Minisode: Poly Kewl with Chelsea + Catherine

Chelsea and Catherine discover the origin of the name Ray J and solve geographical conundrums for the polycule. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [email protected] mailto:[email protected] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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• 2:05Speaker 00

  Okay guys, here are my dates for the High and Mighty Tour. In June, I will be in Saratoga Springs, New York, Portchester, New York. I'm coming to Boston at the Wang Theater. I'll be in Portland, Oregon, Seattle, and then Hyannis, Massachusetts, and then two shows in Nantucket. In August, you can find me in Red Bank, New Jersey, Montclair, New Jersey, and Calgary, that's Canada. And September, I will be in Santa Barbara, San Diego, New York City, Philly, and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho, and Spokane. And then in November, I'll be in San Francisco. I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas, babies.

• 2:50Speaker 00

  I'll be there. And then in December, I am closing out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your tickets at chelseahandler.com for the High and Mighty Tour. Hi Catherine.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  Hi Chelsea.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  Hello, hello, what's happening?

• 3:05Speaker 02

  It's very exciting seeing you get a new dog.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  I know, I know. There's a new dog on the premises who I've named Ray J. He looks like Burton Bernice. I know, he does. He looks, and he was in a shelter. So now Doug, I wanted Doug to have a brother, and I think Doug knew exactly what is happening. And it's like, uh, what?

• 3:26Speaker 02

  It's like, wait a minute, this dog isn't leaving?

• 3:28Speaker 00

  He's like, wait, he's not having the reaction I thought, but that's okay. Ray J is starting to dry hump Doug, and Doug is finally on the receiving end of a dry hump. So let's see how he handles this.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  Okay, alright.

• 3:41Speaker 00

  And apparently Ray J needs to be potty trained. So this house is probably gonna have to be replaced again.

• 3:46Speaker 02

  Mabel's gonna have her work cut out for her. You're gonna need to get a black light, that's key. Sometimes you can smell it, but you can't see it. So yeah, you gotta get a...

• 3:54Speaker 00

  I definitely want a black light. Okay, that's good to know. Okay, great.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Well, I have, this is sort of a follow up from a caller, but it's sort of a double follow up here. So I don't know if you remember Sarah who had written in on the Tim Gunn episode and she was going through cancer and was sort of like, how much of myself do I want to give back while I'm going through this? And that was Sarah. So after that episode went out, Emily reached out and said, hey there, I've been a Chelsea fan since college and a loyal podcast listener for years. I was listening to the Tim Gunn episode from 219, coincidentally, also my 40th birthday, and was floored by Sarah's question about finding purpose and how much to share after a cancer diagnosis. I was diagnosed with rare neck cancer last August. It's been an intense few months of physical, emotional,

• 4:39Speaker 02

  mental, spiritual turmoil, as you can imagine. Anyway, I've been thinking about writing into the show to ask the exact same question. It's something I ask my own actual therapist, no offense to Chelsea, all the time. How do I make something out of this? How much do I keep to myself? Do I want to be the cancer lesson girl? Or do I want to just be treated like everybody else? I wrote this email in my head a million times, but was always too hesitant to send it. And now Sarah beat me to the punch. Her story and Chelsea's response were both really meaningful. And so she goes on to ask, like, if I can connect them. So I got those two gals connected, but just wanted to say, also express gratitude that you covered her story on the pod. Thanks for all you do. I'm going to figure out a new fun question and write in sometime. Best, Emily.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  So I reached out to Sarah as well, and she updated me and just said, thanks for passing this along. I finally listened to the episode last night. It took me a minute to get up the courage to listen to myself. It was so helpful to hear Chelsea and Tim's advice again, and thank you for asking me to share something I would like to pass on. I was also impressed by the words from my past self. I need to channel her more often. So yeah, they're planning to get together, but I just thought that was really sweet and cool. And, and also just a reminder that if you're thinking about writing in about something and you're not sure if it's quite right, like someone else probably also has that question.

• 5:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, sometimes you spark a lot of other, or you spark another listener to call in or reach out. Yeah, I got a cute, yeah, DM the last night that was like, this is a result of Chelsea Handler's online dating series. And they were in a park together, two women in a park, having a bottle of wine. And I thought, I was so, I reposted, it was so sweet.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  I was like, oh, so I love when people connect vis a vis the podcast or, or any of the stuff that, you know, we're doing. And it is a good way for you to connect with people because you already have something in common.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Right, exactly. So if you want to write in, write into [email protected]. We're always looking for new questions.

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• 8:06Speaker 02

  We have a caller.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  Are you ready? So Hannah says, hi, Chelsea and team. I'd love your advice on something I'm working through. I recently fell in love and my partner has completely shifted my perspective on life. I feel more myself and more aligned than ever, which has been incredible. The complicated part is that my partner lives in NYC and I live in Utah. We've talked about moving to either state. He is sick of NYC. I'm sick of Utah. And while I love NYC, I'm not sure I can afford it right now. I also just started a job here in Utah that I absolutely love. And working remotely is usually pretty tough on my mental health. Another layer to this is that I'm polyamorous. And I also have another partner here in Utah, who's quite a bit older than me. He's 60, I'm 32, but he's incredibly special to me.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  That relationship has made the moving decision even more emotionally complicated because I care deeply about both relationships and the different lives they represent. I feel torn between love, career, stability, and my sense of belonging. Part of me wants a completely new chapter and another part of me feels grounded by what I've built here. What would you do? Thanks so much for any guidance, Hannah.

• 9:08Speaker 00

  Hi Hannah.

• 9:09Speaker 05

  Hi.

• 9:10Speaker 00

  So I'm assuming your New York lover knows about your Utah lover, right?

• 9:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, they both know about each other.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  And so are you and your New York lover, is he polyamorous as well?

• 9:22Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 9:23Speaker 05

  Right now, he doesn't really have any like serious partners. He's seeing a couple of people kind of casually, but nothing serious.

• 9:30Speaker 00

  And how does he feel about your tug to stay in Utah? Part of the reason being your other partner.

• 9:35Speaker 05

  Probably not great. He can get a little jealous of the partner in Utah a little bit. He was, he comes out to Utah every winter, which is nice. So he was here recently from December till May.

• 9:48Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 9:49Speaker 05

  So it's almost like I don't want to move my whole life to New York because he's here sometimes for a long periods of time. But.

• 9:56Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, how many years has this been going on? Like, is there, is there a need to make a change? Like, why not keep it rolling the way it's going?

• 10:05Speaker 05

  Um, I've been seeing him for two years and seeing the partner in Utah for one year. Uh, I think he just really wants me to come out to New York. Yeah, he just like really wants it to happen. And also I've always wanted to move to New York. I also have like a. A vintage resale styling business on the side. And I feel like every time I go visit him in New York, I get new jobs and meet new connections and it's really nice. But I, I also have a really cush setup here in Salt Lake. I have a big house that I can run my business out of and I can keep a lot of inventory here. I just don't think it would be the same in New York.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  Right. Okay. So, and if you did go to New York, would you keep your Utah lover?

• 10:45Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 10:45Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah. And do you, okay. So you do have a desire to move to New York and you don't want to live together?

• 10:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't want to live together. Um, we have talked about like, maybe me living, him coming out in the winters and then me moving to New York in the summers and living in his apartment for like four months.

• 11:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 05

  Switching off because my Utah guy also lives part time in Maui. So I could kind of time things right if I tried.

• 11:13Speaker 00

  I like that idea.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  That's a good idea because that way you're not investing in some sort of, you know what I mean? You're not putting money down for a place to live. And that way you can test out seeing how you guys operate when you're coexisting. And that way you can remain having the best of both worlds. And, and, and you can also try out your business while you're there. Yeah.

• 11:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, true. I think I'm just scared of living in such a small apartment. Even when I've lived with other partners, I have my own bedroom. This is like a one bedroom. It's in a nice area, but.

• 11:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, right.

• 11:45Speaker 05

  On top of each other.

• 11:45Speaker 00

  I think that's a good way to ease into it, to spend a way, you know, commit to spending a winter out there and having him come out, or sorry, summer and then winter in whichever order. I think that's great to try that and see how that works out. I mean, that's like giving it a, you know, a run.

• 12:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, that can work.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  It's an easy way to dip your toe in the water without, as Chelsea said, like moving all your stuff and committing to like even a rental space for your business, which might be separate from the house, et cetera. And so is there an opportunity for you to also go out to Hawaii to see Utah Lover when they're out there?

• 12:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, this summer I'm going to see him in July, so I'll go out there for like a week. It's really nice. My work at least has unlimited PTO and they also will let me work remotely. I just do terrible working remotely, to be so honest. I, I don't stay on task as well as I should.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Ah, I see. I was gonna say from the social aspect, I was curious what Chelsea thinks about like, working remotely but being in a bustling city like New York, do you feel like that sort of equals out versus like being in Utah where it's like a little slower pace and you're working from home?

• 12:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't know. I think, I think I'm just more nervous about just finances because it's not like I would move into his apartment and I just get to live rent free.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 13:04Speaker 05

  And I know that he lives in like a very nice area and I, and in order to keep the house like spot that I have here in Utah, I'd have to keep paying that rent, even though it's little to nothing. Uh, my mom actually owns this house. I live here with my brother and we just pay the mortgage. It would just be kind of like difficult to afford both.

• 13:23Speaker 00

  But it would be more difficult to get, oh, you mean like what is your, what are your other options to sell the place in Utah? You're not gonna sell it because your brother lives there too, right?

• 13:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't sell it. I would just have somebody rent out my room.

• 13:35Speaker 00

  Mm hmm. And can you do that like as a sublet for like the four months that you would be in the, in New York for a summer?

• 13:42Speaker 05

  I could really try that. It's, subletting is not as popular here as New York.

• 13:46Speaker 00

  Right. Well, I think you should just take it like, I think you should try the exercise in the way that is the most beneficial to you for the first year and see how that works out. And then you could make a bigger commitment if it all works out successfully.

• 14:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's good.

• 14:03Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, it's great. It's awesome. It's like, these are goals.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  It is kind of like the best of both worlds because even if the end result isn't that you move to New York City and that's where you live, you get to like have like a timeshare house, like you get to be a bunch of different places. It's a little bit like the benefits of polyamory, right? You get to experience different experiences, different people. And this is sort of like, okay, you are sort of bi-coastal in a way, if you decide to do this.

• 14:30Speaker 05

  And like different cities bring different things to the table.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

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• 16:07Speaker 02

  Does that feel like it solves the crux of your question? Or is there something still nagging?

• 16:13Speaker 05

  I think it does. I mean, it just makes things tricky with polyamory. Like, I worry, like, when will I get to talk to the guy here? When will... How does that work? Like, just, you know, small apartment. But I mean, I'm willing to try. You know, you're not going to know those hurdles and how you handle them unless you actually go out and try it.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, and there's no harm in just trying to, like, set up, like, guidelines for that, for both of you, to be like, okay, this is... Let's be practical. I'm going to talk to my other guy, you know, on however frequently you want to. And what is the most comfortable way to do that? Is that something that I need to get out of the house for? Is that something you're going to feel comfortable with me doing? Or should I do that while you're at work? Like, just figure out guidelines before you go into both of these situations that are going to make everyone feel comfortable and respected.

• 16:59Speaker 05

  That makes sense.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  All right.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  Awesome.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  Well, great for you.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  Check in with us.

• 17:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  I know you're like hot, you're going to different cities, you're dating lots of people. That's great.

• 17:09Speaker 05

  It's been great so far, so yeah.

• 17:11Speaker 00

  All right, awesome. Thanks for calling in.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Okay, check in with us, Hannah.

• 17:14Speaker 05

  Will do.

• 17:15Speaker 02

  All right.

• 17:16Speaker 00

  Bye.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  And then we've got one little one drink question to wrap up with Chelsea. I feel like I know, I feel like I know what you're gonna say to this, but our one drink question this week is, "My friend returned a gift I spent weeks picking out. I searched for the perfect thing and they said they'd rather have the money. Am I wrong for feeling hurt?"

• 17:36Speaker 00

  No, no, you're not wrong for feeling hurt, but who gives a shit? You know, at the end of the day, these are not the things that are gonna keep you up at night. It's obnoxious to, "I want the money instead," but you know, maybe she's just tight on cash and she needs the cash.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  I feel like that friend shouldn't have said they just wanted the money.

• 17:52Speaker 00

  They shouldn't have said that, but whatever. It's just not a big enough deal to like get your panties in a twist.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 00

  Just remember for next time, don't go out of your way looking so hard for a gift for her.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, and also, folks, write in with one drink questions. If you have little shorties that are sort of a yes or no, or like you need Chelsea to fall on one side or the other of a discussion you've been having with your spouse or whatever, write in and label it a one drink question.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  Awesome. Thanks, guys.

• 18:16Speaker 02

  Bye. If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to [email protected]. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeart Media. Follow Chelsea on all socials @ChelseaHandler and find Catherine on TikTok @FlashKadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert. Executive Producer Catherine Law. Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea live at chelseahandler.com.

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