Pretty Little Episode #51

Fortune and Mae join forces to talk about getting ghosted (by ghosts?), party games, and their favorite chores, on a Pretty Little Episode that is much more party than chore! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

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• 0:53Fortune Feimster?

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• 1:25Mae Martin?

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• 1:48Mae Martin?

  Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Handsome Pod for our pretty little episode. Episode.

• 1:56Fortune Feimster?

  It's fortunate.

• 1:57Mae Martin?

  And me, I'm a here in person.

• 2:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I like doing these with you in person.

• 2:04Mae Martin?

  Me too.

• 2:05Fortune Feimster?

  You can like feel each other's energy.

• 2:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, your energy is good right now.

• 2:08Fortune Feimster?

  I'm a big energy person. Did you know this?

• 2:10Mae Martin?

  No.

• 2:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I am a Cancer.

• 2:13Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 2:13Fortune Feimster?

  July first was my birthday.

• 2:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:16Fortune Feimster?

  And I, I would say if you looked up Cancer traits.

• 2:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:20Fortune Feimster?

  I'm pretty full on Cancer, like they're full on Cancer, like I line up with a lot of that.

• 2:27Mae Martin?

  Emotional, um, what else?

• 2:30Fortune Feimster?

  I feel, I feel energy very deeply.

• 2:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:33Fortune Feimster?

  Especially if I'm close to people, I can, I can tell if something's off.

• 2:38Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 2:38Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I can walk into a home and tell if there's like bad energy.

• 2:43Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 2:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I can tell if there's good energy.

• 2:46Mae Martin?

  But I wonder, is, is part of that like a learned hypervigilance?

• 2:51Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I've had a psychic tell me that I have to consciously like, uh, ta- like let go of people's energy. When I, after I walk out of a room.

• 3:01Mae Martin?

  I think I'm similar. I'm a Cancer moon.

• 3:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 3:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and, and I, I feel similarly like people, and I've really tried to like in my life be like which, who do I feel really good after I hang out with them and feel energized?

• 3:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 3:13Mae Martin?

  And who do I feel anxious?

• 3:15Fortune Feimster?

  It's important, yeah. And like, uh, I, it takes me a while to process emo- I'm emotional, like not, well, let me just start that over. I'm not an emotional person. I'm very even.

• 3:26Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay.

• 3:27Fortune Feimster?

  But I have deep emotions.

• 3:28Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 3:28Fortune Feimster?

  If that makes sense.

• 3:29Mae Martin?

  The rivers run deep.

• 3:30Fortune Feimster?

  The rivers run deep, but it takes me a while to process the emotions.

• 3:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:35Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what I'm feeling. If you were to like press me, I'm like, I don't know.

• 3:39Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 3:40Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, but I will show you an action.

• 3:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:43Fortune Feimster?

  That, uh, my, what those emotions are.

• 3:46Mae Martin?

  And will you take, will you say, I need time to figure out what I'm feeling?

• 3:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'll be like, I, I just need a minute to be like, how do I feel about this thing, you know? And I just have to like internalize it and think about it. I'm a thi- I think a lot.

• 4:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:01Fortune Feimster?

  I probably overthink too much. Um, but I, uh, care about people and, um, yeah.

• 4:08Mae Martin?

  You have a lot of empathy, keen sense of justice, I would say, like.

• 4:11Fortune Feimster?

  Lot of justice.

• 4:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like when someone's wronged.

• 4:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it, I'm not, I don't hold grudges or like anything like that, but if somebody does something I don't think is right.

• 4:20Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 4:21Fortune Feimster?

  I don't like that.

• 4:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, same.

• 4:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 4:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm also an over thinker, but I. I'm like, I won't, I won't take time to process.

• 4:29Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 4:30Mae Martin?

  I'll send an essay of my thoughts and feelings, but I'm getting better at that.

• 4:34Fortune Feimster?

  Before processing it? Oh, I will write things out and give it a minute.

• 4:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's smart. I'm doing that now.

• 4:39Fortune Feimster?

  Cause then I'll realize the next day, like, oh, you don't need to share all that. And you don't need to say all that.

• 4:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, also, people know, people know how you're feeling, a lot of the time.

• 4:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I kinda wear my heart on my sleeve. I, I don't shy away from like, if I, like, telling someone, like, a thing about them that's cool, or

• 4:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:58Fortune Feimster?

  or like a friend, if I appreciate something about them.

• 5:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:00Fortune Feimster?

  Like, I wanna tell you the thing, like, I, I don't have an ego in like, oh, will it look, if I tell someone a nice thing, will I look silly?

• 5:08Mae Martin?

  And the opposite, too. Like, not saying, this is what I don't like about you, but I think you stand up for yourself.

• 5:13Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, which is good.

• 5:15Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, sometimes when you're like, considered a nicer person.

• 5:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:19Fortune Feimster?

  That's, uh, assumed that you let people walk all over you, and I do not.

• 5:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you don't suffer fool.

• 5:27Fortune Feimster?

  I do not. I, well, people can be foolish, but I, uh...

• 5:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you suffer fools, but you don't suffer, uh, yeah, injustice.

• 5:33Fortune Feimster?

  I just don't, yeah, I just don't put up with being treated poorly.

• 5:38Mae Martin?

  I love that. Love that.

• 5:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. But that took time.

• 5:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:42Fortune Feimster?

  You know, I, I had to get to a point where I liked myself.

• 5:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:46Fortune Feimster?

  I think if you don't like yourself, you do allow that. And I have certainly had years of my life where I have let people walk on me.

• 5:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:54Fortune Feimster?

  But with age and time and therapy.

• 5:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:58Fortune Feimster?

  I genuinely like myself.

• 5:59Mae Martin?

  I've been seeing a life coach.

• 6:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, how's that?

• 6:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, great, cause I often start therapy and then it tapers off, or I don't, I dread it, and it's like, I find it really intense.

• 6:10Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:11Mae Martin?

  Uh, sitting across from somebody and diving into like, the hardest, deepest stuff. And I also feel like I know so much of it.

• 6:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 6:20Mae Martin?

  But this is a more roundabout way, this life coach, who is a, you know, a qualified therapist and psychotherapist as well, but... It's just a lot more manageable for me, cause it's like, I could do arts and crafts while we talk.

• 6:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah?

• 6:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and we're, we're talking about my day to day life, and we made a pie chart of my life, and all the different areas.

• 6:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 6:39Mae Martin?

  And it seems more functional and practical, and then we can talk around the deeper issues and the things and, and uh, but for now, I'm finding it less scary than, than therapy.

• 6:50Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 6:50Mae Martin?

  I'm still gonna go to therapy.

• 6:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 6:52Mae Martin?

  And I have been, but um.

• 6:54Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I'm not judging.

• 6:55Mae Martin?

  You look at me like, I'm gonna go to therapy.

• 6:58Fortune Feimster?

  That's on everybody's own time, you know?

• 7:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:01Fortune Feimster?

  And people go in and out of it sometimes, too.

• 7:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like you, you go if you're.

• 7:04Fortune Feimster?

  If you're dealing with stuff, you feel like there's more pressing things, and sometimes you need a break from it. You don't wanna overanalyze things too, you know? I find that sometimes people get too in their head about things and situations and relationships and

• 7:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:20Fortune Feimster?

  Sometimes you just need to chill.

• 7:21Mae Martin?

  Yes. Yeah, cause you, if you're just constantly repeating the same stories, I guess that therapy would help you break those stories, but uh, yeah, anyway.

• 7:31Fortune Feimster?

  Well, yeah. What is your sign?

• 7:33Mae Martin?

  I'm Taurus.

• 7:34Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 7:35Mae Martin?

  With Cancer Moon and Gemini Rising, I wanna say.

• 7:40Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what my other things are.

• 7:42Mae Martin?

  I think the moon is like your emotional world.

• 7:45Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. Well, I'll have to find that out. But I do feel pretty through and through Cancer.

• 7:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:51Fortune Feimster?

  And I, they say we're moody too, but I, my moodiness is just, I'm not a moody person.

• 7:55Mae Martin?

  I don't find you moody.

• 7:56Fortune Feimster?

  I just get quiet sometimes.

• 7:58Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 7:58Fortune Feimster?

  That would be the moodiness.

• 8:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:00Fortune Feimster?

  My mom would say I get moody sometimes with her, but that's.

• 8:03Mae Martin?

  You got licensed to get moody with your mom, yeah, you regress.

• 8:06Fortune Feimster?

  But that's just a parent kid thing, I think.

• 8:09Mae Martin?

  But you, yeah, you, you are a steady person. I mean, yeah. And you handle fatigue really well, or you just don't seem to run out of energy.

• 8:17Fortune Feimster?

  I guess not.

• 8:18Mae Martin?

  What's up with that, dude?

• 8:20Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, cuz yeah, I needed to, I'm taking better care of myself right now, which is helpful.

• 8:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like that.

• 8:27Fortune Feimster?

  My last tour, I got very out of hand and gained a ton of weight and I felt super lethargic. But right now, I'm just eating a lot less and trying to work out and that helps with the energy.

• 8:41Mae Martin?

  It helps with everything.

• 8:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:42Fortune Feimster?

  Although I will get gelato after this recording.

• 8:45Mae Martin?

  Oh, at that place next door?

• 8:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Why not? Come on.

• 8:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'll go to gelato, sure. Oh, my god, what flavor?

• 8:52Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, I gotta see what they have.

• 8:54Mae Martin?

  Cuz there's a place around here that has weird things like bacon flavored ice cream and stuff that I'm not into that. No, I want, I want a classic, I'd like a mango sorbet.

• 9:02Fortune Feimster?

  They have that at the, I, I like glanced on the way here. They have a mango sorbet.

• 9:08Mae Martin?

  Great.

• 9:09Fortune Feimster?

  Which is delish.

• 9:10Mae Martin?

  Delish.

• 9:11Fortune Feimster?

  Let's get to our questions after all this sharing of feelings.

• 9:14Mae Martin?

  I know, I know.

• 9:17Speaker 04

  Hi, handsome, my name's Latisha. Um, I'm a long time listener and a big fanboy of your podcast and all three of you. I am recording here in Melbourne, Australia. You really need to come and visit and practice your Australian accent. I'd be happy to show you around. My question for you is, what is your all time favorite party game and or board game?

• 9:43Fortune Feimster?

  Party game or board game?

• 9:45Mae Martin?

  Melbourne.

• 9:46Fortune Feimster?

  Melbourne, Australia. I'm not, I'm not gonna do it, y'all put me in this trap every time where I start doing my Australian accent and Toni Collette tells me it's not good.

• 9:55Mae Martin?

  That was.

• 9:56Fortune Feimster?

  That was really funny.

• 9:57Mae Martin?

  Pretty great.

• 10:01Mae Martin?

  I mean, I, I don't know where to start.

• 10:03Fortune Feimster?

  You probably have a lot, oh, Mafia.

• 10:05Mae Martin?

  Mafia's good, if you've got a.

• 10:06Fortune Feimster?

  What Traitors is based on.

• 10:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, so if you've got like eight people, it's ideal.

• 10:11Fortune Feimster?

  I have been in some amazing Mafia games, but especially back in my grindling days. It was like all comedians and artists.

• 10:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:19Fortune Feimster?

  So passionate, so dramatic.

• 10:21Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god. I played Mafia with, this is one, this was with Parv and a group of people and with Abby Jacobson and Clea DuVall. And a, and a bunch of other people and it was so intense and so much fun.

• 10:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 10:38Mae Martin?

  And Clea is. Absolutely an assassin.

• 10:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really?

• 10:42Mae Martin?

  And it's just so scary to question her. Like, she's like, seriously? You're, you think I'm the mafia? And you're like, oh, like, she just is so, um, she's so good at it. And then, and then my friend accidentally threw a knife across the table. It wasn't a good story. It was by accident, but it almost took an eye out.

• 11:00Fortune Feimster?

  Dude, that would be so gnarly.

• 11:02Mae Martin?

  He was gesturing and it flew out of his hand. And imagine if that just...

• 11:05Fortune Feimster?

  No, that, you don't want a game to go that way.

• 11:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, mafia is a good party game. It does take some people a minute to fi- to figure out the rules.

• 11:15Mae Martin?

  And to fo- I get, I'm like, guys, we gotta focus. Like, I, yeah, I can get irritable.

• 11:21Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 11:22Mae Martin?

  What about you?

• 11:23Fortune Feimster?

  I like that Mexican train game. Have you ever heard of that?

• 11:27Mae Martin?

  What's that?

• 11:27Fortune Feimster?

  It's like dominoes, but like, I don't know. I can't remember how it's played, but it's easy to pick up on. But it's a, you, you like stack dominoes in a certain way.

• 11:37Mae Martin?

  Mexican train?

• 11:38Fortune Feimster?

  There's another game that Natalie Maines taught me that's really fun with dice, but I don't remember the name of it. God dang it, I'll have to ask her. So I'll tell you next time.

• 11:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:49Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, but you would like that game. It's, you need to like four or five people. It's called, oh.

• 11:56Mae Martin?

  Is it fast? I like a fast.

• 11:58Fortune Feimster?

  Um.

• 11:59Mae Martin?

  Like with dice.

• 12:00Fortune Feimster?

  It's like you roll and if like you get sixes or like, you know, it's like, and you have to keep score and stuff.

• 12:06Mae Martin?

  And there's different rules and, yeah.

• 12:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but that one's, I know that's not helpful to our listeners, but it's a very fun dice game.

• 12:14Mae Martin?

  I like, um, a game, if you're ever at, I mean, which you will be, like the Emmys, or you're at like a really swanky.

• 12:21Fortune Feimster?

  One day.

• 12:22Mae Martin?

  Which I always am like, how fun would it be to get some big, some big game going with all those amazing people there? But what, so the game that I like to play, and I play it at the BAFTAs in England, is, it's called Tissue Shoulder. And all you do is you take a bit of a napkin and you roll it up into a small ball. And then the objective is to get it on the shoulder of someone without them noticing.

• 12:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 12:42Mae Martin?

  And then let it stay as long.

• 12:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 12:44Mae Martin?

  As, yeah, it's so. Fun.

• 12:47Fortune Feimster?

  And you did this at the BAFTAs?

• 12:48Mae Martin?

  I did it to some, some, some big names.

• 12:51Fortune Feimster?

  Some big people, really?

• 12:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:53Fortune Feimster?

  So they ended up being onstage with this?

• 12:56Mae Martin?

  Not onstage, because it would fall off. But it's more like people are milling around after. Or you're sitting in your seat and it's just having to walk by and, and just place it.

• 13:03Fortune Feimster?

  Imagine getting caught, though, from like-

• 13:05Mae Martin?

  Oh my god, yeah.

• 13:06Fortune Feimster?

  Some big actor, they're like, "What are you doing?"

• 13:09Mae Martin?

  Judi Dench knocks, knocks you out, yeah.

• 13:17Mae Martin?

  Should we hear Letitia's answer?

• 13:18Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:19Speaker 04

  I have a favorite game that's just called the hat game.

• 13:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:23Speaker 04

  And it involves a lot of acting and miming and all-around chaos. And I think that may, you would love it. And if you ever do come to Australia, please make sure to reach out and I will teach you how to play.

• 13:38Mae Martin?

  I know this game.

• 13:39Speaker 04

  Okay, thanks for being amazing and keeping me company on all of my dog walks. My boy, uh, my dog is a very bad boy. He's a goodest boy, but he's a very bad dog.

• 13:48Fortune Feimster?

  Aww.

• 13:50Mae Martin?

  Letitia, I'm there, and I know this game. The hat game, you, you put names in a hat of like famous people or, I mean, you could even write fake grapes.

• 13:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 13:58Mae Martin?

  You know, put in the hat. And then there's three rounds timed. The first round, you can describe it without using the words. Second round, you can only use one word to describe it. Third round is just mime. But it's really fun, because you gotta remember all of them.

• 14:10Fortune Feimster?

  Gotcha. I also like running charades.

• 14:12Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:13Fortune Feimster?

  That's fun, too.

• 14:14Mae Martin?

  Wait, what do you mean, running?

• 14:15Fortune Feimster?

  Like, uh, you like run to different peop- stations and they give you the clues and stuff.

• 14:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, what?

• 14:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 14:24Mae Martin?

  I wanna do that.

• 14:25Fortune Feimster?

  It's fun, it's active and, you know, you, you go to different people for it.

• 14:29Mae Martin?

  That sounds good.

• 14:30Fortune Feimster?

  The clues.

• 14:31Mae Martin?

  I like that.

• 14:32Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:33Mae Martin?

  Uh, should we hear another one?

• 14:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 14:36Mae Martin?

  I spaced out. I just left my body. You know what I just, I just had a whole thought?

• 14:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, what was it?

• 14:41Mae Martin?

  Where I thought, "I really wanna post something nice about Fortune on her birthday." And then I thought, "Maybe I'll get a pic, a picture with Fortune today, but I won't say it's for that." And then on the day, and then on the day I'll post it.

• 14:51Fortune Feimster?

  All that ran through your head in that moment.

• 14:53Mae Martin?

  In a split second, I went on a whole journey and then I was like-

• 14:56Fortune Feimster?

  I'm honored. The other day I was eating with, and I said, I was trying to think of a word between breakfast and lunch. And I said to this person, I said, I really was, I said, I can't believe for a second, I thought, I wish there was a word between breakfast and lunch. Cause it's brunch.

• 15:16Mae Martin?

  It's brunch.

• 15:16Fortune Feimster?

  But I literally was like, I wish there was a word.

• 15:19Mae Martin?

  You said I wish there was a word.

• 15:21Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my god. And I was like, what is wrong with me?

• 15:24Mae Martin?

  That's really funny.

• 15:25Fortune Feimster?

  Blunch.

• 15:26Mae Martin?

  Blunch. We should get blunch going. Cause to me brunch is still very breakfast focused.

• 15:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's like more pancakes. But lunch is more breakfast, I guess.

• 15:38Mae Martin?

  Or more lunch focused.

• 15:39Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah, cause it's more in the lunch, it's more of the word.

• 15:43Mae Martin?

  That's great. But how come there's no, um, lunner?

• 15:49Mae Martin?

  Or dunce?

• 15:50Fortune Feimster?

  Dunce.

• 15:52Mae Martin?

  There should be a, like, between lunch and dinner.

• 15:54Fortune Feimster?

  Four o'clock situation.

• 15:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:56Fortune Feimster?

  An aperitif.

• 15:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I love an aperitif.

• 15:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:00Fortune Feimster?

  In Europe, when you like go for a drink and they give you all these snacks.

• 16:04Mae Martin?

  Yes, or like an afternoon tea in England with a scone and the cream and all.

• 16:09Fortune Feimster?

  Did I tell you that?

• 16:10Mae Martin?

  No.

• 16:11Fortune Feimster?

  I love afternoon teas.

• 16:12Mae Martin?

  Okay, let's.

• 16:13Fortune Feimster?

  With the, all the trays of the scones and the sandwiches.

• 16:18Mae Martin?

  Cucumber sandwiches and little pastries. Yeah, me too.

• 16:21Fortune Feimster?

  A high tea, they call it, and I am all about it.

• 16:25Mae Martin?

  Oh man, that's good.

• 16:26Fortune Feimster?

  Let's hear our question.

• 16:30Speaker 05

  Hi, my name is Carrington from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. My question for you all today is, which historical figure would you most want to ghost you after one weird date and why?

• 16:41Mae Martin?

  You would, oh, who you would want to ghost you?

• 16:44Fortune Feimster?

  Jesus, you'd be like, where'd he go?

• 16:47Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's true. But he'd come back?

• 16:51Mae Martin?

  Jesus would be good.

• 16:52Fortune Feimster?

  I was seeing this really cool guy who's in his early 30s, long hair. He had all these friends around him all the time.

• 17:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:01Fortune Feimster?

  Preaching, he was a little preachy.

• 17:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:03Fortune Feimster?

  But he never judged anyone.

• 17:05Mae Martin?

  He turned my water into wine.

• 17:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 17:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:08Fortune Feimster?

  And then all of a sudden, one day, he just disappeared.

• 17:13Mae Martin?

  Wait, but to be ghosted by Jesus would be really hard.

• 17:16Fortune Feimster?

  Because it's for mankind.

• 17:18Mae Martin?

  Oh, I see, I see. Right, okay, yeah, that takes a sting out of it.

• 17:21Fortune Feimster?

  He was sacrificed.

• 17:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're right. You go, well, I gotta respect that.

• 17:25Fortune Feimster?

  It's for the greater good.

• 17:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's a really good answer.

• 17:32Mae Martin?

  I think I, would I want to be ghosted by, like, if I could have a first date with someone really psycho, you know, who, who I know would get too attached just because they're...

• 17:43Fortune Feimster?

  But you want to experience the freak in the sheets.

• 17:45Mae Martin?

  Yes, and then they, and then, yes, yeah. And then they can ghost me.

• 17:50Fortune Feimster?

  And then you don't have to worry about the aftermath.

• 17:51Mae Martin?

  Yes, exactly. Like, we're talking some Roman emperor, really. We're not, I mean, I was gonna say Emperor Nero, but I think he was really dark and fucked up.

• 18:00Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, we don't want to go too dark.

• 18:01Mae Martin?

  No, I want to just...

• 18:03Fortune Feimster?

  What about Joan of Arc?

• 18:04Mae Martin?

  I think Joan of Arc would be too like me, like, gender-wise, like, would be two of the same magnet.

• 18:10Fortune Feimster?

  Right, you need to go a different flavor.

• 18:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like, maybe a Cleopatra.

• 18:15Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 18:16Mae Martin?

  But I'd be sad if she ghosted me. Whereas if it was some twisted emperor and we just did really messed up stuff, and like, he put me inside like a giant bronze bull, you know, and then...

• 18:27Fortune Feimster?

  A bronze bull?

• 18:29Mae Martin?

  No, a bull. Because that's what...

• 18:31Fortune Feimster?

  Bull?

• 18:31Mae Martin?

  I think Nero put, put people in a giant metal bull and then killed them. I think. I don't want that, but I want some weird stuff and it would be fun. And then I go, he goes, "I kinda want to kill you," and I go, "Kill me next time," and then he ghosts me.

• 18:45Fortune Feimster?

  And then he goes, yeah, you live.

• 18:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, not Nero.

• 18:48Fortune Feimster?

  You live to tell the tale.

• 18:49Mae Martin?

  Whoever...

• 18:50Fortune Feimster?

  Caesar?

• 18:50Mae Martin?

  Listening to this and no, Alexander the Great?

• 18:55Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe.

• 18:55Mae Martin?

  That would be pretty hot. And he was.

• 18:57Fortune Feimster?

  By? He was?

• 18:59Mae Martin?

  They all were.

• 19:00Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 19:01Mae Martin?

  For sure, but Alexander the Great, his boyfriend died and he built this huge funeral pyre for him and like was in mourning.

• 19:09Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know all these guys were by.

• 19:11Mae Martin?

  They were.

• 19:12Fortune Feimster?

  Cause it was of the time?

• 19:13Mae Martin?

  It was of the time, I guess, yeah.

• 19:15Fortune Feimster?

  No one was judging back then?

• 19:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:17Fortune Feimster?

  You just murdered people if you were.

• 19:19Mae Martin?

  Was it?

• 19:19Fortune Feimster?

  When you were done with them? What?

• 19:22Mae Martin?

  Was it Hadrian was his boyfriend? And that's where Hadrian's?

• 19:27Fortune Feimster?

  I've never heard this. Have you, Thomas?

• 19:29Speaker 06

  Uh.

• 19:30Fortune Feimster?

  Were you aware of Alexander the Gay?

• 19:32Speaker 06

  I didn't know about that. Hadrian was Antonus's, um, boyfriend.

• 19:39Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 19:40Speaker 06

  Who were you on?

• 19:41Mae Martin?

  Alexander the Great's boyfriend?

• 19:43Speaker 06

  King Darius's eunuch named Bagois was, uh, he took as his lover.

• 19:48Mae Martin?

  Oh, I could be a eunuch. I've got eunuch energy.

• 19:51Fortune Feimster?

  I like it when they say took as his lover.

• 19:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And will you take a lover?

• 19:55Fortune Feimster?

  Will you take a lover? Do you ever use the word lover?

• 19:58Mae Martin?

  Uh, no, I can't. I can't. And even when people go, hey lover, I can't.

• 20:01Fortune Feimster?

  Hey lover.

• 20:02Mae Martin?

  I don't think I can do it.

• 20:03Fortune Feimster?

  This is my lover. That's, remember, did you ever see that Will Ferrell Rachel Dratch sketch?

• 20:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:09Fortune Feimster?

  It would be like, my lover. In the hot tub.

• 20:12Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 20:14Fortune Feimster?

  It is such a word. My lover. This is my lover.

• 20:17Mae Martin?

  I mean, it's a really nice way to put it in a way, but.

• 20:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:20Mae Martin?

  Instead of like, what?

• 20:21Fortune Feimster?

  Fuck buddy.

• 20:25Mae Martin?

  Um, let's hear Carrington's answer.

• 20:27Speaker 05

  My answer, Nikola Tesla. I just feel like he'd show up in a weird cape, over explain his crystals, and then disappear into a puff of pigeon feathers.

• 20:38Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 20:39Mae Martin?

  Wait, this is a different, like, take on Tesla than I'm used to, like. Like, yeah, yeah, cuz that he would explode into pigeon feathers and he was this sort of mystical Merlin figure. I liked that.

• 20:51Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 20:52Mae Martin?

  I did an escape room that was Tesla themed.

• 20:55Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 20:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was a lot of wires and knobs. It was too like intricate. Yeah, yeah.

• 21:02Fortune Feimster?

  Should we do a quick one?

• 21:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:03Fortune Feimster?

  One quick, one quick one?

• 21:05Speaker 00

  Hey, handsome. This is Roxy from Ohio.

• 21:09Mae Martin?

  Roxy.

• 21:09Speaker 00

  I love listening to you, especially when I'm doing chores and different things around the house or running errands. I feel like I'm so much more productive cuz I feel like I'm part of the conversation and just hanging out with y'all.

• 21:22Fortune Feimster?

  Aww.

• 21:24Speaker 00

  But my question is, what is your favorite kind of chore? Something that you like to do that just kinda, it's, it's weird, but no one else wants to do it, but you're just like, oh yeah, I'll do it.

• 21:37Mae Martin?

  The name on everybody's lips is gonna be Roxy. Thanks for going with me on that.

• 21:47Fortune Feimster?

  You're welcome. I got you.

• 21:48Mae Martin?

  Scary. I have like a spending problem, but not for big items. So just I buy clothes like online late at night. Like I'm just clicking, clicking.

• 21:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:59Mae Martin?

  So I end up having a lot of stuff that I don't wear and I'm not good at returning stuff. So my favorite chore is to go through everything in my closet and make a pile of stuff to donate and then, and then like see that my closet only has stuff that I wear that I like.

• 22:14Fortune Feimster?

  White t-shirts, some black t-shirts.

• 22:15Mae Martin?

  Basically, it's this.

• 22:16Fortune Feimster?

  And jeans.

• 22:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:18Fortune Feimster?

  You just spend all this money just to spend it.

• 22:20Mae Martin?

  Because I get excited at night. I think I could wear that plaid.

• 22:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 22:24Mae Martin?

  Double breasted suit.

• 22:27Fortune Feimster?

  Um, yeah, that's a good one. I love clearing stuff out. That's a nice feeling. I don't like a lot of stuff.

• 22:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:33Fortune Feimster?

  I don't like to accumulate. Uh, so there is something very freeing about donating things and

• 22:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:40Fortune Feimster?

  throwing things away.

• 22:41Mae Martin?

  Merry condo-ing.

• 22:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 22:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:43Speaker 00

  This doesn't spark joy.

• 22:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:46Fortune Feimster?

  Um.

• 22:46Mae Martin?

  And you do that voice to yourself.

• 22:48Speaker 00

  Isn't sparking joy, May?

• 22:51Mae Martin?

  Do you like sweep and vacuum and do all that?

• 22:54Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, I don't mind vacuuming. When, when Jackson and I were together, she was kind of that, she was very good about all that stuff. Um, I don't mind the outdoor, some of the outdoor stuff, cause when I was growing up, that was my chore.

• 23:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:08Fortune Feimster?

  Was yard work. Um, so there's, we have like a, like a, oh, the thing that you cut bushes with.

• 23:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, a trimmer.

• 23:18Fortune Feimster?

  Trimmer, yeah.

• 23:18Mae Martin?

  A hedge trimmer.

• 23:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I love going out there with that thing. We have these bushes that, uh, get unruly.

• 23:24Mae Martin?

  I can imagine you like, um, Edward Scissorhands whipping up the shape.

• 23:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 23:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, very bush.

• 23:29Fortune Feimster?

  There's these, these one bushes that just grow like constantly and I go out there like.

• 23:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:35Fortune Feimster?

  I feel very, I'm like, yeah. But, uh, yeah, I feel very protective in that.

• 23:40Mae Martin?

  I tonight have nothing to do and, but I have a list of like 20 chores to do and like laundry and I've been on tour, like I have stuff in my suitcase.

• 23:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 23:49Mae Martin?

  And I'm gonna put something on and do it. Like, do you listen to a podcast or music?

• 23:54Fortune Feimster?

  Music, podcasts.

• 23:55Mae Martin?

  I think I'll listen to some really awful true crime, probably.

• 23:58Fortune Feimster?

  Alright.

• 23:59Mae Martin?

  I can't help myself. What is that about?

• 24:01Fortune Feimster?

  I think that's just what you're into.

• 24:04Mae Martin?

  I guess.

• 24:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, yeah.

• 24:06Mae Martin?

  Maybe I'll listen to Handsome. Like, I, I haven't listened since.

• 24:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, check us out.

• 24:11Mae Martin?

  Honestly, well, well, a, a friend of mine just started listening.

• 24:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 24:15Mae Martin?

  From episode one. She was like, I never listened to it. And, and she was saying things from episode one that I was like, that's pretty funny. I think, yeah, I'd like to revisit. We could hear, uh.

• 24:25Fortune Feimster?

  Some of our quotes.

• 24:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:27Fortune Feimster?

  Our early day quotes. Pineapple apart, yeah, it goes.

• 24:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:32Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, I'm trying to think, uh, two against one, started back then.

• 24:35Mae Martin?

  We need more quotes.

• 24:37Fortune Feimster?

  I know, it's been a minute since we've created a new one.

• 24:39Mae Martin?

  But I don't know if it's that we've stopped being quotable or that people have stopped.

• 24:44Fortune Feimster?

  Stopped quoting us.

• 24:44Mae Martin?

  Quoting us, yeah, or like stopped lifting quotes.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  Have you gone away from our quotes?

• 24:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, if, please keep it going. If there's, if there's anything in here worth quoting.

• 24:54Fortune Feimster?

  Anything.

• 24:55Mae Martin?

  Please.

• 24:58Mae Martin?

  Let's hear Roxy's answer.

• 25:00Speaker 00

  Mine is folding laundry. I hate putting it away. I hate everything else about it, but I do enjoy folding laundry.

• 25:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I find laundry very zen.

• 25:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:10Mae Martin?

  I think Tig likes laundry, too.

• 25:11Fortune Feimster?

  I think so, too.

• 25:12Mae Martin?

  It smells so fresh and clean and, yeah, but I agree, putting it away, no good.

• 25:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:17Mae Martin?

  No, leave it in a pile on the sofa.

• 25:18Fortune Feimster?

  There you go.

• 25:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, fold it neatly.

• 25:20Fortune Feimster?

  Well, what a treat.

• 25:21Mae Martin?

  What a treat. It's always lovely to see you, bud.

• 25:24Fortune Feimster?

  You, too.

• 25:25Mae Martin?

  And thanks, everyone, for sending in your amazing questions. Keep sending them in, speakpipe.com/hansampod.

• 25:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, give us questions, advice, whatever you want.

• 25:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or if you need advice.

• 25:35Fortune Feimster?

  We have not gotten many advice questions, and I'm asking for them every time.

• 25:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I would love that.

• 25:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I guess all that remains is to

• 25:44Mae Martin?

  Keep it

• 25:45Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Wolet. Email us at [email protected] and follow us on social media at HandsomePod. What a podcast!

• 26:05Mae Martin?

  What a podcast!

• 26:06Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast!

• 26:10Speaker 06

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.