Pod Insights Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Ep 550 - Blazer Tag About this episode Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod
Support Blazer Tag
Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates
Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com
Yup. We casted LIVE (to tape) from Blazer Tag. Hot Cast in the Pizza Party Room. How great is our God. We're joined by all the broz Adam E Jimby Meezy Unc Terminator Pat etc etc. I wore a go pro while we tagged - so I'm going to try to edit together a video and put it on the patreon. Anyways, please enjoy. God Bless.
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Transcript 14,142 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 Wow, wow, Wes.
0:02 Matt McCusker? You.
0:03 Speaker 00 They said it couldn't be done.
0:04 Matt McCusker? I know.
0:05 Speaker 00 They said it could not be done. Nobody would be crazy enough to do a podcast live from Blazer Tag.
0:11 Matt McCusker? I know. I didn't know you could pull it off, dude. This is.
0:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, it turns out it was pretty easy to pull off.
0:15 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
0:16 Speaker 00 So then rent that fucking place out.
0:19 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true. What are you guys doing at, uh, one o'clock in the afternoon?
0:22 Speaker 00 On a day they're closed? We got Blazer Tag.
0:25 Matt McCusker? It's.
0:25 Speaker 00 I'm a Blazer Tag. God damn it. I know it was a mistake to get you get up here. God damn it. You got that blood taking out your little fucking week.
0:38 Matt McCusker? I mean, yeah, it's, it's hard to podcast knowing laser tags on the back end.
0:42 Speaker 00 What are you, what are you thinking about? Yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna be taking breaks, hit the tag, come back and report. I'm thinking, what were you thinking about teams? I'm thinking fats versus thins.
0:51 Matt McCusker? That's not bad.
0:52 Speaker 00 Fats versus thins is gonna be nice.
0:56 Speaker 00 You might be, you're close to thins. There's some, there's some true fats.
1:01 Matt McCusker? Do we have enough fats?
1:02 Speaker 00 We have enough fat. Is Onk coming?
1:06 Matt McCusker? I think we have more than enough fat.
1:09 Speaker 00 It might be too many, but the fats are gonna be camping. You're gonna have to breach that room. We're not leaving. Although we could gas ourselves out. One of the fats, Spider could hit another Blazer Tag floor, clear the room.
1:23 Matt McCusker? Is friendly fire?
1:24 Speaker 00 We might send Blazer, we might send Spider in as a little suicide bomb. You guys are gonna shoot him a lot, but he's getting a fart.
1:29 Matt McCusker? I see him reloading on the Cheetos.
1:31 Speaker 00 He's got the Cheetos.
1:33 Matt McCusker? We're just gonna fuck, go in all a lot more. Did you eat a burrito before your game? Oh, thank God.
1:40 Speaker 00 But what did you eat? I'm sure it was fucking catastrophic. Oh, an empty, empty belly with Cheetos? That's a good recipe.
1:49 Matt McCusker? Could be empty belly.
1:49 Speaker 00 Dude, he gassed out my house the other day.
1:51 Matt McCusker? Did he really?
1:53 Speaker 00 Oh, no. He took a shit in the far room.
1:56 Matt McCusker? And it's.
1:57 Speaker 00 And I was like, fucking the sewage just fucked again. I just had plumbers here. It was so bad that I was like, and it like, it really fucked the whole house up.
2:04 Matt McCusker? Is that when we?
2:05 Speaker 00 It was an impressive dump.
2:06 Matt McCusker? Was that when we thought he died? That night?
2:08 Speaker 00 No, that was, this is the second dump he's taken recently. In your house. Uh, yes.
2:16 Matt McCusker? Whoa.
2:17 Speaker 00 That was clearly dog shit.
2:19 Matt McCusker? Out of water too.
2:20 Speaker 00 I mean, who knows what he did in there?
2:24 Matt McCusker? Damn dude.
2:26 Speaker 00 Oh, there's my fucking gym shorts.
2:32 Speaker 00 Goddamn spiders wearing them.
2:36 Matt McCusker? What was going on with that dump? What led up to that?
2:39 Speaker 02 I just hadn't been dumping dude. It was a fun weekend.
2:42 Matt McCusker? You're blocked up.
2:43 Speaker 00 Everybody dropped an insane one. Girls were there, they were screaming, people were upset. Oh my god. We opened the doors. We had to open the doors of the house.
2:53 Matt McCusker? You crushed the girls?
2:54 Speaker 00 Crushed the girls.
2:56 Speaker 02 Crushed the bees.
2:56 Matt McCusker? Was it a giant log or like a pile?
2:58 Speaker 00 No, that was a pile.
2:59 Speaker 02 It was, it was multiple. I had to go back.
3:03 Speaker 02 Just one flush.
3:05 Speaker 00 It's impressive to clear out a house in a one flush.
3:09 Matt McCusker? I mean.
3:11 Speaker 00 Yeah, we thought he was dead. We were joking around, we were in the pool and we were like, maybe he's dead. And then we all kind of like, thought about it for a while and we're like, somebody should check on him.
3:19 Matt McCusker? Do a two hour dump for real?
3:21 Speaker 00 He might have Elvis out.
3:22 Speaker 02 It was a long dump.
3:25 Speaker 00 And then we had the realization that one of us is gonna Elvis out.
3:29 Matt McCusker? True.
3:29 Speaker 00 Between the squad, I think we have a pretty high speaking of Elvising out. Someone's dying on the shitter in that.
3:36 Matt McCusker? Reporting for duty, Team Pat. Team Pat reporting for duty.
3:43 Speaker 00 It's gonna be tough for, uh, Pat, cause he's been losing weight. Still reporting for duty.
3:51 Matt McCusker? Reporting for duty, Team Fat.
3:54 Speaker 00 Team Fat's gonna be camped though. That's gonna be tough.
3:57 Matt McCusker? You guys will camp.
3:58 Speaker 00 You're gonna have to breach the room, yes.
4:00 Matt McCusker? You guys gotta get the tactical position.
4:05 Matt McCusker? Another reported for duty.
4:08 Matt McCusker? What up, Pat?
4:09 Speaker 00 It'd be funny.
4:11 Matt McCusker? Pat, we're split. We're splitting up the laser tag team.
4:14 Speaker 00 Anytime someone dies, they respawn in there.
4:15 Matt McCusker? Fan skinny.
4:16 Speaker 00 It's a good look.
4:18 Matt McCusker? That's right. Nice. So what do I?
4:23 Speaker 00 Oh, shit. Oh, I'm good. Oh, I guess I am on the skinny team. Holy shit, I thought I was fucked. It's literally just Gardini, Matt, and O'Connor. There's no one else. We're outnumbered.
4:37 Speaker 00 You and me are competing, truthfully.
4:41 Matt McCusker? We gotta have a BMI, it's gotta be a BMI cutoff.
4:47 Matt McCusker? This is cra- you guys are Legion right now.
4:51 Speaker 00 Literally on the drive over, I was like, I'm close. I'm on the cutoff, there's some units on the squad.
5:02 Matt McCusker? All lining.
5:03 Speaker 00 This is great. This is a tough squad, dude. Have you thought about your name?
5:09 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I was gonna, I was gonna do.
5:10 Speaker 00 Can't think of a cool name.
5:11 Matt McCusker? I was gonna do TS Cool Shooter.
5:14 Speaker 00 That's awesome.
5:17 Speaker 00 TS Cool Shooter is awesome.
5:22 Matt McCusker? We gotta see, you gotta get past their filter, they don't like.
5:24 Speaker 00 Doctor Hits?
5:28 Matt McCusker? Someone's gotta be General Fat.
5:30 Speaker 00 Oh, that's great.
5:33 Matt McCusker? Hey, Spider.
5:34 Speaker 00 They're Spider. General Fat Spider.
5:40 Matt McCusker? I was thinking of cool names last night, I was like, what can I slide through? Yeah, last, last game I was busting.
5:46 Speaker 00 Anything Doctor, Mr. Hits, Doctor Hits.
5:48 Matt McCusker? Doctor Hits is nice. Chairman Pow.
5:50 Speaker 00 Chairman Pow is pretty good.
5:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, that'd be good. Yeah, you'd be Netanyahu.
5:57 Matt McCusker? Netanyahu, Bibi would be nice.
5:59 Speaker 00 Don't get me started. Don't get him started.
6:01 Matt McCusker? I might be Bibi, actually, now that I think about it.
6:04 Speaker 00 Bibi.
6:05 Matt McCusker? I could be Bibi. Bibi Net.
6:07 Speaker 00 Yeah.
6:08 Matt McCusker? Bibi Net, how many terms has he done as President of Israel?
6:10 Speaker 00 Fucking ninety?
6:11 Matt McCusker? Two thousand?
6:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
6:12 Matt McCusker? Maybe those guys, they lived to two thousand.
6:17 Speaker 00 He's the potent of Israel, for sure, yeah. Man, you can feel it, it is a blazer tag, the air, the air in here. Now that the boys reported for duty, the air got thick.
6:35 Speaker 00 Fucking Lemare's gonna fart in there and we're all gonna four.
6:39 Matt McCusker? Once they bring us the rations, the movie theater pizza, this is gonna be thick in there. It's gonna be like the fucking jungles of Namibia. It's gonna be a pure bog. Humidity eighty-seven percent.
6:53 Speaker 00 Guys are gonna lose their minds, dude.
6:59 Speaker 00 Yeah, they're gonna be able to find us from our breath. They're on the other side of the wall.
7:05 Matt McCusker? Goddamn.
7:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's not fair. You guys are gonna have radar.
7:08 Matt McCusker? What do you mean?
7:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, true. You know exactly the smell, the snores.
7:15 Speaker 00 We're gonna be running night shifts. Guys are gonna have to watch the wire at night. Guys are gonna be sleeping.
7:24 Matt McCusker? In blazer tag, no one can hear you.
7:27 Speaker 00 He's been losing a little. James just got off.
7:33 Matt McCusker? James, you thin team, fat team? Which team?
7:35 Speaker 03 Oh, fat team.
7:36 Matt McCusker? Actually, it's a fat robe. That shirt's looking straight down, bro. Whoa.
7:40 Speaker 03 Is that the definition?
7:42 Speaker 00 Yeah, he's slouch.
7:46 Speaker 03 This is not a thin team.
7:48 Speaker 00 But James has lost enough weight.
7:49 Matt McCusker? James been losing, man.
7:50 Speaker 00 In this group, he's right there. That is true.
7:52 Speaker 03 I didn't know we were filming the laser tag today.
7:54 Matt McCusker? Did they give you lipo with that haircut?
7:58 Speaker 03 Will not be mocked.
8:04 Speaker 00 Look at how quickly James takes a mic. People don't realize how greedy James is.
8:10 Matt McCusker? Ah, we're on air. I'm getting warped. Thanks for coming, James.
8:14 Speaker 00 It's good to have you.
8:15 Speaker 03 I'm in, I'm focused. I'm ready.
8:17 Matt McCusker? You might be thin teamed, dude. I think you're thin teamed.
8:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, you've, you've reached thin teamed.
8:20 Speaker 03 It would be the honor of my life if I'd made it.
8:26 Speaker 03 What about who else is on the thin team?
8:27 Matt McCusker? Might have to start doing thin propaganda.
8:30 Speaker 03 You're thin.
8:31 Speaker 00 No offense.
8:37 Matt McCusker? You are down right now, PG.
8:39 Speaker 00 You're down.
8:39 Matt McCusker? You're on a weight loss journey. 115, gain 70.
8:43 Speaker 00 Ooh.
8:44 Matt McCusker? How'd you gain the 70?
8:45 Speaker 00 God damn.
8:46 Speaker 04 How?
8:46 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:47 Speaker 04 Oh, Jack in the Box.
8:49 Matt McCusker? You're just putting a lot of chips on the table, both ways.
8:51 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I stopped intermittent fasting and training, exercising all together.
8:55 Matt McCusker? And Jack in the Box. What's the time span on that, where you gain 115?
8:58 Speaker 00 It was so fast.
8:59 Matt McCusker? 70.
9:00 Speaker 04 My fattest, I was 413.
9:01 Matt McCusker? Yo.
9:02 Speaker 04 And I got down to 240.
9:06 Matt McCusker? How long did it take you to get from 430 to 250?
9:09 Speaker 00 It got worse.
9:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah, in general.
9:13 Matt McCusker? 413.
9:15 Speaker 00 I like two years, like two years.
9:16 Speaker 04 Okay, yeah.
9:18 Matt McCusker? Lemese, what's the highest you touched?
9:21 Speaker 00 I had to be like 420 plus.
9:24 Matt McCusker? Damn. You guys are some fucking A2, A2 Langsack cows, dude, this is crazy.
9:32 Speaker 00 Langsack, we were doing mics in Langsack's, and Meezy has a photo of him. It's crazy, dude, he doesn't have arms.
9:40 Speaker 00 Forearms sticking out. He's like a fat T-Rex.
9:43 Matt McCusker? That would be, that is nice, though, that is the dream, to move to like truly the middle of America and just get as big as you can. That'd be awesome, for real, I'm not kidding, that would be.
9:52 Speaker 00 I'm on my way.
9:53 Matt McCusker? So nice. And like, your president wins, you're as fat as you can possibly get, you're like, I knew I was right about everything.
10:03 Speaker 00 Oh, man. This is exciting stuff. Do we have anybody else here? So, Conman's out there. This is somewhere, um, and other than that, I don't know.
10:12 Matt McCusker? We got Hassan, Hassan's team's skinny, although.
10:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, he is.
10:15 Matt McCusker? I don't know where his loyalties lie.
10:16 Speaker 00 Yeah. True.
10:21 Matt McCusker? Something about him, I don't know.
10:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, I don't know if I'd trust him in there.
10:27 Speaker 00 We're gonna have to send waves at each other, so, LaMar and Nate, you guys go first.
10:32 Speaker 00 Clear out some mines.
10:37 Matt McCusker? I'm gonna see if we can get a school bus in here for Hassan.
10:45 Speaker 00 Oh, man.
10:46 Matt McCusker? Sorry, that's terrible.
10:47 Speaker 00 I got a feeling I'm gonna be really bad at this.
10:49 Matt McCusker? You might be nice, man.
10:50 Speaker 00 I'm not gonna try.
10:51 Matt McCusker? There's a couple of tactical perches. If you grab it, it's tough to get you out of there.
10:55 Speaker 00 Yeah.
10:58 Speaker 05 To focus on the rules beforehand, they're very important.
11:00 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
11:01 Speaker 05 Because they're secret things you could shoot and they give you power ups and...
11:05 Matt McCusker? Oh.
11:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm not gonna...
11:06 Matt McCusker? I don't really fuck with that. I heard that, but it's like, I got too many ops out there to be fucking with the power ups.
11:12 Speaker 00 We're gonna have to divide these teams.
11:14 Matt McCusker? I know.
11:14 Speaker 00 Phil, we can't do fat skinnies.
11:16 Matt McCusker? We can do fat and skinnies.
11:17 Speaker 00 We're gonna have to do, uh...
11:21 Matt McCusker? We'll just do the fattest.
11:28 Matt McCusker? Darkest complexion to lightest.
11:30 Speaker 00 Ooh, I like that.
11:31 Matt McCusker? We'll do shirts and skins.
11:36 Speaker 00 I'm out.
11:38 Speaker 00 100% out. I do have some level of shame.
11:43 Matt McCusker? Oh, man. Um, yeah, we'll have to figure, we'll have to go, we'll have to assemble the troops and just look at, you know, give everyone a good up-down. See what's going on. Has anyone here got flat feet?
11:55 Matt McCusker? You're out, you can't do it.
11:58 Speaker 00 Chris is colorblind, he's out.
12:00 Matt McCusker? Oh, yeah, shit. I'm gay, I'm out.
12:06 Matt McCusker? Not allowed to talk about it. Where's Chris?
12:08 Speaker 00 He's out playing video games.
12:10 Matt McCusker? Oh, see. He's preparing probably, probably fucking Time Crisis right now, getting ready.
12:15 Speaker 00 That's cheating.
12:16 Matt McCusker? Yeah, fucking bullshit. I, they can't play until we get ready. That'll be bullshit. Yeah, they only have like two video games here. Yeah, Time Crisis and Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero is kinda nice, and they have the basketball, basketball hoop, football toss, skee ball.
12:32 Matt McCusker? But yeah, they have a couple of things. Oh, man.
12:35 Speaker 00 Sounds like a woman.
12:35 Matt McCusker? That's my wife. My wife found out.
12:37 Speaker 00 Oh.
12:41 Speaker 00 Oh, great.
12:47 Speaker 00 All right.
12:51 Matt McCusker? Oh, all right. Here we go. Hey. We're podcasting, man.
12:57 Speaker 00 We'll be right there.
12:57 Matt McCusker? We're in a good place right now, dude. Come on. Dude, we're podcasting for real. You motherfucker. I what?
13:04 Speaker 00 It's like when the Raptors found out how to open the doors.
13:10 Speaker 00 It was just a funny joke.
13:15 Matt McCusker? Hang tight. Hang tight. You can play a game. Wait till we cast. You can blaze. All right, later. Love you. Love you, babe. Love you so much. She's just off her period right now. It's gonna be so sick tonight.
13:26 Speaker 00 This episode is brought to you by BlueChew. Oh, yeah. Fellas, let me introduce you to BlueChew Gold.
13:32 Matt McCusker? Yo.
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14:24 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah. This episode is brought to you by Quince.
14:28 Matt McCusker? Nice.
14:28 Speaker 00 What do you know about Quince?
14:29 Matt McCusker? I love Quince. I'll be, I'll be honest. They sent me the stuff and I, their boxers, they use like cot, like regular materials, not a lot of polyesters, natural fibers. I'm a, I'm a big fan.
14:40 Speaker 00 Well, not everyone wants to spend forever on the perfect look. Quince gets that. It's why they make staple pieces for your wardrobe that go with pretty much anything, man. They're, uh, they're really easy to style and they feel great to wear because they're also made with premium materials, including, like you said, organic cotton, merino wool. There's even 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at just $60. That's, I mean, talk about a deal.
15:05 Matt McCusker? It's pretty crazy.
15:06 Speaker 00 That's a bargain.
15:07 Matt McCusker? Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know it was Matt and Shane's secret podcast. It's the best way to support the show. Dude, I actually, this cracked me up the other day. I was, we were at home and she was washing, uh, Maya and Chloe's hair. She was washing Chloe's hair, uh, maybe Maya's. Chloe wanted to watch TV and she was like, I want to watch Gabby's dollhouse. And she clapped with every word. And I was like, did you see that? Brittany? And Brittany's like,
15:46 Matt McCusker? yeah, she's black. And Chloe looked at Brittany and went, I'm not black. You're black. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Just for a two-year-old to be like, you're fucking black. I'm not black. Just so mad. She doesn't know what it means.
16:02 Speaker 00 My sister's, my sister's kids have struggled with this. My sister's kids have been like, why is she, when's she gonna turn black? To the white, to the white kid. And they're like, it's gonna be a while.
16:14 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
16:17 Speaker 00 How come she's not black yet?
16:21 Matt McCusker? That's so sick. Just waiting. Like, I can't wait till my sister.
16:23 Speaker 00 Yeah, my sister's gonna be black soon. It's gonna be sick. Your sister's gonna turn black around two, three. That's when I first remember being black.
16:30 Matt McCusker? Oh, man. God damn.
16:33 Speaker 00 The Blazer Tech Pizza's calling my name.
16:36 Matt McCusker? They're gonna be, yeah. People were tearing them up, dude. They're gonna be.
16:40 Speaker 00 I'm gonna fucking rip it apart. I'm so hungry.
16:43 Matt McCusker? Bro, I've been to a lot of kids, here's the thing. I've been to a lot of kids' parties and I've been eating like, just Play Place pizza and it's, it does fucking slap. It hit your, you eat a first slice and you're like, alright, yeah. Yeah, this fucking rules.
16:55 Speaker 00 Oh, man. I haven't done this since I was 12.
16:58 Matt McCusker? Laser tag?
16:59 Speaker 00 Yeah.
16:59 Matt McCusker? Shoot. Dude, you're good. This is-
17:02 Speaker 00 It's been probably a decade for me. Last time I was here, my dad's cum was all over his pants.
17:09 Speaker 00 Literally thought about it. As soon as I put these pants on, I was like, ooh.
17:14 Speaker 00 I was driving over, driving over like, I've been wearing these for a while.
17:17 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
17:19 Speaker 00 That black light's not gonna be kind to us.
17:21 Matt McCusker? My t-shirt-
17:21 Speaker 00 Team fat's gonna be in camo. Team fat's gonna be full camo.
17:26 Matt McCusker? Why does cum glow? Also, why, who's cumming in their jeans? I don't understand. Are we sure it's cum?
17:34 Speaker 00 No, it turned out my dad had prostate cancer.
17:38 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was like, would you cum your pants? He was like, no. And like a month later, he was like, I have cancer. I was like, oh, sorry, I was making fun of you.
17:45 Matt McCusker? But that's a perfect excuse.
17:47 Speaker 00 It was whiz.
17:48 Matt McCusker? Dude, there's no way. Wait, so whiz and cum shows up in the-
17:53 Speaker 00 It looked, it looked like it was a whiz. And the boy probably wasn't washing the trousers very often.
17:57 Matt McCusker? Oh, yeah.
17:58 Speaker 00 That was probably like-
17:59 Matt McCusker? Probably was whiz.
18:00 Speaker 00 That was like three months worth of-
18:01 Matt McCusker? Bro, if he was just cumming like that-
18:02 Speaker 00 Elk's Lodge piss.
18:03 Matt McCusker? If he was just cumming like that, I want prostate cancer.
18:05 Speaker 00 True.
18:06 Matt McCusker? I'm just glazing, if I'm glazing pants-
18:10 Matt McCusker? I mean, I should knock on wood.
18:11 Speaker 00 The strong increase your loads with cancer, that's great, man.
18:14 Matt McCusker? Load max and prostate cancer? God, I can't wait. I fucking can't wait, dude.
18:20 Speaker 00 You wanna get in there?
18:21 Matt McCusker? Yeah, let's tag, let's tag.
18:22 Speaker 00 Let's tag and see what happens.
18:23 Matt McCusker? Yeah, for sure.
18:24 Speaker 00 Come back sweaty.
18:25 Matt McCusker? Right back, right back.
18:26 Speaker 00 We'll be right back.
18:28 Speaker 05 Hello to the audio listener. I just wanted to let you know that these sounds are from a video, a GoPro video of the Blazer Tag match.
18:43 Matt McCusker? Oh, dude, I'm already out, I'm out, I'm out.
18:46 Speaker 05 And I will try to edit together and put out a full video from the Blazer Tag GoPro footage on the Patreon soon.
19:14 Speaker 00 Hey.
19:14 Matt McCusker? What the heck?
19:16 Speaker 00 We're back.
19:17 Matt McCusker? Dude, it feels like a lifetime ago.
19:20 Speaker 00 That was...
19:22 Speaker 00 Didn't think I was gonna be that sweaty.
19:23 Matt McCusker? Dude, I'm dying.
19:24 Speaker 00 Good fucking god, dude.
19:26 Matt McCusker? Dying, we had fucking long penis cheating.
19:28 Speaker 00 Immediately, everybody sprinting around.
19:30 Matt McCusker? Ever, I mean dude, you can't not run. It's fucking, it's absolute war.
19:33 Speaker 00 Long penis with the...
19:34 Matt McCusker? Cheating, bro.
19:35 Speaker 00 One of the all-time cheats.
19:36 Matt McCusker? Cheating.
19:38 Speaker 00 Long penis is Sean Gardini, he called himself. I was not cheating. You were not cheating? No, I was playing by the rules. Okay.
19:43 Matt McCusker? Running?
19:43 Speaker 00 Running? No, I was moving swiftly. Running? Walking swiftly.
19:48 Matt McCusker? I will say, I was, I was, I had a trick where people would get too close to me, I'm like, dude, my fucking gun's not even working. I did, sorry, I did it to Andy like five times.
19:56 Speaker 00 Also, Andy really held down the Terminator 2, uh... His moniker, he really lived up to it, he just, you could see him fucking walking around at... Just walking right at people.
20:09 Matt McCusker? There's a movie, you go, dude, my fucking shit's off, and as soon as they wa- as soon as Andy walked past me, I'd be like, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Total snake, sorry Andy. I did it to like five different people, I'm like, fucking shit's not even working, dude.
20:21 Speaker 00 I was, I was, yeah.
20:22 Matt McCusker? As soon as someone got the drop on me, I'm like, what the fuck, this shit sucks.
20:25 Speaker 00 Every alliance went out the window.
20:27 Matt McCusker? Really?
20:27 Speaker 00 Yours was the only one that stayed true.
20:28 Matt McCusker? Who, who betrayed you?
20:29 Speaker 00 Right away, I, I asked him to ally.
20:32 Speaker 02 I never shot you once.
20:33 Speaker 00 Spider did not ally with me.
20:35 Speaker 02 I didn't shoot you.
20:37 Matt McCusker? Mother spider.
20:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's supposed to spy.
20:42 Matt McCusker? Cyta. Gave you that phone call. Cyta.
20:47 Matt McCusker? So, Lemese, you betrayed.
20:48 Speaker 02 I didn't, I didn't betray.
20:49 Speaker 00 There was no real alliance, so...
20:50 Speaker 02 I said, okay, and then I just, I took my position.
20:53 Matt McCusker? I tagged Big Unc a couple times, I know Unc got brought into the alliance.
20:56 Speaker 00 I was like, Unc, stay here, and we both shot him immediately.
21:00 Matt McCusker? I saw Unc down in the mix, I was like, now I'm gonna grab a couple points off him.
21:05 Speaker 00 That was, uh, man.
21:07 Matt McCusker? Dude, speaking of, uh-
21:08 Speaker 00 Laser tag rules.
21:09 Matt McCusker? If laser tag-
21:11 Speaker 00 God damn.
21:12 Matt McCusker? I want, dude, I want to formally challenge Dr. Mar to laser tag.
21:15 Speaker 00 Really?
21:16 Matt McCusker? Yeah. He's in hot water right now.
21:18 Speaker 00 Why? What'd he do?
21:18 Matt McCusker? Dude, his, uh, his alleged, although he did, uh, his alleged daughter, although I have reason to believe it could possibly be his daughter because he claimed to have paid child support her whole life, came out and was like, "You're a fucking deadbeat. Just give me my sister's number." Like, completely, you know Doc, you know Dr. Mar's?
21:34 Speaker 00 Yeah.
21:34 Matt McCusker? He's like, doesn't like interracial dating and all that stuff. Doesn't really like white people, I get the feeling.
21:39 Speaker 00 No, he seems to very openly dislike the Han-
21:42 Matt McCusker? Dude, he, his daughter for real crushed him. Came out and was just like, "You're a fucking deadbeat. You're a loser. You shouldn't be, nobody should be listening to you." And then he came back, rather than being like, "I don't know who you are," which that'd be devastating to your strange daughter to do that, but he goes, he was saying something like, "Get your mom on the phone. We can hash this out." And he was saying like, "I'm, I'm sick of..." First of all, he goes, "You're either with me or against me on this. No more frenemies." He doesn't want any more frenemies, dude.
22:05 Speaker 00 I appreciate that. Next time, yeah, if my daughter ever confronts me for being deadbeat, I would be like, "I have no time. You're either with me or against me." That's fucking hilarious.
22:14 Matt McCusker? And then he called her a struggle streamer, trying to get clout off of his nanny.
22:18 Speaker 00 Trying to get clout off her nanny.
22:19 Matt McCusker? Called your strange daughter a struggle streamer.
22:21 Speaker 00 Phil's a fucking struggle streamer. I have the opposite. Phil's always trying to get clout. Every time we do the podcast at my house, he would walk down. He wanted clout. Now he gives away tickets. Every show I go to, there's fucking eight guys from the Elks in the green room.
22:34 Matt McCusker? I know. That was killing me.
22:36 Speaker 00 Fucking unbelievable.
22:36 Matt McCusker? That was fucking killing me.
22:37 Speaker 00 Shane, how about a little meet and greet? The guy's one of the top sales guys in Tampa. Could you meet him?
22:44 Speaker 00 No.
22:47 Matt McCusker? That was, the list was crazy.
22:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, the list. He handed my, my manager a list that is forty people at every show.
22:56 Speaker 00 That was a wild night. Tampa was.
22:58 Matt McCusker? It was awesome.
22:59 Speaker 00 Tampa and Jacksonville. Tampa was. Wonderful. All those fucking studs were there.
23:04 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
23:05 Speaker 00 Aaron Judge's fucking big ass was there.
23:06 Matt McCusker? He was fucking huge.
23:08 Speaker 00 He's still a unit. I was less starstruck this time.
23:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
23:11 Speaker 00 That was the first time, yeah, the last time when I met him at that game.
23:13 Matt McCusker? Didn't you see him at a baseball game?
23:15 Speaker 00 Yeah, I saw him, full Yankees uniform, just hit a giant homerun. In batting practice, came over, he was like, "What are you doing back there, big man?" I was like, "I saw you, uh, you just drilled that ball." I've never spazzed like that.
23:27 Matt McCusker? Seeing him at the game would fuck, that would fuck you up.
23:29 Speaker 00 Talking to Bubbles here, I was a little.
23:30 Matt McCusker? Bubbles is fucking me up.
23:31 Speaker 00 Taking him back.
23:33 Matt McCusker? True.
23:33 Speaker 00 I mean.
23:35 Matt McCusker? Yeah, he was fucking, that guy was.
23:36 Speaker 00 He's on the fucking videos, outside the bar, watch the videos, it's him fucking mixing drinks. Bubbles is the man.
23:42 Matt McCusker? He gave me some good pointers.
23:43 Speaker 00 We might get Bubbles in this next game, I'm on his team, I call Bubbles team.
23:48 Matt McCusker? Did he tell you about the zombie game?
23:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, that sounds fun.
23:50 Matt McCusker? Zombies sound sick. Everyone's green, one red zombie, and then you spread, if you get hit by the zombie, you become a zombie as well. It's kinda sick. Although I don't know how you would cheat in that game.
24:01 Speaker 00 Yeah, how are you gonna cheat, long penis? I wasn't cheating. You, you were cheating. No, I wasn't cheating.
24:06 Matt McCusker? Dude, you gotta bleep the GoPro. I was saying horrible faces.
24:10 Speaker 00 I was screaming on the GoPro. You shoot me, I was like.
24:17 Speaker 00 It was so funny, right, when everyone got in and was screaming.
24:22 Speaker 00 Soon as the doors opened, every dude, every dude in there was screaming and running. Then everyone got tired. Go five minutes left, you hear everyone go, "Oh, fuck." That was a long game. Longest fucking game of my life, dude.
24:39 Matt McCusker? What was your strategy, Gardini? You were running guns?
24:41 Speaker 00 Stick and move.
24:43 Matt McCusker? Stick and move?
24:44 Speaker 00 Mm-hmm. Stick and move fast. Yeah. You were running. Fat, well, swift. Swift walk. You were running. Run number one. I might have been running. I saw you run, that's fine, you cheated.
24:53 Matt McCusker? Bubbles is on your ass for the next game.
24:56 Speaker 00 Well, that's concerning.
24:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah, he's gonna personally follow your run.
24:59 Speaker 00 I came here for a good time. And immediately guys take advantage of the rules.
25:05 Speaker 00 Man, I finished seventh. That's not bad. That's pretty good. Sucks.
25:11 Matt McCusker? First game.
25:11 Speaker 00 I beat Spider? Fuck yeah. I lost a big, oh, I lost a, I lost a Nikki Blazer.
25:17 Matt McCusker? Nikki Blazer.
25:20 Speaker 00 Adam Eget, I lost the Nikki Blazer by probably one shot. It was close. It was a close one. And you were camping. I was fully camping. After fucking two minutes, I was, I just, it was time to camp, dude. I was, I was camped and then I would run and gun. I would just get hit 50 fucking times. You hit in a lay down, which is a nice move.
25:41 Matt McCusker? Lay down was pretty.
25:42 Speaker 00 That sounds like that's against the rules, yeah. That sounds like that's against rule number five. He's going, my fucking pack doesn't work.
25:52 Speaker 00 That's what Chris keeps saying. Chris keeps saying his gun was broken. That's why he didn't do it. He was Robocop. They changed his name to Robocop.
26:01 Matt McCusker? Wait, his gun wasn't working, but he didn't come in very last place, did he?
26:04 Speaker 00 Yeah, that was, uh, the one, it happened to be the one female that was brought on. The pregnant female. Dead last. By a wide margin. I don't think, I don't think, she, she must not have been holding, she is eight months pregnant, which is.
26:16 Matt McCusker? She, I felt, I felt terrible. I was, I was laying.
26:20 Speaker 00 That's what I want, the running around. Someone's gonna bump into her. The worst thing you want is something terrible to happen at a fucking laser tag.
26:27 Matt McCusker? I startled the shit out of her. I was laying down behind a corner. She walked. I'm like, boop, boop, boop, boop, ah! So, I'm sorry about that. Sorry about that.
26:35 Speaker 00 Dude, if she does give birth in a laser tag, that's our, that's America's next emperor. It's chosen by God.
26:43 Matt McCusker? True.
26:44 Speaker 00 If you give birth under the artificial fog and black lights of a laser tag.
26:49 Matt McCusker? Just, just being that you're, that's your first image coming out into the world.
26:52 Speaker 00 Surrounded by Team Fats. Everyone, everyone's sweaty with packs on.
26:55 Matt McCusker? My thing is, I'd be still racking up major points. I'd be, I'd be sitting there hitting her fucking censors while she's giving birth.
27:02 Speaker 00 Every single person would be sitting there going, alright dude, just fucking turn him out.
27:08 Matt McCusker? Have some fucking respect.
27:11 Matt McCusker? Yo, my pack's deactivated. You can't even shoot me right now.
27:15 Speaker 00 I shot you at the buzzer.
27:17 Matt McCusker? You betrayed.
27:18 Speaker 00 I shot you at the buzzer. It was you, me and James there. They're going, three, two.
27:23 Matt McCusker? Probably knocked me out of fuck. I thought James, I thought one of them hit me.
27:27 Speaker 00 No, that was me at the buzzer. I shot you. I betrayed you.
27:30 Matt McCusker? Wow.
27:31 Speaker 00 I just want you to know, but this is me coming clean.
27:33 Matt McCusker? I appreciate you coming clean.
27:33 Speaker 00 Obviously, Blazer Tag is a game of nothing but treachery.
27:36 Matt McCusker? I hear you.
27:36 Speaker 00 Obviously, there was one ultimate cheater.
27:40 Matt McCusker? Long penis.
27:41 Speaker 00 Just so happened to be the champion.
27:43 Matt McCusker? Bro.
27:44 Speaker 00 You cheated.
27:44 Matt McCusker? It was crazy. Bubbles even said so. Bubbles was watching the footage. He's like, yo, for real, I might kick him out.
27:49 Speaker 00 Bubbles did bring it up, so we'll see.
27:51 Matt McCusker? Yeah. He might address it. We'll see.
27:53 Speaker 00 James, interesting technique.
27:56 Matt McCusker? Yeah, James is a big hiding behind the slot kind of guy.
28:01 Speaker 03 So blind my enemies with body odor. That's my great. I did find something out. So I think the reason
28:08 Speaker 03 there was a corner in the top, and if you try and shoot across the whole arena, it looks like you're shooting somebody, but then you don't actually get to tag him. And the guy, I asked the guy that, who's asked Bubbles.
28:17 Speaker 00 Yeah.
28:18 Speaker 03 And he said, a lot of top professional players do notice that. It felt pretty good.
28:22 Speaker 00 A lot of professionals.
28:23 Speaker 03 He said, there's two lasers. There's an invisible laser that does the hitting, and it doesn't work at distance. So where you two were, if you're shooting people on the other side,
28:29 Speaker 00 I was.
28:30 Speaker 03 you're not getting points for it. That's why you're seeing the laser hit him.
28:32 Matt McCusker? Dude, I was wondering. I was tagging people.
28:33 Speaker 00 I knew there was a glitch, because I was definitely killing people.
28:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:37 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I was tagging.
28:38 Speaker 03 Now you know. Now we know that long distance doesn't work the same way.
28:41 Matt McCusker? Close quarters.
28:42 Speaker 00 New rules, though. If somebody is running, you are allowed to tackle.
28:44 Matt McCusker? Yeah, for sure. Trip, trip or tackle.
28:47 Speaker 00 Trip or tackle, for sure.
28:49 Matt McCusker? If they're laying on their stomach, you can step on their back.
28:50 Speaker 00 If you're running, T2, T2's gonna walk over to where you are. Fucking smash you.
28:59 Matt McCusker? Andy, what was your, what was your rank?
29:00 Speaker 00 He was flying.
29:04 Speaker 02 I was like at the, how many was there? Thirteen?
29:07 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
29:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was probably at like eight or nine.
29:09 Matt McCusker? Okay.
29:10 Speaker 00 But that was pretty good for a guy who was standing, you weren't even crouching remotely. You were slowly walking.
29:15 Matt McCusker? He was walking.
29:16 Speaker 00 And he was wearing red, he was like a red coat.
29:18 Speaker 02 I had absolutely zero strategy.
29:20 Speaker 00 He marched like a red coat the whole time.
29:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, the lights were bouncing on my skin perfectly.
29:26 Speaker 02 You guys were camping the whole time.
29:27 Speaker 00 We did camp.
29:28 Matt McCusker? Yeah, we took, we, we took a strong one.
29:29 Speaker 02 Cause I kept doing laps and I'm like, you guys are still here? Cool.
29:33 Matt McCusker? I was, I was patrolling like an L shape. I would come here, come there, come here. And then I'd wander off, run back.
29:39 Speaker 00 You cheated.
29:40 Matt McCusker? Bro, please, Sean.
29:40 Speaker 00 Don't be confident.
29:41 Matt McCusker? Sean, I'm gonna for real follow you the whole time now. I'm gonna, I'm gonna sacrifice my whole game. I'll be last place and I'm just gonna take you down to like fourth place. That's okay. I'm gonna do that.
29:51 Speaker 00 Damn, guard dog's confident.
29:52 Matt McCusker? Dude, he's. No, there's nothing wrong with fourth place. If I shadowed him, dude. Fourth place is nice. Huh? Fourth place I'm happy with. Bro. One first, one fourth. If I shadowed, he wouldn't be fourth. One first place, one fourth place. Bubbles, Bubbles scrubbed that from the record, it doesn't count.
30:08 Speaker 00 Bubbles did bring up, he was like long penis, he had his eye on you. Just so you know.
30:12 Matt McCusker? He was like, guys, I, he's a guy that I appreciate.
30:15 Speaker 00 Was all over long penis.
30:17 Matt McCusker? He took us aside. He was like, guys, for real, I'm glad you guys aren't fun and shit, but that guy's, like, if this wasn't a private event.
30:23 Speaker 00 It was a pregnant woman.
30:26 Matt McCusker? It's the battlefield.
30:27 Speaker 00 He fucking knocks her over. I saw you knock her over. She didn't wanna talk about it cause you were like, you fucking tell anyone, I'll fucking kill you. You held her laser pointer.
30:37 Speaker 00 You tell anyone about this, I'll fucking kill you.
30:42 Speaker 00 One actual kill.
30:45 Matt McCusker? Bubbles was walking by, just covered her mouth and shh.
30:50 Matt McCusker? Yeah, you were, I, I'd never seen that side of you, man. It was like.
30:52 Speaker 00 It's fucked up. It's a weird side to see. Like you bring a friend, you put him in any type of competitive situation, he instantly cheats.
31:02 Speaker 00 It's fucking crazy. The two, who would've thought? The two biggest cheaters right there.
31:10 Matt McCusker? James cheated at my birthday. I was fucking pissed about it.
31:14 Speaker 00 You cheated at your birthday?
31:15 Speaker 03 I did not cheat one time.
31:19 Speaker 00 You do have that dork scamper though. You run around. He's got a full dork run.
31:23 Speaker 03 It's a beautiful movement that pays off. Happy with a strong second. There's daylight between the two of us. And I didn't cheat.
31:31 Matt McCusker? Second, third, whatever.
31:33 Speaker 00 I guess we'll see. But you two are the captains for next game.
31:35 Matt McCusker? Yeah. You gotta pick teams.
31:38 Speaker 00 It can't be random. That would not be fair. If the guys who cheat versus the fats.
31:43 Matt McCusker? Cheaters versus fats?
31:45 Speaker 00 I'm not on fucking Terminator scene.
31:50 Speaker 00 That's actually a strong move.
31:51 Speaker 03 Everyone behind Terminator.
31:53 Matt McCusker? That's not a bad idea.
31:54 Speaker 00 That we just invented. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. We're all gonna cheat and scream as soon as everybody, as soon as we got in the room. By the way, shout out to Blazer Tag Pizza.
32:05 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I told you, dude. It fucking hits.
32:09 Speaker 00 We did it. How long have we been going? We gotta get back in.
32:12 Matt McCusker? Fifteen, well, thirteen minutes.
32:13 Speaker 00 Oh shit.
32:14 Matt McCusker? Sixteen, sixteen minutes for the first one, so we're about a half hour. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, I got here.
32:21 Speaker 00 I can think about this.
32:22 Matt McCusker? I know. This is a, we, next time we need like an eight hour all day pass. Need a tag for like-
32:28 Speaker 00 Still have an hour and a half.
32:28 Matt McCusker? Three hours.
32:31 Speaker 00 Bubbles is not afraid to give you a speech.
32:34 Matt McCusker? This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
32:37 Speaker 00 We love BetterHelp.
32:38 Matt McCusker? Is, love ButterHelp. As nice as it would be-
32:41 Speaker 00 To help with the butter on it.
32:44 Speaker 00 ButterHelp.
32:45 Matt McCusker? As nice as it would be, you don't have all the answers. Prompt for a host riff. I struggled with, dot, dot, dot. Um, I personally, I don't like to get into this, but I struggled with deep sexual feelings for amphibians. Until I, until I got help from-
33:02 Speaker 00 ButterHelp.
33:02 Matt McCusker? BetterHelp, ButterHelp.
33:04 Speaker 00 ButterHelp.
33:05 Matt McCusker? And we overcame that struggle because they were like, it was like a stern father, like, oh, you wanna smoke cigarettes? Well, how about you do a hundred of them until you don't like them anymore?
33:12 Speaker 00 You wanna have sex with frogs all the time?
33:16 Matt McCusker? ButterHelp said, how about you do a hundred of them, tough guy?
33:19 Speaker 00 Box him a hundred frogs and you don't come out of that room until you cream by every one of those fuckers mouths.
33:24 Matt McCusker? I said, but ButterHelp.
33:32 Matt McCusker? It's important that you have a good support system. You know, people you can go to when the going gets tough. Like your therapist from Butter Hill.
33:44 Matt McCusker? They're always nice to have in your corner because there are times when you can't go to your family or friends.
33:49 Speaker 00 Can't tell your family about those frogs. Can't tell anyone about that. You gotta go to Butter Hill.
33:57 Speaker 00 You gotta get on a Zoom call and go, I wanna fuck frogs. They go, holy shit, we gotta help.
34:04 Matt McCusker? Trust the professional. Oh my god. Yes, we already riffed. We riffed with things that helped us. Therapy is great because, I mean, dude, after I stopped my whole thing with those amphibians, my social skills were much more positive. I overcame those problems and I learned how to reach out. I learned how to reach out for help in a safe space. So if you wanna try, if you wanna give therapy a try and you're not sure where to begin, check out Butter Hill.
34:28 Speaker 00 Still can't, still can't really go near any bodies of water, you know?
34:32 Matt McCusker? Really?
34:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, because of, due to the possibility of a frog would send me into a frenzy.
34:38 Matt McCusker? Oh, bro, trust me. When you're on the edge of a pond and you don't even see the frog, but you hear it jump into the water, I go, I just wanna fucking drink it after and bring that thing out. Hopefully I kiss it and it turns into a prince.
34:51 Matt McCusker? Guys, check out BetterHelp. It's fully online, so easy to get started. And they have access to a wide range of credentialed therapists, over 30,000 with all sorts of different specialties.
35:01 Speaker 00 That's good.
35:01 Matt McCusker? Yeah, guys, guys. Sorry, I had some motherfucking boogers.
35:04 Speaker 00 It's alright.
35:05 Matt McCusker? Check out Build Your Support System. Build Your Support System with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash MSSP to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash MSSP.
35:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, and all jokes aside, BetterHelp's a great company.
35:24 Matt McCusker? Yeah, dude, they do fucking rock with this.
35:26 Speaker 00 Yeah, they do rock.
35:28 Matt McCusker? Thank you, Butter Hill.
35:29 Speaker 00 Butter Hill.
35:30 Matt McCusker? Ah, dude, yeah, next time, it's like we already saw the video. I do, this is a, this is a fun topic that I came across the other day. There's, there's a restless leg medication that's been causing women to do like horrible sexual stuff. So like, like there's just like-
35:44 Speaker 00 I know someone that's taken some restless-
35:46 Matt McCusker? Really, watch them dude. It's like, they're all like, there was ladies who were taking it, like 50, 40, 60 year old ladies who were on this medication and then like, they would fake go to work and just like, show their tits to strangers and like, like troll, they would start trolling for sex.
36:00 Speaker 00 They got restless tit syndrome.
36:01 Matt McCusker? Yeah, restless tits.
36:03 Speaker 00 You gotta get those things out.
36:04 Matt McCusker? Dude, it'd be like, it would be like, uh, one of your aunts would just take this, take these meds and just like, leave Sunday mass and start like, trolling a city and trying to get blowjobs to strangers. Off the meds, for like, a couple of years.
36:14 Speaker 00 Shout out to Big Pharma for that one.
36:15 Matt McCusker? That's what I'm saying.
36:16 Speaker 00 Thank you, Big Pharma.
36:17 Matt McCusker? And then they came off of it and they were just like, what the fuck did I, symptoms went away immediately. Imagine dude, if like, three of your aunts were just gobbling dude, for like, three years. Hitting like, the L in Philly. And just fucking-
36:30 Speaker 00 Oh my god. Just a nice lady, just a normal lady.
36:36 Matt McCusker? Dude, kids are in college, you take the restless leg meds and you just cheat on your fucking husband like, 45 times in a year. You just meet dudes in the Home Depot bathroom and just fucking blow them in the back.
36:48 Speaker 00 Oh no.
36:50 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I read the whole thing about it, it was pretty crazy.
36:51 Speaker 00 Yeah.
36:53 Matt McCusker? I had RLS, thank fucking god, I think actually, maybe I did take that for a while. I might have been on the RLS for my entire twenties, and some of my-
37:03 Speaker 00 Got damn restless legs in you, throwing the whole room off. Me and you get to talk about that every day. You guys aren't together, what the fuck, why are you guys touching elbows, you're throwing me off, you're throwing the whole room off.
37:16 Matt McCusker? Ah, fuck. Just finally getting out of like, a multi-month bomb.
37:22 Speaker 00 You spilled water in your eye.
37:23 Matt McCusker? Sprashing fucking water in my eye. I know. It's not the first time, the other time I just straight up missed my mouth and just poured it all down my shirt and the little boy and I was like-
37:32 Speaker 00 That was the RLS medicine.
37:33 Matt McCusker? That might have been the RLS medicine.
37:34 Speaker 00 You took a facial.
37:35 Matt McCusker? I was thinking about my next victim dude. My next suck.
37:41 Matt McCusker? Yeah, so we got that going on.
37:43 Speaker 00 That's hilarious.
37:43 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I was pretty pumped about that. Keep an eye on your fucking alties, y'all. Keep an eye on your motherfucking alties.
37:50 Speaker 00 Dump that medicine right down the drain.
37:53 Matt McCusker? For real. They don't know about that. Let me dude imagine you're just watching the VMAs with your alties. And they're just getting, they're seeing like JT's fucking Tina's dude.
38:01 Speaker 00 Seeing that guy flip. Who's that guy who does flips off the piano? Uh, oh, Blazer Tag. Nicki Blazer ripped his clothes off at the VMAs.
38:12 Speaker 00 I forget his name. The guy who sings.
38:14 Matt McCusker? I know who you're talking about.
38:21 Matt McCusker? It's like, yeah, it's like girl. It's like, uh, yeah, like girl rock.
38:24 Speaker 00 Fairly accurate.
38:25 Matt McCusker? Passionate girl rock.
38:25 Speaker 00 It is girl rock, yeah. Benson Boom.
38:28 Matt McCusker? That's kind of an unfair, like, you can, now you can just like take a formula and just create those songs and like girls will like every, like literally every single one. These beautiful things that I can. I like this song. I like this song. Listen, listen to the words. Song fucking sucks.
38:45 Speaker 00 You listen to the words. You listen to the words of Edmund Fitzgerald. You think about the chef. Think about the cook coming in saying, fellas, it's been good to know you. After the main hatchway gave in. You dumb bitch.
39:00 Matt McCusker? Fine, I'll listen, but we're actually gonna sync up Dark Side of the Moon and the Wizard of Oz after this and you gotta watch the whole fucking thing.
39:07 Speaker 00 I, uh, I'm trying to listen to audiobooks at night and women, women don't exactly like it.
39:12 Matt McCusker? No.
39:12 Speaker 00 Trying to listen to the Guns of August last night.
39:14 Matt McCusker? Put it on?
39:16 Speaker 00 Not a big hit.
39:17 Matt McCusker? What the hell? What happened?
39:19 Speaker 00 Uh, just a sleepy woman going, what? What is she talking about? And I was like, uh, King George died and it was kind of the last time all the Royals were together in London and, you know, they're all related and.
39:31 Matt McCusker? Turn the fuck off.
39:35 Matt McCusker? Yeah, the mutual audiobook is tough.
39:37 Speaker 00 I listened to, uh, my girlfriend's friend stayed in our hotel room. Nothing.
39:42 Matt McCusker? A little restless, like, they're on the meds.
39:44 Speaker 00 She is, they were on the meds. But it was after SNL and she was like, I'm gonna take a nap before I go home. So she, cause it was 6 a.m.
39:51 Matt McCusker? Mm-hmm.
39:51 Speaker 00 And I was like, alright, this is what I listen to when I sleep. And I put on rain noises.
39:55 Matt McCusker? Nice.
39:55 Speaker 00 And her friend honestly thought I was listening to applause. She thought I was, and she didn't, she didn't really mention it.
40:04 Matt McCusker? He thought you needed to stand in O to fall asleep?
40:07 Speaker 00 She genuinely thought I was going to sleep to applause.
40:10 Speaker 00 And now I can't listen to the fucking rain thing anymore, cause it sounds exactly like applause. She was fucking right.
40:16 Matt McCusker? You need to stand in O to pass out. I need to stand in O.
40:25 Matt McCusker? It's rain, you hear the trickles.
40:26 Speaker 00 Obviously rain, maybe across the room in a hotel.
40:29 Matt McCusker? Oh, there you go.
40:29 Speaker 00 Is that fucking applause?
40:31 Matt McCusker? With some distance, it sounds like applause. Cause you can hear the trickles.
40:35 Speaker 00 Yeah.
40:36 Matt McCusker? That's, maybe a babbling brook.
40:38 Speaker 00 I'm gonna have to switch it up, get some thunder in there or something.
40:41 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
41:02 Speaker 00 There's nothing wrong with listening to that at bedtime.
41:04 Matt McCusker? Dude, that could trigger an exorcism.
41:09 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's, I've done that, I've done the audiobook at nighttime, it's like, what, what is this?
41:14 Speaker 00 What are you listening to?
41:16 Matt McCusker? Fine.
41:16 Speaker 00 It's about how World War I started, I wanna have a better understanding.
41:19 Matt McCusker? How, are you still listening?
41:21 Speaker 00 So we don't fucking fall into it again.
41:23 Matt McCusker? Yeah. Are you still listening to that? Like, yes, it's fucking on, I'm still listening to it.
41:29 Speaker 00 Oh, I had a fucking bug crawl across me. In the middle of the night. You know this is one of my deepest fears.
41:33 Matt McCusker? Yeah, what happened?
41:34 Speaker 00 It fucking woke me up, the thing was huge.
41:36 Matt McCusker? Was it in the hotel?
41:37 Speaker 00 No, it was in, yeah, yeah.
41:40 Speaker 00 It literally went up the side and I was like, no!
41:43 Matt McCusker? Are you serious?
41:43 Speaker 00 Yeah.
41:44 Matt McCusker? And it wasn't, it wasn't like a night?
41:45 Speaker 00 I don't think it was a night, I felt it. It like woke me up, I could feel it on me.
41:50 Matt McCusker? Kind of bug, what kind of creepy crawler you're talking about?
41:51 Speaker 00 I didn't get to see the crawler, which was made for a worse evening. Cause then I was flashlight out, looking under the blankets, laying down. I was like, I didn't wanna tell her, I couldn't be like, giant spiders in our bed.
42:03 Matt McCusker? No way.
42:04 Speaker 00 Cause there has been a giant spider in the pool house.
42:10 Matt McCusker? That'd be a hot new cuck genre where spider just fucking literally laser tags your wife. Spider just runs.
42:15 Speaker 00 Spider no.
42:17 Matt McCusker? I just hold the camera like, yeah spider.
42:18 Speaker 00 And then you suck the cream pie.
42:22 Matt McCusker? Oh fuck, I need you to fart spider. Oh fuck dude, uh, you love that fucking smell babe. I'm not having fun anymore.
42:32 Speaker 00 It's not even that fun. Uh, me and, me and Adam had, and James had a nice date yesterday.
42:38 Matt McCusker? Oh, what'd you do?
42:38 Speaker 00 We went and saw, uh, Friendship, the new, uh, bro. It's the funniest. It's gonna be the funniest movie. When's it come out? May. Well, I'm looking forward to May.
42:50 Matt McCusker? I can't wait to see it again.
42:51 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm gonna see that again. That was.
42:53 Matt McCusker? Friendship and French onion boys.
42:56 Speaker 00 No, no, no. Don't tell them. Don't tell them that we all got French onion soup after we saw a movie and discussed the movie.
43:05 Speaker 00 We had DeRosa in there. It was a good squad.
43:07 Speaker 03 I was, everyone else was laughing and having a good time. I was so sad.
43:10 Speaker 00 James took it to heart, yeah.
43:11 Speaker 03 I took it to heart and then I spoke to the, the director came up afterwards. I said, I was, I was devastated and he was so happy.
43:17 Matt McCusker? Really?
43:17 Speaker 03 I said, your comedy made me very upset. And he was like, oh.
43:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, good.
43:21 Speaker 03 He was really pleased.
43:22 Matt McCusker? He liked that.
43:23 Speaker 03 It's a very, it's like a very eight twenty-four drama sad.
43:26 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
43:26 Speaker 03 But very, it's so funny. It's very funny. I got a sad movie.
43:29 Speaker 00 Unbelievably funny.
43:31 Speaker 03 I might be over sensitive. I feel I have mild PTSD after doing the shooting. After being in that room with the light, there was so much killing. There was like seven minutes there where I was like.
43:42 Speaker 03 So I might just be experiencing everything in a sensitive way. I'm a sensitive boy.
43:46 Speaker 00 There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, but to see that movie and be like, that fucked me up is crazy. The movie's hilarious.
43:54 Matt McCusker? It looked, the trailer looks awesome.
43:55 Speaker 00 It's everything, it's for you.
43:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I can't wait.
43:58 Speaker 00 You're gonna fucking think it's the funniest movie.
44:00 Matt McCusker? I saw the trailer and I was like, this is, this looks phenomenal.
44:04 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's gotta be, it's up there, it's, yeah. Comedy movies are back.
44:08 Matt McCusker? True.
44:08 Speaker 00 In a big way.
44:09 Matt McCusker? Pendulum swung.
44:10 Speaker 00 Pendulum swung.
44:11 Matt McCusker? Pendulum's fully swung.
44:12 Speaker 00 Maybe too far. Head down to the mothership, you go, oop.
44:16 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
44:16 Speaker 00 Pendulum's, maybe it swung a little too far. Not everyone has to say it.
44:20 Matt McCusker? True.
44:21 Speaker 00 Every single set.
44:24 Matt McCusker? Dude, the, uh, I, I, I think we're in like the seven, we're in like the new version of the seventies now. We've left like the, we had like a version of the sixties, like the hippie dream, which was just like state sponsored, basically propaganda at this point, but just like the super woke stuff. It's completely falling apart. Now we're in the seventies.
44:39 Speaker 00 Now I got evil hippies.
44:40 Matt McCusker? Exactly. And then we're about to hit the eighties pretty soon, which will be sweet.
44:44 Speaker 00 Yes.
44:44 Matt McCusker? We're about to have a new eighties. The nineties are gonna be the eighties.
44:47 Speaker 00 We're gonna be dying during the nineties, which is a good time to die.
44:49 Speaker 03 Nineties are the best one, I think.
44:50 Matt McCusker? Exactly.
44:50 Speaker 00 It's a good time to die.
44:51 Matt McCusker? So when we're fifty, we're all gonna be in the nineties, it's gonna be sick as hell. Sixty, yeah.
44:58 Speaker 00 It's alright.
44:59 Speaker 03 Nine eleven's gonna be really rough. It's gonna be.
45:02 Matt McCusker? Maybe we'll do it though, maybe it'll be ours.
45:04 Speaker 00 He's a downer.
45:05 Speaker 03 I'm sorry.
45:09 Matt McCusker? Dude, you think the Middle East will still be there in the new nineties, dude? It's always gonna be casinos.
45:13 Speaker 00 Be the Riviera.
45:14 Matt McCusker? Be Trump casinos.
45:17 Speaker 00 It's gonna be the other Riviera of the Mediterranean.
45:20 Matt McCusker? VR, you'll do like a, it'll be, nine eleven will be like a ride at Universal Studios, you'll be in the building.
45:28 Matt McCusker? If you have the lightning pass, it'll be like, hey, we actually know about an attack, we're gonna get you guys out.
45:38 Matt McCusker? It's coming.
45:40 Speaker 00 Yeah, Tower Seven will be the haunted one that just drop out of nowhere.
45:45 Matt McCusker? The Tower of Terror.
45:46 Speaker 00 Terror, you just go, oh, we're dropping somehow.
45:48 Matt McCusker? Tower Seven of Terror.
45:49 Speaker 00 Against all odds, we're dropping.
45:50 Matt McCusker? Oh my god.
45:54 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that'll be awesome. But yeah, yeah, it definitely, it's heartening news. We are, the pendulum's fully swung.
46:00 Speaker 00 Pendulum swung.
46:01 Matt McCusker? The dream broke, but the residue of it, just like the hippie dream will still, you know, kinda saturate the culture, but it'll just be like breakfast, it'll like blend into like ice cream stuff.
46:12 Speaker 00 Damn, the hipsters were kinda fun at first.
46:14 Matt McCusker? Huh?
46:14 Speaker 00 You remember like two thousand ten?
46:16 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
46:17 Speaker 00 They were kind of a nice, nice group of people.
46:19 Matt McCusker? It was Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist.
46:20 Speaker 00 It was.
46:21 Matt McCusker? And then they.
46:22 Speaker 00 And I was at the right age to be gay enough for it. I fucking loved that shit.
46:27 Matt McCusker? What would you love about it?
46:29 Speaker 00 I just liked all the music.
46:30 Matt McCusker? Freedom, yeah. The dawn of a new age.
46:33 Speaker 00 I liked the gay music. LCD sound system still rules.
46:35 Matt McCusker? Shit does fucking roll.
46:36 Speaker 00 All that.
46:37 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that shit rules. Yeah, I don't know what happened. I'm telling you dude, it was Occupy Wall Street and then it just total psyop and they turned into still, still wearing masks today, which is it's unsettling. When you see a guy, just a dude by, it's like, it's like maybe you're visiting your grandma, but like, I don't know. I've said it before. If you're grand, if you're like a grandmom or grandfather and you're worried about that, it's like, I think you've kind of failed at life.
46:59 Speaker 00 Yeah, why don't you shut up?
47:00 Matt McCusker? You're just a pussy. It's like if you're 80 and you're worried about COVID, you've, you're a pussy. Even if you don't die of COVID, you're gonna be a pussy.
47:06 Speaker 00 Definitely the people that should be worried about though.
47:09 Matt McCusker? For sure.
47:09 Speaker 00 Yeah.
47:10 Matt McCusker? But it's, can you imagine being 80?
47:11 Speaker 00 You don't want to die like that. You don't want to die. Well, I guess they all do die of pneumonia.
47:14 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
47:15 Speaker 00 Eventually, yeah.
47:16 Matt McCusker? You can't be scared of death by the time you're 80. I mean, it's, it's close. It's easier said than done, obviously, but I, dude, when you're like making your grandkids get like experimental therapeutics.
47:27 Speaker 00 Yeah.
47:28 Matt McCusker? So they can chill with you.
47:29 Speaker 00 I don't think that many grandparents were doing that. I think the grandparents were like, why can't they come inside?
47:34 Matt McCusker? True.
47:34 Speaker 00 I want to hold my grandson. He's outside of the window because of Dr. Fauci.
47:42 Matt McCusker? I did my part. What up Nate?
47:44 Speaker 00 What up big unk?
47:47 Matt McCusker? We're just all coming clean here. Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry. I shouldn't, I shouldn't rag on 80 year olds, but I, I just, I pray by the time I'm 80, I'm not going to be scared of some fucking bullshit ass.
47:55 Speaker 00 I'm not trying to take like the moral high ground. I'm just thinking of when I was eight, when I was 80, if I was ever 80.
47:59 Matt McCusker? Past life transgression.
48:00 Speaker 00 No shot.
48:02 Matt McCusker? I, I, I hope by the time I'm 80, I'm truly not afraid of death. I, I hope I will be.
48:07 Speaker 00 Trying to get to 40. I'm staring 40 now going, holy shit.
48:12 Matt McCusker? Oh yeah. You gotta get on the fucking good foot.
48:16 Speaker 00 It's time.
48:16 Matt McCusker? It's time.
48:17 Speaker 00 It's time to get a blood panel. That's gonna be a real bummer.
48:20 Matt McCusker? Yeah, trust me. I got mine. Mine was not great.
48:24 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's gonna be a bummer.
48:25 Matt McCusker? Although right now I'm, I'm, I've said it before, but I, I always stray from this. I don't care about aesthetics. I'm going just performance. I go, I toggle back and forth. It's like, could I just become an Adonis? And then I just get fatter every day and I go, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. So I'm, I'm going just pure performance now. I don't, I don't, it doesn't care weight. Don't care. I don't care about any of that. I'm just care, I'm caring about mile times, hang time. I mean, I think I got like a one, I think a 140 hang time, whatever. It's not a big deal, but.
48:53 Matt McCusker? It's fucking hard.
48:53 Speaker 00 I believe you, yeah, it's cool.
48:56 Matt McCusker? Probably could talk about fitness shit, dude.
48:59 Speaker 00 Hang time's tough, dude, that does blow.
49:01 Matt McCusker? Hang time's hard, it's hard.
49:02 Speaker 00 Yeah.
49:03 Matt McCusker? I'm in a, I'm in a stiff competition with Billy right now. Billy got one.
49:06 Speaker 00 You might get him on the hang time.
49:08 Matt McCusker? Did you ever see his fucking hands?
49:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, but he's big.
49:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah, but he's got fucking fat.
49:12 Speaker 00 He does have paws.
49:13 Matt McCusker? Yeah, he is for real, like, dog paws. So, I, right now, I'm, we're tied, but I, I gotta overtake him for sure. In the hang time. It's weird, they're saying like, that's all that matters, everyone's worried about COVID, but they're like, if your thighs are jacked and you can squeeze stuff really hard, you're not gonna die. So.
49:31 Speaker 00 I actually believe that.
49:32 Matt McCusker? I'm telling you, they're saying if you have like-
49:34 Speaker 00 Thank god I have jack thighs.
49:35 Matt McCusker? Grip strength, exactly, they're saying grip strength and like, muscle density in your legs are a bigger indicator-
49:41 Speaker 00 Jack thighs win the grip strength every time at Rogan's, other than Rogan, not a big deal.
49:45 Matt McCusker? Yeah, man, so.
49:46 Speaker 00 Fuck you looking at, Adam, your ass lost.
49:49 Matt McCusker? Well, what was, what's the poundage on the grip strength?
49:53 Speaker 00 Uh, I think I got, it was like 145 last time.
49:56 Matt McCusker? That's good.
49:57 Speaker 00 And then, no one could beat it, so I only went once. I was like, alright, good.
50:01 Matt McCusker? That's good.
50:02 Speaker 00 First try.
50:03 Matt McCusker? I'm on your, I'm on your bumper right now.
50:05 Speaker 00 I believe it.
50:07 Matt McCusker? I'm on your bumper.
50:08 Speaker 00 You better not be on my bumper.
50:09 Matt McCusker? I'm on your bumper right now.
50:10 Speaker 00 If any Democrats out there say something mean about Donald Trump, I'm on your bumper.
50:17 Speaker 00 They, they better chill with making that kid famous, cuz-
50:20 Matt McCusker? What do you think's gonna happen?
50:21 Speaker 00 Same thing that happens to everybody.
50:23 Matt McCusker? I might, I might-
50:24 Speaker 00 It's gonna be a nasty story about that sweet angel.
50:27 Matt McCusker? Joe, god, no.
50:29 Speaker 00 He's gonna shoot an unarmed white kid.
50:32 Matt McCusker? True.
50:33 Speaker 00 That'd be fair.
50:34 Matt McCusker? I could see that, I could see them doing some nasty false flag like that against him. I'd be on their bumper, I'd be on the CIA's bumper if that happens.
50:41 Speaker 00 You're already on the CIA's bumper. They're probably on your bumper after they found out that fucking hang time, they're probably like, holy shit, it's Jason Bourne.
50:48 Speaker 00 He's a sleeper cell.
50:51 Matt McCusker? Nah, I'm, I'm definitely on the CIA's bumper.
50:53 Speaker 00 I just got a fucking laser tag on the brain.
50:55 Matt McCusker? I do too.
50:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, let's get a, let's get a post-game.
51:00 Matt McCusker? One more tag, for sure.
51:01 Speaker 00 We'll be right back, one more laser tag.
51:01 Matt McCusker? Yeah, good call, we don't gotta watch the video again.
51:11 Speaker 06 So, I, uh, before we continue, I do have one thing to announce. I have it on good authority that the long penis did in fact cheat. I fucking knew it! Long penis!
51:33 Speaker 06 That's with the cameras. Talk to the confessional.
51:36 Speaker 00 We got footage of the whole thing. It was terrible.
51:40 Speaker 06 Alright. So, what the fuck, our dog?
51:48 Matt McCusker? This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.
51:51 Speaker 00 Mint Mobile.
51:52 Matt McCusker? Mint took what's wrong with wireless and made it right with premium wireless for 15 bucks a month.
51:58 Speaker 00 No gimmicks, no gotchas. You can even bring your current phone and your number. Go to mintmobile.com/drenched.
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52:27 Speaker 00 Incredible.
52:28 Matt McCusker? This episode is brought to you by Viori.
52:31 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
52:31 Matt McCusker? I've been wearing the Sunday Performance Joggers, and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.
52:37 Speaker 00 Oh, I know you do.
52:38 Matt McCusker? Well, they're soft, lightweight, and have four-way stretch, so they can move with you with no restriction. They're technically workout clothes, so you can train in them, but they don't look like workout clothes. You can wear them out, and people will think you've got your life together. Honestly, they're comfier than whatever you're wearing right now, unless you're already wearing Viori, in which case, respect.
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53:23 Matt McCusker? Just a smell vibe in here right now.
53:25 Speaker 00 That's the blazer room, post-game locker room.
53:27 Matt McCusker? We need showers here. We gotta get a pro team going. We could put in the work and get a pro team.
53:33 Speaker 00 We got two of the best cheaters in America.
53:36 Speaker 00 We weren't cheating.
53:37 Matt McCusker? What's the, what's like the um...
53:40 Speaker 00 Straight to the balcony.
53:41 Matt McCusker? Yeah, what do you do? What's like the game plan?
53:42 Speaker 00 The game plan is, so the rules are you're not allowed to leave the floor. Instantly leaves the floor.
53:47 Matt McCusker? Yeah, somebody went to the towers. Big time.
53:51 Speaker 00 Wasn't me. You weren't up there? I defend cheating. How did I see you up there? I don't know. Must have been a mirage or something. You must have been loopy from the battle. Oh man, that sucks. And I'm not against cheating. That's disgusting, you're a liar.
54:03 Matt McCusker? James was on the ground, I could say. I saw James on the ground the whole time.
54:07 Speaker 00 If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying.
54:09 Matt McCusker? Yeah, well you can move up. Yeah, the floor was lava then, you had to move up.
54:12 Speaker 00 The floor was lava.
54:15 Speaker 00 The balconies were lava. Somebody is lava-proof.
54:19 Matt McCusker? Dude, La Mer, dude, they went five-minute warning, La Mer was on level three already. I was like, I was...
54:24 Speaker 02 I was on level two.
54:25 Matt McCusker? Yeah, exactly. La Mer was cheating up there.
54:28 Speaker 02 I was on level two.
54:29 Matt McCusker? Cheating.
54:29 Speaker 02 I started walking up the ramp.
54:30 Speaker 00 Thanks for being a man and admitting it.
54:31 Speaker 02 I started walking up the ramp.
54:33 Speaker 00 Sad.
54:33 Speaker 02 Like thirty seconds before, and then there was five-minute warning.
54:35 Speaker 00 You shot me from the ramp, I watched you do it.
54:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, dude. Nah, I didn't go up the ramp. Defensively, that was weird. I was just trying to be joking.
54:43 Matt McCusker? You went early? You went up early?
54:45 Speaker 00 I thought it was fun.
54:46 Matt McCusker? Sean, well that's not how the blue team does it, dude.
54:48 Speaker 00 That's not blue stuff. I know, but it was, I thought it'd be fun.
54:50 Matt McCusker? I thought about it, I was tempted, but I waited. That guy was like...
54:54 Speaker 00 I got stuck in that corner, I couldn't get up there.
54:55 Matt McCusker? That corner was nice though.
54:56 Speaker 00 I knew I kept trying to go to that ramp.
54:57 Matt McCusker? Corner was nice.
54:59 Speaker 00 True. Corner was nice.
55:00 Matt McCusker? The guy was policing the ramp too. I was like, I'd be like, I'm taking it, and I would see that guy, I'm like, fuck.
55:05 Speaker 00 Next time, I'm putting bubbles in there, get him on the ramp.
55:10 Speaker 00 Anyway, what else is going on?
55:12 Matt McCusker? Not much, man. I'm uh, fuck, what else is going on? Dude, how was SNL?
55:16 Speaker 00 There we go.
55:17 Matt McCusker? You could talk about that.
55:17 Speaker 00 I got that.
55:18 Matt McCusker? There we go. After a week in laser tag.
55:21 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laser tag's more important. It was, it was easier the second time.
55:27 Matt McCusker? That's nice.
55:28 Speaker 00 But the one thing that sucks is you know what's coming the second time. So the first time you go through and you're like, alright, Monday, that was easy, Tuesday, that was easy. Then all of a sudden you do everything on Friday. You film all those pre-recorded sketches, you film. So you're there, we had to get there at like six. Six AM, so you gotta like, pick up at 5:30 and then you get done at fucking 2 AM.
55:47 Matt McCusker? And then you gotta do the real thing the next day.
55:48 Speaker 00 And then you wake up the next day.
55:49 Matt McCusker? Oh. Why do they do it that way?
55:51 Speaker 00 I don't know.
55:53 Matt McCusker? That sounds good. Why not? Yeah, do that first. Rest up.
55:56 Speaker 00 Yeah.
55:57 Matt McCusker? Maybe just to get you jacked up and like juiced up.
56:00 Speaker 00 I don't know.
56:01 Matt McCusker? Yeah, you, you know.
56:03 Speaker 00 It was, it was actually, I mean, it doesn't matter how late you stay up. When you do the rehearsal live.
56:07 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
56:08 Speaker 00 It's the scariest. If they ever showed that monologue I did.
56:11 Matt McCusker? Oh, yeah.
56:11 Speaker 00 Fucking nuts. Oh, fuck. It's the most nervous I've ever been. And then the real show, I was uncomfortably not nervous.
56:20 Matt McCusker? That's, that's a good idea.
56:21 Speaker 00 I was like, oh, this isn't.
56:22 Matt McCusker? Yeah, giving you the run through is a genuinely a good idea.
56:24 Speaker 00 Yeah, every sketch you're nervous, you're like, fuck, I can't read.
56:27 Matt McCusker? That's dude, that, reading off the card. Everyone's, I've talked to people before, like, yeah, you can read off a card. I'm like, dude, I can hardly read books to my kids.
56:33 Speaker 00 You gotta read the card like you're telling a joke. You're like, no, I don't know. And then they change the lines in between rehearsal and the real show.
56:40 Matt McCusker? Tell you what I would do. I would fuck the first, I'd fuck the first card up immediately and I'd think about it the rest of the time and I'd fuck up every single card after that. That's, that's my prediction.
56:49 Speaker 00 For sure.
56:50 Matt McCusker? That's what I would do.
56:51 Speaker 00 So we did rehearsal and we did another Jamaican church sketch. And I think I fucked it up so bad. They were like, it's not that good.
56:58 Matt McCusker? What?
56:59 Speaker 00 Yeah. That's what happened. You do, you do a sketch and then they're like, all right, we're not going to use that. And you're like, fuck, that was my fault. Cause that was definitely funny.
57:05 Matt McCusker? Nah, they shouldn't have went back to the well. The Jamaican well.
57:09 Speaker 00 I liked the Jamaican well. I love it.
57:11 Matt McCusker? It's funny every single time.
57:16 Speaker 00 Exactly right.
57:17 Matt McCusker? So they had Jamaican part two.
57:19 Speaker 00 They did have Jamaican part two, and I think I fucked it up. I can't, you know.
57:22 Matt McCusker? Nah, you never know.
57:23 Speaker 00 They're not gonna tell you.
57:24 Matt McCusker? You never know. You should get on like an M dot R vibe, dude.
57:27 Speaker 00 What's that?
57:28 Matt McCusker? M dot R's is a white English guy who just does dancehall and he does it really well.
57:32 Speaker 00 Oh.
57:33 Matt McCusker? You ever seen that guy?
57:34 Speaker 00 Jamaican dancehall guys? No.
57:34 Matt McCusker? Pussy turn red?
57:35 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that was his name.
57:38 Matt McCusker? Turn a pussy red.
57:39 Speaker 00 Yeah.
57:39 Matt McCusker? Yeah, dude, you should, something to consider. Just do like a year. Just take a year off of everything and just huge Jamaican stuff on Instagram.
57:51 Matt McCusker? Take one year off and rebuild and it's like, let me tell you about this.
57:56 Speaker 00 Yeah, the monologue though is the scariest. And it was like, there's Tate McCray fans in the front.
58:02 Matt McCusker? Oh, God.
58:03 Speaker 00 It's like, oh, man, they're not gonna fucking like me talking about Ken Burns.
58:06 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
58:07 Speaker 00 It's just like, young.
58:09 Matt McCusker? How did, what did they, were they just?
58:10 Speaker 00 They did like it. The monologue went well, but the rehearsal.
58:15 Matt McCusker? Who were the, who were the fans? It was just, was it just like attractive ladies sitting up front?
58:19 Speaker 00 Yeah.
58:21 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they're like. They're the fucking worst.
58:23 Speaker 00 Hey, hell, are you?
58:24 Matt McCusker? If you had to pick a demographic that you didn't want, like, two rows of in the front is just hot ladies.
58:29 Speaker 00 Hot, young women.
58:30 Matt McCusker? They're, no.
58:31 Speaker 00 And it, and the way that's set up, you saw it, was like, two sections, and then everyone else is just in the back of the room.
58:37 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
58:38 Speaker 00 It's not conducive for stand-up.
58:40 Matt McCusker? No.
58:40 Speaker 00 Unless you have like a point, they like that.
58:42 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
58:43 Speaker 00 If a comedian goes out there and makes a fucking good point.
58:45 Matt McCusker? True.
58:46 Speaker 00 Everyone's like, that's incredible.
58:47 Matt McCusker? You can get the hot, young babes with good points. Even if they don't fully understand it, they'll be like, wow, awesome.
58:54 Speaker 00 I never thought of it like that.
58:55 Matt McCusker? Yeah, hot, young babes are the last thing you want. You think you want them.
59:01 Matt McCusker? You'll give me a room full of hot, young babes, I'll fucking spin their heads around.
59:04 Speaker 00 I'll make them very unhappy.
59:06 Matt McCusker? They also don't have the best attention spans either.
59:09 Speaker 00 No. I did the, the worst show I ever did was the small room at the stand, upstairs. It was five different tables of hot, young women. The whole room was out. Then they brought food in. They had like ten waiters at once. Just fed everyone at once while I was standing up there. Immediately, it was on to the food.
59:25 Matt McCusker? Every waiter's probably like, I'll get that for you.
59:26 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, I'll pick that one up.
59:27 Matt McCusker? I'll get that for you right away.
59:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was just up there like, alright, we're done listening, everyone's eating.
59:31 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
59:32 Speaker 00 Perfect. And they're like, no, you're doing good. And you go, ugh.
59:36 Matt McCusker? I mean, it's gotta be just crazy, being in like a hot lady's body. I couldn't think of anything else. If I was just a hot lady. Yeah. If I was just a hot lady in a hot lady's body. I'd be like, God, I'm so fucking hot right now.
59:49 Speaker 00 Time for me to be rude.
59:50 Matt McCusker? I'm literally, I just, I just be so turned on by myself. I'm like, dude, I'm just so, I'm just way too horny to listen. Just waiting for, why isn't this guy a billionaire? And why isn't he just fucking picking me up on my head and taking me to his house?
1:00:04 Matt McCusker? That's what I would think about if I was a hot lady in the city of New York.
1:00:08 Speaker 00 The one, the one thing that was funny with SNL was, uh, the first time Tate McCray, by the way, extremely nice lady.
1:00:13 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's nice.
1:00:14 Speaker 00 Nice Canadian lady came in. She was very like, hey, how are you? She was, so the, the host green room here, the musical artist is right across the hall.
1:00:22 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:00:22 Speaker 00 And I was like, sitting on the couch trying to fucking read, freaking out.
1:00:25 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:00:25 Speaker 00 And then she walked in and I was like, for real? I don't know why I did this. I was just like, trying to say. And she kept walking and I was like, oh, that hurts. But then she came right back in. It was like, hey, how are you?
1:00:35 Matt McCusker? Did you read?
1:00:36 Speaker 00 I was like, uh.
1:00:39 Speaker 00 But then the first thing we did was a sketch where I was in a fucking like motorized scooter, dressed like an animal. And she had to sit on my lap. And right before they were like, Tate, are you okay with this? Is everything okay? Are you all right with sitting on his lap? She was like, yeah, I don't care. And I was like, no one asked me. And they're like, Shane, are you? I was like, yes.
1:00:57 Speaker 00 Which seemed really funny at the time until it's literally just me, her and the director. And I was like, I hope you understand. I was kidding.
1:01:05 Matt McCusker? She didn't laugh?
1:01:06 Speaker 00 I think she laughed, but I was immediately embarrassed that I did that. She's like 21 and I'm sitting there like, yes, I'm good with it.
1:01:13 Matt McCusker? I mean, to be fair, it was very funny.
1:01:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:01:15 Matt McCusker? Funniest thing you possibly do. But yeah, the aftermath of that would have been like, nah, I'm just fucking around. I'm not that horny for you.
1:01:20 Speaker 00 We, we just got done filming the first sketch and we, I had to rush to that one. And they're like, hurry up. She's gotta leave. And, uh, so I was like sweaty.
1:01:30 Speaker 00 It was a nightmare. And then it was, she's like, her character was supposed to flirt with me. And so she was like, we have such a nice thing. And she like rubbed my chest and in my head, I was like, damn, my chest is definitely soaked.
1:01:41 Speaker 00 Sitting on me, I must've, I must've been 400 degrees. I must've been laying on just a hot pillow. That was like, I'm really sorry about this. I'm sorry.
1:01:52 Matt McCusker? I was just kidding when I said I was super hot.
1:01:54 Speaker 00 I was just joking about that. She's like, what? And like, it's a joke I told. I don't even, I don't even know if you heard it.
1:01:59 Matt McCusker? What?
1:02:00 Speaker 00 Yeah, covered in.
1:02:01 Matt McCusker? Fucking bullshit with Trump suing about Canada. I don't even understand. Fucking bullshit. Fucking terrorists are fucking bullshit, man.
1:02:06 Speaker 00 I was definitely, definitely felt sweat on my chest.
1:02:11 Matt McCusker? Damn.
1:02:11 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:02:12 Matt McCusker? You're in the presence of a diva.
1:02:13 Speaker 00 She's a diva, dude.
1:02:17 Matt McCusker? That's so sick, though. I keep hearing about new divas.
1:02:21 Speaker 00 There's new divas.
1:02:21 Matt McCusker? I am completely-
1:02:22 Speaker 00 Divas, yeah, we're too old.
1:02:24 Matt McCusker? I'm out of the diva loop. I'll be back in the diva loop.
1:02:26 Speaker 00 Be careful.
1:02:27 Matt McCusker? I'll be back in like six years, seven years.
1:02:28 Speaker 00 Be careful when you get back in the diva loop.
1:02:30 Matt McCusker? Why?
1:02:30 Speaker 00 Takes over your algorithm.
1:02:32 Matt McCusker? Well, I'm saying like-
1:02:33 Speaker 00 I followed Tate McCray on Instagram.
1:02:35 Matt McCusker? You're in the diva loop now?
1:02:35 Speaker 00 My diva loop's fucking insane.
1:02:37 Matt McCusker? What are the other divas right now?
1:02:39 Speaker 00 Sabrina Carpenter's a diva.
1:02:41 Matt McCusker? Okay.
1:02:42 Speaker 00 Dochi, been a diva.
1:02:44 Matt McCusker? Dochi's?
1:02:45 Speaker 03 Chappelle Rohn is diva number one currently for sure.
1:02:48 Speaker 00 What?
1:02:49 Speaker 03 Chappelle Rohn is dominating.
1:02:50 Speaker 00 Oh, oh, we were talking about, uh-
1:02:53 Speaker 03 Oh, wait, wrestling divas?
1:02:54 Speaker 00 No, no, no. Chappelle Rohn does rule, though.
1:02:56 Speaker 03 Well, they have to be cute? They have to be the hot ones?
1:02:59 Speaker 00 Now you're making us the bad guys, but yeah.
1:03:00 Speaker 03 Is Chappelle Rohn not? You don't like it? Why would you do that to us? You know, like-
1:03:04 Matt McCusker? I've never seen Chappelle Rohn. I've never seen Chappelle Rohn.
1:03:07 Speaker 03 I think Chappelle Rohn is very sexually appealing.
1:03:10 Speaker 00 She is.
1:03:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:03:11 Speaker 00 That is also right up your alley.
1:03:12 Speaker 03 Chappelle Rohn dresses like a drag queen.
1:03:14 Speaker 00 Yes, it's very alt, alt. You got a thing for that.
1:03:17 Matt McCusker? But yeah, I just learned about this weekend, girls will dress as drag queens.
1:03:21 Speaker 00 Which is dressing as-
1:03:23 Matt McCusker? It's got a dong face.
1:03:24 Speaker 00 He's talking about the dong face.
1:03:26 Matt McCusker? It's got a dong face. That's bullshit.
1:03:30 Speaker 00 Yeah. Yeah, I don't- I wasn't just watching RuPaul's Drag Race yesterday.
1:03:34 Matt McCusker? Were you really?
1:03:35 Speaker 00 It was on at my house and Whitney Cummings was on it.
1:03:37 Matt McCusker? Really?
1:03:37 Speaker 00 She was one of the, yeah, they did a roast.
1:03:41 Speaker 00 It was great.
1:03:41 Matt McCusker? Roast the drags? That's scary, man. They'll get you back.
1:03:44 Speaker 00 It's one of my favorite things to ruin RuPaul's Drag Race while my girlfriend's trying to watch it.
1:03:48 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:03:48 Speaker 00 What the fuck are these uncles talking about? She's like, what? I was like, those are all uncles. Those are all somebody's fucking uncle.
1:03:59 Speaker 00 Yeah. Ru- RuPaul's got some conservative ideas. She's anti-trans. I think trans people are not allowed on the show.
1:04:08 Speaker 00 I think he, yeah.
1:04:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, he refuses to put the dress on unless someone pays him money. That's the thing. He'll, he'll go on late night talk shows and they'll go, where's the, uh, the woman outfit? And he goes, pay me. If you want me to wear a dress, you gotta pay me. I thought that was cool.
1:04:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, RuPaul kinda rules for that.
1:04:26 Matt McCusker? Damn, that's pretty cool. Just like, uh, every other black man. Yeah.
1:04:33 Speaker 00 That was, dude, I did it again. Yo, I did it again. This time I was like, they were like, do you have anything you don't want to do? I was like, I'm just not gonna wear a dress. Just, I can't do it.
1:04:43 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:04:43 Speaker 00 From Cat.
1:04:44 Matt McCusker? You can't, bro.
1:04:45 Speaker 00 Otherwise I would, I'd be like, yeah, whatever. It's funny. I'm not doing anything wrong.
1:04:48 Matt McCusker? You can't, bro.
1:04:49 Speaker 00 Now, now it's.
1:04:50 Matt McCusker? There's too much.
1:04:51 Speaker 00 If I put that dress on, it's over, dude.
1:04:54 Matt McCusker? No, Diddy, bro. You can't, you can't do it.
1:04:56 Speaker 00 No, I'm not. It's tough, though. It's tough to speak up at NBC. It's weird to be in an office and they're like, do you have anything?
1:05:02 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:05:03 Speaker 00 I'm just not gonna wear a dress.
1:05:04 Matt McCusker? I do.
1:05:05 Speaker 00 They're like, okay. Okay, dude. I was like, I mean, you know.
1:05:10 Speaker 00 Cause of Cat Williams.
1:05:12 Matt McCusker? You don't need him on your bumper for sure.
1:05:14 Speaker 00 Fuck no.
1:05:15 Matt McCusker? I wouldn't want him on my bumper. Yeah, dude, just especially, yeah, and also it really is like, what would the, what would a good enough scenario or joke be for you to be in a dress? Would have to be a dynamite fucking sketch.
1:05:29 Speaker 00 Yeah. It's Doubtfire.
1:05:31 Matt McCusker? Doubtfire.
1:05:32 Speaker 00 There was.
1:05:33 Matt McCusker? Although Robin Williams couldn't handle it.
1:05:35 Speaker 00 I don't know if I'm allowed to spoil sketches. I don't know if I'm allowed to spoil it, but there was a very funny Mrs. Doubtfire sketch. The probably, maybe they'll use it again, cause it was good, cause we didn't use it.
1:05:45 Matt McCusker? Really?
1:05:46 Speaker 00 Really funny.
1:05:47 Matt McCusker? Why? They didn't use it because of your?
1:05:49 Speaker 00 No, no, no. The character would, the character would not have been wearing a dress, but he would have been, it was a guy getting confronted that he was Mrs. Doubtfire.
1:05:59 Speaker 00 Hilarious.
1:05:59 Matt McCusker? That is funny.
1:06:01 Speaker 00 I hope I didn't spoil it.
1:06:02 Matt McCusker? No.
1:06:03 Speaker 00 Cause it's a good one.
1:06:03 Matt McCusker? They'll still rip it. They'll rip it.
1:06:04 Speaker 00 They'll rip it.
1:06:05 Matt McCusker? And you can go, that was my fucking idea. I said on my fucking podcast.
1:06:07 Speaker 00 I said that on my podcast, dibs.
1:06:11 Matt McCusker? I wanna start trying to start, I'm gonna start fake comedy beefs. It's like, that was my joke. Any, anyone puts out a clip, be like, bro, I've been doing that, dude.
1:06:20 Speaker 00 People do that.
1:06:21 Matt McCusker? I know.
1:06:22 Speaker 00 I actually tweeted that six years ago. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Every single joke is on Twitter. You can find it.
1:06:30 Matt McCusker? Yo, I fucking did that, bro.
1:06:31 Speaker 00 Oh, that thing with three likes from 2013? Yeah, I saw that and I stole it. And I made it a full joke.
1:06:40 Speaker 00 What is it, John? You're in one what?
1:06:41 Speaker 03 One of those beefs.
1:06:42 Speaker 00 Why? What happened?
1:06:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, so I did a joke during COVID. It was the first time I'd done it. It's like a fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you. And it just goes on. And people came and they said, this is a David Cross bit, which I didn't know. He has the same premise and then it goes in another direction. And I felt bad about that. But what made me feel a lot better is there's a guy who I'd never heard of, who's from LA, who's been doing comedy for 30 years. And he's like, in 1994, that was my joke. And he's uploading out and he goes, this Australian and David Cross is stealing my act. It made me feel so much more relaxed about doing the same bit.
1:07:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:07:12 Matt McCusker? It's crazy. There's gotta be a statute of limitations. Bernie Mac's material is up for grabs, as far as I'm concerned.
1:07:18 Speaker 03 Oh, I got, I got dudes on, you don't understand.
1:07:22 Matt McCusker? It's up for grabs.
1:07:23 Speaker 00 I got milk and cookies.
1:07:24 Speaker 03 You got milk and cookies.
1:07:25 Matt McCusker? True. I got these badass kids.
1:07:30 Speaker 00 Clearly don't even have kids. These badass fucking kids.
1:07:35 Speaker 00 I ain't ashamed. Your family fucked up too.
1:07:38 Matt McCusker? But yeah, that's awesome. That's nice. That's gotta be so nice to be done with that again.
1:07:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's the most stressful fucking thing.
1:07:44 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:07:44 Speaker 00 Possible. Then, yeah.
1:07:46 Matt McCusker? Especially a diva. Throwing the diva on the mix is like, that would, that might fuck me up a little bit.
1:07:50 Speaker 00 I wish it was 21 and he got to sit on my lap.
1:07:55 Matt McCusker? Both you guys are wearing dresses sitting on each other's. You should push for the, next time you do it, push for like, in all, every sketch has to be gay, like just gay stuff.
1:08:04 Speaker 00 Yeah, I have to kiss a cast member every single.
1:08:06 Matt McCusker? Yeah, like you're bad. Who was, uh, was that not Ben F? Like Matt Damon, he just went hog wild on that one movie, Liberace. Matt Damon.
1:08:14 Speaker 00 Crystal, the behind the candelabra.
1:08:16 Matt McCusker? Behind the candelabra. He just went fucking hog wild. Dude's been acting for like 25 years and he was like, I'll do full gay, like total, total gay. It's gotta be there. After you've done it all.
1:08:27 Speaker 00 Came out in a year that people weren't that critical.
1:08:30 Matt McCusker? What do you mean?
1:08:31 Speaker 00 It was early, it was before the culture wars.
1:08:33 Matt McCusker? It was.
1:08:33 Speaker 00 So it was right that, yeah.
1:08:35 Matt McCusker? It was, I mean, it was just on the table. It was a bag, obviously.
1:08:37 Speaker 00 Denzel went for it in Gladiator.
1:08:38 Matt McCusker? He got gay bag? How gay was he in Gladiator?
1:08:41 Speaker 00 Cut it. I think they cut out a scene where he was like making out with guys and then Denzel chill. I swear to God. I swear to God.
1:08:51 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:08:53 Matt McCusker? He was going, why?
1:08:55 Speaker 00 He was just playing a gay Roman.
1:08:57 Matt McCusker? There's, well, there's two like crowning achievements for every actor. It's gay and
1:09:04 Matt McCusker? Gilbert Grape.
1:09:08 Matt McCusker? That's the height of that, just thousand year craft. It's like, okay, we can see you play a cop, but can you play?
1:09:15 Speaker 00 Gilbert Grape.
1:09:16 Matt McCusker? You play a gay guy, you're Gilbert Grape.
1:09:19 Speaker 00 Gay Gilbert Grape is the ultimate.
1:09:21 Matt McCusker? That would be nice. Why haven't we had that yet?
1:09:25 Speaker 00 Probably have.
1:09:28 Matt McCusker? Really?
1:09:28 Speaker 00 There's gotta be one. Nobody's played a gay special needs guy yet?
1:09:32 Matt McCusker? I don't think so, man. Maybe Unc Lee.
1:09:36 Speaker 00 Forrest Gump had straight A's.
1:09:37 Matt McCusker? Yeah, but he was busting. Jenny busted open for him, that's why.
1:09:43 Matt McCusker? He didn't do anything. Him and Bubba might have fucked around a little bit.
1:09:51 Speaker 00 Gets lonely on the high seas. Although Gump, yeah. Bubba never made it to the high seas.
1:09:56 Matt McCusker? He also might have sucked Lieutenant Dan.
1:09:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, he probably sucked Dan.
1:10:05 Matt McCusker? Well, I'll be.
1:10:06 Speaker 00 Man, I'm tired from all that laser tag.
1:10:08 Matt McCusker? Bro, that shit, we didn't even talk about the final match.
1:10:10 Speaker 00 We got two minutes, we could get one more blaze.
1:10:12 Matt McCusker? We could. We need one more blaze, honestly. That last match was bullshit. I was fucking furious.
1:10:17 Speaker 00 You need one more match, because this is devastating.
1:10:19 Matt McCusker? I need revenge.
1:10:20 Speaker 00 At the end, they give you who you killed the most.
1:10:23 Matt McCusker? He killed me. I was getting, I was getting, yeah.
1:10:25 Speaker 00 I only killed Matt.
1:10:27 Matt McCusker? Fifteen times, fifteen times. I keep forgetting you're in that corner. I would come back right away.
1:10:32 Speaker 00 Four, four, zero, four, one.
1:10:34 Matt McCusker? Fifteen on Matt. I got you ten. I kept thinking our alliance was still on. I just, the last second would hesitate.
1:10:40 Speaker 00 At the beginning, I was, I was not, I didn't know what color my team was.
1:10:43 Matt McCusker? Really?
1:10:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was shooting reds.
1:10:44 Matt McCusker? I saw you, I heard you getting kinda confused, yeah.
1:10:47 Speaker 00 So I was surrounded by blues.
1:10:49 Matt McCusker? I'm green team. The blues were swarming, man. It leads me to believe where the rest of the reds were.
1:10:56 Matt McCusker? What was your strat?
1:10:57 Speaker 00 By the end, we did. We set up on that first platform. That was nice. God Dog was sneaking behind, cheap shit.
1:11:03 Matt McCusker? We had like a line.
1:11:04 Speaker 00 Hanging over the balcony, cheap shit. No. I was having fun.
1:11:09 Matt McCusker? You can't, but your gun has that big fucking sensor on it, so you can't hang the gun or your gun get shot. James never disclosed his, uh, what was your, what was your strategy?
1:11:19 Speaker 03 I dragged me down to your filthy land.
1:11:22 Speaker 00 You did not cheat.
1:11:23 Speaker 03 I did not, there was no cheating, there's no honor in that.
1:11:25 Matt McCusker? So what's your strat? Like, what's your strategy?
1:11:27 Speaker 03 Well, this is what I figured out. I didn't realize that this was happening, but I've got a very high kill rate as well as a very high death rate. So you get 25 points for killing somebody, but you only lose five when you are killed yourself.
1:11:39 Matt McCusker? Oh, so don't even worry about it.
1:11:41 Speaker 03 Even sometimes you'll shoot each other at the same time when you're coming back from a charge.
1:11:44 Matt McCusker? You get 25, yeah.
1:11:45 Speaker 03 You still get the extra points. So I think you gotta live reckless out there. You gotta go wild, you gotta get into full blood mist.
1:11:51 Matt McCusker? Don't be scared to get shot.
1:11:53 Speaker 03 Don't be scared to get, it's the opposite of real war.
1:11:55 Speaker 00 Yeah, they should change that.
1:11:57 Speaker 03 I want it inverted. That would be nice. That would be a better gameplay.
1:12:00 Matt McCusker? Yeah. Well, there you have it. I've been all fucking tactical and shit.
1:12:05 Speaker 03 I love killing. Oh, boy, when you're out there about five minutes in.
1:12:09 Speaker 00 It's nice when you get to all, people will start screaming there. Oh, yeah, man would kill me, be like, "Got you, boot!"
1:12:15 Matt McCusker? I was screaming if I'd hit somebody, like, "Fuck you!"
1:12:22 Speaker 00 That's why it felt so good when they're like, red team won.
1:12:24 Matt McCusker? We was, dude, it was, it was that close, bro.
1:12:28 Speaker 00 We won by 400 points.
1:12:29 Matt McCusker? The bubbles, ass bubbles, dude.
1:12:31 Speaker 00 We won by 400 points.
1:12:33 Matt McCusker? Dude, that's nothing, bro, in a game. That was all your charge ups and power ups.
1:12:40 Matt McCusker? That's true, bro. Can we please talk about it?
1:12:42 Speaker 00 We can look at the scores.
1:12:44 Matt McCusker? All right, check it out.
1:12:45 Speaker 00 Terminator woman did get dead last, but I was not that far above her. And either was, me and Terminator 2 were anchors, holding the squad down.
1:12:53 Matt McCusker? Yeah, bro.
1:12:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I don't know. I, I do. Know that when I was playing against her, I hit her like forty fucking times, so.
1:13:02 Speaker 00 I didn't shoot her once. She shot me once.
1:13:04 Matt McCusker? Really?
1:13:05 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:13:05 Matt McCusker? What else? What else everybody get? Be honest.
1:13:09 Matt McCusker? She said there was somebody who was just on her bumper shooting her the whole time. I was Terminator 2.
1:13:17 Speaker 00 Terminator 2.
1:13:19 Matt McCusker? Sarah Okano.
1:13:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, you're killing it.
1:13:22 Matt McCusker? Dude, Arnold Schwarzenegger's son in White Lotus. Unbelievable.
1:13:26 Speaker 00 Yeah, he's really funny.
1:13:27 Matt McCusker? Out of nowhere, I don't know why, if this was like unscripted, but they're like on a yacht and they're about to approach these girls and out of nowhere he goes swastika. And they just, just for no reason as they're walking, I was in bed, holding my stomach laughing.
1:13:39 Speaker 00 Really? I don't remember that part.
1:13:41 Matt McCusker? Dude, right on the yacht, listen, he goes back and they're about to watch it, go over to the girls and go swastika. And just, it was like, what the fuck? So funny saying yell ad libbing.
1:13:51 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm interested to see where that goes. It's gonna be fun.
1:13:54 Matt McCusker? So good.
1:13:55 Speaker 00 The girls turning on each other, wonderful.
1:13:57 Matt McCusker? Yep.
1:13:57 Speaker 00 Finding out one of them's a Republican, the other two being like, oh.
1:14:01 Matt McCusker? It's so fun.
1:14:01 Speaker 00 Awesome.
1:14:03 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:14:03 Matt McCusker? Dude, we think we did it. We had, we're gonna, we've done it.
1:14:06 Speaker 00 Fuck yeah. We've got time for one more blaze.
1:14:08 Matt McCusker? We'll do the ads in the parking lot. No problem.
1:14:11 Speaker 00 We'll do the ads.
1:14:14 Matt McCusker? Yeah, uh, yeah, mattmccusker.com, please come to the shows. They'll be in Omaha. That's a big one. Please come.
1:14:20 Speaker 00 Man- Manchester, England next week. Come on.
Previous Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson) Next Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall) Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated