Pod Insights Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann) About this episode Watch James' standup titled 'HEY AMERICA' now on our YouTube
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Good Morning everyone. This week we're joined by our beloved James. Watch his new stand up set on our YouTube! Beef Bourguignonnnnnnnnnnn. Please enjoy. God Bless.
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Transcript 15,340 words · 5 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The Wild Wild West.
0:02 Speaker 01 All right. Hey, we're here live today and our guest today is Simple Jack.
0:07 Speaker 02 Don't worry about it, he says.
0:09 Matt McCusker? We actually just took him off a stick in a cornfield. He was a scarecrow.
0:13 Speaker 02 I think it's cool. It's what the kids are doing. I'm part of the young Latin Kings running around the streets.
0:22 Matt McCusker? It's good. It is a Paul Brother haircut. You got a Paul Brother haircut.
0:25 Speaker 01 True.
0:26 Speaker 02 I was on the phone to Shane immediately before getting the haircut and I said, the barber has a monkey. Cause there was a small monkey at the barber shop.
0:32 Matt McCusker? Say what?
0:33 Speaker 02 There was a monkey at the barber shop near the, where we live and it had pajamas on and it was on a leash.
0:39 Matt McCusker? Did you let the monkey cut your hair?
0:41 Speaker 02 No, no. The monkey was in the next room screaming and very unhappy.
0:47 Matt McCusker? For, he had like an angry monkey in the barber shop?
0:49 Speaker 02 There were like 18 guys working in the barber shop and one of them had a monkey. I've never seen this before. Anyway.
0:55 Speaker 01 And you were like, that's the, that's where I want to go.
0:57 Speaker 02 It was the most affordable place to have your haircut in the area. Everywhere else was like, I went to another barber first and they said, you need an appointment? And I thought that broke the barber's code of like, just walk in and hang out.
1:07 Matt McCusker? Yeah. Can I just talk baseball? That was the original barber shop quartet. You would stand outside of the barber shop and dudes would just harmonize and just get down.
1:17 Matt McCusker? Barbers used to keep musical instruments in their place.
1:20 Speaker 02 Just to keep the party going on at all?
1:21 Matt McCusker? Yeah. You just, you would chill and just be like, oh, with like four of your boys and fire them up. You got, you would just be, you'd be at like the ye olde haircuttery and just be like, oh.
1:32 Speaker 01 White people started that.
1:33 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true. In England, they would keep like a lute handy in case.
1:38 Speaker 01 The barber shop? It's a white thing.
1:41 Matt McCusker? It kind of, I mean dude, barber shop chill culture.
1:43 Speaker 01 Now, now white culture, now white haircuts are just either guys with those mustaches or go to the haircuttery at Walmart.
1:50 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:51 Speaker 01 Now we're talking a cut.
1:52 Speaker 02 There's no, there's not a haircuttery at Walmart.
1:54 Speaker 01 They would have done you better than the monkeys.
1:57 Speaker 02 I keep thinking of signing up to the Walmart bank. Well, every time I'd said, I went to the barber shop and they had a monkey, people did say that.
2:03 Matt McCusker? Monkey cut.
2:04 Speaker 02 People looked at me like I was dropping some terrible slur.
2:09 Matt McCusker? It's not a bad haircut.
2:10 Speaker 01 It's not that bad.
2:10 Speaker 02 It's not that, you gotta pick a, someone of your race to cut your hair. The worst one I had was an Asian barber who had no idea what to do with hair.
2:17 Speaker 01 It was worse.
2:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, I've had a worse, this is not the worst haircut, if you can believe it. Best one I had was an ex-con in Adelaide, that was great.
2:24 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
2:25 Speaker 02 I got a mullet, they knew what to do, they were respectful.
2:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, you should get a mullet.
2:29 Speaker 02 I let the mullet grow out too much and then I immediately looked like a woman, a fat woman from.
2:37 Speaker 01 Oh man, well, James, the special's doing great. You gotta feel good.
2:41 Speaker 02 I feel, it was meant to be an hour and then I had a panic attack and I cut it right down. So I'll do another one, but thank you for having it come out. I drank raw milk and then I was vomiting everywhere.
2:51 Matt McCusker? I know, it was just hard to hear you had a bad experience.
2:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:54 Speaker 02 I was devastated that the raw milk.
2:55 Speaker 01 Well, that was the conversation we had, cause he was like, I think it was the raw milk. And I was like, I don't know, but I just got raw, Matt gave me raw milk and it was great.
3:00 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
3:01 Speaker 02 It was the most delicious milk.
3:03 Speaker 01 I sucked Matt's raw milk down and it felt great. But then he was like, no, I had, I had like seven glasses.
3:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
3:11 Speaker 02 I drank like most of a gallon.
3:12 Speaker 01 I, how, and what, how long? Fucking do that too.
3:15 Speaker 02 What did you say?
3:16 Matt McCusker? You crushed almost a gallon.
3:17 Speaker 02 It was too good.
3:18 Matt McCusker? It is so good.
3:19 Speaker 01 It's so good.
3:20 Speaker 02 It tasted like a secret.
3:21 Matt McCusker? You know, there's, there is like a thing about how milk itself is like white supremacist.
3:26 Speaker 02 That's why I wanted the right wing milk. I wanted to see what it was like. And the guy who was selling it looked, he was handsome, he had big shoulders. He was the only person at the farmer's market who actually looked healthy. Everyone else looks weak and faded and unusual.
3:38 Speaker 01 They're not drinking the raw milk, dude.
3:40 Speaker 02 I just didn't trust anyone else.
3:42 Matt McCusker? They're not, they're not fucking drinking the raw milk. They, they say that they're like, there is like, almost like a Nazi Aryan connection where they try to say like the original mythical Aryans were the only people who could digest cow's milk.
3:53 Speaker 02 Well, I'm a race trader as well as being sick?
3:56 Matt McCusker? No, no, no.
3:56 Speaker 02 I don't live up to Hitler's ideals with my food poisoning.
4:00 Matt McCusker? No, they say like, you just drank too much.
4:03 Speaker 02 I am gonna go back to the raw milk, I think.
4:06 Speaker 01 I know you're going back.
4:07 Speaker 02 It's not enough for me to stay away.
4:09 Speaker 01 I know you're gonna go back to the beef burgundy.
4:13 Speaker 02 I was gonna ask for that video of me throwing up over the beef burgundy. I thought that would be good if I ever have a production company.
4:18 Speaker 01 I know, beef burgundy.
4:19 Speaker 02 We could have Burgundy Productions and then, oh, Burgundy.
4:22 Matt McCusker? Yeah. Did you throw up the Burgundy?
4:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, me and him went out one night in Philly.
4:26 Matt McCusker? I never told you this?
4:27 Speaker 01 No. And he got fucking hammered. He got shitfaced at dinner and he got beef burgundy. And then we got back to my apartment and he was fucking puking. He was like, Shane, don't follow me. I was filming him.
4:40 Speaker 02 I asked him not to record, but it's a great.
4:42 Speaker 01 This? And I was like, I'm not.
4:44 Speaker 02 Then he showed it to my wife. I tried and said that we work hard when we're on the road. He's like, James, we're so fucked up. Look at him vomiting and beef burgundy.
4:51 Speaker 01 Uh, but the beef burgundy, like in between, he vomits so loud. It's like, oh.
4:55 Speaker 02 That is a problem that I do have. Yeah.
4:57 Speaker 01 Oh, then he goes, oh, too much beef burgundy.
5:02 Speaker 02 I don't know how to throw up quietly. It's not an easy thing to manage.
5:06 Matt McCusker? Is vomiting accented? I never thought about that.
5:08 Speaker 02 No, I'd make a noise.
5:09 Matt McCusker? Is vomiting accented?
5:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, at the very end of it, you can hear a little Australian. He's like, wah.
5:16 Speaker 02 It's the chunder. That's why it has a special name.
5:18 Speaker 01 Beef burgundy.
5:19 Matt McCusker? Damn, what would an Asian vomit be like?
5:25 Speaker 01 Beef burgundy.
5:26 Matt McCusker? It's gotta be, it's gotta be slightly accented.
5:29 Speaker 01 Yes.
5:30 Speaker 02 You found.
5:31 Matt McCusker? I think the end of a black vomit, you're, god damn. God damn.
5:37 Speaker 02 Ah, it's great.
5:41 Speaker 02 I'm not gonna make fun of you. I'll take you on a podcast and let everybody know about it.
5:49 Speaker 01 He's walking shirtless back to the bathroom.
5:52 Matt McCusker? That's a Burgundy shuffle.
5:54 Speaker 01 It's a Burgundy shuffle.
5:58 Speaker 01 Like, leave me alone. Stop.
6:02 Matt McCusker? You don't have to lock it. You don't have to lock it.
6:07 Matt McCusker? It's pretty loud.
6:20 Speaker 01 I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
6:21 Speaker 02 No, no, no. Get the Burgundy on. It's very funny.
6:23 Speaker 01 You got shy. I'll leave you alone. Alright, I'm done.
6:39 Speaker 01 Come on. Isn't that?
6:46 Speaker 02 But wouldn't that be a good?
6:47 Speaker 01 So, I do absolutely.
6:48 Speaker 02 Like at the end of a sitcom, the credits come up and then he goes, "Ah, Burgundy on."
6:52 Matt McCusker? Burgundy on.
6:54 Speaker 01 Absolutely.
6:55 Speaker 02 I think that's-
6:55 Matt McCusker? That was the Burgundy on coming up.
6:57 Speaker 02 It was great. It was not the Burgundy on's fault. Yeah. It's one of my favorite moments. I had the Beaujolais with the Burgundy on.
7:03 Matt McCusker? What were you, what were you drinking?
7:05 Speaker 02 I was drinking a beautiful wine.
7:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, we had some nice wine.
7:07 Speaker 02 I cannot pace myself with a, with wine. It's very-
7:10 Matt McCusker? I'm telling you, wine used to be like fucking badass drink. Like that was like fentanyl back in the twenties.
7:16 Speaker 02 Undiluted wine?
7:17 Matt McCusker? Wine was for like, for real, like sailors and badasses. It was considered like, if you didn't like nineteen ten or like, even like the late eighteen hundreds, if you drank wine, you were like an absolute fucking monster.
7:27 Speaker 01 I think it went, like winos.
7:29 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they called it-
7:29 Speaker 01 When you read like Bukowski's, like I'm fucking in Skid Row with all the winos.
7:33 Matt McCusker? Exactly.
7:33 Speaker 01 You guys are just drinking wine?
7:35 Matt McCusker? Dude, Franzia hit the block in like eighteen ninety and dudes are like, completely-
7:39 Speaker 01 Franzia made it to me. You fucking get a box of that shit, you, yeah.
7:44 Speaker 02 You know about the cocaine wine that the Pope was on?
7:46 Matt McCusker? What?
7:47 Speaker 02 They would, yeah, back when like Coca-Cola and people were mixing cocaine with their products, they would, there was a special cocaine wine. And the Vatican ordered like thousands of bottles of this wine and the Pope was just loving it.
7:57 Speaker 01 Have you seen the Pope right now?
7:59 Speaker 02 He's not doing well.
8:00 Speaker 01 He looked like shit.
8:01 Speaker 02 Yes. We might have a conclave at some point.
8:03 Speaker 01 Pope John Paul? No, uh-
8:04 Speaker 02 Frankie?
8:05 Speaker 01 Francis. He looked, uh-
8:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:07 Speaker 01 He had like bronchitis, they said, so he couldn't even talk. He was just up there like-
8:11 Speaker 02 He's been unwell for a while. He's not stepping down.
8:13 Speaker 01 His head and his fucking neck fat is, I mean, I'm not one to judge on that category, but god damn.
8:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, he'd be, he'd be getting the Biden treatment.
8:20 Matt McCusker? He had a, he's like-
8:21 Speaker 01 His neck fat is like-
8:22 Matt McCusker? Like the dude from Mad Max? He's just like-
8:24 Speaker 01 It's truly impressive.
8:26 Matt McCusker? Let me see this.
8:26 Speaker 02 I think he only had one lung to begin with.
8:31 Speaker 01 He has double pneumonia.
8:32 Matt McCusker? He has double.
8:32 Speaker 01 Both lungs.
8:34 Speaker 02 We must pray for the Pope.
8:36 Speaker 01 I'm not making fun of him, but they they did him dirty with this, uh.
8:39 Matt McCusker? Damn, he's, I didn't realize the Pope was that fucked up.
8:42 Speaker 01 Wasn't Washington Post was doing him dirty on this.
8:45 Matt McCusker? Dude.
8:46 Speaker 01 They were like this sleepy.
8:47 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they don't gotta do that to him.
8:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's it's your grandpa at the end.
8:51 Matt McCusker? I mean, again, I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna rush this Pope, but I, we do need a new Pope.
8:55 Speaker 01 It's time.
8:56 Speaker 02 I'm ready for cool, young, American Pope. The Young Pope activated me.
8:59 Matt McCusker? That's what I'm saying.
9:00 Speaker 02 That's what the church needs.
9:01 Speaker 01 When did we elect Francis, wasn't it?
9:03 Matt McCusker? They don't.
9:04 Speaker 02 Oh, like ages ago. It was like 10 years ago.
9:06 Matt McCusker? He was the first guy to come out. He was like.
9:09 Speaker 02 It's a hard job.
9:10 Speaker 01 He was looking all right.
9:11 Matt McCusker? It was, yeah, he was decent.
9:12 Speaker 01 This is.
9:13 Matt McCusker? He had a bit of a twinkle in his eye. Double pneumonia, cocaine, wine.
9:18 Speaker 01 Beef, bug, and yawn.
9:22 Speaker 01 He's got the bug and yawn going.
9:24 Matt McCusker? That would be a cool life and like the absolute utter, like the top hierarchy of the church would be probably sick as hell.
9:31 Speaker 02 Have you seen the new Conclave movie?
9:33 Speaker 01 No, it's not any good.
9:34 Speaker 02 It's not as good as The Young Pope. That's all I could think, but it is. They, it's great until the last 10 minutes when you find out, spoiler, that the, uh, the guy they've just elected is a intersex Pope with a womb.
9:48 Speaker 02 And then, and it's like, it's written by a Church of England guy, so they're all just like very sensitive, like, wouldn't that be interesting? What is a man? You go, this was a great drama about one of the, one of the candidates had a secret family. He was black and homophobic and people like, you only like him because he's black and they're all having it. It's great. There's like arguments and what's the future of the church? And then just at the end, there's a terrorist attack and people go, let's get the trans woman. Or the intersex person. It's problematic, but Ralph Fiennes is great and Stanley Tucci. Everything Stanley Tucci is is wonderful.
10:19 Matt McCusker? Like a serious, like religious drama that ends with a trans Pope?
10:22 Speaker 02 Yeah. Intersex Pope.
10:24 Speaker 01 Oh shit.
10:24 Matt McCusker? You mean, you mean like, like a natural one, like a natural trans?
10:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, like, uh, it's a little Mexican guy who's like, I found out that I had a uterus.
10:32 Speaker 01 They're killing the Mexicans with this trans shit.
10:34 Speaker 02 What?
10:35 Speaker 01 They got this and fucking.
10:37 Speaker 02 Have they got another big trans person?
10:38 Speaker 01 There's a big, uh, Mexican trans movie.
10:40 Matt McCusker? Really?
10:40 Speaker 01 Amelia. It's like they're getting all the Oscars.
10:47 Speaker 01 Emilio Perez. I watched it.
10:49 Matt McCusker? How was it?
10:50 Speaker 01 It's fucking terrible. It's one of the worst pieces of shit I've ever seen.
10:54 Matt McCusker? It's about a Mexican trans?
10:55 Speaker 01 It's about a cartel leader that transitions.
10:57 Speaker 02 Nice.
10:58 Speaker 01 They quit the cartel and the way they're hiding is transitioning. But instantly, the character becomes like a sympathetic character.
11:05 Matt McCusker? Oh, I thought you.
11:06 Speaker 01 It's like, yeah, they would just beheading everyone. It's like, oh, they're trans. They're like, oh, I love them.
11:10 Matt McCusker? So they want.
11:11 Speaker 01 And it's a fucking musical. With not really good singing.
11:15 Speaker 02 Sounds great. As a description, if someone said, this is my cartel trans musical, that sounds.
11:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's what I watched.
11:21 Matt McCusker? It's a cool idea. It's a cool premise.
11:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:23 Matt McCusker? Cartel boss becomes queen of the south, basically.
11:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:27 Matt McCusker? Becomes a trans.
11:28 Speaker 01 And then comes back. They think the, the family thing, then he misses Delfi, or is the family.
11:33 Speaker 02 Nice.
11:34 Speaker 01 It truly does. He comes back to his family and he's like, it's me.
11:37 Matt McCusker? What?
11:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:39 Matt McCusker? Damn.
11:40 Speaker 01 Which it was clearly him.
11:42 Matt McCusker? Are you sure you weren't watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians?
11:44 Speaker 01 No. We had that conversation. For real, we, while we were watching it, it was like, damn, this is what it must have been like. Where like a little girl is holding, or he's holding a little girl as a woman now. And the little girl's like, I just miss my dad so much. He like, I miss the way he smelled. He was, I loved him. And then Mrs. Delfi is like.
12:06 Speaker 02 Did you ever see the Kardashians episodes where Bruce is obviously starting to transition into Caitlyn? But they're hiding it from the audience. There's like two seasons where it's just, the hair gets longer, gets smoother. He moves out of the house. They go, the marriage is fine. I'm just living in a different house across town. But then it's still. He just like, long weird hair, just demolishes everybody in table tennis, is working through some feelings. Just beating all the other Kardashians in table tennis. It's a great weird arc where everyone's going, this is normal. Nothing's wrong. Nothing strange has happened.
12:37 Matt McCusker? I mean, that was, I still, I, I've like forever tipped my hat. The Bruce Caitlin, it's a wild move.
12:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:45 Matt McCusker? Just to be like, peace. Cause then that forces your wife to divorce you.
12:49 Speaker 02 Yes.
12:50 Matt McCusker? And you can be like, I didn't want this.
12:51 Speaker 02 Many a time in a bad relationship, I thought about. Cause you never want to break up with someone, you want them to break up with you. That's how I always felt.
12:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:58 Speaker 02 A bad relationship. It's like, what if I could become gay? What if I genuinely was trans? Then you'd have to leave.
13:02 Matt McCusker? And just to sweeten the deal, you get to be a lesbian.
13:05 Speaker 02 It is sick.
13:05 Matt McCusker? Bruce is a lesbian, or excuse me. Caitlin is a lesbian.
13:08 Speaker 02 Caitlin with a C was the nastiest one.
13:10 Speaker 01 Good for you.
13:10 Matt McCusker? Caitlin is a lesbian, which is like to break up, to get divorced and become a lesbian might be dunking on a lady as hard as you possibly can.
13:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:19 Matt McCusker? Be like, I'm a fucking girl.
13:20 Speaker 01 And still fucking.
13:21 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
13:23 Speaker 01 Did Bruce go the whole, pardon me.
13:25 Matt McCusker? Excuse me.
13:26 Speaker 01 Uh, excuse me. Bless you. Thank you.
13:31 Speaker 02 Did the Jenner person remove the sex organ?
13:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:35 Matt McCusker? I don't think so.
13:35 Speaker 01 If, if they did not, you're exactly right. This is the ultimate.
13:41 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
13:41 Speaker 01 It's the best move possible.
13:42 Matt McCusker? You have tits.
13:43 Speaker 01 Just get some fucking drugs. Hold up, sex change and all.
13:49 Speaker 04 In 2017, Caitlyn Jenner underwent a bottom surgery.
13:53 Matt McCusker? What?
13:54 Speaker 01 In what year?
13:54 Speaker 04 2017.
13:56 Speaker 01 Okay.
13:57 Speaker 04 So that thing been gone for a while.
13:58 Matt McCusker? Oh, that thing's been gone.
14:00 Speaker 04 Mm-hmm.
14:02 Matt McCusker? Well, hey, man, you can now, you can fully les out now.
14:07 Speaker 02 But you can't, certainly, you definitely can't come. There's no way if they build you a vagina, you, you can't.
14:13 Matt McCusker? Dude.
14:14 Speaker 02 Where would the orgasm come from?
14:16 Matt McCusker? Caitlin.
14:17 Speaker 01 You're making me sick right now.
14:18 Speaker 02 Why?
14:19 Speaker 01 Why are you talking about other people's genitals? They didn't push it on you.
14:23 Speaker 02 I don't know if you've been to a public library, that's all it is, back to back.
14:26 Matt McCusker? You can probably still get that prostate going. And it's just probably, it's probably like a nuclear explosion when you cut off the fucking D's and B's.
14:35 Speaker 01 Probably puke it out.
14:38 Speaker 01 Where's it go?
14:41 Speaker 01 You go, oh, beef burger, y'all.
14:44 Speaker 02 There is nothing further from coming than that particular moment.
14:51 Matt McCusker? That's a great question. I know, uh, yeah, I don't know.
14:53 Speaker 01 Can they still hit the prostate on a, right?
14:57 Matt McCusker? I think they somehow attach your old penis head to your belly button. So that's kind of like a remote control.
15:04 Speaker 01 Mine might fit. Mine might not break the surface. I got a deep belly button and a tiny dong.
15:10 Matt McCusker? Be perfect. You'd be on search.
15:11 Speaker 01 I might be able to hide it.
15:12 Matt McCusker? You'd be on search.
15:12 Speaker 01 This will be my little secret.
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15:54 Speaker 01 Incredible.
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15:57 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
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16:03 Speaker 01 Oh, I know you do.
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16:51 Matt McCusker? Just a little joystick.
16:52 Speaker 01 What are you doing?
16:54 Speaker 01 A little more, I go, oh, Indian in the cupboard.
16:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that is, that's like an age old mystery.
16:59 Speaker 02 I don't know why that disappeared. I don't know why people aren't celebrating Indian the cupboard. They never pushed, there's no like Indian in the cupboard.
17:04 Speaker 01 Oh, I guess maybe they're, yeah, cause Indians.
17:07 Speaker 02 It was that one and the bird that could talk in the basement. I think it was called Paulie. Remember there was a little parrot in the basement who lived a beautiful life.
17:13 Matt McCusker? I don't remember that one. I remember the, I remember the we Indian in the cupboard.
17:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:17 Speaker 02 I remember, that was a, it was a pro Indian movie, I think. Wasn't it?
17:21 Speaker 01 I don't remember.
17:22 Speaker 02 He wasn't just a toy. He was a man who had his land taken away.
17:26 Matt McCusker? For sure, but you're probably kinda like pissed that like, you know, if you're Native American, you're like, we're in a fucking cupboard now? What the fuck? If you don't wanna be a sports team, a kick ass sports team, you don't wanna be a tiny, yeah, you wanna be a tiny white child's toy in a cupboard.
17:39 Speaker 02 But he learns peace with the cowboy.
17:41 Matt McCusker? Right.
17:42 Speaker 02 I think that was the point of the movie.
17:44 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, I don't even remember it.
17:45 Matt McCusker? They probably wanted revenge.
17:46 Speaker 02 It was a special cupboard that brought all the toys to life, but then the cowboy toys were like, we're getting him. We're getting that Indian.
17:52 Matt McCusker? That'd be a cool movie if like, you know, they did that movie like when Hitler won, like quote unquote, if the Indian, Native Americans won. That'd be cool.
17:59 Speaker 01 That would be sick.
17:59 Matt McCusker? If we lost and just all became Native Americans. All, everyone is last Samurai.
18:05 Speaker 01 Good idea. All the, all the Europeans that came here just kept losing.
18:08 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
18:09 Speaker 01 For four hundred years.
18:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
18:11 Speaker 01 Everyone was just like, I'm going, I'm gonna fucking get it this time.
18:14 Speaker 02 I think the Ethiopians were the only ones.
18:16 Speaker 01 Nope, you're one of us, brother. Yeah.
18:20 Speaker 02 The Ethiopians did it.
18:22 Speaker 01 The Ethiopians survived.
18:22 Speaker 02 They kept trying to take the Ethiopians. They held on.
18:25 Matt McCusker? Did they really?
18:25 Speaker 02 And the Siamese managed to hold on. The Thai people. I think they're the only ones who got their own monarchy. And the Japanese, that's it.
18:33 Matt McCusker? Yeah, Ethiopia.
18:34 Speaker 02 They all had great music in the seventies.
18:35 Speaker 01 Ethiopia held it down.
18:35 Matt McCusker? Held down the battle.
18:36 Speaker 01 Even when the Waps came in knocking recently.
18:39 Matt McCusker? Really?
18:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, Mussolini tried to get in there.
18:41 Matt McCusker? Although they, they do have, Ethiopians do have a very distinct, I guess, cause they're on like, are they only towards the tip of Africa?
18:46 Speaker 02 There was a guy in Chicago, they're, no, this is, alright, this is weird, but. They don't, there's like a ruling class of Ethiopia and they don't think it's biological. They can't find like a gene that does it. But if you join the ruling class of Ethiopia and they're all from all over the place. They all just start looking the same for some reason. No one, no one can figure it out.
19:06 Speaker 01 What?
19:07 Speaker 02 It's very strange, but you can pick Ethiopian. Like I can see.
19:11 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, yeah.
19:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:12 Speaker 01 Ethiopian and Somali are very distinct.
19:14 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:15 Speaker 02 Kenyan, I'm getting better at Kenyan. The tribes within Kenya, I got nothing.
19:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:20 Speaker 02 I cannot.
19:21 Speaker 01 You'll figure it out.
19:22 Speaker 02 Masai?
19:22 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I used to, I used to deliver beer to a couple Ethiopian restaurants back in the day. And I remember being like, yeah, you, once you like get in, you're like, oh, I could, yeah, I could spot these dudes from anywhere.
19:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:32 Speaker 01 Seven eleven by our old house.
19:34 Matt McCusker? Yeah, yep. Ethiopian fellers.
19:37 Speaker 01 Great Ethiopians.
19:38 Matt McCusker? I went on a date with the owner of that seven eleven. Brief one date.
19:44 Speaker 01 What?
19:44 Matt McCusker? Yeah, the, no, no, the owner's daughter.
19:46 Speaker 01 I was gonna say, I met the owner, dude, that was a guy, that was an Ethiopian guy.
19:50 Matt McCusker? The owner's daughter. I went on a date with the owner's daughter and I was like kinda starstruck. She's like, my dad owns a seven eleven in Lancaster.
19:56 Speaker 01 You're like, bro, I've been in that, I walked.
19:58 Matt McCusker? I've been so high in that store so many times. It was cool.
20:02 Speaker 01 You're like, damn, have you ever met the black guy that opens the door? He's the man.
20:08 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it was really, I always remember being like, what the fuck?
20:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:11 Matt McCusker? Holy shit. Yeah, there was a seven eleven near Drexel University that was just, it might, I think it was honestly like the highest grossing seven eleven.
20:20 Speaker 01 It had to be.
20:20 Matt McCusker? It was nonstop.
20:21 Speaker 02 Is there anything special about the seven eleven or just the placement was?
20:24 Speaker 01 Location.
20:24 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it was just right on a college campus.
20:26 Speaker 01 Ethiopians were great.
20:27 Matt McCusker? They were.
20:27 Speaker 01 Ethiopians are also beautiful ladies.
20:29 Matt McCusker? Yes.
20:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:30 Matt McCusker? Very much so. But yeah, there was the line, some of the dudes there had a bit of attitude. Like some of the, some of the cashiers, yeah, some of the youngsters had a bit of an attitude. But they were getting, they were getting.
20:41 Speaker 01 The clientele seemed to have the biggest attitude.
20:43 Matt McCusker? They were getting assaulted.
20:44 Speaker 01 I ran into the clientele a lot.
20:46 Matt McCusker? Yeah. True. Yeah, I will say.
20:49 Speaker 01 He's just drunk college kids and the locals.
20:52 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I've witnessed.
20:54 Speaker 01 The locals and the drunk college kids. Everyone was disrespecting the.
20:59 Matt McCusker? A lot of Mr. Disrespectful.
21:01 Speaker 01 A lot of Mr. Disrespectful.
21:03 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it was very much. I remember witnessing my first ever like, uh, black American versus like Middle Eastern, which I believe Ethiopian could be almost mistaken for Middle Eastern.
21:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:13 Matt McCusker? And it's dude, it was unforgiving, unforgiving of just trying to get a salmon cream cheese bagel and just being like, put it on there Obama.
21:23 Speaker 01 It's like. Mine was a lottery ticket dispute.
21:26 Matt McCusker? Oh.
21:26 Speaker 01 I was the, they almost like looked at me as like a mediator. Both sides kept going to me like I was next in line and they kept going like.
21:35 Speaker 02 Successful lottery ticket? Or what was, how do you have a lottery ticket dispute?
21:39 Speaker 01 Uh, it was just taken. I think there was a language barrier a little.
21:42 Speaker 02 He wanted to buy, it was about, it wasn't even redeeming a prize. It was getting the opportunity.
21:45 Speaker 01 Yeah. I think it was redeeming tickets. I think the guy was maybe going too slow for the customers.
21:51 Speaker 02 He wanted his money to get more scratch.
21:52 Speaker 01 He wants his money and he wants it now.
21:53 Speaker 02 Do you call them scratchies?
21:55 Matt McCusker? Yeah, scratch offs.
21:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, scratch offs.
21:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:58 Speaker 02 I'll be back on that.
22:00 Matt McCusker? Huh?
22:00 Speaker 02 I lost my card, so now I have to pay with my phone. Like I have to pay ahead of time because I can't insert the card. I'm wanting, but then when I overpay and there's a little gap in the amount of gas to what I've given them.
22:11 Speaker 01 Get some scratchies.
22:12 Speaker 02 Give me the scratchies.
22:13 Matt McCusker? Don't they, oh, because you gotta prepay.
22:16 Speaker 01 You scratch off, man?
22:18 Speaker 02 That's all I want to spend my excess money on is a little scratch. I try not to, I'm not overdoing, I'm not going, give me $400 worth of gasoline.
22:24 Matt McCusker? There's the, there are the hundred dollar scratch offs. I've seen people do those and it's like crazy.
22:29 Speaker 02 When I was door to door sales, I would do that to get through the day. I would walk around with the, that's how I knew, I didn't realize I was depressed selling cable television door to door until one like what, couple of weeks later, I was like, I didn't used to spend $50 on scratch off cards every day. That's new.
22:46 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's a, those, I always forget that like, I mean, a lot of people play them. They're big, man. My old boss used to rip like several $100 scratch offs daily. It was just like, bro, put them down.
22:58 Speaker 02 Your fingers start getting discolored from a little bit. You can tell that there's a problem. There's a, there's a lot of lint flying around, a little tiny bits of plastic.
23:06 Speaker 01 I kind of, yeah, that sounds nice.
23:08 Matt McCusker? A little scratchy?
23:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they're they're exciting.
23:11 Speaker 02 It's a great birthday present for a child. It's the one bit of gambling that you can get a child in on.
23:15 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true. And then they go, let me see what you got there. Let me see that.
23:20 Speaker 01 That would be nice to get a kid a gambling gift.
23:22 Speaker 02 Do you not do that here?
23:24 Speaker 01 Give him a card. Yeah, we give scratch cards, but I'm saying like, I placed a futures bet on the Anaheim Angels for you.
23:29 Matt McCusker? For you.
23:30 Speaker 01 Hundred fifty bucks. This thing's gonna pay out fucking crazy if they win.
23:36 Speaker 02 It's a nice gift.
23:37 Matt McCusker? That'd be, yeah, putting on like parlays for your.
23:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, I put together a nice parlay for you.
23:40 Matt McCusker? Yeah, we'll see. Let's watch.
23:41 Speaker 01 It might hit next year. We'll see.
23:43 Matt McCusker? That's gonna be cool.
23:44 Speaker 01 Fifty bucks on it.
23:45 Matt McCusker? Not bad.
23:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:47 Matt McCusker? And if it doesn't hit, you owe me.
23:48 Speaker 01 If it doesn't hit, I'm coming back.
23:49 Speaker 02 Do you know the Eurovision?
23:51 Speaker 01 You owe me, there's gonna be, there's a big.
23:53 Speaker 02 Do you know what the Eurovision Song Contest is?
23:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:56 Speaker 02 This is what I, I always think about gambling on it, but this is the year that I finally take it seriously. Cause I think I can pick which song is gonna win. They let you know what all the songs are beforehand. Every country in Europe has their own song and then they compete and they vote. But I think, I think I could pick the winning song.
24:11 Speaker 01 How would you pick?
24:12 Speaker 02 I would listen to them and feel it in my heart, what was the correct song.
24:16 Matt McCusker? What show was this?
24:17 Speaker 02 Eurovision Song Contest.
24:18 Speaker 01 We should be doing that in America. We should go state by state.
24:21 Speaker 02 They tried it once. They tried it once. It was an enormous failure. I don't know why.
24:25 Speaker 01 We gotta bring it back.
24:26 Matt McCusker? We, we have, you know.
24:27 Speaker 01 We should do state by state everything. We should do a state fighting contest.
24:30 Matt McCusker? That'd be cool.
24:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:31 Matt McCusker? Like you have America Olympics, basically.
24:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:34 Speaker 02 I like America Olympics.
24:35 Matt McCusker? Why do we stop at high school? Well, yeah, I guess we have like the NFL.
24:37 Speaker 01 Oh, Trump was just talking about this.
24:39 Matt McCusker? Really?
24:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, this is one of Trump's first day plans.
24:42 Speaker 02 The America Olympics?
24:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, like the greater, yeah, he's like, we're gonna have football. He's like every state. Yeah, did, remember he was talking about like having an American fair?
24:50 Speaker 02 What, like State of the Art?
24:51 Speaker 01 He was bringing that back and he was like, in that, we're gonna have the American Games.
24:54 Speaker 02 Well, it's like everyone has a football team with the, like.
24:57 Speaker 01 From their state.
24:57 Speaker 02 That's great. We do, we do that in Australia. State of the Art, there's only two.
25:01 Speaker 01 No, no, high school.
25:02 Matt McCusker? Oh.
25:03 Speaker 01 It'd be like all-star teams from each state. That'd be the sickest thing ever, dude.
25:06 Matt McCusker? Yeah, what the fuck?
25:07 Speaker 02 Just Wyoming is gonna get crushed by California.
25:11 Speaker 01 California, Texas versus Rhode Island and Connecticut. They're gonna get the Ocon man out there.
25:18 Matt McCusker? That's, yeah, his world fair, I, dude, a world fair now would be nice.
25:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:23 Matt McCusker? We haven't, why haven't we had one?
25:25 Speaker 01 Cause the mudslides.
25:26 Speaker 02 Cause the French showed you up one time.
25:27 Speaker 01 True. The mudslides, the mudslides.
25:30 Speaker 02 Wait, what was the mudslides?
25:31 Speaker 01 Uh, don't even, don't, you don't even wanna know.
25:33 Speaker 02 Did you ever go to a world fair?
25:34 Speaker 01 No.
25:35 Speaker 04 You don't wanna know about the mud floods and the history of Tartaria.
25:37 Speaker 01 Talking about Tartaria, yeah.
25:38 Speaker 04 No, we don't wanna talk about Tartaria.
25:40 Matt McCusker? What's Tartaria got to do with the world fair?
25:40 Speaker 02 Oh wait, this is, oh, this is the secret society?
25:42 Speaker 04 We don't wanna talk about Tartaria and the hidden.
25:44 Speaker 01 They're covering up all these beautiful architectures with just bricks and shit. Come on, man.
25:48 Speaker 04 I don't know.
25:48 Speaker 01 They're trying to hide our past.
25:49 Speaker 04 And why are the windows in the ground?
25:51 Matt McCusker? Wait, what's Tartaria have to do with the fucking world fair?
25:53 Speaker 04 You don't wanna know, we don't, we don't wanna know about it.
25:55 Speaker 01 You don't wanna know, dude. You don't even wanna know.
25:57 Speaker 02 Alright, let me, I wanna ask, I wanna ask something.
25:59 Speaker 01 No, I don't, I just said, I don't know.
26:02 Speaker 02 Did you ever read Wimbledon, the script I gave you?
26:05 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. No, I did not.
26:06 Speaker 02 You did not? Okay.
26:07 Speaker 01 Did not.
26:08 Speaker 02 Cause I was, I don't think I've ever spoken to Matt about it and I've not spoken about it publicly, but.
26:13 Speaker 01 You lost me on the pitch.
26:15 Speaker 02 I did lose you on the pitch, when I said the coach was fat.
26:16 Speaker 01 He was like, the coach is just a big, fat, ugly fucker.
26:19 Speaker 02 I didn't say that.
26:19 Speaker 01 And I want you to play him. And I was like, alright, you piece of shit, I'm not reading that.
26:22 Speaker 02 He's heavy set for a tennis player. But I wanted to, it's a story about a, a old, older coach who can't play anymore and if, if they find this dog.
26:31 Speaker 01 You sure you wanna put the script out? Cause this is big.
26:33 Speaker 02 Hmm?
26:34 Speaker 01 Alright, go ahead.
26:34 Speaker 02 You think I shouldn't describe it?
26:35 Speaker 01 Let's, let's get it.
26:36 Speaker 02 I'll just say it's about a dog who plays tennis.
26:38 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
26:38 Speaker 02 Um, we're now making it a graphic novel.
26:39 Speaker 01 Nah, keep going, cause I like what happens in Japan.
26:42 Speaker 02 Alright.
26:44 Speaker 02 There's a little girl who has a dog and he's a, a golden retriever and he's very good at tennis.
26:49 Speaker 01 It's air bud, bud.
26:50 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
26:50 Speaker 02 Air bud. But this old coach is like, I wanna win a golden slam. I wanna win, I wanna take this dog to all the great grand slams and win. And that's the only thing worth doing in tennis. But the first one they have to go to is Japan and, uh.
27:03 Speaker 01 Wimbledon runs into a PR disaster.
27:06 Speaker 02 Yeah, I want him to not shake a guy's hand. Everyone is very, but they're like, great dishonor to not shake a man's hand. They start throwing swords, cause they want the dog to commit suicide. And then the dog goes up to the opponent's bag and opens it and, uh, child pornography and marijuana come out of the bag. And people go, he was a bad guy. Wimbledon was right not to shake his hand. But then they're only upset about the marijuana. Like the child pornography was good. There was some of the best child pornography we've ever seen. We love that in Japan, but marijuana, we don't tolerate at all. But I think this is a good family movie. I'm gonna, I'll say it to you again, I'm making it a graphic novel. And I appreciate, I asked very briefly and you said yes, and I didn't get a commitment publicly, but I'm using your, we've started the artwork for Wimble Dog.
27:48 Speaker 02 I've used your likeness in the graphic novel about.
27:52 Speaker 01 Well, hold on a second. I didn't know it was about child. I didn't know the child porn happened.
27:56 Matt McCusker? You shut it down.
27:56 Speaker 02 You shut it down.
27:57 Speaker 01 Okay, good.
27:58 Speaker 02 You're not doing the child pornography.
27:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:59 Speaker 02 It's also not you. It's a character that looks exactly like you in a graphic novel that a man, a beautiful man in Tulsa is drawing at the moment. But I think, I think you should, if you ever get time.
28:09 Speaker 01 Well, what happens with Wimble Dog?
28:11 Speaker 02 I don't want to spoil the story about how he has to fight a robot dog at the end of the American Open. There's also a role for Matt as the evil villain in charge of the tennis federation who's offended that there's a dog competing.
28:25 Matt McCusker? I can see we get a little power hungry, yeah.
28:28 Speaker 02 But I think Wimble Dog, I mean, stand-up comedy, that was my love me do. This is my Sergeant Peppers, Wimble Dog.
28:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:34 Speaker 02 I'm moving into the future. I really, I believe in it.
28:38 Matt McCusker? So that's awful.
28:38 Speaker 02 It doesn't have to be that.
28:39 Speaker 01 Matt's dabbling in graphic arts as well with the.
28:41 Matt McCusker? I have.
28:42 Speaker 02 I've seen the cartoons. I was inspired.
28:44 Matt McCusker? Oh, yeah, true.
28:45 Speaker 01 Prostitutes.
28:45 Matt McCusker? Secret prostitute Garfield Patreon project.
28:48 Speaker 02 No, I don't know about this now. Secret prostitute?
28:51 Matt McCusker? Yeah, Mr. Lozani, bro. Someone, a secret artist sent me a comic strip. It's really, actually really well done.
28:58 Speaker 01 And you're funny. You're the Medici family.
29:00 Matt McCusker? I'm the Medici family. I was like.
29:03 Speaker 01 He's filling his coffers. You're saying, I need more art.
29:04 Matt McCusker? He goes, I don't know what to do with this. I'm like, bro, please let me put this on the Patreon. Everyone hates it. I can't stop putting it up there. It's about, it's about Garfield becoming a trans, streetwalking prostitute. And then just John trying to get Garfield off the streets and out of life.
29:18 Speaker 02 I would have made him a John. It would have been so easy. The John would be trying to buy.
29:23 Matt McCusker? No, John is, John's appalled. Just sweet little kitty.
29:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:27 Matt McCusker? Then John falls into the underworld in effort to save Garfield.
29:30 Speaker 02 What's the dog doing?
29:32 Matt McCusker? Odie, Odie's part of the Yakuza.
29:35 Speaker 01 Damn, you guys are, you're overlapping a little.
29:39 Speaker 02 Oh, America's ready for a beautiful story about a dog that does something.
29:42 Matt McCusker? Dude, for real, dog sports, dog sports was like a big genre.
29:45 Speaker 02 And then it went away. This was, I was, Hollywood complains that no one's going to see movies and then they're making weird trans Mexican cartel musicals. Make a movie about a dog that wins at sport and people will flock back to the cinema.
29:57 Matt McCusker? People, people were mu- Air Bud had, what, they have three Air Buds?
30:01 Speaker 01 It was football, soccer, probably a couple basketball ones.
30:04 Matt McCusker? Yeah, yeah.
30:05 Speaker 01 Air Bud went to space?
30:06 Speaker 02 I didn't know that.
30:07 Matt McCusker? Space Bud? I knew, I knew he went to space. Movie Valhalla, dude.
30:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:12 Speaker 02 Didn't they have Beethoven? Was the great dog who saved the family? Lassie was the great dog?
30:17 Matt McCusker? Homeward Bound is a great dog movie.
30:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:19 Matt McCusker? I mean, I watched that a bunch of times with my kids recently.
30:22 Speaker 01 Shadow.
30:23 Matt McCusker? Chances, yeah.
30:23 Speaker 01 Hold on, what's the?
30:25 Matt McCusker? The cat's name?
30:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:27 Matt McCusker? Chance Shadow.
30:28 Speaker 00 There's fourteen Air Bud movies.
30:29 Speaker 01 Missy?
30:30 Speaker 02 Fourteen.
30:30 Matt McCusker? Missy. Holy fuck, it's Missy.
30:33 Speaker 01 Is it?
30:33 Matt McCusker? I'm pretty sure.
30:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, I loved the fuck out of that movie. It got me every time. It got me every time. And Shadow fell. I didn't see it coming every single time.
30:40 Speaker 02 Have you ever seen My Dog Skip?
30:42 Speaker 01 Uh.
30:43 Speaker 02 It's Frankie Muniz. He's got a beautiful dog and when it seems like the dog dies, it's a.
30:47 Matt McCusker? Really?
30:47 Speaker 02 Dog dying in a movie is the only time I really cry.
30:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:50 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it's a good move, though.
30:51 Speaker 00 All the animals in Homeward Bound died. Like, they, they killed a bunch of animals making that movie.
30:56 Speaker 01 Uh, are you sure you're not thinking of Milo Notus?
30:59 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
30:59 Speaker 01 Milo Notus, they were just.
31:01 Matt McCusker? Yeah, because they live, they survive in the end.
31:02 Speaker 01 That was the, that was the Korean or Japanese. Milo Notus used to be my go-to.
31:07 Speaker 02 They killed a bunch of dogs to make Milo Notus?
31:09 Speaker 01 It was a puppy, pug and a kitten.
31:11 Speaker 02 Uh, you'd have to.
31:12 Speaker 01 They were ta- and at one point they fight a bear. And apparently they were just tossing those things.
31:17 Speaker 02 There was no need to do that.
31:18 Speaker 01 For real? Yeah, they filmed it for real and they finally got it because I think, I think the bear finally got full from pugs.
31:25 Speaker 02 That can't be true. Is that true?
31:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:28 Speaker 02 Oh.
31:28 Matt McCusker? They definitely in Homeward Bound threw a cat into a river.
31:31 Speaker 01 They also do that in.
31:33 Matt McCusker? Do they really?
31:34 Speaker 01 In Milo Notus and they lost a couple cats in the river.
31:36 Speaker 02 Used to be able to kill animals in movies. Now they've always got a thing saying no animals were harmed. I was watching an old Russian movie and a horse really falls down the stairs.
31:44 Matt McCusker? What?
31:44 Speaker 02 That was a hard watch. And then I watched Apocalypse Now.
31:47 Speaker 01 Apocalypse Now is nuts.
31:48 Speaker 02 They just have a cow at the end.
31:50 Speaker 01 They cut a cow, yeah.
31:53 Speaker 02 And they just like hacked and like.
31:54 Matt McCusker? I mean, if they ate it afterwards, that's.
31:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was. It was. He filmed like a real, actual ritual.
32:00 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
32:01 Speaker 02 Like Francis Ford Coppola's wife was like, I just saw some villagers hacking a cow apart. Do you want to put that in the movie? And he went, all right.
32:07 Matt McCusker? Obviously.
32:07 Speaker 02 It needs something in the third act to really give it.
32:09 Speaker 01 Directed, Milo Nott is directed by Masanori Hata.
32:14 Matt McCusker? Oh, no.
32:15 Speaker 01 And Kan Ichikawa.
32:16 Speaker 02 I didn't know it was a Japanese movie.
32:18 Speaker 01 It is.
32:19 Matt McCusker? I didn't know that either.
32:19 Speaker 01 Uh, I've heard, uh, what's his name? Louis talked about this. It was very funny. Yeah. Louis Gomez was the first person I heard break this story.
32:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, they, they were tossing some dogs and.
32:35 Matt McCusker? They'd have to get a new replacement pug every time. Pugs luckily look pretty similar.
32:42 Speaker 02 Have you seen their skulls?
32:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:45 Speaker 02 I can't stop thinking about.
32:46 Matt McCusker? What's up with their skulls?
32:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:47 Speaker 02 It's a circle.
32:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:48 Matt McCusker? Oh, really?
32:49 Speaker 02 Yeah. It's the ugliest, weirdest. We did that to them.
32:53 Matt McCusker? I know.
32:53 Speaker 02 Well, Chinese emperors did that to them to have just a fun little thing.
32:57 Matt McCusker? That must've been so tight when you finally like turn a wolf into a tiny little thing.
33:01 Speaker 02 You've done it.
33:01 Matt McCusker? Whoa, what the fuck?
33:03 Speaker 02 And when they sneeze, their eyes fall out sometimes.
33:06 Matt McCusker? Really?
33:06 Speaker 01 Pugs are great.
33:07 Speaker 02 There was another movie idea. I wanted someone, all right, like Greyhound racing? Does it have to be a Greyhound? Maybe there's a guy who thinks his pug has it in him. You know, but then at the end, the dog sneezes and its eyes fall out.
33:19 Speaker 01 Then a Japanese businessman throws it at a bear.
33:24 Matt McCusker? Having a movie, a heartwarming story about a pug that ends in its eyes falling out from sneezing would be pretty great. And then be like, we're just raising awareness to pug deformity. But then like, what do you do? Just wipe out the pugs?
33:34 Speaker 02 Let's breed it with a slightly longer faced animal.
33:37 Speaker 01 Start breeding, yeah.
33:38 Speaker 02 Start breeding the nose back into the pug. The Pug Nose Restoration Project Society. And you're just making pugs have sex with Great Danes over and over again.
33:46 Speaker 01 Tommy Pope had a pug and it makes me laugh. He had a long, it was huge. He showed me a picture of it. It was like a fucking 10 foot long pug. It was laying, it was laying flat on the porch with its arms and legs out.
33:57 Matt McCusker? What the fuck?
33:58 Speaker 01 This is the biggest pug I've ever seen. He was like, oh, that's Buffereini Marie.
34:03 Speaker 01 His pug's name was Bufferini Marie.
34:05 Matt McCusker? Was it a wiener dog mixed with a pug?
34:07 Speaker 01 No, it was just straight pug. It was just a big one.
34:09 Matt McCusker? What?
34:10 Speaker 01 I just love that it had a wap name Bufferini Marie. Think of it, Tommy Pope with a pug.
34:16 Matt McCusker? Bufferini Marie.
34:17 Speaker 01 Come here Bufferini.
34:19 Matt McCusker? Bufferini Marie is so funny. I never really thought about being a dog in an Italian household.
34:23 Speaker 01 You're probably gonna hit.
34:24 Matt McCusker? No. He's probably crazy.
34:26 Speaker 02 I think about it every day. I wake up and I think if I was a dog at an Italian household, with all the pasta that they've, you know, the problem with that pug, the nono was there. You're so skinny, let's give it a dog.
34:36 Matt McCusker? It's gotta be like dramatic. It's gotta be like the Roman Empire. You're just at the top. You're being treated like a fucking absolute god.
34:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, true.
34:42 Matt McCusker? Next thing you know, you're just, they're rising up against you.
34:44 Speaker 01 You're just getting swept.
34:48 Matt McCusker? You're eating delicious cuisine, sitting on like a nice silk pillow.
34:52 Speaker 01 It's better than Irish dog.
34:53 Matt McCusker? Irish dogs are worse, bro.
34:55 Speaker 01 You had some guys hitting dogs.
34:57 Matt McCusker? Dude, our dogs got beat. I thought you could hit dogs until like maybe six years ago.
35:01 Speaker 01 We've discussed it. I've witnessed Phil, Phil punched, he fucking punched dogs.
35:07 Speaker 01 He punched them in the head. The dog was being bad. He hit Riggins, he popped Riggins. That was recently.
35:13 Speaker 02 Did he get his shoulder into it or is it just a little?
35:15 Speaker 01 Like a jab to the top of the dog's head.
35:18 Speaker 02 That's frowned on.
35:19 Speaker 01 What the fuck was that?
35:20 Speaker 02 That is frowned upon.
35:21 Matt McCusker? Dude, it was so normal, man. I would see, I saw dogs getting beat like, I would, there was one, there was one house. I would go to one house where if the dog was seen in the kitchen, it would be viciously kicked as hard as possible every day. Every, I saw, it was just a daily occurrence. A dog would be in the kitchen, it was like this orange shitty mutt. It was like a fat, it would look like a lab mixed with like a, like a dingo. It was just a shitty, standard, yellow, 55 pound fat mutt. And if it was spied in the kitchen, it would try to like go under the little countertop and just be.
35:59 Speaker 01 Good for him though. Just keep going back.
36:01 Matt McCusker? Right, true.
36:01 Speaker 01 You guys can't hurt me.
36:03 Matt McCusker? Right home from work and just be like, I don't get up. Hard as possible.
36:08 Speaker 02 To not learn the lesson is a beautiful thing.
36:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:11 Speaker 02 That shows that they're not being too abusive because the dog's still got hope.
36:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:15 Matt McCusker? I think this dog was just dumb. I think it would just be like, it just was like, yeah, I think it would just get cold and be like, I'm gonna go lay in the sun. And would just like lay in the sun for four hours. And then wake up to just a giant man and be like, god damn it.
36:30 Matt McCusker? Yeah, if it was spotted in the kitchen, it was supposed to stay in the mudroom, which is a cold tile floor.
36:38 Matt McCusker? And we, when I, when I was little, we had an outside dog. We had a dog that like did not really come inside that much ever. And it would just, if it was off the leash, it would hop the fence and bite people.
36:47 Speaker 02 I mean, the craziest one is when you see a house where they have the big cages out front, the dog in the cage.
36:53 Matt McCusker? I had, I had an outside cage dog as an adult for a while.
36:56 Speaker 02 That's a scary house.
36:57 Matt McCusker? It was only when we were working. It would sit in like a cage in the backyard and just howl.
37:00 Speaker 01 Phil installed a giant chain link fence in our basement. And we put Shaq in there and he would fucking break out. He would rip through the fence.
37:11 Matt McCusker? He'll chew out.
37:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:13 Matt McCusker? Yep. Yeah, we had, there was a, when I had the Akita and then there was like its brother, my ex-wife's like, uh, mom and stepdad got it. And then when we, like, when we separated houses to like when they're, they're like mom and stepdad lived with us for a while, but for a little bit, we lived with them, I guess it was mom's house. But they took their dog and they built like a dog jail in their basement and it totally like.
37:35 Speaker 01 Just rip it out, yeah. Turn the lights out and leave it down there.
37:38 Matt McCusker? They freak.
37:39 Speaker 01 It's gonna go nuts.
37:39 Matt McCusker? Well, they won't do it. They're like, there's dogs that are like, I'll, I'll die. Dude, Andrew's dog Zeus, R I P Zeus, but dude, it would literally, it jumped out of the second story one time.
37:51 Matt McCusker? Cause he didn't have windows in his house.
37:53 Speaker 01 When he says it would stand on the outs, on this, it would like stand on the roof.
37:57 Matt McCusker? Yes. So he didn't, he was a three-story house. Spud didn't have windows in his house for a long time. So he had a window, he was living in a windowless house in West Philly and his dog would get out on the third floor, go up on, it was like a parapet. It was like a roof, like it was like the window and then there's like a strip of roof like this wide and it would pace back and forth.
38:17 Speaker 01 It was huge.
38:17 Matt McCusker? A big fucking, it was like a.
38:18 Speaker 02 And it fell or it jumped out of this?
38:20 Matt McCusker? The second story, it jumped out of the second story, but it, it would just patrol. So it would sit, it was in like, dude, it was in the fucking hood. And he had this giant, like mastiff, white pit bull that would stand on his third floor like a gargoyle.
38:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:32 Matt McCusker? It was fucking nuts. And it would just wait for him every day.
38:35 Speaker 01 It's good security though.
38:36 Matt McCusker? Dude, it for real was. I mean, I would get like superstitious if I saw that.
38:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:40 Matt McCusker? Just walking by and I, actually I've seen him, he would just pace and then just sit like this on the top of the third floor.
38:45 Speaker 01 That's the devil. That's literally an omen. That is an actual demon. That's nice.
38:51 Matt McCusker? This show is brought to you by BetterHelp.
38:54 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
38:55 Matt McCusker? Hmm. What are some of your relationship green flags? What do you like?
39:00 Speaker 01 Tits.
39:00 Matt McCusker? Get you going. Green flag. Tits are a good green flag. We often hear about red flags we should avoid, but what if we focus more on looking for the green flags in our friends and partners?
39:08 Speaker 01 I focus almost entirely on the green flags.
39:10 Matt McCusker? True. Just my wife waving me down, being like, "I'm right here, the runway's right here."
39:14 Speaker 01 Yep.
39:15 Matt McCusker? I say, "Yo, get that thing ready for me, girl."
39:17 Speaker 01 I'll ignore all the red flags because of your giant fucking green flags.
39:23 Matt McCusker? If you're not sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify green flags.
39:27 Speaker 01 Don't need no help there.
39:30 Matt McCusker? Actively practice having your-
39:32 Speaker 01 Sorry, BetterHelp, you can kick rocks. I can see tits for a mile.
39:38 Matt McCusker? Actively practice having our relationships and embody that green flag energy.
39:42 Speaker 01 Ooh.
39:42 Matt McCusker? Ready for this? Yourself.
39:45 Speaker 01 My tits?
39:45 Matt McCusker? You are the green flag. You have been the green flag the whole-
39:49 Speaker 01 So wait, BetterHelp's suggesting that I squeeze my own tits while I jack off?
39:53 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
39:54 Speaker 01 Alright.
39:55 Matt McCusker? Exactly it. Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or squeezing your tits while jerking off allegedly, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back. Dude, they're-
40:07 Speaker 01 They're helping us.
40:08 Matt McCusker? I do gotta love myself back.
40:09 Speaker 01 Well, they're fucking better.
40:10 Matt McCusker? Okay. Um, broader, give me the broader benefits of you personally of, uh, therapy.
40:18 Matt McCusker? How about learning positive coping skills?
40:20 Speaker 01 That'd be nice.
40:20 Matt McCusker? How to set boundaries?
40:22 Speaker 01 Hmm.
40:22 Matt McCusker? Or maybe just empowers you to be the best version of yourself. It isn't all about people who experienced major trauma, etc. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over five million people worldwide.
40:36 Speaker 01 Hmm.
40:36 Matt McCusker? That's 10 million tits. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Guys, easily switch therapists anytime at-
40:47 Speaker 01 30,000 credentialed therapists? 60,000.
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41:11 Speaker 01 They keep coming back.
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42:04 Speaker 01 I'll tell you what, Matt. I was goofing off and making fun of Viya. They've won me over.
42:08 Matt McCusker? Yeah. You think that's honesty? Maybe you just wanted to get high?
42:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, let's just get fucking high as shit.
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43:01 Speaker 01 It's crazy, Matt. You went from...
43:03 Matt McCusker? I smoked down on them.
43:03 Speaker 01 You went from selling weed?
43:05 Matt McCusker? True.
43:05 Speaker 01 Now you're big time, bro. You're top G. You made it.
43:09 Matt McCusker? Moving the keys on my cell phone, dude, like Rick Ross. I actually have smoked Viya's weed. I do like it.
43:15 Speaker 01 Nice.
43:15 Matt McCusker? And I like how you can just get it right to your door because it's T H C A hemp dude, it's not weed.
43:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
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43:51 Matt McCusker? I mean, 21 plus adults, obviously. Enhance your everyday with Viya.
43:58 Matt McCusker? But yeah, R I P Zeus. He was the best. He would be in the basement. He would just like chew fucking pipes in the basement. He was so funny. And if, when, once he got older and the sun would go down, he would go, remember I brought him to our old house?
44:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:08 Matt McCusker? I brought him, I watched him for.
44:10 Speaker 01 Blue was my favorite.
44:11 Matt McCusker? Blue was great.
44:12 Speaker 01 Blue ribbing the wood man's food right out of his hand was the craziest thing I've ever seen. We were just.
44:19 Speaker 01 I know we've talked about it a bunch of times on here, but whose dog was that? Was that?
44:22 Matt McCusker? Tom's.
44:23 Speaker 01 Tom?
44:23 Matt McCusker? Yeah, dog's R I P as well.
44:25 Speaker 02 He stole man's food out of his hands.
44:26 Matt McCusker? Dog was awesome.
44:27 Speaker 01 He was so, yeah, he literally just walked, like, say we're sitting here.
44:31 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
44:31 Speaker 01 Our friend Chris Wood was sitting down eating like a tortilla. He'd just, he would get a bowl of meat and put it in a tortilla and just sit there and munch it. A dog slowly walked up to him and just went. Took the entire fucking thing out of his hand and then just walked away. Like, it wasn't like it fucking grabbed it. It literally just slowly walked up to him. I've never seen anything like it. It reminds me of, uh, O'Connor. We were just in, uh, Seattle, or, yeah. O'Connor, when we were in Vancouver once, he got so fucked up and the next day, he's like hungover and I forget what he got. He might've got like a donut. And the seagulls are fucking huge out there. O'Connor was standing there and a bird just took it.
45:14 Speaker 02 I had a chip. I had a fry once where that happened.
45:17 Speaker 01 Just think of O'Connor being like.
45:19 Matt McCusker? Great.
45:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:22 Speaker 01 Is anyone gonna do anything about these fucking birds?
45:25 Speaker 02 I had the exact same thing happen to me. That was, it really stayed with me as a terrible memory. I was holding a french fry and a bird just took it, it was a seagull, came and took it out of my hand.
45:36 Matt McCusker? Damn.
45:37 Speaker 02 I remember I talked about it on stage that night and I got nothing, but there was a lot to me.
45:39 Matt McCusker? It's the funniest.
45:40 Speaker 02 It was very hard to explain.
45:41 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it's pretty intense.
45:42 Speaker 02 Serious and upsetting.
45:44 Speaker 01 Dude, how'd you handle it? What'd you do?
45:46 Speaker 02 I was so, it was kind of beautiful, but I was scared. I was upset.
45:52 Matt McCusker? Did the beak get anywhere even near your fingers or was it like?
45:55 Speaker 02 It was just gone. I just saw the bird and then I didn't feel it touch my hand. It was just out. It was not a lot of, I don't leave a lot of time between.
46:02 Matt McCusker? Yeah, quick.
46:03 Speaker 02 I'm pretty close bucket to mouth type of operator.
46:08 Matt McCusker? I'll never forget when my cousin hit a seagull in the chest with a wiffle ball bat. Dude, we were like, we were, we were throwing food to get him, we knew what a creature storm is, having him storm the fucking front desk.
46:19 Speaker 01 The creature storms are so funny.
46:21 Matt McCusker? So fun, dude. And we were just throwing up bread. There was just so many seagulls getting closer and closer. My cousin just came out with a wiffle ball bat, went thwump! Right in the chest and dude, it fucking dropped dead. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.
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47:18 Matt McCusker? a free immune support bundle, including omega three, fish oil and vitamin D three plus K2 with your first subscription to AG1 next gen or AG1 pro. That's drink AG1.com slash secret pod. It was all we came out to investigate it huge wings long as hell. Just a dead seagull in the front, like a family walked by and they're like, oh.
47:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's sad. I saw a homeless guy punch a pigeon once. The pigeons were just running around on the ground.
47:44 Speaker 01 That is a battle. They've been battling for centuries.
47:47 Speaker 02 The pigeon wasn't doing anything to him and he bent, he was just walking along calmly and he bent all the way down and just fucking got a pigeon and kept walking.
47:55 Speaker 01 I mean, we've all had that thought. That guy's just so.
47:57 Speaker 02 I couldn't believe the pigeon didn't move or anything, but it sensed his.
48:00 Matt McCusker? They get, dude, those things are crazy. How there's the ducks around where we live, dude, you can walk, you can grab them by the necks. They don't give a fuck.
48:07 Speaker 01 This bird talk.
48:08 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it is.
48:09 Speaker 01 We had a, you know, it's funny, the time we went to see Scorpion King.
48:14 Speaker 02 Yeah.
48:14 Speaker 01 Me and my buddy had a creature storm at the beach.
48:17 Matt McCusker? Did you really?
48:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, we did it with a bag of Doritos.
48:18 Matt McCusker? Dude, how sick is it?
48:20 Speaker 01 It was great.
48:20 Matt McCusker? It's the fucking best.
48:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, what are the odds?
48:22 Speaker 02 I hadn't heard creature storm before.
48:24 Matt McCusker? You ever went to the beach and just threw like a loaf of bread and just let it get crazy with birds?
48:29 Speaker 02 We would do, yeah. Well, when we would have like fish and chips on the beach and there would be, they'd come around like, you know, you're a kid and you stand and your dad goes, stop bringing them over.
48:39 Matt McCusker? Okay, imagine your dad's not there and it's just you and your boys with as much bread as possible taken from the beach house.
48:45 Speaker 01 And you are ruining everyone's day.
48:47 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I mean, as an adult, I'll try to wait till like 4:30, 5:00 PM, which is like not as crowded. But dude, it's still people there and they are very upset, but you can get like, dude, you can get for real like 500 seagulls.
48:59 Speaker 01 You can run. You can hold a, a bag of chips and run and they're, the storm will follow you.
49:04 Matt McCusker? It's awesome.
49:05 Speaker 01 They're at your, now you control the storm.
49:07 Speaker 02 Running through a big pile of birds at the beach is one of my greatest happinesses.
49:12 Matt McCusker? What happened?
49:13 Speaker 02 When you just, there's like a big gathering of birds and you just run straight at the birds.
49:17 Speaker 01 I like watching the little guys that run with the tide. That's fun.
49:20 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
49:21 Speaker 01 I just like to observe those guys.
49:22 Matt McCusker? It's fun watching kids chase seagulls. That's like an easy way to get kids tired. Like go get the seagulls and they'll just like relentless like a fucking dog just chase seagulls.
49:30 Speaker 02 And you get to watch him for long enough, you see who's the king seagull and you see the one sad seagull with like half a foot and his beak doesn't work and he's
49:37 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
49:38 Speaker 02 Trying to get the, none of his buddy seagulls are looking after him, helping him get it, they're just taking his food away.
49:41 Matt McCusker? Is, is a seagull, do they have like a pecking order like chickens have?
49:44 Speaker 02 Definitely.
49:44 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I would say. Shit, the chicken pecking order is brutal dude.
49:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's crazy.
49:48 Matt McCusker? My cousin had, my brother and my cousin had chickens and I didn't realize like if there's another rooster, the rooster will peck, literally take your like rooster crown off and be like, you're a fucking hen. You're getting nan pussy around here. I'm getting all the pussy.
50:02 Speaker 02 They like, they basically-
50:03 Speaker 01 What's, what's that called when they kill each other? Doesn't like a, I swear to god, like there's something happens where they just, the whole coop will just kill itself.
50:11 Matt McCusker? Really?
50:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:12 Speaker 02 But they'll just have a mass suicide in the coop?
50:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, they just start killing each other. Guys, get on that. What happens?
50:16 Matt McCusker? Yeah, check that out. I'm actually curious about that. Have you ever heard of the old Irish myth of the two cats who fought until only their tails were left?
50:23 Speaker 02 No.
50:24 Speaker 01 No.
50:24 Matt McCusker? That's a sick myth, I just came across that.
50:26 Speaker 01 That's good.
50:27 Matt McCusker? It's old.
50:27 Speaker 01 What, uh, what is the, um, message there?
50:30 Matt McCusker? It's just mutual destruction. They fought and fought and fought until only their tails were left. Like, what's the point of the fight after that?
50:37 Speaker 02 They've paid no attention to that.
50:38 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
50:39 Speaker 02 That has had no impact on the development of the Irish people.
50:43 Speaker 01 Speaking of, Okaman got me that painting there. And that's a nice Irish Brigade, uh, at Antietam. Turns out, the guy looks exactly like Tony Hinchcliffe and, uh-
50:53 Speaker 02 No, I was gonna say he looks like, uh-
50:54 Speaker 01 He kinda got ruined for me. You guys were like, he looks like Tony. You got a painting of Tony? I was like, no, it's fucking cool.
51:00 Speaker 02 Who's the defense against the dark arts teacher in the second Harry Potter movie?
51:06 Speaker 02 No, you know, the Gilderoy Lockhart. No, the little, he looks like the Shakespearean actor who did-
51:12 Speaker 01 Oh.
51:13 Speaker 02 Do you know who I'm talking about?
51:14 Matt McCusker? Not Little, is it Littlefinger from Game of Thrones?
51:17 Speaker 02 No, but he also looks like Littlefinger from Game of Thrones. He does not look especially Irish. He is Irish though.
51:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
51:23 Speaker 02 Captain Clooney.
51:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think he died right there.
51:25 Matt McCusker? Did he really?
51:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, at Antietam. I could be wrong.
51:28 Matt McCusker? That would be kind of a sick way to go if you rally up a bunch of troops, then just get blown, head blown off.
51:31 Speaker 01 The Irish Brigade would go, they came to America to learn how to fight so they could bring it back.
51:35 Matt McCusker? What?
51:36 Speaker 01 To England, yeah.
51:37 Matt McCusker? That's kinda sick.
51:37 Speaker 01 And he was apparently a monster.
51:39 Matt McCusker? That's pretty tight.
51:40 Speaker 01 Read about him, they're like, he was the best soldier ever.
51:42 Matt McCusker? Really?
51:42 Speaker 01 He was just fearless and then, you know, got the best of him when he was like, I'll stand right in front of everyone.
51:46 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
51:47 Speaker 01 And got shot like twenty times.
51:49 Matt McCusker? Oh, no.
51:51 Speaker 01 He was a horse, so he was like, I don't care, come on boys, eh. You can see it there. He's got some wounds.
51:56 Matt McCusker? Wasn't there like a?
51:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's falling. He's literally falling down while that picture's being taken.
52:00 Speaker 01 Fuck you pussies.
52:01 Matt McCusker? Wasn't there a story of like a Vietnam? Wasn't there like a war hero who had like a fantastic? They built, they made a movie on it where he like, he had this crazy charge where he killed like sixty people himself. And he went home for a while and he finally went back to war thinking like, I got this down, just died.
52:17 Speaker 01 No, that was a, that was, that was Barcelona.
52:21 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
52:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:22 Matt McCusker? That's crazy.
52:23 Speaker 01 He's got a rest up.
52:24 Matt McCusker? Does he really?
52:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, in Jersey.
52:25 Matt McCusker? That's awesome.
52:25 Speaker 02 Do you know about Ned Kelly?
52:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:28 Speaker 02 Ned Kelly's our great bush ranger hero where he, the cops were after him and he was like a sheep thief. And he built a suit of armor out of iron.
52:35 Speaker 01 It's hilarious.
52:36 Speaker 02 It's like a cool hat that he built and the chest and he just like stood and shot at the cops and they were shooting at him. He was shot something like a hundred times in the dick and legs.
52:46 Speaker 02 He was, the lower half of the body was. Mick Jagger?
52:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, the movie.
52:50 Speaker 02 No, there's a movie with Mick Jagger as Ned Kelly as well.
52:53 Speaker 01 I didn't see that one.
52:53 Speaker 02 We made it over and over again.
52:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:55 Speaker 02 We love that story. And they go, you'll never take me alive, copper. And then he's such his life. He had cool quotes.
53:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:01 Matt McCusker? Damn, where did he have the armor?
53:03 Speaker 01 It was one with Russell Crowe.
53:04 Speaker 02 He made out of a trash can, I think, or something. I don't know, Russell Crowe was in it. Everyone's got a.
53:08 Matt McCusker? Yeah, the Oscar to grouse them.
53:10 Speaker 01 He did. We have, we have one of those. We have the Killdozer.
53:14 Matt McCusker? Killdozer.
53:14 Speaker 02 I heard about the Killdozer.
53:15 Speaker 01 It's the same thing.
53:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
53:16 Speaker 01 He was like, you guys are gonna take my land. And then he went into the warehouse and spent three years building a.
53:22 Speaker 02 Killing machine.
53:23 Matt McCusker? Did anyone ever make a movie about the Killdozer?
53:25 Speaker 01 No, I've only seen the documentary.
53:27 Matt McCusker? You can't glorify acts of domestic terrorism.
53:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't think the Killdozer is in your passport as something to celebrate.
53:32 Speaker 01 They took her nerve.
53:33 Matt McCusker? That'd be a good sports team.
53:35 Speaker 02 What?
53:35 Matt McCusker? Killdozers.
53:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:37 Speaker 02 Give it fifty years and people will be ready.
53:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:40 Speaker 02 Ready to forgive and forget. It does take time.
53:42 Speaker 01 They'd bring in like a sniper, like a fifty caliber sniper to try to get some bullets in there. It's pretty great.
53:48 Speaker 02 Did he kill people?
53:49 Speaker 01 No, he was just driving through all his enemies' houses.
53:54 Matt McCusker? That is fucking incredible.
53:55 Speaker 02 There's no, if you get no fatalities and maximum.
53:57 Speaker 01 I think he got no fatalities.
54:00 Matt McCusker? That's crazy.
54:00 Speaker 01 It was a bulldozer, so it was going slow as fuck, but no one could stop it. So he like would go through someone's house and then be like, all right, I'm headed down to the fucking town hall.
54:08 Matt McCusker? No, no.
54:09 Speaker 01 Just had to be like a fucking asshole.
54:12 Speaker 02 What's the, I think Oklahoma City bombing, they managed, they injured a couple of people.
54:15 Speaker 01 No.
54:16 Speaker 02 No? Hold on, what am I thinking of? There was one where they.
54:19 Speaker 01 They killed a bunch of kids.
54:20 Speaker 02 Oh, that's bad.
54:21 Speaker 01 There was a daycare there.
54:22 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
54:23 Speaker 02 It's an AT, no, an AT and T building in Tennessee, Nashville.
54:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was recently and.
54:30 Speaker 02 But he like, he did it on Christmas day.
54:32 Speaker 01 An RV and he had speakers.
54:33 Speaker 02 He was playing music and he was like, everybody get out, I'm blowing up the AT and T building. And I want to hurt anyone, I just want to make AT and T unhappy.
54:40 Matt McCusker? What was his beef with AT and T?
54:41 Speaker 01 I think it was NSA, uh.
54:43 Matt McCusker? Oh.
54:43 Speaker 01 He, yeah.
54:44 Speaker 02 I thought he was just on the phone for too long.
54:46 Matt McCusker? True.
54:48 Speaker 01 What?
54:49 Speaker 04 It's such, it looks like Sauron and Spud was like, if I had to look at that building every day, I would probably want to blow it.
54:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, if I was a little schizophrenic and they're like, there's a.
54:58 Speaker 04 It's very scary looking building.
54:59 Speaker 01 Tower there.
55:01 Matt McCusker? It was a scary building?
55:02 Speaker 04 It's so scary.
55:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's like windowless.
55:04 Matt McCusker? It's justified.
55:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
55:04 Speaker 04 Yeah.
55:05 Matt McCusker? The architecture was terrible.
55:06 Speaker 02 Well, people had to pretend that the World Trade Center is beautiful. The new building instead of the World Trade Center is.
55:12 Speaker 01 A little Fountainhead reference.
55:14 Speaker 02 Which one? What did you say?
55:15 Speaker 01 Nothing, I don't know why I'm remembering.
55:16 Speaker 02 Did you read the Fountainhead?
55:16 Speaker 01 Suddenly I'm remembering books. I don't know what's happening. I'm taking it easy on the drinking all of a sudden, I'm like, I don't remember books.
55:22 Speaker 02 I love the Fountainhead.
55:23 Speaker 01 Fountainhead fucking rules.
55:23 Speaker 02 The ending of the Fountainhead is the most insane close of a book.
55:28 Speaker 02 Ah.
55:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's one of the best.
55:29 Speaker 02 He's a great architect, he does a rape and that is a, like the lady thinks it's hot, so that's a weird part of it. But moving past that, he's a great architect and he lowers himself to design public housing. He's like, I'll build the best public housing. If I'm going to design public housing, it's going to be the best public housing. And they make it ugly, so he destroys all of the homes for poor people. And then he gives a beautiful speech about, I had to do it, ugliness has no place. And the jury let him off because the speech is so good and then the book's over.
55:55 Matt McCusker? What?
55:55 Speaker 02 But it's a book about the importance of destroying public housing.
55:58 Matt McCusker? Projects.
55:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, you've got to ruin the projects.
56:00 Matt McCusker? It's crazy.
56:01 Speaker 02 It's such a great book.
56:02 Speaker 01 That's crazy, I did not get that out of it.
56:04 Speaker 02 Really?
56:04 Speaker 01 Yeah. Funny synopsis.
56:07 Speaker 02 It's also about like relentlessly pursuing your goals and being the man.
56:11 Speaker 01 Clearly, yeah.
56:11 Speaker 02 And all the media companies trying to tear you down.
56:13 Matt McCusker? Oh, it's Ayn Rand.
56:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:15 Matt McCusker? Ayn Rand wrote that?
56:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was her first big, big hit.
56:18 Speaker 01 I like it more than Atlas Shrugged.
56:20 Speaker 02 I really liked Atlas Shrugged. I was a big Ayn Rand teenager.
56:24 Matt McCusker? I know, I didn't even.
56:25 Speaker 02 I was like, I am the great man of history.
56:27 Speaker 01 You gotta really commit yourself.
56:28 Matt McCusker? Was Ayn Rand a girl?
56:29 Speaker 01 Fucking, yeah.
56:30 Matt McCusker? Okay, I thought so.
56:31 Speaker 02 Also, like, this old Russian lady.
56:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, she hated communism.
56:34 Speaker 02 I find her very sexually, uh, exciting. She has great interviews. In all of her interviews, I think she's so.
56:40 Speaker 01 I've never really taken a look at young Ayn Rand.
56:42 Speaker 02 Young Ayn Rand is okay looking. There's a great interview she gives late.
56:45 Matt McCusker? You prefer her older?
56:46 Speaker 02 She's like, I do not want a woman to ever be president. That would be wrong.
56:51 Matt McCusker? Yo, bro.
56:52 Speaker 02 I know, it doesn't come across as much in the picture.
56:54 Matt McCusker? I'm talking about, bro.
56:55 Speaker 02 Doesn't come across in the picture, but she has an energy. I'm telling you, she has an energy.
56:59 Speaker 01 Like Steve Gerben.
57:01 Speaker 02 It's not the best picture of Ayn. We all have bad pictures of us out there.
57:06 Matt McCusker? Ayn Rand is fucking busted, bro.
57:07 Speaker 01 Ayn Rand is ugly as shit.
57:09 Speaker 02 She's a very sexy woman.
57:11 Matt McCusker? I think Atlas Shrugged, dude.
57:13 Speaker 02 Just look, look at some videos of Ayn Rand and see the way she moves and talks.
57:17 Speaker 01 She's one of the ugliest women I've ever seen. You're far right, dude.
57:21 Speaker 02 If you're about her, everybody wanted her.
57:23 Matt McCusker? The bride's looking all right. Then I went, oh, okay.
57:25 Speaker 02 I'm saying they're a better.
57:26 Speaker 01 I haven't found one picture.
57:27 Speaker 02 It's not about the look.
57:29 Matt McCusker? Her mug's crazy, dude.
57:33 Speaker 02 And yet, despite that, she's very sexy.
57:34 Matt McCusker? She looks like she spent at least a couple of years underground.
57:38 Speaker 02 She may have. I don't know what half she went under in Russia, but it was.
57:41 Matt McCusker? Like physically.
57:42 Speaker 01 But they don't like her, because she's, uh.
57:44 Matt McCusker? She was against communism.
57:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, she had a little dollar lapel. She's like the Fred Martin.
57:49 Matt McCusker? What?
57:50 Speaker 02 So powerful.
57:51 Matt McCusker? Damn. I mean, dude, that's, that'd be crazy, living in like a depressed communist country and just smashing Ayn Rand.
58:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
58:01 Matt McCusker? It's all you get. You get like two loaves of bread a month.
58:04 Speaker 01 Couple of vodkas, potatoes.
58:06 Matt McCusker? True.
58:06 Speaker 01 Couple of Ayn Rand's, kicking around. You dig them up out of the dirt.
58:11 Speaker 01 Dig an eye out, you go, this is a tuna, fuck.
58:15 Matt McCusker? It's murder.
58:15 Speaker 01 Turn it, you go, never mind.
58:17 Matt McCusker? Just an Ayn Rand.
58:18 Speaker 01 It's mine.
58:20 Speaker 02 When did you have your Ayn Rand? I didn't have you picked as a.
58:22 Matt McCusker? Hillary Clinton's our.
58:24 Speaker 01 That's kind of all I ever read, was like a classic, classics.
58:28 Speaker 02 It feels wrong to waste time. Ah, all right. I was reading about Roman Polanski this week. I got in a big Roman Polanski Wikipedia wormhole.
58:36 Matt McCusker? Allegedly a pedophile.
58:37 Speaker 02 Alleged, well, actually openly, he gave an interview in nineteen eighty five where he's like, I fucked young girls. Everybody wants to do that. He was like very open about it. He definitely says he does. Anyway, the French culture minister stood by him. This is getting back to literature in a second. The French culture minister at the time was like, we must not deport this man. He's a great artist. We stand by that. Then people read the French culture minister of the times autobiography and there's this big section where he was going to Thailand. He's like, I was at the boy brothels and these sweet boys, you can pay them and it was the most erotic feeling. His defense was that he wrote half novel, half autobiography and it wasn't all true. But like, imagine being a politician and coming out with your biography.
59:18 Speaker 02 It's a big section about how you love boy prostitutes in Southeast Asia and then go.
59:23 Matt McCusker? But that was just literary flair.
59:24 Speaker 02 For a literary flourish.
59:25 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that was just him being like.
59:27 Speaker 02 And I thought like Norman's book is like that.
59:29 Speaker 01 I was just putting it out there, you know.
59:30 Matt McCusker? That's crazy.
59:31 Speaker 02 It's true.
59:31 Speaker 01 Show people a little something crazy in them.
59:34 Speaker 02 But also he doesn't say which bits are made up. He just says you can't trust all of this. Maybe that bit about me being a pervert in Asia is.
59:41 Speaker 01 Norman's book, I got tricked by it. I read it way too long before I realized it was a joke.
59:47 Speaker 02 When he's committing prison rape?
59:48 Speaker 01 Way too long. I was on like chapter three.
59:51 Speaker 02 So you got through him.
59:52 Speaker 01 A lot, like his uncle, like everything.
59:55 Speaker 02 You thought the bit where he was on SNL because he was giving Lorne Michaels morphine was legitimate?
1:00:00 Speaker 01 It took, no, but I mean, I was like, I was, yeah, it took, I was ashamed at how long it took.
1:00:04 Matt McCusker? That's so funny.
1:00:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:06 Matt McCusker? I, I read the first chapter without knowing and I was just kind of like, maybe he did bring him drugs. I don't know. I was.
1:00:12 Speaker 02 It's such a great opening. I call this a recurring character.
1:00:16 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that was awesome.
1:00:17 Speaker 01 Lot of Adam Egan in there, it's great.
1:00:19 Speaker 02 There's, Adam Egan was the only person I got really starstruck by in America. And he finds it very, it's cool now, I think it's normal, but every time I see him, I go, that's jerking off punks under a bridge for fifteen dollars a pop.
1:00:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:32 Speaker 02 It's the Adam Egan.
1:00:33 Speaker 01 I, yeah, he's the man.
1:00:35 Matt McCusker? He does rule. Damn, I didn't know that guy wrote in his autobiography, like, and then it just detailed explanation.
1:00:41 Speaker 02 It's very, he's like, he talks about the incredible erotic feeling of being able to pick your boy. It's like, he's a member of the French government.
1:00:49 Matt McCusker? It does have a kind of one of those weird, like, sell, pick your boy, it's like cellar door, it's like one of those poetic expressions. You know, to pick your boy.
1:00:57 Speaker 01 The perfect.
1:00:58 Matt McCusker? Phonetically, yeah, it's like, it sounds kinda great.
1:01:00 Speaker 01 Fuck you, Lemay. Lemay's like, I don't, I don't fuck with this.
1:01:05 Matt McCusker? Dude, you play video games with the girl characters, you should be on Megan's Law, dude.
1:01:08 Speaker 01 For real, playing with, that is like, number one, like.
1:01:12 Matt McCusker? Pedophile watch.
1:01:13 Speaker 01 Playing with girl characters?
1:01:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, dude, it's better.
1:01:15 Speaker 02 Do you think that's why?
1:01:16 Speaker 01 You gotta look at the character, why not look at a hot lady?
1:01:17 Speaker 02 Here's my question, I think that's maybe why the trans thing happened, cause it's the first generation that grew up playing girl characters and seeing themselves as a girl all the time. And then they, it's just a thought, you don't think so, you don't think that's what's going on?
1:01:28 Speaker 01 It's all about looking at an ass.
1:01:29 Speaker 02 I never play the girl, never.
1:01:31 Speaker 00 It's all about looking at the ass.
1:01:32 Matt McCusker? Dude, you're living in a woman's body, you're inhabiting, you're power inhabiting a woman's body.
1:01:36 Speaker 01 I believe you, Nate, you are very, very horny. I think you like playing as a girl.
1:01:44 Speaker 00 What? No.
1:01:45 Speaker 01 You just, we were just playing UFC, you wanted to pick fucking female fighters.
1:01:48 Speaker 00 It was the only way I could win.
1:01:52 Speaker 01 He did not win.
1:01:52 Matt McCusker? A little Joanna man, man.
1:01:56 Speaker 00 Yeah, I think Infinite Jest is a joke.
1:01:58 Speaker 02 Hmm?
1:01:58 Speaker 00 The book.
1:01:59 Speaker 02 It's a great book.
1:01:59 Speaker 00 No, but I think the whole book is a joke.
1:02:01 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:02:02 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:02:03 Matt McCusker? What do you mean?
1:02:03 Speaker 00 Like, it's a joke by the author, author on the people reading it.
1:02:08 Speaker 02 No, I think he wrote it out of love.
1:02:09 Matt McCusker? Yeah, no, not at all.
1:02:10 Speaker 02 Did you read Infinite Jest?
1:02:11 Speaker 00 No, it's too long.
1:02:12 Speaker 02 Oh.
1:02:12 Speaker 01 I was shocked, dude.
1:02:14 Speaker 02 Structurally, it's a joke, I think, cause it's that long, and then all the action of the book takes place, like, outside of the book, like, you have to. There's so much time for him to describe the important things in the book and he still doesn't do it.
1:02:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:02:26 Speaker 02 But I, no, I love that.
1:02:28 Speaker 01 That's why I think it's a joke. And then everyone just tries to figure out what it means and it's like, no, it's just a joke.
1:02:32 Matt McCusker? It's not that, it's not as like complicated as that. He said, I watched an interview. He wanted people to, he wanted to make something very hard. You had to like work for and study for.
1:02:41 Speaker 02 There's a real point to it.
1:02:41 Matt McCusker? Cause he thought technology was becoming so addictive. It would one day grow, or entertainment was like growing with technology to become so addictive. But one day just ensnare us completely and we'd all lose ourselves.
1:02:52 Speaker 01 He's gonna make a hard book.
1:02:53 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:02:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:02:55 Matt McCusker? With like a thousand footnotes.
1:02:56 Speaker 02 But it's still fun. Like it's very, it's, I laughed a lot.
1:02:59 Matt McCusker? That's good.
1:03:01 Speaker 02 And then there's a great interview where he goes, once they have virtual reality pornography, I have to commit suicide immediately.
1:03:06 Matt McCusker? He killed himself.
1:03:07 Speaker 02 And then he did.
1:03:08 Matt McCusker? Man of his word.
1:03:08 Speaker 02 I think it was for that.
1:03:09 Matt McCusker? Hung himself, yeah.
1:03:11 Speaker 01 I never read it. I, I.
1:03:12 Matt McCusker? It's good.
1:03:13 Speaker 01 I think it bothered me.
1:03:14 Matt McCusker? What, the book?
1:03:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:03:15 Matt McCusker? The first like million pages are pretty.
1:03:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:03:18 Matt McCusker? Tough. And then once you get into it, it's just awesome.
1:03:20 Speaker 02 Once they get to the tennis academy?
1:03:22 Matt McCusker? Yeah. You gotta read it on a Kindle. Cause there are a million footnotes.
1:03:24 Speaker 01 I don't even know what it's about.
1:03:26 Matt McCusker? It's about like a guy, so they, they made an entertainment cartridge that if you watch it once, you're fucked and you've never take your eyes off it. And your body will just like, you'll just let your body be completely destroyed. And it was made by.
1:03:38 Speaker 02 Textbox.
1:03:39 Matt McCusker? Yeah, pretty much.
1:03:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:03:41 Speaker 01 It's how, it's how it let loose.
1:03:43 Matt McCusker? Yeah. And it was made.
1:03:44 Speaker 01 I can order a Chipotle.
1:03:47 Matt McCusker? It was made by a guy whose son was in a tennis academy, if I remember correctly. But the dad, after making it, it was like a failed filmmaker, but that one took off. But it was like a government weapon that like Canada's fighting.
1:03:58 Speaker 02 There was a great scene where he comes home to his dad committing, his dad puts his head in the microwave.
1:04:02 Matt McCusker? And cuts out a hole.
1:04:02 Speaker 02 And explodes his head. And the boy's like, the worst part is I walked in the house and my first thought was it smells really good in here. It's a really funny, it's also about Quebec separatists. It's about crippled.
1:04:13 Speaker 01 Is this a Canadian author?
1:04:15 Speaker 02 No, but he like, part of the joke is that all of North America has become one country, but Quebec still wants to secede. But only, they only let crippled people become assassins. And you can tell when they're coming where you hear the squeak. It's a really funny book.
1:04:29 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it is funny.
1:04:30 Speaker 02 It's also about a drug addict who decides not to have painkillers when he's very seriously hurt. It's such a beautiful.
1:04:36 Speaker 01 Did this inspire your book at all?
1:04:38 Matt McCusker? Uh, I mean, obviously, just reading it, I was like, this shit rules, but I could never.
1:04:43 Speaker 01 Strikes me, yeah.
1:04:44 Matt McCusker? Right now, Finnegan's Wake is inspiring me big time, but I can't understand any of it. I just read it and go, so I just read the footnotes and go, oh, wow, that's what that means? That's so fucking cool.
1:04:53 Speaker 01 I'm so envious that you have that. Like, if I read a footnote, I'm like, I'm done with it. Like, I don't, I gotta read this sentence four times, I still can't understand it.
1:05:02 Matt McCusker? Once I see the asterisk, I go, oh, boy.
1:05:04 Speaker 01 I'm going to that.
1:05:05 Matt McCusker? Here it's coming. I'm going right to the footnote. I love footnotes.
1:05:09 Speaker 02 What, Infinite Jest is like, he'll do footnotes on the footnote. You gotta have three bookmarks going while you read it.
1:05:13 Matt McCusker? But if you have a Kindle, you can just tap the link and it takes you to it.
1:05:16 Speaker 01 Kindle was nice for words.
1:05:18 Matt McCusker? That's how I did it.
1:05:18 Speaker 01 Words I didn't know.
1:05:19 Matt McCusker? And words, dude, I wouldn't have gotten through that. Without a Kindle, I couldn't have read Infinite Jest.
1:05:23 Speaker 02 Have you read The Sun Also Rises?
1:05:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:25 Matt McCusker? In high school, yeah.
1:05:26 Speaker 01 I love it.
1:05:27 Speaker 02 I just was waiting for his dick to start working the whole time.
1:05:29 Speaker 01 Brother.
1:05:30 Speaker 02 And it never did.
1:05:30 Speaker 01 We've talked about this. The first, I read the entire book.
1:05:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:05:33 Speaker 01 And somehow missed in the beginning that his dick didn't work. I was furious. At the end, when they're in the car and they're like, oh, we could have been something, I love you so much.
1:05:43 Speaker 02 You're just like, why not?
1:05:44 Speaker 01 Fuck.
1:05:44 Matt McCusker? What happened?
1:05:45 Speaker 01 You dumbass, yeah, you got his dick injured.
1:05:47 Matt McCusker? We need to read that for high school.
1:05:48 Speaker 02 Dick gets injured in the war, yeah.
1:05:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, I missed that part.
1:05:50 Speaker 02 And this is what I love is when his dick, he's recounting when he, like, when his dick first got injured. I think I said this recently, but it's like, he's in a hospital bed, but it's, it's all Italian guys making fun of him for his dick being blocked, which is the nastiest. Like, of all the hospitals you could be in, an Italian hospital and all these guys going, your dick don't work? Kill yourself. That's the worst thing that could ever happen to a man.
1:06:12 Speaker 01 I just read the other one, Farewell to Arms.
1:06:15 Speaker 02 Is it good? That's the one that the guy throws out of a window in Silver Linings Playbook, so I didn't want to read that.
1:06:19 Speaker 01 No, it's great.
1:06:20 Speaker 02 All right.
1:06:20 Speaker 01 Especially the first, the beginning, when it's about, before he gets hurt. It's great. The war scenes, it's awesome.
1:06:27 Speaker 02 He's such a good writer.
1:06:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's probably my favorite.
1:06:29 Matt McCusker? We had to do that in high school and had to do like a blue book, like essay examination. I remember just being like so fucking stunned. I remember there was like a question on it. It was like, why? Why doesn't he just bring it up on the date or like tell the lady or something like that? I remember in the essay distinctly remember writing like it would be hard to be like, hi, my name's Jake and my dick doesn't work.
1:06:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:06:50 Matt McCusker? And the teacher literally underlined, it was like hilarious.
1:06:52 Speaker 01 Really?
1:06:53 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:06:53 Speaker 02 That's a good thing.
1:06:54 Speaker 01 I mean, you were right.
1:06:55 Matt McCusker? Shout out Mr. Quinn, dude.
1:06:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:06:57 Matt McCusker? He was the guy who told us all to learn how to fake cry. He's like, it'll serve you so well in relationships. He's like, if I get back on a corner, I fake cry. He's like, I fake cry, my wife just caves every time.
1:07:08 Speaker 01 Holy shit. I mean, that's terrible advice.
1:07:11 Speaker 02 That was good.
1:07:12 Speaker 01 That's insane advice. I love, it's awesome going on.
1:07:14 Matt McCusker? High school English teachers are crazy.
1:07:16 Speaker 01 And the teacher being like, all right, enough of that lesson. Women suck. You guys are about to find out. You gotta learn how to fucking cry.
1:07:24 Speaker 02 I picked my own syllabus to teach your boys about women. I'm gonna start with Hemingway. He knows how to treat a lady.
1:07:30 Speaker 01 He does. We'll tag him up a little. True. Fucking in with a, touch me cunt.
1:07:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, I went to Hemingway's house too. It's pretty sick. And when I was in Spain, I went on a nice Hemingway bar crawl.
1:07:45 Speaker 02 Now, have you been to the, the bullfighting?
1:07:47 Speaker 01 I didn't go to the bullfighting.
1:07:48 Speaker 02 It's made bullfighting seem so appealing.
1:07:51 Speaker 01 I don't think I would like it.
1:07:51 Speaker 02 I think I would get bored immediately after they killed the first bull. I would go, this is what I'm talking about.
1:07:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:07:57 Speaker 02 It makes it, it's through the whole book, I'm waiting for him to get an erection and the bullfight's coming up. I go, sure, he's getting hard at the bullfight. And then he doesn't.
1:08:04 Speaker 01 No.
1:08:05 Speaker 02 And he goes for a swim and he doesn't get an erection there.
1:08:07 Matt McCusker? Such a good story though. Like, what if your dick didn't work?
1:08:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:08:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:08:11 Speaker 01 And he just has to watch the love of his life just keep.
1:08:14 Speaker 02 Fuck other men.
1:08:15 Speaker 01 Fucking, fucking the bullfighter. He's, yeah.
1:08:17 Speaker 02 And then, alright, the best bit in the book.
1:08:19 Speaker 01 A young hot matador comes in.
1:08:20 Speaker 02 Young hot matador and the guy, like, he loves bullfighting and the guy who owns the hotel loves bullfighting. They're the only two who really understand bullfighting and they go, this man is special. We gotta keep him away from loose women and hard drink. And then the woman he loves has sex with the bullfighter and the guy in charge of the hotel looks at him like, you fucking impotent. No, you couldn't even, you couldn't even stop your degenerate friend from ruining the one beautiful boy.
1:08:41 Speaker 01 Brett.
1:08:42 Speaker 02 Brett.
1:08:43 Speaker 01 Isn't that her name?
1:08:43 Speaker 02 She was so eroticly charged throughout the, there was, oh man, there was one bit, like, it's all obliquely written and it's straightened. Like, we had Hemingway stuff, we went there on the next day, it was a good day and we went over there and it was very hot.
1:08:56 Speaker 01 We had wine and we went fishing.
1:08:58 Speaker 02 But the one sentence that I love is like, he's at a party that he hates with like this woman he loves and the man, she's fucking. And like, the man goes off to get champagne and he's so angry with this guy going to get champagne, he's got to be with this woman he can't have sex with. And then the guy comes back and, fine, we'll open the champagne. And then it goes, it was sensational champagne. I folded that over, I was like, I don't know why that, that's not a good sentence on its own, but within the book.
1:09:21 Matt McCusker? What about a reboot of that story movie, but then he just gets into pegging?
1:09:28 Speaker 02 That would be.
1:09:29 Matt McCusker? He just gets pegged.
1:09:30 Speaker 01 That'd be great.
1:09:31 Matt McCusker? That'd be sick.
1:09:32 Speaker 02 I don't understand how they can turn it into a movie. Nothing would happen. It would just be a man fishing and watching a bullfight and looking at a lady sadly.
1:09:38 Matt McCusker? If you knew his dick didn't work, it'd be, it'd be gripping, you'd be like, fuck.
1:09:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:09:43 Speaker 02 It'd be great if you had to change the title so that everyone, just like you call the movie his, the man whose dick didn't work.
1:09:48 Matt McCusker? What I didn't know, I didn't know was his dick, when I read it in high school, I, I just imagined he had, you know, like when Michael Jackson had like his nose redone?
1:09:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:09:55 Matt McCusker? I thought he just had like a clo, was it like a cloth over it, like it was missing or was it just not functional?
1:10:00 Speaker 01 I don't know, I don't think it ever really described.
1:10:02 Matt McCusker? I imagined it like it was missing, I thought he didn't have a dick.
1:10:05 Speaker 02 I think he's, they don't go into detail, but he doesn't have.
1:10:07 Speaker 01 They don't go into detail, but there were scars, I think he lays, I think he lays down with a lady at one point.
1:10:12 Speaker 02 There's a prostitute who tries to get him to employ her and he goes, I won't be able to protect that. She goes, you are sick? And he goes, yes, she goes, I'm sick too. He's like, maybe she had gonorrhea and he missed out. He's broken penis, it's a great, I didn't think I'd enjoy the broken penis book.
1:10:28 Matt McCusker? Damn.
1:10:29 Speaker 02 I loved it.
1:10:29 Matt McCusker? Now the technology exists, you can get that pump in your ball.
1:10:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:10:34 Speaker 02 There was an episode of that pizza, yeah.
1:10:36 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:10:36 Speaker 02 Where you have to activate, I think the trans pizza.
1:10:38 Matt McCusker? Is it under the sack?
1:10:39 Speaker 02 You get to choose.
1:10:39 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:10:40 Speaker 02 That would be so nice to get to choose when you had an erection.
1:10:42 Matt McCusker? I think it's just, I don't know, maybe just underneath your sack.
1:10:44 Speaker 01 I think, I think it might be underneath the sack.
1:10:46 Speaker 02 That's what the testicles are, it's a little squeezy.
1:10:49 Matt McCusker? Building it into the sack would be sick, just, you could just literally pump your sack.
1:10:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:10:54 Matt McCusker? Yeah, pretty sick. Pump up penis would be nice.
1:10:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:10:58 Matt McCusker? I'm chased right now for the time being, I'm chased for five days, but.
1:11:02 Speaker 02 No food, no sex?
1:11:04 Matt McCusker? No coming, yeah, no coming.
1:11:06 Speaker 02 Well?
1:11:06 Matt McCusker? No food.
1:11:08 Speaker 01 Let's take this cum talk into the Patreon.
1:11:10 Matt McCusker? True, let's, yeah, we're at an hour already. Yeah, let's, I actually, I got.
1:11:13 Speaker 01 Let's, if you want to hear about some cum talk.
1:11:15 Matt McCusker? Yeah, dude.
1:11:16 Speaker 01 Patreon.
1:11:17 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I have, I have some good topics, actually.
1:11:18 Speaker 01 Alright, nice. See you there.
Previous Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream) Next Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley) Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated