Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Help I’m A Feminist | And What’s Your Body Count? About this episode A gym bro who won't share a squat machine and a boyfriend who's worried by their partner's body count leads to Jordan declaring himself a feminist - and we're not complaining. Elsewhere William's keeping a holiday secret under wraps and Jordan's arrived to the studio in short shorts.
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
0:35 Speaker 01 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum.
0:44 Speaker 01 Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.
0:47 Speaker 02 They said, "You're nicked. You're in a lot of trouble."
0:49 Speaker 01 But was he set up?
0:51 Speaker 03 Wanted, I fled to fall of two cops.
0:53 Speaker 01 His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
0:59 Speaker 04 You're the one who ended up down there, you kid.
1:01 Speaker 01 I'm Josie Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
1:10 Speaker 05 Right, you're joining us as Ben thinks, because he's been away for a week, something's happened and the vibe and mood's changed.
1:19 Speaker 06 The mood has changed. He's back.
1:20 Speaker 05 That's what I mean. I believe you'll find you're the common denominator.
1:23 Speaker 07 Thanks, guys.
1:24 Speaker 05 Thanks.
1:25 Speaker 06 We're delighted to have you back.
1:26 Speaker 07 I've not felt that a single second since.
1:28 Speaker 06 Ben, I gave you a hug and a kiss downstairs. What did you want? And a salad box?
1:32 Speaker 07 You said you wanted a hug and kiss and you were being all offish with me.
1:36 Speaker 06 Oh, well, what would you like me to do?
1:39 Speaker 07 Just be normal.
1:40 Speaker 06 That's quite hard for me.
1:42 Speaker 07 Be more you.
1:43 Speaker 05 Can we start?
1:45 Speaker 07 Do what you want.
1:46 Speaker 06 Love you, Ben.
1:47 Speaker 05 Right, okay. Love you, Ben.
1:48 Speaker 06 I love you, Ben.
1:49 Speaker 05 Glad to have you back. You were missed.
1:57 Speaker 05 Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas, like what should you do if your mum and best friend have fallen out, or how do you tell your partner that you have accidentally used water from the kettle during douching, and what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss. But, we're not usually like any answer, are we? William Hanson, UK's Eden Etiquette expert and West End superstar.
2:27 Speaker 06 Oh bless you, no we're not, Jordan North, Capital Radio Show host, I'm all-
2:31 Speaker 05 And, I did two for you there, so you need to do one for me.
2:35 Speaker 06 And, the star of Toy Story 5.
2:39 Speaker 05 Thank you.
2:40 Speaker 06 I'm all writer, you're more write-off. That's from Nicole.
2:44 Speaker 05 You know, people are saying you can tell you're eight years in, nine years into us, but Gene Devers, you need to up your game on these I'm all, you're most, that's all I'm gonna say.
2:53 Speaker 06 I remember the day when Ben used to text going, "We need an more, I'm more, you're more", and we'd have to do it.
2:58 Speaker 05 Hmm.
2:59 Speaker 06 And after that-
2:59 Speaker 07 Oh god, that sounds like a long day at work.
3:04 Speaker 05 Can we all just be nice to each other today, please? Who are we toasting to?
3:08 Speaker 06 Oh, that's too much gin.
3:09 Speaker 05 No, it's not, get it in.
3:10 Speaker 07 Has anyone seen Toy Story 5 yet?
3:12 Speaker 06 No, I've got it in my diary to go.
3:14 Speaker 05 That wasn't a double, that was just under.
3:17 Speaker 06 Yes, because you do, you do two to one.
3:20 Speaker 05 Have you seen Toy Story 5 yet?
3:21 Speaker 07 I've been on holiday.
3:22 Speaker 05 Shut up, chair!
3:23 Speaker 06 Yes, they've got, they've got cinemas-
3:25 Speaker 05 That's one of my lines.
3:25 Speaker 06 They've got cinemas in Europe, Ben.
3:27 Speaker 07 Not sure they do in Ibiza.
3:28 Speaker 05 And it would have been the Spanish, um-
3:30 Speaker 06 The whole thing would have been in Spanish, to be fair.
3:32 Speaker 05 No, they would have had a Spanish celebrity do there.
3:35 Speaker 07 It would have been Juan Norte.
3:42 Speaker 06 Lovely. Shaun's still doing the Spanish one, isn't she? But I think it's just you.
3:46 Speaker 05 Is she?
3:46 Speaker 06 Yeah.
3:47 Speaker 05 Tell you who's doing the Australian one.
3:50 Speaker 06 Yes, I've seen this.
3:51 Speaker 05 Fisher.
3:53 Speaker 06 Price?
3:54 Speaker 05 No.
3:54 Speaker 06 Who's Fisher?
3:56 Speaker 05 I'm losing it.
3:57 Speaker 06 Oh my god, one of my favourite songs ever!
3:59 Speaker 05 DJ, yeah, I'm losing it.
4:01 Speaker 06 Is it?
4:01 Speaker 05 That's from one of our many tours, isn't it?
4:03 Speaker 06 Yes.
4:03 Speaker 05 Right, who are we toasting to, me love?
4:05 Speaker 06 We're going to toast to Benjamin. Who sent in this message? Dear William Jordan, absolutely nobody else. That's nice, if that can stay. I'm a relatively new listener to the podcast and have been cramming over the last few weeks whilst I drive around for work. So I've reached series seven and have begun supping copious amounts of Dubonnet whilst enjoying your comedic tones. Not whilst driving, obviously. I never really enjoyed gin, but the D makes the G much nicer on the tongue. I just wanted to let you know that an alternative Dubonnet mixture I accidentally stumbled upon when one of my cats, Lord Jaffa Cake Rum Tum Tango the first...
4:38 Speaker 05 This, who's this from?
4:39 Speaker 06 Someone who's single. Knocked my G and D from one table directly into my wife's lemonade.
4:45 Speaker 05 Thought they were gay.
4:46 Speaker 06 Oh, wife, okay.
4:49 Speaker 06 Whilst I'm still experimenting with proportions, I believe there could be legs to the idea. Obviously, I'll let you, the arbiters of taste and etiquette, be the ultimate judges. To recreate it is simple. Add the classic G and D, two parts Dubonnet, one part gin, in this case, Beef Eater, to a tall, crystal, highball tumbler with crushed ice, then top up with Seven Up. It's a wonderful, slightly sweet and fruity summer drink for a hot day, which I believe should be called the Long D. I hope you both enjoy my Long D and I look forward to hearing your thoughts on it once I reach the current series. Best wishes, Benjamin Guy. And Izzy and Ben, apparently, oh, you literally have it.
5:23 Speaker 05 Oh, so you're gonna...
5:24 Speaker 06 There was me hoping you'd forgotten.
5:25 Speaker 05 So, what, it's gin and Dubonnet with?
5:28 Speaker 06 Just a touch of lemonade.
5:31 Speaker 05 Okay.
5:31 Speaker 06 Anyway, Benjamin, this is for you.
5:33 Speaker 05 To Benjamin, cheers!
5:34 Speaker 06 And I'm sorry for saying you're single. I'm clearly not, you've got a wife.
5:38 Speaker 05 Benjamin was, you know, anyway.
5:41 Speaker 06 Benjamin Guy, Benjamin Gay, but no. Anyway, how are you?
5:45 Speaker 05 Yeah, I'm good, yourself?
5:46 Speaker 06 Yes, fine. What have you been up to?
5:47 Speaker 05 You know, the usual bits, the usual thing.
5:50 Speaker 06 Jordan's in some, it looks like you've come from the gym.
5:52 Speaker 05 No, this is very, I'm in my sports shorts and dress shirt era.
5:57 Speaker 06 Where do we stand on wearing...
5:58 Speaker 05 Very Harry Styles, Jacob and Lordy type.
6:01 Speaker 06 Where do we stand on wearing sports clothing to work?
6:04 Speaker 05 Well, it's not sports clothing, it's a look.
6:06 Speaker 06 It is, there are Adidas.
6:08 Speaker 05 But also, growing the old moustache.
6:12 Speaker 06 Uh, uh, uh, day one, cause you've got a, don't rub it against the microphone. You've got, you've got a beard.
6:17 Speaker 05 Yeah, so.
6:18 Speaker 06 So I would say it does fairly blend.
6:20 Speaker 05 Yeah, but I did, I did have the beard shorter and the moustache longer.
6:23 Speaker 06 Okay.
6:24 Speaker 05 So I'm gonna.
6:24 Speaker 06 And you like that, do you?
6:25 Speaker 05 I'm getting there, I'm getting there with it. What do you think? We, I never thought I'd be the person that grew a moustache.
6:30 Speaker 06 I.
6:32 Speaker 05 Do you, I'll be honest, we might come to the pub on Sunday and I went, Pete, I like your tash. And he went, thanks. I said, I'm gonna grow one. Didn't Ben have one for a while?
6:40 Speaker 06 He did. Look there.
6:43 Speaker 06 In this said photograph at my wedding.
6:45 Speaker 05 Ah.
6:45 Speaker 06 Dusty.
6:46 Speaker 05 Am I out of, uh, am I out of, how long ago was that? Like, how long have you been married?
6:50 Speaker 06 Uh, nearly four years.
6:52 Speaker 05 Oh my God, you were well ahead of the time. You were well ahead of the time.
6:56 Speaker 07 But the problem is with the moustache is obviously like, I enjoyed it at the time, but it is one of those things where I feel you kind of look back and think.
7:06 Speaker 07 Hmm.
7:06 Speaker 05 Yeah.
7:07 Speaker 07 That was a decision.
7:08 Speaker 05 Yeah.
7:08 Speaker 06 It's a fashion choice.
7:09 Speaker 07 I was, I was William's usher at his wedding, so I feel like.
7:12 Speaker 06 You were an usherette.
7:13 Speaker 07 Usher.
7:16 Speaker 05 Yeah.
7:17 Speaker 07 So I would, just if you have a big event that you might like, there might be pictures of that you'd look back and think, oh, that would be nice to look back at. And then you'd see a massive slug on your face.
7:25 Speaker 05 We'll give it a few weeks and see how it goes. Did Kat like it?
7:28 Speaker 07 She hated it.
7:31 Speaker 07 The, the, the odd occasion that she saw it. Obviously she, she was able to, to be out at William's wedding, so.
7:37 Speaker 06 Yes, yeah, yeah.
7:38 Speaker 05 Okay.
7:39 Speaker 06 You, what you could do.
7:40 Speaker 05 You could grow one.
7:41 Speaker 06 I can't.
7:43 Speaker 05 Can you not?
7:43 Speaker 06 I have laser hair, darling. I literally am incapable.
7:46 Speaker 05 You're the only bloke in our that's had laser hair treatment on their face.
7:50 Speaker 06 Really? Most people have it on the face.
7:51 Speaker 05 Do they? No, you just shave.
7:53 Speaker 06 No, but I would shave and then about an hour later it would look like I hadn't.
7:56 Speaker 05 It's so weird with your testosterone.
7:59 Speaker 06 Hmm.
7:59 Speaker 05 Your testosterone is next level.
8:02 Speaker 06 What?
8:02 Speaker 05 Considering how camp you are. And effeminate. No offence, but your, your testosterone.
8:10 Speaker 06 Why would being effeminate be offensive?
8:12 Speaker 05 No, no, no, I'm not saying it is. I'm just saying, but like you.
8:16 Speaker 06 Gosh, you can tell pride month's over.
8:17 Speaker 05 I remember when you like have a shaving and at like two in the afternoon, you'd have a full five o'clock shadow.
8:23 Speaker 06 And if I didn't have laser hair, then yeah, that is what, that's what you'd get.
8:26 Speaker 05 Yeah.
8:27 Speaker 06 So.
8:28 Speaker 05 Yeah, you've got.
8:29 Speaker 06 I've told you why I had started having laser hair, didn't I? I mean, I've had it for a few years now.
8:33 Speaker 05 Cocky little guy.
8:34 Speaker 06 I was teaching at a public school, I won't say which one, um, in Oxfordshire. And it got to three o'clock and I was teaching like fourteen, fifteen year olds. And this, I can, I can literally picture him now, put his hand up, went, sir. Yes, Bonzo, whatever his name was. If you're here to talk to us about manners, wouldn't it not have been polite to actually shave?
8:55 Speaker 05 Ah, I still, and he said, he said that.
8:58 Speaker 06 And of course I had.
8:59 Speaker 05 And did he not get told off?
9:00 Speaker 06 Well, I was the only one in the room.
9:01 Speaker 05 What did you say?
9:02 Speaker 06 I said I had actually, I just, it just grows very quickly and just moved on, but it was so scarring. So he owes me an awful lot of, well, laser hair's not that expensive, but you know, pain, it's quite painful.
9:13 Speaker 05 Can I ask you a personal question?
9:14 Speaker 06 Of course you can.
9:15 Speaker 05 How big are your bollocks? Do you have big balls?
9:19 Speaker 06 Why do you want to know this?
9:20 Speaker 05 Do you have big old mahogany testicles?
9:22 Speaker 06 Why do you want to know this?
9:23 Speaker 05 Just because that's a sign of testosterone in it.
9:26 Speaker 06 Is it?
9:26 Speaker 05 Big, yeah.
9:28 Speaker 06 Well, if we finish this episode early, I'll show you.
9:31 Speaker 05 Hmm.
9:31 Speaker 07 Do you know that all like primates have different sort of ratios between penis size and balls? So like if you, depending on how many partners you have, so because gorillas have like, they're just like one male. Has, they have loads of partners.
9:47 Speaker 05 Yeah.
9:48 Speaker 07 Right?
9:48 Speaker 05 Hmm.
9:49 Speaker 07 So they don't need a big willy to like show off.
9:52 Speaker 05 Okay.
9:53 Speaker 07 So have a small willy and really big balls.
9:55 Speaker 05 Right.
9:56 Speaker 07 Because they have to have sex with all the other gorillas.
10:01 Speaker 06 Gosh, well, Michaela Strachan doesn't need to worry, does she?
10:03 Speaker 05 That's twice today I've heard Michaela Strachan. That is so weird. Someone else mentioned her this morning. So, right, have you been watching?
10:12 Speaker 07 I'm pretty sure that was right. It's probably wrong, isn't it? Yeah, look, so. A gorilla weighs 350 pounds.
10:20 Speaker 06 Right.
10:21 Speaker 07 That's a lot of pennies.
10:23 Speaker 06 That is.
10:23 Speaker 07 Their testicles weigh a mere 30 grams.
10:27 Speaker 05 So they've got small willy but big testicles?
10:31 Speaker 07 No, okay, no, I've got it wrong. They've got tiny testicles.
10:36 Speaker 05 But big willys.
10:37 Speaker 07 Because they don't have competition from other males, but there are other primates that have loads of competition.
10:44 Speaker 06 Okay.
10:45 Speaker 07 Do you get it?
10:45 Speaker 05 Yeah. So we'll keep you up today on the old moustache.
10:49 Speaker 06 Moustache.
10:51 Speaker 05 I want the more like, not a full moustache, I want the moustache and like short beard look. Do you think I'd suit it?
10:56 Speaker 06 But why?
10:57 Speaker 05 I don't know, you know.
10:58 Speaker 06 Well, why don't you try them when you go on holiday? Because then in case.
11:01 Speaker 05 Well, I'm going away in two weeks.
11:02 Speaker 06 Well, then try it then. Because I'm thinking I might try something new. I'm not going to tell you what. But I thought I'll do it over holiday. Because then if it doesn't suit me, by the time I'm back, we'll be back to normal.
11:13 Speaker 05 What is it? Tell me. What are you gonna try?
11:17 Speaker 06 I might get something called a sleeve.
11:22 Speaker 05 Tattoo?
11:22 Speaker 06 Yeah, no, I'm not gonna do that.
11:23 Speaker 05 Tell me what you're doing. You're getting your teeth done?
11:26 Speaker 06 Well, now I've got a complex about my teeth.
11:28 Speaker 05 I learned when I was just.
11:30 Speaker 06 No, no, and also you can't undo that. So, you know. No, no, I don't know. You'll see.
11:35 Speaker 05 Okay. Oh, you're gonna get a piercing? No, you don't like.
11:38 Speaker 06 No, I'm not gonna have a piercing.
11:40 Speaker 07 Bald.
11:40 Speaker 06 Well. You will, uh, why don't Jane Davis guess?
11:45 Speaker 05 Okay. All right.
11:47 Speaker 07 Are you shaving your pubes for the first time?
11:51 Speaker 05 Then it's my job to be crude.
11:53 Speaker 06 Yeah, who's put fifty p in you?
11:55 Speaker 05 Hmm.
11:57 Speaker 05 Oh, and I've got an old image of him shaving his pabs.
12:01 Speaker 06 Why are you thinking about me shaving my pabs?
12:03 Speaker 05 Because he just mentioned it.
12:05 Speaker 06 Yeah, but you don't need to be.
12:06 Speaker 05 Do you do it over being a carrier bagger over at toilet or just on floor with your dust pad and brush?
12:10 Speaker 06 I'm not talking about this.
12:11 Speaker 05 What is the correct etiquette of shaving one's pubic hair?
12:15 Speaker 06 Just tidy up after yourself, however you do it.
12:16 Speaker 05 So you take the dust pad and brush up?
12:18 Speaker 06 However you're gonna do it.
12:19 Speaker 05 I like the dust pad and brush method because then it makes you realise how many you've got. It's quite satisfying, you know, when you shave your teeth.
12:25 Speaker 06 Well, for you, but you'd stuff a mattress afterwards.
12:28 Speaker 05 Wow, wow.
12:29 Speaker 06 Um, it's an exciting day.
12:32 Speaker 05 It is.
12:32 Speaker 06 Because not only do I get to see you here, in our place of work, if you can call this work, I don't, but some people do. But also you'll be coming to my other place of work this evening because Jordan North is finally coming aboard the ship of dreams, AKA Titanic.
12:47 Speaker 05 I'm coming to see Titanic.
12:48 Speaker 06 Yes.
12:49 Speaker 05 I'm very, very much looking forward to it.
12:51 Speaker 06 Bless you. We're looking forward to having you.
12:52 Speaker 05 I'm going to Devonshire, you thought.
12:54 Speaker 06 Of course you are.
12:55 Speaker 05 Yeah, so be having a few Guinness in there, best.
12:57 Speaker 06 Good, good location actually, because we're literally just across the road.
12:59 Speaker 05 How far a walk?
13:00 Speaker 06 A minute.
13:01 Speaker 05 Okay, so that means I can leave at twenty five past?
13:05 Speaker 06 I would maybe be leaving about ten past seven because also I have suggested to your party.
13:10 Speaker 05 Ten past seven?
13:11 Speaker 06 That you preorder drinks for the interval. So you'll need to, because it's only a fifteen minute interval. It's not twenty minutes like most other western shows.
13:18 Speaker 05 They'll wait.
13:20 Speaker 06 They won't.
13:22 Speaker 05 But look, I don't want to fuss or anything when I'm, when I'm there.
13:25 Speaker 06 No, there won't be.
13:25 Speaker 05 Yeah.
13:26 Speaker 06 No.
13:27 Speaker 05 Good.
13:28 Speaker 06 You're probably doing autographs in the stalls.
13:29 Speaker 05 No, I won't.
13:30 Speaker 06 Oh, I just happen to have this Sharpie on me.
13:33 Speaker 05 Always got a Sharpie with me, William. You never know when you need one, son.
13:36 Speaker 06 And have you used it yet?
13:37 Speaker 05 No.
13:37 Speaker 06 No.
13:38 Speaker 05 Been in there since twenty fourteen. I'm looking forward to, I'm looking forward to pub as well. It's my favourite pub in London, that.
13:44 Speaker 06 Good. Well, I'm glad, I'm glad you're coming.
13:46 Speaker 05 If you're ever in London, go down to Devonshire. It's the best Guinness. Just go on there Instagram. It's always packed. It's the best Guinness you'll ever have.
13:52 Speaker 06 Hmm.
13:53 Speaker 05 Yeah. Tell them Jordan sent you. So they do scotched eggs, bar snacks, a lot. Um. What can I expect tonight? Are you? Are you gonna be? Well, you've got another recording with Jonathan after this, so I hope you're gonna be on good form.
14:06 Speaker 06 I hope so, too. Doctor theatre will see me through. Um.
14:11 Speaker 05 What? Is that a thespian saying?
14:12 Speaker 06 It is, yeah.
14:13 Speaker 05 Doctor theatre?
14:14 Speaker 06 Doctor theatre. If you're not feeling well, the adrenaline, the roar of the crowd and the smell of the grease paint will see you through.
14:19 Speaker 05 Oh, is that what they say?
14:20 Speaker 06 Yeah.
14:21 Speaker 05 Yeah.
14:22 Speaker 06 No, we've had some lovely audiences, actually. So, uh, I'm, and Thursdays tend to be good audiences, because there's, there's the new Friday. So hopefully.
14:30 Speaker 05 It's the prekend.
14:31 Speaker 06 The, oh my god, is that a new word? The prekend?
14:35 Speaker 05 Me and Vic used to say it on Going Home.
14:37 Speaker 06 Of course. Yes, I knew I'd heard it before. Yes.
14:40 Speaker 05 Yeah, the listeners no liked it, let either. Never quite took on.
14:44 Speaker 06 The pre, yeah.
14:45 Speaker 05 It's the prekend, baby.
14:46 Speaker 06 What does, are there someone I know that calls it like happy?
14:49 Speaker 05 Thursday, Thursdays?
14:50 Speaker 06 Happy almost Friday or something?
14:52 Speaker 05 Oh.
14:52 Speaker 06 No, that's an ick.
14:54 Speaker 05 Oh.
14:54 Speaker 06 Yeah, we don't like that. Um. In other news of important people coming to see Titanique, unbeknownst to me, because I had asked for it, if it was going to happen, I said, make it happen, just don't tell me until afterwards.
15:06 Speaker 05 Okay.
15:07 Speaker 06 My parents came to see the show.
15:09 Speaker 05 No. When? Tell me everything.
15:11 Speaker 06 Saturday night.
15:13 Speaker 05 Did you, did you have an inkling they were coming?
15:15 Speaker 06 I had an inkling in the interval, because a few of the cast members who have met Mikey went, well, Mike is sitting in the dress circle, because obviously he's so tall, he sort of kind of stands out.
15:25 Speaker 05 And did you know Mikey was coming?
15:27 Speaker 06 No. Oh, and I thought, well, if Mikey is sitting there, then, especially because Mikey had been the night before with, um, his sister.
15:32 Speaker 05 Oh, God, poor Mikey.
15:35 Speaker 06 Mikey goes to see shows repeatedly all the time.
15:37 Speaker 05 Yeah.
15:39 Speaker 06 What?
15:39 Speaker 05 Okay, no offence.
15:40 Speaker 06 Um, and I was, because, you know, my, we've talked about this before, my parents have never seen Sexton live. They've been invited, but they, they have said previously, I won't be able to be me if they are there. And they're sort of, I do know what they mean. Um, so three weeks in, they were there, they loved it. It was very emotional.
16:00 Speaker 05 Oh, did they cry?
16:01 Speaker 06 Uh, they, well.
16:02 Speaker 05 Because I, you know, I take the mic out of you.
16:05 Speaker 06 Yeah.
16:05 Speaker 05 I'm really looking forward to it, but I reckon I will be like the dad in Billy Elliot at the end. You know where he comes on as the ballet dancer?
16:11 Speaker 06 Yeah.
16:12 Speaker 05 That scene grips me every time. And he goes, he goes.
16:17 Speaker 05 If you want, I'll show you me funny.
16:20 Speaker 07 That's off Billy Elliot.
16:22 Speaker 05 But that's, that's, that's one of my favourite films and that's what I'll be like, I will cry tonight when I see you on there. So what, what are you showing us here?
16:30 Speaker 06 Why's the sound not coming out?
16:31 Speaker 05 Turn the sound up, yeah.
16:33 Speaker 06 No, I've done that.
16:35 Speaker 06 This is the curtain call.
16:40 Speaker 05 Oh. Oh, look at your mum, she's beaming.
16:48 Speaker 05 Oh, that's gonna make me cry, look at that. Your dad's not that arse, but your mum's beaming.
16:53 Speaker 06 My father sent me a very lovely email.
16:55 Speaker 05 Email?
16:56 Speaker 06 Yeah.
16:57 Speaker 05 You email each other?
16:58 Speaker 06 Yes. I got an email on the Monday to say, you know, it was just, oh no, because it's nice, because then for posterity.
17:04 Speaker 05 But you're a Sally Rooney novel, who sends emails to?
17:08 Speaker 05 Isn't good in that?
17:09 Speaker 06 No, because it's nice, because then in many years' time, I'll always have that. I think it's very nice. I mean, he could have done a handwritten note, but you know, an email will suffice.
17:16 Speaker 05 I set my dad an email, I don't think I've got an email.
17:19 Speaker 06 Your dad and I email all the time. Graybo and I.
17:23 Speaker 05 Do ya?
17:23 Speaker 06 Yeah, [email protected] .
17:27 Speaker 05 Make sure you don't miss the R out, if you are gonna use that.
17:30 Speaker 06 No, that will get through to, uh.
17:31 Speaker 05 Gable?
17:32 Speaker 06 You.
17:35 Speaker 05 Very good.
17:36 Speaker 06 Thank you.
17:37 Speaker 05 But that's sweet.
17:38 Speaker 07 Didn't William's dad accidentally CC you an email?
17:40 Speaker 05 Oh, yes, he did. Um, he did accidentally CC me into the.
17:50 Speaker 05 He did.
17:51 Speaker 06 Is this something I don't know about?
17:52 Speaker 05 No, no, no, he just accidentally CC'd me into the email.
17:56 Speaker 06 Oh, I see, here we go.
17:58 Speaker 05 Dear William, fucking good show the other day. I was quite sceptical. I thought, oh my god, what have I been bloody dragged along to on a Saturday night in fucking London? When it's packed and busy, I wanted to be at home watching the television, BBC Four. Anyway, your mum loved it. Um, from what she can remember, she nearly got thrown out in the interval for being pissed as a fart. And, um, she was complaining that the champagne was. Was warm, but I've had really good bloody performance. You made me very proud. Never did I think I'd see my son prancing about on the West End. Um, all, all my love daddy, PS mummy says all her love too. Bloody good show, bloody good show.
18:42 Speaker 06 Wow, it's like he's here.
18:43 Speaker 05 Hmm.
18:44 Speaker 06 Lovely. Um, well, look, there, look, there is a photo of my father and Mikey. In the interval. Which is nice. And then my mother, you know, because the theatre is obviously near Charlesby Avenue and then, you know, there are some tourist shops up and down Charlesby Avenue.
18:56 Speaker 05 Hmm.
18:56 Speaker 06 And there are T-shirts that are on sale that say things like, I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is, I love lesbians, et cetera. Uh, it turns out my mother bought one and Mike and I got sent this photo.
19:08 Speaker 05 Ah.
19:10 Speaker 05 Get out on the carousel. That is brilliant.
19:13 Speaker 06 Ben?
19:14 Speaker 05 William's mum has, is wearing a T-shirt that says, I heart gays. She's looking fabulous there as well.
19:21 Speaker 06 Looking fabulous.
19:21 Speaker 05 All right. You see how I'm nice to your mum?
19:24 Speaker 06 I'm nice to your mum.
19:26 Speaker 05 You've started some shit now.
19:28 Speaker 06 Is she okay?
19:29 Speaker 05 She's fine.
19:31 Speaker 06 You sure?
19:31 Speaker 05 Kate North's loving this, by the way.
19:33 Speaker 06 Great.
19:33 Speaker 05 This banter.
19:34 Speaker 06 I'm gonna take the heat off her.
19:35 Speaker 05 She's. She's living for this. She's like, it's the best thing I've seen.
19:41 Speaker 06 No, I love your mother. You know, it's, it's, it's, as they call it in Northern Ireland, slagan. It's what you do to people that you hold dear. It's what you and I do to each other.
19:50 Speaker 05 Well, I'm so glad that your mum and dad went to see that, really. What else has been going on? My little West End musical star.
19:56 Speaker 06 Um, well, it's actually quite sad and you'll appreciate this.
19:59 Speaker 05 Oh, who's dad?
20:00 Speaker 06 Well, Penelope Keith, who was Marco in The Good Life.
20:03 Speaker 05 I never watched The Good Life.
20:04 Speaker 06 I thought you did.
20:05 Speaker 05 Never. I, I, I'm very much like, one thing me and William found out we had in common when we were younger is we had. Uh, a, a love for like nineteen seventies, eighties sitcoms, but I could never get into Good Life.
20:16 Speaker 06 Oh.
20:17 Speaker 05 Da, da, da, da, da. No, that was Terry and June, man.
20:19 Speaker 06 Yeah.
20:20 Speaker 05 Yeah.
20:20 Speaker 06 Da, da, da.
20:22 Speaker 05 But yeah, I, I, I appreciate, was she a loose woman? A panelist?
20:26 Speaker 06 No, she was not.
20:26 Speaker 05 No. I, I, she's been in lots of, I know she's.
20:28 Speaker 06 But my god, I would have watched it if she.
20:30 Speaker 05 I know she's an icon of British treasure.
20:32 Speaker 06 Because she was also Audrey Forbes Hamilton and To The Manaborn.
20:34 Speaker 05 Yes, I watched that.
20:36 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah, there we go.
20:37 Speaker 05 I saw it to Manaborn.
20:38 Speaker 06 Gosh, and you, you got to the Manaborn, but you didn't get the good life.
20:41 Speaker 05 I loved To Manaborn.
20:42 Speaker 06 To the Manaborn.
20:43 Speaker 05 Anyway.
20:43 Speaker 06 Anyway, so I was very sad. She had beautiful diction and Penelope Keith, a little toast to you. So, no, I, I thought as a sitcom lover, you would sort of appreciate that.
20:54 Speaker 05 Yeah, it was quite sad.
20:55 Speaker 06 Anything else with you?
20:56 Speaker 05 Oh, you know, all good. Got my shorts on, growing my moustache and going to watch my best friend in a musical tonight. Life is good, my friend. Life is good. And I've been enjoying the summer.
21:06 Speaker 06 I don't know which.
21:07 Speaker 05 What?
21:08 Speaker 06 I don't know which of the three things you've just said is gayer.
21:11 Speaker 05 What?
21:12 Speaker 06 Slatty shorts, growing a slatty moustache or going to watch me and Titan eat.
21:16 Speaker 05 Well, life is.
21:17 Speaker 06 I think the shorts, to be honest.
21:20 Speaker 05 Life is good.
21:21 Speaker 06 Good.
21:21 Speaker 05 I'm enjoying, I, I love, I do love the summer and I'm going away in two weeks, so.
21:27 Speaker 05 I'm going to Greece, but I don't know where and it's bugging me because I keep looking on my emails right, isn't it? I forget.
21:32 Speaker 06 Honestly, I go to Greece, you go to Greece.
21:33 Speaker 05 Well, I don't know if it's Corfu, Kos, Crete.
21:38 Speaker 06 One of the seas.
21:39 Speaker 05 It could even be Morocco.
21:41 Speaker 06 Well, that's not, Morocco isn't Greece.
21:43 Speaker 05 Cephalonia? That was Barcelona, right?
21:46 Speaker 06 No, Cephalonia isn't Greece.
21:47 Speaker 05 Also, the time of recording, so we don't know what's going to happen when this goes out because we've got another game, but, um. England have just beat Dr Congo.
21:56 Speaker 06 Dr Congo?
21:57 Speaker 05 He will see you now.
21:59 Speaker 06 Who's Dr Congo?
22:00 Speaker 05 The Dominican Republic of Congo. There's D R Congo in it, but.
22:04 Speaker 06 Oh, I see.
22:04 Speaker 05 Read it how it's Dr Congo on air.
22:06 Speaker 06 Right.
22:07 Speaker 05 You didn't watch any of the match last night?
22:09 Speaker 06 I was rehearsing.
22:11 Speaker 05 I rehearsed, you know, I didn't go to the pub and regret it.
22:14 Speaker 06 But I, I will be honest with you. What I did do yesterday after rehearsals, it was towards the latter half of the game in my dressing room whilst I was applying my foundation. I just wear a touch of makeup on stage. Um, I did look up the score.
22:26 Speaker 05 Did you?
22:27 Speaker 06 Mainly to see if we were going to go out and we could put an end to all of this. Turns out we've got another few days of it.
22:33 Speaker 05 I still can't get over when you had Luke and Joe over for.
22:37 Speaker 06 First time I'd met Luke.
22:38 Speaker 05 For dinner and it was England in the Euros final.
22:41 Speaker 06 Yeah.
22:41 Speaker 05 And you, you, you didn't watch it.
22:45 Speaker 06 Well, Joe put it on and Luke, Mike and I sat there and thought, talked about theatre.
22:49 Speaker 05 Well, you know what time kickoff is on Sunday?
22:52 Speaker 06 Hmm.
22:52 Speaker 05 1am.
25:06 Speaker 05 You fellow who wrote the jingles went to see you last night.
25:08 Speaker 06 He did, Stephen came to see me.
25:10 Speaker 05 Yeah, Stephen. Nice one, Stephen.
25:11 Speaker 06 He said it was excellent and he appreciated the in-jokes.
25:14 Speaker 05 I'm dreading the in-jokes because I know one of them's aimed at me. This is from Ollie Brinkman on Insta. Says, "Hi, John. Love the podcast. Got a jolly joke of the week for you. I bought a dog from the blacksmith the other day and I'll tell you the punchline."
25:29 Speaker 06 The punchline.
25:30 Speaker 05 I'll tell you the punchline after the break.
25:34 Speaker 00 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams. Hello, I'm Luke Jones. And I'm Poppy Damon. We love all the strange true crime stories that you might flick through on a newspaper and think, "Hang on a minute."
26:19 Speaker 00 And this is Strangely, a podcast where every week we bring you the weirdest, wildest stories ripped straight from the headlines or our notebooks from both sides of the Atlantic. From the stories that you almost certainly missed in the headlines.
26:30 Speaker 05 To the ones you did see and thought, "That's odd," but never got to revisit again. If you like strange news. Unexpected twists. And stories that linger on way longer than they should. Listen and subscribe now. Search for Strangely wherever you get your podcasts.
26:51 Speaker 05 All right, Gene Devers, thanks sticking with us. This week's Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week goes to Ollie, who says, "I bought a dog from the blacksmith the other day. As soon as we got home, we made a bolt for the door."
27:07 Speaker 06 That's nice, that's funny. You've got to know what a blacksmith is, but it works.
27:12 Speaker 05 Everyone knows what a blacksmith is.
27:14 Speaker 06 Some people, why not?
27:15 Speaker 05 Do you want another?
27:16 Speaker 06 Izzy doesn't.
27:17 Speaker 05 She was educating Plappham, what'd you expect? I was not.
27:23 Speaker 05 Doodle doodle. Yeah, I think that's it. We'll just stick with that one, shall we?
27:27 Speaker 06 Lovely. Well, shall we get on to the questions and dilemmas?
27:29 Speaker 05 Let's do it. And remember, if you need our help with something, then do get in touch. You can send your telltale to [email protected] , or you can DM us. We're at Sex with My Boss on the old socials. And remember, we have no ideas what's coming up. We're reading them for the first time. Can I just say I don't read the comments?
27:45 Speaker 06 No, you don't at all.
27:46 Speaker 05 But a lot of people have been commenting saying, I prefer it when Jordan read from the
27:52 Speaker 05 iPad, because I glazed over halfway through. So.
27:58 Speaker 06 You just do whatever you want to do.
28:00 Speaker 05 No, I'm not gonna read off the iPad, because basically I've been told to not read the questions off the iPad, but William's reading them because it looks bad on video. That's what Izzy said, but a lot of people have said that I'm glazing over. So, let's go.
28:13 Speaker 06 Okay, our first dilemma is from anonymous. Hi boys, I've got a bit of a dilemma. This summer, I'm hosting a gathering of around 10 people in my garden. Two of the guests and I speak another language. One grew up in the country, the other spoke the language at home growing up, and I've studied it for years. So it's natural for us to chat in it, or speak it in combination with English. The other guests, however, do not speak or understand it, or speak another language that they might chat to each other in. Would it be a faux pas, from the French false step, thank you, if our conversations, just between us, were in said language, but we spoke English with the wider group? Or when chatter isn't as lively? Lots of love, anon. Yes, everyone wants to speak the same language.
28:50 Speaker 05 Oh, see, because you do always think, because they go
28:56 Speaker 05 you think they're slagging me off. However, if I'd spoken another language, I think it'd be nice to speak to someone in my native tongue.
29:03 Speaker 06 I mean, do it for a bit, but it's.
29:04 Speaker 05 I think it's all right.
29:05 Speaker 06 If it excludes others and they feel that they're not being included, that's when it's wrong. If it's just the two of you talking and others aren't listening in, okay, maybe it's more permissible, but generally you want to talk in the language of the party.
29:20 Speaker 05 Yeah, I think if it's just you two, then it's fine. It's a great question.
29:24 Speaker 06 Hmm.
29:24 Speaker 05 Yeah, because you do always think when you're here, you go, you know, let me say it about me. Oh god, you're saying I've got fat legs. I know, I knew I shouldn't wear these shorts. My legs, they're too fat for this. Oh god, oh god. Yeah, no, good thing, good.
29:37 Speaker 06 Hmm. And this is from Brian to the Right Honourable William Henderson, not a member of the Cabinet, but thank you. Mr Jordan North and the ever-patient EPB.
29:45 Speaker 05 Why, there you go. Next, etiquette, etiquetteology.
29:48 Speaker 06 Yes.
29:49 Speaker 05 Whatever it's called.
29:50 Speaker 06 Etiquetology.
29:51 Speaker 05 Why do they call right honourable?
29:53 Speaker 06 Alright.
29:53 Speaker 05 Yeah. Oh, look at his face. He knows that's a good one. That'll be a good one.
29:57 Speaker 06 Well, it's only a good one if there is actually an interesting answer for it.
29:59 Speaker 05 Where's it come from, right honourable?
30:01 Speaker 06 Well, I will look into it.
30:02 Speaker 05 Who do we call right honourable? Is it only politicians?
30:05 Speaker 06 No, no, certain peers as well.
30:07 Speaker 05 Okay, there you go.
30:08 Speaker 06 Um, Weston, Clevedon, Long, sorry. I found that funny. I'm writing to you from Sydney with what I believe is a niche but pressing etiquette conundrum.
30:19 Speaker 05 You've come to the right place.
30:20 Speaker 06 I pride myself on hosting executive candlelight suppers and the occasional bon vivant luncheon, complete with luxury manchets. I'm under no illusion that I'm hosting a state banquet, but if people leave thinking, well, that was rather lovely, then I've done my job. Brian, well done. Now to the issue. A very close friend had a medical procedure that means she can only eat very small portions. Naturally, whenever I host, I make sure there's plenty of food and I plate everything in the kitchen before bringing it to the table. The problem is this, everyone else polishes off their dinner, leaving a satisfyingly empty plate. My friend, however, almost always leaves a noticeable amount behind simply because she physically can't eat anymore.
30:55 Speaker 05 Or make smaller amounts then.
30:56 Speaker 06 The same thing happens when we go out to restaurants. I hate food waste, but I would hate even more to make her feel singled out. What is the correct etiquette? Do I quietly serve her a much smaller portion than everyone else, accepting that it will look different from the outset? Or do I serve everyone the same amount, knowing full well hers won't be finished and simply make peace with inevitable leftovers? I'm aware the obvious answer is just ask her, but somehow that also feels like drawing attention to something she'd probably rather not think about while preparing for my outdoor luxury barbecue. Yours in the highest esteem and in faithful anticipation of your wisdom, Brian. I have two things to say, but I'll let you go first.
31:28 Speaker 05 No, you go first.
31:30 Speaker 06 Um, I was going to say, just ask her, but if you're worrying that that's going to single her out, say to everyone, right, before I serve, how hungry are we all feeling? And you just go around the room. So you're not singling her out.
31:42 Speaker 05 Okay.
31:43 Speaker 06 Because actually, do you know what? There might be others that aren't that hungry. The other option is do it as a buffet and then everyone can help themselves.
31:49 Speaker 05 Well, I was gonna say, just make a smaller one and don't make a big deal of it. I should probably appreciate that. Cause then she won't feel like she's being rude, the one she lives with. Just, yours is a good one. Ask everyone. Make a smaller one. But I must say, as somebody who, who, who has people, like people.
32:03 Speaker 06 You're eating a lot less than you used to.
32:05 Speaker 05 No, I'm not.
32:05 Speaker 06 I think you are.
32:06 Speaker 05 No, I'm bloody not. Have you seen what I've just troughed in?
32:09 Speaker 06 Okay, and today you've been going at those brownies like there's no tomorrow.
32:12 Speaker 05 Brownie and a red and a butter. Diego's at half of that. Sorry, Joe, I was just sniffing about your bag and a sin it, but don't tell my mum and dad, because it's an M sandwich and I'm veggie, remember? Yeah, I won't say a word, Diego. Fucking it off me, buddy.
32:27 Speaker 06 Can I eat the rest of your bocce?
32:28 Speaker 05 Yeah, my buddy is always, you're weird. Um.
32:34 Speaker 06 First time I've ever had a ham sandwich.
32:35 Speaker 05 But I, I don't, I don't serve. I, whenever I have people over, this was introduced to me and I think it's great. Just help yourself.
32:41 Speaker 06 Hmm.
32:42 Speaker 05 If you put it in the middle of the table or on the side of the island or whatever, and just get people to serve their own. And that would, I think that's better. And I like that, because then you can have more of what you love and less of what you don't like.
32:54 Speaker 06 Yeah.
32:54 Speaker 05 I think it's old fashioned to serve somebody's food from personally. When you come to my house, get stuck into the chat.
33:00 Speaker 06 Yeah, I mean, I've, I've always said, you know, why bother serving your guests? Why, you know, why have them over?
33:05 Speaker 05 Well, you love it when you come to mine.
33:07 Speaker 06 I do. I always love it. Haven't been over for a while, just saying.
33:10 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah, it has been a while, actually.
33:12 Speaker 06 Hmm.
33:13 Speaker 07 I've never been.
33:14 Speaker 05 Cause you never wanna come.
33:15 Speaker 07 I do. I mean, Jordan's never been to mine.
33:19 Speaker 05 I will, I think we need to sort out a little sexted. We could do a sexted capital breakfast get together.
33:24 Speaker 06 Why capital breakfast? Just have sexted. There's enough on sexted.
33:26 Speaker 05 I can't do two separate nights. I'm busy, aren't I? I'll have to be on a weekend. I'll get these all together.
33:31 Speaker 06 No, just do us. There's enough on the team.
33:33 Speaker 05 Yeah.
33:33 Speaker 07 A sexted soirée.
33:37 Speaker 05 Well, do you know what? Shove it up your arse.
33:39 Speaker 06 What?
33:40 Speaker 05 Trying to be doing a nice thing.
33:41 Speaker 06 No, it is a nice thing, but maybe you do just a Capital Breakfast thing.
33:44 Speaker 05 No, because they said they've not. They're like, I'll do a barbecue or something.
33:49 Speaker 06 Oh, look, he's getting stressed already.
33:51 Speaker 05 Right, go on.
33:52 Speaker 06 Well, I'll tell you what, why don't I host the Capital Breakfast one?
33:54 Speaker 05 No, that's right.
33:55 Speaker 06 Basically a guest presenter at the moment.
33:57 Speaker 05 That's true. You never are.
33:58 Speaker 06 This is from Molly. Dear William Jordan, E P B, I go to a perfectly standard public gym. One lunchtime during the absolute carnage that is the 12:01pm rush, I noticed a big hench bold man camped on the Smith machine.
34:13 Speaker 06 What the dickens is a Smith machine? Sophia? It's like the squat wrap, but the bar is like connected to it. Ah, thank you very much.
34:22 Speaker 07 The squat wrap, but the bar is connected to it.
34:24 Speaker 06 I patiently waited, convincing myself he must be nearly finished. After about 15 minutes, I finally plucked out the courage to ask, as politely as my socially anxious little soul could manage. Hi, how many sets have you got left? He laughed. He then said, 12. Sorry, darling. 12? He was nice about it, not rude or anything. At that point, I briefly considered changing gym's identities and possibly countries. I only had my Bulgarian split squats left. Any girly on a quest for a big bum knows these are a form of legalized torture. I also have a medical condition affecting my ankles, so they're much easier and significantly less likely to end in an A and E visit when I can use the support of the Smith machine instead of dumbbells. Now, I'm conflicted. Part of me thinks, well, he's paying for his membership
35:07 Speaker 06 and technically he can spend all day recreating the world's slowest workout if he wants. But the other part of me thinks monopolising one of the most popular pieces of equipment for the best part of an hour during peak lunchtime while doing exercises that could mostly have been done elsewhere is deeply inconsiderate. To make matters worse, I'd seen him let another man work between his sets earlier. So either I completely misunderstood gym etiquette or I simply wasn't worthy. Sadly, I lacked the confidence to ask if I could work in two. Instead, I wandered out of the gym silently cursing this man while trying not to fall down the stairs. So please, I need your verdict. Cock or not, is this normal gym behaviour that I need to get over? Or was this hench bold darling committing a serious breach of gym etiquette? Many thanks, Molly.
35:49 Speaker 05 I think 12 is too much.
35:51 Speaker 06 It's too much.
35:51 Speaker 05 It could have been worse though. It could have been on his phone. You know, when you're like waiting and someone's on the phone for five minutes in between sets. 12 is too much, but maybe he should have offered and said, do you want to take it in turns?
36:02 Speaker 06 Yeah.
36:03 Speaker 05 Um.
36:04 Speaker 07 Feels like a bit of everyday sexism to me.
36:06 Speaker 05 Yeah, it does, Ben. It does. You're right there. Thank you. As a fellow feminist as well, I think you're top. Why are you laughing at that? That was me being serious. Do you know what gives me the ache? When blokes call themselves feminists. Like, it's, no, no, no.
36:19 Speaker 06 You've just done that. You've literally just done that.
36:21 Speaker 05 No, I was joking. I am, I like, now I'm getting in, but like, you know when they do and go, oh, as a feminist, I'm like, yes, we all are. You don't need to. Do you know what I mean? Well, we all are feminists. We all agree with you.
36:31 Speaker 06 Well, not, not everyone is sadly. Otherwise we wouldn't need it.
36:35 Speaker 05 When, when guys say it, like, and wear T-shirts and stuff. Anyway, what as Jan says, it does sound like he's been a bit sexist there. And, but 12 is too much. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't need to go and hide. Go back to the gym and next time he's on it, you stand there and say, excuse me. I need to do my Bulgarian squats. I want an ass like Kim Kardashian. So let's take it in turns. Bash.
36:57 Speaker 06 Yeah. Uh, yeah. During peak times, lunchtime, before work, after work, everyone needs to, whatever the piece of equipment is, whether it's a treadmill, whether it's the Smith machine. I would say maximum 10 minutes on it per person.
37:11 Speaker 05 Let's tell you Beverly Callard.
37:13 Speaker 06 Hmm.
37:13 Speaker 05 So she was, um, she used to do like gym classes and stuff.
37:18 Speaker 06 Yeah, because she, your mum had her exercise videos.
37:20 Speaker 05 Yeah, she had loads of exercise videos. She actually, they were like bestsellers.
37:24 Speaker 06 Yeah.
37:24 Speaker 05 But her whole niche, she told me this, her whole niche was, because back in the like eighties, nineties, women wanted a small bum.
37:32 Speaker 06 Hmm.
37:32 Speaker 05 So her exercise classes were to tighten your bum and make it smaller. And she said, now everyone wants a big ass, bigger ass, because of like, yeah, she said it just comes in and out.
37:43 Speaker 06 Yeah.
37:43 Speaker 05 But she used to do like legs, bums and tums classes and stuff.
37:46 Speaker 06 Did she?
37:46 Speaker 05 Yeah, because that was the thing to have a small petite bottom.
37:50 Speaker 07 What sort of bum would you like to have?
37:54 Speaker 06 I like small petite bottoms.
37:55 Speaker 05 Yeah.
37:56 Speaker 06 Hmm.
37:56 Speaker 05 Yeah. Don't know. I've never really thought about it to be honest. I think my arse is alright. Yeah.
38:04 Speaker 06 We weren't talking about your arse.
38:05 Speaker 05 No, it's what sort of bum would you like?
38:07 Speaker 07 Yeah, we were.
38:07 Speaker 05 We were.
38:08 Speaker 06 Oh, were we?
38:09 Speaker 07 Yeah, that's what I was asking about.
38:10 Speaker 05 Actually, I'm.
38:12 Speaker 06 Show, show, don't, don't, don't show the cameras. Don't be a complete thirsty whore.
38:16 Speaker 05 No, I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna love it myself.
38:19 Speaker 07 I'm talking about if you go to the gym.
38:21 Speaker 06 Hmm.
38:21 Speaker 07 To work on your bottom. Do you want a small, petite one or do you want a big?
38:24 Speaker 05 I've never really thought of it. I'm, I just, my arse is my arse, innit?
38:28 Speaker 06 You've just got what God gave you.
38:30 Speaker 05 Yeah.
38:30 Speaker 06 Hmm.
38:31 Speaker 05 Exactly.
38:31 Speaker 07 I've got a very small bottom.
38:33 Speaker 06 You do?
38:34 Speaker 05 Thanks.
38:35 Speaker 06 What's your favourite piece of equipment at the gym?
38:39 Speaker 06 Are you a Smith machine person?
38:40 Speaker 05 My favourite machine's probably the vending.
38:50 Speaker 05 We give him stick.
38:51 Speaker 06 Hmm.
38:51 Speaker 05 But we're better when he's here. You could tell he weren't here last week.
38:55 Speaker 06 That's a bit rude to Jack and James.
38:56 Speaker 05 No, I mean, I know Jack and James love him, but he's our boy, innit? We love Jack and James and Izzy and Zoff.
39:02 Speaker 06 Yeah, Izzy and Zoff weren't here last week, guys.
39:04 Speaker 05 I feel like he, he gets the best out of me.
39:06 Speaker 06 Hmm.
39:07 Speaker 05 That moment when we were coming up with that.
39:11 Speaker 05 We were coming up with that idea for the tour. I wish we filmed it. It was a moment. Ben just gets me as a producer. He's like, come on, George, you're near. It was a beautiful, creative moment. It's like, come on, George.
39:21 Speaker 07 I was like, you're nearly there, George. Come on, come on, George, you're nearly there.
39:24 Speaker 05 So honestly, Izzy, it was, it was a sight to behold. It was beautiful. Come on, we'll get there. I said, we just need some when we come, come out after the interval. And anyway, we got there. So what we should do is I'll dress as William's mum. And William dresses as my mum. And it was a great moment. Anyway, next time.
39:43 Speaker 06 All I'll say is there are two moments in Titan Eek tonight that I always think of you at because one is something that I wanted to do. That you kiboshed and potentially.
39:54 Speaker 05 I kiboshed.
39:56 Speaker 06 Well, you slash everybody.
39:59 Speaker 06 You've benedict you. And there's another bit which in act two. It's actually, I'm sort of not really involved. I'm a little bit involved in it, but you will like because of previous conversations we've had about musicals.
40:12 Speaker 05 I always back you up when you create ideas.
40:14 Speaker 06 We didn't on that one.
40:15 Speaker 05 Oh, I said to you, I said, I'll back you up.
40:17 Speaker 06 Okay.
40:18 Speaker 05 I did remember.
40:19 Speaker 06 You did. You said you backed me up on the curtain.
40:21 Speaker 05 Yeah.
40:22 Speaker 06 Which I was reminded about on a train.
40:25 Speaker 05 I said, if you want that curtain, I'll back you up. So I'm in this together. So I couldn't give a shit about curtains, but I'll back you up.
40:32 Speaker 06 And wasn't the curtain a good idea?
40:34 Speaker 05 Yeah. And that Bulgarian curtain looks great in my living room right now. So.
40:37 Speaker 06 It's called an Austrian drape.
40:39 Speaker 05 Oh, what am I thinking of?
40:40 Speaker 06 And it's in my downstairs loo.
40:42 Speaker 05 So Bulgarian curtain and Austrian squats. What am I getting wrong again then?
40:45 Speaker 06 No Bulgarian squats.
40:46 Speaker 05 Ah, that's all right. Okay.
40:48 Speaker 06 No, in all seriousness, what is your favourite gym?
40:52 Speaker 05 I've just never fell off my chair again. Anyway.
40:53 Speaker 07 Oh, wow. That was cool. If you fall, if you fall off your chair here, Jordan nearly went, went off his chair back just then. That's a cracked head.
41:01 Speaker 06 Hmm. We'd never notice the blood up the wall because it would just be more red.
41:05 Speaker 05 I had a nosebleed this morning. Just reminded me. What's that all about?
41:11 Speaker 06 Well, it's because you had a nosebleed.
41:13 Speaker 07 That's quite retro. I feel like nosebleeds are like, they should be in the same folder as like quicksand. They only existed like 20 years ago.
41:19 Speaker 05 Yeah, I'm at primary school. I had a nosebleed. Anyway.
41:22 Speaker 06 Oh, that's lovely. No, in all seriousness, what is your favourite machine at the gym?
41:25 Speaker 05 I don't know.
41:27 Speaker 06 What are you, a cardio girl? Are you a weights girl?
41:30 Speaker 05 I, um, I like the free weights. So I don't really use the machines. I'm more of a free weights. I like the leg machine, the one where you do that. I don't know what they're called.
41:40 Speaker 06 Uh, yeah, this is leg extension, leg extensions. Oh.
41:43 Speaker 05 Fill that fire. Fill that there. Fill that.
41:46 Speaker 07 That's your calf.
41:47 Speaker 06 That's your calf.
41:47 Speaker 05 That's my calf. No, the other side. Touch it. Slap it. Oh yeah.
41:53 Speaker 06 You have, I mean, you haven't got calves like me.
41:54 Speaker 05 No, you've got the best calves.
41:56 Speaker 06 Thank you very much.
41:56 Speaker 07 What's your favourite machine, William?
41:58 Speaker 05 Oh, for God's sake, can we move on, please? I've been trying to move it on for five minutes.
42:02 Speaker 06 I like the, is either the ab or adductor, where you sit there and you go woo and you push your legs out.
42:07 Speaker 05 Babe, that won't give you abs.
42:09 Speaker 06 No, I know, but it's called the ab or adductor.
42:12 Speaker 05 Or is that the one with the legs? Oh, right, sorry, I thought you meant.
42:15 Speaker 06 Oh, no, it's not for abs.
42:15 Speaker 05 Well, it will give you abs, but.
42:17 Speaker 06 Well, no, because you're exercising your thighs.
42:19 Speaker 05 Yeah.
42:20 Speaker 06 Anyway, what's your second favourite machine?
42:23 Speaker 05 Ah, God.
42:26 Speaker 06 This is from Polly. Hi, boys. I've recently been to see Titanic in London with my lovely daughter, Rose, uh, after she booked specifically to see William play the part of Rose's mum, no relation to either of us, which we both loved. William was hilarious and made us laugh throughout the whole show, so thank you for that.
42:40 Speaker 05 That's, eh, babe, I can't wait to see you.
42:42 Speaker 06 What is the etiquette when waiting at the stage door after the show when other actors appear that were also very entertaining, but not the actor you're waiting to see? Do you politely ask for their autograph and photo? And how long should you wait for your favourite actor in case they do appear? Or not, as sadly was the case. I do, however, have a picture of you wearing the particularly fetching headband and pearl necklace. Yours in hope of two signed photographs. Polly. P.S. We both love the podcast.
43:05 Speaker 07 I can take this one.
43:06 Speaker 06 All right. Oh, okay. Oh, what? Because.
43:10 Speaker 07 It's a joke because sometimes I might have come out backstage after a sexy show.
43:15 Speaker 05 Everybody wants your picture.
43:16 Speaker 07 And people humoured me, asking me for a picture. And I was like, I'm not the star.
43:19 Speaker 05 Everybody wants your picture, even Izzy.
43:22 Speaker 07 They're on the way.
43:24 Speaker 05 And they're like, oh, my God, are you Chancey Izzy? And Izzy's like, yeah. Oh, you want a picture with me, diva?
43:31 Speaker 06 Says on my T-shirt.
43:32 Speaker 05 And then they go, are you Social Joan? She's like, yes. She just stares at him until they're uncomfortable. And she goes.
43:43 Speaker 05 Okay, and then they must walk off.
43:45 Speaker 06 Hilarious.
43:49 Speaker 05 Yeah, why is it?
43:50 Speaker 06 Oh, I think, yeah, in all seriousness, anyway, you know, it is particularly with things like Titanic, which is such an ensemble piece, you do want to say, well done, or, you know, people bring programmes, get everyone to sign the programme, you do want to say something, you don't have to necessarily have long conversations with everyone, anyone that walks through, they will work as hard as anyone else. So, yeah, I would say you say something.
44:10 Speaker 05 Yeah.
44:10 Speaker 06 Yeah. And I know exactly which show they came to, and I know exactly why I didn't do Stage Door, which I have been doing every night, because I had to go and do some interviews in the dressing room, so I'm sorry. And it was in between shows, so I didn't leave the theatre.
44:21 Speaker 05 Oh, who did you do interviews for?
44:22 Speaker 06 Well, various people.
44:25 Speaker 06 Press.
44:26 Speaker 05 Oh.
44:26 Speaker 06 You know, it was actually not for Titanic, it was for something else.
44:29 Speaker 05 Just imagine you there, with your cravat.
44:32 Speaker 06 Martini and...
44:33 Speaker 05 Come on in, darling, come on into my dressing room. So, to get in character of this, I actually went on a cruise with Pino for two weeks, to just try and emulate what Ruth would have been going through, not only as a mother, but as a woman.
44:51 Speaker 06 No, my friend suggested that I should maybe get on board the speaking circuit on cruise ships, and I said, I don't think after this, A, I can get on a cruise ship, because we're talking about sinking every night, so I think I need a break, and also I need to go beyond cruising.
45:04 Speaker 05 Yeah.
45:05 Speaker 06 Hmm.
45:05 Speaker 05 Oh, I've been watching, have I told you I'm in a bit of a black hole, like, hyper fixated on Costa Concordia at the moment? It's fascinating.
45:15 Speaker 06 Right.
45:16 Speaker 05 Should never have happened, that.
45:17 Speaker 06 No.
45:17 Speaker 05 No. Terrible.
45:19 Speaker 07 You've said that before.
45:20 Speaker 05 Yeah, I'm really baffled.
45:21 Speaker 07 You're obsessed by that.
45:21 Speaker 05 There's a new Netflix documentary.
45:22 Speaker 06 Well, why, tell you what, why don't we try and make a musical about it, and Jordan can be in that sinking ship musical?
45:27 Speaker 05 Costa Concordia.
45:31 Speaker 05 I will not go down with the ship. I will not go down with the ship, see? That's, that's...
45:37 Speaker 07 Needs a bit of work.
45:38 Speaker 05 Because he didn't, he pissed off.
45:41 Speaker 06 You could, you could do, you could do the musical, the music of Dua Lipa, you could, you could do the story of the Costa Concordia, told by Dua Lipa.
45:52 Speaker 05 No, we need someone like... Another Canadian, Drake.
45:57 Speaker 06 Drake?
45:58 Speaker 05 Shania Twain.
45:59 Speaker 06 Shania Twain.
46:00 Speaker 05 They're don't impressing me much.
46:03 Speaker 06 Yes, that's when the, that's when the captain walks off.
46:05 Speaker 05 You've got a cruise ship, but have you got the touch? And don't get me wrong, yeah, you keep me all night.
46:12 Speaker 06 You could also have.
46:13 Speaker 05 But you're sinking your ship in the middle of the night. Costa Concordia, let's write it, let's pitch it.
46:20 Speaker 06 Man, I feel like a captain.
46:26 Speaker 05 Oh, I'm gonna write this.
46:28 Speaker 06 Let's go down.
46:31 Speaker 05 Sorry to the people involved in Costa Concordia.
46:33 Speaker 06 Uh, just for contractual reasons, I am in no way associated with that musical.
46:37 Speaker 05 Get off yourself.
46:38 Speaker 06 We'll finish with this one from Luke. Hello, William Jordan and the self sect of my boss team. My dilemma is fairly short, so I'll get straight to it. I've been speaking to a girl for around a month. Come to the right place. For a month and a half who lives in my state.
46:50 Speaker 05 You're still the one I want. Sorry, I'm so.
46:53 Speaker 06 But it is a two hour drive away we matched on Tinder whilst I was visiting family. I'm due to visit her in mid-July and I'm very excited about this despite one thing. We've recently had the bodies conversation.
47:03 Speaker 05 What's that?
47:04 Speaker 06 I opened up about how I felt my body count of eight was perhaps normal. If not a little high for a 26 year old, considering I lost my virginity at 20.
47:12 Speaker 05 That's fine, don't be telling people your body count.
47:15 Speaker 06 At which point we enjoyed the fact that we both lost it at the same age. The girl I'm speaking to, however, admitted to not knowing the exact number of bodies she's had, but that it's definitely no more than around 60.
47:26 Speaker 05 Fair play.
47:28 Speaker 06 The revelation has made me feel quite inadequate despite doing my best to see the context behind this. In my opinion, quite a high number of sexual partners. As she stated, most of these partners were at a time of her life where she was a little bit of a hedonist and was quote unquote, going through a lot. I really like her and I really see a future with her, but I'm struggling to come to terms with her having such a high number of partners compared to me. Do I bring up my feelings of inadequacy to her or keep hiding them?
47:51 Speaker 05 Luke?
47:52 Speaker 06 Why did you have that conversation to begin with?
47:53 Speaker 05 Luke? Come here pal, there's gonna be a few tough words here, right? Listen here, I know it's affecting you and there's many lads who are listening and it would affect them if their other half had had a sexual partners, as many as that, but just it's not a thing, doesn't matter.
48:16 Speaker 06 No.
48:17 Speaker 05 It doesn't matter if she's set with sixty, six hundred or six, it doesn't matter, it's twenty twenty six, we don't judge. It's fine, we've all had our fun, we've all had our days.
48:30 Speaker 05 You know, so put that eyebrow down, put that eyebrow down right now, I'm trying to be serious here.
48:35 Speaker 06 Okay.
48:36 Speaker 05 Don't raise your eyebrow at me, son.
48:37 Speaker 06 Sorry.
48:38 Speaker 05 So.
48:39 Speaker 06 Both shots will kick in on Saturday.
48:40 Speaker 05 Thank god.
48:41 Speaker 06 Yeah.
48:41 Speaker 05 So, uh, yeah, please, please try and get over this, it's not an issue, all right, it doesn't matter. If the shoe was on the other foot and you'd had sixty and she, so just try and get over it. That's my advice, although I know it's.
48:55 Speaker 06 Get over it or get under it.
48:57 Speaker 05 Take it away, and if you can't, if you can't, you're gonna have to move on because you you you will have that resentment there and it'll turn it'll turn into resentment if you get into a relationship.
49:07 Speaker 06 I have nothing further to add, I think what you said was perfect.
49:09 Speaker 05 Thank you.
49:10 Speaker 06 Yeah.
49:12 Speaker 07 Also, I wouldn't say like eight is enough, he's saying like he could feel inadequate, I'm like eight is a good enough number, like eight isn't.
49:18 Speaker 06 I mean, he's written eight.
49:19 Speaker 07 I mean, there's no good number, there's no bad number. Zero point eight.
49:24 Speaker 05 Oh, oh, he's eight, your number, oh, that's sweet. For the record, do you wanna deny that?
49:33 Speaker 07 No comment.
49:34 Speaker 05 Okay, fair, oh. I'm a bit less than that, so.
49:46 Speaker 05 That gets the biggest laugh of the podcast.
49:49 Speaker 06 Really?
49:52 Speaker 06 I've got a question for you.
49:54 Speaker 05 I'm not.
49:55 Speaker 06 What's your least favourite piece of equipment at the gym?
49:57 Speaker 05 Oh, for God's sake. Thank God. Um. Do. Oh, the one with the strings that you pull.
50:07 Speaker 06 A fly machine?
50:08 Speaker 05 Yeah, the fly machine. Yeah.
50:10 Speaker 06 I don't. I know the name.
50:11 Speaker 05 I know. Yeah. Get you.
50:15 Speaker 05 Still haven't seen you in our gym lately.
50:17 Speaker 06 Because you don't want me there.
50:19 Speaker 05 You're in your head about it. Can I just say, I go in there. It's like a social now. See anyone? I'm going for a pint with Jimmy tomorrow.
50:26 Speaker 06 Oh, nice. Who's Jim? What? Hill?
50:28 Speaker 05 Jimmy Hill. Yeah, he goes in there all the time now.
50:30 Speaker 06 I haven't seen him either. To be fair, I'm not going very often because of, you know.
50:34 Speaker 05 Titanic.
50:35 Speaker 06 Yeah.
50:36 Speaker 05 All right. Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And you can watch us on YouTube as well. We put the full episodes up on every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexted.
50:50 Speaker 06 See you on Friday.
50:51 Speaker 05 Good goodbye.
50:52 Speaker 06 Good goodbye.
50:53 Speaker 05 That was a burpy hiccup goodbye.
50:55 Speaker 06 Let's do it nicely.
50:56 Speaker 05 Goodbye.
50:56 Speaker 06 Goodbye.
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Previous The Beef With Wendi Continues | And Jordan’s New Aroma Next Strava Caught Me Sh*gging | And William Is A FAKE Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated