Help I Sexted Toni And Ryan! | With Titanic Reenactments

Worlds collide as visitors from the other side of the world grace the Sexted studio - it’s only Toni and Ryan! How will William and Jordan react to a pair of Australians clinking glasses? How will Toni and Ryan react to a pair of uptight Brits refusing to discuss money? And who will be sliding up against each other to reenact a classic scene from Titanic? If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  And I'm Marco Burchella.

• 0:04Speaker 00

  And this is Boots Off.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  We are friends who have spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts, and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.

• 0:15Speaker 00

  And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.

• 0:25Speaker 00

  The adventures that lead to adversity.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  And how life can be one big adventure in itself.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  Listen every Thursday, just search for Boots Off.

• 0:42Speaker 02

  Hello and welcome to Help High Sex and My Boss with Tony and Ryan all the way from Australia.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  Very special guests that we're going to get into.

• 0:53Speaker 03

  What a crossover.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  This is a podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas. What is Tony and Ryan all about, please, guys, for our wonderful G and D'ivas?

• 1:06Speaker 03

  Well, we actually started as a demo for Tony to get a radio job. So I'd have said I would like pretend to be her co-host.

• 1:13Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  So we could send the MP3 out and we just put the demo on TikTok. People said, where's the podcast? We're like, shall we make a podcast? So we did. Luckily, Tony hasn't got a radio job yet. And that, in terms of what's the show about, it's really just whatever you would do on your morning show.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  And us trying to make Tony look good to maybe work with you one day.

• 1:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'd love a job.

• 1:35Speaker 02

  Do you do, so do you do your podcast every day then?

• 1:37Speaker 04

  We do, yeah. So daily episodes. And we just talk shit pretty much.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. Day to day life, I feel like we talk about.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Would you like to do this?

• 1:46Speaker 03

  We did, yes. Back then, Jordan worked on, well, you weren't even working, you were on work experience for the BBC. And I was booked as a guest to talk about something upmarket. And Jordan was there to sort of chaperone me into the studio and he made me laugh. I made him laugh and um look at us now.

• 2:03Speaker 05

  That's beautiful.

• 2:04Speaker 03

  Fourteen years ago.

• 2:05Speaker 04

  And the old people bringing us up, isn't that lovely?

• 2:08Speaker 02

  Exactly. But I don't think we we could do this every day or I couldn't.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  I could.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  Could you?

• 2:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  How do you do it every day? What? How long is each episode roughly?

• 2:18Speaker 04

  Like thirty to forty minutes.

• 2:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, once you've done a breakfast show like you have, like this is easy.

• 2:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  We pretend it's hard, but it's like, you know.

• 2:25Speaker 04

  But it's also fun because we love each other, et cetera.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  Also, I think that's the the pin up story because everyone goes to do work experience and goes, oh, what if I just met someone and it works out and goes forever and you guys are doing that, which is crazy. So everyone who now does work experience anyway is expecting to find their William.

• 2:41Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 2:43Speaker 03

  Just like I found my Tony.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  You found your Tony. Did you two know each other before?

• 2:47Speaker 03

  Nah.

• 2:47Speaker 04

  Not really.

• 2:48Speaker 05

  How did you meet?

• 2:48Speaker 03

  Uh, we worked at the same station. Tony was the audio producer. I just I just got a job there and we just met.

• 2:54Speaker 05

  And what were your first impressions of each other?

• 2:57Speaker 04

  Um, well, I met Ryan and he was like, how you going? And I was like, oh, I'm okay, but I've got a huge pimple on my pussy right now.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, and because we had to pile into the back of this small car because.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  It was in the back of a Volkswagen Golf.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  And I kind of.

• 3:11Speaker 05

  Why had you brought your cat to work?

• 3:14Speaker 04

  She comes everywhere and doesn't she? Um, and we got into the back of this Volkswagen Golf and I moved my leg over and it popped and I was like, you guys, oh my God.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Because we.

• 3:24Speaker 04

  The pussy pimples popped.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:26Speaker 04

  In the back of the Volkswagen Golf.

• 3:28Speaker 03

  Oh, and I'm like, what? And she goes, it, yeah.

• 3:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's over.

• 3:31Speaker 05

  It's like being in Carry On Home and Away.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  It was it was after a breakfast show, then we went to the pub to have a drink at like ten thirty in the morning and we left at eleven P M.

• 3:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:43Speaker 03

  Like, yeah, and like we just really.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  Jugs and jugs of sangria.

• 3:46Speaker 05

  Well, talking of alcohol, because I I certainly need a drink after listening to that, um, we are going to.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  If you need to have a drink after that, by the end of this episode, we might need to wheel you out.

• 3:56Speaker 05

  Okay, fine. No, look.

• 3:58Speaker 04

  Dead.

• 3:59Speaker 05

  Aspiration. Have you ever tried a gin and a bonnet?

• 4:01Speaker 04

  No, I haven't.

• 4:03Speaker 05

  You've presumably tried gin.

• 4:04Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:05Speaker 05

  Have you tried to bonnet on its own?

• 4:06Speaker 04

  No, I don't know what to bonnet is.

• 4:07Speaker 05

  Okay, well, um, as you can see.

• 4:09Speaker 04

  Is it vermouth?

• 4:10Speaker 05

  It's not vermouth. No, it's like a lighter port.

• 4:12Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 4:13Speaker 05

  Okay, it's a secret recipe. It was invented in the early nineteen hundreds by Joseph de Bonnet, who was a French chemist, uh, to help sort of, uh, the French army get their quinine intake up. You are meant to drink it just on its own, but, uh, the late Queen Mother, and indeed the late Queen, uh, mixed it with gin. And we have it with ice, sometimes a slice of lemon, and it's two parts Dubonnet to one part gin.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  I just do two and two. Is that all the ice we've got for Ozzy gas?

• 4:38Speaker 05

  Yes, I don't quite know what happened to the ice. It was.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  It was good. It's a lot worse than it was like five minutes ago. I feel like it's really.

• 4:44Speaker 04

  No, I think it looks perfect. I don't like to.

• 4:47Speaker 03

  I love a Negroni and I feel like this might be like a cousin of a Negroni or something.

• 4:51Speaker 05

  It is similar.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:52Speaker 04

  Oh, also is this quite tart?

• 4:55Speaker 05

  It is, but not as tart as, not as, I think Negroni's arse, I can't do a Negroni.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  Oh, me either. I don't like the Campari.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, dear.

• 5:02Speaker 05

  What's your favourite drink then?

• 5:03Speaker 04

  Um, I do really like a gin and tonic.

• 5:06Speaker 05

  Good.

• 5:06Speaker 04

  And I also am a slut for an espresso martini.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:10Speaker 05

  How about just a proper martini? Cause I would say an espresso martini is not a martini.

• 5:13Speaker 04

  Not a martini. No, that's fair. I like a dirty martini with the olive.

• 5:18Speaker 05

  I knew you'd like it dirty.

• 5:19Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 5:20Speaker 05

  Something about our conversation told me that.

• 5:22Speaker 04

  And I, Ryan and I were talking about that on our show on Tony and Ryan recently. And I said, I like a dirty martini with the olive brine. He goes, oh, and sometimes don't they also put the juice of the olive in? I said, that's the brine. And he said, no, no, no, no, the juice from the jar. I said, yeah, that's what the brine is. So we all learn about brine.

• 5:42Speaker 03

  I love that other people got to learn it without 1.5 million people laughing at them on the internet though. That would be nice.

• 5:47Speaker 04

  Because I think it's pretty common knowledge.

• 5:50Speaker 05

  Well, shall we, shall we toast? We do a toast. We do a toast.

• 5:54Speaker 04

  I'd love a toast. I haven't eaten all day.

• 5:56Speaker 05

  I think we toast the Commonwealth.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  To the Commonwealth.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  The Commonwealth.

• 6:00Speaker 05

  The Commonwealth.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  You're not allowed to clink.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  No, oh, no clinking.

• 6:04Speaker 04

  I'll clink you.

• 6:05Speaker 02

  Oh, I'll clink you.

• 6:07Speaker 05

  Start the car.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Go on. He doesn't like clinking. He thinks.

• 6:10Speaker 05

  It's very, very common.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  It's because, yeah.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Look at me. I'm clinking doll.

• 6:15Speaker 05

  No, no, no. Now let's go back to martinis because that's.

• 6:18Speaker 04

  Oh, that is delicious.

• 6:20Speaker 05

  Do you like it?

• 6:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  It's got a kick, hasn't it?

• 6:22Speaker 05

  It's, it's a slow drink.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  It's very there.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Right. Guess you're like a giddy drunk as well. Guess you're like.

• 6:27Speaker 05

  It's very there now.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  My favourite kind.

• 6:29Speaker 04

  That wouldn't be nice without the ice. Like if that was warm, that would just be yucky town.

• 6:34Speaker 05

  Some days they make us do it without the ice.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:37Speaker 05

  Well, we're in show business.

• 6:38Speaker 04

  Are you okay?

• 6:38Speaker 05

  No, it's fine. I just, it's really not very nice without the ice. Try it when you, um, and if you're still here in London, there is, I can point you in the right direction to restaurants and hotels that serve it. Not everyone does, um, but get them to put a slice of lemon or orange in it as well.

• 6:54Speaker 04

  Oh, orange would be nice. You like a blood orange, don't you?

• 6:57Speaker 03

  A blood orange in a Negroni, fuck, delicious.

• 7:00Speaker 05

  Gosh, you don't care, do you? Wild.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  Oh, crazy boy.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  I thought I did, I, I do care deeply about blood oranges, but now I feel ashamed.

• 7:09Speaker 05

  No, don't feel ashamed.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  What do you think is your favourite fruit?

• 7:13Speaker 05

  Um, Jordan North. Um, no, I.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  Very good.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  He's quick.

• 7:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, I took you right there as well.

• 7:22Speaker 05

  I quite like pineapple.

• 7:25Speaker 04

  That is a poor person's fruit.

• 7:29Speaker 05

  Well, maybe in Australia, madam, but not, not in Britain.

• 7:32Speaker 04

  Oh, I thought you'd like a fancy fruit, like a cherry or not an apple.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Well, it's quite.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  Is it fancy?

• 7:39Speaker 02

  Pomegranate.

• 7:40Speaker 04

  Oh, fuck, yeah. That's posh.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  We've just planted pomegranate trees in our backyard.

• 7:46Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 7:47Speaker 05

  Really?

• 7:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:48Speaker 04

  That's very fancy.

• 7:49Speaker 05

  That's very.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, apparently they get thick so the neighbours can't see when, uh, we jump in the pool naked.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 7:55Speaker 04

  Oh, you've got to.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  And bonus, there's pomegranates on it, so yeah.

• 7:58Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 7:59Speaker 04

  Did you know that every pomegranate has the same amount of seeds?

• 8:02Speaker 03

  Exactly the same amount of seeds.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  How many's that?

• 8:05Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 8:07Speaker 05

  She's got one good fact.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  I love Tony.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  What are you offering me?

• 8:13Speaker 05

  Come back, when next time you come to London, come back.

• 8:15Speaker 04

  That was such a gentle touch. You just went to gesture at my hand, but a whisper of a touch.

• 8:20Speaker 05

  Yes, I try to.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  Did you try to touch her, her engagement ring?

• 8:23Speaker 05

  Are you engaged?

• 8:24Speaker 03

  Cause it doesn't matter how nice your jacket is, it's not worth more than that ring, you know what I'm saying?

• 8:27Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 8:27Speaker 05

  That looks like a lovely ring.

• 8:29Speaker 04

  Thanks.

• 8:30Speaker 05

  It does.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, what about the one on my hand?

• 8:34Speaker 05

  Do you tell me, do you have H Samuel in Australia?

• 8:36Speaker 04

  What's H Samuel?

• 8:37Speaker 05

  Oh, it's a very upmarket jewellers.

• 8:40Speaker 04

  Oh, I don't know.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  Do you wanna know, do you wanna know why Tony doesn't know about the jeweler in Australia?

• 8:46Speaker 05

  Oh, right.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  Because that's been handmade in Brooklyn, New York, just for her.

• 8:49Speaker 04

  See, you were trying to read me like a little witch.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  How rich is your fiance?

• 8:55Speaker 04

  Not anymore.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  You know, you know why he's, he's rich? Cause he's about to be married to her.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Ah, okay. Someone's got a very successful podcast.

• 9:04Speaker 05

  Now, we're British, we don't talk about money.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  Oh, are you, are you the husband?

• 9:09Speaker 03

  No.

• 9:10Speaker 05

  I mean, I mean, oh, I wish.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  No.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  No, we just finger.

• 9:17Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, we're fucking.

• 9:18Speaker 05

  So do we.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're together.

• 9:20Speaker 04

  Each other, beautiful.

• 9:21Speaker 05

  Yeah. He's the boss, he's the boss.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  So you're, you've just had your, the reason why you're in London is you've had your hen do here.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I was the mate of honour and I threw the hen's party for the bride to be.

• 9:32Speaker 04

  With my fifteen hundred closest friends, all of our tarpos.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  And where was that at?

• 9:36Speaker 04

  At Troxy Theatre.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 9:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, which is.

• 9:39Speaker 05

  Where's that?

• 9:39Speaker 04

  Oh, exactly. No, it's in the East End.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  Oh, I don't even know, but it's apparently the oldest theatre, but I feel like every theatre says where the oldest theatre.

• 9:47Speaker 05

  It's like the oldest pub. There are like four hundred oldest pubs.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. But it looked like it had some really quirky, funky looking, like the, the interior was a real choice.

• 9:57Speaker 04

  They said when it was built, it was the biggest cinema in all of Europe and all in the thirteen hundreds or thirties.

• 10:04Speaker 05

  What did they just say? That to idiot tourists like us and we go, oh, the history.

• 10:07Speaker 04

  And we just ate it up.

• 10:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, we love that shit.

• 10:08Speaker 04

  But that's where all the premieres were and all the fancy ladies went there.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. And is this your first time in London?

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Uh, no, we were here two years ago because Tony wanted to see Taylor Swift, so we, for work purposes, uh, did a, a meet and greet, uh, for our third birthday party two days before Taylor was here. Oh, whoops.

• 10:25Speaker 04

  Oh, what a coincidence.

• 10:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Did she not do, did she not tour Australia?

• 10:29Speaker 04

  She did. I saw her in Melbourne as well.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 10:31Speaker 05

  Oh, I see. What's your favourite Taylor Swift song?

• 10:34Speaker 04

  Thank you for asking me and touching me firmly.

• 10:36Speaker 05

  Pleasure.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  Um, I love All Too Well ten minute version. You hate Taylor Swift, eh?

• 10:41Speaker 05

  I never, I don't really listen to her music.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  What would you listen to in the morning?

• 10:45Speaker 05

  I know that one.

• 10:46Speaker 04

  Oh, nice.

• 10:47Speaker 05

  Yes, obviously, well, what I listen to in the morning, obviously Capital Breakfast.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  Of course, Tony, I've met her.

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  In person.

• 10:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:55Speaker 05

  How was it? Was it beautiful?

• 10:56Speaker 04

  How did she smell?

• 10:57Speaker 02

  She was amazing.

• 10:58Speaker 04

  Oh, I bet.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  I just, I just fell in love with her. I always appreciated her, but after meeting, I was like, she's got it. Cause she walked in and she's like, no, this outfit won't do with this screen. And she went out and got changed. And I was like, I respect that.

• 11:09Speaker 04

  It's like.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  She wasn't like diva-ish or anything.

• 11:11Speaker 04

  She's like, I'm just gonna get changed.

• 11:12Speaker 05

  But she's a professional. Why should I just make this work?

• 11:13Speaker 02

  Her attention to detail. And I was like, I am here for it. And she was so lovely.

• 11:17Speaker 04

  When was that?

• 11:19Speaker 02

  When was that? When the, when the new album came out?

• 11:21Speaker 04

  Oh, like so recently?

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:23Speaker 05

  Tell us about.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  So you've seen The Ring in real life?

• 11:25Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  How did it compare to this one?

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Uh, it, it made Taylors look like it was from the pound shop.

• 11:33Speaker 05

  Tell me about the faff of Taylor Swift coming in, as in like, was there people coming in, checking stuff, security?

• 11:38Speaker 02

  No, it was totally chill. And we, she was totally chill. She had quite a big crew with her and stuff.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  But it's Taylor Swift, but she was so chill. She was nice, down to earth.

• 11:48Speaker 04

  What a good bitch.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  She brought bread in for everybody.

• 11:50Speaker 04

  Cause the sourdough.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, the sourdough.

• 11:52Speaker 05

  We should have brought sourdough.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:53Speaker 04

  We didn't.

• 11:54Speaker 05

  Oh, what did you bring?

• 11:56Speaker 04

  Um, I brought my winning personality.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:59Speaker 05

  Lovely.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  We also brought our appetites because for those playing along at home, the studio is next to a food market and holy shoot, I would be so fat if we worked here every day.

• 12:06Speaker 05

  Don't eat anything on that market.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  He hates that food.

• 12:08Speaker 05

  Are you joking? We just ate so much, so. When you leave here, it's gonna be clearing up time and you'll walk down that street and you'll see it when they're getting rid of the slops, you will regret your life choices.

• 12:18Speaker 04

  Do you think that we're gonna get diarrhoea?

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, probably.

• 12:20Speaker 05

  I'd write the rest of the weekend off.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  But you've got to try Kendall's brownies downstairs.

• 12:24Speaker 05

  Oh yes, they're made in Australia.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  They are so good.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  Oh, we've got some in. Oh, some, these, so we are obsessed with these.

• 12:31Speaker 04

  Who's Kendall? Do we know her?

• 12:33Speaker 02

  The lovely girl downstairs.

• 12:34Speaker 05

  Serv, you go first.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  Is she the one selling the cat food at the door?

• 12:37Speaker 02

  No, that was someone else.

• 12:38Speaker 04

  Is that a chocolate orange?

• 12:39Speaker 05

  That's a chocolate orange one. That would be regular.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  Fuck me up. We don't really do a lot of chocolate orange in Australia. It's a real, a real tradition.

• 12:45Speaker 05

  Chocolate pomegranate?

• 12:46Speaker 02

  Have a bit.

• 12:47Speaker 03

  Well, what's the etiquette of just slamming? Chocolate into your face.

• 12:51Speaker 05

  It's fine. We're all friends. You've talked about the spot on your vagina. So I mean, I think we've.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  You almost said pussy.

• 12:56Speaker 05

  I did.

• 12:57Speaker 04

  Okay, let me.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  What's the etiquette of using the cocktail stirrer as a spoon?

• 13:01Speaker 05

  Hell, yeah.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  Are you gonna say that?

• 13:04Speaker 05

  We could use it as a knife.

• 13:05Speaker 04

  You're a wild girl.

• 13:06Speaker 03

  That is very common.

• 13:07Speaker 05

  I am. Well, it's contagious.

• 13:09Speaker 02

  These are gonna be the best brownies you've ever had.

• 13:11Speaker 04

  Oh, my land, Tom. I just had a little corner of that. That is delish.

• 13:15Speaker 05

  They are nice. Kendall does a very good brownie.

• 13:16Speaker 04

  Holy shit.

• 13:18Speaker 03

  Is Kendall single?

• 13:19Speaker 04

  That's fucked.

• 13:20Speaker 05

  No, I don't think she is.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  No, I think she is.

• 13:23Speaker 05

  I don't think so.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  She's quite hot as well.

• 13:24Speaker 05

  She's not. I'm gonna.

• 13:25Speaker 04

  A recent breakup?

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry. You think she's not single? Because you just said she's hot and you just went, she's not.

• 13:33Speaker 05

  Well, she's not my type.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  She is hot.

• 13:36Speaker 03

  What specifically is not her type for you?

• 13:38Speaker 05

  Um, well, she's a woman. Uh, so, yeah, I'm gay.

• 13:42Speaker 04

  I hate that.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  What?

• 13:44Speaker 04

  Not that you're gay. I hate women.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  I didn't know you were homophobic. You should have said.

• 13:55Speaker 05

  Disgusting. You've left a nasty.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  What is it about the gays you hate?

• 13:58Speaker 04

  No, I love the gays. I hate the.

• 13:59Speaker 05

  Who's your favorite gay?

• 14:01Speaker 04

  My favorite gay? Oh, my God. I love Trixie and Cartier.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  What?

• 14:07Speaker 05

  Who the fuck is that?

• 14:07Speaker 04

  Trixie and Cartier, the drag queens.

• 14:09Speaker 05

  Oh, no, don't do drag. No.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Why?

• 14:11Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. You're the worst gay.

• 14:14Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 14:17Speaker 05

  Madam, I can show you there are quite a lot of people who would disagree with that statement. Many, many people.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Koffa solo.

• 14:25Speaker 05

  Drag queens aside.

• 14:27Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 14:27Speaker 05

  Who's your favorite gay?

• 14:31Speaker 04

  Stanley Tucci's straight.

• 14:33Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  That is a shame for all of us.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  This is so hard.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Who's a famous gay Aussie?

• 14:43Speaker 05

  Oh, Troye Savant.

• 14:44Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  Have you watched his Architectural Digest?

• 14:48Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 14:49Speaker 04

  It's amazing, yeah.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  That's in our town. Oh, yeah.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Is he also Troye Savant?

• 14:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's from Melbourne.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  Oh, he was from Perth.

• 14:58Speaker 04

  Is he? I'm from Perth.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  Do you know him?

• 15:01Speaker 04

  No.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  What school did he go to?

• 15:03Speaker 04

  Perth Mod, probably.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, he was Perth, like a YouTuber, and then he moved to Melbourne when he was cool. Just like you, that's what people do in Perth, they get cool and they move to Melbourne.

• 15:10Speaker 02

  Do you have many gays in Australia?

• 15:12Speaker 04

  We do, yeah, it's a strong, beautiful population.

• 15:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm one of the only, uh, breeders in my friendship group.

• 15:19Speaker 05

  I'm sorry?

• 15:19Speaker 03

  Um, so.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  You're straight.

• 15:22Speaker 05

  Oh, I see. Oh, okay. I've got friends that are breeders, but that's a different sort of breeding.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  What do they breed?

• 15:28Speaker 02

  Assholes.

• 15:29Speaker 05

  I'll show you later.

• 15:30Speaker 04

  Assholes? They breed assholes?

• 15:33Speaker 03

  I went to a very, uh, inclusive, arty, fun school, so, uh, um, I was, like, my favorite gays in Australia are all my mates.

• 15:40Speaker 04

  All your friends, yeah.

• 15:41Speaker 05

  Oh, that's nice, that's a lovely house.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  And my daughter Mabel has fifty-seven uncles who are fabulous and want to take her out.

• 15:46Speaker 05

  How old's Mabel?

• 15:47Speaker 03

  She just turned three, Mabel.

• 15:49Speaker 05

  Oh, that's lovely. So that they're, you know, get a bit of personality at three, don't you? You know, at one, they don't do a lot, do they?

• 15:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. And Tony's the godmother.

• 15:58Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 16:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:01Speaker 05

  Well, and, because you're off to Italy next, aren't you? Yes. Do that, they'll love that in Italy. Yeah, it'll go down very, very well.

• 16:10Speaker 03

  I like, we joke, but like, is that, is that dangerous?

• 16:13Speaker 04

  They won't like that.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  The Italians are fine.

• 16:17Speaker 04

  Do you know any Italian that you could teach us maybe to take over with?

• 16:20Speaker 02

  Arrivederci.

• 16:22Speaker 05

  There we go, that means goodbye. Uh, if I, uh, grazie means thank you, and then the waiter might say preggo.

• 16:27Speaker 04

  Prego.

• 16:28Speaker 05

  To you, uh.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Go on, then.

• 16:32Speaker 04

  What are you calling?

• 16:35Speaker 02

  Prego.

• 16:37Speaker 04

  Maybe, ah, after this.

• 16:39Speaker 05

  We're back to breeding. And, uh, what else is Italian? Uh, oh, dove la toilette is where are the lavatories?

• 16:46Speaker 03

  That's good for me.

• 16:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:48Speaker 04

  That is good for you.

• 16:48Speaker 05

  Are you incontinent?

• 16:51Speaker 04

  He pisses like fifty times a day.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Oh, you've got a bladder like an egg cup too, me too. I piss all the time.

• 16:56Speaker 04

  You've got a what?

• 16:57Speaker 05

  Bladder like an egg cup.

• 16:58Speaker 04

  What's an egg cup?

• 16:59Speaker 02

  You know what you put boiled egg in.

• 17:00Speaker 05

  You put your little boiled egg in.

• 17:01Speaker 04

  Egg cup. Sorry, I think I was egg cup.

• 17:02Speaker 05

  The clue was in the word.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:04Speaker 04

  I could, thought you said eck up. And I was like, what's an eck up?

• 17:07Speaker 05

  It's his accent.

• 17:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's beautiful.

• 17:09Speaker 05

  Do you think your listeners will understand him?

• 17:11Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  We, in Australia, we love an accent because we don't hear our accent.

• 17:17Speaker 05

  We do.

• 17:17Speaker 04

  So when we hear, okay.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  How would you describe our accent in just?

• 17:24Speaker 04

  I'll just go fuck myself.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  Not, not a word, but a sound. If you were to describe like your, your love or disdain for accent in a sound, how would you describe it?

• 17:32Speaker 05

  In a sound?

• 17:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:33Speaker 05

  Like, you know.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  Like if I, if I were to describe you in a sound, I'd be like, hmm.

• 17:38Speaker 05

  Ah, you would be, oh.

• 17:41Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 17:41Speaker 04

  All the way around.

• 17:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, because you sort of, you modulate, don't you? You sort of, you don't pick one particular pitch. You sort of go up and down.

• 17:49Speaker 03

  We're for everyone, yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 05

  Exactly. So you're, you're.

• 17:51Speaker 04

  I love that. That's what you took from that.

• 17:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, but I don't, just stick to one pitch. We've, we'll take more.

• 17:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  I also don't really know what that means.

• 17:59Speaker 04

  I'm a huge pitch.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Out of you two, who would you say is more William and Jordan? So.

• 18:04Speaker 05

  Well, how would you describe both of us first for your, for your, okay, both of us?

• 18:09Speaker 04

  Fancy.

• 18:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:11Speaker 03

  I'd say fancy and fancier because.

• 18:14Speaker 04

  Because you're both fancy.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  A well-to-do UK boy by default is like, you know, it's nice. It's real nice.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 18:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:21Speaker 05

  Fancy and fancier.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:23Speaker 05

  I think that's the.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  I've never been called fancy.

• 18:25Speaker 03

  Look at those pants. Those pants are beautiful and the way you wear them is stunning.

• 18:28Speaker 04

  Can I just, maybe fancy and rich?

• 18:31Speaker 05

  Oh, he's loving that.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  Wow. Didn't everyone's eyes or in the room just dart anywhere else but up here?

• 18:38Speaker 02

  We don't talk money.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  No, we're British, remember?

• 18:40Speaker 05

  Oh, you don't talk money.

• 18:41Speaker 04

  But that's, but.

• 18:41Speaker 02

  Very British.

• 18:42Speaker 04

  But looking rich isn't talking money.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Oh fair.

• 18:45Speaker 04

  You can look, like you can look rich without being rich.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  No, honestly, this is just ASOS.

• 18:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, I didn't ask.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  I'm saying this is just Marks and Spencer, so it's all like.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, I didn't.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  It's not, it's not like it's fancy.

• 18:57Speaker 03

  Can I teach you guys something about the benefits of discussing money openly?

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 19:02Speaker 03

  Because it's, it's not kosher here apparently, but.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 19:05Speaker 03

  Tony was doing the same job as a man in Melbourne and she said, hey, what do you earn? And it turns out it was a lot more than Tony and Tony wouldn't have had.

• 19:14Speaker 05

  Always the way.

• 19:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. And so Tony would never have known that if not. So you've got to advocate for each other. And that's the benefit of like, it's a bit awkward at first, but if you go, hey, we're just colluding and sharing info. So we can all get out.

• 19:26Speaker 05

  Well, that's when it's perhaps okay to talk.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, we have American friends who are just like, how much are you earning a year now? And I'm like, and those Brits, I don't know how much money you earn. I don't know. No. Like we just don't.

• 19:36Speaker 03

  That would be, yeah, that would give me the.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  I work in the studio at Capital, like everyone here is so British despite that. Everyone in the studio at Capital, I have no idea how much money they earn. We just don't, you never talk about it.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  I think, yeah, it's, it does feel weird, especially for talent.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, talent.

• 19:52Speaker 05

  We use that term very loosely.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, it's not about being talented. It's about the talent.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  Talent. The talent's in the room. Everyone behave.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 20:01Speaker 05

  Now you said to me when we were, uh, sort of you arrived.

• 20:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:04Speaker 05

  That you mentioned on your podcast a lot Titanic.

• 20:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, but we do prefer that you use its Christian name.

• 20:10Speaker 05

  The RMS Titanic. Full name indeed. And are you talking about the actual ship or the film or both?

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Both.

• 20:16Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 20:17Speaker 04

  Mainly the film.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  It's based on a true story.

• 20:19Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 20:19Speaker 05

  I'm aware of that.

• 20:21Speaker 04

  We're in Ireland.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know where Williams go, because there's a, there's a play.

• 20:24Speaker 05

  They know.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've heard. When I saw the name, I knew you were doing a play, but I didn't realise it was.

• 20:29Speaker 05

  It's a musical actually.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  My apologies.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  You didn't strike me as like a silly boy and isn't Titanic a little bit silly?

• 20:37Speaker 05

  Titanique.

• 20:38Speaker 04

  Titanique.

• 20:39Speaker 05

  Um, that's where you can go up at the end of a sentence. That's a good, a good example.

• 20:43Speaker 03

  When you say silly, you know how it ends, eh?

• 20:45Speaker 04

  No, but it's like a silly show.

• 20:46Speaker 05

  Yes, it's a, it's a send up of the film, not of, not of the disaster, we should just point out.

• 20:51Speaker 03

  Are you the one doing the hand when you're getting railed on the glass? Is that you want to be your move or?

• 20:56Speaker 05

  We have to come and watch it and find out. Uh, we do recreate that scene, yes.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  Do you? How do you recreate it?

• 21:01Speaker 05

  You have to come and watch it and find out.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  Are you the one fucking or getting fucked?

• 21:04Speaker 03

  Oh, it's on!

• 21:05Speaker 04

  Oh!

• 21:05Speaker 03

  It's already on.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  So we can come see it?

• 21:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm not in it yet.

• 21:08Speaker 03

  When are you in it?

• 21:08Speaker 05

  I'm in it from the ninth of June, in only a matter of days.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  Can you answer Tony's question?

• 21:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, are you the one fucking or getting fucked?

• 21:14Speaker 05

  My character is not in the garage.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 21:17Speaker 05

  Yes, I'm.

• 21:18Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 21:18Speaker 05

  I'm elsewhere.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  Were you one of the, were you getting drawn naked, laying like a beautiful French woman?

• 21:23Speaker 05

  No, that's my daughter, so I play Ruth. I play Kate Winslet's mother.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  Oh my god, that's wonderful.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  That's not.

• 21:29Speaker 04

  No, that's not Kathy Bates.

• 21:30Speaker 03

  Are you playing Kathy Bates?

• 21:32Speaker 05

  No, that's Molly Brown.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  I love Kathy Bates.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  I fucking love Kathy Bates. We have the same birthday.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  Oh my god, she is brilliant. She's such a lovely.

• 21:40Speaker 05

  You should play Molly Brown.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  Totally agree. I was the role I was born to play.

• 21:45Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 21:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:46Speaker 04

  I think my son's about your size.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  Yeah!

• 21:49Speaker 02

  Oh shit!

• 21:50Speaker 04

  Thanks everyone.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  That was amazing!

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, I also love that I got offered the role and then you jumped in.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  Well, you didn't know the line.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  No, but you're so much better at it than me, so now I'll just fuck myself.

• 21:59Speaker 05

  What's your favourite bit in Titanic?

• 22:01Speaker 04

  Oh, I love the part when he goes, when he's standing at the top of the stars and then the stairs and then turns around and he goes, you wanna go to a real party?

• 22:08Speaker 05

  We have that line at all.

• 22:08Speaker 03

  Stand back or I'll shoot you all like dogs!

• 22:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:12Speaker 04

  Oh, it's crazy that she was about to fall, but she had the time to take off your pants and coat, isn't it?

• 22:18Speaker 05

  Oh, you're good.

• 22:20Speaker 04

  Thank you so much.

• 22:20Speaker 05

  I actually do need to re-watch the film before I start the show because.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  It's wonderful.

• 22:24Speaker 03

  Every time.

• 22:24Speaker 05

  Oh, I have seen it. I watched it in full parts on an elliptical at the gym.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:29Speaker 05

  The first time I watched Titanic.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  We had it on, when I was in college, we had it on repeat from Friday afternoon to Sunday night and just across the weekend, you kind of, you come in and out of it.

• 22:37Speaker 04

  Catch it all in the end.

• 22:38Speaker 03

  Yes. I, every time I play cards, which is never, but you know, in the first scene where they like, and he's like, I'm going to America. So every time we.

• 22:45Speaker 02

  Full house, boys!

• 22:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly, yeah. I love that bit.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  Woo!

• 22:49Speaker 03

  When's it leaving? It's leaving right now.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  Titanic leaves in five minutes.

• 22:53Speaker 05

  Oh my god, this is literally like I'm doing the show right now.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:56Speaker 05

  So much of the show is now making sense.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, cause you're surrounded by poor people.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Come round the back near the propellers and do me up the arse.

• 23:03Speaker 05

  That's a great bit.

• 23:04Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 23:06Speaker 05

  Hey, could we?

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 05

  Could you what?

• 23:10Speaker 03

  This is what I propose.

• 23:11Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 23:11Speaker 03

  Okay. I'm gonna get up. I'm gonna walk around behind you.

• 23:15Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  I'm gonna hold you.

• 23:16Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 23:17Speaker 03

  And then you're gonna look into the camera and you're gonna pronounce, I'm the king of the world. How do you feel about that?

• 23:23Speaker 05

  So, am I Kate Winslet? So hang on.

• 23:27Speaker 04

  No, in that situation.

• 23:28Speaker 05

  He says that, yeah.

• 23:29Speaker 04

  He says that with, um, his friend who he gets on the boat with.

• 23:32Speaker 05

  Oh, with the, oh, you can do that. Anyway, you are wearing linen, so if you get a semi, it's gonna show. I'm just gonna say that.

• 23:39Speaker 04

  Rhyme you as well.

• 23:41Speaker 05

  This is amazing. Okay.

• 23:46Speaker 05

  And what do I say? Tony, you do the song.

• 23:52Speaker 05

  I feel like I'm flying, Jack.

• 23:54Speaker 04

  Every night in my dreams, I see you.

• 23:59Speaker 05

  He smells so nice. And I just had my tea smell my lungs. Was it Mark? He has to be very darling. Was it a lamb boll chick?

• 24:06Speaker 04

  It was, yeah.

• 24:11Speaker 05

  Stay with me forever.

• 24:13Speaker 04

  Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that my heart will go on.

• 24:31Speaker 05

  Are you pulling out now? I'm gonna swear, sorry.

• 24:35Speaker 05

  Darling. Stunning. Thank you so much. Thank you. That was amazing. And suddenly I'm not feeling as bad about my singing in the show. That was amazing. Take that back.

• 24:43Speaker 04

  Take that back.

• 24:45Speaker 05

  That was so good. Right. Well, crashing on, um, in our podcast, we normally share advice. People write in with dilemmas and we give our From our G and D'vs. Contrasting advice.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  I like G and D'vs.

• 24:55Speaker 05

  You have your own name. Gin and a bonnet D'vs, that's.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  Oh, so you drink this every day?

• 24:59Speaker 05

  Literally. Yeah. Every episode. I thought we were special.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  I thought, yeah, I thought it was a little crazy.

• 25:04Speaker 05

  No, sorry. No, that's the ice. The ice bit was the special bit, just for you. You do normal little gnar, I believe. Tell us how that works.

• 25:12Speaker 04

  Um, well, it's quite self-explan. We, um, a, a Tupper, a Tony and Ryan podcast listener will write in and they'll say, "I do this thing in my house. Do you reckon that's normal or do you reckon that's nah?" And we weigh in and then people share their thoughts too.

• 25:25Speaker 05

  Oh, Naomi, a Tupper Naomi had a question for you guys.

• 25:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  Well, tell you what, let's go to some messages and when we come back, we'll do some dilemmas and some normal or no's.

• 25:34Speaker 03

  This, it's nah.

• 25:36Speaker 05

  Normal, what?

• 25:37Speaker 04

  Normal.

• 25:37Speaker 05

  Normal or nahs, okay?

• 25:39Speaker 03

  And you have to pronounce nah.

• 25:40Speaker 04

  Nah.

• 25:41Speaker 05

  Also, isn't that cute how rich people say ads are messages?

• 25:44Speaker 04

  Messages.

• 25:45Speaker 05

  That's nice.

• 25:46Speaker 04

  Here's some lines from our sponsors.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  You could do a joke and then leave it, tell us the punchline after. We usually do a jolly joke of the week as well. Give us a proper rude Aussie joke.

• 25:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, you do the, the feed line, then we go, we'll tell you the punchline after the break.

• 25:57Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 25:58Speaker 05

  Messages.

• 25:58Speaker 04

  All right.

• 25:59Speaker 05

  And then we do the whole thing.

• 26:00Speaker 04

  What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

• 26:03Speaker 02

  We'll find out after the break.

• 26:09Speaker 06

  1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum.

• 26:18Speaker 06

  Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.

• 26:22Speaker 07

  They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.

• 26:24Speaker 06

  But was he set up? Wanted, Adam, led to fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.

• 26:33Speaker 04

  You don't want to end up going to prison, do you, kidlet?

• 26:35Speaker 06

  I'm J C Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  All right, G and D'Vas and Toppers, am I saying that right?

• 26:48Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  Toppers, thanks for sticking with us. It's a special episode of Help, I Sex and My Boss with the hugely successful Australian podcast, Tony and Ryan. Tony and Ryan are still with us.

• 26:57Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  And now it's time for Tony's Jolly Joke of the Week.

• 27:01Speaker 04

  What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

• 27:04Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 27:05Speaker 04

  I don't want you to peanut butter your dick in my arse.

• 27:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, there you go, there you go. I'd be all right if it weren't for the snakes and spiders, I'd be all right in Australia.

• 27:19Speaker 03

  Yes, I think you would.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  Very similar sense of humour. My, my dad works at the Australian Embassy.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  You'd be like, you'd be like the Prince of Wales over there.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  And they, they drop the C word all the time.

• 27:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  He didn't realise it's, it's a term of endearment.

• 27:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  It is.

• 27:32Speaker 02

  Oh Graham, you're a funny.

• 27:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:35Speaker 02

  See, we're not even allowed to say it here.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  Oh, like when we leave today, because you guys have been so nice and welcoming, I'll say to Tony, oh, good.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  Ah, yeah, you can say it, you can say it.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  That's the highest like honour.

• 27:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, but if we kind of went, phew, you're mate, that's not good.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 27:49Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 27:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  You're mate.

• 27:52Speaker 05

  Okay, nice. Well, before we get on to the dilemmas, uh, do you want to give us some normal or nars?

• 27:55Speaker 03

  Yes, uh, well, we've got a lot of, a lot of crossover in fans, so this is a specific one from.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  Oh, great.

• 28:02Speaker 03

  Although she's given a fake name because she's sort of admitting to something that she knows. So this is from Tapa Shimoney.

• 28:10Speaker 05

  Shimoney.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Shimoney.

• 28:12Speaker 04

  Shim, that's what I thought.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  Shimoney. Serving bad snacks for guests. We have good chips and good candy, but I'm not wasting them on guests. So when someone comes around, I go, no, no, don't get stuff out of the cupboard over there, get it from this drawer.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  And the guests believe it's similar to like getting out the fine china.

• 28:33Speaker 04

  Or like a nice towel for the guests.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, they go, oh, we've got the fancy one. No.

• 28:37Speaker 04

  It's the shit one.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  No.

• 28:39Speaker 05

  No, I'd say that's nars.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  I'd say that's a, a nars.

• 28:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, don't have guests round then if you don't want to go to any efforts.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the British in us. We disagree a lot, but I think if you've got, you get the good stuff out for guests.

• 28:50Speaker 05

  Or just have the good stuff for both you and the guests. Don't buy the rubbish.

• 28:53Speaker 04

  Oh, that's, that's actually probably a great solution.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  Tony, what about you?

• 28:57Speaker 04

  I would say nars, but only because when people come over, I wouldn't probably have snacks in the house. Like, because if I'm doing a big cheese board or something, I go, I get to enjoy that as well.

• 29:07Speaker 02

  Do you know what picky bits are?

• 29:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, we love picky bits.

• 29:10Speaker 04

  Be that.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, we, or if we went to a restaurant and go, oh, should we get mayonnaise or should we do this? Should we do this?

• 29:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  That's your personal question.

• 29:17Speaker 04

  Oh my God, I've been begging.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  What temperature do you wash your underwear on?

• 29:22Speaker 02

  It's a big issue for us.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  It's the one thing.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  And do you use Celsius or Fahrenheit in Australia?

• 29:26Speaker 04

  We use Celsius.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  It's the one thing we fall out on. So I wash mine on thirty. What do you wash your knickers on?

• 29:31Speaker 04

  I just put them in the, well, actually, my partner does all the washing, but I don't think I've ever selected the temperature on a washing machine.

• 29:39Speaker 03

  You are probably riddled with bacteria.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  He thinks that underwear should be washed on sixty.

• 29:43Speaker 03

  No, at sixty.

• 29:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a big thing we fall out of.

• 29:46Speaker 04

  Don't they all shrink?

• 29:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, and just destroy the fabric.

• 29:49Speaker 02

  Can I ask you another personal question?

• 29:51Speaker 04

  Please.

• 29:51Speaker 05

  Um, do you piss in the shower?

• 29:53Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, anyone who says they don't is a liar.

• 29:56Speaker 05

  I, I had one of the biggest arguments at that point with my husband, now husband, over that.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  Because he does piss in the shower?

• 30:05Speaker 05

  No, he didn't. Well, he has done it, but not whilst we were together. But he said it wasn't a problem. And I, I.

• 30:11Speaker 04

  I mean, it gets washed away, isn't it?

• 30:13Speaker 05

  No.

• 30:14Speaker 03

  Has he pissed in the shower with you, when you're both in it?

• 30:17Speaker 05

  We don't, we've been married ten years. We don't, we, sorry, we've been together.

• 30:20Speaker 03

  Do you guys have like little sword fights in the shower?

• 30:23Speaker 05

  We don't, we've been together ten years.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  Your streams cross and it's like, oh, gotcha.

• 30:26Speaker 02

  Oh, you said like brothers.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, like little, like little lightsabers.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then your dad would just come over and piss over you.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, isn't it nice? They know their parents. That's a real nice thing for them.

• 30:36Speaker 05

  The answer to your question is no.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry.

• 30:39Speaker 05

  Would you like to do another normal or nah?

• 30:41Speaker 03

  Um, yes, well, you're not, if you don't like that, you're not going to like this.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Normal or nah? Pissing on each other, ah.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Have we pissed on each other?

• 30:49Speaker 04

  Nah, we've gotten close though, I reckon. We've probably both pissed in the pool while we've been in there together.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Have you seen each other naked?

• 30:57Speaker 05

  We have seen ninety-eight percent of each other's bodies.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  I've never seen him naked, but I've seen him in his boxers.

• 31:04Speaker 03

  How was it?

• 31:04Speaker 04

  How was that?

• 31:05Speaker 02

  Honestly, I'm not joking.

• 31:06Speaker 05

  Made him the man he was his today.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Was his body wider than his face is?

• 31:10Speaker 04

  You ruined him for all other men.

• 31:11Speaker 02

  He has got the, a big old mahogany cock. I've never seen it, but you know when you can just tell someone's packing?

• 31:19Speaker 04

  You're packing heat.

• 31:20Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 31:21Speaker 04

  You've got a slayer in there.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Honestly, Tony.

• 31:24Speaker 04

  Show me that Dubonnet, ah.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Ryan, it's like, he hates it when I do it. He's like.

• 31:29Speaker 05

  Nah, I felt the aura of it.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  It does give, does he give big dick energy? Does he give big dick energy?

• 31:34Speaker 04

  Big dick energy.

• 31:35Speaker 05

  Right, thank you. Are you dilating?

• 31:39Speaker 04

  I don't think you know what that is.

• 31:42Speaker 05

  I think it's where it does.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  This is the best episode ever.

• 31:47Speaker 05

  It's that, isn't it?

• 31:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, but that's probably not what would happen if I was aroused.

• 31:51Speaker 05

  Oh, right. What would happen?

• 31:52Speaker 04

  I feel like your clit would get engorged and you'd get like the pussy, like you'd get like, you know, the pussy tingles, which is nice.

• 32:00Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Do you want some water?

• 32:03Speaker 04

  I'm okay.

• 32:04Speaker 03

  Um, if you want to know how well Tony and I know each other, um, to conceive our daughter, Mabel, we had.

• 32:11Speaker 04

  Not our daughter, Ryan and his wife.

• 32:13Speaker 03

  My wife, uh, we, uh, after years of trying, we went to do IVF.

• 32:17Speaker 05

  Mm hmm.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  And during COVID, we weren't allowed to go into the hospital. So I had to, uh, provide a sample at home.

• 32:25Speaker 04

  Of come.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  Well, I was just gonna say sample, uh, and then you've got 40 minutes to, cause it has to still be warm. And you've got 40 minutes to get it to the hospital and drop it off from when you've produced it.

• 32:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  So I was gonna drop it off at eight o'clock and Tony messages at seven 50 going, what are you doing? You thinking of me?

• 32:46Speaker 04

  Hope it's going well.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  Amazing. So you knew he was having a whine.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  Yeah. And she goes, hey, what are you up to? I'm like, you fucking know what I'm up to.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  How about you just leave me alone for a little bit?

• 32:55Speaker 04

  It went faster after I texted.

• 32:57Speaker 02

  What? Are you thinking of me?

• 32:59Speaker 03

  I was like, I'm struggling. Can you say some nice stuff? And then I didn't have a car at the time, so I had to get an Uber, uh, with my semen in my jacket and take it into the hospital. And Tony was a part of that journey with me.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  Modern medicine.

• 33:10Speaker 05

  That's lovely. It's a, it's a modern love story.

• 33:12Speaker 02

  Use another numeral or not, whatever, a normal, a numeral or not?

• 33:15Speaker 05

  Numeral or not?

• 33:16Speaker 02

  No, normal or not?

• 33:17Speaker 03

  So because we're traveling at the moment, um, you know, we're out, out of a bag, uh, keeping things light. I forgot to bring a shaver. And so because I was getting pretty much naked at our live show the other night, I asked, I kind of looked at myself and was like, oh, shit. And I asked Charles, who works with us, can I borrow your shaver?

• 33:35Speaker 02

  To do.

• 33:37Speaker 05

  Why were you needing to tidy up?

• 33:39Speaker 03

  I wasn't wearing, can I show, can I show you what I was wearing?

• 33:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  It's quite a, quite a small budgie smuggler.

• 33:45Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 33:46Speaker 03

  I think that's normal.

• 33:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:48Speaker 05

  We do, we don't, I don't wear them, you, you do.

• 33:50Speaker 02

  I don't wear speedos.

• 33:51Speaker 03

  You have to.

• 33:52Speaker 04

  You'd wear a speedo.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  That's me coming down to the.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 33:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:56Speaker 04

  You'd wear a speedo.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  Don't you zoomed in?

• 33:58Speaker 02

  You look great. Thank you. Wow.

• 33:59Speaker 04

  It's for fancy hot guys.

• 34:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, that's very sweet of you, but I love, love that staircase.

• 34:06Speaker 04

  That's a Troxie theatre.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  That's the Troxie theatre.

• 34:09Speaker 05

  You look very handsome.

• 34:10Speaker 03

  Thank you. But as you now know, I was like.

• 34:12Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 34:13Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  So you used your mate's razor to.

• 34:15Speaker 03

  Well, I just said, could I borrow it? And Tony nearly died because she was like.

• 34:18Speaker 05

  I think that's a no.

• 34:18Speaker 04

  That's enough for me too.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  But I want to pose this question to you because we've been talking about it. What is worse? Borrowing a friend's shaver or borrowing a friend's toothbrush? And so when the.

• 34:30Speaker 05

  Toothbrush.

• 34:31Speaker 03

  And then you have to take it back after. So if you had to choose one or the other.

• 34:36Speaker 04

  I, I reckon toothbrush is what I would rather give.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  Would you share your toothbrush with your respective partners?

• 34:42Speaker 04

  Fuck yeah. No problem. But a shaver? No way. All the micro cuts in the skin and stuff? That sounds like a problem for me. And I am fucked. Like, I know that I'm fucked, but like, I think that's crazy.

• 34:57Speaker 05

  Wow. Okay. Um, would you like a dilemma?

• 35:00Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 35:01Speaker 05

  Um, this is from anonymous. So again, they've, they've chosen to stay anonymous like one of yours. Um, hi, William Jordan and the sex team and Tony and Ryan. Hope you are all well. I love listening to the podcast on my walks to work. I was catching up on recent episodes and I heard you discussing the name of William's new gardener. One of my friends started dating a gardener and this quickly led him to earning the nickname Bush trimming bill. As you can probably imagine, she wasn't the biggest fan of this. Uh, anyways, on to my dilemma. It's completely irrelevant. My husband of five years loves to cook me gorgeous dinners and he's always experimenting with new cuisine. One evening he made me this gorgeous green Thai curry and it was absolutely delicious. Now, following a romantic dinner, we both got quite excited and made our way to the bedroom.

• 35:46Speaker 05

  With his hands down my trousers, I quickly had the horrible realisation that he had not washed his hands. With my vagina burning from the copious amounts of chili and ginger he'd cut up, I quickly excused myself and ran to the bathroom to rinse off what I could. Please do let me know what the correct etiquette is for when your partner causes your vagina to burn horribly as a result of cutting up aromatics. Love the podcasts and I wish you all the best.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Sudecrum.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  It's good for burns.

• 36:13Speaker 04

  You can't put that in your pussy.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Do you have sudecrum in?

• 36:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, and vaginas and yeah.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 36:19Speaker 03

  Together.

• 36:19Speaker 05

  And ginger.

• 36:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, we have that.

• 36:22Speaker 05

  Do you?

• 36:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:23Speaker 05

  So what would you do? I feel that this has happened to you.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  It actually hasn't, but I don't think I would excuse myself and not tell. So my partner, Torbs, I'd be like, oh my God, did you wash your hands? And he'd be like, fuck, no, I didn't. I don't think I would need to excuse myself at all. Like he would, I would tell him.

• 36:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:40Speaker 04

  He would be abreast of the situation. He's abreast of most things that I do.

• 36:44Speaker 05

  Okay, good.

• 36:45Speaker 04

  There's very little left to the imagination.

• 36:47Speaker 03

  He.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  In the best way.

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Well, I don't think it's the best way. He arguably is.

• 36:51Speaker 04

  It's the best way for us.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, too knowledgeable and too in there.

• 36:54Speaker 05

  Has it happened to you and your wife, anyone you've previously dated?

• 36:58Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 36:58Speaker 04

  You fingered a lot of girls.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

• 37:03Speaker 03

  How old do you think I am?

• 37:04Speaker 02

  Uh, thirty one, thirty two.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  Yep, that's correct.

• 37:07Speaker 02

  Oh, actually.

• 37:08Speaker 04

  He's about to turn thirty nine.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  Cause we, we talked about this, we, there is a demise of fingering across the world at the moment.

• 37:15Speaker 05

  You're joking.

• 37:15Speaker 04

  Such a shame.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  We, well, honestly, I was talking about this, I was talking about recently, we'd gone nights out and people just got fingered left, right.

• 37:22Speaker 04

  Finger blasted.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  It was like on a dance floor in an nightclub.

• 37:24Speaker 04

  I was about to say, on a, on a dance floor, a good old finger.

• 37:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, my mate just be like, you say, I've just fingered that girl over there. And then we'd get a bit.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  What do you think the finger to fucking ratio was back in our day?

• 37:36Speaker 02

  I think you had to do a, it's, it's, there's a.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  I'd say ten to one.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, defo. There's a comedian here called, yeah, Mickey Flanagan who says, like, you, you finger him and tit him up for a bit and then, but yeah, you do look like a man that's fingered a lot of girls.

• 37:49Speaker 04

  That is a huge compliment.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  That is a compliment. That, that is a.

• 37:53Speaker 04

  Have you fingered any girls?

• 37:54Speaker 03

  William?

• 37:55Speaker 05

  No.

• 37:56Speaker 02

  He's a golden, what do you call that?

• 37:57Speaker 04

  Golden star guy.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, gold star. Uh, what I think the equivalent might be is, uh, applying deep heat to a sore part of the body and then going to take a piss and using your hands to pee. Uh, and then realising, oh, I've just used deep heat.

• 38:12Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 38:12Speaker 03

  And now my.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  Penis is on fire.

• 38:16Speaker 04

  The crew are all laughing. I'm guessing it's happened to a lot of people, yeah.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  Cause most people that have, you know, been athletes have applied the DP. That's why I looked at Will. I was like, he's probably played a lot of sport back in the day.

• 38:25Speaker 05

  Oh, bless you.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:29Speaker 05

  I'm so, so sporty. Another one, this is from Paul.

• 38:31Speaker 04

  Hi, Paul.

• 38:32Speaker 05

  A few years ago, we popped into Bath. That's a nice sort of place in the South West.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Oh, not like the bath.

• 38:37Speaker 05

  No, Bath is a city.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  Taxi city, yeah.

• 38:39Speaker 04

  I like a bath, mate.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:41Speaker 05

  I think Janelle, oh, Bridgerton, a lot of Bridgertons in Bath.

• 38:43Speaker 04

  I've never seen Bridgerton.

• 38:44Speaker 05

  No, I wouldn't bother, but it's all filmed there, Regency.

• 38:47Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 38:48Speaker 05

  That sort of thing. For a spot of shopping with me, the wife and the kids. We found a space in our preferred car park and proceeded to wander off into the throngs of Bath city centre. As we walked up the stairs, I noticed what I thought was a pink and grey baby's rattle or toy presumably dropped by some poor little kitty. Being an upstanding citizen, I picked it up with the intention of leaving it on the wall beside the stairs so that upon returning to the car park, the parents of the now obviously distraught child would spot the toy and be joyfully reunited with it. My good deeds done for the day.

• 39:17Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 39:18Speaker 05

  However, once I had the toy in my hand, I noticed a button on the end. At this point, I realised somewhat naively that this was not a child's toys expected, but in fact a set of vibrating anal beads.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 39:29Speaker 05

  This is where I did what any normal husband and father would do and proceeded to chase my wife and two daughters around the car park, waving the discarded anal beads and shouting at them, sniff my fingers.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  Brilliant.

• 39:43Speaker 05

  It's not normally what goes on in Bath. I, of course, found this absolutely hilarious. The rest of the family, not so much, with cries of, what is wrong with you? You are disgusting, being aimed at me for the remainder of the day. After a few minutes of terrorising the family, I did eventually leave the beads on the wall as originally intended, although this time expecting them to be retrieved by their rightful adult owner rather than child. The beads were missing when we returned to the car park later that afternoon, so I can only presume they were safely inserted back where they belong. Needless to say, I did have to find somewhere to wash my hands very quickly after this incident. I'm not a total animal, but I do still enjoy recounting the story whenever the topic of anal beads is mentioned.

• 40:21Speaker 04

  Which is often.

• 40:22Speaker 05

  Yes. So my question is this. What is the correct etiquette when picking random items off the floor with good intentions only to discover they are something very different from what you expected? Cheers, Paul.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Well, you you do. That's another thing. You don't. You used to find dildos and stuff all the time.

• 40:37Speaker 05

  I don't know if you did.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Porn mags.

• 40:39Speaker 05

  I don't know if you did.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  You did. You always found a stash of porn mags and like.

• 40:44Speaker 05

  It was mainly in your father's bed.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  No, it wasn't. That was in the that was in the shed. And no, no, don't, don't. I once said I found my dad's porn mags in the shed and I had to do an official apology. My mum went fucking mad.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  I bet.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  She went mad. She went proper. She'd never.

• 40:57Speaker 04

  Porn's all good.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, she I they weren't my dad's.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  Has your mum spoken to you since?

• 41:01Speaker 02

  No, we speak all the time, but they weren't my dad's. They were um they were in the shed before.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  Oh, someone left them there. Gotcha.

• 41:06Speaker 04

  Before we moved in thirty years ago.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  Now, let me come back to that in a second, but what would you say is your favourite type of comedy if you were to categorise it?

• 41:15Speaker 02

  Oh, I I comedy. Like, I like quite.

• 41:20Speaker 05

  We like all the sort of the.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  Very dark.

• 41:22Speaker 05

  Seventies, eighties, nineties sitcoms.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  I think the category of smell my finger and pull my finger.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 41:29Speaker 03

  Highly underrated.

• 41:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, right up your alley.

• 41:32Speaker 05

  What's agree would you call that?

• 41:33Speaker 03

  That is the category.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:35Speaker 05

  Right.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  And when the dad's running around with the eight old beads saying, please smell my fingers.

• 41:40Speaker 02

  Smell my finger?

• 41:41Speaker 03

  That's good stuff.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Officer Doofus, eh? You wanna smell my finger? Of Scary Movie.

• 41:47Speaker 03

  Right.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  Officer Doofy.

• 41:49Speaker 03

  I've never heard Officer Doofy in a British accent before.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  Do you wanna smell my finger? And he's like, and he.

• 41:55Speaker 05

  That's good stuff.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Uses the um.

• 41:58Speaker 05

  I've never seen Scary Movie.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  Good. Did you ever watch Freddy Got Fingered?

• 42:01Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  These are like cop films that we grew up on. Daddy, would you like some sausage?

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Daddy, would you like some sausages?

• 42:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 42:10Speaker 05

  Have you ever seen Mary Poppins?

• 42:12Speaker 04

  I have.

• 42:12Speaker 05

  Yes, it's a fantastic film.

• 42:13Speaker 04

  I've been in Mary Poppins before.

• 42:15Speaker 05

  It's my my wet dream. Watch.

• 42:18Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 42:18Speaker 05

  Where'd you meet her?

• 42:22Speaker 04

  That's amazing.

• 42:24Speaker 05

  You've been in Mary Poppins.

• 42:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, in a ballet.

• 42:26Speaker 05

  In a ballet? Who were you?

• 42:28Speaker 04

  I was Mary Poppins.

• 42:29Speaker 05

  You were Mary Poppins? How old are you? Tell me everything about this.

• 42:32Speaker 04

  Um, I was probably fifteen or sixteen.

• 42:35Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 42:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I was doing ballet RAD for anybody that's interested in what type of ballet was, yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 05

  Is that the Royal Australian?

• 42:41Speaker 04

  Royal Academy of Dance.

• 42:43Speaker 05

  Oh, Royal Academy of Dance.

• 42:43Speaker 04

  Thank you. Uh, yeah, and I played Mary Poppins. Yeah. So when you said, have you seen something beautiful? Yes, I have.

• 42:51Speaker 05

  Lovely. Well, that's very nice. I'm very jealous of you. Are there photos?

• 42:54Speaker 04

  Oh, no, I don't think so. That was back in the day.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  Do you guys know of here, the, the Australian Children's Choir, there used to be these famous ads for Qantas, the airline, where the Australian Children's Choir got sent to New York and London Bridge and to the outback. And they made these big, beautiful ads and they sung, I still call Australia home. Have you ever seen these?

• 43:13Speaker 04

  No. It's really famous.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  So Tony wanted to audition for that to be a part of this beautiful thing that happens every year. And her mum lied to her and said they don't let birth girls in.

• 43:21Speaker 04

  They were like, oh, I think it's only on the East Coast they do it. And I was like, well, I'm in WA, like, I won't be able to.

• 43:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  So she had to play Mary Poppins instead. And it turns out.

• 43:30Speaker 05

  Well, I think that's an upgrade.

• 43:33Speaker 05

  What?

• 43:34Speaker 04

  I really take that as a compliment, but wow, the Qantas girlies.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  Still call Australia home is iconic.

• 43:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, we recreated the ad and I sang it all around Australia. Oh, you had your moment.

• 43:44Speaker 03

  Well, she re-auditioned at age thirty for the Australian Children's Choir and it was a great audition. And the lady's like, the maximum age is fourteen. And Tony was like.

• 43:51Speaker 04

  She's like, do you know what we're really doing over there? Yeah.

• 43:56Speaker 02

  You guys are so great.

• 43:57Speaker 05

  This has been so lovely.

• 43:59Speaker 04

  Oh, we're getting ratted up.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Are you rapping a song? Yes, I wasn't, but that was the very point.

• 44:03Speaker 05

  There's nothing left on the script.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Uh, um, at parties, uh, so dinner parties, cause he's not a, he, he drinks now. When I first met him, I don't drink. So he, well, I'll be like getting on it and I'll be like, where's your vodka? Which you never ask him. And then you'll say something like.

• 44:16Speaker 05

  Can I guess you anything else? Or my new favourite one, you must come again when you've got less time.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  Or you'll say to him.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  No, what, I'm actually gonna need to process that a little bit, that is.

• 44:28Speaker 05

  No, but also I don't mean that, I'm not directing that at you, I'm just saying it's my new favourite one.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  That's okay.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  And for me, always says, you got much on tomorrow? I'm like, oh, you want me to.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  It's the tomorrow, that's, yeah. Oh, so what's the plan for the rest of your week? That's, oh, see ya.

• 44:41Speaker 05

  Exactly. And I, but I think it's better that than to go fuck off, personally.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  Well, the other.

• 44:47Speaker 04

  I would never do that. I would just be like, stay as long as you want, such a people pleaser.

• 44:52Speaker 03

  Tony would sit here for sixteen hours, for, like, but.

• 44:56Speaker 04

  Just because I wouldn't want to say like, please leave my fucking house.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, she would just, yeah. But, uh, thanks for having us, though.

• 45:02Speaker 04

  It has been, we better go.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  It's great. Have you ever had a snake in your house, by the way? Because that's why, one of the biggest fears of going to Australia.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:10Speaker 05

  Tony had a, uh, a snake in her shower, like, a few weeks ago.

• 45:14Speaker 02

  Oh my god, this is what freaks me out, like, I'm so scared.

• 45:17Speaker 05

  Well, we're never coming to Australia.

• 45:18Speaker 02

  I've been in a coffin full of them, I'm still scared.

• 45:20Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 45:20Speaker 04

  Or did you do I'm a Celebrity?

• 45:21Speaker 02

  Yes, I did I'm a Celebrity, over here.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  And I think Tony said that to be a dick, but it was true.

• 45:27Speaker 04

  Well, when else would that come up?

• 45:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  So true.

• 45:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:30Speaker 03

  That's why I just shower.

• 45:31Speaker 02

  I just, the thought of coming home and knowing a snake could be on the.

• 45:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, I had to call the snake catcher.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  Is that a thing?

• 45:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:37Speaker 03

  Well, Tony found one on Instagram, and he's got this great.

• 45:39Speaker 04

  The snake catcher?

• 45:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  Not the snake.

• 45:44Speaker 03

  Uh, and, and wasn't he just like?

• 45:46Speaker 04

  He was so chill, he was wonderful, but he was a lizard.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 45:50Speaker 04

  Now I said, well, can you come get the lizard, please? And he said, nah, she'll be right. And hung up.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  She'll leave in her own time.

• 45:57Speaker 04

  So it's still there.

• 45:57Speaker 05

  How big, how big was the lizard?

• 45:59Speaker 04

  Uh, about this big.

• 46:00Speaker 05

  That's quite, so that's about, sort of, five inches, would you say?

• 46:03Speaker 02

  Have you had one in your house? Is that just a normal?

• 46:05Speaker 03

  Oh, a snake. We've had, literally kangaroos in our backyard, because we've moved out of town.

• 46:09Speaker 05

  How about crocodiles and alligators?

• 46:11Speaker 03

  Not in my backyard, uh, but crocodiles, yeah.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  Tony, Ryan, thank you so much.

• 46:16Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  This has been, we've just done a collaboration with Jonathan Fern Smith, uh, who's.

• 46:20Speaker 03

  Rubbish.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, and that was shy compared to.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, rubbish.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  Uh, remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  Look forward to playing in this.

• 46:27Speaker 02

  And, uh, you play in that, and twenty-four hours before the Royal Albert and Global Play. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem. Drop into our DMs, send us an email, [email protected]. We also, this is really weird doing this for these two looking at us. What am I doing this?

• 46:39Speaker 03

  I'm staring at you.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  We also love.

• 46:40Speaker 03

  You ignore us, we'll just chat amongst ourselves.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  We also love hearing back from the people.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  I like your show.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  So that should get back in touch.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  Daddy, would you like some sausage?

• 46:48Speaker 02

  Goodbye.

• 46:49Speaker 05

  Love you.

• 46:50Speaker 02

  Tony and Ryan, everybody. That was so good.

• 47:02Speaker 00

  Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.

• 47:04Speaker 01

  And I'm Marco Burchella.

• 47:06Speaker 00

  And this is Boots Off.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  We are friends who have spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.

• 47:17Speaker 00

  And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.

• 47:24Speaker 01

  This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.

• 47:27Speaker 00

  The adventures that lead to adversity.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  And how life can be one big adventure in itself.

• 47:32Speaker 00

  Listen every Thursday, just search for Boots Off.