Ant’s Urinal Disaster & Dec SPOTTED At Harry Styles

On this week’s pod, Ant has dropped ANOTHER item of clothing down the toilet and Dec’s been caught photobombing The Girl’s Bathroom event at Harry Styles concert Plus, the boys recreate THAT iconic scene from Byker Grove, one listener enlists their cat to help promote the pod, and another giant crisp nearly makes its way to the studio! As always we love to hear from you, so keep your correspondence coming to [email protected]. Be sure to sign off your email with the name you'd like us to use. If you'd rather we didn't mention your surname, simply leave it out. And if you'd like a full name shout out, throw the whole thing in there. By commenting on this channel you acknowledge that your comments and username may occasionally be featured, discussed or read out in our podcast, videos and social media content. ----- 00.00 - Coming Up 03.04 - Has Ant broken his spending ban?? 08.02 - Dec goes WILD in Greggs 09.58 - Dec SPOTTED at Harry Styles concert 13.30 - Your guerrilla marketing 15.38 - Dec’s Diary - the penultimate chapter 21.42 - Dec is ‘DEAD PLEASED’ for Let Loose 29.09 - It’s almost Tattoo Time 35.38 - Ant & Dec reenact THAT Byker Grove scene 37.46 - Ant & Dec spoons for spanking and soup-eating 46.20 - Agony Ant(ander) ---- Your personal data will be handled in accordance with applicable data protection laws and will only be retained for as long as is reasonably necessary for production, editorial, legal and compliance purposes. You can read more about our privacy policy at: ⁠https://www.mitrestudios.com/privacy-policy/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• 1:30Ant McPartlin?

  Coming up on the show, we look at your guerrilla marketing. That is genius.

• 1:35Declan Donnelly?

  Amazing.

• 1:36Ant McPartlin?

  Genius. We reenact that Biker Grove scene.

• 1:40Declan Donnelly?

  It goes, "Go, boy!" "He can't see, man!" We discover ourselves in spoon form.

• 1:47Ant McPartlin?

  But who's using their spoons for soup? And who's using their spoons for spanking? We come as a pair? Why on earth are you selling them singularly? It's the penultimate episode of Dex Diary.

• 1:58Declan Donnelly?

  I even thought about barricading myself into my room and going back to sleep. An aunt is thoroughly disappointed in your tattoos. Enjoy the show!

• 2:12Declan Donnelly?

  Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Hi, everybody. Hi. It's great to be back with you, in your eyes and your ears, if you're listening or you're watching. Welcome back to the hangout.

• 2:25Ant McPartlin?

  Welcome back to the hangout.

• 2:26Declan Donnelly?

  For another hanging out.

• 2:27Ant McPartlin?

  With me and him.

• 2:28Declan Donnelly?

  With him and me. Me and him, him and me.

• 2:30Ant McPartlin?

  And Dick.

• 2:31Declan Donnelly?

  It's great to be back.

• 2:32Ant McPartlin?

  It is good to be back. Good to see you all.

• 2:34Declan Donnelly?

  Missed you guys.

• 2:35Ant McPartlin?

  It's hot, right?

• 2:36Declan Donnelly?

  Oh my god, it's hot.

• 2:38Ant McPartlin?

  It's hot in England and play well. The World Cup's a dream. I am loving it. Are you watching all the games?

• 2:45Declan Donnelly?

  Uh, no, some of them are too late for me.

• 2:47Ant McPartlin?

  Too late for you, aren't they, Declan?

• 2:49Declan Donnelly?

  Too late for me. I've got little, small kiddies and they get up at 6 o'clock, 6.30, no matter what.

• 2:54Ant McPartlin?

  Same.

• 2:55Declan Donnelly?

  So if I've been up watching the footy all night, they don't care.

• 2:57Ant McPartlin?

  It's a shame, isn't it?

• 2:58Declan Donnelly?

  I know, I can't watch those late games. Like, I-

• 3:01Ant McPartlin?

  I just can't. Like, the 2 o'clock kick-off, it's like, no way.

• 3:03Declan Donnelly?

  No way, no way, man.

• 3:04Ant McPartlin?

  Like, sometimes when, you know the France game the other night?

• 3:07Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 3:08Ant McPartlin?

  Where there was a rain delay?

• 3:09Declan Donnelly?

  Yes.

• 3:09Ant McPartlin?

  I was really enjoying that.

• 3:10Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 3:11Ant McPartlin?

  And then the rain delay kicked in.

• 3:12Declan Donnelly?

  I was like, night, night.

• 3:13Ant McPartlin?

  Good night, guys. See you later.

• 3:15Declan Donnelly?

  Rain delay, rain delay, night, night.

• 3:16Ant McPartlin?

  Bye, World Cup.

• 3:17Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, can't do that.

• 3:18Ant McPartlin?

  I love it all.

• 3:18Declan Donnelly?

  It is fun, though. Um, we should say we are recording this the day of the next England game versus Ghana, so we are presuming the World Cup is still going well.

• 3:29Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, come on, England.

• 3:32Declan Donnelly?

  We have, we are, we presume-

• 3:34Ant McPartlin?

  We've had, well, we've seen one England game. They were superb in the second half of that first game. So we're hoping and presuming they've, they've done very well.

• 3:43Declan Donnelly?

  You're obviously in the future now, and you know how well England did.

• 3:46Ant McPartlin?

  So let us know.

• 3:46Declan Donnelly?

  Would you like to just make a little prediction here and now?

• 3:48Ant McPartlin?

  I predict 3-0 England.

• 3:50Declan Donnelly?

  Ooh. Wow. I was gonna say, I was gonna say 2-0 England.

• 3:57Ant McPartlin?

  Cool.

• 3:59Declan Donnelly?

  So there we go.

• 3:59Ant McPartlin?

  There we go.

• 4:00Declan Donnelly?

  Now you know.

• 4:00Ant McPartlin?

  Let's see who's the more, um, futuristic thinking.

• 4:04Declan Donnelly?

  Accurate?

• 4:05Ant McPartlin?

  Accurate, that's a good way of putting it. Yeah, accurate, accurate. Yeah.

• 4:08Declan Donnelly?

  Uh, we, we made both look very silly at those predictions, or one of us may have got it spot on.

• 4:12Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah. If so, if we get it spot on, then what do we win? Money from the other one.

• 4:18Declan Donnelly?

  Money, money from the future.

• 4:19Ant McPartlin?

  Money, money, money.

• 4:20Declan Donnelly?

  Money from future me?

• 4:22Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, money from future. Does that mean I'll never get paid? It's like, because the future you owes it me, not you.

• 4:29Declan Donnelly?

  Yes, it will always be the future me who owes you money. Speak to future me, it's nothing to do with me.

• 4:34Ant McPartlin?

  I've got a little update on my spending ban. It's, it's almost, it's, well.

• 4:40Declan Donnelly?

  Hang on.

• 4:41Ant McPartlin?

  Let, let me start with, what are you doing? What are you doing?

• 4:44Declan Donnelly?

  Do I need to get any bananas out for, for an award?

• 4:47Ant McPartlin?

  Keep, yeah, let, let me explain. So you know, you know, yesterday, we had a.

• 4:53Declan Donnelly?

  I don't know when that is, because this is like, now, two days ago.

• 4:56Ant McPartlin?

  No, no, genuinely yesterday, I saw you yesterday.

• 4:59Declan Donnelly?

  IRL.

• 5:00Ant McPartlin?

  Company away day, didn't we?

• 5:02Declan Donnelly?

  We did.

• 5:02Ant McPartlin?

  Our production company, Michael Studios, all of us got together, didn't we, gang? Did we have a fun time? Yeah, we did, actually. And anyway, just before the end, I left before you.

• 5:16Declan Donnelly?

  You did?

• 5:17Ant McPartlin?

  Right, a few of you stayed on for drinks. I left and I was like, I'm gonna go for a little wee wee before I, um, go. Went to the toilet, stupidly put my sunglasses on as I walked into the toilet out of, because I had my.

• 5:28Declan Donnelly?

  Because you didn't want to get recognised in the toilet.

• 5:30Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, that's what it was. I don't know why. Anyway, I put them on.

• 5:32Declan Donnelly?

  Being famous in the toilet.

• 5:33Ant McPartlin?

  And when I looked down to my Willy Wonk.

• 5:39Ant McPartlin?

  My sunglasses fell off my face into the urinal.

• 5:42Declan Donnelly?

  No.

• 5:43Ant McPartlin?

  So it kind of links back to what we talked about the other week, about what have you lost down a toilet? I mean, and they were in the urinal. So I rinsed them, uh, under the tap. And then I came back to say goodbye to all you guys and they were on my t-shirt.

• 5:59Ant McPartlin?

  So apologies if I smell.

• 6:00Declan Donnelly?

  I hugged you.

• 6:00Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, you all hugged me and kissed me. So anyway, I thought, they're a bit scratched, right? They're scratched on the front.

• 6:08Declan Donnelly?

  Scratched? That's the least you were required.

• 6:10Ant McPartlin?

  So I thought, right, I need to buy myself a new pair of sunglasses.

• 6:14Declan Donnelly?

  Right, can I just throw this open to everybody? Is that, is that a necessity?

• 6:18Ant McPartlin?

  Sunglasses, yes. What? Put them in the dishwasher. They're scratched. Yes, I've dealt with the wee. I rinsed them under the tap. That was fine. But they're scratched from falling into the toilet bowl. I don't think that. What do you mean you don't think that? Maybe when I've got scratched. Have you ever weeded in a Jen's toilet? Yeah. No, have you?

• 6:40Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, she has, definitely.

• 6:42Ant McPartlin?

  What, in the urinal?

• 6:43Declan Donnelly?

  Yep.

• 6:44Ant McPartlin?

  You've squatted down and used the urinal Fiona, have you?

• 6:47Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 6:48Ant McPartlin?

  No. Anyway.

• 6:49Declan Donnelly?

  I reckon she has.

• 6:50Ant McPartlin?

  They're scratched. Do you believe me or not?

• 6:53Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, I've got no reason not to believe you.

• 6:54Ant McPartlin?

  And in this summer, when with it being so sunny.

• 6:58Declan Donnelly?

  Thirty nine degrees.

• 6:59Ant McPartlin?

  I need a new pair of sunglasses. So I went to buy a new pair of sunglasses.

• 7:04Declan Donnelly?

  You didn't waste any time spending, did you?

• 7:05Ant McPartlin?

  Let me finish the story.

• 7:09Ant McPartlin?

  On the way in today, just before I was getting to the podcast studio.

• 7:14Declan Donnelly?

  I know what happened. I know what happened.

• 7:17Ant McPartlin?

  My credit card, which was on me lap, because I was ordering it online, slid off me leg down the side of the chair. And the chair is like a proper.

• 7:28Declan Donnelly?

  It's like an aircraft chair.

• 7:29Ant McPartlin?

  It is. It's a proper recliner. So it's got all the gubbins, all the electrical wires and all that. So you can't lift the chair up and get it out. So it's gone.

• 7:36Declan Donnelly?

  It's gone.

• 7:37Ant McPartlin?

  Me credit card's gone. So.

• 7:39Declan Donnelly?

  I, I, I can see, I've been in the car, because Joe, our trusted driver, is outside with a ruler and with a, with gaffer tape to the end. He's trying to, he's trying to stick it onto the car to fish it out. It's not coming out.

• 7:54Ant McPartlin?

  It's not, is it? And you can't get out. You can't get to it from the bottom.

• 7:57Declan Donnelly?

  I tried to even put my little girly fingers in and I can't get it.

• 8:00Ant McPartlin?

  You can't get it from the other side because it's against the wall.

• 8:02Declan Donnelly?

  No.

• 8:04Ant McPartlin?

  That's it. It's gone. It's gone.

• 8:06Declan Donnelly?

  You're gonna have to take the car to the shop, bleep the car against the port of the.

• 8:13Ant McPartlin?

  And the place I was buying the sunglasses from wouldn't let me do Apple Pay, which was just credit card. So I think maybe it's a sign. Maybe it's a sign that, come on, Auntie, we're so close to the summer.

• 8:24Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 8:25Ant McPartlin?

  You've only got a few weeks now until you go on your summer holidays, when you can spend.

• 8:29Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 8:29Ant McPartlin?

  And keep going.

• 8:31Declan Donnelly?

  And also, it's tough though, because they were the only sunglasses you own.

• 8:34Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, no, no, I've got lots of sunglasses.

• 8:36Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. I'm being sarcastic.

• 8:38Ant McPartlin?

  I know you are.

• 8:38Declan Donnelly?

  You've got tons of sunglasses.

• 8:40Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, they're all a little bit scratched.

• 8:41Declan Donnelly?

  You've got more sunglasses than Elton John.

• 8:44Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, pretty, probably have. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm not buying any sunglasses.

• 8:48Declan Donnelly?

  So I think that does deserve a banana.

• 8:50Ant McPartlin?

  Thank you.

• 8:50Declan Donnelly?

  Even though it was an enforced, um, uh.

• 8:56Ant McPartlin?

  Whoa, that was rubbish!

• 8:57Declan Donnelly?

  It was an enforced purchase, that didn't happen, so.

• 9:02Ant McPartlin?

  Right, I'm gonna count out the bananas for you now. Live on air. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine bananas. That's nine weeks of not buying myself any clothes, any sunglasses, any trainers.

• 9:20Declan Donnelly?

  Well done you.

• 9:21Ant McPartlin?

  For those of you just listening and patting myself on the back.

• 9:24Declan Donnelly?

  And more excitingly, that is a nine pound voucher that you just earned.

• 9:29Ant McPartlin?

  What can I buy for nine pounds?

• 9:30Declan Donnelly?

  I, uh, I was on a flight the other day.

• 9:33Ant McPartlin?

  Good for you!

• 9:36Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, go on, carry on.

• 9:37Declan Donnelly?

  And the flight was delayed coming in.

• 9:39Ant McPartlin?

  Yep.

• 9:40Declan Donnelly?

  So they didn't have time to put any food on board, so we took off. And they came round with a basket full of like popcorn and lint chocolates.

• 9:49Ant McPartlin?

  Oh yeah.

• 9:49Declan Donnelly?

  You know, the little balls.

• 9:50Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 9:50Declan Donnelly?

  I'm terribly sorry, there's no catering on board today, there's no food or drinks. But if you check your email, when you get off, you will have a voucher to spend on food.

• 9:59Ant McPartlin?

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:00Declan Donnelly?

  I'm like, oh, okay. So I land, voucher pops up, twenty pounds to spend. So I land in Newcastle Airport, I was planning back home to Newcastle, land Newcastle Airport. The biggest food outlet in Newcastle Airport is Greg's.

• 10:15Ant McPartlin?

  Obbs, which we love.

• 10:16Declan Donnelly?

  Have you ever tried to spend twenty pounds in Greg's?

• 10:19Ant McPartlin?

  You can't!

• 10:20Declan Donnelly?

  I was laden, laden with sausage rolls, chicken bakes.

• 10:25Ant McPartlin?

  Quavers.

• 10:26Declan Donnelly?

  Cookies, quavers.

• 10:27Ant McPartlin?

  Quavers, Oasis, food drinks.

• 10:30Declan Donnelly?

  And I got a sandwich, I got a drink, I got some crisps. That was a meal deal, so that was only like three quid, or whatever it was, so I was like, oh, I've still got loads of money to spend. Millionaire shortbreads, I bought a packet of them.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  Yum yum.

• 10:43Declan Donnelly?

  Cookies didn't get a yum yum.

• 10:45Ant McPartlin?

  Do you not like yum yums?

• 10:46Declan Donnelly?

  I just didn't see them.

• 10:47Ant McPartlin?

  Ah.

• 10:47Declan Donnelly?

  Didn't see, I just was.

• 10:48Ant McPartlin?

  They're normally on the way to the till, you'll normally see them while you're there.

• 10:50Declan Donnelly?

  Have they?

• 10:51Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 10:52Declan Donnelly?

  I was like, one of those, one of those, one of those. Even got a chicken sausage roll.

• 10:56Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, what? I didn't know they did that.

• 10:58Declan Donnelly?

  They do chicken sausage rolls.

• 10:59Ant McPartlin?

  Was it good?

• 11:00Declan Donnelly?

  Just stick to the normal one.

• 11:01Ant McPartlin?

  Really?

• 11:02Declan Donnelly?

  I wouldn't bother.

• 11:02Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 11:03Declan Donnelly?

  It's also the look of it, it looks a bit anemic when you bite into it.

• 11:05Ant McPartlin?

  It's like a chicken sausage.

• 11:07Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 11:07Ant McPartlin?

  When you go on holiday at the buffet, and we've got chicken sausages, no thank you.

• 11:11Declan Donnelly?

  No, why would you?

• 11:12Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, you wouldn't.

• 11:13Declan Donnelly?

  But yeah, so that was, um, that was my adventure in Greg's. It was quite fun actually, it was like, uh, it was like, um, like a super.

• 11:20Ant McPartlin?

  It's like a follow up to your diary, my adventures in Greg's.

• 11:27Declan Donnelly?

  I had a very fun weekend though. I went to Wembley Stadium.

• 11:33Ant McPartlin?

  To see.

• 11:34Declan Donnelly?

  Mr. Harry Styles. What a gig. He's very good, isn't he?

• 11:39Ant McPartlin?

  He's good. We love him.

• 11:40Declan Donnelly?

  Do we all love him?

• 11:40Ant McPartlin?

  We like Harry on the pod, don't we? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:43Declan Donnelly?

  It's such a good show. And he did it all in brown trousers.

• 11:48Ant McPartlin?

  Did he?

• 11:49Declan Donnelly?

  A blue shirt and a yellow tie.

• 11:50Ant McPartlin?

  Good for him.

• 11:51Declan Donnelly?

  No, he didn't get the shorts. He had brown trousers on. I thought we were gonna get a costume change halfway through. We didn't get it. He stayed with the geography supply teacher look all the way through.

• 12:01Ant McPartlin?

  Did he?

• 12:01Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah. But he pours it off, doesn't he?

• 12:03Ant McPartlin?

  He does. He's very good.

• 12:05Declan Donnelly?

  He's so good. But I was in a very swanky box watching it. And up the end, you know, I was in an executive box watching it. Next door.

• 12:17Ant McPartlin?

  I like that, where you looked around and everyone like, what do you expect? A round of applause?

• 12:20Declan Donnelly?

  That's how I roll. I'm just.

• 12:23Ant McPartlin?

  Well done. Well done. You got lots of money. Well done.

• 12:28Declan Donnelly?

  No, I'm just saying, I just, I watched it in luxury.

• 12:32Ant McPartlin?

  Again, again. Well done, guys. Well done.

• 12:36Declan Donnelly?

  Next door to me.

• 12:37Ant McPartlin?

  Did you get food in this box?

• 12:38Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, I did.

• 12:39Ant McPartlin?

  Well done, well done, well done, well done.

• 12:42Declan Donnelly?

  I had some sushi while I was there.

• 12:48Declan Donnelly?

  Next door was, in the box, was another podcast.

• 12:54Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, really? Who?

• 12:57Declan Donnelly?

  The Girls Bathroom.

• 12:58Ant McPartlin?

  Ah, yeah, I've heard of them.

• 13:01Declan Donnelly?

  And I have to say, they were delightful.

• 13:03Ant McPartlin?

  Were they?

• 13:03Declan Donnelly?

  They were really, really sweet girls. And they'd done this thing, which we should have thought of this. They ran a competition on that podcast, and all the competition winners got to come with them to the box and watch the Harry Styles gig.

• 13:15Ant McPartlin?

  Clever.

• 13:16Declan Donnelly?

  Which was very nice of them to do that. It did mean I was watching Harry Styles in a, next to a box full of competition winners.

• 13:22Ant McPartlin?

  Ah, yeah.

• 13:23Declan Donnelly?

  Who were all filming the show and themselves on TikTok.

• 13:27Ant McPartlin?

  Right.

• 13:27Declan Donnelly?

  So inadvertently, there is videos of me on TikTok dancing to Harry Styles in Wembley on Saturday night. Have you seen them?

• 13:34Ant McPartlin?

  Have you?

• 13:35Declan Donnelly?

  I'm quite a good mover, aren't I?

• 13:37Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, yes, we've also been to Portugal.

• 13:40Declan Donnelly?

  Where you'll have seen, if you've checked out our socials, we got on the plane and checked to see if there was a row 13 on our plane.

• 13:47Ant McPartlin?

  There was.

• 13:48Declan Donnelly?

  Check out our socials if you haven't seen the video.

• 13:50Ant McPartlin?

  But Andy Peters of Good Morning Britain fame, all the competitions on ITV fame.

• 13:57Declan Donnelly?

  The king of competitions.

• 13:58Ant McPartlin?

  He got in touch after he saw our socials and he was like, you're, you're very right, British Airways does have a row 13, however.

• 14:06Declan Donnelly?

  However.

• 14:07Ant McPartlin?

  He knows for a fact that a lot of the American airlines don't.

• 14:12Declan Donnelly?

  No, it is American Airlines.

• 14:13Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, American Airlines don't. They believe in the superstition, so they don't have a row 13.

• 14:19Declan Donnelly?

  So, yeah, we just went to Portugal to shoot Holy Moly, which will be on your screens some time, maybe next year. But yeah, as we told, we were tricked into hosting the show and then they revealed to us that our nights would be, would consist of starting filming at 10pm and finishing at four or five in the morning. First, first night, we're all quite giddy with excitement.

• 14:41Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, we're very excited. We're like, oh my God, this is brilliant. We're shooting it at night and it looks amazing. The show's really good. It's really funny. We had a real fun time doing it. The contestants are ace. It's, it's golf. It's golf. It's fun.

• 14:55Declan Donnelly?

  Extreme mini golf.

• 14:56Ant McPartlin?

  Everything that we love.

• 15:03Declan Donnelly?

  We've got a paper airplane flown in. That means.

• 15:06Ant McPartlin?

  Should have let me read it.

• 15:09Declan Donnelly?

  Hey, Ant and Dec.

• 15:10Ant McPartlin?

  Hey.

• 15:11Declan Donnelly?

  I was catching up on the podcast when I heard you talking about wanting people from East Anglia, Cumbria and other places to write in showing they are listening.

• 15:19Ant McPartlin?

  Yes.

• 15:19Declan Donnelly?

  So here I am.

• 15:21Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, good.

• 15:22Declan Donnelly?

  This is Amanda. Ipswich was specifically mentioned, which got me thinking, how could I show Ipswich that hanging out with Ant and Dec is the only podcast to listen to? After a lot of thought, I came up with my own creative idea of using my beautiful pussy.

• 15:37Ant McPartlin?

  What?

• 15:37Declan Donnelly?

  Named Rocky.

• 15:39Ant McPartlin?

  What?

• 15:40Declan Donnelly?

  Mm hmm. I had recently bought him a bow tie fucker for his only daily roam, as he's primarily an indoor cat.

• 15:48Ant McPartlin?

  Ah.

• 15:49Declan Donnelly?

  I then printed off your Hanging Out with Ant and Dec promo image and I stuck it over the emblem on the tracker. My thought process behind this was that cats are always stroked. So anyone who stopped to pet my cat or show him some attention would see the badge and hopefully start listening to the podcast. Pictures attached of two-year-old Rocky looking beautiful, wearing said badge.

• 16:09Ant McPartlin?

  That is genius.

• 16:11Declan Donnelly?

  Amazing.

• 16:12Ant McPartlin?

  Genius. So for those only listening, it's a rosette on the cat's collar and it's got, oh, Hanging Out with Ant and Dec picture on the rosette. So when they stroke them, they get to see that we've got a podcast.

• 16:25Declan Donnelly?

  That is incredible.

• 16:27Ant McPartlin?

  That is really good.

• 16:28Declan Donnelly?

  Amanda, well done.

• 16:30Ant McPartlin?

  Well done, Amanda. That is good.

• 16:32Declan Donnelly?

  Respect, guys, to you.

• 16:33Ant McPartlin?

  That is good guerrilla marketing.

• 16:35Declan Donnelly?

  East Anglia are listening, she says. Well, I am. And Rocky will continue to promote you.

• 16:40Ant McPartlin?

  Good. Thank you, Rocky. Any other pets out there that would like to promote the podcast, feel free. I mean, do that as well. That's very good. But you might have your own way of doing it.

• 16:50Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 16:50Ant McPartlin?

  Your own way of promoting the podcast. Please let us know. Get in touch. Send us pictures. Love that.

• 16:55Declan Donnelly?

  Um, Cumbria, you need to step up to the plate now.

• 16:57Ant McPartlin?

  Do they?

• 16:58Declan Donnelly?

  Yes. We asked for East Anglia and Cumbria. Um, so we've got East Anglia listening. Cumbria, it's over to you.

• 17:07Ant McPartlin?

  Well, the tiny old Yellow Pages are out on the desk once more. So that means it's tight and you're on the screen. Yes?

• 17:13Declan Donnelly?

  There's only two entries left.

• 17:14Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, you've done two like that?

• 17:15Declan Donnelly?

  Ah.

• 17:17Ant McPartlin?

  Not like that. Ah, he was joking with us.

• 17:19Declan Donnelly?

  There's only two entries left.

• 17:21Ant McPartlin?

  Uh, do we have a jingle? We do. This is from Noah.

• 17:25Speaker 05

  Dexterie is coming. It's kind of interesting. Dexterie is coming. It's coming and it's here. Dexterie is funny. You'll laugh until you're silly. Dexterie is funny. It's funny and it's here.

• 17:47Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, it's a bit bleak at the end, but I like it. It's like he's been listening to the doors.

• 17:51Declan Donnelly?

  It's quite scary, that.

• 17:52Ant McPartlin?

  It's quite scary. It's good. I like it.

• 17:54Declan Donnelly?

  Dexterie is coming. It's going to eat you up.

• 17:58Ant McPartlin?

  Is it a particularly scary episode?

• 18:00Declan Donnelly?

  No, it's not.

• 18:01Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, very nice.

• 18:01Declan Donnelly?

  But I mean, it's scary. We go to Hollow in Essex.

• 18:03Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, that is scary.

• 18:04Declan Donnelly?

  That's as scary as it gets, really. Ready for it?

• 18:07Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 18:08Declan Donnelly?

  I'll just find it then.

• 18:10Ant McPartlin?

  You just had it. Like, why would you shut it? Like, you've literally opened it and then you shut it to just talk. Nonsense.

• 18:17Declan Donnelly?

  Nineteenth of April, nineteen ninety-four. Day twenty-three of life on the road.

• 18:22Ant McPartlin?

  Huh.

• 18:23Declan Donnelly?

  Up at ten to nine.

• 18:24Ant McPartlin?

  Very specific time.

• 18:26Declan Donnelly?

  Out of the house at nine.

• 18:29Ant McPartlin?

  What?

• 18:29Declan Donnelly?

  I think I slept in.

• 18:30Ant McPartlin?

  Ten minutes to get ready?

• 18:33Declan Donnelly?

  I was totally shattered this morning, because I think, have I been-

• 18:36Ant McPartlin?

  Shattered?

• 18:37Declan Donnelly?

  Shatter- shattered.

• 18:41Ant McPartlin?

  Shattered.

• 18:42Declan Donnelly?

  That's because I was up late farting about with the camera, remember?

• 18:45Ant McPartlin?

  Oh yeah, of course.

• 18:45Declan Donnelly?

  Last week.

• 18:46Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 18:47Declan Donnelly?

  Totally shattered this morning.

• 18:49Ant McPartlin?

  Never did see those videos online, did we, thankfully?

• 18:51Declan Donnelly?

  Didn't.

• 18:51Ant McPartlin?

  You farted around with the camera later night.

• 18:54Declan Donnelly?

  I even thought about barricading myself into my room and going back to sleep. It's not very professional, is it?

• 18:59Ant McPartlin?

  It's not. We did do that once, though. We did, we just refused to get up. It won't be in the diary, because this was about a year later, I think.

• 19:07Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 19:08Ant McPartlin?

  We just, we didn't answer the door. And then-

• 19:10Declan Donnelly?

  We were in a flat, we shared a flat.

• 19:11Ant McPartlin?

  We shared a flat in Fulham, and eventually the road manager came in and was like shaking the bottom of my bed, so I had to get out of bed. So I got out of bed, I was moving around like a typical angry teenager, and Derek went, "Well, I'll have a shower then", and then turned the shower on, we could hear the shower going, and he was in there for ages. Turns out, he turned the shower on and laid down and put the bath mat over him like a blanket, and went back to sleep!

• 19:39Declan Donnelly?

  That is. We travelled to Covent Garden for a photo shoot for Gimme Five.

• 19:45Ant McPartlin?

  Really?

• 19:45Declan Donnelly?

  Do you remember this now?

• 19:46Ant McPartlin?

  No, I don't.

• 19:46Declan Donnelly?

  Gimme Five, do you remember Gimme Five? You won't remember Gimme Five. Gimme Five was Saturday morning show on ITV in the summer, when What's Up Doc comes off air. What's Up Doc came off air, Gimme Five started from like Easter through till September, through the summer holidays.

• 20:05Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 20:06Declan Donnelly?

  And we were going to be regular guests on Gimme Five for that summer.

• 20:12Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 20:12Declan Donnelly?

  True?

• 20:12Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, no, that's true. I thought you were going to give us more info.

• 20:15Declan Donnelly?

  The lovely Jenny Powell was there. Hello!

• 20:22Declan Donnelly?

  And all the others.

• 20:24Declan Donnelly?

  Back to Kent after a little detour and to the Barbers for Ant.

• 20:29Ant McPartlin?

  Really?

• 20:30Declan Donnelly?

  In brackets. Oh no.

• 20:32Ant McPartlin?

  Oh no.

• 20:33Declan Donnelly?

  It must have been bad.

• 20:34Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, it must have been very bad. I didn't really get my hair cut too often, did I? I used to wear caps all the time, so it must have been very bad.

• 20:40Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah. Then travelled to Harlow in Essex to play the High Wire, High Wire Club. High Wire in Harlow, is that the club?

• 20:47Speaker 04

  High Wire in Harlow.

• 20:48Declan Donnelly?

  With Darren, our road manager, and let loose with it.

• 20:51Ant McPartlin?

  Ah, I think I remember this gig.

• 20:53Declan Donnelly?

  They did a gig with us and picked up best newcomer award in the Nickelodeon Awards.

• 20:58Ant McPartlin?

  Ah, good for them.

• 21:00Declan Donnelly?

  Dead pleased for them.

• 21:02Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, that's nice of you. Oh, what a lovely thing to say. There's not an ounce of jealousy. I'm not being sarcastic, there's not though, because you could have been quite jealous.

• 21:12Declan Donnelly?

  I could have been, yeah.

• 21:12Ant McPartlin?

  Well, you know, we should have been very jealous, really.

• 21:15Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 21:15Ant McPartlin?

  We weren't getting this kind of chart success or awards or anything.

• 21:19Declan Donnelly?

  Well, we were number 27 in the charts by this point.

• 21:21Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 21:22Declan Donnelly?

  Uh, travelled back to Kent, ate, drank and was merry. Now though, it's time to sleep.

• 21:29Ant McPartlin?

  Okay, with your camera?

• 21:31Declan Donnelly?

  No farting about with the cameras.

• 21:32Ant McPartlin?

  No, too drunk.

• 21:34Declan Donnelly?

  Too drunk.

• 21:34Ant McPartlin?

  Too merry, too merry.

• 21:35Declan Donnelly?

  And then next week.

• 21:37Ant McPartlin?

  Is it the last one?

• 21:38Declan Donnelly?

  Is the last one, day 24. The 20th of April, 1994 is the last entry into the diary.

• 21:47Ant McPartlin?

  I, I noticed in this entry, you weren't very specific about the girls or the crowds.

• 21:53Declan Donnelly?

  No.

• 21:53Ant McPartlin?

  All the stages.

• 21:54Declan Donnelly?

  No.

• 21:54Ant McPartlin?

  Do you remember what in early days, if you go back to your early entries in the diary, you talked about the girls screaming a lot.

• 22:01Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 22:01Ant McPartlin?

  About whether they had a stage or didn't have a stage and crash barriers.

• 22:04Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 22:05Ant McPartlin?

  That was a big thing for you. Health and safety was a big thing for you at our gigs.

• 22:10Declan Donnelly?

  Both for the audience and for us.

• 22:11Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, exactly. Uh, but you, you seem less bothered about it.

• 22:14Declan Donnelly?

  I think High Wire was just very well run.

• 22:17Ant McPartlin?

  Well, yeah, must have been.

• 22:18Declan Donnelly?

  Nothing to pass. I, I should have said that probably.

• 22:20Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, very well run. Can I read that? Can I look at it myself to see if I reckon your handwriting is?

• 22:27Declan Donnelly?

  Jealous.

• 22:28Ant McPartlin?

  Jealous.

• 22:31Ant McPartlin?

  Let us have a go. Picked up best newcomer award, dead pleased for them. Hmm.

• 22:38Speaker 04

  That sounds pretty gritty too.

• 22:40Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, yeah. Now I read it, the D and the dead, because it's a new sentence, is not with a capital D. It's like dead pleased for them. Yeah, it's balder, it's balder ink.

• 22:55Ant McPartlin?

  No, but there's a lot of dots all over, so maybe I think he stabbed in the diary entry with his pen afterwards.

• 23:01Declan Donnelly?

  I think I was just pleased for them.

• 23:02Ant McPartlin?

  Nah, dead pleased for them. Dead pleased for them.

• 23:07Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, I'm dead pleased for you.

• 23:10Ant McPartlin?

  Couldn't be happier. Yeah, just read that, that second half and, and with you being. It's like that trend on TikTok, sarcastic and supportive. Have you seen it?

• 23:20Declan Donnelly?

  No.

• 23:20Speaker 06

  Do it in a flirty way.

• 23:22Ant McPartlin?

  Shall we do it? Shall we do it? Right, well, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. So you have to read dead pleased for them.

• 23:27Declan Donnelly?

  Right.

• 23:27Ant McPartlin?

  Right?

• 23:27Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 23:28Ant McPartlin?

  But first of all, do it in a supportive way.

• 23:31Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, right. Okay.

• 23:32Ant McPartlin?

  Say it supportively.

• 23:34Declan Donnelly?

  I'm dead pleased for you.

• 23:35Ant McPartlin?

  That's good.

• 23:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, yeah.

• 23:37Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 23:38Ant McPartlin?

  What's the next one?

• 23:39Speaker 06

  Um, disappointed.

• 23:40Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 23:42Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, how can I be dead pleased disappointed? Hang on. Oh, I'm dead pleased for you.

• 23:49Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 23:51Ant McPartlin?

  I didn't get disappointed.

• 23:52Declan Donnelly?

  I was disappointed.

• 23:53Ant McPartlin?

  Didn't get disappointed for that. Angry.

• 23:55Declan Donnelly?

  Angry.

• 23:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm really angry.

• 23:57Declan Donnelly?

  I'm dead pleased for you.

• 23:59Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, that's good. That's good. And now flirty.

• 24:04Ant McPartlin?

  He had a little smile to himself. He had a little micro smile like, I'm gonna flirt with you guys. I'm gonna flirt with all of you right now.

• 24:13Declan Donnelly?

  Warning, viewer discretion is required.

• 24:19Ant McPartlin?

  I can't, I can't, I can't. I'm watching your parents kiss. I can't, I can't look. Don't look at him. Just let me do it, but don't look at him. Don't look at him.

• 24:32Declan Donnelly?

  I'm dead pleased for you.

• 24:34Ant McPartlin?

  I just heard it. I didn't even actually see it. Oh, God.

• 24:40Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, God. They've all got the pieces over there. Look at them. Look at them. They've melted.

• 24:45Ant McPartlin?

  No, I don't think it's that. Disgusted is, is the word. It ends in E D, but it's not melted.

• 24:55Declan Donnelly?

  Right, that's it for this week. We'll be back with the final installment next week.

• 24:59Ant McPartlin?

  Let's make it a big one.

• 25:00Speaker 04

  That's a big deal.

• 25:01Ant McPartlin?

  It's a big deal.

• 25:01Speaker 04

  What should we do for it?

• 25:03Ant McPartlin?

  Let's pick it up, Jamara. Let's put some thought into this. Let's produce this up. Obviously, it's gonna be a big entry. It's gonna be a long entry.

• 25:10Declan Donnelly?

  It's half a page.

• 25:10Ant McPartlin?

  No, but it's worth it though. It's the last entry. It's gonna end, might end on a cliffhanger. What's gonna happen? What's gonna happen to PJ Dungan?

• 25:18Declan Donnelly?

  I don't wanna over.

• 25:18Ant McPartlin?

  You're dying to know.

• 25:19Declan Donnelly?

  I don't wanna over egg it though.

• 25:20Ant McPartlin?

  No, you're not over egg it. You're not over egg anything. We should, let's go big. We'll go big.

• 25:23Speaker 04

  Go big or go home.

• 25:24Ant McPartlin?

  Yay!

• 25:28Ant McPartlin?

  This next bit is an advert for Gemini, Google's AI app. You wanted to talk about something. What do you wanna talk about?

• 25:34Declan Donnelly?

  I'm very much enjoying this, um, festival of football we're having this summer. But I thought, what I wanna try and do is, um, have food from around the world.

• 25:46Ant McPartlin?

  Oh God, and you're cooking?

• 25:48Declan Donnelly?

  And I'm, well, I'm gonna try and cook. So I thought I could use Gemini to help me out to.

• 25:54Ant McPartlin?

  That, okay.

• 25:55Declan Donnelly?

  To make.

• 25:55Ant McPartlin?

  All right.

• 25:56Declan Donnelly?

  A Mexican banquet.

• 25:57Ant McPartlin?

  Okay. I love Mexican food.

• 25:59Declan Donnelly?

  Can't be that difficult.

• 26:00Ant McPartlin?

  Hmm, it can.

• 26:02Declan Donnelly?

  Well, let's find out. Gemini, I would like to cook my family a Mexican banquet to eat while we're watching the football. Vegetarian options would be good, uh, and maybe something kinda buffet style, so we can pick at it. We love a buffet. Um, and I've only got, uh, an hour to prepare it.

• 26:25Declan Donnelly?

  Here we go.

• 26:25Ant McPartlin?

  Right, go on.

• 26:26Declan Donnelly?

  Gemini says, "An hour is a tight window for a full banquet, but you can absolutely pull off an epic stadium-ready Mexican spread if we lean heavily into a build-your-own taco and nacho bar."

• 26:37Ant McPartlin?

  Oh my God, that sounds good.

• 26:39Declan Donnelly?

  What a great idea.

• 26:39Ant McPartlin?

  Build your own taco and nacho bar?

• 26:41Declan Donnelly?

  So, uh, first 15 minutes.

• 26:44Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 26:44Declan Donnelly?

  Do your proteins.

• 26:45Ant McPartlin?

  Right.

• 26:45Declan Donnelly?

  Brown the minced beef with taco seasoning in one pan.

• 26:48Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 26:48Declan Donnelly?

  And another simmer, a can of drained black beans with cumin and garlic powder.

• 26:53Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, yeah, cool.

• 26:54Declan Donnelly?

  Minutes 15 to 30, the centerpiece. Spread tortilla chips on large bacon tray.

• 26:59Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:59Declan Donnelly?

  Top with the black beans, a tin of sweet corn, plenty of grated cheese, bake at 200 degrees. Five to eight minutes until melted. Brilliant. Minutes thirty to forty five.

• 27:08Ant McPartlin?

  Yep.

• 27:08Declan Donnelly?

  Shred iceberg lettuce, diced tomatoes and cut lime wedges, spoon sour cream, jarred salsa and storeboard guac into serving bowls.

• 27:15Ant McPartlin?

  Guac, why you say guac like guac?

• 27:17Declan Donnelly?

  I don't know. Uh, minutes forty five to sixty. Warm your mini flour tortillas in the microwave, let everything out buffet style, so the family can build their own tacos and nachos.

• 27:27Ant McPartlin?

  Can I come?

• 27:29Declan Donnelly?

  Yes. That means I have to extend what I'm eating.

• 27:32Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, go on.

• 27:33Declan Donnelly?

  Gemini, um, I am now inviting a friend, um, actually who is lactose free. Hit me. Easily done, says Gemini. A Mexican buffet is actually one of the friendliest setups for dietary restrictions because everything stays separated until it hits the plate.

• 27:50Ant McPartlin?

  Great.

• 27:51Declan Donnelly?

  Amazing.

• 27:51Ant McPartlin?

  Can my lot come?

• 27:53Declan Donnelly?

  What?

• 27:53Ant McPartlin?

  Can I bring my lot? It sounds good. Well, get the kids together, get the wives together, they can all chat, they can play, we can watch the football. Uh, you like me thinking now, don't you?

• 28:02Declan Donnelly?

  Uh, Gemini, I'm now cooking for a lot more people. I'm cooking for eight as opposed to a family of four. Um, will I need to prepare something else, do you think? Gemini says, you don't need to cook a brand new dish.

• 28:14Ant McPartlin?

  Right.

• 28:15Declan Donnelly?

  But you do need to bulk up the volume.

• 28:16Ant McPartlin?

  Yes.

• 28:17Declan Donnelly?

  So people aren't fighting over the last taco.

• 28:18Ant McPartlin?

  Agreed, and I like to eat.

• 28:20Declan Donnelly?

  Here are three quick ways to double your feast.

• 28:21Ant McPartlin?

  Hmm.

• 28:22Declan Donnelly?

  The two minute rice trick. Buy two or three pouches of microwave Mexican or spicy rice. Bulk it out with rice. It's a good idea.

• 28:31Declan Donnelly?

  Bulk out your beef with veggies. And number three, double the scoopers.

• 28:35Ant McPartlin?

  What?

• 28:36Declan Donnelly?

  Buy an extra two bags of tortilla chips.

• 28:38Ant McPartlin?

  I guess.

• 28:39Declan Donnelly?

  It means everybody.

• 28:40Ant McPartlin?

  Scoopers, okay.

• 28:41Declan Donnelly?

  That's good. Great, we're on.

• 28:43Ant McPartlin?

  Don't make it too spicy for the kids though.

• 28:44Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, are you kidding me?

• 28:46Ant McPartlin?

  Just say not too spicy.

• 28:48Declan Donnelly?

  Gemini, um, we've got kids attending, um, what's the fastest emergency trick to cool down, to despice my food, to cool it down, please?

• 28:59Ant McPartlin?

  I bet it's yogurt or cream.

• 29:00Declan Donnelly?

  Gemini says, three quick fixes.

• 29:03Ant McPartlin?

  Yogurt.

• 29:03Declan Donnelly?

  Squeeze in some lime juice, juice or a splash of vinegar.

• 29:06Ant McPartlin?

  Is that what they do, why they put lime on there?

• 29:08Declan Donnelly?

  Acid neutralizes the fiery capsicum compounds instantly. Great.

• 29:13Ant McPartlin?

  That's Gemini, that's good.

• 29:14Declan Donnelly?

  Add sweetness. Stir in half a teaspoon of sugar, honey or tomato puree. Sugar absorbs the heat and tricks your tongue.

• 29:22Ant McPartlin?

  Ah, and cream?

• 29:25Declan Donnelly?

  And.

• 29:25Ant McPartlin?

  Sour cream?

• 29:26Declan Donnelly?

  Here we go.

• 29:27Ant McPartlin?

  Cream.

• 29:27Declan Donnelly?

  Dilute it. Toss it in a can of drained sweet corn or kidney beans. Note.

• 29:32Ant McPartlin?

  Do not.

• 29:33Declan Donnelly?

  Avoid using sour cream or butter to cook on the food.

• 29:36Ant McPartlin?

  Shut up, it doesn't say that.

• 29:37Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, because the dishes will not stay completely safe for your lactose free friend. Ah ha, you've shot yourself in the foot.

• 29:46Declan Donnelly?

  Foolproof.

• 29:46Ant McPartlin?

  Uh, do you want me to pick up any shopping when I come to yours?

• 29:49Declan Donnelly?

  Yes, please.

• 29:50Ant McPartlin?

  You're doing a lot of the work here, so I'll happily pick some stuff up.

• 29:53Declan Donnelly?

  If you could pick up the shop, I'll do you. In fact.

• 29:54Ant McPartlin?

  All the shopping?

• 29:55Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, all of it, that'd be great, thanks. Gemini, can you give me a shopping list so, uh, we can get, so Anne can get the shopping on the way around to my house, please?

• 30:03Ant McPartlin?

  Mmm.

• 30:04Declan Donnelly?

  Gemini says, here's your consolidated eight person shopping list.

• 30:07Ant McPartlin?

  Thank you, let me see.

• 30:08Declan Donnelly?

  Over to you.

• 30:09Ant McPartlin?

  Right, I'll start the supermarket then, go halfers?

• 30:11Declan Donnelly?

  I'll slip you a tenner. With Gemini, you can chat live with a truly helpful AI assistant. You jump in, get some cooking tips, ask for more details or even show what you're talking about by sharing your screen or camera as well. It's therefore a real chat, not just a quick question and then you're done.

• 30:28Ant McPartlin?

  Download the Gemini app today to unlock the power of Google AI on your phone.

• 30:33Declan Donnelly?

  Check responses, setup required, compatibility and availability varies. Eighteen plus.

• 30:40Speaker 01

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• 31:10Speaker 07

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• 31:53Speaker 07

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• 32:04Speaker 01

  Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.

• 32:10Declan Donnelly?

  Tell you what's exciting.

• 32:11Ant McPartlin?

  What?

• 32:12Declan Donnelly?

  For me.

• 32:13Ant McPartlin?

  What?

• 32:14Declan Donnelly?

  The day is drawing closer where Ant is gonna have a tattoo to celebrate

• 32:18Ant McPartlin?

  Oh God.

• 32:19Declan Donnelly?

  six months of the podcast. Now, if you missed this, early doors.

• 32:22Ant McPartlin?

  I should have said yeah.

• 32:23Declan Donnelly?

  He made a promise at the very beginning.

• 32:25Ant McPartlin?

  Shouldn't I?

• 32:26Declan Donnelly?

  Very beginning of the series run in January that to celebrate six months, if we got to six months as a podcast, he would have a tattoo to celebrate. We're almost there.

• 32:34Ant McPartlin?

  Problem is, we're always gonna get to six months. Like, the contract was six months, so...

• 32:39Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 32:40Ant McPartlin?

  The fact that we're going on beyond six months is because this show's a success.

• 32:44Declan Donnelly?

  I hate to break this to you live, but the contract is nine months.

• 32:46Ant McPartlin?

  Oh God. Well, should I wait till nine months then?

• 32:50Declan Donnelly?

  No, no, no, no, no, no.

• 32:51Ant McPartlin?

  Why?

• 32:52Declan Donnelly?

  Because we've, we've, we've plotted this.

• 32:53Ant McPartlin?

  Plotted?

• 32:54Declan Donnelly?

  In the series arc.

• 32:55Ant McPartlin?

  What? Series arc? There's no arc to this. Nonsense. There's no thought put into this. I can see my torso over there with silver envelopes. Shall I get it?

• 33:06Declan Donnelly?

  Do you wanna bring it in?

• 33:07Ant McPartlin?

  It is my torso.

• 33:08Declan Donnelly?

  Again.

• 33:09Ant McPartlin?

  It's my torso.

• 33:10Declan Donnelly?

  Again, if you missed this.

• 33:11Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, he's very bendy.

• 33:13Declan Donnelly?

  Not only is he gonna have a tattoo, but it will be designed by one of you guys out there. So if you do have any last minute designs, get them into us.

• 33:20Ant McPartlin?

  Please do.

• 33:21Declan Donnelly?

  Hangingoutantbattletbox.com.

• 33:22Ant McPartlin?

  Please.

• 33:23Declan Donnelly?

  And we'll include them in here.

• 33:24Ant McPartlin?

  Please send in good ones. I mean, I know everyone's tried their best so far, but there's not been many that I would like to have on me body. And when I look back at them again, I go off them.

• 33:38Declan Donnelly?

  This one is from Mel. Hi guys, I've designed what I believe could be Ant's next tattoo.

• 33:43Ant McPartlin?

  Thanks Mel.

• 33:44Declan Donnelly?

  It reflects his TV career, his love of golf, Newcastle United and bananas. The famous paintball incident, which is where it all started. Ironically, on a pigeon who we all know will be hard for Deck to see. Especially if it's one on the arm that he famously stands next to.

• 34:00Ant McPartlin?

  All of those words put together is just gibberish. None of that made sense to me. On a pigeon, a paintball, an incident?

• 34:06Declan Donnelly?

  I hope you can visualise the sexy and nice vibe in my design.

• 34:10Ant McPartlin?

  I can't at all.

• 34:11Declan Donnelly?

  And it has the legs to make your shortlist. Respect guys.

• 34:14Ant McPartlin?

  What the bloody hell is that?

• 34:16Declan Donnelly?

  So, we've got it here on the screen.

• 34:18Ant McPartlin?

  It's a bin? I'm not having a bin on me arm.

• 34:21Declan Donnelly?

  It's not, it's a takeaway carton.

• 34:22Ant McPartlin?

  It's a bin now, but what's on the button? A bin?

• 34:24Declan Donnelly?

  No.

• 34:25Ant McPartlin?

  It's a bin?

• 34:26Speaker 04

  It's a golf hole.

• 34:27Declan Donnelly?

  Supposed to be a golf hole.

• 34:29Ant McPartlin?

  Ah, it looks like a bin.

• 34:30Speaker 04

  Oh, it's Mel's hole, it's massive.

• 34:35Declan Donnelly?

  Ironically, this is from Mel.

• 34:37Ant McPartlin?

  It's Mel's hole.

• 34:38Declan Donnelly?

  It is Mel's hole.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  No way. That was inside it.

• 34:42Ant McPartlin?

  So, it's a golf hole, but the flag stick, it doesn't have a flag. It has a takeaway box with a boomerang on.

• 34:49Declan Donnelly?

  Your golf clubs go into bananas. The shaft goes into a banana.

• 34:53Ant McPartlin?

  Why? Respect guys down the bottom is written on eggs.

• 34:59Ant McPartlin?

  There's a pigeon with a black white scarf with Sam and Cal's shades on. Why does the pigeon need shades?

• 35:04Declan Donnelly?

  There's paintballs there to reflect your paintballing accident.

• 35:08Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, no, that's, that's, that's not good. That is, I'm.

• 35:11Declan Donnelly?

  She crammed a lot into that. Possibly too much.

• 35:14Ant McPartlin?

  Too much.

• 35:14Declan Donnelly?

  Too much.

• 35:15Ant McPartlin?

  It's confusing and that, that's not gonna look nice and symmetrical on your arm, is it?

• 35:21Declan Donnelly?

  No.

• 35:22Ant McPartlin?

  It's just gonna look like a mess. It's gonna be, look like Wilder drew it.

• 35:26Declan Donnelly?

  It is a conversation starter, however, it's gonna be a weird conversation.

• 35:30Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, a conversation meandering all over the place.

• 35:32Declan Donnelly?

  We don't want that one.

• 35:33Ant McPartlin?

  We don't, I'm afraid.

• 35:34Declan Donnelly?

  Sorry Mel.

• 35:35Ant McPartlin?

  As the weeks went on, we would just improve on what we've saw in previous episodes. Clearly that's not the case.

• 35:43Declan Donnelly?

  Jen and Dean might be here to save the day.

• 35:46Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, good.

• 35:47Declan Donnelly?

  Hi Ant and Deck, loving the podcast and your eternal friendship. That's nice. After eternal friendship, after telling my partner about your search for a new tattoo, he put my thoughts to paper and this is what we came up with. Ant on deck chair with Ant's love of bananas and Dex's £400 trainers. Hope this makes the shortlist.

• 36:09Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, for God's sake, man. No, it's an ant on a deck chair with a massive banana and Dex's trainers.

• 36:18Declan Donnelly?

  And a random trainer.

• 36:19Ant McPartlin?

  That's awful. It's awful. It's a bad idea, badly executed. Jen and Dean.

• 36:27Declan Donnelly?

  So Jen, terrible idea, and Dean, badly executed. Sorry, guys. It's not making the shortlist. I've got one more for you today from Sarah.

• 36:37Ant McPartlin?

  I'm really worried now.

• 36:39Declan Donnelly?

  This, I think, may float your little boat.

• 36:43Ant McPartlin?

  Really?

• 36:45Declan Donnelly?

  Hi, Ant, Deck, Ant team.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  Hi.

• 36:47Declan Donnelly?

  Hey.

• 36:48Ant McPartlin?

  Hello.

• 36:48Declan Donnelly?

  I hope this email finds you both doing well and your team.

• 36:52Ant McPartlin?

  I'm not doing well.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  Bye.

• 36:55Declan Donnelly?

  I've attached an idea.

• 36:56Ant McPartlin?

  Stop reading it. It didn't find me, it didn't find me well. So what do we do?

• 36:59Declan Donnelly?

  Well, it's gonna make you well.

• 37:00Ant McPartlin?

  Okay.

• 37:01Declan Donnelly?

  I've attached an idea for a tattoo for Ant. Seeing as many, if not all, of them are black and white, I thought this would fit well with the other ones that you have, Ant. As it all began on Baker Grove, I decided to go down this road and do a paintball mask with the words, "He can't see, man."

• 37:23Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, I can see the words.

• 37:24Declan Donnelly?

  In one of the lenses.

• 37:25Ant McPartlin?

  I can see the words.

• 37:26Declan Donnelly?

  And on the other side, a splat of yellow paint.

• 37:28Ant McPartlin?

  Yes.

• 37:29Declan Donnelly?

  This was the colour paint used in the episode. She's telling you this.

• 37:32Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, I know. I know. It was yellow in the episode, love.

• 37:35Declan Donnelly?

  But also, but also, it signifies your love of bananas.

• 37:41Ant McPartlin?

  Nah, she's, I did that bit. She added that bit to try and sweep me up, didn't she?

• 37:46Declan Donnelly?

  I thought this shows the beginning of your career and the amazing friendship you both have, all in one tattoo. Sarah.

• 37:55Ant McPartlin?

  Well firstly, thank you Sarah.

• 37:57Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, good.

• 37:57Ant McPartlin?

  She has tried.

• 37:58Declan Donnelly?

  Good.

• 37:58Ant McPartlin?

  And it's not dog mess. You know, it's not, it actually could be quite symmetrical on the arm.

• 38:04Declan Donnelly?

  It could. That's what I like about it.

• 38:06Ant McPartlin?

  It's black and white with a little bit of yellow.

• 38:08Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 38:09Ant McPartlin?

  My worry is, if you're not from the UK.

• 38:14Declan Donnelly?

  Right.

• 38:14Ant McPartlin?

  See, I'll go on holiday, I'll go to Australia, or shoot in Portugal for.

• 38:18Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 38:18Ant McPartlin?

  Holy moly.

• 38:19Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 38:19Ant McPartlin?

  And I take my shirt off.

• 38:21Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 38:21Ant McPartlin?

  Does it look like I'm just a really bad stormtrooper? Darth Vader. Is it a weird Darth Vader mask on my arm?

• 38:28Speaker 06

  It does look like a bird. The beak.

• 38:31Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, it's like a bird.

• 38:31Speaker 06

  Like an owl.

• 38:32Declan Donnelly?

  Well, I think the playful splash of yellow.

• 38:37Declan Donnelly?

  Elevates it.

• 38:38Ant McPartlin?

  I wouldn't have He Can It See Man on me.

• 38:40Declan Donnelly?

  Would you not?

• 38:41Ant McPartlin?

  Nah.

• 38:41Declan Donnelly?

  Because that was, I said that, so.

• 38:44Ant McPartlin?

  You'd be offended.

• 38:45Declan Donnelly?

  On the telly, so I would, I would put that in there.

• 38:48Ant McPartlin?

  Would you put Jeff Man He Can It See?

• 38:50Declan Donnelly?

  No, I didn't. I never said that.

• 38:52Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, is that like a little bit of myth? I think you might have.

• 38:56Declan Donnelly?

  Jeff come over. He was on the floor rolling around. Jeff comes over.

• 39:01Declan Donnelly?

  And he goes. Jeff goes, Duncan, call an ambulance. And I go, He Can It See! He goes, Go, boy! And I went, He Can It See, man!

• 39:16Ant McPartlin?

  Well then, everyone thinks the episode ended there. It didn't end there. Duncan ran off round the corner and then you go against the wall and do one of those.

• 39:25Declan Donnelly?

  No, I didn't. I was running off to call the ambulance.

• 39:29Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 39:29Declan Donnelly?

  And I stopped at the gate and I looked back and I went, and I burst into tears, I went, He Can It See!

• 39:34Ant McPartlin?

  That was it. That was it.

• 39:36Declan Donnelly?

  And then I ran off to call the ambulance. End.

• 39:39Ant McPartlin?

  Maybe I should just get your butt cut as a tattoo on my arm.

• 39:43Declan Donnelly?

  Just an outline of a butt cut.

• 39:45Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, just an outline. Do you know what? It's not terrible. There is one that I particularly like.

• 39:54Declan Donnelly?

  Okay.

• 39:55Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 39:55Declan Donnelly?

  Just, yeah, keep that. So one is at the top of your shortlist.

• 39:58Ant McPartlin?

  It's at the top of the shortlist. It's a very short list, believe me. Um, but there is one that I would, wouldn't mind getting. I think it's really quite cool. And I wouldn't mind it being on my body forever. Not the golfer, not the golfer in the belly button.

• 40:13Declan Donnelly?

  Oh, okay, good. Well, any last minute.

• 40:16Ant McPartlin?

  Please.

• 40:16Declan Donnelly?

  Designs, get them into us, hangingoutabellabox.com. And we'll put them before Ant, um, and before we decide on what it is before tea day, tattoo day.

• 40:29Declan Donnelly?

  I was gonna say D day, but it should be tea day.

• 40:31Ant McPartlin?

  Tea day.

• 40:34Declan Donnelly?

  Shall we have a look inside the postbag and see what we've got? What are you giggling at over there?

• 40:37Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, that's all they do is giggle.

• 40:41Ant McPartlin?

  Right, let me begin this. Hi, Ant and Dec and Heckler's Corner. Hey. I was looking on Etsy and came across, uh, Ant and Dec engraved wooden spoons.

• 40:57Declan Donnelly?

  Ooh.

• 40:58Ant McPartlin?

  When looking at the different options, you can purchase the pair or Ant alone for around £10. However, a single deck spoon costs between £15 and £19. Oh my God, look at the spoons. Surely it would be the other way around, considering the difference in stature between you guys, lol. Anyway, just thought you should know, uh, that Dec is the premium spoon around these parts. While Ant seems to be the budget friendly option.

• 41:29Declan Donnelly?

  Premium spoon.

• 41:31Ant McPartlin?

  Budget friendly. I love watching the pod every week. Respect, guys. Caitlin Barlow. Thanks, Caitlin.

• 41:36Declan Donnelly?

  Thanks, Caitlin.

• 41:37Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, I don't know how I feel about being a budget spoon.

• 41:40Declan Donnelly?

  It's all about supply and demand, isn't it?

• 41:41Ant McPartlin?

  You spoon.

• 41:44Declan Donnelly?

  They're not the prettiest spoons I've ever seen, are they?

• 41:47Ant McPartlin?

  They're not. No, they're not at all.

• 41:49Speaker 04

  Why would someone need a wooden spoon? What would you be making?

• 41:54Ant McPartlin?

  To spank someone with, maybe?

• 41:58Ant McPartlin?

  Oh, you're thinking of, um, cooking with it. Pasta.

• 42:03Ant McPartlin?

  Pasta sauce.

• 42:04Declan Donnelly?

  Soup, I think.

• 42:05Ant McPartlin?

  Soup and pasta sauce and spanking.

• 42:08Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 42:11Declan Donnelly?

  A stupid spank.

• 42:15Ant McPartlin?

  Yes, please. That's sexy and nice, isn't it? Super nice spank.

• 42:19Declan Donnelly?

  Do you think sexy and nice?

• 42:21Ant McPartlin?

  Super nice spank.

• 42:22Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, I'm gonna have some soup and a spank.

• 42:26Ant McPartlin?

  And I'm using this as a spoon, guys.

• 42:31Speaker 04

  Supply and demand surely answers more in demand because it's cheaper? Is that how supply and demand works?

• 42:36Ant McPartlin?

  No. Dex is clearly more in demand because it's more expensive, so they whack the price up.

• 42:41Speaker 04

  God, thank God I don't have a business.

• 42:45Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, you're doing the opposite.

• 42:49Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah, that's why that shop of yours never got off the ground, just...

• 42:52Speaker 04

  It's cheaper when you come with that.

• 42:57Ant McPartlin?

  What?

• 42:59Ant McPartlin?

  One deck, two spoons, eleven ninety... Hey, you're right!

• 43:05Ant McPartlin?

  What, so what? So are you saying... Thanks for pointing that out, by the way.

• 43:09Declan Donnelly?

  Well done, Sexton.

• 43:11Ant McPartlin?

  So you're saying I drag him down to my budget level?

• 43:15Speaker 04

  Yeah. Trying to get rid of yours.

• 43:19Ant McPartlin?

  Trying to get rid of the ans spoons.

• 43:22Declan Donnelly?

  You can get the two spoons for between, for between nine ninety-nine. You can get an ant and dex spoon together, the pair, for nine ninety-nine to eleven ninety-nine. The ans spoon on his own is nine ninety-nine.

• 43:37Declan Donnelly?

  And then the dex spoon is fifteen pound and ninety-nine. So whatever you think, just get both spoons and chuck one away. Just throw one away.

• 43:45Ant McPartlin?

  None of it makes sense. Your pricing is outrageous.

• 43:51Ant McPartlin?

  Who's in control of this pricing? Is that Etsy? Or is that, is that the person making this spoon? Maybe the dex spoon was, was harder to make. Because normally, normally when it costs more, that means it's more difficult to produce. Maybe the dex spoon is more difficult to produce. Maybe putting your strands of hair down the front... Because I've got less hair, while I've got no hair on the forehead, as we clearly see. So there's no engrave in there.

• 44:18Declan Donnelly?

  But surely you just buy two spoons for, for between nine ninety-nine and eleven ninety-nine?

• 44:24Ant McPartlin?

  We come as a pair? Why on earth are you selling them singularly?

• 44:29Declan Donnelly?

  But who's gonna go, "I just want the dex spoon, so I'll pay six pounds more for just the dex spoon", when I could get both spoons for six pounds cheaper?

• 44:37Ant McPartlin?

  And if you do, your spoon?

• 44:39Declan Donnelly?

  We digress.

• 44:40Ant McPartlin?

  Anyway, thank you very much for that, that.

• 44:42Declan Donnelly?

  That is genius.

• 44:43Ant McPartlin?

  Well done for being the more expensive spoon.

• 44:46Declan Donnelly?

  Thank you.

• 44:46Ant McPartlin?

  Your spoon.

• 44:49Declan Donnelly?

  Got one here from Harrison. Says, "Dear Ant, Dec and Crew."

• 44:53Ant McPartlin?

  Hi Harrison. Hi.

• 44:55Declan Donnelly?

  It's a bit like last night.

• 44:56Ant McPartlin?

  Somber, wasn't it?

• 44:57Declan Donnelly?

  "Great work with the pod."

• 44:59Ant McPartlin?

  Thanks.

• 45:00Declan Donnelly?

  "When finding a particularly large hula hoop, I couldn't...

• 45:05Declan Donnelly?

  I couldn't help... I couldn't help but remember your underwhelming experience with the very large crisp."

• 45:11Ant McPartlin?

  Yes, which is still there.

• 45:13Declan Donnelly?

  "Still intact with baby John Paul. Here is a photo of said hoop for your consideration."

• 45:19Ant McPartlin?

  Just the photo? What the heck?

• 45:25Declan Donnelly?

  "Sadly, the hoop is no longer with us. But I have attached a second photo of it next to a tape measure to assist with scale. Keep up the amazing work. Much love, Harrison." Thanks Harrison. That's crazy.

• 45:36Ant McPartlin?

  That is mad. It's like a sausage. It's like a hula sausage.

• 45:42Declan Donnelly?

  So it is, where are we now? From three...

• 45:46Ant McPartlin?

  How many centimetres is that?

• 45:47Declan Donnelly?

  Eight.

• 45:47Ant McPartlin?

  Three, four, five, six.

• 45:50Declan Donnelly?

  Eight centimetres long?

• 45:51Ant McPartlin?

  Oh my god. Did that take... I've got loads of questions. Did that take up the whole bag? Was there just one long sausage hoop in there? Was the other sprinkled around, which helped conceal it? Was that the last one that you left till the end?

• 46:07Declan Donnelly?

  I'd like to...

• 46:07Ant McPartlin?

  What did it taste like? Did it have a lot of flavour on it or it looked quite plain?

• 46:12Declan Donnelly?

  I'd like to have eaten that.

• 46:13Ant McPartlin?

  Because it's the salt and vinegar flavour packet. But did it taste salt and vinegary? Was it even more salt and vinegary than normal? There's so many questions. Can we get a Zoom link with him right now?

• 46:25Declan Donnelly?

  Harrison, thanks for the photo. That is...

• 46:27Ant McPartlin?

  That is brilliant.

• 46:27Declan Donnelly?

  Brilliant. That's like a one in a million, isn't it? That's like a friend of ours bought a Kit Kat.

• 46:37Declan Donnelly?

  You know, I don't know.

• 46:38Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 46:39Declan Donnelly?

  He bought a Kit Kat and there was no biscuit in it. It was just solid chocolate. He was like, what? He thought he felt he won the lottery. Dear Aunt and Dec.

• 46:52Ant McPartlin?

  Hi, my name is Liam.

• 46:54Declan Donnelly?

  Hi Liam.

• 46:55Ant McPartlin?

  I'm from Dundee. I'm in my last term of primary before I go to high school. For our leave us show, we're doing an I'm a Celebrity theme and I got the part of Deck. I'm really excited about this.

• 47:08Declan Donnelly?

  Yes Liam, you got the plum role.

• 47:09Ant McPartlin?

  I'm really excited about this.

• 47:11Declan Donnelly?

  Well done.

• 47:11Ant McPartlin?

  But also a little bit nervous because I'd like to get it right. I was wondering if you could give me any tips on how to act like Deck? Like how he talks, his expressions. And it's my class's last show before we go to high school, so it's a really big deal for us. Thanks for reading from Liam. Now, you can't obviously give any tips on this.

• 47:31Declan Donnelly?

  I can indeed.

• 47:31Ant McPartlin?

  No, you can't because you're you. You know, we need to tell Liam what you do that you might not notice you do yourself. So he's quite jerky, isn't he? He likes to move a lot. He likes to, he likes, he likes, his little head goes.

• 47:46Declan Donnelly?

  What?

• 47:46Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, what? Usually he's tongue a lot, Liam. Anything else, guys? Over there.

• 47:54Speaker 04

  Gosh. Sometimes says words in a funny accent randomly in the middle of a sentence like Portugal.

• 48:00Ant McPartlin?

  Oh yeah, yeah. If you're saying, if you're saying a different country's name, then make it a weird accent.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  When he greets people, he goes hello.

• 48:08Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, yeah, you've got to say hello.

• 48:10Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 48:11Ant McPartlin?

  To all the female teachers.

• 48:13Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 48:14Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, do that and you won't, you won't get told off.

• 48:17Declan Donnelly?

  Be really professional, versatile, charming.

• 48:21Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, we weren't thinking about that. We weren't thinking about that. Get, you're, you're quick to anger.

• 48:25Speaker 04

  Oh yeah.

• 48:25Declan Donnelly?

  No, I've got, I've got, I've got a long fuse, but when it goes.

• 48:31Ant McPartlin?

  It takes a long time, but when it goes, it goes. Basically, he's got a short fuse. He's quick to anger. And make sure you have the butt cut because that's what we're all known for.

• 48:40Declan Donnelly?

  Don't do the butt cut. Don't do the butt cut.

• 48:42Ant McPartlin?

  This modern haircut is not known for really.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Definitely shave because you don't have a beard.

• 48:46Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, he can never, yeah, exactly. Thanks Fiona, he can't grow a beard, so.

• 48:50Speaker 04

  Passionate about hairdryer.

• 48:51Ant McPartlin?

  Oh yeah, make sure you use a hairdryer.

• 48:55Ant McPartlin?

  Don't wear shorts, yeah.

• 48:56Speaker 04

  Don't get your legs out.

• 48:57Ant McPartlin?

  Never get your legs out on camera because Deck never has.

• 48:59Declan Donnelly?

  That's a myth.

• 48:59Ant McPartlin?

  Ever, in all of the years we've worked together.

• 49:01Declan Donnelly?

  It's a myth.

• 49:02Ant McPartlin?

  Apart from that, good luck. Good luck, best of luck Liam.

• 49:05Declan Donnelly?

  You'll be brilliant Liam.

• 49:06Ant McPartlin?

  You will be brilliant.

• 49:06Declan Donnelly?

  You've got the best role in the play. Well done. Lucky you. Lucky you.

• 49:13Declan Donnelly?

  Right, this next segment is an advert for Santander who understand that managing money can sometimes be overwhelming and building small everyday habits can make it feel more manageable. Right, Agony Santander.

• 49:25Ant McPartlin?

  Yes, come on, hit me. Hit me.

• 49:28Declan Donnelly?

  This one is from Matt.

• 49:31Ant McPartlin?

  Hello Matt.

• 49:33Declan Donnelly?

  Guys.

• 49:33Ant McPartlin?

  Guys.

• 49:34Declan Donnelly?

  I need some etiquette advice.

• 49:35Ant McPartlin?

  Ah.

• 49:36Declan Donnelly?

  I went out to the pub with three friends. We sit down and my first friend says, I'll get the first round.

• 49:42Ant McPartlin?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:42Declan Donnelly?

  Buys us all cheap pints of lager.

• 49:44Ant McPartlin?

  Cheap.

• 49:44Declan Donnelly?

  Five pounds each.

• 49:46Ant McPartlin?

  Right.

• 49:47Declan Donnelly?

  My other friend then gets the next round, same thing. Then it's my turn. Suddenly, everyone decides it's cocktail hour. They all order fourteen pound espresso martinis. My round ends up costing three times more than everybody else's. I paid it, but I've been quietly stewing about it all week. Do I demand people send me the money for the cocktail price difference? Or do I just accept that I need to save more before a pub trip next time?

• 50:16Ant McPartlin?

  Um, neither. Neither. You don't demand people send you the money for the cocktails because if you did have an issue with it, you should have said at the time.

• 50:25Declan Donnelly?

  Right.

• 50:25Ant McPartlin?

  So you've just been, that's been slowly building. That resentment's been slowly building up and now you're getting very angry about it.

• 50:32Declan Donnelly?

  And it's going to become passive aggressive.

• 50:34Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, and you don't need to save up for the next time. You just, before you go and say, by the way, lads, lasses, by the way, uh, when it comes to my round, we'll not have an espresso martinis because that cost me a fortune last time. So we stick whatever we drink on the first round, we, um, drink on the final round. Or...

• 50:52Ant McPartlin?

  You don't pay every round and you start a tab and at the end you split the tab.

• 50:56Declan Donnelly?

  Ah, that's good.

• 51:00Declan Donnelly?

  That's good.

• 51:01Ant McPartlin?

  Tell that or you go and each buy your own drinks, but there's nothing very communal about that.

• 51:06Declan Donnelly?

  No.

• 51:06Ant McPartlin?

  I'm off to the bar again on your own.

• 51:08Declan Donnelly?

  I think that's really good. Take charge of the situation. Say, by the way, guys, I got stung last time. I'm not doing it again this time. I'm not doing the cocktail round. Um.

• 51:17Ant McPartlin?

  Let's start a tab.

• 51:18Declan Donnelly?

  Or say we can all have cocktails, but uh you've all got to make up the difference in my round. Or do a tab and we all settle at the end of the night. Great advice, Anne. You're so good at this.

• 51:31Ant McPartlin?

  Thanks.

• 51:32Declan Donnelly?

  Got one here from Becky.

• 51:35Ant McPartlin?

  Hi Becky.

• 51:36Declan Donnelly?

  Hi, Agony Antandere.

• 51:37Ant McPartlin?

  Hi Becky.

• 51:38Declan Donnelly?

  I need an intervention.

• 51:40Ant McPartlin?

  Oh.

• 51:41Declan Donnelly?

  I recently realised that my finances were a complete mess. So I decided to become a responsible adult and get organised. The problem is I've completely overcompensated and I am now drowning in my own organisational system.

• 51:54Ant McPartlin?

  Oh.

• 51:55Declan Donnelly?

  Keeping track of my money has become a full-time unpaid internship. Every time I buy a three pound coffee, I spend 20 minutes manually logging it across multiple platforms, transferring 50 pence into my coffee pot, moving one pound into my future pension and updating my spreadsheet formula. I'm so overwhelmed by managing my money that I'm tempted to delete everything, withdraw all my cash and hide it under the mattress. How do I simplify my life before my own budget tracker drives me completely insane? That's from Becky.

• 52:25Ant McPartlin?

  I don't know.

• 52:27Declan Donnelly?

  You this, you've never had this problem.

• 52:29Ant McPartlin?

  No, I've never had, no, I'm not great myself. My wife does all of our admin. Like she's superhero at this stuff. I'm not, I'm not good like this.

• 52:38Declan Donnelly?

  I think the good thing for Becky is that she is in a position where she wants to take control of her money.

• 52:43Ant McPartlin?

  That's good.

• 52:43Declan Donnelly?

  That is really positive. Um, so maybe simpler steps, a less complicated system.

• 52:50Ant McPartlin?

  Well, definitely a less complicated system.

• 52:52Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 52:52Ant McPartlin?

  Maybe you just have like a saving account and a spending account.

• 52:56Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 52:57Ant McPartlin?

  So whatever's in your spending account that you can spend.

• 52:59Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 53:00Ant McPartlin?

  And if you, if it's not in there, you're not in debt because you've got the money in the, in your savings and you can't transfer between the two.

• 53:07Declan Donnelly?

  Yes, that's good. So you can only spend what you've got to spend.

• 53:11Ant McPartlin?

  In your spending account.

• 53:13Declan Donnelly?

  Giving yourself a little allowance.

• 53:15Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah.

• 53:15Declan Donnelly?

  And then not worrying about putting your three pound coffee on a spreadsheet. And that's something that Santander are doing. They're rewarding people for building good saving habits and putting away money each month.

• 53:25Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, but that makes sense to me.

• 53:26Declan Donnelly?

  Yeah.

• 53:27Ant McPartlin?

  Saving money in a different account.

• 53:29Declan Donnelly?

  Yes, that's your savings, you know, that's for your bills and whatever, and that's the money you can go out and spend.

• 53:35Ant McPartlin?

  Because also, the way she's doing it, does whatever software she's using, does that charge you?

• 53:42Ant McPartlin?

  Do you see what I'm saying?

• 53:42Declan Donnelly?

  Paying for the software, which has just given you a headache, and you're paying for the headache.

• 53:46Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 53:48Declan Donnelly?

  Becky, we need to simplify this majorly.

• 53:51Ant McPartlin?

  And that's exactly what Santander are about, helping you take charge of your money and encouraging you to build good savings habits.

• 53:58Declan Donnelly?

  Absolutely. And guess what? If you've got a Santander current account, you'd be eligible for Santander's Regular Saver.

• 54:05Ant McPartlin?

  It pays eight percent variable interest, which includes a five percent variable bonus for the first 12 months.

• 54:10Declan Donnelly?

  You can pay in up to £200 a month to help you build good savings habits for something that's important to you. Visit santander.co.uk or search Santander Regular Saver.

• 54:21Ant McPartlin?

  Santander, it starts here. Now it's over to Heckless Corner for the Ts and Cs.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  Interest rate is correct at the time of recording. Eight percent AER gross variable interest rate, which includes five percent AER gross variable bonus rate for the first 12 months. Save up to £200 per month from your Santander current account to be eligible. Product is subject to availability. Ts and Cs apply.

• 54:44Declan Donnelly?

  You know, she didn't read any of that. She did all that off the top of her head. Well done Fiona.

• 54:48Ant McPartlin?

  Well done.

• 54:50Declan Donnelly?

  That's all we've got time for today. We're back on Monday with a bonus episode. Do remember to follow the podcast.

• 55:00Ant McPartlin?

  Yes, please do.

• 55:01Declan Donnelly?

  Wherever you're listening to your podcast.

• 55:02Ant McPartlin?

  There's a few people out there listening to us and not subscribing, which is not on. It's very naughty.

• 55:07Declan Donnelly?

  Why would you do that?

• 55:08Ant McPartlin?

  Yeah, we'll come around and spank you with our spoons. But please subscribe and follow.

• 55:12Declan Donnelly?

  It makes a huge difference. So they tell us over there, right? Yeah, it does. It does. Huge difference.

• 55:18Ant McPartlin?

  Maybe you could do this next week. Yeah, yeah, okay, good.

• 55:21Declan Donnelly?

  Brilliant stuff. We look forward to seeing you on Monday. Until then.

• 55:24Ant McPartlin?

  Respect, guys.

• 55:25Declan Donnelly?

  Respect, guys.

• 55:26Ant McPartlin?

  See you later.

• 55:26Declan Donnelly?

  See ya.

• 55:44Speaker 01

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• 55:53Speaker 01

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• 56:14Ant McPartlin?

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