Megan Falley asks about unwanted questions

The incredible Megan Falley of the Oscar-nominated doc "Come See Me in the Good Light" asks Handsome a suitably poetic question on today's episode! Plus Mae meets a fan in the bathroom, Tig scratches weird, and the one and only... "Meegan Lazaru". Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:48Fortune Feimster?

  Cheers.

• 1:49Tig Notaro?

  Hey, it's your friend Tig- oh, you go. Girl, you go.

• 1:53Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, you go.

• 1:54Tig Notaro?

  It's Tig Notaro on the Handsome Pod. I'm sitting here with my co-host.

• 1:58Mae Martin?

  I'll go. Mae Martin. And?

• 2:02Fortune Feimster?

  I'm Fortune Feimster.

• 2:04Tig Notaro?

  How is it going?

• 2:07Fortune Feimster?

  It's going good. Good morning.

• 2:10Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. How did you have your eggs in the morning, May?

• 2:13Mae Martin?

  I haven't had them yet. I had a smooth- a smoothie.

• 2:18Fortune Feimster?

  I had a smooth. Did you just wake up, May?

• 2:22Mae Martin?

  I'll be honest.

• 2:26Mae Martin?

  And I, I, yeah, yeah, I did. I gotta be honest.

• 2:30Fortune Feimster?

  And that's fine. I, we appreciate the honesty.

• 2:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's almost past lunch.

• 2:36Mae Martin?

  I did, and I did text, um.

• 2:38Tig Notaro?

  Coming up on dinner time on the East Coast. Go on.

• 2:42Mae Martin?

  I'm embarrassed because I texted, I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be eight minutes late.

• 2:47Mae Martin?

  And that's how long I'd calculated to like, get dressed, get a coffee and make a smooth.

• 2:54Fortune Feimster?

  I saw you last night, did you, and I left at a reasonable, um, a rea-, well, fairly reasonable. We, so we had the Golden Globes.

• 3:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:05Fortune Feimster?

  And I saw you at an after party.

• 3:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you left at about 12:30 or what?

• 3:09Fortune Feimster?

  12:30, yeah.

• 3:11Mae Martin?

  I think I was maybe the last person there.

• 3:14Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my Lord. Was it the Amazon?

• 3:18Fortune Feimster?

  It was Nikki Glaser's after party. I, I, um, I went to the award show, so I was spent from, it wasn't all day thing.

• 3:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, those are long, long days.

• 3:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, Lordy.

• 3:32Mae Martin?

  I did not, I only went to that, that one party and, uh.

• 3:36Fortune Feimster?

  It wore you out?

• 3:37Mae Martin?

  It wore me right out. I was with Lisa Gilroy. I was her plus one and, um, she just gets me riled up. I just, we, we just get hyper and we stayed, we stayed very late. And then we came back here and we were listening to really obscure Canadian, um, 2000s pop. And it was a great night.

• 4:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 4:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, did you have fun? You looked great. You looked so handsome.

• 4:03Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, thanks, bud.

• 4:05Tig Notaro?

  What were you wearing?

• 4:06Fortune Feimster?

  I wore a navy Dolce and Gabbana tuxedo.

• 4:10Tig Notaro?

  Hello.

• 4:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, um.

• 4:13Mae Martin?

  An assless chap.

• 4:15Fortune Feimster?

  An assless chap. I had never, I had never been, uh, to the actual award show. So I went with the Zootopia 2, um, Filmmakers, uh, and that was fun.

• 4:26Tig Notaro?

  You had never been to the Golden Globes, you're saying?

• 4:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'd been to after parties and stuff, but never the actual award show. So it was, it was cool. It was fun to just like, watch people mingle. I stared at Julia Roberts for a long time.

• 4:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's so good to stare at a celeb.

• 4:40Tig Notaro?

  Are you just a fan or what's going on?

• 4:42Fortune Feimster?

  You know, I, you know, I love those girl next door movie star actresses from the, my childhood, you know, Sandra Bullock. Julia Roberts.

• 4:52Mae Martin?

  Mm hmm.

• 4:53Tig Notaro?

  I used to live on Julia's street in Venice.

• 4:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, no way.

• 4:58Tig Notaro?

  I don't know if she still has that house, but yeah, I lived on the same street that she did. And I would see her and her husband pushing their little Cubs. They have twins.

• 5:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they have twins. Yeah, yeah.

• 5:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'd see them pushing their Cubs around the neighborhood and it's like, that's uh,

• 5:16Mae Martin?

  That's Julia Roberts.

• 5:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, there's, I think she is one of 10 houses that she probably has.

• 5:22Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, she's pretty. Oh, my God.

• 5:25Mae Martin?

  There were a lot of beautiful people there last night. It was, but I walked in.

• 5:29Tig Notaro?

  In Hollywood?

• 5:31Fortune Feimster?

  How unusual.

• 5:33Mae Martin?

  Ghoulish, ghoulish people. I, when I, I walked in, in the first, first night, so was Breckin Meyer, who asked a question on our podcast and I saw a friend of the pod, we chatted to Alison Brie and Dave Franco and um.

• 5:47Fortune Feimster?

  And G Flip, G Flip's asked a question.

• 5:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, G Flip was there.

• 5:51Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 5:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was good. It does feel insane though, with everything going on in the world to be at those parties. And then I feel like I've, like, I have to say that, which is a real bummer at a party. Like, I'm going, well, anyway, but of course, all this is going on. Um, but there, I was saying that to someone last night and she was so like, flippant about it. She was like, yeah, but you know, it comes in, these things go in cycles politically, like, you know, we're in a bad spot and then it'll just swing back. And I was like, yeah, I guess. But then I was like, but it's not affecting you at all. Like, that's, like, we, I do think we gotta take action. Anyway, I just woke up, but I will say, my, my only, my two cents about

• 6:35Mae Martin?

  everything is the state and local election alliance. That's a great thing to do if you're feeling helpless, which is they direct money to the really crucial local and state elections. And it's a great place to donate if you're feeling helpless. I just, when that woman said that, like, yeah, well, you know, waited out, I was like, but no.

• 6:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, do, yeah.

• 6:57Mae Martin?

  Stuff. Do stuff.

• 6:59Tig Notaro?

  Well, there's no real waiting it out because there's always something terrible happening in the world and there always has been terrible stuff happening in the world. So I get that things come in phases, but. Hell is always going on.

• 7:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:18Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, how is every one?

• 7:21Mae Martin?

  Sorry, we went from Golden Gloves to that. Well, I saw Paris Hilton last night, though. That was exciting.

• 7:26Fortune Feimster?

  There you go.

• 7:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that was very cool.

• 7:28Tig Notaro?

  While they moved on quickly.

• 7:31Fortune Feimster?

  Really? Was JD's cycle gold? J Lo was dancing in the corner.

• 7:36Tig Notaro?

  In the corner alone.

• 7:39Mae Martin?

  I've been, have you guys been feeling very up and down with everything or like glued to your phone?

• 7:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, so it is a lot going on.

• 7:48Tig Notaro?

  Well, I was just telling Fortune and Thomas that I'm driving Stephanie nuts because I got an Apple Watch.

• 7:56Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 7:57Tig Notaro?

  And I don't know how to use it. So I am.

• 8:00Mae Martin?

  Why did you do that?

• 8:01Tig Notaro?

  I'm leaving my phone at home and at my hotel rooms and I'm trying to figure out how to use my Apple Watch with no success. And so I'll get home and the other day I had 68 texts. To be fair, I'm on text threads with different friends or jobs or whatever, but I was like, this is hilarious. Like, I must seem like I just don't care about anything or anyone anymore, which is not the case. I'm just trying to figure out how to use my phone.

• 8:31Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 8:32Tig Notaro?

  And, but I'm loving it because I told you about how I'm only getting emails on Thursdays now.

• 8:40Mae Martin?

  No.

• 8:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I didn't tell you that?

• 8:43Mae Martin?

  I missed that somehow. Maybe it was on a mini episode.

• 8:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you didn't tell us that.

• 8:46Mae Martin?

  You're only getting emails on Thursdays?

• 8:49Tig Notaro?

  Well, I told my assistant, my manager, that if something's urgent, reach out anytime. But if it's not urgent, send it to me on Thursday morning and then I'll have Thursday and Friday to deal with emails solely. And now I have an Apple Watch and no one can contact me, so I'm even more out of touch.

• 9:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 9:10Tig Notaro?

  So I'm trying to find a happy medium. So I haven't been glued to everything, but I am checking in with things here and there. When I get back to my phone and I catch up and respond and whatever, but I'm trying to find the happy medium. But I'm very excited about the direction I'm going because I don't want to be at the beck and call of every text and buzz that comes in.

• 9:37Mae Martin?

  Right. It's a bull, it's so bold to say I'm only receiving emails on Thursday. It's like, it didn't even occur to me that you could do that, but yeah.

• 9:46Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I already experienced it with Tig because I, at the award show last night, saw Tig's crush, Keri Russell.

• 9:54Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Yeah, were you shocked that I didn't respond immediately?

• 9:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 9:57Tig Notaro?

  Were you like, what's up with this bitch? Yeah, I'll tell you what. Well, I was also in San Francisco.

• 10:03Fortune Feimster?

  I did spell Keri's first name wrong, which Tig did eventually correct me on.

• 10:09Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I did.

• 10:10Fortune Feimster?

  But it was a lovely backshot of Keri sitting with her very talented husband, Matthew Reese.

• 10:16Tig Notaro?

  Don't bring him up.

• 10:17Fortune Feimster?

  I'm sorry. And I was like, hey, it's your girl. And no response. And I was like, well, maybe she's moved on.

• 10:26Mae Martin?

  You don't know, maybe Tig was like jabbing at her wrist, trying to figure out how to respond.

• 10:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, no, I, I, I, I promise you, I was completely, completely out of touch. But the good news is, okay, all right. I did respond to Fortune, but I one-upped her.

• 10:46Fortune Feimster?

  One-upped you big time.

• 10:47Tig Notaro?

  Big time. Because, yeah, hear me out. I'm at a red carpet for, I, I've been having to do a lot of different events, like all day and night for the last push for the Oscar nominations.

• 11:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:01Tig Notaro?

  And so I'm in line at this red li, red light, red carpet. And I see, who I've never seen in the flesh, Keri Russell waving her hands, mouthing, I love you. And I was, well, that's what I, I was like, well, that's obviously not to me.

• 11:23Fortune Feimster?

  I don't want to one-up Tig, but she also did it to me last night.

• 11:26Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 11:27Mae Martin?

  Wait, what is happening?

• 11:29Tig Notaro?

  Hold on a second, hear me out. So I'm just, I'm looking at her and I'm thinking, well, clearly that's not for me. And she's like, I love you. And, and then I look around and I, I point at myself, I said, are you talking to me?

• 11:43Fortune Feimster?

  Did you say moi?

• 11:45Tig Notaro?

  Moi? And she's like, yes. And so we start talking and I said, hey. You know, I've talked about you publicly and she was like, no, no, what? And I said, I said, I am about, I'm blushing. I said, I've spoken about how you are my type. I think you're hot. You didn't hear that. And she was like,

• 12:09Fortune Feimster?

  You did like a whole thing of ride a bike.

• 12:13Tig Notaro?

  And she was like, no, no. And anyway, so we chat, we take photos and, um, and she's trying to get like the perfect light. And so we both look as hot as we are. I was so underdressed.

• 12:26Fortune Feimster?

  They look very hot.

• 12:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And then as she's walking off, she was like, yeah, I actually did hear.

• 12:34Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 12:36Tig Notaro?

  She said, but I, I loved you before that. And I was like, all right.

• 12:40Fortune Feimster?

  All right. That's fun.

• 12:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was really fun. And she is an attractive person. I will, I'll confirm it.

• 12:49Fortune Feimster?

  And she seemed to have a super bubbly personality because she was like waving. She's like, hey. I didn't, we didn't take a picture because, you know, I didn't want to do that to Tig.

• 12:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, back off. Back off peanut butter bitch.

• 13:05Fortune Feimster?

  Those shirts are flying off the shelves.

• 13:08Tig Notaro?

  Are they?

• 13:08Fortune Feimster?

  They are.

• 13:09Tig Notaro?

  Wow. How do you know?

• 13:11Fortune Feimster?

  The merch people said that that's the, um,

• 13:14Tig Notaro?

  The hot ticket?

• 13:15Fortune Feimster?

  The hot ticket right now.

• 13:17Tig Notaro?

  More than Fortune Marie?

• 13:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Can you believe it?

• 13:21Mae Martin?

  You know what's, you know what's embarrassing? I ordered, I ordered one of the peanut butter bitch shirts from the website. And then I thought, I probably could have got that for free.

• 13:32Fortune Feimster?

  You can't be a shirt of your own merch. Yes.

• 13:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I ordered it. So that means you guys are making $3 each from.

• 13:43Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think we're making that much.

• 13:46Tig Notaro?

  My stepfather Cowboy Rick, um, he, when he would go to my shows, maybe I've told you this, he would stand in line if I was at the merchandise table, meeting people or doing any sort of meet and greet, he would stand in line. With the rest of the audience.

• 14:05Mae Martin?

  Waiting to meet you?

• 14:06Tig Notaro?

  Waiting to tell me that I did a good job.

• 14:09Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 14:10Tig Notaro?

  And I was like, Rick, you could cut the line. And he was like, absolutely not, absolutely not.

• 14:16Mae Martin?

  These people paid good money to be here.

• 14:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm gonna wait my turn to tell you. Every show he came to, he was like, I believe that was your best performance you've ever, that I've ever seen. That was the best one.

• 14:29Mae Martin?

  That's cute.

• 14:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, pretty great.

• 14:32Mae Martin?

  Last night was in the bathroom with Lisa and Leighton Meester. Leighton Meester was there waiting to use the bathroom. You know, Leighton Meester from, from Nobody Wants This and she's married to.

• 14:45Fortune Feimster?

  She was in Gossip Girl.

• 14:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:47Fortune Feimster?

  Married to Adam Brody.

• 14:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, so she's there and then.

• 14:51Fortune Feimster?

  Has no clue.

• 14:51Mae Martin?

  He has no idea, yeah. Blank expression.

• 14:54Tig Notaro?

  Listen, I'm still thinking about Carrie Russell.

• 14:57Mae Martin?

  So Lisa goes, hi, excuse me, I just want to say, I love you, you're amazing, but something really funny happened where my, and I hope you think this is funny, but my husband was trying to talk to me about you and he said, oh, you know, who's really great is that like Meegan Lazarus. And, and then she goes, oh, and she goes, I'm just saying he didn't know your name, but that's just because he's a man, but he said Meegan Lazarus. And so Leighton Meester was like, sort of chuckling, and then I said, I got a better one. My friend recently said Felicity Clockhart, and that really got her laughing.

• 15:30Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, nice.

• 15:31Tig Notaro?

  But who is Meegan Lazarus?

• 15:33Mae Martin?

  Not just a made up name.

• 15:36Fortune Feimster?

  Her name, Leighton Meester.

• 15:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 15:38Mae Martin?

  There's no one called Meegan Lazarus.

• 15:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I was like, I'm so lost right now.

• 15:45Mae Martin?

  It wasn't a great story. I'm still warming up.

• 15:47Tig Notaro?

  Was Meegan Lazarus? Did you mess up the name Meegan Lazarus or this person messed up?

• 15:55Mae Martin?

  Lisa Gilroy was telling Leighton Meester, oh, my husband called you.

• 15:59Tig Notaro?

  I need to tap out of this.

• 16:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:02Fortune Feimster?

  I'm lost.

• 16:03Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 16:04Fortune Feimster?

  My husband called you this crazy name. Isn't that funny?

• 16:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and she was sort of laughing, but then I tried, then I said Felicity Clockhart and she really liked it. liked that. And then a few hours later, I went to the bathroom and I heard somebody throwing up in the stall.

• 16:20Tig Notaro?

  It wasn't Megan Lazarus.

• 16:23Mae Martin?

  It was Felicity. No, someone was throwing up. And so I thought, I better wait and make sure this person's okay. So

• 16:30Tig Notaro?

  Megan Felista? Is everyone okay?

• 16:34Mae Martin?

  She comes out and she and then she's at the sink and she starts almost throwing up in the sink then. And I said, Hey, are you okay? And she goes, May? And I said, Yeah. And she goes, I love the pod. And then I said, I said, I think you gotta go home. And then she's holding a drink and she goes to take a sip. And I said, Is that alcohol? And it was like a clear drink. She goes, It's vodka. And so I said, No, no, no. And I took it out of her hand.

• 17:03Tig Notaro?

  She puked and rallied.

• 17:05Mae Martin?

  Took it out of her hand. I poured it down the sink and then I filled the glass up with water. And I said, You gotta drink that. And she was like, Thank you. I know.

• 17:13Fortune Feimster?

  Take this toilet water and drink.

• 17:17Mae Martin?

  You have to go home. And she goes, But all my friends are here. I said, They don't want you here. You gotta

• 17:22Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 17:23Tig Notaro?

  You gotta go night night.

• 17:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, go night night.

• 17:31Fortune Feimster?

  Right now she's texting her friends. You'll never believe what happened last night.

• 17:34Mae Martin?

  May stole my drink.

• 17:35Tig Notaro?

  She doesn't remember anything.

• 17:37Fortune Feimster?

  She might. She might be like, May took my vodka.

• 17:42Tig Notaro?

  I have a throw up story.

• 17:43Fortune Feimster?

  Let's hear it.

• 17:44Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 17:45Fortune Feimster?

  Everyone will go around and tell.

• 17:50Tig Notaro?

  My friend, my friend Steph is in town for all this. She's one of the producers she's who got thumbed. She's one of the producers of Come See Me in the Good Light. So she's staying with us while we're doing these, these little, you know, press, this press stuff we're doing. And, and the other night.

• 18:14Tig Notaro?

  After we all hung out, she went into her room and closed the door and then one of my cats just projectile vomited outside the door. And I told Steph was like, what? Should I take this personally? And I was like, no, I think, honestly, because nobody in our house closes doors. I think our kitty was just like emotionally distressed because Steph closed the door. And so my cat was like,

• 18:44Tig Notaro?

  Stephanie and I were in bed and she was like, oh God, a cat just threw up. She had to get out of bed and go clean up.

• 18:55Tig Notaro?

  Life, right?

• 18:57Fortune Feimster?

  Life is funny, y'all.

• 18:59Mae Martin?

  Do you have a throw up story, Fortune?

• 19:01Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I almost threw up in front of Arnold once. It would have been like, your stomach is weak. I got food poisoning and was like having the grumbles that morning. And I was like, oh, what's wrong? Like, and I, and, and one of the makeup artists was like, here, drink some tea and it made it worse.

• 19:27Fortune Feimster?

  And, and, but I was like, okay, maybe I'll be okay. I'll just like push through and I was sitting beside Arnold and all of a sudden I, and we were about like started shooting and I could feel it kind of coming up.

• 19:41Tig Notaro?

  During a take?

• 19:42Fortune Feimster?

  And I had seconds to be like, am I about to?

• 19:44Tig Notaro?

  Was it also coming down?

• 19:46Fortune Feimster?

  No, it was just, just a throw up. And I was like, am I going to throw up and on a desk beside, sitting beside Arnold Schwarzenegger? I was like, I can't do, like, this cannot be our story together. And so I just like, during the middle of the take, just stood up and bolted out of the room and didn't even make it to the trash can, right in the hallway.

• 20:13Tig Notaro?

  Oh, man.

• 20:15Fortune Feimster?

  I was like, I am, I know. I was like, I am not throwing up in front of this man.

• 20:22Tig Notaro?

  I feel like, would he throw up in front of you?

• 20:25Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 20:26Mae Martin?

  I don't think he's ever thrown up.

• 20:29Fortune Feimster?

  Never, ever.

• 20:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, he's got the strength to keep that in his body.

• 20:33Mae Martin?

  He's just holding it. Yeah.

• 20:35Fortune Feimster?

  You will not, you will not come out of my body.

• 20:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:39Fortune Feimster?

  No, I couldn't. I didn't have the strength.

• 20:42Tig Notaro?

  By the way, if you're ever sick, you're throwing up, shooting out other areas, let it go. Your body knows what it's doing. Don't take medicine that's gonna hold on to that stuff. Like, why is everyone desperate to hold on to their diarrhea? Anyway.

• 21:02Fortune Feimster?

  Only, I think they're only doing that if they like have to go somewhere.

• 21:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay. That makes more sense.

• 21:08Mae Martin?

  If you're at home. They're like, keep it in, keep it in.

• 21:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. That's mine. I'm holding on to it.

• 21:13Fortune Feimster?

  If you're going somewhere, you're like, oh, God, I don't want to be having this happen.

• 21:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I understand now. Now that I think it through.

• 21:22Mae Martin?

  I have only one pro up story.

• 21:24Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yes, please may I share yours?

• 21:26Mae Martin?

  Well, all I can think of is when I was about 12, I was really feeling sick. I'd eaten macaroni salad that I think was bad. And my parents didn't believe me because I was boy who cried wolf so much. I would fake, I would fake sick.

• 21:40Tig Notaro?

  I can't, I don't believe it. I'm gonna need proof.

• 21:43Fortune Feimster?

  I don't believe this either.

• 21:45Mae Martin?

  It was because I'd get anxious. I wouldn't want to go to school because I couldn't say, I'm anxious. So I would say, oh, my arm fell off or whatever.

• 21:52Tig Notaro?

  Of course.

• 21:54Mae Martin?

  So my, I, my parents were like, you gotta go. It was an after school drama program that I was signed up in called the Trinity Basement Theater. And I really, I begged not to go. And they made me go. And then I was sitting in the rows of seats and it was, we were rehearsing for this like religious theater thing. And then I, I thought to myself, okay, it's coming. I'm gonna throw up. And vindictively, like I was, I was so vindicated that I just projectile, I, I, I made it like I went, ah, and it went all over the, like it was so projectile, but I did it. I was like, because I was so pissed that they hadn't believed me.

• 22:37Fortune Feimster?

  I showed you guys.

• 22:40Tig Notaro?

  One of my favorite, um, uh, since, I mean, welcome to the show if you're a new listener. One of my favorite throw up stories was, um, my, my first girlfriend's sister's daughter. So my first girlfriend's niece, when she was two, was sitting on the bed, watching Sesame Street, while her mother was folding clothes on the bed. And this little two-year-old, watching Sesame Street, projectile vomits while she's just enjoying herself in her life, watching this wonderful television show. And then she turns to her mother and she goes, what happened?

• 23:25Tig Notaro?

  Like she was so confused because she was so new to the world. Like all she knew was like, she's enjoying herself. What the hell is this?

• 23:35Mae Martin?

  The hell was that?

• 23:36Fortune Feimster?

  That's funny. What happened?

• 23:38Tig Notaro?

  What happened? And May, I have to say, since you and I did our, um, mini episode, I keep laughing about, it's been.

• 23:48Mae Martin?

  Me too.

• 23:50Fortune Feimster?

  It's been.

• 23:52Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna, you know what? I'm hosting, um, the Juno Awards in Canada, like the Canadian Music Awards. And I think that would kill there maybe because it's Canadian.

• 24:02Tig Notaro?

  It's so good.

• 24:03Mae Martin?

  I might say it's so nice to be in a room where everyone knows what I mean when I say, it's been.

• 24:09Tig Notaro?

  Do you know what song that is, Fortune?

• 24:11Fortune Feimster?

  Is that Bear Deck of Lame?

• 24:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, of course it is. I'm so glad. It's just such a tiny, it's such a great, that's just so funny, May.

• 24:21Fortune Feimster?

  It's been. What are the Juno Awards?

• 24:24Mae Martin?

  They're in the end of March and they're giving Joni Mitchell a lifetime achievement award. So I'm going to be, I'm going to meet Joni Mitchell. What will I say to her? I, yeah.

• 24:33Fortune Feimster?

  Going on Christmas.

• 24:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:36Fortune Feimster?

  Cutting down trees.

• 24:38Mae Martin?

  Actually, guys, I just went to Toronto to, I had like.

• 24:44Fortune Feimster?

  It's been.

• 24:45Mae Martin?

  It's been.

• 24:48Mae Martin?

  I went to Toronto to do like two days of filming promo for this Junos hosting thing. And I had something happen to me that has never happened to me before, which is I burst into tears in the middle of a photo shoot. It was like 10 people watching and I'm in this suit. And I know this is going to be like the key art for like, May is hosting the Junos. And there's like, all these people just standing, expressionless, kind of looking at me going, yeah, maybe something better than this. And I catch sight of the monitors and I just am like, I hate what I look like. And like, the pants were too tight. I don't know. I just shouldn't have looked at the monitors, you know? And then I get a lump in my throat and I go, I said,

• 25:30Mae Martin?

  I'm just gonna go pee. And then the photographer comes over and goes, are you okay? And you know, when someone sees you? Oh, when they ask, it makes it worse. Yeah. All of a sudden, you're like, no, no. I'm so sorry. I don't know. I just, and I start, I start crying and, and I, and then everyone acts like I am a mental patient. Like, I am like so fragile. Everyone's like, oh my God, man. And I go, guys, it's totally, I'm probably getting my period. I'm like, fine. I go, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be back in like 10 minutes. And I go out, people are going, should we pull the shoot? May, do you want us to cancel it? It's, this is, we don't want you to be uncomfortable. And that's making me cry more because I'm going, it's just a photo shoot.

• 26:09Tig Notaro?

  That's your star level, though, right there. Everyone like, oh, my gosh, May's not happy.

• 26:14Fortune Feimster?

  What's this on your IMDb score?

• 26:18Tig Notaro?

  Thomas, can you look up May's IMDb score? See if this is reasonable?

• 26:24Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 26:25Fortune Feimster?

  If this behavior matches the score.

• 26:29Mae Martin?

  So I changed, oh, I'm 100.

• 26:31Tig Notaro?

  108. May, you are a bona fide star.

• 26:35Fortune Feimster?

  You're a star, baby.

• 26:37Mae Martin?

  No way, man.

• 26:37Tig Notaro?

  I'm lost in the shuffle so far away.

• 26:41Fortune Feimster?

  You're a star, baby.

• 26:44Mae Martin?

  But so I go out and I'm trying to stop crying, but it's like the floodgates have opened. I don't know what it was. And then, so my, my makeup's getting all fucked up. And then I go back in like 10 minutes later.

• 26:55Tig Notaro?

  Your clear makeup. Go on.

• 26:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, my invisible makeups.

• 26:58Tig Notaro?

  Yep.

• 26:59Mae Martin?

  And they've erected these poles with, and put this black fabric up to block everybody. So it feels like I'm by myself. And, but I know they're all just standing behind the curtain, looking at the monitors. Oh, man, it was embarrassing. And I was like, it's really fine. It's nothing to do with anything except my own

• 27:19Tig Notaro?

  You're like, I'm not even gonna bring it up on my podcast. It's no big deal. Everyone move on.

• 27:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 27:27Mae Martin?

  It's been, uh, but it was just, I think, just like gender stuff and they, but they were so nice about it, but the more, the nicer they were, the more I cried, you know?

• 27:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 27:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:37Fortune Feimster?

  But you got through it. The photo shoot ended up being okay?

• 27:41Mae Martin?

  Totally. It was

• 27:42Tig Notaro?

  Or were you crying through it? That would be interesting, too.

• 27:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, those are artsy photos.

• 27:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Imagine on CBC.

• 27:49Fortune Feimster?

  Mascara running down your face.

• 27:50Mae Martin?

  Yes. Swollen red

• 27:53Fortune Feimster?

  Lip, lip taint all over your lips.

• 27:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:56Fortune Feimster?

  Um, also, did you notice Tig scratch like this?

• 28:00Tig Notaro?

  I did because I, I wanted to explain myself. Go to YouTube and rewind a little bit. I wanted to explain myself, but I didn't want to interrupt, um, May's story. I did that because I ha- oh, I can do it again.

• 28:18Mae Martin?

  That's how you scratched yourself?

• 28:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, because my microphone is set up on metal lunchboxes from my childhood. And so I, it's like so precariously placed that it will fall with the slightest touch. And I was trying to go in through here, but I couldn't get the angle. This is really good podcasting and so it's been, Fortune, can you do it's been?

• 28:45Fortune Feimster?

  It's been.

• 28:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Let's all do it together. One, two, three.

• 28:50Fortune Feimster?

  It's been.

• 28:51Tig Notaro?

  One week since you've looked at, met me.

• 28:55Fortune Feimster?

  Me.

• 28:57Tig Notaro?

  I'm sorry. Lip taint, sorry.

• 29:01Fortune Feimster?

  I went to, you're in the woods, uh, Tig to New Or- I had a show in New Orleans.

• 29:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh, how was that?

• 29:07Fortune Feimster?

  It was amazing. And they're all pumped right now because it's y'all's start of Mardi Gras season.

• 29:13Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm. Yeah.

• 29:14Fortune Feimster?

  So, um, everyone insisted that I try a king cake.

• 29:18Tig Notaro?

  Did you?

• 29:19Fortune Feimster?

  I did. They, they, uh, bought a king cake.

• 29:23Tig Notaro?

  I can't believe you never had one.

• 29:25Fortune Feimster?

  Stage, um, no, and I very carefully cut into it, hoping to find, is it a baby?

• 29:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Fortune Feimster?

  I wanted to find a baby, but I didn't wanna eat the baby.

• 29:36Tig Notaro?

  Sure.

• 29:37Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but, uh, I cut a slice for me and my tour, um, uh, promoter and, and my opener Zach, and none of us got the baby. We left the rest of the king cake for the theater. So someone there got the baby.

• 29:51Tig Notaro?

  But how delicious is king cake?

• 29:54Fortune Feimster?

  The one, what we got tasted like a cinnamon roll.

• 29:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, well, that's basically what they taste like.

• 30:00Mae Martin?

  But what do you get if you get the baby?

• 30:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, Tig will have to explain.

• 30:04Tig Notaro?

  It's like.

• 30:05Mae Martin?

  Just good luck.

• 30:06Tig Notaro?

  You know, good luck, but also you host the next Mardi Gras party, you know?

• 30:11Fortune Feimster?

  That doesn't seem like good luck to me.

• 30:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, well, it depends on what you're looking for. Yelz, bam, yelz, bam.

• 30:17Fortune Feimster?

  You got, you're gonna get good luck and also you have to throw a party.

• 30:24Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 30:25Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah, they were, uh, they were pumped. And then I had, I was showing Mobile and someone there, uh, owns a, a float company and they had made sixty floats for Mardi Gras and they were.

• 30:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, wow.

• 30:39Fortune Feimster?

  So pumped about that.

• 30:40Tig Notaro?

  Was there a handsome float?

• 30:41Fortune Feimster?

  No, but they wanted me to come tour their, um.

• 30:45Mae Martin?

  Float factory.

• 30:46Fortune Feimster?

  Their facilities, which I imagine is, would extend to any of you guys, should you wanna see floats?

• 30:53Mae Martin?

  I, for the record, if anyone listening here runs any kind of factory, I'm interested. I wanna go see.

• 30:58Tig Notaro?

  What about a factory factory, where they just pumping out factories left and right?

• 31:04Mae Martin?

  I love that. Cause Fortune, when you were a kid, didn't you go for your birthday and see how something was made?

• 31:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yes. In my current set, I talk about going to the Frito Lay factory.

• 31:15Mae Martin?

  The Frito Lay factory, yeah.

• 31:16Fortune Feimster?

  And it was warm out there.

• 31:19Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 31:19Fortune Feimster?

  Is that unseasonably or is it always warm there during this time?

• 31:23Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I'm not a weatherman.

• 31:25Fortune Feimster?

  I mean.

• 31:26Mae Martin?

  You look like one without my hat.

• 31:27Fortune Feimster?

  For sure. Ooh, I'm talking to, if not a weatherman.

• 31:32Tig Notaro?

  You should've swung by to see my family.

• 31:35Fortune Feimster?

  I, yeah, I wish I had. I didn't think about it. How far are they from New Orleans?

• 31:40Tig Notaro?

  About an hour.

• 31:42Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm, that's not swinging by. That's going on a trip.

• 31:53Mae Martin?

  I would love that because I'm loving driving.

• 31:55Tig Notaro?

  They come get you.

• 31:56Mae Martin?

  An hour long drive to me sounds great right now.

• 31:59Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah, how's your driving going?

• 32:01Mae Martin?

  I'm loving driving.

• 32:03Fortune Feimster?

  You're loving it?

• 32:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm listening to tunes now. I've been brave enough to listen to music while I drive.

• 32:09Tig Notaro?

  That is hilarious.

• 32:10Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, we did tell you like two years ago, you were gonna love driving.

• 32:14Mae Martin?

  I know, I didn't believe you. And then now I'll finish a drive, I'll just sit in my car. I finish, I'll park the car, I stop the engine, I'm just sitting there.

• 32:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you don't care.

• 32:24Fortune Feimster?

  It's your own little oasis in the thing.

• 32:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:28Fortune Feimster?

  I said to you, May, you're gonna love driving. It's gonna be, you're gonna feel so more independent.

• 32:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah, so free. Yep.

• 32:36Tig Notaro?

  Can you get your license plate to say Star Meter 108?

• 32:41Fortune Feimster?

  My license plate? Star Meter 2?

• 32:43Mae Martin?

  Can, okay.

• 32:44Fortune Feimster?

  Wasn't it 2 at one point?

• 32:45Tig Notaro?

  Maybe, might even been 1.

• 32:48Mae Martin?

  I want to tell you this without telling you my actual license plate, but, so I'm gonna change some of it, but my license plate is a full sentence.

• 33:00Mae Martin?

  I haven't had that in a while.

• 33:01Tig Notaro?

  Okay, we'll put that in, but tell us now and Thomas will edit it out.

• 33:06Mae Martin?

  Well, okay, I'm just changing some of the details.

• 33:08Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 33:09Mae Martin?

  But.

• 33:09Fortune Feimster?

  We'll be able to figure it out.

• 33:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, my license plate is, okay, it's a different number, but let's say it's this. 8GF B429. So 8 girlfriends before 29. And then I added them up, but they're different, but they're different numbers. It's actually, I just, I just, I told different numbers for the sake of this podcast. Take your face. So, so, but then I added them up and it turned, and the, and it's accurate.

• 33:41Fortune Feimster?

  That is kind of crazy. That is, that is a weird coincidence.

• 33:45Mae Martin?

  You don't think that's weird?

• 33:46Tig Notaro?

  Well, how many boyfriends did you have?

• 33:49Mae Martin?

  I don't know.

• 33:49Fortune Feimster?

  Well, that's not what the license plate is.

• 33:51Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, stay out of this. Fortune, please, stay out of this.

• 33:57Mae Martin?

  I was busy, but isn't that weird?

• 33:59Fortune Feimster?

  GF and BF.

• 34:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:02Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 34:03Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 34:05Tig Notaro?

  Okay, I'm sorry. Well, that's great, May.

• 34:07Mae Martin?

  It's good to have a full sentence license plate, because it

• 34:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:09Fortune Feimster?

  You don't remember it.

• 34:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and it's like I've got a personalized one.

• 34:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:14Fortune Feimster?

  Sure, it sure does. Not to compete with the best license plate I ever saw was fart gas.

• 34:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's really good.

• 34:21Fortune Feimster?

  That was the

• 34:22Mae Martin?

  Fart gas is good.

• 34:22Fortune Feimster?

  That was the best one.

• 34:23Mae Martin?

  Don't they have to have some numbers in them, the license plates?

• 34:27Fortune Feimster?

  No, not a personalized one.

• 34:29Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 34:30Fortune Feimster?

  I think. I don't think. I think a personalized one can be whatever you want.

• 34:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like you could just have your license say Star Meter. You don't even have to have a number on it.

• 34:41Mae Martin?

  I could get Frau Trofia.

• 34:44Fortune Feimster?

  Frau Trofia.

• 34:46Tig Notaro?

  Or Fel- Felicity Clark.

• 34:49Fortune Feimster?

  We also have Frau Trofia shirts.

• 34:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh, I want one of those.

• 34:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we have three.

• 34:55Tig Notaro?

  Dance Academy?

• 34:57Fortune Feimster?

  Frau Trofia, however you say it.

• 35:00Tig Notaro?

  Let's get to our question.

• 35:01Fortune Feimster?

  And Fortune Marie.

• 35:04Tig Notaro?

  Let us please get to our question. We can't spend the whole episode on throw up diarrhea.

• 35:11Fortune Feimster?

  We can't?

• 35:13Tig Notaro?

  And Frau Trofia and

• 35:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, we don't.

• 35:16Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 35:24Fortune Feimster?

  Today's question asker is an author and poet who was a National Poetry Slam finalist. Her relationship and marriage to Andrea Gibson is featured in the documentary Come See Me in the Good Light. Megan Falley is asking today's question.

• 35:40Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 35:43Speaker 04

  Hi, Tig. Hi, May. Hi, Fortune Marie. Hi, Handsomest Handsome Podcast Ever. My name is Megan Falley, but you can call me Meg. And I am a writer and the, one of the subjects of the documentary Come See Me in the Good Light, along with my partner Andrea Gibson, which was produced by Tig. And my question's a little weird today, and it is what question do you absolutely not want to be asked? Obviously, I'm not asking you to answer that question. I just want to know what question you don't want to be asked. Why you don't want to be asked it and maybe some alternative questions that somebody could

• 36:28Speaker 04

  ask you instead that would feel better.

• 36:31Mae Martin?

  Hmm.

• 36:31Speaker 04

  I cannot wait to hear your answers.

• 36:33Fortune Feimster?

  Interesting.

• 36:34Mae Martin?

  Yes. Meg. Of course, from a, from a poet, we get a stunning question.

• 36:40Fortune Feimster?

  I know, and I love that Meg knows how handsome all of us are.

• 36:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I felt, I felt same.

• 36:46Tig Notaro?

  Especially after all the diarrhea talk.

• 36:48Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no.

• 36:48Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 36:49Fortune Feimster?

  They're still handsome. And also, don't forget to put in our comments, your own throw up story.

• 36:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:57Tig Notaro?

  I like that you said that. Forget.

• 37:00Fortune Feimster?

  Your own. Please weigh in.

• 37:03Mae Martin?

  I met somebody, Tig, who has a theory about you and our question askers. And their theory is that when, when you don't know who the question asker is, after the question, you say, "Nice," for longer. But you know Meg very well, so we've just proved that theory is not true. But they had a whole theory, they go, "I've noticed that if Tig maybe doesn't know the question asker, Tig will go, 'Nice.'" But I've never noticed that, but it's funny, the theory is, anyway.

• 37:34Tig Notaro?

  Interesting. Yeah, that theory is wrong. I just like, because I think I'm saying "nice" after everybody is introduced on the podcast. But in a weird twist, I haven't known who any of our guests have been, so. That's not true. I know it, Fortune, you couldn't let that hang in the air for a second, could you?

• 37:54Fortune Feimster?

  No, I couldn't.

• 37:56Tig Notaro?

  I know. What happened?

• 37:58Mae Martin?

  What happened?

• 37:59Tig Notaro?

  What happened? Gals film.

• 38:03Tig Notaro?

  Let's do an episode where it's all callbacks, all the time.

• 38:08Mae Martin?

  Uncatch phrases.

• 38:09Fortune Feimster?

  Pineapple apart, all that stuff.

• 38:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 38:12Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 38:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, ghost.

• 38:13Mae Martin?

  What question would you not want to be asked?

• 38:15Tig Notaro?

  You know what I'll tell you? I've been asked this question many times. And I guess I've just really, it's just been run into the ground. And I'm like, I don't know if I can answer this again in my life. But like, how'd you get into comedy and who are your influences? How would you describe your comedy? I'm like, oh, God. Well.

• 38:42Mae Martin?

  That's so good.

• 38:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, here's how I got into it, here's who I liked, and here's how. I would describe it.

• 38:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's a good answer. Yeah.

• 38:54Tig Notaro?

  It's tough.

• 38:55Mae Martin?

  I think that one I struggle with is, how are you? Like, it's so open ended. I mean, like that photographer saying, are you okay? It kind of makes me.

• 39:06Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 39:07Mae Martin?

  And it, and it, I always feel like, well, I should be great, but I'm not ever really, or, you know, or I periodically, but are any of us, like, it just spins me out. And I'm like, well, what, what's the metric? Like, what do you, how deep should I go? Like, do you actually want to know? Or, or am I going to overshare? Like, do you just want me to go, yeah, I'm great? Or if I, so yeah, how are you?

• 39:29Tig Notaro?

  That's often when you hear that?

• 39:30Mae Martin?

  Every time.

• 39:31Tig Notaro?

  Every time.

• 39:32Mae Martin?

  I think I'm a little on the spectrum. What can I say? I get really spun out. I'm like, what's the correct answer? But then I think an alternative question someone could ask would be like, what's the best thing that happened to you this week? Or, or what's on your mind these days? What are you ruminating on, you know? Or that kind of thing. How are you is too nonspecific, I think.

• 39:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 39:54Mae Martin?

  Maybe give me some parameters. Go scale of one to 10. How do you feel in your bod today?

• 39:58Tig Notaro?

  Switch up the question.

• 40:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:00Tig Notaro?

  Make the person think.

• 40:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I was re, I don't remember if I told you get this, but there was a, a study, a Finnish study, where they started asking their kids, what was your favorite moment of the day?

• 40:12Mae Martin?

  Hmm.

• 40:12Fortune Feimster?

  And it like had a, like really pot, instead of being like, what was your best? And what was your worst? It was like, what's the favorite moment?

• 40:20Mae Martin?

  That's good.

• 40:21Fortune Feimster?

  Um, it helped them emotionally regulate better.

• 40:24Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. And also when you, when your kids get home from school and you're like, how was your day? It's so open ended.

• 40:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 40:30Mae Martin?

  But if you say like, who was your best friend today? Or what was your favorite subject?

• 40:34Fortune Feimster?

  Finding a simple thing that was like, it wasn't like, um, measuring the best and worst, or bringing up a negative thing. It was just like, oh, what, what, what was it? And just for some, somehow that correlated to them helping. Emotionally regulate. I thought that was interesting.

• 40:51Tig Notaro?

  I like that. I certainly kind of do. I have been like, oh, what was good today? What wasn't great? And that kind of stuff. And it does get the conversation going. But that's interesting to say, what was your favorite moment? I'm gonna give that a whirl.

• 41:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, trust. See what, see what comes of it. So maybe people now, if they hear this, they'll ask you that instead of how are you?

• 41:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah. The funny thing about kids is when, when they're, you're like, what happened at school today? And they're like, meh, nothing. And then like two days later, they're like, Sophie shot herself in the hall a few days ago. And you're like, why didn't you mention that?

• 41:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we're back to poop.

• 41:34Mae Martin?

  Back to poop. Yeah, sorry. And it was so aggressive the way I said shot, shot herself. Yeah, sorry about that.

• 41:40Tig Notaro?

  So aggressive, May.

• 41:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I know. I hope everyone feels safe. Fortune, what about you?

• 41:46Fortune Feimster?

  Um, what question that people ask me a lot? People always, um,

• 41:56Mae Martin?

  What do you not want to be asked?

• 41:59Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, there's no question that I'm just like, oh, I wish people wouldn't ask me that. I mean, sometimes I don't, it's weird when you're like talking to a stranger and they're like, what do you do for a living?

• 42:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:09Fortune Feimster?

  I never, I never like answering that question. Cause then it was like, oh, you're a comedian, are you?

• 42:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 42:16Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. All right. And then they're like sizing you up, like you should be funny just by existing.

• 42:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 42:23Fortune Feimster?

  And then it's like, well, yeah, and said anything funny so far. You're like, well, I'm just talking to you.

• 42:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 42:31Fortune Feimster?

  Or they'll be like, tell me, tell me a joke that I don't love that.

• 42:36Mae Martin?

  Or what have I seen you in? That's, that's rough.

• 42:39Fortune Feimster?

  I do get that sometimes. What have I seen you in? And I'm like, do I really have to list my resume here? That's weird.

• 42:47Tig Notaro?

  And this is, this is gonna sound like, oh, aren't I or aren't we great? But like, when people just generally say, I love you in your show. And then I, I used to be like, what, which show? Like, I wanted to get it right to talk to them about it. But now I just go, oh, thanks. Rather than, oh, Star Trek? Oh, no, uh, stand up or, you know, or handsome or there's like, that's what we do. It's like a million different shows. And so now when people are like, oh, I love you in your show. Thank you.

• 43:17Fortune Feimster?

  I was excited.

• 43:18Mae Martin?

  Flying back from Toronto, Dan Aykroyd was on my flight. And like, growing up in Canada and around Second City and stuff, he was like very omnipresent. And then I got off the flight and I thought, I'm not gonna bother him because I don't want to be disappointed. And, you know, if he's not in the mood. And then he came up to me and he goes, you were wonderful in that, in that show. And I went, oh, my God, thank you so much. And then he said, I said, I'm a huge fan. I'm from Toronto.

• 43:47Fortune Feimster?

  That's awesome.

• 43:48Mae Martin?

  And then he said, do you live in, do you live in LA? And I said, yeah. And he goes, do you have an agent?

• 43:54Mae Martin?

  Such a sweet question. He was being like a supportive dad, but it was just funny to imagine that I made wayward without an agent.

• 44:03Tig Notaro?

  Well, you can. I made one Mississippi without an agent.

• 44:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. No, he was super nice. Yeah.

• 44:10Fortune Feimster?

  I just watched him in that John Candy documentary.

• 44:13Mae Martin?

  I had to watch it.

• 44:15Fortune Feimster?

  That's very nostalgic Canadian. So you would enjoy it, seeing a lot of that, the folks from that comedy scene in it.

• 44:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 44:25Fortune Feimster?

  It's good.

• 44:26Tig Notaro?

  I was on a flight out of Toronto and Geddy Lee was on my flight. You know, you know who that is?

• 44:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, from Rush?

• 44:33Tig Notaro?

  Lead singer and bassist of Rush.

• 44:35Mae Martin?

  Hell, yeah. Which is rare. Lead singer and bassist is rare.

• 44:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 44:39Fortune Feimster?

  That is rare.

• 44:40Tig Notaro?

  Well, except the lead singer of, God, is Night Ranger? Thomas is the lead singer of Night Ranger, a bassist?

• 44:53Mae Martin?

  I guess Paul McCartney.

• 44:54Tig Notaro?

  And so is Sting. Sting is a bassist.

• 44:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, he's also into Kama Sutra.

• 45:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:06Fortune Feimster?

  The art of making love.

• 45:09Fortune Feimster?

  For a long time.

• 45:11Tig Notaro?

  I'm thinking of like eighties metal bands. I feel like the lead singer of Winger. Is he a bassist too? Will you check out Winger?

• 45:18Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, but he can have sex for hours.

• 45:23Mae Martin?

  Fortune's still on karma sutra.

• 45:26Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, um, yeah, for, that's for Night Ranger, right? With the note you just sent, Thomas. Um, yeah, well, he sang Sister Christian.

• 45:36Fortune Feimster?

  His wife.

• 45:36Tig Notaro?

  Charles Kip Winger is a bassist. Come on, who is impressed that I knew the lead singer of Winger was a bassist?

• 45:45Fortune Feimster?

  Winger? What a winger?

• 45:48Tig Notaro?

  I'm talking eighties metal right now.

• 45:51Mae Martin?

  I don't know, you lost me. Yeah, we're stuck on Sting's karma sutra.

• 45:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's me on. Anybody, have any of y'all studied that?

• 46:00Mae Martin?

  Well, I've dabbled in like, uh, in like, in, in like, long-term edging. Like, which I guess is partly what karma sutra is, right?

• 46:13Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, edging, long-term edging, like getting someone riled up and not doing anything? Is that what that is?

• 46:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like orgasm denial. You get, you get real close and you make it go on for hours and hours and it gets.

• 46:26Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, you could do that for hours?

• 46:28Mae Martin?

  I could do that for hours, yeah.

• 46:31Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, hold on. You're in the, okay, you're.

• 46:35Mae Martin?

  You're having a sex.

• 46:37Fortune Feimster?

  You're making love.

• 46:38Mae Martin?

  Well, maybe the person's tied up or you're, or something and, and then.

• 46:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, boy.

• 46:45Mae Martin?

  But it can go for hours.

• 46:47Fortune Feimster?

  Hours?

• 46:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, if you want.

• 46:50Fortune Feimster?

  Who has the time?

• 46:55Fortune Feimster?

  So you're just doing stuff to torture them?

• 46:58Tig Notaro?

  Who has the time? Fortune's like, I got a radio show to record.

• 47:02Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, my schedule is full. You're talking about hours of edging?

• 47:07Mae Martin?

  I think you gotta block off an afternoon.

• 47:09Fortune Feimster?

  Is this why you're not available for the podcast sometimes?

• 47:12Tig Notaro?

  Hey guys, I'm running eight minutes late in my edging.

• 47:16Fortune Feimster?

  I'm edging right now. Wow.

• 47:20Tig Notaro?

  I'm edging right now.

• 47:22Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, like maybe an hour of that, sure, but you said hours.

• 47:27Mae Martin?

  I mean with breaks, taking breaks and like you just have like a long sesh, maybe you're taking turns, but.

• 47:32Tig Notaro?

  Should we see what Meg has to say?

• 47:34Fortune Feimster?

  Wait.

• 47:35Mae Martin?

  No, you wait.

• 47:37Fortune Feimster?

  How can you move on?

• 47:39Mae Martin?

  Elspeth.

• 47:41Fortune Feimster?

  I don't understand though, like at some point or the other person's not like enough. This is, I'm tired.

• 47:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's kind of part, part of it. Like at some point someone will, you know, it'll, it'll end.

• 47:56Tig Notaro?

  I could just text Meg on my own.

• 48:01Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, like, good for you, I guess. And then when you finally achieve.

• 48:08Mae Martin?

  Then it's the best.

• 48:09Fortune Feimster?

  Satisfaction, then it's, it's been, it's been worse the three hours.

• 48:13Tig Notaro?

  Elspeth on worse.

• 48:14Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 48:14Tig Notaro?

  Three.

• 48:15Mae Martin?

  Usually you cry after.

• 48:17Tig Notaro?

  I'm just gonna.

• 48:18Fortune Feimster?

  No, are you serious? The person's cried?

• 48:21Mae Martin?

  I've cried after like the release of like.

• 48:24Fortune Feimster?

  Because you're like, God, that took three hours. I can't, can't believe it.

• 48:28Mae Martin?

  Well, cause it's built up for so long that it's like explosive.

• 48:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 48:32Mae Martin?

  Cathartic.

• 48:33Fortune Feimster?

  God.

• 48:34Tig Notaro?

  Okay, well. Oh my gosh, can I just tell you something? Um, sorry, I was going to text Meg that, um, we're taking, we're edging and we can't get to the answer of her question. And do you know, um, I need to get a question from him. John Lovett, who's from, um, Love It or Leave It and, um,

• 48:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 48:57Tig Notaro?

  Pod Save America. He texted, he texted me something about grabbing dinner and then he wrote again, if you're seeing this on your watch, please hand the whole watch to Stephanie and ask her to text us. Because I saw him the other day and I was like, I can't, I don't know how to use this. I'm completely out of touch. Anyway, haha. Should we see what Meg has to say before we?

• 49:19Fortune Feimster?

  We would love it.

• 49:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 49:21Fortune Feimster?

  We were edging the answer.

• 49:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 49:26Speaker 04

  The question that I don't want to be asked feels innocuous enough. But as somebody who has recently lost her spouse, it is a question that I find impossible to answer. And the question is simple and it's just, how are you?

• 49:41Mae Martin?

  Hey!

• 49:43Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  I am so many things, y'all. And a few flimsy adjectives are not enough to hold it. And I've said before that the question, how are you posed to me right now feels like a thimble at the mouth of the river. If I were to come up with some alternative questions to ask somebody perhaps going through something huge or in deep grief, it might be like, tell me a story or send me an image that feels like it grazes the magnitude of what you're experiencing right now. That would be a whole lot. Um, just more true and real for me to, to share with others.

• 50:24Speaker 04

  So I hope, um, that alternatives to the, a basic question like, how are you? Uh, can be found and can help other people connect with folks going through something big. All right, y'all. I love you so much and I'm so grateful for what you do and so grateful for the episode of the podcast you devoted to talking about Andrea. Um, yeah, thank you.

• 50:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 50:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, man.

• 50:53Tig Notaro?

  Meg, Meg is the best.

• 50:55Mae Martin?

  I'm sorry that I, I'm now, I'm sorry I went, hey! And she said, I just. Take my tone down a little bit. Yeah, I'd like to take my tone down.

• 51:04Tig Notaro?

  Here is the beauty of Meg is everything is, is all right. You know, she can, she can work through it, make sense of things. And if she needs something different, she'll tell you, which is what she just shared. And it's, it kind of goes back to that idea of like, talking to your kids after school, what was good, what was bad? Or just switch it up and say, what was your favorite moment of the day? Like Fortune was saying.

• 51:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah. And to sort of what we were saying at the. Beginning of the episode of like with everything going on in the world, like the the magnitude of it, saying, how are you? That image of a thimble at the mouth of a river is so good because it's like, where do we start? Yeah.

• 51:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 51:46Mae Martin?

  I guess I'm okay, like, but.

• 51:48Fortune Feimster?

  My mom said that too about people lately asking her how she is and the how, how are you? She's had the hardest time answering. She's like, I'm not good.

• 52:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:01Fortune Feimster?

  But nobody wants to hear that.

• 52:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Like sometimes I like my friend who just lost her mom, instead of saying, how are you? Or, you know, I'll say, I'm, I'm thinking about you and

• 52:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 52:13Mae Martin?

  wondering what you need because I know she's not doing well. So it's like, I don't want to make her even feel compelled to answer anything.

• 52:21Tig Notaro?

  I remember when I was in my relationship with my girlfriend when I was ill and had lost my mother and stuff. And I'm so, I'm very close to my ex now, all these years later, I'm so thankful for that friendship. But I remember I, we were obviously so much younger then, but I was, I would get so mad when she would ask how I was doing. And I was just like, I can't eat food. My mother's dead. Like, like when, when, when there's something new, I will tell you, you know, like, I'm terrible. I'm terrible.

• 52:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:00Tig Notaro?

  You know? And of course, she was just trying her best to connect and help. And it's so hard to know the right thing. But I'll tell you, I, I do feel like just that simple thing of listening to somebody, just being with somebody is, is so valuable, just sitting and being with them, just showing up to spend time, hear what they have to say. But it's very helpful to hear that from Meg, who is going through so much and also going through it in this.

• 53:41Mae Martin?

  Publicly.

• 53:43Tig Notaro?

  Not just.

• 53:43Mae Martin?

  Oh, sorry.

• 53:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, publicly, but also she is just a real.

• 53:50Tig Notaro?

  I just always call her a freak of nature, but she really is.

• 53:54Mae Martin?

  In the best way?

• 53:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, in the very best way. She's experiencing deep, deep trauma. And she's also applying these lessons that she learned through this experience with Andrea. And she's, um, I don't know. I'm just, I'm really in awe. And, um, and yeah, I'm, I'm just, I think she's, she's just, she's doing-

• 54:25Mae Martin?

  And her writing is beautiful as well, as you can tell from her question.

• 54:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. She's, she's a talent and she's a stellar human being and I'm thankful for her. And for Andrea and the documentary and everybody, it's just been something. But, um, anyway.

• 54:47Mae Martin?

  This has been a, one of our most like, uh, far reaching episodes. We really ran the gamut.

• 54:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we really did it.

• 54:56Mae Martin?

  Our randomness? Yeah, from emotion to poo.

• 55:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I mean, that's what we bring to the table, you know?

• 55:05Tig Notaro?

  And you know what else is, I guess we're just at a place where nobody even mentions that I have a mustache on today. Like it's just-

• 55:14Fortune Feimster?

  We only mention it in terms of you looking like a weatherman.

• 55:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, exactly. Which if people were just listening, they'd be like, huh.

• 55:25Mae Martin?

  I just, as the episode wraps up, want to reiterate that a cool place to donate would be the State and Local Election Alliance. That is strategic in supporting the crucial, crucial local and state elections coming up. Because it's not hopeless. We can try and make democracy work still.

• 55:43Tig Notaro?

  Well, here's something for you.

• 55:45Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 55:45Tig Notaro?

  Uh, you can check me out in, I'm going on tour. I'll be in Omaha, February 22nd, Tucson, February 26th. I'll be in Santa Fe, February 27th. The list goes on and on. I am at Tignotaro.com, all ticket and show information. And please, if you haven't seen the documentary, Come See Me in the Good Light, about Andrea Gibson and the exquisite Meg Falley, please go to Apple TV and check it out. It's just beautiful.

• 56:16Fortune Feimster?

  I have a big show on Valentine's Day. I would love for any handsome folks to come to in New York City at the Beacon. So if you're looking for a fun Valentine's getaway, join me in New York. On February 13th, I'm in Ben Salem, Pennsylvania. That's my Philadelphia spot for that, for this tour. And I had to reschedule some dates. Those have all been rescheduled and we'll be hitting those in the spring and early summer. And then I'll have like San Diego, Oklahoma City, Little Rock, and Fayetteville, Arkansas. So yeah, my website, fortunethemester.com.

• 56:53Mae Martin?

  Love it. I am, if you go to maymartin.net, you can see all my tour dates. I'm going all, I'm so soon. And on February 11th, I'm at Largo and I'm going to try out the new show, most of it, and see how it, see how it sounds.

• 57:09Tig Notaro?

  That's great.

• 57:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, come, come check that out. And you can watch Wayward on Netflix. That would be great.

• 57:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And please, share your favorite episodes of this show and make sure to subscribe and comment. And also go to YouTube, see our mustaches and our very handsome faces. And until next time.

• 57:34Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 57:37Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Tignotaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Themester. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media, at HandsomePod. What a podcast.

• 58:01Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 58:04Speaker 05

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 58:06Speaker 06

  And Hannah Simone.

• 58:07Speaker 05

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 58:28Speaker 06

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 58:41Speaker 05

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 58:52Speaker 06

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.