P*rn Has Lost The Plot

This Week Joe Thomas and James Buckley discuss why p*** has lost the plot, briefly become a true crime and then politics podcast and the get to the real reason Lawrence Oates' last words were 'I am just going outside and may be some time' Plus this week the Fact Boys look inside their brains to decide whether 50% of the population have an inner monologue. GET IN TOUCH: Whatsapp us - wa.me/447822034330 http://wa.me/447822034330 Fill in our Fact Up Form - https://forms.gle/uzF6XWPqaA5aNTtN7 Subscribe on Youtube - www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos http://www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos Follow us on Instagram - www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod http://www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod Follow us on TikTok - www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod http://www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:27Speaker 02

  What are you thinking about right now, John? This is going to be...

• 1:29Speaker 03

  I've still...

• 1:30Speaker 02

  That's gonna...

• 1:31Speaker 03

  No, don't...

• 1:32Speaker 02

  That will take about an hour and a half.

• 1:33Speaker 03

  No, don't ask that. I've still got a little bit of nail varnish on my thumb, which my daughter put on.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  Never had to do that. I've never had the...

• 1:41Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Practiced nail varnish on Dad or anything like that.

• 1:45Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  It's been sort of... I've had the opposite, where it's like...

• 1:54Speaker 02

  When you have boys, you basically create these little lads, these little mates of yours, right?

• 2:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  So it is literally things like,

• 2:05Speaker 02

  quick, like before mum comes, before mum turns up.

• 2:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Let's practise some wrestling moves.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  And I'm not fucking like,

• 2:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Getting them in headlocks and stuff.

• 2:17Speaker 03

  Oh, that's good.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Throwing them around the bedroom and all kinds of.

• 2:21Speaker 03

  I, when I was young with my cousins, one of my favourite things was literally like fights. Like it was always right on, right on the edge of somebody getting hurt.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  Actually, frankly, in the end, somebody would get hurt.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  It wouldn't be me, it would be one of my younger brothers. So it was, it was fine. But there is a kind of euphoria.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  That's the same, like, cause I've got two boys, they're, they're, they're similar age.

• 2:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  The pair of them, they, they turned up quite quickly.

• 2:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  And it is like, like we, we'll do, we'll be like WWF.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  On mine and Claire's bed.

• 2:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  And then one of them would get hurt. I'd be like, all right, shh, shh. All right. Listen, when mum comes, you've got to tell her that we're, that we're.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  We weren't.

• 3:00Speaker 03

  We weren't wrestling.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  Otherwise we're all gonna get in trouble, okay, boys?

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. I used to watch WWF. I used, I had a, I had a friend in my village. We didn't have, it must have been Sky, I suppose. And he didn't have Sky either, but his grandad would video it. And he, then my friend mate would have the videos and they'd be WWF. And I just used to think it was wonderful.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  Really?

• 3:35Speaker 03

  I just, it was so entertaining. It was so, it was so like, um.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  I couldn't really get, I couldn't get into it even when I was a kid. Cause I do, and I'm not like.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  Even when I was a child, I do remember thinking, it's interesting that this is a thing that men consume a lot.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  And quite a lot of the focus is on like male bodies.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  It's like.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  It's they're all oiled up and stuff.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  So homoerotic.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  I mean, it's genuinely.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  By the way, I'm not slagging off. I'm not one of those guys like, it's all fake, by the way, because I know that's not the point. I know that's not the point of it.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  No.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  I I appreciate that it's the that it's it's essentially a soap opera.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  Yes, exactly.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Um, and loads of people are into soap operas and and there are loads of reasons why people are into that.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  And loads of people are into reality TV.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, and all that sort of stuff.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  You don't need to go around to them being like, oh, you know, they're not really, you know, we know that, we know, yeah, like it.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  But so so I.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  It's a form of play. It's like role play.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  I never turned my nose up here. The only thing I couldn't understand was was like, in EastEnders, they'll be in the Vic or they'll be in the Cath or they'll be having a private conversation in the in someone's living room or something like that. Whereas all this happened in a ring in front of.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  And they'd be like, I've got an idea.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Me and you team up.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  And and we're and don't tell the other guy and we'll be able to win. And I'd be like, well, surely he's watching this as well. And also, you're on a microphone, so you might be able to hear it backstage or something.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  At least go off mic.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:12Speaker 03

  Turn the mic off.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  That was even when I was like a ten year old boy, I was like, I'm not buying this. I just don't.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, yes.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  I hate that it's called WWE now as well.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  That WWF sign, the one with the blue sort of metallic writing. Like I say, even though I wasn't into it, it does sort of, uh, it does sort of evoke memories of being a child and.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Strange that it had the same initials as the Worldwide Fund for Nature.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  That's the problem. So they said you can't keep calling it WWF. They said, you know, the logo with the little panda on it.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Was it when Kung Fu Panda came out? Because were they like, were they like, there's no crossover? And they were like, well, there is now because of Kung Fu Panda?

• 5:53Speaker 02

  No. Oh, is that what it was? I don't know. Anyway.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  Well, not necessarily, but I just thought, because presumably the wrestlers were like, look, we're not getting into the

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:01Speaker 03

  animals game. You guys presumably aren't going to get into the wrestling game. And they were like, fine. But then Kung Fu Panda, they're like, oh, we are now in the wrestling game. Because of our fighting panda. I don't I don't think it is.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  No, no, no, it does make sense. That does feel like some sort of legal loophole that I, um. A lawyer.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  But you're right that it's it's.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  That would get paid to to make up that kind of shit.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's it you it is.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  I say I say fair play to lawyers. Cause you've got to go through loads of school and all that sort of stuff. And it is just fucking nonsense. Like, whenever you see, like, no, I'm not talking about criminal lawyers, by the way, that's genuinely important, isn't it? You do go, well, the only people making money out of this situation is all those lawyers. They're laughing all the way to the bank.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  And it's costing everyone else a load of money just to sort of clear their name or whatever.

• 6:54Speaker 03

  I think.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  But I do, but I also say fair play to them, because, you know, they're smart. I'd do it if I could, but I can't.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  I think that my issue with trials is that nobody's really trying to work out. None of the professionals are trying to work out what happened. There's one professional whose job is to say, this person is an angel. And there's another professional whose job is to say this person is a devil.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  And then the jury are supposed to come up with a balanced view in between the two. And I know this is ridiculous, but I feel like I'd rather if both the people were just trying to work out what happened. Rather than, because clearly this is wrong and this is wrong. So it's like, we're going to tell you two stories, both of them are clearly wrong. And then you tell us what the true story is based on two basically quite unhelpful wrong stories.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  But well, I mean, I've got a slightly different point of view of that because it's because of the woman that I'm married to. And, uh, and I'm, I am literally friends with someone that was on death row for 18 years.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  Bloody hell.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Um, for something that he didn't ever do.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  And so I can understand the importance of having someone going, someone going like, listen, we don't know what happened.

• 8:07Speaker 03

  Oh, God, I'm completely.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  All we know is that this this this bloke didn't do it. Like, I don't, whatever happened, that's up to you, but we know, I'm here to tell you this bloke didn't do it.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, and presumably in that case, this person, the lawyer really believed that the person hadn't done it. And therefore them saying this person didn't do it was literally them trying to say the truth.

• 8:28Speaker 02

  This is how bizarre, um, the, especially the US, um, uh, procedure is justice, whatever you want to call it. Is that this guy, um, once there was like overwhelming evidence that he didn't. It was like a triple murder, like three kids or something like that. Once they, once it was like, oh, it's, hmm, it's looking very like he didn't do it at all whatsoever. And throughout those 18 years, he was obviously, um, he actually got like a load of, um, uh, celebrities were really interested in his story, like Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  And Peter Jackson did a whole documentary on, um, it's called West of Memphis. I think it's on Netflix.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think I.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  And it's really, really interesting. And, uh, and it's clear that he didn't kill some children.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  He was only guilty of like listening to Metallica and wearing a leather jacket. That was what he was guilty of, basically.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  Sometimes you seen in American trials, this is only based on me watching television, but you seem to run up against what is an incredibly conservative kind of cultural palette almost.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  Sort of Bible, Bible belt, sort of, um, deep south, um, mentality.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  But they really do think that if you listen to.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Someone needed to be blamed because it was, it was like absolutely destroyed this community, this thing could happen. It was, it was very clearly not this guy and his friends that did it. And, uh, but the, the really sad thing about it is, is that the, the state just went, right? Cause it was about to come to trial again.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  Because, uh, of, of all this new evidence that had come out that really just exonerated the bloke. Like it was, it was just clearly not him.

• 10:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  And, uh, so the state was like, shit, um, tell you what, right? And, and also his execution date was coming up. So they had him by the balls on that.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  I can't believe he was genuinely executed.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  He was on death row. His execution date was coming up. They didn't, because all these things take years, take years and years and years. So, um, and so they were like, tell you what, if you say you did it, we'll let you go.

• 10:41Speaker 02

  So that the state can go.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  It's sticking the core a bit, wouldn't it?

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  If you hadn't done it.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  The state can go, case closed.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  We did our job. You also can't sue us for wrongful, um, you know, like all that sort of stuff.

• 10:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  And, and you're free to go. But anyone on the outside would be like, if you, well, if you think he did it, then why don't you just go?

• 11:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  Like, no, we'll go to trial again.

• 11:06Speaker 03

  It's weird that they are.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Like, yeah.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  The state were like, tell you what, right, because we're going to get in a lot of trouble for this.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  If you just say you did it, just tell them, tell them.

• 11:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. So the state are saying to their people, um, we're going to let a murderer go. That's their story.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's weird that, isn't it?

• 11:24Speaker 02

  Oh, it's fucked, man. It's absolutely fucked. And also The Jinx as well. That's a great documentary. That just showed me that if you live in America and you've got enough money, you can do whatever you want.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  If you've got enough money, everything is just shopping.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? It's like, what are you buying?

• 11:39Speaker 02

  If you're.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  I'm buying, uh, getting off a murder.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. If you're wealthy and powerful enough to get the best lawyers and things like that, you can just.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  You can get away with murder a few times.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know. Yeah.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Before you then do a documentary and accidentally leave your microphone on while you go to the toilet.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  I know. I mean, honestly, yeah.

• 12:01Speaker 03

  I mean, you can't say, they tried, they, they tried to let him off. They really did try. They were like, oh, stop saying it.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  So, yeah, there's some recommendations for you.

• 12:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  West of Memphis is a really good documentary and, um, The Jinx, which I think is on HBO.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  Um, yeah.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  Which will be on Sky Atlantic in this, in our country, I think.

• 12:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, maybe Now TV as well.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  Now TV, yeah. Have you seen The Jinx?

• 12:29Speaker 04

  I have not.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  You'd love it, Lily May. You'd be well into it. Yeah, it's ridiculous. It's so stupid.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  It's, yeah, it's, um.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  I think, yeah, it is so stupid.

• 12:38Speaker 04

  Okay, noted.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  Even me just saying that bit then, like, I feel like that, that's just going to get people to go, well, I want to watch this now. It's not like giving away anything at all or whatever.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Right, podcast time. Welcome to Joe and James Fact Up, where each week, don't drink, don't take a big swig just before you do something that you're supposed to read. Each week, we will bring one another a fact that we deem interesting. Our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is. We'll also dig into weird things that you'd like to think are true, but don't want to research in a segment we're calling Fact Check. What episode is this, by the way?

• 13:28Speaker 04

  This is episode 19.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Interesting. If you want to send us facts or something that you might think, you know, make us confused.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Or just anything?

• 13:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, something that would interest us.

• 13:41Speaker 03

  Just something that will just trigger anything at all, really.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, we need it.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  Or some themes, themes for facts?

• 13:46Speaker 02

  Themes for facts, yeah. Like, you know, can you two boys come up with a fact about this? That'd be great. Our email is hello at joandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330. And you can follow us on socials at joandjamespod. And you can watch all our full episodes on YouTube. Just search for Joe and James Fact Up. Now, let's get fact up.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  How are you doing, JT?

• 14:14Speaker 03

  I'm all right. Yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  I mean, I've asked you, this is the third time today I've asked you that question.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, I, yeah, I'm, you know, do you remember when we did those two podcasts just now?

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, sort of.

• 14:24Speaker 03

  No, not really, no. We couldn't recall whether we'd said yes or no to the fact check. On something that happened that day.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  No, it was the blowing the smoke up the arse, which turned out to be fact. We were wrong. We were wrong. We said that's not fact.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  Turned out to be completely fact.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  We can be wrong. Even the greats make mistakes.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  Nothing wrong with saying I made a mistake.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Nothing wrong at all.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  I think we're.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  I think we're all too scared. I'd love a politician to just go, yeah, we fucked up on that one.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  I know.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Like, I would just trust them more.

• 14:57Speaker 03

  I know.

• 14:57Speaker 02

  Instead of like spinning it to be like, like, you know, when you get Paxman going, answer the question, da, da, da. I want them to just go, well, I mean, you're asking me a question. I can't, I'll be honest with you, mate. I can't give you the answer.

• 15:09Speaker 03

  Sometimes they're going, so you can't guarantee that it's going to be okay. But can you give the people that guarantee? Or they just want to guarantee that it's going to be okay? And you're like, that's really unreasonable.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:21Speaker 03

  Why are you doing like, you're deliberately asking, I think there's a certain type of journalist, you think that they think that like the apogee of journalism is being the person who's going, I must ask again the same question. Like, by the way, no one's impressed by that anymore. Like, it's not, they deliberately get themselves into situations where they end up asking the same question. And you're like, yeah, I know you think that's like the tops, that's like top journalism.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  I think it's on the, uh, the Know Me Know You radio show where, uh, Partridge has a politician on about bus fare in Norwich or something.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  And, um, and he's like, well, you said that the bus fare wouldn't go up, whereas in fact it has gone up, da, da, da. And she's like, well, we, you know, we're taking into account inflation and da, da, da, da. So it's, you know, so has it gone up? Yes or no?

• 16:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Yes or no, mate? It is, it's a simple question. Has bus fares gone up? And then she goes, well, yes, I suppose it has gone up. Right. Well, there you go. There you go, ladies and gentlemen. That was me, Alan Partridge, making a politician admit to something that they, uh,

• 16:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  Change it, change it, like, something that they previously said wasn't going to happen.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. It's that. It is that.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  We need to be able to just sort of give, give each other a break a bit more.

• 16:29Speaker 03

  I know. And also like, if we want better people in politics,

• 16:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  don't, don't make being a politician such a fucking hell on earth job.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  We spoke about this years ago, me and you.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  But like, we may, like,

• 16:38Speaker 02

  We both, we both came to the conclusion that anyone that's actually half decent, like, don't, does, just doesn't naturally have the ingredients that they need. To get into a position, because you need to be able to backstab and walk over some dead bodies and things like that.

• 16:54Speaker 03

  You also need to be able to operate without any sense of shame.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  Sort of, yeah, psychopathic almost.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, like a decent, any decent person has shame.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:03Speaker 03

  So that's then identified by the press as a weakness.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  And then is used to drive you out.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  Drive who out? All the decent people.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 03

  Well done, press.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  We need to do in politics to make it a bit sexier is um, is move out of Downing Street.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  Like, cause you look at the White House and it's a great big fucking building there.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  It's less of it now, isn't it? Knocked part of it down.

• 17:27Speaker 02

  But you're like, that's.

• 17:27Speaker 04

  It's, it's the rest is facts today, isn't it?

• 17:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  That's iconic, that's iconic and all that, like the White House, like you look at that.

• 17:35Speaker 03

  It is iconic, yeah. I've never even seen Downing Street. I don't know where it is. It's up some little alley.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  You can't look at it. You can, you can stand outside the street that it's on.

• 17:44Speaker 03

  I can't get near it. They won't let me get near it. Every day I try and get over those gates.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  It's just a terrace house, isn't it?

• 17:50Speaker 03

  A terrace house. Yeah, it's a terrace house in London.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  Also, here's a little fact.

• 17:54Speaker 03

  Good location.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  Just getting back to, yeah, oh, it's prime location.

• 17:56Speaker 03

  Prime location.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  It's right, you, you're walking distance from.

• 17:59Speaker 04

  It's the Prime Minister location.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  Westminster.

• 18:01Speaker 03

  Prime Minister location, exactly, yeah.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  You've got, um.

• 18:05Speaker 03

  You've got buzzy Soho seconds away.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, you've got St James's Park. You could walk to there every day.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  It is good. Yeah, it is, it is location, location, location.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  It is, isn't it?

• 18:14Speaker 02

  I wonder how much it would be cost to buy Downing Street, ten Downing Street.

• 18:19Speaker 03

  I think ten million pounds.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Do you know there's not a key to then ten Downing Street?

• 18:25Speaker 03

  I think I possibly did know that.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  Just bringing it back to the, to.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  And there's no, um.

• 18:31Speaker 03

  You can't.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  There's something about the door.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 18:36Speaker 03

  It's probably what you just said, but I think it was something else.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  There's no key. There's no key to get in. There's always a security guard.

• 18:41Speaker 03

  There's no door handle or something. Is it that?

• 18:42Speaker 02

  They, they, they have to let you in and out.

• 18:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  Someone lets you in and out. So even if you lived there, you couldn't just pop out to the co-op or something.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  No. You can't leave the key under the mat, can you?

• 18:54Speaker 02

  No.

• 18:54Speaker 03

  If you're the Prime Minister, you're like, just pop it under there.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:56Speaker 03

  No one's gonna know.

• 18:58Speaker 03

  Just leave it there for like the

• 19:00Speaker 02

  I think we would do that in this country.

• 19:02Speaker 03

  We would do, yeah.

• 19:05Speaker 03

  I respect that.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  I feel like, I feel like burglars would get into

• 19:09Speaker 03

  Downing Street.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Downing Street, like, oh, I left the fucking key.

• 19:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  Someone found it. It was one of those rocks. It looks like a rock, but it's just, it's just a bit of plastic.

• 19:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  There's a thing under it.

• 19:19Speaker 03

  But it looks, it looks loads like a rock.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, it does, right?

• 19:22Speaker 03

  Yeah. I really didn't think.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  But no, there's no key. You can't, um, the, the, uh, the Prime Minister doesn't have the keys to his own house.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  Ain't that a metaphor?

• 19:35Speaker 02

  There you go. Oh, yeah. Fucking hell, we're stirring up some shit in this. This is all gonna get clipped up.

• 19:42Speaker 03

  Wouldn't like, wouldn't like to be the Prime Minister right now.

• 19:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 04

  Smokes him.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  He's gonna start feeling the heat.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  He's been roasted.

• 19:50Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  Right, um, so you're doing okay though, Joe?

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm all right, yeah. I'm fine. Right.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Why, why do you never ask me how I'm doing?

• 19:59Speaker 03

  I don't know, you just asked me. Well, I think we know why. It's because I'm, I think people assume that I'm the one who's more likely to be.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  You're on the edge there, aren't you?

• 20:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, on the edge, yeah.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  Um, anyway, you've been sending, uh, some real fact up stuff for us. Um, we've got, oh, it's anonymous.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  Right.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  This is gonna be good. If it's from someone that won't even put their names or something.

• 20:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, I've already scanned this and I can tell that this is, I can see why this is anonymous.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Right.

• 20:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  Some of the weird shit that we get sent to us and they put their name to it.

• 20:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:32Speaker 02

  If you're not even, uh, gonna give us your name.

• 20:36Speaker 04

  I also don't know what prompted this either.

• 20:40Speaker 03

  No, this has just been sent in.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  Doesn't matter. I've seen, I've seen the words shit and poo.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  Just scanning it there. So this is right in our wheel, wheelhouse. Um, what do you want? Do you wanna read it, Joe? Or shall I read it or?

• 20:52Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  I can, I'm happy to read it.

• 20:55Speaker 03

  All right, you read it.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  I'll read it.

• 20:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:57Speaker 02

  Um, good evening, Joe and James.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  Good evening.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  I have a fact about me. This is from anonymous. I have to travel ninety miles to work every other day. So before I set in the car, set off in the car, I make sure to have been to the toilet brackets, take a shit.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  Thanks.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Um. One particular morning, I thought I would be safe to not go. I think he means to have a shit.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Not go to work.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  No, that's what I thought. Um. I was wrong, very wrong. It took me thirty minutes to figure out I should have gone for a morning poo, but I still thought I could hold it in. Thirty more minutes passed and I'm on the edge of my driving seat, grabbing the steering wheel for dear life, thinking how I, how am I going to clean my seats after I've shit all over them? And what, um, what I'm gonna be able to wear for work and what people are gonna think of me. I managed to get through the work gates, yes, but as soon as I pull up to the front door at work, I open the car door and my arse gives in. I shit the fattest, fattest poo.

• 22:07Speaker 02

  This is so childish.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  Doesn't take a lot.

• 22:16Speaker 03

  Oh dear.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  Um. I shit the fattest poo, all in my pants and down my leg. I run through work, trailing shit along the floor. As I go into the shower.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  There's a shower at work.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  That's good. Well, you got to. I would say this, right? If you are, um, a head of industry or you have a, you own a place of employment or something like that.

• 22:43Speaker 03

  I love this head of industries, Matt, workers are coming in just with like shit.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  Just make sure you've got a shower for your, for your, for your workers.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  For when your workers shit themselves.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um. I always now drive a spare pair, uh, spare pair of clothes in the car, just in case of another shit show drive. Um. I can relate to that. I'll be honest with you. Um. I was, uh, like for the early, for the first few years that I was with Claire, I'd be constantly like coming back from London, on the train. Just, I'd be on the phone, so I was just going, it's like, this is it. This is gonna happen. Like, I need a shit so bad. This is the, this is when it's gonna happen now. I'm gonna shit myself. And it got to a point, um, where Claire would pack a little bag for me and put some pants in it for. For me, whenever, whenever I would leave the house to go to London.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:32Speaker 04

  That's love. That's beautiful.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  I think so, yeah.

• 23:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Um, and I do appreciate that. Thanks, Chloe. She doesn't listen to this. I know for a fact she doesn't. Um.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  That's a fact.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  That's a fact.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  I don't know what we're supposed to take from that.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  No, I don't. I mean, it's a fact. I mean, I.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  It's a good message.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  I don't know how I went from thinking he didn't need a shit at all to.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  I don't know what it is about me, but my, I, I can go from naught to sixty really quickly. I can be like, oh, I don't need a shit to, I'm gonna shit myself like any second now. Like r- really, really quickly.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  My body doesn't give me a heads up. Sometimes it does, to be fair. Sometimes it's like, sometimes I can feel my body and I'm like, I've got forty five minutes.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 24:25Speaker 02

  Because, um.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  Cause sometimes, well, because sometimes I get quite bored on the toilet. Sometimes I go like, I need a shit. And I go to the toilet and I'm there for fucking ages.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  And, uh, and I've sort of learned

• 24:41Speaker 02

  that when that feeling kicks in, it's like, oh, I need a shit. And then I sort of go, well, it's like labor. I just mean how, um, they say, like, don't come in straight away as soon as you're having contractions. Like, wait until it's like, they're, they're this.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  So you'll get to the toilet forty five minutes early?

• 25:01Speaker 02

  That's what I've, I've been doing for a long time in my life. So now I've sort of learned. No, I don't need to go in just yet. I can, um, you know, hold off, have, sit in the bath or whatever.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  Sure. But listen to some classical music.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, just sort of.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Centre.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Maybe lean up against a wall for a little bit and just breathe. Um, and I know, but then sometimes my body's like, oh, sorry, mate. We fucking, we dropped the ball on this one. You're gonna have to go right this second.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  And I'll be at a function or something like that. I mean, I do carry wet wipes with me wherever, wherever I go.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  At a function?

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Pretty much, yeah.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  What's, no, but what, what's a function?

• 25:48Speaker 02

  I don't know. I don't know. Some sort of.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  Charity ball or something.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Some sort of gala.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Some sort of gala. The Met Ball.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  I'd love that.

• 25:57Speaker 03

  Here he comes. What are those? Oh, just his wet wipes.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  That's uh, that's fine.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  But I, I, I, I do, um, the only times that I've shit myself in recent history.

• 26:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:11Speaker 02

  Is because I thought it was a fart.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  And I don't wanna sort of quote the in-betweeners, but.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  I thought it was, I thought it was a fart, sir.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  I thought it was safe.

• 26:20Speaker 03

  I thought it was safe.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's the only times I've shit myself, like, like it's ne- I've never done like a turd.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  I've ne- I like.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, yeah, all right.

• 26:30Speaker 02

  I've never laid a brick, like, in my pants or something like that.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  Well.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  It's always been, it's always.

• 26:35Speaker 03

  You still going for the New Year's honours or?

• 26:39Speaker 03

  Just, uh.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  I've had, I've had this conversation with Claire, I've been like, we, we've been together for like, you know, fifteen, sixteen years now, I've maybe shit myself four times.

• 26:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, and so she feels, she's a lucky lady.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  And I'm always like, why do you hold this sort of like holier-than-thou moral ground over me because I've shit myself a couple of times while we've been together?

• 27:03Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, it is, she's a real, um.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  Like, that's once every, like, couple of years, every three years or so.

• 27:09Speaker 03

  She's been far too pious, isn't she?

• 27:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  And she, she's like, well, I haven't shit myself once. And I'm like, well, it's great for you up in that fucking tower.

• 27:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  Why don't you come down here with, with us normal folk? That shit ourselves every once in a while.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Exactly, exactly.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Oh, there's a donut, there's a donut box. Yeah.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 27:34Speaker 02

  Oh, I've spoken about, this is out on the internet, this is, I've spoken about this on, on other podcasts as well. I did, I had to take a shit in a donut box once.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  That's it. You can look that up. So just type in Google, James Buckley donut box. And you're everything you need to know will be there.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Right.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Joe.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  Right, I've got a fact for you. It is Valentine's. What, when, what's the date?

• 28:07Speaker 04

  So today is the 10th.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Right.

• 28:09Speaker 04

  Valentine's is the 14th, so it's this week coming up.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  So my fact for you, Joe. Valentine's Day was linked to a pagan sex festival. And the church panic rebranded it. Um, before Valentine's Day was about love, it was closely tied to an ancient Roman festival called Lupercalia. A fertility celebration held in mid-February. Young men ran naked through Rome.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  Keep talking.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  Um, the early Christian church hated it, obviously.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  So they sort of hijacked it.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, and they made it more.

• 28:47Speaker 02

  They did what they did best. They rebranded it.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Um.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  But I like that it was a pagan, it was a pagan ritual. Is pagan just code for anything?

• 29:00Speaker 03

  Pre-Christian.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  Pre-Judo.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  Judeo-Christian.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, and I think more normally just pre-Christian as well. But yeah, I think it's, yeah.

• 29:11Speaker 02

  What's the, uh, there is a, uh, what I suppose would be classed as pagan. It's still practising. Astro.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Zoroastrianism.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  Zoroastrianism. It's the longest, uh, still practising religion.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Is that right, Lily May? Queen Lily May?

• 29:33Speaker 02

  Oldest practising religion.

• 29:35Speaker 04

  And here we go, because we have Hinduism that comes into it.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  Hinduism's very old.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  Um.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  And then you've got Buddhism that came after that.

• 29:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:42Speaker 02

  There was an offshoot of Hinduism.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  Let's have a look at this for you.

• 29:47Speaker 03

  Could just look up Zoroastrianism.

• 29:50Speaker 04

  Yes, that's what I'm doing. I was just trying to find a good spelling for it.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 29:53Speaker 04

  Apparently it is still practiced today, but it's small and shrinking with a population under a hundred thousand.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Small and shrinking?

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Hmm, that's me.

• 30:03Speaker 03

  That's shame.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  That's me, baby.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  I'm the Zoroastrianism of men. Basically, um, Valentine's was hijacked by a Christian. It was, it was a Christian attempt to sort of put a nice hat on. Which was basically a big old fucking Audrey in Rome.

• 30:26Speaker 03

  It does seem that, it does seem that way, doesn't it?

• 30:28Speaker 02

  Did have it awful lot in Rome, didn't they? They were very liberal. They were super liberal. And it didn't matter, you could like, you know.

• 30:37Speaker 03

  Well, they were certainly liberal in.

• 30:39Speaker 02

  Just everyone getting involved, men, women, didn't matter. All that sort of stuff.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I get prejudiced with what, what your sort of status was within the.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  How comes we're so sort of repressed and stuff? Like, cause it is weird, like, I think, was it like the six, like it was up until the sixties or it was illegal to be gay or something?

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  Mental. Whereas like you go back a few thousand years, you had like fucking the emperor and stuff, just.

• 31:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think it was homosexuality was, was, was sort of. It kind of, it had an ambiguous relationship. Like to polite society where it was like you. It wasn't quite cut and dried. It was, it was almost as though there was a kind of.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  It just.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  The dial, there was a dialing up of intolerance towards it at the end of the Victorian era.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  Um.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  Ironically, what, you know, like, uh, up until sort of recently, what was considered natural, the Romans were like, yeah, this is all really natural.

• 31:38Speaker 03

  Yeah. I can't quite, I, I, I simply don't.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  We're into what we're in, fucking, we're, we're having a laugh, we're enjoying ourselves.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, the idea that you make a physical act between consenting adults.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  Illegal seems completely bonkers. I don't even know what that, I didn't, what the fuck are you talking about? It's like trying to make a sneeze illegal or something like, like what, genuinely, what, what are you on? Like, what are you on? It's ridiculous. I don't, I mean, it's, um, I don't, yeah, it's, I genuinely, I don't understand it.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  So that's my fact for you.

• 32:16Speaker 03

  Well done. Well, I didn't, yeah, unbelievable.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Valentine's Day, just a big old sex festival.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  It is time for fact check. We'll be reading a fact or question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of. Then we're gonna have a good old think during the break there and we'll just, we'll come back and let you know if it feels true to us.

• 32:36Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 32:36Speaker 02

  This week's fact checked comes from Tia, who's asked us, is it true that 50% of people have an inner voice and monologue and the other have no inner voice and that's just silent? Oh no, this has freaked me out. Let's go for a little break and then, and then we'll get, oh God, then we'll get into the, get to the bottom of this. See you in a sec.

• 33:03Speaker 05

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• 33:37Speaker 01

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• 34:32Speaker 06

  Welcome to 215 Maple Drive. We just put this property on the market. Love the crown molding. Oh, wait until you see the walk-in closets and the bathroom tile. Does it have Verizon FiOS? You know, 100% fiber internet. No FiOS, but it looks like it's got cable. Let's check out the kitchen. No FiOS? Yeah, no, thank you. Don't you want to see the rest? Okay, bye-bye.

• 34:57Speaker 07

  Get Verizon FiOS because when you're moving, it's 100% or nothing.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Right, welcome back to Joe and James Fact Up. Just before the break there, we were fact checking on behalf of Tia, who's asked us, is it true that 50% of people have an inner voice and monologue and the other have no inner voice and is just silent? Right, this is, like, I do. I talk, I have sentences in my brain. It's not conceptual. I have conversations in my brain. I'm like, I talk through the sentences in real time. It happened to me on stage where I forgot my line and I didn't even forget my line. Like, you can forgive, like, someone not coming in with their line off the back of someone else's line.

• 35:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:47Speaker 02

  I was halfway through a monologue that I'd been doing for ages and ages and ages. And then I was just like, stopped, talking, and I was just like, oh no, oh no, I've forgotten the rest of all this stuff. Like, I'd already, like, got into it.

• 36:02Speaker 03

  And your monologue is, is something like, um...

• 36:08Speaker 03

  James comes onto the stage and begins to do the play as he did last night and.

• 36:13Speaker 02

  No, I mean an actual monologue. It was like the whole set, it wasn't me interacting with someone, it was like three or four pages of me just talking, driving the scene.

• 36:23Speaker 03

  Oh, I see, sorry, I understand, yeah.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  I wasn't just coming back to someone's line.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  And you just forgot your line?

• 36:28Speaker 02

  And I, no, no, but I'd got, I'd started my line, I was like three minutes into it.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  And it just dried up?

• 36:33Speaker 02

  And then I was just like, oh no, it's gone. And then I was like, well, I've been doing this for ages now, so I know, I know what I'm trying to say, just, just, just fucking riff it a little bit, you know, you're fine. You know, you know what you're trying to do. And I was like, right, so what am I trying to do? And I was like, I can't remember. And then I was like, well, you've got to say something now, just say anything, just say some words. And I looked into my brain. And it was just black. It was just, it was like, it was just a dark emptiness. And I couldn't think of any words at all whatsoever. And I was like, oh shit. And then someone else in the cast, who was really great, was like, prompted me a bit.

• 37:18Speaker 03

  That's good.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  And, and helped me on my way there. Um, and we came off stage and I was like, oh, that was a disaster, wasn't it? And they're like, it wasn't that bad. I was like, what? I was like, I felt like I was on stage for about an hour, just not saying anything. They're like, I think it was about six seconds.

• 37:36Speaker 03

  That is extraordinary.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  But in my, but I was just like. I just wanted to disappear, I just wanted the ground to swallow me up and to just disappear. But in, in all the time. That I was saying to you, what I was just saying there.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Come on, you know what you're saying, just think of something, think of some words. I was saying all those sentences in my head.

• 38:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  I was having this conversation in real time in my head and that's why it felt like it was taking forever for me to sort of think of something.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  It's hard to know how long things take when we have those imagined dialogues.

• 38:10Speaker 02

  I'm constantly in my head.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  You know, when you suddenly, sometimes I can, I can, if it was a song I know really well, I can kind of go.

• 38:17Speaker 03

  And I can get to the end of it.

• 38:20Speaker 03

  Like, sometimes I'm humming a song in my head and my brain tries to skip ahead like, no, hang on, we're not, no. We haven't reached the chorus yet. Don't start do- doing the chorus already in my head. I think you can, um, it can be hard to know how long it.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  I'll eat something and my brain will go, oh, that tastes nice.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Will it? Yeah.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  I won't just have a feeling. I won't just have a sort of feeling that you can't put words to. All of my feelings are, are a con- are a conversation with my head.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  So I, I definitely have an inner monologue. I do have a voice in my head.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  What I have in my head is a rulebook. And I add a new rule to it every time I hear a rule. Anything, any rule I hear, I'm like, okay.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  Put that in.

• 39:09Speaker 03

  And eventually I try and make it so all the rules can be.

• 39:17Speaker 03

  Combined together into one kind of grand.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  I remember years ago you describing your brain to me as a computer, um, that sometimes you need to format.

• 39:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's right. You have to go in and kind of, they'll be like, I'll be like, I need to debug a line of code and I'll go and be like. Oh, it's that. Okay. So that, that should be outside the brackets, but actually it's in the brackets.

• 39:38Speaker 02

  And then sometimes when you need to get to a thought, you go to, um, this PC, C drive. Um, program files.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  Like, that's how I get to a thought, a, a memory or something sometimes.

• 39:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Why are you telling me that?

• 39:54Speaker 03

  No, I think it is, I am.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  And I get very upset if two rules seem to contradict each other.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  Right. Oh, that's it. Yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  Cause it's like, well.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  You're gonna have to reformat, restore to factory settings, start again.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  You have to kind of.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Restore from iCloud back up, um, from a few days ago.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, or it's more like you just have to kind of, um.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  Sort of step back, basically.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  Uh, and try and.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  I don't, I don't know.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  That's fine. Just leave it at that. Just finish with that. I don't know.

• 40:36Speaker 03

  No, I'm just trying to think, I'm trying to think what it is. So, um.

• 40:40Speaker 03

  I know what people mean by an inner monologue, but mine isn't exactly an inner monologue. It's more like a kind of

• 40:47Speaker 03

  constant process of checking for like errors.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  Right.

• 40:52Speaker 03

  Uh, to see whether the different templates I've got of the world can actually be laid on top of each other.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Or whether they conflict.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  Or whether they conflict, or they conflict, yeah, whether they contradict each other. And.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Well, I think we've, I, I think just between me and Joe talking right now is that we've.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  We both have inner monologues.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  Oh, we do. Cause you said you didn't. I feel like you're in a monologue.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  It's an inner something. I mean, I don't, I don't know what, it, it, it's a.

• 41:19Speaker 04

  Is your mind like peep show? That's, that's an inner monologue.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  Oh, I see.

• 41:23Speaker 04

  My, I'm, I'm peep show. Yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 03

  Mine isn't.

• 41:28Speaker 04

  You haven't got an inner monologue then.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  So there we go. We've got 50% of us.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  So it's true.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Just say right now, between me and you.

• 41:36Speaker 03

  It really isn't peep show. It's like, it's, when, when it's peep show, that's when something's going wrong. Like, I'm, I'm basically trying to keep it quiet.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Like, in my, my head. My head does go like, I'll be sitting there in silence and my head does go, oh no, that's no good.

• 41:53Speaker 04

  Yeah. Heckling yourself.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, constantly. My, my, my brain hates me.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  That's what I was saying, like, I, like, I can't be alone with my mind. I can't, like, I've got to have something on the TV to fall asleep to. Like, all my brain does is like, oh, you're an idiot. You're a fucking idiot, mate. Do you remember when you did that 15 years ago? Cause I, cause I remember. And I go, well, thanks, brain. Cheers for that.

• 42:23Speaker 03

  I don't think our brains are very good at the kind of middle of the road life stuff. I think they're quite good at like zero stress or they're quite good at like panic.

• 42:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  Like one thing, something that's been said about me, I, I, I, this isn't a joke, is that I'm good in a crisis.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:39Speaker 03

  Like when it's actually just terrible.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  I'm the same. I'm the same.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Oh, that's fine then.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  When the shit hits the fan, I'm like, I, I turn into like some kind of fucking military operation where I'm like, right. This is what's happening. These are our options now. We can do this, this or this. This one might cause a problem further down the road, but we can, we can, we, it will get us through this bit and we can worry about that bit, that, that's. Like, I'm really good at rationalising that sort of stuff. However, if, um, the delivery driver's forgotten to bring my chips with my food, I'm like, well, that's it, the fucking, well, that's it.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  It's all over.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  But I think also.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  I don't know how I'm ever gonna be able to get over this.

• 43:18Speaker 03

  But I also think one of the nice things about a crisis is a very, very good sorter of things into stuff that doesn't matter and stuff that does matter.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:26Speaker 03

  And for me, one of the huge frustrations of life is not being able to work out whether I should try and deal with something or whether I should accept it.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  And there's that famous, the, the, I believe it's called the serenity prayer, which is like.

• 43:40Speaker 02

  Serenity now.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  To accept the things I can't change, the courage to change it I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And that's always the thing where it's like.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  That's the alcoholics.

• 43:47Speaker 03

  That's the big, yes, it's the AA, it's the AA prayer. I don't quite know why it's the AA prayer, but cause I mean, I don't know why it specifically, but like.

• 43:54Speaker 02

  The thing about the AA or, or any kind of.

• 43:57Speaker 03

  The AA.

• 43:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like, should I leave that flat tyre or?

• 44:02Speaker 02

  They're always so drunk.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  They're also drunk when they turn up.

• 44:07Speaker 03

  You gotta call the right one, haven't you? That's, that's, that's really the problem because they're like, we really can't help you with that. That's very. And you're like, yeah, but I think it, you know, I think it started here.

• 44:17Speaker 02

  But I think.

• 44:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, but do you need a, you know.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  I think for a lot of people.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  Check the oil.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  I think for a lot of people that it could be counterintuitive too, because when you, when you join the AA, it's got, join the AA. You sign up for the AA, you get your, your little yellow card.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Um, no, but like, from what I know about it is, is, um, giving yourself over to a higher.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  Being or whatever, right?

• 44:43Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  So it's basically like, we're not telling you what religion it is, but you've got to get into religion, boy.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  I think that's exactly right. I mean, I, well, you have to, you have to get into.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  It's interesting to me how big a part religion plays in sport. Because I think it's a way of dealing with situations where you think this can't be on me.

• 45:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  Like, if we, if we win this or not, that can't be on me. That's a nightmare.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  I think it's.

• 45:08Speaker 03

  I need to make it that it's on someone else.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  I, I think it's more, uh, I think there's more into, um, just understanding that there's such a, that you're, you're in control of such a tiny percentage of this whole universe.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:24Speaker 02

  The rest of it is out of your control.

• 45:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  Uh, you cannot control other people. You cannot, if they're, if you could be, you could, in your head, you could be doing everything correctly. Living a good life, not being mean or unkind or stealing or anything like that. And still bad things can happen to you, uh, because a, a lot of it's out of your control. And you need, and, and that's what you need to be able to, I think that's maybe what AA and things like that are, are trying to tap into is the fact that you're out of control of something.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  Um, but I would argue you are in control of it. The, the, the one thing you are in control of is just yourself.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  So you just go, well, today I won't do that. I'm going to try really hard not to do that.

• 46:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Um, I know it's easy, I know it's easier said than done.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  But I would, I would think that there's more, uh, self-worth, especially if you're, if you're an addict to anything.

• 46:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:19Speaker 02

  Um, it is more self-worth in being, in getting through a day without not, without doing that thing that's bad for you, that you're addicted to. Instead of like thanking something else or, or, or giving yourself over to something else, to be able to go, I did that. I got through today and I'm going to try again tomorrow.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  And you will get pride and all that stuff back that you maybe have lost from, from doing whatever it is that you're doing. I, I think it's a bit of a cop-out to make that, make people.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  I don't, yeah, I, I, I'm not, I'm not absolutely convinced by the idea that you, you say, oh, well, like just. Just because you have relinquished control over a load of stuff, it doesn't follow that something or somebody else must therefore be in control of that stuff. I mean, I think that I always, I kind of think that what you need to do is you need to, a bit like, I always think it's a bit like the Russian army. When they were retreating, where they'd just be like, oh, fuck it, we don't need it. Just like, and just keep retreating. So like, if something is like, if something's causing you a problem, you've just got to be like, I just need to live without the certainty that that's going to be okay then. And you just need to, I think it's, you just, and then if there's.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  Retreat, scorch the earth as you go.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  It doesn't, yeah, I mean, because I think it's, yeah, it's not, but I think to me it is that sense of like, I heard, I heard a Buddhist person talk about it as abandon, abandonment. The other day, and it's, it is that. So if there's something you think might not go, might go right, might not go wrong, you just, you just go. Well, I just have to leave that then. That just, that just has to be something upon which my self-worth is not predicated. And you can basically keep, you can basically keep doing that until there's a moment where you're like, well, I have to do that. And then when you're acting, it's like, well.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  And in a sense, consequences be damned, like they're.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  And I will, I will not attempt to have any control over the consequences. I can't control.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  But you do, you do have, you do, you do have control over a tiny bit, tiny bit.

• 48:20Speaker 03

  You kind of have control over what you do.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  And, and, and over, and when you do take control of that, I think, I feel like it's like, you should give yourself some credit.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  I agree with that. And I, as I say, I don't. I'm not, I'm not a huge fan of the sense that. There's somebody else. I really don't like it when sports people say, God did this. I'm like, oh, fuck off. Like, it's just, of course, you're an idiot, like, don't have this as a convenient ideology because it allows you to relinquish your sense of responsibility. If you don't, if like, it's better to say, I can't control it. It doesn't therefore follow that someone else is controlling it.

• 49:04Speaker 02

  Well, it's like, um, when, you know, the Oscars and stuff and they always thank God. And I just sort of think, like, I'm not super into God or anything, but I do.

• 49:14Speaker 03

  God doesn't give a shit who wins the Oscar.

• 49:14Speaker 02

  But yeah, exactly. So from what I do know about God, I feel like he's probably. Busy. He's not, he's not gonna make sure you get your Oscar.

• 49:24Speaker 03

  It's incredibly arrogant to think that God has interceded in your personal life story. It's unbelievable.

• 49:31Speaker 02

  God's a pal of mine. He sorted out the Oscars for me.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like the ultimate name drop, isn't it? It's like, come on. It's the ultimate humble brag, actually. I think that's what it is. It, it, it, it appears to say, I'm just a small person. Uh, but then in the same breath, you're going, and just so you know, the most important person of all is deeply interested in my story.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, it is a bit, isn't it? Anyway, so Tia wants, uh, is it true? Fifty percent of, of people have an inner voice and a monologue.

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Based on us.

• 50:00Speaker 02

  And the other is more conceptual and just a feeling or whatever. I'm gonna go, yeah, I'm gonna go, yeah. I'm gonna go, that's true.

• 50:07Speaker 04

  Yep. So.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  That's fact.

• 50:09Speaker 04

  You're saying that's fact? Great. I have done a little bit of research and psychology today. It's where I've looked today for this.

• 50:16Speaker 02

  Queen's consent. Here we go.

• 50:18Speaker 04

  About thirty to fifty percent of people regularly think to themselves with internal monologues. So I would say that is true. It's not exactly true. It's not exactly fifty percent, but it's roughly about there.

• 50:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. And it's not, if you haven't got one, it's not just silent. It's more like that there's a big sensor going beep, beep, beep. And then I have to go and be like, what's happened? What is it? So they said that and they said that. All right. Well, maybe they both sort of meant the same thing, but in like, in a way. And I'll come up with something. Is that all right? And then, I don't have an inner monologue. I definitely have an inner child. I have an inner child that needs to know that everything's okay.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  I have a friend who see, like sees images in their brain. So that's how they think. It's all through images. Yeah. But they don't have an internal monologue.

• 51:05Speaker 03

  It's, it's so fascinating.

• 51:07Speaker 02

  That was, I, I listened to that straight away, Tia, that you wrote to us. And I, I did think that was fact. So I, I do think that that class is a so fact it hurts.

• 51:15Speaker 04

  So you think it warrants a jingle?

• 51:17Speaker 02

  We've got a new so fact it hurts jingle.

• 51:19Speaker 04

  From Simply, Simply Stimpy, I believe is, uh, who we're crediting for this. And this is a so fact it hurts new jingle.

• 51:35Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 51:38Speaker 03

  No, that was good. That was quite sort of new metal.

• 51:41Speaker 02

  Yes, screamo.

• 51:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:45Speaker 04

  Quite like that.

• 51:46Speaker 03

  Quite.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  Who's that from?

• 51:47Speaker 04

  Sim- Simply Stimpy?

• 51:49Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 51:49Speaker 04

  Simply Stimpy.

• 51:50Speaker 02

  I don't know what they want from me.

• 51:53Speaker 03

  I liked it. I got the references. I got the screaming and the...

• 51:58Speaker 02

  It feels very similar to the last one.

• 52:00Speaker 04

  I think, I guess it was sort of a build on...

• 52:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:03Speaker 04

  On that.

• 52:04Speaker 03

  And that... It's a very new metal sound. It was a very new metal palette.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  Sort of corn.

• 52:08Speaker 03

  And I... Quite corn, yeah. I appreciated it.

• 52:12Speaker 02

  All right. Well, thanks for that.

• 52:15Speaker 03

  And it took me, but it startled me. My god.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  That's fucking unnecessary.

• 52:19Speaker 03

  Woke me up.

• 52:28Speaker 00

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• 52:57Speaker 01

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• 53:51Speaker 08

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• 54:27Speaker 02

  Joe, have you got a little fact for me?

• 54:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, I have...

• 54:33Speaker 02

  What are we talking about? Valentine's Day?

• 54:34Speaker 03

  Valentine's Day, right. I've actually got two. Which one am I gonna...

• 54:39Speaker 02

  We'll do both.

• 54:40Speaker 03

  Alright, so the first one is Saint Valentine, uh, himself was, I think, there's some, there's been more than one Valentine, but a Christian who, an early Christian in the Roman Empire, who continued to minister to, I think maybe to, maybe to soldiers, I think.

• 55:05Speaker 02

  Right.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  And was martyred for, you know, being a Christian, basically. And the Romans, uh...

• 55:13Speaker 03

  I mean, it's weird because the dates seem to be, I thought, I don't know.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  Go on, what do you want? Listen, I'm a historian.

• 55:20Speaker 03

  When did Constantine come along? When did the Roman Empire become Christian?

• 55:24Speaker 02

  Uh, about 300.

• 55:26Speaker 03

  Okay, so I think it was probably just before, in the century before that.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 55:30Speaker 03

  This guy's going around, "So Christianity exists."

• 55:32Speaker 02

  It was sort of, um, not, it was sort of when, uh, the shit hit the fan a little bit.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  I think it was a bit, yeah.

• 55:41Speaker 02

  It was when the Roman Empire was sort of starting to

• 55:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Collapse a bit.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  In fact, I said 300 there as if I knew what I was talking about.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  I looked and the dates are around 300, yeah.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  I believe this Saint Valentine was in the preceding century.

• 55:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:56Speaker 03

  And was martyred, so he should be executed. And, but before he was, he wrote, he went to jail and he fell in love with the jailer's daughter, it said. I mean, it does sound like, it sounds like that was the only woman who was there.

• 56:15Speaker 02

  Sounds like, no, it sounds like a good porno. Carry on.

• 56:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying. Like, where's, like, where's all that gone from porn these days, by the way?

• 56:25Speaker 03

  Historical porn.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  No, but just like, just a little bit of the jailer's daughter, the farmer's daughter, that sort of thing.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  Oh, I see.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? The lonely housewife or something. It is all just like, how many men can I fuck in, in thirty minutes?

• 56:38Speaker 03

  Are you saying that there's like, um?

• 56:39Speaker 02

  I want, I want a bit more finesse.

• 56:41Speaker 03

  There's a lack of narrative in it.

• 56:42Speaker 02

  Storyline.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  You're saying there's not enough narrative? Yeah, okay. Well, I think there's.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  It's all just challenges now.

• 56:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  Porn's turned into like, can we do it while, uh?

• 56:52Speaker 03

  It's all gone a bit like Guinness Book of World Records.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  Driving a bus or something.

• 56:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Like.

• 56:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay. Well, that does sound quite narrative. It sounds like, oh, it's the, you know, the bus, it's the bus driver's.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  Can we have it off while cooking a Sunday roast or something? Like, it's all like a sort of little challenge. I wanna, where's the pool boy? Where's the, you know? The game guy?

• 57:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I, I am.

• 57:13Speaker 02

  The frustrated lonely teacher.

• 57:17Speaker 03

  I think what you're talking about backstory in a way.

• 57:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I need, I need a bit of that.

• 57:21Speaker 03

  They don't really bother to build.

• 57:23Speaker 02

  I need some plot. I need some.

• 57:24Speaker 03

  It should be like the first hour of The Deer Hunter, where it's just about like the, the sort of Russian-American community and there's no sex yet.

• 57:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, and they're all sort of playing Russian roulette and they're saying, why are we doing this? Let's all just get off of each other.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. It would mean a lot more. Um, uh, and, yeah.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  Okay, so, um.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  Sorry, Joe.

• 57:45Speaker 03

  No, basically, this isn't even a good fact. Basically, he used to, he wrote, uh, well, she was apparently blind and he cured her blindness or something.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 57:55Speaker 03

  And then he wrote her a letter, but he was like, I'm gonna write you a letter. She was like, I'm blind. He was like, oh, sorry, okay. Good.

• 58:00Speaker 02

  Did he say sorry?

• 58:02Speaker 03

  No, but basically he had to write her a letter.

• 58:04Speaker 02

  I'll write you a letter.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  So it occurred to me that he.

• 58:08Speaker 03

  I suppose, no, it occurred to me that basically maybe he needed to cure the blindness so he could write her the letter.

• 58:11Speaker 02

  This was before the talk boy was invented.

• 58:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:14Speaker 02

  So he couldn't just record her a message.

• 58:16Speaker 03

  Braille as well. I mean, that's, that's available, or was it?

• 58:18Speaker 02

  Don't know.

• 58:19Speaker 03

  Don't know. Um, and he signed the letter, "Your Valentine",

• 58:26Speaker 02

  Right.

• 58:26Speaker 03

  As in, you know, your Joe.

• 58:28Speaker 02

  So that was the first.

• 58:29Speaker 03

  And that was the first Valentine. And then afterwards, I'm your Valentine.

• 58:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:33Speaker 03

  As in like. What would you say like, um.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  It was a love letter.

• 58:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's, uh, I'm your Dr. Watson. Do you know what I mean? Like it's like, so I'm, I'm playing the role that he played.

• 58:43Speaker 02

  Dr. Watson.

• 58:44Speaker 03

  As in your Charlotte Holmes and I'm your Watson.

• 58:46Speaker 02

  Who was the other doctor? Where it was like, kiss me, you fool, or something. They were trying to find the Nile or something like that.

• 58:52Speaker 03

  Oh, Kiss Me Hardy. No, that's, no, that's Nelson.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  Was it?

• 58:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, Nelson was when he was gonna die and he said, kiss me Hardy.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't think he actually said it though, did he?

• 59:01Speaker 03

  And also that's in the British as well.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  Oh, was it? Is it really?

• 59:04Speaker 03

  And they're saying that it's as though he's saying like, kiss my, I believe they say kiss my hard on.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  Right. Kiss me, kiss me Hardy.

• 59:13Speaker 03

  Kiss me harder. Kiss me harder. That'd be a nice.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  Oh, no, that was it. Dr. Livingston, I presume.

• 59:19Speaker 03

  Dr. Livingston, I presume.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  That was what I was getting confused with.

• 59:22Speaker 03

  Oh, I see. Yes.

• 59:23Speaker 02

  Uh, which wasn't, uh, which was a misconception. It wasn't actually said. Was it the bloke who was trying to find, um, the, the, where the Nile started?

• 59:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I think like.

• 59:34Speaker 02

  Which I think we still haven't been able to really pinpoint. I might be wrong.

• 59:39Speaker 03

  Saying that this is a bit of a field trip for us.

• 59:41Speaker 02

  No, but again, like it was, I assume Victorian, Edwardian, Vict- Victorian.

• 59:46Speaker 03

  Probably Victorian, yeah.

• 59:48Speaker 02

  They were mental.

• 59:49Speaker 03

  Just trying to find the source of the Nile.

• 59:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:51Speaker 03

  Uh, and yeah.

• 59:54Speaker 02

  They was, they really jumped the gun, a lot of the Victorians. Cause they were trying to do all this shit.

• 59:59Speaker 03

  They were already trying to find like the fourth dimension.

• 1:00:01Speaker 02

  They didn't have.

• 1:00:02Speaker 03

  And they were like, we found it.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  They didn't have the technology.

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  Or something. Yeah.

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  Captain Scott and all that lot. Just wait a couple of decades and we'll have, you know, warmer sleeping bags and everything.

• 1:00:11Speaker 03

  I know. That, that, well, we should do one about Scott because then that's, uh, you know, when the men are supposed to think about the Roman.

• 1:00:17Speaker 02

  Reading that book, weren't you? When we were doing the in betweeners.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm a bit.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  Was it one of the, was it?

• 1:00:21Speaker 03

  I'm a bit obsessed with.

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  The other diary. One of, one of the blokes wrote a diary.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  One of the blokes wrote a diary. I mean, I was reading Ranulph Fiennes' autobiography of Scott, which it.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  He's fascinating, yeah.

• 1:00:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, it, it tries to, uh, cause Scott was a bit of a laughing stock and it was like, he was an idiot and he didn't, he did it all wrong.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  Has he got like two fingers left or something? Ranulph Fiennes. And he's just like, yeah, fucking lost those. Frostbite.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:42Speaker 02

  I loved that about him.

• 1:00:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  He's just like, yeah, lost my fingers. What do you want?

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  I'd be like, I can't live, can't go on anymore without my fingers. I need those. What if I want to play the piano or something?

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  But he's just like, yeah, fucking lost those. My wife's grandfather, um, we, uh, we got towards the end of his life, uh, got a bit diabetic. And they were a bit like, we might have to chop your leg off here. And as a joke, um, all her family like turned up with like just one slipper and things like that. When I was in bed, that's a good attitude, isn't it?

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  It is, it's a very, um, glass is half.

• 1:01:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  You know, the, the waste is half full.

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  Of sugar.

• 1:01:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  Um.

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  So. That's one fact.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:01:30Speaker 03

  What's the other one?

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  I liked that.

• 1:01:31Speaker 03

  Should we just go with that?

• 1:01:32Speaker 02

  The fir-, that was the first Valentine. Give us your little sexy little, uh.

• 1:01:35Speaker 03

  The Victorians used to send a thing called a vinegar Valentine, which was like an inverse Valentine to someone they thought was a swine or.

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  Spite.

• 1:01:42Speaker 03

  Probably like, maybe they probably sent one to Amundsen, who reached the pole before Scott.

• 1:01:46Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:01:47Speaker 03

  And, um.

• 1:01:48Speaker 02

  Where was he from? Was he Danish?

• 1:01:49Speaker 03

  He was from Norway and he was, it was sort of felt that he treated it too much as a race.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  And not enough of a scientific expedition. But I think also the, the, the Brits were slightly bad losers, I think. And they, um, they, they invited him to a dinner. Uh, in London and then they had a toast, but not to him, to his dogs. Cause they were like, well, the dogs did all the work. That's why you won.

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:02:12Speaker 03

  Cause he's your dogs.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:02:13Speaker 03

  And so he's like, well, yeah, I mean, it's quite a good idea.

• 1:02:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, in the end.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  Yeah. Scott and his men manholed.

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  All dead, weren't they? They all died, didn't they?

• 1:02:21Speaker 03

  Everyone who reached the pole died.

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:02:23Speaker 03

  A load of other people who'd stayed back to, at one of the bases didn't die. But I think they did feel quite guilty.

• 1:02:29Speaker 02

  And it was just a, it was just because of that diary that we knew sort of went on. And that, that was when, was it Scott that said, oh, I'm just popping out?

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  That was, oh, I think that was Oates.

• 1:02:38Speaker 02

  Oh, it was Oates.

• 1:02:38Speaker 03

  I'm just going outside.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  Oh, might be some time. Yeah.

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  Fucking brilliant.

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 1:02:43Speaker 03

  I'm gonna tell you what.

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  Uh, uh, it's just, I'm nothing. I'm nothing. When I hear stories like that, I go, I'm just a piece of shit.

• 1:02:49Speaker 03

  Yeah. Kind of, also just like kind of dr-, just a little bit of.

• 1:02:54Speaker 02

  Humour in it as well.

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  Wild, yeah.

• 1:02:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:57Speaker 03

  Yeah. Bit of humour.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  I'm gonna put, I'm just nipping out for a bit.

• 1:03:01Speaker 03

  Might be some time.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  Don't wait up.

• 1:03:04Speaker 03

  Brilliant.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:05Speaker 03

  That's what's ever happened.

• 1:03:06Speaker 02

  Knew he was dying, knew he was dying, knew he was gonna go out and just die.

• 1:03:09Speaker 03

  Doesn't give a shit, doesn't give a shit.

• 1:03:11Speaker 02

  That's a man, that's a real man. Not these big muscly beefcakes tanned in the Virgin Gym that are just sort of working on their muscles.

• 1:03:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:21Speaker 02

  Stick them in the Antarctic, see how they'd get on.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. Where's your protein shake now?

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, I haven't had enough magnesium today.

• 1:03:32Speaker 03

  Exactly. No, I mean completely.

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  They were real men.

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  And it didn't make any difference because they all died anyway. But also, what was it? They kept their, um, this is terrible kind of bro podcasting now, but like, they kept their diaries.

• 1:03:46Speaker 02

  This is not bro.

• 1:03:47Speaker 03

  No, all right, okay, well, this is, but this is.

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  This is anything anti podcast.

• 1:03:50Speaker 03

  This is me at my worst.

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  You can't, you can't accuse us of like toxic masculinity right now.

• 1:03:55Speaker 03

  Okay, but it is, okay, but tragic, you could accuse me of tragic masculinity and like, but they kept their diaries, they kept their diaries going till right at the end and they were still recording the types of rock they'd found. And actually, the scientific research they did was genuinely helpful. And even though they were gonna die, there was a bigger picture. And yeah, maybe they're religious, but you could also say that they wanted to bestow something to future generations. And they did. And we're still talking about them. So that is a kind of.

• 1:04:24Speaker 02

  I remember, I remember when you were reading that book.

• 1:04:25Speaker 03

  In the end, to be fair.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  I remember when you, when you were reading that book.

• 1:04:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:31Speaker 02

  My reaction was, do you reckon they wanked?

• 1:04:34Speaker 03

  Do they wank?

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  Do you reckon they had a wank?

• 1:04:36Speaker 03

  Is that what Otis was really doing?

• 1:04:38Speaker 02

  And you.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  I'm just going outside and maybe sometime, if you know what I mean.

• 1:04:40Speaker 02

  And you went.

• 1:04:45Speaker 03

  Just go for a wank.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  And you.

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  That does change it, doesn't it? It's still funny. It's, by the way, it's still, in a way, it's still cool. Because he's fucking freezing. He was like, I'm sorry, so I'm so backed up, mate. I've just honestly, I've just got to.

• 1:04:57Speaker 02

  It is.

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  Like, it's not, just don't, when I come back, don't ask, all right? But there's gonna be a weird sort of ice sculpture out there, um, in the, sort of in the shape of a splash.

• 1:05:10Speaker 02

  When did they go? Was it Georgian? No, it was not, I think it was 1912. No, that's Titanic. When was it? 19? So it was after, after Victoria then, she was, what, when did she go, 1901 or something?

• 1:05:24Speaker 03

  1901 she died.

• 1:05:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:26Speaker 03

  I think it was post, was it post World War One?

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:05:30Speaker 03

  Was it like 1919 or something, something like that?

• 1:05:33Speaker 02

  But I, I said to you, do you reckon they wanked a lot?

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  You went, no, they were very stoic and repressed. And, and you were saying it in a way where it was like, good on them.

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  Good.

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, also they would have been, they would have got frostbite.

• 1:05:53Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  So you'd have to have a big, you'd have, you have to really want a wang.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:57Speaker 03

  In order to get frostbite.

• 1:05:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, but yeah, I'm just, I'm just, I'll be some time. And everyone knew what he meant. Everyone was like, righto.

• 1:06:08Speaker 03

  Good man.

• 1:06:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  As you were.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  That's real men, that's like, that's like thinking outside of yourself.

• 1:06:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:16Speaker 02

  I'll never come anywhere near to being a real, that's, that's.

• 1:06:21Speaker 03

  Self sacrifice.

• 1:06:21Speaker 02

  In the, in the, in the age of this toxic masculinity, that's the, that's the, in my head, what masculinity is and what I fail to achieve is, is doing the right thing.

• 1:06:35Speaker 03

  Right, yeah, no, I agree, yeah, yeah, I agree.

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  Even if it's, even if you're going to die because of it, you still do the right thing and you've got principles and, and, you know.

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 1:06:46Speaker 02

  And it is, and it's the right thing because it will, as you say, help other people, it's thinking outside of myself.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  And it will, and people will benefit from this.

• 1:06:55Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:06:56Speaker 02

  Um, it's not how much, you know, how much protein you've managed to have that day.

• 1:07:01Speaker 03

  No, no, it's not.

• 1:07:04Speaker 04

  Do you want to end with a little love note to one another for Valentine's Day? Or just say something nice? You've got nothing nice to say.

• 1:07:11Speaker 03

  I don't want to hear if you want.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  Listen, but I don't have a love note for Joe and it's just very simple. I do love Joe, Joe is one of my favourite people on the planet.

• 1:07:17Speaker 03

  Well, I feel the same.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  You're such a nice guy. Um. You do do the right thing. Do you remember me? So I I keep going back to us like I'm just remembering early conversations that we had.

• 1:07:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:29Speaker 02

  And I said to you, and you might not remember this, but I said to you, do you know what, Joe? You remind me of um like one of those uh guys that were um that was an officer during the First World War.

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:07:42Speaker 02

  And that maybe you hadn't become an officer because you were a good soldier, but because maybe you were a bit posh or something like that.

• 1:07:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  But but you were an officer that would go, we're going over the top now. Follow me. I'm going first. This is this is what we're supposed to do. Um I I'm not, you know, I'm I'm here with you. We're we're all in this together. And just because maybe I'm a bit posh or whatever, doesn't mean I'm not gonna get mowed down by this gatling gun.

• 1:08:09Speaker 03

  Well, that's very high praise. And I I don't I don't know whether that would be true, because when I when it does occur to me, what it'd be like to be in the army, I'm just like,

• 1:08:14Speaker 02

  No, I think.

• 1:08:15Speaker 03

  Oh, that must be fucking horrible.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  No, yeah, I know. But I think you would. I think when push came to shou- push comes to shove, I think you'd be like, right, we all know what's gonna happen here. I'm with you. I'm go- I'm gonna be first and you can follow me.

• 1:08:28Speaker 03

  Well, it's for me. Yeah, listen, it's uh I will try to live up to that, not literally, obviously, but um in some way. And you know, likewise, uh, James, you.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  I do think you would go. I do think you would go, Russians are low. I'm on my way out anyway.

• 1:08:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  There's enough here for you lot to to maybe eke out a day or two extra. I'm going out. I might be some time. I do think that's the kind of person you are. Generally, there's my little love letter to Joe.

• 1:08:58Speaker 03

  That work. What an unbelievable love letter. And I mean, and James, I would say to you, like, I appreciate the fact that you, you know, you you look out for me, you check that I'm all right. I think you you know me, you get me, you know that I worry.

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:09:10Speaker 03

  And you genuinely try and make me worry less.

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  And that is a very sort of soothing thing that somebody can do for me.

• 1:09:18Speaker 02

  I don't want you worrying. No, you won't.

• 1:09:19Speaker 03

  You know, I.

• 1:09:20Speaker 02

  Especially with like that podcast and stuff like that. It'll be all right. We'll be okay. We turned up last week. We didn't have any fucking facts or anything. We managed to do what I consider the best pod, the best best episode we've ever done.

• 1:09:32Speaker 04

  Even though you called it the worst.

• 1:09:34Speaker 02

  Well, at the time, it felt like the worst, but I'll re-listen to it.

• 1:09:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:37Speaker 02

  These last three that we've done.

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, these are dog shit.

• 1:09:41Speaker 02

  These.

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  Guys, thank you so much for listening. We hope that you had a nice time. Maybe you learned something along the way. We'll be back next week with, uh, armed with more facts, chats and love packs. Oh. And don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or whatever. Whatever crazy stuff, if you shit yourself or something like that, like we love all that. Yeah, just apropos of nothing as well, that story, not connected. No, it was just, yeah, it wasn't, certainly didn't have anything to do with Valentine's. John knows that was our Valentine's pod. What did he say? A shout out? Shout out the fattest poo? Yeah, it was like the biggest log that he'd ever done or something. Um, don't forget that you can get in touch with us. How could he not know that that was coming? Anyway.

• 1:10:26Speaker 02

  Our email is [email protected]. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330 and our social media handle is at joandjamespod. Uh, head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. Thanks for listening, guys. We love you. Goodbye. Bye bye.

• 1:10:55Speaker 05

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