"ChuckleHut 3000 On The Corner Of Butt And Ass" (w/ Sarah Sherman)

There's a tonnage of laughter on this one as Sarah Sherman is back! Her special, Live + In The Flesh is streaming on HBO Max, so the child has popped by a get blackout drunk on about four sips of Martini and get through almost a whole a hand of topics. You will have several Big Osaka Laughs and be Sent Boots as a result of your listening experience. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:52Speaker 01

  We've been talking about QP mayo for a minute now, and wow, so many of you already love this stuff.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  And if you're thinking, wait, what is QP? Do you not have the internet? It's the OG Japanese mayonnaise, the one with the red cap.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  What makes it different? Egg yolks. QP is made with egg yolks only, giving it this rich, umami flavor that elevates everything.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  Chefs use it, restaurants use it, where chefs work, of course. Food and flavor lovers use it.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  You haven't tried it yet? Well, find the red cap and see what everyone's talking about, why don't you? QP, the original Japanese mayonnaise. QP.

• 1:32Speaker 03

  Look, man. Where? Oh, I see. Wow. Oh, and look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Las Culturistas.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling. Familia Pizza is back.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Remember the Familia Pizza on 8th Street?

• 1:51Speaker 01

  It's painful to remember it. I guess that's what nostalgia is, right? Looking back in sort of pain, remembrance, and more. There's so many examples of that in that area of New York.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  I don't go down there that much.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  So you don't miss the Vapiano like I do?

• 2:06Speaker 02

  Well, there's Vapiano in all over Europe.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  And I think parts of Japan.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  You were just in Japan.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  You were just in Japan. Our, our guest was not.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  She was invited.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Well, immediately when I saw the guest, I was like, have you ever been to Japan?

• 2:23Speaker 02

  And it's the most.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  She collapsed into a puddle on the ground. I was like, I have FOMO. And I was like, I'm just letting you know. That's for good reason, because you would have thrived and more there.

• 2:33Speaker 04

  Am I allowed to speak?

• 2:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  If you speak, you can speak.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  If you speak.

• 2:37Speaker 02

  If you speak.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Turn on if I speak.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  That's.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  Cause can I say one of the great expressions is if I speak.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  Would you like to say something?

• 2:47Speaker 04

  I would like to say something.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  Okay, why don't we just bring her in?

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Uh, you can watch her HBO special, her truly artful, I would call it a masterpiece.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  Superlative.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  It's Pee Wee Cronenberg, which I want to talk about with you.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Pee Wee Cronenberg is a frontrunner for title of that.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  It's Fran Drescher, it's Borst Belt, it's everything that is good about the world and comedy and art. And that is what I put into this person. I guess you can watch her on Saturday Night Live as well.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  And where she, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This is, this is my impression of, of our guest, um, in this most recent episode.

• 3:25Speaker 04

  Taizen, I have filled my.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  That was good. I would love to walk through the accent there.

• 3:32Speaker 04

  I was coached.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  You were coached. Everyone. She's my coach in life. Everyone, welcome. Sarah Sherman.

• 3:39Speaker 04

  Coach. Get off the bench, girl, and get on the field.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  Get on the field, girl.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  You've been called in. What do you want to say?

• 3:45Speaker 04

  I want to say something. I, as, as Jew, as someone who's speaking of the experience of having been a Jewish person.

• 3:53Speaker 02

  Having been.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  Having been the experience of being a Jewish person.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  Experience of speaking from the experience of Jewish. I have never really been anywhere that wasn't like for work.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 4:06Speaker 04

  Like, where have I ever gone that wasn't like, I have a show.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  You've been on vacation.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  You've not done like a big trip?

• 4:14Speaker 04

  When was my trip? When would my trip have been?

• 4:17Speaker 01

  I guess this is when your trip would have been.

• 4:18Speaker 04

  This is what my trip would have been. Literally, unless I'm doing a show at like the Chuckle Hut 3000 on like the corner of like Button Ass, I'm not going there.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Chuckle Hut 3000 on the corner of Button Ass.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  That's the title of that.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  You know what we were talking about, actually? When we were there, we were talking about how Osaka is actually the comedy city. And the difference between, we were talking about the difference between, or our tour guide was saying,

• 4:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  The difference between a laugh in Kyoto and a laugh in Osaka is this. In Kyoto, they're like, hmm, that's funny, zomior. And Osaka, they do what's called a big Osaka laugh, like this.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  And I said, that's your city.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  You are Osaka down.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  I've started to get like really self-conscious at table read with my head thrown back in laughter cackle because now that I don't have my sister across the table.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Cause he's a big one.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  Well, no one's matching my volume, I realize.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Well, you and I were matching volume, which you're welcome, table.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  You're welcome, table.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  We were always supporting.

• 5:26Speaker 04

  And it's not performative.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  It's not performative.

• 5:30Speaker 04

  I worry people think it's performative now that I'm alone in the castle laughing.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  So they've already forgotten Bowen.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  Colin texted me week one at post hiatus, he was like, whoa, table was really weird without you.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  It's really weird.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  You do have like a big energy, a voice. And one of the things I love most about you is you're not shy.

• 5:54Speaker 04

  It makes me feel good.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  It's not, you're not shy at all about sharing your laughter. Your big Bowen Yang.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Osaka.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  Bello. Big Osaka laugh.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  Big Osaka laugh.

• 6:03Speaker 04

  And when you did it, you went, ha, ha, ha, ha.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was sort of giving like.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  Habanagila.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  Like victorious, you say habanagila, I say victorious villain.

• 6:16Speaker 04

  Ah. It's really made me, why do I throw my head back?

• 6:20Speaker 02

  And cackle.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  It's easier to open your mouth that way. Try doing it like this.

• 6:24Speaker 04

  Girl, don't give them any idea.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  It's way harder, way harder to open your mouth with your chin on your neck. It's actually a little culture number nine. Way harder to open your mouth with your chin on your neck.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  Well, I'm trying to think about sucking somebody off like this.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Sarah.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Who's your favorite laugh among your friends?

• 6:38Speaker 04

  I was gonna say, who's your favorite person to suck off?

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Dan?

• 6:42Speaker 04

  You are my favorite laugh and I'm gonna say why and this is about me and making it about myself. Alright, no. I was, the greatest catharsis of my life was provided to me by one Mr. Bowen Osaka Yang. When I'm like, literally five seconds before my HBO comedy special premiere. I'm going, the fu- why would I do this? I'm like, why would I get 200 people in a room?

• 7:08Speaker 01

  I know, I know.

• 7:08Speaker 04

  To watch our stand-up comedy special? Just to see like 200 people not laugh and it's just me? You know, whatever. So, and you know famously, I have maybe one martini and I'm blackout to the stars. I was actually wondering if we should get blackout for this, nevermind.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:27Speaker 04

  But, yeah, no, sure.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  And we could probably get something in here.

• 7:30Speaker 04

  Guys, no.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Let's get some martinis delivered.

• 7:33Speaker 04

  I had, I like-

• 7:34Speaker 01

  There is champagne like around.

• 7:36Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Is not, let's do it.

• 7:38Speaker 04

  No, here's my problem, wha- no, we can't.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  Olives.

• 7:42Speaker 04

  We can't because last night I was taken down by a grain of salt.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  Let's, let, let, let's get them, let's, let's get them in.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Let's get them in.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  No worries about, fly them in whenever, open the door, I don't care. Thank you guys, love you.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  You, this actually, this is, this is true dedication and honestly, I believe that they're gonna come through.

• 7:58Speaker 04

  I know.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Can I say, peek behind the curtain, Ina comes through so hard. You may know her at home as the woman who, she, she's, she's a huge power player here.

• 8:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  She ran in during the Ariana Grande episode because I believe your shoulder was an Ariana shot. And she said, she said, I don't care what's happening, I'm running in there because we have something to fix. Fixed it. And we're grateful for it.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  Well, thank God somebody's a professional.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  So she's getting martinis in here.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Thank God someone's a professional.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  Well, I was gonna tell you when you were like, what do you want to talk about today? I was like, I have something really big to tell you.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  What is it?

• 8:29Speaker 04

  I was realizing that my constitution is so sensitive that I literally was psychically taken down last night by a grain of salt.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  What are you talking about? And when I say talk about this point, I mean, explain it in a way that anyone can understand. What is it?

• 8:50Speaker 04

  No one knows this. If I have like, if my lips like resting against a martini glass, I'm 89 and she's like.

• 8:59Speaker 01

  To the wind.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  89?

• 9:01Speaker 04

  The wind. It's like, it's like Twister.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  It's like the cow getting picked up by the.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Has it always been like that or is this something in, I'll say it, our approaching middle age?

• 9:13Speaker 04

  We couldn't possibly be. We're old as, we're old as Father Todd.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  How old are you? Do you share that information?

• 9:20Speaker 04

  Yes, I do.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  32.

• 9:22Speaker 04

  But not a day over 26.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  You're three years younger than us.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  You're still young.

• 9:26Speaker 04

  But doesn't it, can someone tell me, can someone tell me I don't look a day over 28?

• 9:31Speaker 01

  You look, you are ageless and timeless.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  You don't want to tell her?

• 9:36Speaker 04

  I, I.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  She wants to hear that she looks young.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 9:40Speaker 04

  I won't open my eyes until someone says I look good.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  You just played Jane in a Tarzan sketch.

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Tarzan.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  One of the youngest girls.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  You looked amazing in that little, in that little drag.

• 9:51Speaker 04

  Where was my waist? Couldn't find it.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  You looked amazing.

• 9:56Speaker 04

  I, you know, that was like.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  A fight.

• 10:01Speaker 04

  It was like Sarah had to go to Sarah acting school for that.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 10:08Speaker 01

  Tarzan.

• 10:10Speaker 04

  They literally, they wrote a joke in the sketch that was like, what part of?

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Your accent's bad. He's so straight at one point like.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Oh, right, right. Your accent's bad.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  I'm like, in front of your accent.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  You know, what part of England are you from? Long Island? And I go, well, egg on everyone's face, I'm going to an accent coach. And I went, and she went, you're struggling with your O sounds.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  I'm struggling with my O sound.

• 10:35Speaker 04

  Tarzan, Tarzan. Cause at table I was like, Tarzan, Tarzan dinner's ready.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  When it doesn't come out of the mouth.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  You were down at the rodeo first.

• 10:45Speaker 04

  Damn, I, fuck.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  What were you gonna say? A grain of salt took you down.

• 10:50Speaker 04

  Can we get back to Tazan, Tazan?

• 10:51Speaker 02

  You wanna go back to Tazan, Tazan? Do you wanna go to grain of salt?

• 10:54Speaker 04

  Let me go to grain of salt, 'cause I, wait, let me go.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Let's close this thread.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  Just so everyone knows, the last time Sarah was here, which was about a year ago, the day of Trump's second inauguration.

• 11:04Speaker 04

  It was the day of my daughter's wedding.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  The day of my daughter's wedding was one of the happiest days of my life somehow because you were there. And because, and our listeners have described that episode as only a series of thought starters. We've never finished a single loop that was opened.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  You know what, and I'm gonna out him right now, Jack Bensinger.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Love.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  Daughter of the pod. I can just say stuff.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  Daughter of the pod. Daughter of the pod.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  We need Jack Bensinger on the show, dad.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  I don't think we've ever met.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  The best angel.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Would we have a good timeline?

• 11:36Speaker 04

  Believe it or believe it.

• 11:37Speaker 01

  Okay, great.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  You know what I was thinking? Cause the song Illegal by Pink Panthers came on and I, and I thought of you too. Because, because.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  Is that your jam?

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Because me, Sarah and Jack were writing a sketch once and then we kept pitching jokes that we were like, is this okay to say? And then Jack led the charge by always going, it feels illegal, hey, ooh.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  By the way, since you've gone, my laugh percentage has, has dropped.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  What do you mean your laugh percentage? Like that you receive?

• 12:03Speaker 04

  Like laughs per minute, what's it, what's baseball terms? My, my laughs per minute?

• 12:08Speaker 01

  I guess it would be batting average.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Batting average of laughing.

• 12:11Speaker 04

  I'm just, I'm laughing less.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Can I ask you a question? Do you follow baseball?

• 12:16Speaker 04

  Why are you accusing me of something like that?

• 12:18Speaker 01

  I wanna, I wanna ask.

• 12:19Speaker 04

  Because I wear hats sometimes.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Sarah, don't make this confrontational. I'm just, I'm just, I'm, I'm putting a thought starter out there. If you, if you, like, just ask, do you watch baseball? Do you follow it? Do you know what a good batting average is?

• 12:31Speaker 04

  Well, no, so this is what I didn't understand.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 12:34Speaker 04

  Cause it's like if I'm batting a hundred, that's bad, even though it sounds good?

• 12:38Speaker 01

  Well, what you wanna do is bat a thousand. If you're batting a thousand, it would mean you never didn't get a hit. And you wanna know what a good average is? Like anything over three hundred is like a good average. So, baseball players, if they get one hit out of every three at bats, they're considered an incredible hitter.

• 12:55Speaker 04

  Oh, so I'm amazing at SNL.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  Exactly, that's why I wanted to say that.

• 13:00Speaker 04

  Title of that, exactly, that's why I wanted to say that.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Exactly, that's why I wanted to say that.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Amazing at SNL title of it.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  Three things, you're, you're, Jack, hold on, you're laughing less?

• 13:11Speaker 02

  Uh, grain of salt took you down?

• 13:13Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. We have to talk about the special, which is then I can special watching you catharsis.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 13:19Speaker 04

  Grain of salt, constitution, and then which brings us all the way back to Tarzan.

• 13:23Speaker 01

  And I have to add, you also wanted to talk about how you watched Justin Bieber's Grammy's performance three times.

• 13:28Speaker 04

  Right.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  But not the rest of the Grammys.

• 13:31Speaker 04

  Right. Because there's something there. Oh, and this is connected to grain of salt.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  Great.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  So basically last night-

• 13:37Speaker 01

  We have a whole hand of topics.

• 13:38Speaker 04

  Right. So as I was saying, Mo knows that if alcohol touches my lips for 1.4 or 5 seconds, I'm like medically incapacitating, can't move.

• 13:47Speaker 01

  You know this?

• 13:47Speaker 02

  I do.

• 13:48Speaker 04

  And so something now I, so last night I ate a burrito and I've realized that I can be completely overpowered psychically by too much salt.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. People don't realize this.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  This is-

• 14:03Speaker 01

  No, this is a real thing. Salt will get you.

• 14:06Speaker 04

  What?

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Have you heard of Greta's party chips giving?

• 14:09Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:10Speaker 04

  So I ate this really salty burrito, fabulous burrito.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Where, from?

• 14:15Speaker 02

  Doesn't matter.

• 14:15Speaker 04

  Right.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Keep going, I'm sorry.

• 14:16Speaker 04

  I just don't know how much I want to take them down because I'm gonna keep doing this thing.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  We don't want to let them know where Sarah gets her burritos because then she'll get mobbed. Then, then the place will become too popular.

• 14:26Speaker 04

  I just think that they do a fabulous job and I don't want them to think just because I was taken down by a burrito, it's not, I'm doing, I'm not doing a negative.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  Right, right, right.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  Forget I asked.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  I had a salty burrito with some chips. I'm not kidding. The salt took over my mind completely.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  It was Cortisone?

• 14:50Speaker 04

  Yes, yes.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  It was Last of Us?

• 14:52Speaker 04

  I was experiencing like salt psychosis.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  You started a hive mind with the salt. It was like Pluribus.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  It was Pluribus. But wait, describe what's happened next.

• 15:06Speaker 04

  I was like, I was so like salted out and I was like.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Salted out?

• 15:14Speaker 02

  What are you, what are you, what does this mean? What are you experiencing? What are the thoughts?

• 15:17Speaker 04

  So like.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Did you have, go into like a diabetic shock? Like, what was it?

• 15:21Speaker 04

  My whole body gets swollen. You know when you're like really bloated and swollen?

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:27Speaker 04

  And so then I was like, I ate this like huge burrito. I was exhausted. So I go to, I was like, go to lie down to pass out. Had a big day today. Might as well get, get my sleep.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:39Speaker 04

  And I was so dehydrated to the marrow that I couldn't like fall asleep. And so I was so tired from this giant burrito and I was.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  I was like, I, I was like the, I was like, I was literally like.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  The crypt keeper.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  But so tired, couldn't keep my eyes open and like, and, and there was just like a, it was a, that, does that make sense? The kind of psychosis? And I could feel the salt like in my blood and skin.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  Have you ever seen the movie Seven?

• 16:10Speaker 04

  No.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  You, you haven't seen that movie?

• 16:14Speaker 04

  You know what's interesting? Many movies I haven't seen.

• 16:16Speaker 01

  There's a part in it where like they, they find like a dead body in a room and like, it's like, it's like a decomposed body. And all of a sudden it just goes. And it comes to life and I was, cause it's, it's been kept alive. The crew knows because all these, all these dudes. These are dudes that have seen the film Seven, all of them. Like, I gotta tell you, like our crew, you can't see them. They've all seen Seven. And that's how I would best describe them. They've seen, they love David Fincher's films.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  Well, I didn't want to see, wait, is it Night of the Living Dead? I'm gonna mess this up. It's one of those, there's like a, there's a completely dehydrated corpse that goes, just kill me.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  So basically that was what it was doing. It's like, it's like coming to life, but like begging for death. And I think it does die, but that is how I pictured you after your burrito.

• 16:57Speaker 04

  No, wait, I was literally rocking back and forth going like.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Begging for death.

• 17:04Speaker 04

  And sleep and just be like.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  I have to do last call.

• 17:08Speaker 04

  And I don't want to drink too much water because then how can you sleep when you have to pee?

• 17:11Speaker 02

  No, of course, of course.

• 17:13Speaker 04

  So then I was like, ah, just take out my phone. Of course, I'm only human. Take out my phone. What is the first thing that's shown to me on phone? Justin Bieber in his underwear saying, and I don't know.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  It brought you to life.

• 17:29Speaker 04

  I hysterically sobbing uncontrollably.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  It was a great performance.

• 17:35Speaker 04

  And I just felt really moved by it.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:38Speaker 04

  And I, I don't know. I feel like there, we've seen him since child.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:43Speaker 04

  And a lot has gone on with him. And I go, at the end of the day, you can't take away talent.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  No, you cannot.

• 17:49Speaker 04

  That's talent. That's talent.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  He was literally stripped everything away and he just gave us Yukon.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  And you know what's funny? Like we were, we were like, oh, Melissa and I were like futzing around the apartment being like, oh yeah, he's probably going to come out and do Yukon. And then he did.

• 18:07Speaker 04

  Amazing when you do it.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  It's a great song.

• 18:12Speaker 04

  Jimmy Neutron.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, the words Jimmy Neutron, like making an appearance there.

• 18:17Speaker 04

  You did do it.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  I didn't, girl.

• 18:19Speaker 04

  You 100% did, girl.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Okay. And then.

• 18:21Speaker 04

  Oh, so I'm just realizing like I can have, I can blackout from a martini. I can also salt out from a small chip and burrito.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  Well, we're gonna see what happens today.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  The burrito?

• 18:31Speaker 04

  Well, then I, it was just, it's just salt tonnage can send you into psych. And, and, and I find that a very suggestive music.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  You're so, this is, the word tonnage, by the way, is very SNL.

• 18:43Speaker 04

  Oh, it is.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  We've got a tonnage of dark humor in the show.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  Right. It's like, it's like the producers were like, so there's, um, there's, there's a lot of like boob tonnage. Like a lot of people wrote sketches.

• 18:52Speaker 04

  Honey, I know.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Honey, I know.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  Carrying these things around for days.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  I've got boob ounces.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  For days.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  For days.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  I've been carrying these things around for days. Like she got new tits and came to, to do work that week.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  You've worn a breastplate.

• 19:04Speaker 04

  And I have liked what I've seen.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  I'll take you at any size. You're one of the most beautiful women to ever live. Do you understand?

• 19:14Speaker 04

  This is up for debate.

• 19:16Speaker 02

  No.

• 19:17Speaker 01

  The fact that it's even up for debate is huge, by the way. So many people's beauty is not being debated. It's either like, yeah, we see it, or it's like, no, it's not being debated. To be in the conversation, girl, take the win.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  I said to a room full of men, do I look 28? And everyone literally looked at their phone like, I'm just getting a call.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, because at that point, we hadn't brought up David Fincher's filmography yet. They weren't activated. Now they know they're safe here, they're excited.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  What do we think? 27?

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Took 27. 24.

• 19:46Speaker 04

  I'm gonna close my eyes. That's my new thing.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  I'm just gonna close my eyes. Is that how you're difficult at SNL? When a sketch comes in you don't like? I'm just gonna close my eyes.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  You're the least difficult.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  No, I did a diva move.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  What was your diva move? Today? We're not at work. You're not at work.

• 20:05Speaker 04

  I went. I, what I, I interpret as like, acting Jewishly, I think can often be interpreted as like, being difficult. Cause I'm just saying what I'm thinking, just to be Jewish.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  You externalize, and then people think, oh, they're yelling at me. And meanwhile, you're just like, I'm the same way. Are you working it out?

• 20:24Speaker 04

  Right, I'm working it out.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you were working it out.

• 20:26Speaker 04

  I was working out in the remix. They were like, I was, listen, am I on time every single day of my life? 100%.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  Well, who is? Oh, I mean, yeah.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  You were, you were punctual.

• 20:38Speaker 04

  I'm supportive so bad.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  No matter what you say, I'm gonna be like,

• 20:43Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Literally? Yes.

• 20:46Speaker 04

  You know what I think about every day? Put your weapons down, no.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  Put your, put your weapons down.

• 20:55Speaker 04

  I was, I'm really letting peek behind the actors.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll share diva moment with you.

• 21:01Speaker 04

  I,

• 21:01Speaker 02

  With the group.

• 21:02Speaker 04

  I was having a bad day. And I go, you know what I deserve? The most expensive smoothie I can find.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:09Speaker 04

  I want someone to Google this smoothie. It has ingredients no one's ever seen before.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 21:14Speaker 04

  I just wanted to go.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  What's the smoothie?

• 21:15Speaker 04

  It's, I can't even say it out. See, I can't.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Oh, you can't, okay, I see, I see.

• 21:20Speaker 04

  It's just, it's embarrassing.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Is it named after a starlet?

• 21:23Speaker 04

  It's named after a large amount of money. The, the name of the smoothie is like, ha, it's expensive.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  Okay, because I, because I thought similar to Justin Bieber, I thought you were talking about the Hailey Bieber smoothie, which I get frequently in LA.

• 21:37Speaker 04

  Which is just a jizzy milkshake, by the way.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  Yummy.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  It's got collagen in it.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  It's got collagen in it.

• 21:43Speaker 04

  No, they're not.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  No, they are, they are.

• 21:44Speaker 02

  We got sent a sample.

• 21:46Speaker 04

  Oh, me going through it like a whale filter feeding.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  My splurge is, is that smoothie.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  Is it good food for you or is it a milkshake?

• 21:54Speaker 02

  Doesn't matter. It's a really good shake.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  There's collagen in it.

• 21:56Speaker 04

  I don't like when they do the jizz on the side. They do the commie splashes on the side. Don't shiver.

• 22:01Speaker 02

  Commie, commie is in. I was saying, I was saying Cool Ranch chips taste commie. They've, it's, commie has always been around.

• 22:10Speaker 04

  I get feet from Cool Ranch. I get stinky feet.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Oh, interesting.

• 22:13Speaker 04

  Interesting. It's kind of like a cilantro soap. You either get like come or feet.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  Come or feet. Now, uh, you got the smoothie.

• 22:21Speaker 04

  Right. I go, I deserve this. Seriously, I deserve this. It's the craziest, it's got, it has rice and coconut meat and MCT oil in it.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  So who did you treat in a diva way to get this?

• 22:32Speaker 04

  I go, and I buy it myself. I go, I deserve it. So thick, you can't even sip it with a straw. You have to eat it with a spoon.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  So I deserve. They go, Sarah, actually the schedule has changed. You need to leave the building now and go do this, go do a pre-tape.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Right.

• 22:49Speaker 04

  And I said, hey y'all. I'm like, I'm going, my smoothie's eight minutes away.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Let's wait. Let's, give me eight minutes.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  And did it come on time?

• 22:58Speaker 04

  They go, you gotta go right now.

• 23:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  I go, hey, hey, hey, hey.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 23:03Speaker 04

  I literally kind of went, guy, like, guys, seriously, guys, give me eight minutes. It's gonna be here in eight, I'm showing you on the map.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  That's reasonable. This is not diva behavior.

• 23:12Speaker 04

  This is my, this is my one meal break. The schedule has been changed unbeknownst to me and I, no.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  That's, that's totally fair.

• 23:18Speaker 04

  And I went, hey, like, I raised my voice. And I went, guys.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  Guys, guys.

• 23:25Speaker 04

  Please. And I kind of went like, please, let me wait for the smoothie, please. And they went, we'll have someone take the smoothie there. And I go, I don't be kind of warm.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Okay, so what happened? How did this wrap up?

• 23:40Speaker 04

  And then I relented.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  You relented?

• 23:44Speaker 04

  And they brought me my warm smoothie.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Was it not what you wanted?

• 23:48Speaker 04

  Basically like, so then it came at that eight minute mark, but I was already uptown. And then they then had a intern had to bring me the smoothie.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Oh, see, and that sucks.

• 24:00Speaker 04

  And I went, guys, it's warm and coming now.

• 24:04Speaker 04

  And then they had to get me another smoothie. And I was like, can I just get, I go, I paid for that with my own money.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  And can I ask, when you got there, was it like, oh, thank God we rushed because we're starting right away?

• 24:15Speaker 04

  No, do you think that's what happened?

• 24:18Speaker 01

  No, not at all. Can I say, it was redundant, it was rhetorical.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  It was redundant rhetorical.

• 24:24Speaker 04

  I got the warm smoothie and they're like, we'll get you another smoothie. They ordered me another smoothie.

• 24:29Speaker 04

  I have to go back to the studio before the other smoothie gets there.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  So at this point, how much money has been spent? $15,000?

• 24:40Speaker 04

  $15,000?

• 24:41Speaker 01

  A community college tuition?

• 24:43Speaker 04

  Whole paycheck.

• 24:45Speaker 02

  Do you want?

• 24:46Speaker 04

  Skip the Whole Foods joke.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  Do you want, is it fair if I share my TV moment, which I pulled my last week?

• 24:52Speaker 04

  You.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  I told you this.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  Did I witness it with my eyes?

• 24:56Speaker 02

  You didn't witness it.

• 24:56Speaker 01

  Careful, here comes the press.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  I told you about it.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Here comes the press.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  I told you about it.

• 25:00Speaker 04

  Tarzan, Tarzan.

• 25:01Speaker 02

  Tarzan.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  Hot off the press.

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Your bees, what was it, your bugs and what was it?

• 25:06Speaker 04

  Dinner's ready, I made your favorite, bugs with mud sauce.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  See, really good.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Vowels were incredible.

• 25:13Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  Bugs with mud sauce. Thank you, Po.

• 25:21Speaker 02

  This ad is sponsored by Vive Healthcare. Time for some prep wisdom.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  But first, some common sense, people. Everyone is different, every one, yes, even you. Yes, even your situationship.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  Especially your situationship. And just like people, injectable prep options, not all the same.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  That's why you need to talk to your doctor and know what to ask. So here's some prep wisdom.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  Did you know there's more to consider about long acting injectable prep options than how? Often you get it. Also, why you want to take it matters. Your lifestyle matters, your routine, your chaos level, your I might forget my own birthday energy. All of it counts.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  Basically, talk to your doctor. Have the conversation, ask the questions, be a little nosy about your own health. It's allowed, encouraged even. Okay, did you write all that down?

• 26:04Speaker 02

  No?

• 26:05Speaker 01

  Don't worry.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  Just head to getprepwisdom.com to learn what to ask your doctor. That's getprepwisdom.com.

• 26:12Speaker 05

  Hey, it's Nile Rodgers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by Miguel.

• 26:30Speaker 06

  My small experience with the discrepancy in the business of music made me angry in the best way. And I wanted to, I wanted to finish. So I started really like leaning into my therapy, trying to get down to like, what matters now. Somewhere Miguelito felt like he didn't have a place to say how he felt. And music was the place that I went to, to say how I felt.

• 26:53Speaker 05

  Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeartRadio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 27:02Speaker 07

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• 27:42Speaker 02

  So I was on the set of the Home Alone sketch.

• 27:46Speaker 04

  Oh, I didn't witness this. Oh, I'm locked.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  And I was, um, I was in my costume for, I want to say like, just in like, uh, in my wig and like the glasses and stuff. And it's like, not comfortable.

• 27:59Speaker 04

  No.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  And so I'm in that costume.

• 28:01Speaker 04

  I went right up the grunge.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Yes. Oh, I had suspenders. And so I, I get there like 8 a.m. and then it's like 6 p.m.

• 28:09Speaker 04

  That's...

• 28:10Speaker 02

  And like they, they still haven't like called me and I think I've been needed and like I need, and like my, my studio call time's getting pushed and whatever. And I was just antsy and I was just like, obviously like emotional because it was my last week. Um, it's Friday, the day before the last show.

• 28:25Speaker 04

  That is crazy.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  And I just logistically had shit to do. I had like thank you gifts, I had cards, like I like, I was like writing, I was just like getting over everything together.

• 28:30Speaker 04

  I got a really good thank you.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  And then it was just so egregious that like, uh, our wonderful, wonderful free tape producer, Dina.

• 28:41Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  Comes in to like check in on me and apologize. And I go, Dina, I love you.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  Guys, seriously?

• 28:48Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. This is why I did. I was like, I've never ever done this before and I don't think I ever will again.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  They have three takes. And that was it.

• 28:57Speaker 04

  Hee.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  I was like, they have three takes and I'm out.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  I mean, and also it's like, if, if you have to, if you have to do it more than three takes.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  You.

• 29:06Speaker 04

  No, that, three, psh, three, that's a magic lucky number, three takes.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  Honey.

• 29:10Speaker 04

  That, you know what? That's not bad.

• 29:13Speaker 02

  It's not bad, but it was like, I was like, I, I'm being a bitch, but like this is, this is what has to happen.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  This is what has to happen.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Cause, cause, cause things are, are needing to, to be done.

• 29:22Speaker 04

  And what diva moment have you had?

• 29:24Speaker 01

  I'm kind of sweetheart. I'm kind of America's sweetheart. I'm, as everyone knows.

• 29:29Speaker 04

  I'm gonna get you this smoothie right now. I'm gonna put it in the microwave. So it's the boiling hot temperature that I drink it at. I'm gonna let it sit for 48 to 63 minutes. I'm gonna let you have two sips of it and then I'm gonna take it away. I'm gonna say, how would you behave?

• 29:43Speaker 01

  Okay, fine. I'll, I will share. I will share. When I have diva moments, it's when something is happening that is, that is patently ridiculous and I'm on a Zoom. Because like, like on a Zoom, it's like, it can get away from you.

• 29:58Speaker 04

  Right.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Cause like, you're talking and then all of a sudden like, people are like, receiving it on the Zoom and like, you're, you're kind of keep going.

• 30:05Speaker 04

  You're like, well, I'm in a simulation, so anything I say is just gonna like.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. It doesn't feel real. But like, no, and then I'm like, oh God. And then I, I, there's, I've gotten off maybe like, two or three Zooms in my like, career and been like, oh, I don't like the way I acted. And I'll text our manager. And I'll be like, was that crazy? And our manager will just go, it was strong.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  It was strong. It was strong. But here's the thing.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  But I would never be that way if it wasn't like.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  Sometimes you're pushed into a position where you have to, you must be strong.

• 30:36Speaker 01

  It's like, I experienced some of it like when I was working on one project where it was just like, oh, okay. It's become clear to me that because everyone hates their job.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  They're not excited about doing it.

• 30:49Speaker 04

  Sure, sure.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  And I was like, okay, listen, I understand that, that that's the reality, but like, I mean, probably anyone can, can understand this. Like when you go to work and people don't feel valued at their job, or they don't feel paid enough, or they don't feel good, the entire atmosphere suffers. That was like something about Tokyo that I really loved. It was like, everyone was just like.

• 31:12Speaker 04

  Had health insurance and was happy.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, they were in service of what they were doing and they were all like, passionate enough about what they were doing because they're passionate about, they're all just like passionate about what they do, whatever. So when, cause that's not the case in America. I feel like a lot of workplaces are miserable.

• 31:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  And it, it, it, you know, it's contagious. And then you come in there being like, hey, I'm excited about this.

• 31:35Speaker 04

  Right.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  And you're met with like, dead energy and that's frustrating.

• 31:40Speaker 04

  Right.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Because we'd at least like to try and enjoy our lives.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  At the ba, the base of like much of the misery we're talking about is like at the core of the American enterprise, there's a rot.

• 31:52Speaker 01

  So any. Say more.

• 31:54Speaker 04

  Anytime we have bad behavior at work, it's because there's the, there's the poltergeist energy that we've, we've built this country on.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  The poltergeist energy being like, material things are not being met on like, on like, on like a baseline level.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  People are struggling universally and I didn't get a meal break and my, my smoothie was eight minutes away. And then sometimes you're gonna be expressing yourself.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  You're gonna be, you're gonna be strong. You're gonna be having to be strong. Having been.

• 32:28Speaker 04

  But that's the problem, like, having been, if I was like, a little more famous, I think it would be like fabulous. But it's kind of just like.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  Who the fuck are you?

• 32:38Speaker 04

  This woman.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  What's this crazy person?

• 32:41Speaker 04

  There's a woman acting strangely strongly.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  You had the number two special on HBO.

• 32:48Speaker 04

  No, I was, let's be frank.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  The number two movie.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  Kevin's crazy, let's be frank.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  Oh my god. How did that happen? And you put it in, in coops? This is crazy. What, what alcohol is this? Do you guys just have a stash? Tea, perfect.

• 33:05Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 33:06Speaker 04

  Where'd you get the olives?

• 33:07Speaker 01

  This is crazy. And they have these cute little napkins.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  Eena, thank you so much. Thank you.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  This is incredible.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  Oh my god, they have Sephora napkins.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  Thank you so much.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Sephora napkins.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  Well, yours is full.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Cheers.

• 33:22Speaker 01

  To being strong.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Cheers to being strong.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Cheers to being strong.

• 33:25Speaker 04

  Wait, and they're cold.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  Can you? It's, it's, it's.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  Okay, here we go.

• 33:29Speaker 02

  Stirred, not shaken.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  We're getting blackout.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, because these are strong.

• 33:36Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm blackout.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  What do you have to do tonight?

• 33:37Speaker 04

  Li- literally nothing.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Well, that's good.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  Well, no, and I told you my weak constitution, like, I'm gonna.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  I don't have to go in on this director. What, did we get, so that's one, we know about your smoothie and we know about your diva moment at work.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  So what was else, what was else on the five? This is great, you guys.

• 33:55Speaker 02

  This is really good.

• 33:56Speaker 04

  This is amazing, I'm starving, so I'm not taking the olives lightly.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  Oh, I had Westville today.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  It was good. They had a loaded big potato sandwich? No, not sandwich, soup.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  I got confused.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  Soup and sandwich.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  I confused soup for a sandwich.

• 34:15Speaker 04

  He had one sip and he's going, zoom.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  In the words of the great Brooke Ashley, you are crazier than a soup sandwich.

• 34:23Speaker 02

  What?

• 34:23Speaker 04

  Who is that?

• 34:24Speaker 02

  She's a housewives recap.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  She's a housewives recap.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  She's fantastic. She's the best in the biz.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  She's the best in the biz. I've been championing her for probably going on four years.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  And I get, I literally sometimes will watch her YouTube subscriber count grow and grow and grow and I feel like I'm a part of something.

• 34:39Speaker 04

  You are.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  You can sometimes see me pop into her lives.

• 34:42Speaker 02

  Hi, Matt. Thanks for the super chat, Matt.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  I'm always there.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Do you know about the Shannon Bedore phrase that I'm actually trying to get going?

• 34:51Speaker 01

  What is, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  You all see the truth.

• 34:53Speaker 01

  We were saying.

• 34:54Speaker 04

  You all see the truth.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  I've been saying it many times this month.

• 34:58Speaker 04

  I've been saying it many.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  You will all see the truth.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  Now, tell everybody.

• 35:01Speaker 01

  Oh, you guys are icons.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  Thank you, legends.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  You cons.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Tell the uninitiated about this moment of Shannon Bedore screaming at a restaurant. You are pointing.

• 35:11Speaker 04

  In a home.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  In a home, I'm sorry.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  It's in a home, isn't it?

• 35:14Speaker 01

  You will all see the truth.

• 35:15Speaker 04

  She's, it's like about Heather Dubrow, right?

• 35:18Speaker 02

  It's about Heather Dubrow.

• 35:19Speaker 04

  She's crazy and you will all, you will all see the truth.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  We need your housewives takes. Like, what do you, well, first of all, what do you think of Candace Stiller Bassett as a traitor?

• 35:30Speaker 04

  I have something really crazy to say.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  I bet you do.

• 35:34Speaker 04

  I've.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Three sips in.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  I, the center of traitors is not holding for me.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Okay, just talk about it.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  I'm struggling.

• 35:46Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 35:46Speaker 04

  With reality television competition shows.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 35:51Speaker 04

  Where you know I've said this before.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:55Speaker 04

  The whole show is, this person's acting.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  Evil. You're being evil.

• 36:01Speaker 04

  They're losing the plot. It's like, it is like, it's like an emotional intelligence game.

• 36:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  Right.

• 36:10Speaker 04

  With, with.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  Where, where, where the reality is so juvenile.

• 36:17Speaker 04

  And it's just about whether or not someone's acting a little strangely.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  A hundred percent. That's really what it is.

• 36:24Speaker 02

  But meanwhile, the most, some would argue, the most evil people to come from that show are the faithfuls.

• 36:31Speaker 04

  Right.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Cause right, cause this season it's Colton being a little, being a little.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  He's just come on a little strong. So, so when you watch the show and are you watching the show?

• 36:40Speaker 04

  I, I had to put my weapon down because I was like,

• 36:45Speaker 04

  just, just, just, just, just let me so for real right now. This person, they must have an alliance because they're housewives or they're like, there's no alliances. We're in a competition. You're all deciding whether or not someone's acting a little odd or weird. And I don't want to see people out in the mud.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  Can I just want to, can I just say something? Can I just want to say something?

• 37:05Speaker 04

  Can I just want to say something?

• 37:07Speaker 02

  We need to drop the word alliances.

• 37:10Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  From reality TV from, but also just from general, unless it's like diplomatic or it's an airline group. I don't want to hear that word uttered.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  And your time's up now. We're actually post-alliance on, we're post-alliance culture on reality shows anyway. Because now if you stick in an alliance for too long, you're literally cooked.

• 37:30Speaker 04

  Right. Like one person wins.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  The game on Survivor is all about like, oh, are you in an alliance? How are you secretly not?

• 37:36Speaker 04

  Right.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  That's literally the way you win Survivor now is, don't worry, I'm in an alliance with you. Turn to camera. I'm also in every other alliance.

• 37:44Speaker 04

  Right.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  Wink. And it's like, well, how, then what is, then?

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Then alliances don't mean anything. You, are you, you've never been a Survivor girl, have you?

• 37:52Speaker 04

  I've never been a girl besides Real Housewives.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  Watch Survivor 50 with us.

• 37:57Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  That would be fun.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  That would be fun. And watch Australia versus the world.

• 38:01Speaker 04

  Is Richard still in the news?

• 38:03Speaker 01

  Richard Hatch?

• 38:05Speaker 02

  It's Richard.

• 38:06Speaker 01

  I think now he is. Entertainment Weekly is gonna pull this.

• 38:12Speaker 04

  I remember him being like, for me.

• 38:14Speaker 02

  His Google alert is going crazy at the time of his hearing.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Sarah Sherman questions whether or not Richard Hatch is in the news.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  He was just really major at the same, and I got my, it's like him and then I got my period during Bo Bice on American Idol.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  I can't be drinking a martini.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Now Bo's back in the news. Now Bo's back.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Sarah Sherman got period during Bo Bice's performance on American Idol, season four.

• 38:44Speaker 04

  So it's like him.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  Achieved.

• 38:46Speaker 04

  It's like Richard Hatch, like sexual awakening. So I'm like, he's major to me.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  Richard Hatch was your sexual awakening?

• 38:54Speaker 04

  I remember seeing him on TV and being like, noted. My eyes were peeled.

• 38:59Speaker 02

  Sarah's type is like.

• 39:00Speaker 01

  The crazy naked gay guy in a tree?

• 39:02Speaker 02

  But Sarah's type is just middle aged dirtbag.

• 39:05Speaker 01

  Work.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  Yes, ma'am.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  Yes, and.

• 39:08Speaker 04

  Oh, does he have a wart? Hello?

• 39:11Speaker 01

  Honey, if he has a wart, is crazy acting like, like a nutball up in a tree and is he gay? Cha-ching! The sound of my pussy cash register opening for business.

• 39:27Speaker 04

  I'd like to leave early. Yelp review for this restaurant. The cash register was a pussy.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  Y'all, you should have seen when you ladies were outside the room. We had a long talk and we got, we really broke through with the guys on the crew because we found out they all love David Fincher's films.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  Aren't they all giving that in a complimentary way?

• 39:51Speaker 04

  I would not take that as a compliment, girl.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  You guys are in a uniform today, too. Look at, you were in the black tops and blue jeans.

• 39:57Speaker 04

  Guys often are. No offense, Blundstone. No offense. Guys be wearing Blundstones.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  What is Blundstone?

• 40:05Speaker 02

  Blundstone.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  You're so gay, you don't even know about Blundstones.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  I know. Look at, look at, I got this in Osaka, actually.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  That's, it's like a Pendleton. It's really lovely.

• 40:15Speaker 04

  It's stunning. You're stunning, the two of you. I'm blackout.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Are you blackout?

• 40:19Speaker 04

  I'm like full blackout.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  How could that be? I will finish it for Yama Tank.

• 40:24Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 40:26Speaker 01

  I am.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  But Sarah drunk is something I rarely ever got to see.

• 40:32Speaker 04

  Okay, so let's do it.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Because.

• 40:34Speaker 04

  Well, how about when I got blackout at an after party quite recently and I woke up being like, "Time for my apology tour." Woke up, message from Brady Lee's, "You should have two martinis all the time." I go, "Apology tour over."

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Apologies were over.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  You find out the anxiety was just hang awesome. So what?

• 40:54Speaker 04

  She was getting awesome swash.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  She was getting awesome swash last night on the after party.

• 41:00Speaker 04

  I feel like I had a really coherent, cogent.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  Thought.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  Amazingly biting critique of traitors that has actually dissolved between my fingers.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  Okay, so you're saying it's a game about emotional intelligence and yet.

• 41:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I had something interesting to say about that that couldn't mean anything to me anymore.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Well, it's a game about emotional intelligence and yet it is intellectually like a farce. It's like, it's like, well, how are we?

• 41:22Speaker 04

  Well, it's like someone's acting evil because they were a traitor. It's like, we're all acting evil and deceitful.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  We're human beings.

• 41:31Speaker 04

  Well, maybe the masks have come off and actually traitors is one of the most important pieces of me. I'll get back into it.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  I think it might be more that.

• 41:37Speaker 04

  It's more that. Michael Rapaport is sending me boots. See, this is where I've.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Talk about my, this, this won't make the news.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  Entertainment Weekly, Sarah Sherman Claims To Be Sent Boots By Michael Rapaport's Performance On The Traitors.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Praises Michael Rapaport as boots, as sending her boots. Now, what about this terrible human being?

• 42:00Speaker 04

  Something has happened in the culture where we go like, "We can't platform these people anymore."

• 42:04Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:05Speaker 04

  It's like, no, we must.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  I would agree with you. To be honest with you, I'm like, if you look back at like the last 20, 30, who do we remember? The most vile people.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Right.

• 42:18Speaker 04

  It's, it's important. Also, like.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Spencer Pratt is like President of the United States at this point. I'm sorry, you, you turn on the news, Spencer Pratt.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  Spencer Pratt did great on Celebrity Weekly's Link.

• 42:30Speaker 01

  See what I'm saying?

• 42:32Speaker 04

  Like, what? See what I'm saying?

• 42:33Speaker 01

  And of course. It's both what?

• 42:36Speaker 04

  Like, I wanna see Ramona Singer every day of my life.

• 42:40Speaker 01

  Omarosa was president. She was president of the United States.

• 42:44Speaker 04

  She was.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  She was. For like, two years.

• 42:46Speaker 04

  And she still is, to this day.

• 42:48Speaker 02

  Will, will you talk about?

• 42:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Unless you don't want to.

• 42:52Speaker 04

  No, please.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Why is Michael Rapaport sending you boots?

• 42:57Speaker 04

  So, I was like, I can't possibly be watching Traitors. Like, I have stuff to do. I'm a busy woman. Might not be famous, but I'm a woman, and I'm busy. So, why is this woman complaining about her smoothie blackout? Losing the thread? Where is it? Hello?

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Michael Rapaport sending you boots.

• 43:18Speaker 04

  And then I open twitter.com. And I see.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  Your first mistake.

• 43:23Speaker 04

  And by the way, but Bowen knows, I was saying this earlier. My Twitter.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:28Speaker 04

  What I've done.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 43:31Speaker 04

  There was, to me, the viral news of the day. I screenshot and text this to Bowen and Slash. I go, huh, did you guys see this? Paul Giamatti wants to be in the new Texas Chainsaw.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  And they were like, cool.

• 43:45Speaker 02

  Above the fold news.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  We've, we've been seeing something else in our algorithms.

• 43:51Speaker 04

  And I'm like, you guys, you've seen this? They're like, no. But that was like, that was, what was it? I followed this guy and shout out to him.

• 44:03Speaker 02

  Shout out.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  Shout out. Shout out to him. He's always posting covers of old paperback books with naked women on them. I'm going, that's what I'm seeing.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  That's what you're seeing.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Always seems to amaze me.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  Blessing. See, I, I am so interested in changing what my algorithm is, or like, not having one at all. But it does take a long time. Like, I, it is interesting, though, how quickly they get very good at, at you being like, oh, I have to click on that.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  Well, Justin Bieber penetrated my veil.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Justin Bieber penetrated your veil?

• 44:37Speaker 02

  He penetrated your salt psychosis.

• 44:39Speaker 04

  He did, and like, I'm opening Twitter, which is trained to show me like, you'll never believe what, when this person replaced their eyes with ping pong balls would happen. Or this old, this 89-year-old woman, they found 18 contacts in each of her eyes. Like, that's like, my viral news. But Justin Bieber penetrated it.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  The veil.

• 45:00Speaker 04

  Now, what's this?

• 45:01Speaker 01

  He could be your doctor, he could cure your disease.

• 45:04Speaker 04

  That could be him.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  You love that song.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  I do, that's my favorite.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  She wrote a Nine Inch Nails song.

• 45:11Speaker 04

  She did.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  She's amazing.

• 45:12Speaker 04

  And one of her eyes was bloody. Huh, eyes are coming up. We'll talk about that in therapy later.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  Are you still with that Jungian dream type psychologist?

• 45:21Speaker 04

  No, I have a different sort of Jungian, Lacanian kind of.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  That's the psychology that you're taking.

• 45:27Speaker 04

  I'm in, I'm in this.

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Are you really?

• 45:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:31Speaker 04

  And I'm going, and it over, the window overlooks like a billboard across the street. So I'll be like this. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, I'm staring at Despicable Me 2 right now. Talking about like.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  What year is it?

• 45:44Speaker 01

  Despicable Me 2. I can't believe sometimes one posters are still up in the subway.

• 45:50Speaker 02

  Oh, that's crazy.

• 45:52Speaker 04

  It's amazing.

• 45:52Speaker 02

  It's amazing.

• 45:53Speaker 01

  It's really good.

• 45:54Speaker 04

  It's crazy amazing. It's cool amazing.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  It's cool amazing. Now, now, riddle me this.

• 45:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Lacanian from the name Lacan.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, many people are saying this.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  Many people are saying.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  What is, what is this?

• 46:05Speaker 02

  It's just like, isn't it so interesting?

• 46:06Speaker 04

  It ain't literally, yeah, it's literally like, he would do this thing.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Podiatrist or podiatric. It's like, why do we, why do we shift the, the emphasis?

• 46:14Speaker 04

  Depends on how many sheets they are deep. I'll shift the infinitis just anywhere.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  I gotta tell you, look how far I am already.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  I gotta catch up.

• 46:22Speaker 04

  What'd you say? You're a tank, you're a tank.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  I'm a full tank.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  Oh, but I opened Twitter and I'm going, I'm seeing Michael Rapaport eat out of the bowl. The way, in that, the way he was, did you see that?

• 46:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, what bowl?

• 46:34Speaker 04

  He was eating out of a bowl.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  On Traitor?

• 46:36Speaker 04

  Pressing the bowl to his lip and like shoveling the food in like a.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  Say it.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  Like a cave woman.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  And I go, guess I'm gonna be having to watch traitors again.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  Based on Michael Rapaport.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Sarah Sherman is the one person in the world that saw Michael Rapaport on Trader and was like, I'm, I'm in. Can I tell you something? I'm hooked on this. But thank God. Because that answers the question, why is he cast? Because there's people like you watching that are like, I wanna see the nastiest human behavior.

• 47:15Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. An adult human being was eating out of a bowl like an upright dog.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  Candace.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  He was going like this with the ball and I go, that's not what you want. I'll throw my hat in the ring. But then I'm watching and people are going, you're acting quite suspiciously. I'm like, enough. A fucking no.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 47:35Speaker 04

  Oh, and this is my other problem. They're like, he's so good at the gameplay. You mean, he's a good liar and deceitful?

• 47:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, well, you're talking about Rob.

• 47:44Speaker 04

  Well, I'm just saying, like, in general, like, that's always the conversation with these shows is like, well, we gotta get this guy out because he's an amazing game. You mean, he's a good liar? Like, what are we talking about here?

• 47:53Speaker 01

  I think that there are assumptions being made on behalf of a lot of the cast members that because of their experience on shows where you lie, deceit, and more, that you are going to be doing that on this program. And they get a little stopped up with that, when clearly the traitors are Lisa Rinna, Candace Dillard-Basset, and the guy from Love Island in an overall.

• 48:13Speaker 04

  Lisa Rinna looking unbelievable.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  She looks incredible.

• 48:17Speaker 01

  Can I just say, Lisa Rinna?

• 48:20Speaker 02

  Toast to, toast to Lisa Rinna.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  This is a toast to Lisa Rinna. You deserve this, mama.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  You deserve this.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  You really are. And I love the way that they all, when she got voted out, they were like, she's a legend. She's an icon. Like, it was so great.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  Annoyingly, Colton was like, she's a legend, she's an icon. But then two breaths before was like, I've never seen Housewives. Well, it's like, then you don't understand the legendary.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  He may know her from Hermione Brown.

• 48:47Speaker 02

  From Veronica Mars?

• 48:48Speaker 04

  I think he may know her from showing up to the rooms wearing a cheetle fedora and going, well.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  She's not gone.

• 48:57Speaker 02

  She's an icon, she's a legend.

• 48:58Speaker 01

  She's an icon, she's a legend.

• 48:59Speaker 02

  She, and I, does nothing for you that Candace Stiller-Basset is back on television?

• 49:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, come on.

• 49:06Speaker 04

  I guess it does. No, I'll get back into it. I, I, I just, you know, my, my problem was I go, where's the line here?

• 49:12Speaker 02

  What's, what line? What are you, what are you, what are you talking about, girl?

• 49:17Speaker 04

  Like, you're acting, you're acting evil and deceitful. It's like, we all, God, guys!

• 49:24Speaker 02

  Guys, this is, guys, guys, this, this is a show.

• 49:28Speaker 04

  I don't take, like, evil lightly.

• 49:31Speaker 02

  You need, so the fact that this is frivolous evil to you is unacceptable. It's like, you, you wake up every morning and you look at the news and you're like, well, this is just, I can't believe it. So then when evil is entertainment, you're like, this is just, I'm glad y'all are having fun, because I live in the real world, where there's real stakes. So I certainly don't need to hear about murder, treachery, all under the guise of glamour? Fuck you! You're sweating. You're laugh sweating. How dare you! Big Osaka laugh sweat. Wait.

• 50:05Speaker 04

  I'm blackout.

• 50:06Speaker 02

  I think, I, I know the cure. I know the cure for you.

• 50:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  Celebrity traitors UK.

• 50:13Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  Where the-

• 50:16Speaker 01

  She's in.

• 50:16Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 50:17Speaker 02

  The, the conceit there is Claudia Winkleman, like-

• 50:21Speaker 04

  Who?

• 50:22Speaker 02

  She's the host.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  You're gonna be obsessed.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  You're gonna be obsessed.

• 50:26Speaker 04

  Change my name?

• 50:27Speaker 02

  To Claudia Winkleman. Sarah Winkleman. She, she-

• 50:30Speaker 04

  A Winkleman in time.

• 50:33Speaker 02

  Scary Oprah. She commits to this so hard, to like, evil as a foot, in a way that you will enjoy because it's like, so cranked up. Like, Alan does, does it in his, like, amazing way with Elon. Claudia does it in a way where she's like, "The traitors have murdered again."

• 50:53Speaker 01

  It's very grounded.

• 50:54Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 50:55Speaker 02

  "What are you not seeing? Open your eyes."

• 50:59Speaker 01

  "The traitors are laughing at you."

• 51:00Speaker 02

  "I can hear them laughing."

• 51:02Speaker 01

  "I can hear them laughing."

• 51:02Speaker 04

  Losing the thread of like, whether or not people are actually being killed.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  They killed Tom Daley, who was an Olympic diver, and, and then she goes, "He won gold for this country. Is that not enough?"

• 51:15Speaker 02

  And it's, she, you know, she knows it's fucking stupid, but she's so sending it.

• 51:21Speaker 04

  My, my favorite, I guess, see, I'm back in because my favorite is when they like, go to sleep in the castle that night and then it's a montage.

• 51:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, the montages are great.

• 51:37Speaker 03

  This ad is sponsored by Vive Healthcare.

• 51:40Speaker 02

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• 51:41Speaker 01

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• 51:54Speaker 01

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• 51:58Speaker 02

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• 52:11Speaker 01

  Basically, talk to your doctor. Have the conversation, ask the questions, be a little nosy about your own health. It's allowed, encouraged even. Okay, did you write all that down? No? Don't worry.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  Just head to getprepwisdom.com to learn what to ask your doctor. That's getprepwisdom.com.

• 52:28Speaker 05

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• 52:46Speaker 06

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• 53:08Speaker 05

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• 53:58Speaker 04

  Okay, Alan Cumming.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  No, no S. Everyone always thinks there's an S.

• 54:04Speaker 04

  Because you would hope he's Cummings plural times.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  You would hope.

• 54:09Speaker 01

  I'm sure he is. I'm sure he has absolutely no problem relieving himself as much as he wants.

• 54:16Speaker 04

  I'm too black out.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 54:19Speaker 02

  A thimble of your martini.

• 54:22Speaker 04

  I weigh 61 pounds. Do you know what that's like on a woman of my comport?

• 54:32Speaker 01

  You know what it's like? What it's like on a woman of my comport?

• 54:36Speaker 04

  How much do you think this 27-year-old weighs?

• 54:38Speaker 01

  Men in the room, how much do you think she weighs?

• 54:41Speaker 04

  Not a pound.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  This is a dangerous question.

• 54:44Speaker 02

  No, no, no, everyone do it. As she shows off her Caroline's on Broadway outfit.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  It really is that. Oh, my God, girl. You got it. Caroline's on Broadway.

• 54:58Speaker 02

  R.I.P.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  Is it R.I.P.?

• 55:00Speaker 02

  It's been dead.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  You're kidding me. See, it's gone the way of Vapiano in The Familia on Eighth.

• 55:05Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 55:06Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  Put the image here.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Everything is changing in New York.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  Now.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  That's the martini conversation. Everything's changing in New York.

• 55:19Speaker 04

  No, by the way, I have a lot to say about that as well.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  About New York?

• 55:23Speaker 01

  Wait, but this is now a new finger on the hand.

• 55:26Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  But say this first.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  Closing the loops, though.

• 55:31Speaker 04

  HBO, Salt, Justin Bieber.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  Got that.

• 55:37Speaker 04

  Got that. Justin?

• 55:39Speaker 02

  Justin.

• 55:39Speaker 04

  Good night. Good job.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  Good night and good luck.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Good night, good luck, traitors.

• 55:45Speaker 04

  Oh, I was gonna talk about the catharsis that you allowed me to have.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  We're not doing this.

• 55:50Speaker 04

  We are doing this. So I'm going, I'm going, I'm a fool to do a premiere for a stand-up special. We're all just looking at me. Oh, no.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:01Speaker 04

  Oh, no, whatever. So, and then my tunnel vision starts smallening and I'm going, oh, no, oh, no. All my fucking coworkers are there. This is humiliating, whatever.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  Who love you.

• 56:13Speaker 04

  Who love you?

• 56:13Speaker 02

  Who adore you.

• 56:15Speaker 04

  I go to the bar, I go, I'll take whatever you got. And you know me, can't handle a thimble.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  Can't handle a thimble.

• 56:21Speaker 01

  Did they do a themed drink for you?

• 56:22Speaker 02

  Yes, of course.

• 56:24Speaker 04

  Do I look like some sort of peasant? I had a beehive with eyeballs in my hair.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  They put eyeball gummies in the drinks. It was so cute.

• 56:30Speaker 04

  Thanks, the Metrograph. Thanks, HBO.

• 56:32Speaker 01

  Oh, that's great.

• 56:33Speaker 04

  Cute.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, so cute.

• 56:34Speaker 04

  Take three, I take a whole drink to the face and then they go, you have to like go introduce it. I'm blackout, I'm at a little podium going, immediate. So my hysterical cry sounds like the, an hysterical woman in, in an institution with her rubber grip socks on going, laughing like the Joker.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  And were you crying?

• 56:57Speaker 04

  I was, I come out there, I really go like.

• 57:00Speaker 02

  It was adorable.

• 57:02Speaker 04

  I lock eyes with Bowen. I sit right behind him. It starts. I go, this is the worst mistake in my life. My mouth on the screen opens to speak. Bowen.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course he did.

• 57:14Speaker 04

  Wait, which is the laughter?

• 57:16Speaker 01

  Big Osaka laugh.

• 57:17Speaker 04

  Big Osaka laugh. I'm right behind him. I see his head thrown back. See his head thrown back.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  He loves you. Do you know, do you know how much he loves you? He loves you so much. I like, I don't ever hear him talk about anyone. Like he talks about you. He loves you so much. He thinks you are number one. He's been saying it forever. It only intensifies with time.

• 57:40Speaker 04

  It, it is like, and I, I was like, you know what? Bowen, not, not seeing Bowen every day at work will be okay because we're friends outside of work. Like that's, and the, the job is so stressful. Like you shouldn't like have all your friends at your work. Like it's, I come into work like,

• 58:02Speaker 04

  I have been sorely mistaken.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  It's horrible.

• 58:07Speaker 04

  I look up at table read, trying to meet his gaze. I go, there's no Bowen. It is, it is a hole.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  It was a comfort for me to see you across the, the way.

• 58:18Speaker 04

  And I'm, I was a fool to think not seeing you every, I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna see him every day. That's fine. I'll see him. I'll see him. Every, the comfort of seeing someone you love every day.

• 58:28Speaker 01

  I know.

• 58:29Speaker 04

  That's family. That's famiglia pizza. That's classico italiano. Like for that to be ripped away so suddenly, and that's for you to be wiped off the face of the planet because you were in Japan.

• 58:39Speaker 02

  Right.

• 58:39Speaker 04

  Doing god knows what.

• 58:43Speaker 04

  It was, that's, that is my love. But the catharsis of being right behind him, his big Osaka laugh, throwing his head back, that, because it's so scary to put anything out.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 58:55Speaker 04

  And you.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  Sarah, it was perfect.

• 58:58Speaker 04

  That was healing because I was like scared like, oh, this special is gonna come out and spoiler alert, my pussy's out. My pussy's out, y'all. My pussy, my asshole. Everything's out.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  It's the culmination.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  To see the head and to hear the big Osaka laugh, you provided me the medicine I needed badly.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  But I was just emotional and when I'm emotional, I tend to laugh, I guess. I just laugh. I'm an easy laugh. Yes. Oh, yeah. When you were sobbing.

• 59:31Speaker 04

  You're a laughter whore.

• 59:33Speaker 02

  I'm a laughter whore. But I was watching like the full culmination of like Chicago Sarah, SNL Sarah, like touring Sarah. Oh, my God. Another finger raised. Tracking your ass on Find My.

• 59:48Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. I opened.

• 59:50Speaker 01

  I have to follow you.

• 59:51Speaker 04

  It's so fun.

• 59:52Speaker 02

  She's at a strip mall in Lincoln, Nebraska. It's like she's.

• 59:56Speaker 04

  What's that girl doing there?

• 59:57Speaker 02

  I was like, what's that girl? Oh, she's touring.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  Wait, I love it. I love to track my friends and when you find one that's like off the grid.

• 1:00:03Speaker 04

  Do you remember when Bowen was in China? That was crazy.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  I don't. See, I didn't get into the Find My. We didn't start following.

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  We didn't start following each other until later.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Because honestly, my whole bit was like, I don't want people to know. Not my bit. My reality was, I don't want people to know.

• 1:00:17Speaker 04

  Because you're acting evil and sus.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  But we already live in a surveillance state. Callan here already knows our like.

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  The people we have sex with.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  That's literally so true. And the fact is also, by the way, like, I think it's important to be able to find your friends now because like.

• 1:00:33Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Because.

• 1:00:37Speaker 02

  Thank you, Surveillance State.

• 1:00:38Speaker 04

  And I don't know if he knows this. Do you remember when, because I have Marcelo's location on, of course, but he got a new phone. Time to update.

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  Marcelo, you didn't download your iCloud backup.

• 1:00:49Speaker 04

  Thanks, Marcelo. Now I think you're always where you're not. Remember when I opened my Find My and I go, guys, I guess this is peek behind the actress studio, I go, Marcel's at a hospital, guys. And you remember I was, I texted you and I was like, Marcel's at a hospital?

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  What ended up happening that day?

• 1:01:06Speaker 04

  He was doing, uh, for the children.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  Of cour- I was gonna say, it's something like, truly like-

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

  It was like he was meeting the children and giving them a smile.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Oh, that's so-

• 1:01:14Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  Heartthrob stuff.

• 1:01:15Speaker 04

  But sometimes Find My can go so wrong. Where you go, why are they at a hospital?

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  Whoa, can I say something? I got drunk.

• 1:01:24Speaker 04

  And ended up at the hospital.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  No, right now.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  No, now.

• 1:01:29Speaker 01

  In the moment, I realized I didn't eat enough to have this today. Cause-

• 1:01:36Speaker 02

  You're olive.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  The truth is, I got about halfway through my Westville lunch and realized, Brussels sprouts? Why was that the order?

• 1:01:45Speaker 02

  That's the whole thing of Westville.

• 1:01:47Speaker 04

  It's like, it's like, also hipster cafeteria. And I know hipster's a slur now.

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  Are you both drunk?

• 1:01:57Speaker 04

  I'm blackout.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  I'm not.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  I can't believe that you're not.

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  I don't think I am yet.

• 1:02:02Speaker 04

  You-

• 1:02:03Speaker 02

  Can I say something?

• 1:02:04Speaker 04

  Please, can I say?

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  If I speak-

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Your podcast.

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  The, the special Sarah squirm live it in the flesh, if, now streaming on HBO.

• 1:02:13Speaker 04

  Period.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  If you, you need to watch it, it is easily my favorite standup special ever. It is the culmination of Chicago Sarah, SNL Sarah, touring Sarah, but it is like, you see the Helltrap Nightmare, you see all of it come to this beautiful, crystal, like, fucking, so beautiful. It is art. I'm like-

• 1:02:37Speaker 04

  Just fucking watch it.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  Just fucking watch, no. I'll, I'll end it with, Celeste and I just like, well, this is mostly Celeste's thing, but they're like, if I, I think about me at 16 years old, if I was 16 years old now, I'd be fucking obsessed with you.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  In a way that like, I would put posters of you on my wall.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  I believe that is true.

• 1:02:54Speaker 04

  Strange children. Come on, come on.

• 1:02:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, but like, thank God that the strange weird kids like have a fucking.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  Girlie.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  You know what's so funny? I was like complaining to Matt about this. I'll like post a like a, I'm like, oh yeah, like stand up clips on Instagram. Those go viral. And so I'll post like a clip of stand up from my special and it'll get like 400 likes.

• 1:03:18Speaker 01

  No, it's never what you want that goes viral. Let's be clear. It's never what, it's never like the shining moment that gets grabbed.

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  Of course not.

• 1:03:26Speaker 04

  And I'm like, the flirp, record scratch, what's going on here? And then like.

• 1:03:35Speaker 04

  And then, so I'll be like, yeah, like, what did you think when you were making this special? You thought like everyone was gonna like it? And I was like, yeah.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  You know what though? The thing should be, thing should be, oh, hey, girl. When did you get here?

• 1:03:53Speaker 02

  She's been here.

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  You have?

• 1:03:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Oh, bye. It's our producer Anna. Why? I don't understand.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  Oh, well, that's cool.

• 1:04:06Speaker 04

  Is the Super Bowl tomorrow?

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  Y'all are going to the Super Bowl?

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  Tomorrow, Sunday.

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  We should talk about Bad Bunny.

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  Let's talk about Bad Bunny.

• 1:04:13Speaker 04

  Hello. Hello, Bad Bunny.

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  Is that your guys' friend? Like, could you consider him a friend?

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  This is my problem.

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  What go?

• 1:04:20Speaker 04

  I'm a celebrity. It's nice to me at my job. I go like.

• 1:04:24Speaker 02

  We're friends now.

• 1:04:28Speaker 04

  So it's like, I'll say on camera, Bad Bunny, pretty sure we're close personal friends. I'll see you at my wedding.

• 1:04:34Speaker 01

  Because he is always so kind.

• 1:04:35Speaker 04

  He's like the kindest person.

• 1:04:37Speaker 02

  The kindest person. I understand. I'm with you because it's like with these hosts, it's like, and especially with, with, with Benito, it's like, we, we were with you, you were with us. When all of us have been very vulnerable, being like, what the hell are we doing on Saturday?

• 1:04:53Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  It's like, everyone's like, we're in free fall and then we're not sure if the net is even gonna show up until the show happens.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys have like a trauma bond together, which is a week at that job, which is like all y'all putting together all your effort and everything and like putting forth all your ideas and then. Do you see how drunk I got?

• 1:05:13Speaker 02

  So drunk.

• 1:05:14Speaker 01

  Like, all y'all. I said, I said, all y'all.

• 1:05:18Speaker 02

  All y'all, really y'all.

• 1:05:19Speaker 04

  If you make eye contact with me, I go, oh, this just in, we're bonded for life.

• 1:05:26Speaker 01

  Mated for life. Avatar.

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  Avatar.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  I still haven't seen the third one, Fire and Ash.

• 1:05:31Speaker 04

  I would love to.

• 1:05:32Speaker 01

  Should we go tonight?

• 1:05:34Speaker 04

  I would love to go in 3D.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  I don't think there's any other way to go.

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  You, I don't picture you in a 3D movie without you.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  You don't?

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  Ripping off the glasses going, I can't see.

• 1:05:46Speaker 04

  This is my problem. Oh, I got my prescription updated. I can see now.

• 1:05:49Speaker 01

  Get this.

• 1:05:50Speaker 04

  I can't see or hear.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  So we went for a eye test in Tokyo.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  Free eye exams.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  Free eye exams in Tokyo.

• 1:05:59Speaker 04

  And?

• 1:06:00Speaker 01

  And then people were happy to do it.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  I am nearsighted.

• 1:06:07Speaker 04

  What now? What could that mean? Cause isn't I, this was like.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  There's a definition.

• 1:06:11Speaker 04

  Here's my thing. When my mom would go to the supermarket. When my mom would go to the supermarket, she would go, I couldn't remember if you either, you loved Cheez-Its? Are you?

• 1:06:25Speaker 04

  Or you hated? She was like, did, she was like, I couldn't remember, did she love Cheez-Its or she hated? It's like with nearsighted. It's like, can you see near or can you not see near?

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  The answer is you can see closer.

• 1:06:38Speaker 04

  Cause you are nearsighted.

• 1:06:39Speaker 02

  It's in the name. It's in the words, as it were.

• 1:06:42Speaker 04

  It's in the name. It's either are cheese, it's it's or are they not it?

• 1:06:47Speaker 02

  To Sarah. And this, and so should I buy them.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  I'm gonna guess that you love them.

• 1:06:52Speaker 04

  Absolutely. A hundred percent.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  Okay, great.

• 1:06:54Speaker 02

  Really? It's a dairy product.

• 1:06:57Speaker 04

  And do you?

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  She'll shit for them.

• 1:07:00Speaker 04

  No, thank you for, thank you for highlighting this, cause I just wanna say, people go, she's complaining about a smoothie. I go, I have a struggle.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  I go, I go, I have a struggle. I love when anyone goes, I go.

• 1:07:13Speaker 02

  I go, I have a struggle. This is, this is a moment where Matt Rogers would use the word diet, your diaspora.

• 1:07:20Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:07:20Speaker 02

  Which is not totally correct, but it implies.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  For a long time, the word diaspora meant struggle. Like my, my diaspora is.

• 1:07:27Speaker 04

  Narratively connected.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  Becca, stop it.

• 1:07:30Speaker 04

  Oh, stop someone from laughing?

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  Oh, no. Stop someone from judging. You had your moment last week.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  Becca was our iconic guy.

• 1:07:40Speaker 04

  I wonder if the mic is picking up my stomach going like, whoa. Cause I'm more drinking poison. My stomach's reacting.

• 1:07:47Speaker 01

  If you can't finish that, I will have the rest of it because I'm telling you right now, I am so, I am so powerless against one drink because if it's one, it's gotta be three. Like, that's why I can't really drink at all is because if it's one, it's gotta be three. Suzy Green says, whenever I sit down, I take a sip of my first cocktail and I go, ooh, I'm gonna have three of those.

• 1:08:08Speaker 02

  That's, is that a Long Island thing? If you like something, you go, ooh, I like that. I'm gonna have three of those.

• 1:08:11Speaker 04

  For me, it's, well, I've had an eighth of it. Might as well be done.

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  Again, I'll say, if you don't want that, I will have it.

• 1:08:19Speaker 04

  Well, I've had an eighth of it and whatever.

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  I don't think you're gonna finish it.

• 1:08:23Speaker 04

  No, because I'm, the, the amount of sheets I am to the wind, it's like, I just wasted a whole ream of paper.

• 1:08:29Speaker 02

  Eighty-nine.

• 1:08:30Speaker 04

  Wait, sheets in the wind? Are we talking about sheets of paper or like?

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  I think, I always pictured it as sheets of, of linen, like a bedding on a clothesline.

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  I have no idea the etymology of that.

• 1:08:40Speaker 02

  It's three sheets to the wind.

• 1:08:41Speaker 04

  Well, the clothesline is about the, the length of the Mississippi River.

• 1:08:44Speaker 01

  One thing you're gonna do is eat your olive though. Yep, there you go. Bottoms up, babe.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  So the reason why you're drunk is because you had soup, you had soup for lunch.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  No, I actually had a soup and I had salmon and I had about half the Brussels sprouts that they gave. And then, thank you so much, I am gonna finish hers.

• 1:09:00Speaker 04

  I'll take your olives.

• 1:09:01Speaker 02

  You, oh god. You guys wanna know the origin of the expression?

• 1:09:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  Okay, it is for sailing. It originates from sailing where sheets are the ropes that control a sail's position. Yes. If your three sheets are loose in the wind, the sails fly wildly, causing the vessel to lurch and become uncontrolled.

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  Oh. Okay, so, it's a sailing thing, y'all.

• 1:09:22Speaker 04

  I'm rolling my damn head.

• 1:09:24Speaker 02

  Can you think of anything more stressful and somehow?

• 1:09:29Speaker 02

  More boring than sailing?

• 1:09:32Speaker 04

  I think that's what we need.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  Stress and boredom?

• 1:09:34Speaker 04

  I think the three of us

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  No, you're right.

• 1:09:35Speaker 04

  need to be adrift at sea for 30 calendar days.

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  Should we go on Below Deck? We can.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  We can, and whenever you guys want. They're shooting it right now. Should we leave?

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  Let's go.

• 1:09:48Speaker 04

  Well, first of all, I'd be full NGK. I'd be having full... I'd have no equilibrium and I'd have... Who had the diarrhea?

• 1:09:58Speaker 02

  Um, it was...

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  It was NGK.

• 1:10:00Speaker 02

  They all did. It was NGK.

• 1:10:01Speaker 01

  NGK was throwing up and all that.

• 1:10:04Speaker 02

  NGK was throwing up and her nail came off, basically. And she ran into that house, sort of like, butler.

• 1:10:11Speaker 04

  Girl, I can be taken down by a grain of salt. I can be taken down by a sip of martini. You think I can handle a boat?

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  Well, how do you do on a roller coaster?

• 1:10:22Speaker 04

  Woo!

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  That is a... That sounds like it's not a lot of fun.

• 1:10:28Speaker 04

  Well, I would go on a roller coaster. I would be like, "Ooh!"

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:10:31Speaker 04

  I guess I like that.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure. I think "woo" is a positive.

• 1:10:35Speaker 04

  I haven't been on a roller coaster since I was a child.

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, we just did them. Wait, can I say?

• 1:10:40Speaker 04

  Can I say?

• 1:10:41Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:41Speaker 01

  This actually was something that healed me in a way that I desperately needed. So, we were in Osaka.

• 1:10:48Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:10:48Speaker 01

  Went to Universal Studios. And two things happened. So, we were with a group of people that...

• 1:10:53Speaker 04

  We're addicted to these places.

• 1:10:57Speaker 04

  Roller coaster zones.

• 1:10:59Speaker 02

  Roller coaster zone.

• 1:11:00Speaker 04

  What are they called with the amusement parks?

• 1:11:02Speaker 01

  We like to go to a theme park sometimes. And also, we're probably not gonna, like, frequent theme parks if we go to Japan. So, we were there. So, we went to Tokyo Disney Sea and we went to

• 1:11:11Speaker 02

  Universal Osaka.

• 1:11:11Speaker 01

  Universal Studios Osaka, which I'm gonna say on record right now, my favorite Universal park that I've ever been to. Here's why.

• 1:11:19Speaker 04

  Come on, give it up.

• 1:11:20Speaker 01

  It had a great mix of things.

• 1:11:21Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you.

• 1:11:22Speaker 01

  Thank you so much. The first thing we did, well, blah, blah, blah, we do like all the Nintendo stuff, whatever. Bowen and I were the only ones that wanted to do a roller coaster that was this intense. It was called the Flying Dinosaur. It was a Jurassic Park roller coaster and you fly, like literally, how would you describe it?

• 1:11:40Speaker 02

  You get in, you get in vertically on your two feet, as it were. The rest comes down, then there's a moment where the hinge above you starts to go and then you are on your belly.

• 1:11:52Speaker 01

  And you fly on your belly, you go, you go up, up, up.

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  As if you're a pterodactyl.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  Belly, like a pterodactyl, and that's the whole bit is a pterodactyl is pulling you.

• 1:11:59Speaker 04

  Just stay home, smoke crack.

• 1:12:03Speaker 04

  It doesn't have to be this complicated.

• 1:12:07Speaker 02

  Honey, why not?

• 1:12:09Speaker 04

  You're on your two feet, then your stomach, and there's a hose. Just stay home, smoke crack.

• 1:12:18Speaker 04

  Far less complicated. The carbon footprint is smaller.

• 1:12:22Speaker 02

  Honey.

• 1:12:23Speaker 01

  Just stay home and smoke crack.

• 1:12:25Speaker 02

  There's carbon in crack. Don't get it twisted. It's an organic compound.

• 1:12:29Speaker 01

  Don't get it twisted.

• 1:12:30Speaker 04

  Tea boots, tea boots.

• 1:12:31Speaker 01

  Anyway.

• 1:12:32Speaker 02

  Anyway, it was amazing.

• 1:12:33Speaker 01

  It was unbelievable. We were screaming. It was so fucking cold too. We were like screaming in the wind.

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  So much bigger than you could ever imagine. Then we went on the Jaws ride.

• 1:12:45Speaker 04

  Oh, wow. Okay.

• 1:12:47Speaker 01

  The Jaws ride, this is the last Jaws ride, full blown Jaws ride in any Universal Park in the world.

• 1:12:56Speaker 02

  Practical effects and animatronics performances by.

• 1:13:00Speaker 04

  You're right, I love it.

• 1:13:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:13:01Speaker 01

  And what you need to understand is that this was in many ways, I know I've said it a few times about a few different things on this podcast. In so many ways, it was the culture that made me say culture was for me when I was a kid. Going to Universal. When I was like seven or eight years old, the Jaws movie, yes, but also like going on the ride and seeing like going like a mechanical shark attacking the boat. Like seeing the blood in the water. At one point, a fucking huge gas tank explodes. Like there's an actor on the boat screaming, committed, firing a gun.

• 1:13:33Speaker 04

  That's in.

• 1:13:34Speaker 02

  That's the ride.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  That's the ride. And literally the last one you can ever do at this scale is in Osaka. And we did it and it was me, Tom Nye, Matt Whitaker, Greta Thunberg and Bowen. And they knew how much it meant to me because I used to do a show. Which was called You Will Get Wet at UCB, which was about me being a boat captain on this ride.

• 1:13:59Speaker 02

  A skipper.

• 1:14:00Speaker 01

  And I used to stage the whole ride and it was one of my bits that I used to do like back in the day.

• 1:14:05Speaker 02

  Word for word, Sarah, he would recite this entire ride, what the skipper said. I would play Jaws.

• 1:14:13Speaker 01

  Bowen played the shark.

• 1:14:14Speaker 04

  Who was saying, you know, I think every single day in my life, there's just a little voice in my head that goes, we're gonna need a bigger boat.

• 1:14:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, well.

• 1:14:21Speaker 04

  Well, so who said it?

• 1:14:23Speaker 01

  It wasn't said because that line isn't in the ride, but like.

• 1:14:26Speaker 04

  How is that line not in the, hey, hey, hey? How is that line not in the ride?

• 1:14:31Speaker 02

  I don't think it was, maybe it wasn't the ride, but we, of course, this was all, this diva was giving the performance of a lifetime in, in total Japanese.

• 1:14:40Speaker 01

  And this girl was, first of all, we get on.

• 1:14:43Speaker 04

  You probably knew what he was saying.

• 1:14:44Speaker 01

  She.

• 1:14:45Speaker 04

  She.

• 1:14:45Speaker 01

  So we got, we got on and I was like, oh my God, we have a, we have a girl skipper. I was like obsessed and I was like, she's about to pull out a gun. And then what'd she do?

• 1:14:54Speaker 02

  She raised a shotgun with.

• 1:14:57Speaker 01

  She goes full Alon. And we, and we were screaming and clapping and just dying. And then we did the ride and afterwards I was just like, I am so happy. I, I have not been that happy in a long time. Go in, order lunch. They served us soft shell crab at lunch.

• 1:15:17Speaker 02

  We ordered a, a burrito.

• 1:15:20Speaker 04

  That's when you say we're gonna need a bigger boat.

• 1:15:22Speaker 01

  They gave us side of a soft shell crab, a full on soft shell crab.

• 1:15:26Speaker 02

  Cause it's Japan and it's, it's, they're committed to delight.

• 1:15:29Speaker 01

  Moving here.

• 1:15:30Speaker 04

  Well, the Jaws ride in Japan is gonna be your Rosetta Stone. That's how you become fluent in Japanese.

• 1:15:34Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:15:35Speaker 04

  Cause you know every word to it.

• 1:15:37Speaker 01

  No, that's actually really a good point. But, cause I was telling them what she was saying as it was happening.

• 1:15:41Speaker 04

  You're like, guys, she's not saying we're gonna need a bigger boat.

• 1:15:44Speaker 01

  No. But it was, it was just, it was, it healed me doing that.

• 1:15:49Speaker 02

  It was really beautiful to see.

• 1:15:50Speaker 01

  I loved it.

• 1:15:51Speaker 02

  And you, cause you hadn't been on that ride since you were what?

• 1:15:53Speaker 01

  Since I was like, well, they, they took that ride out of Universal Studios Florida.

• 1:15:57Speaker 02

  Travesty.

• 1:15:58Speaker 01

  Um, when I was like, I don't know, 14, 15, 16 to put more Harry Potter shit in. Which, you know, whatever, but like, I just felt like that was such a cool, practical ride. Like the shark coming out of the water, like et cetera.

• 1:16:12Speaker 04

  It's so amazing.

• 1:16:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:14Speaker 04

  This is why, I, as a spectacle horror, I have such a bad relationship with roller coaster zones.

• 1:16:20Speaker 02

  This is why you would love roller coaster zones, actually. It's not all roller coasters.

• 1:16:24Speaker 04

  Well, but, but I like, cause I forced my boyfriend, boyfriend.

• 1:16:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. Put your weapons down.

• 1:16:31Speaker 04

  Put your weapons down.

• 1:16:33Speaker 02

  Put your weapons down.

• 1:16:34Speaker 04

  I forced my boyfriend when I moved to LA and I was broke to take me to Disney.

• 1:16:39Speaker 02

  Land.

• 1:16:40Speaker 04

  Land. And we didn't, you know, we were fucking broke as a joke. So we didn't like do anything. And I'm like waiting on these long lines. I'm like hot, I'm Jewish, so I'm hot and I'm complaining. I'm like, oh, like these lines are so long. I'm so dehydrated.

• 1:16:51Speaker 01

  And he's like, you wanted to come here.

• 1:16:56Speaker 04

  Cause I was like, we literally, I guess we should go.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  No, no, no. This is my impression of your boyfriend. You mean you wanted to come here?

• 1:17:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:04Speaker 02

  That's how we talk. You guys are going way an octave lower.

• 1:17:07Speaker 01

  I guess we haven't spent enough time together.

• 1:17:08Speaker 04

  And I'm going like, I'm like waiting in this line. I'm so hot. I'm so dehydrated. We don't have like any money. We can't do anything. And I see everybody walking around with these giant turkey legs. I'm like, what are you talking about?

• 1:17:21Speaker 01

  They're so good though. I'm a Triptaphan of them.

• 1:17:24Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:17:25Speaker 04

  Well, if that touched my lip, the boiling hot diarrhea that'd be spewing out of my mouth and ass would have sent us home from Anaheim.

• 1:17:33Speaker 01

  So it's, it's, it's like that.

• 1:17:35Speaker 04

  But listen, maybe I gotta be rolling with y'all.

• 1:17:38Speaker 02

  No, you need to roll with, with y'all.

• 1:17:40Speaker 04

  Because I love a spectacle, so I feel like I would.

• 1:17:42Speaker 01

  And also because, let me tell you something, the way I take care of things, the way I'm on that app like a ninja. I'm like.

• 1:17:50Speaker 04

  What app? What app?

• 1:17:51Speaker 02

  He, he knows the apps.

• 1:17:52Speaker 01

  I know what I'm doing.

• 1:17:53Speaker 04

  You're an American Ninja Warrior in Japan.

• 1:17:55Speaker 01

  Let's just say like, I'm better than.

• 1:17:59Speaker 01

  The guides.

• 1:18:01Speaker 02

  He's, wow, that's the headline.

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  No, that's not really true.

• 1:18:04Speaker 02

  That's not true. Sarah, you're coming with us to the parks, you're coming with us to Bieber Chella. So we can watch you sob.

• 1:18:11Speaker 04

  Do you see the way I'm like?

• 1:18:12Speaker 02

  If you're crying.

• 1:18:13Speaker 01

  Would you be interested in Coachella?

• 1:18:15Speaker 04

  Well, again, it's the same problem as outside and I'm upset.

• 1:18:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, Sarah, we take care of you.

• 1:18:21Speaker 04

  I don't wanna be outside.

• 1:18:21Speaker 02

  No, but Sarah, Cele.

• 1:18:22Speaker 04

  Forty day, the Jews already did forty days and forty nights in the desert.

• 1:18:25Speaker 02

  Forty one. Celeste and I went last year for the first time and we were like, we don't know what this is. Like, this might not be for us. We were like, we're, we can't believe we get to have new experiences.

• 1:18:36Speaker 04

  I can stand up for sixteen minutes at a time and I have to sit down.

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  Sarah, it was me, it was like Sam Minor, Rebecca.

• 1:18:43Speaker 04

  Sarah, it was me.

• 1:18:43Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 1:18:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, Rebecca Schwartz was there.

• 1:18:46Speaker 02

  Rebecca Schwartz, Carrie Powers.

• 1:18:47Speaker 04

  Most beautiful woman in America.

• 1:18:48Speaker 02

  Taylor Knights, Sam Minor, we were all having the time of our lives on shrooms. Crying at T-Pain.

• 1:18:55Speaker 01

  Like, like, shut up! And then all of a sudden you're sobbing and throwing ass at the same time.

• 1:19:01Speaker 04

  I, do you guys have this thing, which is, I'm sure you do, actually you do, that's the whole reasoning of the podcast.

• 1:19:08Speaker 02

  You do, you do, you are, you are, you are.

• 1:19:11Speaker 04

  Ooh, you are so angry, you are, you are.

• 1:19:16Speaker 02

  What's our thing?

• 1:19:17Speaker 04

  You probably share this, sometimes I actually can't listen to music or actually take an art of any kind because I'm feeling so sensitive, I'll be so overpowered and overwhelmed that it's actually like a handicap.

• 1:19:28Speaker 01

  You don't even know, you should have, it's pathetic how hard I cry at everything.

• 1:19:34Speaker 04

  Norm MacDonald writes in his book, give it a read. Norm MacDonald, he's, that sometimes he, he couldn't even look at a painting. Because he was like, I actually can't, like, I will become so overwhelmed.

• 1:19:44Speaker 02

  Was he a Pisces too? Y'all are Pisces crying little fish.

• 1:19:49Speaker 04

  Can I, may I be a, can the woman be a diva for a moment and, and what was it, act hard? Act, act hard? No, what was it? What did your manager say, you're acting?

• 1:19:59Speaker 02

  Be strong.

• 1:19:59Speaker 01

  Strong.

• 1:20:00Speaker 04

  Oh, acting hard.

• 1:20:01Speaker 01

  It was strong.

• 1:20:02Speaker 02

  You look up Norm MacDonald's zodiac.

• 1:20:04Speaker 04

  I wanna be strong and hard for a second. But I, and, and that's what I was.

• 1:20:08Speaker 01

  I'm gonna guess cancer.

• 1:20:09Speaker 04

  I saw, I saw Bone Temple and a.

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:20:16Speaker 01

  I'm gonna say cancer.

• 1:20:17Speaker 02

  Pisces.

• 1:20:18Speaker 04

  I guess Pisces. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

• 1:20:22Speaker 01

  Aquarius man, not trustworthy.

• 1:20:24Speaker 04

  So hot.

• 1:20:25Speaker 01

  Aquarius men march to the beat of their own drummer, AKA do whatever the fuck they want.

• 1:20:32Speaker 04

  That girl did.

• 1:20:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:20:33Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 1:20:35Speaker 01

  I just won't date him.

• 1:20:40Speaker 04

  I watched Bone Temple and there's a moment in Bone Temple where a song happens, but just because a big song was happening, I lost sobbing uncontrollably because Ray Fiennes was dancing to, spoiler alert, don't listen to this if you don't wanna know.

• 1:21:00Speaker 01

  Do you remember?

• 1:21:01Speaker 04

  Iron Maiden song.

• 1:21:02Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:21:02Speaker 01

  The Greatest Sherman. I went to go see The Greatest Sherman with Sooty Green. The whole time, she's like, this is bad. And then I was like, I kind of agreed. And then this happened. When the sharpest words wanna cut me down. And I'm like.

• 1:21:20Speaker 04

  Gone.

• 1:21:20Speaker 01

  I go.

• 1:21:21Speaker 04

  Gone. You're gone, you went.

• 1:21:24Speaker 01

  You ever watch the Oscars performance of that song?

• 1:21:27Speaker 04

  Couldn't say.

• 1:21:28Speaker 01

  Miss Kayala Settle is performing the song. And it's like the bridge where she's like, when the sharpest words wanna cut me down. And it's like circling her and she breaks down.

• 1:21:38Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:21:38Speaker 02

  Oh, she's amazing.

• 1:21:39Speaker 07

  I don't stand a chance.

• 1:21:40Speaker 02

  I have a question for you.

• 1:21:41Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:21:41Speaker 02

  You said Matt's Rosetta Stone was the jaws writing Japanese. I need you to be on a foreign language journey.

• 1:21:48Speaker 04

  I.

• 1:21:49Speaker 01

  Which one?

• 1:21:50Speaker 04

  Couldn't agree more.

• 1:21:50Speaker 02

  What is your foreign language?

• 1:21:51Speaker 04

  Listen, guy came up to me on the train the other day and he was like needing me to help him get to his stop in Spanish and I'm going, fucking, I can do this shit. I know fucking Spanish. He goes like, hey, a utame, whatever. And I'm going like.

• 1:22:06Speaker 02

  It's different.

• 1:22:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's hard.

• 1:22:09Speaker 04

  I got that. I need to be getting my Spanish one down.

• 1:22:13Speaker 02

  We're going to Barcelona. We're going to Barcelona.

• 1:22:15Speaker 04

  We're going tomorrow.

• 1:22:15Speaker 01

  What do you mean you're going to Barcelona?

• 1:22:16Speaker 02

  No, we're going to Barcelona, we're going to Coachella. We're.

• 1:22:19Speaker 04

  We're going to the Barcelona in Coachella.

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  It can't ever be enough.

• 1:22:23Speaker 02

  I love travel.

• 1:22:24Speaker 04

  Again, you know, I've said this before, I'll say it again, unless I'm doing the Chuckle Hut at the corner of Pizza and Gate. I'm not, I've literally like, one time, my boyfriend Dan, Pedro Webens, in the Yukon.

• 1:22:41Speaker 04

  He's like, let's go to New Orleans. I go, okay. And he goes, no shows. And I go, totally. We're walking around New Orleans. I walked by an open mic. I go, I'm gonna pop in. He goes, come on.

• 1:22:53Speaker 02

  You're such a workhorse.

• 1:22:55Speaker 01

  You love to do open mics?

• 1:22:58Speaker 04

  Well, this was like nine years.

• 1:23:01Speaker 04

  I'm on a, I'm on a stand up hiatus right now.

• 1:23:03Speaker 02

  Good.

• 1:23:03Speaker 04

  Kind of seeing if people notice. Did I say my favorite joke of all time? It's not my joke to say.

• 1:23:09Speaker 01

  You're giving it credit to someone else.

• 1:23:10Speaker 02

  To Whitmer Thomas.

• 1:23:11Speaker 04

  Credit to Whitmer Thomas. He goes, you ever notice old people get a frog in their toe?

• 1:23:16Speaker 02

  I turn on the TV today just to like get to my switch too.

• 1:23:20Speaker 04

  Say it.

• 1:23:21Speaker 02

  It's a, it's a full video of RFK Jr. Going, and I was like, get this off my screen now. I know it's a condition, but.

• 1:23:28Speaker 04

  I know it's a condition, but.

• 1:23:29Speaker 01

  Here's my thing. I don't know how people can look at the cast of characters that is the GOP and not see Batman villains.

• 1:23:39Speaker 02

  That's why they like them.

• 1:23:41Speaker 01

  Tulsi Gabbard's hair, that one white streak. I'm like, give me a brick. She's an X-Men.

• 1:23:47Speaker 04

  Where Stacy London's streak.

• 1:23:49Speaker 01

  Stacy London has a.

• 1:23:51Speaker 02

  Who not to wear? Stupid.

• 1:23:54Speaker 01

  Who not to wear?

• 1:23:55Speaker 02

  How are you the funniest person on the planet?

• 1:23:57Speaker 04

  Blackout whore in the sewer right now.

• 1:24:00Speaker 01

  I just don't get it.

• 1:24:01Speaker 04

  I'm like a pepper in a tree top, y'all. I'm gone.

• 1:24:04Speaker 01

  By the way, can I have one olive of yours? Because I feel like everyone's been taking the olives.

• 1:24:09Speaker 02

  Let's time it.

• 1:24:09Speaker 04

  I took your olives. Put credit where credit's due.

• 1:24:13Speaker 01

  You took it. Okay. Unfortunately, I do think it's time for I don't think so, honey, which is gonna be interesting.

• 1:24:18Speaker 04

  We didn't even talk about anything.

• 1:24:22Speaker 02

  Talk about, wait, talk about Salt Lake City before, before.

• 1:24:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I didn't see the reunion yet. What?

• 1:24:26Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:24:27Speaker 01

  I don't know. We were in Tokyo. It was hard. There's no peacock in Tokyo. It's Real Culture number 10. There's no peacock in Tokyo.

• 1:24:35Speaker 04

  Short for penis cock.

• 1:24:36Speaker 01

  No, it's not. And don't go there because we've had a really good time. And now you're gonna bring in this humor.

• 1:24:43Speaker 02

  That's a rule, that's a rule of culture. Rule culture number 13. Peacock, that's short.

• 1:24:47Speaker 01

  Come on.

• 1:24:48Speaker 02

  Peacock, that's short for penis cock.

• 1:24:50Speaker 01

  But I'm just not behind it.

• 1:24:51Speaker 04

  And that's on Boots, period.

• 1:24:52Speaker 01

  And that's on Boots, period.

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  What are your takes on Salt Lake?

• 1:24:55Speaker 04

  Um.

• 1:24:56Speaker 01

  And don't be afraid.

• 1:24:58Speaker 04

  Y'all.

• 1:25:01Speaker 04

  Let Whitney cook.

• 1:25:03Speaker 02

  Yes, I was just gonna say.

• 1:25:05Speaker 04

  I fucking love her.

• 1:25:06Speaker 01

  I love Whitney too.

• 1:25:07Speaker 04

  And I find that people are like, I don't know about Whitney. I go.

• 1:25:11Speaker 02

  They've been saying that for years. Can I say something? Salt Lake would not be.

• 1:25:17Speaker 01

  What it, it would lose something without Whitney.

• 1:25:19Speaker 02

  My, my beautiful development, full Bronwyn Newport stan.

• 1:25:25Speaker 02

  Come on, Sarah.

• 1:25:27Speaker 01

  I've always liked Bronwyn from the beginning.

• 1:25:30Speaker 04

  I like that. I like that she's going through it.

• 1:25:33Speaker 01

  I've always liked Bronwyn.

• 1:25:35Speaker 02

  This is what makes it interesting is that we, we are debating.

• 1:25:37Speaker 04

  She's highly intelligent.

• 1:25:39Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:25:39Speaker 04

  And I can feel the producing.

• 1:25:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:25:42Speaker 04

  If I was going through a fucking divorce with my big fat husband, I'd come into that reunion and be like, hey, I'm getting a divorce. You didn't tell your friends you're getting a fucking divorce from this, from this giant monster that's been the topic. I know. So I'm like, what the fuck are we talking about? If I walked in here and I was like, hey, me and Dan broke up, you'd be like, what? You didn't tell me? It's insane.

• 1:26:10Speaker 02

  But how would you describe Dan as a?

• 1:26:16Speaker 04

  You'd be insane. All of them are sitting there like, you can't even got divorced. What?

• 1:26:21Speaker 01

  We're drunk. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's like, it's, it's, we're all having fun here.

• 1:26:26Speaker 02

  This is history. This is lost culture history.

• 1:26:27Speaker 04

  Like, okay, can there be like a lower third? Like, when we got drunk?

• 1:26:32Speaker 02

  Blackout, blackout, blackout.

• 1:26:33Speaker 04

  In the rearview mirror, these, these objects in the rearview mirror are drunker than they appear.

• 1:26:38Speaker 01

  Moment when each of us got wasted. Have you gotten it yet?

• 1:26:42Speaker 02

  I can't believe you.

• 1:26:44Speaker 04

  Can there be like a little Sims diamond over our head when we got wasted to market?

• 1:26:49Speaker 01

  To denote that we're not to be taken seriously, we're now a crazy person you might meet in a bar.

• 1:26:54Speaker 04

  Can mine be the Caroline's Harlequin diamond above my head? So I got, I got wasted approximately, we all know this, three and a half hours ago. So that should be over my head from the mo- I just got scared. I thought there was another flight of drinks coming. My heart stopped.

• 1:27:09Speaker 01

  Can you imagine? Can you imagine a second round just came and no one asked why we'd be like, ah!

• 1:27:16Speaker 04

  More olives, I'm hungry.

• 1:27:19Speaker 01

  Okay, so.

• 1:27:20Speaker 04

  Oh my god, they're on the road!

• 1:27:21Speaker 01

  What is that?

• 1:27:22Speaker 04

  More olives! Abby, you gave me one!

• 1:27:25Speaker 02

  I'm good, I'm good.

• 1:27:27Speaker 01

  I love olives.

• 1:27:28Speaker 04

  He's withering away, he's starving.

• 1:27:29Speaker 02

  He's starving.

• 1:27:30Speaker 01

  I'm so hungry, you don't even know.

• 1:27:32Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:27:33Speaker 04

  Housewives tagline, I love olives.

• 1:27:36Speaker 01

  And everyone would be like, he fucking sucks. We always hated him.

• 1:27:40Speaker 04

  I saw this and I went Sephora.

• 1:27:43Speaker 02

  You're not wrong.

• 1:27:43Speaker 01

  You're not wrong at all.

• 1:27:46Speaker 02

  All right, it's time for Adam thinks so, honey.

• 1:27:47Speaker 04

  Wait, my other brown one's taken.

• 1:27:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, go, go, yeah.

• 1:27:51Speaker 02

  She's highly intelligent and if you, if, if, if you had gotten divorced from your husband.

• 1:27:58Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:27:59Speaker 02

  You would be proclaiming it.

• 1:28:00Speaker 04

  Oh, and Brittany is a star.

• 1:28:01Speaker 01

  What do you think of Brittany saying, I won't film with her about Meredith, who's like on the show?

• 1:28:07Speaker 04

  She said that?

• 1:28:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, didn't she?

• 1:28:09Speaker 02

  Brittany has never touched a snowflake in her life.

• 1:28:13Speaker 01

  I'm not filming with her.

• 1:28:15Speaker 04

  She's a star. Well, guess what? Guess what?

• 1:28:17Speaker 02

  We love Brittany.

• 1:28:18Speaker 04

  The production team of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, y'all have an interesting.

• 1:28:22Speaker 01

  Quandary.

• 1:28:23Speaker 04

  Y'all have an interesting, you know how they say the restrictions of the sonnet make the poem?

• 1:28:29Speaker 02

  You know how they say the restrictions of the sonnet?

• 1:28:32Speaker 01

  You are on one!

• 1:28:33Speaker 04

  The restrictions of a sonnet actually give birth to-

• 1:28:35Speaker 02

  What'd you call that, iambic pentameter?

• 1:28:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, it makes, you, you're forced to be creative because you have restrictions.

• 1:28:43Speaker 02

  Yes. Thank you for making it Eurocentric and not Asian-centric.

• 1:28:48Speaker 02

  Haikus do the same thing.

• 1:28:49Speaker 04

  The haiku does the same thing. I'm not speaking on behalf of the haiku culture.

• 1:28:53Speaker 01

  And you wouldn't.

• 1:28:54Speaker 04

  I would never.

• 1:28:55Speaker 01

  Or else.

• 1:28:56Speaker 04

  So it's like, guess what editors and producers.

• 1:29:00Speaker 02

  Sarah Sherman refuses to speak in haiku.

• 1:29:04Speaker 04

  As of not that experience.

• 1:29:06Speaker 02

  Wait, so you're saying the limitation, what, what are the limitations?

• 1:29:09Speaker 01

  Someone who is of not that experience.

• 1:29:12Speaker 04

  I am Big Pentameter, I said that, didn't I?

• 1:29:14Speaker 01

  Okay, we're losing the crew.

• 1:29:16Speaker 04

  So.

• 1:29:17Speaker 01

  They're watching, he's watching Fincher on his phone. So we gotta hurry.

• 1:29:20Speaker 02

  Watching this take quick.

• 1:29:22Speaker 04

  Boys, it's like now, well, now that creativity must come from this now.

• 1:29:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:29:26Speaker 04

  There's a restriction, so now let's get creative.

• 1:29:29Speaker 02

  Let's get.

• 1:29:30Speaker 04

  Meredith called her antisemitic, y'all. As a speaker of Semitic experience, Meredith, come on now, girl.

• 1:29:38Speaker 02

  Antisemitic was tough.

• 1:29:39Speaker 04

  That was the deflection of the century. I'm gonna start doing that.

• 1:29:43Speaker 01

  That was the deflection of the century.

• 1:29:45Speaker 04

  Next time HR calls me in to the end and says, Sarah, let's, let's talk about what you did today.

• 1:29:51Speaker 02

  Well, you're antisemitic.

• 1:29:52Speaker 04

  Yeah. You know why I'm in this room? Y'all antisemitic, y'all. And if you're not watching my special, you're antisemitic.

• 1:30:01Speaker 02

  You're anti-Chicago.

• 1:30:02Speaker 01

  I think it is time for, I don't think so, honey.

• 1:30:04Speaker 02

  I want to say really quickly, before we, before we move on, Osaka was giving Chicago, which is also another reason why you would like it.

• 1:30:10Speaker 04

  Not going.

• 1:30:11Speaker 02

  Comedy town, no, stop, Sarah. Comedy town, canal system. Oh, it's amazing.

• 1:30:17Speaker 01

  It's so good.

• 1:30:18Speaker 04

  Canal system, why did you say that?

• 1:30:19Speaker 02

  What'd you say?

• 1:30:21Speaker 04

  Oh, this canal system. Why'd you say that?

• 1:30:25Speaker 02

  Also.

• 1:30:26Speaker 04

  I got a plane to catch.

• 1:30:27Speaker 02

  My little Salt Lake take.

• 1:30:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:30:29Speaker 02

  It was tough to hear, there's a moment where, I don't know if you saw this, there's a moment where like, the women call out Meredith for always, always blaming it on production.

• 1:30:40Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 1:30:41Speaker 02

  And Mary, and Mary M Cosby is out here being like, these, this is our family. Why would you go after these people? Production is our family.

• 1:30:50Speaker 01

  Well, how does Meredith respond to that?

• 1:30:52Speaker 02

  She, she, she doesn't take it well.

• 1:30:54Speaker 04

  Well, again, I'm gonna say something crazy. What Housewives show would be good if we didn't have a woman acting monstrously to the crew?

• 1:31:04Speaker 02

  Understandable.

• 1:31:06Speaker 04

  And I'm

• 1:31:07Speaker 02

  She gets to ask for smoothies. She gets to say three takes only.

• 1:31:10Speaker 04

  And I'm like, it's, do we, listen, I do not want any union labor workers to be abused on set.

• 1:31:20Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:31:21Speaker 01

  They work on a Housewives show and one of them is gonna be crazy.

• 1:31:25Speaker 04

  Wouldn't it?

• 1:31:25Speaker 01

  Not that she's crazy, but like-

• 1:31:27Speaker 04

  If we were like, if there was a reality Housewives show and everyone is like, well, everyone acted like a peach.

• 1:31:35Speaker 01

  I'm not watching.

• 1:31:36Speaker 04

  They all donated to the ACLU and yeah.

• 1:31:42Speaker 01

  And they all donated to the ACLU.

• 1:31:45Speaker 02

  And they're all in mutual aid groups.

• 1:31:46Speaker 01

  And I think that what you're gonna see is a lot of women getting along and a lot of growth. I think that what's gonna happen is you're gonna see amazing vacations and certainly-

• 1:32:01Speaker 02

  Emotional intelligence.

• 1:32:02Speaker 01

  Friendships bloom even more than you thought they could. A lot of emotional intelligence, a lot of patience.

• 1:32:08Speaker 04

  You'd be like, great, I didn't realize I'd be watching a screensaver.

• 1:32:14Speaker 01

  Period.

• 1:32:14Speaker 02

  How are you the funniest bitch on the planet?

• 1:32:17Speaker 04

  You saying it's straight space, it's straight.

• 1:32:20Speaker 01

  Okay. Straight space.

• 1:32:26Speaker 03

  This ad is sponsored by Vive Healthcare.

• 1:32:28Speaker 02

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• 1:32:30Speaker 01

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• 1:32:42Speaker 01

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• 1:32:47Speaker 02

  Did you know there's more to consider about long-acting injectable prep options than how often you get it? Also, why you wanna take it matters. Your lifestyle matters, your routine, your chaos level, your, I might forget my own birthday energy, all of it counts.

• 1:32:59Speaker 01

  Basically, talk to your doctor. Have the conversation, ask the questions, be a little nosy about your own health. It's allowed, encouraged even. Okay, did you write all that down?

• 1:33:08Speaker 03

  No?

• 1:33:09Speaker 01

  Don't worry.

• 1:33:10Speaker 02

  Just head to getprepwisdom.com to learn what to ask.

• 1:33:13Speaker 05

  Ask your doctor. That's getprepwisdom.com. Hey, it's Niall Rogers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by my friend, John Ledge. What still makes you just sit down at the piano?

• 1:33:39Speaker 06

  If you sat down at 9:00 a.m. and then at noon, you had a full song that you recorded and putting your voice recorder or you recorded at your studio. You've just created something brand new that didn't exist when you woke up. What a beautiful feeling it is. I'm always excited to write something new. I've been writing for Broadway, which has been a new challenge with new collaborators and amazing performers who are triple threats, who can sing and dance and act and do all these amazing things. And I want to keep feeling that. And so that means not resting on my laurels, going out there and continuing to create something new.

• 1:34:15Speaker 05

  Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeart Radio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 1:34:24Speaker 07

  This is Colin Cowherd from the Colin Cowherd Podcast. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota Fordability. All starts with a great deal on an off-road ready Tacoma or a half-ton Tundra, two of Toyota's most capable and longest-lasting trucks. Built on a reputation for quality and reliability, Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which could mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. For a great deal today to a great value tomorrow, shop toyota.com. Toyota, let's go places.

• 1:34:58Speaker 02

  It's time for a good one.

• 1:34:59Speaker 04

  Oh, shit.

• 1:35:01Speaker 02

  I can go first.

• 1:35:02Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:35:02Speaker 02

  And you must, you all must agree with me. I'm talking to you people at home.

• 1:35:07Speaker 01

  Okay, this is.

• 1:35:08Speaker 02

  Oh, you want me to?

• 1:35:09Speaker 04

  I wanna get a booga after this.

• 1:35:12Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:35:12Speaker 04

  I wanna get a booga after this.

• 1:35:14Speaker 02

  Booga? You're being weird.

• 1:35:16Speaker 01

  This is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey's Time Starts Now.

• 1:35:19Speaker 02

  I don't think so, honey, the word restaurant. Why do we call it that? It's a crazy fucking word with a crazy fucking spelling. You wanna know what a restaurant is called in Mandarin Chinese? The translation is meal store. Thank you for the literalism of that. Because calling anything a restaurant automatically, like borrowing from the French word for a restore, gives it a false sense of service. I'm not restored at a restaurant. Most of the time, I'm stressed the fuck out. Cause it took me three weeks in advance to book this on Resy. And I get there and I'm like, well, I guess I have to have the most mind blowing experience of my life here.

• 1:36:03Speaker 01

  Fifteen seconds.

• 1:36:04Speaker 02

  Even though it's a place where it sells mid food at best. A restaurant, it's a crazy word. It's too fancy.

• 1:36:14Speaker 01

  Five seconds.

• 1:36:14Speaker 02

  Sometimes the place isn't fancy enough to merit or warrant the word and title of a restaurant. And that's okay. Sometimes it's a hole in the wall and I just want a little, a little thing that comes out in a metal tray and that's fine. But that qualifies as a restaurant and shouldn't be called that.

• 1:36:28Speaker 01

  And that's one minute.

• 1:36:29Speaker 02

  The word linguistically, it does not bear the weight of what that service is.

• 1:36:34Speaker 04

  The center is a hole.

• 1:36:35Speaker 01

  I'm gonna spell the word restaurant right now and I need you spelling bee style to say if I got it right. Restaurant. R E S T A U R A N T. Restaurant.

• 1:36:50Speaker 02

  That is correct.

• 1:36:51Speaker 01

  Okay, because you never know.

• 1:36:53Speaker 04

  For a second, I went, is it rest-ron?

• 1:36:56Speaker 01

  It's restaurant instead of restaurant.

• 1:37:02Speaker 02

  I think it's ten letters for three syllables. That ratio ain't right.

• 1:37:06Speaker 04

  It should be rest-ron.

• 1:37:08Speaker 02

  Restaurant.

• 1:37:09Speaker 01

  We should just call it dinner. We're going to dinner.

• 1:37:12Speaker 04

  Sup. We're going to sup.

• 1:37:14Speaker 01

  Supper. When would you call something supper?

• 1:37:17Speaker 04

  When there's pheasant.

• 1:37:18Speaker 02

  When you're Canadian, when there's.

• 1:37:24Speaker 02

  How are you the funniest bitch on the planet?

• 1:37:25Speaker 01

  I don't even know how your brain got there.

• 1:37:28Speaker 04

  Tell that to the American.

• 1:37:29Speaker 01

  When would you call it supper?

• 1:37:31Speaker 02

  When there's pheasant.

• 1:37:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, like.

• 1:37:34Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:37:35Speaker 02

  No, here's when you call it supper. When you're eating something from a fucking spoon.

• 1:37:40Speaker 04

  Ugh.

• 1:37:41Speaker 02

  I, that's how I picture supper. Supper time, there better be a spoon on the table.

• 1:37:46Speaker 01

  My god.

• 1:37:47Speaker 02

  Know what I'm saying?

• 1:37:48Speaker 04

  There better be a stew and I better have my like, my like, it's, it's like peasant fare. Like grandma's had.

• 1:37:56Speaker 01

  Peasants for peasants.

• 1:37:58Speaker 02

  Peasants for peasants.

• 1:38:00Speaker 01

  I wanna go.

• 1:38:01Speaker 04

  I wanna go, I wanna go.

• 1:38:03Speaker 01

  It's my turn for all this, honey.

• 1:38:05Speaker 02

  Okay, this is Matt Rogers. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now.

• 1:38:08Speaker 01

  I don't think so, honey.

• 1:38:10Speaker 04

  Uh.

• 1:38:10Speaker 01

  That AI is in Google.

• 1:38:12Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:38:13Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:38:13Speaker 01

  Gmail.

• 1:38:14Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:38:14Speaker 01

  I don't like that.

• 1:38:16Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:38:17Speaker 01

  Because, and I learned this from Lori from Shark Tank.

• 1:38:20Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 1:38:20Speaker 01

  Because she put up a very helpful reel about how to disable the AI settings on your Gmail. And I think everyone should do this because I don't need AI to be reading my emails. And seeing everything in my Gmail. And then like, I get an email from a friend and AI was like, oh, this is basically what it says. I didn't fucking ask for that. I feel like you should have to turn on an AI setting in a Gmail.

• 1:38:46Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 1:38:46Speaker 01

  And it not just be an assumed thing that I want AI to deduce from me. Oh, this is basically what this text says. This is basically what this email says. No, because then you're gonna miss a joke, a turn of phrase, a little informative thing that's in addition.

• 1:39:01Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:39:02Speaker 01

  Don't stop using your brain. They want you to do that. I don't think so, honey.

• 1:39:09Speaker 02

  And that's one minute. Thank you.

• 1:39:11Speaker 01

  I feel like it's just, it's, we're starting to accept.

• 1:39:15Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:39:15Speaker 01

  This idea that everything is supposed to be just summarized or abridged for us by a thing that is proven to not be correct.

• 1:39:23Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 1:39:24Speaker 04

  What happened to je ne sais quoi?

• 1:39:25Speaker 02

  What happened to je ne sais quoi?

• 1:39:29Speaker 04

  What happened to that?

• 1:39:30Speaker 01

  I.

• 1:39:31Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm looking at my texts. It's saying, Bo Nying is expressing affection and is inquiring about. I'll read the text, girl.

• 1:39:41Speaker 02

  Wait, you don't have to do all that.

• 1:39:43Speaker 01

  It's really like, I really feel like it's gonna end up with.

• 1:39:50Speaker 01

  Like us being completely inept at understanding or reading. We're not gonna be able to read anymore at this rate.

• 1:39:58Speaker 02

  Reading is so important.

• 1:40:00Speaker 01

  And thank you Lori from Shark Tank. Because she actually walked through how to disable this setting on the Gmail. And please go to her Instagram where she does a reel about this. And she says at the end, I care about you.

• 1:40:11Speaker 04

  Don't go to Instagram. Look back at your leaves and your twigs.

• 1:40:14Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, don't go to Instagram. It's horrible. But I'm just saying, it's like, I have really been shook lately by just how much.

• 1:40:23Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:40:23Speaker 01

  They, they want you to just accept. Yeah, don't, don't, don't use your brain. Be dumbed down. Accept this little thing.

• 1:40:31Speaker 02

  No, you're, you're, you're in Sarah Salt psychosis.

• 1:40:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:40:35Speaker 02

  Constantly if you're relying on AI. And by the way.

• 1:40:38Speaker 01

  It's so boring to talk about, but also you have to talk about it because it's everywhere.

• 1:40:42Speaker 02

  So my YouTube algorithm is purely videos of, these are the best RPGs to play. Fine, I'm watching every single video.

• 1:40:50Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 1:40:50Speaker 02

  But now what I'm noticing is, oh, this is, this was written by ChatGPT. Because you know what the tell is? This is for everyone in the room and everyone at home. This is the tell when something is written by AI. Cause I was like, I'm going insane. This is the syntax for everything written by AI, including Gemini and what else? Whatever, what's the other one?

• 1:41:10Speaker 04

  What have you?

• 1:41:11Speaker 02

  What have you? It isn't A, it's B. Do you know what I mean? It's like, that's not a martini. That's a drink that's a gorgeous savory cold soup. It's like, that is the way AI thinks it's being profound by being like, it's not this, it's that.

• 1:41:32Speaker 04

  Look, I have consciousness. I can determine there's a difference between two things.

• 1:41:36Speaker 02

  But the way it, the way it denotes that difference is, it's not this, it's that.

• 1:41:44Speaker 01

  Can I ask a question? When has there ever been a piece of like, when has there ever been like a movie? A television show, whatever, that was like, here comes AI and it ended positive? Literally, when have we seen one example of like this being introduced into society? And it ends in a way that isn't total destruction? Never.

• 1:42:06Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:42:06Speaker 01

  Where do we think this is going?

• 1:42:09Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:42:10Speaker 02

  I'm shook that people just want to march towards death.

• 1:42:14Speaker 04

  My straight computer boyfriend.

• 1:42:18Speaker 02

  What's your straight computer boyfriend says?

• 1:42:19Speaker 04

  He has a Google that I don't really know what it's called. It's called like DuckDuckBoots or something. That is like a Google without AI.

• 1:42:27Speaker 02

  DuckDuckBoots?

• 1:42:29Speaker 04

  Can't be it.

• 1:42:32Speaker 04

  Goose.

• 1:42:33Speaker 02

  Well, don't ask AI. DuckDuck, I'm so sorry to, I'm so sorry to make fun of you.

• 1:42:38Speaker 04

  Well, I said DuckDuckBoots, didn't I?

• 1:42:41Speaker 02

  And now DuckDuck, Michael Rapaport sending me boots. Now, I wanna, I wanna point out that your boyfriend.

• 1:42:48Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:42:48Speaker 02

  Is doing the most anti-AI thing ever, which is he's going to school for maps.

• 1:42:53Speaker 04

  And geography bitch, that's the mountains, that's the land. I don't see, do I see AI around there?

• 1:43:00Speaker 02

  No, cuz we think, we're over here thinking, oh yeah, we, we've mapped the whole sphere.

• 1:43:04Speaker 04

  And geography is about, things are real and they're happening in your world right now.

• 1:43:09Speaker 02

  Yes, it's dynamic and we don't know anything about the ocean.

• 1:43:13Speaker 04

  I don't, it's chilling me to my bones also how many people, I'm grandma on the computer. Cuz I'm going, I'm so not going on with A, knowing what's going on with AI. I'm so not going knowing what's on with AI. Bars, by the way, bars.

• 1:43:30Speaker 02

  By the way.

• 1:43:30Speaker 04

  I, I wouldn't even know if something is chat GPT coded because I'm so, like, I'm still grandma on the computer being like,

• 1:43:41Speaker 04

  you're telling me?

• 1:43:44Speaker 04

  Someone made a vending machine? That takes a live shrimp out of the vending machine, fries it, and then?

• 1:43:55Speaker 02

  Wait, what are you talking about? No one's telling you that.

• 1:43:59Speaker 04

  I saw a video.

• 1:44:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:44:01Speaker 04

  Of a vending machine?

• 1:44:04Speaker 04

  Live shrimp, the claw picks up the live shrimp, fries it, and then it comes out the way, and I'm going, oh my god, this is amazing.

• 1:44:12Speaker 02

  It's time for Sarah Shermans, I don't think so, honey.

• 1:44:15Speaker 04

  I don't think so, honey.

• 1:44:16Speaker 01

  Hold on, hold on, hold on. Fuck.

• 1:44:20Speaker 02

  This is Sarah Shermans.

• 1:44:21Speaker 01

  Watch Lori the Shark's thing about how you get those settings off your Gmail. That's all I want to say.

• 1:44:27Speaker 04

  That's her goddamn name.

• 1:44:28Speaker 02

  Matt praising billionaires. This is, this is Sarah Shermans, I don't think so, honey, her time starts now.

• 1:44:34Speaker 04

  I do not think so, honey. People who complain about, ugh, my Uber driver talked to me today.

• 1:44:42Speaker 02

  Oh, shut up.

• 1:44:43Speaker 04

  Oh, shut up, you're in his fucking car. Have a conversation. Oh, I don't want to talk to anyone, my life is so, I'm so, I'm running around, my life is so busy, I have to move so fast. Fucking have a goddamn fucking conversation. What's your fucking problem? Hey, how was your day? Oh, it was good, what do you do? You know what I say when someone asks me what I do? I go, I'm a Saturday Night Live. They go, what is that? I go, well, it's a weekly variety comedy show, whatever. You don't want anyone to talk to you, then take the fucking train. People are gonna talk to you on the train, deal with it, talk to them back. If you don't want them to talk to you on the train, rip all your clothes off, shit in your hands smeared all over your body. Be the person on the train that nobody wants to talk to them. You can do it. You don't want people to talk to you, start acting like it.

• 1:45:28Speaker 02

  Move to, move to a fucking farm if you want people to talk to you.

• 1:45:31Speaker 04

  Farm, have a cow, that's my, my time of the day.

• 1:45:33Speaker 02

  And that's one minute, have a cow.

• 1:45:36Speaker 04

  Fucking just talk to, what do you?

• 1:45:37Speaker 01

  Just talk to them. You want to be someone that no one wants to talk to, take a shit and smear it all over yourself?

• 1:45:44Speaker 04

  So, I do it.

• 1:45:45Speaker 01

  It's so crazy. You're fucked up.

• 1:45:48Speaker 04

  You're fucked, just, and listen, sometimes I, someone gives me an inch, and I take a mile. Celeste and I were in the bathroom at Panera when we were coming back from our trip, me and 80.

• 1:45:59Speaker 01

  So you do take trips?

• 1:46:00Speaker 02

  We take trips.

• 1:46:01Speaker 01

  That was a trip.

• 1:46:03Speaker 02

  That was a trip. And wasn't that fun, did you enjoy it?

• 1:46:06Speaker 04

  Time of my life, I think about it every day, it was so long ago, this was the last time I had fun. We're, we're in the bathroom of Panera.

• 1:46:14Speaker 02

  I remember that Panera.

• 1:46:15Speaker 04

  Literally, a woman.

• 1:46:17Speaker 01

  I get wasted in Blackout, I'm like, what? You didn't have fun today?

• 1:46:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, the day. Yeah, you sit there for the rest of the day, we leave you. Nah, I'm just gonna think about some things.

• 1:46:27Speaker 02

  I get like I'm really angry and pissed.

• 1:46:30Speaker 04

  I literally saw a woman in the bathroom at Panera goes, "Love your pants." So I said that.

• 1:46:38Speaker 02

  What did you do?

• 1:46:40Speaker 04

  This woman's like, just wants to go to the bathroom.

• 1:46:43Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 1:46:44Speaker 04

  And passing she goes, "I like your pants." I basically stopped her dead in her tracks and I'm like, "Well, I got them on eBay on this." You know, I searched in the, I searched clown pants on eBay and actually they're. So I was just like, let the woman go.

• 1:46:59Speaker 02

  Let the woman go. She was just being.

• 1:47:01Speaker 04

  Say you love me, then put me in Chanel.

• 1:47:04Speaker 02

  We.

• 1:47:04Speaker 04

  Say you love me, put me in cup pants.

• 1:47:06Speaker 02

  You rolling your eyes back? We did this one, Ago was on the podcast, we read one of our sketches that never got picked. Do you know, you know what sketch I want to, I want to read?

• 1:47:13Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:47:15Speaker 04

  Successing?

• 1:47:16Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:47:16Speaker 04

  We never wrote that.

• 1:47:17Speaker 02

  No, pain sip.

• 1:47:19Speaker 04

  Girl.

• 1:47:21Speaker 02

  Do you want to read pain sip?

• 1:47:21Speaker 04

  Yes, I do.

• 1:47:22Speaker 01

  Do I get to play a role?

• 1:47:23Speaker 02

  I, yes, you do.

• 1:47:24Speaker 04

  Well, guess what? I don't have my phone on me because I'm a what I.

• 1:47:27Speaker 02

  I'm gonna send you, hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 1:47:29Speaker 04

  Send me nothing.

• 1:47:30Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:47:30Speaker 04

  I can go get my phone.

• 1:47:32Speaker 02

  No, I'm gonna, I'm gonna send Becca, uh, this.

• 1:47:35Speaker 04

  But don't you want to see how big and encumbering my phone case is?

• 1:47:38Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no, no, we'll come around this. Wait, can we, can we read this? And if it flops, then we'll just cut this out.

• 1:47:43Speaker 04

  No, I, I, if it flops, I want people to know why.

• 1:47:46Speaker 02

  All right. I sent it. Oh, airdrop failed. Hold on, hold on. You did? Yeah. Okay, great.

• 1:47:52Speaker 04

  It's Tyler.

• 1:47:53Speaker 01

  Okay, what's my role?

• 1:47:54Speaker 02

  Okay, you, I'm gonna read stage direction and then you, uh, Sarah reads Sarah.

• 1:48:00Speaker 01

  My Shane.

• 1:48:00Speaker 02

  You read Shane.

• 1:48:02Speaker 04

  Oh, we wrote this for Shane.

• 1:48:04Speaker 02

  We wrote this one for when Shane Gelsco does.

• 1:48:06Speaker 04

  Oh, this is great. This is a great sketch.

• 1:48:07Speaker 02

  And then you, you read all the other parts, okay?

• 1:48:09Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:48:10Speaker 02

  Okay, it's called pain.

• 1:48:11Speaker 01

  So I'm just Shane.

• 1:48:12Speaker 02

  You're Shane and everyone else, except me and Sarah.

• 1:48:13Speaker 01

  Shane and everyone else.

• 1:48:15Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 1:48:15Speaker 04

  This is Kenan's favorite sketch.

• 1:48:16Speaker 02

  This is Kenan's favorite sketch.

• 1:48:17Speaker 01

  Wait, so, so then I'm also Heidi and Andrew?

• 1:48:20Speaker 02

  You're Heidi and Andrew.

• 1:48:20Speaker 01

  So I'm gonna read all the lines at the top.

• 1:48:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, but you have to do the voices too.

• 1:48:23Speaker 02

  But then I'm, yes, and that's okay.

• 1:48:24Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 1:48:25Speaker 02

  And I'm reading, I'm reading stage direction.

• 1:48:26Speaker 01

  Got it, got it, got it.

• 1:48:27Speaker 04

  But you have to do everyone's voice too.

• 1:48:28Speaker 02

  Okay. Okay. Open on, uh, exterior pain sip studio. We go live Shane with Willie Nelson braids, leads a painting session. Andrew, Ago, Heidi, Bone and Sarah are sitting at canvases.

• 1:48:40Speaker 01

  All right, folks, thanks for coming to the plastered palette. My name, as you know, is Ray Chell Dolazol. No relation, as you know.

• 1:48:49Speaker 02

  Chell?

• 1:48:51Speaker 01

  You said, "As you know twice," and we definitely don't know. We're just meeting you. And also, also, you know, I was dropped on my penis as a child. So if I become so spontaneously aroused during our session, you can't take legal action against me because it's a disability.

• 1:49:10Speaker 02

  Long B knocks on the table twice.

• 1:49:17Speaker 01

  Anywho, we're thrilled to host this corporate offside for Unisil Adhesives. You guys ready to paint and sip?

• 1:49:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:49:25Speaker 02

  Where are the brushes at? Come on now.

• 1:49:28Speaker 01

  Amazing balls. Now, in addition to your drinks, you should have a water cup to clean your brushes. Oh, so I shouldn't paint with my wine and sip my paint?

• 1:49:37Speaker 02

  They all laugh.

• 1:49:39Speaker 01

  Definitely not. I'm just joshing, y'all. Wouldn't waste a drop of this vino. Me either. Not after the drought ravaged those vineyards. I know, climate change is...

• 1:49:51Speaker 04

  Good? Say no more. Let those icebergs melt. Those fat ass polar bears could stand to swim some laps.

• 1:49:59Speaker 02

  And Greta Thunberg could stand a trip to Sephora with those eye bags. They're not Gucci, honey, they're Puffy. Know what I'm saying? Music theme. They interrupt and they confuse and they jump to the wrong conclusion. They're the Wrong Takeaway Guys. Say no more. The Wrong Takeaway Guys.

• 1:50:17Speaker 01

  And they have their own theme song. Awesome. Now, who wants to see what we're painting tonight?

• 1:50:23Speaker 02

  Oh, please let me see a sunset.

• 1:50:26Speaker 01

  It's a dog on the beach.

• 1:50:29Speaker 02

  Shane turns his easel. Oh, now that's cute. Sorry, I'm reading for Andrew.

• 1:50:33Speaker 01

  Now that's cute. Oh my gosh, it looks just like your Chihuahua, Pauline. It does. You know, ever since we rescued Pauline, it's like, did we rescue her or did she...

• 1:50:44Speaker 02

  Say no more. Shop, don't adopt. Don't want any damage to little freaks dragging their traumas and open wounds into my house.

• 1:50:52Speaker 04

  Purebred's a bust. I want a dog I can show off at the Grove.

• 1:50:57Speaker 01

  Know what I'm saying? Uh, he's talking on the phone. Uh, Mom, I'm gonna be home late tonight. Something amazing is happening. Greg and Chag, what are you guys drinking?

• 1:51:09Speaker 04

  We've been shotgunning O'Doul since 7 a.m.

• 1:51:12Speaker 02

  They shotgun two beers.

• 1:51:14Speaker 01

  You guys are shotgunning non-alcoholic beer? Wait, I have on here that the session was for six people. Are we missing someone? Yeah, our officer ma- our office manager Kyle's flight got delayed. God, air travelers so screwed up lately. We really need to start-

• 1:51:31Speaker 02

  Driving planes on the ground like cars to stop them from blowing up in the sky and hurting- And hurting birds? Say no more.

• 1:51:39Speaker 04

  And get rid of the black boxes. Let it be a mystery.

• 1:51:43Speaker 02

  Know what I'm saying.

• 1:51:45Speaker 01

  No, we don't know what you're saying. Planes as cars? How would that work? We live in Manhattan.

• 1:51:51Speaker 02

  Say no more, they should bulldoze Central Park and build a new pyramid there.

• 1:51:57Speaker 04

  All hail the sun god Ra.

• 1:52:00Speaker 01

  Can I ask what Greg and Chag do with the company? They're the founder CEOs. We're a glue company and they own a big horse farm.

• 1:52:08Speaker 04

  By the way, we finished our paintings.

• 1:52:11Speaker 02

  They flip their canvases to reveal paintings of a priest behind bars.

• 1:52:15Speaker 01

  Is that a priest in jail? Oh my God, that belongs in-

• 1:52:19Speaker 02

  Say no more, in the Louvre.

• 1:52:21Speaker 01

  I was gonna say in the garbage.

• 1:52:23Speaker 04

  Read my lips. Reintegrate church and state post haste, but privatize prisons.

• 1:52:29Speaker 01

  That's enough. We thought this would bring us together as a team, but your wrong takeaways are tearing us apart. So we quit.

• 1:52:38Speaker 01

  Wait, guys. Greg and Chag just wanna express themselves. And this place is more than pain and sip. It's a pain and sip and listen and forgive. Wow. We're sorry we yelled. This is, wow. We're sorry we yelled at you, Greg and Chag. You guys really are good bosses, even if we disagree sometimes.

• 1:53:00Speaker 02

  Say no more, a multitude of opinions makes us stronger as a team.

• 1:53:04Speaker 01

  Wow, that's actually true.

• 1:53:06Speaker 04

  On the opposite day.

• 1:53:09Speaker 01

  Guys.

• 1:53:11Speaker 02

  Wrong takeaway, guys.

• 1:53:13Speaker 01

  Look, guys, I painted two girls kissing.

• 1:53:16Speaker 02

  Shane grabs his crotch. Oh, my disability.

• 1:53:20Speaker 04

  Not one laugh.

• 1:53:24Speaker 04

  There's 12 people in the room.

• 1:53:28Speaker 02

  No one laughing. No, I saw some smiles and chuckles.

• 1:53:31Speaker 01

  I don't thi-

• 1:53:34Speaker 01

  I don't think it's- Because I think, because I read all the other parts, maybe people can't tell. But I do think we should keep the entire thing in.

• 1:53:42Speaker 04

  What a Greg and Chag is confusing.

• 1:53:45Speaker 02

  Greg and Chag, they're the founder CEOs of a glue company.

• 1:53:49Speaker 01

  Honestly, I think it works. I think we keep it in. I wish in retrospect I had done more different kinds of faces.

• 1:53:57Speaker 02

  No, for a cold read, you were amazing.

• 1:53:59Speaker 04

  And I kept seeing the name Shane and thinking it said Sarah because I'm blackout. I would start to do the line and go, now that's the celebrity host, mama.

• 1:54:12Speaker 02

  Played by Matt Rogers.

• 1:54:13Speaker 04

  So why did that go straight to air? I think I tabled it like nine, 10 times.

• 1:54:19Speaker 02

  By the way, please watch the incident on YouTube. A cut for time sketch that I think is, it stands as one of your best.

• 1:54:27Speaker 04

  It's one of my best and that's all I'll say.

• 1:54:32Speaker 02

  How was Tiana Taylor?

• 1:54:33Speaker 04

  She's literally, someone would be like, I love your shirt. And she'd be like, you can have it. Literally shirt off your back vibes.

• 1:54:42Speaker 02

  She, I've always fucking loved her.

• 1:54:46Speaker 04

  Also, I would just be like looking at her because she's beautiful all day.

• 1:54:50Speaker 02

  The most gorgeous body.

• 1:54:52Speaker 01

  Is she like, she really feels like she carries the light? Like she's like, comes in a room and is like gorgeous and it's a beautiful experience?

• 1:54:57Speaker 04

  Yes, and she wears like big baggy pants and baggy coats, but you're like, I can see right through this baggy coat. She has the most beautiful body in America.

• 1:55:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, she really does. At the Grammys, I was like, oh my God. Every time you see her, you're like, I fucking forgot you are crazy hot.

• 1:55:14Speaker 04

  I'm gonna pull a stunt and wear that exact dress on my fat ass and it really, heads will turn.

• 1:55:19Speaker 02

  What fat ass are you talking about?

• 1:55:21Speaker 04

  Girl, I'm fat like a Christmas house.

• 1:55:25Speaker 01

  We have to go.

• 1:55:27Speaker 02

  This was the blackout episode. This is historic.

• 1:55:30Speaker 01

  A wonderful episode of Lost.

• 1:55:31Speaker 04

  You guys have never blacked out on Mike?

• 1:55:32Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:55:33Speaker 01

  I don't think we have, have we?

• 1:55:35Speaker 04

  How many episodes?

• 1:55:37Speaker 02

  Literally 500.

• 1:55:38Speaker 01

  Over 500. We missed it. We definitely missed our 500th. We're well over it.

• 1:55:43Speaker 02

  This is Sarah Sherman. Watch this.

• 1:55:44Speaker 01

  Cause 440 was actually 400. We were 40 episodes over our 400. No, we're so over.

• 1:55:50Speaker 02

  We're way past.

• 1:55:51Speaker 01

  We might as well just wait until 600. Because we're about to celebrate our 10 year anniversary, which kind of is the 500th, but it's like, it's too much. Nicole Kidman.

• 1:56:01Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:56:02Speaker 01

  We end every episode with a song.

• 1:56:04Speaker 04

  Actually?

• 1:56:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:56:13Speaker 01

  Let it burn. When you're feeling it, feeling ain't the same when your body don't want to. But you know, gotta let it go, cause my body. Let the wrong end go. Let it burn, let it burn. Deep down, you know it's best we part with you. Hate the thought of it being with someone else, but you know that it's over.

• 1:56:41Speaker 02

  So hear more of that song, listen to Confessions.

• 1:56:44Speaker 01

  Let it burn.

• 1:56:45Speaker 02

  By Usher.

• 1:56:50Speaker 01

  What do you call?

• 1:56:52Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 1:56:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. Lost Culture Racist is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts. Created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Executive produced by Anna Hosni and produced by Becca Ramos. Edited and mixed by Doug Bame. And our music is by Henry Kowalski.

• 1:57:14Speaker 07

  This is Jason Timp from Hoops Tonight with Jason Timp. Buy smart, drive for less and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability. And it starts with a great deal on an off-road ready Tacoma or half ton Tundra. Two of Toyota's longest lasting trucks, combining power for work, tech for adventures, and style in between. Built on a reputation for quality and reliability, Toyota trucks are known for holding their value, which can mean big savings when it's time for your next Toyota. So get a great deal today and great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for more.

• 1:57:44Speaker 06

  Toyota, let's go places.

• 1:57:47Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 1:57:48Speaker 06

  My fresh detector.

• 1:57:49Speaker 00

  Uh, your what?

• 1:57:50Speaker 06

  There it is.

• 1:57:51Speaker 00

  What is it detecting?

• 1:57:53Speaker 06

  Fresh produce, fresh meat.

• 1:57:56Speaker 00

  Okay, what happens if it detects something really fresh?

• 1:58:01Speaker 06

  Apparently, we celebrate.

• 1:58:03Speaker 00

  At Food Lion, you can count on fresh food at fresher prices when your fresh detector is going off.

• 1:58:09Speaker 05

  Head to your local Food Lion or shop at foodlion.com. Hey, I'm Niall Rogers. This fall, I'll be driving across the country, meeting some of today's coolest and most fascinating artists. We'll explore the stories before the moments that changed everything. Because every musician remembers the moment where it all began. Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln Original Series on the iHeart Radio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 1:58:46Speaker 00

  This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.