Pod Insights The Impact Theory Podcast Ed Mylett: The One Habit, One Belief & One Day That Could Change Everything (Fan Fav) About this episode This is a Fan Fav episode. Ed Mylett’s experience with his father isn’t the kind of experience people anticipate success to be on the other side of, yet he’s joining Tom for a second time to discuss the reason he wrote his new book, The Power of One More: The Ultimate Guide to Happiness and Success, following the loss of his father.
If you’re in a place struggling with reaching your true potential, meeting you highest self, and achieving greater levels of success, Ed shares why getting on the other side of your day to day inconveniences is the best path forward.
Change your relationship with pain and discomfort and stop allowing your shame and embarrassment to disqualify you from the life you were meant to live.
ORIGINAL AIR DATE: 5-31-22
Pre-Order Ed Mylett’s new book, The Power of One More: https://www.amazon.com/Power-One-More-Ed-Mylett/dp/1119815363/
SHOW NOTES:
0:00 | Introduction to Ed Mylett
1:05 | The One Thing to Turn It All Around
7:47 | Physical Transformation Is Life Changing
17:33 | Success with Kindness & Humility
23:44 | You’re Always One Away
31:40 | How to Manipulate Time For Success
36:32 | Appreciation for One More Day
42:03 | Greatness In Work & Life
48:46 | How to Create A Successful Life
53:56 | Change Your Emotional State
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Transcript 13,886 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
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1:07 Speaker 01 The mess you have in your life, the things you are most ashamed of and embarrassed by, that you think are the most insignificant, that disqualify you the most, are probably the very things that will qualify you to connect with another human being in your business or your personal life, to change their life. And don't ever underestimate the ripple effect. So if you're listening to this or watching it, stop discounting yourself. Stop carrying these bags of your life of the things you're embarrassed or ashamed of or that you think are insignificant, that don't amount to anything. Those are the things, you, precious you, that could change another precious human being's life in a moment where they need you the most. And if you don't believe you're qualified, if you don't believe you can do it, you're going to miss those moments in your life. And your entire existence here wasn't what it was supposed to be.
1:55 Tom Bilyeu? Ed Mylett, welcome to the show. Welcome back.
1:57 Speaker 01 Welcome back. It's great to be here, man. It's the one I'm looking forward to the most.
2:01 Tom Bilyeu? So good to have you. Your book is amazing, The Power of One More.
2:06 Speaker 01 Thank you.
2:07 Tom Bilyeu? Love it. I'm not at all surprised. Now, for people that haven't read it, for people that feel like they're wasting their time, they're not getting the results they want, what is one thing that they could be doing right now that would turn things around for them?
2:19 Speaker 01 Well, actually, doing one more. So, you know, we always talk, you and I both, about self-confidence and the fact that building self-confidence is the process of keeping the promises you make to yourself. And if you lack self-confidence, you've got a relationship and reputation with yourself that's not very favorable. And so, the baseline way to get self-confidence is you keep the promises you make to yourself. But in life, as you know, we don't get like our goal, we get about 25% of our goals. But we ultimately always get our standards. Long-term, you will get your standards. So, the question becomes, what's the standard need to be then? And that standard needs to be, you keep the promises you make to yourself and one more. So, if you're gonna do 30 minutes on the treadmill every day, you don't do 30 minutes. You do the 30 minutes, you do one more. You're gonna make 10 contacts in a day? You don't make 10 contacts in a day. You do the 10 contacts and you make one more. Now, what happens is you start stacking up those one more's.
3:04 Speaker 01 You're gonna tell Lisa you love her every day. You don't just tell her that. You tell her one more time, every single day. So, you start stacking up mathematically all of these one more's. You've just done more so you're better, but you've changed the standard of your life. And you've built this superhuman-type self-confidence that I normally do what I say I'm gonna do. I do one more than I'm saying I'm gonna do, and that's something almost nobody's willing to do. So, I'm gonna get things almost nobody's gonna get. So, that's one thing initially everybody can do.
3:28 Tom Bilyeu? Yeah, so you are one of the sweetest guys on planet Earth, like in real life.
3:33 Speaker 01 Thank you.
3:33 Tom Bilyeu? But also, in real life, you're one of the most intense guys, which I really respond to. So, my journey as an entrepreneur was toughening up. I was super weak as a kid, way whiny, like definitely did not push myself, and my parents loved them to death, but they didn't know how to push me either. And so, I really, when I went to college, my mom assumed I was going to fail because I was so profoundly lazy. And so, hearing you in the book talk about like pushing to the extreme, like you actually use the word extreme multiple times.
4:03 Speaker 01 I do.
4:03 Tom Bilyeu? And that to to expand your capabilities, you have to go into the extreme. Talk to me about that, because right now, I feel like that's an incredibly unpopular message.
4:11 Speaker 01 It is.
4:11 Tom Bilyeu? And at the same time, it is true.
4:14 Speaker 01 Thank you. And by the way, you talk about it on my show. So there's a part of the book where I talk about extremity expands capacity. Until you push something to the extreme, you don't really stretch your capacity to do it. And so for me, I already know, you know, at this point in my life, we know what we're capable of at one point. So how do we change what we're capable of? And that's with extremity. That's with pushing it to the extreme. I have another chapter in the book where I call it do one more inconvenience. This is something that if we could train ourselves to do, our entire lives would change, which is that do the inconvenient or difficult thing in your day or in your life. Human nature is to avoid that. You talk, you call it being lazy, but it's just to avoid the inconvenient. Napoleon Hill says in Think and Grow Rich, which I love, he says,
4:55 Speaker 01 "On the other type of temporary pain, you are introduced to your other self." And that other self produces another life. So what we have to change, I think to some extent, is our relationship with pain. I'm willing to pursue pain. I'm willing to pursue discomfort and do the inconvenient thing, because on the other side of that, I have extended my capacity. I've literally changed who I am by getting on the other side of that. And so for me, I am always trying to find the inconvenient thing to do, because it's not my nature either. I have to build all these habits like you do. Because left to my own devices, man, I'm Netflix and pizza and Cheetos. I really would be like, people say to me, man, you just seem so hardcore. People think this about you as well.
5:37 Speaker 01 No, actually, I'm not. And so I've had to develop these mindsets, the strategies in the book, the ways I think, my habits, there's a whole chapter on how to build habits in the book. Because I'm not that way. I'm not overly disciplined. But I've learned to sort of change my relationship with pain, even in the gym, but even in a given day. You know, for me, I chase the thing that's inconvenient because I know on the other side of that is where all the stuff lies that I want. And so that's, you know, this old notion of, well, you know, do get out of your comfort zone. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about pursuing the inconvenient in a given day. Because that's the pathway to your bliss. That's the pathway to your happiness. Why is that? That's super counterintuitive. Well, it's the pathway to your bliss and your happiness.
6:19 Speaker 01 Because when we're doing things that aren't convenient on a very regular basis, there's a part of our spirit, I believe, in our soul that knows we were born to do something great, that knows we were born to grow. And when we begin to settle in our lives, it's like I had a conversation this morning with a friend of mine who's a parent, they're having some parenting issues and they're like, "Well, yeah, you grew up with an alcoholic dad. So that was child neglect. And my parents got divorced, that was child neglect. But I'm not neglecting my kids." This is just this morning, really good friend of mine. I said, "I think you should rethink that." And I said, "There's an insidious form of neglecting your children." And she goes, "Well, what is it?" And I said, "It's not pursuing your potential and your dreams." That's a form of neglect of your children. You're installing the software in them that it's okay to settle. Because they're watching you. Because they're watching you.
7:02 Speaker 01 And almost everything in life is caught, not taught. You don't teach lessons to people, they catch lessons from you. And so you're neglecting that child when you're not pursuing your potential, your bliss, or and/or your dreams in your life. That's a form of neglect. So if it's neglecting a child when we do it, it's a form of self neglect when we do it to ourselves. And so that's why it's counterintuitive not to do inconvenient things. But the reason it's a pathway to bliss and happiness is intuitively, we know we're neglecting our spirit. We know we're neglecting our soul. We know we're neglecting our potential when we're not chasing it. And there's no way that we can simultaneously be blissful and at the same time know that we're somehow treating ourselves less than we're worthy of.
7:43 Tom Bilyeu? I have a growing hypothesis, I'm super curious. So, when I hear people like you talk about this stuff, I'm gonna say 99 times out of 100, there's been a physical transformation that they've gone through. Obviously, your physique is insane. I know what it would take to achieve your physique. I don't have your physique, not because I don't want it, because I don't want to put that level of energy into it. I'm honest with myself about that. But, I have transformed my physique.
8:07 Speaker 01 Sure have.
8:07 Tom Bilyeu? And so, I know what that takes. And that, I didn't think a lot about it at the time, but that coincided with me getting better at being an entrepreneur. Because, I realized, I saw what you were saying. That as I did one more, as I pushed myself, as I did the things that were inconvenient, as I reached for the extreme, as I began to model myself after something other people said was crazy, right? "Oh, that guy's too big, oh, what are you doing, that's crazy." But I really got obsessed with it.
8:37 Speaker 01 Yes.
8:37 Tom Bilyeu? And in doing that, and going to the gym, and pushing myself, and being uncomfortable, I remember one time getting trapped under a weight, and I was like, "Fuck, I don't, how am I gonna get out of this?" And by
8:46 Speaker 01 I've been there.
8:47 Tom Bilyeu? being in those situations, over and over and over, you begin to realize, "Oh my God", like, I actually changed as a result of this. Which then lets you believe that you can change your mind in the same way.
8:58 Speaker 01 Yes.
8:58 Tom Bilyeu? How important do you think it is for people to deal with the body? To, to push themselves to have a transformation there?
9:05 Speaker 01 Well, brother, I love you. Because we think so similarly. I, catalyst for change for me all my life has been in my body. And the reason for that is it's something that I actually have some measure of control over. I can't control the external result. I can't control every time how someone's gonna respond to me, what the market's doing, whatever it might be. I can control, like you and I were talking off-camera, what I'm putting in here. What I'm putting in this pie hole every day. I can control my amount of hydration. I can control the training in my life. And so, for me, the catalyst for change, frankly, I was 221 pounds, big, and not fat. And, um, but I knew the book was coming out, and I was writing the book. And the catalyst for me to get in the most peak state I could do is to do something extreme. And so, the extreme thing I did is I said, "I'm gonna weigh 180 pounds in 90 days."
9:46 Tom Bilyeu? Whoa!
9:47 Speaker 01 And I, I got down to 177. And I did that through, you know, intermittent fasting, caloric restriction, changing my Cardio, but it was an extreme.
9:54 Tom Bilyeu? While you were working on the book?
9:55 Speaker 01 While I was, and the reason I did it is I knew that if I could transform the internal parts of me, that the external results I was gonna produce would be that much more extraordinary. And so I'm constant.
10:05 Tom Bilyeu? Just gave me chills.
10:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, by the way, and you've done it as well. It's not like I'm gonna do this every single, you know, month of my life, or even every single year of my life. But to your point, if you're sitting there and you're thinking, I can't change things. It's like, I don't have the capital. I don't have the relationships. I don't have the this or the that. You do have a body, and you can change that. There's things you could do to move it differently, treat it differently, potentially be more kind to it. One thing I'm doing, I'm fifty one years old, man. I've never stretched in my life. I've never done yoga in my life. These joints and tendons are sick of me beating them up. And so one of the reasons I got a little lighter, a little smaller, a little bit less taxing on it, and I'm giving myself the gift of great stretching, you know, great yoga. I'm doing massage now. I'm doing things to be kinder to my body as well. And this may sound really hokey and cheesy.
10:49 Speaker 01 I find myself, this is a strange thing to word it, but I find myself being a little bit more gentle with myself. When I'm so aggressive in the gym all the time. You know, there's a, there's a transfer of that even in my life where I'm so aggressive and intense on myself, which I love that part of me. But like, I've had fifty one years of that. And so now I'm like, you know what? I'm being a little more kind to my body, a little bit more gentle with it. And I find myself, you know, when I give a speech, usually I'll beat myself up. I could have done, you do the same thing. I should have done this. I should have done that. Leave a meeting, leave a podcast. Why didn't you say this? And I've just beat myself up all my life, just like I do in the gym. Recently, I find as I treat my body differently, I'm treating me differently. I'm like, that's okay, bro. You got the next one. That wasn't so bad. I'm sure you still made a difference. I've never said those words to myself in my life.
11:33 Speaker 01 Because I've always thought, if I let go of this beating myself up, that's part of my recipe, part of my formula. The truth is, I've probably been successful in spite of the way I've treated myself, not because of it.
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13:52 Tom Bilyeu? Promo code IMPACT. It's completely risk free with a 30 day money back guarantee. That's interesting. I don't know that I agree. And as you're describing that, I'm so intrigued how you're gonna answer this question. Do you think that you can do that now because you have pushed yourself so far, so hard? Or do you wish that you had gone back and done things the way you're doing them now, back then?
14:17 Speaker 01 I wish I had done both. I wish I've had the extremity part of my life where I'm pushing myself to that point of past what I think I'm capable of. But then I also wish that I wasn't so hard on myself, man. Like, I've spent a lot of years of my life, I've never really said this before. I've spent a lot of years of my life, I think, at my own expense, it makes me emotional to say it, I don't even know where that's coming from, at my own expense, in the service of other people. And I think I had this delusion that I had to be almost suffering in order to produce bliss for other people. And some of that software was probably installed in me when I was young, with my dad being an alcoholic when I was young.
14:58 Speaker 01 And so, no, brother, I know I could have pushed myself and been one intense beast and still been a little bit more kind to myself. There's a more beautiful and elegant way to get to the results that I wanted. I totally know what you're saying, that there's different seasons of your life and it's easy to say when you got a couple hundred mil in the bank and all that other stuff, like, you know what, I'm gonna stretch now, I'm gonna get a massage.
15:19 Tom Bilyeu? It's a little bit different than that. So, one, I think your insight about what you learned to do to be the peacemaker in your family, to read your dad, to figure out where he was, and that you were still so generous to him, as well as to the rest of your family, to take his hand, to... And you talk about this in the book, so I highly encourage people to read it. But you would take his hand and try to shift his mood, and that really trained you to be somebody that could read people and help change their state, which I think is incredible. But where, the way that I see it is that you've earned...
15:54 Tom Bilyeu? You've earned the right, and I'm gonna back up in a second, but you've earned the right to get to that position because you know you can fall back on discipline, the habits, all that stuff. Where, because what I'm thinking is, okay, if I'm 24 and I'm encountering Ed Mylett for the first time, and I have this glimmer of like, ooh, maybe I can do something more with my life. That guy really does, and this is projecting because this is where I was, but that guy probably really does need to go hard first.
16:21 Speaker 01 Yep.
16:22 Tom Bilyeu? And he needs first to learn to be tough, to be a badass. Like, for me to transform my physique, I had to imagine my wife being physically assaulted. It was the only way I could show up and put in the work.
16:32 Speaker 01 You've got leverage on yourself.
16:33 Tom Bilyeu? Exactly.
16:34 Speaker 01 Yep.
16:35 Tom Bilyeu? And if somebody had been at that moment telling me, no, no, no, you need to be kinder, gentler, it's like, on balance, you're right. And if you're talking to me when I'm in my 50s, 100%, but in the beginning, I wouldn't have been able to be so nuanced. And so, I guess what I'm saying is, with what you've done and accomplished, you understand the nuance, you understand how important it is. To do all of that and to sacrifice yourself doesn't make sense.
17:00 Speaker 01 I think you're right. I think we agree. So, I think you have to know yourself. What's your default place? My default position has been, all my life, to try to earn things. I conflated when I was young, the only time I got love from my dad is if I achieved something, if I did something, if I, dad, I got an A, dad, I hit a homerun, you know, dad, I won the spelling bee, you know. So, I conflated achievement and pushing myself with love. So, I know me. I know that part of me is sort of my default place to go. My default place is to do this. I think you have to know yourself. I think if your default is to not do those things, then yeah, giving yourself a break and being kinder and gentler is the absolute worst thing that you could do to yourself. In my case, man, it's been a lifetime. I was never a child. I was never a little boy.
17:43 Speaker 01 That five-year-old, I was literally not a child. My dad would, you know this from the book, five years old. I got two skills in life, man. One is I can communicate, the other one is I can be present and read people. The present and read people is really simple. I had three sisters and a mom. And when my dad would walk through that front door at five years old, this beautiful little boy that I was, I would have to look up at this man and quickly figure out, was he drunk or sober? What was his body language? Like, how was he walking? Was his tie tie? Was he slurring his words? If it was drunk dad, sisters need to get upstairs, mom go take a shower. And then the man of the house, me at that time, would take over and like you said, grab my dad's hand and change his state. Dad, I hit a home run today. Dad, I got a ninety-six on my spelling test. And so, I never afforded myself, or was afforded,
18:27 Speaker 01 to be a boy in my life, to ever really have a bunch of peace or bliss in that life. And my dad got sober and you know that, and he was my best friend. But that part of my life was taken from me. I never had it. So I don't have to be, I don't have to worry about Ed Mylett's, you know, drive or ambition or any of those other things. I gotta worry about this dude hurting himself. You know, metaphorically, but actually theoretically too, in any possible way. And so, you just gotta know yourself. If your default is you'll cool it, then you know what? The worst thing you could do is give yourself a break. You're wired like me. And you beat yourself to a pulp all the time. And you think you can do that, and at there's some point in your life, you'll fray. And there's just a part of your brain, man, there's just, there's, there's, the neural parts of our brain are telling us, man, can you give me a little dopamine?
19:11 Speaker 01 Can you give me a little hit of something blissful? Can I celebrate this a little bit? Can I be a little bit more kind to myself? Because if you don't do that, eventually you've trained your brain that you don't want to do those things.
19:20 Tom Bilyeu? Yeah, I think learning to love yourself is critical. I always tell people, in my back pocket, I have detachment at all times. Like a Buddhist style detachment.
19:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:30 Tom Bilyeu? Because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself. Success, money, all those things ultimately are irrelevant. If you hate yourself and you're rich, you're still gonna have a terrible life.
19:41 Speaker 01 You got it.
19:42 Tom Bilyeu? So I think that's really important. There's an idea that was introduced to me by Jordan Peterson that blew me away. In fact, the first time it got teased was Farah Zahabi. Do you know him? Okay. So for people that don't know, he trained George St. Pierre. He's an incredible MMA guy. And I had the very good fortune of meeting him, interviewing him, and actually rolling jujitsu with him. The one and only time I've ever done jujitsu.
20:06 Speaker 01 It's with him?
20:06 Tom Bilyeu? Was with him. It was fucking insane. Really, really cool experience. And he was saying this idea that Jordan Peterson ended up putting really concrete words around, which is that he wanted to, um, God, how do you put it? Like, basically, I want to be able to choose kindness. And he said, "To choose kindness, I have to be capable of great violence." Because if somebody comes and tries to push me around, I can be kind because I know I can defeat them.
20:30 Speaker 01 Love it.
20:31 Tom Bilyeu? And so Jordan Peterson was like, struggling with this idea of the meek shall inherit the earth, which is a man of faith, you understand very well. In fact, you say in the book, if I'm not mistaken.
20:39 Speaker 01 I do.
20:39 Tom Bilyeu? And Jordan is like, "I've always struggled with that idea." Because most of us interpret meek as weak. And he said, "To the idea of the weak are gonna inherit the earth?" He's like, "Nothing tells me that that is true." And in fact, the weak get pushed around. And he said, but he looked up a more ancient interpretation of the word meek, and it meant to be capable of extraordinary violence, but to keep your sword sheathed.
21:04 Speaker 01 Love it.
21:05 Tom Bilyeu? And he said, "That person really will inherit the earth because they can defend themselves, and they're choosing kindness, compassion, whatever." But they actually have the choice between I could fight and win, or I can diffuse the situation because I know that I'm capable, that if it breaks down, it can go to that place.
21:23 Speaker 01 Brother. See, you're so brilliant. When you introduced me, you could have said a lot of different things about me. But the thing that you said was something along the lines of my kindness and my genuineness. And the only reason that that stands out with me, with people, I don't know that I'm more kind or gentle than the average person. That only stands out because I do appear to be so strong. Right? I do have those features physically.
21:47 Tom Bilyeu? And you are actually intense.
21:49 Speaker 01 Right. And I'm actually a super intense dude. And so you're so right. It's the, by the way, the things I love about human beings are their contrasts, are their complexities. And so I always say all the time, I have, my best friends are like you. They have tremendous amounts of self-confidence with this unbelievable abundance of humility. And they know how to toe the nuance of those two things. They somehow toe that line beautifully. We all have friends that are tremendously self-confident, have no humility. They're not curious, they're not growing, they're probably gonna burn out, they're probably gonna have to make an ego mistake that's gonna hurt them.
22:20 Tom Bilyeu? Why do you think humility works so well?
22:22 Speaker 01 Well, humility keeps me curious. Humility keeps me connected. Lack of humility breaks a connection with another person. Lack of humility, it causes you to not want to learn and grow. Like, you identify yourself as a learner. Only somebody with a tremendous amount of humility, who knows they don't know everything, would want to be a learner. And so, the very things that I think caused me to grow and expand are the very things that keep me humble. People ask me often, now that you're 51, you wrote this book, there's all these things in there that you know. What have you learned as you're 51? And truly, what I've learned more than anything is what I don't know. That the more, the older I get, I know, I realize how little I do know. I can write a book that's 280 pages and pretty much everything I know is in that book.
23:07 Speaker 01 But the vast majority of things of life, I don't know. And so, I don't also want to have friends that just have humility, that have no self-confidence, because then you're dragging them through life all the time. They're the energy drainers of your life. That humble, kind friend of yours who's never believes in themselves, never does anything, you're always trying to fill them up. I don't want to be around them all the time either. I want people that have both of those things, because I think they're the most successful and blissful people at the same time.
23:32 Tom Bilyeu? There's a really cool quote about that. "As the island of my knowledge grows, so does the shore of my ignorance."
23:37 Speaker 01 Oh, God, that's beautiful.
23:38 Tom Bilyeu? Right?
23:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's really good.
23:39 Tom Bilyeu? It's like, yeah. It is weird how you can really feel like you know virtually everything when you're young, which is what makes teenagers so brutal.
23:49 Speaker 01 Right.
23:50 Tom Bilyeu? And then as you get older, you're like, whoa, I've been kicked in the face so many times. I remember the first time somebody said I had humility. I was taken aback, because to me, it didn't feel like humility. It felt like self-evidently recognizing what is true. Like, I've just failed way more than I've succeeded.
24:07 Speaker 01 Me too.
24:08 Tom Bilyeu? And so, you're just like, God, I'm not trying to be humble. I am just so paranoid that I don't have something right, because so often, I thought I was right, only to realize, whoa, like, I was completely misjudging the situation.
24:22 Speaker 01 That's verbatim how I feel. And I could say, one of my favorite things to hear from a friend, or even a business partner, is I was wrong. I was wrong. I've changed my mind. In fact, I wish there was more of that in politics, don't you? Hey, that was me. I was wrong and I've changed my mind. Man, you'd endear yourself to me so quickly if you would do that. And so, someone who never changes their mind, someone who never acknowledges that they're wrong about something, is someone that I don't really want to be around and spend a lot of time with, nor would I want in any leadership position in any of my businesses. And so, it's a really big deal to be able to say that. And to change one's mind is one of the most profound things you can do.
24:59 Tom Bilyeu? I agree. Why do you think it's so hard for people?
25:02 Speaker 01 I think they think it's a weakness. I really do. And I think you have to have a tremendous amount of strength and confidence to actually say that I'm wrong. There's, it takes both. There's humility in saying I was wrong, but there's also confidence.
25:11 Tom Bilyeu? I think there's a third thing that's the most terrifying, and it's why this continues to be a problem. Let me know what you think about this. You also have to be good. Like, here's the scary thing. If you want to succeed in life, you talk about this in the book. You talk about Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich. That book also changed my life. I have the chills again. I remember where I was when I was reading that book, and it hit me because he says, like in the first, whatever, forty pages, "I've told you the answer." Like, the whole reason I'm writing this book is on every single page of this book. And I was like, what has he said? Because I was like, where are we going with this? And the only thing he had said on every page was, "If you believe you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you can't." And I was like, oh my God! And so, yeah. But, as you go to great lengths in the book to point out,
25:56 Tom Bilyeu? your actions also have to line up. You're never going to be able to think your way to success.
26:00 Speaker 01 I love Think and Grow Rich. It's my favorite book, other than my scriptures. But I gotta be honest with you. You don't just think and get rich. You gotta do stuff. The question then becomes, what do I need to think? And what do I need to do simultaneously or in congruency? That produce the result? And that's why I did the things that I, had the things in the book. Second chapter, as you know, and I know you're a huge Matrix fan. Like, as I'm writing this chapter, this is Tom's chapter.
26:20 Tom Bilyeu? I was like, this is the greatest chapter ever written. I love this.
26:23 Speaker 01 But one of the points that I make in the book is be able to slow things down and get into bullet time. But there's two things I love about the Matrix. One, I think that's an absolute example of the reticular activating system in the brain. And so, you do have to be good. But the question in life becomes, listen, I believe your one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one show, one thought, one new emotion, potentially away from changing your entire life. I've proven this. In my life, so have you. And the question then becomes, how do you find them? And this RAS is super powerful in our brains because it's the mechanism that filters the entire world to us. It literally reveals to us our reality, just like you just said. It reveals our reality. I just bought a Tesla. I drove it here today. God, I like what Musk is doing. I'm like, I'm gonna get one of these Teslas. Man, every freaking where I go, I see
27:07 Speaker 01 Teslas now. Red one, babe. Hey, there's a white one. There's a plaid. Three lanes over, other side of the freeway. Babe, black Tesla just drove by. She's like, how in the world do you know this? Because it's become important to me. And it's now in my filter. It's now a part of my RAS. That's why when you're in a loud room, all the auditory sounds, someone doesn't even say it loud. Tom, you can hear your own name in a room because it's become important to you. See, the question in life is, can you make your goals, your ambitions, the emotions you want, the thoughts, the relationships you need to become your Teslas? And if they become your Teslas, things slow down. The other part of the matrix I love, I'll come out for air, is Neo is the one. He's the one. And when my wife and I were little, I literally live on the beach now, brother, that we used to walk on. We were
27:50 Speaker 01 in high school, we were dating, and we'd walk on this beach, go, babe, I'm gonna get you one of these beach houses. We're gonna, we're getting one of these beach houses. He goes, you are? I go, yep. And I have no idea how. And I go home, I go, Dad, who are these freaking people? Who lives there? He's like, I don't know who the heck they are. They don't work with me, you know? And I figured something out. When you find a family or a person that's happy and successful, or either one, somewhere back in their lineage, they weren't. That family wasn't. And then the one shows up. The one. And that one changes that family forever. It changes the way they live, the way the world treats them, the way they think. They're the Neo. They're the one in their family. And in my family, I'm the one. I'm
28:34 Speaker 01 the one. I didn't like it. I didn't hope for it. I fought for it. I fought for it. I did the things in this book to become the one in my family. And if you're listening to this or watching it, why don't you consider the fact that potentially maybe you're the one?
28:45 Speaker 02 And the fact that you don't think you are, or that you're not qualified to be the one, or don't have the background, or the skills, or the confidence, probably makes you the one, because that was me.
28:54 Tom Bilyeu? Now, what does the one do? What do they introduce to the family that changes it so profoundly?
29:00 Speaker 02 I think they introduce a different way of thinking, Tom. I think they introduce a belief system that the world doesn't dictate the terms to our family anymore. We're going to dictate the terms to the world. And that we have some measure of control over the results of our lives. I think most people go through their lives thinking they have no measure of control. And I had a huge breakthrough, brother, two weeks ago. After I wrote the book, and as you know, as I wrote the book, when my dad died, I thought, I need to write this book because my dad taught me all these profound lessons of one more, and I'm the next to go. I don't know if it's this week or 60 years from now, but I'm the next to go. And I woke up about 3 o'clock in the morning, 3:15 exactly. And I woke up, Christian, I said, babe, wake up. And I was in tears. This was just two weeks ago. I said, babe, someone helped daddy.
29:45 Speaker 02 Now, I'm 51, bro. My dad was sober for 35 years. This never occurred to me. She goes, what? I said, someone helped my dad. She goes, what do you mean? Someone helped my dad in his darkest moment of his life get sober. In some coffee shop or quiet place where my dad was down on his knees, losing his family. Some precious human being helped my dad. I don't know who they are. They changed our entire family. Max and Bella's lives are changed because this person that we don't know, millions of people I've reached, because this person helped my dad. She goes, that's amazing. I said, here's what's more amazing. What qualified them to help my dad?
30:27 Speaker 02 Their shame, their mess, that they were also a drug addict and alcoholic. This precious soul, the things that they're most ashamed of, that they think disqualified them the most in life, is the very thing that qualified them to help my dad in the most important moment of his life. Is where their giftedness, their experience, their shame, their setbacks, is what qualified them to change my life and my dad's life in this dark space. I've been in personal development. My dad's been sober forever. It never occurred to me.
30:59 Speaker 01 The mess you have in your life, the things you are most ashamed of and embarrassed by, that you think are the most insignificant, that disqualify you the most, are probably the very things that will qualify you to connect with another human being in your business or your personal life, to change their life. And don't ever underestimate the ripple effect. They were just helping some man get sober in some dark space in his life, never knowing the one was his son. Never knowing that this whole existence of my family was changed, not just by me being the one, not just by my dad's decision, but by a completely flawed person. Remember, think about this person, at some point they were stealing from their family, driving drunk, did things they're completely ashamed of in those states.
31:42 Speaker 01 That was the experience that qualified them to change my dad's life. So if you're listening to this or watching it, stop discounting yourself. Stop carrying these bags of your life of the things you're embarrassed or ashamed of, or that you think are insignificant, that don't amount to anything. Those are the things, you, precious you, that could change another precious human being's life in a moment where they need you the most. And if you don't believe you're qualified, if you don't believe you can do it, you're gonna miss those moments in your life. And your entire existence here wasn't what it was supposed to be.
32:12 Tom Bilyeu? That's really powerful.
32:13 Speaker 01 Isn't that crazy?
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33:48 Tom Bilyeu? Now, how do you, so, one, I hope that people actually listen to you because people do discount themselves. They do things or have things happen to them that they're not proud of that they think define who they are. And they never allow themselves to bring something beautiful to the world again, which is an absolute tragedy. So if the one is bringing this new way of thinking, if the person that thinks they are the most disqualified is able to channel that and make somebody's life better, how do they turn that into like something concrete that they can articulate? How do they turn it into a habit? Like, what is that process of going from, you know, Neo waking up and realizing that he can do something to actually dodging bullets?
34:30 Speaker 01 I think one of the things is the way that we approach time. This is something that almost no one talks about anymore. So I feel like you may be behind. You may actually be behind your destiny right now. Like, maybe you're not on pace. In fact, I think most people watching this, listening, will say, "I am behind on achieving my destiny." I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I feel like it's slipping. I feel like I'm behind. So you better figure out time differently. And you can bend and manipulate time to your advantage. The most stupid, antiquated, ridiculous concept on planet Earth today very, very well may be that a day is 24 hours. It's so stupid. It's the dumbest thing ever. 24-hour days were contrived when there were no cars. There was no electricity.
35:15 Speaker 01 If I wanted to get you a message, I had to write something down if I could, send it on a horseback, hope you get it. That's insane. Never mind the internet. So what used to take hours, days, weeks, months, years to do can be done now in a millisecond in the internet or on our smartphones. Yet we measure the time the same way that guy did? That's bananas. That is so stupid. Yet everybody does it. And so I about 25 years ago went, "I'm not the most talented. I'm not the smartest, and I'm really not. And you've had guests on your show with IQs maybe 100 points higher than mine." This is the truth. I know a couple of them. I had them on my show. How in the world? I don't come from, you know, a whole track record of success, right? I don't have the perfect upbringing. How in the world am I gonna win? I gotta do things other people aren't willing to do, which I'm doing.
36:00 Speaker 01 That's the one mores. And I gotta fix the way I look at time. What would I need to believe about time? What would I need to believe? What would the question be? And so my days now are from 6:00 AM to noon. That's a day. It's six hours. And in that day, some days you just chill. But in that day, I'm gonna get the amount of productivity, faith, working out, fitness, money, business, you name it, in that day. We've all had a morning where we go, I got more done this morning than I have in weeks. Well, why can't you do that every morning? So I measure time. I've compressed and condensed time. I've bent it. My day is 6:00 AM to noon, and I'm not crazy. You're crazy for thinking it takes 24 hours, just like some dude in a cave did 300 years ago. That's bananas that you still think that way. And it's unfair that people have taught you this. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 PM. That's day two.
36:42 Speaker 01 But with the cool thing is at the end of day one, this clock goes off about noon every day, bro. And goes, what did I just get done? What didn't I do? What do I need to be accountable for? What do I need to double my efforts? Just like you do at the end of most days, right? And then the next day is 6:00 PM to midnight. And some of those are just fun days. Some days I chill, right? But some days, they're really super productive. What I've done now is I have changed and manipulated time. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, I'm gonna kick your butt. Stack it up over a year, you're toast. Stack it up over five years, my entire life is different than it would have been otherwise. And if you do this for about 90 of your traditional days that you think are, you will come back to me and go, that profoundly impacted my life. And here's the other thing that happens. The world responds to you differently when you value your time like that. What is precious is valuable.
37:27 Speaker 01 That's why a diamond or this watch is way more expensive than the piece of paper that's written down there. Because it's more scarce. When your time, when you interact with the world is slightly more scarce, they respond to you as if you're more valuable. So you get more accountability, more productivity, more fun, more joy, and the world flips its response to you. All of a sudden, you become more valuable and precious to people when your time is different. And you'll get thousands more days in your life and live a much more blissful and happy life than the person who only gets 24 hours.
37:56 Tom Bilyeu? Yeah, so this is a concept that I really hope people take seriously. So I'm often asked like how frequently I evaluate my progress. And I'm like, that's probably about every three hours. And I think people are surprised to hear that it's not daily, it's not weekly, certainly not monthly or yearly. It's like, I'm constantly, okay, was I productive in this period of time?
38:16 Speaker 01 Yes.
38:17 Tom Bilyeu? In the book, you reference it, if I remember correctly, as like squeezing the air out of all those gaps.
38:22 Speaker 01 Exactly.
38:23 Tom Bilyeu? Where most people like, okay, you know, if I get this done in my day, then I'm fine. And if you took that and made your day those six hours, suddenly it's like, okay, I need to be really efficient.
38:32 Speaker 01 What if you took that day, Tom, and then combined it with the power of doing one more, that mindset, and then chasing inconvenient things on top of it in those days?
38:39 Tom Bilyeu? And on top of that, sprinkle the little self-love to make sure that you don't burn out.
38:44 Speaker 01 Little reticular activating system where we're doing repeated visualizations, where we're finding the things in those days that we need to be able to find. Uh-oh, you may just change your life.
38:53 Tom Bilyeu? You know, I know exactly what happens. And you liken this to Kobe Bryant. And walk people through like, so what Tim Grover has said about like his work ethic and extra practices and stuff, because it's like, I don't know how many times the successful people have to say the same things.
39:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:11 Tom Bilyeu? For people to get like, okay, cool, I get where this is going.
39:14 Speaker 01 One really simple thing is this, you need to get in a bigger hurry. If I could just distill it down to something simple, you need to get in a bigger hurry. You're too casual, you're too slow, you walk too slow, you talk too slow, you think in terms of too much time. And if you would just speed up the pace, man, like, you know this, when you're around someone like Kobe, or Grover, or you, or anyone that kind of vibrates at a frequency that feels like success energy, it's faster. They don't have to talk faster. Many of our most favorite people talk much slower than you and I do. But they're just in a little bit of a bigger hurry. I'll give you a Kobe thing that's not in the book, though, that just for me and you, and everyone gets to listen.
39:48 Speaker 01 Kobe was scheduled to do my show six days after he passed. Oh, God. And deeper than that, I was with Kobe the week before he passed away. Let me tell you the story about this, because I think it's pretty profound about the one more's. At a volleyball tournament, our daughters played volleyball together. And it's if you have a kid who plays volleyball, you all are going, yep, I get what that is. These are long days and noisy days. So this thing starts about 8 a.m. All the dads are there. The last match was 10 p.m. Oh, God. Yeah, dude, and I'm the last dad in there, except this other guy in a black sweatsuit with white stripes on it. And he's about 6'6". And it's Kobe.
40:31 Speaker 01 And we've been around each other many times at these tournaments. We're the last of the two dads left. And so the tournament ends, his match was on a different end of the court than my daughter's was. Something happened. I have no idea why I did this, brother. I watched him this day. And I was on the other end, and I watched him. He had his baby in his left arm, his little one. And he's rubbing the back of his daughter that was playing. And literally, I went, I don't hug Bella enough. How affectionate he is. It just stood out to me. And because it stood out to me, his outward affection, I watched him, bro. And I watched Kobe walk out of the gym that day with this baby and his arm around his other one. And I watched him walk out, and he obviously stood out because he was so tall.
41:15 Speaker 01 And I can picture him right now, Tom, walking out of that door for the last time. Six days later, he died. And I wonder, see, if you want to know the power of one more, it's when I take it from you, and you can't have it anymore.
41:30 Speaker 01 I wonder if someone would have whispered, Kobe, when he got in the car the day. Six more days.
41:37 Speaker 01 How would that week maybe have been different for him? What would he have said? Who would he have loved? Who would he have reached out to? What would have mattered to him? How about the Saturday before? Kobe, one more day. When he's getting on that helicopter, Kobe, one more. See, it hits us when I say that. And there's a whisper happening that you can't hear. Tom, eight more years, eighteen more, whatever it is, there's a whisper. We forget, we're gonna die. Napoleon Hill says, begin with the end in mind. What if you did that with your life? What if you began with the end of your life in mind and worked it backwards?
42:22 Speaker 01 Bro, my favorite thing in the world was to golf with my dad. My favorite thing, man. We're both no good at golf. Put my hero in a golf cart with me for five hours, a foot away. And the conversations. Watch my dad walk a cut. Do you know what I would do, bro, for one more round of golf with my dad? One more time. Hey dad, good putt. Yeah, that was a good one, wasn't it, Eddie? Put his arm on me, high five. You know what I would do for that? What would you, how would you act? If you started to think about all the elements of your life, like Kobe's last six days? Kobe's one more day, Kobe's one more hour, me getting that back with my dad? What if you started to look at the relationships you have in your life like it was the last time you had
43:07 Speaker 01 a conversation with him? The last time you get to hold Lisa's hand and
43:11 Speaker 02 Jesus, don't even say that, fuck.
43:12 Speaker 01 Right? But how much more precious does she become? Maybe it's the last podcast, the last interview. How much more precious would it be? How much more engaged could we be? Engaged as we are, that next meeting, that conversation with, is it Gerson over here, right? The conversation with him, man. See, when we begin to distill downs and we realize, yeah, there's a power to one more because they're not promised how many we have. And so that day with Kobe, just, it just burned it into my soul, man. When I watched him and then to see six days later, he was gone. That time with his family was so precious and so I would just challenge everybody if you want to know the power of one more. It's when I take it from you. And there's a power and there's a blessing that you get one more in your life. You're gonna get another chance to talk to Lisa. You're gonna get another great dinner with her.
43:57 Speaker 01 You're gonna get another show. Those listeners have another day to change their life. They have another opportunity to do one more. They have another opportunity to make their family proud of them. They still have more time. They don't just have one more day probably to be the one in their family. Life is beautiful. It's precious. And sometimes we only have an appreciation for it in its absence. Sometimes we only have an appreciation for the power of the one more's or the people in our lives. When we imagine their absence. And so I would just ask everybody to consider that. The thing about work is that I think you should enjoy your work. I think there's a part of that, but. I think it's. I agree aggressively with that. I think it's this notion that everything is separate. What do you mean?
44:38 Speaker 01 Well, like I think people ask me all the time about, well, you know, I feel like, man, if I'm crushing it at work. That I'm not gonna be as good a dad, or if I'm really a great dad, my body's gonna suffer. And there's this limited scarcity idea that somehow that there's a. Finite amount of it to have. I just don't buy into that at all. In fact, I've found in my life that when I'm crushing it at work. Man, I'm a lot better in the gym. When I'm crushing it in the gym or work, I'm a better dad. I come home pumped. I come home engaged. I come home excited. I'm not saying there's not fatigue. But when I'm not crushing it at work. What am I not bringing to bear in my family in terms of energy, ideas? My vibrational frequency, my ability to give out information and love. I'm cheating my family when I'm not working.
45:22 Speaker 01 And conversely, I think I rob my work when I'm not engaged with my family. People ask me, well, what is changing you? I was a little bit more of an angry, intense dude before I had kids. And for me, in my case. Having children caused me to pause in the way I speak to people. Sometimes I'm ashamed when I was younger of ways I spoke to people. Had someone talked to my son or daughter the way that I used to talk to people. So me crushing it as a dad has made me a better businessman. Me crushing it as business has certainly, driving out here, my, my daughter said to me, driving out, she goes daddy. I'm taking the real estate exam today. She's 18. She's going to college. I'm taking the real estate exam today and the life insurance exam on Monday. And I'm thinking that's wonderful. Plus she's got finals for school, right? But what impressed me about that was that, hey.
46:05 Speaker 01 That means my work has transferred over into me as a father. So these things are interconnected in life. When you decide not to work and you think that's gonna make you better at home or better in other areas of your life, you're absolutely wrong. You're a whole person and growing the wholeness of you matters. And that's why there's such value in work. Work meaning, work is not always just labor. Work is expansion of oneself and that's why you're robbing yourself.
46:33 Tom Bilyeu? Yeah, I also think there's something to just taking a cynical eye to the world and feeling like, oh, if I'm really giving my everything, then somebody is taking advantage of me. My thing is like, if I were working for somebody else. When, in fact, when I did work for somebody else in my early twenties, I was completely cynical. I was like, oh, I'm being taken advantage of and like, this is terrible. I'm not getting paid what I'm owed. And then I discovered work ethic and how far I could push myself. And I discovered one immutable truth. I could get so good that people would be terrified to lose me.
47:08 Speaker 01 There you go.
47:09 Tom Bilyeu? And in fact, Kobe has a quote that's even better, which is booze don't block dunks. You can get so good, people can't stop you. The greatest players in the world, in fact, scouts were paid an obscene amount of money to go around the entire globe to find people that they could pay millions of dollars to, to stop Kobe Bryant from scoring a basket during a game. And despite the best athletes on planet earth getting paid millions of dollars to stop him, he once scored 81 points in a single game.
47:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:34 Tom Bilyeu? And so my thing is, like, who are you pushing back on? You can get so good at something, people can't stop you.
47:40 Speaker 01 I tell my kids all the time, I say greatness rises. Greatness is eventually found. I have a, I won't say who it is, but I have a relative that's like, hey, the coach is discriminating against me, man. He's got, he really favors these other guys. And I said to him the other day, go, no, he's not. He's not. Greatness rises. He wants to win basketball games or he wants to win baseball games or he wants to win this. The fact of the matter is, get great at something. There's such a- There's such a wonderful feeling of being great at what one does.
48:06 Tom Bilyeu? Yes.
48:07 Speaker 01 That if, I, what a terrible way it would be to get through this earth, have your whole journey through this earth and never get great. Never get great at what you're capable of being great at. And I would encourage everybody to pursue that. That's why they listen to your show, watch your show. It's why they listen to mine. It's why they read our books. Because this pursuit of greatness. We do, we have started to create a culture that I think has an ill-gotten eye towards success, towards progress. And maybe some of that's earned. You know, maybe some of the examples in the world about what financial success looks like hasn't been the most elegant or beautiful examples of it. But the fact of the matter is that my experience with successful people, whether that's financial or not, I believe successful people in their work are happier people.
48:51 Speaker 01 Just overall, whether that's my sister who's a school, people ask me all the time, who's one of the most successful people you know? My sister. Because I think success is that when your external life matches your vision for it, whatever that is, you have a vision for your life and you produce it. My sister is blind.
49:05 Tom Bilyeu? That's right. She was born a diabetic, right?
49:06 Speaker 01 She was born a diabetic. You're so, you're so connected. And she's a schoolteacher. Christian schoolteacher. She's amazing at it. Why? She's in the service of other people. That's the blueprint for her life. And she's using her giftedness in the service of these people. She's kind. She's a great teacher. She's patient. She's 4'11". She's the same height as the students.
49:23 Tom Bilyeu? Wow.
49:24 Speaker 01 See, her giftedness is just perfect for what she does. She's so successful.
49:27 Tom Bilyeu? How does she deal with, because I have to imagine students use the blindness to mess around or whatever. She knows they're doing it. That could be, it would be very easy to feel victimized. How does she deal with that?
49:39 Speaker 01 Well, and because, by the way, my sister could see some things. She can, she just can't drive. She can't, she, she, she sees shadows and whatnot too. Um, my sister though, and, and here's the other thing. Imagine being able, that you used to be able to see and you've lost it. I think it's one thing to be born blind. It's another thing that you had sight. I mean, if an average person just, you've been able to see and you close your eyes even for 10 minutes and be able to imagine not able to see, it's a really traumatic experience. What my sister does that's really interesting, she uses humor really, really well. So she takes it from you before you can give it to her. And when someone is self-deprecating, self-deprecation is a great form to diffuse hate, to diffuse pain.
50:21 Speaker 01 And so she's learned to really use humor about it and almost poke fun at herself to where the students don't do that. And you do it very well, by the way. You're self-deprecating all the time. It'd be easy for you to kinda, you know, your homes, your success, your show, your wealth, your intellect is extremely high. You are a very self-deprecating dude so that it allows you to navigate and operate without the resistance that you would get if you didn't have it. And so a lot of you that are receiving that, you know, self-deprecation is something to look into. Just poke fun at yourself. Take yourself lightly. Don't take yourself too seriously.
50:53 Tom Bilyeu? It's how I avoided getting beaten up as a kid.
50:55 Speaker 01 I believe it.
50:55 Tom Bilyeu? Yeah.
50:56 Speaker 01 I believe it.
50:56 Tom Bilyeu? That was, humor was my best defense.
50:59 Speaker 01 I could see that.
51:00 Tom Bilyeu? Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. So, alright, so you can get so good at something, you can push yourself, you want your outside life to match the internal vision. I wanna, in the book you go into like how people can build these habits so that they can get that life. There are people watching right now, they have the dream, but they don't know how to get that life. Like, what, what are the secret things that you do to actually build the skillset you need to achieve?
51:26 Speaker 01 The skillset stuff is habitual, so there's a bunch of things I talk about in the book. But I think one thing that, I just really believe that when you have a worth level or a confidence level that you can achieve something, you're far more resilient than when you don't have that. There's all these tools on confidence that everybody teaches, right? But I had a really profound experience when I was young that changed my life. And, and, and I've never linked my ability to build a habit or my confidence to my skill. Just stay with me, even though I've built great skills. I won a contest in Hawaii, I'm 28, I'm running down the beach in Maui. Running the other way, and that is why you get rewarded for getting up before the sun. Running the other way, this bald, kinda can see he's got a hairy back, he's sweating, he's running towards me. And he's wearing a Sony Walkman, I'm wearing one too, that's how long ago it was.
52:11 Speaker 01 So we're listening to cassette tapes while we're running, right? And so he runs by me and it's Dr. Wayne Dyer.
52:17 Tom Bilyeu? Whoa.
52:18 Speaker 01 Who's a hero of mine. And I said, "Dr. Dyer, you changed my life." And he turns around, he has a deep voice like I do, he goes, "Well, I highly doubt that." He goes, "I'm sure you changed your life, but what did I do to help you?" And he walks towards me and we sit down on this beach together. And for 90 minutes, I watched the sun come up with Wayne Dyer. And he gets to know me, and he pouring into me, and at the end he goes, "Ed, you're gonna change the world."
52:43 Tom Bilyeu? How old are you at this point?
52:44 Speaker 01 Twenty-eight.
52:44 Tom Bilyeu? Wow.
52:45 Speaker 01 He probably said this to some other people, right? And he goes, "I just think you're brilliant, the way you can articulate your thoughts, your viewpoint on personal development and changing oneself, your experience with your dad. You're gonna change the world." And he goes, "And that's not why." And he goes, "It'll be very dangerous for you to attach yourself to your abilities the rest of your life."
53:06 Tom Bilyeu? Wow.
53:07 Speaker 01 And I said, "I don't understand, like if I can't close or persuade, I can't close a sale." He goes, "No, no, I want you to have all those things. But if you attach your identity or worth to the external, it's fleeting." That's why so many pro athletes when their career's over, they don't know who they are. And I said, "Well, then what do I do?" And he goes, "What's beautiful about you, Ed, is your intentions.
53:26 Speaker 01 You have beautiful intent." And I knew that about myself, was my intentions. What I didn't know is he was writing a book at the time called The Power of Intentions. And he goes, "Would you please, please, because you have the talents, would you please attach your confidence and your worth and your identity to your intention? When you walk into a stressful environment, remind yourself that you intend to serve, you intend to give, because you may lack the ability sometimes, Ed. You may lack the answer sometimes, but you'll never lack the intent. And that intent will put you in a state where you can find the answers." Brother, all my life, most of my confidence has come from driving here today. I just intend to help people. I intend to make a difference. I don't like that, "Oh, I don't need to be here, I'm rich already." Forget all that stuff.
54:09 Speaker 01 My intentions are to help people, forgetting my current status one way or the other. And so I would recommend to everybody to take a real look inside you. What are your intentions? Your intentions to make a difference? Your intentions to love people? Your intentions to serve people? Is your intent to serve your family? Is your intent to make a difference? If that's the foundation for your worth and your self-confidence, you'll never have to chase it again. If it's something aside from your skill, I gotta get a talent, I gotta get this, you'll be chasing it all of your life. Now, having said that, I have a chapter on habits and how to develop them and how to create a trigger and how to create the behavior and then have a reward when you do it. So habits are created by triggers, then there's the behavior, then there's the reward. And I talk about how to build those habits. But all of that is really not very productive.
54:54 Speaker 01 If you don't have some internal knowing that you deserve to be successful, that there's a worth to you, that a confidence that exudes from you. And I don't think that's where my sister and I are that dissimilar. Externally, we're very different people, right? Different careers, different paths. But I think my sister, maybe it's even unconscious, doesn't even do it intentionally. No pun intended. She knows she intends to serve those precious children every single day. So she walks in there with a confidence that's bigger than her lack of vision. Her lack of being able to see. And I think these students sense this beautiful intent on this woman. And because she's self-deprecating, she has this overwhelming intent to serve. There's not a lot of backlash or poking fun at her. And in my life, I haven't had a lot of that, to be honest with you.
55:35 Speaker 01 I've had far less resistance from other people because I carry my intent with me everywhere I go.
55:40 Tom Bilyeu? Talk to me about state change. So you mentioned like you're going into a stressful event, remind yourself that you're there to serve. And it does switch something pretty profoundly. What is a state change? How do you do it? Why does it matter?
55:53 Speaker 01 State change is the definition of everything that I do. So what I do when I'm in a good state, when I'm in that moving state, whether I'm training and working out, or I've crushed a podcast, or I've crushed a show. I create a physical anchor. So I link the emotional state to the anchor. Emotional state to the anchor could be you could tug on your shirt, you could pull on your right ear, you can snap your, you've noticed probably 20 times through this interview, I snap my finger.
56:12 Tom Bilyeu? I associate you with the finger snap more than you could ever possibly imagine.
56:16 Speaker 01 And so for me, that's the juice. And so when you get to a peak state, link it to something physical. The more repetitive it is and the higher the emotional state. That's why, for example, you have them in reverse. If you've ever walked into a room where something bad's happened, or hear a song or something, it immediately creates a trigger for you because the emotional experience was so high. First time you did the naughty naughty thing. If there was a song playing and that song comes back on, you go right back to that place, don't you? So there's an emotional heightened state and then something physical that happens. And so in my case, when it's going really good and I'm pumped and everything's great, I link it. I link it, I link it, I link it. And so now, then you can reverse it back where that trigger creates that state. This is really not that complicated. I go into it in the book.
56:59 Speaker 01 It's amazing to me that we all have all these unconscious triggers in our life, whether it is a song, or a room, or a person, or a memory, or a whatever. And yet we don't ever take control of them. We know they happen because they happen to us all the time. So all I've done in my life is to say, okay, if that's the case, I'm going to create a few that serve me. And by the way, the ones that, you can already hear my energy just went up. The reason it serves me is it can override the negative state. It's my pathway out of the dark space. It's my pathway out of fatigue. It's my pathway out of confusion. It's my pathway out of not knowing the answer to something. I all of a sudden become a heck of a lot more resilient when I'm in that state. And I've got like four or five of them. I just did another one of them, right? But I've got four or five physical things I do that I've linked. If you're an athlete, when you make a big putt, link it.
57:44 Speaker 01 You make a big putt, link it. You make a big putt, link it. When you're in meditation, even in meditation, when you've emptied your mind, if you can just create a trigger that can take you back there, then you don't need to be legs crossed, quiet, hmm, every time to feel that feeling. It's one of the things not talked about in meditation because we're supposed to empty our mind. When we're done and the mind is no longer empty, just create a physical trigger. Just, you ever have someone in your life, just when they touch you, you feel, Lisa touches you, you feel different. Lisa is a trigger for you.
58:13 Tom Bilyeu? No doubt.
58:13 Speaker 01 Of comfort, of confidence, of ecstasy, whatever it is. So these things are around us all the time. How about we start to take control of them? How about we start to be, no pun intended, intentional about them? So heightened state, physical trigger. Heightened state, physical trigger. Do it repeatedly and you're going to find yourself a different person when you need to change your state.
58:34 Tom Bilyeu? I want to repeat that. You're going to find yourself a different person when you need to change your state. That's the, the thing about state change for me is I don't feel like the same person. Like if I get into a negative space, I feel weak and unsettled. And then I can literally, I will, one of my sort of internal triggers that I use is the phrase, remember who you are.
58:54 Speaker 01 There you go.
58:54 Tom Bilyeu? And just saying that to myself, I'm like, that's right, remember who you are. There was this incredible nineties cartoon, Batman cartoon. And there's this episode, I love this, I think about it all the time, where Bruce Wayne gets put in like an internment camp, basically. And he can't get out. And then he, he has amnesia.
59:13 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
59:14 Tom Bilyeu? And then one moment, I forget what happens, but he remembers that he's Batman. Nothing changes.
59:20 Speaker 01 Love it.
59:20 Tom Bilyeu? He just remembers that he's Batman and all of a sudden he can escape. And I was like, God, you have, that's a state change.
59:25 Speaker 01 That's a state change.
59:26 Tom Bilyeu? Just remembering who I am.
59:28 Speaker 01 Who you really are. And here's why that's important. Let me throw something at you that I think you'll agree with. That's who you truly are. But all of us are different people in different times, in different circumstances. And so it's a matter of pulling, this sounds hokey, but it's about pulling the most powerful, resourceful version of you out. I'm a very different person. There's, there's like thirty Ed Mylett. There's the Ed Mylett when I'm really down and I wake up in the morning and I'm, I got anxiety first thing I wake up. There's the Ed Mylett when I'm with my kids. There's the Ed Mylett when I'm on a stage. There's the Ed Mylett when I'm doing this. There's the guy driving in the car. You all have these different versions of you and you know that you do. So the question is, when the one shows up who doesn't serve you, can you bring out the one that you really are? And so it's this notion that this is who I am.
1:00:13 Speaker 01 Really, you're the same person all the time? You have the same emotions all the time? The same thoughts all the time? The same energy all the time? Of course you don't. There's many versions of you. Someone like Kobe Bryant, when the world was melting and he's going to Colorado in his trial and he's, he somehow could find a way to get on that court on a Wednesday night in the middle of all that turmoil and the Black Mamba shows up. And all the people we admire in our lives, if you really think about it, when all the pressure's on, they find a way to step forward with the best possible version of who they are. And that's what separates them. It's not that they don't have the weaker versions, the lesser versions. It's that they can pull the right one forward when they need them because they've either created the tools. Athletes do it very naturally.
1:00:58 Speaker 01 Tom Brady, let's effing go! Why is he saying this out loud? It's like ridiculous, right? Peyton Manning, Omaha! These are triggers. They might be inaudible, but it's also a trigger that creates a state where he's scanning the defense and now he's more resourceful as RES kicks in and he's finding the hole. The linebacker's coming this way, that's where the open receiver's gonna be in the slot. This is what they're great at doing. I just had a fighter of mine this last weekend getting one of the fights and I have a chapter in the book called Equanimity, which is calmness under duress. It's a really under discussed topic in life. And usually when he's in these fights where things start to really happen and he's getting hit, things speed up for him and he starts going into the slugfest mode and ultimately loses. We're talked about equanimity, that the best version of, so he found his trigger, he stepped back, he went into matrix time, things slowed down.
1:01:45 Speaker 01 And then he ended up kicking a dude in the head with one of the greatest knockouts in the history of the UFC this weekend, in the same conditions that he's lost other fights in. So he pulled the best calm, equanimity version of him forward, under duress, as opposed to the scattered, frail one. And that's not what it is in business, in life, in parenting, in our day-to-day existence.
1:02:04 Tom Bilyeu? The power of one more.
1:02:06 Speaker 01 That's right, brother.
1:02:07 Tom Bilyeu? Where can people follow you? What's the best way?
1:02:11 Speaker 01 Oh, I don't know. Social media, go to Instagram, @mylett, E-D-M-Y-L-E-T-T. And, you know, anywhere on social, and you get the power of one more anywhere. Got a website called thepowerofonemore.com. Lot of like, extra tools and resources that'll enhance the book a little bit for you as well, so, yeah.
1:02:27 Tom Bilyeu? I love it. Boys and girls have read the book. It's amazing. Everything I've ever seen Ed do is absolutely incredible. This man gives me the chills constantly, off-camera. He's as awesome as you want him to be. Everything he teaches is everything I needed to learn. I have a feeling it will impact all of you. I highly encourage you to get the book. And speaking of things that I highly encourage you to do, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Peace. Let's talk about a pattern that is guaranteed to be killing your progress. You know what you need to do. You need consistent nutrition. We all do. You need vitamins, probiotics, greens. We all know that we should be doing more of it. When your morning gets chaotic, you skip it. When you travel, you skip it. When your routine breaks, everything tends to break.
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