Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Help My Dentist Proposed To Me | And We’re All Miserable… About this episode A grey cloud has entered the studio, and its name is Jordan North…
It's the morning after the England semi-final and spirits are low. Jordan's basically in tears from the experience, and to make matters worse, he's realised he will be 40 years old at the next World Cup! William, on the other hand, has a spring in his step and has discovered his latest food obsession - burritos.
The boys then tackle your dilemmas on swimming around lovers in the pool and how to navigate toothache when your nearest dentist is an ex-lover who you shunned.
If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected] , and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss.
If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected] . You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss.
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Transcript 10,670 words · 7 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
0:35 Speaker 01 Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.
0:36 Speaker 02 And I'm Marco Burchella.
0:38 Speaker 01 And this is Boots Off.
0:41 Speaker 02 We are friends who've spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts, and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.
0:49 Speaker 01 And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.
0:56 Speaker 02 This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.
0:59 Speaker 01 The adventures that lead to adversity.
1:01 Speaker 02 And how life can be one big adventure in itself.
1:04 Speaker 01 Listen every Thursday, just search for Boots Off.
1:16 Speaker 03 Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas like, what should you do when someone gets out their smelly feet in a restaurant? Or what do you do when your producer asks if they can turn up to work hungover after the England game?
1:38 Speaker 04 Sack them.
1:39 Speaker 03 And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not your usual Agony Ants, are we? Or your usual Thomas Tuchels, are we? William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette experts.
1:48 Speaker 04 No, we're not, Jordan North. I'm more Time 100, you're more Time for a Pint. That's from Bethan. I love that.
1:54 Speaker 03 What's Time 100, is that the?
1:55 Speaker 04 Oh, well, you know, you wouldn't know.
1:59 Speaker 03 Is that the one that Hitler got?
2:01 Speaker 04 Wow.
2:01 Speaker 03 Time Magazine. He did. He was named like Person of the Year or something, famously.
2:05 Speaker 04 Yes, Time has been around for some time.
2:07 Speaker 03 I actually think I'd rather be Time for a Pint than Time 100.
2:11 Speaker 04 Fine. Do you know what you're asking, or are you annoying me?
2:14 Speaker 03 What?
2:15 Speaker 04 Because you know I've been named one of Time 100's creators of the year.
2:18 Speaker 03 Oh, have you?
2:19 Speaker 04 Yes, which is why we're talking about it.
2:20 Speaker 03 Oh, congratulations.
2:21 Speaker 04 Thank you so much. Yeah.
2:23 Speaker 03 Well, that's amazing.
2:24 Speaker 04 Thank you.
2:24 Speaker 03 Time Magazine is in.
2:25 Speaker 04 Yes, international.
2:26 Speaker 03 And what, what number did you come?
2:28 Speaker 04 No, no, you just are, you're either in the list. There's no, you're not ranked.
2:31 Speaker 03 And how many?
2:31 Speaker 04 It's not the big top 40.
2:32 Speaker 03 Is it 100 people?
2:34 Speaker 04 100 people. Time 100.
2:35 Speaker 05 100 creators?
2:36 Speaker 04 Creators.
2:37 Speaker 03 That's amazing.
2:38 Speaker 05 How many creators are there in the world?
2:40 Speaker 04 Probably more than 100.
2:40 Speaker 05 101.
2:43 Speaker 04 Who's put 50p in the produce?
2:45 Speaker 03 That's, that's, that's great.
2:47 Speaker 04 Thank you.
2:47 Speaker 03 I, I wasn't aware.
2:48 Speaker 04 No, well, don't worry. You know me. I'd not want to go on about it.
2:52 Speaker 03 Congrats.
2:53 Speaker 04 Thank you so much. Thank you. And well, thank you, Bethan, for so seamlessly giving us opportunity to talk about it. This week's toast goes to Joel, who has been nominated by our very own Gen Z Izzy. Remember her? Massive shout out to Joel, who kindly came to the rescue after Izzy had moved in with her friend Gabby and found herself needing a hand with some very heavy wood. A solid oak dining table, it says here, just for a little bit of clarity. Naturally Gabby's boyfriend's dad, Joel, turned up in his white van, expertly handled the solid wood and safely delivered it to its final destination. A true professional. During the ride in the van,
3:38 Speaker 04 Izzy discovered Joel is a huge fan of the pod, with his favourite episode naturally being The Clone a Willie One. So thank you, Joel, for tearing yourself away from Wimbledon to help, that's the tennis, I assume, to help two gorgeous girlies, it says here, who simply couldn't handle the wood on their own. An absolute slay from him. Diva. Yeah, yeah.
3:59 Speaker 03 Well done.
3:59 Speaker 04 Joel, this is to you.
4:00 Speaker 03 This is to you, Joel. Thanks for helping out a damsel in distress.
4:04 Speaker 05 I do think sort of free labour in exchange for shout outs on the podcast should be.
4:09 Speaker 04 It's probably illegal.
4:10 Speaker 05 It should be illegal.
4:12 Speaker 03 Oh, oh.
4:13 Speaker 05 That should be declared to HMRC, I think, something like that.
4:16 Speaker 03 Oh, you'll be fine.
4:18 Speaker 04 Um, now, we should say at time of recording, uh, something was going on last night. And, uh, I'm not detecting the most professional of atmospheres in the studio. And I'm not happy about it. Do you want to tell everyone what it was?
4:31 Speaker 03 England got beat at the time of recording by Argentina.
4:35 Speaker 04 Were beaten by Argentina.
4:38 Speaker 03 Don't wind me up.
4:39 Speaker 04 Why?
4:40 Speaker 03 Because it don't matter. We got beat. We got knocked out.
4:42 Speaker 04 They did a good game. They were particularly strong in the first half.
4:45 Speaker 03 Hmm.
4:46 Speaker 04 We all went downhill in act two, but other than that, it was, it was a solid game. It was good television.
4:51 Speaker 03 Just sat back for too long when, when, when we scored, like as soon as we scored. Anthony Gordon.
4:59 Speaker 05 We were far too deep.
5:00 Speaker 03 We were far too deep.
5:01 Speaker 04 Anthony Gordon was the one, when we did our on social media smash and pass England players, was he the one with the Clapham pose?
5:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:08 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:08 Speaker 05 Looks a bit like Clapham.
5:09 Speaker 04 Looks like Clapham.
5:10 Speaker 03 I seen him on holiday last year.
5:11 Speaker 04 Yes.
5:12 Speaker 03 Yeah. Have I mentioned that?
5:13 Speaker 04 One or twice, yeah.
5:14 Speaker 03 He was a good lad. Yeah. He said to me, are you a footballer? I said, no.
5:20 Speaker 03 Um, but yeah, so we're a bit good. It's just, it, it, it's like when Gaza cried in, in Italy ninety, I think it was. It, it wasn't just a football, it's everything. Because the country's pretty divided, isn't it? So at times like this, when everyone's together, everyone's in the pub, arm in arm, and you're like hugging strangers and cheering along and.
5:38 Speaker 04 You know, you can hug strangers. I mean.
5:40 Speaker 03 No, you can't.
5:41 Speaker 04 Consent, but you know, you could do that for.
5:43 Speaker 03 I was, yesterday I was buzzing all day. I was nervous and I was walking to a pub and I was like, this is what it's all about. Honestly, I was like, this is better than Christmas, this. England in the semi-finals of a World Cup during a heatwave, going to the pub, drinking pints, like, uh, it don't get much better for me than that. Genuinely. I was so excited. I was like, this is, this is better than Christmas.
6:06 Speaker 05 Agree.
6:07 Speaker 03 Just something about it, the atmosphere in the air and then, yeah.
6:10 Speaker 04 Hmm.
6:11 Speaker 03 And it's, it's the hope that kills you, William. It's the hope that kills you.
6:15 Speaker 04 Hope for what?
6:16 Speaker 03 Just hope in general. That's what they say, don't they?
6:19 Speaker 04 Right.
6:19 Speaker 03 Hmm. Yeah. I, yeah, go on.
6:22 Speaker 05 Can I, I, I was walking home from the pub last night just thinking about the missed out fun.
6:30 Speaker 04 We would have been so happy. This episode would actually be really funny today.
6:34 Speaker 03 Well, press, press, skip on to something else.
6:37 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's like, you know, like FOMO is like fear of missing out. We need like a phrase like fear of lost fun.
6:44 Speaker 03 Foul stuff.
6:45 Speaker 04 Foul.
6:46 Speaker 03 Foul stuff.
6:46 Speaker 04 Because it would, these next three days could have been, like, it would have been better than Christmas and New Year's. It would have been better than the gooch.
6:53 Speaker 03 Sorry, that was really ADHD. Your hair looks nice today. Yeah, it could have been better than the gooch. It could have.
6:59 Speaker 04 Hmm.
6:59 Speaker 03 It's just, it is, and it's like, you know, watching the first game with my brother, I don't get to see that much. So it's just, if you don't watch football, if you don't.
7:08 Speaker 04 There are, I should just say, for those that don't like football, I get it. It's obviously very sad that England did not, you know, get through to the quarterfinals. What? No, the final. The final. Um, but.
7:19 Speaker 03 We were in the semis. It was the men's semis.
7:22 Speaker 04 You weren't even interested in the men's semi? No, I was working. Um.
7:26 Speaker 03 I've not been excited about a semi since.
7:28 Speaker 04 Last weekend.
7:29 Speaker 03 Insert funny gag, I'm too hungover. Hang on, so they've recorded. I've not been this excited about a semi since.
7:37 Speaker 04 Last weekend.
7:38 Speaker 03 Thanks.
7:38 Speaker 04 Yeah. Um. Funny. No, I, I get it. It's, it's, you know, but there's probably, I think what we have to remember is, um, the Lionesses will probably do better in their next competition anyway. So we've always got that.
7:51 Speaker 03 Do you know what really made me sad and like pretty much nearly brought me to tears? I was walking home.
7:59 Speaker 04 Hmm.
7:59 Speaker 03 Because it's my fault.
8:01 Speaker 04 What, your Uber cancelled?
8:02 Speaker 03 No, it, it, it's my fault we lost because I went to the pub to watch it and I should have stayed at home because I jinxed it. I did and.
8:08 Speaker 04 You, you say, hang on, for the entire team, you personally jinxed it?
8:12 Speaker 03 Because I said, I text, I text our Lee and said, where are you watching it? He went, I've watched every game at home and we've been all right. So I'm going to stay at home. He said, I'd love to go to pub, but I don't want to jinx it. And I said, oh shit, I'm going to pub. I went to the pub in my last, and then I walked home.
8:26 Speaker 03 And I thought, this is going to be the last time I wear my England shirt as well because next world cup will be 40 and you can't be a 40 year old wearing football tops. And that nearly broke me.
8:34 Speaker 04 I mean, I think as a 36 year old, it's pretty tragic.
8:37 Speaker 03 No, and I know there's many 40 year olds listening, but I just remember my dad, my dad, you know, Graham.
8:41 Speaker 04 I'm aware of his work.
8:42 Speaker 03 Blokes, blokes, drinks Carlin. That's all you need to know. Won't wear football shirts and I respect that.
8:47 Speaker 04 I respect. I think that's, that's class.
8:48 Speaker 03 So I think at 40, I'm not going to be able.
8:54 Speaker 05 Sorry, just give me a minute.
8:55 Speaker 03 The next World Cup, I'm gonna be forty, which is sad in itself.
8:59 Speaker 05 That is, that is mental.
9:01 Speaker 03 And I'm not gonna be able to wear an English shirt.
9:03 Speaker 05 You're forty in the next World Cup. Oh my god.
9:07 Speaker 03 That's what I did and I fucking cried on my own. Because of the fact that when I'm gonna watch him, I'm gonna be forty and I can't wear my local.
9:13 Speaker 04 But you'll still be thirty in the Euros.
9:16 Speaker 03 I'm gonna wear my English shirt. I'm actually welling up. I'm gonna be fucking forty years old for that next World Cup. I cannot, and I cannot. I cannot be wearing an English shirt. Do you know what? I don't wanna be doing fucking cocks and fanny jokes as well. I'm having a full on mental breakdown here. I'm done.
9:33 Speaker 04 It won't be easy.
9:34 Speaker 03 I'm done.
9:37 Speaker 03 It's shit when you get beat. How's your week been?
9:40 Speaker 04 Well. Don't Cry For Me Argentina, which I was listening to doing my makeup today, which I felt was, uh.
9:48 Speaker 03 I know that song.
9:48 Speaker 04 I was. Sofia, yes, it's from Evita.
9:50 Speaker 03 Madonna.
9:51 Speaker 04 It's from Evita. Madonna covered it. Yes.
9:54 Speaker 03 What, an advert at Revitas?
9:56 Speaker 04 No, Evita, because she did the film.
9:58 Speaker 03 Don't Cry For Me Argentina.
10:01 Speaker 04 Don't say the wrong words.
10:03 Speaker 03 The truth is, I never left you.
10:06 Speaker 04 Oh, well done, you.
10:07 Speaker 03 All through my wild days.
10:08 Speaker 04 I was convinced you were gonna say love.
10:10 Speaker 03 My.
10:11 Speaker 04 Mad existence.
10:12 Speaker 03 Mad existence. Don't keep your promise. So my mum used to play it in cars.
10:18 Speaker 04 You are so.
10:20 Speaker 03 Don't even bother.
10:21 Speaker 05 There's, there is no other man on this planet who starts crying about the fact that you can't wear a football shirt when he comes to forty and then starts singing. Don't Cry For Me Argentina, wild word.
10:31 Speaker 03 That's what, that's what I'm mainly upset about. The next time I'm in the World Cup, I'm gonna be forty. I've done with my life.
10:38 Speaker 04 Well, if you live that long.
10:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, true.
10:41 Speaker 04 You know, something could happen. So keep that in mind.
10:44 Speaker 03 Thank you.
10:45 Speaker 04 Hmm, I might murder yours.
10:46 Speaker 03 Go on, cheer us up. What have you been up to?
10:48 Speaker 04 Well, we had a dog in the theatre last night, so that was pretty exciting.
10:51 Speaker 03 What? Uh, for blind people?
10:53 Speaker 04 Well, I think it was a therapy dog. It was in one of the boxes.
10:56 Speaker 03 What did he do then?
10:56 Speaker 04 And we could all see it and it literally had its, it had its little paws over the balcony. It was so cute. And it came to stage door and was wearing a little bow tie, which I don't agree with clothes on dogs, but it was still quite cute.
11:06 Speaker 03 What's a therapy dog? What do they do?
11:08 Speaker 04 Where does a pet become a therapy dog is, is what I mean.
11:11 Speaker 03 Does it have to train? Does it, Sally?
11:13 Speaker 04 Well, it wasn't wearing high vis or anything.
11:15 Speaker 03 Did it just, only for people that have a nervous disposition?
11:18 Speaker 04 Yeah, so might need it for comfort, but it was very cute.
11:21 Speaker 03 I want a therapy dog.
11:23 Speaker 04 You just need therapy.
11:24 Speaker 03 Izzy, come here and let me stroke you. I need a therapy dog today. Come here and let me stroke your hair or something.
11:29 Speaker 04 Izzy, stay.
11:31 Speaker 03 Stay. Good girl.
11:34 Speaker 04 That's, that is an ick.
11:35 Speaker 03 Is it?
11:36 Speaker 04 That is such an ick.
11:37 Speaker 03 I've got to stress, me and Izzy are very good friends outside of work. It's not like a HR thing.
11:45 Speaker 04 Yes, yes.
11:47 Speaker 03 Love you, Izzy. Thanks, babe.
11:50 Speaker 04 You had a lovely time with my husband over the weekend, I believe.
11:53 Speaker 03 Oh shit, I completely forgot about that.
11:55 Speaker 04 Yes.
11:56 Speaker 03 Yeah. Oh.
11:57 Speaker 04 He loved it.
11:58 Speaker 03 He doesn't stop for breath, does he?
12:01 Speaker 04 No, thankfully.
12:03 Speaker 03 No, I don't mean, we didn't do it like that. No.
12:06 Speaker 04 Your wife's walking a bit funny.
12:07 Speaker 03 Mikey came to Henley Festival. And then the next day.
12:11 Speaker 04 I should say I was invited, but I was otherwise committed.
12:14 Speaker 03 And, and then, oh, I've got a great video. We'll put it on our, we'll put it on our socials.
12:20 Speaker 04 Carousel.
12:20 Speaker 03 I've got a video of him singing along to ABBA. Do you want to see it?
12:24 Speaker 04 Yes.
12:24 Speaker 03 It's so cute. So we went to Henley Festival. We watched Lulu. Well.
12:30 Speaker 04 Well, yeah.
12:31 Speaker 03 It's a big show. Oh, no, wrong one. You know, you make me wanna shout.
12:35 Speaker 04 She looked like she was having a lot of fun.
12:37 Speaker 03 She was. Oh, actually, I've got one of those privacy screens now. So I don't know if you've been able to see.
12:42 Speaker 04 Privacy? Sorry, have we been transported to California? Privacy?
12:45 Speaker 03 Privacy screens. I don't know why. I just, I went in for a new phone case.
12:50 Speaker 04 Yeah.
12:51 Speaker 03 She went, do you want a privacy screen? I went, yeah, go on.
12:53 Speaker 04 Privacy.
12:54 Speaker 03 Thinking it'd be like a fiver, about forty or quid.
12:57 Speaker 04 What? Yeah. They saw you coming. I mean, to be fair, there's a lot on your phone that needs to be kept private.
13:01 Speaker 03 What? Like what? Uh, here he is. Look at him.
13:08 Speaker 04 Oh. Oh, he's got his phone torch out. What a, what a puss.
13:16 Speaker 04 And Mikey.
13:25 Speaker 03 I would, my friend, Fernando.
13:28 Speaker 04 Oh, that's sweet.
13:30 Speaker 03 It was great. And do you know what? They were called Bjorn again, right?
13:33 Speaker 04 Bjorn again.
13:33 Speaker 03 Bjorn, what?
13:34 Speaker 04 Bjorn again.
13:35 Speaker 03 Bjorn again, they were called, right?
13:37 Speaker 04 Yeah, because it's Benny and Bjorn.
13:38 Speaker 03 And when a Northerner says this about a tribute act, it's the best compliment.
13:42 Speaker 04 They're more Tina than Tina.
13:44 Speaker 03 They were more like ABBA than ABBA. I promise you. They were so good. They were, he was like, um, they would, they'd speak in character as well. So you go, apparently they're Aussies. And they go, oh yes, me and Frida used to make love to this track.
13:59 Speaker 04 Oh.
13:59 Speaker 03 Gimme, gimme, gimme a man. It was great. And then he goes, oh yes. And then we all decided that we should go our separate ways and we don't love each other anymore.
14:09 Speaker 03 And what was the ABBA song that we went into?
14:11 Speaker 04 Um, thank you for the music.
14:13 Speaker 03 And I said, thank you for the music. It was great. It was really good.
14:18 Speaker 04 Do, do ABBA, is this like officially ABBA endorsed or approved?
14:21 Speaker 03 Well, they were officially endorsed by ABBA.
14:23 Speaker 04 And then ABBA Voyage happened.
14:25 Speaker 03 Happened, so it kind of like, but they, they're, honestly, they're fantastic. I'd book them if I were you. They were, they were really good.
14:31 Speaker 04 Well, but then what, your kid's birthday party?
14:34 Speaker 03 But, um, it was a wonderful weekend. And then Mikey stayed for a bit on Saturday.
14:37 Speaker 04 Yes, he did.
14:38 Speaker 03 And it was great. So we spent all our Saturday with him. We had some bread. Oh, he can eat that lad. He makes me so happy. I'm like a proud auntie watching him. At breakfast, I was like, go on, go up. And then he went and he gave me a little nod. I went, can go up for thirds. He had more sausage that weekend than you've had in a week. That's all I can say. Is we had a good, oh, look, I got sunburnt as well. Look at that.
14:57 Speaker 04 Oh, oh, any excuse to get the chest down.
14:59 Speaker 03 No, look.
15:00 Speaker 05 Jordan, that's naughty.
15:01 Speaker 03 That's so bad.
15:02 Speaker 04 Were you wearing spuff?
15:03 Speaker 03 Yeah, I put factor fifty on.
15:06 Speaker 04 I don't want you to see it.
15:07 Speaker 03 And I put factor fifty on.
15:08 Speaker 05 Not enough. That's not good.
15:10 Speaker 03 I know, it's stupid. And then I'm going to, I'm going to Greece on Sunday.
15:14 Speaker 04 You're going to be like a raisin.
15:15 Speaker 03 I know, I'm going to have to stay out of the sun. I've got my books for Greece as well. So I'll do a recommend eggs.
15:20 Speaker 04 What have you got? Tell us.
15:22 Speaker 03 Well, I'm halfway through one at the moment called The Leftovers. It's fantastic.
15:25 Speaker 04 Okay.
15:26 Speaker 03 It's about, um, what happens when people disappear, the religious term for it.
15:29 Speaker 04 Die.
15:30 Speaker 03 No, all at the same time.
15:32 Speaker 04 The religious evaporate? Evaporate is not religious.
15:36 Speaker 03 Yeah, but basically it's.
15:37 Speaker 04 But what happens with water?
15:39 Speaker 03 No.
15:39 Speaker 05 Vaporise.
15:40 Speaker 03 No, the religious term for it, it's not a purge, it's a.
15:43 Speaker 04 Rise to heaven. The risen.
15:46 Speaker 03 No, the.
15:46 Speaker 05 Purgatory.
15:47 Speaker 03 No, you're, what?
15:49 Speaker 04 Ascension?
15:50 Speaker 03 No, the reckoning, what's it called?
15:51 Speaker 04 The reckoning.
15:52 Speaker 03 It's like a, it's a Christianity thing where they think.
15:55 Speaker 05 Everyone's gonna go at the same.
15:56 Speaker 03 Well, no, yeah, loads of people, basically, two percent of the world's population, millions of people, just evaporated into thin air. At the same time.
16:04 Speaker 04 Gosh.
16:04 Speaker 03 It's a really good book. It was a series as well.
16:06 Speaker 04 Like your latest Ray Charles.
16:11 Speaker 03 Ray Charles, for those of you don't know, are the radio and audio listening figures.
16:17 Speaker 04 Sorry, and I don't even know if it's true. I just thought it was a funny joke.
16:20 Speaker 03 Oh, we're doing all right.
16:21 Speaker 04 I know you are, that's why I can joke about it.
16:23 Speaker 03 More than all right. Um, but yeah, what's it, rapture, the rapture, that's what they call it.
16:28 Speaker 05 The rapture.
16:29 Speaker 04 I don't know if that's in religion, but okay.
16:32 Speaker 03 Anyway, what else has been going on?
16:34 Speaker 04 Um, well, you know, I'm into my burritos. Come, you should come with, come with me and get a burrito. However, I was told by my castmate, very good friend Nikki, that I was eating my burrito incorrectly. So I have been taught now how to eat a burrito correctly.
16:49 Speaker 03 Looking forward to that video soon.
16:51 Speaker 04 Well, I don't know if I will, because some of those burritos are quite messy.
16:54 Speaker 03 How do you eat it?
16:54 Speaker 04 Well, so what I was doing, I was taking all of the foil off and then just holding it with two hands.
16:59 Speaker 03 What were you doing? Show everyone again that.
17:01 Speaker 04 I take all the foil off and then hold it with two hands.
17:03 Speaker 03 And then how do you eat it?
17:07 Speaker 03 Fucking rices itself, this stuff.
17:09 Speaker 04 And apparently you're meant to just rip the top off and then.
17:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, it keeps it tidy.
17:15 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
17:16 Speaker 04 Well, I was still managing because I had a plate underneath and, you know, some napkins and I would, I'd do it nicely, but yeah, but now I've, I've learned. So we have, you know, you don't know everything.
17:26 Speaker 03 No, you don't. And yeah, some people, I seen a guy once, because I do like a burrito, I was in a burrito restaurant and he got the burrito sideways.
17:35 Speaker 04 Oh, that's weird.
17:36 Speaker 05 No.
17:37 Speaker 03 You fucking wrongen.
17:38 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:38 Speaker 03 All right, that's three F words now, no more. Wendy will be on to me.
17:42 Speaker 04 Okay.
17:43 Speaker 03 But yeah, I did see that once. Kind of turned on at the same time, but also.
17:46 Speaker 04 Eating a burrito sideways? No.
17:49 Speaker 05 It must have been a hot day.
17:50 Speaker 04 What else has gone on with your life?
17:52 Speaker 03 Oh, good. Can I just ask you?
17:53 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:54 Speaker 03 A, a, a personal question.
17:56 Speaker 04 All right.
17:56 Speaker 03 If you don't mind.
17:57 Speaker 04 Yeah, nine.
18:00 Speaker 04 What?
18:00 Speaker 03 This week or?
18:04 Speaker 03 Um, family WhatsApp group?
18:06 Speaker 04 Yeah.
18:07 Speaker 03 Find this quite fascinating. What's your picture?
18:10 Speaker 04 On the family WhatsApp group? I don't know, actually. Um, let's have a look. It's just called.
18:16 Speaker 03 Can we get Gene Devers to post their pictures of the family WhatsApp group as well? Kind of want to know.
18:21 Speaker 04 It's Mikey and my wedding.
18:22 Speaker 03 Oh, and is that the whole family?
18:24 Speaker 04 Well, it's my parents, James, Mikey and me.
18:27 Speaker 03 Ours. And I don't change it because obviously I think Wendy's admin. But ours is a picture of Frank, but it's a really shit picture.
18:38 Speaker 04 And has it always been that or was it set to that after, you know?
18:41 Speaker 03 I don't know, but like.
18:42 Speaker 04 He, he was raptured or whatever you call it.
18:45 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, look, it's a, it's cute. What's yours, Ben?
18:50 Speaker 05 Mine's just a picture of a landscape from a holiday. I'm not even sure where.
18:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think we, as a nation, need to get better at.
18:56 Speaker 05 Yeah.
18:57 Speaker 04 Surely you should just have a picture of the people in the group. That's what you want. Or as many people in the group as possible, depending on how big it is.
19:03 Speaker 03 Our family's huge. When would we get everyone?
19:05 Speaker 04 So hang on, is it, so who's in your family WhatsApp group?
19:09 Speaker 03 Brothers.
19:10 Speaker 04 And wives.
19:11 Speaker 03 Spouses, yeah.
19:12 Speaker 04 Yeah, children? No.
19:13 Speaker 03 I think my eldest nephew might be there. I'm not sure.
19:17 Speaker 04 Okay. Well, yeah, just have, just have whatever makes.
19:22 Speaker 03 Just think, I just imagined yours would be, yours is exactly how I imagined it.
19:26 Speaker 04 I mean, ours, we're in formal morning attire, standing in carriages.
19:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:29 Speaker 04 It's just a standard family WhatsApp photograph.
19:32 Speaker 03 But yeah, in summary, I'm sunburnt, I'm hungover, I've had pizza for breakfast.
19:37 Speaker 04 And nearly forty.
19:38 Speaker 03 And nearly forty and England aren't bringing it home. I'm going to be forty.
19:43 Speaker 04 The England, the male lionesses are not bringing it home. That's what we have to remember. The lionesses probably will.
19:49 Speaker 03 Then when I'm forty, what's sad is because I really got into this last night because I was in my bed wide awake, like, I'm going to be forty is. I'll go either way and both make me sad. Like, I'll be like sober, which is fine, but I'll be one of those really boring sober people that tell everyone. And how I used to be a bit of a wreckhead.
20:06 Speaker 04 Hmm.
20:06 Speaker 03 Or I'll be completely fucked and like still on the piss and.
20:12 Speaker 04 Well, I know which one my money's on.
20:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, so it's like, and that's quite sad.
20:16 Speaker 04 It's a bit tragic. Yeah. I mean, it's tragic doing it in your mid thirties, but it's, it gets more tragic as you get older.
20:22 Speaker 03 I'll be there drinking green tea, watching England.
20:26 Speaker 03 And going, oh, I hope they hurry up. I've got yoga in the morning. Oh, fucking, that's good.
20:30 Speaker 04 Oh, that would be so sweet. Oh, you could go for a gong bath. I can see you do. Oh, you've already gone for one of those.
20:35 Speaker 05 Do you think that William will sort of continue to descend into party animal?
20:39 Speaker 04 Yeah. Yeah, we are switching personalities. I mean, this is, this is what is happening on this.
20:43 Speaker 03 I'll, I'm gonna look like Robbie Williams before he got, well.
20:47 Speaker 04 I've put.
20:48 Speaker 03 You know, wait, missing tooth and fagging.
20:53 Speaker 04 I've, I've got my car's leaving drinks tonight and I've booked a hotel because I think it's gonna be a late night.
20:58 Speaker 03 Jesus.
20:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
21:01 Speaker 03 Why have you booked a hotel?
21:02 Speaker 04 Cause I think it's gonna be a late night and all the trains will have stopped to go home.
21:05 Speaker 03 Didn't you have an argument with someone at a hotel recently?
21:08 Speaker 04 Uh, well, yes, Mike and I on Monday night, um, we went, which is the day of the show. So it's sort of my only night to see him. I said, well, let's go away. Let's get, like, spend some time together. So we went to a hotel nearby. And, well, not nearby, it was about an hour and a half away. And, um, the level of entitlement in, there was something, I'm not gonna name the hotel, but there was something in the water. All these guests were so entitled. And I think what.
21:33 Speaker 03 Rude.
21:34 Speaker 04 Rude to the, to other guests, to staff. They would barge in front of you, have no sense of space, or they thought it was their own private house, basically, and they could behave how they so wished. But we were sitting in what was called like the library or something, having a coffee. Bear in mind, it's a Monday during the heatwave. They've got, it was actually quite cool inside. They've got all the doors and windows open. It's all very nice in the country. And an, an Englishman was sitting by the fireplace, waiting as he announced for 10 minutes for the pool to be open. So the kids could do kids swim time or whatever started at 12 o'clock. And.
22:06 Speaker 03 Where were your butlers?
22:07 Speaker 04 Was ripping in, was ripping into the, uh, waitress because they wouldn't light the fire. They're like, it's July, it's July. And, and they were like, I'm so, so sorry. So it's July, it's quite hot in here anyway. The chimney hasn't been swept. We're unable to light the fire. And he could not, he did not like being told no. It was the most extraordinary thing to witness.
22:29 Speaker 03 I love how you say extraordinary.
22:32 Speaker 04 Ordinary. It was. And we just sort of sat there going, are we?
22:35 Speaker 03 What a knob.
22:35 Speaker 04 What a knob. I, oh, it, it.
22:37 Speaker 03 And what was he, what was he saying?
22:39 Speaker 04 Oh, I want the fire lit. I want to sit here with the lit fire.
22:42 Speaker 05 It's a heatwave.
22:43 Speaker 04 I know.
22:43 Speaker 03 It's a fucking heatwave. He must have been wrong in head.
22:46 Speaker 04 Well, he had some very jazzy swimming shorts on. Sitting in the library, forties. What, I mean, what an idiot.
22:54 Speaker 03 Why would you?
22:55 Speaker 04 It really wound me up.
22:56 Speaker 03 Some people are annoying, you know, I'm swearing too much, I was gonna call him a prick, but some people are. Some people are annoying, aren't they?
23:02 Speaker 04 Hmm, they are. Mikey sent me a very sweet text, though. Uh, the night, the next night. It's probably the most romantic text I've ever received from Mikey.
23:10 Speaker 03 Oh, what?
23:10 Speaker 04 Just before he went to bed and I, I was still, I was coming up from work, he had an early night. And he said, I love the way you fold towels. Good night. And I thought that was so lovely.
23:21 Speaker 03 To you, that means a lot, doesn't it?
23:22 Speaker 04 That was so nice, I know.
23:24 Speaker 03 He's a lovely boy.
23:25 Speaker 04 He is a lovely boy.
23:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, so I do fold towels pretty nicely, actually.
23:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:30 Speaker 04 And wash them beautifully.
23:31 Speaker 03 Yeah. It was, um, it was Turning Heads at Festival, it was.
23:37 Speaker 04 With the singing.
23:38 Speaker 03 His handsomeness.
23:39 Speaker 04 He is a very handsome boy.
23:41 Speaker 05 Can you say the word excruciating?
23:44 Speaker 04 Me?
23:44 Speaker 05 Yeah.
23:45 Speaker 04 Excruciating? Why?
23:47 Speaker 05 Just interested, interested how you said it.
23:49 Speaker 03 Um, you know, before, I'm gonna level with you.
23:52 Speaker 04 Okay.
23:53 Speaker 03 Okay, um, I like to think I'm professional, I've done this for quite a few years now.
23:57 Speaker 04 What, this?
23:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, talking and shit. And before we go into the second part, probably gonna need snacks and a Coke Zero, so I'll leave that with one of you guys. Also, I've not done a jolly joke of the week. I've not had time, and you know what it's like the week before you go on holiday?
24:13 Speaker 04 Um.
24:13 Speaker 03 So what do you wanna do? Do you want to go and have a quick look through my DMs?
24:18 Speaker 04 No, I'm going to do William's jolly joke of the week.
24:21 Speaker 03 Excuse me?
24:22 Speaker 04 I'm going to do William's jolly joke of the week, here is the jingle.
24:25 Speaker 03 It's like you knew.
24:26 Speaker 06 If you like a chap who's cheeky and
24:29 Speaker 03 Barben.
24:30 Speaker 06 You're in for a treat with our
24:32 Speaker 03 William.
24:33 Speaker 06 And if a giggle is what you seek, your shorts are love.
24:37 Speaker 03 William.
24:38 Speaker 06 It's jolly joke of the week.
24:42 Speaker 03 William, William, William.
24:46 Speaker 04 Great, high production value.
24:48 Speaker 03 I was just gonna say, you know I have high standards for production, but I actually quite liked how shit that was. Very good, guys, very good.
24:55 Speaker 04 Right, I've got, I mean, I've got several for you, because why stop at one?
24:59 Speaker 03 Okay.
24:59 Speaker 04 But I'll start with this.
25:01 Speaker 03 Remember the punchline to tease people? That's the whole point of it, so.
25:06 Speaker 04 Right, yeah, thanks.
25:07 Speaker 03 So they come back for the second part.
25:09 Speaker 04 Um, a customer walks up to an employee at the gym. And I'll tell you the punchline after these messages.
25:20 Speaker 01 Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.
25:21 Speaker 02 And I'm Marco Burchella.
25:23 Speaker 01 And this is Boots Off.
25:26 Speaker 02 We are friends who've spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.
25:34 Speaker 01 And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.
25:41 Speaker 02 This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.
25:44 Speaker 01 The adventures that lead to adversity.
25:46 Speaker 02 And how life can be one big adventure in itself.
25:49 Speaker 01 Listen every Thursday, just search for Boots Off.
25:57 Speaker 03 All right, Jean Devers, thanks so much for sticking with us. It's now time for, in a turn of events, William's Jolly Joke of the Week.
26:05 Speaker 04 And here's my first one.
26:07 Speaker 03 I, do you know what? It's nice, it's because I bloody love a good joke. You know I love a joke.
26:12 Speaker 04 Customer walks up to an employee at the gym.
26:14 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:14 Speaker 04 You won't believe this, there's a man over there sticking his penis in a container of protein powder. The employee looks over and yells, "No fucking way!"
26:24 Speaker 03 Way. Yeah, yeah, great. Okay, go on, give me another, hit me with another.
26:28 Speaker 04 Okay.
26:29 Speaker 03 I'll use that one. I'll tell kids when I get home.
26:31 Speaker 04 A lesbian vampire is eating out her girlfriend.
26:35 Speaker 03 Jesus Christ.
26:36 Speaker 04 And after she's finished, she says, "Same time next month."
26:41 Speaker 03 Fuck it. I need to stop. I'm so sorry. I'm acting like I've been dragged up in this episode if you're listening. I'm so sorry. That was, okay.
26:50 Speaker 04 Three nuns die.
26:52 Speaker 03 I love a nun joke.
26:53 Speaker 04 Yeah. And arrive at the pearly gates.
26:55 Speaker 03 This is a great one. I know this one.
26:57 Speaker 04 I think you've done it, but we'll do it again.
26:59 Speaker 03 It's a great one.
27:00 Speaker 04 St Peter asks the first, can you name the first woman? Eve. Ding, the gates open. He asks the second, where did Eve live? The Garden of Eden. Ding, the gates open. He asks the third, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam? The nun thinks and says, "Oh, that's a hard one." Ding, the gates open. It's a fun joke.
27:19 Speaker 03 It wasn't the one I was thinking of.
27:20 Speaker 04 Which was the one you were thinking of?
27:22 Speaker 03 Something about, I'll tell it next week. Remember me to do the nun joke.
27:26 Speaker 04 There are a lot of nun jokes I could have done.
27:28 Speaker 03 Let me do, hang on. The one I know is, uh...
27:33 Speaker 03 Four, four nuns go to heaven and Saint Peter says to them, if you want to come in, you've, you've got to confess. Sister one confesses to seeing something she shouldn't have. So Saint Peter says, go and wash your eyes and you can go in. Sorry, I'm, this is your jelly joggaw, but this is a classic.
27:50 Speaker 04 No, no, no, but as ever.
27:51 Speaker 03 Sister two, uh, says to Saint Peter, I've got to confess, I touched something I shouldn't have. Saint Peter tells her, go take a shower and wash your hands. Suddenly, fourth nun pushes away to frontline. And when Saint Peter says to her, what are you doing? She says, if I'm going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to do it before Sister Mary washes her arse in it.
28:14 Speaker 04 Carry on. Well, there we go. No, I've finished.
28:16 Speaker 03 No, no, no.
28:17 Speaker 04 I've done three.
28:17 Speaker 03 Oh, is that it?
28:18 Speaker 04 Yeah.
28:19 Speaker 03 All right. Sorry. I felt like I've.
28:21 Speaker 04 We've done four, James. Now that's lovely. Well, what, what fun we've had.
28:24 Speaker 03 Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then you can get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to help at Sex and My Bus dot com, or you can DM us. We're at Sex and My Bus and socials. Keep your problems and dilemmas and etiquette.
28:38 Speaker 04 The what?
28:38 Speaker 03 Things coming in. Yama, yama, yama. Remember, we should say this more. We have no idea what's coming up.
28:43 Speaker 04 No. This is from Frandy, William, Jordan, Ben and the rest of the Sexed team. I'm seven months postpartum. I've recently lost two stone and I'm fully embracing my hot mum era.
28:52 Speaker 03 Postpartum.
28:53 Speaker 04 She's had a baby. Naturally, I've taken myself to the local pool to parade my new confidence in a sensible one piece in a swim camp that screams regional leisure centre rather than Baywatch. My issue is this. What's the etiquette for when two strangers decide your swimming lane is the ideal setting for their own Richard Curtis meet cute? Instead of swimming, they're chatting each other up at the end of the lane, blocking the wall like they're waiting for a train. Meanwhile, the rest of us are repeatedly approaching at speed, only to have to perform an awkward underwater tumble turn of passive aggression. Do I say, excuse me, lovebirds, some of us are trying to beat our PB? I tried doing that last night. Simply give them an increasingly theatrical side eye every time I push off, or
29:31 Speaker 03 That's good.
29:31 Speaker 04 Thank you. Except that I've accidentally joined single swim and quietly moved lanes. Please settle this before I end up starring in my own local leisure centre scandal. Lots of love, Fran the hot mama from Surrey.
29:42 Speaker 03 Fran the hot mama from Surrey, your words, not mine. Um.
29:46 Speaker 04 You saying she's a minger?
29:47 Speaker 03 If, if it's, if it's easy enough, just move lanes. If it's just there. But if not, I'd complain to the lifeguard.
29:54 Speaker 04 Yeah, get, get the pool staff to do something. If you're in a swimming lane, you are expected to swim, whether that's at
29:59 Speaker 03 Third option, could you just say and stop?
30:01 Speaker 04 I don't think they need a third.
30:02 Speaker 03 Just like, I'm really sorry, but it's alright to not stop here. I'm trying to swim.
30:08 Speaker 04 Yeah, just say, would you mind just moving to the side?
30:10 Speaker 03 It is annoying. I need, I miss swimming since I left my gym. Because I used to like going for good, it was good for an hangover. How's them snacks looking, is? Cokesy, come on, girl.
30:20 Speaker 04 No one's moved and I, I do not move. Go and get your own.
30:24 Speaker 03 I'm joking, I'm
30:24 Speaker 04 You could think you are Mariah Carey.
30:26 Speaker 03 I would never send them down for snacks.
30:28 Speaker 05 Um.
30:30 Speaker 03 I've never, I've never sent you down for snacks. And if we're going there, who pays for the bloody brownies every week? Thank you.
30:35 Speaker 05 What?
30:37 Speaker 04 Whoa. And where are today?
30:38 Speaker 03 Oh, I've, I've got the receipts because Caff's just done me accounts. So thank you very much, me accountant.
30:43 Speaker 05 That's not, no. You haven't bought the brownies in months.
30:47 Speaker 03 Right. Sorry, Gene Devers, just bear with a second. We'll go downstairs and we'll ask Kendall. I go in every week and get brownies. I text and says, do we need brownies?
30:55 Speaker 05 We don't see any of them.
30:56 Speaker 03 I get brownies every bloody, oh, you're winding me up. William, back me up here.
31:01 Speaker 04 Yeah.
31:01 Speaker 03 Don't, I get the brownies every week.
31:03 Speaker 04 You bring them up.
31:06 Speaker 03 When? I'd pay for that anyway.
31:09 Speaker 04 I know, so easy to wind up. This is from anonymous.
31:11 Speaker 05 What would be the most passive aggressive thing that you could say to the people at the end of the line?
31:15 Speaker 04 You could just tread water in front of them and stare at them.
31:19 Speaker 03 I'd do it, right? Big fart next to them.
31:22 Speaker 05 A fart?
31:23 Speaker 03 In the pool.
31:24 Speaker 05 Would they know that it was a fart with all of the sort of choppy?
31:27 Speaker 03 Do you know what? I'd shit in the pool.
31:28 Speaker 04 Oh, Jordan, no.
31:30 Speaker 03 Shit in the pool. I'm on go over and I'm angry. I'd shit in the pool.
31:34 Speaker 04 Don't do that.
31:35 Speaker 03 Fucking deal with it. I'm so sorry. I'm got to stop swearing.
31:38 Speaker 05 What about a one liner? What sort of one liner could you say? Come on, William, this is your thing.
31:44 Speaker 03 You're under pressure now.
31:45 Speaker 04 Move before I punch you in the deep end.
31:50 Speaker 03 That's good.
31:51 Speaker 04 There we go.
31:51 Speaker 03 Close enough.
31:53 Speaker 04 This is from anonymous. Hi William and Jordan. Me and my girlfriend, my girlfriend and I were recently going at it in the bedroom. She went down on me and I was loving it, but suddenly I felt a fart brewing. At climax, I let it out by accident and it was unfortunately loud one and not only scarred, scared her, probably scarred her as well. It also scarred scared my dog as well. She wasn't happy with me and hasn't spoken to me in days. Oh, please. It might be because at the time I laughed so hard I nearly cried. What should I do? What can I do next time? And has either of you ever farted during an intimate moment? Anonymous. You've never farted with me.
32:26 Speaker 03 That's a personal question.
32:31 Speaker 04 If they're not, if your girlfriend's not talking to you.
32:35 Speaker 03 Say that was just, girls don't find that funny. Girls don't find farts funny.
32:40 Speaker 04 You just go, I'm so sorry about that and move on.
32:42 Speaker 03 Girls don't find Trump's funny. So yeah, you probably need to apologize. Maybe get some flowers or something. Or you can get on Moonpig. Sorry for farting when I came.
32:51 Speaker 04 No, I don't.
32:53 Speaker 04 I just.
32:54 Speaker 03 Also, what's the name?
32:56 Speaker 04 Anonymous.
32:57 Speaker 03 Anonymous. Get back in touch. How was that as an experience? Because imagine, I'm gonna say it, don't click this up. Imagine coming and farting at the same time is an amazing experience, an amazing experience. I bet as an orgasm go, it was up there.
33:11 Speaker 04 Do you want to role play?
33:12 Speaker 03 Imagine.
33:15 Speaker 03 You want?
33:17 Speaker 03 Get the Louie busy. Imagine.
33:19 Speaker 04 Bloody hell, what else is on this shopping list?
33:22 Speaker 03 Imagine, right, imagine farting, coming and sneezing at the same time. Imagine farting, coming, sneezing and picking a really good blackhead at the same time. Imagine farting, coming, sneezing, picking a good blackhead and getting some out your teeth at the same time. Your head would explode. Imagine farting, coming, picking a blackhead, getting some out your teeth and getting an ingrown hair at the same time.
33:52 Speaker 04 Oh.
33:52 Speaker 03 Imagine that.
33:54 Speaker 04 Come on, more.
33:58 Speaker 04 This will all get clipped, I'm just letting you know.
34:00 Speaker 03 Imagine farting, cumming, picking a blackhead.
34:04 Speaker 04 In growing hair.
34:04 Speaker 03 In growing hair, it's like I went to market there. Getting straight out of your teeth, in growing hair. Um, and picking a nose hair at the same time. We tweezers.
34:16 Speaker 04 Oh. That's not, that's not pleasant.
34:18 Speaker 05 That, yeah.
34:19 Speaker 03 No, that isn't pleasant.
34:21 Speaker 05 Also, can you imagine doing that, I mean, obviously doing all of those things at the same time would be quite hard, but sneezing and picking a nose out of your.
34:28 Speaker 04 Yeah, you can't do that.
34:29 Speaker 03 Imagine farting.
34:32 Speaker 03 Uh, sneezing, cumming, picking nose hair and cracking your fingers at the same time.
34:37 Speaker 04 Don't do that. I hate that.
34:39 Speaker 03 So get back in touch and let us know, as far as orgasms go, how was it?
34:43 Speaker 04 Here's another from anonymous, let's hope it's nice. Hello, William, Jordan, Ben and the team, I'm coming to you with one of the hardest situations.
34:49 Speaker 03 You as well.
34:51 Speaker 04 I've ever dealt with and just know that our favourite dilemma daddies will know just what to say to help. I've been married to my wife for a couple of years and I've got two children from a previous relationship and she has one of her own from hers. We are a lovely blended family that all live together and are a complete team, or so I thought. When on holiday a few months ago, I overheard my wife and her sister speaking very badly about my eldest daughter. They were discussing the clothes she was wearing and how silly she looked in them.
35:16 Speaker 03 Oh.
35:16 Speaker 04 They then made fun of a few things she'd done at school, things that I thought I'd told my wife in private, but she'd obviously shared with her sister. I was devastated. I held my tongue and considered what I should do, although I'm not proud of it, I chose to go through my wife's phone to see if this was a continuous theme of their chats. To say I was broken hearted with what I found is an understatement. Their conversations showed myself and my family no respect at all. She forwarded my private messages on to her sister, mocked my parents and grandparents, called them awful names and ridiculed them to say so much more about my daughter too. I just don't know what to do, I feel betrayed, lied to, like I've been cheated on. My wife has said she is sorry and won't do this again as I don't like it, but I can't ever know that she won't and I just cannot trust her. How are we supposed to move forward?
35:58 Speaker 04 I know it's her sister, but how can we have a healthy relationship ever again if she's still in my wife's life? I'm honestly holding out hope that you have the answers. Keep being the lifeline you are to so many anonymous. Well, that's an awful thing to have. That's not nice at all.
36:15 Speaker 03 That's terrible. Um, I mean, we, we were, we would say the obvious things like communicate and talk it out, but it feels like this is niggling away. I think maybe a bit of couples therapy.
36:26 Speaker 04 Yeah.
36:27 Speaker 03 I get sat down with a therapist and speak this out because they'll.
36:30 Speaker 04 I mean, it's pricey, but you could do it.
36:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, it'll be worth it to, to save your relationship because this is going to niggled away.
36:35 Speaker 04 If you want to save it, that's the question. I mean, you've got to rebuild that trust now and that's not going to happen over, you know, a day. That's going to take months, if not longer.
36:43 Speaker 03 Well, they say it's always on telling it, you know, when people have affairs and stuff, a lot of people, I don't know whether that's true. They say it's not. It's not always about the sex, it's the trust, isn't it?
36:51 Speaker 04 Hmm.
36:51 Speaker 03 It's the trust.
36:54 Speaker 03 I think.
36:54 Speaker 04 You've got to keep.
36:55 Speaker 03 I feel like I'm fobbing you off here because.
36:57 Speaker 04 I would ask her motivations. Why did you feel the need to do that? And it's, it's also the disparity between being sort of so lovely and, and to about the, your daughter and your family to you. And then the two facedness of it all. And then being so mean on text and then in conversation as well as you have overheard. I think sitting down and saying, look, can, can I just understand, you know, what are your true feelings? Let's, let's deal with them. Yeah, she may, she may not. We can't like everyone, but you can certainly have a respect for, for someone. And I would say your daughter is someone who deserves respect unless she's done something to slight your wife.
37:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think before you maybe go down the therapy route, just try, keep talking it, keep bringing it up, even though it's going to be painful. Go for a good walk. That's always good to clear the air or long car journey.
37:42 Speaker 04 Yes, because a walk is nice neutral territory as well.
37:45 Speaker 03 I think in the car is just as good. You can have it out.
37:47 Speaker 04 Oh, no, no, you don't want to get hot and bothered in the car. Not when you're driving.
37:50 Speaker 03 In the car's good, I think, to have a good chat.
37:53 Speaker 04 No, I've tried that.
37:54 Speaker 03 So, um, well, I'd recommend that. And then if it's still niggling away after talking it and talking it through. I'm going to see a little couples counselor.
38:02 Speaker 05 Hmm. They do say that people, when you're having a conversation, when you're both facing forward is much easier, like psych, it's a psychological.
38:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, I've, I always.
38:10 Speaker 04 Park the car.
38:12 Speaker 05 Park the car.
38:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, I know if I've got a bit of a journey in the car, I think I'll bring that up.
38:18 Speaker 04 Oh.
38:19 Speaker 03 Is that bad?
38:20 Speaker 05 Yes.
38:20 Speaker 03 Is it?
38:21 Speaker 04 Well, depends what you're going to wanting to bring up.
38:22 Speaker 03 Not like in like a weird controlling type way. I think that'd be good to chat out there. Can't be arsed now, telly's on. Do you know what I mean?
38:31 Speaker 04 Are you one of those, you are one of those people that have to have the television on almost all the time. Cause every time I've come over to yours, not, to be fair, not for soirees in the evening, but if I've come over when we're doing costume fittings, or I've come over for other reasons, just to say hi for a cup of coffee, the TV's always on.
38:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, or the radio.
38:49 Speaker 04 Yeah.
38:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:50 Speaker 04 Can't do that.
38:51 Speaker 03 Usually the radio in the day.
38:53 Speaker 04 No, I have to have absolute.
38:54 Speaker 03 Usually in the radio in the day.
38:56 Speaker 04 If I've got a friend over, I want to hear them. I don't want to hear hearts.
38:59 Speaker 03 Same when you're, I can't sit in silence. I think that's so weird. Sometimes, yeah, I can't.
39:06 Speaker 04 Why not?
39:07 Speaker 03 Cause I'm northern. We have to have tele on it background.
39:11 Speaker 04 You see, no wonder you're overstimulated and ADHD, undiagnosed.
39:15 Speaker 03 You think?
39:15 Speaker 04 Yeah.
39:16 Speaker 03 No, I can't just, I, yeah.
39:18 Speaker 04 Just have, have nothing.
39:20 Speaker 03 So when you're like potting around kitchen and you're doing your sides.
39:23 Speaker 04 Very rarely. Not all of them are sides.
39:26 Speaker 03 And you just do it.
39:30 Speaker 03 Not, you do it with no music or no radio?
39:34 Speaker 04 Okay, well, I'll often be listening to this podcast or another one to preview, but other than that, I've, I have very little.
39:40 Speaker 03 The only time I do it is when I'm reading.
39:43 Speaker 04 Hmm.
39:44 Speaker 03 But that's usually in the garden at the moment. So when I get home, it's Sky News, just because I've had radio on and I've listened to music and stuff. I've sat on for like half hour, have the brew. Then I put me podcast on, Modern Family.
39:55 Speaker 04 Just try.
39:56 Speaker 03 Little bliss hour.
39:57 Speaker 04 Try nothing.
39:58 Speaker 03 I've had some great bliss hours this week.
39:59 Speaker 04 Have you?
40:00 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
40:01 Speaker 04 What's the eight?
40:02 Speaker 03 No, I don't do that in the bliss hour.
40:04 Speaker 04 Yes, you do.
40:05 Speaker 03 No, I don't.
40:05 Speaker 04 We all know you do, Jordan.
40:06 Speaker 03 Why do people, no, you all think that. I'm nearly forty. Oh, that's another thing as well.
40:12 Speaker 04 John, you've got four years until you're forty.
40:14 Speaker 03 You've got to stop that at forty as well, haven't you? You don't want to be forty still wanking it downstairs toilet there.
40:21 Speaker 04 Okay, well, there's an, there's an insight. This is from.
40:24 Speaker 03 No, I don't now, but I'm just saying.
40:26 Speaker 04 This is from Amy. Hello, William, Jordan and the Sexed Team. A few years ago, I joined a new dentist to have my wisdom teeth removed. Unfortunately, they didn't have any NHS slots, so I had to choose private, which I was unsure I could afford at the time. Anyway, I met my dentist and immediately the energy shifted. Over the few visits before my wisdom teeth were removed, he gave me his business card with his personal number handwritten on it and a heart next to it. He gave it to me when the dental assistant left the room for a few minutes and asked if it was just him or if there was definitely a vibe between us. I agreed and eventually we started dating.
40:56 Speaker 03 Oh.
40:57 Speaker 04 Things went well for a while. He removed my two wisdom teeth, classic third date, that were causing me trouble and even offered to pay for it, as I explained I couldn't afford it and was wanting an NHS appointment instead. To clarify, I paid him back, I'm sure he did, monthly for six months and paid every penny back to him. Things began to fizzle for me after a few months and I started to realise that he wasn't the right person for me long term. I decided to break things off with him and the next time I saw him, as I felt a message or phone call would be rude after eight months together. When I arrived at his house, he said the door was open on the latch and to let myself in. I went into the lounge and there were massive balloons and confetti everywhere. He was on his knee, holding a ring box with will you marry me.
41:39 Speaker 03 Oh shit.
41:40 Speaker 04 I froze. Eventually, I asked him to get up and said it wasn't the right time. I explained how I felt. He started to cry quite loudly, explaining that his whole family were behind the kitchen door, ready for a party. And currently hiding.
41:54 Speaker 03 Oh Jesus.
41:56 Speaker 04 I apologised and ran out the door, out of pure embarrassment.
41:59 Speaker 03 His family were there.
42:00 Speaker 04 I felt awful for making him feel that way, but it's better I say no now than say yes and not being happy knowing it's not right. He tried contacting me a lot, so I ended up blocking him. Come to now, my two other wisdom teeth have been bothering me.
42:14 Speaker 03 There's the dilemma.
42:15 Speaker 04 And I'm in a lot of pain. I've called other dentists with a 30 mile radius of me and there are only three accepting NHS appointments. I've been added to all their waiting lists but have been told it's an average of a two year wait.
42:28 Speaker 03 Jesus, they're on its arse.
42:31 Speaker 04 As I'm in a lot of pain, I wondered about going to my ex's dental practice instead, as I'm already registered and wouldn't be waiting the two year wait, but obviously it's really rather awkward. What does one do? Do I wait the two years and cope with my wisdom teeth until then, or should I swallow my pride and awkwardness and book one with my ex? Thank you so much for all the laughs and comfort. I'm sorry Amy, but you absolutely cannot go to your ex to have your wisdom teeth taken out when you did that.
42:53 Speaker 03 I completely and utterly disagree.
42:56 Speaker 04 No.
42:57 Speaker 03 No, I am sorry.
42:58 Speaker 04 Sorry.
42:58 Speaker 03 No, no, no, no, no.
43:00 Speaker 04 I disagree. No, no, no.
43:01 Speaker 03 I completely. You can finish, but I will, I have.
43:04 Speaker 04 Fine, you can have your right to reply.
43:06 Speaker 03 I completely and utterly disagree.
43:08 Speaker 04 Yes.
43:09 Speaker 03 I've never disagreed with you more here.
43:11 Speaker 04 Right. Yes, it is awkward. He, I would also, when you propose, when you get, when you're gonna propose to anyone, don't have your whole family hiding. Like, come on.
43:19 Speaker 03 Yeah.
43:19 Speaker 04 Cause there is a chance they'll say no, or something might happen. You are sticking your finger in that socket.
43:24 Speaker 03 That's a red flag. You've dodged a bullet.
43:26 Speaker 04 That, that's odd. I'd also, Amy, you haven't put this in your letter. Did you two have the sort of chat, are we heading in that sort of marriage direction? Sounds like you didn't. Um, which is not on you. That's, that's on both of you. Um. You can't, you can't go, you, I mean, or you go and you expect that he'll probably do it, but he will not sedate you or give you any numbing cream.
43:46 Speaker 03 Right. Are you done?
43:49 Speaker 04 Yes.
43:49 Speaker 03 As someone who has suffered for years with wisdom teeth, let me tell you, there is no pain like it.
43:55 Speaker 04 Yeah, no, no, I'm not, I'm not diminishing the pain.
43:57 Speaker 03 And many people here, listening to Help I Sexed My Boss, who have had wisdom teeth pain before. It literally can, it, it, it, it's so painful. It can be quite liberating at times. Is that the right word?
44:11 Speaker 04 No.
44:11 Speaker 05 Debilitating.
44:12 Speaker 03 Debilitating. I knew I'd said it wrong. It can be very debilitating at times.
44:15 Speaker 04 Yeah.
44:15 Speaker 03 And I knew at Christmas I had to get mine out. I was so ill. And I would have, I would have, if my worst enemy, if figuring Chris Sutton, Blackburn Rovers, who hates me.
44:29 Speaker 03 If he said I'll do it.
44:30 Speaker 04 Oh, fine, fine.
44:30 Speaker 03 Yeah. If he says I'll do it for you, I, I would have let him do it. Do you know what I mean? I would have let my worst enemy do it, the pain. So if you've no other options, you can't wait two years. And you haven't got the money, and you haven't got the money to go private. I would. I know the pain.
44:47 Speaker 05 I do think that if you're gonna.
44:48 Speaker 03 I would say, I'm really sorry. I am desperate, but will you take my wisdom teeth out? And it'd be also good to catch up and.
44:55 Speaker 04 Good to catch up?
44:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
44:58 Speaker 04 Good to catch up? You've broken his heart.
45:00 Speaker 03 Gone out for eight months. Do it. Go ringing.
45:02 Speaker 04 Eight months, not eight years.
45:03 Speaker 03 I know. I, I, I, when I see people who've got wisdom teeth now, people who say to me.
45:08 Speaker 04 What do you mean, when you see people who've got wisdom teeth? You've got wisdom teeth, you've got wisdom teeth.
45:12 Speaker 03 When they've got problems, someone, I remember Sean's mum saying to me, she looked me right in the eye and she went, I know exactly how you're feeling at Jingle Ball Ball. She went, there's no pain like it. I went, thank you. And I, I do the same now. So.
45:23 Speaker 05 I wouldn't recommend sort of asking a BBC Radio Five Live pundit to take your wisdom teeth out, just so that's clear.
45:29 Speaker 03 No.
45:30 Speaker 04 Yeah, absolutely.
45:31 Speaker 03 He'd bore you to death.
45:31 Speaker 04 Rick Edwards is quite good. He's quite good.
45:34 Speaker 03 He'd bore you to death first anyway, so.
45:37 Speaker 04 What, Rick Edwards?
45:37 Speaker 03 No, not Rick Edwards. Rick Edwards is a great lad.
45:39 Speaker 04 Yeah.
45:40 Speaker 05 Adrian Charles might do a good job.
45:43 Speaker 04 He's actually a croopodist part-time, actually. He does the other end of the body.
45:46 Speaker 03 Is he?
45:47 Speaker 04 No!
45:50 Speaker 03 I need to get my feet done.
45:51 Speaker 04 Hmm.
45:52 Speaker 03 I'm actually gonna get them done on holiday. I've got like little, I don't know.
45:56 Speaker 04 You've got what?
45:57 Speaker 03 Dead skin and stuff I need him doing.
45:59 Speaker 04 Sheila Fogarty did my back second crack.
46:02 Speaker 04 She didn't. Just my back.
46:06 Speaker 05 Just the second.
46:07 Speaker 03 Nick Ferrari, what about Nick Ferrari?
46:09 Speaker 04 Uh, he's a masseuse.
46:10 Speaker 03 Oh, is he?
46:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
46:11 Speaker 03 Okay. James O'Brien?
46:13 Speaker 04 Uh, no, he doesn't do anything.
46:14 Speaker 03 What about Matt Chorley?
46:16 Speaker 04 Um, well, we don't talk about that.
46:18 Speaker 03 Oh, okay.
46:18 Speaker 04 I've signed him.
46:19 Speaker 03 This is a good game, this. What, what other jobs would radio presenters have?
46:23 Speaker 04 Yes.
46:24 Speaker 03 Rachel Burden?
46:26 Speaker 04 Um, I think she'd be a good chef.
46:28 Speaker 05 I feel like we're going quite niche with Five Live.
46:30 Speaker 04 Yeah.
46:32 Speaker 05 As much as I love them all, I feel for the American listeners with all these names.
46:36 Speaker 03 Well, this is our culture.
46:37 Speaker 04 Yes.
46:38 Speaker 05 I agree.
46:39 Speaker 03 Well.
46:39 Speaker 04 Howard Stern!
46:40 Speaker 03 Well, they can Google Sheila Fogarty.
46:44 Speaker 05 If you can spell it.
46:46 Speaker 04 Yeah, actually. Yeah, then Erica will be on the floor with that. Our final dilemma is from James. Dear William Jordan and the lovely help I sector of my boss team, I live in a ground floor flat and thanks to the recent warm weather have been leaving my kitchen window open on the latch. A few weeks ago, I discovered that my washing up liquid had mysteriously vanished. As there can't be much of a black market for cleaning products, I put this down to an opportunistic passerby. Fast forward two weeks and history has repeated itself. Only this time, the Phantom Cleanser has stolen both the replacement bottle and my disinfectant spray. I've somehow become the victim of Britain's most hygiene-conscious criminal. So my dilemma is this: what is the correct etiquette when one finds oneself the victim of a serial detergent thief? Does one simply accept the loss and wish them sparkling worktops?
47:30 Speaker 04 Or is one morally justified in leaving? Leaving out a booby-trapped bottle in the hope of teaching them a lesson. At what point does it cross the line from innocent victim to washing up liquid vigilante? Trivial dilemma aside, I just wanted to say thank you for all the work that goes into the podcast. It never fails to cheer me up and listening to it makes my walk into work every Tuesday and Friday so much easier. Thank you both for being you. James?
47:51 Speaker 03 Oh, James, that's a lovely message. Thank you. Something going round. Have I told you what I got nicked? Got nicked from outside my house?
47:57 Speaker 04 What?
47:57 Speaker 03 Bog roll, lampshade and a champagne bucket.
48:01 Speaker 04 Why was it outside your house?
48:02 Speaker 03 Because we're in delivery. I was in Henley. So sweet. The fellow next door, I think he's a bit of an old fellow, was like, I seen him do it. But there were two of them and I didn't want to confront them and he wrote me a lovely letter saying, sorry for not confronting them. I was like, you daft guy, don't be daft. It's only a bloody lampshade, some bog roll.
48:18 Speaker 05 What, you actually said, what?
48:19 Speaker 03 Are you joking? But it's been like a, it's been like a Richard, um, thingy novel. What's he called?
48:24 Speaker 05 Curtis.
48:26 Speaker 03 Richard Osman novel, because he keeps sending letters through going, I've spoke to so and so, bless him, down road, they've got CCTV footage. And he went, just to let you know also, um, I've got another witness, bless him. So someone's going round.
48:37 Speaker 05 My running, my running shoes were nicked outside the front of my door.
48:40 Speaker 03 It's the world we live in, world we live in.
48:42 Speaker 04 I would.
48:43 Speaker 03 You couldn't put your washing out in some parts of Burnley, it gets robbed.
48:47 Speaker 04 So back to James, I would say probably what I would do, I would do the booby-trapped bottle. Put acid in it.
48:56 Speaker 03 Maybe not acid.
48:57 Speaker 05 We can't, we can't justify that.
48:59 Speaker 03 Maybe not acid, but I, I like where you're going. Maybe you could put, uh, like paint on it. So when they grab it, you know, like that graffiti paint.
49:08 Speaker 04 Oh, uh, super glue it.
49:10 Speaker 03 Super glue it and it sticks.
49:11 Speaker 05 Oh no, that feels a bit too much.
49:14 Speaker 04 What? So when they, and then they're just.
49:15 Speaker 03 Could be GBH that.
49:18 Speaker 05 I mean, maybe, maybe you should just, maybe you should just leave out, if, if you get through a bottle, just leave out the ones with.
49:22 Speaker 03 PVA glue, like at school when you used to peel it off your hands. Because now it'd be a nice spray.
49:27 Speaker 04 Or super glue the bottle to the worktop and then they'll get like, ugh.
49:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, leave a trap. No, right. What you could do is leave a trap, right? So you, or bushes or under sink, um, leave it there.
49:41 Speaker 03 The bottle or something shiny and then when you go, go gotcha, stop rubbing me fairy liquid, that fist is weird.
49:47 Speaker 04 Can we just going back to cleaning products, last week you were talking about your.
49:51 Speaker 05 Skip the soap.
49:52 Speaker 03 Skip the soap.
49:53 Speaker 04 It's right, you've got it right today because you've obviously read the comments, haven't you?
49:57 Speaker 03 I don't read comments, so. Because if you read comments, you'll never get out of bed in the morning.
50:01 Speaker 04 Well, I'm surprised you're here.
50:02 Speaker 03 That's what I say.
50:04 Speaker 04 Yes, it is very skip the soak, not skip the soap.
50:07 Speaker 03 Whatever, skip the soak. I don't read comments.
50:10 Speaker 04 Nice.
50:10 Speaker 03 So.
50:12 Speaker 05 He could have been talking about a different product.
50:14 Speaker 04 Yeah, there's a niche product that.
50:15 Speaker 05 Skip the soap.
50:16 Speaker 03 Good morning to all our YouTubers.
50:18 Speaker 04 Yes, I thought they were, they were.
50:20 Speaker 03 Ah, they're all right. Most of them are nice.
50:22 Speaker 04 Yes.
50:23 Speaker 03 Uh, so yeah, I, I think leaving a booby trap for that.
50:26 Speaker 04 Yeah.
50:27 Speaker 03 Or just keep your windows closed.
50:27 Speaker 05 I think just replacing it with tap water is all you need to do.
50:29 Speaker 03 What's the weirdest thing you've had robbed? Apart from your dignity.
50:35 Speaker 04 What happens weekly on a Tuesday. Um, I, uh, what's that? It was not long after we moved into where we are now. Someone nicked an Amazon thing, but it was only full of cardboard sleeves for, for books. For that protection. You've just made a load of cardboard.
50:49 Speaker 03 I know, it's so annoying, isn't it?
50:50 Speaker 04 We've now got a high security camera.
50:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, we're good.
50:54 Speaker 04 At least we'll see it, which is fine. No, I don't think anything's been robbed.
50:59 Speaker 03 Bog roll for me.
51:00 Speaker 04 So what are you using to?
51:01 Speaker 03 Oh, we're, I'm all right. I've got enough. It's keep me going. Doing all right.
51:06 Speaker 04 Well, lovely. Thank you for your questions and dilemmas, everyone.
51:08 Speaker 03 That's my part.
51:09 Speaker 04 I just thought I'd do it.
51:10 Speaker 03 I don't read your parts.
51:12 Speaker 04 I don't have any parts to read.
51:14 Speaker 03 Thank you for your questions and dilemmas, everybody.
51:16 Speaker 04 Is there an echo?
51:17 Speaker 03 You can listen every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And you can watch us on YouTube. We put the full episodes up on every release stage. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexted.
51:28 Speaker 04 See you on Friday.
51:29 Speaker 03 Auf Wiedersehen.
51:30 Speaker 04 Patch.
51:37 Speaker 00 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
52:12 Speaker 01 Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.
52:14 Speaker 02 And I'm Marco Burchella.
52:16 Speaker 01 And this is Boots Off.
52:19 Speaker 02 We are friends who've spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts, and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.
52:27 Speaker 01 And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.
52:33 Speaker 02 This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.
52:36 Speaker 01 The adventures that lead to adversity.
52:38 Speaker 02 And how life can be one big adventure in itself.
52:42 Speaker 01 Listen every Thursday. Just search for Boots Off.
Previous Mistaken Identities | And Skinny Dipping Fun Next The Etiquette Police Come For William Hanson | And Sexytime AC Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated