Pod Insights Joe Marler Will See You Now Joe Marler Gets Humiliated For 30 Minutes Straight About this episode All professionals need a break now and again, and Dr Marler is no different. While he resets and prepares to dish out some more questionable advice, here's a compilation of the moments where he's firmly in the firing line.
From brutal roasts to elaborate setups (often with Jake's help), Joe rarely gets a moment's peace. Featuring Pete Wicks, Sam Thompson, Cat Burns, Jason Fox, Stephen Fry, Joel Dommett, Big Josh, Max Fosh and Sue Perkins all taking their shot.
GET TICKETS TO THE LIVE TOUR HERE:https://www.livenation.co.uk/joe-marler-will-see-you-live-tickets-adp1647830
Featuring Joe Marler (@joemarler17) and Jake Bhardwaj (@jakebhardwajtv)Follow the show on Instagram: @willseeyounowshowJoe Marler Will See You Now is a Platform Media production.
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1:01 Speaker 01 This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
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1:59 Speaker 03 Joe, what's the worst thing anyone's ever said to you, ever?
2:02 Speaker 04 Oy, chubsy wubsy.
2:03 Speaker 03 Really?
2:04 Speaker 04 Stop eating all the pizzas, you fat fuck.
2:09 Speaker 03 Wow, and that was on your wedding day?
2:13 Speaker 04 That was pixie.
2:15 Speaker 03 Oh, do your kids say mean, say mean stuff to you?
2:19 Speaker 04 Uh. Yeah, some, yeah, they could fatty daddy, fatty dad. Um, which is, is cute.
2:26 Speaker 03 It's cute, yeah.
2:28 Speaker 04 Doesn't affect me at all. Um. What's wrong with your ears? Why are your ears like that? Uh, how come your nose is so wonky?
2:37 Speaker 03 Wow, they're really roasty, don't they?
2:38 Speaker 04 Why, why, why are you asking? Why?
2:40 Speaker 03 Well, I'm just interested.
2:41 Speaker 04 You've been reading the comments?
2:43 Speaker 03 Oh mate, I don't read the comments. I, I, I get, people say horrible things about me too.
2:47 Speaker 04 So you do read the comments?
2:48 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, I would have had to read the comments to know.
2:52 Speaker 04 Why are you asking?
2:53 Speaker 03 I once had someone say to me, um, uh, Margaret Thatcher got four hours of sleep a night. By the look of your eye bags, you're probably getting fucking done, mate.
3:02 Speaker 03 Jay Marler, eighty-six.
3:07 Speaker 04 That wasn't me.
3:08 Speaker 03 It's interesting though, isn't it?
3:09 Speaker 04 I was born in nineteen ninety. There's your proof.
3:12 Speaker 03 There's your proof?
3:15 Speaker 04 Why did I put the wrong birth year on? It's not me, mate.
3:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's true. It's true. You have a sharp mind.
3:20 Speaker 04 They have got a valid point though.
3:22 Speaker 03 We've had some of the sharpest minds enter this office.
3:25 Speaker 04 Yeah.
3:25 Speaker 03 And sometimes there's been a bit of sort of verbal sparring between you and them.
3:31 Speaker 04 Hmm.
3:31 Speaker 03 I.e. you getting roasted. We've got a little treat for the fans where we've compiled some of the best roasting moments that have happened on the show. And, um, yeah, I think you're gonna enjoy it. Sit back, relax, take it in.
3:43 Speaker 04 We've compiled it?
3:44 Speaker 03 Oh, I, I, I mean, the producers have compiled it, yeah.
3:47 Speaker 04 Sounds a lot like you've driven this.
3:48 Speaker 03 I've had a huge say in it, to be honest with you, yeah.
3:51 Speaker 04 Cool.
3:55 Speaker 04 Well, you're this guy that, you know,
3:58 Speaker 04 shows his emotions. You, you've been very open and honest. You know, you wear your heart on your sleeve. In fact, have you got a heart on your sleeve?
4:04 Speaker 05 I've got a heart on my finger.
4:06 Speaker 04 Not quite your sleeve, is it?
4:08 Speaker 05 No. That's why I said it's on my finger.
4:10 Speaker 04 Yeah, but do you think you should get it on your sleeve?
4:12 Speaker 05 I, there's no room for it, really. I don't think. But also, I don't think I am a heart on the sleeve guy. I'm thirty-seven and I'm still single.
4:19 Speaker 04 You're thirty-seven?
4:20 Speaker 05 Yeah.
4:21 Speaker 04 Fuck off.
4:22 Speaker 05 You think I was older?
4:23 Speaker 04 Yeah.
4:25 Speaker 04 No.
4:27 Speaker 04 I've done it again. I've done it again. No, no, no, no, no, no. Me, me, me, I'm sorry.
4:32 Speaker 05 It's a, it's a, it's a long way back from that.
4:35 Speaker 03 How old did you think he was?
4:36 Speaker 04 No, I don't, no, no, this, no, no.
4:39 Speaker 03 To answer the question, how old did you think he was?
4:41 Speaker 05 Yeah.
4:41 Speaker 04 What I'm saying is, I used to watch you growing up, when I was growing up.
4:47 Speaker 05 How fucking old are you?
4:48 Speaker 04 Thirty-five.
4:49 Speaker 05 What?
4:53 Speaker 05 No, you're not.
4:56 Speaker 05 Still not thirty-five.
4:58 Speaker 04 How old did you think I was?
5:00 Speaker 05 Way older, isn't it? It's way older.
5:02 Speaker 03 I think you both thought each other were the same age. The number you've got in your head now for the other one, is it?
5:09 Speaker 05 Fucking hell.
5:10 Speaker 04 Okay, on three, I want you to, we both say the age that we thought each other were.
5:13 Speaker 05 Mm-hmm.
5:14 Speaker 04 Okay, ready? One, two, three.
5:16 Speaker 05 Forty-seven.
5:21 Speaker 05 Oh my god.
5:22 Speaker 03 That's mental, isn't it? That is mental.
5:25 Speaker 05 Shit.
5:26 Speaker 03 Wow.
5:28 Speaker 05 That low.
5:31 Speaker 05 Fuck.
5:34 Speaker 05 Joe, can I ask you a question?
5:35 Speaker 04 Definitely.
5:37 Speaker 05 Are you thirty-five?
5:40 Speaker 04 Interesting.
5:41 Speaker 05 Which, I just, I have to know.
5:43 Speaker 04 Okay, so I, I do the questions.
5:46 Speaker 05 Yeah, I know, but I just, we've all seen it, and I just, I could not believe it.
5:52 Speaker 04 Let's get it out of the way then. What the fuck is your beef with me? Like, you've, I've had your mate on here, and I was, I was shocked at his age. Yeah, shocked when he said.
6:02 Speaker 05 I'm shocked every day as well.
6:03 Speaker 04 There you go. Mainly because, like I said, I grew up watching him. I thought, oh my god, he's been around for ages. He's definitely way older than me. Look how successful he is, etcetera, all that, like, he's definitely older, that's how I think. Then when, like, it turned out he was only thirty-seven, I was like, that is wild.
6:20 Speaker 05 Yeah.
6:20 Speaker 04 He's lived a life.
6:21 Speaker 05 He's, mate, he's, that every line tells a story.
6:24 Speaker 04 Hmm. But interestingly, I did see your riposte to it on your Staying Relevant podcast. Um, what were your comments on there? Sorry, I'll carry on.
6:39 Speaker 04 As if coming from him, he's, and he says he's thirty five, he's the old one. As if he's turned around and said something like that.
6:46 Speaker 05 Joe, I couldn't believe it. Only because you've achieved so much.
6:50 Speaker 04 Sure.
6:50 Speaker 03 Nice save.
6:51 Speaker 05 Mate, you've achieved so much.
6:52 Speaker 04 You're like one of England rugby players.
6:55 Speaker 03 But it did strike a chord clearly, because you know that clip on Instagram was on like fourteen, fifteen million views.
7:02 Speaker 05 My mum sent it to me. Yeah.
7:06 Speaker 04 Okay.
7:07 Speaker 05 But she fancies Pete, so she watches everything he does.
7:10 Speaker 03 What I like now, in a weird way, is that we're reacting to the moment that they reacted to you reacting to Pete's reaction of your age.
7:17 Speaker 05 It was epic.
7:19 Speaker 03 I feel like we could just sort of keep making this content for about three years.
7:26 Speaker 05 We're here to fix you being a people pleaser. So I've got one final exercise for you to do.
7:34 Speaker 06 Hit me.
7:34 Speaker 05 This is called Cat Burns.
7:37 Speaker 06 Cool.
7:38 Speaker 05 Cat Burns.
7:39 Speaker 06 Alright.
7:39 Speaker 05 So that's, that's your name, but you burn.
7:42 Speaker 06 Mr. Marla, I understand.
7:48 Speaker 05 I would like you to look me in the eyes and burn me in the name of science.
7:52 Speaker 06 Okay.
7:54 Speaker 05 Anything you want, this is a safe space. Burn me as hard as you can.
8:02 Speaker 06 Your stinky.
8:08 Speaker 05 Cat, remember the exercise is about not being a people pleaser.
8:12 Speaker 06 Alright, alright.
8:17 Speaker 06 Your is funny.
8:22 Speaker 03 I mean, that's definitely progress.
8:25 Speaker 05 Did you say ear or is?
8:28 Speaker 06 Plural.
8:29 Speaker 05 Even this one?
8:32 Speaker 06 Sometimes it makes me wanna sing, "Cauliflower's fluffy."
8:39 Speaker 06 "Strawberry's me, darling, it's..." That's the meanest I can go.
8:44 Speaker 05 You're getting there.
8:44 Speaker 06 Yeah.
8:46 Speaker 05 Do Jake.
8:48 Speaker 03 I can take it.
8:50 Speaker 06 Your soup doesn't fit you properly.
8:52 Speaker 03 It doesn't, does it?
9:00 Speaker 04 Foxy, your training techniques, some of them surely involve resilience and you know, you're put under duress both mentally but physically at times as well.
9:13 Speaker 05 Hmm.
9:14 Speaker 04 I want you to impart that knowledge on me.
9:17 Speaker 05 Okay, I think there's two, there's two things that you can do, that I do. So the first is if I know I'm going to be doing something that's painful, I will build adrenaline inside myself by thinking of stuff that gets me either angry or fearful because then adrenaline's pumping through your system.
9:37 Speaker 04 Not horny?
9:38 Speaker 05 Not horny. Well, I don't know, maybe.
9:40 Speaker 04 Okay.
9:40 Speaker 05 I mean, if that gets the adrenaline going, then you know, think of horny shit.
9:45 Speaker 05 But ultimately adrenaline gets, gets you past the pain because it's already coursing through your system. And normally when you've got your adrenaline fucking coursing.
9:55 Speaker 04 Yeah.
9:56 Speaker 05 Pain's not really noticed as much. That's one way, but it's more difficult. The other way is to think about pain as being warm. The thing that comes with pain is, is warmth. And so I, I embrace the warmth. I think of the pain and I think of it as something that's nice.
10:14 Speaker 04 Yeah.
10:14 Speaker 05 So I'm sort of, you know, rewiring my brain to be more receptive of pain because it's a warm feeling.
10:23 Speaker 04 You welcome it.
10:23 Speaker 05 I welcome it, yeah.
10:24 Speaker 04 When you think of pain, like a painful things have happened to you, what do you think of?
10:30 Speaker 05 Um, breaking things, limbs, um.
10:35 Speaker 04 Yeah.
10:37 Speaker 05 Like ligament thingies, injuries.
10:40 Speaker 04 When I think of pain, I think of these.
10:44 Speaker 05 A set of tweezers.
10:46 Speaker 04 Sure.
10:48 Speaker 05 To be fair, anything to do with tweezers is quite, um, it's an unnerving thing.
10:54 Speaker 04 As a exercise, I'm rewiring. My brain to embrace pain.
10:59 Speaker 05 Yeah.
11:00 Speaker 04 Warm, fuzzy pain.
11:02 Speaker 05 Alright.
11:02 Speaker 04 And I'd like you to try and pluck some nostril hair out of me. Whilst I'm.
11:10 Speaker 05 Have you got any?
11:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, loads.
11:11 Speaker 03 So Joe, which of the two techniques are you gonna deploy here? Are you gonna try and think of something angry, fearful or horny?
11:18 Speaker 05 I'd rather him not think of anything like that. I'd rather him go with the second option, which is to embrace the warmth of the plucked hair.
11:24 Speaker 03 We're gonna, you're gonna go with the warmth?
11:26 Speaker 05 Cause either way, like angry, I don't want. Horny, I definitely don't want because I'm in front of him.
11:32 Speaker 04 Sure. So I'm going with warmth.
11:34 Speaker 03 Going with warmth.
11:35 Speaker 05 Yeah, I think there's gonna be some.
11:36 Speaker 03 And Jason Fox of the Special Forces will be using a tweezer to pluck Joe Marler of England Rugby's nose hair.
11:44 Speaker 04 Yeah. Fuck off twats.
11:48 Speaker 04 Look at the size of it.
11:52 Speaker 04 Not, that's fucking four.
11:58 Speaker 04 The exercise says one at a time.
12:00 Speaker 05 I was given a set of tweezers.
12:02 Speaker 04 Fucking hell dickheads.
12:03 Speaker 05 But no, but no fucking magnifying glass.
12:08 Speaker 05 My eyesight is not that good.
12:11 Speaker 04 It didn't work.
12:12 Speaker 03 Did you think, does it feel warm?
12:14 Speaker 04 I felt more pain than ever.
12:16 Speaker 05 No, you didn't.
12:16 Speaker 04 There was no warm than that, was there?
12:18 Speaker 03 Absolutely well done to both of you, I think. To both of you.
12:29 Speaker 04 What's new in your world, Jack?
12:30 Speaker 03 What's new in your world?
12:31 Speaker 04 I asked you first.
12:32 Speaker 03 Oh, I have nothing new in my world.
12:36 Speaker 04 I got nothing, nothing, nothing.
12:42 Speaker 03 But I think I know there's something, I think I know there's something new in your world.
12:46 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, there is.
12:48 Speaker 03 What you got?
12:49 Speaker 04 I've got a bike.
12:50 Speaker 03 Wow, he's active.
12:52 Speaker 04 And I'm wearing trainers because I'm, I'm walking a lot as well these days.
12:55 Speaker 03 What's all this then? Why, why have you got a bike? Why are you walking?
12:57 Speaker 04 Just trying to lose a bit of weight, get a bit healthy, lose that saturated fat.
13:01 Speaker 03 I was gonna say, I'd quite like to see you on a bike.
13:05 Speaker 03 It would bring me great pleasure.
13:07 Speaker 04 Why? You don't think I can ride a bike, do you?
13:10 Speaker 03 I just think seeing you on a bike would just give me such a great sort of faith in the power of physics and engineering.
13:19 Speaker 04 What?
13:20 Speaker 03 Cause you're massive.
13:23 Speaker 03 Cause you are mad. Because you're like muscly massive, I'm not calling you like fat.
13:29 Speaker 04 It doesn't matter how you word it mate.
13:32 Speaker 03 You're ma- you, sorry, this can't be the first time you're realising that you're fucking massive.
13:36 Speaker 04 The bitch that you're emphasising I'm not upset about. I'm upset about, oh, the wonder of physics.
13:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, it would be a triumph of engineering, it would be. To see you wanna-
13:47 Speaker 04 There you go again.
13:48 Speaker 03 To see you-
13:48 Speaker 04 You try and hide it.
13:50 Speaker 03 But I'm not hiding it, I'm being one of them.
13:52 Speaker 04 Oh, the triumph of engineering. That's such a, an offensive thing to say.
13:56 Speaker 03 Hmm, is it?
13:58 Speaker 04 A lot.
13:59 Speaker 03 So where are you riding your bike?
14:01 Speaker 04 I've only been out on it once.
14:02 Speaker 03 How'd it go?
14:05 Speaker 04 What do you mean, how'd it go?
14:06 Speaker 03 Did it fall off? Was it nice?
14:08 Speaker 04 No, it didn't fall off. I had my daughter on the back.
14:10 Speaker 03 Oh.
14:10 Speaker 04 It's one of those like carry ones.
14:11 Speaker 03 That's so sweet.
14:13 Speaker 04 She was screaming the entire time, telling me to go slower.
14:16 Speaker 03 How fast were you going?
14:17 Speaker 04 I had to walk it in the end. I had to get off and walk.
14:19 Speaker 03 So excited about your new bike. And then you're just walking it like, this learning for you.
14:24 Speaker 04 And we could all, we have all got a bike now, let's go out for a bike ride as a family. Obviously I've got the e-bike, just help me up those hips.
14:31 Speaker 03 It's an e-bike? Kev, it's quiet. Talk about, talk about wonder of engineering. We're gonna need a little bit of extra help with this guy.
14:43 Speaker 04 Yeah, but I am carrying two.
14:46 Speaker 03 What do you mean?
14:46 Speaker 04 Well, she's, she's not a small bit of kit, my four-year-old.
14:50 Speaker 03 Yeah, I don't think the four-year-old's the bit that's making the difference.
14:54 Speaker 04 You're a piece of pride.
14:55 Speaker 03 I don't think she's tipping the balance, is she? Surely she's carrying this unit up that hill.
14:59 Speaker 04 Why do I tell you stuff?
15:04 Speaker 04 My job today is to-
15:06 Speaker 05 Is to make me naughty.
15:07 Speaker 04 To make you a little bit naughty and I actually want to bring you back into criminality a little bit. Um, Jake, have you got any ideas of like how?
15:16 Speaker 03 It would be nice to sort of ease back into committing a crime, I don't think-
15:19 Speaker 04 Nothing too, too crazy.
15:21 Speaker 03 Well, not a violent crime, not viol-
15:22 Speaker 05 Is it for my gain, not, not like say, break a window of a nasty fossil fuel company?
15:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, no, no, no, this is for you. It's for you.
15:31 Speaker 05 It's gotta be for me, isn't it?
15:32 Speaker 04 Yeah, a little bit of naughtiness, to give you that little spike.
15:35 Speaker 03 I think, I think something that uses your, uh, wit and intellig- identity fraud feels quite a, a doable thing.
15:43 Speaker 04 Whose identity can he take then?
15:45 Speaker 03 Well, it's gotta be yours, isn't it?
15:47 Speaker 04 You're taking a piss?
15:48 Speaker 03 It's gotta be your idea. Get your phone out.
15:49 Speaker 04 Pardon?
15:50 Speaker 03 Get your phone out and let's see, let's see if maybe-
15:52 Speaker 04 I think you're misunderstanding the working relationship here.
15:54 Speaker 03 Well, we're here now and we're going for it.
15:57 Speaker 04 Are you on Instagram or any of those things? I know you're on- Fuck off! I know you're on WhatsApp. Can we share that? Um, you know, ex-traiters group. Yes, we do.
16:08 Speaker 03 Joe actually just hit 1 million followers on Instagram.
16:10 Speaker 04 Thank you very much. Yeah, really appreciate it. Yeah, bless. What am I doing with my phone?
16:15 Speaker 03 Well, I wonder, I wonder.
16:16 Speaker 04 You can take it and do-
16:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, you're both on that traitors WhatsApp group, aren't you?
16:20 Speaker 04 Fuck off.
16:20 Speaker 03 What if Stephen tries to pretend to be you and sees if he can get away with it? That could be quite fun.
16:25 Speaker 04 Yeah. No. Yes, come on, give it to me.
16:29 Speaker 04 So, that wasn't on my bingo card.
16:33 Speaker 04 Yes, give it to me. Okay, fine. Well, hang on, the speed. You haven't even given me a heads up what's going on here. Well, no, if you know- I can't tell you how nervous I am. Oh, it's something you probably want to do anyway, so it's not really a bad thing. On that group? I'm not sure. I'm not a, I'm not a leader on that, mate. I am not one of the big dogs.
16:54 Speaker 03 Is it quite an active group, that group?
16:55 Speaker 04 This is what you are now, when I press the green. "My dears, I'm considering an OnlyFans site. I haven't told you this, but I love to flash my junk. Is this a stupid idea?"
17:08 Speaker 04 Send.
17:10 Speaker 03 So, Joe, Joe, just to recap, who's on that group?
17:14 Speaker 04 There's Alan Carr and Claudia Winkleman and Celia and everyone, all the traitors. I'm not sure how this is identity theft. I'm stunned at you. I'm, uh- What the fuck am I gonna do from the back of that, mate? Usually it's just- You asked me to be naughty? Yes, I know. I know this is meant to-
17:37 Speaker 03 Oh, it's far better than anything we could have planned.
17:39 Speaker 04 My usual is just chiming in every so often when people have, you know, wishing people the best in their latest project or something. Or doing a little gif or a little reaction.
17:47 Speaker 03 Well, this is your latest project, Joe. Your lovely OnlyFans.
17:52 Speaker 04 No, Celia's on there. She will. I think she'll approve. She'll say, "Go for it, Joe." It is actually a really supportive group on there. It's really kind of me. Uh, I'm not entirely sure, uh, that is what I was looking for in that, but do you- Feel a bit naughty off the back of that. I do.
18:11 Speaker 03 I think we all felt the thrill. That was exhilarating stuff.
18:14 Speaker 04 That was the least naughty idea I had in my head.
18:20 Speaker 04 Sure. Shall we check out if we've had anything for?
18:25 Speaker 04 Right. Okay. Do you offer a free magnifying glass to your subscribers?
18:32 Speaker 03 Who's that? Who's that?
18:33 Speaker 04 Joe Wilkinson? No, who is that? No, it was the bad big dog. Oh, Jonathan, of course. JR. Of course it was. What I cannot get, for fuck's sake, is more and more people reading it. Oh, Mark's just read it. Mark's typing. Oh, fuck. Charlotte's typing. Whoa! Oh, you're a twat.
18:58 Speaker 04 You have made, I am what you have made me. No, I had very little respect on that group in the fucking first place. No, no, no. I was clinging on for dear life. Nonsense. What have you done, Jake? This is horseshit. You can't de naughty me. No, God, how's that turned around? That was your naughty streak. You're far more in charge of yourself and your self-image than being concerned about that. Even if I turn around and tell the truth, I don't think a lot of them believe in it. I actually think a lot of that group are gonna go. I'm in a group and I can always deny it.
19:33 Speaker 03 I mean, he's gone, but surely the replies have kept coming in.
19:37 Speaker 04 Okay, great. And now you want to, bear in mind, this was your idea.
19:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, go on.
19:41 Speaker 04 Even though the client, Sir Stephen Fry, was meant to get in touch with his naughty side, I didn't think you'd go, yeah, let's sabotage my boss.
19:48 Speaker 03 Who's replied? Who's replied? So JR's come in.
19:50 Speaker 04 Right, brilliant. Right, Joe Wilkinson's then chimed in, I genuinely think you'd make a few quid.
19:57 Speaker 04 Hmm. Interesting. Stephen's quite quick on the group.
20:01 Speaker 03 Stephen's already, Stephen's just left the door.
20:02 Speaker 04 Stephen's left and gone immediately on the group. I see. Interesting. Before I've been able to explain the situation of what's gone on, he's gone, superb idea. I'd subscribe and pay top dollar.
20:16 Speaker 04 Steven's gone, "I can picture it in surprising detail." Joe Wilkinson, "Ditto to that."
20:25 Speaker 04 He's completely shafted me. I'm gonna have to formulate some sort of plan to get out of this 'cause Steven, I can just sense the imp in him, which we made him rediscover.
20:37 Speaker 03 Mmm, he loves it.
20:38 Speaker 04 Is gonna really run with this.
20:39 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
20:44 Speaker 01 This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you wanna run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
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22:12 Speaker 04 This is a public service announcement that we are taking the podcast on tour.
22:18 Speaker 03 That's right, all over the country. You can come and see me, Joe, and that skeleton with a beard on it doing our thing.
22:24 Speaker 04 What about Janet?
22:25 Speaker 03 Uh, well, she will maybe be there. I'm just worried that sometimes she sort of oversteps the mark a little bit. We've got a lot of people watching, that's the thing. Uh, we are gonna have some very special guests, that's guaranteed. We're gonna definitely get your magnificent thighs on the show. People can see that in real life.
22:38 Speaker 04 All of them?
22:39 Speaker 03 What do you mean all of them? You've got three, actually. I heard the rumours.
22:45 Speaker 04 I don't call my dick a thigh.
22:47 Speaker 03 There will be chaos.
22:49 Speaker 04 Who do you know that goes, "Hey, check out my thigh", as a reference for their dick? No one goes, "Oh, check out my third thigh"?
22:57 Speaker 03 I thought when people talked about the thigh gap, it was a lack of dick.
22:59 Speaker 04 What?
23:00 Speaker 03 There'll be chaos.
23:01 Speaker 04 It's not why they go, "Check out my third..."
23:03 Speaker 03 I have to read the autocue. I have to read the... I'm so contracted to. There'll be chaos, there'll be audience participation, and there's guaranteed to be some things we probably shouldn't say in front of a live audience. That will be one of them, actually, probably. Um, how do people get tickets and are they available now?
23:18 Speaker 05 Tickets are available right now. Haven't got a watch on. If you don't come, we will notice.
23:25 Speaker 03 I can't stress enough, these are massive venues. If you don't come, it will be a sea of empty seats. You have to buy a ticket. We really will notice. And it will bring shame on the podcast, which I don't think you want, because if you're watching this, you'd probably like it a bit.
23:37 Speaker 05 So, get your tickets from the link in the description. Now.
23:48 Speaker 04 Joel, you are Mr. Nice Guy.
23:51 Speaker 05 Thanks, bud.
23:51 Speaker 04 You are the opposite to Nick.
23:56 Speaker 05 Nick?
23:56 Speaker 04 Nasty Nick.
23:57 Speaker 05 Nasty, okay, yeah, yeah.
23:59 Speaker 04 But, um, do you have any nastiness within you? That's what we need to finally discover in today's final exercise. It's the final...
24:12 Speaker 05 Cunt down.
24:15 Speaker 05 Which actually works, I think.
24:16 Speaker 03 It really is, it really does work, yeah.
24:19 Speaker 04 I'm gonna give you one minute, one whole minute, not a minute less, not a minute more.
24:23 Speaker 05 Okay.
24:24 Speaker 04 Not a second less or a second more.
24:26 Speaker 05 Okay.
24:27 Speaker 04 And you've got to throw out as many insults as you can.
24:31 Speaker 05 Oh, Christ.
24:32 Speaker 04 At moi, which is French for me.
24:34 Speaker 05 60 seconds is a long time.
24:37 Speaker 04 And lighting change.
24:40 Speaker 05 Whoa.
24:42 Speaker 03 For the audio listener, the lighting changed.
24:47 Speaker 04 Jake, how many insults do you think Joel can get out in 60 seconds?
24:51 Speaker 03 Oh, it's so tricky because he's a very nice guy, but he's also a pro. So I think he might be average, maybe one every five seconds, let's say.
25:01 Speaker 04 So it's eight?
25:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think he, I don't know, 10, 20, 20, 20, 20.
25:06 Speaker 04 Jake, you're on the clock.
25:07 Speaker 03 Yep.
25:08 Speaker 05 This is genuinely difficult. I'm not, this is, okay, here we go.
25:12 Speaker 03 Time starts now.
25:15 Speaker 05 You're like a hairy thumb. Your, your ears are like fucking blamange. Your, your nose is, your nose is bent as a fucking bent. Look, your nose is, your nose looks like it's been fucking, it's been in a car crash. Your nose looks like the start of an episode of 999. You're the only person I've ever met where your neck is wider than your head. How does that even work? If you were a fridge, people call you fridge, but if you were a fridge, I wouldn't go in you at night.
25:57 Speaker 03 And that's time off, everybody.
26:02 Speaker 05 That 60 seconds went quick, man. I was just, felt like I was finding my stride.
26:06 Speaker 03 Eight strong insults there. Very, very impressive, Joel Dommett, everybody.
26:13 Speaker 03 100% of the insults were based from the neck up.
26:16 Speaker 05 They were. They were, it's actually what I was looking at, and I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. Really sorry that I said your neck is thicker than your head.
26:25 Speaker 03 That's brilliant.
26:26 Speaker 05 You are like a, and, yeah. Your body is like an isosceles triangle.
26:36 Speaker 05 Just all goes upwards.
26:39 Speaker 04 The minute is over. The lighting has changed.
26:42 Speaker 03 The exercise has worked. We've converted him into a nasty man.
26:47 Speaker 03 We've got a little experiment. You're both family men. You've both got four kids. You both manage your childhood sweethearts. We wanted to try something where you both text your other half the same message. See what you come back with. You up for it?
26:58 Speaker 05 I'm up for it.
26:59 Speaker 04 What's the message we're saying?
27:01 Speaker 03 I think tonight's the night. Why don't you put the kids to bed early? So I can show you just how much I love you. What I'm quite excited about with this, though, is that-
27:09 Speaker 05 We can't put our kids to bed though.
27:11 Speaker 03 You can't put your kids to bed.
27:12 Speaker 05 27, 25.
27:15 Speaker 05 I'll say when everyone's asleep.
27:18 Speaker 03 When everyone's asleep, when everyone's asleep, lovely.
27:19 Speaker 05 Yeah.
27:20 Speaker 04 Oh, I'm getting really sweaty.
27:21 Speaker 03 So how are you feeling about this?
27:22 Speaker 04 No, what?
27:25 Speaker 04 Oh, I just don't know. It's almost like I'm saying, put the kids to bed early, as if like...
27:31 Speaker 03 Well then, why don't you spruce up with some...
27:32 Speaker 04 She always puts the kids down. I'm here with you all the time.
27:35 Speaker 03 I'll show you just how much I love you. Winky face, aubergine. Ooh, that'd be nice.
27:38 Speaker 05 I think tonight's the night, Charlotte. When everyone is asleep, I can come up and show you.
27:42 Speaker 03 Ooh, lovely, yeah.
27:44 Speaker 05 He'll show you what this weight loss has done to me.
27:46 Speaker 04 To bed early and I can show you, I can show you.
27:53 Speaker 03 Just how much I love you.
27:54 Speaker 04 Just, and I'm gonna do just in capitals. Just. No, is that too much?
27:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's exactly, that's perfect. No, that's perfect. It's just romantic.
28:03 Speaker 04 Just how much.
28:04 Speaker 05 And I'm gonna put the eyes.
28:06 Speaker 04 Love you. You're doing the eyes?
28:07 Speaker 05 Yeah.
28:08 Speaker 04 What, what ones?
28:09 Speaker 05 You know, like looking to the side.
28:11 Speaker 03 You've got to do those to camera, John. Which ones? Yeah.
28:15 Speaker 05 Them ones.
28:16 Speaker 04 I think tonight's the night. Why don't you put the kids to bed early and I can just, I can show you just how much I love you. Aubergine, tongue, water.
28:26 Speaker 03 Whoa!
28:27 Speaker 05 You know, he's gone for it.
28:28 Speaker 03 Aubergine, tongue and water?
28:30 Speaker 04 Online. She's online.
28:31 Speaker 03 She's online?
28:32 Speaker 04 Typing.
28:33 Speaker 05 Oh, look, yours is typing, see mine?
28:35 Speaker 04 Oh, fuck.
28:36 Speaker 03 Oh, my gosh.
28:37 Speaker 04 It's a good experiment, mate. I fucking warned you this would happen.
28:40 Speaker 03 I know, I like it. You warned me with a winky face and a...
28:44 Speaker 05 Well, I'll leave that there. I'll wait till it comes through.
28:46 Speaker 03 Oh, here we go. Bit of suspense for the episode.
28:48 Speaker 04 Mine says, "I'm pretty tired, but thanks."
28:53 Speaker 03 Really? Is that genuine?
28:55 Speaker 04 Not even like engaging it, or not even like going, "Oh, LA, it's happening."
28:58 Speaker 05 Yeah, bloody hell.
29:00 Speaker 04 "I'm pretty tired, but thanks."
29:02 Speaker 05 It's not filling her with much hope.
29:03 Speaker 04 Fuck, cool. What shall I put back to that? I can't leave it at that. Cool. No worries.
29:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, cool, no worries.
29:10 Speaker 04 Fair enough. Fair enough. Oi, do you know why she's tired, though?
29:15 Speaker 05 Why? Because of last night?
29:16 Speaker 04 Because of last night, you know what I mean?
29:18 Speaker 03 It wasn't, it wasn't. Clearly not getting any tonight.
29:21 Speaker 05 Hold up. She left me a voice message.
29:26 Speaker 05 What the hell is this? I mean, she's typed it. What the hell is this?
29:30 Speaker 03 It's voice note and typing. What the hell is this?
29:32 Speaker 05 I'll just, I'll say, "I just feel fruity."
29:34 Speaker 04 Yeah, good.
29:36 Speaker 05 "I just feel fruity."
29:37 Speaker 04 Good. This is... Good.
29:40 Speaker 05 What the hell is this?
29:41 Speaker 04 It's not a no though, is it? It's not a tie.
29:43 Speaker 05 She would never say no. She knows what she's getting. She's not gonna say no. Who don't wanna shag a big fat bloke? You tell me. Janet certainly does.
29:57 Speaker 05 Look, I just feel fruity, she's typing. I just feel fruity, eat an apple then.
30:08 Speaker 05 You say I don't have any shame.
30:10 Speaker 04 None. But that's, that's my assessment.
30:11 Speaker 05 Yeah. I think you've got too much shame. And therefore, in order to get rid of some of that shame, to live happily with an adequate amount of shame, I need, I think you need to be sillier.
30:23 Speaker 04 Yeah.
30:23 Speaker 05 So, I think you need to be more silly. So I've organised for you to, you know, use your silly bone. So we are going to be doing a prank call.
30:35 Speaker 04 No.
30:38 Speaker 05 Yes? It is the most bog standard of pranks or ways to be silly. Good old fashioned prank call.
30:44 Speaker 04 No.
30:45 Speaker 05 I've lined it up.
30:46 Speaker 04 You can line whatever you want up, mate.
30:48 Speaker 05 I've got, I've got a list of names.
30:51 Speaker 04 List all you want.
30:51 Speaker 05 You are gonna be calling a gym. And with this gym, I want you to add new members to the gym.
30:56 Speaker 04 No.
30:57 Speaker 05 It's entry level, Joe.
30:58 Speaker 04 Oh, fucking entry level you out that window if you force me to do this.
31:02 Speaker 05 I'm so glad you said it, add it at that window. I'll entry level you.
31:08 Speaker 05 Mr.
31:15 Speaker 04 Oh, go on then. Yeah, sometimes you gotta jump, haven't you?
31:18 Speaker 05 Sometimes you gotta jump.
31:18 Speaker 04 Alright, it does make me feel uncomfortable, but let's do it.
31:22 Speaker 05 You ready?
31:23 Speaker 04 I think so. How do, how do you want me to hold the phone?
31:24 Speaker 05 No, I'll hold the phone.
31:25 Speaker 04 Oh, you're holding it.
31:27 Speaker 05 What voice do you want me to do? Your normal phone voice?
31:30 Speaker 04 Six five seven two.
31:37 Speaker 02 Good afternoon at MyFitness.
31:39 Speaker 04 Hello there, how are you?
31:41 Speaker 02 I'm well, thanks. How are you?
31:42 Speaker 04 Yeah, good thanks. Um, I just need to, uh, I'm, I need to book in some people to, uh, the gym classes that you've got available. Is that possible?
31:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, absolutely.
31:54 Speaker 04 Great, thank you. Um,
31:58 Speaker 04 first one, first one, have you got, yeah, do you want to get a pen or something?
32:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, I've got to just them up.
32:04 Speaker 04 Oh, okay, thanks. Uh, I'd like to booking Mike.
32:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:11 Speaker 04 Rottch.
32:14 Speaker 04 Mike Crotch.
32:17 Speaker 04 R O T C H. Mike Crotch.
32:20 Speaker 02 Okay, Mike Crotch, yeah.
32:22 Speaker 04 Hugh Janus.
32:27 Speaker 02 Okay, uh, can, how do you spell his name again, please?
32:31 Speaker 04 Uh, so the, the first three letters of January, and the fourth letter of January, and then S for scooter.
32:40 Speaker 06 Right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna butt in here. Hello, Emma, how are you doing?
32:44 Speaker 02 I'm very well, thanks. How are you?
32:45 Speaker 06 Um, this is, uh, Joe, this is my cousin Emma.
32:49 Speaker 04 Hi, Emma.
32:49 Speaker 06 This is Emma, this is Joe Marler.
32:51 Speaker 02 Hello, Joe Marler.
32:52 Speaker 04 Oh, hello, Emma, you okay?
32:54 Speaker 02 Yes, thanks.
32:55 Speaker 04 Okay, just last two then.
32:57 Speaker 06 No, no, well, the, the, the cat's slightly out of the bag now, Joe. Emma, I was trying to teach Joe about how to do a prank call, and the last two, Joe, that you had there.
33:06 Speaker 04 Anita Bang.
33:09 Speaker 06 And finally.
33:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, but I know that's a, that's a joke one. That's definitely a joke one. Bend over.
33:15 Speaker 06 Yeah, because all of them have been totally normal up until now.
33:18 Speaker 04 Well, I think the first four are believable.
33:20 Speaker 06 Anyway, I just, I want to say thank you very much. Joe's really appreciative.
33:23 Speaker 04 Thank you, Emma. Thanks, Em.
33:25 Speaker 06 Cheers, round of applause for Emma. Stop. Thank you, speak to them it.
33:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, thanks.
33:31 Speaker 06 It's very hot, that was hard.
33:33 Speaker 04 It was hard.
33:34 Speaker 06 So do you know what's an important note at the end of a prank call?
33:37 Speaker 04 Yeah.
33:37 Speaker 06 To make sure that there's not a lot of punching down, uh, because poor Emma was just doing her job there.
33:41 Speaker 04 Yeah.
33:42 Speaker 06 It was good that we had a nice uplifting moment at the end, where, you know, you said, no, it's a bit of fun, bit of fun, and all. Also, you need to be a rugby fan, so to be speaking to Joe Marler, that's quite nice. So, you know, it's all about when it comes to pranks.
33:54 Speaker 04 Yeah.
33:54 Speaker 06 You've got to be very conscious of, of, of the balance of power. Right?
33:59 Speaker 04 So, yeah, you've said about this punching up and punching down.
34:01 Speaker 06 Yeah.
34:02 Speaker 04 But either way, you're punching.
34:03 Speaker 06 Yeah, but.
34:04 Speaker 04 So it's mean, it doesn't matter what direction it is.
34:06 Speaker 06 Right, the difference is, if you're gonna go down that analogy, it's just punching.
34:09 Speaker 04 Yeah.
34:10 Speaker 06 It's a difference between two siblings having a scrap and a brawl.
34:13 Speaker 04 Yeah.
34:13 Speaker 06 Like a little bit of fun, a bit play fighting.
34:15 Speaker 04 Yeah.
34:16 Speaker 06 And decking someone outside a nightclub. Two different types of punching.
34:20 Speaker 04 Better analogy.
34:21 Speaker 06 So, yeah, you do your first, your first prank call, mate.
34:23 Speaker 03 You did really well. You did really well, mate.
34:31 Speaker 04 What's that face?
34:32 Speaker 03 Well, it's the face of, I mean, this is Joe Marler will see you now.
34:35 Speaker 04 Yes, it is. This is Joe Marler will see you now.
34:38 Speaker 03 It feels like it's old McDonald will see you now. I don't, no, what, what, this is a new look, isn't it? I don't know what's going on. For the benefit of the audio listener, there is something, um, quite visually new here today, isn't there? Uh, Joe is wearing a flat cap.
34:54 Speaker 04 What's, what's the issue with my hat?
34:56 Speaker 03 No issue, it's just, why?
34:58 Speaker 04 Well, the face from you suggests there's an issue with my hat.
35:01 Speaker 03 The, it was a face of, why?
35:04 Speaker 04 Why not?
35:06 Speaker 03 Well.
35:06 Speaker 04 Is my repast?
35:07 Speaker 03 Okay, and my repast to you, having just learnt the word after you saying it first.
35:11 Speaker 04 Thank you.
35:11 Speaker 03 Is for the last however many episodes, you've never worn one. You've looked delectable. You've matched the wonderful, um, skeleton in the corner.
35:20 Speaker 04 Skeleton.
35:22 Speaker 03 We've laughed, the thing is, we've been through a big jo, I've, I've stayed looking like Asian Mr Bean for the whole fucking thing.
35:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, and you do it so well.
35:28 Speaker 03 Thank you so much. We've done so many episodes, why the change of, why the change of outfit? I mean, it's nothing, it's not bad, I'm just interested.
35:33 Speaker 04 But sure of it is, I wanna wear a fucking hat.
35:35 Speaker 03 Because?
35:37 Speaker 04 I like hats.
35:38 Speaker 03 And you particularly like one today because?
35:40 Speaker 04 Because our guest is actually well-known for their hair.
35:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:48 Speaker 04 And I didn't want there to be some sort of hair off or intimidating of the hair.
35:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, are you having a bad hair day?
35:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
36:04 Speaker 04 For the final exercise, I would like to give you the gift of my body.
36:09 Speaker 06 Finally. I was promised this was gonna happen a lot earlier in the show, but I've held on to this moment and finally we're here. Okay, how would you like to gift it to me?
36:20 Speaker 04 I will allow you to use me as a human punching bag.
36:26 Speaker 06 I like this.
36:27 Speaker 04 And rule number one.
36:30 Speaker 04 Safety.
36:33 Speaker 04 You put these on, I'll go get everything else sorted.
36:36 Speaker 06 Smashing.
36:42 Speaker 04 So, I wanna talk you through this last exercise, but I've actually put this helmet on quite tight.
36:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:52 Speaker 04 I think I'm gonna pass out.
36:53 Speaker 06 It makes your eyes look like buttons.
36:55 Speaker 03 Yeah, they're getting quite red as well, aren't they?
36:57 Speaker 06 Yeah, they are.
36:57 Speaker 04 Jake, you take this one, please.
36:59 Speaker 06 Yeah.
36:59 Speaker 03 So, we designed a little exercise just to really make sure you can get rid of all of that negative energy, okay? So, on Joe's person, we've got all of the things that might cause stress in someone's life: work, world events, past trauma, the patriarchy, relationships, and of course, owls. I want you to go hell for leather on his body.
37:16 Speaker 06 I mean, my left arm is screwed, but I will do my best.
37:18 Speaker 03 Just use your right arm to punish him.
37:20 Speaker 06 All right, I'm gonna start with a bit of form and then we'll get into some...
37:23 Speaker 03 Joe can take it.
37:24 Speaker 06 Okay, I'm not...
37:25 Speaker 04 Can I?
37:25 Speaker 03 You can take it. You can take it, we talked about this.
37:28 Speaker 04 Yeah.
37:29 Speaker 06 Mate.
37:29 Speaker 04 I can take it.
37:30 Speaker 06 It will be like a lamb farting on you, that's the degree.
37:34 Speaker 03 That was the alternative exercise!
37:35 Speaker 06 Yeah, I mean, bring in the lambs, bring in the lambs.
37:38 Speaker 03 Okay, 30 seconds, so any areas that mean...
37:43 Speaker 06 We've already smashed the patriarchy.
37:46 Speaker 03 Any areas you like, your 30 seconds, start now! Okay, she's going into relationships, going hard on past trauma. Now just going into his gut, really, which is not really actually labeled by anything. He seems to be laughing more than anything else. The gut's getting a hammering, relationships are getting a hammering, the patriarchy has taken one from the team as well.
38:04 Speaker 06 Liver shot him.
38:05 Speaker 03 Owl's actually staying quite clear out of any pain.
38:08 Speaker 06 I'm not touching the head. Why did you stick with the hands?
38:10 Speaker 03 It's mainly just his kidneys now.
38:13 Speaker 06 Liver!
38:15 Speaker 03 The things I do. And that's the whistle. That is the whistle. Sue, I think you have absolutely successfully found inner peace using Joe's body.
38:27 Speaker 06 I re-enjoyed that, Joe, thanks.
38:28 Speaker 03 Joe, I think you enjoyed that. You were laughing through most of it.
38:32 Speaker 04 What I enjoyed about it, Jake, was...
38:36 Speaker 06 The tiny helmet?
38:38 Speaker 04 What I enjoyed most about that, Jake, was giving Sue, our client, our patient, the opportunity to really let her hair down and unwind and make the most of my body.
38:52 Speaker 06 I did.
38:53 Speaker 04 And that was the gift I gave you.
38:55 Speaker 06 I received it gratefully.
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