E159 - Jaiya: The Ancient Practice That Turns Sexuality Into a Path for Awakening

World-renowned sexologist and Tantra teacher Jaiya reveals how sexuality, intimacy, and awakened pleasure can become powerful tools for healing, spiritual growth, and self-realization. We explore why society has shamed sex, how suppression distorts our relationship with our bodies, and how ancient Tantric practices can restore our connection to the sacred. You’ll learn how to harness your life force energy, expand your capacity for intimacy, transmute darkness into light, and unlock your unique Erotic Blueprint. Try Pique Life tea and save 20% for life & get a free frother: https://www.piquelife.com/KnowThyself Start your free trial with Wix: https://bit.ly/3SXG2qK Andrés Book Recs: https://www.knowthyselfpodcast.com/book-list ___________ 0:00 Intro 2:14 Sexuality as a Path to Awakening 3:59 Why Society Shames Sex 6:46 The Link Between Distortion & Suppression 8:55 Coming Into Right Relationship with Sexuality 12:04 We’re Missing Our on the “Symphony” of Intimacy 16:44 Why We Must Desexualize Our Mind 20:22 Beauty & Subtlety of Awakened Pleasure 26:15 The Lineage of Tantra & It’s Doorway to the Divine 32:55 Ad: Pique Life 34:20 Tantra Isn’t Just Sex 39:48 How to Make Anything in Life Pleasurable 43:52 Transmuting Darkness Into Light 48:46 Ad: Wix 50:41 Orgasms: Men vs Women 58:39 Harnessing Your Life Force Energy 1:04:49 Becoming a Multi-Orgasmic Man 1:07:16 Erotic Blueprints: Your Archetype for Pleasure 1:24:25 Eros vs Sexuality 1:28:43 Becoming Integrated with These Tools 1:33:29 Rekindling Your Sex Life with a Longtime Partner 1:38:49 The Synchronicity of Coming On This Show 1:41:18 Practice to Bring This Into Your Life 1:43:28 Conclusion ___________ Episode Resources: https://www.instagram.com/missjaiya/ https://theblueprintbreakthrough.com/ https://www.instagram.com/andreduqum/ https://www.instagram.com/knowthyself/ https://www.youtube.com/@knowthyselfpodcast https://www.knowthyselfpodcast.com

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  If you're building AI agents, you should check out Strands Agents. It's an open source SDK for Python and TypeScript. The idea is simple. Give a model some tools, let it decide what to call and when, and loop until it's done. No chain configs, no graph orchestration, and works with any model provider. It's also open source and built and tested for production agents. Get started at strandsagents.com.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  Stonefire Naan is made with real buttermilk and ghee. It's the perfect flatbread for any occasion.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  I put out Stonefire Naan with dips at every dinner party.

• 0:35Speaker 03

  I make naan grilled cheese when my daughter has friends over.

• 0:38Speaker 04

  I use Stonefire Naan to reward the humans who do my bidding.

• 0:42Speaker 05

  Right, it's perfect for camping trips. Dance for it, feeble mortal. Sorry, is he talking to me? Dance, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  From our tradition to yours, Stonefire.

• 0:55Speaker 06

  Together, we Naan.

• 0:57Speaker 07

  Sexuality, when we are empowered in it, brings us sovereignty. I see a lot of harm in our world. Sex is something that we've suppressed and made wrong and bad and a lot of shame about. When we make that bad and wrong, then we make humanity bad and wrong. When we make that divine, everything just gets to be sacred and the face of the beloved is everywhere. Now you start to have the recipe for having pleasure become a pathway to conscious awakening. It's beautiful that we have Tantra today because so many of us can't go live in a cave. Tantra was born out of the householder can become enlightened. It involved staying in the world. It was harder, it was more difficult to attain enlightenment and so it becomes much more accessible.

• 1:37André Duqum?

  Talk to me then, what's possible?

• 1:39Speaker 07

  If you're going to become an amazing lover to yourself or to another person, the main key to that is... People talk about loving yourself all the time, but for me, it is awakening to the truth of who you are because when you understand who you are, you can't help but love yourself. And when you have unconditional love for you from you, then everybody gets it.

• 2:04André Duqum?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to Know Thyself. Our guest today is a world-renowned somatic sexologist and tantra teacher who has devoted over two decades to understanding human sexuality. She's the founder of The Erotic Blueprint, which is, if you don't know, like, the love languages for human sexuality. And through her books, her media appearances and teachings, she's really been supporting people release shame around sexuality and understand sexuality as a path into self-realization. Chaya, thank you for being here.

• 2:36Speaker 07

  It's a pleasure, literally.

• 2:39André Duqum?

  Yeah. It's interesting. I've heard you speak to how, for many, sexuality is the final frontier of personal growth. And whenever the topic of sexuality comes up, I feel like everybody in the room, their butthole clenches.

• 2:55Speaker 07

  Okay, everybody relax your butthole right now.

• 2:57André Duqum?

  All right, everybody, full permission.

• 3:01André Duqum?

  It's fascinating, though, right? Because the very reason we're all here, a lot of us have resistance around. And so I would just love for you to set the stage in how you feel best as to why you feel that sexuality, for many, is the final frontier of discovery.

• 3:16Speaker 07

  I think that sex is something that we've suppressed and made wrong and bad and a lot of shame about, instead of seeing it as a portal to the divine. It actually is this portal to us being more embodied as divinity. And so what we've done is that we've made something that everyone comes from. We've all come from sex. Somebody, somewhere, had sex for you to exist here today. And when we make that bad and wrong, then we make humanity bad and wrong. And when we make that divine, when we make that sacred, then we make all of humanity divine and sacred. We make everything around us that. And I think a lot of this

• 4:01Speaker 07

  conversation around, like, we get tense, or it's because we don't see sexuality in that light, and because we've been taught and conditioned differently. And one of the things that... I think we make this duality of the sacred and the profane. The word profane, profanum, means just outside of the temple. We took sex and put it outside of the temple. And if we look at things like nonduality, where we start to merge those things, we bring it inside the temple. Or maybe there's no inside or outside. And everything just gets to be sacred and the face of the beloved is everywhere. And maybe love is just trying to remember itself in something that we've made profane or dark.

• 4:46Speaker 07

  And I'm game for like, let's go into that place and help love remember itself out of the darkness.

• 4:51André Duqum?

  Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, thank you for sharing. What do you say is the prevalent causes as to why that pervasive shame and conditioning exists?

• 5:01Speaker 07

  I think we can look at it from a couple of different levels. One is spiritually. If the key to enlightenment, we put it in a place that's taboo for us to look at. I love Alan Watts, and so, you know, he says, "The taboo of knowing who you are." So, the key to enlightenment in this very secret, hidden place. And then we built whole structures and concepts around it and made it taboo to look at that. So, we could look at it from that lens. We could also look at it from a power lens. Sexuality, when we are empowered in it, brings us sovereignty. It brings us this empowerment where we don't rely on certain things within society anymore because we are sovereign within ourselves. We don't need those external things to be happy.

• 5:44Speaker 07

  And so, therefore, if we cut that off, that empowerment off, if we cut that sexual pleasure off from people, then we cut off the ability for them to be sovereign. And so, I think that there's also, not saying that there's like maliciousness for a pour-se in that, but that there is an unconsciousness, an ignorance in the world. And that that could be a reason why we've made it so taboo. And maybe we just like to play the game of forgetting.

• 6:19André Duqum?

  Maybe so we can remember one day. When somebody goes on the journey of becoming a sovereign individual, like aligning their mind, body, spirit, it's so easy to focus on the health habits. And if you're an entrepreneur or business, like all these areas are on money and relationships and success that seem like the lowest hanging fruit for many of us to improve our lives. And then there's that last rock that many of us don't want to look at, which is where so much of our power lies that we would not always like to admit. And when I meet individuals who have like very clear centered sense of self, their relationship to their sexuality is usually also in that place.

• 7:02André Duqum?

  And I've also met many spiritual teachers that you could say are spiritual teachers or individuals who are influencers in the health and wellness space. And I've been in this industry for a while. So I've seen a lot of individuals. And I've also gotten interesting feedback from the women around my life that have, in certain circumstances, expressed to me distortion in someone's sexual energetic field. And it's always disheartening because you look at people that are supposed to be in conscious powers of leadership, and it goes south quite often, unfortunately. And so what do you think is the link between distortion and suppression?

• 7:48André Duqum?

  And then we'll make our way into this all coming back into right relationship.

• 7:52Speaker 07

  Yeah. When we suppress something, we're pushing it down, it becomes twisted. Instead of learning either how to transmute the energy or how do we work with sexual energy? Because to me, sexual energy is our aliveness. It's our life force energy. So as soon as we start to suppress life force, it starts to come out sideways. And that's where we get the distortion is because with so much suppression, where is it going to go if it's not going somewhere healthful? And that could be into creativity. That could be, there's so many places that we can utilize our sexual energy. But when we make it bad, wrong and suppress, that's where we get the twist. And then also, I would say, because there's also stages of development. And so we can develop spiritually.

• 8:37Speaker 07

  And then not develop the psychosexual lines of our development. And then we're still stunted, we're still teenagers or toddlers. I think most people have only touched like the very tip of the iceberg of what's possible sexually. I mean, teeny, teeny, teeny, tiny little bit of it. And we don't even know because we don't even, we're not even given the platform really to explore and expand and the wisdom and knowledge and that to develop along those lines. So meeting somebody who's really sexually developed as well as spiritually developed, I think is a rare thing in the world.

• 9:11André Duqum?

  It can be really understood in terms of viewing sexuality as life force energy. I think we like to split things into like logical ways of deducing things. Like, these are all the individual areas of life, and of course, they're all intertwined. And our creativity, our verve for life, our passion romantically, like all these things are intertwined and in many ways connected to the same source of energy. And so when you think of sexuality and understanding sexuality and our sexual energy as like life force energy. And I know, you know, we'll be able to pull on many threads throughout Eros and Tantra and your background around these things.

• 9:51André Duqum?

  But viewing the coming into right relation with these things as a path to self awakening. I'm just curious, how do you set the stage for thinking of reclaiming sexual energy into our path of self remembrance?

• 10:06Speaker 07

  I think part of being human is this ability to transmute things. And to take something, as I mentioned, this, maybe it's in the darkness or it feels like it's in the shadow and to transmute that into unconditional love or to transmute that into the light. And so what is right relationship? I think that can sometimes be an individual choice of, well, right relationship for one person may look very different from someone else. But just like any tool or path for awakening, we could think about psychedelics or meditation. I mean, We can, we can get lost in the tool as opposed to seeing it as something that we are in a relationship for, for, with, for our remembrance.

• 10:50Speaker 07

  And to know that we have to surrender in some way to the path all the way. One person's definition of enlightenment, I can't remember who said it, but it was to take any path all the way to the end. And I was like, oh, I've done that with sex. Like, I took that as far as I think it could possibly go. I don't actually think there's an end to any path, but to take it as far as you possibly can go to with it, to into mastery and to surrender fully to it, but then not get so lost that you're now in a relationship that isn't right relationship. And with sex, I think there's so much because of this distortion or because of disconnection,

• 11:30Speaker 07

  we can utilize sex as something that's recreational instead of recreational, just like we have with many ecstatic practices, like dance, music. It can be recreational or it can be recreational. And I, I think that that's, that has always been something in my brain is like, am I using this or am I in relationship with this to recreate myself? Or am I just in an unconscious pattern of not being awake with it? Have I fallen asleep with sex? Or am I awake and now I'm utilizing it to recreate, to remember and to transform? Yeah.

• 12:11André Duqum?

  Yeah, it's interesting because it feels like we have this seeming dichotomy of living in one of the most sexually liberated eras of humanity, but also the era with the most prevalent porn addiction and sexless life and infertility and sexual dysfunction. And so it's like, it's, it's, I think, coming to the surface more and more now to be able to have these conversations in a space where it's more safe to do so. What do you think about the reality of like, I guess, how disconnected we've really become with our sexual energy? And you mentioned how the suppression then comes out sideways and it becomes distorted in all of these ways. But you've been working with people as a sexologist for so long, and so you've seen

• 12:52André Duqum?

  the effect of the cause of not being in touch in harmony with our own sexual energy.

• 12:58Speaker 07

  Yeah. I see a lot of harm. I see a lot of harm in our world. A lot of shadow in the sex that people are having and a lot of unconsciousness. But mostly, I think what saddens me is the possibility that's untapped. And so instead of this beautiful thing being so full of aliveness and awakening, we are, it's almost like how we treat our planet, you know? And in some ways, it's like we're extracting from it. And we're, it's like if we had a master symphony.

• 13:43Speaker 07

  And instead of playing this beautiful symphony with all of the instruments, we're hitting one note over and over and over again. And we're hitting that one note not even with awareness. And we're hitting that one note hard. And we're hitting that one note loud. And we're just doing that over and over and over again. And it saddens me that people can't hear the symphony. And instead, they're just going against the one note. It's like, it's like banging instead of playing a symphony. Yeah.

• 14:23André Duqum?

  Let's, I would like to take that metaphor that you gave and like zoom in onto the individual sexual experience for a second because, because of our, I guess, culturally conditioned relationship to sexuality. I've heard you speak to how we build these somatic habits and, and these tendencies of relating to our own sexual energy. When attraction arises, what happens physiologically with our breath, with our lack of connection of awareness to self in the moment? Part of self awakening and, and becoming a conscious individual is like becoming conscious of every aspect of what it means to be human. And so sexuality being one of these tool, one of these areas where it's so easy to slip into unconsciousness because of how enchanting it is neurochemically, you know,

• 15:08André Duqum?

  even just looking at it from that level. What are these somatic habits that we build? And what does it look like to actually build awareness into our relationship with our own sexual energy?

• 15:19Speaker 07

  Yeah, so the somatic habits, I often liken them to, we find a pleasure route. Let's just say, let's give an example of like, okay, we kiss. And then we touch genitals and then we have oral sex and then we have intercourse. And that's a pattern that's like, okay, that works, that worked. Let's do that again. And that's like the one note on the piano. And then that becomes a rut, which eventually becomes a grave. And just to talk a little bit about neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is when we keep repeating something over and over and again. Now we've got that neural groove or that neural net that's now made that highway. And when we don't do that over and over again, that highway then goes away.

• 16:03Speaker 07

  Or it keeps getting strengthened, either way. But what I think is even more interesting that I just heard about recently is metaplasticity. Which metaplasticity is like the soil, the fertile ground in which we become neuroplastic. So they call it the plasticity of plasticity. And orgasm, they say the expanded states of consciousness create that fertile ground and open up that fertile ground then for us to create new neural highways. And so orgasm is an expanded state of awareness. And so orgasm gives us the possibility to open up more metaplasticity so we can create new somatic habits, new somatic pathways and start to play a symphony.

• 16:49Speaker 07

  And so the groove that you're creating, because we are not taught to be very creative within sex, I'm going to come back to music again, because I feel like when we play a piece of music, we're tapping into something creatively that has a lot of variety. That's pleasing to us when music has that. And so with sexuality, same thing. If we're just playing the one note without the creative variety of the symphony, then we aren't feeding our brain in a way that is even more pleasurable or gives us more possibility or more awakens new neural nets within the brain.

• 17:30Speaker 07

  I want all of us to be able to hear the music of what sex is. I feel like we don't even know how to define it, really. Our definition is so limited, and that's why we have these somatic habits. Speaking of pornography, you know, there's a, there's a somatic habit that gets wired in as well. Somebody watches something, you see a certain visual, and you do the same thing over and over and over again. That's another example.

• 17:53André Duqum?

  Yeah, building that rut that you spoke to, like hijacks your dopamine reward system, and then you keep like

• 17:58Speaker 07

  Exactly.

• 17:59André Duqum?

  It becomes habitual.

• 18:00Speaker 07

  Exactly. And then when you go to be with a partner, you don't find that as pleasing because you've created this other dopamine route, right? Where you're getting that hit all the time. And, you know, some of us would rather have that dopamine hit than the true connection and more variety of our hormonal makeup of our, what's happening in our brain. And that more variety, again, creates the metaplasticity, which is the soil in which the seeds grow. And we want to have that soil. If we don't have the soil, then the seed can't grow. We actually don't change.

• 18:33André Duqum?

  What do you think about? I mean, I've just, I know the statistics around male addiction to pornography has been on the rise more and more. And building that rut happens pretty pervasively, I think, within men. And when you talk about their, like, reward systems being hijacked, and you start to, like, you start to see the world through the sexualized lens, instead of like the erotic lens, which is like life force energy, and we can talk about that. But what do you think about how to de-sexualize your mind? Have you heard of, like, that kind of phrasing of it?

• 19:12André Duqum?

  Because a lot of individuals feel an inability to be able to connect with other people, and, you know, whether it be romantic relationships or otherwise, because they have, like, their neurology has been hacked by kind of seeing the world through an overly sexualized lens.

• 19:32Speaker 07

  Yeah, I feel that the lens in which we're seeing the world

• 19:39Speaker 07

  creates our reality. So if you are seeing the world through this over-sexualized lens, or you've been wiring yourself a certain way, then when you see something that looks attractive, you don't actually see a person. You see what you're wiring, you're seeing it through the lens. So you're not seeing the wholeness of, it's hard to see the other. It's hard to really see the depth of what another human being is. And so we lose something very, very valuable in our connection. And we lose the connection to the heart.

• 20:19Speaker 07

  And sex is a full-body, full-brain, full-spirit, full-everything. And I think that, again, we lose the sacredness of seeing everything as sacred. We now see object instead of sacred being, divine being in front of me with their own sovereignty. And that's, I think that could be the cause of so many things that are up in our world today, you know? And again, there's like, there's a heart wrench

• 20:59Speaker 07

  inside of me sometimes of, wow, I wish they could just see, I wish they could just hear the beauty that's there. But our neurology can get hijacked, as you mentioned, to see something else. So we have a different reality.

• 21:19André Duqum?

  Talk to me then what's possible, like this level of beauty in depth and symphony that you speak of. What is like the promise if somebody really decides to dive in and to explore this, not just in this conversation, but as a deeper exploration in their life? What becomes possible in terms of your experience of life? What have you, I guess, unlocked in your journey of being human on this path for so long? Talk to us about that.

• 21:46Speaker 07

  Yeah, yay.

• 21:50Speaker 07

  Oh, wow. Being on this journey so long, I have come to understand that anything is possible and that orgasmic energy is the fuel to unlimited possibility. And I came to that very young. Early in my sexual development, I decided that God and sex were not separate and that I could find just as much pleasure on a meditation cushion as I could also in my bed. And so they weren't this thing that became separate. Sex and spirit were co-joined for me. And in my early self-exploration of pleasure,

• 22:34Speaker 07

  I would pray and self-pleasure at the same time. And it became this way of manifesting my reality. And it also became a way of experiencing God. And it also became a way of pleasure inside of this human body. And then when I began to explore with partners, in my early twenties, I started having mystical experiences. I mentioned that orgasm is this expanded state of awareness, of consciousness. And one of my very first experiences was someone just kissed my toe. And it was someone who I'd liked for a really long time. There was a lot of anticipation and buildup for like a couple of years. I was waiting for that kiss.

• 23:18André Duqum?

  Toe kiss was, yeah, we were waiting for it.

• 23:21Speaker 07

  And the moment he kissed my toe, it was like this energy shot through my leg and up through my body. Some people might have said like it was a Kundalini awakening.

• 23:32André Duqum?

  He must have felt his ego fluff up real big after that. Just takes a toe kiss.

• 23:37Speaker 07

  Just a toe kiss. We still talk about that toe kiss. We're still together to this day. And my body started shaking and we ended up in a tantric position called yav yum, which is where the shakti, the feminine, is sitting in Shiva's lap. And he's, we're just holding each other and weeping. And we started remembering all of the iterations we'd ever been together in all of their life, lives. And He just started kissing my chest and he was saying to the feminine, because I was no longer me and he was no longer him. We had become divine. And he's kissing, he's saying, "I didn't know, I didn't know. I'm so sorry that I hurt you.

• 24:20Speaker 07

  Two thousand years I've been suppressing you." It was like the masculine was speaking to the feminine. This moment, we're just tears. And we just both remembered that we were one and that we were God. And that was my first big mystical experience came through a tokis. So what's possible? What's possible? Anything's possible. Love remembering itself is possible. Us having mystical experiences, rewiring our brains, health, manifestation. And we can unpack any one of those, but my favorite is remembering.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  Stonefire Naan is made with real buttermilk and ghee. It's the perfect flatbread for any occasion.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  I put out Stonefire Naan with dips at every dinner party.

• 25:11Speaker 03

  I make Naan grilled cheese when my daughter has friends over.

• 25:14Speaker 04

  I use Stonefire Naan to reward the humans who do my bidding.

• 25:18Speaker 05

  Right. It's perfect for camping trips.

• 25:21Speaker 09

  Dance for it, feeble mortal.

• 25:23Speaker 05

  Sorry, is he talking to me or?

• 25:26Speaker 09

  Dance. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  From our tradition to yours. Stonefire.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  Together we Naan. If you're building AI agents, you should check out Strands Agents. It's an open source SDK for Python and TypeScript. The idea is simple. Give a model some tools, let it decide what to call and when, and loop until it's done. No chain convicts, no graph orchestration, and works with any model provider. It's also open source and built and tested for production agents. Get started at strandsagents.com.

• 26:04André Duqum?

  For those that are on the path of awakening, it's the expanding of the container of our awareness. And with that comes the pitching up of sensitivity. And so for some, it might sound super left field out there to like, think of like orgasms being possible from very subtle energy interactions. And we'll go into the erotic blueprint and all the different ways in which people receive pleasure differently, which I think is a super helpful framework and I know has supported millions of people. But it's interesting to think that for the vast majority, unfortunately, of humanity, what is needed for them to receive pleasure, not even sexually, but just sort of

• 26:47André Duqum?

  this like serotonergic kind of experience of pleasure within the body. It requires a lot, like a lot of

• 26:55André Duqum?

  the one key really hard, really fast, you know, on the piano. And so it's cool just to think about the possibility for those that don't currently have access to a level of sensitivity where you gain pleasure from very, very subtle things in your environment, in your interactions. And yeah, it's exciting.

• 27:14Speaker 07

  Yeah, the wind can blow the right way and just across the graze of a cheek. Oh, ecstasy, right there. It's everywhere. It's in every moment.

• 27:25André Duqum?

  I think many people on the spiritual path think of like meditation is like sit and meditate and wake up beyond the illusory nature of your thoughts. A lot of it can be derived from a more masculine way of viewing what awakening is.

• 27:39Speaker 07

  The void, the emptiness.

• 27:41André Duqum?

  Right. And then there's also the absolute dissolution of self going all the way into the human experience and through pleasure, which is what you're speaking to, which you've mentioned even in those examples you gave, how simple sensations.

• 27:58André Duqum?

  Things that you're perceiving can become a doorway to the divine and in a beautiful state that you have access to always, right? And so I would just, for people that are a bit like this idea is a bit more foreign to them. Can you set the stage of, I guess, how old and deep the path of Tantra is in understanding Eros as a doorway to the divine?

• 28:24Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's so interesting, just the path, you know, like, I think people get into this like, well, which path? The meditation path, the Tantra path, the left hand, the right hand?

• 28:37Speaker 07

  I've been struggling with this one recently. Just, should I become a monk and be celibate and just do that path? And I've been on the Tantra path for so long and should I stay on this pleasure path? One of my beloved's Christian, he's always saying to me, you know, we've done the locusts and the meditating and the desert and all those things for many lifetimes. Like, no, this, this one's all about pleasure. Like, we're gonna really do the pleasure path. And I had this vision recently where I was listening to this beautiful piece of music. And it's a 16 minute song that I just absolutely love. It just takes me on a journey every single time. And I close my eyes, I'm deepening into the music, deepening my breath. And on one side is all these monasteries.

• 29:22Speaker 07

  And it's all these monks in the monasteries with all their robes. And on the other side is just pleasure palaces of all the Tantrikas and all the divine consorts. And I'm on this little bridge path that's on water. And each time I step, a lotus flower opens up and blooms. And then the next step, and a lotus flower opens up and blooms. And I'm looking to this side. Should I go this side? Should I go this side? Should I go this side? Which path? Which path? And I keep walking and the lotuses are appearing, rising and dying and rising and dying. And I, and I come to the end and there's this white. And then I realized, oh, the path just appears before me. It doesn't matter.

• 30:07Speaker 07

  I don't have to choose between being a tantrika or being an aesthetic and sitting on the meditation cushion. I just allow the path to appear. And in that moment, I absorbed into this blanket of white and there was no more me and there was no more path. And it was just this, just suchness, just I am-ness. And it was like Buddha and Jesus and all the masters were there and they're like, welcome back. Like, we've been waiting for you to realize this. And it was just such a profound moment because I think I've struggled so much with, is it the tantra path? And all the things I've been teaching are, is it this monk path? And to just have that all let go.

• 30:50Speaker 07

  And to answer your question, coming to that, tantra is very ancient and it came out of the ascetic saying, no, this is the way. This is the path. The path is to denounce the world, let go of the world, let go of pleasure, become celibate. And the householders and women really saying, because even in Buddhism, they were saying, well, women can't become enlightened. You have to wait until your next lifetime to be born as a man to get enlightened. And I think that there was-

• 31:22André Duqum?

  Such a dude thing to say.

• 31:24Speaker 07

  You know, one of my inspirations is Bajra Yoganey from tantric Tibetan Buddhism. And she kind of came in a female, well, she didn't kind of come, she came in a female body and went, fuck off, everybody. I'm going to show you that enlightenment doesn't mean gender, you know, that it's beyond and to recognize the divine within the feminine form. And I love her in all of her forms and she had many, many forms because part of it was, this isn't about the form. And this is about the soul. And so Tantra was born out of this. The householder can become enlightened. We don't have to denounce the world. And it's actually through the world.

• 32:07Speaker 07

  And some people saw it as a higher path, not to, again, say that there's a right path. But some people saw it as a higher path because it involved staying in the world. It was harder. It was more difficult to attain enlightenment, you know, having children and running a household and having a job and all of these things. And I think it's beautiful that we have Tantra today because so many of us can't go live in a cave. And so it becomes much more accessible. And you spoke also to the kind of masculine way of the void, the emptiness. But in Tantra, right now, I'm studying very deeply Sri Vidya Tantra, which is a royal path of Tantra.

• 32:52Speaker 07

  And it was only the Brahmins who were allowed to study Tantra, this form of Tantra, and the Royals for many, many years, until the 1980s, actually, when Sri Amar Tandanatha, he was like, no, everyone should be able to have access to this. And it is a path where everything is sacred. Everything is the opportunity for enlightenment. It is in the world. It is through the body. It is through our orgasm that we come to these different states of consciousness and to awakening. And also, just to speak a little bit to mystical experiences, because we've been talking about mystical experiences and awakening. And I think that there is a difference. There's mystical experience, which comes oftentimes with the ecstasy and the bliss

• 33:36Speaker 07

  and the phenomenology and the ineffable. And then there's awakening, the awakening that is when consciousness wakes up from itself, from the me, from this identity, from the self-centeredness into what it truly is. And, you know, this is know thyself. And so I feel that when we truly know thyself, then we truly love thyself because we wake up from the personal I, from the me. And people talk about loving yourself all the time. And I think a lot of people think that's us like hot baths and like self-care.

• 34:20Speaker 07

  But for me, it is awakening to the truth of who you are. Because when you understand who you are, you can't help but love yourself. And the endgame of all this sex and all the things that we're talking about really is unconditional love for you, from you. And when you have unconditional love for you, from you, then everybody gets it.

• 34:43André Duqum?

  From that overflow. Yeah. Hey fam, I get asked a bunch about what kind of tea I'm drinking on the show with my guests. And honestly, not all tea is created equally. A lot of brands out there are cutting corners and pretty shady. Sometimes you're getting microplastics from the tea bags, or they're just low-quality tea leaves that are not doing much for your body. That's why I have been drinking Peak Life's Pu'er tea nearly every single day. And what makes this tea different is that it's wild harvested from 250-year-old tea trees, and it's fermented. So you're getting living probiotics and prebiotics that help you reset your gut microbiome. That means better digestion, more stable energy, a boost for your metabolism, and

• 35:28André Duqum?

  even support for your skin. I love that it dissolves instantly in hot or cold water. No steeping, no mess, just pure, clean tea. Plus, every batch is triple toxin screened, so you're getting no pesticides, no weird additives, just the good stuff. And because you're a part of this community, Peak is hooking you up with 20% off for Life, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker when you grab their Pu'er bundle. They even back it up with a 90-day money-back guarantee. So you can try it totally risk-free at peaklife.com/knowleself to grab yours now. That's peaklife.com/knowleself. You can always go to our website to check out the latest deals with their sponsors as well, knowleselfpodcast.com. I hope you enjoy. Back to the show.

• 36:13André Duqum?

  I love that. I resonate so deeply. And I think sometimes we solely conflate Tantra with sexuality. And I would just, I would love to get your perspective, both on the path that you mentioned, that you're currently exploring, but then also what Tantra really is as a wider framework, which sexuality is one part of.

• 36:33Speaker 07

  It's so interesting you mention celibacy, because I've been practicing celibacy right now.

• 36:37André Duqum?

  Me too.

• 36:38Speaker 07

  Awesome. I have like, three more months to go, because I decided I was gonna do a nine-month period, kind of like a gestation period of celibacy, but I am having the best sex I've ever had. But I'm not having it with another human body.

• 36:54André Duqum?

  You're an energetic in the blueprint. So you're referring to that?

• 36:58Speaker 07

  Yeah. So just to talk about the Tantra practice. So my practice has become, it's like, I wanted to prepare myself and just take a break. I think it's really great to take a break and to have these periods of celibacy and to practice like this. I think it's just part of, if it shows up in your path, then it's part of the path. And so I decided I was gonna do this, this time. And during this time, to really deepen my Tantra practice. Because, again, it's not just all about sex with another person. I think that that kind of got popularized and westernized in a lot of the neo-Tantric practices. And then also to speak about different paths where, like, I started in a path where it

• 37:40Speaker 07

  was like, you are the guru, you don't need a guru, like, a lot of sovereignty within the path of Tantra. And I practiced that for 30 years. And now I've decided to go in a guru path, which is very different, to have a whole lineage of gurus, who then teach you. And essentially, they were gonna come to, you don't need the guru eventually. But for now, it's like, really interesting to be in that, in that path. And so Sri Vidya itself has a lot of mantra, a lot of ritual. It's so beautiful. I mean, there's like, all the flowers and just like, what a flower means, to hold a flower to your heart and offer it to the divine. That in itself, to me, is erotic. It's like, here I am, holding these flowers are erotic themselves. And, and it's from my heart. It's an act of devotion.

• 38:25Speaker 07

  And to me, devotion is foreplay with the divine. That's one step away from the orgasm, because orgasm is merging with the divine. And so to be that one step away and to stay in the perpetual foreplay with the divine is just like, oh, it's my favorite. And so, right now, to be in the practice where I'm doing the rituals, I'm doing the poojas, I'm doing the mantras, and I'm in such devotion to the beloved. And inviting in these, I've been studying a lot of the consorts to the feminine. And, okay, well, who do I want to invite in today to play with as a consort?

• 39:06Speaker 07

  And to embody then the divine and allow their hands to be on my body energetically. This is like just in meditation. So I'm like having like an orgasmic experience just all in the field. And it is some of, like I mentioned, so I'm having some of the best sex I've ever happened, or the best erotic energy through my body that I've ever happened, have had, the best orgasms I've ever had. They just go on and on, and I keep saying, the goddess is relentless. She just wants me to keep having orgasms and orgasms and orgasms. I said this to my guru, and he says, he says, yeah, because you're capable. So she loves it, like, because I could just keep going and going and going and going.

• 39:50Speaker 07

  And it's all energetic. And so I'm really enjoying celibacy.

• 39:56André Duqum?

  Sounds like a horrible time.

• 39:58Speaker 07

  And you're speaking also to the subtlety, you know, because we've gotten to like banging the piano or that, like, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, until there's an explosion. And I call that like the genital sneeze type of sex. It's just like, okay, achoo, okay, and then we're done. On with the day, as opposed to...

• 40:18Speaker 07

  One of the things that I like to teach is if you're going to become an amazing lover to yourself or to another person, or you want to have this epic sex we've been talking about, the main key to that is present time awareness. It's becoming the witness in the present moment and holding that witness awareness until that witness awareness transforms into oneness awareness because it's merged. There is no more subject and object. And sex is such a great way. Well, great sex happens when you're practicing that, but it's also, sex is so close to the pleasure of nonduality. For those people who've had the experience of a nondual state of awareness, either where you're the witness of an I am-ness,

• 41:03Speaker 07

  or that witness fades and you're just in the suchness of everything, that is orgasmic. And what if this whole universe is just one big orgasm? I mean, that's just a different frame of...

• 41:16André Duqum?

  I mean, the Big Bang, it just seems like the universe having one big explosion orgasm, you know? And all of the creation that is on the other end of it. And I know you speak to just how orgasmic energy is one and the same with creation energy. You're tapping into the zero point field of infinite possibilities. And that can be leveraged in so many different ways depending on where you're at. You spoke to, and I would like to explore more, this conscious self-pleasure practice, whether it's a partner or it's a self-pleasure practice. Again, sexuality being one of the areas where it's most easy oftentimes to slip into unconscious habits.

• 42:00André Duqum?

  And so for an individual who's, whether they're on a path of celibacy right now or not, and they want to build that conscious awareness like you're speaking to, that witness awareness going to oneness awareness, and can use these opportunities of self-pleasure as a path and as an opportunity for deeper awakening to self. What is a conscious self-pleasure practice? What does that look like in practice? And then we can go into orgasms and stuff like that, too.

• 42:31Speaker 07

  Awesome. Just start with your breath. So a lot of us can notice, stay present to an inhale and an exhale coming in out of our nose, and notice the temperature.

• 42:45Speaker 07

  And then just notice how pleasurable it is to breathe. I think we forget like, oh, this inspiration, we're drawing spirit into the body. And just breath itself can be orgasmic if you allow it. It's like that metaplasticity I was talking about earlier. If we don't have the soil for the neuroplasticity, that this is all pleasurable. Everything is pleasurable if we allow it. One of my goals was to make everything orgasmic. And I hate throwing up. And I was like, can I make the thing I hate? I like really hate it. And one day I felt really bad and I was like, oh, I think I'm gonna throw up. So I'm gonna make this pleasurable. I'm gonna practice this. And instead of, I was like, well, what is it actually?

• 43:29Speaker 07

  Like, if I could take it down to its subtlest form, what is actually happening? There's a big bang coming out of me. There's an explosion coming out of me. That is orgasmic. And so I just started equating it. And then it just became orgasmic. I actually became orgasm. Like, my whole body disappeared and I just became this energy that was flowing out of me. And my son and his caretaker were in the other room. And they're like, are you okay there? Because I was just like moaning through the whole thing. Wow. Having this. And I was like, I did it. I made like the worst thing that I experienced orgasmic. And so for anybody who's in a celibacy or a self-pleasure practice,

• 44:12Speaker 07

  to make it conscious is just to have that frame in your mind of like, what's the pure energy of this thing? If we take all the labels off of it, if we take that it's good or bad off of it, and instead we just go to, what's the pure frequency? What's the pure vibration of it? I think fundamentally, at the bottom of it, it's all orgasmic. Everything is created out of orgasmic energy. We are created out of orgasmic energy. The egg says, yes, sperm, come inside of me. And the sperm comes in and boom! And that goes into two cells. And that goes, like, that is a miracle that that happens. And we're exploding over and over and over again. And so we come into these, what appears to be form, solid form, which we know now, you know, isn't that.

• 44:57Speaker 07

  But... That is all happening right now. And all you have to do is tune into it with your awareness. And that's becoming consciousness. That that frequency, every one of us was born in love and the vibration of love and the vibration of orgasm. And that ecstasy is available just with a thought.

• 45:15Speaker 01

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• 45:47Speaker 00

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• 46:14André Duqum?

  I think what you mentioned and also in your story is like it. So much of the suffering is derived out of resistance, whether it's conscious or subconscious to whatever our experience is. And to kind of dissolve the resistance that we have, whether it's a moment of attraction or a rising of sexual energy, we often lose connection with awareness of our breath. And that becomes the beginning step of an unconscious habit of masturbation or whatever. And so it sounds like keep awareness of your breath. Keep awareness in general. Anything else?

• 46:51Speaker 07

  The other I would say is moving. So you become aware of the sexual energy and then where are you moving it? What are you doing with your sexual energy? We're unconscious to what we're doing with it all day long. And that's, I think that's where people feel like there's a lack of integrity and because we're unconsciously moving our sexual energy towards or we're, we're doing something with it. Become conscious of what you're doing and then consciously move it. So I talked about transmutation, like we're here to transmute these things into beauty or transmute it into love. So part of my practice also, and this is something that I learned in studying Vajrayogini, was how are we moving and utilizing,

• 47:34Speaker 07

  wherever that is, if we tune in right now, if everybody just tunes in right now, to like, where's your sexual energy in your body as you're hearing this conversation about sex? Like, where is it in your body? And if you tune in and then add the conscious breath to breathe that somewhere else into your body, breathe it up, if it's in your genitals, into your heart. Not that it's bad, wrong in your genitals, just if you breathe it up into your heart and breathe it into unconditional love. Or are you familiar with Yeshe Chagyal?

• 48:03André Duqum?

  I have no idea what you just said.

• 48:06Speaker 07

  She was also a Dakini in Tibetan Buddhism. And she, one of the things, tonglen, you know tonglen practice, comes from this. So tonglen is a practice of transmuting darkness into light or transmuting suffering into light. Yes.

• 48:21André Duqum?

  Yeah. So many of us have the notion of inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.

• 48:25Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:25André Duqum?

  It's like putting it in reverse.

• 48:27Speaker 07

  So she, what she, her story, and what a part of, I love her story, is she was this princess. She left and went around, you know, traveling around and she was studying all this spirituality, became enlightened and

• 48:43Speaker 07

  A group of bandits attacked her and they were raping her and she was transmuting the rape into enlightenment and they all woke up through the rape. And then they followed her and protected her for the rest of her life.

• 48:57André Duqum?

  This is like a story in like an ancient text or something?

• 48:59Speaker 07

  This is, this is a story of her life. She was a real, a real woman. And so Tonglen practice came from this.

• 49:05André Duqum?

  Oh, I didn't know that was its origin.

• 49:07Speaker 07

  And so this practice of transmuting the darkness into light came from her ability to do that. And so how do we, in that, in the moment of greatest darkness, in the moment of greatest suffering, transmute that energy into light?

• 49:24André Duqum?

  It's such an incredible path. I mean, you look at Jesus on the cross, forgive them for do they not know what they do? And I think in the neo spirituality where spiritual practices and ideas have very much so been captured by capitalism, there's a lot of great things that have come as a byproduct of that. But one pitfall is that it can fall into sort of solipsism and narcissistic tendencies when you're overly focusing on self. And so that practice of inhaling all of the pain in the world and transmuting it through your body because you have the capacity to do so and inhaling love and compassion and meta for, for the world around you is, is an amazing reframe.

• 50:06Speaker 07

  It helps me not feel so alone in my suffering. You know, I was recently, one of my beloveds was diagnosed with stage four cancer and was told he only had three months to live. And so what I did every day during the time that I was caring for him and his cancer was I, I would take everyone in the world and connect with everyone in the world who was suffering with the same thing, a beloved dying of cancer, and started to just bring that through. And then when I connected to everyone else who was suffering with the same thing, my suffering felt more bearable and also transmuting his suffering into something that was more bearable. And I was using pleasure as fuel, like pleasure is fuel for transmutation.

• 50:48Speaker 07

  So the more that we have pleasure, the more that we have that sexual energy, wherever that is, and we're allowing that to express. One of the things I love that you said was a lot of our suffering comes from resistance to what is. And so if we're resisting the truth of what is, instead of allowing ourselves to transmute that.

• 51:10Speaker 07

  I think that then we start to, I mean, I just would come into incredible peace and incredible love because I could feel the love for every being who was also in the same position that I was in in that moment. And it enlightened everything and allowed me to care for him in a very special way. And luckily, he received a miracle and he's cured.

• 51:29André Duqum?

  Oh, wow. I'm so happy to hear.

• 51:30Speaker 07

  Yeah. Not just through that, he also had some treatment.

• 51:33André Duqum?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It all counts. It all supports.

• 51:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 51:39André Duqum?

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  because the platform is super intuitive, so you don't need to be a tech expert to make something that looks good. If you're ready to create your own website, then go to the link in description or wix.com. That's wix.com to start building your website today. Thank you, Wix, for sponsoring our show. Link in description. So I've done periods of celibacy throughout my life, and I'm doing one right now specifically because anytime I feel like there is a, there is a period of sewing a lot, I can kind of intuitively foresee like a big expansion in career or an area of life, honing in my creative, like life force energy to be able to focus on what I'm focusing on in my daily

• 53:05André Duqum?

  habits and routine, I think just helps bring that energy in. And so, thinking of life force energy as creative energy, as sexual energy, as one and the same across the board has been super helpful for my own life, because we can do so many different things with our energy, right? And that's beautiful when in connection with somebody, and that's also great when it's used for a service of something greater in your life that you want to. When you think about orgasms and how it's different for men and women, and also ejaculation, as it's different for men and women. Well, yeah, I would love for you to share your thoughts around that because they are very different.

• 53:45Speaker 07

  Yeah, the energy flow is different in the body. So, energy in masculine expression of orgasm often goes out the body. And for the feminine, it often comes up through the body.

• 54:00Speaker 07

  Orgasm and ejaculation controlled by different parts of the brain, which a lot of people don't know. And so it's different parts of the nervous system. And people think that orgasm and ejaculation come together for the male body. And that it's different for the female body, that that actually doesn't go together. And so it's mostly just because it's how things have been come wired. But we can separate it out. So, men can be multi-orgasmic and have as many orgasms as they like. They can have non-ejaculatory orgasms. They can have orgasms that have less refractory period in between. So, these are some of the, again, possibilities just in like what can happen in our body.

• 54:42Speaker 07

  When we're talking about physical sexual orgasm. And then for the vulva body, people with vulvas, that can be more of like a clitoral orgasm, a vaginal orgasm, an ejaculatory orgasm, a transcendent orgasm. We've been talking a lot about that, those kinds. But we, we have this capability to experience really unlimited when it comes to this. Even, we all have the plumbing, as long as you have the plumbing. But even, even people without the plumbing, I had a friend who was paralyzed. And he learned to rewire his thumb as if it was his penis, so that he could have the same experience.

• 55:22André Duqum?

  What a lad.

• 55:23Speaker 07

  Like, you know, just his thumb there and like right away.

• 55:28Speaker 07

  So like, like. Like what's possible in terms of, again, of like when we have fertile soil for neuroplasticity, we can rewire and we can wire different ways of pleasure. Like if there's something you're like, oh, I don't like that. Well, actually, you could shift that if you wanted to, because your partner, maybe your partner loves it. I did this with one of my partners. He didn't like be pinching his nipples. And so I was like.

• 55:53André Duqum?

  Hoping like a little crab.

• 55:58Speaker 07

  So I was like, okay, well, let's see if we could wire like, let's just see if we could change that. And we did. And we wired it so that now with a nipple pinch, he would get an erection.

• 56:11André Duqum?

  Human bodies are so fascinating.

• 56:12Speaker 07

  They are.

• 56:14André Duqum?

  As it relates to men, because I know there's many different Taoist formulas for men for to maintain vitality in your system. Like, there are these various different Taoist and Buddhist equations, formulas for the frequency of abstinence between ejaculation for men and to maintain their vitality. One of which I've heard is your age minus seven divided by four. So, you know, not every day for most people. And you're talking to how the neurology and physiology is different for an orgasm or an ejaculation for a man. And there's been a big rise, if you like, online of like semen retention and the no

• 56:55André Duqum?

  fat movement. And I think it's because people have felt extremely depleted from unconscious visual tendencies of releasing so often as guys. And yeah, so I'm curious, what are your thoughts on that when you've worked with men and the differences there between men and women? Because it seems like on the women's side of things, it's just like more the merrier.

• 57:17Speaker 07

  Yeah. Yeah, I different points of view, depending upon where you look. So the Taoists always have all these numbers and equations. So I think it's really fun. And for me, I'm an experimenter in my own body, right? Of, well, what works for me and where do I feel most alive, where things are flowing best? I think that's really individual for each person. So you could try the Taoists and do the equations. And then in Tantra, we would say it's okay as long as you're transmuting, what I've been talking about, where we're moving the sexual energy. And just another thing to say about transmutation while we're

• 57:58Speaker 07

  there is, transmutation, you really know that you're doing it well when you first start to learn it, because you'll lose a little bit of your erection, your tumescence will go down a little bit. And that means you're drawing the energy from the pelvis or out of the penis all the way up through the body, depending upon where you're intending for it to go. If you're intending it to go to the crown of the head, or the pineal gland, or the heart. And so with transmutation, if you're taking that deep breath and you're drawing it up, let's say you're drawing it up into the pineal gland for more of a spiritual experience, you're putting hydraulic pressure into the cerebral spinal fluid and then into that pineal area. And the pineal gland can actually ejaculate fluid. And a lot of people don't know that.

• 58:43Speaker 07

  So you can have like a pineal gland ejaculation, which some people say maybe that is like a DMT response, which is why people can see visions and colors. And I mean, those were my first psychedelic experiences happened because of sex, because I was doing so much transmutation and putting that hydraulic pressure there that then I was getting brain, I was having these brain orgasms.

• 59:03André Duqum?

  Yeah. And they've studied this, like with the very small calcite crystals that exist with piezoelectric effect of the pressure that can release those things.

• 59:12Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 59:13André Duqum?

  Fascinating.

• 59:14Speaker 07

  And I love that. I love that our bodies, we have the pharmacy endogenously within ourselves to be creating these experiences. And so, and it doesn't matter your gender, anybody can have that, sort of like you're a butthole, it's a place of equality. Our pineal glands are a place of equality.

• 59:29André Duqum?

  Sorry, what was that? Buttholes are a place of equality?

• 59:33Speaker 07

  No matter your gender, we all have a butthole.

• 59:35André Duqum?

  Right, right, right. Sorry. Yeah, I got it.

• 59:36Speaker 07

  And second only to the clitoris and the amount of nerve endings. So, you know, it's also wired for pleasure. We don't think of that, like, oh, wow, second only to the clitoris and the number of nerve endings.

• 59:46André Duqum?

  Why do you think female physiology is wired with so many more nerve endings than dudes?

• 59:52Speaker 07

  I think that we're wired that way biologically for reproduction. So that I think there's a tie. A lot of people don't understand that reproduction is actually tied to pleasure. We think that's just like this thing that can happen as opposed to actually what's happening inside the uterus. There's a movement of the uterus with orgasm and with more pleasure, and that's all connected in. So there are these ligaments, they're actually not ligaments, but they're named ligaments that go in towards the clitoris. And all of the more arousal that you have, the more that that tips so that the semen sits in there and has more likelihood for pregnancy. So there are biological reasons that we want to have.

• 1:00:33Speaker 07

  More pleasure because it's actually changing the physiology of the body. And then you talked about the differences between men and women, like women having all this orgasmic capacity to have orgasms over and over and over again. I think men have the same capacity. It's just not learned. It's not taught.

• 1:00:51André Duqum?

  Yeah, I mean, almost all of my friends growing up and also like this place I worked and lived, Maverick House beforehand, I remember talking on their show Impulsive actually about this and semen retention. And it's just so foreign. Like, I think in this conversation, we're kind of talking as if there's a lot of inherent kind of knowledge, which there probably is for a lot of our listeners. But for most people, the idea for a guy that you could have a long orgasm without coming is, sounds like something out of a science fiction novel. It's like, it's so antithesis to the kind of cultural paradigm of what it means. But I studied this because I realized the importance of cultivating this energy.

• 1:01:34André Duqum?

  And the Ayurvedic lens of Dhatu Parinama, which is the refinement and distillation of bodily tissues. So from the food that we eat that goes into the plasma, that goes into the blood in our system, that goes into the muscle, and then the fat, and then the bone, and then the marrow, and then shukra, which for men is semen, and for women, that is like a 30-day cycle that cultivates. And then the distillation, like the seven-stage alchemical journey of refining life force energy within ourself, which leads to ujjas, which is like the fragrance of vibrancy of being, which, you know, very much so correlates to Kundalini awakenings and growing spiritually.

• 1:02:18André Duqum?

  And so there is a direct link between the depletion of semen, which is, for us guys, the most potent kind of form of like what they say is bodily tissue that we have. And it's no wonder that there is an epidemic of pornography addiction and spiritual loneliness and depression. Like, all of these things are tied into one another. And so I'm curious what you think about the cultivation of ujjas and thinking about cultivating your life force energy as a path to, in the Kundalini perspective, raise up the Shishuma channel and, yeah.

• 1:02:55Speaker 07

  Yeah. So the first piece is...

• 1:03:01Speaker 07

  This life force energy and where we're moving it, where we're channeling it. And are you depleting yourself? And do you feel depleted from it? I have a lot of different schools of thought because I've seen some clients who've like really practiced this and then they get like clogged up energetically and like get infections and stuff like that.

• 1:03:24André Duqum?

  Ejaculation in particular.

• 1:03:26Speaker 07

  With ejaculation, of course. And.

• 1:03:29André Duqum?

  Which, by the way, is like having an orgasm and coming, but like not having anything leave your body.

• 1:03:35Speaker 07

  Right, it goes back into your bladder a lot of times. So it's going in. And there were practices where people would practice this, like sucking honey through the tip of their penis, sucking milk through the tip of their penis to learn like how to bring it in.

• 1:03:47André Duqum?

  Wait, what?

• 1:03:52André Duqum?

  I'm not gonna even ask, okay?

• 1:03:54Speaker 07

  And yeah, there's like all these are really interesting practices that I got really into for a while, like putting things like a wet washcloth over your penis. And then you would, you know, like contract your pelvic floor muscles and lift and lift and lift. And then you would put heavier things and heavier weights and heavier weights.

• 1:04:11André Duqum?

  The kegels for guys in a sense, but okay.

• 1:04:13Speaker 07

  And this was to learn to not ejaculate. And so there's a lot of this practice of, again, in the Dalai Lama tantric texts of not, in Ari Veda, of obtaining the life force and not losing things. And then there's been some research just on prostate health of like, actually, it's like good for us to ejaculate. And so I come back to experiment. And I, and the thing that, the first thing that I thought of that really struck me was, why don't we teach these things?

• 1:04:42André Duqum?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:43Speaker 07

  You know, like, I mean, maybe it sounds weird to put like honey up through your penis, like sucking honey through your penis.

• 1:04:48André Duqum?

  Still not understanding that one.

• 1:04:51Speaker 07

  But the, you know, the idea of why isn't sex transmutation, or this idea that we can, as we're sexually developing, learn to not ejaculate, but be in pleasure, and learn to sit with being in high states of pleasure without the need to roll into orgasm or ejaculation. And what would it be to keep expanding our capacity for pleasure? And to actually teach people that from a very early age, why are we so ashamed to actually give information that then can connect the heart, that can teach us what to do with our sexual energy? So like you said, we're not in spiritual aloneness.

• 1:05:33Speaker 07

  And I don't want to make like self-pleasure or masturbation wrong. The word masturbation actually means shaming oneself.

• 1:05:41André Duqum?

  Really?

• 1:05:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, like with one's hands. And so like, and the pudendal nerve, like it's the nerve that innervates.

• 1:05:47André Duqum?

  What does that like have Catholic origins?

• 1:05:49Speaker 07

  I'm not sure where it originates. But the pudendal nerve is the nerve of shame. And so it's just so interesting that like even the way that things are named. And so Sherri Winston, who is a friend of mine, she's like, we call, let's call it the external genital nerve instead of the pudendal nerve, instead of the nerve of shame, like external genital nerve, that explains what it is instead of naming things. So even the way that we've named things, or like cutting off parts of the body, like the clitoris,

• 1:06:19Speaker 07

  they took it out of the textbooks because it had to do with pleasure. So they didn't even keep aspects of the clitoris inside. And they only kept the aspects of reproductive organs in the medical textbooks. So like that, like, why are we not teaching? And why are we, why are we cutting things out that are accurate information about our bodies?

• 1:06:39André Duqum?

  Yeah, it's fascinating to see what's become the status quo based off of a moment in history of defining something etymology, etymologically, or I think it's Ken, King Henry, who

• 1:06:52André Duqum?

  Liked to see women give birth in the lying on their back position.

• 1:06:56Speaker 07

  Right, so that it became the way that they give birth.

• 1:06:59André Duqum?

  Which is crazy. If you look it up, it's real. Like, that's women, it was, it's not like the natural position to give birth, laying, laying on your back.

• 1:07:06Speaker 07

  Not at all.

• 1:07:07André Duqum?

  But this, this weird, this weirdo changed, changed the way that we do it medically. Fascinating.

• 1:07:14Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's so interesting how we get these things that become part of our culture and we don't question where they came from when they are the natural way that we would do it, you know? Like, even laying on your back for orgasm as well. Like, yeah, that's great if you have a curved penis that like goes into a certain position, but we need to change that up and have different positions. And it became taboo even to have sex outside of missionary position.

• 1:07:40André Duqum?

  When, when you support guys, I mean, there's many great resources about becoming a multi-orgasmic man in the microcosmic orbit and like utilizing your breath to recycle this life force energy. For, just as, just as a point of resource, like if people want to dive deeper into exploring that, what are some good resources and just any thoughts you have on, yeah, on, on how, how one could learn to utilize their energy in such a way?

• 1:08:08Speaker 07

  Your own self is your best teacher, your own body is your best teacher. So the first thing is just to start to play with your body more in this way. Play with your body with like building sexual energy and then breathing through. So allowing yourself to just breathe up through that orbit. Understanding anatomy energetically, not just your physical anatomy. So many of us don't even know our anatomy physically, like especially when it comes to sex. And, and then let alone the energetic anatomy. So Montagia is a great resource. His book, Multi-orgasmic Man. That, but really, I just come back to play.

• 1:08:49Speaker 07

  We get so serious about sex and we get so serious about this like way that we're doing it. We talked about the rut. We get into the rut of doing it the same way over and over and over again. Set aside two hours and just go, let me just stroke my finger and be completely aware and present and see how long I can be present in the present moment of witnessing what it feels like to just stroke this finger and breathe.

• 1:09:17Speaker 07

  And let that pleasure keep expanding. And let that be enough. Find the subtlety. Start to play with it and start to breathe it through. I really, really advocate for setting aside time to have an erotic practice, a pleasure practice, just like your meditation practice. And what if you combine the two? Like we were talking about. So if you combine mindfulness with self-pleasure, now you start to have the recipe for deepening relationship with remembering what our bodies are actually capable of

• 1:09:59Speaker 07

  and having pleasure become a pathway to conscious awakening. Yeah.

• 1:10:08André Duqum?

  Amazing. I want to go slowly now into the erotic blueprints. Because I think a lot of the verbiage and way you've been explaining things are inherent also in like an energetic archetype, which many people think of sex in more of the sexual kind of type. And so where did this first, where did this blueprint come from? How did you first kind of stumble on this sort of creation and way of looking at it? And then we can, we can make our way through it and yeah, go from there.

• 1:10:38Speaker 07

  It was just on the street, actually.

• 1:10:39André Duqum?

  Oh, yeah. You were here, eh? Yeah, I used to live here.

• 1:10:42Speaker 07

  Yeah. And so I was with a client and it was one day on our, I just won't ever forget it because it was just so profound. I was hovering my hands and I was showing his wife, like hover your hands over his body. And she had been trying all these different kind of sexual techniques. She was reading in magazines and books on him. And nothing was happening. Like he just wasn't being turned on. He wasn't finding arousal in his genitals. Something was just short-circuiting in his system. And so I was showing her like, well, let's go off his body. Let's just see what happens off his body. And I'm hovering my hands and all of a sudden, he starts to get these big waves, like moving through his body, just rolling.

• 1:11:27Speaker 07

  And he looks at me with these big eyes and he's like, what's happening? And she's looking at me with big eyes, like what is going on? And we start to just get a little bit closer and he starts to just like electricity is moving through his body and he starts to get an erection and and I'm like, you're wired energetically. And that was just something sparked in my head. Oh, we're all wired differently in our eroticism and he's not wired sexually. He's wired energetically. So all of his arousal is going to be a non non-touch, which actually we're touching an energy field. But it's not in doing the one note on the piano over and over again.

• 1:12:11Speaker 07

  That's just not where his eroticism lives. And I, I got my notebook out after that session and then I had a client later that day. I was like, oh, he's sensual, you know, like I started just to see the patterning from being with so many bodies. The pattern actually revealed itself to me and I was like, oh, and then I just started just experimenting. Does this actually fit? Does this work? Yes. Okay. Yeah. And now I'm seeing the patterns over and over and over again. Yeah. So it was a, it was a way for people to have a language to speak when oftentimes we're partnered with somebody who has a different language than us.

• 1:12:53André Duqum?

  Amazing. And so then you went on a journey and like helping formalize this kind of context for, for these different types. So what are the, what are the five? And then we'll, we'll make our way through them.

• 1:13:05Speaker 07

  Sure. So the first one we've been talking about a lot. It's the energetic and that's someone who's turned on by anticipation, space, tease, longing, yearning. They like, like I was talking about hovering the hands over the body. They like having the ability to feel more with less. So they live in this subtle realm. And their superpower really is that they are orgasmic by just thinking the wind caressing them. They actually are more orgasmic than some of the other types. It's just that everybody goes too quick, too fast at them. And then they short circuit. And so the shadow side of the energetic is that.

• 1:13:47Speaker 07

  They can feel like they're dissociating. They can feel like something's wrong with them. They can feel like they're not turned on. They can override boundaries very easily. And so they're often judged as frigid or not sexual when the truth is actually they're very erotic beings. It's just nobody knows how to play their instrument.

• 1:14:10André Duqum?

  If somebody, what would be a telltale sign for somebody that is trying to, through this conversation, get context for what theirs are? Yeah, how would somebody know if they're more of an energetic type?

• 1:14:21Speaker 07

  The way that I test this is actually in the body because the body tells the truth about what type you are. And so if you're someone who is more turned on by someone hovering their hand over your body or the anticipation and imagination that you're going to kiss someone versus the actual kissing, that when you get to the kissing, it's kind of like, all the buildup towards the kissing was the turn on. Those are like signs. But it's mostly testing yourself in terms of actually physically, what is it this light, light touch? Is it non-touch? Is it the anticipation that's turning me on and getting really curious? I also think we, just like we lose play, we lose curiosity and curiosity breeds intimacy.

• 1:15:06Speaker 07

  So the more curious you are, the more intimacy you're actually building with yourself and another person. So get really curious about your body and just start to play, you know? Ah, what's this feel like? Oh, what's this feel like? And, and see what happens.

• 1:15:21André Duqum?

  Amazing. Okay, so what's next?

• 1:15:23Speaker 07

  Sensual's next.

• 1:15:24André Duqum?

  The sensual.

• 1:15:25Speaker 07

  And the sensual is someone who's turned on by all of their senses being ignited. So this is someone who, where the energetic loves all the space and tease, the sensual wants it's collapsed. They want closeness. So think more like slow dancing, really, really close with one another. Candlelight, the environment being a certain way, music within the environment. When we think of what is sensual or romantic, context is really important for a sensual. So having like the context of we haven't seen each other for so long and now we're going to see each other again and we're going to reunite and there's going to be swans.

• 1:16:05Speaker 07

  A very sensual context or firelight, like these, these romantic notions. Story, story is very important for the sensual. And the shadow side of the sensual is that you get caught up in your head and you have a hard time feeling what's happening in your body. So you get disembodied.

• 1:16:20André Duqum?

  Hmm, like circumstance dependent?

• 1:16:22Speaker 07

  Very much so, very much so. And if like somebody's breath stinks, you get distracted, the socks on the floor, like it can be like taking you out of the experience. But the superpower is that you bring the beauty to the erotic experience. So someone who's very sensual brings the, you know, they're going to bring that environment and they're gonna, they're gonna dress up and they're gonna do all the things that make them feel and help them feel like they're now in the erotic reality.

• 1:16:49André Duqum?

  Okay.

• 1:16:49Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:16:50André Duqum?

  Sweet. What's the third? What's the next?

• 1:16:53Speaker 07

  The third is the sexual, and this is what we think of when we think of sex in our culture. So this is someone who likes nudity, orgasms, getting to the point of it. They want to get straight to that pleasure spot. Often penis and vagina sex, what we think of as sex, but that's the limited definition of sex. And so, but the superpower of the sexual is that they bring the fun. They bring the lightness and they bring the ease to sexuality. They're like, ah, sex is easy. What are you guys all fussing about? You know, I hear this a lot from sexuals when I'm working with my clients of like, I just don't understand why everybody's making it so complicated. It's like, it's easy. What are you talking about?

• 1:17:32Speaker 07

  So, but the shadow side of that, of course, is there's not room for the other blueprints. Everybody else is kind of wrong. And the shadow side can also be this coming out sideways distortion, unconscious sexuality, you know, not in right relationship with sex that can come out in not a positive way. And so the sexual will often say, everybody else is wrong and I'm right. But that's because our cultural narrative is that sex is what we think of when we think of the sexual blueprint. But there's a whole other world out there. And they can sometimes be resistant to that other world.

• 1:18:12André Duqum?

  Got it.

• 1:18:13Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:18:14André Duqum?

  Yeah, I feel like, yeah, most people are familiar with, with that one. Standard notion of sexuality.

• 1:18:18Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:18:19André Duqum?

  In that sense. Okay. So we've got energetic, sensual, sexual.

• 1:18:25André Duqum?

  And then the fourth one?

• 1:18:26Speaker 07

  Kinky.

• 1:18:26André Duqum?

  Kinky.

• 1:18:27Speaker 07

  So kinky is the taboo. And this means it's anything that's taboo for you. So, for example, I had clients who had sex in missionary position for 40 years, never had another position because it was taboo, because they both grew up very religious. And they were like, "Oh, child, we had sex out of missionary position." And it was so kinky for them. So they were actually kinky blueprint because everything was so taboo, even though it may seem very mild for most people. But I think when people think of kinky, they often go to another extreme. And so this can include BDSM. This can include psychological kinky play. This can include physical kinky play. So there's different ways in which that can express.

• 1:19:10Speaker 07

  But the underlying definition is the taboo is where the turn-on is. The superpower of this is it's endlessly creative. I mean, we've created so many things that are taboo when it comes to sex that we have an endless world to explore within that realm. And so it can be fun. It can be creative. There's a lot of communication that can happen within that. So there's a lot of, actually kinky people have a lot of really helpful communication. They've gotten really creative in how they express and communicate about sexuality. And then the shadow side is shame. This is the blueprint that harbors the most shame because it's like, "Oh, I want to do these things that are naughty, that are the taboo." And so helping to overcome that shame within you,

• 1:19:55Speaker 07

  or it's become so shameful that it becomes, again, a rut that becomes a grave because it becomes the only route to pleasure because it has so much juice around it.

• 1:20:06André Duqum?

  Is there a link between some sort of sexual suppression and the different types of like the need for a kink outlet in some capacity?

• 1:20:15Speaker 07

  I haven't seen that so much because I think all of the blueprints in some way have suppression. The energetics are ashamed and suppress themselves in some way because they tell themselves that they're weird. I know I've struggled with that one of like, oh gosh, I'm so weird. Like, somebody just barely touches me and I start, ah, you know, having these grand orgasmic experiences. And I've really had to reframe that. And to reframe, I don't want to suppress myself. I'm actually like, I mean, the being that I am is just this really huge, magnificent orgasmic being. So why would I want to hide that? And instead of telling myself I'm weird, every time that little part that wants to suppress comes up, I just go, no, I'm a perfect expression of divine consciousness. And actually,

• 1:20:58Speaker 07

  this expression is needed, or else it wouldn't be here. And I think that's true across the board for all the blueprints. Like, the expression that you are erotically is the perfect expression that's needed here. And we need all of these expressions. Oneness is diversity. And so, and I also, once we get to one of the blueprints, there is, for me, a place that I think is where we completely stop suppressing ourselves. There is a true sexual expression that we all are. And I'll get to that.

• 1:21:30André Duqum?

  Okay. Is there a reason why someone's wired one of these ways or the other? Is it just like the culmination of your life experience and like all these different factors? Or is there a prevalent reason?

• 1:21:41Speaker 07

  I think it's a combination. I think that there are things in our lives that shape us to be the way that we have become, because part of that is how our nervous systems got wired. And I think there's also something to be said for like, how we came in as the expression that we are meant to be in this lifetime. And so, an example of this would be like, I'll go back to energetics again, and myself, is trauma can have a system become very sensitive to where they need a more attuned and subtle awareness during erotic experience. And I think part of why maybe there's dissociation and the short circuiting is because...

• 1:22:22Speaker 07

  There has been an experience in someone's history where that system adapted to being hypersensitive and hypervigilant. And so also sensuals, a lot of hypervigilance is in the system where they're just like, what's happening in my environment is where they can't come in. So the shadow aspect really can show us sometimes what might have happened in someone's lifetime that had them develop the way that they did. Or let's say with sexual blueprint, someone started watching porn at a very, very young age. They've now wired that in, which can be a masking sometimes over a true blueprint, but that becomes then an early wiring that, you know, our brain is now, okay, sexual, that's what that is. That's what's most pleasurable.

• 1:23:06André Duqum?

  Got it. And I'm assuming we're all combinations of different things, which probably go into the fifth one, which is shapeshifter?

• 1:23:13Speaker 07

  Yes. And yes, shapeshifter. So the shapeshifter is someone who's all of these things. So if you've heard yourself in all of them, it's likely you're a shapeshifter. The shapeshifter is like, if these were languages, they can speak all the languages. And they're great lovers, of course, because they can adapt to being whatever anybody else is. And the shapeshifter in their shadow, however, is they're often starving because they are shapeshifting to be what other people are because they have that ability to adopt. And also because their sexuality is full spectrum. They have all of the blueprints. And if they've been developing in this and they're aware of it, then they are going

• 1:23:54Speaker 07

  to have, it's kind of like, I liken it to like a hyper sports car. And they, they can just like let loose in all the ways. But someone needs to know how to, how to drive that, you know? And most people in this world have not developed in the sexual line to the point to where they know how to even start to let that open and really take advantage to what a shapeshifter is. And to come back to what I think we all are, what I've seen through my work over the last 30 years is that as people go on this journey, we all become shapeshifters. And I think what happens is that we all start out with this fullness of our sexuality. And then we cut off a part and we compartmentalize and make that one's not okay.

• 1:24:39Speaker 07

  Or we strengthen apart. And so what most people are is they have like a high percentage of one and a little bit of the other ones. And by the time they end their sexual journey or they've deepened their sexual journey, most people come out as shapeshifters. So my theory, based upon the 30 years of watching people go on this journey, is that we actually are these full spectrum erotic beings. And Eros wants to express itself in all of the ways. And consciousness wants to play and experience in all of the ways to know itself better. And so in order to know itself better, we have this variety of sexual expression.

• 1:25:22Speaker 07

  And to allow that variety of sexual expression without shame and do it consensually and ethically and with integrity and with consciousness, we find the sacredness in all the expression. And then we come into wholeness and the integration is the shapeshifter.

• 1:25:41André Duqum?

  Is there a difference in the percentage of men versus women who are certain types?

• 1:25:45Speaker 07

  Yes, so we've had almost 3 million people, I think, now take the quiz. And in the quiz, we ask what gender people are and just so we can start to track like, well, where is there? And what are the suppositions that people have? Like, a lot of people are like, all men are sexual and all women are sensual. And my therapist told me to, you know, run her a hot bath and then she'll want to have sex with me. Like, if it didn't work, I'm like, well, here's why it didn't work. Is because what we found was actually the majority of women lean more toward energetic and sensual. So there is some truth to the sensual, so it's energetic and sensual. But what we found in people who identified as male was that it was pretty much across the board. Like, there's a

• 1:26:27André Duqum?

  Evenly split throughout them all?

• 1:26:28Speaker 07

  Almost evenly split throughout them all. So that was really fascinating to see that this idea that, oh, men are super simple. Like, I hear this a lot, like, men are super simple, they all they want is sex. I'm like, no, that's, that's never what I've seen in my practice. And that's never what I've seen through 3 million people taking this quiz that we have online. Is that we're, I think we've done men a really big disservice in that judgment. And There's a lot more depth there and a lot more expression that hasn't been allowed.

• 1:27:04Speaker 07

  Because we've pigeonholed an identity and we've put a projection that actually isn't true. And I really want to bust that apart.

• 1:27:12André Duqum?

  You're doing it.

• 1:27:13Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:27:14André Duqum?

  Look at you go. What's the difference between Eros and sex or sexuality? Like, what is Eros for people that have like no idea what that term refers to?

• 1:27:25Speaker 07

  Eros is the animating force of everything. It's in everything.

• 1:27:31Speaker 07

  And sex or sexuality. When we go back to the blueprints, the sexual blueprint is the act that we have defined as intercourse. That's mainly what the sexual blueprint is like aiming for is like getting to the orgasm, getting to the intercourse. And I think we confuse that with what sexuality actually is.

• 1:27:54Speaker 07

  Putting the definition of what I've experienced directly of what sex is, is very challenging because it's so ineffable and it's so magnificent and it's so big. And it's just, I don't even have words.

• 1:28:09Speaker 07

  And so the blueprints to me are this map to expanding our definition of sexuality into not just a tool for our awakening, but a pathway. A pathway for us to love.

• 1:28:32Speaker 07

  A pathway for consciousness to remember itself.

• 1:28:38Speaker 07

  Because love loves loving itself. It loves that. It wants to love itself more. And so it made itself into tunus. Sex is a way that oneness plays tunus and learns about itself.

• 1:28:51Speaker 07

  And when we remember that and we experience that,

• 1:28:56Speaker 07

  then we start to see what sex really is,

• 1:29:00Speaker 07

  which is

• 1:29:02Speaker 07

  an opportunity

• 1:29:05Speaker 07

  to experience different states of consciousness and an opportunity to transform

• 1:29:12Speaker 07

  and an opportunity for us to wire ourselves towards more love, joy, bliss, ecstasy, what we inherently are.

• 1:29:25Speaker 07

  And

• 1:29:28Speaker 07

  saying that sex is just intercourse

• 1:29:32Speaker 07

  is just one little teeny, teeny of that iceberg I've been talking about.

• 1:29:39André Duqum?

  Yeah, this feels like it falls under the larger exploration of unlocking Eros in our life, obviously not just throughout sexuality, as it's, of course, an amazing pathway and doorway, but throughout interactions with all life and within all of our relationships within human beings, like the cultivation of presence, especially when two people are present, whether they're romantically involved or they're just friends. Eros is present when two people are present, you know? And so it seems like presence itself is like an aphrodisiac, you know?

• 1:30:13Speaker 07

  Amen.

• 1:30:16André Duqum?

  And that, I think, people can be confronted with that because then some people might perceive it as like, oh, and they've had experiences of walking into a crystal shop where someone stares at them too long. And, you know, there's, I guess, a shadow side of lack of empathy and awareness of these things. But I know that like, whether it's in my men's group or some of my best guy friends, like when we're really dropping in, reflecting on different things, supporting each other with things, there is an incredible aliveness that comes out in the presence born, really being there and with somebody. And it feels like so much of what you're referring to is like getting us to the point,

• 1:31:01André Duqum?

  to the experience of essentially the dissolution of self. It's like there's a lack of self-centeredness and egotism in your experience. And therefore, like less of a barrier between you and the experience of connecting with others as others. And that's just a

• 1:31:20André Duqum?

  An incredible place to live life from because you're available to the synchronicities and available to the gifts around you. And I think ultimately, like, that's what so much of this path is unlocking for us.

• 1:31:30Speaker 07

  Yeah. And just to take it a little step further is there's, there's the presence and moving beyond the self-centeredness. And then there's the attunement. And I think what we really crave in sex and in connection with another human being is actually someone who can attune, who can resonate, not just come into coherence, but there's actually a resonance, especially for the energetics. It's like, oh, I just want someone to, I just want someone to attune to me, to listen. And when we're in presence and we're out of self-centeredness, we actually can hear. We can hear what is, and we're not in resistance

• 1:32:12Speaker 07

  to what is. And in that is the suchness. And when two are gathered, there I am, I am. That, to me, is the ultimate orgasm. I didn't know that until later in my life. You know, I spent a lot of my life, like, what is orgasmically possible? And part of my personal mission was discovering that, like, everything that could happen with orgasm. And I never found a ceiling. It was just like, oh, there's more, there's more, there's more, there's more. And when I had the first experience, non-dual experience, I was like,

• 1:32:51Speaker 07

  that's the ultimate orgasm. Because that is the merging with all that is. And when we talk about integration, you know, sex can lead us to these mystical experiences, these expanded states of consciousness. Like, as I mentioned, orgasm, to me, is an expanded state of consciousness. How are we then integrating those experiences? Integration meaning coming to wholeness. But I recently heard someone say they were quoting Rachel Peterson and it was, "What are you integrating into?" And I was like, "Oh, I really like that." Because we think about integrating it into our life. Like, "Oh, I had this transcendent sexual experience or this mystical experience, and now I'm going to integrate that. I'm going to keep chasing it.

• 1:33:35Speaker 07

  I'm going to experience chase that and keep going for it." And I learned through my life, I could check all the boxes, right? I had the great job, the money, that all the external things that people want. And I had the great orgasms. And I think we talked about the final frontier of sexual, of personal growth being sexuality. And I think a question to ask yourself is, is that just another box you're checking? And what are you actually seeking? Because even great sex isn't going to bring you that ultimate thing that I think so many SFOs are even chasing. And can we go to allow that, to just bring us closer to that, to that self-realization or transcendence where we're out of self-centeredness? We've merged.

• 1:34:20Speaker 07

  And so it's just, it's just such a powerful conversation. I really want to thank you for having the conversation because I think people just don't consider this pathway. And to come back to Tantra, and they say it's one of the most powerful pathways because it's a faster path in some ways. But it also can be a more dangerous path if you're not integrating it. And if you're not ready for it, you know, sometimes people have these premature Kundalini awakenings. Or, and this happened to me when I was young. I mean, I used to explode. I said I was explode people when I was a teenager

• 1:35:03Speaker 07

  because I had all this big energy. And then like for three days, people couldn't function, you know, like after, after having an erotic encounter. And I got afraid to like be with people because I was so afraid I was going to explode them or like blow them up. But I did, at that time, I didn't have the tools. I didn't know how to help someone integrate the experience. I didn't even know what was going on or what was happening. And to come back to what are we integrating into? How can we integrate into the experience that we're having as opposed to the other way around? That, to me, is like a totally new frame and something that now I'm practicing more because there's having the mystical experience or having the glimpse of awakening, and then

• 1:35:47Speaker 07

  there's resting in it and abiding in it and no longer chasing it, but actually becoming someone who's resting in that. And I think that that comes from integrating into versus trying to integrate it into your life.

• 1:36:03André Duqum?

  There's like that reciprocity and flow of energy that's moving us into somewhere, like into a direction, into, like, we have the deeper experience of connection with self, and then that leads to deeper expression and our energy towards life. For somebody that just heard about these different erotic blueprints and different types and are experiencing, which there are a variety of issues, from infertility to sexless life, like, you spoke to this possibility of attuning to our partner's experience and our own internal experience. And so what advice do you have for somebody who's maybe been in partnership for anywhere

• 1:36:42André Duqum?

  from a couple of years to a decade or two and want to rekindle their sex life, but keep hitting a brick wall? And I know you've supported many people with this. It just, it just seems like the longer with somebody, the more opportunity there is to continue to re-meet somebody. And it seems like it comes in waves in terms of people's experience of sexual desire and aliveness and the connection. And so, yeah, when that fluctuates, what does one do?

• 1:37:12Speaker 07

  I think the first thing is to not make it a problem.

• 1:37:14Speaker 01

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• 1:37:20Speaker 02

  I put out Stonefire Naan with dips at every dinner party.

• 1:37:23Speaker 03

  I make Naan grilled cheese when my daughter has friends over.

• 1:37:26Speaker 04

  I use Stonefire Naan to reward the humans who do my bidding.

• 1:37:29Speaker 05

  Right. It's perfect for camping trips.

• 1:37:32Speaker 09

  Dance for it, feeble mortal.

• 1:37:34Speaker 05

  Sorry, is he talking to me or?

• 1:37:37Speaker 09

  Dance. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

• 1:37:40Speaker 01

  From our tradition to yours, Stonefire.

• 1:37:42Speaker 00

  Together we Naan.

• 1:37:46Speaker 00

  If you're building AI agents, you should check out Strands Agents. It's an open source SDK for Python and TypeScript. The idea is simple. Give a model some tools, let it decide what to call and when, and loop until it's done. No chain configs, no graph orchestration, and works with any model provider. It's also open source and built and tested for production agents. Get started at strandsagents.com.

• 1:38:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's kind of that like, oh, if we start to resist, what is? Okay, this is here. It's okay, we actually are meant to fluctuate. I think that people make it like we're supposed to go like up, up, up, up, up in some linear thing, or relationship always has to be hot, or, and yeah, maybe we do want that or desire that. But you can make it hot in the fluctuation by allowing, oh, this is here. This is fluctuating. We had a big life change. Things are stressful. Illness, having a baby, like, there's all kinds of things that can happen in life that will affect our sexuality. Esther Perel, one of my friends, she says, "We have multiple sexualities, not one sexuality."

• 1:38:55Speaker 07

  And I really like that, like, allowing yourself to change throughout your lifetime. And even your blueprint is going to fluctuate. And so I think the first state is, oh, here we are. It's not a problem, and it's nothing, there's nothing wrong with us. How do we want to approach this time in our lives? And let's have a conversation about it. If there's big charge, meaning there's big emotional, like, oh, this isn't okay, and that resistance is coming up, then have someone to support you to actually transmute or transform that charge, to work with it and understand, like, well, is that a part of myself that's coming up? Is there something here that needs to be healed? Is there something physical that's going on?

• 1:39:37Speaker 07

  And again, getting curious, because that will keep you in the intimacy versus making anybody wrong bad, or that there's blame going on. So get support.

• 1:39:48Speaker 07

  Make an agreement that, yes, we're in this fluctuation. How are we going to work together with the fluctuation, not against each other in the fluctuation? Work through any emotional, big emotional charges. And then the other is to understand, usually it's one of four things in the fluctuation. One, it's biochemical. Something is happening in the, in the body system with the biochemistry. One, it could be physical. Something's changed where now sex hurts. Sex is not supposed to hurt. There are so many people who have painful sex. It's actually not supposed to hurt, so it's supposed to feel good.

• 1:40:29Speaker 07

  And so if sex is hurting, there's something going on physically, psyche, emotionally. So that's the third one is emotional, what's happening in the emotional realm. And then the, the final one is what's happening bioenergetically. So if you can look at all four of those realms and then seek to understand and just get really curious and see if there's something there in that fluctuation. Another thing that I think can create, can help people kind of boost out of that, something called, I call the passion trifecta. We often, in closeness, lose the space that energetics love so much, but also the thing that creates attraction.

• 1:41:11Speaker 07

  So a passion trifecta, it is to have an obstacle of some kind that you consciously create. So an obstacle in sex might, if you're in sexual blueprint, might be, you have to keep your panties on during this whole sexual experience, but we're going to do all the sexual things, but we're going to do them around the panties. So that would be like an example of an obstacle that would be consciously created.

• 1:41:38Speaker 07

  To have something novel or new, we lose novelty. And we could also have something naughty, which can create novelty. So obstacle, novelty, and then the third one is mystery. How can we bring back more mystery into sex? I mean, to me, sex is endlessly mysterious. It's, I don't want to figure it all out and I want to be in the mystery of it all. And the mystery aspect could be something as simple as like, don't, don't share the same bathroom, you know, don't brush your teeth together, like sleep apart for a little while and find out if mystery starts to bring you back together and sue more like curiosity.

• 1:42:23André Duqum?

  Yeah, that's great. Thanks for sharing. Yeah, it seems like that'll all be super helpful.

• 1:42:30André Duqum?

  Wow, yeah, we've covered a lot and gone all over the place. This has been, this has been so fun.

• 1:42:37André Duqum?

  What I know you have, you said you, you mentioned you haven't been doing podcasts a couple of months. I'm just curious how, what, what, how did you find out about this podcast? I know I reached out because I was interested in obviously doing this, but what happened?

• 1:42:50Speaker 07

  This is a super fun story. So I, someone had sent me one of the episodes that you had, and it was the episode with Zach Bush. And I listened to it and as I was listening to it, I was like, hmm, maybe I want to do that podcast. And it's such an amazing interview. And I was like, I was doing experiment at the time on manifestation. And I do oftentimes with like orgasmic energy, like using orgasmic energy to go into the field and visualize what it is that I want to manifest and kind of send a message through the field. And so what I did was I was just like, I'm going to go into the field. So I dropped it and I was like, I'm going to send a message and see if it gets picked up

• 1:43:34Speaker 07

  that I would like to do this podcast. And that was like a, on like a Thursday or Friday. And on Monday, my assistant reaches out to me and says, Andre from Know Thy, Know Thyself reached out to do the podcast. And I hadn't told her anything. I was like, oh my goodness, that like totally worked.

• 1:43:52Speaker 07

  You got my message.

• 1:43:53André Duqum?

  There we go. I felt the pain.

• 1:43:54Speaker 07

  So just like really funny how like, I was just like, I, there's something where I was just like, I need to like know this person. Like there's something happening within this community of like, just the great work you're all doing, the guests you've had on the show and everything that I just felt like super compelled to be part of what you're creating in this world and what you're, you're sending out into the universe. So thanks for listening.

• 1:44:19André Duqum?

  It's been such a pleasure. It's an honor. I'm glad, you know, we haven't dove into a lot of these topics very periodically, but pretty much never as like a focused episode. So I was just kind of looking out there into the, into who might be a good person to do this tango with. And yeah, you just feel very clear and in your center and have a good appreciation for the complexity around this all and nuance throughout it all. And, and yeah, it's such a, such an important, often not talked about topic that has so many amazing areas of exploration that we can continue to. And I'm sure in the future.

• 1:45:01Speaker 07

  We could have gone down any wormhole very deeply.

• 1:45:04André Duqum?

  There's so many. If you had like a last teaching for somebody to re-explore their relationship with their own sexuality and the power of that, that you would want to leave people with, does anything come to mind?

• 1:45:20Speaker 07

  Yeah. And it's so interesting when people say the phrase come to mind, because I often go, what comes to my body?

• 1:45:29André Duqum?

  Anything else come to body?

• 1:45:31Speaker 07

  What comes to body, what comes to mind?

• 1:45:36Speaker 07

  And the first thing that comes in is this feeling of a way that we express love for ourselves is through pleasure. And to continue to explore what pleasure means to you in a healthful way, so that you can come back to yourself through the body. My way has always been exploring consciousness through the body, through the breath, and through this thing that we call pleasure.

• 1:46:14Speaker 07

  And so instead of pleasure being something we push away, I invite you to explore the path all the way to the end

• 1:46:25Speaker 07

  and see what happens. In the meantime, I'm going to keep exploring it all the way to the end to see what happens. I don't think there's an end, though.

• 1:46:34André Duqum?

  It's fascinating how we can rewrite our relationship to what brings us pleasure and how we can perceive the difficulties in our life also as an opportunity for growth and finding pleasure in it, too. You know, it's like, we often have this notion that we want our life to happen when we want and then how we want. But the reality of that, if it actually happened, would be a very boring monotone life.

• 1:46:58Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:47:00André Duqum?

  So like, there seems like, and so much of what you've been talking about, deep pleasure and the surprise and mystery of life that we can become attuned to. And and, uh, and yeah, so thank you so much for all of the reflections throughout this conversation. And it's been such a joy.

• 1:47:18Speaker 07

  Yeah. What if pleasure is right here, right now, always, eternally? Yeah. That's what I leave people with. Find pleasure right here, right now.

• 1:47:30André Duqum?

  Thank you. Let us know, everybody who's been tuning into this episode, in what ways this has resonated, confronted different things in your psyche, all of it. I'm super curious to see how this dialogue has, what is inspired in you. And, and Jaiya, we'll link down stuff where people can stay connected with you down below. Is there any other things you want to point people towards, though, that you have going on right now?

• 1:47:52Speaker 07

  People can take the quiz online. You can link to that. That's one way also that you can find out what your blueprint is. And, uh, yeah, I'm around on all the things, so I'm sure you can find me.

• 1:48:03André Duqum?

  Sweet. Thank you so much. Thank you all. Until next time, be well.

• 1:48:22Speaker 01

  StoneFire Non is made with real buttermilk and ghee. It's the perfect flatbread for any occasion.

• 1:48:27Speaker 05

  I put out StoneFire Non with dips at every dinner party.

• 1:48:30Speaker 03

  I make Non grilled cheese when my daughter has friends over.

• 1:48:33Speaker 04

  I use StoneFire Non to reward the humans who do my bidding.

• 1:48:37Speaker 05

  Right, it's perfect for camping trips.

• 1:48:40Speaker 04

  Dance for it, feeble mortal.

• 1:48:42Speaker 05

  Sorry, is he talking to me or...

• 1:48:44Speaker 04

  Dance.

• 1:48:47Speaker 01

  From our tradition to yours, StoneFire.

• 1:48:50Speaker 00

  Together we non.

• 1:48:53Speaker 00

  If you're building AI agents, you should check out Strands Agents. It's an open source SDK for Python and TypeScript. The idea is simple. Give a model some tools, let it decide what to call and when, and loop until it's done. No chain configs, no graph orchestration, and works with any model provider. It's also open source and built and tested for production agents. Get started at strandsagents.com.