Side Stories: Halloween Crimes

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news, starting with more listener tales from the dark side of bar trivia, an update on the would-be penis arsonist, a clown-faced attacker accused of stabbing two employees at an Austin coffee shop, a Halloween partygoer in a Dumb and Dumber tux shot after knocking on the wrong door, a Florida murder defendant willing to plead guilty for a Philly cheesesteak, Michael Mann accidentally shoots himself in the leg, the boys clash over sandwich toppings, and MORE!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Henry Zebrowski?

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• 0:28Speaker 01

  My six-year-old little sister is taken from her bed and violently murdered, and we don't have any answers? It's been 30 years. It's not okay. We will find this person. It's not a question of if, but when.

• 0:37Speaker 02

  Who killed JonBenet Ramsey? You think you know this mystery? But do you know about the DNA at the crime scene? Can science finally solve this case? And who is unknown male one?

• 0:48Speaker 03

  An intruder, a third-party male. So unknown male one is out there somewhere? Yes.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  The stunning, all-new Diane Sawyer investigation, Friday night on ABC. There's no place to escape to. This is the last.

• 1:02Speaker 04

  On the left.

• 1:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Side stories?

• 1:05Speaker 04

  That's when the cannibalism started.

• 1:09Henry Zebrowski?

  Side stories. Yes. Oh, I want to roll. I want to roll every day.

• 1:21Speaker 05

  You can't anymore.

• 1:22Henry Zebrowski?

  No.

• 1:23Speaker 05

  You don't know what's in them.

• 1:24Henry Zebrowski?

  No, I just mean physically roll.

• 1:26Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:27Henry Zebrowski?

  I could do more twisting. I could do more on-the-floor work. I think it's big for me.

• 1:31Speaker 05

  I think you're more of a jump and shout man than a twist and roll.

• 1:35Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm a shout man, that's for certain. I, uh, I learned something really exclusively this week about myself.

• 1:42Speaker 05

  What happened?

• 1:43Henry Zebrowski?

  Which is, I was at the gym and...

• 1:45Speaker 05

  How is he?

• 1:47Henry Zebrowski?

  God, he's big. God, I could barely get him in me. God, it just, I'm filled to the brim when I'm with him. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of his generosity. No, I, uh, what I'm realizing is, is that, you know, I go to gym actually pretty often, which is sad, right? I'm like, I'm big, you know, I got, I just did, I did lifted 280 again.

• 2:12Speaker 05

  You do that like three times a week?

• 2:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, three, four times a week. Um, but now I'm really understanding that I am quite obese because every time I go, the attractive men workers there have been giving me lots of dabs. And when I'm starting to understand, they've been dapping me up, and I think partially it's, I'm getting a lot of like, "Man, good to see you in here again, man."

• 2:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, you just keep trying.

• 2:40Henry Zebrowski?

  And every day, they're just like, "You just, wow, look at you." You know, when I see you in here, man, I know I gotta be in here, man. You know, and you're just saying stuff where it's like, "Okay, this is fine." You know, be like, "God."

• 2:52Speaker 05

  You're such an inspiration.

• 2:54Henry Zebrowski?

  They're like, "You're looking great, man." You're just in there every day, man. I just love seeing you put in the work.

• 2:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:00Henry Zebrowski?

  And then, uh, I'm just starting to understand that he doesn't say that to the other guys.

• 3:03Speaker 05

  Do you weigh yourself? Do, have you seen a change?

• 3:06Henry Zebrowski?

  I know I'm bigger.

• 3:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, but like muscular bigger.

• 3:09Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm huge and strong. I'm both. I'm both. I'm huge right now.

• 3:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:15Henry Zebrowski?

  But it's one of those where I'm just also the strongest I've ever been.

• 3:17Speaker 05

  Which is awesome.

• 3:18Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm wildly strong. I love doing it. I'm addicted to doing it. Problem is, is that I'm just getting fatter. And I don't look like I'm in the gym four days a week. I'm just getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and then the men all are just like I'm a charity case.

• 3:32Speaker 05

  I understand, man. I've been there myself. I, I was at the office recently, eating a salad, and then one of our lovely coworkers said, "Uh, good for you."

• 3:41Henry Zebrowski?

  Jesus Christ.

• 3:42Speaker 05

  He's like, "You know you're fat when people are congratulating you on like, eating healthy."

• 3:46Henry Zebrowski?

  Like, "Oh, look at him eat a leaf."

• 3:47Speaker 05

  Look at him, look at the, look at the big man.

• 3:49Henry Zebrowski?

  There's no saturated fat in all this. Are you satisfied with this?

• 3:52Speaker 05

  You know how else you know you're fat? When people keep telling you you're losing weight.

• 3:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, how many times I show up at the gym, at the gym? And they're like, "Looking good, buddy. Have you cut some?"

• 4:03Speaker 05

  Yeah. Are they even feeding you over there? That's how you know you're fat.

• 4:06Henry Zebrowski?

  And you're like, "Fuck you, bro." You know for a fact I'm huge. And I don't need to hear it. I know you look good, dude.

• 4:14Speaker 05

  I'll be at my biggest and someone will be like, "Wow, losing weight." And I know.

• 4:18Henry Zebrowski?

  I know I'm fat.

• 4:19Speaker 05

  I know I'm fatter.

• 4:20Henry Zebrowski?

  This is just...

• 4:21Speaker 05

  Like, my shirt's physically tight.

• 4:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, but they're like, "You're looking good."

• 4:24Speaker 05

  It's like, no, this is just your natural reflex to give me self-esteem.

• 4:28Henry Zebrowski?

  So I don't attack you or rip your clothes off you and eat them? You don't think I'm gonna, I'm gonna go through your food? I'm gonna eat all your food unless, unless you satisfy me with compliments?

• 4:36Speaker 05

  Self-esteem has nothing to do with common sense.

• 4:39Henry Zebrowski?

  No, we know we're fucking huge, okay? But honestly, what I, but I would appreciate though, when he does do that, when he daps me up, and then he can give me some, like, he does talk with me about my form a little bit, but it, and it is sort of nice to be standing next to the very tall men.

• 4:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Because it gives me passes, I think. I think people see, "Oh, look, he's, he doesn't, you must not reek of garbage."

• 5:01Speaker 05

  You know what? We need to take this back, and whenever skinny people start getting fat, we need to go up to them and be like, "Looking good, looking good." "Looking good today."

• 5:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, I do do that.

• 5:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:10Henry Zebrowski?

  No, and Marcus, I'm sad that Marcus lost his long COVID weight.

• 5:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, he had that cute little belly.

• 5:15Henry Zebrowski?

  I love this little like, dobby belly. I love this weird dobby belly.

• 5:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, he was turning into...

• 5:20Henry Zebrowski?

  A, a real man.

• 5:21Speaker 05

  ET.

• 5:22Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, he was looking like a real Texan. All right? And then now he's all, he's back to skinny and stuff, and I hate seeing it.

• 5:28Speaker 05

  It's like, no, it's, he's not Texan really because he doesn't drink a lot of beer.

• 5:32Henry Zebrowski?

  No, that's why he lost the belly. That's why we got to start putting beer in his mouth when he's asleep.

• 5:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:38Henry Zebrowski?

  And he's putting it on Carolina. Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with the also still incredibly fat, yet healthiest he's ever been, Ed Larson.

• 5:47Speaker 05

  I will never change. Been big my whole life.

• 5:51Henry Zebrowski?

  There is no way to get out of this.

• 5:53Speaker 05

  Were you a tiny baby? You were a preemie.

• 5:55Henry Zebrowski?

  I was a preemie. I literally was told I would never gain weight.

• 5:58Speaker 05

  Or how about a three? Were you fat at three?

• 6:01Henry Zebrowski?

  I wasn't, like, live.

• 6:06Speaker 05

  What year did you start being like, "Hey, I guess I'm fat"?

• 6:09Henry Zebrowski?

  No, I've been fat.

• 6:10Speaker 05

  Was it like five or six?

• 6:11Henry Zebrowski?

  Other kids told me.

• 6:12Speaker 05

  I was a hun- yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Other kids informed me that I was fat pretty much the moment I've, since I've been in social...

• 6:20Speaker 05

  Dude, I was, I was 100 pounds in first grade.

• 6:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I was, yeah.

• 6:24Speaker 05

  I was fucking big, dude. I was always big. I loved it.

• 6:27Henry Zebrowski?

  I love seeing that.

• 6:28Speaker 05

  Fucking small-ass pussies.

• 6:29Henry Zebrowski?

  Whatever, dude. I'm gonna get a fat men of the gym, a club going on, and we all need to, all the fat people go to the gym, need to show up at the same day, and then we take over everything. And we bring in lasagna, and we bring in fucking catering.

• 6:44Speaker 05

  It's gonna have to be in the middle of the night or something.

• 6:46Henry Zebrowski?

  Why?

• 6:47Speaker 05

  Cause no one's gonna come back.

• 6:49Henry Zebrowski?

  That's what I need, my sleep apnea machine. I need to be up in the middle of the day. I want to be a daywalker fat.

• 6:55Speaker 05

  Oh, you want to be daywalking fat?

• 6:56Henry Zebrowski?

  I want to be daywalker. I don't want to have to skulk in there in the night. I want us to be able to go in there at noon.

• 7:02Speaker 05

  But people don't want to look at you.

• 7:04Henry Zebrowski?

  But if we're all there, they'll get used to us. If we're all there, and then they'll have to accept that we're, I guess we're making it some kind of movement.

• 7:14Speaker 05

  Well, I'm glad that there is movement.

• 7:17Henry Zebrowski?

  It's just hard, man. I gotta, I'm just doing everything I can.

• 7:21Speaker 05

  You can, you're doing great. You're gonna live longer because of this.

• 7:24Henry Zebrowski?

  Sure.

• 7:25Speaker 05

  That's what's most important.

• 7:26Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 7:27Speaker 05

  Not dying.

• 7:28Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all gonna look like shit no matter what.

• 7:31Speaker 05

  You know what, though? You look great.

• 7:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Thank you.

• 7:34Speaker 05

  No, fuck you.

• 7:35Henry Zebrowski?

  God, it's awful. Do you lose weight, Eddie? Have you lost any weight?

• 7:41Speaker 05

  I, I, I, I realize that I have not lost weight because I shop at the thrift stores in Los Angeles, and there are no extra-larges.

• 7:49Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, uh, fat people, an extra-large didn't exist until 1994.

• 7:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:55Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't think that people got skinny in, people didn't get really fat in America until about the early 90s. It wasn't, cause like, when I go thrifting, it's a fucking travesty.

• 8:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, see, I, see, the thing is, like, fat people die, so where are all their clothes?

• 8:11Henry Zebrowski?

  They get burned by the state. They get burnt, burned in a big effigy. You know what I mean?

• 8:17Speaker 05

  That's why you gotta go shopping in Florida.

• 8:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, Rob, according to Google AI, one of the fucking, one of the most fucking reliable systems in the world is that size XL originated during the 19th century. Yeah, there's always been fat people.

• 8:30Speaker 05

  The Civil War.

• 8:31Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, yeah, the Civil War.

• 8:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I'm sure that extra-large isn't our extra-large.

• 8:35Henry Zebrowski?

  Dude, they're not, they're not buying it off the rack, or they're getting shit made for them, dude.

• 8:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, that's a different extra-large. Cause that's the other thing. I'll buy an extra-large and it fits, and I buy another one and it's tight. Make them all the same.

• 8:47Henry Zebrowski?

  Make them all the same.

• 8:49Speaker 05

  Who the fuck, there's no regulation on this bullshit.

• 8:52Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, we're doing all this on Election Day.

• 8:53Speaker 05

  I'll get a 36 pant, it'll be perfect. I get a 36 pant, it's too tight.

• 8:59Henry Zebrowski?

  It's different, believe me. Tell me about it. If we ran for president together as side stories...

• 9:04Speaker 05

  We'd have to walk.

• 9:05Henry Zebrowski?

  Hmm. I could say we could skip, and then we would, that would be the first up on the bill. We would universalize men sizing. Women, you're still on your own.

• 9:16Speaker 05

  Stay fat.

• 9:17Henry Zebrowski?

  All right, here we go. We got some updates. Number one, uh, so I got so many fun mail, so many pieces of fun mail about trivia issues. So we've been covering this over the last couple of weeks for some reason. Number one, it started with Jim Thornton, who was the former announcer for Wheel of Fortune that was busted as a gigantic member of these, like, CSAM and pedophile community boards, and he was all involved in it, and he, lots of different fantasies, and he was all, he was deeply, deeply entrenched, when I, I might even call the lifestyle.

• 9:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was good at it.

• 9:59Henry Zebrowski?

  He was really good at it. And then last week, we got another story of another Jeopardy champion that got busted for CSAM.

• 10:07Speaker 05

  Double Jeopardy.

• 10:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Double Jeopardy.

• 10:09Speaker 05

  Oh, no, Wheel of Fortune, then Jeopardy.

• 10:11Henry Zebrowski?

  Thank you. Yes, and so what I think is really funny is that, so now I'm really starting to think all of this is very trivia-related, right? Like, other trivia problems. And I got great messages from people talking about their various local trivia scenes. Cause we kind of went into about how, as comedians, we've been tasked with running things like this throughout our lives periodically.

• 10:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, cause we have no real skills.

• 10:40Henry Zebrowski?

  No, but we, what we have is the, the need for attention and the lack of fear of crowds.

• 10:46Speaker 05

  Yeah. And we can pretend like we know things.

• 10:48Henry Zebrowski?

  All the time. If it's written down for me, it sounds like I made it up.

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Right? So I, you know, but comedians, we now know that normally it's for the, the, I was gonna say the more frustrated comedians, it's for your local comedian. Normally, if you're doing this kind of, you're doing it for fun, but there's some people that take it really fucking seriously. So I got some, I got a really great email that I wanted to read that was just like, "I just see this fucking guy in my, my mind."

• 11:23Henry Zebrowski?

  I go to trivia every other week with a group of friends for about seven months. We had a regular spot at a local brewery and it was fun. Hosted by a stand-up, of course. He was a, he was a nice guy. He was, we left to pursue his career and was then replaced by another stand-up. It's called the cycle of life.

• 11:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:39Henry Zebrowski?

  Of bar shows. This guy was bad vibes from the start. White, shaved head, always kinda pink. We know the guy.

• 11:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:47Henry Zebrowski?

  I see him already in my head.

• 11:48Speaker 05

  He could just be bald.

• 11:49Henry Zebrowski?

  He could just be bald. Some guys are just, look at me, I'm a natural, a- at most, I'm a natural blush.

• 11:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:57Henry Zebrowski?

  You know what I mean? I would say I'm in a, I'm, yes, I'm pink. I am piglet colored.

• 12:04Henry Zebrowski?

  Naturally. So like somebody was, I guess somebody was, uh, like something was always bothering him so much. It was making him hot and uncomfortable. That's why he was kinda pink. It's probably the aviator jacket with the self-imposed nickname hand-stitched on the back. He was wearing in the middle of the Texas summer. He then led his own written trivia game and it was a nightmare.

• 12:25Speaker 05

  It does sound fun.

• 12:25Henry Zebrowski?

  I love this. He constantly asked us to boo the people in first place. He would yell aggressively at them for no reason. He would walk around the tables and try to work the room, snap at people.

• 12:35Speaker 05

  That's like a trivia host, it's like, you think you're smart?

• 12:37Henry Zebrowski?

  Yo, you think you're fucking bad at me? He came up to our table, promoted the frozen sour daiquiri the brewery was selling and claimed it was as good as a Dole Whip. As a fellow lover of the Disney parks, I asked him if he had been and if so, how does it compare? He then yelled, well, it doesn't make me wanna kill children and Disneyland sucks. He then explained he was from California and just moved here. And he kept shouting how much he hated Disney and kids. One round, my male friend who has long hair turned in our answers. Our team's of three women and one man. And the host said to him, oh, I keep thinking you're a woman because of your hair. That's why I stopped coming over and talking to your table. One round, he made military abbreviations because he used to serve.

• 13:22Henry Zebrowski?

  He picked the most obscure ones and he lost his fucking mind when not a single team knew any of the answers. Yelling at us and telling us to fuck off. There is a ton more he did that night, for the sake of time, here are the last two things he did. At the very end of the night, all the women of the trivia were fed up and kinda mocking him and calling him out for his BS. He announced, well, I do hope they repeal the 19th amendment. His lack of acting to us was to announce his favorite team name of the night. And this is the real team name for the night. The team was called Tempora Battered Women.

• 13:58Speaker 05

  Oh my lord.

• 13:59Henry Zebrowski?

  So just like, the fact that it could be named that. And that was fine, like, that was not even the biggest problem was the team calling their team Tempora Battered Women.

• 14:11Speaker 05

  How did they do? Did they win?

• 14:13Henry Zebrowski?

  No, they did not win. They did not win. Oh.

• 14:18Speaker 05

  If it was a bunch of chicks, is it funny?

• 14:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Uh, yeah.

• 14:22Speaker 05

  If, if that was a bunch of chicks, I, I would find that to be comical.

• 14:26Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 05

  But I got a feeling it wasn't.

• 14:28Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, definitely. Here was another one. I'm from Calgary, Alberta. We go to a bar trivia regularly. Early 2026, the bar we frequent announced that they would no longer be hosting. We couldn't find any other locations in the city to go to. Turns out, the founder of the host company, the largest trivia company in Canada, got busted for CSAM. The investigation led to the company being dropped from majority of the bars and in Calgary, all the quiz masters quit as well. Since then, all the hosts moved to a new company, which the bar started working with again. We also got guys on Zoom. I'm a former Jeopardy loser and active in multiple online trivia leagues. It is common when I play that I'm the only woman in the Zoom call.

• 15:09Henry Zebrowski?

  These scenes are rife with creepy dudes who can't take a hint and push the envelope with a, with usually female participants. This style of behavior has resulted in multiple bans over the years. But my favorite creep story is the one that made the rule, participants must be fully clothed during matches necessary. Some guy decided to take his shirt off in a Zoom room of eight of the people whilst being asked about the capital of Mali. If I remember correctly, he played half the game fully clothed and then decided to free the nips for the second half. We don't know why he did it, but we know that a league-wide email was sent out the next morning iterating the need for shirts while participating. Again, problems with trivia. One more issue.

• 15:51Speaker 05

  That's why there's no pool trivia.

• 15:53Henry Zebrowski?

  There's none, none. I truly, this is another letter. I truly feel that has something to do with trivia, even though I don't know what. But I had something, someone who used to be a friend of mine who won Jeopardy. Uh, and in 2014, and he was gonna go back for Jeopardy, the champion season, the season of champions. Uh, for Super Jeopardy. Uh, it's because he was so good at it. But unfortunately, before then, he was arrested for sexual assault of a minor, which I found especially odd because the whole time I knew him, he was dating people way too old for him. Very confusing. He was able to get out of jail while he was arrested for that because he had just won Jeopardy and he was able to-

• 16:30Speaker 05

  That gets you out of jail.

• 16:30Henry Zebrowski?

  No, he got 10, he had 10 grand.

• 16:32Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 16:33Henry Zebrowski?

  And he was able to pay the 10 grand in bail that it was. Jeopardy of Champions, the season of Champions, ended up, they never, they told them, they canceled him coming back. Um, and now he's a registered sex offender.

• 16:44Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 16:46Speaker 05

  Wouldn't have guessed that.

• 16:47Henry Zebrowski?

  Good memorizer. Good memorizer. So this is just some of the things. It was just really important, there's been murders associated with trivia nights. It's just like, there's something about this whole, like, anywhere one little evil person could get a smallest amount of power.

• 17:03Speaker 05

  Yeah. Now, do you think like, trivia, I feel like, I'll probably take shit for this, but I feel like people who are obsessed with trivia don't actually know anything. Well, they know a bunch of little facts, but they don't actually like know how to be a plumber or something.

• 17:18Henry Zebrowski?

  I do legitimately believe that is a, that's like one of those big conversations. It's a big conversation. Cause the guy, right? The most winningest, the most winningest man of all time, I think that's the term. The guy that had the most Scrabble championship wins ever.

• 17:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Over anybody else in the world is this guy. I, I forget his name. If you're gonna look it up, Rob, because I don't have my stupid iPad with me.

• 17:44Speaker 05

  Scrabble championship?

• 17:44Henry Zebrowski?

  The guy of number one, so this guy is like this barely verbal. They don't say the words like on the spectrum or any of these things. They don't say that about him.

• 17:56Speaker 05

  But he's obsessed with letters.

• 17:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, what he is, is a guy that can memorize things. Yes, Nigel Richards. He can memorize things in a go. I believe this is the guy that can just look up stuff. Like, he went, he does not speak a word of French, but he got the encyclopedia of the Scrabble, the French Scrabble dictionary.

• 18:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:18Henry Zebrowski?

  And he memorized it.

• 18:19Speaker 05

  Whoa.

• 18:20Henry Zebrowski?

  And then went and won.

• 18:23Speaker 05

  In France.

• 18:24Henry Zebrowski?

  In France, over all these like linguists and professors and like all these people that are like-

• 18:30Speaker 05

  Use the word in a sentence.

• 18:31Henry Zebrowski?

  He doesn't know the word, he just knows the word. He doesn't know the definition of the word. So it's like, yeah, it's not knowledge, but it's a W in Scrabble.

• 18:39Speaker 05

  It certainly is.

• 18:39Henry Zebrowski?

  So when it comes down to trivia, I think that there is some general knowledge that needs to be there. There are things you can work out. I was a person that was obsessed with trivia. And there's a thing you can work out. And I like little pieces of information, but I found, as being 42 years old and smoking the amount of weed that I do. And also the amount of information that goes in and out of my brain at all times, I don't even fucking, I just don't deal with that anymore.

• 19:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, I feel like trivia should be obsolete. Ever since we got Google in our pocket, who the fuck cares?

• 19:09Henry Zebrowski?

  But I think it's important to show that your brain can still remember some things.

• 19:14Speaker 05

  For sure, for sure. I do enjoy trivia occasionally, but sometimes I feel like I'm forced into trivia.

• 19:19Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, Eddie, let's just say, it's got nothing to do with, uh, I mean, you look great.

• 19:24Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 19:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Have you lost weight?

• 19:25Speaker 05

  A little bit.

• 19:26Henry Zebrowski?

  Cause I-

• 19:27Speaker 05

  I've been walking. I drink water.

• 19:29Henry Zebrowski?

  It's not that I don't expect you to be good at trivia or want you to be good at trivia. Or even think that you could remotely be even involved in, in a trivia game, right? I'm not saying that, but I am.

• 19:42Speaker 05

  But I'm great at trivia.

• 19:44Henry Zebrowski?

  You are.

• 19:45Speaker 05

  I am great at trivia. I remember a bunch of stupid shit.

• 19:47Henry Zebrowski?

  You got little things in your brain.

• 19:49Speaker 05

  I got little tiny things.

• 19:50Henry Zebrowski?

  But it's, it's, but it's very specific about the topic, probably.

• 19:53Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, but I'm also a great guesser. Now, do you think the trivia, uh, people and the, uh, karaoke people, are they different groups or did you think they co-mingle?

• 20:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Different groups.

• 20:04Speaker 05

  You don't think they co-mingle?

• 20:05Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, no. Karaoke's about inner expression. Karaoke's about a feeling trapped inside that needs to come out.

• 20:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Trivia, you spend all your time in with your little books. And then you win your championships and then you buy CSAM with that money.

• 20:20Speaker 05

  They're completely different, but equally is annoying.

• 20:23Henry Zebrowski?

  You're right. But I love karaoke people.

• 20:26Speaker 05

  Anything that brings people to the bar. Anything that brings people to a social interaction in person.

• 20:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I love karaoke. I'm a karaoke, I, I will say unabashedly, I am a karaoke person, obviously, but also I'm the only one within my circle, that is. Nobody else is. Jackie now is too busy doing it.

• 20:45Speaker 05

  She used to be in it.

• 20:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, but now she doesn't on her stupid stream and she doesn't, she's never in the mood to do it anymore.

• 20:49Speaker 05

  She don't like karaoke no more. We asked and she said no.

• 20:52Henry Zebrowski?

  That's my only karaoke partner. I used to, I miss doing karaoke. Nobody else wants to do it.

• 20:57Speaker 05

  I'll do karaoke.

• 20:58Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, you have, you've done more, you've done, you and I have done karaoke.

• 21:02Speaker 05

  But now I do it.

• 21:04Henry Zebrowski?

  But I do feel like you just do it.

• 21:06Speaker 05

  I was on the road with Julie and Amber and we went to a bar and there was karaoke. And I was like, oh, well, you know, we're here and you know, I'll do it, you know? So I sign up and they were like, nah, we're not doing it. I was like, hold on a second. You two are the ones that should be all into this shit. I should be the curmudgeon.

• 21:21Henry Zebrowski?

  No. Nope.

• 21:23Speaker 05

  That's weird.

• 21:24Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 21:26Speaker 05

  That's all right.

• 21:26Henry Zebrowski?

  Everything's changing. It's 2026, man.

• 21:28Speaker 05

  2026.

• 21:28Henry Zebrowski?

  Women's lib is all over the place.

• 21:30Speaker 05

  I'll be on the mic if you guys need me.

• 21:32Henry Zebrowski?

  They're burning bras. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is an all-in-one website platform that helps you stand out online. Yes, that's right, you don't have to smash your face with a hammer. You can just start a business. It's got everything you need on Squarespace, from securing your domain to building a professional site and showcasing your work all in one place. Let's say you wanna show everybody how you can carve your ribs out of your lower abdomen so that you look more like a Ken doll. That's amazing. You can bring your vision to life with AI-powered design or curated templates. Plus flexible editing tools that help you create something that truly reflects your style. Especially if you are somebody that is trying to corrupt the young men of America.

• 22:17Henry Zebrowski?

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• 22:37Henry Zebrowski?

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• 23:22Henry Zebrowski?

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• 24:09Henry Zebrowski?

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• 24:50Henry Zebrowski?

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• 25:25Speaker 05

  Live from your grave. Another update, you see the new Dune popcorn bucket?

• 25:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, it's got two holes.

• 25:33Speaker 05

  And it vibrates.

• 25:34Henry Zebrowski?

  So they got this, they're really just now, this is what, you know what I'll say? The Dune viral bucket, they've got two worms on the top of it. The first one looked like a worm and everyone's talking about fucking it. And now they put two on it. They're obviously leaning in.

• 25:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:47Henry Zebrowski?

  They're leaning in.

• 25:48Speaker 05

  Well, I mean, how else, how else you gonna, that's what I read. I read it vibrates.

• 25:52Henry Zebrowski?

  You know what it is, is that I wish that they, you know what it honestly? Is that I hate when corporations get in on the joke. I don't want them there. I don't want them in on the joke. Yeah, oh, you made it with the two worms and then you're acting like you're all cool just because you're some giant corporation that made me a fucking popcorn bucket. I could fuck with just my buddy. I could fuck anything with my buddy. Me and Eddie could go out there and fucking poke two holes into a watermelon and fuck either side of it. And guess what? It won't cost fucking $18.

• 26:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, you gotta do this with Holden, unfortunately.

• 26:24Henry Zebrowski?

  No, I don't, I won't. This one vibrates.

• 26:26Speaker 05

  Oh, that one, there's a different.

• 26:27Henry Zebrowski?

  That one's got the thumper that vibrates in it. And that one's for the women.

• 26:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:32Henry Zebrowski?

  And the other one's for the men.

• 26:33Speaker 05

  It doesn't look like a little clip.

• 26:35Henry Zebrowski?

  It does.

• 26:35Speaker 05

  Grabber.

• 26:36Henry Zebrowski?

  It really does. Or it could be for the balls. But I'm just saying, all of this is way too self-aware and I hate when they get in on it.

• 26:44Speaker 05

  Are you gonna get one?

• 26:46Henry Zebrowski?

  If I'm, if I make it in time.

• 26:48Speaker 05

  Yeah. Are you, are we gonna see another Rude Dooner episode? What's going on? Yeah, you guys gotta do one.

• 26:54Henry Zebrowski?

  We're gonna do one for three, yeah.

• 26:55Speaker 05

  You have to do one for three. I mean.

• 26:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I'm excited. Except for Jason Momoa and the fact that they already don't have the fucking balls to give him actual metal eyes makes me immediately angry.

• 27:08Speaker 05

  He's supposed to have metal eyes? You can CGI that.

• 27:11Henry Zebrowski?

  You can do lots of stuff, Eddie.

• 27:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, you could also not cast him.

• 27:14Henry Zebrowski?

  You could just not have Jason Momoa be in these films.

• 27:16Speaker 05

  How did someone go from being so cool to so annoying? Is it the scrunchies?

• 27:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep.

• 27:21Speaker 05

  I think it's the scrunchies.

• 27:22Henry Zebrowski?

  I think it's the scrunchies.

• 27:23Speaker 05

  I used to have long hair, but I never did the scrunchy.

• 27:26Henry Zebrowski?

  You know what it is about him too? Is that it's, it's another example of just sort of like a prom king guy that is just as popular now as he was then. And he, we were kind of trying to see like, I think a little while, we're like, oh, he might be able to act.

• 27:40Speaker 05

  Cause Game of Thrones was awesome.

• 27:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, and then like, now we just know he can't act.

• 27:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:44Henry Zebrowski?

  And we just gotta stop it. But women love him.

• 27:46Speaker 05

  And he thinks he's hilarious.

• 27:47Henry Zebrowski?

  He does. And women love him though. That's the thing though. He puts women, he brings women to Dune.

• 27:52Speaker 05

  He is safe, and I do appreciate that.

• 27:54Henry Zebrowski?

  He seems to be safe.

• 27:55Speaker 05

  He seems like a safe man.

• 27:56Henry Zebrowski?

  So far, he seems fine.

• 27:57Speaker 05

  You know what? As long as you're safe, you could be annoying.

• 28:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, all he is is guilty of being annoying.

• 28:03Speaker 05

  Yeah. Dude, you see these fucking, how much money do we have in the LPN bank account?

• 28:07Henry Zebrowski?

  Now, this is insane. There is, so all of these Me Li documents are going up for sale for $280,000.

• 28:15Speaker 05

  US versus Henderson.

• 28:16Henry Zebrowski?

  And I just don't really understand how these are for sale and why these are not being put in like a museum or something.

• 28:23Speaker 05

  I bet everyone's dead. I wonder if a museum will buy, I mean, like, who's gonna really read all these documents in a museum?

• 28:29Henry Zebrowski?

  Marcus.

• 28:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's true.

• 28:31Henry Zebrowski?

  But you know what I mean? If someone wants to go in and read these documents, but I feel like, I feel like stuff that belongs to this part of history, why isn't this like scanned and for like public consumption?

• 28:42Speaker 05

  I mean, the, well, it would cost you $280,000 to do that.

• 28:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 28:45Speaker 05

  $280,000. Oh, free 30-day returns.

• 28:50Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, just in case.

• 28:52Speaker 05

  Get it and scan it and return it.

• 28:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Be like, ah, I'm returning this. I didn't jerk off once.

• 28:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:58Henry Zebrowski?

  None of this, none of this was as hot as, I thought this was supposed to be the screenplay for Wicker.

• 29:04Speaker 05

  But it's, yeah, it's filled with a bunch of crazy photographs, that's for sure.

• 29:07Henry Zebrowski?

  37-volume archive of documents from this 1971 Me Li massacre, court martial of Colonel Owen Henderson. So it is like, I guess it's all of the interviews, it's all of the stuff. And I just think that that is a shame that this is owned by just some random private company. This should be sold to a museum.

• 29:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's so funny. My recently viewed items in this, on this website, you know, for things that are for sale. It's these and the Harambe, Harambe porn.

• 29:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, the audience, yeah, the audience will find out why.

• 29:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:49Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, just so you know, one more little bit of an update. The man who cut off his penis and he used it to try to commit arson, he's ruled competent to stand trial, so.

• 29:59Speaker 05

  That's cool.

• 30:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Seems that, yeah, everything seems to really be lining up for him. Oh, yeah, that guy. You know what he kind of looks like? If you, if you clean him up, he'd look like one of those, he'd look like, what's his name, from Fallout Boy?

• 30:10Speaker 05

  Oh, okay, yeah.

• 30:12Henry Zebrowski?

  You clean that guy up, what's his name?

• 30:14Speaker 05

  From Fallout Boy? I don't know the Fallout Boy's name.

• 30:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Pete Wentz. Pete Wentz, that's who you're talking about. He kind of looks a little bit like that guy. If you, if you had cleaned up the, the cutting off his penis guy, if you gave him a little bit of a haircut and some hair gel.

• 30:26Speaker 05

  He does kind of look like Pete Wentz.

• 30:28Henry Zebrowski?

  He's really looking just like Pete Wentz. If you just kind of squirt the hair in the front.

• 30:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:35Henry Zebrowski?

  What's his name? My iPad is not doing this today for me.

• 30:38Speaker 05

  I'm sure they could.

• 30:39Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm getting no internet today. Christopher Payden, Mr. Peden.

• 30:43Speaker 05

  Yep. Peden?

• 30:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, Mr. Peden. Now he ripped off his penis and all he got was nothing but trouble. That's the worst part, man. Cut off your penis, you try to use it to fucking set fire to a bunch of buildings. Now it doesn't work out and you don't have a penis anymore. At least you're in jail, so you don't have to like use it, I guess. I guess that kind of keeps bad things maybe from happening to you in jail? He poured gasoline on his penis after he cut it off. Yeah, he did.

• 31:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, I remember that.

• 31:11Henry Zebrowski?

  Because penis itself is inflammable.

• 31:14Speaker 05

  Also, you don't need to pour, you could just dip.

• 31:17Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, you gotta do what you do. Like, that's what we do in Baldur's Gate, where you dip it.

• 31:21Speaker 05

  Dip your penis in gasoline in Baldur's Gate?

• 31:22Henry Zebrowski?

  My sword. I put my, I put my sword in like oil of, I believe it's abolition. It's like one of, one of them is like an oil of emolition, where you like.

• 31:33Speaker 05

  Oil of abolition?

• 31:35Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, no, that's the other one. That's the stuff that Harry Tupman used to use on her butt. The stuff I was looking on was, you made her nice and smooth. Now, oil of emolition, where you put it on your sword and you hit something and you make it inflammable by hitting it with the stuff on your sword.

• 31:52Speaker 05

  That's great. You know, I love Baldur's Gate. I'm so happy you do that.

• 32:00Henry Zebrowski?

  It is. I need an expression.

• 32:02Speaker 05

  No, no, people love it. It's good to do. I just don't understand how you get the time.

• 32:07Henry Zebrowski?

  It's the only thing I do. Well, it's like if I'm out watching movies for movie stories. Or my own pleasure.

• 32:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:15Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't do anything else.

• 32:16Speaker 05

  Man, I tell you what, this isn't.

• 32:18Henry Zebrowski?

  That's all I do. Then I do video games if not.

• 32:20Speaker 05

  This isn't movie stories, but I fucking watched People Under the Stairs this week.

• 32:24Henry Zebrowski?

  So good.

• 32:24Speaker 05

  I did too. That movie's awesome.

• 32:26Henry Zebrowski?

  So good.

• 32:27Speaker 05

  Holy shit. I had no idea. I thought I'd seen it in the theater and didn't like it. I didn't remember one second of that movie and I was like, this movie's fucking rad.

• 32:36Henry Zebrowski?

  I just rewatched the Arrow, put out the 4K of audition and I bought it and I just rewatched audition. I just forgot how fucking great that movie is too.

• 32:44Speaker 05

  Were you watching it because you don't get any?

• 32:50Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm refusing them.

• 32:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, you are.

• 32:52Henry Zebrowski?

  I am. I'm straight up saying no. I've actually begun uptick in auditions recently and I've said no to pretty much every single one of them.

• 32:58Speaker 05

  Wow. I'm so impressed. You're your own master. You don't need it.

• 33:01Henry Zebrowski?

  They're hot garbage. They're literally the worst shit on the face of the planet.

• 33:05Speaker 05

  And it would just make your life more difficult.

• 33:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Most of the stuff I'm being asked to audition for is literally like man who hates woman. January sixer.

• 33:14Speaker 05

  I'll do.

• 33:15Henry Zebrowski?

  Fat, piece of shit, fat. Yes, you'd be great at that.

• 33:18Speaker 05

  I would love to be a January sixer.

• 33:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, but I'm just like, I'm looking for something else.

• 33:22Speaker 05

  See, the thing is like, it's acting. And so, you know, I'm never gonna be a January sixer.

• 33:26Henry Zebrowski?

  You say it's acting.

• 33:27Speaker 05

  But you know, once you get in there, you're like, oh, well now I can have a little fun with it.

• 33:30Henry Zebrowski?

  The problem is that they say it's acting, but then you go out and do it and then you're just that. And then if anybody, no one really understands, this is a distinctly ugly man's thing I'm gonna put out here. As an ugly man, I have to play many ridiculous parts and things. And a lot of times, one of the worst parts about playing a despicable, gross foil and as a special guest in a scene or something or doing things. Is that everybody else hates you. And that when you're there dressed up as the thing that everybody's supposed to revile and be bad, they don't, you're not your friends.

• 34:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:05Henry Zebrowski?

  Like, as much as like, oh, it's an acting job and it's blah, blah, blah. But like, no, when you're wearing an ICE uniform on set, everybody's kinda half treating you like you're an ICE.

• 34:16Speaker 05

  Did you hear about Danny Trejo?

• 34:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, he was sad. That's the whole, the pro ICE movie.

• 34:20Speaker 05

  He was set up.

• 34:21Henry Zebrowski?

  I, I honestly think he doesn't read a goddamn thing. And everybody else that I know, that he said, his son came out and said that he was basically fooled.

• 34:27Speaker 05

  And he's.

• 34:28Henry Zebrowski?

  And they got Henry Thomas too.

• 34:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, Henry Thomas is a really bad.

• 34:31Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, Henry Thomas, I'm not sure. And they also got Harvey Keitel, who also, I guess, is suspect. But Danny Trejo, you know, obviously you gotta check your, your, your piece. I don't think he has any idea who Ben Shapiro is. He just says yes. And, and I know because Amber worked for Danny Trejo and I've got to meet Danny Trejo a couple of times. And now what I know about Danny Trejo is that all of that tracks.

• 34:53Speaker 05

  Danny Trejo is machete.

• 34:55Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 34:56Speaker 05

  You know what I mean?

• 34:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:57Speaker 05

  Like, he is machete. He took a gig and now he can't get out of it or they're gonna sue him.

• 35:01Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 35:01Speaker 05

  And so, I mean, I'm sure he, you know what? And they're closing the donut shop because everyone got so mad at him. And I was one of the people who got really mad at him, to be honest with you.

• 35:09Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, it was stupid. And the donut shop is bad. His donut shop was bad.

• 35:12Speaker 05

  You didn't like it?

• 35:13Henry Zebrowski?

  No, it was horrible.

• 35:14Speaker 05

  Oh, interesting.

• 35:15Henry Zebrowski?

  His agents should know better than.

• 35:16Speaker 05

  His agent. Really should be fucking, right?

• 35:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Can I?

• 35:20Speaker 05

  Dragged down the river.

• 35:21Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm gonna put this out here for everybody. Agents don't know anything. They have no morals. Any agent is just there to make money. They don't care. Okay?

• 35:33Speaker 05

  I like you Diana.

• 35:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Fucking agents don't give a fucking shit. Charlie Kirk had an agent. Okay? These people don't care.

• 35:44Speaker 05

  Speaking of not caring.

• 35:47Henry Zebrowski?

  This guy did not care about his career. I don't want to get into this one story, Eddie.

• 35:50Speaker 05

  All right, which one's this?

• 35:51Henry Zebrowski?

  Um, it's really just, this story's really about comedy in general. It's about Halloween. It's about Austin and it's about what we deal with. So as, as, as artists.

• 36:02Speaker 05

  I will say, it is totally, it is completely unclear if this man was a comedian or not. I thought he was and I, I have to say now, it is unclear, but it seems like he was in the scene.

• 36:15Henry Zebrowski?

  I looked it up, uh, and it seemed like yes. We both did some research and we'll see. So. Man by the name of Shankar Temple Grace.

• 36:25Speaker 05

  He goes by, um, Asher Blackstone also.

• 36:28Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, that's the other name, right? He, uh, he was charged with two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. He walked into the Buzz Mill Coffee Bar in Austin. Uh, and Jason Sabala, I said that this guy, he was a regular. So it's a cute little coffee bar. I've been here. Oh, I've been to this coffee.

• 36:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, me too. It's nice.

• 36:46Henry Zebrowski?

  It's cute. It's really nice.

• 36:48Speaker 05

  It's an adorable little spot.

• 36:49Henry Zebrowski?

  And they have a regular open mic night. Um, and this guy Shankar Temple Grace. So for those of you that don't, aren't really familiar with the open mic scene or, or, or any form of scenes, or haven't seen Kill Tony. You have to understand that open micers are a specific batch of unpredictable human beings.

• 37:09Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 37:09Henry Zebrowski?

  Um, they are largely people that are, they are, it's a mixture of people that are really trying to do comedy, some people that are really in it for fun.

• 37:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, some people are great.

• 37:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. Oh, very much so.

• 37:21Speaker 05

  I would say most of them are great.

• 37:22Henry Zebrowski?

  And then most people like.

• 37:23Speaker 05

  Some of them randomly stabbed two people.

• 37:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. And then, but the thing about comedy is we've seen, is it seems to invite a type of personality.

• 37:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Sometimes it invites an antagonistic person that then believes that, oh, I can do sort of like a character of an evil guy and everyone's gonna love me. And it turns out that that's not really true. So this guy, Asher Blackstone.

• 37:47Speaker 05

  Apparently, that's what his Instagram is.

• 37:51Henry Zebrowski?

  And what was his name of his, his Instagram page?

• 37:53Speaker 05

  Uh, Blemish on Society.

• 37:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. So he called himself Blemish on Society. And so his gig, his thing was that he'd always paint his face up as a clown. And so he, he was, uh, dressed up as like an evil clown, like Heath Ledger's kinda Joker. And he would come every open mic dressed as this clown.

• 38:16Speaker 05

  Yeah. He was, he was involved with the music scene as well.

• 38:19Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. It was October 28th. I'd love to hear if you have more information about this guy. October 28th, he went, he decided to come to an open mic. He had brought his own outside alcoholic beverage.

• 38:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:31Henry Zebrowski?

  Right? And they basically just said, hey, if you could throw this away. Um, he then, uh, essentially burst through the door, grabbed a knife off the table. And he stabbed a security guard and another employee.

• 38:45Speaker 05

  They're both, they're both gonna be okay.

• 38:46Henry Zebrowski?

  Everybody's okay. Uh, but he does this all the time. He dresses, he has like zombie makeup on. And we did find his Instagram account.

• 38:54Speaker 05

  Yeah. And I, I, cause I searched on Reddit. I'm like, there's no way the Austin comedy scene.

• 38:58Henry Zebrowski?

  Doesn't know this guy.

• 38:59Speaker 05

  Know this guy. And then there was like one interesting Reddit account where this woman was like, I'm a yoga teacher. He came to my yoga class, my free yoga class in the park. And he was terrifying. He was going, at that point, he was going by the name Ash. And he, he was terrifying. And then. He was like, I'm gonna walk you to your car to keep you safe. And she was like so worried about him. And then while he was walking her to was, uh, walking her to her car, he kept telling her how he kept getting arrested for being violent.

• 39:31Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, it's his thing.

• 39:33Speaker 05

  Then, and then he was like constantly.

• 39:34Henry Zebrowski?

  He's kind of worked his way into a couple of those things. He was saying that he's become a, he was a volunteer, walking people into abortion clinics and back and walking women home alone at night.

• 39:44Speaker 05

  He is like gone, he's gone as a volunteer to keep women safe and basically is infiltrating the scene of like keeping women safe.

• 39:54Henry Zebrowski?

  It's just, which is, you know, it's hard when it's.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  Even though if that's a scene or not, that should just be reality.

• 39:59Henry Zebrowski?

  It should be like police and, uh, taken care of by the government, but we don't really have that right now. So this guy is, uh, he's a problem. It is a issue that we've seen in every single comedy community I've ever been a part of.

• 40:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:15Henry Zebrowski?

  There's always some deeply.

• 40:17Speaker 05

  Going on there.

• 40:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, I mean, Austin is a cesspool of every bad male feeling I've ever experienced.

• 40:25Speaker 05

  Yeah. It's like if you can't, if you're, if you, it's like they invite the evil there. And I, I'm not saying that this is the result, but it's, I mean, it kinda is.

• 40:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I think it's the result. I think that this is.

• 40:34Speaker 05

  And it's one of those things where he wore clown makeup every day and everyone didn't want it. They, everyone wanted to be open minded and all this shit. And as you should be, uh, cause it's fine if you, if you're fine about it, but it's one of those things where everyone's like, it's the quiet ones you gotta watch. It's like, actually. It was the guy in clown makeup every day that dresses like a scary clown every day. He did the stabbing.

• 40:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Largely, the guy that's about to do all the bad stuff has been telling you he's about to do bad stuff. That's how I always believe it. I always believe like, we all wanna do, but like, stuff like this is hard because it is so hacky, edgelord and stupid. Right? Like him painting himself up as a clown and going to open mics and doing this thing is like such a hot topic loser's idea of what an edgy person does.

• 41:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:22Henry Zebrowski?

  You know, like, where I actually feel like, if you actually really wanna talk edgy, you know who's edgy? Joe Para.

• 41:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:32Henry Zebrowski?

  That's edgy, right? Like what he does.

• 41:34Speaker 05

  Just talk about tomatoes for an hour.

• 41:37Henry Zebrowski?

  That's edgy. He brings you to a place, he's making you laugh about a thing that you wouldn't expect to laugh about. He's doing a thing that's extremely subversive. To me, that's edgy. Versus something like you just going like.

• 41:52Henry Zebrowski?

  Cause like we got the fuck, we got ICP, man.

• 41:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:55Henry Zebrowski?

  We already got him.

• 41:56Speaker 05

  Which is, you know, they're safe for the most part.

• 41:59Henry Zebrowski?

  They're fine.

• 41:59Speaker 05

  They're fine. There's sure there's some evil. There's, you know, in any community, there's gonna be some evil people. Oh, and um, the, it's called No Girls Walk Alone was the group that he joined.

• 42:09Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, that's a bad thing for a man. How is a man even allowed to join that? No girls allowed to walk alone.

• 42:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:15Henry Zebrowski?

  That's not a thing. I don't know if that's a.

• 42:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's fucked up. It's, it's immensely fucked up.

• 42:21Henry Zebrowski?

  That's hard. Probably has good intentions. Of course it does. I'm not saying the pro, not the programs, not the problem.

• 42:26Speaker 05

  Great. It should exist, but.

• 42:28Henry Zebrowski?

  He should not be involved in it. No.

• 42:30Speaker 05

  That's hard.

• 42:30Henry Zebrowski?

  Also, it sucks that we live in a society where this program does have to exist. You know, could actually be done here, Eddie. This might be controversial. You know what No Girl Walks Alone needs?

• 42:40Speaker 05

  What?

• 42:41Henry Zebrowski?

  Robots. Robo, dog, giant, giant dog robots. Boston Dynamic Robots with them, dude. Yeah. That's what they need to fucking kick dudes to fucking death that they fuck with them.

• 42:52Speaker 05

  That is actually a great idea. I mean, it's Austin. They should all get guns.

• 42:55Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, it's Austin. Even the fucking fire agents have guns. The, the fire department has guns.

• 43:02Henry Zebrowski?

  There we go. This, uh, this is serious. Uh, that Spirit Halloween shooting that happened in Fairfield, California. A pregnant woman was shot and died. Uh, this is really serious because we're going through several other Halloween crimes. It, a, a minor was caught.

• 43:15Speaker 05

  A seventeen year old boy.

• 43:17Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, got caught. He's gonna get the book thrown at him as he deserves, but it's just really fucking sad.

• 43:21Speaker 05

  He was mad at a certain employee and he like, and he shot a bunch and he killed someone who wasn't that employee. He went in there and he just started shooting up the fucking, uh, spirit of Halloween. It's very sad. A pregnant woman was killed. Uh, I think six other people were shot. The, um, the crazy thing is this kid had already had a shooting incident under his belt. Uh, he got to, uh, back at his school. He shot at a car in the school parking lot. And he went to juvie, did his time, got out and did this.

• 43:49Henry Zebrowski?

  It's sad because there's a part of me that is, I mean, it's horrific and it's horrible, but it was like slightly relieved. It wasn't just some other maniac. It was like somebody, it was just a moron.

• 44:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:00Henry Zebrowski?

  A very bad.

• 44:01Speaker 05

  It wasn't someone going to end society.

• 44:04Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 44:04Speaker 05

  You know, so I guess that's good.

• 44:06Henry Zebrowski?

  I guess, but it's not.

• 44:06Speaker 05

  But he's a fucking idiot and he just didn't care about society. That's for damn sure. He's obviously.

• 44:11Henry Zebrowski?

  He's seventeen. He's not fucking.

• 44:12Speaker 05

  With guns.

• 44:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Seventeen. He's a fucking moron.

• 44:14Speaker 05

  Yeah. All right.

• 44:15Henry Zebrowski?

  That's the worst part.

• 44:15Speaker 05

  Sixteen year old boy was shot, three other men, nineteen, twenty-three and thirty-two. Uh, yeah, they're all in stable condition.

• 44:22Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, he's ruined his life and everybody else is in there. So, congrats, bro.

• 44:25Speaker 05

  Fucking eat shit. Uh, there's another weird, uh, do you want to go into the Halloween stories? Or there's a weird story that's a little, that's kind of similar to that, that I found right before we came in about the mom.

• 44:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:37Speaker 05

  Just because I feel like it's kind of similar. This is in New Mexico. This just came in, um, today. Uh, but this, this story fucking freaked me out a little bit. So, authorities in New Mexico have filed murder and other charges against the mother of a ten year old boy. Um, the ten year old boy fatally shot a teenage neighbor. Now, there was loud music happening at the house. The mom went over there and he's like, hey, can you turn the music down? And the guy's like, no, it's not that loud. You go fuck yourself. And he was like, I guess rude to her. Who knows? We don't know. Then that mom told her ten year old son to grab a gun and go shoot that guy. And that's what the kid did.

• 45:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Wow, that's a good kid.

• 45:19Speaker 05

  The kid went over there, shot the.

• 45:21Henry Zebrowski?

  Didn't even ask twice. He was like, yeah, mom, okay.

• 45:24Speaker 05

  Well, he killed.

• 45:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Orders is orders.

• 45:26Speaker 05

  He killed the seventeen year old. And, uh, and so now, but then because of what happened, they locked up the mom. And charged her with murder.

• 45:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Uh, she should have. Yeah. That makes a little sense, but it's kind of crazy. The idea of like, I'll say, uh, you know, we know some kids. I'd never trust my son to be able to go do something like that.

• 45:44Speaker 05

  No.

• 45:45Henry Zebrowski?

  We've been around these kids. I would never be like, oh, take the gun and go shoot this one person as if they do that.

• 45:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, no.

• 45:51Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I mean, most of them, they take the gun out and they're gonna go out there. They're gonna go try to shoot SpongeBob or something. I don't know what they're gonna do, man. They don't know.

• 45:57Speaker 05

  They like SpongeBob.

• 45:58Henry Zebrowski?

  But you know, maybe they want to be the one to be in his Wikipedia article as his assassin.

• 46:03Speaker 05

  I wouldn't trust Winnie with a gun. I'll tell you that much.

• 46:05Henry Zebrowski?

  No, Winnie is, Winnie.

• 46:06Speaker 05

  I don't think she could handle it with those tiny little fingers.

• 46:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Holden's daughter is, is a eugenicist.

• 46:14Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 46:15Henry Zebrowski?

  She is, she is a eugenicist. She legitimately, she is, does believe she is better than others.

• 46:21Speaker 05

  Well, she is.

• 46:22Henry Zebrowski?

  For now.

• 46:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Until she's sullied by time.

• 46:25Speaker 05

  She's so funny. I was singing the other day and she was in the room and then she's like, no, no, no, you don't sing. They do it.

• 46:31Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep.

• 46:31Speaker 05

  And I was like, wow.

• 46:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Wow.

• 46:33Speaker 05

  Fuck you. Treat Holden like that, please.

• 46:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go yell at your father.

• 46:35Speaker 05

  She does actually. She yells at him all the time.

• 46:37Henry Zebrowski?

  No, I know, I know. But then it's just be like, well, then yell at your father and yell at me, though. Go yell at your father.

• 46:48Henry Zebrowski?

  You know what I've been putting off? Really getting my feet fixed. Cause I've really, you know, I've been afraid to do it simply because I'm afraid of the power I unleash having two perfect, sumptuous feet. But, you know, there's no right time, ever.

• 47:08Henry Zebrowski?

  And investing can feel the same way. The hardest part of investing? Starting, just like taking care of your feet. Acorns gets you past that part under five minutes and lets you start investing with whatever you've got right now. Even your spare change. You got fifteen cents? You're in the market, baby. You don't have to have it all figured out just to start and Acorns is here to help. Sign up today at acorns.com/left and Acorns will add a five dollar bonus investment to your account. That's acorns.com/left. Acorns.com/left. Individual is not a customer of Acorns and was compensated in tier two for providing this endorsement.

• 47:49Henry Zebrowski?

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• 48:34Henry Zebrowski?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If there is one thing I could permanently delete from my mind, it would be the sight of a famous Canadian body horror movie director and his backside. And I saw that accidentally in a room, uh, in Toronto. Is that vague enough or no? BetterHelp therapists, they can help you clear some of those thoughts that you're having that are taking up way too much mental space. And with insurance, many members pay fifteen dollars or less. Some pay zero dollars. And yeah, you might not have seen one of the best directors of a generation who obviously dips into drama, body horror, sci-fi and novel adaptations.

• 49:18Henry Zebrowski?

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• 50:07Henry Zebrowski?

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• 50:46Henry Zebrowski?

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• 51:07Henry Zebrowski?

  Live from your grave.

• 51:10Speaker 05

  Alright, let's get into some Halloween crimes. Let's get into some Halloween crimes. Let's have some fun.

• 51:14Henry Zebrowski?

  This one was just like, this one's just funny because it's, it is, this just happened to me, technically. So I would, this, this came out of Houston.

• 51:27Speaker 05

  More Texas.

• 51:28Henry Zebrowski?

  More Texas. Guy frantically smashing on a door of a family, a guy, a man with his girlfriend and their one year old. They were in an apartment. Guy was bashing at door, bashing at door, bashing the door. They didn't recognize the guy. Guy got his AR-15 out of the back closet, fucking shot him in the chest through the door.

• 51:51Henry Zebrowski?

  To be revealed that he was their neighbor and he was dressed up in the orange suit from Dumb and Dumber with the, with the frills of the hat on. And he was just really drunk and he didn't realize it wasn't his apartment.

• 52:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, no.

• 52:05Henry Zebrowski?

  And so that's like really one of those things about when everybody's packing, that's really terrifying.

• 52:10Speaker 05

  That's, that's what happens.

• 52:12Henry Zebrowski?

  But so, so I was just staying in New York at our wonderful friend's apartment. And I was on autopilot and I walked up to the front door and I legitimately was like, huh, the fucking little screen is higher than I remember it. Ah, whatever, that's just me. And I put in the, I put in the code, it worked. Walk in, same, it looks just like the building I'm in on the inside.

• 52:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Walk up to the same exact apartment that I'm in and they'll end up, open it up to see a man sitting in his living room.

• 52:45Speaker 05

  You just opened it without using the key?

• 52:47Henry Zebrowski?

  It was open. I opened it up, he was there and I just was like, holy fucking shit and closed the door and left. But it's like, this is Texas. I could have got shot in the fucking face.

• 53:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's New York City.

• 53:01Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 53:01Speaker 05

  I had a, I had that happen to me in college. We were all drinking one night and this chick just like cute as hell, just showed up, walked right into my townhouse, sat on the couch and fell asleep.

• 53:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep.

• 53:12Speaker 05

  And I was just like, you are fucking lucky. I'm a gentleman.

• 53:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, you're looking at him, the nicest guy in the world.

• 53:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, like this is crazy. This is like, I guess she's sleeping here? I was like, I don't know what the fuck to do.

• 53:22Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't know, but I do think that at least he lived because I, I think that dying, I'm trying to figure out what is the outfit I'd want to die in least.

• 53:32Speaker 05

  Well, at least that's like a fun reference.

• 53:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, but that's still, that's just, if you're cutting my dead bloodied corpse out of that, I'm not gonna be happy.

• 53:41Speaker 05

  I will say, I'd rather them cut my Halloween costume off of me to save my life than my good clothes.

• 53:47Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 53:47Speaker 05

  You know, cause I'm not gonna, he's not gonna wear that again. Yeah, he's not gonna wear that again.

• 53:50Henry Zebrowski?

  It's called genuine brighter side from the brighter side.

• 53:53Speaker 05

  I saw, this was something I saw this year that I'd never seen before and it bothered me. And then I'm like, you know what? Actually, I'm not bothered. I like it. And that was two chicks dressed as blue and orange Dumb and Dumber.

• 54:05Henry Zebrowski?

  I've seen that.

• 54:06Speaker 05

  But like hot.

• 54:07Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I like that.

• 54:07Speaker 05

  They were like, they had like midriff showing and like little shorts and stuff. And I was like, I was like, at first I was like, that's fucking stupid. And then I was like, you know what? Actually I take that back, Eddie.

• 54:17Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, you know what that is?

• 54:18Speaker 05

  That's pretty cool.

• 54:18Henry Zebrowski?

  That's cause your wiener was like, I'd like to actually speak with the brain.

• 54:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Listen, um, you're wrong, sir. Like you're intellectualizing this.

• 54:26Speaker 05

  Actually, and I was like, you know what? If you're gonna dress like that on Halloween, at least have a fun, uh,

• 54:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Take on it.

• 54:33Speaker 05

  Fun take on it.

• 54:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I think it's cute. I think it's awesome.

• 54:36Speaker 05

  I was fine with it.

• 54:37Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I'm totally fine with it. I actually thought that Jackie really responded well because we'd went to a Halloween party and she was dressed up like, what's her name from Widows Bay? And another one came in dressed up as the lady from Widows Bay with the thing on, the headpiece on.

• 54:51Speaker 05

  The most popular TV show the year it comes out. Other people are gonna have the same outfit.

• 54:55Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, that's why I was Hollywood Hulk Hogan.

• 54:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, no one's doing that.

• 54:58Henry Zebrowski?

  No.

• 54:58Speaker 05

  No one, everyone hated it.

• 54:59Henry Zebrowski?

  I was the only one I saw.

• 55:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:04Henry Zebrowski?

  Only one I know. So next year I'm going as Charlie Kirk with the neck wound.

• 55:09Speaker 05

  Oh, well, I'm sure that was everywhere.

• 55:11Henry Zebrowski?

  Natalie said no.

• 55:12Speaker 05

  She didn't see it or she said no, that don't do it?

• 55:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, and she said, no, don't do it. I wanted to do that. I wanted to do that. Uh, we, one costume that we were gonna do that we decided not to do is that we were gonna do Susan Dell and Andrew Tate.

• 55:23Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:24Henry Zebrowski?

  And then it just didn't happen.

• 55:25Speaker 05

  You don't want your wife looking like Susan Dell.

• 55:28Henry Zebrowski?

  I did be funny for one night. But then me as Andrew Tate could be hilarious. I just had to find the little pants.

• 55:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:34Henry Zebrowski?

  That's the hardest part is the little pants. Or you as Susan Dell would be really funny.

• 55:38Speaker 05

  And you gotta get those weird, I bet you would actually love those shoes that he wears.

• 55:43Henry Zebrowski?

  No, I don't like anything with those socks. That skeeves me out.

• 55:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:46Henry Zebrowski?

  I think it's gross.

• 55:47Speaker 05

  He kinda looks like Anton LaVey.

• 55:49Henry Zebrowski?

  Slightly, but with, but with less Chicago.

• 55:52Speaker 05

  God, he's fucked.

• 55:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, good.

• 55:54Speaker 05

  They got his ass.

• 55:55Henry Zebrowski?

  We'll see.

• 55:55Speaker 05

  They, I mean, there's C-SPAN all over his phone.

• 55:58Henry Zebrowski?

  I hope so.

• 55:58Speaker 05

  They have it. It's in London. They're gonna fucking get his ass.

• 56:01Henry Zebrowski?

  I hope so. I hope, I hope so.

• 56:03Speaker 05

  Not only that, you saw that there's like animal fucking on his phone.

• 56:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Get him, get him, get him. But I do not put it past all of these various governments to fuck this up.

• 56:14Speaker 05

  There's one guy who I'd be interesting to listen to the case for his pardon. And that is a wonderful man, ah, I take that back. And that's a, a son of a bitch named Robert Kessler. Robert Kessler, he's in Hillsborough County. You love it over there.

• 56:30Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, yes, my favorite.

• 56:32Speaker 05

  He's a Florida murder suspect and he said that he would put in a guilty plea for a Philly cheesesteak, fries and a Pepsi.

• 56:42Henry Zebrowski?

  See, that to me makes a lot of sense. Uh, that is honestly fuck yeah to him because they give, that's easy to do.

• 56:49Speaker 05

  Yeah. And the judge said, so you're telling me you would open plead to life in prison? And the guy said Philly cheesesteak with onions on it and mayonnaise and fries and a 20 ounce Pepsi.

• 57:03Henry Zebrowski?

  He's just lucky that he asked for it in Florida because in Philly, that's another crime. Like if he was in Pennsylvania, he'd actually get slapped with another charge for the mayonnaise in the cheesesteak.

• 57:15Speaker 05

  Have you ever done it?

• 57:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 57:16Speaker 05

  It's good.

• 57:18Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm gonna say that I, as a fat and as a continued fat.

• 57:23Speaker 05

  You look great though.

• 57:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, people have been saying I'm losing weight.

• 57:29Henry Zebrowski?

  Is that one of my favorite things in the world, uh, used to, I did, used to put mayonnaise in cheesesteak. I have done that.

• 57:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:37Henry Zebrowski?

  I did it recently. I know that I'm fat. I know that that means that I'm extremely fat and gross.

• 57:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:42Henry Zebrowski?

  And I will say that I do believe that I was wrong.

• 57:45Speaker 05

  I've done it. I think it's a, it's an occasional treat. And you put a little mayonnaise, a little spicy mustard, and then you know what? This sounds like blasphemy, but if you're close to the place, if you're physically in the same room as the cheesesteak is getting made, lettuce.

• 58:01Henry Zebrowski?

  You'd.

• 58:01Speaker 05

  Shredded lettuce.

• 58:02Henry Zebrowski?

  No, Eddie.

• 58:03Speaker 05

  Shredded lettuce, but it still has to have a little crunch. It's gotta be fresh in there. Sometimes I'll put some tomatoes in it too.

• 58:08Henry Zebrowski?

  I am anti iceberg lettuce.

• 58:11Speaker 05

  Shut up.

• 58:11Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm anti iceberg lettuce.

• 58:13Speaker 05

  You don't like sandwiches?

• 58:13Henry Zebrowski?

  No, yes I do. Cause I like spinach in it. I like romaine in it. I like butter lettuce.

• 58:18Speaker 05

  Oh no, when they put the full lettuce leaf?

• 58:21Henry Zebrowski?

  I'll eat that better than, better than shredded, shredded ice.

• 58:25Speaker 05

  Shredded holds the juice.

• 58:27Henry Zebrowski?

  It's gross.

• 58:27Speaker 05

  It's awesome.

• 58:28Henry Zebrowski?

  It's gross. It tastes like the ice, iceberg lettuce on a sandwich is the equivalent of putting the ice from a piss trough in a sports bar on a sandwich.

• 58:37Speaker 05

  Incorrect. Incorrect. Completely incorrect.

• 58:41Henry Zebrowski?

  Side stories, L P O T L, the G B L dot com.

• 58:43Speaker 05

  You don't even know, I feel like I don't even know you.

• 58:45Henry Zebrowski?

  You know me as well as you're ever gonna.

• 58:48Speaker 05

  So an Italian hero, you don't want shredded lettuce?

• 58:51Henry Zebrowski?

  No. I get spinach.

• 58:53Speaker 05

  It's, but the, the oil and vinegar is just gonna roll off the spinach.

• 58:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Normally, okay, you wanna know how it really fucking is? Is that if it's a big substitute, I don't because I don't like being a pain in the ass. But normally I don't like shredded lettuce. But I, if it's coming in a giant.

• 59:09Speaker 05

  Taco.

• 59:11Henry Zebrowski?

  Fish taco, but it's cabbage.

• 59:13Speaker 05

  I don't like the cabbage.

• 59:14Henry Zebrowski?

  I like cabbage.

• 59:15Speaker 05

  Cabbage sucks.

• 59:16Henry Zebrowski?

  I like a meteor lettuce leaf. I like a better tasting lettuce leaf. I'm introducing you to several better lettuces.

• 59:24Speaker 05

  You know what really fucking pisses me off? When I'm getting like a pulled pork sandwich and they put coleslaw on it. Keep your, keep your coleslaw off my fucking pork sandwich.

• 59:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Truly, I'll ask for it if I want it.

• 59:34Speaker 05

  Pickle on there. Coleslaw on the side, it's fine.

• 59:36Henry Zebrowski?

  But honestly, yeah, ask me if I want it first.

• 59:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:39Henry Zebrowski?

  Get my consent.

• 59:40Speaker 05

  Don't just throw coleslaw on some shit.

• 59:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, don't coleslaw rape me.

• 59:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, but we look great.

• 59:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. We're in the, Eddie, you look, you were really.

• 59:47Speaker 05

  I'm feeling good.

• 59:48Henry Zebrowski?

  Really look good.

• 59:48Speaker 05

  I've been walking. I drink water.

• 59:50Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I saw you walking real slow.

• 59:52Speaker 05

  You know who else is walking slow? Michael Mann.

• 59:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Michael Mann shot himself in the, uh, Michael Mann, the director of.

• 1:00:02Speaker 05

  The greatest funs, gunfights of all time.

• 1:00:05Henry Zebrowski?

  Time.

• 1:00:07Henry Zebrowski?

  Shot himself in the fucking leg at a, at a gun range and you know it looked great.

• 1:00:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:15Speaker 05

  I'm glad he's okay, but it's such a hilarious way for an 83 year old man who only films gunfights.

• 1:00:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Didn't it, didn't that happen like Plaxico Burress?

• 1:00:26Speaker 05

  Well, he wasn't at a gun range.

• 1:00:27Henry Zebrowski?

  No, he was at a club.

• 1:00:28Speaker 05

  He was at a nightclub and he put a gun in his sweatpants and it fell out through the leg of his sweatpants and then shot him in the leg. While he was mid-season.

• 1:00:37Henry Zebrowski?

  I remember Plaxico.

• 1:00:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was stupid.

• 1:00:39Henry Zebrowski?

  We were in New York for that one.

• 1:00:40Speaker 05

  That was, that was an extra dumb one. That was, that was a dumb one.

• 1:00:43Henry Zebrowski?

  But the idea of shooting yourself in the leg, like I feel like you should have your gun license taken away. Yeah, why is he at the gun range at 83? Cause he loves it. That's great. Cause it's, it is fun, but I feel like this might show Mr. Mann that his gun range days are at an end.

• 1:00:58Speaker 05

  It is so funny. You get, we get to call him Mr. Mann.

• 1:01:01Henry Zebrowski?

  Listen, Mr. Mann.

• 1:01:04Henry Zebrowski?

  You might need to think about this in future cases, okay? Because obviously.

• 1:01:08Speaker 05

  It just sounds like you're making fun of him, but it's just.

• 1:01:10Henry Zebrowski?

  Mr. Mann, if you go again, oh, well, better not. Well, let's start, let's actually restart you with throwing axes, Mr. Mann.

• 1:01:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Maybe that's what you need. Maybe you need less projectiles. But what, what is the exact details of it?

• 1:01:25Speaker 05

  Well, he was holstering his gun real fast. Cause he was shooting and then he wanted to holster it real fast.

• 1:01:29Henry Zebrowski?

  Why would you need to holster real fast? You're not the OK Corral.

• 1:01:32Speaker 05

  And then he, when he was holstering it real fast, he shot himself in the leg. It's a superficial injury. I think he's already out of the hospital.

• 1:01:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, of course. But it's also, it's real dumb and it's very embarrassing.

• 1:01:41Speaker 05

  83, you can't shoot yourself at 83.

• 1:01:43Henry Zebrowski?

  No, because that bullet will just destroy all of your muscles. I feel like if you glaze your skin with a bullet.

• 1:01:49Speaker 05

  You fucking, you shred your arm.

• 1:01:51Henry Zebrowski?

  Literally, like my grandfather couldn't hold on to a steering wheel. How is he gonna fucking shoot himself in the leg and be able to walk around? Well, you know, we need him to live. So he can make Heat Two. Oh, yeah. Cause they're making it. Yeah, cause nothing, nothing to me is I'm more excited about than A, sequel. Twenty-five years later, after the fact, everybody's super old, none of the actors are involved, and it's just fake IP.

• 1:02:16Speaker 05

  The only character that lived that I loved, that, that actor is dead.

• 1:02:21Henry Zebrowski?

  That actor is dead. This whole thing is, it's so fucking stupid. I know it's a prequel.

• 1:02:28Speaker 05

  Oh, is it?

• 1:02:29Henry Zebrowski?

  It is a prequel.

• 1:02:31Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:02:31Henry Zebrowski?

  But it's, but it's still just like, the problem is, once you get to about eighty-three, and then you go, you dig up all this old stuff, there's just no way it's gonna reach Heat. And maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm talking out of my ass, but I just.

• 1:02:42Speaker 05

  I mean, I, I'm gonna see it. It's got a great cast.

• 1:02:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, yeah, I'm gonna fucking see this movie.

• 1:02:47Speaker 05

  I'm fucking.

• 1:02:47Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, you bet your fucking ass I'm seeing this movie.

• 1:02:49Speaker 05

  I'm ready for this. This seems pretty fucking cool.

• 1:02:51Henry Zebrowski?

  Even what's his name is like, somebody that I don't even particularly, Stephen Graham, I'm in and out on as an actor, but it'll be interesting. He's all right.

• 1:02:58Speaker 05

  I thought he, I, he, I just loved what he became, cause he was such a weenie in Snatch.

• 1:03:02Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 1:03:02Speaker 05

  And so, and so was Statham, by the way.

• 1:03:05Henry Zebrowski?

  He is.

• 1:03:05Speaker 05

  They were like the two weenie characters, and they just ended up being the most badass out of everybody.

• 1:03:10Henry Zebrowski?

  Probably cause of the reaction.

• 1:03:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Pure anger.

• 1:03:13Speaker 05

  They're just mad that they were the weenie.

• 1:03:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, they never wanna be weenie ever again. He's gotta show up to the set now with a bandage on his leg. As he should, as he fucking should. That is you, he gets to sit in that embarrassment night.

• 1:03:24Speaker 05

  Hey, whatever happened, why did the Batman director have to quit?

• 1:03:27Henry Zebrowski?

  What do you mean? Oh, that's a, so, that whole thing is some kind of personal family emergency that has not been disclosed.

• 1:03:33Speaker 05

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 1:03:34Henry Zebrowski?

  We don't know why he stepped away. We do know that.

• 1:03:37Speaker 05

  Steven Sauber came in, who is, if I had to pick anybody, I'm cool with that.

• 1:03:40Henry Zebrowski?

  We're in the middle of movie stories right now, but this is, but legitimately, uh, I also thought it was interesting that they accidentally busted all the villains for Batman Two, when they reveal the Heidi Klum making of costume for her Halloween costume. My buddy Manny is working on all of the Batman stuff, and also worked on her costume. And did you see this?

• 1:04:02Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:04:02Henry Zebrowski?

  In a picture of the applying of her costume.

• 1:04:05Speaker 05

  Manny worked on that hand costume?

• 1:04:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 1:04:07Speaker 05

  Fuck, yeah, dude.

• 1:04:08Henry Zebrowski?

  But dude, I, we'll see what happens. He, it's a picture of Heidi Klum getting the costume, and in the back is this wall of prosthetics that are all the villains of Batman Two.

• 1:04:19Speaker 05

  Whoa.

• 1:04:20Henry Zebrowski?

  So you see Mr. Zaz, you see Two-Face, and the actors playing them. You see things that say owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, which means they're gonna reference the Court of Owls.

• 1:04:32Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:04:33Henry Zebrowski?

  It's like a whole thing. They have completely, uh, who knows whether or not this was stunt put there or not, or if this was like a fake, but it seems like it might have busted all the secrets.

• 1:04:42Speaker 05

  It seems like an accident.

• 1:04:42Henry Zebrowski?

  But now it's like, the movie got pushed to twenty-twenty-eight. I don't know if we're ever gonna see this movie.

• 1:04:46Speaker 05

  Who's Mr. Zaz?

• 1:04:48Henry Zebrowski?

  He's from one of the, he's another, uh, serial killer character.

• 1:04:52Speaker 05

  Dumb name.

• 1:04:53Henry Zebrowski?

  From Batman. It's a thing.

• 1:04:55Speaker 05

  Do people always say dumb name, or they're like, no, Mr. Zaz is scary?

• 1:04:58Henry Zebrowski?

  He was, Zaz is scary. They spell it weird, so it's kinda cool. Z, C, Z, S, A, C's, S, Z. Yeah, something like that.

• 1:05:09Speaker 05

  Well, get better, Michael Mann.

• 1:05:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, you know, rest up, but the really, in the end, I think what he's gotta worry about is his ego. I think that's the hardest part. That's the part that takes it all.

• 1:05:21Speaker 05

  Do you care about any of these other stories? We got the Florida landlord who shot his tenants because they ate his ice cream.

• 1:05:26Henry Zebrowski?

  Think about that one, that it's just, again, that's the whole story.

• 1:05:29Speaker 05

  That is the whole story.

• 1:05:30Henry Zebrowski?

  And I understand.

• 1:05:31Speaker 05

  He used a, um, he used a twelve gauge shotgun.

• 1:05:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Fucking old.

• 1:05:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, a bunch of old people. That's the thing. It's like, these old people just shouldn't have guns.

• 1:05:39Henry Zebrowski?

  We had a bunch of.

• 1:05:39Speaker 05

  We're having a lot of stories this week that's like, hey, maybe there's too many guns in America.

• 1:05:44Henry Zebrowski?

  It's just like a regular thing that's happening every story this time. They're really being used lightly. No one's thinking about consequences. Everyone's just kinda like, oh, what if I shoot him in the head? Yeah. Hey, what if I just do that? And they're just like, yeah, it seems to be, uh, we had this story about the convicted murderer that was still on the loose, but they, they got him, so it's good. Uh, we know that that's good. We know that, um, that weird private jet crash, which we don't really know anything about that happened in the, in the Everly.

• 1:06:13Speaker 05

  Twenty-year-old girl was the pilot.

• 1:06:15Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, and I love Eddie was just like, I can't believe a girl was in a pil, a girl was the pilot.

• 1:06:20Speaker 05

  A twenty-year-old girl driving a plane seems crazy.

• 1:06:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Far as I'm concerned, no woman should ever fly a plane.

• 1:06:27Speaker 05

  You know what, I find, no twenty-year-old should fly a plane.

• 1:06:30Henry Zebrowski?

  Because they're period. If you're gonna be twenty-seven to rent a car, or twenty-five. I have no idea how a twenty-year-old, I have literally no idea how a twenty-year-old can fly a plane in the sky.

• 1:06:38Speaker 05

  I'm in the camp twenty-five for everything.

• 1:06:41Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep.

• 1:06:41Speaker 05

  Everything.

• 1:06:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Everything.

• 1:06:43Speaker 05

  Everything. I'm talking cigarettes, the army, everything.

• 1:06:47Henry Zebrowski?

  I just feel like cigarettes, we could bump back down to like twelve.

• 1:06:51Speaker 05

  Fuck it.

• 1:06:51Henry Zebrowski?

  You know what, man? This day and age, you know how I feel, straight up?

• 1:06:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Just fucking smoke them.

• 1:06:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Smoke them if you got them, dog. Yeah, that, the flight explosion was pretty fucking rough, dude. It's crazy looking.

• 1:07:01Speaker 05

  It was, it nosedived.

• 1:07:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Wow.

• 1:07:04Speaker 05

  It didn't even have a chance.

• 1:07:05Henry Zebrowski?

  Just like a parking lot, too. Do you think the reason what distracted her as a twenty-year-old girl, Eddie, was the poor reaction to Taylor Swift's new single?

• 1:07:12Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, I think that might have been it.

• 1:07:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, this is it.

• 1:07:15Speaker 05

  She was listening to it, and she's like, you know what?

• 1:07:17Henry Zebrowski?

  She doesn't love Cleveland.

• 1:07:18Speaker 05

  Let's get out of here.

• 1:07:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, fuck this shit.

• 1:07:19Speaker 05

  All right, everybody.

• 1:07:20Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't care how big Travis Kelsey's fucking cock is. I bet her fucking vagina is only an inch wide.

• 1:07:27Henry Zebrowski?

  Who knows? I bet her vagina got shortened by the government so that she wouldn't have children.

• 1:07:32Speaker 05

  I've never been to Cleveland, but I can guarantee that.

• 1:07:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Taylor Swift doesn't like Cleveland.

• 1:07:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:39Henry Zebrowski?

  Can I just go out here? Cleveland's for black people, okay? Cleveland's a wonderful, culturally rich town that Taylor Swift shouldn't be there for.

• 1:07:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's a cheeseburger town.

• 1:07:49Henry Zebrowski?

  It's a great town.

• 1:07:51Speaker 05

  She hasn't had a cheeseburger since she was three.

• 1:07:52Henry Zebrowski?

  She, the only way she's had a cheeseburger, or like pills that she gets from scientists that sort of taste like cheeseburgers, so that she can reference human things and songs still. Like, she has a series of pills and things that she takes that allows her to sort of experience a simulacrum of human existence, and then she can write fake songs about them, because she doesn't eat anything but like yoga and, and vagina jade eggs.

• 1:08:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:18Henry Zebrowski?

  It's like all she eats.

• 1:08:21Henry Zebrowski?

  Dude, I saw Gwyneth Paltrow at the, at the farmer's market the other day. She's straight up.

• 1:08:25Speaker 05

  Buying food.

• 1:08:26Henry Zebrowski?

  Dude, straight up trailed by four disguised assassins.

• 1:08:31Speaker 05

  That's awesome. She should be.

• 1:08:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Just like, guys, we're gonna shoot you in the fucking head if you even try to say how much you love the nude scenes from Shakespeare in Love. She hates that.

• 1:08:42Speaker 05

  Well, I hate that fucking movie.

• 1:08:44Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I do, too. It's fucking stupid.

• 1:08:45Speaker 05

  It's a really bad one.

• 1:08:46Henry Zebrowski?

  Fucking hate that fucking movie.

• 1:08:47Speaker 05

  Fuck that movie.

• 1:08:48Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, Eddie, I think we really did it today.

• 1:08:50Speaker 05

  Is there any listener mail that we need to get to?

• 1:08:52Henry Zebrowski?

  I read like four of them, so I figured out we'll get through in the next week. We got some other ones.

• 1:08:57Speaker 05

  Our, our researcher here, he did say that, um, one testicle people, thank you for your insight. We hear you. Now, uh, leave us alone.

• 1:09:05Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, we, we now, we now know enough information.

• 1:09:10Speaker 05

  You come the same. I'm sorry, I didn't know.

• 1:09:12Henry Zebrowski?

  We know now.

• 1:09:13Speaker 05

  We know you come the same.

• 1:09:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Thank you.

• 1:09:15Speaker 05

  Lots of emails about how they come the same.

• 1:09:17Henry Zebrowski?

  Amounts of come, and where the come goes, and where come comes from.

• 1:09:20Speaker 05

  I fill up the rest of my sack where my ball used to be with come, but I can't get rid of.

• 1:09:24Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, it's just stuff like that, right?

• 1:09:26Speaker 05

  Lots of that, lots of that.

• 1:09:27Henry Zebrowski?

  So just thank you so much.

• 1:09:28Speaker 05

  Thank you, come people.

• 1:09:29Henry Zebrowski?

  It's really been very educational.

• 1:09:33Speaker 05

  Yeah. Um, Henry and I are on the road. Now, that Portland, Maine show on, um, uh, November fourteenth that we said was sold out, we opened up a bunch of standing room tickets.

• 1:09:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Good, so we have to sell more? Great.

• 1:09:44Speaker 05

  So now we gotta sell, we were sold out, we were happy about it, but now we're selling more again.

• 1:09:48Henry Zebrowski?

  We're selling more, we're coming out there, Portland, Maine.

• 1:09:51Speaker 05

  And standing room only, so if you got bad knees, don't get them.

• 1:09:55Henry Zebrowski?

  Unless you have crutches.

• 1:09:56Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:09:57Henry Zebrowski?

  And then you could stick them underneath your hips.

• 1:10:01Speaker 05

  Tolls you stationary. The next night, Port, in Burlington, also standing room only left on that one, so come see us there. That's gonna be on November fifteenth. Um, December third, Ed Larson and Friends at the Ice House in Pasadena, hosted by Henry Zebrowski. Gonna be a fucking blast. I can't wait to do that show. On December twelfth, Iowa City at the Angler. That's gonna be a blast, and I have a special announcement about that. We got the wonderful Logan Metz is gonna be joining us. We're trying some new shit out here. Um, I wanna, I wanna, I want the side story shows to always be evolving and doing new stuff.

• 1:10:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Side story show, and also remember too, cause like, you know, we've said they're experiment, but we do work on them. So.

• 1:10:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:41Henry Zebrowski?

  We write new material for each one, we come out, we do lots of fun stuff, we get like, and we try to make it a surprise everywhere we go, so.

• 1:10:49Speaker 05

  And this will be the Christmas season, December eleventh, in Iowa City at the Angler. We got Logan Metz. Now, if you don't know who Logan Metz is, phenomenal musician. He used to be in The Promise of the Real, that was Lucas Nelson's band, but he's also toured with Willie Nelson and Neil Young. He's a real deal musician.

• 1:11:04Henry Zebrowski?

  He's real.

• 1:11:05Speaker 05

  So we got him, we're gonna be singing some songs, it's gonna be fun. He's also gonna be at, uh, in Columbia at the Blue Note, but I will say, um, that's the following night on December twelfth, only eight tickets left for that one. So get those fucking tickets. That's gonna be fun. And then Logan's gonna be coming with me and only me to St. Louis, Missouri at Helium Comedy Club the following night on December thirteenth. Get tickets for that. That's gonna be a fucking blast. I'm also gonna be in Nashville at Zany's on January twenty-fourth with the Reformed Whores, and then, uh, I might be adding a couple other Tennessee shows to that little run, so keep your ears peeled for that. And then I'm gonna be in Rochester on, uh, January twenty-ninth and thirtieth, and with Danny Bedrosian, and then the following night in Albany as well. So come see me on the road.

• 1:11:47Speaker 05

  I'm having a blast. I got my fucking stand-ups on point, so come and get that shit.

• 1:11:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Live every day saying, you know what, I've shot enough movies, I don't need to shoot myself. No, and love the fact that, you know what, if I'm gonna live to see Heat Three, I'm gonna need to start shooting blanks. And the number for, make sure you can laugh about all the blanks that you shoot, because even if you have one ball, it's the same amount of come as it was previously with two balls. So thank you.

• 1:12:19Speaker 05

  Heat Three is gonna be when he's burning in hell.

• 1:12:21Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Patreon dot com slash podcast, left and listen to side stories ad-free. You can also watch us on Netflix while you're watching us right now, and you can see us there. Also see last stream of the live every Tuesday, five PM PST. Go and see us on social medias, at LP on the left, and see all of our new YouTube channels. You go LPN TV, No Dogs in Space, The Foreign Report, LP and Romancies, Someplace Underneath, The Brighter Side. Go check it out. We're having lots of fun over there.

• 1:12:51Speaker 05

  Oh, also, I had a really fucking cool interview this week that came out on Monday, so make sure you go listen to that. I interviewed Ethan Hawke and C. Robert Cargill. They got a new, uh, they got a new show, new podcast called Midnight Radio, but obviously Cargill, um, he wrote, uh, the Sinister movies and the Black Phone movies.

• 1:13:09Henry Zebrowski?

  He's great.

• 1:13:10Speaker 05

  So he's fucking awesome. So, uh, check that out. That was a lot of fun. I had a great, I had a great time interviewing those guys.

• 1:13:15Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, and look at that, and Ethan Hawke, you didn't think that he, uh, said anything about your weight or anything? Did he say anything nice?

• 1:13:19Speaker 05

  He told me I was looking good.

• 1:13:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Wow.

• 1:13:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:22Henry Zebrowski?

  Wow, really nice hand.

• 1:13:24Speaker 05

  I'm walking, I'm drinking water.

• 1:13:26Henry Zebrowski?

  He's drinking lots of water. There's water in Coca-Cola, there's water in sweet tea, groundwork water, it's coffee water. All coffee's made of water.

• 1:13:36Speaker 03

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• 1:14:06Speaker 02

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• 1:14:30Speaker 03

  Your gutters have waited long enough. Find a pro at Angie dot com.