Jocko Underground: How to Surround Yourself With The Best People - Best Questions Answered

Deal with slumps from break-up or otherwise. Handle co-worker who lashes out but performs well. When you are a positive influence but others are a strong negative influence. Problems everywhere you go. Can you achieve dreams if you're a quitter? Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jocko Willink?

  On this episode of Jocko Underground, I'll give you the proper steps to deal with slumps, whether they stem from a breakup or any other massive setback. We'll also explore how to handle a coworker who lashes out, but generally performs well. We'll assess what to do if you're a positive influence on someone, but they're also influenced by someone in a negative way. Also, sometimes, no matter where we go, people seem to cause problems. I will give you a possible solution for this, and I will also answer the crucial question, can you achieve your dreams if you are a quitter?

• 0:43Speaker 01

  Jocko, I've got a pretty difficult question to ask. My fiance recently decided to leave me. We were together for five years. I currently feel nothing but pain and regret. We didn't end on bad terms. She just told me she needs some time to find herself and better herself. I understand things happen and people change. I just wanted to know, what should I do to cope or get over this? I restrain from turning to booze like I would have in the past, but every day that temptation is in the back of my mind. I just want this pain to stop. Avoiding all self-destructive behavior has been my focus, and it's starting to get draining. I want to have the energy to get after it, but I can't seem to find it. Just want all-around advice for this situation.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  Your podcast has been a great outlet for me to help through this difficult time. Thanks.

• 1:35Jocko Willink?

  Okay, a couple of things here.

• 1:38Jocko Willink?

  To start off with, what you're feeling right now is normal, okay? This is not some weird thing that only you're feeling, that you're alone, and you, this is the worst thing that's ever happened, and you feel worse than anybody else. No, you lost someone that you cared about.

• 1:55Jocko Willink?

  And when that happens, it's very normal for people to feel like it's the end of the world. That's a very common thing that happens to everybody, but it's not the end of the world. Everyone has been through this. All right. Most people been through this more than once. This is, this is what is going on, right? This is life. It happens to everybody. So you've got these things going on, you've got these emotions and, and I've done, I talked about it on a podcast a while ago, somebody made a cool video of it, me talking about the waves of emotion that you go through. And what's scary is in the beginning, when it's close to the impact point,

• 2:41Jocko Willink?

  these waves are out of control. These waves of emotion, you don't have any control over them. Just being a big ocean storm, you can't control, it's knocking your boat over, you're getting flipped around, you can't see anything.

• 2:51Jocko Willink?

  And that's scary. But over time, those waves are going to settle down. They're going to become less frequent. This is going to happen. And look, you might be, you might be getting hit by these waves for months. You can get, be, be getting hit by these waves for months. And if you're not careful, you can, it can be even longer than that. So this is where the not, this is where we get careful. This is what we're going to do. First of all, remember that she's not who you thought she was, right? She's not who you thought she was. For the very fact that you just thought you guys were going to be together forever and she was your fiance and you were going to get married. Well, that, well, you thought that that was the truth and it wasn't the truth. She didn't want to do that.

• 3:36Jocko Willink?

  You have a fantasy in your head right now about who you wanted her to be and who you thought she was, but that person doesn't actually exist. Doesn't, it doesn't exist. And that can be one of the hardest things to swallow. Because we wanted so bad for it to exist and it just doesn't exist. So we got to walk away and not look back. Okay. This is, it's over. It's over. Walk away now. Don't look back. That's, that's what you're doing. You're walking away. Okay, cool. That's over. I'm going to walk away and not look back. And we get hit with some waves of emotion sometime, but I'm not going to get, I'm going to start to let those things dissipate because you know what? The person that I wanted to marry actually wasn't the person that I thought she was.

• 4:20Jocko Willink?

  So walk away, don't look back. That's hard. I get it. I've, I've had conversations with people like, why go walk away? Don't look back. They're like, I'm trying. Right? It's freaking hard. There's a tractor beam. Is that the right word? Star Trek style? Sure. Yeah. There's a, there's a vortex of hope.

• 4:41Jocko Willink?

  That keeps pulling you back and maybe, or it's a vortex of guilt of what did I do wrong?

• 4:49Jocko Willink?

  You didn't do anything wrong, or you may have done something wrong, but guess what? The fact is. She didn't want to be with you anymore. That's the reality of the situation. So. What are we doing now? Uh, Tim Ferriss. Had a great comment.

• 5:07Jocko Willink?

  Get out of your head and get into your body. Right? This is a very smart thing from a very smart human.

• 5:16Jocko Willink?

  To get out of your head, man. You're in your head thinking about all the things you miss. All these, it's like, uh, I think it was the last, last underground we did. I was talking about having an open mind or how you mentioned having a closed mind. When too many things are coming in, they're messing things up. You might be in that situation. You got your head, it's filled up. It's all these bad thoughts are coming in there. Okay. We're gonna stop that. How are we gonna stop that? We're gonna get into our body. We're gonna get on a regular sleep schedule. We're gonna wake up at the same time every day. When we wake up, when the alarm clock goes off, we're getting out of bed and look, I know this sounds like this little meaningless thing, but I'm telling you, this is what we need to do. This is how you get into your body. You're gonna get up at the same time every day.

• 5:57Jocko Willink?

  When you get up, you're gonna go and do some kind of exercise. You're gonna do calisthenics. You're gonna go for a run. You're gonna go for a walk. You're gonna do yoga. I don't really care what you do, but that, that's what you're gonna do.

• 6:07Jocko Willink?

  That's what you're gonna do. You're gonna clean up the freaking diet. Because life is better when you are eating clean.

• 6:17Jocko Willink?

  It's a huge impact on the way you feel. And look, you have a, you, there's a one way that you feel after you eat a donut. And I know it feels good for 20 minutes. And it's a lie.

• 6:30Jocko Willink?

  When you actually eat clean for three, four, five days, you start to feel a different way and it is a much better way.

• 6:40Jocko Willink?

  So clean up your diet. You're gonna start training jujitsu. And look, oh yeah, of course, jujitsu is the answer to everything. Hell yeah, right? Oh Joe, what do you do? Oh, my, you know, my, my pet dog just died. What should I do? Change jujitsu. Oh, my girlfriend broke up with me. Change jujitsu. There's a reason that I'm saying this over and over again.

• 6:58Jocko Willink?

  Cause jujitsu is good for you. It's good for your mind. It's good for your body. It's gonna give you confidence. It's gonna give you exercise. It's gonna give you a mental break, cause you can't think about anything else when you're doing jujitsu. It's gonna introduce you to a whole new group of people that you don't know right now.

• 7:12Jocko Willink?

  So we're gonna go and do that. You're gonna find a place to train.

• 7:17Jocko Willink?

  You're gonna schedule to go do things that are out of the domicile.

• 7:23Jocko Willink?

  Right? Get out of your house. When you're sitting in your house, when you don't have any stimulation, you're gonna be trapped in your own head. And we're, we're not doing that right now. We're gonna go grocery shopping. We might go grocery shopping every day. I might go grocery shopping at six o'clock at night every day. Get home from work at four.

• 7:44Jocko Willink?

  You know, take a little breather, stretch. Get done with that. I'm gonna go grocery store every single day at six o'clock. I'm gonna go buy, find something cool to eat. I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna make dinner. Clean food. I might go to yoga at six o'clock. I might take the dog for a walk every day. I might go and help clean up the neighborhood park.

• 8:07Jocko Willink?

  We're gonna get out of the mind and into the body. We're gonna make a schedule. We're gonna stick to, stick to it. And all these things that we're doing are all making you better as a human being.

• 8:21Jocko Willink?

  They're making you better as a human being. And as you get better as a human being, you are going to get better.

• 8:31Jocko Willink?

  And none of this stuff is easy, man. And once again, what you're feeling, you're bro, you're brokenhearted. She broke your heart. There's a term, it's brokenhearted. There's a reason that term exists. Cause people go through it and they go through it one, two, three, five, seven times in their lives. And it's going to make you a little bit better. You learned, you grew, you're going to heal, you're going to go back. And you're going to find somebody else eventually. And as I said to one young man who was brokenhearted, I was talking to him on the phone.

• 9:15Jocko Willink?

  A young man who's brokenhearted and I said, oh, you know. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground Podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to JacoUnderground.com and subscribe and we're doing this. We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms. So we are not subject to their control and we are doing this so that we can support the Jocko Podcast, which will remain as is free for all, as long as we can keep it that way. But we, but we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors.

• 9:59Jocko Willink?

  And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us. And to do that, we are, we're building a website right now where we'll be able to utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us. So thank you, it's JacoUnderground.com. It costs $8.18 a month. And if you can't afford to support us, we can still support you, just email [email protected] and we'll get you taken care of. Until then, we will see you mobilized underground.