Pretty Little Episode #50

Fortune and Tig talk about their most frivolous regrets and brainstorm bumper stickers on today's Pretty Little Episode! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:48Speaker 00

  Pretty little episode.

• 1:50Mae Martin?

  Welcome to the Handsome Pods Pretty Little Episode. It's your gal, Fortune Famester.

• 1:57Tig Notaro?

  And it is your dear, dear, dear friend, Tig Notaro.

• 2:01Mae Martin?

  And we're back, baby!

• 2:03Tig Notaro?

  We sure are, baby. I love when you call me baby.

• 2:06Mae Martin?

  Oh, listen, because you're my baby, baby.

• 2:09Tig Notaro?

  I know I am. I know I am. Boo-boo-boo-boo.

• 2:13Mae Martin?

  Do you like pet names? Do you and Stephanie go all goo-goo-gaga with each other?

• 2:18Tig Notaro?

  Um, I mean, yeah, we have pet names.

• 2:22Mae Martin?

  Aww.

• 2:25Tig Notaro?

  I mean, do people not? Are people in relationship? Are you not?

• 2:30Fortune Feimster?

  No, I love a pet name.

• 2:32Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 2:33Fortune Feimster?

  Call me Sweet Cheeks all day long.

• 2:35Tig Notaro?

  Okay, call me, uh, Garbage Tits all day long.

• 2:41Fortune Feimster?

  That's quite a pet name. No, I like all that. I like all that, um, sappy stuff.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, we have numerous names for each other. And in fact,

• 2:54Tig Notaro?

  so much so, we have pet names that, has this ever happened to you? We have called each other that, because you know how you're so used to calling somebody a name? And then like, you have friends over and then you accidentally address them.

• 3:13Fortune Feimster?

  You accidentally call them Sugar Tits?

• 3:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, exactly. But it just sounds like their name to you.

• 3:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 3:20Tig Notaro?

  You know what I mean? But I mean, are there people just walking around the planet in relationships not calling each other? Like, Thomas, do you and Laura have boogie, boogie, boogie names?

• 3:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we have a couple like that.

• 3:33Tig Notaro?

  Of course.

• 3:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I mean, there's gotta be some couples that don't do that at all, that think it's gross. But I would think for the most part, love brings that out of you.

• 3:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. So, you caught me. We say those names. Yeah.

• 3:51Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 3:51Tig Notaro?

  Um, I also want to give, I also want to give people a little peek behind the curtain. We had some technical difficulties and I normally like to groove along with the theme song, but I couldn't hear it in my headphones for some reason. So if you're watching on YouTube, which I know many of you are, you'll see that I don't really know what's going on during the theme song.

• 4:16Fortune Feimster?

  You're just this.

• 4:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm just like, hmm.

• 4:20Fortune Feimster?

  In your closet.

• 4:21Tig Notaro?

  Thomas was grooving, though.

• 4:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we were both grooving. It's hard not to jam to that song. It's very catchy.

• 4:27Tig Notaro?

  It's real good.

• 4:29Fortune Feimster?

  They did a great job.

• 4:31Tig Notaro?

  So what's shaken, uh?

• 4:33Fortune Feimster?

  Bacon?

• 4:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:35Fortune Feimster?

  That's vegan?

• 4:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, what's shaken vegan bacon?

• 4:40Fortune Feimster?

  Um, not much, just, uh, living my life. Uh, I went to, uh, Milwaukee this past weekend.

• 4:47Tig Notaro?

  Well, as one does when they're living their life.

• 4:51Fortune Feimster?

  Where all your dreams come true. It's a beautiful city.

• 4:53Tig Notaro?

  I love it. Right there on the water. I, here's my prediction. Milwaukee is gonna become an explosively cool city one day.

• 5:05Fortune Feimster?

  It's already getting cool, I think.

• 5:07Tig Notaro?

  I, I know it's already cool. I know it. And the people that know that it's cool are there. But I think in a much bigger, on a much bigger level, people are gonna get hip to Milwaukee. In fact, it might be happening because of this episode.

• 5:21Fortune Feimster?

  I think it's happening because, uh, it's, they got some cool places there. I went to, um, Summer Fest, um, for a gig, not stand up, but just was doing some work there.

• 5:34Tig Notaro?

  Tap dancing.

• 5:34Fortune Feimster?

  It's got like, uh, 600 performers over three weekends. It's pretty, pretty big, uh,

• 5:40Tig Notaro?

  That's great.

• 5:41Fortune Feimster?

  music festival.

• 5:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 5:43Fortune Feimster?

  That was really cool and it's by the water and there's some neat like restaurants over there. I, I enjoyed myself very much.

• 5:51Tig Notaro?

  You been there before?

• 5:52Fortune Feimster?

  I have been there, um, to do stand up, which actually the, their theater, the Paps Theater and the Riverside Theater, two of my favorite theaters. And, uh, part of that's because the people are great. But the green room, especially at the Paps, has, uh, all these arcade games and records. And it's like such a cool vibe. And they have a barista.

• 6:18Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 6:19Fortune Feimster?

  A full on coffee situation with a barista in the green room before the show. And that is like my dream come true.

• 6:25Tig Notaro?

  Are you listening, other theaters?

• 6:28Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 6:28Tig Notaro?

  Are you listening?

• 6:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, cuz that one, I went, are you kidding me right now? I can get whatever coffee drink I want. They're like, yeah, this is, this is for you.

• 6:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's, I mean, I, I really feel like we're gonna be making some Milwaukee folk happy talking about their city. They're a very cool city. And it was the home of Laverne and Shirley, right?

• 6:53Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 6:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:55Fortune Feimster?

  Do you know, what was their little song they sang?

• 6:57Tig Notaro?

  Shamil, shamil.

• 7:02Fortune Feimster?

  We know it.

• 7:02Tig Notaro?

  Thomas, can you look up what their song was? Shamil, shamil.

• 7:13Tig Notaro?

  That was a good show.

• 7:14Fortune Feimster?

  It really stuck with us.

• 7:16Tig Notaro?

  That was a show I watched.

• 7:17Fortune Feimster?

  It was a show I saw reruns of more than watched. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Shamil, shamil. Haasen Pfeiffer Incorporated.

• 7:35Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think I'm doing it right.

• 7:36Tig Notaro?

  Five, six, seven, eight. Shamil, shamil. Haasen Pfeiffer Incorporated. We're gonna do. I mean, who, I mean, it's such a catchy song, but who on earth wrote this thinking this is the theme song for this show? I feel like if this was, if this was turned in these days, they would be like, I'm sorry. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Shamil, shamil.

• 8:04Fortune Feimster?

  Like, what is the?

• 8:05Tig Notaro?

  Haasen Pfeiffer Incorporated.

• 8:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:09Tig Notaro?

  We're gonna do it. Give us any chance, we'll take it. Read us any rule, we'll break it. See, that part makes sense. The beginning part doesn't read like it's gonna be a hit song.

• 8:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:24Tig Notaro?

  You can agree?

• 8:25Fortune Feimster?

  I can totally agree. That does not scream hit to me.

• 8:30Tig Notaro?

  And the hit part again is, we're gonna do it. Give us any chance, we'll take it. Read us any rule, we'll break it. We're gonna make our dreams come true, doing it our way. Nothing's gonna turn us. And then that, I feel like is where a producer might say, and I'm sorry, it ends there. Nothing's gonna turn us.

• 8:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, we really broke this down.

• 8:54Tig Notaro?

  Look, this is the Milwaukee episode, like it or not. Should we go to questions?

• 9:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, we should.

• 9:02Tig Notaro?

  From our listeners? Before we get too many people moving to Milwaukee and taking our little cute condo on the river?

• 9:10Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 9:11Tig Notaro?

  Cause we're gonna live there, sugar bug.

• 9:13Fortune Feimster?

  Sugar, sugar boo boo.

• 9:16Tig Notaro?

  Sugar what?

• 9:17Fortune Feimster?

  Sugar boo boo.

• 9:18Tig Notaro?

  Sugar boo boo.

• 9:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 9:21Speaker 04

  Hi, Hansams. This is Amy coming to you from Kitchener, Ontario, Canada. Love you, love the pod. My question is, what is one of your frivolous regrets? I'm not talking about a serious one, not talking about anything life changing, just something inconsequential that still haunts you.

• 9:42Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm.

• 9:44Fortune Feimster?

  A frivolous regret. Do you think of like purchases when you hear that? Or like an action?

• 9:50Tig Notaro?

  You know, I'm just now thinking about this for the first time in my life, Fortune. I don't know how or what I feel.

• 9:56Fortune Feimster?

  This doesn't really feel that frivolous, but I guess I think of a regret that's really not that big of a deal, I guess. I had a lake house.

• 10:09Tig Notaro?

  Which would make it frivolous, right?

• 10:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I guess so. I had a lake house in my hometown.

• 10:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:14Fortune Feimster?

  And it was something I'd always wanted, growing up, like we did not have a lot of money. And anyone who lived on the lake, I just thought like, oh my God, they have made it. What a life they have. And I got an opportunity to buy a place on the lake. And in a lot of ways, it made sense that I ended up selling it, but sometimes I regret that. And sometimes I wish I still had it, especially now that my mom's going through what she's going through. I would actually really love to have a place in my hometown to be able to go back there more easily.

• 10:53Tig Notaro?

  Do you stay with your mother?

• 10:55Fortune Feimster?

  No, she, she is in a little apartment and so I just stay at the local, one of the local little, um, like Hampton Inn or Best Western, you know, whatever those are.

• 11:06Tig Notaro?

  What room number? Maybe we could put something in there.

• 11:09Fortune Feimster?

  It changes. But, um, it, which is fine, but it would just be so much easier now. Having a place, it, but it was a lot of upkeep, you know, not living there. Any house on the water requires more maintenance. So I understood why, uh, we sold it, but there are some regrets there at times. But it's also like, not a big deal. It's like, whatever. We did it. It's done. But I think about that sometimes.

• 11:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Okay. Stephanie and I adopted two cats in the pandemic. I wish I'd snuck a third one in there.

• 11:53Tig Notaro?

  Cause here's the thing is we have three cats and then four people in our family. And we really want an orange kitty.

• 12:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:06Tig Notaro?

  Round out the crew. And we're all, me and Max and Finn have all been asking for an orange kitty and, and Stephanie's like, guys.

• 12:15Fortune Feimster?

  She's put her foot down?

• 12:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she put her paw down and she was like, guys, I really feel like we have enough kitties.

• 12:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Oh, I mean, I guess if you're getting two, sneaking a third one in there would have been the time.

• 12:25Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Yeah. That was the time because I just torture myself when I, um, when I go by, you know, little adoption places. Uh, I'm like, don't look, don't look, don't you look, don't you look.

• 12:41Fortune Feimster?

  Kitties.

• 12:42Tig Notaro?

  I do, but I, I love dogs too. I mean, listen, we also, we have our little dream dogs in our family that we all talk about. Stephanie wants a golden retriever. Finn wants a, um, corgi. Max wants a long haired wiener dog and I would like an Australian, uh, sheepdog.

• 13:04Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, okay. He's on a whole, uh, barn.

• 13:07Tig Notaro?

  We do, we do.

• 13:10Fortune Feimster?

  All right. I could see that for you one of these days.

• 13:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, one of these days.

• 13:14Fortune Feimster?

  Time.

• 13:15Tig Notaro?

  Um, so that's a frivolous regret that I didn't just throw another kitty in there.

• 13:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, alright.

• 13:23Tig Notaro?

  I didn't know it was my last chance.

• 13:25Fortune Feimster?

  Well, let's hear what Amy's answer is.

• 13:27Tig Notaro?

  It's gonna be good. I get, I know it.

• 13:29Speaker 04

  My frivolous regret is that when I was on maternity leave with my second child, the museum in town was hiring someone to be in a realistic dinosaur costume to perform at these exhibitions at the museum. And I was the right height for it because you needed to be a specific size. And I really wanted to, but I didn't go for it. And when I went and saw the show and saw that person in the dinosaur costume, I was so jealous. And it's all I wanted to do.

• 14:03Tig Notaro?

  That's funny.

• 14:04Speaker 04

  That's my frivolous regret. Can't wait to hear yours. Bye bye.

• 14:07Fortune Feimster?

  That's a good one.

• 14:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, very different from selling a lake house, though.

• 14:11Fortune Feimster?

  I know, mine wasn't as frivolous. I just couldn't think of anything.

• 14:22Fortune Feimster?

  Mine was more of a, I guess, bigger life regret, but at the end of the day, who cares?

• 14:26Tig Notaro?

  Did you ever learn how to break dance?

• 14:29Fortune Feimster?

  No, but I really wanted to.

• 14:31Tig Notaro?

  Okay, there you go.

• 14:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that is a regret for sure.

• 14:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:35Fortune Feimster?

  There are certain regrets like that, like I never learned to skateboard. Now, I'm too afraid.

• 14:41Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:41Fortune Feimster?

  I am a responsible adult who doesn't want to break bones.

• 14:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:45Fortune Feimster?

  But it's when you're young, when you gotta learn to that kind of stuff when you have no fear.

• 14:50Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely.

• 14:52Fortune Feimster?

  So yeah, breakdancing would have been a nice one. Cause I grew up on those breakdancing movies. You remember those in the eighties?

• 14:58Tig Notaro?

  I didn't watch it. I was like, I think, you know, I think the last movie I watched around that time was Urban Cowboy. And then I was out, you know?

• 15:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 15:08Tig Notaro?

  Any hootles.

• 15:09Fortune Feimster?

  Any hootles.

• 15:13Tig Notaro?

  Mr. Thomas, what else you got for us?

• 15:15Speaker 05

  Hi, handsome. This is Ella and her one-year-old son, Levon, calling in.

• 15:20Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 15:21Speaker 05

  We live in North Carolina and love you so much. You make me laugh a lot. And I know one day you'll make Levon laugh also.

• 15:30Speaker 05

  My question is, if you had to put a bumper sticker on your car, which bumper sticker would you put on and why? Or if you already have a bumper sticker on your car, what does it say and why is it there? May, I know you don't drive, so this is hypothetical, but you get the picture.

• 15:47Fortune Feimster?

  That's why we're leaving May out of this one, because May does not drive and cannot answer this.

• 15:53Tig Notaro?

  And because we're mad at May.

• 15:59Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not a big bumper sticker on the car kind of gal. But so in real life, I'm not going to put any bumper sticker on my car.

• 16:11Fortune Feimster?

  But I did see one bumper sticker that someone had, and it has stuck with me for years. And I guess if I had to put a sticker on my car, it would be this, and it just said fart gas.

• 16:26Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what does that mean?

• 16:28Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 16:31Fortune Feimster?

  It just said fart gas.

• 16:32Tig Notaro?

  And you would put that on your car? Fortune? Fortune, Marie, look at me and tell me, you would put that on your car?

• 16:41Fortune Feimster?

  Because it makes no sense and it's funny.

• 16:48Tig Notaro?

  That is the very last bumper sticker I would ever put on my car.

• 16:54Fortune Feimster?

  And I even took a picture of the car, and I still have it in my phone.

• 17:01Fortune Feimster?

  That's how much it's stuck with me.

• 17:02Tig Notaro?

  My friend, Megan, who is a handsome listener, hello, Megan. Her father is in his 80s, and he is, he like, this guy lives life. He plays pickleball obsessively. He's scuba diving, searching for treasure and like, yeah, ships that have, what is it? Sunk? Sunk. Thank you. Oh my God.

• 17:30Fortune Feimster?

  Shipwrecked.

• 17:32Tig Notaro?

  What is it called?

• 17:33Fortune Feimster?

  Sunk?

• 17:34Tig Notaro?

  That's right. Anyway, he is very sensitive about getting older because he just, I mean, this guy does not stop. Last time I was at his house. Joe brings me up to his second story, wanting to show me all of his new cameras.

• 17:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 17:53Tig Notaro?

  You know, I mean, this is a guy that is not packing up in life. You know what I mean? He has lighting packages. He's got cameras and movie cameras and iPod or iPods, tripods, whatever. Why am I talking about him?

• 18:08Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. You were, we were going from bumper stickers to him.

• 18:13Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 18:13Fortune Feimster?

  Does he have a bumper sticker?

• 18:14Tig Notaro?

  Meghan one time put a bumper sticker on the back of his car that said, be patient elderly driver.

• 18:25Fortune Feimster?

  That's funny.

• 18:26Tig Notaro?

  Ah, so funny. If you knew Joe. But anyway, it's funny that this question came up because not only did it get to give me a chance to talk about Joe, but just yesterday, me, Stephanie, Max and Finn, were walking down the sidewalk and saw this car full of bumper stickers, not just on the bumper, but on the windows, like the side windows. And every bumper sticker said the F word in it.

• 18:58Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 18:59Tig Notaro?

  And so we, it was parked on the side of the street, parallel parked. And we were all laughing, just walking around the car, reading the different F word bumper stickers. And we were like, come here, look at this one. And then there's also, you know, giving the finger. And it was such a funny decision this person had made.

• 19:20Fortune Feimster?

  They doubled down.

• 19:21Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 19:23Tig Notaro?

  I think I'd go with fart gas.

• 19:25Fortune Feimster?

  No, you wouldn't.

• 19:29Fortune Feimster?

  It was on an electric vehicle. That's why I think it said fart gas. I don't know.

• 19:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay. Um, I would go with probably something as basic as like The Pretenders.

• 19:45Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 19:46Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 19:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Just keeping it simple.

• 19:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, or I could see myself. Um, I've seen this bumper sticker a million times. Who knew that I had so much to say about this?

• 19:58Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 19:59Tig Notaro?

  I've seen this bumper sticker a million times and it's terribly dorky. But um, I think I would just go ahead and get it for myself and do it upside down like a lot of people do.

• 20:12Fortune Feimster?

  A pineapple?

• 20:13Tig Notaro?

  No, what is it?

• 20:15Fortune Feimster?

  Cause you're a swing, you're the swinger now.

• 20:17Tig Notaro?

  I'm a swinger now?

• 20:19Fortune Feimster?

  That's what an upside down pineapple is.

• 20:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I think I remember that. Um, no, I'm not a swinger.

• 20:25Fortune Feimster?

  I knew that.

• 20:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh, Po Buddies Nerfect.

• 20:30Fortune Feimster?

  What? Say it again?

• 20:31Tig Notaro?

  Po Buddies Nerfect.

• 20:33Fortune Feimster?

  I like that.

• 20:36Tig Notaro?

  That's so dumb.

• 20:37Fortune Feimster?

  Po Buddies Nerfect.

• 20:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Or maybe I just fill my car with just F. I don't even have a car. Stephanie has a car. I don't have a car.

• 20:46Fortune Feimster?

  I think you guys should have the, the ones with the outline, like the stick figures of each of you. And, and for all of you and Mactafin and the three kiddies.

• 20:58Tig Notaro?

  And then throw an orange kitty on there. And then put you and put Pookie Bear over you.

• 21:04Fortune Feimster?

  Dumpster dids.

• 21:08Tig Notaro?

  Over me?

• 21:09Fortune Feimster?

  I want to see that on the elf's car.

• 21:11Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 21:12Fortune Feimster?

  My mom had a, my mom loves stickers on a car.

• 21:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh, what does she have?

• 21:17Fortune Feimster?

  But the problem is she puts them on like crooked and stuff.

• 21:21Tig Notaro?

  So she's not very precise.

• 21:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. So then it just looks like wonky. She had on her old car, an Obama sticker. Um, and being in the South, she got a lot of dirty looks from people.

• 21:37Tig Notaro?

  Did she also yell out, "My daughter's gay"?

• 21:40Fortune Feimster?

  She did. She would.

• 21:41Tig Notaro?

  "How you like me now"?

• 21:42Fortune Feimster?

  She didn't, she didn't, she gave the dirtiest looks and she did not sweat at all. She's loud and proud of her, uh, being a Democrat.

• 21:53Tig Notaro?

  Man, I remember, unrelated to politics or anything, if people upset my mother when she was driving, she gave them the bird. And I'd be like, "Stop!" She would just be like...

• 22:06Tig Notaro?

  I was like, "Oh, God." I was mortified. Anyway, let us hear Ella's answer.

• 22:12Speaker 05

  If I had to put a bumper sticker on my car, um, speaking to three comedians, I want to be clever and cheeky, but in all honesty, I would have a bumper sticker that said, "I wish you well." Because, could you imagine if we were in a world where we were all well? It would look really different from the world we're in now, I think. Um, and, you know, we don't need road, any more road rage than already exists out there. So, I wish you all well, and thanks for doing what you do. Keep up the good work.

• 22:46Fortune Feimster?

  Nice. That's like a positive message. It could, that could also be on a engraved license plate.

• 22:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but I was also thinking, if Ella gets rear-ended...

• 22:58Fortune Feimster?

  She would not wish them well.

• 23:00Tig Notaro?

  Well, no, I would be, if I rear-ended Ella and I was slamming into a bumper sticker that said, "I wish you well," I would, I would not be very scared to go and say, "My apologies. I was, um, looking for something under my seat and I slammed into you and I, I, I thank you for wishing me well."

• 23:24Fortune Feimster?

  It makes me think of, uh, Gwyneth Paltrow. She got sued by a guy on a ski mountain.

• 23:30Tig Notaro?

  That is one of Stephanie's greatest obsessions in life.

• 23:33Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God, that trial was unbelievable.

• 23:35Tig Notaro?

  Stephanie followed that.

• 23:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and they found the guy, like, you know, he said he had all these ailments and they found all these pictures of him, just like traveling and living his best life. So, she sued him, you know, countersued him for a dollar because he sued her for running into him.

• 23:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:51Fortune Feimster?

  And, uh, she, the biggest F you, but like, this, with a smile on her face, "I wish you well." Everyone was like, "Oh!"

• 24:02Tig Notaro?

  Oh, because she didn't.

• 24:06Tig Notaro?

  Because she didn't.

• 24:08Fortune Feimster?

  So, yeah, it could have, it could be sincere, it could not be. Depends on the person reading it, their take of it.

• 24:17Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes. I feel like anyone reading Gwyneth's face in that moment, probably. I didn't see it, but the way you're describing it, it doesn't seem like she must have. But anyway.

• 24:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's more of like, good try, buddy.

• 24:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 24:34Fortune Feimster?

  I wish you well.

• 24:36Tig Notaro?

  I wish you well.

• 24:37Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna take my dollar and waste of my time and get out of here. Well, what a fun prelude episode. I like these questions.

• 24:47Tig Notaro?

  Yes, I always, I can't, I love getting these. I can't wait to hear what they have to ask us because it's always interesting and well thought out, you know, because not that our, our guests don't have great questions, but our listeners are really thinking about questions for a while because they listen to this show, you know? So, and they know what's been asked and what hasn't. And so it's just, it's really fun.

• 25:15Fortune Feimster?

  Such a treat.

• 25:16Tig Notaro?

  So Fortune, what do you, what do you have going on?

• 25:18Fortune Feimster?

  I'm going to Iceland, doing a show in Reykjavik here in a week. And then just starting back on my tour with like Boston and Chicago and Salt Lake City and Atlanta, Norfolk, all those places.

• 25:35Tig Notaro?

  Well, I've got some shows, Fortune.

• 25:37Fortune Feimster?

  Cool.

• 25:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm gonna be at the West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center in West Hampton Beach, New York on August 17th. Province Town, Town Hall in P-Town, Massachusetts, August 23rd. And then I'll be in Los Angeles, working out some new material at Dynasty Typewriter, September 21st. But I feel like, I don't know, our work here is done. And until next time.

• 26:05Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it.

• 26:06Tig Notaro?

  Pretty handsome.

• 26:09Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media, at HandsomePod.

• 26:25Speaker 00

  What a podcast.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  What a podcast.

• 26:32Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.