Jocko Underground: How To Get Your Significant Other On The Path

>Join Jocko Underground< https://www.jockounderground.com/subscribe Getting your significant other on the path. Flourishing with a child on the spectrum. Should you reach out to your estranged family after you burned some bridges? Calming down after Jiu Jitsu training. Should you go back to your old job? Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/jocko-podcast/exclusive-content

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jocko Willink?

  This is the Jocko Underground Podcast number 120, sitting here with Echo Charles. We had a fire at Victory MMA and Fitness.

• 0:11Jocko Willink?

  At first, so I saw it on the news, just giving people an update of what's going on. Saw it on the news. It actually, in the news, didn't look that bad. Years ago, we had a drunk driver hit a fire extinguisher right in front of Victory MMA. Fire hydrant. Fire hydrant, what did I say, extinguisher, yeah, fire hydrant. And then took off, but the fire hydrant, the water was now pumping out of the, like a, like a, like a geyser. And it would just pour, it just shot up like a perfect stream and landed on the roof of Victory. And after it clogged up the drains, there was so much water.

• 0:54Jocko Willink?

  Clogged up the drains, because there's like debris up there, you know, palm leaves and whatever else was sitting up there. So it clogged up the drain, some of the drain, so it couldn't drain quick enough. So the water filled up, it was a flat roof with a parapet around it. Filled up the roof and boom, all that weight collapsed the roof. With the air conditioners from the roof of the building were on the bottom floor. So it was a major, major issue.

• 1:21Jocko Willink?

  We were open in four days when that happened. That was 2008. So I saw this fire

• 1:29Jocko Willink?

  on the news, you know, people and people sent me clips like, yo, Victory's on fire. Talked to Joe and, you know, hey man, what's going on? And he's like, yeah, fire, like, we're, we're literally 200 yards from San Diego Fire Department, Station 20, like they're right there. They got there real quick. So I'm, I'm seeing on the news, this is the day we recorded, we were up in LA. And I thought to myself, yeah, we're, you know, this is going to be, we'll be open in what, a week, maybe two weeks? So we start getting a little bit more information. I get down there the following day after the fire and it was bad.

• 2:12Jocko Willink?

  Got a debrief from the firefighters. Actually, I actually met the guys that went into the building. So this is actually a really bad fire. So it started somehow in the sauna area.

• 2:24Jocko Willink?

  And then it was burning. So we open at six o'clock in the morning. This took place at six twenty. Apparently what happened was somebody ran down to the front desk girl and said, hey, there's like a fire up in the sauna. Front desk girl went up there, woo, bad fire, runs back down, calls the fire department. They're there in thirty seconds. By the time they get there, firefighters, two firefighters went into the building with their hoses to go fight the fire. Open the door to the locker room. It was too hot. Damn. And it was cool. They were, they, they actually walked me through the fire, like what happened. They get in there. It's too hot to get to the source of the fire. So there, they have comms. It's cover and move with the guys on the rooftop.

• 3:07Jocko Willink?

  And the guys on the rooftop have to cut open the roof in the area. And one of the guy, one of the firefighters trains at victory. And he was actually telling like, the sauna's in the back, like he was giving them intel. But then they, so they start cutting open the roof to let some of the heat out. So that the firefighters that are in the building can get closer. And that's what they did. They showed me on the wall, there's like fingerprints, like, okay, you know where the mirrors are? It's, they're all covered with soot, but there's finger like dragging across them. It's because those guys couldn't see and they're dragging to like get through the building. They're indicating that stuff to me. So they get in there, they're able to get some water on the fire. The fire builds up. It gets too hot again. They have to cut more of the roof open, let more heat out, find the firefighters get in there and are able to put out the fire.

• 3:53Jocko Willink?

  But there was a moment where they were telling me they were thinking it might be what they call a loss. Where you, you know, the fire department's like, hey, this thing's going down. And they just sit back and contain the fire to the one building and let it burn.

• 4:10Jocko Willink?

  So luckily that didn't happen. Luckily, we, they were able to save the building through aggressive firefighting bravery. They got in there. So thanks to the San Diego Fire Department for doing that and saving the building.

• 4:27Jocko Willink?

  That being said, there's a lot of damage, way more than it looked like in the videos, way more than even this massive flood. The fire does so much damage. So you have to cut open the roof and to cut open the roof, you're hitting rafters, all the rafters that may have gotten hit by, by really by any fire that we got to replace those rafters. So we, you know, you got to order rafters. There's a whole bunch. It's going to be another six months before we get open.

• 4:57Jocko Willink?

  That's what's happening there. That being said, we, we are also getting aggressive. Joe Manino, uh, he's getting after it right now. We already have a new building. We signed the lease. It's 10,000 square feet. It's on Claremont Mesa Boulevard. We will be opening that. We're moving Mattson like in the next couple of days. So guys can get in there. Look, I've got a train. Let's face it. You know what I'm saying? So we, we are making that happen. We have really good insurance. We have, uh, a little bit of contingency money as well. So we're going to get this other place opened.

• 5:39Jocko Willink?

  And then we will rebuild the OG Victory MMA and Fitness. It'll be back. It's going to take a few months, but it will be back. So that's what's happening. It's part of life. It's part of business. It's part of the world. Uh, definitely, I think I've, I've been adjacent to fires before. You know, seeing them, watching them, but I've never had to actually deal with it in one of my structures. Fires are gnarly and they do a ton of damage, way worse than I thought.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. It's weird because even like these details, when you go and it's helpful too, by the way, the info, information from the, from the firefighters themselves, because you think, oh, it's a fire. It's over there. I know how to avoid a fire. Like it's just, I'll just walk over here or even you'd think, okay, there's a fire in this room. You know, I'll just leave the room, but just the idea of opening the door and it's too hot to just go in there. The fire is not even there and probably given how I'm imagining this, where if you'd look in the locker room and the sauna is like way around the corner. So you probably can't even see the fire. You go in there and it's just too hot to even go in there. Not to mention like, you know how, let's say you're in a house and. There's a fire in the next room.

• 6:54Jocko Willink?

  Yeah.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  We'll say. You can't go in that room because when you touch the doorknob, the doorknob is like red hot. Like it's so hot that you can't even touch it, not even for a second, you know? It's like that, all those little details. You don't realize, you know, when you just think, oh, there's a fire over there. I'll just go over here. Yeah.

• 7:09Jocko Willink?

  Oh, by the way, our podcast studio is also in the locker room of the gym. And so it, that's one of the, one of the roof sections that got cut open is right in the podcast studio. So we are not currently in the podcast studio. We are in my house.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Library.

• 7:28Jocko Willink?

  We're in our little library office thing and that's where we're recording. Cause we, we won't be back in that studio for probably six months. Which is a bummer because that's a nice little studio. It's quiet, soundproof.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:42Jocko Willink?

  Speaking of Joe, Joe soundproofed that bad boy.

• 7:45Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 7:45Jocko Willink?

  But it's a room within a room. That's what you gotta do. If you really want quiet, you gotta put a room within a room.

• 7:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:51Jocko Willink?

  So that's where we're at.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  So where's the, um, so the new one, Climb on My Silver Boulevard. I know exactly where that is. Kind of actually kind of more by my house a little bit.

• 8:00Jocko Willink?

  Yep.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Um, is that gonna be, because the original victory, six months. What, are we moved back? Are we gonna have two locations?

• 8:09Jocko Willink?

  We'll see.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  What, uh?

• 8:09Jocko Willink?

  We'll see. I mean, you know, you never know.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:12Jocko Willink?

  Depending, that's a little close. They're like, it's 10 minutes away.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 8:17Jocko Willink?

  So do you have, are there enough people that wanna train?

• 8:23Jocko Willink?

  That, where we'd be cannibalizing, you know what I mean? You don't wanna cannibalize. You wanna have everyone together.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:29Jocko Willink?

  But 10 minutes can be a long way.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  Well, yeah.

• 8:32Jocko Willink?

  You know, convenience wise.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, fully.

• 8:34Jocko Willink?

  So we usually think about like a half an hour of being like, hey, if we're gonna open another place, we want it to be at least a half an hour away.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:43Jocko Willink?

  Uh. You know, kind of normal traffic, like normal traffic, half an hour, then you're good. Cause that means in actual traffic, it's probably forty five minutes. So we'll see, we'll see. Uh, we tried to put it like in a spot where it was close as we can to our current gym and we were able to find this one pretty quick. So we'll see. But it's ten thousand square feet, so it's gonna be, we're not gonna have CrossFit. We're not gonna have that. We're not gonna have gym. It's gonna be all MMA, striking and jujitsu. We're actually gonna keep the same mixed martial arts, various schedules.

• 9:23Jocko Willink?

  So the striking, the jujitsu, we're gonna keep the same schedules, but we're not gonna have the lifting, CrossFit for a few months. So that's, that's a bummer. But we will rebuild. So there you go. Update.

• 9:40Jocko Willink?

  Let's get some Q and A. What do we got?

• 9:43Speaker 01

  First question, greetings, Chaco and Echo. Starting off, thank you for this platform. Your podcast is an amazing outlet for wisdom and I have found this has helped me mature great, greatly over the past year or so. My question pertains to how should I handle a situation of, of having a girlfriend with a much lower motivation and sedentary lifestyle than me? My girlfriend is an amazing person and I love her very much, but we have very different lifestyles. She tends to spend a lot more time in bed or on the couch, enjoying the easy pleasures of life. While I train jujitsu and fitness very seriously. I also eat a much more strict diet than her. And all I want to do is help her find a lifestyle that will make her healthier and happier.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  I'm training to go into special operations in the Marines and I feel like being around her now is making it harder to achieve those goals and easier for me to slack and fall off the path. I've tried explaining to her the countless benefits that come with my lifestyle and how much better she would feel if she also participated in some of those activities. I don't force her into doing anything, but also my suggestions sometimes are received like I'm being a jerk or just hardcore. How would you suggest I go about trying to get her into a healthier lifestyle and motivate her to follow my path without forcing it? I've just, I've tried just leading by example and showing her how, how much better my days

• 11:07Speaker 01

  are when I am on the path compared to hers spent in bed without being forceful or arrogant, but it still doesn't seem to work. I really don't want to have to leave her, but I do not want to sacrifice my goals for a life with her consisting of mediocrity. Thank you for your advice.

• 11:28Jocko Willink?

  Well, first of all, you know, if you want to have influence over somebody, you got to build that relationship. That means trust, listen, respect, influence, care. You got to be able to give those things in order to get them, right? So if you want to have influence over her, you have to be able to allow her to influence you. So you gotta be like, oh, hey, today we're just gonna sit on the couch, we're gonna watch freaking Netflix. Okay, cool, I'll do that. But you know, like, before we eat dinner tonight, let's go for it. You know what I mean? You gotta, gotta go both ways. So you gotta listen to what she has to say, what does she like about these things? Build that relationship and you should be go. Another kind of semi-positive thing here, so you could build a relationship and hopefully

• 12:10Jocko Willink?

  she can get a little bit more engaged in the lifestyle that you live. Also, you should be looking for someone who complements you, not someone that matches you 100%.

• 12:23Jocko Willink?

  Friends and girlfriends are not the same and they probably shouldn't be. Like, you want to have friends that like to do what you do, your girlfriend doesn't necessarily, I don't want a girlfriend or my wife to be like me 100% or even like 70%. You know what I mean? Like, I want her to be different, you know, complimentary.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:50Jocko Willink?

  Does that mean that, you know, we have overlaps of training and working out? Yeah, definitely. But she's not, you know, my wife's not in doing like heavy deadlifts, not, heavy deadlifts is a bad example. If she wasn't doing heavy deadlifts, cool, but I'm saying she's not. Uh, she spends more time doing like yoga and more time doing uh more like, what is it? Hit workouts and more time doing low weight, high rep type lifting.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 13:22Jocko Willink?

  I sometimes like to lift a little heavier than that. You know? She liked jujitsu, but then she was pregnant for a long time. And so she kind of stopped doing jujitsu. You know, but I wasn't like, oh, now we don't get along. You know what I mean? So anyways,

• 13:41Jocko Willink?

  you know, my, you want to find someone that complements you. This doesn't mean you're looking for the opposite of you, but you don't need to have someone that matches you completely. So that's a positive thing. Like in this situation. Okay. So she likes to relax a little bit. Well, guess what? You know, you're out working hard and maybe she's chilling a little bit and she can uh, get dinner ready. You know, what have you? She can prep the evening plans when you're working, lifting, training, whatever. So it could be okay.

• 14:13Jocko Willink?

  That being said,

• 14:16Jocko Willink?

  there's a chance that you're just not aligned. Cause there's a difference between we're different, but we have the same goals.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 14:23Jocko Willink?

  If you're different, but you have different goals, that can be problematic. If like, if she's not into health and she's constantly eating trash and not working out at all. And now her physical health is going to go downhill. That's not going to be. It's not going to be good, you know? She doesn't like it. Here's the difference between, oh, my wife doesn't train jujitsu, but she gets it and I go train and she's like, oh, how was training? As opposed to my wife doesn't like jujitsu. To go, you really going to train again today? Or whatever the thing is, right? You really going to make, you're going to prioritize, you know, lifting over, over

• 15:08Jocko Willink?

  our dinner tonight? It's like, well, I haven't, I haven't had time to lift and I've got to lift.

• 15:13Jocko Willink?

  So if she's not even down for the cause, that could be a real problem. Here's another thing, Brown. I'm just throwing this out there.

• 15:24Jocko Willink?

  If she, if she was the one, capital T, capital O, the one, you probably wouldn't even be asking this question right now.

• 15:34Jocko Willink?

  You know what I'm saying? Hey, am I wrong?

• 15:37Speaker 01

  I cannot.

• 15:39Jocko Willink?

  No, do you think I'm wrong?

• 15:40Speaker 01

  No.

• 15:40Jocko Willink?

  Do you think I'm wrong?

• 15:41Speaker 01

  No.

• 15:42Jocko Willink?

  Like if this chick was the one, would he be sending, spending the time to write? Four paragraph question.

• 15:50Speaker 01

  Which did include the, the whole, um, I really don't want to have to leave her. See what I'm saying? Like have to. And that's actually even different than saying, I don't want to leave her. Like that's obviously like, it's not like I'm going to leave her. Obviously that's off the table. It's not that. That's different. This is, I don't want to have to, meaning, hey, I might have to leave her, you know, kind of a thing, but it's different. I think you are correct, actually.

• 16:15Jocko Willink?

  So you're asking this question, which is kind of weird. You know, it's kind of, it's, it's an indicator. Look, is it the indicator?

• 16:23Speaker 01

  No.

• 16:24Jocko Willink?

  It's an indicator.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  It's a flag. It's a red flag. It doesn't mean we're not playing the game, but there's a flag in the game.

• 16:32Jocko Willink?

  That is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground Podcast. So if you want to continue to listen, go to jockounderground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms. So we are not subject to their control. And we are doing this so that we can support the Jocko Podcast, which will remain as is, free for all, as long as we can keep it that way. But we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors. And we're doing it so we can give you more control, more interaction, more direct connections, better communications with us. And to do that, we are, we're building a website right now,

• 17:15Jocko Willink?

  where we'll be able to utilize to strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us. So thank you. It's jockounderground.com. It costs $8.18 a month. And if you can't afford to support us, we can still support you. Just email [email protected] and we'll get you taken care of. Until then, we will see you mobilized underground.