Side Stories: Kiss from a Rose

Henry & Eddie are back with this week’s weirdest stories and wildest news as a woman named Metallica Rose is accused of murdering her family, Gypsy Rose gets into a fender bender, and a priest is killed by a falling crucifix during his livestreamed sermon. PLUS, Casey Anthony becomes a comedy critic, an 81-year-old allegedly shoots his boss before taking a victory lap on a tricycle, a retired professor wages war on delivery robots, Listener Emails, and MORE!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  On October 30th Dexter Morgan is back and this season he's facing the scariest threat yet. Middle age. A lifetime of blending in gets to you and now Dexter is up against two rival killers stealing the spotlight. Taking them down means changing his MO and things are gonna get messy. Starring Michael C. Hall, Uma Thurman, Dan Stevens and Brian Cox. Dexter: Resurrection. New season, October 30th on the Paramount Plus Premium Plan.

• 0:29Henry Zebrowski?

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  There's no place to escape to.

• 1:03Speaker 03

  This is the last. On the left.

• 1:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Side stories?

• 1:08Speaker 02

  That's when the cannibalism started.

• 1:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Side stories, yes. I saw the single most satanic thing I have ever seen in my life last night and I'm angry that it wasn't me.

• 1:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, what were you?

• 1:29Henry Zebrowski?

  I was seeing The Devils over at the Vista.

• 1:33Speaker 04

  Ken Russell's The Devils, 1971 re-release.

• 1:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, it's amazing. Finally, for the first time ever in its entirety, ever seen in the theater, all of the X-rated stuff put in, all of the orgy material, all of the violence.

• 1:47Speaker 04

  Do you think I'd like it?

• 1:49Henry Zebrowski?

  Everyone, everything, the whole family should see it. I think every person should see it.

• 1:54Speaker 04

  Harley?

• 1:55Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. I think that everyone should see it. I think it's, you know, I think that it's, it's real, it's a fun movie, funny movie. It's for the family. Um, it's about the stories of the Devils of Blue Dawn. We did a whole series on them. Go listen to that if you want to know the whole story. But I was sitting, uh, but written by Aldous Huxley, so it's worth it. But I was sitting there and I smelled something in the middle of the movie that made me, I was like, eh, what is that? Cause I went by myself. Natalie declined. And I, um, I looked over to my right and the man next to me was eating an entire, a hot dog with all the works. Every fix in on it.

• 2:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Just folding it into his big mouth, just fucking watching the, of nun orgy.

• 2:42Speaker 04

  I heard that the hot dogs at the Vista are relatively good.

• 2:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. It's just of all of the, the, the, the movies to be eating in, it was just such an interesting response and I, I was jealous.

• 2:56Speaker 04

  Sometimes, yeah, you gotta do what you gotta do, man. I've had plenty of movie theater hot dog when I just like realized, I get there, I'm like, oh, I didn't eat dinner. If I'm gonna enjoy this movie, I need to scarf some bad shit.

• 3:07Henry Zebrowski?

  You don't do popcorn?

• 3:08Speaker 04

  Popcorn gets in my teeth.

• 3:09Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh yeah, that's right. You got all those weird, crazy.

• 3:12Speaker 04

  I got crevices.

• 3:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Like nooks and crannies.

• 3:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't like that.

• 3:15Henry Zebrowski?

  When are we gonna fill up these nooks and crannies? When are we gonna blast these out, Eddie?

• 3:18Speaker 04

  I got, I got this, this is coming.

• 3:21Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, you got one hole left.

• 3:22Speaker 04

  I got this hole, this hole's getting fixed.

• 3:23Henry Zebrowski?

  You gotta be careful, Natalie just got a hole infection or gum leaving the hole open.

• 3:28Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, the hole's not open. I'm just waiting for the bone to graft and then they can drill me a new one.

• 3:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Can't wait.

• 3:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's gonna be really cool. Thank you for paying me so now I can afford teeth.

• 3:38Henry Zebrowski?

  See?

• 3:39Speaker 04

  The, um.

• 3:40Henry Zebrowski?

  And all I do is give, welcome to Side Stories.

• 3:41Speaker 04

  I also went to the movies by myself.

• 3:43Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh yeah, I'm Henry Zebrowski, I'm sitting here with Ed Larson, who's also confident enough to sit alone in a movie theater.

• 3:50Speaker 04

  I, I did it twice this week, actually.

• 3:51Henry Zebrowski?

  It's my favorite thing in the world to do.

• 3:53Speaker 04

  It's one of my, it is one of my favorite things. Uh, Julie also declined to go see the Musk documentary with me.

• 3:59Henry Zebrowski?

  But it was hilarious, Eddie.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  It was, it was a laugh a minute. It was, uh, there was this old lady in the theater who kept trying to become friends with me the entire time and I, I was really appreciative, I really liked it. It was, she was very cute.

• 4:10Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  And she was like, fuck this bastard, fuck him, fuck this bastard. I'm like, and I literally, I was like, I'm waiting to see the conclusion.

• 4:17Henry Zebrowski?

  You know, funnily enough, I also went to go see Musk this weekend because this was, everybody had to choose their Barbenheimer experience.

• 4:27Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 4:28Henry Zebrowski?

  Because America, because especially LA has got the Devils, you've got the, you can see everything, you've got the, you know, the Nathan Fielder doc and the Musk doc. But I do wanna say, go out and see the Musk doc if you can. Because the Nathan Fielder documentary, it's getting all of the press.

• 4:47Speaker 04

  It's great, it's gonna be in the theater for the rest of the year.

• 4:49Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, it's getting all the press and it's fine and I'm glad, please go.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  I can't wait to see it, but I'm not in a rush.

• 4:55Henry Zebrowski?

  Sure, yes. Elizabeth Holmes is a con woman. Uh, we know the whole story. We also know for a fact that any form of attention she gets helps her. So she's about to be released from jail because of this documentary. I'm gonna actually, I'm gonna put a bet on it that she's gonna go right to either like Dancing with the Stars or she's gonna be doing, she's gonna be completely like, incintified by this coverage.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, like Tiger King.

• 5:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Like Tiger King because of the backlash to the backlash to the backlash to the backlash because of the way our modern society works, nobody can just let anything live.

• 5:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:31Henry Zebrowski?

  So that she is gonna literally be a hero soon. So that's, that's my main issue. With the Musk documentary, we went to go see it.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:40Henry Zebrowski?

  I would say go, go see it. It is somehow four hours long and not complete.

• 5:48Speaker 04

  Yes, I think that every 15 minutes of the Musk documentary, like each segment could be its own two hour documentary.

• 5:55Henry Zebrowski?

  And it does not get into stuff that it really, I really think it should have gotten into.

• 6:01Speaker 04

  I wish they really would have gotten to his father role, his father's role in apartheid more, you know, I really wanted to see more of that.

• 6:06Henry Zebrowski?

  And they did not wanna get into the drug use at all. They just hinted at the drug use.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  You know what it is? They don't have, they were so worried about getting sued and they did not have, anything that didn't have concrete proof on, they didn't really talk about.

• 6:19Henry Zebrowski?

  Which makes sense because they're a part of.

• 6:21Speaker 04

  They didn't get that into the Nazi salute.

• 6:23Henry Zebrowski?

  No, they did not. They showed it a bunch.

• 6:25Speaker 04

  They showed, yeah.

• 6:26Henry Zebrowski?

  Which they should, uh, because he is a Nazi. I just want you to, I just, this is my message from seeing the Musk documentary is that it's basically nothing you don't already know if you're not a huge fan of the man. If you don't know why, there's a lot of us out here that are not huge fans of Elon Musk anymore.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  Go see it.

• 6:44Henry Zebrowski?

  Go see it because it kinda shows all the reasons why. Uh, partially, I am one of those. I also thought that he was gonna be a good inventor billionaire. Uh, I was wrong.

• 6:53Speaker 04

  We all were.

• 6:54Henry Zebrowski?

  We all were hopeful and I think that mostly.

• 6:55Speaker 04

  He made an electric car where I was fucking so happy.

• 6:58Henry Zebrowski?

  He lied about it. We didn't know that he lied about it until now. Now we all know that every single thing that he's ever done is a lie and he has not completed a single task. Uh, Elon Musk is literally a virus, uh, and it's, it's a bad part of our society.

• 7:12Speaker 04

  He's killing her.

• 7:13Henry Zebrowski?

  And what the documentary is also about is that he essentially won. So what I would say is you just, you can go see it. Uh, one other big, final, serious Rachel Maddow style warning I'm gonna give everybody. Uh, we don't really, we're not big on like telling who to vote for and stuff like that. But what I'm gonna say is you write that fucking vote down in an, in an early voting, like on a piece of paper.

• 7:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:43Henry Zebrowski?

  And you put that vote in a box that has the actual lockdown voting box, not the mailbox, not to do, you have to do it.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  I can't trust these machines.

• 7:53Henry Zebrowski?

  We cannot trust the machines. Uh, and I know that I'm saying this as a sort of like, that sounds like a kinda scary dumb thing. I'm just saying that if there was one thing that they seem to have an ability to control, it is machines at certain parts of the process.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:12Henry Zebrowski?

  So what I would say to you is avoid the machines and use the actual write-in votes. Get in early and it's not, it's not vote blue, no matter who, it's vote red and we're all dead. So I just need to remind you that. Is that, because I get it, I don't like the fuck, I hate most of the fucking Democrats.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  For the record, I hate all of them.

• 8:31Henry Zebrowski?

  I hate every fucking one of them, but.

• 8:32Speaker 04

  Just one side needs to go completely forever and the other side needs to get fixed.

• 8:37Henry Zebrowski?

  And this is, we have to figure out what to do because the Musk documentary is not good news.

• 8:43Speaker 04

  No, it certainly isn't. I can't believe how many fucking kids he has.

• 8:49Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, that's a part of it.

• 8:50Speaker 04

  I knew like, I, the fact that there's 14 on record and they don't know if he has more.

• 8:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, also just shows how.

• 8:57Speaker 04

  And the fact that he could have over 20 something children out there and we don't know about it is insane to me.

• 9:02Henry Zebrowski?

  And some of the kids might not even, some of the kids might not even know.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:06Henry Zebrowski?

  They might not even know. And then the Ashley St. Clair influencer woman, I know that she has come around now and now she's a former right wing, anti-trans, truly evil fucking bitch that became his baby mama. And then now I'm really happy that she is coming forward in the documentary and talking about this, but she is, um, she is now, she's pulling herself out now that the entire system turned on her.

• 9:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, because she, um, Grok made pornographic images of her, so now she's against it.

• 9:37Henry Zebrowski?

  Once it happened to her.

• 9:38Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah, but, but you know, the rest of the time she was just gung ho all about it, let's kill the world.

• 9:43Henry Zebrowski?

  She was gung ho up to this year.

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, which is insane to me.

• 9:47Henry Zebrowski?

  I want you to remind you that.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, also the movie Musk is actively being suppressed. Um, they're not letting them get, uh, advertising on certain platforms. So that's why we felt the need to talk about it here. Go see it if you get the chance, rent it whenever it comes out. Um, help that movie, uh, succeed the best it can. Know what else I saw on a much lighter note? Digger.

• 10:08Henry Zebrowski?

  I liked it.

• 10:09Speaker 04

  I liked it so much.

• 10:10Henry Zebrowski?

  I liked it a lot.

• 10:11Speaker 04

  I liked it, I liked it more than The Odyssey. I fucking loved, I don't know what's wrong with everybody. That is a perfect film.

• 10:19Henry Zebrowski?

  It's cause Tom Cruise is a slave owner.

• 10:21Speaker 04

  I hate him.

• 10:22Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I think that's the reason why, that's why they're mad.

• 10:24Speaker 04

  That is a big part of it.

• 10:25Henry Zebrowski?

  That's why they're mad, but I feel like for a slave owner, he's a fantastic actor.

• 10:30Speaker 04

  Isn't, it's Dr. Strangelove.

• 10:31Henry Zebrowski?

  He really is.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  You know, it's, it's a phenomenal movie.

• 10:34Henry Zebrowski?

  And also the movie, well, cause that's what I said to you too, Digger hides what it actually is.

• 10:40Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 10:41Henry Zebrowski?

  The advertisement is not really showing what the movie is.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, cause like at first, like halfway through the movie, I'm like, what kinda weird shit are they trying to pull on us? What Birdman, weird, fucking bizarre? And then all the, then by the end of it, you're like, oh, fuck.

• 10:55Henry Zebrowski?

  It's my favorite movie of his. It's my, it is, it is my favorite movie of his.

• 10:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:00Henry Zebrowski?

  I love that movie.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  It was unbelievable. I can't suggest it more. No one's, uh, no one's checking it out and so please go see Digger, uh, go see Musk, go see The Devils. Uh, your boy, you almost, you almost got, uh, death pulled.

• 11:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh my God, my, my Pope Leo.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  Your Pope Leo.

• 11:15Henry Zebrowski?

  My Pope Leo's on the ropes. Popolo's on the fucking ropes.

• 11:21Speaker 04

  You're almost at, we're almost at Halloween.

• 11:24Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 11:24Speaker 04

  No one in our death pool has died.

• 11:26Henry Zebrowski?

  This is my October surprise.

• 11:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is.

• 11:28Henry Zebrowski?

  This is my October surprise. I'm really excited about this. Popolo is sick, which is great for the death pool.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:35Henry Zebrowski?

  And that's kind of what we're talking about here. It's great for the death pool. That is still kind of actively going. And people are asking, where's our 31 for 31? We didn't do it this year because we are extremely busy with movie stories.

• 11:47Speaker 04

  And then I'll tell you what, though, I'm pretty close to it. I've watched almost 30 horror movies this month.

• 11:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, you have.

• 11:54Speaker 04

  Between all the pumpkin heads and.

• 11:55Henry Zebrowski?

  You watched all the pumpkin heads. We watched all the Saw.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  I've, I've watched seven Saw movies.

• 12:01Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I got them.

• 12:01Speaker 04

  And I, I was sick all weekend and I just put, I just kept, Julie was out of town. I just kept doing Saw. And I'll tell you what, I'd rather wake up in Saw than finish it. It was so bad, but we'll save it for movie stories.

• 12:16Henry Zebrowski?

  You gotta go watch it. It's honestly their fucking pumpkin heads, fucking, the pumpkin heads equals are fucking awful.

• 12:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a nightmare.

• 12:23Henry Zebrowski?

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• 13:04Henry Zebrowski?

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• 13:45Henry Zebrowski?

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• 14:19Henry Zebrowski?

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• 15:04Henry Zebrowski?

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• 15:51Henry Zebrowski?

  So, but you know, we're not the only cultural critics around here. There's actually some big news in cultural criticism that it's just finally good to see some people out there getting in the pool because what, you know what's the best part about the internet? Everybody's opinion can be heard.

• 16:04Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 16:05Henry Zebrowski?

  And I think that's one of those important, most wonderful things because that, it's just that anybody who's anybody can say anything about anything and we for some reason have to take it as seriously as anybody saying anything else because.

• 16:19Speaker 04

  Most of news is just like this person said that.

• 16:21Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep. That's all it is. That is, well, it is.

• 16:23Speaker 04

  Kind of annoying.

• 16:24Henry Zebrowski?

  So this one is Casey Anthony. She's been energized by the Shane Gillis conversation and controversy about his jokes about women dressing as whores in the gym. His, they, she just said, according to her Substack, she's really upset. She saw that and the first thing she said was, women can just however they want. Women in the gym, they can just however they want. Men who have opinions about how women just need to go all the way, go fuck themselves. This toxic masculinity trend needs to end. This fragile man need to get out of the way

• 17:02Henry Zebrowski?

  of women in totality. And yeah, so she is really upset. She didn't really just talk about it being lazy open mic material that made it all the way to one of the top comedy shows in the land.

• 17:15Speaker 04

  What world are we in, Rob? Like just agreeing with Casey Anthony.

• 17:19Henry Zebrowski?

  We do not answer to you. This is more Casey Anthony. We do not answer to you. We do not dress for you. We do not need your useless opinion. Men, get it together. Do better. My favorite is the men get it together, do better. It's my favorite. It's my favorite. Casey Anthony, you're rocked. Honestly though, but I wish you got more in the weeds of talking about crowd work.

• 17:46Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 17:46Henry Zebrowski?

  I wish we got more kind of talking to her. I wish she had brought up the idea of joke structure. And then like how the concept of women dressing provocatively at the gym has been a thing since gyms. It's literally been a bit.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  Spandex was in the eighties. What are we even doing here?

• 18:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Dave Chappelle did the whole bit about it, which is.

• 18:06Speaker 04

  Leslie Nielsen did it and repossessed.

• 18:08Henry Zebrowski?

  He did. He really did. Dave Chappelle had a great bit about it in the old days. That was a really good one. That was the one where he did the, uh, do you remember the bit where he was like, I want to, like, you know, he always, you know, ladies dress like sluts. And then they say like, just because I dress this way doesn't mean you can treat me, blah, blah, blah. So he's like, so I always want to show up places, dress as a police officer. And they have people say like, oh, can you help do this? And it was like, just because I'm dressed this way. Like, Dave Chappelle did a really funny bit back in the day, you know, like.

• 18:40Speaker 04

  Well, that's a punchline.

• 18:41Henry Zebrowski?

  It's a joke.

• 18:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's.

• 18:42Henry Zebrowski?

  In which you use the information that is real and then you, you, you expand it into a funny set of circumstances that's comedic.

• 18:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:53Henry Zebrowski?

  And you just don't say the words, but we're not here to criticize because we're not on Saturday Night Live, Eddie. They won't let us.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  No, honestly, I would have never talked about this whole controversy if it wasn't for Casey Anthony getting involved.

• 19:05Henry Zebrowski?

  And I'm not even mad about that. I'm not even mad. Like, it's not like I'm offended. I'm just disappointed.

• 19:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Just like Casey Anthony. Can't believe it. Unbelievable.

• 19:16Speaker 04

  What did people expect from him?

• 19:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, whatever. It's more just the idea. To me, it's more just that it's a joke that's as old as gyms.

• 19:23Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 19:24Henry Zebrowski?

  And it's not new and he's just kind of, it just sounds like open mic material.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  It is. Cause he wasn't prepared for the giant show that he was doing.

• 19:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 19:33Speaker 04

  You know who was prepared? Carrot Top.

• 19:35Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. So we didn't speak to this because obviously he was a bit serious and the details are murky.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  Sad and we love him.

• 19:43Henry Zebrowski?

  So, you know, Carrot Top attempted suicide. It was, you know, a rough thing. We all kind of joked about it on the inside. We had our own little funny jokes about it, but we didn't want to make fun of the guy, you know, like.

• 19:56Speaker 04

  He's a sweetheart.

• 19:57Henry Zebrowski?

  There, I believe he's supposed to be very nice.

• 20:00Speaker 04

  I've had dinner with him once and he was adorable.

• 20:02Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. And I know that he's been, it sounds like he was in the process of getting sextorted. I have no idea what's, what's true and what's not, right? The whole thing. But. The man showed that funny comes first by coming to a live, his first live show back, his sold out show over at the Luxor.

• 20:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:22Henry Zebrowski?

  He said, first of all, if I had known that I would get this much love from committing suicide, I would have done it a lot earlier, which is a super funny line. But then he's like, I wasn't quite certain how to open up the show. He starts going through his props and the first thing he pulls out is a noose. And the audience goes fucking wild.

• 20:41Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 20:42Henry Zebrowski?

  And I just gotta say, good work on you, Carrot Top. That's how you handle that. That's Richard Pryor level, like make, like telling the story of setting himself on fire, smoking cocaine. Like, that's like, that is where comedy and vulnerability work in a way. Only he could make the joke. He should, he stood up, made the joke about himself. Which I think, you're gonna hear people being like, oh, is that a healthy way of dealing with it? And it's like, for comedians, yes.

• 21:12Speaker 04

  Absolutely. He's, he got a round of applause, he feels good again.

• 21:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, for comedians, yes, it does mean something.

• 21:18Speaker 04

  And it shows like with these comedians, with a lot of these comedians, especially people like Carrot Top, like, you know, like someone who does the puppets and shit like that, they're all, they're not good comedy objectively to comedians who love joke telling. But I will say, they're masters of their craft.

• 21:35Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, that motherfucker put that, and he does new material all the time.

• 21:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:40Henry Zebrowski?

  I feel like that's the other thing that people don't know about Carrot Top, is that he is doing brand new props, brand new bits, every fucking show he does, he's doing new bits. So man, you know, say what you will about his corny ass shit, he fucking works real hard on it and people show up for it and it makes people happy.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  Hell yeah, so shout out Carrot Top, we fucking love you, glad you're back on Carrot Top. Uh, shout out to Boca Represent, he's one of my own, he's one of my people.

• 22:07Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, so we'll see, we'll see, obviously, we'll see, hopefully he, hopefully he's not, uh, good sex best, hopefully he's a good guy and it's all just fine.

• 22:15Speaker 04

  I'm pretty sure he's good, man. I'm pretty sure he's good, he's just, you know.

• 22:18Henry Zebrowski?

  God, he pulls out that noose, the audience just went nuts.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 22:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, bigger nooses. Oh, that is just, the audience went fucking crazy.

• 22:29Speaker 04

  Of course, if you're having thoughts of this, nine eight eight, go talk to someone, do us a favor.

• 22:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Um, oh, another update. We gotta talk about the elephant in the room, there's a big picture of an elephant with a wig on it, you know, it's just funny.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  He's the best.

• 22:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Also, Patterson Gimlin, Bigfoot is officially a hoax.

• 22:46Speaker 04

  What?

• 22:47Henry Zebrowski?

  The famous Bigfoot footage, it is now.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  That one?

• 22:51Henry Zebrowski?

  It is now officially a hoax. They found the rehearsals.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  What?

• 22:58Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 22:59Speaker 04

  You don't film the rehearsals?

• 23:01Henry Zebrowski?

  I do.

• 23:01Speaker 04

  And if you do, you delete.

• 23:02Henry Zebrowski?

  I do.

• 23:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:03Henry Zebrowski?

  When I'm on set, I say, roll, man, sometimes the magic comes in the rehearsal.

• 23:07Speaker 04

  Officially a hoax.

• 23:09Henry Zebrowski?

  Officially a hoax.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  Now, is this, but that, it's just that video is officially a hoax. Now, um, what about, you see the guy on Instagram who's like holding up things, he's like, this is Bigfoot's like.

• 23:20Henry Zebrowski?

  He's the whole thing, asshole. That guy's like a dog trainer, it's like half a bit, it's, he's half insane, it's half a bit, it's half a thing.

• 23:29Speaker 04

  If he found Bigfoot, chopped him up into pieces.

• 23:33Henry Zebrowski?

  That would be amazing.

• 23:34Speaker 04

  It's so rude.

• 23:35Henry Zebrowski?

  So fucked, it's like deeply fucked up.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  Leave Bigfoot alone.

• 23:39Henry Zebrowski?

  The idea of just killing him immediately. Um, also, Gypsy Rose back in the news.

• 23:45Speaker 04

  Kind of.

• 23:45Henry Zebrowski?

  For just side swiping a car.

• 23:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, oh, man.

• 23:48Henry Zebrowski?

  And they don't even know, like, that was really funny.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  I think just, uh, she shouldn't be driving, don't drive emotional, I think that's a, that's a good thing to tell everybody.

• 23:57Henry Zebrowski?

  So shocked that she's a, can't believe, so shocked that she's a bad driver. Right? You know, like, uh, I'm actually really surprised, this is the first time she's, she's definitely side swiped multiple things.

• 24:11Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, no, she's definitely left a couple of notes.

• 24:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She has left a, she has definitely side swiped a couple of things.

• 24:18Speaker 04

  Sorry, GR.

• 24:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Sorry, was a bit distracted. She is, uh, god knows what she's doing, but they were like, it's just so funny, cause it was a tweet that was like, having a normal day until next thing I know, I realize I got sideswiped by Gypsy Rose, fuck my life. And it was very, very funny because.

• 24:36Speaker 04

  What would you do?

• 24:37Henry Zebrowski?

  We know, you know, I'd try to, I mean, I'd be talking about it on the show.

• 24:41Speaker 04

  Oh, of course, but in the moment, you'd get swiped, you get sideswiped, they hit your car, your beautiful car, they hit your car, and then you get out and it's Gypsy Rose. Like, how do you handle the situation?

• 24:53Henry Zebrowski?

  I'd be overjoyed.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  Right?

• 24:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 24:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, it's the best singular thing that could happen. Like, that is like, that is as good as that scenario can go. If I got out and I saw Gypsy Rose, I'd be like, oh my god, I'm a huge fan. I'm a huge fan. You gotta come on this show, we, I'm not even, we don't even do this insurance thing. You need to come on the show.

• 25:20Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 25:21Henry Zebrowski?

  She might fall, you know what, Eddie? I think that you'd be her type.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  Oh, of course I would, I'm big.

• 25:26Henry Zebrowski?

  I think that she, I think that if Gypsy Rose.

• 25:29Speaker 04

  I'm sensitive, I got empathy.

• 25:30Henry Zebrowski?

  If Gypsy Rose Blanchard met you, she'd fall deeply in love with you.

• 25:33Speaker 04

  You know, I, I do, you know.

• 25:36Henry Zebrowski?

  You think you could kiss her?

• 25:37Speaker 04

  No.

• 25:37Henry Zebrowski?

  Like, in a world where you're single?

• 25:39Speaker 04

  No.

• 25:39Henry Zebrowski?

  You could never kiss Gypsy Rose.

• 25:41Speaker 04

  It'd be hard to find the lips.

• 25:43Henry Zebrowski?

  Actually, the lips are there, it's more, hmm.

• 25:45Speaker 04

  You know, um, who did end the relationship a little early? Mr. OJ Simpson.

• 25:50Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, he did.

• 25:51Speaker 04

  Um, OJ, uh, in the news this week, uh, apparently, it seems like there is evidence that OJ had an accomplice.

• 26:01Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, I haven't seen what this evidence is yet, though, they're still saying like.

• 26:06Speaker 04

  Joey Ippolito, who was friends with Al Collings, he was a gangster, he's dead now, but his brother was like, I hid the knife.

• 26:17Henry Zebrowski?

  These fucking mobsters can never keep their fucking mouth shut, dude.

• 26:20Speaker 04

  Also, but it's all.

• 26:21Henry Zebrowski?

  How many times do they say, omerta? The whole thing.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  But I don't think he's a gangster, he's the brother of a gangster.

• 26:29Henry Zebrowski?

  Brother of a gangster.

• 26:31Speaker 04

  But the problem is, OJ put it in, if I did it.

• 26:35Henry Zebrowski?

  Fascinating.

• 26:36Speaker 04

  That's the, that's the, what kinda connects it all together.

• 26:39Henry Zebrowski?

  That's fascinating.

• 26:40Speaker 04

  Is OJ was like, if I did it, I would have needed help disposing of, cause he's, he would have, cause he's not a criminal, he's not a professional criminal, he's not a hitman.

• 26:47Henry Zebrowski?

  Also, the idea is that then, well, also, what do celebrities do? They delegate.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:54Henry Zebrowski?

  That's what celebrities do. They don't do things on their own, they have other people do the stuff. So as soon as they have the knife, he's like, what am I gonna do with this? I'm just OJ Simpson. And some guy's like, I love getting rid of knives, that's all I do. That's one of my favorite things to do, OJ.

• 27:09Speaker 04

  Well, he called Collings and Collings called this guy, cause Collings was connected somehow.

• 27:13Henry Zebrowski?

  And I always think the goal is for murder cover-ups, include as many people as you can.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  I mean, it worked.

• 27:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Have it be a game of telephone, well, how that works.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  Laughing in heaven.

• 27:24Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, he is loving heaven right now. He's up there, he's loving heaven, him and Charlie Kirk getting along like gangbusters, him showing him how to fucking do a hook snap.

• 27:35Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, Robert Blake, just having a great time.

• 27:37Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, Robert Blake was a complicated man, Eddie. David Lynch talked about that, about how David, that, um, I was watching this really interesting old interview with David Lynch, talking about working with Robert Blake, and he was just like, Robert Blake was an interesting guy. You know, like the way he's like talking about it? He was saying how Robert Blake like refused to understand Lost Highway, he's like, I don't care about this shit. What do I stand, what do I say? You know, he's like one of those old actors.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  And he nailed it.

• 28:04Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep, he's great, he's fantastic.

• 28:05Speaker 04

  He's great, he's great in the movie.

• 28:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Fantastic. The old actors knew that they didn't care. None of those old actors gave a fuck.

• 28:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, where do I gotta stand? What lines do I gotta say? What emotion do you want me to feel?

• 28:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Literally, they're like, faster, slower. There's like, some of those guys are like, you just gotta give me one or two notes, faster or slower? That's it. And then all of a sudden, they're a movie star, it's amazing.

• 28:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:26Henry Zebrowski?

  It's amazing.

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Oh, well, we got some regular stories this week.

• 28:29Henry Zebrowski?

  We do have some regular stories, let's get into them. I think the one, the first one that's really fun is, um, a woman is accused of stabbing her husband and three-year-old, they death at the Great Wolf Lodge in the Poconos, which was really honestly.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  So much fun, Henry.

• 28:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Really sad to do it, it's, it's really sad, yeah, a very fun story. Um, what's fun about it is that her name is, uh, Metallica. So, her name is Metallica Rose Harrison.

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Another rose, too.

• 29:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, wow, and you know.

• 29:01Speaker 04

  She's Metallica and Guns N' Roses.

• 29:03Henry Zebrowski?

  She's both, um, and that I, uh, I would say, uh, it's sad that she didn't just, uh, hit her husband and her child, because then she could have just been arrested for battery.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 29:17Henry Zebrowski?

  Come on, her name is Metallica, there is no reason to name your child Metallica if you don't wanna get murdered. If you don't want them to become a murder. Could you imagine naming a child, I don't know, fucking, the Bodega Boys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna try to think of this, this is my son, this is my son Anthrax, which is kinda cool.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, the whole story is very sad, but true.

• 29:43Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, it really is, and it's just also, the worst part is, is that she can go through all of this, she could even be proven that she is not sane to stand trial, but she's still gonna spend the rest of her life in a sanitarium.

• 29:57Speaker 04

  Nothing else matters, Henry.

• 29:58Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I just.

• 29:59Speaker 04

  This is what has to happen.

• 30:00Henry Zebrowski?

  It just has to happen, you know?

• 30:02Speaker 04

  And she, she used a gun in between murdering her, um, her husband and her child, she would have had to reload.

• 30:10Henry Zebrowski?

  Ooh.

• 30:11Speaker 04

  That's a deep one, that's a deep one.

• 30:12Henry Zebrowski?

  That's a deep one, you see, yeah, that is a deep one, I would also say, um, it's super important, I guess when, uh, when she was in, uh, college, she would walk around real quiet, watch what, her nickname was, uh, Creeping Death.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  The family referred to her as unforgiven.

• 30:31Speaker 04

  And the cops were like, yeah, unforgiven too.

• 30:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Unforgiven too.

• 30:37Henry Zebrowski?

  That's the only reason why we even covered this story.

• 30:39Speaker 04

  Well, soon there will be injustice for all.

• 30:41Henry Zebrowski?

  And they will ride the lightning. You know what I mean? I, uh, this is, uh, don't name your kid after something like that.

• 30:49Speaker 04

  If you name your kid Metallica, they will kill.

• 30:51Henry Zebrowski?

  They're gonna kill somebody. They're gonna kill their family. Alright? If this is one of those. It's like naming your child cinnamon. You know, I saw someone, I, someone was like, we, it, uh, school. They have several little girls named Scarlett. Which is like, fine, I guess because of Scarlett Johansson. I get it, I guess.

• 31:11Speaker 04

  But like Scarlett Letter, Scarlett O'Hara, there's some bad Scarlett's.

• 31:15Henry Zebrowski?

  Naming a child Scarlett is like naming it Jezebel.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:20Henry Zebrowski?

  It's like naming it, like Scarlett is a famous naked woman's name. Like saying, calling Scott, goddammit Scarlett. It's always like a woman that you're trying to get out. She's been drinking too much. And you're like, oh, tell me how to run Las Vegas. And it's just like, get out of here Scarlett before I slap you again. And she's like, I'm the weakest man who slapped me today, you know? Like, that's who you're setting up your Scarlett to be.

• 31:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:48Henry Zebrowski?

  So don't do that.

• 31:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, no more Scarlett's.

• 31:50Henry Zebrowski?

  This is my little girl cocksucker.

• 31:55Speaker 04

  Alright, so the other story we're very excited for this week, and I really honestly don't know how to cover it, is, um, there is a priest in Ecuador. And in the middle of, he was live streaming his sermon. And in the middle of the sermon, while he was live streaming it, the cross, the crucifix that was behind him, giant six, seven, eight foot crucifix, dislodged from the wall, fell on him and crushed his head open and killed him in front of everybody.

• 32:29Speaker 04

  Did Metallica cause this death as well?

• 32:34Henry Zebrowski?

  It would actually fit because Jesus hates nails.

• 32:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, he does.

• 32:38Henry Zebrowski?

  And, um, but no.

• 32:39Speaker 04

  They should be on a better carpenter.

• 32:40Henry Zebrowski?

  I'll say this, so let's watch the, a little bit of the video. They keep killing him. So this story is, it's like fucked up, right? Yeah, it gets him good, right? So the crucifix lands, completely kills him on a live stream.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  I didn't watch the full footage.

• 32:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh yeah, dude, it's a giant metal cross. It crushes him. It's very fucked up.

• 32:58Speaker 04

  Oh, I mean, it's wood.

• 32:59Henry Zebrowski?

  But you know what else say? Truly Eddie.

• 33:01Speaker 04

  I mean, it's smack on the head. It didn't hit him in the shoulder.

• 33:05Henry Zebrowski?

  No, dude.

• 33:05Speaker 04

  It's like in the exact kill spot.

• 33:08Henry Zebrowski?

  It's, I mean, at least it was quick.

• 33:10Speaker 04

  You gotta find that stud when you're hanging shit on the wall.

• 33:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Normally there's studs on the front of the cross, Eddie. See, I, um, this is my, the way I'm gonna cover this is that I am not happy about this. I think people automatically assume.

• 33:23Speaker 04

  This is upsetting as all hell.

• 33:24Henry Zebrowski?

  The work, cause you know what this is, Eddie?

• 33:27Speaker 04

  Pure irony?

• 33:28Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, besides just the most pure, most delicious, incredible, you know, irony possible. And it's, you know, like, again, not great.

• 33:36Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 33:37Henry Zebrowski?

  But you know, like, yeah, it's all fucked up, but, uh, I, you know, cause at first, you're like, you think Henry, oh, you're gonna attack priests and blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, unfortunately, what this actually shows is that that was the only good person in that room. And that, that's how good people die.

• 33:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Do you understand that? If he was an evil priest, he would have lived till he was 97 years old. But because he was the only good man, I can assume.

• 34:04Speaker 04

  He got killed, yeah.

• 34:05Henry Zebrowski?

  That he is the only good man around, God had to kill him.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:10Henry Zebrowski?

  Cause that's competition for Jesus Christ.

• 34:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, cause we all know that priests are all put here by the devil to make sure we hate God.

• 34:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, very much so. But this is a, this guy like, obviously, this is God doing a random thing to a good person to teach us lessons for some cruel fucked up reason? That's how it always is, right? Oh, it's a lesson because he only ever does random wildly cruel shit to good people. Like, he only really does it to innocent people. He doesn't do it who need it, right? Like, this should have happened every single time the White House does one of those Easter morning celebrations. This should happen, if there was a God, if God was real, God would send lightning down every single time Trump touched the Bible.

• 34:55Henry Zebrowski?

  Every single time Trump stands next to evangelical, every single time, every rapist, every child molester in the government pretends to be fucking Christian, God would kill every one of them. But he doesn't because he's a fucking sleep at the wheel.

• 35:10Speaker 04

  Or, yeah.

• 35:10Henry Zebrowski?

  He quit a long time ago.

• 35:12Speaker 04

  If God is real, God sucks.

• 35:15Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, God's stupid.

• 35:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Alright, so that's my problem with this is that it makes me sad, yes.

• 35:22Speaker 04

  It is upsetting.

• 35:22Henry Zebrowski?

  It's upsetting, cause yeah.

• 35:24Speaker 04

  I mean, who knows? He could have been a child fucker.

• 35:25Henry Zebrowski?

  I hope he was, Eddie.

• 35:27Speaker 04

  Honestly, at this point, yeah, I think that would be the best, the best way for this story to go.

• 35:31Henry Zebrowski?

  That's the only good thing that could come out of this is if he was actively committing crimes. But we have not heard it.

• 35:37Speaker 04

  No.

• 35:37Henry Zebrowski?

  I have not heard anything about that. It seems like it was a very good man, which is why I think he died in that way.

• 35:42Speaker 04

  Yes. Now, here's my question. Do you put the cross back up?

• 35:48Henry Zebrowski?

  If you believe in God, you're supposed to.

• 35:50Speaker 04

  But do you get a new cross, maybe a lighter one?

• 35:52Henry Zebrowski?

  Balsa wood?

• 35:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, something.

• 35:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Mean a styrofoam?

• 35:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Should we cut it up into a bunch of styrofoam and then just bounce?

• 35:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. And then it's, will be as heavy on the walls? I feel like they should definitely do something different with the remodeling.

• 36:07Henry Zebrowski?

  But I just.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  That's my take.

• 36:10Henry Zebrowski?

  But that's where the cross goes in the church.

• 36:12Speaker 04

  Does whoever hung that get charged with murder?

• 36:14Henry Zebrowski?

  No.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  Not, not there.

• 36:16Henry Zebrowski?

  No.

• 36:16Speaker 04

  Not in Ecuador.

• 36:17Henry Zebrowski?

  Not in Ecuador. No, no, no, no, no.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  Not murder, it'd be manslaughter.

• 36:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, like, that's a big fuck up.

• 36:23Speaker 04

  I mean, yeah, but, no, well, if it could have put up like 20 years ago.

• 36:27Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, true.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  You know, then it just happens.

• 36:29Henry Zebrowski?

  People don't know how to hang stuff.

• 36:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:31Henry Zebrowski?

  People don't know how to hang stuff. So this is like, I don't know if I'd put this towards negligence.

• 36:34Speaker 04

  I, I, the shit in my house, we're hoping for the best.

• 36:38Henry Zebrowski?

  God did this.

• 36:42Henry Zebrowski?

  God did this to this priest.

• 36:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:45Henry Zebrowski?

  He chose to do this to this priest.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  You honestly can't, I mean, the cross is up there for all of time. The priest is only there for an hour a week.

• 36:53Henry Zebrowski?

  That's it. Could have fallen in that any other time.

• 36:57Speaker 04

  And they fell directly on his head in that moment.

• 37:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 37:00Speaker 04

  It could have happened in the middle of the night.

• 37:02Henry Zebrowski?

  It's almost God showing you a sign that he doesn't give a fuck.

• 37:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like, it's like, I'm real and I'm trying to kill everybody.

• 37:09Henry Zebrowski?

  And I don't fuck, I'm crazy, I'm crazy. God's just like, I don't fucking care who I fuck, I'm, I'll do whatever, man, I'm fucking nuts.

• 37:17Speaker 04

  God's just fucking rail and blow.

• 37:19Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, he's doing, he's like.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  Snorting clouds.

• 37:21Henry Zebrowski?

  Talking about winning and he's like, talking about, it's like tiger blood and stuff like, he's going full Charlie Sheen.

• 37:26Speaker 04

  He's like, you know, I fucking own the poly market, right?

• 37:28Henry Zebrowski?

  You know I did that, right? You know, I fucking did that, right? Guess what? Guess what I'm doing? Guess what I'm doing? I'm gonna make Travis Kelsey pregnant.

• 37:34Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 37:35Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm gonna make Travis Kelsey the first man pregnant.

• 37:39Henry Zebrowski?

  Just to fuck with his ass. Just to fuck with his fucking ass. And then I'll make him get an abortion. And then I'm gonna fucking show that it turns out he's always been Eric Trump. Boom, done, I'm gonna turn him into Eric Trump. Boom, done. I can do whatever I want. I'm God. I'm fucking in control.

• 37:52Speaker 04

  That's if God was Musk.

• 37:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 37:54Speaker 04

  If, if Musk was God, he'd just be wildly fucking.

• 37:58Henry Zebrowski?

  Just doing dumb shit. Never accomplishing a thing. Remember that about Elon Musk. Never accomplished a single fucking thing.

• 38:06Speaker 04

  He bought everything. He's not the founder of Tesla.

• 38:09Henry Zebrowski?

  If you have money in the stock market, in a Roth IRA, go in and carve out Tesla. Carve out SpaceX. Just do it.

• 38:18Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 38:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Get your money out of it.

• 38:20Speaker 04

  It's gonna fail eventually.

• 38:21Henry Zebrowski?

  If you have a Tesla, drive it to Washington DC and abandon it in the street. That's what you should be doing. You should be driving to DC, just leave it in the fucking highway and then say you deal with it.

• 38:34Speaker 04

  Yeah. The person I'm voting for is, is the one who's just gonna be like, we're gonna go get all of our money back.

• 38:40Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 04

  We're gonna go get the money back.

• 38:42Henry Zebrowski?

  I want the money back.

• 38:42Speaker 04

  Fucking stole a bunch of fucking money. Um, here's a fun one. This one, this kinda, this woman is near and dear to my heart. A retired Penn professor has been blocking Uber Eats robots for months.

• 38:57Henry Zebrowski?

  See, this is, yeah, this woman has made it her.

• 38:59Speaker 04

  And she got arrested this week for, uh, for disorderly conduct because she was doing one of her protests. So basically, these stupid Uber Eats robots that I fucking hate. And she's right, they take the job of delivery drivers. I worked in, I, the, the food delivery industry is fucked. We had it right for all of time.

• 39:17Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 39:17Speaker 04

  Leave it to the restaurants, call, do your order, and then pay. You know, we had it right. We let Seamless and Uber get involved and it all got fucked. And no one has any control over anything anymore. Now we got these stupid ass robots bringing us our food. So this woman hates them like I do, and she has been protesting. She's got free time. She's 78.

• 39:37Henry Zebrowski?

  See, this is what, this is called good trouble. This is what an octogenarian should be doing.

• 39:40Speaker 04

  Exactly. And she just stands in front of these fucking things and won't move. And as I said, she's exercising her First Amendment. But recently, this happened again because she's been doing this for months. And then the cops were like, hey, listen, you've been doing this for a long time. And then eventually, um, arrested her, uh, for criminal mischief. Uh, is that, is what it was. And disorderly conduct.

• 40:03Henry Zebrowski?

  This is fun. She's, she's using her ability to protest.

• 40:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:08Henry Zebrowski?

  In a really effective way.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  I don't think that she's gonna actually face any charges here. Now, the, the big debate is, people are like, well, what about the customer who bought the food? Now they got bad food. I don't care about them.

• 40:20Henry Zebrowski?

  You know, this is the thing, is that you can choose, I think now you can choose whether or not it's brought to you by a little robot or not.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  Uh, no one's ever offered me the robot. I don't know where this is.

• 40:31Henry Zebrowski?

  There is offers.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Only in city areas, I believe. You gotta be like, in the city.

• 40:35Henry Zebrowski?

  You can choose it, I believe. You get a discount when you choose it.

• 40:40Speaker 04

  You get a discount when you choose.

• 40:41Henry Zebrowski?

  I believe, that's how it works. So it's like, it's like a different rate. So you don't get the same delivery charges. So that's the thing, it's supposed to bring the, I guess it's supposed to help people save money. But I just think that of all the robotic ways of travel, that way is the dumbest way.

• 40:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:58Henry Zebrowski?

  I do think that if you were gonna do this, there should be, there should be drones.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  I mean, that seems worse to me.

• 41:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Nah.

• 41:06Speaker 04

  Drones fall.

• 41:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, but you know, like little drones, little baby drones.

• 41:12Henry Zebrowski?

  I would do it with drones. I wouldn't be having it on the ground. I'd have it above us and it'd be below where you'd have commercial grades. Obviously, you'd have to be like 10 feet or so above above all the cars.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  I'm terrified of all of this shit. I just go backwards. We went too far.

• 41:25Henry Zebrowski?

  See, that's the type of stuff that I'm not worried about going forwards on because that's all the trappings of sci-fi movies that I'm like into.

• 41:33Speaker 04

  As long as it involves food.

• 41:35Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. Yes. And then the, I think it's more just the other side of the AI, like AI chat robots and stuff like that. To me, that's the saddest version of the.

• 41:47Speaker 04

  I won't use self-checkout. Man, how about when you go to, I hadn't done fast food in so long. Every time I've been recently, you have to order from a kiosk.

• 41:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Fast food's over.

• 41:59Speaker 04

  It's over?

• 42:00Henry Zebrowski?

  No, fast food's over. I just went and got, when we were driving in New York, where I was like looking for late night food and got McDonald's and it was completely inedible, like past what it's supposed to be. Like it's not supposed.

• 42:14Speaker 04

  Been bad.

• 42:14Henry Zebrowski?

  It's not supposed to be great.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:16Henry Zebrowski?

  It's supposed to be or opposite. It's supposed to be kinda hella tasty, but fucking bad for you or whatever, and that's fine, right?

• 42:23Speaker 04

  Also, yeah, but it's also supposed to be cheap and that's out the fucking window.

• 42:25Henry Zebrowski?

  It's all out the window. Every single thing. And bad ones though, too. Well, that's the problem. There are good. There's good ones and bad ones. There's just no like, there's no regulation and standards on that.

• 42:34Speaker 04

  Inside big cities, fast food's way worse than in the suburbs.

• 42:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Always. But that's kind of been a thing now.

• 42:39Speaker 04

  It's always been like that.

• 42:40Henry Zebrowski?

  It's really gotten even worse. We're just, it's all of the insidification that we are just grinding on, my friends.

• 42:47Speaker 04

  No, what's that?

• 42:51Henry Zebrowski?

  This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. Truly, some of the best things our government can do is make another holiday. And it's so nice when they put up something like World Mental Health Day to remind us all that we should be taking care of our mental health because definitely I think the government is helping us all. I think the government is really helping our mental health. And I think that them putting the focus on mental health, does it not give you a sigh of relief? Finally, the government cares? But I don't think that people should focus on a certain date to care for their mental health. I think that it should be every day and all year round. That you take time to

• 43:35Henry Zebrowski?

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• 44:20Henry Zebrowski?

  you with a therapist who gets you so you can make space for what matters to you. Visit betterhelp.com/lastpod to explore your payment options. That's better, H E L P dot com slash last pod.

• 44:35Henry Zebrowski?

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• 45:20Henry Zebrowski?

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• 45:35Henry Zebrowski?

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• 46:20Henry Zebrowski?

  building, attacking me, not allowing me to read these ads. And thanks to SimpliSafe, I can read this ad for SimpliSafe, which I think is one of the best things they've ever done. And it gives me peace of mind. And that allows me to give you a piece of my mind. Join the more than 6 million people who entrust SimpliSafe with their home security. Right now, save 60% off with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/lpots. Get simplisafe.com/lpots. And when you order, please write in last podcast on the left in the checkout survey. It lets them know we sent you and it really helps support the show. SimpliSafe, ahead of crime in real time.

• 47:08Henry Zebrowski?

  What do we got here? Do we, what do we all?

• 47:09Speaker 04

  We got an, we got an EMT who's coming in fireman's food.

• 47:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, well, this is one of those where.

• 47:16Henry Zebrowski?

  So EMTs.

• 47:17Speaker 04

  Baltimore.

• 47:18Henry Zebrowski?

  EMTs are, are in trouble. They're in trouble.

• 47:24Speaker 04

  I love EMTs.

• 47:25Henry Zebrowski?

  I love EMTs.

• 47:26Speaker 04

  I do. I mentioned this on the show before. I feel like that would have been a different calling for me. I feel like I would have been a good one.

• 47:32Henry Zebrowski?

  I really feel like you could have been a good EMT.

• 47:35Speaker 04

  You know, I'll lift a body. I'll fucking pound on a chest, you know? I'll sew your fucking ass up real fast, you know?

• 47:40Henry Zebrowski?

  That's what you want.

• 47:40Speaker 04

  Uh, but this EMT, he didn't like the fireman.

• 47:43Henry Zebrowski?

  He's come from Baltimore.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  Yeah. So he, he has, he's just got charged with 25 years on three charges and he's supposed to serve it all.

• 47:53Henry Zebrowski?

  As he should.

• 47:53Speaker 04

  Because he pled guilty to three of the 23 counts of him coming on fireman's food. And that's really the end of the story.

• 48:05Henry Zebrowski?

  No, and he filmed it and sold the videos.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  Oh, is that, is that really what happened?

• 48:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 48:09Speaker 04

  Oh, I didn't know. I didn't see that part.

• 48:10Henry Zebrowski?

  Sold the videos of him coming on fireman's food. This is the thing, right? I'm a fucking, from a cop family, so we're naturally jealous of firemen because they don't gotta deal with any of the same horseshit. Yeah. Yeah. Cops only gotta deal, cops, it's like their lives are all complicated and there's all this fucking shit going.

• 48:25Speaker 04

  But they are fun to make fun of.

• 48:26Henry Zebrowski?

  That's the idea. It's because, you know, going after firemen is really punching up because they're superheroes. They show up in the danger and they do a bunch of stuff that they, you know, that you're afraid to do. And, you know, but we make fun of them for being drunk and having fuck with fucking everybody's wives, right?

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Spaghetti and sleeping all the time.

• 48:42Henry Zebrowski?

  That's what they like, right? And, but the thing is, is that you can't fuck with the firemen in America. I feel like people don't, won't handle it. They won't.

• 48:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, you can't actually mess with them.

• 48:53Henry Zebrowski?

  No, you cannot.

• 48:54Speaker 04

  You could joke around and razz them, but that's about it.

• 48:56Henry Zebrowski?

  That's about it because they also know they're America's superheroes.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:01Henry Zebrowski?

  And they fuck everybody's wives.

• 49:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's the deal.

• 49:04Henry Zebrowski?

  They know that.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  They fuck more. Yeah, there's no more milkmen.

• 49:08Henry Zebrowski?

  No.

• 49:08Speaker 04

  Firemen had to pick up that slack.

• 49:09Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  They, so like, you know.

• 49:11Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, the Amazon drivers are on the clock.

• 49:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, they can't be fucking.

• 49:14Henry Zebrowski?

  No.

• 49:14Speaker 04

  Especially on these stupid little bikes.

• 49:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, those sad little bikes.

• 49:18Speaker 04

  Those, God, those fucking guys.

• 49:21Henry Zebrowski?

  It's pure torture what they're doing to these.

• 49:22Speaker 04

  Bike in the middle of the road. It's like, get out of here, man. You poor man. There's no other job?

• 49:27Henry Zebrowski?

  This is, I mean, they do some good. I got, they do some good with their. Pedal cars? What are those? I don't know. That's what we're talking about. What it is. But yeah, this is the thing. Don't fuck with the fireman's food, man. Don't fuck with anybody's food, especially not a fireman. So they're gonna throw the book at you.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  Man, one time I went and saw the, at Madison Square Garden in the smaller venue down below. I forget what it's called, but there's like a little tinier venue at Madison Square Garden. I saw a whole night of the cops fighting the firemen in boxing matches.

• 49:58Henry Zebrowski?

  That's fun.

• 49:59Speaker 04

  And I was like, hell yeah, this is gonna be awesome. I'm gonna see some firemen beat up some cops, you know? I'm like, those firemen are fucking tough and shit. Here's the thing. Uh, cops fight for a living.

• 50:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, that's what they do.

• 50:08Speaker 04

  Yeah. And they beat up every, I think one fireman came close.

• 50:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, they can.

• 50:13Speaker 04

  And the cops just beat the shit out of every fight. And then, but like, the funny part was the cops and the firemen fighting in the audience.

• 50:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's different.

• 50:21Speaker 04

  It got real rowdy.

• 50:22Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I bet.

• 50:23Speaker 04

  I gotta suggest, like, if you ever wanna go to an event, cops versus firemen boxing match, two thumbs up. Any tunes approved.

• 50:31Henry Zebrowski?

  That's a lot of masculinity for me.

• 50:33Speaker 04

  It's a lot. It's, it was a lot. But, you know, it's just watching it, man, from a distance. Get your popcorn, sit in the back, enjoy your life.

• 50:40Henry Zebrowski?

  Wow. See, I'm looking at this EMT guy that come, that came all over the fireman's food and he has that thing where he shaved a part of his eyebrow and that I know for a fact that that's a guy who films himself coming on things.

• 50:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:52Henry Zebrowski?

  What is about that look?

• 50:53Speaker 04

  I don't know. I thought it was dead.

• 50:56Henry Zebrowski?

  They shave a little hole in the eyebrow.

• 50:57Speaker 04

  It was a nineties thing.

• 50:58Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't know if he's doing that on purpose. Oh, he is. Oh, that's on purpose.

• 51:01Speaker 04

  It could be a scar. I feel like.

• 51:03Henry Zebrowski?

  A scar, maybe.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  I don't know. People used to do it. I know people used to do it. It was like a style thing for a while.

• 51:08Henry Zebrowski?

  No, that's, I'm pretty certain that's on purpose and that's what a guy does. That is the facial eyebrow hair.

• 51:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:15Henry Zebrowski?

  Of a man who comes on food and sells those videos.

• 51:17Speaker 04

  Yeah. If you shave a gap in one of your eyebrows, please write in and tell us why.

• 51:21Henry Zebrowski?

  Uh, if you do that, side stories, l p o d l, gmail dot com. Why are you not a sex offender?

• 51:26Speaker 04

  I don't like it, but explain yourself.

• 51:29Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, exactly. It's fucking hot garbage. It's like being named Braden. Sorry, guys.

• 51:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, it's tough.

• 51:33Henry Zebrowski?

  I wish it wasn't like that for you.

• 51:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like being a young vet. Get older. Um, repair shop worker scolded for sleeping, um, shoots his boss in the chest and then rides on a tricycle around the parking lot till the cops come and he's like, I did it.

• 51:47Henry Zebrowski?

  That's the entire story. It literally is the entire story. Jose Lopez, the thing about the story that gives me the X factor, because normally I'm like, eh, you know? So he was working on, I guess that he, it was Metro Express, uh, which I don't really know what that job is. I think it's like, uh, like, God knows, he was like.

• 52:08Speaker 04

  It's probably just the name of the auto shop.

• 52:10Henry Zebrowski?

  Is it an auto shop? Yeah. So Metro Express, he was, he fell asleep in a chair. And the thing is, is that he's 81 years old.

• 52:18Speaker 04

  He shouldn't be working.

• 52:19Henry Zebrowski?

  It, we can, okay, let's put it this way. It's like, if he even is working and you got him in there and he's gonna fall asleep, it's gonna happen. All right? The President of the United States of America is falling asleep every single day on live television.

• 52:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Okay? And this guy is.

• 52:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Tired. He's old, very old looking. And you know what? I'd say like, you can be like, hey, man, don't sleep in here. And then done. Yeah. It's like, hey, man, you're gonna have to sleep in here.

• 52:48Speaker 04

  No, but he had a long history of hatin' this guy. The guy he shot is 61. Who's no, he's no spring chicken himself.

• 52:55Henry Zebrowski?

  He's younger than 81. That was the thing. I think that's part of what it comes down to. It's being like, it's more just like, then just leave it at it. He's still 20 years older than you. You're his boss. That fucking sucks for him, right? You're fucking older than, you're younger than him and you're in charge of him. So like, I would just kinda like, maybe ease it up a little bit and just be like, you don't need to rat, we're like, dig into him, right? He's 81. He's 81 years old. So like, that's the thing. You're choosing him. It's like having Tootsie.

• 53:24Speaker 04

  Yes. You shouldn't have hired him. Not only to be ageist, but he's 81 and you're an auto mechanic.

• 53:30Henry Zebrowski?

  He shouldn't be there anymore, right? But so if he's gonna be there, he might nap a little bit. All right. And that's your burden as a business owner. That's your burden. And then you just keep that 81 year old on there because how much longer could he possibly last? Because guess what also? He's gonna die in jail and he can't wait.

• 53:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, it seems like he wants to go die in jail.

• 53:55Henry Zebrowski?

  I think that jail might actually be more, you got consistent healthcare.

• 54:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:00Henry Zebrowski?

  You got

• 54:01Speaker 04

  Full of naps.

• 54:02Henry Zebrowski?

  Hot and some cots.

• 54:03Speaker 04

  Lots of, yeah, lots of naps.

• 54:05Henry Zebrowski?

  You know, and so I think that by, oh, he'll be able to, oh, man, will he be able to nap?

• 54:09Speaker 04

  Yeah. So he shot the dude, like calmly walked into the kitchen, put the gun next to the microwave, then saw a tricycle and just started riding it around.

• 54:19Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, because he knew that he'd never be able to

• 54:21Speaker 04

  Run a microwave. I did it. I'm fucking on this tricycle having a good time.

• 54:24Henry Zebrowski?

  He knew that he would never be able to ride a tricycle again. He killed the guy and said, go fuck yourself. Fuck your mother. Yep. As he should. He's 81 years old. He shouldn't be working anymore. And this is now his new retirement plan.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Because now he is retired to prison where he'll go and he'll be able to read and hang out and work out and kinda chill with the boys. And to be honest, it sounds kinda nice.

• 54:52Henry Zebrowski?

  Sounds like he's really gonna do well in there. Uh, and we just gotta be careful. Just gotta be careful what we say to our employees.

• 54:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. Amen.

• 55:00Henry Zebrowski?

  All right, let's do some listener emails.

• 55:01Speaker 04

  Ooh, we have any stingers?

• 55:03Henry Zebrowski?

  We have a ton. I haven't listened to this one yet, but um, here we go. Let's check it out.

• 55:06Speaker 04

  All right, just make sure it's not AI.

• 55:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Very ween like.

• 55:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, that had, yeah, it had like, almost like a Mars Volta kind of energy.

• 55:48Henry Zebrowski?

  I could see Marcus really liking that one.

• 55:50Speaker 04

  I think that's Marcus's favorite. I enjoyed it.

• 55:53Henry Zebrowski?

  I liked it.

• 55:53Speaker 04

  I liked how weird and upsetting it was.

• 55:55Henry Zebrowski?

  I still like the butt rock one best.

• 55:57Speaker 04

  The butt, you would like that, the one, I'm still partial to the reggae, but we'll, uh, I mean, I love it all, baby.

• 56:03Henry Zebrowski?

  I kinda wanna continue to do the bit I was doing in um, Brooklyn for some reason, where if I say really offensive stuff in Jamaican accent, it doesn't count.

• 56:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know, I think it might make it more offensive.

• 56:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Remember when I did that?

• 56:15Speaker 04

  I remember when you did that.

• 56:17Henry Zebrowski?

  Put him on the guillotine.

• 56:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Take the president, stick him in the guillotine. There we go.

• 56:24Speaker 04

  Shout out France.

• 56:25Henry Zebrowski?

  And the word goofy in Chicago prison culture.

• 56:29Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 56:30Henry Zebrowski?

  I heard your part four in Clifford Olson. I heard you mentioned that the word goof or goofy in prisons. So for those of you that didn't listen to the final episode, for those that, we got a bunch of listener emails that said essentially, calling somebody a goof in Canadian jail will get you stabbed to death.

• 56:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:47Henry Zebrowski?

  It means pedophile. So I work at the Cook County Department of Corrections in Chicago.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  Chicago's awfully close to Canada.

• 56:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Real dense in there, right? And I wanted to share some of my experiences with that word. Now, while I can't speak to its meaning in Canadian prisons, here in Chicago, calling somebody a goofy is a serious insult and can absolutely be considered fighting words.

• 57:11Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 57:12Henry Zebrowski?

  The term is deeply rooted in Chicago's street culture and it's been popularized by the drill rap scene. It doesn't imply someone is a pedophile, at least on my experience. Instead, it's more of an attack on somebody's credibility, reputation and standing among their peers. You're essentially calling them a fraud, a clown, someone unworthy of respect. I've personally seen the word lead to serious confrontations, even resulting in what's called an SOS, stomp on sight or shoot on sight. In a city

• 57:42Speaker 04

  Very different.

• 57:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Very different. In a city and correctional facility where gang culture and violence are prevalent, an insult that sounds harmless to an outsider can have some pretty severe consequences. Being publicly disrespected can put someone in a position where they feel obligated to respond, sometimes violently. This is what, part of why I'm very intentional with the language I use when communicating with individuals in custody. I don't feel threatened by the people I work with, but I believe it's important to understand and respect their culture. Just like expect someone to make an effort to understand mine. Something as simple as understanding the weight of a particular word can make a tremendous difference in how we communicate with one another. That's true. I completely agree.

• 58:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:22Henry Zebrowski?

  And you have to figure out, you're with these guys every day. You have to figure out how they talk and what to do to not get them all fucking riled up for no reason.

• 58:30Speaker 04

  Man, I, you know, you know, I, I realized our good buddy, Jordan Temple, he uses goofy as a, as a good insult. And he does it, he does it as an insult as well. The thing is, I like being goofy.

• 58:43Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, yes, Eddie, you love being goofy.

• 58:45Speaker 04

  I feel like the insult wouldn't work on me.

• 58:48Henry Zebrowski?

  Because you are probably not gonna go to jail for homicide.

• 58:52Speaker 04

  You don't know that.

• 58:53Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't know that.

• 58:53Speaker 04

  You don't know that.

• 58:54Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm saying, that's why I said probably.

• 58:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:56Henry Zebrowski?

  But I still feel like in that point, you might still be pretty good natured about it.

• 58:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:00Henry Zebrowski?

  So uh, this is the next, here's the next little thing. So Eddie thought last week, I really just think because you were so scared.

• 59:10Speaker 04

  What did I do?

• 59:11Henry Zebrowski?

  I think that this was kinda like when you, what you had to like, what you had to figure out how to hear when the doctors told you that like ham, beer and ice cream were like bad.

• 59:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:22Henry Zebrowski?

  And you had to be like

• 59:23Speaker 04

  It was very sad.

• 59:24Henry Zebrowski?

  You would like raged against. So you like hit the doctor.

• 59:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:28Henry Zebrowski?

  You had to be tied to a chair.

• 59:30Speaker 04

  That's why I started getting a female doctor, because I won't hit him.

• 59:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Exactly. Right. Which is

• 59:34Speaker 04

  Same thing with therapists. I, I, females across the board, you know, that, because I'll never hit a woman.

• 59:38Henry Zebrowski?

  You'll never do it. You can say anything you want to.

• 59:41Speaker 04

  My therapist is a man, I'll fucking tear his pants off, bite his nipples off.

• 59:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Beat the fucking shit out of him, right? So Eddie would refuse to believe that the accidental decapitations over at Six Flags Over Georgia were real. He thought it was an urban legend. He is incorrect.

• 59:57Speaker 04

  Really?

• 59:58Henry Zebrowski?

  Smack fact, it's completely real. So number one, uh, the first one, one happened in Six Flags Over Georgia. A teenager was decapitated by a roller coaster after he hopped a pair of fences, entered a restricting area. Um, he got hit by someone's foot and it fucking literally ripped his fucking head off.

• 1:00:13Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 1:00:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Coming through the ride. This was in 2008.

• 1:00:16Speaker 04

  I just thought the human body couldn't do that.

• 1:00:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Nope. That was one. And then also

• 1:00:20Speaker 04

  Just kicked his head off.

• 1:00:22Henry Zebrowski?

  Also Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:27Henry Zebrowski?

  Also has a decapitation.

• 1:00:29Speaker 04

  Man, do you know Six Flags bought Cedar Point or bought uh, the, that company?

• 1:00:35Henry Zebrowski?

  No way.

• 1:00:35Speaker 04

  Yeah. So Six Flags owns Knott's Berry now.

• 1:00:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, that's bad news.

• 1:00:39Speaker 04

  That's bad news.

• 1:00:40Henry Zebrowski?

  That's bad news. So, all right. But this is the thing. So not only are both of these things real, we have listeners that were at both.

• 1:00:46Speaker 04

  Really? That's awesome. I mean, that sucks. I'm sorry that happened to you.

• 1:00:51Henry Zebrowski?

  We know it's awesome. I was, it's, you know, it's awesome. I was listening to side stories. I heard you mention the story of the guy at Six Flags Over Georgia getting his head kicked off by a roller coaster. You said it was an urban legend, but no, it really did happen. I was there that day. I was at middle school at the time and during the summer, the local church would get a bunch of kids on a bus and take them to Six Flags Over Georgia for the afternoon. Apparently a guy lost his hat on the Batman roller coaster and he hopped a very clearly marked fence to go get it. When the ride came swooping down, a metal piece of the ride hit him in the head and killed him.

• 1:01:22Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:01:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Rumors that it had knocked his head clean off. They shut down the whole Gotham area of the park, but we were getting ready to leave anyway because it started to rain. My dad and I didn't know about the accident until we got home and my mom was freaking out because she thought one of the local church kids got decapitated. It's a tragic story, but my dad used to joke, I wonder what was going through that guy's head before he died. It's a good dad joke.

• 1:01:45Speaker 04

  Metal rod, yeah.

• 1:01:46Henry Zebrowski?

  It's a good old dad joke.

• 1:01:48Speaker 04

  I just like, I, I'm surprised that if you kick someone in the head and their head came off, not the foot?

• 1:01:56Henry Zebrowski?

  They're saying it was a metal part. It wasn't somebody's leg. There was also an incident where someone did have their legs chopped off by a roller coaster. This guy was there for the Ohio decapitation. Uh, back in the summer of 2015, I was in college and I picked up a summer job at Cedar Point in Sandusky. Uh, arguably the best amusement park in the USA. People love it. People love it. I got my ride assignment for the Raptor, an inverted roller coaster where your legs dangle. The summer went pretty smoothly, not only in about a week off, a week left before my time would come to an end and I would go back to school. Now, before a man dropped his cellphone during the ride and was very adamant about us shutting the ride down and going to look for it immediately. We don't do this.

• 1:02:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Most parks don't. The man didn't like the idea of having to wait for us to do a walk after the park closed. He jumped the fence to retrieve his cellphone. So I'm searching for the phone, the coaster came whooshing by and he was clipped by the train. And if you've ever hit a deer with your car, you can imagine splashback. Nobody in the ride was injured, but some riders were scattered with the man's blood. They shot the ride down for a few days and I spent my last week of work wondering if the next riders would come back wearing another guest's viscera. I would go back for another three summers after that. And if I can give you any advice to a normal person going into a theme park, please secure your loose items and do not jump the fence.

• 1:03:21Speaker 04

  Yes, I agree.

• 1:03:22Henry Zebrowski?

  Also, if you are a big boy, big lady, big person.

• 1:03:27Henry Zebrowski?

  We all want the ride to work for you, okay?

• 1:03:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:29Henry Zebrowski?

  But you must do some self-examination. And you must decide. Is this gonna be my final moment?

• 1:03:37Speaker 04

  Not everybody needs to do everything.

• 1:03:39Henry Zebrowski?

  Listen. When I got too big for a roller coaster.

• 1:03:44Speaker 04

  It happened to me as well.

• 1:03:45Henry Zebrowski?

  I took it as a sign. That I needed to get slightly smaller. And I say that that's a good opportunity for us all.

• 1:03:52Speaker 04

  That happened to me at Universal. It wouldn't let me on the Harry Potter ride. It happened twice.

• 1:03:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Remember Knott's Berry where we weren't allowed in the same cart?

• 1:03:59Speaker 04

  Yes, yes. That's so funny. And then I lost weight.

• 1:04:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Holden was rejected.

• 1:04:05Speaker 04

  And he's looking better.

• 1:04:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, same. All of these rejections took monumental shame and then we changed.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:14Henry Zebrowski?

  That's the key here, guys. Feel the shame and then change.

• 1:04:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, just lose the weight.

• 1:04:21Henry Zebrowski?

  That's all. But it's like, it's not even a lot of weight. Just understand, you don't want to fight to click into the thing.

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  You know what? If you are that big, it's gonna be a lot harder for you to overcome the injury.

• 1:04:32Henry Zebrowski?

  It is. Every level of it is difficult. So, and again, I'm not trying to just come up, I'm a lot of say, a lot of this.

• 1:04:39Speaker 04

  I love you big people.

• 1:04:39Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm still gonna say it's an operational error. Most of it.

• 1:04:42Speaker 04

  Fan.

• 1:04:42Henry Zebrowski?

  And that is a lot of the emails we got, because we talked about being scared about the roller coasters in some of these places. And everyone's like, obviously, yes, categorically, roller coasters are extremely safe. But it's about the, the operator error and your lack of maybe understanding that my life might be in danger.

• 1:05:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're not going after the engineers. We're going after the people fucking strapping you in.

• 1:05:05Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. So that's kind of the, that's kind of the issue is that that's the only thing, that's the only warning, but otherwise have fun.

• 1:05:12Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah. Well, this has been lovely.

• 1:05:14Henry Zebrowski?

  It really has been.

• 1:05:15Speaker 04

  It's nice to spend time with my friend.

• 1:05:16Henry Zebrowski?

  I love you. I love us.

• 1:05:20Speaker 04

  We're gonna have such a good time this weekend in Humboldt. We're gonna get our weed. I'm so excited. I just threw out last year's weed.

• 1:05:27Henry Zebrowski?

  I saw. You gotta put it out for the animals.

• 1:05:29Speaker 04

  I did. I, well, it's too late. I watched, I put it in the green bin and I saluted it as it went goodbye.

• 1:05:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Wow.

• 1:05:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know. But, uh, so we're gonna restock our, our shit this year.

• 1:05:37Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I can't wait. We're doing a full comedy show. We got Holden McNeely is.

• 1:05:42Speaker 04

  We've, we're up in it. We're bringing more show and we're not taking a check. We're giving all the money back to the Mateo Community Center and Redway, California. Uh, I'm so excited to come do the show. The costume contest is happening. I'm bringing prizes. All right? We're coming hard. I want, we should have some fun. I want to have like a real prize. I gotta figure that out, what that's gonna be. Uh, but you guys, I love this show. We do it every year. Um, this might be the one, we might take off for a couple of years after this, but. So come out if you can. Redway, California, Mateo Center, this Saturday, October 24th. The following day, Henry's going home, me, Billy, Holden, we're going to Cobb's Comedy Club, 3pm show.

• 1:06:25Speaker 04

  October 25th in San Francisco. It is early. Holden's hosting.

• 1:06:30Henry Zebrowski?

  It's so early.

• 1:06:31Speaker 04

  He's like, I gotta, I gotta character, Dr. Big Cock. I don't know what's gonna happen.

• 1:06:35Henry Zebrowski?

  He was, I know, it's for the Halloween show. It's something.

• 1:06:38Speaker 04

  I don't know what's gonna happen. You guys.

• 1:06:40Henry Zebrowski?

  It's called Captain Cock or Captain Calm and the SS Balls.

• 1:06:43Speaker 04

  Regretting this decision, but y'all are gonna see it and I will not stifle his art.

• 1:06:49Henry Zebrowski?

  No, no, that's not what we're in the business of here.

• 1:06:52Speaker 04

  Yeah. So, uh, November 14th, um, Henry and I are gonna go to Portland. It's sold out. Uh, November 15th, Burlington, Vermont, low tickets. If you want to go to that show, it's gonna sell out. Go now. Uh, December 3rd, the Ice House, Henry's hosting, Ed Larson and Friends. Billy Wayne Davis again, Carmen Legala and Pat Barker. It's gonna be a fucking blast at the Ice House. I've always wanted to perform there. It's a bucket list show for me. I'm gonna do a big fat set at the end. It's gonna be a lot of fun. So come and hang out there. Uh, December 11th, Iowa City, lots of tickets left. We fucked up and booked way too big of a venue. So please come to the show. It's seat 666. I think that's why we picked it, just out of the irony of it, but.

• 1:07:35Speaker 04

  So come, it's way too big of a venue for us. So come, we're gonna have some fun. We'll, we'll make it worth it for you guys. And then Columbia, Missouri, the following night on December 12th, almost sold out. So make sure you go to that. And the following night, Henry's going home, but I'm gonna go to the Helium Comedy Club with my buddy Logan Metz. The piano player from Promise of the Real. He's been on tour with Neil Young and Willie Nelson. He's unbelievable thing to see. Uh, we're gonna be at the Helium in St. Louis on December 13th. And then, uh, going forward, I got Nashville, Rochester, Albany, uh, got some Florida stuff I'm gonna book soon. I got, I'm always putting out new shows. Let me know where you live and I'll come fucking perform with you whenever I can.

• 1:08:14Henry Zebrowski?

  He will do a show at your house.

• 1:08:16Speaker 04

  I really just.

• 1:08:17Henry Zebrowski?

  He'll just come and do it right at your house.

• 1:08:19Speaker 04

  I'm kind of addicted right now. So please, and I think, uh, honestly, my, my hour is, uh, better than it's ever been.

• 1:08:24Henry Zebrowski?

  It's really very good.

• 1:08:25Speaker 04

  So, uh, please come and, uh, check us out. It's, uh, I'm having a blast these days. Shout out to everyone who came out in Denver. Those fucking shows were awesome.

• 1:08:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I love Denver.

• 1:08:33Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. Um, what else is going on? Anything else? Uh, YouTube pages.

• 1:08:37Henry Zebrowski?

  Go to YouTube pages, go to Patreon.com, those last guys on the left.

• 1:08:40Speaker 04

  I'm on No Dogs tomorrow.

• 1:08:42Henry Zebrowski?

  It's great. Yeah, our No Dogs tomorrow, which will be awesome.

• 1:08:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, we have a nice conversation. I interview, uh, Marcus and Carolina. So that's gonna be a blast. Check out No Dogs in Space tomorrow.

• 1:08:50Henry Zebrowski?

  Fun.

• 1:08:50Speaker 04

  And then Carolina is gonna be on Brighter Side this week. So lots of, uh, me and Carolina for you guys.

• 1:08:56Henry Zebrowski?

  It's fun. All right. Well, fuck yeah, Eddie.

• 1:08:58Speaker 04

  And, uh, we, oh, we got a special Halloween stream next week.

• 1:09:01Henry Zebrowski?

  We have a brand new, big, ridiculous Halloween stream. It's gonna be Last Stream on the Left on the 27th.

• 1:09:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:10Henry Zebrowski?

  So it's 5pm PSD. So come check it out. And then if you are a part of After Dark.

• 1:09:14Speaker 04

  The Patreon subscribers.

• 1:09:16Henry Zebrowski?

  We're gonna be doing a little party after that. So come and check it out and we will see you out on the ice. Hail, sweet sake.

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  Check your breasts.

• 1:09:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Check your breasts.

• 1:09:26Speaker 04

  Check your breasts.

• 1:09:27Henry Zebrowski?

  Let somebody else check your breasts.

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, let someone else check your breasts. Oh, yeah. Uh, hail, uh, David Attenborough. I thought he was gonna die. Blue Planet 3. He's the narrator. He ain't going nowhere. He ain't going nowhere. I've never been so happy to have been wrong about something.

• 1:09:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Booked and busy.

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• 1:10:18Henry Zebrowski?

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• 1:10:59Henry Zebrowski?

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