The Biggest Lie Society Sells You About Happiness--Here’s How to Actually Find Success | Tom Bilyeu (Fan Fav)

Fan Favorite: This episode originally aired on January 28, 2018. Hear Tom's #keynote where he shared the beliefs, values, and identity to help you live life on your terms. This keynote was filmed at the Powerful U conference in Salt Lake City, UT on November 2nd, 2018. CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS ButcherBox: Ready to level up your meals? Go to https://ButcherBox.com/impact https://butcherbox.com/impact to get $20 off your first box and FREE bacon for life with the Bilyeu Box! Vital Proteins: Get 20% off by going to https://www.vitalproteins.com and entering promo code IMPACT at check out Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/impact Netsuite: Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at https://NetSuite.com/THEORY https://netsuite.com/THEORY iTrust Capital: Use code IMPACTGO when you sign up and fund your account to get a $100 bonus at https://www.itrustcapital.com/tombilyeu Mint Mobile: If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at https://mintmobile.com/impact. https://mintmobile.com/impact DISCLAIMER: Upfront payment of $45 for 3-month 5 gigabyte plan required (equivalent to $15/mo.). New customer offer for first 3 months only, then full-price plan options available. Taxes & fees extra. See MINT MOBILE for details. ********************************************************************** Do you need my help? STARTING a business: Join me inside ZERO TO FOUNDER here https://tombilyeu.com/zero-to-founder?utm_campaign=6762613-Scaling%20YT%20%26%20PC%20Ads&utm_source=IT_PC&utm_content=ztf_it_pc_ad SCALING a business: Click here to see if you qualify https://tombilyeu.com/scale?utm_campaign=6762613-Scaling%20YT%20%26%20PC%20Ads&utm_source=mindset_PC&utm_content=bdceo_mindset_pc_ad Get my battle-tested strategies and insights delivered weekly to your inbox:sign up here. https://tombilyeu.com/ ********************************************************************** If you're serious about leveling up your life, I urge you to check out my new podcast,Tom Bilyeu’s Mindset Playbook https://open.spotify.com/show/47VE90Cittmo6TGGFqg2xf —a goldmine of my most impactful episodes on mindset, business, and health. Trust me, your future self will thank you. ********************************************************************** Join me live on myTwitch stream https://impacttheory.co/4fitmnJ. I'm live daily from 6:30 to 8:30 am PT atwww.twitch.tv/tombilyeu https://impacttheory.co/4fitmnJ ********************************************************************** LISTEN TO IMPACT THEORY AD FREE + BONUS EPISODES on APPLE PODCASTS:apple.co/impacttheory http://apple.co/impacttheory ********************************************************************** FOLLOW TOM: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/tombilyeu/ Tik Tok:https://www.tiktok.com/@tombilyeu?lang=en Twitter:https://twitter.com/tombilyeu YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@TomBilyeu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices https://megaphone.fm/adchoices See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tom Bilyeu?

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• 0:45Tom Bilyeu?

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• 1:07Speaker 01

  You're about to hear from Tom Bilyeu.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  You all know Tom. Incredible interviews from Impact Theory. Millions and millions and millions of views and people's lives changed. Probably some of the best interviews we've ever experienced on the internet by far. The best interactions, the best questions, absolutely incredible energy. He's so rigorously committed to personal development and growth. And he genuinely lives everything he says. This guy is like disciplined to the maximum. And of course, we all know what the incredible heights he achieved with Quest. The incredible heights I know he's going to achieve with his incredible comic book series called Neon Future.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  So please put your hands together for my very dear friend and our next speaker, Tom Bilyeu.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  Thank you for that.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Jay Shetty, the man.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, Jay Shetty offers to intro you, you take it. That's just life lesson number one.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  Alright, so I want to come on the heels of that last video and talk about what is the single most important breakthrough any of us are gonna have in our lives. And look, it's getting late right now and we have an opportunity. We've got about an hour together, 45 minutes I guess. We've got 45 minutes together. And what I want to try to do over the next 45 minutes is really create a vibe. To bring us together, to leverage that weird state that you get into when it's late at night and you're a little bit tired and you're open to something that you wouldn't necessarily be open to at any other point in your life.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  So, don't fringe out on the edges, don't start leaking away like cosmic radiation. Come into the centers, get close. Because if we can pull this off, hopefully we can really start to have some transformations. What got me interested in coming to this event and being a part of it is that it was so different. James and Steph flew out to meet me, to spend time with my wife and I, to paint a vision for what they wanted to do. That they wanted to create something that would literally be a journey. That you guys would travel on this emotionally yourselves, that you would see in these people that we've been watching on the screen behind us today and tomorrow.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  And you would begin to see the things in your life that either needed to be changed, perceptions that needed to be broken through. And as you thought through that process and you went through this journey with these real people, that you really began to reflect on you. And what it was you needed to do to get where you want to go. And I talk a lot about the chasm that stands between where you are today and where you want to go. And I'm here to tell you, it just comes down to price. There's a price to pay to become somebody new. There's a price to pay for change. And I've had a lot of you come up to me.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  And ask questions. And there's a look in people's eye. And I will tell you, one of the questions that hides behind what people are actually saying is, "Tom, am I going to make it?

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Do I have what it takes? When you look into my future, can you see me making it?

• 5:01Speaker 02

  And I'm gonna cut to the chase for all of you, and you're gonna mistake what I'm about to say for good news. And then I'm gonna tell you why it's actually the worst thing I could tell you.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  You all meet minimum requirements.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  You all meet minimum requirements. So whatever it is you want to do, I'm not gonna say that it's gonna be easy for you because you're ultra smart or something. You probably aren't.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  But everyone that I've encountered here, literally, without exception, every single person that has come up to me and said something, you meet minimum requirements. Even you awkward motherfuckers that have a hard time like making eye contact. Even you guys, I'm telling you right now, you've got some shit you're gonna have to deal with. But you meet minimum requirements. Now, minimum requirements for what?

• 5:56Speaker 02

  For whatever you want.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Now that sounds great, right? Oh shit. Tom said I can make it. This is amazing. But all I've actually said is now, if you don't make it, it's on you.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  And that's it. There's nobody else to blame.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Everything is your fault. Everything. The good stuff in your life, that's on you. You did that. You either put yourself in a position to deserve it, to be around people that want to help, to take care of you. Luck came by, you were able to capitalize on it. Because like we talked about earlier, luck's like a bus, another one's coming. But will you have the fare to get on? And maybe that's it, maybe you just got really lucky. But you had the fare to get on the bus, and that's on you. So you should be very proud of the things that you have in your life.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  But all the things in your life that aren't to your satisfaction, those are all your fault. Now, I'm gonna tell you a story, and this story pisses people off. And it goes like this. My wife, who happens to be British, dig it up for England. Let's say that she is with her mom, and she's in the bedroom that she grew up in. She's all safe and sound. The door's locked. The alarm is on. Her mom's in the next room, making sure that she's safe.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  But right then, a meteorite comes screaming through the atmosphere, crashes into her bedroom, and kills her. Whose fault is that?

• 7:52Speaker 02

  I know some motherfuckers have listened to my content. I will tell you that right now. Now, if people don't know me, everybody goes to, "It's dumb luck, divine providence, it's nobody's fault. How could you blame yourself?" Well, let me tell you how I could blame myself. And when you hear the reality of this, and you realize that I am in no way, shape, or form being hyperbolic, it actually is my fault. Here's why. I know, right now, there is an organization that track what are called near-Earth objects. In fact, I'm on the board of the X Prize. One of the prizes that they're trying to raise money for is for this problem.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  To track all these known objects and to find some way, lasers, planted nuclear explosions, something, to make sure that if something is ever on a collision course for Earth, that we can stop it. Literally, four weekends ago, I had a chance to vote for this, to say this should be a prize. And I didn't. So now, not only have I never sent a dime of my money to help, I've never sent an email with encouraging words, I've never called them up to tell them what I think they should do. Now, I literally voted against them!

• 9:20Speaker 02

  So if a meteorite happens to kill my wife,

• 9:26Speaker 02

  I don't have anyone to blame but myself. That's so apparently true. Now, I think it's the right decision. I think that putting the time and energy into something that has such a vanishingly slim possibility of actually happening makes no sense. You have to know where to put your energies. All of us have a finite amount of energy. So you at some point have to triage and decide what are the things that I'm going to attack. I'm far more worried about my wife getting into a car.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  The likelihood of her dying is almost certainly going to be, at this point, something to do with heart disease or something to do with an aneurysm, things like that. It most certainly isn't going to be a meteorite crashing through the roof and killing her. But if it did, I wouldn't waste time blaming anyone else.

• 10:20Speaker 02

  Now, the key here, the key, I wouldn't beat myself up over it. I would be crestfallen. My wife is my everything. It would be a loss so devastating, I don't even want to comprehend it.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  But I just wouldn't waste time blaming anyone else. Because the reality is, and let this come home, your life is the exact reflection of the choices you have made.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  Love your life? Great, you've made awesome choices. Hate your life? I'm sorry, you've made bad choices. But the good news is, you're in control.

• 11:08Tom Bilyeu?

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• 11:53Tom Bilyeu?

  or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. It's now also available in Canada and the UK. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, make sure you tell them that it was on Impact Theory. That's the best way to support the show. Let's talk about something that genuinely keeps me awake at night. My team at Impact Theory gets hit with phishing scams from bad actors pretending to be me all the time. And they keep getting more sophisticated attacks with details specific enough to look legit. AI has made a lot of things possible, including scams like this. But AI still needs raw material. It gets it from data brokers who sell your name, address, phone number to anyone willing to pay.

• 12:38Tom Bilyeu?

  Incogni goes after that supply. They handle removal requests across 420 plus harmful broker sites. And they keep checking back as brokers constantly try to relist you. On the unlimited plan, the exposure scanner hunts down your information. Send a link and their privacy experts handle the takedown. Track your progress in the app and get a monthly risk assessment showing exactly where you stand. Go to incogni.com/impact and use code IMPACT for 60% off an annual plan. Incogni is I-N-C-O-G-N-I.com/impact. Promo code IMPACT. It's completely risk free with a 30 day money back guarantee.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  And that's why, literally, the first time I wrote this whole article, it was my first blog article. And it was all about how if I were hit by a drunk driver, I would take ownership of that. I would say that is my fault. And people were pissed. And I was so shocked. I literally thought, I want to pull people from the matrix. What's the one gift that I could give people that will change their life forever? And I wrote this whole thing and I was like talking about like, "Oh man, you're in this spot and it ends up being a kill box and there's cars on either side of you and a car in front of you and your horn dies and you can't even start your car and move. You look in the rear view mirror and this drunk driver's plowing down, they smash into you and it's all your fault."

• 14:04Speaker 02

  And thank God, because now you remember that you're in control. But people thought I was victim shaming. People were outraged that I would say that that was anyone's fault but the drunk driver. But I don't want to do that, because I choose not to ever be a victim.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  I cannot choose whether I'm victimized, but I have the ability to say I will never be a victim, because there's always something you can do differently.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  There is always something you can do differently. And once you understand that you can always make a different choice and get a different reaction, and that's the power in your life, that's the power that you have, is no matter what's going on, you can choose to think differently, believe differently, see differently. All of those things are a choice. Read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Lost his whole family to the Holocaust, was in, I think, five different concentration camps. And he said, "The thing that people die of in a concentration camp is the loss of a why."

• 15:21Speaker 02

  And Nietzsche said, "If you have a why, you can survive almost any how."

• 15:27Speaker 02

  Because you can always change how you think about something. And when you change how you think about it, it's what we've been talking about all day, when you change how you think about it, you actually change the event.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  And I want you guys to see this. I want you to see the voice of a victim in this next clip. Let's watch.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  This is the task that we all have.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  We all go through difficult things, horrible things, heartbreaking things, the kinds of things that we wouldn't wish on somebody else. But the job that we all have is in the face of that. We have to construct a narrative about it that moves us forward. And this is why I'm such a firm believer that you should do and believe that which moves you towards your goals. People get the do part. They understand their actions should be actions that take them towards what they want to accomplish. But people often miss the most important part, which is only to believe things that move you towards your goals. And I see people every day

• 16:42Speaker 02

  that tell themselves a story about themselves that they are worthless, that they're meaningless, that they're pointless, that their friends and family would be better off if they just died. So we have to find a way to construct a narrative about ourselves that empowers us, that lifts us up, even though, even though we make mistakes, even though we fall down, even though we're never going to get things right all the time, and even though terrible things happen to us, or maybe we do terrible things.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  But in that, the erosion of the self, that's the danger. The erosion of the self, that is the danger. And when I talk to people about the 80/20 principle, 80% of the time you should be focused on the things that you love, the beautiful things that you want to bring to this world, the beautiful things that are already in the world. And 20% of the time you should be kicking yourself in your ass and saying you can do better.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  It's such a powerful idea. But the problem is, when people get to the 20%, they forget that it's only supposed to be 20% of the time. And that it's meant to be these acute moments where you're pushing yourself to be more, to do more. It isn't so you can tear yourself down. That's why you have to do and believe that which moves you towards your goals. And if thinking that you're a worthless piece of shit moves you to your goals somehow, then fine, do it. But I can't literally fathom a universe in which that would be a logical way to move forward.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  So I'm gonna give you the magic words that you need right now to never fall prey to that.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  "Believing I'm worthless does not serve me, and I don't do things that don't serve me."

• 18:41Speaker 02

  Repeat that in your head every time you begin to disparage yourself. Because here's the problem. You're gonna believe it's true. You're going to believe that you really are worthless, that you've really done something that makes you worthy of punishment, that means you ought to suffer. And in that moment, you're never gonna be able to convince yourself that that's not true. So you need something else that's going to get you off the hook. And it has to be that core belief system in your life. A belief system that you put in place when you were emotionally sober. And you said to yourself, "I'm making a pledge. I do and believe that which moves me towards my goals, period."

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Not when it's convenient, always. And that becomes a guiding light in my life. If the guiding light in your life

• 19:34Speaker 02

  is that you only do and believe that which moves you towards your goals, when you get into that loop of beating yourself up and thinking that you're worthless, or that you're never gonna make it,

• 19:46Speaker 02

  remember that. That belief does not serve you. And you don't do things that don't serve you.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  And not to rat anybody out, but do you know how many people just today have broke down in tears in front of me?

• 20:03Speaker 02

  And the punchline is always the same.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  They don't think they're gonna make it.

• 20:09Speaker 02

  They become convinced they're more lost than other people. They're less capable than other people. That while other people are gonna have these beautiful lives, not them.

• 20:20Speaker 02

  Here's the irony. Everyone feels that way. Everyone goes through moments of doubt and despair. So you need something to protect your mindset against that loop because it will chip away at you.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  And the belief is very simple. You don't do things that don't serve you.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  And that brings us to adaptability.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  We've got a video about this. I want you guys to watch this because understanding how to begin to change yourself, how to begin to change the narrative that you're living with.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  This is the way out. Let's watch the video.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  And here's the bad news. You can adapt in a good way, you can adapt in a bad way. Like he said in the video, he adapted to life as an addict. He adapted to life in prison. And it's all too easy to find comfort in familiarity, to adapt to something that is deeply unpleasant and to remain stuck there. And as I was talking when we had Beau on stage about how you have these moments of breakthrough and what it's really gonna take for you to get to that next level, is to understand that the person that you are has gotten you as far as it's ever going to get you. So you've got to become a new person. You literally have to adapt.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Now, the great news is, like we talked in my first talk, that is what humans are wired to do. Humans are the ultimate adaptation machine. The reason that we are the only species that you can find in every corner of the globe. At one point, James Cameron was literally at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. We have sent human beings to the moon. We are going to send human beings to Mars. And the reason we're going to be able to do that is we can adapt to our surroundings. There was a woman who swam the Bering Strait. Really think about this. The Bering Strait is the space between Russia and Alaska. So you can imagine, it's not quite a swim in the Bahamas.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  To make the swim, she had to change her fat from what's known as white adipose tissue to brown fat.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  Brown fat is more thermogenic, so it actually kicks off heat.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  To do that, for over a year, she had to expose herself routinely to cold temperatures, sleeping in the winters in Alaska with the window open.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  But in doing that, she actually put her body through an adaptation response. Her body got the message, "Adapt or die," so it adapted. And when you're willing to put yourself under those kinds of stresses to become that new thing you want to become, to be the new person that you want to be, to go farther than anyone you know has ever gone, to be the fucking GOAT, it is possible. But it demands a price. It demands a price. And what this weekend is about, it's about you deciding for yourself, where do you want to go?

• 23:49Speaker 02

  And what price are you willing to pay to get there? There's no right answer.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  There's no wrong answer. There's just clarity. There's just clarity. Don't judge yourself if you don't want to play on a world stage. Don't judge yourself if you're not willing to pay an extraordinary price. Just get the clarity of what you want and what you need to do to get there. When you do that, then you're going to be able to construct a narrative about who you are. And that narrative becomes everything.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  I've often said, "The point of life, the meaning of all this chasing you're doing, is one simple thing. How do you feel about yourself when you're by yourself?" I know a lot of people that fear that quiet. I know a lot of people that don't want to be alone with themselves. And the reason they don't want to be alone with themselves is because they don't think they're worthwhile. They're not happy with who they are. That's what adaptation is about. If you're not happy with who you are, then let's step into the ownership of that.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  Let's remember, "That's our fault. There's no one else to blame for that. The people that did horrible things to you are not to blame for that. Because if they are, there's nothing you can do." But if you're the owner of that, in fact, don't even worry about the word "blame." You're in control. That's what this is about. It's about retaining control. It's about knowing that you own your life. And at any time, if you want a different outcome, you can make different decisions. You can do different things. You can start a new narrative. And once you begin that new narrative, you realize the power that's in that to take you where you want to go. But it begins with identifying, "What is your goal?" Once you have your goal, then you can work backwards

• 25:59Speaker 02

  to what you need to do in order to accomplish that goal. And that is the chasm of adaptation. It's the acquisition of skill set. It's getting better at something. It's becoming capable of something that you weren't capable of before. But that change, the fear of the unknown, is the thing that paralyzes people.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  So I want to go back to what I said earlier.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  You all meet minimum requirements. And I really mean that. I don't want you to wonder if somebody believes in you. I believe in you. I've seen a lot of people reach for the stars and fail. I've seen a lot of people reach for the stars and make it.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  I have a pretty good sense of what it takes for people to get there. So when I say that you guys meet minimum requirements, I really mean it.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  And I want that to liberate you. But what I wanted to liberate you to do is to figure out why it's not enough. Because I didn't just change anyone's life with that phrase, but I should have. That should be all you need to know.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  But there are other things stuck in your perception of who you are in the lens by which you view this world that convinces you that you can't make it.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  And now, in this moment, where I'm hoping the people that are left here right now are the diehard motherfuckers that are gonna make change, no matter what.

• 27:44Speaker 02

  I want some people to step forward. And I want you to tell me what you're afraid of.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  I want to know why you don't think you're gonna make it.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  We have a brave soul. Let's hear it. Yeah, give it up for that.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  I'm afraid of getting to the end of my life and realizing that I did not become the best version of myself, knowing that I got to the very end of my life and I did not accomplish every single thing I know I could.

• 28:22Tom Bilyeu?

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• 29:05Tom Bilyeu?

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• 29:24Speaker 03

  Believe in my heart that I deserve to have.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  And I know the only thing that's stopping me is myself.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  I love that. I think that's the right fear and I think all of us should have some form of that fear. Which if you didn't hear is to have a vision of the person you could become.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  And to reach the pearly gates as it were, see who you could have been, contrasted with who you actually are and be disappointed by the gap between them. And I love chasing that. I think it's a beautiful chase. But what I hope you guys will do, if you ever find yourself at the pearly gates disappointed in how much farther you could have gone. To simply ask one question of yourself every day. Did I give it my all today? Doesn't mean you're always gonna win. Yeah.

• 30:23Speaker 02

  If your life is a series of fuck, yes, I did. You've won. You've won. Guys, the struggle is guaranteed. The struggle is guaranteed. The struggle is guaranteed. The success is not.

• 30:42Speaker 02

  And like the thing that I beg you guys is to have the guts to fail at something that you love.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  And when you were on the mud, on your face, and people are laughing, the "I told you so's" are coming out. That you remember one simple fact: you loved what you were doing, and you left it out on the field. What the fuck else is there? Legitimately, like I'm getting emotional, what the fuck else is there? What more can you ask of yourself than to really fucking try to really say, "I give a shit about this"?

• 31:21Speaker 02

  That's the life to live. That's the life. Like to say, "I care about this. It matters. It gives me purpose. I'm gonna fight for this. This is a group of people I wanna serve, and I'm gonna go all the way out every day." And look, you're not gonna hit it every day. There's gonna be days where you're off. There's gonna be days where you're weak. Weak. But if that day, instead of bullshitting yourself, instead of saying, "I wasn't weak today", what are you talking about? If that day you fucking own it, and you say, "Yeah, I was weak today, and I'm not gonna be weak tomorrow, but I'm not afraid to face that. I'm not afraid to accept that I'm not perfect. I'm not afraid to look in the mirror and say, 'Today was a bad day, that I didn't make myself proud today', but that shouldn't diminish who you are. It shouldn't diminish your view of yourself. Why? Because it wouldn't serve you.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Because if you beat yourself up today, you make it harder for you to be rad tomorrow.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  It's a game that has to be seen in total. It's not a game where you can take a fucking snapshot. And this is like what I want you guys to understand. In any one moment, I've looked like a fool so many fucking times I can't count. But when I look at my life in 10-year chunks, I'm freaked out by what I've accomplished.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  So I'm okay if I don't become the ultimate version of what I could become, but I won't tolerate not trying.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  Well, some of my limiting beliefs are that I'm not good enough and I don't deserve the success that I have right now. So I keep fighting those limiting beliefs in my mind. Now, they are getting better. That little speech actually helped a ton, but it's, "Am I ever gonna be good enough? And am I worthy of this success?"

• 33:08Speaker 02

  So, this is one of the most common reframes ever. Worth. Being good enough, being right, being smart. Guys, these are very fragile ways to think of yourself. And I understand the temptation, because it feels really good when you do feel worthy. It feels really good when you are right. It feels really good to actually be the best at something. But the truth of the world, just the truth of the world, it is this way. You're always going to encounter somebody better, stronger, faster, more pious, more worthy, more whatever. So if you live in a world of comparison, it will rob you of your joy. Even people who, like Michael Jordan, if you put him right now up against most rookies,

• 33:53Speaker 02

  the rookie's gonna win. Rookie's younger, faster, hungrier. Michael's just lost a step, he's gotten old. So if he were trying to make his life about his glory in that period, let's say he lives 80 years, if he's living for the glory of 20 years, that's the most heartbreaking life I can imagine. So you're going to move in and out of these moments where you are a badass to where you're not a badass. Don't value yourself for that. Value yourself for something that is anti-fragile. Being smart, being right, being good, being worthy, they are very fragile things, because sometimes you won't be. It simply is this way.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  Valuing yourself for being a learner, on the other hand, for trying, that's anti-fragile. Because the more somebody attacks you for being dumb, but you build your self-esteem around learning, the first thing I think when someone says I'm dumb is awesome, in what way?

• 34:55Speaker 02

  Because I view myself in these 10-year windows. And I know the same people that were laughing at me when I became an entrepreneur, knew nothing about it, and I was who's the kid in the server room, and I was the only one with an office that had no windows, and there were like nine other computers in my room, and nobody knew who I was, and the only contribution I made to phone calls was to say goodbye at the end of a conference call. I'm not kidding.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  10 years later, I own a billion-dollar business. Who the fuck is laughing now?

• 35:34Speaker 02

  But it only worked because I didn't mind looking stupid. It only worked because I wasn't asking myself whether I was worthy or whether I deserved it. I just asked myself, am I leaving it all out on the field? Yes or no? Am I learning? Yes or no? And if I'm not, I didn't go, oh, that makes me a bad person. I went, I need to change my actions to get a different result.

• 35:57Speaker 02

  And once you start thinking like that, and you literally value yourself for how hard you're trying, how much you're learning, how willing you are to accept when you fall on your face, that you don't try to get out from under it, or campaign to convince people that you're better than you really are. Fucking own where you're at. Because once you're real about it, then you can make progress. But if your energy cycles go to bullshitting yourself, you'll never get out of it.

• 36:24Speaker 05

  So for me, it's my happiness now. I believe that's as happy as I can be.

• 36:33Speaker 05

  And it's hard to realize that there is progression, and I make that progression. That it's not going through four years of school to make that progression. It's actively participating in my own life and being able to bounce back and forth between those as a human.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  Dude, that's raw. Thank you for that, by the way. Please, honor that.

• 36:57Speaker 02

  That was beautiful. So here's the thing about happiness. Happiness is by nature transient. Happiness is also a neurochemical state. And for me, to get out from under my brain, I finally had to understand that neurochemistry is fickle. And it changes from one minute to the next. In fact, who's ever had a day, in the same day, where you thought, "I'm so fucking amazing." Like, "This shit is crazy." For real. Are other people this good at anything? Like, "I'm the shit." And then, I'm not joking. Forty minutes later, you're like, "Oh fuck, man, I am spastic. I can't believe it. I'm never gonna succeed. Like, this is a joke. I'm a total piece of shit."

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Who's ever been there?

• 37:45Speaker 02

  Alright. That's essentially universal hands in the air. So just know, the next time that you have one of those down moments, remember, everybody else is feeling that. The joke is on all of us. We're all feeling it. But we think we're the only ones, so we hide it. So we get in these loops about happiness. Look, happiness comes and goes. It's super transient. You're gonna feel it one minute, you're not gonna feel it the next. That is the nature of things. Burn that notion into your head. That is the nature of things. Alright, well if I know that it's there, if I know that it's predictable, then I'm not gonna let it whip me into a frenzy. I know that as I'm sure Mr. J. Shetty would say, "This too shall pass."

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Learn that phrase and learn it well. "This too shall pass." The highs will pass. The lows will pass. So don't focus on happiness. It's too transient. Focus on fulfillment. Fulfillment is defined very simply. You work very hard for a set of skills that have meaning to you. You care about them in and of themselves. And those skills that you have worked so hard to obtain, they allow you to serve not only yourself, but others. That's the key to making this highly social animal fulfilled. And to have something that sustains over time. Fulfillment is born of suffering.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  It's born of doing the hard things. So even in those dark moments, you can see beauty. You can experience the joy of being alive. You can experience the joy of having loved ones. Because it endures.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Fulfillment endures. Now, you're not gonna feel the neurochemical high of it all the time. But when you look inward and ask yourself, "Am I busting my ass to serve not only myself but others?" If the answer is yes, it's really hard to keep feeling badly about yourself. Focus on fulfillment, and you will make yourself impervious to the sways that is happiness.

• 39:58Speaker 06

  Mine is as a single father of three beautiful girls. I have limited time with them. I wanna know if I'm giving everything I can that I'm making an impact. And I'm always worried that what little time that I have, do they feel love? Do they feel value? Am I instilling that in them? And that's my biggest thing, is everything I'm doing is a drive to be able to progress in life where I can make the best out of them, where they have value in themselves.

• 40:34Speaker 02

  So here's the great news for all the parents in the audience. You're going to fuck it up.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  And all of your parents fucked it up. But you can make them feel love, man. And at the end of the day, I will tell you this right now. My mom fucked up so much shit, it's crazy. But I never doubted that she loved me. Not once. And because of that, I had a rock. Now, here's the truth about taking risks. And everyone in this room is willing to take risks. That's why you're willing to dream. That's why you guys are going to execute against that. And the way to take risks is to have a very safe and stable home life. You're gonna make mistakes, man, and it's okay. You're gonna learn from those mistakes, and you're gonna get better.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  And as long as the thing that sits at the core of your relationship to those little girls is, "Dad loves us." Nothing else matters. If you make them feel that, dude, everything else will be irrelevant. If you get them into the world knowing that they are loved at an absurd level, everything's gonna be okay.

• 41:55Speaker 07

  So for a long time, most of my life, it's been that I can't do something, can't do something. That's just something I told myself, my self-talk, negative self-talk. And then it got to a point where it's like, I can, and I can do this. But the can didn't become something that was deep. It wasn't based, I think, on a solid foundation because I have the fear of thinking now that it's not that I can't, the fear is that I can. So I'm trying to break through the can. So that's where I am right now.

• 42:31Speaker 02

  I love that, and I think that's the right fear. Once you realize you meet minimum requirements, you should be afraid. Okay, I can, and now it's all a question of, am I actually going to do it? And am I going to follow through with it? And then I'm going to say to you, you're focused on the wrong thing. Because it doesn't matter if you're ever successful. Because truly, and to give you guys a little bit of my background, I went from scrounging in my couch cushions to find enough change to put gas in my car, to helping build this technology company. I was hired as a copywriter, and I worked my way up. I became a multimillionaire inside that company on paper, and I was miserable. Miserable. And I thought, this is a joke. I'm living the cliche of money can't buy happiness. What the fuck? How many people had to say it?

• 43:16Speaker 02

  And I still didn't believe it? Like, how many people literally have to tell you, money is not going to give you the thing that you want? I've had every opportunity up here to be like, yeah, motherfuckers, get rich. That shit is cool as hell. And here's the thing, people will chase money forever. Why? Because it's real. Money is real. Money is powerful. But money's not at all what you think it is. You think, when it comes to success, like getting there, making it, achieving it, the way that you see somebody that's achieved it now, however you define that, and you look at them and you think, oh my God, they're amazing. You think you're going to think the same thing about yourself, and you won't. And I had the very good fortune. My wealth came all at once.

• 43:59Speaker 02

  I built a company, I had tons of equity in the company. I was worth hundreds of millions of dollars on paper. But I was still driving a beat up car and my life was whatever. I was in a normal house, I was making a good salary, no need to feel sorry for me. But in terms of like, the wealth moment, it literally came in an instant. It was, alright guys, the money's been wired. And you hit refresh on your bank account. Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh. And then bam, you're fucking crazy rich. And it's like, commas and zeros and you're like, holy shit!

• 44:35Speaker 02

  I don't feel any differently about myself. And all of my insecurities, all the things that I beat myself up for, all of it, still right here. It literally didn't change anything. I could buy neater stuff. But the only thing, like if you wanna know what money really does? Money lets you build. I'm building Impact Theory. I'm going to win. Because I have the intensity and I have the capital. That's money. But money doesn't touch who you are. So my thing is, I may go broke building Impact Theory. That, that is a reality. Because I know, the struggle's guaranteed, the success isn't. So it's very possible, I'm betting my fortune right now, on building this thing.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  Eh, maybe it doesn't work. But that won't touch how I feel about myself. Losing the money won't touch how I feel about myself any more than making the money. Couldn't touch how I felt about myself. Because you either do the internal work of like, I know who I am. The thing that you'll resent, isn't whether or not you make it. The thing that you'll resent is, now that you know you can, will you actually try? Trying is what you're gonna judge yourself on. Hey, don't cheer on that. That shit is scary. That's the one I want you guys to think about today. Because none of you, your family won't weep for you if you don't succeed. Two things will happen on your deathbed if you failed. You really went for something and you failed.

• 46:05Speaker 02

  One, they will all mourn that you weren't able to live your life because you were so myopically focused on the goal that you forgot to enjoy the journey and somewhere along the way you stopped loving. You stopped loving them, you stopped loving yourself because all you could see was succeeding, getting that thing, the tick on the paper box. And you lost your way. That's possibility number one. Possibility number two is they're like, hey, this motherfucker tried and it was inspiring. And just to see them go day after day after day in the face of so much defeat, but to have the will and determination to keep going.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Winston Churchill said, and I quote, "Success is going from failure to failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm."

• 47:03Speaker 02

  Doesn't matter if you win, that's not success. The success is going from the failure to the failure to the failure and still being excited to show up. It's like, this is how I liken success. Success is like love. You know the beautiful part about love? Getting the shit kicked out of you and then coming back for more. That's so hopeful, that's so optimistic to be like, whoa, I just had my ass handed to me and yet I want to be vulnerable again. I want to go through this again. I want to open myself up to this. I want to be touched by that, I want to feel that. Fucking people can get behind that, man. We can get excited about that. We want to be friends with people like that. We want to feel that in our own lives, that willingness to have tasted defeat and still come in open and not jaded.

• 47:48Speaker 02

  How beautiful is that?

• 47:53Speaker 02

  So I promise, the only thing you will ever judge yourself for is whether or not you tried. And since succeeding doesn't matter, you might as well try.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 48:06Speaker 02

  This red thing's been haunting me for a while. So unfortunately, we're gonna have to rap. But I'm gonna make you guys a promise. First of all, stay tonight. So anybody that wants to stay, hang out, get photos, signatures, ask questions, I will do it. As long as they'll leave my mic on, I'll stay. But for vocal reasons, because I have a full day tomorrow, I can't be shouting. So if they'll leave my mic on, I'll stay until they shut it off. And then tomorrow, as promised, I will not go to bed if that's what it takes. I will answer every single question you guys have. Because by then, my official speaking obligation will be over. So if I lose my voice, so be it. I will stay until every question is answered, every photo is taken,

• 48:48Speaker 02

  everything that you want to learn, figure out, whatever is done, okay? So I'm way honored that you guys were willing to step to the mic. That means a lot to me. But for now, we're gonna have to rap. Remember, guys, the only thing that matters, what do you think about yourself when you're by yourself? Go out and try, man.

• 49:08Tom Bilyeu?

  Hey, everybody, thank you so much for listening. And if this content is delivering value to you, please go to iTunes, go to Stitcher, rate and review us. That helps us build this community. And that is what we are all about right now. Building this community as big as we can to help as many people as we can, deliver as much value as possible. And you guys, rating and reviewing really helps with that. Alright, guys, thank you again so much. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care.

• 49:37Tom Bilyeu?

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