Tom Papa asks about stolen gifts

The very funny Tom Papa steals Handsome's hearts with a question about pilfering presents! Plus, party kissers, Alf on a "Shalf", and... cheese in the pocket! Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA https://www.ticketmaster.com/netflix-is-a-joke-presents-handsome-los-angeles-california-05-04-2026/event/0900642CE31BB7C3! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:34Fortune Feimster?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:18Fortune Feimster?

  Squarespace makes it easy. So easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:48Fortune Feimster?

  Cheers.

• 1:49Tig Notaro?

  Welcome to the Handsome Podcast. My name is Tig Notaro, and I'm sitting here with...

• 1:57Mae Martin?

  My name is Mae Martin.

• 2:00Tig Notaro?

  And theme star. Yeah. Looking really, really like a pretty little lady.

• 2:08Fortune Feimster?

  Me?

• 2:09Tig Notaro?

  Yes, you are.

• 2:12Fortune Feimster?

  It's because I have on some makeup.

• 2:14Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 2:15Mae Martin?

  Your eyes are popping.

• 2:17Tig Notaro?

  Are they, you guys?

• 2:21Fortune Feimster?

  They were like, do you want to take your makeup off? And I went, no, never. Doing handsome and I want to be handsome.

• 2:27Tig Notaro?

  And I want to be pretty.

• 2:29Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm. So I have my, I don't have any lip taint on at the moment. But the eyes are still popping.

• 2:36Tig Notaro?

  I thought maybe you had invisible lip taint on.

• 2:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that, no, just invisible mascara.

• 2:43Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay. And so you started filming your movie today? Today was your first day at work?

• 2:50Fortune Feimster?

  First day at work. Everybody's really nice. And it's funny to go from like the golf show with Will. It's a lot of dudes.

• 3:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:01Fortune Feimster?

  And a sporty world to like a lady, a lady comedy.

• 3:06Mae Martin?

  A lady led comedy.

• 3:07Fortune Feimster?

  A lady led comedy. So it's such of both great vibes, but just very different.

• 3:13Mae Martin?

  Were you actually?

• 3:14Tig Notaro?

  Pretty little lady.

• 3:16Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty little lady vibes. Yeah, we, today was the filming.

• 3:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, that's scary because you're like, are people gonna like how I'm doing it?

• 3:24Fortune Feimster?

  I know. I was like, I don't know how, because it's a big broad comedy. And I was saying, I don't know how broad to go with my character. You're like, want to be funny, but not like annoyingly over the top.

• 3:37Mae Martin?

  I say go big. Go big.

• 3:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, they can always reel me in, I guess.

• 3:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:43Fortune Feimster?

  It was good. The, I think everybody's got nice chemistry. We're feeling comfortable, more comfortable around each other and getting to know each other. So.

• 3:51Mae Martin?

  Great.

• 3:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I drove Kim Kardashian in a truck.

• 3:56Mae Martin?

  I mean, what is your life? You drove Kim Kardashian in a truck.

• 4:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, in a scene.

• 4:01Mae Martin?

  In a scene.

• 4:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 4:02Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay, okay. Wow. Because if you're doing that in real life, then that's like, what is your life?

• 4:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's true, yeah.

• 4:10Mae Martin?

  Were you, um, were you driving for real or were you, was the car on the back of one of those?

• 4:15Fortune Feimster?

  Driving for real.

• 4:16Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 4:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 4:18Mae Martin?

  See, I'm still just.

• 4:19Tig Notaro?

  Good thing it wasn't May.

• 4:20Mae Martin?

  I'm still just impressed by driving, period.

• 4:22Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Well, I've driven, uh, when I did Office Christmas Party, I, um, the car stood still, uh, sat there. I didn't drive it, but I did drive Jennifer Garner in the ambulance. That was nerve wracking.

• 4:39Mae Martin?

  They keep getting you to drive in these.

• 4:41Fortune Feimster?

  I know. The ambulance is big and it had all the camera people in the back of it. So that was, made me nervous.

• 4:48Tig Notaro?

  Well, Fortune seems capable. That's why you throw her in, you know, to do the driving.

• 4:54Fortune Feimster?

  And then in Will's movie, You're Cordially Invited, I drove a speedboat.

• 5:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're always driving.

• 5:01Fortune Feimster?

  And I didn't even, I didn't even know how to drive a boat.

• 5:04Tig Notaro?

  I was gonna say, I mean, that's my sweet spot. I know how to drive a boat.

• 5:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 5:08Tig Notaro?

  And a motorcycle.

• 5:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and they let me rip it too, in the water.

• 5:16Mae Martin?

  Round and round in circles like that?

• 5:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 5:18Mae Martin?

  You're always driving.

• 5:19Fortune Feimster?

  I was ripping it.

• 5:20Mae Martin?

  Beautiful women in cars.

• 5:21Tig Notaro?

  Here's what, did you park the boat?

• 5:25Fortune Feimster?

  I'm trying to think. I, I brought it up to the dock and then they, they like, kind of took it over from there. But yeah, I know with the throttle and stuff, you gotta push it back a little bit.

• 5:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it can be a little tricky.

• 5:39Mae Martin?

  This is the butchist episode of our podcast yet. We're talking throttles and parking.

• 5:44Fortune Feimster?

  Throttles, baby.

• 5:47Mae Martin?

  Um, when you were in the truck with Kim, um, did she smell good? Were you chatting between takes? What's the vibe?

• 5:55Fortune Feimster?

  Um, she's lovely, really just been very nice, very professional, very collaborative. She's not been like, you know. Us and her, you know, we're here and she's over there. Like it's, yeah, she was, we chatted between takes and uh, she's got a good sense of humor. So she was laughing about I was being silly.

• 6:18Mae Martin?

  She's really funny. I, I mean, I, I watched, I've watched her. Many times I've watched her in Keeping Up With The Kardashians. She's very witty. They all are pretty witty, pretty witty.

• 6:29Fortune Feimster?

  Well, they have a lot of people around them. A lot. She's had like a group of friends she's been friends with for, since like kindergarten.

• 6:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, this is a long shoot. By the end of it, you're gonna be tight. You're gonna be gossiping with the gals, just like you were on Will's show. Yeah.

• 6:46Fortune Feimster?

  And then, cause you know, we had rehearsals the day after Nikki Glaser hosted the Golden Globe. So everyone just kinda went, I had three weeks off between shows.

• 6:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:58Fortune Feimster?

  So, uh, I mean, between filming the last show and this, so it's been a shot, like we're all been shot out of a cannon.

• 7:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Busy times.

• 7:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah. How are you, Tig? What's going on? I haven't seen you in a while. Did a mini show with Fortune, so we've been, you know, cheating.

• 7:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:18Fortune Feimster?

  Cheating on you. We were cheating on you.

• 7:22Tig Notaro?

  I, I started my, um,

• 7:24Fortune Feimster?

  Period?

• 7:25Tig Notaro?

  My period, finally.

• 7:27Mae Martin?

  Congrats, dude.

• 7:28Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 7:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 7:30Tig Notaro?

  I'm hoping to get 300 tampons delivered to my house. Because we do work in space.

• 7:37Fortune Feimster?

  Just for your next cycle.

• 7:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Um, I'm, uh, I started my, the beginning of my, um, Minor, my, my, minor market tour.

• 7:50Mae Martin?

  Minor market tour. Minor market tour. Is that, is that what you've called it? Or that's?

• 7:55Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, I'm just, I'm, I'm just hitting the places that are not like Chicago, New York, that kinda stuff.

• 8:02Mae Martin?

  Right. You're hitting the smaller guys.

• 8:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm hitting the Fort Lauderdale's and the Omahas and what have you. So I'm just hitting those kinda shows for a while and going out for long weekends, but, um, it's been busy as well, cause I had to overlap my Star Trek premiered and then.

• 8:22Tig Notaro?

  I think I told you, yeah, that the documentary is in contention for the Oscar nomination.

• 8:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:30Tig Notaro?

  And so it's just been pure insanity, like pure insanity, like the events and promotion and.

• 8:40Mae Martin?

  Schmoozing.

• 8:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's not really my, to be honest.

• 8:44Mae Martin?

  Not really your vibe.

• 8:45Tig Notaro?

  No, but I, you know, I want to do everything I can for the movie, but it is, it's a hard nomination to get because they typically, it's typically just like global documentaries that, that, that make it to the nominations, you know?

• 8:59Mae Martin?

  Like political situations and yeah.

• 9:01Tig Notaro?

  Very political, very global. And, but you know, we still have to, had to give it all we had and hope for the best. And even if not, we have really front projects that we're continuing to develop and work on around Andrea and Meg and with Meg, Andrea's wife. And so it's just this kind of fun, creative bubble of people that really, really connected on a project and want to continue to work together because it was just, it was so.

• 9:39Mae Martin?

  Special.

• 9:39Tig Notaro?

  It was just a, yeah, it was a really special experience that we all feel very lucky that we, it all lined up the way it did. And on our Zoom today, I was talking about how, because they announced tomorrow morning.

• 9:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, they do? Okay. I'm setting my, I'm setting my alarm and I'm checking.

• 9:59Fortune Feimster?

  You're gonna get them at 5:00 AM?

• 10:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:01Tig Notaro?

  That's when it's 5:30 in the morning where they read off the nominees.

• 10:05Mae Martin?

  Oh my gosh. Why do they do it that early?

• 10:08Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 10:09Fortune Feimster?

  I think it's for the East Coast press, like those morning shows and stuff.

• 10:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. But that's what I've been up to is I'm still filming Star Trek. It premiered. Finish the promotion on that dual crazy run of promotion and doing my tour. And I'm touring with Amy Berkman, who's an incredible speed artist. And our first

• 10:37Mae Martin?

  Yes, of course, yeah.

• 10:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she's an ovarian cancer survivor. She paints a portrait within under 10 minutes and then we auction it off at the show to raise money for charity. And yeah, we raised like $15,000 a show.

• 10:54Mae Martin?

  What?

• 10:54Fortune Feimster?

  That's awesome.

• 10:55Tig Notaro?

  And 100% of the proceeds went to the charity.

• 10:59Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 11:00Tig Notaro?

  And we're very aligned on, she's a vegan. And so we're doing cancer charities, animal charities and environmental charities. And it just feels, it feels good. And it was my fantasy when Andrea was alive to tour with Andrea and Amy. And then when Andrea died, I was like, man, I gotta make this right. And so I reached out to Amy and it just was a really good vibe. And she's really talented, so it feels good. Feels really good.

• 11:32Mae Martin?

  So who's she doing the portraits of in the?

• 11:35Tig Notaro?

  Well, like we were in Fort Lauderdale the first night and she did one of a manatee.

• 11:40Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 11:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 11:42Mae Martin?

  And does the audience kind of weigh in on what they want?

• 11:44Tig Notaro?

  No, she, she dances to music while she's painting frantically. And the, and the, and the, and the, the canvas, she flips it right side up at the end. She's painted upside down the whole time.

• 12:01Mae Martin?

  No.

• 12:02Tig Notaro?

  She flips it in the end and then you're like, oh my God, it's a manatee. Or you're like, oh my God, it's Andrea Gibson's face, you know?

• 12:10Mae Martin?

  That must be, like, something must work differently in her brain to be able to paint upside down like that. That's like a really, that's cool.

• 12:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she, she, she had very aggressive ovarian cancer. And when she lived through it, she was like, I'm gonna devote my life to doing good with my art. So and she's, she, yeah, she's really incredible. So that's what I've been doing. Yeah.

• 12:34Fortune Feimster?

  What about you, May?

• 12:35Mae Martin?

  I've been working on my Frau Trofia biopic.

• 12:38Tig Notaro?

  Got to.

• 12:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:41Fortune Feimster?

  Dance till you die.

• 12:42Mae Martin?

  It's a three and a half hour biopic based on no factual information.

• 12:47Tig Notaro?

  Don't die during the research, okay, May?

• 12:51Mae Martin?

  What do you mean?

• 12:51Fortune Feimster?

  Frau Trofia.

• 12:53Tig Notaro?

  Well, you're writing the movie, you said?

• 12:55Mae Martin?

  Um, yeah.

• 12:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I just, you know, you have to research for a film and

• 12:59Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:00Tig Notaro?

  I don't want you to dance till you die.

• 13:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. Do you not know the story?

• 13:05Mae Martin?

  Oh, no, I know the bear. I know the bullet points and that's all I got. So taking a lot of artistic license on her life.

• 13:13Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 13:13Mae Martin?

  No, I'm not actually doing that, but I would like to. Um, I am, I, well, one thing I haven't talked about on the pod is I did this. I think you guys will find this funny. I did a, a show with Lisa Gilroy, friend of the pod at Largo, and the premise was that we surprise each other. So it's like, we each have to plan two surprises. It's really anxiety inducing because you're like, am I gonna go too far with a prank? Like, is, is this funny?

• 13:41Tig Notaro?

  And yeah.

• 13:42Mae Martin?

  Last time, a year ago, I got the number of her, or the phone number of her husband, who I've only met once.

• 13:48Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 13:48Mae Martin?

  And I secretly texted him and I took him to Universal Studios and we, we went on all the rides and we did like a whole, I did, it was so good. So on stage with Lisa, I said, you know, I, I've only met Steve once, but we do have a relationship and it's, it's not sexual, but it is romantic. And then I had this whole slideshow of us like spending the whole day together. And she was flabbergasted and she went through this like whole range of emotions of like

• 14:14Tig Notaro?

  That is so funny.

• 14:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like at first she, I think was feeling protective of him, like is he, you know, and then was like so touched that two people she loves independently hung out and

• 14:24Fortune Feimster?

  And then she's like, well, what did you guys do together?

• 14:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, then she's like, then she's like, did you kiss? Like she got really anxious.

• 14:31Fortune Feimster?

  Did you kiss?

• 14:32Tig Notaro?

  Did you touch my love?

• 14:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah. So then, um, I've been I don't know how to, I didn't know how to top that and I've been really nervous and I I kind of was drawing a blank and I was nervous for how she would kind of retaliate. And so she, at the beginning of the show, she's like, my, my surprises were pretty, were pretty lame. They were, I was, I painted a portrait of her and I had Alana Johnston pretend to be Alanis Morissette. But at the beginning of the show, Lisa's like, oh, I have this new necklace. I, yeah, my, my admirer got it for me. And I was like, oh no, what is this gonna be? And she's like, it's okay, I'll talk about it later. And then she kept being like, oh God, I love this necklace my admirer gave me.

• 15:14Mae Martin?

  And then she starts playing a video and she goes, oh, baby, are you there? It's on Zoom. My father appears in the video.

• 15:26Mae Martin?

  She has gone onto Instagram, DM'd my dad. Unbeknownst to me, they filmed this whole sketch where she's like,

• 15:36Fortune Feimster?

  Did they kiss?

• 15:37Mae Martin?

  On Zoom. I want to like, just play you guys a little.

• 15:41Tig Notaro?

  Is that your dad's given name is Baby?

• 15:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's Baby, Baby Chata.

• 15:45Tig Notaro?

  Baby Martin?

• 15:46Fortune Feimster?

  Baby Martin.

• 15:49Mae Martin?

  I think you're gonna laugh at that because he's, he really went for it. Like, he is really goofy in it. And um, yeah, I went through the same range.

• 15:57Fortune Feimster?

  Acting debut on your show.

• 15:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, he was up for it.

• 16:01Tig Notaro?

  Guys, can we do a quick check in with my eye? Is it open?

• 16:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, let's see. Well, right now you're squinting. Is that on purpose?

• 16:10Tig Notaro?

  Well, I have trouble seeing, so I'm always squinting these days.

• 16:15Fortune Feimster?

  You gotta do this, do this.

• 16:16Mae Martin?

  Definitely a little closed.

• 16:18Tig Notaro?

  This one?

• 16:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:20Fortune Feimster?

  Have you gotten it fixed yet?

• 16:22Tig Notaro?

  No, I can't till March.

• 16:24Mae Martin?

  Fortune, you can't tell?

• 16:26Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I was asking in case they got it fixed and it was a bust.

• 16:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:32Fortune Feimster?

  And she's like, yeah, I went, I went and got it fixed.

• 16:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:36Fortune Feimster?

  It's working.

• 16:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. All right. Sorry, May, go on.

• 16:39Mae Martin?

  Okay, ready?

• 16:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we're ready.

• 16:41Mae Martin?

  I think the audio will be funny, but I'm gonna show the video and maybe I can post a little clip of the video if my dad agrees. But I'm gonna show you guys. Okay, ready?

• 16:49Speaker 04

  Baby, you're late.

• 16:51Speaker 05

  I'm sorry, darling.

• 16:53Speaker 04

  I missed you, baby.

• 16:54Speaker 05

  I've missed you too, my everything.

• 16:57Speaker 04

  I'm wearing the necklace you got me.

• 16:59Speaker 05

  It looks adorable.

• 17:01Speaker 04

  Oh, baby, look, I know you're taking me to Paris next weekend.

• 17:05Speaker 05

  Well, my baby loves her croissant.

• 17:07Speaker 04

  Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

• 17:10Speaker 05

  God, you're so cute, Lisa.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  I love you so much, James. I would literally die for you.

• 17:15Mae Martin?

  It goes on for a long time.

• 17:17Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. I would love if, what if your mom walked in and was like, what are you doing?

• 17:21Mae Martin?

  What are you doing? Well, I mean, I, I, I was freaking out. I don't know. It was so weird seeing my worlds collide.

• 17:26Tig Notaro?

  She should have done it with your mom, actually.

• 17:29Mae Martin?

  No, my mom's, she's so shy. She wouldn't, yeah, but, oh, my God.

• 17:34Fortune Feimster?

  Hello, darling. Hello, darling Lisa.

• 17:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, hello, my darling. And then she showed me their email thread, her and my dad, and she'd been like, okay, James, I'll, I'll send you a Zoom link. And he wrote, okay, baby.

• 17:45Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. And now they're having an affair. I was gonna say, did you see any nudes in there?

• 17:58Speaker 06

  Hi, I'm Beck Bennett.

• 17:59Speaker 07

  I thought I was Beck Bennett.

• 17:59Speaker 06

  No, no, no, no.

• 18:00Speaker 07

  I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that.

• 18:02Speaker 06

  Exactly. No, all good. All good.

• 18:03Speaker 07

  Thanks, buddy.

• 18:04Speaker 06

  Yeah. And we host the show, What's Our Podcast? Here on HeadGum.

• 18:07Speaker 07

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• 18:30Speaker 06

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  It's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like, find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the?

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• 19:04Speaker 06

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  Friends Meeting.

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  Friends.

• 19:09Mae Martin?

  Friends meeting friends.com.

• 19:11Speaker 06

  Check out Squarespace.com/HeadGum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HEADGUM to save 50% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 19:22Mae Martin?

  But it really, it was still, you know, when someone, it's like when someone makes funny you really specifically, it's like so touching almost, but yeah.

• 19:30Tig Notaro?

  It's the best.

• 19:31Mae Martin?

  It was thrilling. So that's my, that's my big news. Other than that, I've just been driving around the town. I bought a new body wash, you know?

• 19:37Tig Notaro?

  I know. I saw this, I saw this car going down the road, just slamming into cars and light posts. Yeah. Just pinballing down the street. And I was like, look at May.

• 19:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:49Tig Notaro?

  Look at May go. Are you getting more comfortable?

• 19:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I love it. I'm way better now, guys. And I'm glad you didn't get in my car when I first got it.

• 19:58Tig Notaro?

  Cause so are we. I have no plans to ever get in a car with you. I will at some point, but I need your practice.

• 20:05Mae Martin?

  Look, you're driving Kim Kardashian around. I gotta drive you guys.

• 20:09Tig Notaro?

  I've been driving since I was 12. Oh my God. Why'd you wait so late? I was like smoking and driving since I was born.

• 20:19Mae Martin?

  I have my first make out in my car. Yeah. Cause I've always been the passenger princess.

• 20:25Tig Notaro?

  I think I know who you made out with. Who was it? Nobody. Was it you? Yeah, it was me.

• 20:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:34Tig Notaro?

  No, wait, why would you know? Who, what is happening? Two against one? I don't like it.

• 20:38Mae Martin?

  Well, when, when we filmed our mini-sode off, off mic, I was updating Fortune on my various.

• 20:46Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Well, bleep it out. Who was it?

• 20:50Mae Martin?

  I'm scared.

• 20:51Tig Notaro?

  I know. I scared it would like. Was it your dad? May scared it would somehow get in here.

• 20:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:56Tig Notaro?

  We'll tell you at the end of the, at the end of the pod. Oh my God. Cause we can't accidentally let it slip through.

• 21:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:06Tig Notaro?

  Shouldn't Alanis Morissette?

• 21:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:08Tig Notaro?

  That would be amazing.

• 21:10Mae Martin?

  But it felt good. Cause usually I'm the passenger and someone's dropping me off and then.

• 21:14Tig Notaro?

  I'm not listening to anything now.

• 21:16Mae Martin?

  All right. Okay. Okay.

• 21:17Tig Notaro?

  I don't, I don't care about. Anything unless I have this information.

• 21:22Mae Martin?

  Okay, well, should we, for Thomas, you're, we're bleeping this?

• 21:26Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 21:27Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 21:27Fortune Feimster?

  And you're definitely bleeping it.

• 21:29Speaker 05

  I promise to bleep it.

• 21:31Mae Martin?

  I mean, not even bleeping it, like, take the whole chunk.

• 21:34Tig Notaro?

  Who the hell is this? And all of this is staying in until this, okay? Oh, my God.

• 21:41Fortune Feimster?

  Who the hell is this?

• 21:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Who the hell is this?

• 21:46Mae Martin?

  Well, it wasn't who you think it is, actually, Fortune, but it was.

• 21:53Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 21:54Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 21:58Fortune Feimster?

  That's not exciting to you?

• 22:00Mae Martin?

  That's not thrilling?

• 22:02Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 22:02Mae Martin?

  You're not into her?

• 22:03Tig Notaro?

  God, no, I'm not, no, it's nothing against. I'm like, great, whatever. I thought you were giving me like scandalous information.

• 22:10Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no, not scandalous, just like, what a twist.

• 22:14Mae Martin?

  Though, yeah. Okay, cut that whole chunk out.

• 22:17Fortune Feimster?

  Well, some of it keep in, some of the teasing.

• 22:21Mae Martin?

  Okay, yeah.

• 22:22Fortune Feimster?

  But you can listen, you can listen to the edit.

• 22:24Tig Notaro?

  Teasing and then also keeping my disappointment.

• 22:29Mae Martin?

  No, okay, we'll come back.

• 22:32Tig Notaro?

  I was like, who was your first kiss that cannot go anywhere?

• 22:40Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 22:41Fortune Feimster?

  That was a bit of a bust.

• 22:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 22:43Fortune Feimster?

  Tig's not, Tig's not impressed.

• 22:45Tig Notaro?

  No, there was, well, there was more to the story, but anyway, oh, my God.

• 22:51Mae Martin?

  We thought it was juicy gossip, me and Fortune.

• 22:53Fortune Feimster?

  It was juicy, yeah, I thought it was some hot gossip, but.

• 22:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Tig is unimpressed.

• 22:59Fortune Feimster?

  Well, Tig's like, yeah, of course, that, that person would make out with you.

• 23:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and, but like, I thought if this was someone your first kiss and like who they must be now that you're so protective.

• 23:13Mae Martin?

  Wait, my first?

• 23:14Fortune Feimster?

  You, with this person.

• 23:16Mae Martin?

  Oh, for, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So who would have been?

• 23:19Fortune Feimster?

  I think Tig misinterpreted it, thinking that it was something scandalous. It's not scandalous, it was just.

• 23:25Mae Martin?

  Okay, so who would have got like the biggest reaction for you, that you would have been like, what? I guess someone. Like married and famous?

• 23:34Tig Notaro?

  Justin Trudeau.

• 23:36Mae Martin?

  Justin Trudeau.

• 23:38Fortune Feimster?

  Tig wanted a scandal.

• 23:40Mae Martin?

  Okay, yeah.

• 23:41Fortune Feimster?

  No scandal.

• 23:41Tig Notaro?

  You know me, girl. I always want a scandal.

• 23:44Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, you love a scandal.

• 23:46Tig Notaro?

  I love a scandal.

• 23:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you do.

• 23:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't know who would be exciting for you to make out. Oh, Angelina Jolie would, you have such a crush on her.

• 23:57Tig Notaro?

  That's always the answer, right?

• 23:58Fortune Feimster?

  That would be pretty exciting.

• 24:00Mae Martin?

  It would be crazy.

• 24:01Tig Notaro?

  Anyone that kisses her, it's like, that's, that's like a big deal.

• 24:05Mae Martin?

  It's a big deal in, in their life forever. And I don't, and if they're, if they say it's not, they're lying. Like, anyone who just, like, at a party kisses Angelina.

• 24:14Fortune Feimster?

  I don't want to kiss her, but I want you to kiss her.

• 24:16Tig Notaro?

  Why don't you want to kiss her?

• 24:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I'm more, I'm more of a Jen Aniston gal. I think you have to be on one team or the other, right? Still, or no?

• 24:27Tig Notaro?

  Well, like, removing any teams, it's like, you're at a party, Angelina's coming in for the smooch. And are you like?

• 24:38Mae Martin?

  Are you like, I'm a Jen?

• 24:39Fortune Feimster?

  I have cheese in my pocket.

• 24:42Tig Notaro?

  My pocket?

• 24:43Fortune Feimster?

  It's in my mouth. I'm pointing at my mouth, saying, pocket. Cheese in my pocket.

• 24:50Tig Notaro?

  That's how nervous you would be if Angelina was coming in.

• 24:55Fortune Feimster?

  I'm sorry, I have cheese in my pocket.

• 24:56Tig Notaro?

  I have a check hand, I have cheese in my pocket.

• 24:58Fortune Feimster?

  I have cheese in my pocket.

• 25:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, that is now the, the letdown line. That is what you say when you turn someone down and you give them no information.

• 25:09Fortune Feimster?

  Point at your mouth and say, I have cheese in my pocket.

• 25:11Tig Notaro?

  I got cheese in my pocket and then walk away.

• 25:14Mae Martin?

  I got cheese in my pocket.

• 25:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 25:18Fortune Feimster?

  I'm sorry to, I hope I let her down easy.

• 25:20Tig Notaro?

  Well, you did. You told her you had cheese in your pocket.

• 25:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she's gonna, she's walking away.

• 25:26Tig Notaro?

  I have cheese in my pocket. Oh my god.

• 25:30Mae Martin?

  She's walking away confused and.

• 25:32Fortune Feimster?

  She's like, I don't want to kiss her now anyway.

• 25:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Don't ever let me forget, I have cheese in my pocket.

• 25:41Mae Martin?

  But we will forget.

• 25:42Fortune Feimster?

  Pointing at my mouth while I'm saying.

• 25:44Tig Notaro?

  We forget everything we say on this podcast. I know. People come up like, hey, speedboat through the desert. And we're like, wait, what happened?

• 25:53Fortune Feimster?

  We only remember if it becomes a merch item.

• 25:56Mae Martin?

  If someone else tells, I just wrote it down, I have cheese in my pocket. It's the.

• 26:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's. Thomas, will you put that on the list just so we remember to turn down Angelina with that line?

• 26:08Fortune Feimster?

  Turn on anybody with that line.

• 26:10Mae Martin?

  I have cheese in my pocket.

• 26:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you have to point to your mouth though.

• 26:13Mae Martin?

  I have cheese in my pocket.

• 26:17Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god, I love it so much. And please sneak that in when it makes sense in any possible moment when you have to. Like if I say, do you want to go get coffee and say, I have cheese.

• 26:32Fortune Feimster?

  Now are you making out with her if she comes up to you at the cheese table?

• 26:35Tig Notaro?

  I have cheese in my pocket.

• 26:36Fortune Feimster?

  You're eating vegan cheese.

• 26:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm, well, yeah, and I'm, I'm married, so.

• 26:41Mae Martin?

  In a scenario where you're not and you're at the party.

• 26:45Tig Notaro?

  No, I'm not, I'm not a party kisser.

• 26:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I know what you mean.

• 26:50Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 26:51Fortune Feimster?

  That's the other excuse.

• 26:52Tig Notaro?

  I'm not a party kisser.

• 26:55Mae Martin?

  I can't believe both of you were saying you were rejecting Angelina Jolie. This is such garbage.

• 27:00Tig Notaro?

  Here's the thing is I'm pretty sure she would reject us.

• 27:03Fortune Feimster?

  Rejecting us, I know.

• 27:06Tig Notaro?

  She's got way more cheese in her pocket, by the way, in these scenarios.

• 27:11Fortune Feimster?

  We're just letting her down before she lets us down. That's how it works psychologically.

• 27:15Mae Martin?

  Okay, what if you're out and you're introduced to her and you're chatting, getting along and then, and you're like, oh my god, Angelina is so nice. And then at the end of the conversation, as she walks away, she goes, by the way, I have cheese in my pocket. And you realize that she listened to the pod.

• 27:30Fortune Feimster?

  She listened. I would feel like fools.

• 27:33Mae Martin?

  Be mortified.

• 27:34Tig Notaro?

  Would you kiss her, Fortune, for listening to the podcast?

• 27:37Fortune Feimster?

  I would kiss her hand.

• 27:38Mae Martin?

  We kiss everyone who listens to the podcast.

• 27:41Tig Notaro?

  Well, speak for yourself.

• 27:43Fortune Feimster?

  I would do the Tig kiss, kiss my own hand.

• 27:46Tig Notaro?

  What if we were at a party, totally eating chips and cackling?

• 27:51Fortune Feimster?

  I like this.

• 27:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. You turn and who do you see? Me in a corner, just making out with some girl.

• 28:00Fortune Feimster?

  I, wait, this is a scenario where you're not married, right?

• 28:05Tig Notaro?

  Oh, whatever scenario, whatever. You're just.

• 28:07Fortune Feimster?

  And you're suddenly a party kisser?

• 28:10Tig Notaro?

  I'm a suddenly a party, that's merch right there, party kisser.

• 28:14Fortune Feimster?

  I would be screaming.

• 28:16Tig Notaro?

  Party kisser. And you walk in the door.

• 28:21Fortune Feimster?

  That is a fun shirt. Oh, my God, we have more shirts. I'm a party kisser.

• 28:26Tig Notaro?

  So many shirts. We need to open a store.

• 28:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Party kisser is good.

• 28:31Tig Notaro?

  That's really good.

• 28:33Fortune Feimster?

  I feel like a lot of people would wear that.

• 28:35Tig Notaro?

  For sure.

• 28:35Fortune Feimster?

  If you were making out at a party, that would be wild.

• 28:40Mae Martin?

  Fortune and I would be screaming.

• 28:42Fortune Feimster?

  Touch people. I've had so many people come through my meet and greet lines going, May's coming here and you know, whatever month I'm going there. And then whenever Tig comes, but we know she, she's not going to do meet and greets because she doesn't like to touch anybody.

• 28:54Tig Notaro?

  She won't touch us.

• 28:58Fortune Feimster?

  We don't want to meet anyone we can't touch.

• 29:00Tig Notaro?

  Now, is it merch for also, I got cheese in my pocket?

• 29:05Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. We'll have to see how our listeners take to it.

• 29:09Tig Notaro?

  Okay, you have one shirt, like on the front, party kisser. And then on the back it says, I got cheese in my pocket.

• 29:16Mae Martin?

  Cheese in my pocket. I like that. Or, or a little like, um, like a stick and you can do either, either one. So if you're at a party and someone's propositioning you, you can either hold up, I have cheese in my pocket or a party kisser.

• 29:28Fortune Feimster?

  We're just spitballing here.

• 29:30Tig Notaro?

  We should probably spitball our merch another time.

• 29:35Mae Martin?

  I one time I had a party and afterwards my, I said to my friend, uh, did you have fun tonight? And he goes, yeah, I, I made out with, and then he said this person's name. Yeah. I, I made out with so and so in the bathroom and I went, me too. And this woman had, had made out with both of us.

• 29:55Fortune Feimster?

  Kisser.

• 29:56Tig Notaro?

  Did she have on the shirt?

• 29:57Mae Martin?

  She, she was such a party kisser. Yeah. I really, I, wow. I really respected it.

• 30:03Fortune Feimster?

  I do enjoy hearing about a party kisser who is just kissing, kissing everybody.

• 30:10Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god.

• 30:12Fortune Feimster?

  Male and female and pretty little ladies and ladies and everything.

• 30:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 30:18Tig Notaro?

  Are you not, are you a party kisser, Fortune? I know May is.

• 30:22Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 30:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, May's definitely, but that's how, why May used to throw parties was to be a party kisser.

• 30:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:31Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 30:32Tig Notaro?

  Thomas, are you a party kisser?

• 30:34Speaker 05

  Back in the day I was, but not anymore.

• 30:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:38Fortune Feimster?

  No one was kissing me at parties because I was by the cheese table.

• 30:43Tig Notaro?

  Cheese.

• 30:49Fortune Feimster?

  So I didn't even, yeah, I wasn't being very open to that.

• 30:53Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 30:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you were sending off.

• 30:56Fortune Feimster?

  I was too into the cheese. I really love a charcootery board.

• 31:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we know. You know why?

• 31:03Fortune Feimster?

  Cause it has the word cooter in it.

• 31:05Tig Notaro?

  That is exactly why.

• 31:09Tig Notaro?

  That's so funny.

• 31:10Fortune Feimster?

  Guys.

• 31:13Tig Notaro?

  How is it that we do it every single week?

• 31:16Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 31:17Tig Notaro?

  We deliver the goods every time, on time.

• 31:21Fortune Feimster?

  You and Stephanie never made out at a party?

• 31:25Tig Notaro?

  Um.

• 31:26Mae Martin?

  In the, in the early days when you like.

• 31:31Tig Notaro?

  I mean, our first kiss was in public at La Poubelle in Hollywood.

• 31:37Fortune Feimster?

  What? La Poubelle, that sounds sexy.

• 31:40Tig Notaro?

  That was when our photo was, you know, our first kiss was captured in a picture.

• 31:45Mae Martin?

  No.

• 31:45Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I don't think I realized, I don't think I realized that wasn't a picture.

• 31:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:49Mae Martin?

  Wait, so like a paparazzi picture?

• 31:53Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 31:54Speaker 00

  The paps, with the paps getting ya.

• 31:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, they're like, oh my God, here's two unknowns. Let's grab this.

• 32:06Tig Notaro?

  I was writing my book and I, it was like 11 o'clock at night and we, we had a texting relationship for months. And I was thinking, do I have a crush on this person? And then she, it was the first, it was like six months into texting that she was like, oh, I'm out with my friends. Do you want to come join us? And I was like, oh, sure. And then I was like, oh my God, I've been writing my book all day. I haven't showered. And then I was like, oh, she doesn't date women. It doesn't matter what I look like. So I just went down there all filthy and I had this big Canadian wool sweater on with an eagle on the back. And I walk into La Poubelle and she's sitting at this huge table with friends.

• 32:50Tig Notaro?

  They had just done improv next door at UCB and she was wearing a huge Canadian sweater with an eagle and hers was dark blue.

• 33:01Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 33:02Tig Notaro?

  Mine was, mine was off white. And we were like, this is insane.

• 33:06Fortune Feimster?

  That is crazy.

• 33:07Tig Notaro?

  We switched sweaters. And do you know Armin Weitzman?

• 33:11Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 33:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, anyway, he's part of that whole UCB world of long ago. And he was like, oh my gosh, you two get together, I'll take your picture. And as soon as we touched each other, we started making out.

• 33:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my God.

• 33:25Mae Martin?

  As a joke, like as a joke?

• 33:27Tig Notaro?

  No, no, like we were.

• 33:29Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 33:30Tig Notaro?

  We, yeah. And we immediately started kissing and our first kiss is captured. And then we went to my car and made out all night. And then the next day is when she wrote me the 50,000 page email saying, I'm not gay. I can't date you. And then I wrote, okay, Dyke. And then the rest is.

• 33:47Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my gosh.

• 33:48Mae Martin?

  Wait, but, wait.

• 33:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 33:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah. Like, so you started kissing in front of your friends, in front of the

• 33:54Tig Notaro?

  In front of her friends.

• 33:55Mae Martin?

  Oh my God. And I wonder if, before you arrived that night, if Stephanie had said to them, like, I don't know if I have a crush on this person.

• 34:01Tig Notaro?

  No, no, she's not that kind of person.

• 34:04Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, did, did one go in for the kiss first?

• 34:06Tig Notaro?

  We both.

• 34:07Fortune Feimster?

  Y'all both.

• 34:08Tig Notaro?

  And we are not those types of people. And we were just immediately like.

• 34:13Fortune Feimster?

  Party kisser.

• 34:17Tig Notaro?

  We did not have any cheese in our pockets.

• 34:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, wow, that's, that's pretty sexy. That's hot.

• 34:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:24Fortune Feimster?

  And it wasn't like you were doing a bit for the photo and then it got.

• 34:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, there was no bit. I was like full blown crush on this person. Here, let me show you the, can I show you?

• 34:34Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, please.

• 34:35Tig Notaro?

  The picture of our very first kiss. It's so insane. I can't even believe that we have this.

• 34:43Fortune Feimster?

  That is crazy. That is pretty crazy.

• 34:45Tig Notaro?

  It's so crazy. Okay, prepare yourselves and here it comes.

• 34:54Tig Notaro?

  Oh, look at the hair you have.

• 34:57Mae Martin?

  That is, for a minute, I wasn't sure which one you were and that you've never looked more.

• 35:03Fortune Feimster?

  Crane.

• 35:04Mae Martin?

  You never looked more Tom Cruise. There's something very Tom Cruise about the hair.

• 35:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:09Mae Martin?

  Wow, that is very romantic.

• 35:11Tig Notaro?

  Okay, are you ready? This is the final thing to blow your mind.

• 35:14Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 35:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 35:15Fortune Feimster?

  And this, I wanted to say. Blow your cooters and pooters off.

• 35:22Tig Notaro?

  I actually don't want to say that at all.

• 35:24Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 35:25Tig Notaro?

  Okay, and you, and you both, wait, yeah, is that a saying?

• 35:29Fortune Feimster?

  It is now. Cooters and cooters.

• 35:32Tig Notaro?

  Put on the merch list.

• 35:34Fortune Feimster?

  Throw it on the list.

• 35:34Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my, we need to start, yeah, we need to start a new list of, we're gonna blow your pooters and cooters. Oh, my God. What is this episode? What are we doing with our time? My family is at basketball practice and they have dinner and this is what I'm doing to make a living. But, um, so when I tell you this final part, you're gonna go, oh, come on, you knew, she knew, no.

• 36:05Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 36:06Tig Notaro?

  I was just back in town. I had been in New York. I'd been touring. I was back in town. And because I was in town, she said, come meet me. Not, she didn't say, come meet me. She was like, hey, I'm out with friends at La Poubelle and we're hanging out. Come meet us. It was Valentine's Day.

• 36:22Mae Martin?

  No.

• 36:23Fortune Feimster?

  Cute.

• 36:24Mae Martin?

  Oh, cute.

• 36:25Tig Notaro?

  So our anniversary is Valentine's Day.

• 36:29Fortune Feimster?

  She was looking for the smooch.

• 36:31Tig Notaro?

  No, she wasn't.

• 36:33Fortune Feimster?

  She was.

• 36:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:34Fortune Feimster?

  She didn't realize it, but deep down, she was looking for a smooch.

• 36:37Tig Notaro?

  She's not a bar kisser.

• 36:40Fortune Feimster?

  But on Valentine's, that night, after months of texting you, she wanted a smooch.

• 36:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she got it.

• 36:46Fortune Feimster?

  She sure did.

• 36:47Mae Martin?

  I have a really specific question, but.

• 36:49Tig Notaro?

  And now I lie down next to her with a CPAP machine on. But anyway, go ahead.

• 36:55Mae Martin?

  So in your friendship before then, had you ever had any prolonged eye contact with a little twinkle in your eye? Because that's my favorite thing.

• 37:04Tig Notaro?

  No, I think more than anything, anytime we went out to eat, we would just have so much fun, talk forever, laugh, stay at the restaurant till for like three or four hours. Then we'd go out into the parking lot, the sun would come up, that kind of stuff.

• 37:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:24Tig Notaro?

  And I would leave going, oh, my God, I think I have a crush on her.

• 37:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's a lot.

• 37:30Tig Notaro?

  But I didn't think she did. So I just went about my life and party kissed other people.

• 37:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 37:37Tig Notaro?

  Till she married me.

• 37:37Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you gotta party kiss until she's ready to only party kiss you.

• 37:41Tig Notaro?

  Yep, that's where we are.

• 37:43Fortune Feimster?

  And she did.

• 37:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:44Fortune Feimster?

  And look at you now.

• 37:46Mae Martin?

  And now you're rejecting Angelina because you got cheese in your pocket.

• 37:50Tig Notaro?

  Now you're real full of yourself. I got a pocket full of cheese.

• 37:56Fortune Feimster?

  Well, that was a fun treat. Thank you for sharing.

• 37:59Tig Notaro?

  Thank you for listening. I'm happy to always tell the story.

• 38:01Fortune Feimster?

  And yes, May, we should get to our question.

• 38:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 38:06Fortune Feimster?

  Today's question asker is one of my dear friends. He's a comedian, an actor, and a radio host who co-hosts the Sirius XM show What a Joke with Papa and Fortune. That's right, he's my radio co-host. His latest stand-up special, Home Free, is available to watch on Netflix. Tom Papa is asking today's question.

• 38:35Speaker 05

  Hey, handsome, handsome. It's me, Tom Papa, your friend, friend to all of you. Wish I could see your faces right now, but all I see is my face. I have a question for you. Have you ever, at any point in your life, at any age, stolen something?

• 38:56Speaker 06

  And then given that as a gift to someone else, and you never told them that you stole it.

• 39:07Mae Martin?

  Ooh.

• 39:07Speaker 06

  Have you ever stolen something? I don't know what your motivation is. I don't know what the situation is, but you needed a gift and you stole something and then you gave it to them and then you never, you never told them that it was stolen and they just enjoyed it and have it and hold it and you never said.

• 39:28Fortune Feimster?

  That's it.

• 39:31Fortune Feimster?

  I love Tom.

• 39:32Mae Martin?

  What a nice energy he has as a person. Yeah. How did you guys start working together, Fortune?

• 39:39Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I had met him through Aaron Foley, very funny comic here in LA. He was been dear friends with Tom forever. And, um, and then he Netflix wanted us, uh, wanted him to do a radio show and he was like, you want to do this with me? And I didn't really know him, but I was like, yeah, let's do it. And so we're in our sixth year together.

• 40:01Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 40:02Fortune Feimster?

  Doing this radio show. It's every Monday through Thursday, two hours a day. Good lord. I know. It's a lot of chatting.

• 40:09Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 40:11Fortune Feimster?

  On channel 93 on Sirius XM, if anybody wants to check it out.

• 40:16Mae Martin?

  And does Ginger still listen?

• 40:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, she still listens.

• 40:19Mae Martin?

  That's so nice.

• 40:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. She loves Tom and he, um, is a bread baker as well. I didn't mention that in his bio, but he's a fantastic bread maker.

• 40:30Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 40:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. He even just came out with his own line of bread baking products that have been doing really well for Nambe.

• 40:37Mae Martin?

  Wow. I'm trying to think of a pun on Papa somehow.

• 40:42Fortune Feimster?

  Papa. Breaking Bad Bread with Papa is his podcast.

• 40:46Mae Martin?

  Oh, nice. Um, okay, stealing things.

• 40:50Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I can tell you, I, I never stole again after my mom caught me when I was five stealing a piece of gum. And she made me go back in and be like, I'm so sorry, I stole this gum, I'll never do it again.

• 41:04Mae Martin?

  And were they nice about it in the store or they said?

• 41:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, they were nice about it, but you know, she wanted me to learn my lesson and I did. So I didn't steal this, but I definitely was, um, uh, trying to take credit for something. I was riding my bike around the neighborhood, um, when I was in elementary school. And somebody had thrown out a bunch of stuff on the side of the road. And, uh, one of the things they threw out was like, um, crocheted, like, you know, bless his home or whatever.

• 41:39Fortune Feimster?

  And I was like, oh, my mom's birthday is coming up.

• 41:43Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 41:46Fortune Feimster?

  And it even had like a little like, you know, it had gotten some dings being in the trash. And I was just like.

• 41:53Tig Notaro?

  Bless this heart.

• 41:54Fortune Feimster?

  Bless this home. Is, this is gonna be a pretty sweet birthday present. So I took it from out of the trash and gave it to my mom. And I'm sure she was like, thanks. Cause you could tell that was used.

• 42:12Tig Notaro?

  And abused.

• 42:14Fortune Feimster?

  Used and abused.

• 42:16Mae Martin?

  Did you give it a wash or no?

• 42:18Fortune Feimster?

  No, I.

• 42:19Tig Notaro?

  Excellent question, May. Excellent question.

• 42:22Fortune Feimster?

  I did not give it a wash. I was just like, this is, here you go, enjoy this. Yeah, I never, and I never asked her about that. I should ask her if she, you know.

• 42:35Tig Notaro?

  Did you see it around the house or did it go back in the trash?

• 42:39Fortune Feimster?

  It went right back in the trash. But I got credit for giving her a present.

• 42:45Tig Notaro?

  I wonder if some other kid found it in your trash and was like, bless his home.

• 42:51Fortune Feimster?

  Love this. The traveling knitted or crocheted bless his home.

• 42:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:00Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I have a similar one to that that someone made me. Hold on one second.

• 43:04Mae Martin?

  Oh, off she goes.

• 43:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, there she goes.

• 43:09Tig Notaro?

  Hmm. Oh, it's right there. What does that say?

• 43:13Fortune Feimster?

  A handsome listener crochet. Is this crochet?

• 43:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh, Fortune Marie.

• 43:18Fortune Feimster?

  Nice. It's backwards, but it looked just like this. It was a circle.

• 43:21Tig Notaro?

  No, that's not backwards.

• 43:22Fortune Feimster?

  For us, it's not backwards.

• 43:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, for me it is.

• 43:25Fortune Feimster?

  But a handsome listener made me this and but this is what the bus this home looked like. It was one of these circle things.

• 43:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, Thomas said it's cross stitch.

• 43:33Fortune Feimster?

  It's cross stitch.

• 43:34Mae Martin?

  Whatever. What do we say? What are we calling it?

• 43:36Fortune Feimster?

  I'm a nerd.

• 43:39Speaker 05

  Fortune said crochet.

• 43:40Fortune Feimster?

  I said crochet. I don't know. Cross stitch.

• 43:43Tig Notaro?

  Are you calling Thomas a nerd?

• 43:44Fortune Feimster?

  Not Thomas, just knowing anything about anything.

• 43:50Mae Martin?

  Is cross stitch like you put it on your wall? It's it's just it's not like a tea cozy or like a coaster or something?

• 43:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, this is just like a.

• 43:59Tig Notaro?

  So wait, where do you have it hanging on your wall?

• 44:02Fortune Feimster?

  I have it on my shelf. When I decorate my home.

• 44:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 44:08Fortune Feimster?

  This office, I hope to eventually have a bunch of like a shelf or something in here. Where I can put fun trinkets on it.

• 44:15Tig Notaro?

  Gosh.

• 44:16Fortune Feimster?

  Someone also gave me an owl. Um, a stuffed owl thing. Someone gave me a cro- this was crocheted, an owl, a crocheted Hooters owl.

• 44:25Tig Notaro?

  How do you know it was crocheted?

• 44:27Fortune Feimster?

  I don't.

• 44:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I knew that.

• 44:29Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 44:29Tig Notaro?

  And also, dream big. Look at you, hoping one day you'll have a shelf.

• 44:34Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 44:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 44:38Fortune Feimster?

  I put my Fortune Marie on a shelf.

• 44:42Tig Notaro?

  On a shelf.

• 44:44Fortune Feimster?

  So, yeah, not stolen, but I feel like that's adjacent.

• 44:47Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Then during Christmas, you can have Alf on a shelf.

• 44:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, God, that's good.

• 44:52Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 44:53Fortune Feimster?

  That's strong.

• 44:54Tig Notaro?

  I still got it.

• 44:55Fortune Feimster?

  Alf on a shelf.

• 44:56Mae Martin?

  Still got it.

• 44:57Tig Notaro?

  Alf on a shelf.

• 45:01Fortune Feimster?

  That's pretty funny.

• 45:02Tig Notaro?

  It's good. It's real good. I gotta be honest.

• 45:04Fortune Feimster?

  We might have to, at our next Hollybobs, we might have to do that.

• 45:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:09Fortune Feimster?

  Elf on a shelf.

• 45:11Tig Notaro?

  And it also might be merch where we can get an elf, we can get an elf, put in a Santa suit or an elf suit.

• 45:22Mae Martin?

  Tig, have you ever re-gifted something or like, yeah, or picked it out of the trash?

• 45:28Tig Notaro?

  I was, I mean, um, I was at a, some sort of industry, like, um, entertainment party long ago. Uh, and I was there with a comedian that has since gotten into trouble and, um, not discussed much anymore. Anyway, we were, we were at this party having a ridiculous time. And then he, he dared me to go up to the bar and just like, not hide, just walk up. Cause they had all of the alcohol out. And he, he wanted like a bottle of Scotch or something.

• 46:12Tig Notaro?

  And he was like, will you just casually walk up and just grab that bottle and then bring it over to me? And I was like, sure.

• 46:19Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 46:20Tig Notaro?

  I went over and, uh, nobody saw me and I just picked it up, walked over and handed it to him and we had a good laugh.

• 46:28Mae Martin?

  This, you love a dare. I wanna.

• 46:31Fortune Feimster?

  You wanna, you wanna see what you can make Tig do?

• 46:34Mae Martin?

  I wanna see what we can, yeah, what we can get.

• 46:37Tig Notaro?

  Well, there has to be, you know, it's like a certain thing.

• 46:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:42Tig Notaro?

  Where like, if I got caught, I wouldn't be scared to get caught because it's so ridiculous. Like the jug of whiskey or whatever I took was like, it, and the fact that I didn't run off. Like that I, the dare was go up and just casually pick that up. Like just bring it over to me. And so I guess that's stealing and giving something as a present.

• 47:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:07Tig Notaro?

  That's exactly what that is.

• 47:10Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 47:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. He gifted it to himself.

• 47:12Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. And probably drank it all.

• 47:15Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh. Yeah. He probably did that night. Yeah. Right then. That was a good one. What about you, May?

• 47:21Mae Martin?

  I can't think of, I can't think of a time I've stolen and gifted, but I have had a gift given to me that I later found out was stolen. By, in grade seven, Ian Peach.

• 47:33Tig Notaro?

  Ah, there he is.

• 47:35Mae Martin?

  Infamous. I was so excited because he came after school and it was snowing and he gave me this necklace and he said specifically that it was from Tiffany's. Grade seven, 13 year old, right? But I'm like, he's, you know, he's, his family's loaded. Like, he lived in this nice area. So I'm like, maybe he went to Tiffany's and got me a, I told everyone.

• 47:56Tig Notaro?

  I would never have known what Tiffany's was in seventh grade.

• 47:59Mae Martin?

  I told everyone in my class. I, I was so, like, I was just so deeply moved by it. And then the next time I was with him and all of his friends were there, I was like, Ian got me this. And like, and I was bragging about it and they all started laughing. And they said he stole it from the mall, from a little stand, like one of those crappy, little carts, yeah.

• 48:23Tig Notaro?

  It wasn't from Tiffany's.

• 48:24Mae Martin?

  No, and he stole it. Yeah.

• 48:27Tig Notaro?

  That Ian.

• 48:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And I mean, if you could have seen the necklace, it was clearly, it was not Tiffany.

• 48:36Tig Notaro?

  It was like a diamond missing.

• 48:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:39Tig Notaro?

  Uh, one time I was at The Grove here in Los Angeles and I, it was right when The Grove opened and some friends, and it was like, oh my gosh, The Grove. And these friends of mine were eating, but I mean, true, it was like, oh my gosh, The Grove is finally open. And, and, um, this group of friends of mine were eating at a restaurant there. And, uh, and they just told me the name of the restaurant. I had never been at The Grove. Like I said, it just opened. So I was running around in a panic. I was a little late for dinner and, um, and I, there's this woman working at like a sunglasses cart or something at The Grove. And I, and I just said, excuse me, do you know where, whatever restaurant

• 49:23Tig Notaro?

  is? And she was so rude to me. And she goes,

• 49:29Tig Notaro?

  No, I don't hang out at the Grove. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry, but you work at a cart at the Grove? Like, I don't understand where the snobbery is. But it was, it made me laugh so hard because I did, I felt like a loser.

• 49:46Fortune Feimster?

  I don't hang out at the Grove.

• 49:48Tig Notaro?

  Sorry, I don't hang out at the Grove. I don't know where that is.

• 49:52Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, I hang out at the Grove sometimes. I go to the Cheesecake Factory.

• 49:55Tig Notaro?

  We know you do, girl.

• 49:56Fortune Feimster?

  You know it, Adam's Peanut Butter Fudge Cheesecake.

• 50:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, anyway, I just, uh, I always really, I think about that woman every time I see one of those carts. Like, she just made me feel like the biggest loser that I had lunch plans.

• 50:14Mae Martin?

  It's so funny how like one interaction with a stranger and one sentence, they said, you'll, it'll stay with you your whole life. Like, you'll, you'll think about her, yeah, once a month or something.

• 50:23Tig Notaro?

  But I loved it.

• 50:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:25Tig Notaro?

  I loved it.

• 50:27Mae Martin?

  It's like when I, when I saw that woman running for the subway and she, she just about made it on. And she sort of bumped into this other woman and then, and then the woman goes, Jesus.

• 50:40Mae Martin?

  I've thought about it every day. Jesus.

• 50:42Tig Notaro?

  Jesus.

• 50:43Mae Martin?

  Jesus. Yeah.

• 50:45Fortune Feimster?

  I feel like that to have asked this question, yeah, that Tom must've had something on the top of his dome. I know. Tom's a thief. Yeah. Tom's a thief. That's what we're gonna find out. Oh, I did find a, a ring once that, um.

• 51:01Tig Notaro?

  Do you put quotes around find?

• 51:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I found it and, uh, it clearly was like costume jewelry. But I was like, my mom's ne- never gonna know that this is not real.

• 51:13Mae Martin?

  These trash gifts.

• 51:14Fortune Feimster?

  And I gave my mom another trash gift.

• 51:21Fortune Feimster?

  I was like, man, I'm a great daughter. Look at all these gifts I'm giving my mom.

• 51:26Mae Martin?

  Doesn't Lapu Bell mean the garbage?

• 51:28Fortune Feimster?

  Does it?

• 51:29Mae Martin?

  Thomas?

• 51:30Tig Notaro?

  Did I have a garbage make out? Lapu Bell means garbage?

• 51:34Fortune Feimster?

  I thought it meant the cooter.

• 51:36Mae Martin?

  No.

• 51:36Tig Notaro?

  My gosh.

• 51:38Mae Martin?

  And weirdly, I was at.

• 51:40Fortune Feimster?

  Lapu Bell sounds like a vagina.

• 51:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Pooh Bell.

• 51:44Tig Notaro?

  Fortune?

• 51:46Mae Martin?

  Are you talking to me? I'm gonna blow your cooters and poo bells off. Are you talking to me?

• 51:53Tig Notaro?

  How on earth is that what you've come up with? I wouldn't have even come up with garbage.

• 52:01Mae Martin?

  Poo bell doesn't sound like a vagina?

• 52:04Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 52:04Mae Martin?

  No.

• 52:05Tig Notaro?

  How does that sound like one?

• 52:08Mae Martin?

  Like a pous- pous- pousay?

• 52:12Tig Notaro?

  Fridge. It's fridge.

• 52:14Mae Martin?

  Cheese sauce.

• 52:17Mae Martin?

  Clearly, you guys don't speak the language of love.

• 52:21Tig Notaro?

  Clearly.

• 52:22Mae Martin?

  I would like to touch lapu bell. I'm glad I was right about that, but we've had a, we've had a garbage theme then. Trash gifts, lapu bell.

• 52:29Tig Notaro?

  Garbage vagina.

• 52:30Mae Martin?

  But imagine if someone, um,

• 52:32Tig Notaro?

  Cheese in your pocket.

• 52:33Mae Martin?

  If someone, um, found your dumpster tits and tried to re-gift them.

• 52:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. Do you think someone tried to repurpose your dumpster tits? Yeah, a couple of rodents drag them over to the house. Are they just like familiar?

• 52:49Mae Martin?

  There's those little nips. Or you see a rat with massive tits.

• 52:57Tig Notaro?

  Oh, good times. Everything about this episode made complete sense. Wait, has Tom told us?

• 53:02Mae Martin?

  No.

• 53:03Tig Notaro?

  No. Okay. Okay. Hit us, Tom.

• 53:07Fortune Feimster?

  Well, my answer is no. Of course I'd never steal. I'm not a monster.

• 53:13Mae Martin?

  You set us up.

• 53:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I stole. Uh, and now I'm lying. So now I'm not only a lying monster, I'm a stealing monster and a lying mons- uh, monster. I was little. I was small and I was, uh, I needed a gift from my grandmother. And my friend and I went down to town on our bikes and we went into a gift shop and I was looking around and I was like, ooh, that little, that little cup looks, looks quaint and that looks grandmothers. And the guy, the shopkeeper was kind of following us around. We were probably 10 and maybe 11.

• 53:53Fortune Feimster?

  And we were looking around and then, uh, I saw this cup and that owner was like, he knew we were up to no good.

• 54:02Speaker 05

  Kids don't have money. Why are you in a gift shop?

• 54:06Speaker 05

  I found, I, I, my friend distracted him and I stuck it in my shirt and I stole it.

• 54:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, and got on my bike and went home and then I gave it to my grandmother. I gave it to my grandmother and it's, she liked it. She liked it and put it up on her shelf, on her little grandma.

• 54:30Speaker 05

  One of those little corner shelf grandma.

• 54:33Speaker 05

  Looking things. With little things and that little mug sat on that shelf. And I would come over and visit even like later, like in college and stuff and it was always there and she would always point it out. And I would just sit there and think, I stole that.

• 54:52Speaker 05

  But it made her happy. So was I wrong? I don't know. That's a whole nother question. Guess what? This is it.

• 55:02Speaker 05

  That's the mug.

• 55:06Tig Notaro?

  It was worth it.

• 55:07Mae Martin?

  He stole it from his grandma.

• 55:09Speaker 05

  Have it.

• 55:13Speaker 05

  How much could it even have cost? I'm a monster.

• 55:17Tig Notaro?

  He is. He's a terrible person. But it actually reminded me of another, I, I did, I li- in a similar story, like I did, I stole something, I'm just remembering and gave it to my friend. There was a pet store that I used to go into to look at animals, just to like, you know, just to see the cute little things.

• 55:43Mae Martin?

  Oh, when you said that, I could just smell it. I could smell the sawdust and the aquariums and the, yeah.

• 55:49Tig Notaro?

  I see this little kitten in a cage.

• 55:53Mae Martin?

  Oh, no.

• 55:54Tig Notaro?

  Guys.

• 55:54Mae Martin?

  Oh, wait, you stole a kitten?

• 55:56Tig Notaro?

  I opened the cage, put the kitten in my shirt, got on my bike and rode over to my friend's house. And gave her the kitten. Yeah, and it was the same color as her bedspread and she named her kitten Bedspread.

• 56:10Mae Martin?

  And she kept it?

• 56:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:12Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, Bedspread lucked out. You stole a whole ass kitten?

• 56:17Tig Notaro?

  Well, it was just, it was in a cage and it was just a little poof ball. Like imagine if you saw, I didn't, you know, I couldn't, I, I knew I couldn't bring this kitten home. I don't know why I decided Kristen's mother would let her have it. But I was right. And then Bedspread's name became shortened to BS.

• 56:36Mae Martin?

  That's good.

• 56:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 56:38Mae Martin?

  You stole an entire creature.

• 56:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. Put it in my shirt and just

• 56:45Fortune Feimster?

  Kitty City.

• 56:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 56:47Fortune Feimster?

  Well, look at you. Everybody's

• 56:48Tig Notaro?

  I'm a monster too.

• 56:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm a monster.

• 56:51Mae Martin?

  I've called the police on all of you.

• 56:53Tig Notaro?

  All right, well.

• 56:54Fortune Feimster?

  I just took stuff out of the trash.

• 56:56Mae Martin?

  That's true.

• 56:57Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just trash.

• 56:58Mae Martin?

  I called Oscar the Grouch.

• 57:02Tig Notaro?

  But you took something at a store, gum.

• 57:04Fortune Feimster?

  I did when I was five.

• 57:06Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 57:07Mae Martin?

  Let me just to clarify, to clarify, I have stolen things. I just haven't gifted them.

• 57:13Tig Notaro?

  Your what?

• 57:14Mae Martin?

  Your what?

• 57:14Fortune Feimster?

  My boob was itching, sorry.

• 57:16Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie.

• 57:18Mae Martin?

  I don't mean to go to YouTube.

• 57:19Fortune Feimster?

  I don't mean to rub that in your face.

• 57:22Tig Notaro?

  Your boob? Please don't.

• 57:27Tig Notaro?

  Go to YouTube, Fortune just

• 57:28Mae Martin?

  I'm not scratching it now.

• 57:30Tig Notaro?

  Okay, but you can rewind it, okay? Or whatever you do, you go back, go to YouTube, you can see Fortune scratching her

• 57:39Fortune Feimster?

  My dumpster tit.

• 57:40Tig Notaro?

  Her dumpster tit.

• 57:44Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you guys. Look at us.

• 57:47Tig Notaro?

  Look at us doing it again.

• 57:50Fortune Feimster?

  Look at us.

• 57:51Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 57:52Fortune Feimster?

  I have a snow globe here.

• 57:54Tig Notaro?

  We're trying to wrap up the episode, Fortune.

• 57:58Fortune Feimster?

  Showing you what I got.

• 58:00Tig Notaro?

  All right, well, I'll tell you what I got.

• 58:03Fortune Feimster?

  What do you got?

• 58:04Tig Notaro?

  I am gonna be in Tucson on February 26th, Santa Fe, February 27th, Ventura, California, February 28th. It just goes on and on and on. Largo, March 6th. Go to Tignotaro.com and all show information will be on there. And sometimes dates do change, so apologies. And that's usually due to Star Trek shifting shooting dates. So my deep apologies if that does happen.

• 58:35Fortune Feimster?

  That just happened with me. I had to reschedule.

• 58:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 58:38Fortune Feimster?

  And I deeply apologize for that as well.

• 58:41Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 58:42Fortune Feimster?

  I would love people to spend Valentine's Day with me if they live in New York City.

• 58:47Tig Notaro?

  If you're a bar kisser.

• 58:48Fortune Feimster?

  Or if you're a bar kisser, come to the show, February 14th at the Beacon Theater. Um, that's my big show coming up. And then I'll have San Diego in early March. All the rescheduled dates are on my website. They have new dates in the spring and into early summer. Um, I'm coming to a lot of fun places, so check it out.

• 59:08Mae Martin?

  I am. My, well, it's, it's coming. My tour is happening so soon. I'm starting in Oklahoma City, February 26th, and then Houston on February 27th and Dallas on February 28th. Then New Orleans, March 1st. And go to maymartin.net for all the rest of the shows. There's, I'm going to 37 cities. A lot of them are selling out, which I'm so grateful. Um, but some of them are not. So come to those ones, please. And I love everyone. Thank you.

• 59:37Tig Notaro?

  Aww. Subscribe to YouTube. Share your favorite episodes. Like this one with a friend and, uh, help build the handsome community.

• 59:45Fortune Feimster?

  And get your merch. Uh, you can get your own Peanut Butter Bitch shirt, your own Frautcha Frau. Shirt, Fortune Marie shirt. And, uh, if you keep getting them, we'll keep making all these crazy ass shirts.

• 59:59Tig Notaro?

  Isn't it Frautcha Frauie?

• 1:00:00Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 1:00:01Tig Notaro?

  You don't know? Whatever. Dance till you die.

• 1:00:04Fortune Feimster?

  Dance till you die, Frautcha Frauie.

• 1:00:06Tig Notaro?

  Until next time.

• 1:00:08Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woolett. Email us at [email protected] and follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 1:00:27Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast.

• 1:00:28Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 1:00:33Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 1:00:36Speaker 05

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 1:00:38Fortune Feimster?

  And Hannah Simone.

• 1:00:39Speaker 05

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. Get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 1:01:00Fortune Feimster?

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:01:13Speaker 05

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time. Okay. Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr. And your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:01:24Fortune Feimster?

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.