Pod Insights Joe Marler Will See You Now Tom Allen: Perfectionism, Custard Guts and a Leaf Blower TO THE FACE About this episode Joe Marler is back in the office, and this week’s patient is the impeccably polished Tom Allen.
Across a session that moves from refined grammar debates to total chaos, Tom opens up about perfectionism, control, growing up feeling out of place, and why wearing a suit makes him feel safe. Joe attempts to help him embrace imperfection with his usual mix of invasive questions, questionable therapy techniques and zero qualifications.
There are discussions about custard, gardening, childhood dinner parties, suits of armour, leaf blowers, and the horror of an unpolished shoe. The episode climaxes with some baking-based exposure therapy that goes exactly as badly as you’d expect.
Oh, and it’s Janet’s Birthday!!!
Featuring @joemarler17 and @jakebhardwajtv
Follow the show on Instagram: @willseeyounowshow
Joe Marler Will See You Now is a Folding Pocket Production
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Transcript 7,976 words · 11 speakers
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1:30 Speaker 02 This episode of Joe Marlowe Will See You Now is brought to you by Giacomo. Style for every man, made simple.
1:39 Speaker 02 After this, I'm gonna head back to Ann Home.
1:41 Speaker 03 You wouldn't say "a home," would you, unless you were...
1:43 Speaker 04 It's your home, yeah.
1:44 Speaker 03 Your home. And Hostel? And Hostel sounds like a drag queen, though.
1:51 Speaker 04 It does feel like Tom's office, suddenly.
1:52 Speaker 02 It's my name on the plaque.
1:54 Speaker 04 Yeah, and that's the only thing indicating it's your office, really.
1:57 Speaker 02 I've got one final exercise for you, and the stakes are high.
2:03 Speaker 03 S.T.A.K.E.S. or S.T.E.A.K.S.?
2:07 Speaker 02 What's the right one in this sentence?
2:09 Speaker 03 Well, I don't know. Have you got a slab of beef for me or not?
2:15 Speaker 04 You've been called worse, Joe.
2:17 Speaker 02 This is what you call exposure therapy.
2:19 Speaker 05 The leaf blow is on max capacity and Tom is trying so hard to fight against the imperfection, but the cake is starting to move.
2:28 Speaker 02 Hello, welcome to my office. This is Joe Marler Will See You Now with me, Dr. Joe Marler. This is the show where I attempt to fix people far more successful than me by asking bold questions, digging into their innermost issues and occasionally traumatizing them. With me as always is my beloved assistant, Jake. Jake, how are you?
2:50 Speaker 04 I'm good, I'm good.
2:51 Speaker 02 That's quite somber.
2:53 Speaker 04 I'm thinking about getting older.
2:55 Speaker 02 What?
2:56 Speaker 04 Don't know, do you ever think about that, just getting older?
2:59 Speaker 02 What goes up but can't come down?
3:04 Speaker 04 It's not a towel, is it? That's the other one. Uh, age.
3:08 Speaker 04 Age. On the plus side, people are watching this podcast, great.
3:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
3:13 Speaker 04 On the downside, I was in a pub the other day and I was being served by someone, so I'm, hands up, this is a full disclosure, I'm 32 years old.
3:23 Speaker 02 Oh.
3:23 Speaker 04 And someone serving me, she was about 29 and she said, "Oh mate, I might recognise you." And I was like, "You're joking, this is crazy, right? Really?" And she's like, "Yeah, I think I recognise you." Her colleague comes over.
3:37 Speaker 02 Oh. How old was she?
3:39 Speaker 04 She must have been about 40, 45.
3:42 Speaker 02 Okay.
3:42 Speaker 04 And she's listening in and then the person who served me finally goes, "Yes, that Joe Marler podcast." And the woman who's listening in goes, "I'm so glad you said that. I thought you were gonna say Hinge, I was gonna say he's far too old for you."
4:00 Speaker 04 In earshot, not in earshot, in eye shot as well.
4:02 Speaker 02 What's this hinge you talk about?
4:04 Speaker 04 Hinge? I don't know why you've turned, you've gone to your Lord of the Rings character. What is this hinge you talk about?
4:11 Speaker 02 Okay.
4:12 Speaker 04 Yeah.
4:12 Speaker 02 What's this hinge you talk about?
4:13 Speaker 04 Oh, you don't wanna, you don't wanna get involved, Joe. You don't wanna get involved with all that. But yeah, it makes you think about getting older. And obviously, we also, we have, we've got a birthday in the office as well.
4:21 Speaker 02 Oh, yes, we do. Yes, we do. Janet's birthday, everybody.
4:26 Speaker 04 Birthday, everybody. Round and for the Janet's birthday.
4:28 Speaker 02 Why have we not invited Janet in?
4:30 Speaker 04 It seems weird that it's Janet's birthday, but she's not allowed in the studio to record and be part of it at all.
4:35 Speaker 02 She's got work to do, mate.
4:36 Speaker 04 She's got work to do.
4:37 Speaker 02 She's got work to do.
4:38 Speaker 04 I mean, we have one client every week and she's gotta make sure they're booked in. That's what, that's a five, that's a five day a week job, isn't it?
4:44 Speaker 02 What did you get Janet for her birthday?
4:45 Speaker 04 Huh?
4:46 Speaker 02 What did you get Janet for her birthday?
4:47 Speaker 04 What she's always asked me for. A foot spa. I don't know if you've seen her fit, but they have been giving her, um, problems. Yes.
4:55 Speaker 02 Bunions.
4:56 Speaker 04 Bunions. Bunions.
4:57 Speaker 02 In growing toenails.
4:59 Speaker 04 Yes, in growing toenails, bunions.
5:00 Speaker 02 Just on that, do you like in growing toenails?
5:03 Speaker 04 Ah.
5:06 Speaker 02 Maybe this is.
5:07 Speaker 04 No, no, no, no, no, no.
5:07 Speaker 02 Sorry.
5:08 Speaker 04 This is it. Let's lock into this.
5:10 Speaker 02 Maybe this is a bit of an overshare.
5:12 Speaker 04 Go on, why, what do you mean, do I like them?
5:13 Speaker 02 I love getting in growing toenails.
5:15 Speaker 04 Really?
5:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, I love them.
5:16 Speaker 04 Is it, are they not painful?
5:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, agony. Yeah. But I really enjoy the whole process of then, you know, becoming, you know how I like pretending to be a doctor?
5:25 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:26 Speaker 02 I get like my little kit out, like a little mini scalpel and all that lot. And I, I watch videos on it and then I do the thing.
5:33 Speaker 04 And you like the pain?
5:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, and I do it in a way where I actually remove the in growing toenail. Um. Did someone just vom?
5:42 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:42 Speaker 02 Over there. I remove it perfectly. But in a way that doesn't, that doesn't mean it won't happen again.
5:50 Speaker 04 And you, you are doing therapy as well, aren't you?
5:54 Speaker 04 Rather than just pretending to be a therapist. You are, you're, you're sort of also working on some of your own issues.
5:59 Speaker 02 Was that too much of an overshare?
6:00 Speaker 04 Not at all.
6:01 Speaker 02 Is that weird?
6:02 Speaker 04 Perfect level of overshare. I just didn't expect, I didn't expect it at all.
6:05 Speaker 02 So what you're saying is you don't like in growing toenails?
6:08 Speaker 04 No, I don't, I mean, I don't wanna show off, but I don't think I've ever had an in growing toenail.
6:11 Speaker 02 What?
6:12 Speaker 04 Never had an in growing toenail.
6:13 Speaker 02 Yeah, I've lived.
6:14 Speaker 04 No.
6:15 Speaker 02 You have not lived, mate.
6:16 Speaker 04 What is a sort of pain that you quite like? For example, I quite like, if I was to, I don't do it often, but there's something quite eye-wateringly nice about picking a, um, a nose hair out.
6:28 Speaker 02 Definitely.
6:28 Speaker 04 Really, really nice.
6:29 Speaker 02 I do it often.
6:30 Speaker 04 Do you really?
6:30 Speaker 02 Often, because it helps induce a sneeze with me as well.
6:33 Speaker 04 Mm-hmm.
6:34 Speaker 02 Which, as we know, is an eighth of an orgasm, so.
6:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:37 Speaker 02 If you're not getting a lot, you can with a nose pull.
6:40 Speaker 04 Yeah, did you, did you say morgasm? You did, didn't you?
6:42 Speaker 02 What did I say?
6:43 Speaker 04 I think you said, I think it's an eighth of a morgasm.
6:45 Speaker 02 Yes.
6:46 Speaker 04 Morgasms over here, please! Get them in!
6:52 Speaker 04 What are we gonna do for Janet's birthday?
6:55 Speaker 02 Well, I've bought her something.
6:57 Speaker 04 Go on, what have you got her?
6:59 Speaker 02 It is a air conditioning unit that doubles up as a dehumidifier. Because she's got a bit of a mould issue.
7:08 Speaker 04 How do you know she's got a mould issue?
7:10 Speaker 02 Uh... We speak.
7:13 Speaker 04 Yeah. Don't go out.
7:15 Speaker 02 Occasionally we go out for work drinks.
7:17 Speaker 04 Great, I mean, there's three people in this company and I'm not invited, so that's great. Brilliant. Well, one treat for Janet is we have one of her favourite comedians on the show today.
7:28 Speaker 02 Who is it?
7:29 Speaker 04 Lots of ways to describe him: comedian, presenter, author, potterer.
7:33 Speaker 02 Potterer?
7:34 Speaker 04 Just potters around.
7:36 Speaker 02 Oh, a flanayer?
7:37 Speaker 04 Exactly.
7:38 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:39 Speaker 04 Tom Allen.
7:40 Speaker 02 Huge.
7:40 Speaker 04 I'm very excited for this. Do you know Tom already?
7:42 Speaker 02 I like Tom.
7:43 Speaker 04 I like Tom a lot.
7:43 Speaker 02 I met Tom once and it involved... I don't think we actually said hello before I lifted him in the air.
7:51 Speaker 04 I wondered what your sort of like...
7:52 Speaker 02 Grabbing him by his thighs. There was a lot of innuendos from him.
7:57 Speaker 04 Really?
7:57 Speaker 02 Yeah. Do you know Tom?
7:59 Speaker 04 I do, actually, yeah.
8:00 Speaker 02 How do you know Tom?
8:00 Speaker 04 I was, um, I worked for Tom, with Tom, um, on Bake Off Extra Slice. I'd help him, like, pick the cakes out from the audience members that he was gonna talk about. Um, we've worked together on a few things. I actually wrote questions for him on, um, Michael McIntyre's The Wheel. His specialist subject was... Housekeeping.
8:19 Speaker 02 He's like the Swiss Army Knife of...
8:23 Speaker 02 Posh.
8:24 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's genuinely really good. You should have had more faith in that. I thought that was brilliant. I actually thought that was one of the most, that was one of the best things we've said in eight episodes. Shall we see if Janet wants to get him in?
8:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:35 Speaker 02 Janet.
8:36 Speaker 04 Happy birthday Janet.
8:38 Speaker 02 I'm on the phone.
8:39 Speaker 04 Sorry.
8:40 Speaker 02 Jake says happy birthday. She says she doesn't give a shit what you say. She's going out for dinner with me tonight. Again.
8:47 Speaker 04 Grim.
8:48 Speaker 02 Grim?
8:48 Speaker 04 Yeah, horrible.
8:50 Speaker 02 Can you send Tom Allen in please? Thank you, bye.
8:57 Speaker 03 Oh, hello.
8:59 Speaker 02 Tom!
9:00 Speaker 03 Hi Joe. Lovely to see you.
9:02 Speaker 02 Welcome.
9:02 Speaker 03 Well, thank you very much. I just had a lovely chat with Janet, actually.
9:06 Speaker 02 Oh, you did?
9:06 Speaker 03 She loves working here. She didn't enjoy when she worked at The Apprentice. And she says she prefers it here a lot more. She said it was always a bit boring, actually, just sending the candidates through.
9:20 Speaker 03 But she likes this. We seem to look after her.
9:23 Speaker 02 Welcome. Thank you for coming on. This is Jake, my lovely assistant.
9:28 Speaker 04 Hi Tom, how are you?
9:28 Speaker 03 Hi Jake, lovely to see you. Yeah, I'm very well, thank you.
9:31 Speaker 02 He'll be joining me in the assessment.
9:32 Speaker 03 Oh, that's great. You put him at quite a distance from your own desk.
9:36 Speaker 04 We have a difficult working relationship.
9:37 Speaker 03 Okay.
9:38 Speaker 04 He doesn't let Janet come in for the records. I have to sit over here. It's a nice place to work, but don't cross him.
9:44 Speaker 02 Tom, the first thing we get every patient slash client slash guest. Legally, I'm not sure whether I can call you a patient because I'm not actually a doctor.
9:52 Speaker 03 We are good at waiting, so I suppose in a way we're all patient.
9:57 Speaker 02 We fill out the intake questionnaire.
9:59 Speaker 03 Oh, fine, yes.
10:00 Speaker 02 Are you ready?
10:01 Speaker 03 Yes, is that one of the questions?
10:04 Speaker 02 Full name?
10:05 Speaker 03 Thomas Paul Allen.
10:06 Speaker 02 Paul?
10:07 Speaker 03 Mm.
10:07 Speaker 02 Paul? Paul? As in P-A-U-L? Not P-U-double-L?
10:13 Speaker 03 That would be pool?
10:15 Speaker 02 No, that's P-double-O-L.
10:18 Speaker 03 That's pool?
10:20 Speaker 02 But you're saying the same thing.
10:23 Speaker 03 Pool, pull, paw.
10:26 Speaker 04 This doesn't usually happen this early.
10:28 Speaker 02 Occupation!
10:30 Speaker 03 I'm indeterminate. Anything for money.
10:36 Speaker 02 Star sign.
10:37 Speaker 03 Gemini.
10:38 Speaker 02 If you were an animal.
10:40 Speaker 03 Oh.
10:40 Speaker 02 What animal would you be?
10:42 Speaker 03 Well, I like dogs, but I think I'm more like a cat, really. Go figure.
10:48 Speaker 02 Aloof?
10:49 Speaker 03 No, a cat.
10:55 Speaker 02 I really like you. I really like your love.
10:58 Speaker 03 I'm enjoying this already.
10:59 Speaker 02 Okay, great, good. Next question, spirit cake.
11:03 Speaker 03 Um.
11:05 Speaker 02 What sort of cake would you be if you were a cake?
11:07 Speaker 03 Mmm.
11:08 Speaker 02 In a spirit form?
11:09 Speaker 03 A millefeuille.
11:10 Speaker 02 Ooh.
11:11 Speaker 03 Mmm.
11:12 Speaker 02 Little flaky pastry thing?
11:13 Speaker 03 Indeed, with custard between.
11:15 Speaker 02 What is flaky pastry of you?
11:19 Speaker 03 Um, I think it's the crispiness. The crisp between the smooth.
11:24 Speaker 02 What's custardy about you, though?
11:26 Speaker 03 Well, I, I think, um, I like to, I like that unctuous soothing side of custard. Um, reminds me of calm, um, Sunday afternoons, and I think there is a part of me that is longing for that.
11:41 Speaker 02 Would that be a vanilla pod involved with this custard? Or is it like a traditional tin ambrosia?
11:48 Speaker 03 Um, I think the traditional one might be the vanilla pod one, but the, um, the, um, I think the vanilla pod one, obviously.
11:56 Speaker 02 We're from different sides of the track, clearly, Tom.
11:59 Speaker 03 Well, indeed.
12:00 Speaker 02 Biggest pet peeve?
12:02 Speaker 03 At the moment, um, Americanisms.
12:06 Speaker 03 For example, Gen Z.
12:08 Speaker 02 Gen Z?
12:09 Speaker 03 Can't bear it.
12:10 Speaker 02 Why is that American?
12:11 Speaker 03 Because we don't say Z, do we? What's the end of the alphabet?
12:14 Speaker 02 A, B, C.
12:15 Speaker 03 No, don't do the whole.
12:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, but I don't get the rhythm. So if I start at N. N, O.
12:24 Speaker 04 You know what the last letter is, don't you?
12:27 Speaker 02 W, X, Y, and Z.
12:29 Speaker 03 Z.
12:31 Speaker 02 But it doesn't go with the rhyme.
12:32 Speaker 03 Well, it's not a rhyme, is it? It's a series of letters.
12:34 Speaker 02 It does if you sing it.
12:35 Speaker 03 Well, it's not designed to be sung.
12:37 Speaker 02 What's the worst thing you've ever done?
12:41 Speaker 03 I stole um a uh book from the school choir. Uh it was a requiem. I picked up somebody else's by mistake. And then when they asked if anyone had picked it up by mistake, I realised I had two, but I was too embarrassed to say it. And it went on and on.
12:58 Speaker 02 That's the worst thing you've ever done.
13:00 Speaker 03 Oh, well, I've killed, of course, but you don't wanna know about that today.
13:05 Speaker 02 Have you ever been arrested?
13:07 Speaker 03 No.
13:07 Speaker 02 Never?
13:08 Speaker 03 No, have you? Yeah. Have you? Yeah.
13:12 Speaker 02 What did you do?
13:12 Speaker 03 Uh a fray. Why? Why didn't you just sew it up?
13:20 Speaker 02 Do you consent to being analysed by someone who's not a real doctor?
13:26 Speaker 03 Absolutely. I'm up for anything.
13:28 Speaker 02 Anything?
13:28 Speaker 03 Pretty much.
13:29 Speaker 02 That's dangerous, isn't it?
13:31 Speaker 03 Well, but you don't wanna have the life half-lived, do you? You know?
13:37 Speaker 02 No, I don't, I don't know.
13:39 Speaker 03 Well, you don't wanna miss out.
13:40 Speaker 02 How do you know you're missing out?
13:42 Speaker 03 That's a good question.
13:48 Speaker 02 Tom, you are polished.
13:49 Speaker 03 Thank you.
13:50 Speaker 02 You are elegant.
13:51 Speaker 03 Oh, that's kind.
13:51 Speaker 02 And controlled.
13:53 Speaker 03 Well, most of the time, I suppose.
13:56 Speaker 02 You appear to me as the closest thing to perfection.
14:00 Speaker 03 Oh, what a, what a generous thing to say, Joe. I've, I've, well, that's a very, very flattering statement.
14:05 Speaker 02 Both in the way you look and, and the way you live. You, you're a bit of a perfectionist.
14:09 Speaker 03 Well, that's kind of you to say, but I don't know if it's completely true, I have to say, because I do feel like I'm not, not completely perfect, uh particularly in my physique. Gosh.
14:17 Speaker 02 What's not perfect about your physique?
14:18 Speaker 03 Oh, I'm carrying a bit of timber round my middle.
14:22 Speaker 02 The custard gut.
14:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:24 Speaker 02 That's, that's what it is.
14:25 Speaker 03 I dine almost exclusively on custard.
14:27 Speaker 02 Deep down, the theme I'm sensing is that you're terrified of imperfection.
14:32 Speaker 03 Oh, Joe, what an insightful thing to say. Yes, I think I am, actually. Yes.
14:35 Speaker 02 You agree with me, Jack?
14:36 Speaker 04 Totally. And I thought you were very tactful when you said custard gut. Thought it was really nice. It's, it's the tact that only a qualified doctor would have.
14:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah. The custard gut. Probably be more helpful if doctors did speak like that.
14:49 Speaker 03 Lord knows they don't have enough time.
14:52 Speaker 03 You're eating too much custard. Just stop.
14:54 Speaker 02 Today, my mission is simple.
14:56 Speaker 03 Oh.
14:57 Speaker 02 I want to help you embrace the messy, chaotic, human side of things, and I want you to release your inner imperfect Tom.
15:07 Speaker 03 I do cling to that sense of perfection. I think it's that sense of, you know, not wanting to leave life with regrets.
15:15 Speaker 02 You don't wanna, you know, lead a half-life life.
15:18 Speaker 03 I don't wanna live the life half-lived.
15:21 Speaker 04 We nearly had a sentence there.
15:28 Speaker 02 You present to the world as a perfect, flawless, immaculate man.
15:35 Speaker 03 Hmm, well, I don't know if other people would say that. I mean, gosh.
15:38 Speaker 02 But is that really you?
15:40 Speaker 03 Well, I think, no, I think I do like to hold myself to certain standards. For example, if I'm doing dinner, I like it to be a certain way. Doesn't matter how it tastes, but it has to look a certain way. I like to cook with particular implements and bowls and things.
15:52 Speaker 02 Did you say with dinner, it doesn't matter how it tastes?
15:56 Speaker 03 Well, it does matter a bit how it tastes, but I would always prioritise the look and the sort of ambience of the meal.
16:03 Speaker 02 Why? Surely the point of food is the flavour and the actual sustenance?
16:10 Speaker 04 Sustenance, yeah.
16:11 Speaker 03 It's not the right word. Oh, I think that's true. I think that's quite right.
16:14 Speaker 02 Is that the perfect word?
16:16 Speaker 03 Um, gosh, look who's being a perfectionist now.
16:18 Speaker 04 Oh.
16:19 Speaker 03 Catching, isn't it?
16:20 Speaker 04 It does feel like Tom's office, suddenly.
16:24 Speaker 02 It's my name on the plaque.
16:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, and that's the only thing indicating it's your office, really.
16:29 Speaker 03 That is the thing with these partners' desks, isn't it? They do look...
16:31 Speaker 04 It's the swing back on the chair and the sort of...
16:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:36 Speaker 02 You're interested in perfection, aren't you? In all seriousness, is it a defence mechanism? Is it like a bit of a persona that you put on?
16:43 Speaker 03 I suppose it is. I think I've always felt safer being the kind of personality that I am. Do you know what I mean? I've always felt safer being kind of the version of myself that I suppose I can control. Yes, that's true. I think if I was completely myself,
17:00 Speaker 03 I would feel a bit vulnerable then. I think I'd feel a bit sort of, I don't know. Yes, it's a good question. I think maybe I didn't feel particularly inclined to be like that, and I'd much prefer to be, as I say, funny when I was younger.
17:12 Speaker 02 Because you're from Bromley, aren't you?
17:13 Speaker 03 Yes, that isn't a joke.
17:15 Speaker 02 What would be a joke about being from Bromley?
17:17 Speaker 03 No, just that I'm from Bromley.
17:18 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, which confuses me, because, you know, you don't sound like someone from Bromley.
17:24 Speaker 03 Well, that's the thing, and I never sounded like the people around me. So I always had this posh voice, but I wasn't from a posh family.
17:30 Speaker 02 You were born with that voice?
17:31 Speaker 03 Yes. Imagine the curse that it is. In this age, when everyone's trying to be so egalitarian and so inclusive, I come out talking like, you know, Noel Coward.
17:44 Speaker 03 And then, you know, who wants to hear that? Nobody. And at school, people couldn't really understand me, and people, particularly at secondary school, be like, "Why? Why'd you talk like that?" Because I went to a comprehensive school.
17:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:54 Speaker 03 You know, ironically, I was the one who was easiest to comprehend, because my clear speaking was.
18:02 Speaker 03 So, yeah, so I always had this thing, and people always sort of sensed that I was different, I think, when I was younger. And I guess I had the option to sort of go in their direction and be like them, but something about me made me kind of slightly belligerent and stay different.
18:15 Speaker 02 And you said you were born talking like this. Were you born in a suit as well? Because I've not seen you in anything else.
18:23 Speaker 03 Well, I do sometimes wear casual clothes. Yesterday, I wore an hoodie.
18:28 Speaker 02 What?
18:31 Speaker 02 An hoodie?
18:32 Speaker 03 I'm trying to bring back the N before the H.
18:36 Speaker 03 Like, for example, in an hotel. An hotel or an historian, because saying a hotel means you have to take in a small, small breath before you say hotel. Whereas an hotel runs much smoother, which is how people used to speak.
18:49 Speaker 04 When are you bringing it back from?
18:50 Speaker 03 From the pre-1955.
18:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, but it's grammatically incorrect. You don't say, "I'm going to an hotel."
18:58 Speaker 03 You do.
18:59 Speaker 02 What?
19:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, traditionally, yeah.
19:01 Speaker 02 "I'm sitting in an chair."
19:03 Speaker 03 No, it's only with H words.
19:05 Speaker 04 Only when it begins with H. We nearly nailed the alphabet earlier. Let's try and put it into practice now, Joe.
19:11 Speaker 02 All right. Okay, after this, I'm gonna head back to an home.
19:19 Speaker 03 You wouldn't say a home, would you, unless you were...
19:21 Speaker 04 It's your home, yeah.
19:21 Speaker 03 Your home.
19:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, but you don't know it's my home.
19:25 Speaker 03 An hostel? An hostel sounds like a drag queen.
19:32 Speaker 02 Is that real? It's Ann.
19:34 Speaker 03 Ann Hotel and historian are the ones I always think of.
19:37 Speaker 04 We're gonna take an holistic approach to Tom's treatment today.
19:40 Speaker 03 Thank you, thank you, Jake. I'm an outsider in all of this because I am from a very normal family. My dad was a coach driver. My mum was a receptionist, that's what I was talking to Janet about.
19:48 Speaker 02 So he was an Ann coach driver?
19:50 Speaker 03 He was Ann coach driver, that's correct, yes.
19:52 Speaker 02 And your mum was an Ann?
19:53 Speaker 03 Receptionist.
19:54 Speaker 02 An Ann receptionist.
19:55 Speaker 03 And they lived next door to someone called Ann, actually.
19:57 Speaker 02 And she's not called Ann?
19:59 Speaker 03 She's called Anne.
20:00 Speaker 02 No, your mum's not called Anne?
20:01 Speaker 03 No, she's called Irene.
20:04 Speaker 02 Come on.
20:05 Speaker 03 No, that's Eileen.
20:21 Speaker 02 So you do occasionally wear an hoodie.
20:24 Speaker 03 Mm.
20:25 Speaker 02 But more often than not, you wear a suit. Why, why, what does wearing a suit make you feel?
20:30 Speaker 03 Well, it's funny you ask because I think I've always enjoyed the costume. My dad would always say clothes aren't about how they make you look, they're about how they make you feel. And I think for me, I always feel when I'm wearing a suit, like I'm a grown up. Like I'm a, like I've got a proper job, like I've got a purpose. And I think as well, as a child, I never felt comfortable being a child. I always felt like I was an adult, I always felt like I was about 46. And now I'm approaching my mid 40s, I'm thinking actually I'm more like an 85-year-old woman. That's by the by. But, so I, I think even as a child, I felt like I was, that something had gone wrong in the universe and I was not a child. I was a grown up. And I was in the wrong place and I was being made to do all these classes and PE and things like that and I really didn't want to do it.
21:13 Speaker 03 And I didn't like being bossed around as you have to be at school. I wanted to be an adult. And I think wearing a suit epitomized that for me and that's probably why I wear them now. Do you want to pop that in your notes?
21:26 Speaker 02 What about other suits? Ever tried on a suit of armour?
21:29 Speaker 03 No, I haven't actually.
21:31 Speaker 02 But you're the suit man.
21:33 Speaker 03 I know, that should be a suit that I would wear. I think I'd look like I was going on one of those Tommy Robinson marches though.
21:39 Speaker 04 I was about to say, Joe, I bet you've worn a suit of armour. No, but not related, unrelated.
21:44 Speaker 02 Fucking Tommy Robinson march.
21:46 Speaker 04 Before that, before that.
21:47 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah.
21:49 Speaker 02 I used to work for a company called Hands on History.
21:52 Speaker 03 Oh, did you?
21:53 Speaker 04 Really?
21:54 Speaker 03 I'm kind of fascinated by the world of historical reenactments.
21:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was, and Hands on History.
22:01 Speaker 04 Great usage.
22:03 Speaker 03 Thank you. Thank you.
22:05 Speaker 02 I think I only did two shifts. And one of which, I got to dress up as a knight.
22:11 Speaker 03 Wow.
22:12 Speaker 02 Full armour, chainmail, and I had to pose for a picture with the mayor of...
22:19 Speaker 02 I think it might have been Kent. Because it was at Hever Castle.
22:23 Speaker 03 Oh, I love Hever Castle.
22:24 Speaker 02 Hever Castle.
22:25 Speaker 03 Where Anne Boleyn was born.
22:27 Speaker 02 Married, beheaded, avoid.
22:29 Speaker 03 She was the second one.
22:30 Speaker 04 You've mixed up snog, marry, avoid with divorced, but had it died.
22:39 Speaker 04 So much pain would have been saved if you just played snog, marry, avoid rather than divorced, but had it died. Oh, the reformation wouldn't have had to go through so bloodily. Would have just been a fun game.
22:52 Speaker 02 So what was she?
22:53 Speaker 04 She was the second one. She was beheaded.
22:55 Speaker 02 Oh.
22:56 Speaker 04 Yeah, because she could not produce an heir.
22:57 Speaker 02 But yeah, I had to put on this armour and then they said, oh, can we go up to the top of the turret? For the picture with the mayor.
23:04 Speaker 03 Oh, what?
23:06 Speaker 02 So I started. It's quite heavy, like the chainmail's like thirty kilos as it was.
23:10 Speaker 03 Oh heavens.
23:11 Speaker 02 And I'm actually claustrophobic, but I think it was induced by this moment. Because I couldn't take any of the armour off myself. So I'm like out of breath going up these stairs.
23:21 Speaker 03 Oh bless you.
23:22 Speaker 02 And then halfway up I'm just having a panic attack because I can't get it all off really quick.
23:25 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm not surprised.
23:27 Speaker 02 And then they're like, what's taking you so long? And I was like, fuck off, I've got the sword. You know, really sort of got into character.
23:32 Speaker 03 So you calmed the situation, yeah.
23:35 Speaker 04 In the most mature way possible as well.
23:37 Speaker 02 And I got, yeah, I got up there and had the photo.
23:40 Speaker 03 Oh, you got up, oh wow, that's very impressive.
23:42 Speaker 02 Never worn armour again.
23:43 Speaker 03 Hmm, that would put you off.
23:49 Speaker 02 Right, before we go any further, I'd love to say a quick thank you to the sponsor of this week's episode, Giacomo. Whatever look you're into, they've got all sorts of top brands to choose from.
24:00 Speaker 04 A bit like you. Oh, I'm sorry, I was just gonna say, well, you're a bit of a brand yourself, aren't you?
24:06 Speaker 02 What do you mean?
24:06 Speaker 04 You've got a very distinct look. Today, it's sort of farmer chic.
24:10 Speaker 02 Farmer chic?
24:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plus size, pinky blinders.
24:14 Speaker 02 That's my brand.
24:15 Speaker 04 Today it is, because, I mean, for those who can't see what's going on, Joe is wearing a hat. It's the talk of the town. It really has been the talk of the office today.
24:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:23 Speaker 04 We spend so much time with each other that him saying, changing one little bit of his appearance is like, well, I've got to talk about that now. At school, when you're spending the same time with the same people every single day, someone comes with a haircut. "Hey, cut, that's something that's different. I'm gonna rinse you now for that for the rest of the day."
24:37 Speaker 02 I remember at school, I had a pair of gold Adidas retro trainers.
24:46 Speaker 04 Right.
24:46 Speaker 02 But I'd bought them from the charity shop. And I was out with some mates one time, we were sitting on the swing, because I remember this vividly. And one of the girls looked down at my feet as I was sitting there swinging, she went, "Why have you got a sticker of £3.95 on the side of your trainer?" I went, "What?"
25:01 Speaker 04 Oh, mate.
25:02 Speaker 02 Looked down and it was the price that I'd paid for them.
25:05 Speaker 04 Oh, no.
25:07 Speaker 02 "Did you get them from a charity shop?" And I went, "Yeah." Oh, God. And it just melted. So it's like, stuff like that, then you go, "Hang on, I need to find something that I'm comfortable in."
25:18 Speaker 04 Yeah, rather than just trying to...
25:19 Speaker 02 This is a bit of me.
25:20 Speaker 04 I had, on the first non-uniform day in year seven, I had a t-shirt on and it was a skeleton riding a bike, and it said, "Bone Shaker." And I remember, like, a girl in the class was like,
25:34 Speaker 04 "My five-year-old brother's got that t-shirt." And I was mortified.
25:39 Speaker 02 You didn't have the confidence at the time to say, "Hey, your five-year-old brother's really cool."
25:42 Speaker 04 I wouldn't have. Still, to be honest with you, 32 years older, I wouldn't have thought of that. That's a brilliant comeback. Wish I'd said something like that. But instead, I just sort of cowered away and I thought, "Right, I need to find my own style now."
25:51 Speaker 02 If only we had Giacomo back then, in those early days where we were like, finding our feet with what our style is.
25:57 Speaker 04 They've got the styles, they've got the sizes. They've got sizes up to 5XL.
25:59 Speaker 02 No.
26:00 Speaker 04 Five, what, how many XL are you?
26:02 Speaker 02 It depends.
26:03 Speaker 04 You've got a few X's going on in there.
26:05 Speaker 02 Well, it depends what day it is and what time of day it is. In the morning, I could get away with like a two XL. In the evening, it pushes to a three, maybe sometimes a four on trousers and shorts.
26:17 Speaker 04 You can add extra X's over the course of a day.
26:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
26:21 Speaker 04 But if each of those represent one size change, that would suggest that someone could go from a small to a large in one day. That would never happen.
26:28 Speaker 02 Okay, well, you're not a believer.
26:30 Speaker 04 No, I'm not. I'm a believer in Giacomo though.
26:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
26:33 Speaker 04 The sizes that they've got, the styles that they've got, whether you're small and lean like me or a big hunk of a man like you.
26:40 Speaker 02 You've made me blush. I don't know what to do. Giacomo, style and brands for every man.
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28:19 Speaker 02 Right, Tom. I'm gonna give you some scenarios.
28:23 Speaker 03 Okay.
28:24 Speaker 02 Regarding... Your perfect look.
28:28 Speaker 03 Mmm, oh, okay.
28:29 Speaker 02 Okay? And you're gonna tell me how you feel about them.
28:32 Speaker 03 Mmm, okay.
28:34 Speaker 02 You've run out of shoe shine, and you've got to leave the house with unpolished shoes.
28:40 Speaker 03 If I was going somewhere very formal, what I might do is, um... Buff the outside with my socks.
28:46 Speaker 02 Why?
28:47 Speaker 03 It's all about standards, isn't it?
28:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, but that shoe, what's the difference with that shoe if it's buffed or not buffed?
28:52 Speaker 03 Well, it's a bit like a clean car, isn't it? It goes faster.
28:57 Speaker 02 You're walking to a meeting and you notice you've spilled coffee on your tie.
29:01 Speaker 03 Oh, I hate that, Joe. Oh, that is very triggering for me. Do you know what I don't like as well? Are those, um... Coppers that go on a coffee cup when you go to a shop.
29:12 Speaker 02 The what goes on a coffee cup?
29:13 Speaker 03 The sippy bit, the sippy bit. You know, the bit, the, the top?
29:16 Speaker 02 The lid?
29:17 Speaker 03 The lid?
29:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:18 Speaker 03 Thank you, gosh. This is really quite a moment for me.
29:21 Speaker 02 The lid?
29:22 Speaker 03 The lid.
29:22 Speaker 02 You don't like a lid on a coffee cup?
29:24 Speaker 03 Joe, I cannot get on board with those.
29:25 Speaker 02 But it prevents you spilling it on your tie.
29:27 Speaker 03 No, it doesn't, no, it does not. That, one thing. I just find, for some reason, it either collects under the, the clippy bit, or it collects, or it dribbles out. I, that just goes down me and I think, what was the point of that? I may as well have just had a cup of coffee.
29:40 Speaker 02 Okay.
29:40 Speaker 03 And I think it is absolutely what is wrong with this world.
29:43 Speaker 02 No, no, it's to allow the, um, drink to come out smoothly.
29:48 Speaker 03 Oh.
29:49 Speaker 02 But I have trouble with the lids because when I go to swig it, my nose blocks the hole. It's like the perfect thing. So then it chugs anyway and goes all down me.
29:58 Speaker 03 Wow.
30:02 Speaker 02 Oh, you're into your gardening, aren't you?
30:04 Speaker 03 Oh, well, yeah, I mean, I like it, yeah.
30:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, but you, you love it?
30:08 Speaker 03 I mean, I'm, yeah.
30:09 Speaker 02 What made you then go, "Oh, I'm gonna do a podcast whilst I garden"?
30:13 Speaker 03 Um, I find that I'm at peace when I'm in the garden, actually. I feel a lot more relaxed and I think it's quite a... Community-based thing to do gardening because I think it looks nice for other people. And I thought, well, wouldn't it be nice if I could sort of share that gardening experience with a wider audience? The thing about gardening for me is it's actually the antithesis of all my smartness. Because I like to pop on some casual clothes, maybe a hoodie. And I like to get down and dirty, I suppose is what young people would say.
30:41 Speaker 04 Dye?
30:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, you know what, I don't even always use a trowel. I sometimes will, quite often in fact, and you'll see it in my fingers now. Just do it in my hands.
30:50 Speaker 02 But that sort of goes against the perfectionist that you are.
30:53 Speaker 03 That's what I mean. It's like, that's my moment to let go. Ah, do you know what I mean?
30:58 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's where you let loose.
30:59 Speaker 03 That's where I let loose, yeah.
31:01 Speaker 02 What do you think about the plants in our office?
31:02 Speaker 03 Well, I'm impressed that you've managed to grow them in a lightless, airless room.
31:08 Speaker 04 That's plastic for you.
31:10 Speaker 02 Are they not real?
31:11 Speaker 04 Huh?
31:12 Speaker 02 They're not real?
31:12 Speaker 04 Um, there's one plant in here of the lot that's real.
31:18 Speaker 04 There's one.
31:18 Speaker 02 There's one plant? Well, I'd like to lean on Tom here to help.
31:23 Speaker 03 With my expertise. Well, usually, as is apt for the theme of today, the real one is the one with imperfections. And that is the one.
31:35 Speaker 03 Deep, right, really deep.
31:36 Speaker 04 That is beautiful.
31:37 Speaker 02 Powerful.
31:37 Speaker 03 That's powerful, really?
31:38 Speaker 02 Uh, I'm, I want to.
31:40 Speaker 03 I say that because there's a dead bit at the back.
31:53 Speaker 02 Before we get into your current perfectionism, let's rewind to younger Tom.
31:57 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
31:58 Speaker 02 Like, what were you into when you were, like, growing up? I know you said you were an old head on young shoulders.
32:04 Speaker 03 Yeah.
32:04 Speaker 02 So that's, you were into bridge, early doors.
32:07 Speaker 03 Well, I wish I didn't, no, I wish I'd been into bridge. I think, I always knew I was unusual and I sort of liked to create my own little fantasy world. I guess it's a sort of disassociation, you might call it, in the psycho.
32:16 Speaker 02 Yes, you do.
32:17 Speaker 03 Psycho and analytical world. But I always thought, as well as being an adult, I always thought that might be from a different era. And so I liked in my mind to create kind of the idea of, of living in a different era. Which is kind of an odd thing to do, isn't it?
32:30 Speaker 02 What era were you from?
32:32 Speaker 03 Well, it varied. Sometimes it would be the Victorian era, sometimes it would be the sort of, um, 1920s and 30s.
32:38 Speaker 02 Why were you so drawn to those eras?
32:40 Speaker 03 I think the suiting I liked. I liked bowler hats, top hat. Obsessed with top hats, always been obsessed with top hats. Ruffs.
32:46 Speaker 02 Ruffles.
32:47 Speaker 03 That's more of a Tudor thing.
32:49 Speaker 02 Oh.
32:49 Speaker 03 And luckily for my parents' embarrassment, I never got into dressing like a Tudor, which I think would have been quite quite distressing to them. But things like that, I think I was sort of fascinated by kind of, yeah, the way that people used to dress. I've always been interested in sort of etiquette and formality in a world that feels increasingly less formal. For some reason, I found I was always fascinated by less etiquette, I suppose the idea of ceremony as well. Like, I've always been intrigued by rituals and kind of the way that people would, for example, serve dinner. In a very sort of down, but I think I'm not the only one who does that, because I think the appeal of something like Downton Abbey is down to that.
33:27 Speaker 02 I'd like to delve into that a little bit with
33:28 Speaker 03 Please.
33:29 Speaker 02 dinner parties. You're known
33:30 Speaker 03 Oh, yes.
33:30 Speaker 02 throw quite a lot of dinner parties when you're younger, is that right?
33:33 Speaker 03 I used to like throwing dinner parties as a teenager, yes. I didn't have sex.
33:41 Speaker 02 Okay.
33:42 Speaker 03 Goes without saying.
33:43 Speaker 02 Okay.
33:44 Speaker 03 Balding, obsessed with the nineteen twenties and throwing dinner parties. What's not to love?
33:50 Speaker 02 What was it that you loved about dinner parties so much?
33:53 Speaker 03 Well, I think I liked the idea of bringing that formality and ceremony to my contemporaries, and I like the idea. I think on some level, I thought it would impress the the the boys I fancied in my year. If they invited and they saw my prowess when it came to understanding formality.
34:11 Speaker 02 Did it work?
34:12 Speaker 03 Not one bit. Quite the opposite.
34:15 Speaker 02 What about in the notes that it says you
34:17 Speaker 03 Well, they know your notes. You can't question me on your notes.
34:21 Speaker 02 Okay, but my notes here says that you actually invited a teacher to a dinner party.
34:26 Speaker 03 Yes, of course, why not?
34:28 Speaker 02 What do you mean, why not?
34:29 Speaker 03 Well.
34:31 Speaker 02 Was he a good teacher?
34:32 Speaker 03 She was a great teacher, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there were several teachers I invited, because as I was, I was I was not cool, but I was
34:43 Speaker 02 Cool is subjective, though, isn't it?
34:44 Speaker 03 Not really.
34:49 Speaker 03 It's one of those things people say, isn't it? Yeah.
34:52 Speaker 04 It gets to a point where it's not.
34:53 Speaker 03 It's really not. And I was very happy about that. And if you'd said, "Oh, you're so cool for doing that," I would have run a mile. So I was very contrary.
35:01 Speaker 02 You like...
35:02 Speaker 03 I like the oddity. I like being peculiar.
35:04 Speaker 02 Mary, Mary.
35:05 Speaker 03 Quite contrary. How does your garden grow?
35:09 Speaker 02 It's awful, sir.
35:10 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's lucky that that's happened.
35:12 Speaker 03 Beautiful, isn't it, actually? Isn't that interesting? Yeah.
35:14 Speaker 04 At your dinner parties, do you do what they do on Come Down With Me and also provide entertainment?
35:19 Speaker 03 Yes, then some belly dancers come in at the end.
35:21 Speaker 04 I don't know why that's become a thing where...
35:23 Speaker 03 I'd get everyone into the smallest room of the house.
35:26 Speaker 04 Yes.
35:26 Speaker 03 And then, and then, and then put on a party hat and bring in some belly dancers. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I...
35:33 Speaker 02 I can do that as well.
35:35 Speaker 03 Well, great. That's a good skill. Was that... Oh, that's impressive.
35:39 Speaker 04 For the audio listener, Joe is belly dancing or performing CPR himself.
35:45 Speaker 03 It seems to be uncomfortable for you.
35:46 Speaker 02 Fucking hell, that's hard.
35:51 Speaker 02 Tom, we have covered a lot today in my mission to help you come to terms with imperfection. What are you doing there, then?
35:59 Speaker 03 I can't bear how unpolished this is.
36:04 Speaker 02 Are you breathing on my name tag?
36:07 Speaker 03 Sorry, I just had a coffee.
36:08 Speaker 04 We had comments about that, Joe. We should... I don't know who's...
36:10 Speaker 02 What's wrong with my name tag?
36:11 Speaker 04 It's always got... I don't know. Is it my responsibility or Janet's? But one of us needs to get on it, I think.
36:15 Speaker 02 Is it filthy?
36:15 Speaker 03 Absolutely full of fingerprints.
36:17 Speaker 02 What are you doing with it now?
36:18 Speaker 03 Just trying to get a shine on it.
36:20 Speaker 02 Okay. Well, it's an imperfect name tag.
36:22 Speaker 03 I just want the best for you, okay?
36:24 Speaker 04 Is that a crime?
36:25 Speaker 03 Is that a crime?
36:27 Speaker 02 Now, I've tried in my mission to help you come to terms with imperfection, but I've got one final exercise for you, and the stakes are high.
36:39 Speaker 03 Stakes? S.T.A.K.E.S. or S.T.E.A.K.S.?
36:46 Speaker 02 What's the right one in this sentence?
36:48 Speaker 03 Well, I don't know. Have you got a slab of beef for me or not?
36:55 Speaker 04 You've been cool worse, Joe.
37:02 Speaker 02 As you know, it is Janet's birthday today.
37:05 Speaker 03 Absolutely. I was talking to her about it just now.
37:08 Speaker 02 And we've got her a cake.
37:10 Speaker 03 Oh.
37:11 Speaker 02 Her name needs to be iced on this cake. Jake, have we got the cake and all the ingredients needed?
37:16 Speaker 03 Oh Jake, thank you. It's a lovely cake, Jake.
37:19 Speaker 02 Yeah. So you've got the cake, waitress.
37:22 Speaker 03 Oh dear, well I'm a brand ambassador for Marks and Spencer's. So it won't be very nice.
37:26 Speaker 02 Marks and Sparks.
37:26 Speaker 03 Oh, good. It's going to be delicious.
37:29 Speaker 02 You've got everything you need to ice Janet's name on the cake.
37:34 Speaker 03 Lovely.
37:34 Speaker 02 But you will be needing these.
37:40 Speaker 03 Oh no, you're not gonna throw like maggots at me or something, are you? Like they do on I'm a Celebrity.
37:45 Speaker 02 Throw maggots at you?
37:46 Speaker 03 Well, this is the sort of thing they put on, isn't it? And then they have like cockroaches crawling over their face.
37:50 Speaker 02 Tom, the reason why I want you to wear safety goggles is because I want you to embrace imperfection. So whilst attempting this task, I'm gonna be blasting you with
38:05 Speaker 02 a leaf blower.
38:06 Speaker 03 Oh, I cannot stand leaf blowers.
38:09 Speaker 02 It's also got a sucking option.
38:10 Speaker 04 What a day to be a leaf.
38:15 Speaker 02 I've combined your two loves, gardening and baking.
38:19 Speaker 03 Well, leaf blowers are the bane of my life.
38:22 Speaker 02 Okay.
38:22 Speaker 03 I'm with Alan Titchmarsh on leaf blowers.
38:24 Speaker 02 Well, this is what you call exposure therapy.
38:26 Speaker 03 It's the intermittent
38:33 Speaker 03 intermittent. It's unnecessary as well. Leaves aren't that much of a hazard, unless they're on a slippy path.
38:40 Speaker 03 They mulch down. And the garden needs more mulch.
38:43 Speaker 02 I love mulch.
38:43 Speaker 03 Well, it just breaks down straight away and then it helps with the soil quality. It's recycling, people wanna tidy up all the time. I tell you, they're the perfectionists, not me.
38:54 Speaker 03 I'm sick of it. That and pressure washers, can't stand it.
38:57 Speaker 02 What?
38:59 Speaker 03 It's very masculine. Joe, I tell you, it's in the same realm as pizza ovens and barbecues. It's gardening for men who don't think they like gardening. Too much for flowers can blow a leaf to their heart's content, can't they? Can polish a pathway with a, with a pressure washer. Unnecessary. Ruins the peace of everybody else's garden.
39:24 Speaker 02 I love leaf blowers, pressure washers, and I've got a barbecue.
39:27 Speaker 03 Because you are part of that, what I like to call toxic masculinity.
39:35 Speaker 02 Jake, Jake, we're missing something.
39:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
39:38 Speaker 02 Tom has got an immaculate suit on.
39:41 Speaker 03 I thought you were gonna put a gag on me.
39:42 Speaker 02 This could get messy, mate. I think, Tom, do you wanna put an apron on?
39:45 Speaker 03 Oh, I'd like to put an apron on. This is a barber's cape. Haven't seen one of these for a while.
39:52 Speaker 02 Tom, are you ready? Take it away.
39:58 Speaker 05 So for the audio listener, Joe has employed the help of a leaf blower, uh, while Tom, uh, using protective equipment is making the birthday cake for Janet. Studio conditions are now getting windier than we've ever seen. The leaf blower is on max capacity and Tom is trying so hard to fight against the imperfection, but the cake is starting to move, which is something quite unexpected and we didn't expect to see here. I don't think Tom's gonna be able to handle it. And it's come down and we've not managed to do it. The cake is a mess, but we're all safe.
40:30 Speaker 03 The aperture at the end, I don't think was properly snipped.
40:35 Speaker 02 So, Tom.
40:36 Speaker 03 Hmm.
40:37 Speaker 02 Uh, shall we assess how you've done with Janet's birthday cake?
40:43 Speaker 03 I've got the J.
40:46 Speaker 02 Where?
40:49 Speaker 03 And then I tried to loop back to the A, but that's when the blowing really began.
40:53 Speaker 02 Oh, you tried doing it joined up?
40:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:56 Speaker 02 Do you think that's where you went wrong?
40:58 Speaker 03 Thinking back.
40:58 Speaker 02 That was the issue.
40:59 Speaker 03 We're all wise after the event, aren't we?
41:02 Speaker 02 Jake, what are you saying about this, mate?
41:04 Speaker 04 I really, wholeheartedly believe that, Joe, your exercise has done wonders. I think that the imperfection of it gives it the charm that's really gonna make Janet's birthday.
41:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think you've nailed it. Tom, congratulations. You've shaken off those shackles
41:22 Speaker 03 Oh.
41:23 Speaker 02 of perfection and embraced imperfection.
41:26 Speaker 03 Joe, I've had a wonderful time.
41:28 Speaker 02 It really appears that way.
41:30 Speaker 03 I've had a lovely time. I hope you don't think I've been condescending in my, some of my, you know, spelling-based banter.
41:38 Speaker 02 I didn't realise there had been any.
41:40 Speaker 03 That's the thing about condescension, isn't it?
41:50 Speaker 02 Now, before every client leaves.
41:52 Speaker 03 Oh, yes.
41:53 Speaker 02 We offer them a badge to remind them of the process that they've been through.
41:58 Speaker 03 Oh, goodness.
41:59 Speaker 02 In their session. Jake, what have we got for the badge this week?
42:02 Speaker 04 Um, inspired by the beautiful South song, um, it's "I'm an imperfect ten."
42:07 Speaker 02 Ah, how does it go?
42:10 Speaker 03 "I'm an imperfect ten."
42:16 Speaker 02 That's for you, Tom, to take away with you.
42:17 Speaker 03 Thank you, Joe, and Jake, and Janet.
42:20 Speaker 02 As ever, you get a lollipop.
42:22 Speaker 03 Oh, as every trip to a doctor should include. Thank you.
42:25 Speaker 02 You went for orange?
42:26 Speaker 03 Orange is my favourite.
42:28 Speaker 02 Why?
42:29 Speaker 03 I don't know. I've always found it an appealing flavour. I always found the other ones, as a child, I always found the other ones a little bit frightening.
42:35 Speaker 02 Now, I don't wanna ask too much of you, but do you mind taking this to Janet?
42:38 Speaker 03 Of course, it's her birthday.
42:39 Speaker 02 Right, yeah, thank you. Let's kind of cheer for that one.
42:42 Speaker 03 Okay, fine.
42:43 Speaker 02 All the best. Tom Allen, everybody!
42:45 Speaker 03 Oh, thanks, everyone. Thank you.
42:47 Speaker 02 Janet?
42:49 Speaker 03 Ha!
42:57 Speaker 02 If you want to join the doctor's waiting list, please subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram at @willseeyounowshow. Remember, unless it's not clear enough already, I'm not a real doctor. If you need any professional help, you'll find a link to great support services on our Instagram. I've been Joe Marler and this has been Joe Marla Will See You Now, presented by Jackamo. I'll see you next time. Bye bye.
43:28 Speaker 07 This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
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