• 1:12:49Speaker 00

  That's obviously something I look.

• 1:12:51Matt McCusker?

  It was kind of nice. It was, it was definitely, he was, he was cracking me up. I got crushed at the track that, uh, I was running one afternoon. It was hot and there was a guy there like, like completely white, long hair, big white beard. He had like a slightly older boy with him and he was just, he literally was like, it's great to see old guys like us getting after it. I'm like, hold on, man. I'm only fucking forty. Let's fucking.

• 1:13:11Speaker 00

  Was it, what, what did he look like? And he had a young bow. Was it fucking Aristotle? Is this a Greek philosopher jogging?

• 1:13:18Matt McCusker?

  Could have been.

• 1:13:18Speaker 00

  Oh, this is my boy.

• 1:13:20Matt McCusker?

  Could have been trying to get me into his face. Like, let's wrestle. You know, let's fucking wrestle.

• 1:13:23Speaker 00

  All right, pop your clothes off.

• 1:13:26Speaker 00

  Pop off those trousers. Let's wrestle.

• 1:13:27Matt McCusker?

  Fucking trousers. My little running shorts that I don't wear underwear underneath.

• 1:13:31Speaker 00

  You don't, you run with no undies?

• 1:13:32Matt McCusker?

  No, if they have, I have shorts that have like a.

• 1:13:34Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 1:13:35Matt McCusker?

  A thing. I love doing that. I always go to Brittany and go, I'm not wearing underwear. Get away from me.

• 1:13:42Matt McCusker?

  Showing penis to the babe is really fun. Just show no reason sweaty flaccid penis being like, yo. You're ridiculous.

• 1:13:50Speaker 00

  That's nice.

• 1:13:51Matt McCusker?

  It's a nice move.

• 1:13:52Speaker 00

  I wish they would do that back. That'd be great.

• 1:13:54Matt McCusker?

  Bro, flash would be crazy.

• 1:13:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:56Matt McCusker?

  Stretch one lip out of the side of the shorts. Thanks, thanks, mommy.

• 1:14:01Speaker 00

  Bro, I sat in some gum.

• 1:14:05Matt McCusker?

  That might actually alert me. We're out there, if we were out eating burgers or something, she went, yo, want some pickled onions? I'm like, yo.

• 1:14:17Matt McCusker?

  Oh shit, I seem to drop my earlobe.

• 1:14:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, just go, oh, got your earlobe.

• 1:14:24Speaker 00

  Now it's down here.

• 1:14:28Speaker 00

  All right.

• 1:14:30Matt McCusker?

  Well, gosh darn it.

• 1:14:31Speaker 00

  We'll catch you on the Patreon. Check out Tim's special.

• 1:14:33Matt McCusker?

  Yo. It's on my YouTube channel. It's really good.

• 1:14:35Speaker 00

  Where can they find it?

• 1:14:36Matt McCusker?

  Uh, youtube.com slash Tim Butterley. It's thirty minutes. Gas Digital presents thirty minutes with Tim Butterley. Please check it out. I think you'll like it. Thank you.

• 1:14:42Speaker 00

  Thirty minutes of non-stop gut-busting laughs.

• 1:14:45Matt McCusker?

  Unbelievable stuff.

• 1:14:45Speaker 00

  If you're ready to crack up, check out, what's the name of it?

• 1:14:48Matt McCusker?

  Thirty minutes with Tim Butterley.

• 1:14:49Speaker 00

  Thirty minutes with Tim Butterley.

• 1:14:51Matt McCusker?

  Description below.

• 1:14:52Speaker 00

  Yes, click the link below.

• 1:14:55Matt McCusker?

  Thank you, guys.

• 1:14:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:57Matt McCusker?

  Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

• 1:15:01Speaker 00

  Do it.

• 1:15:08Speaker 06

  Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials?

• 1:15:16Speaker 06

  Experian can help take the pain out of canceling by handling it for you. Think of it as Operation Get Your Sanity Back. Over two hundred subscriptions are cancelable. So get started in the Experian app and see how much you could save. Results will vary. Not all subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details.

• 1:15:37Speaker 07

  Advertising on Spotify with audio and display ads helps brands turn attention into results. Download the twenty twenty-six Performance Playbook and discover why Spotify belongs in your media plan.