Jack Whitehall Hangs Out (and doesn't want to leave)

Who’s behind the Mystery Door today? Why it’s fellow BRITs host, Michael Whitehall’s son! (Jack) Alongside a couple of tips on growing a beard, Jack chats to Ant and Dec about his mum’s connection to I’m A Celeb, the joys of toddler parenting, and shares his most ridiculous heckles that puts hecklers’ corner to shame. He also talks about his latest show, ‘The Burbs’ and his upcoming tour in 2027! The boys also play a game of ‘Who Said What’ with some outrageous quotes they don’t remember saying! Keep your messages coming to [email protected] and if you’d like to see Jack Whitehall new standup, he’s touring from January 2027 with Bad Influence. Tickets available from https://www.jackwhitehall.com/ ----- Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 0:32Speaker 02

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• 0:33Speaker 01

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• 0:39Speaker 03

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• 0:40Speaker 01

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• 0:45Speaker 03

  Taylor Hanson? Nice.

• 0:47Speaker 02

  Try one.

• 0:48Speaker 03

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• 0:52Speaker 04

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• 1:00Speaker 05

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• 1:35Declan Donnelly?

  Hello, everybody.

• 1:39Declan Donnelly?

  That's live, theme tune today from...

• 1:41Ant McPartlin?

  Thanks.

• 1:41Declan Donnelly?

  Anne McPartlin.

• 1:42Ant McPartlin?

  How are you all?

• 1:43Declan Donnelly?

  Welcome along. Good morning, good evening. Welcome back to the hangout for another hanging out with him and me. It's our Mystery Monday episode. The mystery door is back today.

• 1:50Ant McPartlin?

  I could tell that. We've got a microphone and we've got a chair.

• 1:54Declan Donnelly?

  Excited?

• 1:55Ant McPartlin?

  Am I? I don't know, am I? I've done no prep, so there's better not be any world record. I've done no banana eating.

• 2:01Declan Donnelly?

  Have you not?

• 2:02Ant McPartlin?

  Well, I thought we discussed that.

• 2:04Declan Donnelly?

  All right, we better end it here.

• 2:05Ant McPartlin?

  We said that was gonna be like the summer. Is it? It's not that. It's not willy-nilly. He's not back.

• 2:11Declan Donnelly?

  Don't know. We'll find out, won't we?

• 2:13Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, I doubt not.

• 2:13Declan Donnelly?

  Maybe I don't know who's behind the door or what's behind the door. What do you mean, you fool? Have you had a banana already?

• 2:19Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, I've had seven bananas already. I certainly couldn't do a world record right now. So, should we get to the door or do you wanna chit chat first? Do you wanna tell me about stuff?

• 2:29Declan Donnelly?

  Just wanted to chit chat with you for a second.

• 2:31Ant McPartlin?

  Okay.

• 2:32Declan Donnelly?

  How are you?

• 2:32Ant McPartlin?

  I'm all right. How are you?

• 2:33Declan Donnelly?

  Great, thanks. Let's get to the door.

• 2:37Declan Donnelly?

  No, are you okay?

• 2:38Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, I'm all right, thanks.

• 2:39Declan Donnelly?

  Anything to report?

• 2:39Ant McPartlin?

  Don't I look all right?

• 2:40Declan Donnelly?

  Well, you look a bit uptight.

• 2:42Ant McPartlin?

  Okay, I'll relax a little bit. How are you doing?

• 2:45Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, I'm good. I'm excited.

• 2:47Ant McPartlin?

  Good weekend?

• 2:47Declan Donnelly?

  I feel invigorated. I've had a very good weekend.

• 2:49Ant McPartlin?

  Invigorated?

• 2:50Declan Donnelly?

  Mm.

• 2:50Ant McPartlin?

  Go on.

• 2:51Declan Donnelly?

  I've had a nice couple of days.

• 2:52Ant McPartlin?

  Doing?

• 2:53Declan Donnelly?

  Grown a beard.

• 2:56Declan Donnelly?

  But I shaved it off.

• 2:57Ant McPartlin?

  Why?

• 2:58Declan Donnelly?

  As you can probably see.

• 2:59Ant McPartlin?

  Why?

• 2:59Declan Donnelly?

  For those of you just listening, I am hairless. Well, no, I'm not hairless.

• 3:04Ant McPartlin?

  He's not hairless.

• 3:05Declan Donnelly?

  I've still got hair. Uh, beardless.

• 3:08Ant McPartlin?

  Why?

• 3:09Declan Donnelly?

  Facial hair.

• 3:09Ant McPartlin?

  Why did you? Why?

• 3:10Declan Donnelly?

  Because I'm going out after this.

• 3:12Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, you're now?

• 3:13Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 3:13Ant McPartlin?

  Where are you going?

• 3:14Declan Donnelly?

  I'm going somewhere. So...

• 3:15Ant McPartlin?

  Somewhere? Is that it?

• 3:18Declan Donnelly?

  No, I'm going to see some people. So...

• 3:20Ant McPartlin?

  Who?

• 3:20Declan Donnelly?

  Friends and...

• 3:21Ant McPartlin?

  What friends? And how come I'm not invited?

• 3:24Declan Donnelly?

  No, it's not. It's that you don't like them. Oh, no, sorry. They don't like you. That's what it is, sorry.

• 3:30Ant McPartlin?

  That could be quite a few people.

• 3:31Declan Donnelly?

  No, so no, I'm going out later on and I had to get rid of the beard, but it was looking good.

• 3:35Ant McPartlin?

  Do they not like anybody with stubble? They just don't like a beady man?

• 3:40Declan Donnelly?

  No, it's not allowed.

• 3:41Ant McPartlin?

  Right.

• 3:42Declan Donnelly?

  They don't like it. They frown upon it. But it was good. It was good while it lasted.

• 3:45Ant McPartlin?

  Was it? What, the beard?

• 3:46Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 3:47Ant McPartlin?

  Do you take any photographic evidence?

• 3:49Declan Donnelly?

  I did take photographic evidence.

• 3:50Ant McPartlin?

  Can we see?

• 3:51Declan Donnelly?

  Would you like to see?

• 3:53Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, of course we would. Well, there you go.

• 3:57Declan Donnelly?

  What do you think of that?

• 3:58Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, I like it. It's greater than I thought it would be, but you know, did you shave it?

• 4:02Declan Donnelly?

  Can you see I'm not wearing a top?

• 4:04Ant McPartlin?

  I can see that, yeah.

• 4:05Declan Donnelly?

  I'm also not wearing anything on the bottom.

• 4:06Ant McPartlin?

  No, you're fully naked.

• 4:08Declan Donnelly?

  Fully naked.

• 4:08Ant McPartlin?

  And are you shaved all the way down?

• 4:09Declan Donnelly?

  Yes. Always do.

• 4:12Ant McPartlin?

  Okay.

• 4:12Declan Donnelly?

  Always do.

• 4:12Ant McPartlin?

  Manscape.

• 4:13Declan Donnelly?

  Like an eel. Smooth as a needle. Do you wanna have a look?

• 4:17Speaker 08

  Yeah.

• 4:18Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, go on then.

• 4:22Declan Donnelly?

  What do you think of those apples, eh?

• 4:24Ant McPartlin?

  Man, it's given me Simon Cowell vibes in the best possible way.

• 4:28Declan Donnelly?

  Okay, let's move on.

• 4:32Declan Donnelly?

  This is an advert for Santander who understand that getting started on a goal isn't easy and embracing messy beginnings is how progress happens.

• 4:40Ant McPartlin?

  You know what I've been thinking about recently?

• 4:42Declan Donnelly?

  Hmm.

• 4:43Ant McPartlin?

  I haven't done any of my new year's resolutions.

• 4:45Declan Donnelly?

  You haven't done any of them yet?

• 4:46Ant McPartlin?

  Nope, nope. Haven't drank less coffee, haven't swore less.

• 4:50Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, come on.

• 4:51Ant McPartlin?

  But that's it now, I'll have to wait till next year, won't I?

• 4:53Declan Donnelly?

  Well, no, you don't have to.

• 4:54Ant McPartlin?

  Why?

• 4:54Declan Donnelly?

  You could start, why don't you go like first of May, you could start?

• 4:57Ant McPartlin?

  Ah, too many bank holidays.

• 4:58Declan Donnelly?

  In May?

• 4:59Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 4:59Declan Donnelly?

  Right.

• 5:00Ant McPartlin?

  Treats, it's food time, isn't it?

• 5:01Declan Donnelly?

  Right, okay.

• 5:02Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, it's true.

• 5:03Declan Donnelly?

  Um, first of June?

• 5:05Ant McPartlin?

  Summer, isn't it? Really, technically it's summer.

• 5:07Declan Donnelly?

  You'd rather take the whole summer off?

• 5:08Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, I think I would, actually.

• 5:10Declan Donnelly?

  All right, well, let's get rid of the summer then.

• 5:11Ant McPartlin?

  Okay, right.

• 5:12Declan Donnelly?

  First of September.

• 5:12Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, back to school then, no, isn't it? So that's what you've got to concentrate on that.

• 5:15Declan Donnelly?

  Right, and then October, I guess, is...

• 5:18Ant McPartlin?

  Well, it's nearly Christmas, basically, isn't it?

• 5:19Declan Donnelly?

  So might as well just wait for Christmas.

• 5:20Ant McPartlin?

  Well, next year, yeah, yeah.

• 5:22Declan Donnelly?

  So wait, wait until next January?

• 5:23Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 5:24Declan Donnelly?

  Well, that's just, that's a waste of a year, isn't it? That's when you wanted to do something.

• 5:28Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 5:28Declan Donnelly?

  You don't have to wait for that beginning of the year, you can do it.

• 5:31Ant McPartlin?

  On the perfect moment.

• 5:31Declan Donnelly?

  Remember last year, you said you wanted to start going to bed earlier?

• 5:34Ant McPartlin?

  Yes.

• 5:34Declan Donnelly?

  You still achieved that, no matter how busy we were.

• 5:36Ant McPartlin?

  I did.

• 5:37Declan Donnelly?

  So if you're gonna start next January, you may as well have started this January.

• 5:40Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, but I couldn't start this January.

• 5:42Declan Donnelly?

  Why?

• 5:42Ant McPartlin?

  I was busy launching a podcast with you, so couldn't do that.

• 5:45Declan Donnelly?

  So that's why you couldn't...

• 5:47Ant McPartlin?

  There's a lot of coffee and a lot of swearing.

• 5:50Declan Donnelly?

  But that's the problem, you see, you will just keep putting things off. You've just gotta sometimes just embrace the chaos, go, all right, it's the 24th of this month, I'm just gonna start now.

• 6:00Ant McPartlin?

  It's random, isn't it?

• 6:01Declan Donnelly?

  Well, whatever, just embrace it. Embrace the chaos.

• 6:03Ant McPartlin?

  Okay.

• 6:04Declan Donnelly?

  Just do it.

• 6:04Ant McPartlin?

  Okay.

• 6:05Declan Donnelly?

  Every day is a new day.

• 6:06Ant McPartlin?

  All right, all right, I'm doing it. Tomorrow, today, now, I'm doing it now.

• 6:11Declan Donnelly?

  Beginnings are never perfect. That's why the perfect time to start is now.

• 6:16Ant McPartlin?

  Santander, it starts here.

• 6:20Ant McPartlin?

  So the question mark's on the door, the chair's there.

• 6:23Declan Donnelly?

  Don't do a declaration.

• 6:24Ant McPartlin?

  Well, yeah, I mean, I think you probably worked out from my puzzled face that I, I can declare, I don't know who's behind the door.

• 6:32Declan Donnelly?

  Well, I can declare, I do know who's behind the door.

• 6:33Ant McPartlin?

  I don't know as much.

• 6:35Declan Donnelly?

  I do know who's behind the door today. Bumped into this person recently and invited them onto the pod.

• 6:40Ant McPartlin?

  Where?

• 6:40Declan Donnelly?

  They said yes.

• 6:41Ant McPartlin?

  Where did you bump into them?

• 6:42Declan Donnelly?

  In the hairdressers.

• 6:43Ant McPartlin?

  So Deck goes to quite a showbiz hairdressers and there's always lots of celebs in there. I know who it is.

• 6:50Declan Donnelly?

  Do you?

• 6:50Ant McPartlin?

  I know who it is.

• 6:51Declan Donnelly?

  Do you?

• 6:51Ant McPartlin?

  This is gonna be like looking in the mirror.

• 6:54Ant McPartlin?

  It's David Gandhi, isn't it? It doesn't even go on your hairdressers?

• 6:57Declan Donnelly?

  It does go on the hairdressers.

• 6:58Ant McPartlin?

  It's David Gandhi, isn't it?

• 6:59Declan Donnelly?

  It does, I, I, we both got the same hairdresser, as you can probably tell.

• 7:03Ant McPartlin?

  I can talk pants with him.

• 7:04Declan Donnelly?

  David Gandhi.

• 7:05Ant McPartlin?

  He's got his own pants, hasn't he? Gandhi?

• 7:07Declan Donnelly?

  Probably.

• 7:07Ant McPartlin?

  Gandhi's panties?

• 7:08Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 7:08Ant McPartlin?

  Gandhi's panties?

• 7:09Declan Donnelly?

  Gandhi's panties.

• 7:11Ant McPartlin?

  Okay.

• 7:11Declan Donnelly?

  But they should be here any moment now.

• 7:13Ant McPartlin?

  Bring him in.

• 7:14Declan Donnelly?

  There's a knock on the door.

• 7:14Ant McPartlin?

  There's a knock on the door. So I got it, do you wanna get it?

• 7:16Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, you get it.

• 7:17Ant McPartlin?

  It's not Dylan, Gandhi's, Jack Whitehall. That's good looking though. I'm just as tall. How are you, Jack?

• 7:24Speaker 09

  I am, I am underpants, yeah.

• 7:25Ant McPartlin?

  Don't, you should.

• 7:26Speaker 09

  How are you?

• 7:27Ant McPartlin?

  You should.

• 7:28Declan Donnelly?

  Come on in.

• 7:28Speaker 09

  Nice to see you.

• 7:29Declan Donnelly?

  Come and have a seat.

• 7:29Speaker 09

  And I just met your beard. She's not doing that.

• 7:34Ant McPartlin?

  I've been happily married for 10 years.

• 7:36Speaker 09

  Lovely beard.

• 7:38Declan Donnelly?

  You've got a good beard.

• 7:39Speaker 09

  I've got a good beard, but I'm hairless from the neck down.

• 7:41Declan Donnelly?

  Are you?

• 7:42Ant McPartlin?

  Are you?

• 7:42Speaker 09

  Larry, our hairdresser, gives me the whole, the jack back and sack, he calls it.

• 7:48Speaker 09

  I'm like a dolphin.

• 7:49Declan Donnelly?

  The jack back and sack.

• 7:50Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 7:51Ant McPartlin?

  Little tip on, on growing a good beard, can you, can you give to Deck?

• 7:56Declan Donnelly?

  Do you know?

• 7:56Ant McPartlin?

  Like a full, manly beard?

• 7:58Speaker 09

  So I have a full, manly beard.

• 7:59Ant McPartlin?

  You do.

• 8:00Speaker 09

  But I'm gonna, actually, I'm gonna come clean with you. There, there, there is an element of smoke and mirrors with this beard.

• 8:05Ant McPartlin?

  Come on.

• 8:05Speaker 09

  Because I now, in my late 30s, approaching or maybe in middle age, I now have quite a lot of grays in the beard. So before appearances like this on camera, I have beard mascara.

• 8:18Declan Donnelly?

  Do you?

• 8:19Ant McPartlin?

  I'm seeing that in the kermit.

• 8:21Speaker 09

  Yes, it's amazing. So this is like, you know, I look like Captain Birdseye. And then I get the mascara pen on here and, you know, got a thick, full, black beard.

• 8:30Declan Donnelly?

  That's what I need, because it looks quite grey.

• 8:32Speaker 09

  Yes. Yeah, yeah, you need, you need my little thing.

• 8:35Declan Donnelly?

  Little thing. I'm naked, though.

• 8:36Speaker 09

  Yeah, but this is.

• 8:38Declan Donnelly?

  Just I just wanted to see how you reacted to that.

• 8:40Speaker 09

  Yeah, I think you need quite a lot of mascara on.

• 8:42Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, maybe a full beard dye. You can get that also. Larry could do that for you. Yeah, a false beard.

• 8:48Speaker 09

  With some of my trimmings from the shop floor. He could just fashion you an actual beard and we could print stick it onto your face.

• 8:56Declan Donnelly?

  Fabulous. I'll look forward to that.

• 8:58Ant McPartlin?

  Do you ever go completely bald? Like on facial, facial layer?

• 9:02Speaker 09

  Yeah, I do, but.

• 9:03Ant McPartlin?

  Because I always see you with a beard.

• 9:05Speaker 09

  I have a very weak chin.

• 9:07Declan Donnelly?

  I bet you look quite young as well.

• 9:09Speaker 09

  Yeah, I look very baby faced and I've got a weak chin, which I inherited from my father. So I like the beard because the beard masks the weak chin and also, yeah, makes me look of age.

• 9:21Declan Donnelly?

  How is your dad? How is mum and dad?

• 9:23Speaker 09

  Do you know what? I don't really see them anymore. We used to.

• 9:26Ant McPartlin?

  What?

• 9:26Speaker 09

  What? Because they've, they've literally cut me loose. Okay.

• 9:30Ant McPartlin?

  What do you mean?

• 9:30Speaker 09

  They are, okay, what I have defined as nepo parents.

• 9:37Speaker 09

  I gave them an opportunity. Okay. They appeared on television with me. We then did the travel show on Netflix.

• 9:43Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 9:43Speaker 09

  They got a modicum of fame and then the minute they had that and they had the, you know, agency, they got their own podcast, which I have not been invited on. They're now going on tour. They're on tour. They're literally, yes, they're going on tour, doing live podcast shows and my mum was on the bloody weakest link the other day. I turned on the television on a Saturday night. She's there with Ramesh doing weakest link.

• 10:05Ant McPartlin?

  No way.

• 10:06Speaker 09

  And they've completely cut me loose because they don't need me anymore. I've just been, and so watch out with Mohan.

• 10:11Ant McPartlin?

  You were just stepping stones.

• 10:13Speaker 09

  Stepping stones.

• 10:13Declan Donnelly?

  What a fame. Because your mum and dad are one of the, or well, two of the names that we get suggested a lot to do. I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

• 10:21Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 10:21Declan Donnelly?

  We do, we do a show live on Instagram after every, every night after the show. And we say, who would you like to see next year on the show? A lot of them say, the White Holes.

• 10:30Ant McPartlin?

  Who out of your mum and dads do you think would do it the most?

• 10:33Speaker 09

  I mean, my mum would absolutely love to do it. Yeah, I think she would absolutely love to do it. She's pretty fearless and she would be, she would be great on it. My dad, on the other hand, I think he could maybe go on it if like he was a Bush Ducker trial. Do you know what I mean? Like if the celebrities were locked in a coffin with him.

• 10:52Speaker 09

  I think that might work, but as an actual contestant, I mean, they wouldn't pass the medical.

• 10:58Speaker 09

  Exactly, he would lynch you five minutes. I don't think you'd get him to Australia for a start. But I, yeah, I think, I think my mum, my mum would be great.

• 11:06Declan Donnelly?

  How cheaply do you think we could get your mum?

• 11:08Speaker 09

  Well.

• 11:09Declan Donnelly?

  I mean, what, what we're talking, what's the offer?

• 11:11Speaker 09

  I've always told her that the way she needs to get on time is celebrity. I don't know whether this is a story that I should be sharing publicly, although I have shared it once publicly. When he was the head of Channel Four, our dear friend Kevin Liger.

• 11:23Declan Donnelly?

  Yes, the boss of ITV.

• 11:24Speaker 09

  Yeah, who grew up in the same village as my mother. And there maybe even at some point may have been a little bit of a relationship.

• 11:33Declan Donnelly?

  Wow, really?

• 11:34Speaker 09

  As teenagers, I think there was like a snog behind the bike shed kind of moment. I was like, Hillary, you have to play this card. If you want to get into the jungle. Blackmail the head of ITV.

• 11:46Declan Donnelly?

  That's the way to do it, the only way to do it.

• 11:48Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:48Declan Donnelly?

  Okay, good.

• 11:49Speaker 09

  And then she's in, she's there, she's down, down under.

• 11:54Declan Donnelly?

  Okay, let's stop there.

• 11:55Speaker 09

  Let's stop there.

• 11:56Declan Donnelly?

  We've digressed quite heavily. Because we wanted to talk to you today about your new TV show.

• 12:01Speaker 09

  Yes.

• 12:02Declan Donnelly?

  The Burbs.

• 12:02Speaker 09

  Yes, The Burbs.

• 12:03Declan Donnelly?

  Which is a remake of the old Tom Hanks movie.

• 12:06Speaker 09

  Yep.

• 12:06Declan Donnelly?

  From 1989.

• 12:08Speaker 09

  Yep.

• 12:08Declan Donnelly?

  Which I went to see.

• 12:09Speaker 09

  Did you?

• 12:10Declan Donnelly?

  As a 13 year old on a Blacker Grove cast day out. We all went up to the cinema. Where did you go? It was before you were in the show. What?

• 12:18Speaker 09

  What?

• 12:18Declan Donnelly?

  You weren't invited. Yeah, the less important series.

• 12:21Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 12:21Declan Donnelly?

  The series was off. He found his feet, series two on once. Yeah, the pilot series. So tell us about The Burbs and what it's all about.

• 12:28Speaker 09

  So The Burbs is sort of inspired by that movie and, and takes like the premise of the, the Tom Hanks film, which is this couple that moved to the suburbs and, you know, it's seemingly really nice and all of the neighbours are really friendly. But then there's this one mysterious house at the end of the street and no one really knows about the family that lives in there. And, and then you sort of begin to unearth their like deep, dark secrets. And so it's kind of got a horror angle as well. And this is like a modern retelling of that, completely different storyline, completely different characters. And I play, um, uh, Rob Fisher, who's married to Kiki Palmer's, uh, character. And then we move back to the suburbs and then there's this really creepy house with this really weird family. Living there and yeah, it's all about this kind of mystery unfolding.

• 13:11Declan Donnelly?

  Great. It's kind of got um only murders in the building vibes to it.

• 13:15Speaker 09

  Good. Oh, I hate that.

• 13:16Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 09

  And a bit of Desperate Housewives as well, I think, is a is another quite good composite for it in that it's the sort of, you know, the mystery of suburbia and everyone's got a secret and it's got that kind of similar tone as well. And we shot it on the same location.

• 13:30Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, was it?

• 13:30Speaker 09

  Did you? Yeah, yeah. Wisteria Lane, which is this place called Colonial Street, where they shot the original movie as well, which is on the Universal lot.

• 13:37Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, right.

• 13:37Speaker 09

  Uh, which is amazing because it's like such a part of like Hollywood history.

• 13:41Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, amazing.

• 13:42Speaker 09

  Every day, you know, you went from the trailer to set on a little golf buggy and you'd go up past the jaws village with the shark attacking the tourists and the psycho house and uh, yeah, and then and then you'd get to set. The the only slight demoralising thing about that, though, is that they would also have tours running constantly. So every now and again, you'd be on your way to set in the golf buggy, feeling like the VIP. And then the tour would slow down and everyone would look out of their windows and they'd be so disappointed that it wasn't Kevin Hart. Or Johnstone or someone that they'd heard of. They're like, oh, Michael Whitehall's son. Great.

• 14:13Declan Donnelly?

  And in it, you've got a British accent.

• 14:15Speaker 09

  Yes.

• 14:15Declan Donnelly?

  Now, you do do an American accent because I've seen you do it.

• 14:18Speaker 09

  I've attempted an American accent.

• 14:19Declan Donnelly?

  You know, you've done it before and it's very, very good. Why did you decide to stay British in this one? Or was that a, did you, did you workshop it? Did you try something different or?

• 14:28Speaker 09

  I think they just found it was quite, they've all found it quite funny. I think when we got into the rehearsal room, they quite liked the fact that I was British and that made me a little bit other as well. And it also meant that all of the other cast, who again, as I said, were all comedians, had this angle of attack. So in all of the like improvs, they would just be riffing on, you know, me sounding like Benedict Cumberbatch. Like attacking me for being British and it just felt like there was another sort of comic dynamic to it. So, yeah, I I stayed British so that they could have some fodder.

• 15:01Declan Donnelly?

  You are incredibly busy as well, so obviously you've been doing that, but you've got loads of other stuff going on. Um, going on tour, which we'll talk to you about a little bit as well, but um, you've just, uh, well, a month or two ago, did the Brits.

• 15:14Speaker 09

  Yes, yeah.

• 15:15Declan Donnelly?

  For the sixth time?

• 15:16Speaker 09

  Sixth time, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:18Declan Donnelly?

  Why do you keep going back, you madman?

• 15:21Speaker 09

  I don't know, I kind of love how terrifying it is and how chaotic it is. And the sort of like, the relief that you get when you sort of got away with it again.

• 15:31Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 15:31Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah, I, I, I kind of, I kind of love that. Uh, and it is, there's, there is nothing quite like it and I don't get to like, do a lot of hosting, I don't get to do a lot of live TV. So it also sort of scratches that itch. I really like the sort of excitement and adrenaline of it. And uh, it's, you know, as you guys know, it's like, it's, it's, it's nothing quite like it.

• 15:51Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, it is a tough gig. When you feel like you've got away with it, you're like, phew.

• 15:55Declan Donnelly?

  We've done it three times.

• 15:56Speaker 09

  Yeah, three times.

• 15:57Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 15:58Declan Donnelly?

  We get to the end of it and that kind of chaos and that madness of it, that's what we hated about it.

• 16:04Speaker 09

  Really?

• 16:05Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 16:06Ant McPartlin?

  But then also loved about it, cause I like the chaos. Well, I struggle, what we struggle with was you think it's one run in order. You think this, it's how the night's gonna go and the performances stay the same relatively.

• 16:17Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:17Ant McPartlin?

  But it's the, it's the interviews, it's the bits you think you're gonna get that fall down at like the last second sometimes.

• 16:23Speaker 09

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:23Ant McPartlin?

  Do you have the same when you do it?

• 16:25Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, I.

• 16:26Ant McPartlin?

  Oh good, it's not just us.

• 16:29Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 16:30Speaker 09

  It's nothing personal.

• 16:31Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 16:31Speaker 09

  No, I remember the first year that I did it and, and I, you know, again, I was sort of slightly flying by the seat of my pants. And uh, we were in like part eight of the show and they're like, oh, you know, the set's not ready, the set's not ready and you need to fill for four minutes. So go to table sixteen and you're gonna do that interview that you had up your sleeve with Foo Fighters. And then they get to the table and I sat down, none of them were there. It was four empty seats and I had four minutes to fill.

• 16:53Ant McPartlin?

  What did you do?

• 16:54Speaker 09

  I sort of just taught nonsense and you know, like kept trailing what was about to come up and then threw to a break like three minutes early. But sort of, you know, I got away with it.

• 17:05Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 17:05Speaker 09

  But like, yeah, I guess, I guess as well, like just giving into that and. And embracing the fact that people do want that and they and I think that even that was like a moment that people quite liked because they found it funny and it showed that it wasn't, you know, going smoothly and and I think people like seeing those kind of, you know, those those moments where it it goes wrong.

• 17:25Declan Donnelly?

  But you really like the opportunity to to treat them as a bit of a rust of the stories on you.

• 17:29Speaker 09

  Yeah, I think ultimately like long term, now that we're in the sort of sixth year of me doing it, it's slightly backfired because now no one wants to talk to me. They put out all of the arse to all the artists that are there and just everyone knocks me back. They're like, no, he can't come and talk to me. So, you know, I think now I'm gonna have to try more like guerrilla tactics. Turn up and shove a mic in their face whether they like it or not. Was it last year?

• 17:53Ant McPartlin?

  But it's good being like that because I think he can be so serious sometimes and everyone's just there to have fun.

• 17:59Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 17:59Ant McPartlin?

  Do you know what I mean? I know you can take your music seriously and of course you want to put on a good performance, but.

• 18:03Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 18:04Ant McPartlin?

  It's it's it's an award show.

• 18:06Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 18:06Ant McPartlin?

  You don't have to be so serious about it.

• 18:07Speaker 09

  No, it's true.

• 18:08Ant McPartlin?

  You know what I mean?

• 18:09Speaker 09

  And I do think so much of it is also not coming from the actual artists themselves when it's, you know, like I I remember, I think it was the year before. I had some jokes in the monologue about Stormzy and him doing that McDonald's advert and they were like, if you do any jokes about Stormzy, he will walk out the room. They said he will, he will not sit there and be abused by you. And I was like, what? I'm not abusing him. I was just gonna call him Muk Stormzy and then make some really lame jokes about him being deliver rude here tonight or whatever. And they were like, no, you can't do them. I was like, I'm gonna do them because I think I'm sure he has the thick enough skin to be able to take that. And obviously he does, like he doesn't care. And I did the jokes and he laughed and he didn't walk out the room because he was never gonna walk out the room.

• 18:49Speaker 09

  But like, people are so sort of protective and they're so worried and and I guess they're sort of doing their jobs as well because they're just trying to protect the people that they work for. But there's a lot that, oh my god, it's like incessant. I I do a fake script in the rehearsal now.

• 19:02Ant McPartlin?

  Do you?

• 19:03Speaker 09

  Yeah, after the first year.

• 19:04Ant McPartlin?

  Because you get notes from everybody.

• 19:06Speaker 09

  Oh my god, yeah.

• 19:07Ant McPartlin?

  Everybody's people.

• 19:07Speaker 09

  Hounding on the door to my dressing room. I had to hide in the toilet the first year because I've done all of these jokes and then all of the publicists and the A and R people and the ITV lawyer, they were banging on the door, you can't do this, you can't do that. I was like, so the second year, I just did a fake script in the rehearsal and it was just all like glowing praise. What a year it's been. Ollie Mers amazing and oh, Niall Horan, what a challenge. And they were like, oh, he's really changed. He's British music the best.

• 19:36Speaker 09

  Then come the night, it's live and anything can happen.

• 19:39Ant McPartlin?

  Do you get a lot of hecklers on the breaks, like you would at a stand up show?

• 19:42Speaker 09

  Well, no, not really. And those, you know, when you're in those arenas, when someone does heckle, you sort of can't really hear what they're saying, which is the sort of saving grace of them as well. Cause you don't know where the abuse is coming from.

• 19:54Declan Donnelly?

  Do you get a lot of hecklers doing stand up? Because is, is the Jack Whitehall audience a very heckly kind of audience?

• 20:00Speaker 09

  I'll tell you a funny story about a very Jack Whitehall heckler. It was in my early days and I was doing a gig in Putney and near to where I live. And there was a lot of kind of, you know, chins in there and a lot of red cords. And by the jackets, it was very much a home gig. And because it was a home gig, for some reason I was doing some material on Hugh Fernley Whittingstall, cause I thought, play to watch.

• 20:29Ant McPartlin?

  This'll go down well.

• 20:30Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah. I've been waiting to do the Hugh Fernley Whittingstall routine.

• 20:33Ant McPartlin?

  The River Cottage gag.

• 20:34Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 20:35Ant McPartlin?

  Finally getting out of there.

• 20:36Speaker 09

  Yeah, it didn't feel right in Stockton on TV, but I think tonight's the night for it. In the joke, I, I referenced him switching on an Arga and then I got on with the joke. And then this man at the back in like a, in like red cords and a woolly jumper just shouted out, "You can't switch on an Arga. That's the point." Wow, that is the poshest heckler that has ever been shouted out at a comedy club. And he got like a ripple of applause. Well done. I'm glad someone has called him out on that.

• 21:03Declan Donnelly?

  That's amazing.

• 21:04Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 21:05Declan Donnelly?

  So you're going back on tour?

• 21:06Speaker 09

  I'm going back on tour.

• 21:07Declan Donnelly?

  Twenty twenty seven?

• 21:08Speaker 09

  Yeah, twenty twenty seven. Yeah.

• 21:10Declan Donnelly?

  But tickets are on sale pretty soon.

• 21:13Speaker 09

  Now?

• 21:13Declan Donnelly?

  Now.

• 21:14Speaker 09

  Now.

• 21:14Declan Donnelly?

  So when you do that, when you, when you release your tickets early doors and you're going on tour in twenty twenty seven?

• 21:19Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 21:19Declan Donnelly?

  How much of the material have you got formed by that point?

• 21:23Speaker 09

  Well, it's sort of, I mean, I've got like about a forty five minute set at the moment, but I imagine by the time I get to, you know. January next year of that forty five minutes, like, I'll only be doing maybe twenty of it. Oh, right. Twenty five of it isn't good enough. Right. So it's a real process. And now I'll be going up at comedy clubs and like building it and trying new routines and, you know, fine tuning the Hugh Ferney Wittingstall material, just to see if I can get it to really stick.

• 21:51Speaker 09

  Do you still love it? Yeah, yeah, I love it. And I actually really love this, this bit of it as well, where you're just like, you know, turning up at a, stand up club unannounced and doing twenty minutes of new material that you've written that day and trying stuff out. Some of it flies and some of it is tumbleweed. And it again, like in the same way that like that feeling of, you know, doing the Brits is exhilarating. I, I really love being on stage. And also when you're doing new material for the first time, there's a real kind of buzz to doing that.

• 22:18Ant McPartlin?

  I bet. Have you got like good ones in your back pocket that you think if you are in the States somewhere and you think, there's this killer gag that I've always got. If, if the gig's failing, that always get out.

• 22:31Speaker 09

  Yes, but the problem with doing it in America, and I, and I have had it a few times, is that, there, there is still that like slight like, uh, cultural divide and your references as well. So you have to run your references.

• 22:44Ant McPartlin?

  Right, okay, yeah.

• 22:44Speaker 09

  You're doing prepared material and routines that, you know, you can check, check out, then it's fine. And you, you check all your references. But sometimes if you dip into something from like the back catalogue, you're suddenly launching into a joke and it's not until you're halfway into it and you're doing the setup, you go, this has a Waitrose punchline.

• 23:03Speaker 09

  No one here is gonna laugh. And then you're racking your brain, what's the equivalent?

• 23:07Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 23:07Speaker 09

  And it's too late. And then I've had a couple of moments like that where I've started doing a routine and then it's just fizzled out so, like aggressively because I, I've had no, no way of landing it because I, I don't know what the equivalent reference is. And then the other thing is then that gets into your head. So then the next time you do a gig, you over check your references and you look like a complete dick. Cause you go into a green room and you go out to these American like hardened like, you know, road comics, you know. Um, I was just wondering, I could check a couple of references. Um, and I genuinely asked a guy this. I was like, do, do you have swans in America? And he was like, yeah, we have swans. I was like, okay, good. Sorry. Okay.

• 23:45Declan Donnelly?

  As you were.

• 23:46Speaker 09

  That'll, that'll be. And does the king own them as well? Does he own your swans? Cause he owns our swans. Yeah.

• 23:50Declan Donnelly?

  Oh my god.

• 23:51Speaker 09

  I, my stand up, if you just listened to this podcast, would sound so unrelatable. Swans, waitrose. Swans and waitrose. Those are my topics. I'm in. Oh my god. Literally no one is going to come and see me outside of the home county. It's got a lot of tickets to shift in Newcastle.

• 24:12Speaker 09

  So I'm here.

• 24:13Declan Donnelly?

  How's fatherhood?

• 24:14Speaker 09

  Fatherhood's great. Yeah, yeah. It's amazing.

• 24:17Declan Donnelly?

  One of the reasons we started this podcast is because we both had small children.

• 24:21Speaker 09

  And wanted to escape them.

• 24:22Declan Donnelly?

  And we wanted to escape, get out of the house. And we didn't.

• 24:24Speaker 09

  Cause we never saw each other anymore.

• 24:25Declan Donnelly?

  Hang out anymore.

• 24:26Speaker 09

  Yeah, really.

• 24:27Declan Donnelly?

  So we started a podcast so we could get out of the house and come and hang out and catch up with each other. So that's one of the reasons we started it.

• 24:33Speaker 09

  Can I join? Yeah. Yes, you can. You're more than welcome.

• 24:37Declan Donnelly?

  Come along anytime.

• 24:38Speaker 09

  Yeah, I'll, I'll do anything. I'll make you coffee and tea.

• 24:42Speaker 09

  Ten minutes from my house. It's perfect. Is it? Yeah. Okay, yeah, whenever you want. You're more than welcome.

• 24:48Declan Donnelly?

  Hard work, isn't it?

• 24:49Speaker 09

  Yeah, it is. It is hard work. It's a real leveller. I feel like we've got you on a bad day. No, actually today is a great day because she's gone back to nursery. She's been ill for a week. She's two, two and a half. So she's just literally getting every bug and virus. She's been off a week. And so we took her to nursery this morning for the first time in 10 days or whatever. Right. There was a little cough on the way there. I was like, no.

• 25:13Declan Donnelly?

  No, no, no, no.

• 25:14Speaker 09

  No, you're fine. You're absolutely fine. But do you know what? She is also, I've discovered, and she's amazing and I like so blessed, but also a great source of material. Oh, thanks. Oh my god. I'd honestly like, I feel like I had, um, you know, the well was dry in terms of chucking my dad under the bus. And I needed to find a new angle desperately. And then, yeah, Elsie came along at just the right time because it's, it's such a fun thing to talk about. And, you know, she started speaking now as well, which is really, you just got the, you know, notepad out every day and just jotting down, uh, all of these like, you know. The gold that she's she's coming up with and I do feel like slight pang of guilt as

• 25:56Speaker 09

  well that, you know, all of this material and me talking about her will live somewhere. She will find it at some point. Yeah, that that but, you know, she can talk to her therapist about that in twenty years' time. We don't need to worry about that too much now.

• 26:11Declan Donnelly?

  Is your parenting style very, very different from your father's?

• 26:14Speaker 09

  Well, I haven't started a boarding school yet.

• 26:16Ant McPartlin?

  Don't say yet, though.

• 26:19Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 26:19Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, there was a yes.

• 26:22Speaker 09

  Yeah, yet. Do they do boarding nurseries? Is that a thing?

• 26:26Declan Donnelly?

  It's an idea.

• 26:27Speaker 09

  It's an idea.

• 26:28Declan Donnelly?

  There's money in it.

• 26:29Speaker 09

  I have a really good relationship with my dad.

• 26:31Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 26:31Speaker 09

  And I just look back and I'm like, I can't quite work out how.

• 26:36Speaker 09

  There was a lot of nannies. There was a lot of boarding school. When did I see him? Maybe that was the kid.

• 26:43Declan Donnelly?

  Maybe that's it.

• 26:43Speaker 09

  He's best in small doses, to be fair. And yeah, we may be made up for it later. You know, let's travel the world together and spend a lot of time with each other. So maybe that was the way the best way around.

• 26:55Declan Donnelly?

  I did that thing where I got, you know, there's the all those parenting books and there's that one, the book you wish your parents had read and your children will thank you that you did.

• 27:04Speaker 09

  Yes, I could bought that.

• 27:05Ant McPartlin?

  It's a long tale, isn't it?

• 27:06Declan Donnelly?

  It was really long. I did it on audiobook. So I was kind of on my walks and reading it and all that. And I got to a point, I switched it off and I'm never going to be able to do this. There's just so much to remember.

• 27:17Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, yeah, you can't.

• 27:17Declan Donnelly?

  There's so much to do and how to react in every situation.

• 27:20Speaker 09

  But if you read all those books and listen to every podcast, it like you would terrify yourself. You think there's absolutely no way you'd be capable of doing it. But most people seem to be pretty good at like stepping up to it. I think it's hilarious. And I was probably that person as well in my friendship group. But I've got I've got another friend who's recently just told me that he's having a baby. I was like, how the hell is that going to work? But it will. And like, the baby will come along and he'll he'll be amazing and he'll like step up to it. And yeah, you find something from within yourself and it it does change you as well. Like instantly, it's it's crazy, isn't it? Like the minute that your baby comes along, like it changes your whole like outlook and perspective and yeah, your whole personality. So it's, yeah, yeah, I've loved it.

• 28:05Declan Donnelly?

  I remember when we had Isla and we were maybe like six, seven days in, we got home from the hospital, got back and we were home six, seven days and then woke up one morning. It was a particularly bad night. And I remember turning to Ali going. It's relentless, isn't it? Like, I don't know what I expected. Yes, relentless. It's like for the rest of your life.

• 28:24Ant McPartlin?

  When do we get the weekend off?

• 28:26Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, it's relentless, isn't it? Yeah, it's having a kid. But you're right, wouldn't change it.

• 28:31Ant McPartlin?

  Nah, it's one that I had a wonderful moment yesterday where we'd bought him a little table and chairs for his playroom. I was trying to put it together and kind of I had all the instructions. I had all the parts on the on the ground and he's he was coming around getting involved.

• 28:45Declan Donnelly?

  Getting involved, you're getting involved.

• 28:47Ant McPartlin?

  Like moving all the like instructions around and hiding the Allen key and picking up the screws. So I was like, what? I said, Wilder, why don't you go and get your tools and you can help daddy? And for once he listened, went to the other room, brought his little wooden toolkit, put it down next to me, sat down, got out a screwdriver. So like copying what I was doing and was just kind of doing that on the bit of wood next to me. I was like, this is it. This is everything. The best.

• 29:12Speaker 09

  The best. I wish I had that moment with Elsie. And I had not had that moment with Elsie. I've had, okay.

• 29:20Ant McPartlin?

  Okay. I'll get you a toolkit.

• 29:21Speaker 09

  I am a bit of a beta male, as you might know this about me. And I find it at the best of times quite emasculating that if something goes wrong in the house, there's a lovely guy called Daniel and he has to come and help do the manly tasks around the house. So anything that goes wrong from, you know, something breaking or a pipe burst to a light bulb going out, I have to get a man around. Okay, I have to get a man around to be the man in the house. But I've now discovered that there is there is a sort of boss level of emasculation, which is Roxy recently bought a doll's house for Elsie that I could not construct. I had to get a man out to make the child's dollhouse for my daughter.

• 30:06Ant McPartlin?

  I'm always a bit.

• 30:07Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 30:09Ant McPartlin?

  Me and Wilder will come around, father and son.

• 30:13Ant McPartlin?

  I've got a toolkit, he's got a toolkit.

• 30:14Declan Donnelly?

  The Parliament's done. Here they come, touching cowboys.

• 30:22Declan Donnelly?

  Before we let you go, the three wise monkeys in Heckler's Corner over there have formulated some sort of challenge game?

• 30:30Speaker 10

  Little quiz for you.

• 30:31Declan Donnelly?

  Little quiz?

• 30:32Speaker 09

  Great.

• 30:32Declan Donnelly?

  Do you like quizzes?

• 30:33Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do I have to go at the end of the quiz?

• 30:36Declan Donnelly?

  No, you don't, you can stay.

• 30:38Speaker 09

  Yeah, I have to go back and parent.

• 30:39Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, no, stay then, stay.

• 30:40Speaker 09

  I told them that this was a 24 hour podcast. I told them that that was the concept of it. I might just have a little nap in the corner.

• 30:48Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, no problem.

• 30:49Speaker 09

  Yeah, okay, thank you.

• 30:50Ant McPartlin?

  Come on then, what's the rules?

• 30:51Declan Donnelly?

  What have you got for us today?

• 30:52Speaker 10

  Right, so I've got some quotes and you have to guess which one of you three said the quote. It will be Ant versus Dec versus Jack.

• 30:59Ant McPartlin?

  Right, okay.

• 31:00Speaker 10

  Sound all right?

• 31:01Declan Donnelly?

  Yes.

• 31:02Speaker 10

  All right. Quote number one.

• 31:03Declan Donnelly?

  I think this is gonna be easy, by the way.

• 31:05Speaker 10

  We'll have a look. Let's read this one.

• 31:08Ant McPartlin?

  Just thought of a quiz.

• 31:11Declan Donnelly?

  Give it a whirl.

• 31:12Speaker 09

  I think it's gonna be so easy, by the way.

• 31:15Speaker 10

  Quote number one.

• 31:16Declan Donnelly?

  I think shorter people have better walks.

• 31:20Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, well, that sounds like, sounds like something you should say.

• 31:24Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, but yeah, this could be a red herring though, no?

• 31:27Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, I think it might be for the first quote.

• 31:30Declan Donnelly?

  I don't think I said that. I think it's Jack.

• 31:31Ant McPartlin?

  I think it's Jack. Who are you going for?

• 31:33Declan Donnelly?

  No, I, I think it. Do you think it's me? Yeah.

• 31:36Speaker 10

  The answer is Jack.

• 31:37Declan Donnelly?

  What?

• 31:38Ant McPartlin?

  It was Jack.

• 31:39Declan Donnelly?

  Why did I say that? Do you wanna have a look? Well, do.

• 31:43Ant McPartlin?

  Better walks as in.

• 31:44Declan Donnelly?

  Do you have a good gait? Do I?

• 31:46Ant McPartlin?

  Maybe that's what you meant.

• 31:47Declan Donnelly?

  Maybe that's what I meant.

• 31:48Ant McPartlin?

  Maybe it's walking style because they've got shorter legs.

• 31:50Declan Donnelly?

  Sure, yes.

• 31:51Ant McPartlin?

  Ah, that is.

• 31:52Declan Donnelly?

  Because I'm so tall and I, I, I walk like, I walk like Prince Charles.

• 31:58Ant McPartlin?

  If you're just listening, Jack, Jack is walking with his hands behind his back in a, in a stooped manner.

• 32:04Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, in a stooped manner.

• 32:05Ant McPartlin?

  Stooped manner.

• 32:05Declan Donnelly?

  I see myself, I see myself sometimes, I'm like, oh.

• 32:09Ant McPartlin?

  Okay, well done.

• 32:11Speaker 09

  It's a good job I'm on the toilet because I've just [BLEEP] myself. Sounds too coarse for me.

• 32:16Ant McPartlin?

  I, yeah, it's, it's too coarse for you, I think. I think that's you, Dec.

• 32:20Speaker 09

  I would say it's a good job I'm on the throne because I've just soiled myself.

• 32:24Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, you would say that.

• 32:25Speaker 09

  One has just soiled oneself.

• 32:27Declan Donnelly?

  That would be you, so it's not you.

• 32:28Ant McPartlin?

  Still with your hands behind your back.

• 32:29Speaker 09

  Yes. One's just laid a little brown swab.

• 32:34Speaker 09

  Who do you think it is, Jack?

• 32:36Declan Donnelly?

  Me.

• 32:36Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 32:37Declan Donnelly?

  I think it's also me.

• 32:39Speaker 10

  You are all correct, it is Deck.

• 32:40Declan Donnelly?

  It's from a social media video where Ant had a very elaborate pen, which had a screwdriver, a spirit level, because you took, you took the end off and showed me it had a Phillips screwdriver in there.

• 32:52Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 32:52Declan Donnelly?

  Which took me by surprise. And I was in the toilet in a Winnebago and I said.

• 32:56Ant McPartlin?

  And it's a good job.

• 32:57Declan Donnelly?

  It's a good job I'm on the toilet because I just.

• 33:00Ant McPartlin?

  It's not with delight.

• 33:01Declan Donnelly?

  With delight.

• 33:02Ant McPartlin?

  With delight.

• 33:03Declan Donnelly?

  With delight.

• 33:04Ant McPartlin?

  Oh my god, I'm so happy.

• 33:05Speaker 09

  One of those.

• 33:07Ant McPartlin?

  I love those. They're my favourite.

• 33:08Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 33:09Ant McPartlin?

  Right, next quote. What are you doing? You blew my pants off. I think you said this when we done, um, Saturday Night Take with Disney and then the balloon popped and you had your underpants halfway, or your shorts halfway down your legs.

• 33:22Declan Donnelly?

  Could be that.

• 33:22Ant McPartlin?

  I'm gonna say Deck.

• 33:23Speaker 09

  Okay.

• 33:24Ant McPartlin?

  Jack, so what are you talking about?

• 33:25Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 33:25Ant McPartlin?

  Jack, so I don't know any of this context, but I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go with Deck as well.

• 33:30Declan Donnelly?

  I'm gonna go with Ant just because.

• 33:31Ant McPartlin?

  I had Disneyland pants down your ankles.

• 33:33Speaker 09

  Pants down at Disneyland. That was like, wow, okay. That's why, that's why you started a podcast.

• 33:40Speaker 09

  The cancellation is imminent, eh?

• 33:44Declan Donnelly?

  I'm going with Ant.

• 33:45Speaker 10

  The answer is Deck.

• 33:46Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, it was me.

• 33:48Ant McPartlin?

  At Disneyland.

• 33:48Declan Donnelly?

  Was it the balloon?

• 33:50Ant McPartlin?

  We, we had balloons around our body and we had to answer questions and if you got a question wrong, a, a pin got closer to the balloon. And if your balloon was popped, then you lost.

• 33:59Speaker 09

  And you would, you were naked underneath the balloons?

• 34:01Ant McPartlin?

  No, we weren't. We had shorts on, but Deck decided in the middle of Disneyland to pop me shorts down.

• 34:05Speaker 09

  Wow, that is such a high stakes game.

• 34:08Ant McPartlin?

  It is really high stakes.

• 34:09Speaker 10

  That is insane.

• 34:09Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 34:10Ant McPartlin?

  Well, I'm being blacked in.

• 34:11Declan Donnelly?

  I knew I'd lost the challenge, so I thought the only way I can pull focus here, um, is to drop my shorts. I didn't, I didn't drop my pants, I just dropped my shorts.

• 34:18Speaker 09

  Just your shorts, okay, yeah.

• 34:20Ant McPartlin?

  Next quote.

• 34:20Declan Donnelly?

  If I'm with someone that complains in a restaurant, I die inside. This sounds like Jack Whitehall.

• 34:26Speaker 09

  Hmm. I think this is from a routine I did.

• 34:29Ant McPartlin?

  Okay.

• 34:29Speaker 09

  About complaining in restaurants.

• 34:32Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 34:32Speaker 09

  How hard I find it to say anything if I don't like my food.

• 34:36Declan Donnelly?

  But I think that's quite a British thing. I'm like that. I had, I went out the other night with some friends. We had been for a, a nice meal down the pub.

• 34:43Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 34:44Declan Donnelly?

  Got one of the specials. It sounded amazing. It was awful. But obviously when they came along, so does everything alright with the meal? Yes, it was delicious. Thank you.

• 34:51Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm, I'm the same. But I do, I do like a moan, but I will moan right up until the second that the waiter has appeared at the table to ask me if it's okay.

• 35:03Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 35:03Speaker 09

  So like in the like, I will be like going to town and I'll be like, oh my, this is the worst dinner I've ever had. There's a literally pub on my plate. There's a pub right there, multiple pubs. My, my steak has a fringe and he's come to get me a steak knife. He might as well get me a bloody cut. Yes, it's absolutely fine.

• 35:21Speaker 09

  Compliments to the barber.

• 35:24Declan Donnelly?

  It's very British, isn't it?

• 35:25Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah. And then just, you can't, you can't send anything back. You can't.

• 35:28Ant McPartlin?

  We're all saying Jack.

• 35:29Speaker 10

  It is Jack.

• 35:30Ant McPartlin?

  It is Jack.

• 35:30Speaker 09

  It is me.

• 35:31Declan Donnelly?

  How did he grow such a luscious tash?

• 35:34Ant McPartlin?

  Harry Styles has got a very strong moustache. It's gotta be you.

• 35:37Speaker 09

  No, he's.

• 35:38Ant McPartlin?

  He's got a good tash now.

• 35:39Speaker 09

  Is he? I think it's more of a sort of suggestion of a moustache.

• 35:43Ant McPartlin?

  A bum, bum floppy moment.

• 35:45Speaker 09

  Yeah. I love Harry and I, you know, won't hear a bad word said against him, but I would say that in that department is maybe not like.

• 35:52Ant McPartlin?

  He's lacking.

• 35:53Speaker 09

  His, yeah.

• 35:55Declan Donnelly?

  That's a brave move in a podcast, that.

• 35:56Speaker 09

  Yeah, I don't know what that was.

• 35:58Declan Donnelly?

  Cut that out.

• 35:59Speaker 09

  Yeah, cut that out. Cut that out. He's got a lovely tash. He's luscious.

• 36:02Ant McPartlin?

  We cut that up. We just keep putting it out.

• 36:04Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:06Ant McPartlin?

  I said, it was me. Don't know why. I've got no context for it. I just haven't said anything.

• 36:10Speaker 10

  Who are you voting for?

• 36:11Declan Donnelly?

  Ant.

• 36:12Speaker 10

  Ant, ant. Jack, are you on?

• 36:14Speaker 09

  Ant.

• 36:15Speaker 10

  It's Dec.

• 36:16Declan Donnelly?

  Did I say that?

• 36:17Ant McPartlin?

  About who?

• 36:17Speaker 10

  About Harry Styles.

• 36:18Ant McPartlin?

  About Harry Styles.

• 36:19Declan Donnelly?

  This is not going to end well. I can already tell. Did I just say that? Did I just say that about this podcast?

• 36:28Ant McPartlin?

  I mean, I'm sure we've all said that at some stage in our careers about many projects we've worked on. So we're all correct. Punish, punish, punish. Give me, give me, give me, yeah.

• 36:38Speaker 09

  I feel like this was probably said when you were stood naked in a balloon in the children's theme park. With a pin hovering next to you.

• 36:47Ant McPartlin?

  Internally, you said that a lot.

• 36:48Speaker 09

  Yeah, I've always been saying that over and over again to the producers.

• 36:53Declan Donnelly?

  I've like teased on my shorts in Disneyland.

• 37:00Declan Donnelly?

  I'm going to say Jack. Any one of us could have said this.

• 37:05Speaker 09

  I'll say Ant.

• 37:05Ant McPartlin?

  I'll say Jack.

• 37:07Speaker 10

  It's Ant.

• 37:08Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, well done.

• 37:09Declan Donnelly?

  What was it about?

• 37:10Speaker 10

  Armistice Lab.

• 37:11Speaker 09

  Yeah, it feels very Armistice Lab.

• 37:13Ant McPartlin?

  What, as in just the whole series? Because it's been doing pretty well.

• 37:18Speaker 10

  Bush took a trial.

• 37:19Ant McPartlin?

  A Bush took a trial at some point in the series. Yeah, okay, fair enough. Next quote. I was laughing so much, I thought I was gonna pee myself. That's you, that is. You said pee.

• 37:31Speaker 09

  Have you ever been? You've been to one of my shows, right?

• 37:34Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 37:35Speaker 09

  Yeah, I remember. You came and I heard you saying this on the way out.

• 37:39Declan Donnelly?

  I didn't think this was on the poster.

• 37:40Speaker 09

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 37:41Declan Donnelly?

  I was laughing so much, I thought I was gonna pee myself, Declan Donnelly.

• 37:43Speaker 09

  Yeah. When was the last time you laughed so much, you thought you were gonna pee yourself?

• 37:47Declan Donnelly?

  I can tell you exactly, was in this very room when Ant took on the Guinness World Record for eating bananas, the most bananas in one minute.

• 37:57Ant McPartlin?

  The world record is eight bananas.

• 37:59Declan Donnelly?

  Guess how many he did?

• 38:00Ant McPartlin?

  Which I thought I would smash.

• 38:01Declan Donnelly?

  Guess how many he did in one minute?

• 38:03Ant McPartlin?

  How many?

• 38:04Declan Donnelly?

  One.

• 38:07Speaker 09

  But was he making eye contact with you? Because that, that is a contributing factor to how quickly you can eat a banana.

• 38:17Speaker 09

  It's very hard to eat a banana if you're making eye contact with another man.

• 38:23Ant McPartlin?

  That's so good.

• 38:24Declan Donnelly?

  That is true.

• 38:24Ant McPartlin?

  Ah, that's so good.

• 38:26Declan Donnelly?

  So I think that was my last time. I'm gonna say me.

• 38:28Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, I'll say him as well then.

• 38:29Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 38:30Speaker 10

  It's Ant.

• 38:31Ant McPartlin?

  Huh?

• 38:32Speaker 10

  It's you.

• 38:32Ant McPartlin?

  It's when I went to see Jack Whitehall. I was laughing so hard I peed myself. On Britain's Got Talent?

• 38:37Speaker 10

  On Britain's Got Talent in 2022.

• 38:39Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, 2022. Ah, funny year. That was a very funny year. Very funny year. I remember exactly.

• 38:44Declan Donnelly?

  I enjoy staring intensely at strangers whilst I eat bananas.

• 38:48Ant McPartlin?

  It was Jack Whitehall just said it. Jack Whitehall literally just said it. That was so quickly. Well done.

• 38:53Speaker 09

  It was incredible.

• 38:53Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, well done.

• 38:55Declan Donnelly?

  How did you type that fast?

• 38:56Ant McPartlin?

  And how did you get it in the italics so quickly?

• 38:59Declan Donnelly?

  Jack Whitehall.

• 38:59Ant McPartlin?

  Jack Whitehall.

• 39:00Declan Donnelly?

  I have said this.

• 39:02Speaker 10

  It is Jack Whitehall.

• 39:04Speaker 09

  He's such a creep now.

• 39:05Ant McPartlin?

  He's just regurgitating his old material on podcasts.

• 39:10Declan Donnelly?

  So Jack and Ant still in the lead.

• 39:12Speaker 09

  I want to come and break the Guinness World Record for the most bananas eaten whilst innocently staring at another man.

• 39:19Speaker 10

  Yeah, I'm not sure that is a wrong.

• 39:20Speaker 09

  How many bananas can you eat in public whilst staring at another man before getting beaten up? That's in its own record. Let's try and break that.

• 39:30Ant McPartlin?

  Try and break that.

• 39:31Speaker 09

  In Disneyland.

• 39:35Ant McPartlin?

  Wrapped in a balloon. Oh, God.

• 39:37Declan Donnelly?

  Is this the last quote?

• 39:38Speaker 10

  This is the last one.

• 39:38Declan Donnelly?

  The last quote of the day.

• 39:40Ant McPartlin?

  I'm sweating.

• 39:41Declan Donnelly?

  Harry Styles has shaved his hair off? Question mark. He looks fit with hair. He looked even fitter without it. Me, Jack.

• 39:48Ant McPartlin?

  Let me have said that.

• 39:49Speaker 09

  I mean, it feels quite me again.

• 39:51Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, it does feel like you.

• 39:52Speaker 09

  But I am a bit thirsty. With Harry, I really am. And historically have been a little, yeah, a little bit over eager.

• 40:02Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, okay.

• 40:02Speaker 09

  So it sounds like it's probably something I'd say.

• 40:06Declan Donnelly?

  I think it might be one of us.

• 40:08Speaker 09

  No.

• 40:09Ant McPartlin?

  Could be me, actually. Because I do find Harry Styles quite fit. He's a good looking man, isn't he?

• 40:13Speaker 09

  Great.

• 40:13Ant McPartlin?

  He is, isn't he? Oh, I'll say me. For the purposes of just being different, I'll say you're saying you.

• 40:18Speaker 09

  I think I've said it.

• 40:19Ant McPartlin?

  I'm saying me. Why don't you say you?

• 40:20Declan Donnelly?

  I'll say me, just for the crack.

• 40:23Speaker 10

  It is Ant.

• 40:24Ant McPartlin?

  Yay! Does that mean I've won?

• 40:28Ant McPartlin?

  What do I win?

• 40:29Declan Donnelly?

  Ant has won the quiz, well.

• 40:29Ant McPartlin?

  What do I win?

• 40:30Speaker 09

  Bring me my banana.

• 40:31Declan Donnelly?

  We've got.

• 40:32Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, yes, please. Now, sit right there and watch me eat it.

• 40:38Declan Donnelly?

  Look into my eyes. We've got a very special prize. I thought Jack was going to win this, so I got a prize more tailored to Jack.

• 40:46Speaker 09

  It's an Agra.

• 40:48Declan Donnelly?

  Jack is famously a big fan of eggs.

• 40:55Declan Donnelly?

  The same as me.

• 40:55Ant McPartlin?

  Really?

• 40:56Declan Donnelly?

  So.

• 40:57Ant McPartlin?

  You like, love eggs as well?

• 40:58Declan Donnelly?

  I mean, yeah, I like, I like eggs.

• 41:00Speaker 09

  I don't, again, I don't remember saying that I was a massive fan of eggs, but I'm clearly saying it somewhere and now it's going to be perpetuated.

• 41:06Declan Donnelly?

  Definitely on Google.

• 41:07Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 41:08Declan Donnelly?

  So today's prize is Hovde's Megs.

• 41:11Ant McPartlin?

  Wow, thank you very much.

• 41:12Speaker 09

  Yes.

• 41:12Ant McPartlin?

  Thank you so much for being on the podcast.

• 41:16Ant McPartlin?

  Thank you, thank you very much. Yes, have yourself.

• 41:18Declan Donnelly?

  Very kind of you.

• 41:20Ant McPartlin?

  Some verbs I'll tell you now, and you go on to next year.

• 41:23Speaker 09

  We're going on to next year.

• 41:24Ant McPartlin?

  Can we come and see it?

• 41:24Speaker 09

  Yes.

• 41:25Ant McPartlin?

  And I'll laugh so hard, I'll pee myself.

• 41:26Speaker 09

  Be yourself, yeah.

• 41:28Declan Donnelly?

  Tickets on sale now.

• 41:28Ant McPartlin?

  Just going to sit in the front row, eating bananas. And staring at you. We should do that, we should do that film ourselves. Yeah, we should, okay.

• 41:36Declan Donnelly?

  Tickets on sale now.

• 41:37Speaker 09

  You waddling in in your balloon and you with a banana.

• 41:43Declan Donnelly?

  Thanks for coming.

• 41:43Speaker 09

  Thank you.

• 41:44Declan Donnelly?

  Jack Whitehall.

• 41:45Speaker 09

  Thank you so much.

• 41:47Ant McPartlin?

  Now, there's a sofa out there if you're late enough.

• 41:51Declan Donnelly?

  That was nice, wasn't it?

• 41:52Ant McPartlin?

  What a lovely fella.

• 41:53Declan Donnelly?

  Isn't he lovely?

• 41:54Ant McPartlin?

  He is, isn't he?

• 41:55Declan Donnelly?

  It's good, good hair.

• 41:56Ant McPartlin?

  This is what it's like round your hairdressers.

• 41:57Declan Donnelly?

  This is what it's like in the hairdressers all the time.

• 41:58Ant McPartlin?

  Maybe that's where you can book guests from now on, just next time you get a haircut, just go, "You haven't been long, can you come in? Who else goes? David Gandy."

• 42:05Declan Donnelly?

  Gandy's there.

• 42:06Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, we'll always have him.

• 42:07Declan Donnelly?

  Niall.

• 42:07Ant McPartlin?

  Niall Horan?

• 42:08Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 42:08Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, we'll always have him.

• 42:09Declan Donnelly?

  He's in there.

• 42:10Ant McPartlin?

  How about us?

• 42:10Declan Donnelly?

  Matt Smith.

• 42:11Ant McPartlin?

  Matt Smith?

• 42:12Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 42:12Ant McPartlin?

  Doctor Who?

• 42:13Declan Donnelly?

  Doctor Who.

• 42:13Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, we'll have him.

• 42:14Declan Donnelly?

  All them.

• 42:15Ant McPartlin?

  Great, okay.

• 42:16Declan Donnelly?

  I'll book them all.

• 42:16Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, booking.

• 42:17Declan Donnelly?

  Coming up in the next few weeks.

• 42:18Ant McPartlin?

  Good.

• 42:18Declan Donnelly?

  Everybody. Maybe we'll get everybody here. Maybe if we get everybody here and I get Larry in, Larry King, and he can come in.

• 42:22Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, haircut live. It's like a night I'm on this morning. I love it.

• 42:27Declan Donnelly?

  Let's do that. Jack took his egg.

• 42:28Ant McPartlin?

  He did.

• 42:29Declan Donnelly?

  Which I'm quite disappointed at. I thought I was gonna have a full half dozen there. Because you don't want these, do you?

• 42:33Ant McPartlin?

  I don't want them, no. Don't like them. I'm intolerant to egg yolks.

• 42:37Declan Donnelly?

  Egg yolks?

• 42:38Ant McPartlin?

  Egg yolks.

• 42:39Declan Donnelly?

  Egg yolks.

• 42:39Ant McPartlin?

  Egg yolks, yes. Egg yolks. Egg yolks I love.

• 42:43Declan Donnelly?

  That's it for today.

• 42:45Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 42:45Declan Donnelly?

  We'll be back on Thursday with the main pod.

• 42:46Ant McPartlin?

  Fun, that. Really good fun. Well done. Well booked. Well booked.

• 42:50Declan Donnelly?

  We'll see you back here Thursday for the main pod. Until then.

• 42:52Ant McPartlin?

  Respect, guys.

• 42:53Declan Donnelly?

  Respect, guys. See ya. Take me eggs.

• 43:07Speaker 11

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• 43:40Speaker 01

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• 43:46Speaker 03

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• 43:47Speaker 01

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• 43:52Speaker 03

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• 44:07Speaker 05

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