Joe and James At Their Very Best

The boys have been busy filming 👀, so we’ve been busy bringing together some of the best moments from some early days of Joe and James. From the Gorgeous Pilanthriform and War Horse to Joe and A Show, it's a healthy dose of lore. Don’t fear as the boys will be back next week, with PLENTY to talk about... GET IN TOUCH: Whatsapp us - wa.me/447822034330 http://wa.me/447822034330 Fill in our Fact Up Form - https://forms.gle/uzF6XWPqaA5aNTtN7 Subscribe on Youtube - www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos http://www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos Follow us on Instagram - www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod http://www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod Follow us on TikTok - www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod http://www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:36Speaker 01

  Great meeting. Who took notes? Anyone?

• 0:40Speaker 02

  With Monday Note Taker, the meeting ends and the plan already exists. Action items, owners, deadlines. Go to monday.com, the AI workspace platform.

• 0:53Speaker 03

  Hi, this is Joe and James Fact Up. It's a podcast that we do that you're listening to. This is going to be one of those annoying best of episodes, unfortunately. Sorry about that. But we're going to be diving deep into Joe and James Fact Up lore. All those sort of, what would you call it, long-running jokes, jokes loosely.

• 1:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18Speaker 03

  That we bring, that we keep mentioning.

• 1:20Speaker 04

  Things that we've returned to.

• 1:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're going to be going through the best bits of that. So, listen.

• 1:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, imagine that. So, it's a repeat, and the theme is things that we've repeated.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Don't think about it too much.

• 1:33Speaker 04

  No, just, whoa, all the mirrors, but.

• 1:37Speaker 03

  That'll do, won't it?

• 1:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's perfect.

• 1:38Speaker 03

  Great.

• 1:46Speaker 04

  Again, I don't know whether you're comfortable with this. Do you remember when we, do you remember when we auditioned for Warhorse together in that hotel room? That was unbelievable. Was it better than that? That was unbelievable. Well, do you remember? That was, that was incredible.

• 2:00Speaker 03

  I'm not.

• 2:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wasn't that extraordinary?

• 2:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:05Speaker 03

  No, and now I know why you've said I don't know whether you're comfortable with it all that.

• 2:09Speaker 04

  Because it was, we did it.

• 2:10Speaker 03

  Because I did something really embarrassing.

• 2:12Speaker 04

  We did a fucking terrible job. Like, it was.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  Oh, no, the pair of us.

• 2:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:16Speaker 03

  So, we were making, when was this? We were making the TV show.

• 2:18Speaker 04

  We were making the second series of The Inbetweeners.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  The second series of The Inbetweeners. So, during making The Inbetweeners, me and Joe, we were making the show during the day, and then all four of us would usually be in a hotel or something like that in the evening. So, we were always with each other.

• 2:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  Work, eating together, and then also, me and Joe had both got an email from our agents, our different agents, saying, there's this audition that's come through. It's for Warhorse, the film.

• 2:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:50Speaker 03

  Could you, and we were both like, oh, God, yeah, I've just got that as well.

• 2:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:53Speaker 03

  All right, well, we'll, we'll, we had to film. And this was before you had your phone and you could just fucking film something on the phone.

• 3:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 03

  Did we ask production for a camera?

• 3:03Speaker 04

  We must have got a camera from production or something. But what, so what I remember is, we, first of all, we went.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  Oh, no, this is embarrassing.

• 3:12Speaker 04

  I remember that first of all, we went, like, we went to the bar and we had, like.

• 3:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, you got to have a couple of drinks. We had to have a couple of drinks before you.

• 3:21Speaker 04

  We had a few drinks. Oh, God, it was so bad. So, we went in, I was like, oh, bloody hell. And in my mind, I was like, this is so bad, but like, I didn't think it was that good a project. I thought it was like a horse.

• 3:40Speaker 03

  Boring, man.

• 3:41Speaker 04

  I was always like, oh, come on.

• 3:42Speaker 03

  I know about the play and stuff.

• 3:44Speaker 04

  Honestly, because I was like, it's based on a children's book. Like, give me a break. But it was Steven Spielberg. It was just like, yeah.

• 3:52Speaker 03

  It was a Spielberg film.

• 3:54Speaker 04

  It was, it was, like, also, I mean, that is, I haven't been nowhere near anything like that since then. So, I should have taken it more, should have taken it more seriously. And I remember.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  So, we were a bit drunk.

• 4:05Speaker 04

  So, we were drunk. We, and.

• 4:09Speaker 03

  I completely forgot about this, man.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  And what we did was, we, I can't remember who went first. I think you, it was funny, I, I still wasn't even really completely au fait with the idea of self-taping. So, I remember I.

• 4:25Speaker 03

  That was, that was odd. Yeah, yeah, that was a bit odd.

• 4:27Speaker 04

  So, I remember I did it, and I was like, I wasn't that happy with that. Oh, never mind. Well, it's gone now. Like, you went, do you want to do it again? And I went, no, I'll leave it.

• 4:39Speaker 04

  I just wanted, because honestly, in my head, I was like, well, that's honest. I mean, that's, that's what I'm like. Like, there's no point in doing it again. A weird attitude, a weird attitude for self-taping without.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  We've already established that your first, the first thing you do is always your best.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. In a way, I was right.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Whether it's theme songs, it will always be the best.

• 4:59Speaker 04

  I dare say, if I had done 200 takes.

• 5:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  It would not be the case that I would have gone on to be in Warhorse. And then I remember, then I remember you auditioning.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Do you remember what I did?

• 5:12Speaker 04

  I do.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. Right, listen, in my defence.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  You made, you made a trench. You said, I'll be in a trench, and the side of, you were crouched down on the floor of the hotel room. And you were like, at the end of my audition, I'm going to go over the top? And you said, I knew, you crawled onto the bed, and but what was funny is you wanted to leave shot, but I kept following you with the camera, and you were like, well, don't follow me, because now I haven't got any lines left, and now you're just filming me crawling across a bed.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  I thought it'd be a really good idea if I was set up against the bottom of the bed.

• 5:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's right, yeah.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  And I was like.

• 5:51Speaker 04

  And then we're like, bullets coming over, yeah.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  And then at the end, I'm going to crawl over the bed as if I'm going over the top.

• 5:57Speaker 04

  Oh, God. Also, like, I don't, I'm not sure what it said in the script, like, go over the top. You were just like.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  Listen, man, I was so drunk.

• 6:05Speaker 04

  Because we were World War One, we're like, in World War One, every conversation ended with them going, let's go over the top.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  All right, there's the whistle. Anyway, see you later.

• 6:15Speaker 04

  And over the top we go. Like, every, every 12 minutes, over the top.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  Anyway, I do remember that. That was, that was. No, I just remembered it because we were talking about the Domino's thing, where we got the Domino's, and.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  That used to be a bit of a tradition.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  It was the charm of bloody hell. That was.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  There was always football on whenever we, whenever we were making The Inbetweeners. It was always like Champions League or something like that.

• 6:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:38Speaker 03

  And we'd all decide to meet in one of our rooms, and we'd all, we'd all order a pizza and just sit on a bed, like, cross-legged, and eat pizza together.

• 6:45Speaker 04

  It was great. It was, you know.

• 6:46Speaker 03

  But I do remember Blake used to get annoyed whenever I'd have Domino's, because, well, you'd all, you all would. I don't know why I've just singled out Blake, but Blake, Blake was the most vocal about it.

• 6:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, he did, he did sort of play havoc with me, with me belly, the old.

• 7:03Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, oh, God. I mean, the set sometimes was just like, because to be fair, I think, I feel like you were the worst. I mean, but like, there were times, all, all through the day, the next day, it'd be like.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  And like, you couldn't really come on, like, crew would come onto the set and be like.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  When we were in the.

• 7:22Speaker 04

  We're like, yeah, we know, yeah, we know, it's impossible.

• 7:24Speaker 03

  In the common room, which was a great big massive room, and there was people at the other side of the room going, Jesus.

• 7:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, people at the pool table, back of shot, they were getting it.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  But Blake used to go like, oh, no, you haven't had the Domino's, have you?

• 7:39Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  I remember Blake used to say that to me. I go, yeah, I did, I did get a Domino's. My God, I did order the Domino's last night.

• 7:48Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 7:48Speaker 03

  And then obviously in the car, I used to.

• 7:50Speaker 04

  The car, yeah.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  Quite bad in the car, wasn't I?

• 7:52Speaker 04

  The car was.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  But I do think that that, those little things do end up being in the show sometimes. Because I think that's where that, because there's a scene with us and Hannah in the car.

• 8:02Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 03

  And Blake, Neil, is farting.

• 8:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  And he's going, oh, sorry, there's the hash brown. Sorry, it's the McDonald's breakfast at this one.

• 8:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  And I think that's where that stuff comes from.

• 8:13Speaker 04

  I think, yeah, I think stuff found its way. There's a very thin membrane between things that were just said and the script of The Inbetweeners.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  But yeah, no, I, anyway, I just thought you'd enjoy that after our, our Bond audition. So, we've got a, we've got a track record.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, man.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  We do need to talk about our fact, we've been told.

• 8:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  I believe it's you first, Joe. It's time for you to give me a fact. Right, just quickly, the day that this podcast goes out, the transmission date of this podcast is the 14th of October.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 8:51Speaker 03

  Which, as we all know.

• 8:53Speaker 04

  Oh, my goodness.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  Is the day, it's the anniversary of, and everyone's, everyone's saying it, listening, of course.

• 9:00Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  The Battle of Hastings. Yeah, we all knew, we all knew it was coming.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 9:06Speaker 03

  14th of October, 1066.

• 9:09Speaker 04

  What are you doing for it this year?

• 9:10Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  Oh, God, I've still got so many presents to buy. Oh, I've got, what am I gonna get? Oh, my dad's hard to buy for on Battle of Hastings Day.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  I'm going, are we?

• 9:21Speaker 04

  Can't have another sword.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  Are we going door to door, singing songs to people?

• 9:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, talking in like, Middle English. Hey, why?

• 9:30Speaker 03

  I've got a little eye patch. I've got a little eye patch with an arrow sticking out of it.

• 9:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  The kids love it.

• 9:37Speaker 04

  I'll tell you what.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Do you know what? To be honest, Joe, and I don't wanna, I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be a bit of a downer. I could take or leave Battle of Hastings Day. But it's for the kids, really.

• 9:46Speaker 04

  It's for the kids, isn't it? I know, that's the thing. It's for the thing. I know. And, and, and obviously, it's just, it feels like it's a day for retail now, though, doesn't it?

• 9:55Speaker 03

  It's got very commercial.

• 9:56Speaker 04

  I went into a shop, this won't work because we're saying it's today. Like, the joke would be, they already had all the Battle of Hastings stuff up.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  They had it up months ago. I know, it's insane.

• 10:08Speaker 04

  It's like, as soon as summer's over, they're like, get the Battle of Hastings stuff up.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  I saw people, because they do, they do all the Battle of Hastings sales, don't they?

• 10:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:17Speaker 03

  People trampling over each other. It is disgusting.

• 10:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, it's ridiculous.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  It makes me feel really ashamed of society.

• 10:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  But Battle of Hastings.

• 10:24Speaker 04

  And they start, they start the post-Battle of Hastings sales before the Battle of Hastings now.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, these days.

• 10:29Speaker 04

  It's ridiculous.

• 10:30Speaker 03

  I know, yeah.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:31Speaker 03

  I mean, the 15th of October, I don't leave the house. I don't go down the high street.

• 10:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  Jesus.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  I love that part of the year, though, don't you?

• 10:38Speaker 03

  Oh, it is nice.

• 10:39Speaker 04

  All the stress, it's like, you've done the big dinner, you've done, and then you're like, you know what? It's just two or three days, you know, when the famine has finally left.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  15th of October, you'll see me on the couch.

• 10:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, I will be there, yes.

• 10:51Speaker 03

  Watching a classic Battle of Hastings film.

• 10:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  And.

• 10:55Speaker 04

  Absolutely. And just thinking, oh, that's it for another year.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  The only annoying thing, Joe.

• 10:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Is that, obviously, we're recording this ahead of time.

• 11:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  The actual day of the Battle of Hastings. I wanna know who's gonna be Battle of Hastings number one.

• 11:06Speaker 04

  I know, I know, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I know, it was, yeah, it was Mr Blobby one year, wasn't it?

• 11:13Speaker 03

  It was.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  Hopefully, it'll be a genuine, you know, not just something that's been, you know, not, not just Cliff Richard or something.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  I think it was So Solid Crew a few years ago.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, you never know. You never know.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  But yes, no, of course.

• 11:24Speaker 04

  It's worth Googling, actually. Battle of Hastings number one, you'll be surprised.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  It's one of the, one of the biggest days of the year.

• 11:29Speaker 04

  Always five minutes.

• 11:30Speaker 03

  The 14th of October.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  It's a big day.

• 11:32Speaker 03

  So we have, we've got.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Some Battle of Hastings facts that we're gonna present to each other.

• 11:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 03

  Joe, you were up first this week.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Well, it didn't take place in Hastings.

• 11:47Speaker 04

  It took place in, there's a town called Battle.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  Oh, you're one of those, are you?

• 11:51Speaker 04

  No, I'm just saying.

• 11:51Speaker 03

  You're one of those. It's Battle of Hastings Day, and you go, it didn't even take place in Hastings. It wasn't even on this date.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  No, and also.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  It was in Easter.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  Well, it took place in Battle, and, yeah. And who's from Battle? Keen are.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  Right.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  The band Keen.

• 12:09Speaker 03

  The band Keen are from Battle.

• 12:10Speaker 04

  They're from Battle.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  So the Battle of Hastings.

• 12:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:13Speaker 03

  Wasn't in Hastings, it was in a town called Battle. Is the town called Battle named after the Battle of Hastings?

• 12:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:21Speaker 03

  That didn't take place in Hastings?

• 12:23Speaker 04

  I think so, yeah.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  Is Battle near Hastings?

• 12:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's quite near.

• 12:25Speaker 03

  Right.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  It's still in the phrase, isn't it? The Battle of Hastings.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  Yeah. How far away?

• 12:31Speaker 04

  It's like, it's like losing a town called Off.

• 12:32Speaker 03

  How far away is Battle from Hastings? That's a good fact, though, Joe.

• 12:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, thank you very much.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  I know I was being silly and stuff.

• 12:38Speaker 04

  No, no, it's all right. And, and also, I just, you know, I think, interesting that Keen are from there. I don't know, I've never.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  Have you been to Hastings?

• 12:46Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 12:47Speaker 03

  I had a, I had a caravan holiday there when I was a kid. Loved it.

• 12:52Speaker 04

  It's nice. It's a good old.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Cobbley Beach, though, if I remember rightly.

• 12:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, you kinda want sand ideally.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  I might be misremembering, if the people of Hastings are listening to this and going, no, we don't, we have a sandy beach. I have.

• 13:05Speaker 04

  Well, it could have been militarily significant, of course.

• 13:08Speaker 03

  When I was like seven.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  Yeah. Are you saying that it might have eroded into sand?

• 13:12Speaker 03

  It might have done.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  I'm going back a few years, probably sandy now.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, it would be, yeah, yeah. Imagine that, imagine.

• 13:21Speaker 03

  It's an 18-minute drive.

• 13:23Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, so.

• 13:25Speaker 04

  And also, I think we would say that in terms of, that's a long way in 1066.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:32Speaker 04

  I mean, if, if somebody, if, if Harold had said, don't worry, it's an 18-minute drive.

• 13:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:38Speaker 04

  They would have said, 18-minute what?

• 13:39Speaker 03

  Do you reckon that was the problem? Harold turned up at Hastings. Because, because he read the flyer and it said Battle of Hastings.

• 13:46Speaker 04

  It said Battle of Hastings.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  And so, right, we better set off to Hastings, because he'd just come from up north, hadn't he?

• 13:52Speaker 04

  It was probably one of those.

• 13:53Speaker 03

  What was he doing up north? Was it Vikings or something like that?

• 13:55Speaker 04

  He was fighting Harold Hardrada. I did this in junior school.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 04

  And, yeah, the.

• 14:01Speaker 03

  Because he wasn't that secure, was he? His place wasn't that secure, Harold. And that's where William the Bastard.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  Came in, because a lot of the noblemen and stuff were like.

• 14:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, you've got like a very loose claim, but come on over, we'll support you.

• 14:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Keen released their single, This Is The Last Time, on Battle of Hastings Eve.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, so they were trying to get Battle of Hastings number one.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  They were, absolutely were.

• 14:29Speaker 04

  I see you, Keen. You make out like you don't care about Battle of Hastings number one, why are you bringing it out on Battle of Hastings Eve? Okay, right.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  So, Joe, your fact is that you're, that spiders dream?

• 14:40Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  Is that what it is?

• 14:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, they were, yes, that they, they, yes, they dream. And.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  And what was your dream that you woke up laughing?

• 14:48Speaker 04

  Okay, so my dream when I woke up laughing was that.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  It's the funniest dream. It's the, Joe has billed this as the funniest dream.

• 14:54Speaker 04

  I billed this as the funniest dream.

• 14:55Speaker 03

  No pressure.

• 14:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, so, this was my dream. I, oh God, I feel like I'm gonna fuck out now.

• 15:07Speaker 04

  So I, I partly wanted to do dreams because this is the funniest dream I've ever had. So I was watching a sort of film, like an American film, and it was American Jeeps or tanks driving through the desert to meet Osama bin Laden.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Right.

• 15:25Speaker 04

  And first of all, I remember thinking.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  It's not funny so far.

• 15:28Speaker 04

  No, first of all, I remember thinking that

• 15:36Speaker 04

  they've shot this really badly.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Right.

• 15:38Speaker 04

  Because I could tell that they were micro machines.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Right.

• 15:42Speaker 04

  And at one point, a fly crawled over it, and it was the same size as the Jeep. So I was like, that's funny.

• 15:50Speaker 03

  I should have cut that out.

• 15:52Speaker 04

  Then the Americans got to the cave.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Right.

• 15:55Speaker 04

  And Osama bin Laden was in there.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  Right.

• 15:59Speaker 04

  And he was really, really rude to them.

• 16:04Speaker 04

  And at one, the way he was rude is that at one point, he deliberately sneezed in their faces.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  Right.

• 16:09Speaker 04

  And they had all his snot down.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  Do you know what, man? If, if this was real, that was, that's probably one of the worst things Osama bin Laden's ever done.

• 16:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know, I know. That, that, not that.

• 16:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:22Speaker 04

  You've gone too far now. Right, you fucking had it now. Don't sneeze in our faces.

• 16:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:30Speaker 04

  Osama bin Laden.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  Sneeze on America.

• 16:35Speaker 04

  Osama bin Laden was wearing.

• 16:38Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  A set of beautiful silk pyjamas.

• 16:42Speaker 03

  Right.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  All covered over with little emblems, which, if you looked closely, was a very, very beautiful, bright green octopus, octopus creature.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  Was there more than one?

• 16:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, so, so it was like lots of, lots of, lots of little, so all over, like, that was the pattern. So like, the equivalent of polka dots, but they were actually.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  Little octopi.

• 17:08Speaker 04

  Tiny little bright green octopi.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  Right.

• 17:13Speaker 04

  And he was also holding in his hands a full-size version of whatever this creature was, this beautiful, bright green octopus.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  He's obsessed with this octopus.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  He's obsessed with this octopus.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  So he's stroking it like.

• 17:27Speaker 04

  He's stroking it, like, you know, like Doctor Evil.

• 17:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, right, okay.

• 17:30Speaker 04

  And then, and then, the Americans left the cave.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:35Speaker 04

  And they were so freaked out by what had happened.

• 17:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:41Speaker 04

  That they realised that they'd forgotten to ask him anything at all. They hadn't, they hadn't even asked him any questions.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  They didn't say what was, what was that all about?

• 17:50Speaker 04

  They went out, and they, because I think they were supposed to be like, I don't know, like negotiating with him or something. They left, and they were like, we didn't ask him anything.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:58Speaker 04

  And then a voiceover.

• 17:59Speaker 03

  He was just playing mind games.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. And then a voiceover came on in the dream, and it went, and so Osama returned to his lair, cradling the gorgeous Pilanthriform.

• 18:16Speaker 04

  And Pilanthriform was the name of the octopus.

• 18:21Speaker 04

  And it just made it up. And then I was like, oh, the octopus was called Pilanthriform.

• 18:26Speaker 03

  Right. Can I just say?

• 18:28Speaker 04

  And I woke, I woke up laughing. I was like, that is mental. And.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  Can I just say, when I first said, I've gotta do a podcast with Joe because he's insane.

• 18:42Speaker 03

  It has taken us a little while. It's taken us eight episodes to get to this.

• 18:46Speaker 04

  We've got to the nub of it now, right? But I did love it. It was, I just, it had a name, and the name was, and the name of the octopus was Pilanthriform. And that's why he had him all over his pyjamas.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  Because he loved him.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  That's really weird, man.

• 19:01Speaker 04

  And he had his own stuff made, and that was, it was all over his pyjamas.

• 19:05Speaker 03

  That's brilliant. It's a funny dream.

• 19:07Speaker 04

  It was a funny dream, do you think? It was funny.

• 19:09Speaker 03

  Do you know what, Joe? Like, when you first said I had a dream about Osama bin Laden, I was like, I'm not sure.

• 19:13Speaker 04

  But, no.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  I'm not sure how funny that is. But you, you're right.

• 19:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  It's fucking hilarious.

• 19:20Speaker 04

  So, yeah, that was, that's, that's the Pilanthriform dream.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  Brilliant.

• 19:25Speaker 04

  That was, that's the best thing I've ever done.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  Listen, that's merch there, isn't it?

• 19:30Speaker 04

  Pilanthriform, yeah.

• 19:31Speaker 03

  Like a little green octopus. Was it green? It was green, wasn't it? What was it?

• 19:35Speaker 04

  Emerald, didn't you say? Emerald green. Sort of emerald green.

• 19:37Speaker 03

  We need to get some emerald green.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  Emerald green octopus, but beautiful. Gorgeous. Gorgeous, gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous.

• 19:43Speaker 03

  We need to make some pyjamas.

• 19:45Speaker 04

  Make some pyjamas, Pilanthriform pyjamas. So anyway, that's. As seen on Osama bin Laden. As seen on Osama bin Laden.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  As seen on.

• 19:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. Clothes, Model Zone.

• 20:06Speaker 00

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• 21:29Speaker 00

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• 22:30Speaker 03

  I mean, I just turned 30, I, yeah, and I feel like I'm moving into a different phase of my life now, where you will just wake up and your knees fucked for no reason at all whatsoever. It's the same with my skin. Like, I woke up quite, just brilliantly, because the universe hates me. I woke up quite spotty this morning. So I popped a couple of spots and they will just be, like, I've got like a spot on my cheek. Like, that's been there for about a month.

• 23:02Speaker 04

  No, no, they get, they're deep, aren't they? I had one where I'm like, can you just fucking shit or get off the pot? Like, like, come, come to the surface if you're gonna, right? Or fuck off. And, and is what I've said.

• 23:14Speaker 03

  But also, like, what's the rules? Am I getting old? Because, or am I still a teenager?

• 23:20Speaker 04

  I know, I know, one or the other, one or the other. I still can't grow, I'll never be able to, I tell you what, I know this because of my dad, I'll never be able to grow a beard, because he can't. I mean, he's not gonna have a nail. I can tell. He's like...

• 23:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you can grow a, you can grow a, a goatee.

• 23:35Speaker 04

  It goes straight, it goes straight to goatee.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that's quite good. That's quite, yeah. So if you look at people like Dave Grohl, Johnny Depp, they don't have like the strong beard.

• 23:47Speaker 04

  The thing I feel about them is that, like, they are also, you know, Dave Grohl or Johnny Depp, whereas for me, it's just...

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Dave Grohl, Johnny Depp, Joe Thomas. That's the same...

• 23:56Speaker 04

  That's the band, you're saying?

• 23:57Speaker 03

  Same category, to me, yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, okay, well, maybe I'll grow it over the course of the series. Would you like that?

• 24:08Speaker 03

  Do it, man. Yeah. You do, you've got a strong moustache.

• 24:12Speaker 04

  I do sometimes do odd things. Like, I did a show once where I had to give a lecture about hair. Right? It was a comedy show. And...

• 24:21Speaker 03

  Sounds hilarious. Carry on.

• 24:23Speaker 04

  I tell you what, you should have...

• 24:24Speaker 03

  I can't believe, Joe, I'm gonna be honest with you, I can't believe I haven't heard of it.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  I tell you what, well, I don't, I don't know how they did anymore, but, but, but, you know, it certainly got a good response in the day. And, you know, above all, I enjoyed it.

• 24:37Speaker 03

  Do you know what? That is, that is a subject that's not been mined enough in comedy is hair.

• 24:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, I tell you what.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  I mean, you could, you could do a whole 90-minute stand-up on, on different hair, different types of hair.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  Tried, tried to. It didn't, it was not as much as you think.

• 24:53Speaker 03

  Really?

• 24:54Speaker 04

  No.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  Really, Joe?

• 24:55Speaker 04

  I didn't have a, so basically, I didn't have a choice about the hair. They said you had to do the history of hair.

• 25:00Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 25:00Speaker 04

  I think, I think they gave me a choice of topics. I said, that's the best one.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 25:05Speaker 04

  And then during it, I was kind of like...

• 25:07Speaker 03

  What was the show called? Tell us what the show's called.

• 25:09Speaker 04

  Comedians Giving Lectures. I think I might have been the second series, actually.

• 25:13Speaker 03

  Okay, he's nodding. My manager's nodding. However, she's really, really nice and polite, and I feel like she might just be nodding to make you feel better.

• 25:21Speaker 04

  She's, look, it's fine. I, I don't mind. That's what I want.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  No, she's saying, no, I have her.

• 25:27Speaker 04

  What I want from my life is people nodding to make me feel better. That's, I don't, like, it doesn't need to be sincere.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  I don't mind pity.

• 25:33Speaker 04

  No, I don't, no, of course not.

• 25:34Speaker 03

  I've got no, if I, if I...

• 25:35Speaker 04

  This is fine.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  If I had a problem with pity, I would have never have lost my virginity.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I know, I have no problem at all.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  Absolutely not.

• 25:43Speaker 04

  With, no, any of that. No, absolutely not.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  I like pity. I like being pitied. So what was this thing about hair, Joe?

• 25:50Speaker 04

  Basically, so I was, I was sort of, I was kind of riffing in the speech about how it was a bit of a bad topic. And I was like, I don't even know how to, I don't know what to do. Like...

• 26:00Speaker 03

  So you incorporated that into the act?

• 26:03Speaker 04

  I incorporated that into the act, yeah. Sort of saying, you'll notice that you're, none of you audience members are enjoying this. Isn't that, isn't that funny?

• 26:09Speaker 03

  That's basically what we're doing now, isn't it?

• 26:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, it is, yeah. It's a good, listen, I tell you what, it's a good trick.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  Again, pity. Is it?

• 26:15Speaker 04

  It's a good trick.

• 26:16Speaker 03

  Pity laughs. I'll take pity laughs, pity sex, whatever.

• 26:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, it's, it's all fine. And all of it's fine. All of it's fine. And anyway, so I was kind of, I incorporated it into the act, saying, oh, it's not a very good topic. And I don't, I don't even think the producers think it's a good topic, hair. Because one of the things they've asked me to do, or no, one of the things they suggested I could do is I could shave, like, a monk's tonsil into the back of my head. You know how monks have the bald patch?

• 26:45Speaker 03

  Like a zidane?

• 26:46Speaker 04

  Like a zidane, yeah. I was sort of saying, oh, you know, do you know what the producers suggested to me? They suggested I could shave a, you know, a bald patch into the back of my head, like, as if I'm gonna do that. As if I'm gonna do that. And then as I was writing the speech, I was like, it'd be funny if at the end of the speech I had done it.

• 27:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a big commitment.

• 27:07Speaker 04

  And then I did do it. Honestly, I did, I did do it. And it looked a, a, it was much, much, much, much worse than I thought it was gonna be.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  Oh, you did it?

• 27:15Speaker 04

  I did it.

• 27:16Speaker 03

  Right, hang on a minute.

• 27:16Speaker 04

  I did it. No, I did it, honestly. And I had quite long, like, longer than that, like, quite long floppy hair. And honestly, like, the, the makeup artist who was doing it was like, I don't wanna do it. Like, do you really? It was like, she was gonna, she didn't wanna do it. But she was like, I was like, honestly, do it, it's fine, it'd be funny. I've got really, I've got really fast-growing hair.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  What does that mean?

• 27:38Speaker 04

  I just thought I, because I, that was based on, like, I kind of, I, I seem to have to go to the hairdressers all the time.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  I know, but...

• 27:44Speaker 04

  Like, whenever I go to the hairdressers, it seems like, oh, God, I feel like I was just here.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, a haircut doesn't last long. However, if you get a little monk's bald patch into your hair, right?

• 27:55Speaker 04

  That takes a while.

• 27:56Speaker 03

  That cut's gonna last.

• 27:57Speaker 04

  It does, I tell you what, absolutely. And Hannah wouldn't let me, because I was like, look, what I'll do, I think almost to myself, I had in my back pocket a plan, if it looks mental, which it fucking did, I'll just shave it all off. I'll just be...

• 28:14Speaker 03

  You can always do that, yeah, yeah.

• 28:15Speaker 04

  Got home, Hannah was like, you are not having a skinhead. Because she, I tell you why, because she said, it will look stupid.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  Don't just put it there, then.

• 28:25Speaker 03

  I've got a couple of questions.

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Imagine if I looked stupid. It was honestly, I'd run my hair in my hair, and I'd be like, oh, God. It was like I'd had a lobotomy, genuinely. I was like, it was like if you'd had...

• 28:34Speaker 03

  You'd had an operation.

• 28:34Speaker 04

  Had an operation. You know, if you have an operation, you have to... And I had to, it was really, I need, I tell you what...

• 28:39Speaker 03

  If I was to have an operation on my head, right, and they had to sort of go in, I would say just shave it all.

• 28:45Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 28:47Speaker 03

  I don't want just like a circle.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  Oh, no, because the circle's mental.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  It's like, it's all right, we've not shaved everything.

• 28:52Speaker 04

  I know, I know, that's, yeah.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  First of all, that's, if I'm having an operation on my head, I'm not worried, honestly.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  Secondly, just shave it all off.

• 29:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's much, much worse than just having it all shaved off.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  But I do, I know what you mean, right? Because I do, I, I, I've always subscribed to the thought, or to, the belief, I suppose, that I've made up myself, that if you're trying to be funny, if you're trying to make people laugh, then if you look funny, you're already like halfway there.

• 29:25Speaker 04

  Totally agree.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  Which is why I had all that bleaching done to my hair during the Inbetweeners.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  Then I had a moustache for white gold and stuff. Like, I've never, I've never had a problem with looking like an idiot.

• 29:37Speaker 04

  It's always what I've always said about my body as well. It's like, I could lose weight, but I just wouldn't be funny then. Or, you know, I could, you know, like, you don't wanna, there's nothing funny about a bloke with a six-pack. I just think, it's not, and that's why, I could have it, that's what I'm saying. Like, I could. It'd be easy for me.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  You remember Theo, Theo James?

• 29:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:58Speaker 03

  From the first Inbetweeners film?

• 30:00Speaker 04

  He's the villain, right? He's too handsome.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Right, but the thing is, right... He's, um, I've not, I've not spoken to him since we did that film or whatever.

• 30:08Speaker 04

  Well, he's, you know, massive.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  I can't get near him now.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  I can't, won't answer his phone.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  They're just like, they're chucking him in the Bond ring and everything.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know.

• 30:16Speaker 03

  He's from the in-betweeners.

• 30:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know.

• 30:19Speaker 03

  But, uh.

• 30:20Speaker 04

  You know, give me an audition at least for.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  Unbelievably handsome, right? Wasn't he? Like unbelievably handsome.

• 30:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:26Speaker 03

  Fit, fit little body on, on the guy as well. I don't want to objectify it, but.

• 30:29Speaker 04

  No, it's, it's, I think, I think sometimes you have to.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Mama mia.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  I think, yeah.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  Right? But then also, I was like, oh, I get it. You're a good look, you're a good looking guy. And then also was, uh, you know, you'd spend a bit of time with him.

• 30:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Also, a nice guy.

• 30:46Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  So he's good looking and he's a nice guy.

• 30:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Then when he was like delivering lines and stuff like that, and he was being quite funny, I was like, right, we've got, you've got to fucking stop there, mate.

• 30:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:55Speaker 03

  You cannot be.

• 30:56Speaker 04

  Don't come into our bit yet.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  You can't be that handsome, that nice and also quite funny as well.

• 31:02Speaker 04

  No, I totally.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  You, you're one or the other.

• 31:05Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  I had to become funny because I was such an odd looking man. I hope he gets Bond. He's one of us, isn't he? He's one of our own.

• 31:13Speaker 04

  It'd be great. It'd be, you know, it would be.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  I mean, he doesn't answer my calls or anything. Sure. But I do, I do hope he gets Bond.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:19Speaker 03

  And he's great in that, uh, in The Gentleman on Netflix, the TV show.

• 31:23Speaker 04

  I haven't seen that, but I have, I have, I have seen him in White Lotus, uh, where he's very good. Oh, also he can do an American accent. So, well done.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  Do you know what, right? Uh, if he wasn't such a great guy.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  I'd fucking hate that dickhead.

• 31:36Speaker 04

  Hmm. We did talk about Theo James last week and, um, we heard.

• 31:42Speaker 03

  They might be true or false.

• 31:43Speaker 04

  James from somewhere, possibly a dream, me from James, that Theo James had got a, a Bond audition. That now is locked in.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:51Speaker 04

  As fact. Um, and, uh, it annoyed us because we're, we're jealous and, because he's got too many things going. We agree. He shouldn't be allowed to be handsome.

• 32:03Speaker 03

  Absolutely. We touched on that.

• 32:05Speaker 04

  And funny. That was the real.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  We touched on that last week and talented. He's a good actor as well.

• 32:09Speaker 04

  And he's a good actor as well. Yeah. And, and talented, of course. Of course.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  I bet, do you know what, right? I bet he's good at football.

• 32:15Speaker 04

  I bet he is.

• 32:16Speaker 03

  I bet he's good at football as well.

• 32:17Speaker 04

  It seems like he's got loads of time on the ball. Do you know what I mean? That's always the thing that I think.

• 32:22Speaker 03

  I don't get enough of that time. I don't.

• 32:24Speaker 04

  I don't get any time on the pitch. It's now got to the point where I can tell that people who I used to turn up for when they're a man short, now I sometimes offer myself and they're like, yeah, yeah. Just, just waiting on a couple of those. But yeah, maybe definitely. Yeah.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, maybe definitely.

• 32:38Speaker 04

  Yeah. I mean, it's like, and this is just like five-a-side teams.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 04

  I've, I'm now getting to the point where I'm turned down for, for a man's five-a-side team in London.

• 32:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. And you're going, oh, yeah.

• 32:48Speaker 04

  They'll take anyone. They'll take a duck or something, but like they won't, they won't take me.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  And you're standing there on the sidelines going.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  I go, I still go. Yeah.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  You haven't got enough players on the pitch. I know. Oh, yeah. No, don't.

• 32:57Speaker 04

  And I try and get on, I try and come on.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  They go, no.

• 32:59Speaker 04

  And then I get, get him on and they call the police.

• 33:03Speaker 04

  And I'm naked. And I've, you know, and I've, and I've just written on my chest, please.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  Well, this is an opportunity for us, right?

• 33:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:16Speaker 03

  Where I thought that maybe.

• 33:18Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  Maybe we could, um, do a little Bond audition right now.

• 33:21Speaker 04

  Good idea.

• 33:22Speaker 03

  Maybe just a line or two.

• 33:23Speaker 04

  Just a line or two.

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Just down the camera or something where we can.

• 33:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:28Speaker 03

  Just throw our hat in the ring.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  We've not been considered yet for Bonds, have we? The pair of us?

• 33:34Speaker 04

  No, and it's because they've got a very, very cliched idea.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 33:38Speaker 04

  Of what like a secret service agent should be.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:41Speaker 04

  Oh, it needs to be somebody who doesn't panic.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. Whereas really, if you did, you know, um, intelligence, counterintelligence and all that sort of stuff, they're little nerds.

• 33:50Speaker 04

  They are little nerds.

• 33:52Speaker 03

  So if you, if you wanted to, if you wanted to make Bond gritty and realistic, which I think is like.

• 33:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  You know, cause we don't want like a sexist Bond anymore and we don't.

• 34:00Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 34:01Speaker 03

  We need him realistic, a Bond for now, a Bond for this day and age.

• 34:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:05Speaker 03

  Who's a little computer nerd?

• 34:07Speaker 04

  I mean, I, I, I completely agree. And I think a Bond is not afraid to fail.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 34:14Speaker 04

  As well. It's why I'd, you know, people would be like, I could see him, you know, really fucking it up.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:20Speaker 04

  Uh, and actually ending up just needing a lot of therapy.

• 34:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:25Speaker 04

  But I think that that would be something that modern men could actually, you know, benefit from. You know, we don't have to be.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:34Speaker 04

  You don't have to be good at anything.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  No, of course.

• 34:36Speaker 04

  Yeah. So, yeah.

• 34:38Speaker 03

  Do you reckon I could just do my little, my Bond audition right now? Just.

• 34:41Speaker 04

  I reckon, I think, yeah, I think so. I think we should do a little Bond audition.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Right. I've had a little tussle with some geezer in a.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  Bathroom, right?

• 34:47Speaker 04

  Right, yeah. All right.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  Uh, I've, I've thrown him in the bath.

• 34:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:54Speaker 03

  He's always having, he's always just getting out of the bath for the shower, his Bond.

• 34:57Speaker 04

  He is, yeah.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  And he ends up having a fight.

• 34:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  And then he uses his towel in some kind of deadly way.

• 35:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:03Speaker 03

  So I've done all that.

• 35:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  Thrown the bloke in the bath. I've chucked something electrical in the bath.

• 35:09Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  Right? He's fried. And I just look to the camera and I go, absolutely shocking.

• 35:16Speaker 04

  Perfect. Very, you're in.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  That is a Bond line. That is from Bond.

• 35:21Speaker 04

  And yeah, that's, I think that's, well, he's a lot about puns, isn't he? Bond. It's more about like.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  What's the one where Connery's.

• 35:27Speaker 04

  And there's no one to hear it as well. The bloke's dead. There's no one else there.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  He's just doing it for himself.

• 35:30Speaker 04

  For himself.

• 35:30Speaker 03

  Psychopath, innit?

• 35:31Speaker 04

  Yeah. He should be on social media, shouldn't he? He should be able to be like.

• 35:34Speaker 03

  He should take a picture of it.

• 35:35Speaker 04

  Then absolutely shocking.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  Oh, he should be on TikTok. He's just throwing some bloke in the bath. He's electrocuted and gone, absolutely shocking.

• 35:41Speaker 04

  And he's fighting him with one arm.

• 35:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  You're not gonna bother after that?

• 35:47Speaker 04

  Well, I was gonna.

• 35:47Speaker 03

  You don't have to, but.

• 35:49Speaker 04

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna try. Well, things I grew up with, um, the, the Pierce Brosnan Bond.

• 35:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  Yeah. I thought he was pretty good, actually.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  He was great.

• 35:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 03

  Great Bond.

• 35:57Speaker 04

  Just, just so you know, Pierce, I thought you were pretty good.

• 35:59Speaker 03

  Pierce, I thought you were brilliant.

• 36:00Speaker 04

  So, and he, he was more of a kind of metrosexual kind of, he was a little, had a slightly, slightly more feminine energy, I think. I, I quite, he wasn't.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  I've got a theory about Bonds, right?

• 36:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  You're either Roger Moore or Sean Connery. Daniel Craig, serious guy.

• 36:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:16Speaker 03

  Serious. And I think what the world needs right now.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:19Speaker 03

  Is a little Roger Moore type Bond.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, I agree.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  Little sort of wisecracky, sort of, um.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, just a bit more suave, a bit more.

• 36:29Speaker 04

  Makes a joke.

• 36:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 36:31Speaker 04

  Well, let's say, so this, so I recall, there's a line that I liked in, um, uh, well, I'm gonna say, I can't remember.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Go on. I might remember for you.

• 36:41Speaker 04

  Which one is it? What's the first Pierce Brosnan one?

• 36:43Speaker 03

  The first Pierce Brosnan is GoldenEye.

• 36:45Speaker 04

  Yeah. What's the second Pierce Brosnan one?

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Second Pierce Brosnan.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  Tomorrow Never Dies?

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Is it Tomorrow Never Dies?

• 36:49Speaker 04

  Yeah. I think it is. Yeah. And he's about to be.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  And then it's The World Is Not Enough.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 36:54Speaker 03

  Right.

• 36:54Speaker 04

  I like the bit where he's going, um, there's a guy who's kind of a sort of, he's a kind of media baron.

• 36:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  And he's gonna start a war.

• 37:00Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 37:01Speaker 04

  Just so he can report on it in his newspapers.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  It's a long, he's playing the long game, isn't it?

• 37:06Speaker 04

  Yeah. And I remember he's got a big screen and he's writing tomorrow's news and he's going.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:11Speaker 04

  On a little, and actually that, that just looks incredibly difficult. He's like, get a keyboard. Like.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  I don't like those things in movies. I don't like, like all those, um, computers that, that surround you where it's like.

• 37:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:29Speaker 03

  Bring it up. And they're just sort of like bringing stuff to them and like swiping it away and stuff like that.

• 37:34Speaker 04

  I know. Yeah. I often feel, I feel like, I see, I often, I literally see even on sports programs where they're like, let's just get the clip up.

• 37:43Speaker 04

  And I know the one you just, I don't need to see, what, what?

• 37:47Speaker 03

  Also, you can see.

• 37:48Speaker 04

  It's like watching your, like your dad trying to Google something.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  You can see that they've just drawn around players on like an iPad. It's like, these players here, like.

• 37:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. No, I, yeah. Anyway, so he's doing that. And he says that, that they're about to be tortured.

• 38:03Speaker 03

  Right.

• 38:04Speaker 04

  And Pierce Brosnan says, I'd have thought watching your TV shows was torture enough. And actually, it's so funny, the guy actually goes, fuck you.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Right, yeah.

• 38:14Speaker 04

  It's good. So that's what, that's my audition.

• 38:17Speaker 03

  That's good. That is really good. Um.

• 38:20Speaker 04

  Good luck, Theo.

• 38:21Speaker 06

  Good news for anyone who's bad at waiting. Black Friday deals at Lowe's are already on. Get up to three free select DeWalt, Craftsman, or Cobalt power tools with the purchase of a select battery kit. Three for free? You better believe it. Plus, select ladders are up to 50% off. So go ahead, get in there early. Shop Black Friday deals in store or online now at Lowe's. Valid through 11/18 while supplies last. Free tools vary based on battery kit purchased and location.

• 38:57Speaker 00

  This episode is sponsored by Zocdoc. Have you been putting off a doctor's appointment or need a dentist and you don't know where to start? We've definitely been there and that's why we use Zocdoc. Actually, over the holidays, Michael had a dental emergency and seemingly every office was closed. But we hopped onto Zocdoc, found an in-network dentist, had great reviews, saw real-time appointments available, which was key, it was on New Year's Day, and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation. Zocdoc makes it easy to search and compare over 250,000 local in-network providers across more than 200 specialties.

• 39:40Speaker 00

  So you can find the right doctor or dentist and book instantly. Taking care of your health just got easier? Download the Zocdoc app today and book that appointment on your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C, Zocdoc. Hi folks, this is Mark Bittman from the podcast, Food with Mark Bittman. And I'm here to suggest that you host Thanksgiving with industry-leading quality standards from Whole Foods Market. There are, as usual, no antibiotics ever in their meat department, so carve up turkey and spiral cut ham.

• 40:14Speaker 04

  With peace of mind. Shop organic sides like stuffing mix and cranberry sauce from 365 brand. And guess what? All of their fabulous delectable pies are made with no high fructose corn syrup. Where else are you going to find that? Gourmet Thanksgiving flavors with the quality you want only at Whole Foods Market.

• 40:39Speaker 03

  I've been working with Spencer Millen. I've also been working with Anthony, Tony.

• 40:44Speaker 04

  Anthony Wilcox.

• 40:46Speaker 03

  Wilcox.

• 40:48Speaker 04

  That's his surname, isn't it? Anthony Cox. As he will, Cox.

• 40:51Speaker 03

  Is it Wilcox? Coxey. Old Coxey. Old big Cox.

• 40:55Speaker 04

  Well, the, ah, the, the big dangling cock.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  Big veiny cocks.

• 40:59Speaker 04

  The big, yeah.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, I've been working with him and you.

• 41:01Speaker 04

  Cause he's, I play football with him.

• 41:03Speaker 03

  You play football with him.

• 41:03Speaker 04

  He's the goalkeeper in our team.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  He told me a little thing about you, Joe.

• 41:06Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:07Speaker 03

  He gave me a little story about you.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, go on.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  And I was going, he's mental. He's fucking insane. I need to have a word with Joe.

• 41:13Speaker 04

  Right.

• 41:14Speaker 03

  I need to talk to him.

• 41:15Speaker 04

  Right.

• 41:15Speaker 03

  So apparently you're on the same team as him, right?

• 41:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I am. Yeah.

• 41:19Speaker 03

  And there's another team that's a bit of a rival of you guys. You know what I'm talking about?

• 41:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, I do. I don't know what this, I know what this story is. Yeah.

• 41:25Speaker 03

  Is it, is it okay to talk about this?

• 41:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can talk about it. Yeah. Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Cause it is insane.

• 41:29Speaker 04

  It is quite funny. Yeah.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  Right. So Joe plays football for a team. What is it? A five side team?

• 41:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:38Speaker 03

  And you've, you guys have got like a rival team or something. You play each other a couple of times a year.

• 41:41Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 41:42Speaker 03

  And, um, and usually what happens, cause you're, you're a big shot, aren't you? You're a big, big time star. You're on the in betweeners.

• 41:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:47Speaker 03

  Usually what happens after the game is people will ask if they can have a picture with you.

• 41:51Speaker 04

  They can have.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  And you're always.

• 41:52Speaker 04

  I'm always obliged.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  You're always more than happy to do that. One guy asked for a picture with you, had a picture with you, and then just started getting chatting to you.

• 41:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:00Speaker 03

  And then he said, we should go for a drink sometime.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  And you said, yes.

• 42:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Right?

• 42:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  So then a little bit later, you, so you exchanged phone numbers then? Is that what happened?

• 42:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, we did exchange phones then. Yeah.

• 42:16Speaker 03

  So then a little bit later, he said to you, I'm going for a drink tonight. Do you want to meet me at this pub? We'll have a couple of pints. It'll be, it'll be a good laugh.

• 42:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:24Speaker 03

  And you're like, yep, sure. I'll be there. And you turned up to the pub.

• 42:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  And he was there with a date.

• 42:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is true. Yeah.

• 42:34Speaker 03

  And basically what I've pieced together.

• 42:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 03

  Is that some bloke who you've just met, a fan, some fan that you've just met, you've gone, let's go, yeah, let's go for a pint together.

• 42:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:47Speaker 03

  And he's arranged a date and tried to impress this girl by saying, I know Joe Thomas from the in betweeners. In fact, I can get him to turn up tonight if you like.

• 42:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:55Speaker 03

  And she's gone, go on then. And you've turned up on a date to try, uh, because this bloke's trying to impress a girl, right? Is that, is that what happened?

• 43:03Speaker 04

  It is true. And, and.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  Hang on.

• 43:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  It gets worse though, doesn't it?

• 43:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, it does get worse. Yeah.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  Right. So after that situation, you go, if I was you, Joe, you go, maybe I shouldn't just give my number out to fans of the in betweeners, right? And God bless them. We love them, don't we? We can't, like, anyone that loves the in betweeners.

• 43:20Speaker 04

  And I wouldn't.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  And I talk to people off the street.

• 43:23Speaker 04

  Very much at all.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  I spend a lot of time talking to people about the in betweeners, having pictures with people every day of my life.

• 43:29Speaker 04

  They're brilliant.

• 43:30Speaker 03

  I've got no problem with all of it.

• 43:31Speaker 04

  They're brilliant.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  I don't, I probably am not, and I don't think they'd expect this from me.

• 43:35Speaker 04

  No, they wouldn't. No.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna meet up for a pint with you, right?

• 43:39Speaker 04

  No. And also not, I suppose it's not even just meeting up for a pint. It was a fact that to some extent I was the third wheel.

• 43:49Speaker 03

  Absolutely. Yeah. You turned up, you turned up on this guy's date.

• 43:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:53Speaker 03

  But it's to make him look good, right? To impress a girl.

• 43:55Speaker 04

  I didn't realise this.

• 43:56Speaker 03

  Yeah. So you learn a lesson there, don't you?

• 43:59Speaker 04

  You can do it.

• 43:59Speaker 03

  You can do, can't you?

• 44:01Speaker 04

  You can do.

• 44:01Speaker 03

  You can even learn a lesson.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:03Speaker 03

  Or you can do the exact same thing a couple of weeks later.

• 44:06Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah, I know. And also, um.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  Stop turning up to this bloke's dates.

• 44:12Speaker 04

  I know, but also, and also it was, it was always a different girl.

• 44:16Speaker 03

  I know.

• 44:17Speaker 04

  So it was different.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. He was, he was, he was putting it about, trying to impress all these girls, saying, I know Simon from the in betweeners. In fact, I'll get him to turn up to this date. And he's gone, he's done it once before. I wonder if I'll get him to do it again. And you fucking, you fucking did.

• 44:36Speaker 04

  I know. It took several, um.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  Do you still talk to this guy?

• 44:41Speaker 04

  No. Well, no, just.

• 44:43Speaker 03

  No, that's the right answer. Don't say no as if that's a bad thing.

• 44:46Speaker 04

  Well, no, I mean.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  No, that's the right answer. Listen, my.

• 44:48Speaker 04

  They were just, it was quite.

• 44:51Speaker 03

  You're gonna defend this guy now, aren't you?

• 44:52Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna defend him. I just, it, I think it was just about that.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  Stockholm syndrome sometimes.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  I do, I did think it's, these are funny evenings because like we.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  Well, you're doing it for the crack.

• 45:04Speaker 04

  Well, you're, no, no, I mean, they've, to, to some extent peculiar evenings because we would all like have drinks together. But then I would just go home and then sometimes they would go to like the theatre or something or like they'd, they'd go on to do something else. So it was like, I was the first bit, but then he was like, it was almost like, he was, I'll book something else as well. So it's, it won't, it won't. It won't just be Joe. I'll have a backup.

• 45:37Speaker 03

  Right, of course. So you're there early in the evening.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  To get the, to get the, the date all nice and impressed.

• 45:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  And then he goes, thanks for that, Joe. I'll see you later. We're off to the theatre now.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  I think the most embarrassing thing is that it did take like a number of occasions for me to really realise what was going on. And, um.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  See, this is my, this is why I worry about you, Joe.

• 46:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:03Speaker 03

  Because you are, you're a people pleaser.

• 46:05Speaker 04

  I am a people pleaser.

• 46:06Speaker 03

  You don't like upsetting people.

• 46:08Speaker 04

  No, I don't.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Someone says to you, oh, I really love the in betweeners. You're so good in that show. Would you like to go for a pint sometimes? Sometime. You go, yes, here's my number. You've got to stop doing that, right? Just for, just for security as well. Like, I don't wanna.

• 46:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:26Speaker 03

  I'll just, as your mate, right? Stop giving your number out. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure he was a nice guy.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  He was a nice guy. I, I, and.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  But he's taken advantage of you there. He's taken advantage of your good nature.

• 46:37Speaker 04

  Probably was a little bit, yeah.

• 46:39Speaker 03

  All right.

• 46:39Speaker 04

  A little bit. But, but I suppose, um, like it would, I mean, I.

• 46:47Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 46:49Speaker 04

  In a way, you're like, you know, I, I'm slightly flattered that I was considered like part of the entertainment. And then the theatre, so it was like Joe and a show.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  Joe and a show.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  So that's, uh, just a classic.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Do you reckon he's on, uh, uh, Tinder? Do you reckon he's on Tinder going, um.

• 47:11Speaker 04

  I think it.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  Fancy Joe and a show tonight, babe?

• 47:14Speaker 04

  Is it, is it like, um, yeah. Yeah, it's Netflix and chill, isn't it?

• 47:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. Joe and a show.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  Yeah. Um, yeah, no, this, this actually, um, this is true. And, and, um, yeah, it just, I, I, I'm oft, I, I wasn't. It took me a long time genuinely to clock on to the other element of the evening.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  I'll tell you something about you, Joe, and I love you, and you're one of my favourite people in the world. You're very, very intelligent. You're an intelligent guy. Well, you not got sunshine, street smarts.

• 47:44Speaker 04

  I think that's true.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  You're not got those at all whatsoever.

• 47:47Speaker 04

  No, I don't know. No.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  And then you end up in those situations. Next time, can you just talk to me first?

• 47:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  Just go, oh, some fan of the in betweeners. I've just played football against him. He wants to go for a pint. Should I do it or not? And I go, do you know what, mate? Leave it.

• 48:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. It was me and these, and this dad, basically.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, dates, weren't they?

• 48:17Speaker 04

  Dates. It was, it was, yeah, it was.

• 48:19Speaker 03

  Cause he had a different girl like a couple of weeks after it happened the first time. I can't believe you went back.

• 48:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. I know. Um.

• 48:27Speaker 03

  What did you say to Hannah?

• 48:29Speaker 04

  Oh, I.

• 48:31Speaker 03

  I gotta go, I'm, I'm out, I'm off out tonight.

• 48:33Speaker 04

  Hannah was, I mean, Hannah, Hannah would have been like, she's a lot more sensible than me.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:38Speaker 04

  She would have been like, probably what would have happened is that I just wouldn't have mentioned to begin with.

• 48:46Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 48:47Speaker 04

  Like, so it would have taken maybe a couple of times. And then Hannah would have said, what actually happens on these evenings? And I would have, and I would have said, well, it's just your normal evening, you know, me, him, um, and, and the woman. And then she would have been like, sorry.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  What was it you mean? And I said, well, no, he just always brings it all.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  Yeah. But your whole thing, your whole thing is, well, I said yes now.

• 49:08Speaker 04

  I know. I'm really bad.

• 49:09Speaker 03

  I've heard so many times where you've said that.

• 49:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  Where I've gone to you, don't, why are you doing that? Don't do that. And you go, well, I told him I would.

• 49:16Speaker 04

  I know.

• 49:17Speaker 03

  I go, well, so you can't.

• 49:20Speaker 04

  Sometimes in life, it seems as though.

• 49:22Speaker 03

  You're a man of your word. You've got to respect that.

• 49:25Speaker 04

  I'm like George Washington.

• 49:27Speaker 03

  You are. Cannot tell a lie. Did I give the WhatsApp number, Lily May?

• 49:31Speaker 05

  I think you did, but I don't know if you gave me the socials.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  I'll just go, I'll do, I'll do the WhatsApp number one more time. Uh, oh, seven, eight, two, two, zero, three, four, three, three, zero. Our socials are also Joe and James Pod.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  At Joe and James Pod.

• 49:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:44Speaker 04

  Although you're pushing back against the app, aren't you? You wanna see it. But I think you're a bit early to, to remove it entirely because it's still used.

• 49:50Speaker 03

  The app for me feels like if someone said to me, oh, uh, check out my website. It's W W W dot, right? Don't worry about the W W W.

• 50:00Speaker 04

  As well. W W W.

• 50:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:02Speaker 04

  It's so long.

• 50:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, world wide web.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  World wide web.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  I think world wide web is quicker than W W W.

• 50:07Speaker 04

  It genuinely is. Don't even get me started on fucking acronyms. Genuinely. If you use an acronym. To me that isn't fucking obvious. And I mean, like BBC level obvious.

• 50:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:17Speaker 04

  The, the use of acronyms when you know full well, the person you're talking to doesn't know the acronym.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  Are you having a go at Amy from last episode?

• 50:27Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  What?

• 50:28Speaker 05

  Fuck.

• 50:28Speaker 04

  No, that's great. No, she explained it. No, I'm not having a go. No, no, I'm, I'm talking about like, if you ring up somebody who's supposed to help you and they go like, um, um, that's all PRS now, mate. And you're like, you know, I don't know what that means.

• 50:40Speaker 03

  PRS, that's a guitar make, isn't it?

• 50:42Speaker 04

  Well, I don't know. But what I mean is they're also every acronym is everything because there's not that many letters. So every acronym is actually the acronym of like, twenty five different organisations. Just don't use them. Don't use them.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  So, yeah, so I had.

• 50:54Speaker 04

  Point never saves time because you have to explain what they mean anyway.

• 50:56Speaker 03

  I used to do, um, and I might bring it back. I don't know. Depends how I feel. I'm allowed to do whatever I want.

• 51:01Speaker 04

  You can do whatever you want.

• 51:02Speaker 03

  But I used to, I used to make a lot of, I used to make a lot of, um, video game content on YouTube.

• 51:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  And to lean in to the in betweeners and why people would know me, that sort of thing, and video games.

• 51:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:16Speaker 03

  I called my channel, completed it, mate.

• 51:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  And so for all my sort of like, my Xbox account and my PlayStation account and all these things, like if you, you know, if you're, if you're playing a game online.

• 51:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:29Speaker 03

  And you see someone's.

• 51:30Speaker 04

  You can see their avatar and their handle, isn't it?

• 51:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, their handle, right? Mine was C I M Buckley, right? And, uh, after a little while of doing this, someone pointed out to me that C I M, uh, is a sort of shorthand. If you, apparently you can look at porn or something on the internet. I wouldn't know.

• 51:53Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 51:54Speaker 03

  Right? Uh, but apparently you can, right? And C I M just means come in mouth.

• 52:02Speaker 03

  So, and I, and I'd like, like, all my accounts were all C I M Buckley. And he was like, well, like, that's it now.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  That's great. That's so good.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  And I, I think it's only until recently because of like, security issue, like, and, and because of like.

• 52:21Speaker 04

  Times you need to save if you're looking at porn. I haven't got time. See I am.

• 52:24Speaker 03

  See I am. See I am now. Cause you, you get straight home from work. You're just off the train and stuff and you just get, you get straight on. You go, see I am.

• 52:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Efficiency.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  Oh, that's good. Right. It's really going in the mouth there.

• 52:36Speaker 04

  God almighty.

• 52:37Speaker 03

  Straight in the mouth, please. Um.

• 52:40Speaker 04

  I mean.

• 52:40Speaker 03

  But yeah, you do have to be, you do have to be.

• 52:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:43Speaker 03

  Careful with the, with the old acronyms.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Buckley. Well, that's lovely. I went to Iceland recently.

• 52:48Speaker 03

  Yeah. Never been. I'd love to go to Iceland.

• 52:51Speaker 04

  Well, let me tell you about this. I, I went there and, um, I, um, it was, it was amazing. And like the, um, and I was, the first night I was, I was really, really tired. I didn't really know what was going on at any point. So basically we, I, I, I've travelled with, um, one other woman and I thought she was, she was one of the actors in it.

• 53:15Speaker 03

  What? So you were there for work?

• 53:16Speaker 04

  I was there for work.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  Right.

• 53:17Speaker 04

  Yeah. And, um, I met her at the airport and she was saying, she was sort of saying, oh, we haven't got a script through yet. And I was like, oh, I guess we'll just have to, we'll have to improvise stuff. She was like, yeah, I suppose so. And then on the plane, she was like, oh, you know, I, I think you've got a costume fitting when we're there. And I was kind of going, oh, fuck, it's a fucking costume.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:37Speaker 04

  Like at eight P M. And she was like, well, you're, you're first. And I was like, oh, no, well, you can, you can go first if you want. And she was like, didn't really say anything.

• 53:43Speaker 03

  Right.

• 53:44Speaker 04

  And then we got there and it turned out she wasn't one of the actors. She, she was costume. So like, I, so I went, so like, she, so I didn't, I didn't, I was, I didn't really know what was going on. I was tired. And then I was, I did the costume fitting.

• 53:56Speaker 03

  Did you say, oh shit?

• 53:57Speaker 04

  I was like, oh, fucking costume. What have we got? And I, that was, that was her. Um, and then, and then I went up to my hotel room. Um, went into the, uh, bathroom, shut the door. And then I thought of something that I wanted to write down on my phone. And I thought, I'll just go get my phone and just, door didn't open. And I was like, that's weird. So I kind of didn't, I didn't sort of panic. I,

• 54:27Speaker 04

  like, went to the toilet and then I had a shower and I was like, it'll probably be open now. I don't know why.

• 54:36Speaker 04

  And, and it was a sliding door.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:39Speaker 04

  You know those sliding doors where it has not much of a grip on the handle?

• 54:43Speaker 03

  You've got no pressure there, yeah.

• 54:44Speaker 04

  That's just not a fucking opening.

• 54:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:47Speaker 04

  And I was honestly like, well, this is a fucking disaster. I don't, I, I haven't got my phone. And what, my, my plan was, I was like, I'm gonna have to sleep in the bathroom. I have to sleep, I have to sleep here.

• 54:59Speaker 03

  Right.

• 54:59Speaker 04

  Like on the bath mat.

• 55:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:01Speaker 04

  And maybe get the shower curtain or something as a, as a, as a, as a thing. And I was like, and my part of my brain was going, you just need to shout help at the top of your voice. And I was like, I'm not fucking, I'm British. I'm not doing that. That's not, I'm not.

• 55:13Speaker 03

  Also, I just think no one would hear you.

• 55:15Speaker 04

  No one would hear me. And so basically what I had to do, after a while, I was like, I've got to fucking get out of it. And basically I.

• 55:22Speaker 03

  There's no window.

• 55:23Speaker 04

  No windows.

• 55:26Speaker 04

  I've got, I've got you in the palm of my hand.

• 55:32Speaker 04

  So you got to the point where I was like, I'm just gonna have to kind of bust out.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:37Speaker 04

  So I got the door and I basically just pushed with all my might and with my, I got my feet and I just pushed back. And basically, the whole door frame came away.

• 55:46Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 55:47Speaker 04

  And then I, I was really kind of worked up and panicked. And then I was just going down. I was like, I better go and tell someone from production. I was just going down there. But I was so kind of agitated. I was just telling everyone. I was like, I've just come out of my, I've just broken out of my hotel room. I've just, I was locked in my bathroom. I had to come out. And it was like people I didn't need to tell, people, people who didn't need to be told about it. Like people in the room, it was like, I've just been, I've just been locked in my bathroom. I had to break out. And, and then I got, and then eventually I told the producer and he was like, well, don't worry about it. And then I said, I said, I've had to break the lock to get out.

• 56:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:16Speaker 04

  But I think he didn't quite realise, like, it looked like I'd trashed the hotel room. Like, it looked like.

• 56:21Speaker 03

  Right.

• 56:22Speaker 04

  There were bits of timber just in the room that I'd just broken off the door. Cause I'd had to get out. It was, yeah, it was just there for the whole time. So it just looked like I trashed my, it looked like I'd trashed my room.

• 56:32Speaker 03

  You are pretty rock and roll though, isn't it?

• 56:33Speaker 04

  I'm pretty rock and roll. But it was weird. It was really, but then Hannah pointed out, so you said you were gonna sleep in the room. So what were you gonna do in the morning? And I was like, well, I'll get out then. She was like, what do you mean? It'll still be locked.

• 56:47Speaker 04

  And I was like, oh yeah, that'll be. I was like, I was like, well, it'll be unlocked in the morning.

• 56:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. It'll work itself out.

• 56:53Speaker 04

  It'll work itself out.

• 56:54Speaker 03

  It will unlock itself at some point.

• 56:56Speaker 04

  I always think that. It's like the way I thought, I thought that, I thought the COVID lockdown was gonna end on January the first. Cause I was like, well, it's a new year.

• 57:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, just start again.

• 57:03Speaker 04

  I mean, it's not gonna go on for.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's fresh.

• 57:05Speaker 04

  The disease won't go on beyond the thirty first of December.

• 57:07Speaker 03

  It's probably over now, but it'd be a good idea to just, just say January first.

• 57:11Speaker 04

  It'd be definitely be over January the first.

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