Joel Kim Booster asks about failed jokes

The hilarious Joel Kim Booster ("Fire Island", "Bad Dates") asks Handsome to talk about stand up jokes that they couldn't quite pull off! Plus, Mae leaves another note, singing REM by way of Tom Cruise, and a hot tub update hot off the presses from Fortune! Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA https://www.ticketmaster.com/netflix-is-a-joke-presents-handsome-los-angeles-california-05-04-2026/event/0900642CE31BB7C3! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepod and Hulu https://www.hulu.com/series/b583d0bc-eeb0-4560-8b2b-5c8ae0248a19?play=false&utm_source=shared_linkThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Fortune Feimster?

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:36Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:20Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:49Mae Martin?

  Cheers.

• 1:51Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm Fortune Feimster.

• 1:55Mae Martin?

  I'm Mae Martin.

• 1:56Tig Notaro?

  And I am Tig Notaro.

• 1:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yay.

• 2:01Mae Martin?

  Some of you may be watching us on Hulu.

• 2:05Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's right. Tell us what you're talking about.

• 2:09Mae Martin?

  Nothing's changing, nothing to be stressed about, but some of you may be watching us on Hulu. We're gonna be on Hulu now.

• 2:16Tig Notaro?

  Available a day early.

• 2:18Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 2:19Tig Notaro?

  So Mondays, it'll now be available on Hulu to watch our handsome and pretty little lady and pretty little ladies faces.

• 2:29Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. You can still listen to our audio as you currently do, and you can also watch this on YouTube. This is just an additional place to also watch our handsome faces.

• 2:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, our handsome virus is spreading.

• 2:42Fortune Feimster?

  So yeah, we're very excited about that. Anywhere we can keep it handsome, we are all about.

• 2:48Tig Notaro?

  Yes, we are. You know where I'm not keeping it handsome?

• 2:52Mae Martin?

  Uh oh.

• 2:53Tig Notaro?

  My house.

• 2:55Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really? It's messy?

• 2:56Tig Notaro?

  No, we had a leak from our roof last night, so that was fun.

• 3:04Mae Martin?

  Was it raining? What was happening?

• 3:06Tig Notaro?

  It was raining and yeah, I noticed the the situation in our bathroom and there's a real mystery because a lot of our, what are they called on the roof? What are those things?

• 3:24Mae Martin?

  I want to say eaves, but I've never said it before.

• 3:26Fortune Feimster?

  No, are you talking about gutters?

• 3:28Mae Martin?

  Oh, shingles.

• 3:29Tig Notaro?

  Shingles, shingles. See, if you're watching YouTube, you'll see my shingle slash bunny rabbit.

• 3:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, so.

• 3:40Mae Martin?

  So wait, something's wrong with your shingles?

• 3:42Tig Notaro?

  There were a lot of shingles missing on our roof.

• 3:46Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no.

• 3:46Tig Notaro?

  And it's a real mystery. Where did they go? We haven't been picking up shingles in our yard. Our kids are always out playing baseball and we have no idea what happened.

• 3:59Mae Martin?

  I mean, I think I solved it.

• 4:01Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that was quick.

• 4:03Fortune Feimster?

  Right, you know where they went?

• 4:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, well, tell us.

• 4:06Mae Martin?

  I think the baseball has been hitting them and like a rogue baseball.

• 4:11Tig Notaro?

  It's 10 feet. Of shingles, missing on our roof.

• 4:15Mae Martin?

  Wait, that is fucked up.

• 4:17Tig Notaro?

  That is a mystery beyond belief.

• 4:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what?

• 4:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:22Mae Martin?

  And it's rained before and you haven't had a problem?

• 4:25Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's rained before. We have lived here a decade and it has rained and it has poured and it wasn't even pouring last night. It was just gently raining.

• 4:35Mae Martin?

  Okay. Are they, some, because some people used to steal shingles off of Westminster Abbey because they had lead in them and you could sell the lead. Is it possible that there's a kind of Victorian British scamp?

• 4:49Tig Notaro?

  Shingle thief.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  Oh, just get a couple of these shingles, sell them for a sixpence.

• 4:53Tig Notaro?

  Debbie, are you saying Debbie was stealing my shingles?

• 4:58Mae Martin?

  Could be Debbie, could be Oliver Twist, we don't know.

• 5:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we have, there's no way to know, but either way, missing 10 feet of shingles on our roof and we now have to get our roof redone. And it's a good time, but it's not very handsome.

• 5:14Mae Martin?

  That's a real mystery, though.

• 5:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and all the cats stand around and watch the water drip.

• 5:20Mae Martin?

  Aww. They try to swat at it with their paws?

• 5:24Tig Notaro?

  Not even, I think they're just like, what the hell is that?

• 5:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:28Tig Notaro?

  But that, that was a good act out, Fortune. That looked exactly, yes. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Little kitty batting at the rainwater into a big old bucket.

• 5:40Mae Martin?

  Whoa, I'm still at the, I'm still at this hotel and thinking about what note I can hide behind this painting. Um, it's, it's, it's like a fancy hotel, so someone would have to come to room 716 if anyone wants to take on this mission.

• 5:55Tig Notaro?

  Of course they do.

• 5:56Mae Martin?

  And I'll leave, because it happened before, remember? I hid one and somebody actually found it and brought it to my show, so. Yeah.

• 6:04Tig Notaro?

  It's so incredible.

• 6:06Mae Martin?

  It's really good.

• 6:07Tig Notaro?

  Also, can you let me, can you give me some credit for being a genius here?

• 6:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was your idea, right?

• 6:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:15Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 6:16Tig Notaro?

  Let's not pretend like I'm not a genius over here with a million great ideas. You thought that was your idea?

• 6:22Mae Martin?

  I had made it my idea in my head 100%. I was like, God, I'm so whimsical.

• 6:27Fortune Feimster?

  I know it wasn't my idea because you told me to do that when I went to the Caribbean and I had had a couple of my ties.

• 6:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that was a good time.

• 6:36Fortune Feimster?

  And I did not leave a note, even though I said I was going to.

• 6:41Mae Martin?

  Fortune.

• 6:41Fortune Feimster?

  I forgot.

• 6:42Mae Martin?

  Somebody might have flown there to.

• 6:44Tig Notaro?

  Fortune was day drinking. You can't blame her.

• 6:48Fortune Feimster?

  I was going through a lot.

• 6:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:52Mae Martin?

  Well, maybe I'll leave like one of those things where I draw a face and then someone else can draw the body and it.

• 6:58Tig Notaro?

  Oh, and you can keep hiding it and then the next person can.

• 7:02Fortune Feimster?

  May. Sounds like a lot.

• 7:04Tig Notaro?

  It sounds like not nearly enough. You have to do that, May.

• 7:08Fortune Feimster?

  Two against one.

• 7:09Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 7:10Fortune Feimster?

  No thanks.

• 7:12Mae Martin?

  Luckily, I got my big art book and I had my little spa night at home last night in this hotel room.

• 7:19Fortune Feimster?

  Tell us all about it.

• 7:20Mae Martin?

  Well, I did some paintings. This is me.

• 7:23Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 7:24Mae Martin?

  Me on the bus.

• 7:25Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I thought that was you naked. I was like, May.

• 7:28Fortune Feimster?

  I like the colors.

• 7:29Tig Notaro?

  I really like that.

• 7:31Fortune Feimster?

  I like the colors of that.

• 7:32Mae Martin?

  Thanks. Insomnia on the bus.

• 7:35Tig Notaro?

  That is awesome.

• 7:37Fortune Feimster?

  You actually could make that into like a print.

• 7:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's really, really appealing to my eyeballs.

• 7:43Fortune Feimster?

  It's appealing to my eyeballs too.

• 7:45Mae Martin?

  And then I painted my friend Matt asleep on the sofa.

• 7:48Fortune Feimster?

  I don't like that one.

• 7:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, you don't like that?

• 7:51Fortune Feimster?

  That one is for someone though. That is, I could see.

• 7:54Tig Notaro?

  No, I like it. I love the other one. Like crazy love it.

• 7:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I had such a cozy night by myself.

• 8:02Fortune Feimster?

  Make some prints. Make some prints. Make some prints.

• 8:05Tig Notaro?

  Now, tell us about your night in with yourself. Did you put the moves on you?

• 8:11Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 8:11Tig Notaro?

  What happened?

• 8:13Mae Martin?

  Tig.

• 8:14Tig Notaro?

  Tig Marie.

• 8:16Mae Martin?

  I was actually very chaste and coy with myself, so.

• 8:20Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's adorable.

• 8:21Mae Martin?

  Did not put the moves on myself, but I did have a long bath and I, and I did some drawings and I ordered dim sum.

• 8:30Tig Notaro?

  But there was the coy part, that was a little flirtation with yourself, right?

• 8:34Fortune Feimster?

  Dim sum goodies.

• 8:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I guess I was flirting with myself. I was flirting, yeah. Every time I walked by the mirror, I'd go.

• 8:41Fortune Feimster?

  Hey, hey you. Did you eat the dim sum in the bath?

• 8:45Mae Martin?

  No, I would never eat in a bath because of that one.

• 8:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, me neither.

• 8:52Fortune Feimster?

  I was on tour in Salt Lake and totally took a bath and ordered, um.

• 8:58Tig Notaro?

  No ma'am.

• 8:59Fortune Feimster?

  Essentially dim sum as well.

• 9:01Tig Notaro?

  No ma'am.

• 9:02Fortune Feimster?

  Ate it in the bath.

• 9:03Tig Notaro?

  No ma'am.

• 9:04Mae Martin?

  Why not?

• 9:06Fortune Feimster?

  Is it two against one again?

• 9:08Tig Notaro?

  I think so. I feel like a bath is very sacred, you know?

• 9:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but if you're gonna get dirty, that's the place.

• 9:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but you gotta keep the water pure.

• 9:17Fortune Feimster?

  Soy sauce running down my cheek. Just be like splash, splash it off.

• 9:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I guess you make a point. Everyone should be eating in the bathtub.

• 9:25Fortune Feimster?

  I do make a point, thank you. I drank coffee in the bath.

• 9:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that, that, the best is coffee in the shower. I love that.

• 9:33Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 9:33Fortune Feimster?

  Well, see, that, now that seems weird to me.

• 9:36Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 9:37Fortune Feimster?

  Coffee in the shower?

• 9:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but you're standing up, you're, you're killing two birds with one stone. It's the morning.

• 9:45Tig Notaro?

  Are you, like a ceramic mug situation in the, okay. And is that every morning?

• 9:53Mae Martin?

  No, just like if I'm in a hurry or sometimes if I'm having a second cup of coffee and I'll just take it in. And you're right, probably some of the shower waters going in the.

• 10:02Fortune Feimster?

  Dirty shower waters spilling in there.

• 10:05Tig Notaro?

  But it is kind of romantic if you're putting the moves on yourself, like, hey, I'm gonna have some coffee in the shower. You know, I, I can see that for you.

• 10:16Fortune Feimster?

  You really want the moves being put on yourselves. Real bad, Tig.

• 10:21Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh, yeah.

• 10:22Mae Martin?

  I'm, uh, taking a break from, uh.

• 10:26Fortune Feimster?

  From what?

• 10:27Mae Martin?

  From you know what.

• 10:29Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 10:30Mae Martin?

  Wait, I regret it.

• 10:31Fortune Feimster?

  Invading?

• 10:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, from, from, you know, putting the moves on myself.

• 10:37Fortune Feimster?

  Why?

• 10:38Mae Martin?

  To completion, you know?

• 10:41Mae Martin?

  Because I read a thing about, about my creative energy and I don't want to splurge it away and I want to.

• 10:49Fortune Feimster?

  It's so wild.

• 10:52Mae Martin?

  I want to let it build up and also I'm, I have a lady friend coming to visit me for a couple of days and I thought.

• 11:00Fortune Feimster?

  Hello.

• 11:01Mae Martin?

  I'm not gonna put the moves on myself.

• 11:03Fortune Feimster?

  Nitty gritty here.

• 11:04Mae Martin?

  I'm oversharing.

• 11:05Fortune Feimster?

  Listen, that's what we're here for.

• 11:08Mae Martin?

  But do you think that that's true, that if you put the moves on yourself too much, you're depleting your energy? You know, some people are like, I'm sure in like the manosphere and these dudes are like, you've got to preserve your energy and.

• 11:19Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I've never thought of it as depleting your energy. I felt like it, I thought it would give you a boost.

• 11:26Mae Martin?

  I think so too. So maybe I shouldn't.

• 11:28Fortune Feimster?

  Is there a girlosphere? Your choice.

• 11:31Tig Notaro?

  Is there a girlosphere or a themosphere?

• 11:34Mae Martin?

  Oh my God, a themosphere would be so.

• 11:36Fortune Feimster?

  As opposed to a manosphere?

• 11:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 11:39Mae Martin?

  Well, you know, there was that Louis Drew documentary about the manosphere. Yeah, you're right. Is there a woman?

• 11:45Fortune Feimster?

  I haven't watched it either.

• 11:47Tig Notaro?

  Now, here is what I really want to get to. Dish girl. Okay, girl, give me one second. May, I really want your opinion on this. Not that I don't want yours, Fortune.

• 11:58Fortune Feimster?

  It's fine. I'm fine.

• 12:00Tig Notaro?

  This, and, and by the time this comes out, this is gonna be a little bit of old news, but Kristi Noem's husband.

• 12:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. Wasn't he in pictures?

• 12:12Tig Notaro?

  With balloon boobs.

• 12:13Fortune Feimster?

  In a dress or something?

• 12:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:16Fortune Feimster?

  Now, do we know the context behind it?

• 12:19Tig Notaro?

  I'm curious, is that a kink? Well, is that a kink?

• 12:23Fortune Feimster?

  Is that a kink or a Halloween costume?

• 12:25Tig Notaro?

  What is, what is, that's just, is that just a kink or is that somebody that can't be open about their gender or sexuality or?

• 12:35Mae Martin?

  I don't know. I think you'd have to ask him. I mean, I think, I think.

• 12:40Tig Notaro?

  Well, you're our go-to kink.

• 12:41Mae Martin?

  I'm the kink, the king of kink.

• 12:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but do they know like what the context was behind it?

• 12:46Mae Martin?

  You know what? I just think it's a shame that it's, like, I hate Kristi Noem, but it's like, oh, now we're gonna be like, see, look at this, like.

• 12:56Tig Notaro?

  Right, that it's like a bad, like she, in my feeling, my feeling is she's, she remains the weirdo.

• 13:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, totally, yeah.

• 13:04Tig Notaro?

  Like, that's how I, when I'm looking at these pictures, I'm like, yeah, whatever. Kristi Noem is the weirdo.

• 13:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think a lot of people do just do like crossdressing, which is just like, I like to dress up in women's clothes or maybe roleplay. I don't think that means that they're like trans or gay or whatever. They might be into the idea of their wife and them while they're dressed up, yeah.

• 13:32Fortune Feimster?

  I was, I was looking at the story because I wasn't sure about what all happened, but there was also an emotional video of LeAnn Rimes having a deep jaw release treatment, which reminded me of you, May.

• 13:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:46Fortune Feimster?

  You had that done, right?

• 13:48Mae Martin?

  The guy put a rubber glove on, he put his hand in.

• 13:51Fortune Feimster?

  Do I know about this? Or you guys? Yeah, was, um, when May was on vacation and, um, after they had played, roleplayed Cabin Boy and Pirate or something? Cab, Cab, May, it was during the same trip where May roleplayed as a cabin boy.

• 14:09Mae Martin?

  The Captain and the Cabin Boy, yeah.

• 14:12Fortune Feimster?

  May got a massage where they put their hands in your mouth, but didn't you get violently ill from it?

• 14:18Mae Martin?

  Violently ill.

• 14:19Tig Notaro?

  I blocked this out. How do I not remember this?

• 14:23Fortune Feimster?

  Well, this video went viral, LeAnn Rimes getting that treatment done.

• 14:28Tig Notaro?

  And what did she, what was her response to it?

• 14:30Fortune Feimster?

  She just cried.

• 14:31Mae Martin?

  Sobbing, crying, like, I guess it's an, you know, an emotional trauma release thing. We hold a lot in our jaws and she was like, and I, listen, I didn't cry, but it was really intense.

• 14:44Fortune Feimster?

  You vomited.

• 14:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but I think that there was some bacteria on the glove or maybe I ate something bad because I then got so violently ill and poor par, like, I was on a romantic trip and she came around the corner, when she was woken up and she saw, what she saw?

• 15:04Fortune Feimster?

  She saw Gollum.

• 15:05Mae Martin?

  She saw.

• 15:06Tig Notaro?

  She cannot see. She cannot see, yeah.

• 15:10Mae Martin?

  It was really, it was hard to like be cool and sexy after that.

• 15:14Fortune Feimster?

  I wonder if that's gonna become the new thing though, getting your jaw massaged after this video.

• 15:21Mae Martin?

  I bet after that video, yeah, like somatic release, like that, I bet, I, do you feel, do you grind your teeth and stuff?

• 15:29Tig Notaro?

  I do.

• 15:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you go, you wear all kinds of mouth guards and shit, right?

• 15:34Tig Notaro?

  I mean, me?

• 15:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:36Tig Notaro?

  I don't wear all kinds. I was, I had the CPAP, I got the earplugs, I got the eye mask, but I got rid of the CPAP.

• 15:43Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 15:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 15:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. That was tough and I was not able to get it to um be a part of my sleep routine, but I'm sleeping a lot better, I'm sleeping a lot better.

• 15:53Fortune Feimster?

  There you go.

• 15:54Mae Martin?

  Are you? And how do you, how do you know? You just wake up feeling, cause sometimes you think I was asleep for eight hours, but I feel exhausted. Like, how do you know you're getting that deep level?

• 16:03Tig Notaro?

  Well, I don't know exactly, but I was doing, I mean, like I had gone up in my sleep gummies to 30 milligrams.

• 16:15Mae Martin?

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:15Tig Notaro?

  And I am down to two and a half milligrams.

• 16:19Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 16:20Tig Notaro?

  Which is really tiny. And I'm on a routine, which I've been trying to do by pulling back with work and travel and everything, just so I can get my, my life and sleep in order. And now I have an Apple Watch and apparently they're not totally accurate, but man, has it made me excited and obsessed with my sleep. Because it tells you roughly your deep sleep, your core sleep, your REM sleep, what time you fell asleep, when you woke up. And so, uh, right now, if anything is roughly correct, I'm getting about seven hours of sleep, which is way more than the two to three hours that I was getting.

• 17:03Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow. Two to three, that's hard to function.

• 17:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's what you, that was your base level?

• 17:09Tig Notaro?

  For years.

• 17:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:10Tig Notaro?

  Four years.

• 17:12Fortune Feimster?

  How'd you not pass out during the day?

• 17:15Tig Notaro?

  I was, I was so deeply exhausted. I couldn't even quite express. And now I, I'm just feeling a lot better and I'm gonna now try and slowly get down to one milligram for my sleep gummy.

• 17:29Mae Martin?

  I bet you're gonna be having crazy dreams now too.

• 17:33Tig Notaro?

  For sure. Like, once you come off of sleep gummies, you really start to dream. And I'm having a little bit of breakthrough dreams here and there, so I think I'm...

• 17:44Mae Martin?

  Is that, that's in R E M, right?

• 17:46Tig Notaro?

  I believe so.

• 17:47Mae Martin?

  Every time I hear R E M, I think, "That's me in the corner."

• 17:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 17:51Fortune Feimster?

  "That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion."

• 17:57Tig Notaro?

  See, I think about "Driver Eight." Do you know that song?

• 18:00Mae Martin?

  No, which is that?

• 18:01Tig Notaro?

  Thomas does. I'm not gonna sing it.

• 18:04Fortune Feimster?

  Let's hear it.

• 18:05Tig Notaro?

  Mm-mm. Go look it up. But I love that song. Do you like that song, Thomas? "Driver Eight"?

• 18:11Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, I'm a huge R E M fan.

• 18:13Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 18:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:15Tig Notaro?

  That's a good tune. But, um, anyway.

• 18:18Fortune Feimster?

  "This one goes out to the one I love."

• 18:21Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah. And what about "Everybody hurts"?

• 18:25Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, classic.

• 18:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, I dreamed last night...

• 18:30Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you'll sing that?

• 18:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you'll sing that.

• 18:34Fortune Feimster?

  Why are you being stingy? Why are you being stingy?

• 18:38Tig Notaro?

  That's just my personality. I'm just a stingy gal.

• 18:48Mae Martin?

  Last night I dreamed I was playing Survivor on my tour bus with, and Tom Cruise was playing and he was wearing a...

• 18:54Tig Notaro?

  Survivor, the band or the song?

• 18:57Mae Martin?

  The TV show. I was playing the...

• 18:59Tig Notaro?

  Neither.

• 19:01Fortune Feimster?

  So it wasn't "Eye of the Tiger"?

• 19:02Mae Martin?

  No. In my dream, I was competing for a million dollars with, and Tom Cruise was competing and he was running around in a ski mask at night and like hiding. And we were all like, "We need to get this guy off."

• 19:15Fortune Feimster?

  He's like, "I need to win this million dollars."

• 19:18Tig Notaro?

  Is that a good Tom Cruise impression?

• 19:21Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 19:22Mae Martin?

  Let's hear it again.

• 19:23Fortune Feimster?

  Trying to make it accurate. "I need to win this." I can't, I can't do a Tom Cruise impression. I know, it's hard to believe.

• 19:31Tig Notaro?

  And I can't sing "Driver Eight" by R E M.

• 19:33Fortune Feimster?

  Apparently not.

• 19:34Mae Martin?

  I think I can do both.

• 19:36Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear, what is the version you think? What do you think Driver Eight sounds like?

• 19:40Mae Martin?

  I've never heard it in my life.

• 19:41Tig Notaro?

  I know, I know. Give us your best shot.

• 19:44Mae Martin?

  Should I do it as Tom Cruise?

• 19:45Fortune Feimster?

  Why not? Why not?

• 19:47Mae Martin?

  Okay, this is Tom Cruise singing Driver Eight, which I've never heard.

• 19:52Tig Notaro?

  By R E M.

• 19:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:55Mae Martin?

  "Listen to me, kid. It's gonna be great. You and me, we're drivin' eight." After eight. Wait, what is it?

• 20:03Tig Notaro?

  Driver Eight.

• 20:04Mae Martin?

  Driver Eight. "Motorcycles, planes, and automobiles."

• 20:09Tig Notaro?

  Wait, is this the song?

• 20:11Fortune Feimster?

  Is this the song? Are we singing?

• 20:12Tig Notaro?

  What, are you acting or singing?

• 20:14Fortune Feimster?

  Does Tom Cruise not sing?

• 20:16Mae Martin?

  He was doing kind of a spoken word.

• 20:18Tig Notaro?

  No, no, no. He needs to sing. Two, three, and...

• 20:22Mae Martin?

  "Listen to me, kid. It's gonna be great. You and me are heading off. We're drivin' eight." It has, there's no melody there.

• 20:31Fortune Feimster?

  Doesn't it really feel very R E M? But who knows?

• 20:34Tig Notaro?

  It feels very Tom Cruise, though. Let's be honest. That felt very...

• 20:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:39Tig Notaro?

  It's gonna be great.

• 20:43Mae Martin?

  He's always saying, "Listen to me. Listen to me."

• 20:46Tig Notaro?

  Does he say that a lot?

• 20:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, always. When he's, when he's trying to convince, uh, is it Philip Seymour Hoffman not to kill him? And he's tied to the chair and he goes through every tactic to try to get this guy not to kill him. And he goes, first he starts, "Listen to me. Listen to me. You don't want, you don't want to do this. Okay? We can work something out." And then he's, "For God's sake, stop it." He tries angry and then he tries scared. "Please, please." He does everything.

• 21:09Tig Notaro?

  Do you think it's in the script? Or do you think he chooses to pull out "Listen to me"?

• 21:15Mae Martin?

  I think it's all Tom. I think he's throwing in "Listen to me."

• 21:17Tig Notaro?

  I think I'm gonna start doing that.

• 21:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah. "Listen to me."

• 21:21Tig Notaro?

  "Listen to me."

• 21:21Fortune Feimster?

  Did you ever see that video of him on the red carpet somewhere in Europe? And the guy is like a prankster and he squirts him with water and he's like...

• 21:32Fortune Feimster?

  Why would you do that?

• 21:34Mae Martin?

  That was good for a joke. That was good.

• 21:38Fortune Feimster?

  He's like,

• 21:40Fortune Feimster?

  "Hey, man, why would you do that? That's not cool."

• 21:43Tig Notaro?

  Oh, so he went from kind of a fake laugh to a serious, intense, "Why would you do that? You messed up my makeup" type thing?

• 21:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it was like, he called it rude or something. I mean, which it was crazy. It was rude.

• 21:55Mae Martin?

  You can't predict how he's gonna react to things. Like, there's a new video of someone showing him a really not-that-funny meme of him. It's like, "Have you seen this meme of you hanging off of a hot air balloon or something?" And he's like,

• 22:09Mae Martin?

  "He can't stop laughing." "Oh, my God, that's insane." He's losing his mind.

• 22:15Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 22:16Mae Martin?

  It feels like he just decided arbitrarily in his head, "I'm gonna find that really funny."

• 22:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. And that video where they're like, "What's your favorite movie snacks?" And he's like,

• 22:25Mae Martin?

  He short-circuits, yeah.

• 22:29Fortune Feimster?

  Popcorn, of course. He like, doesn't know. He's like,

• 22:34Mae Martin?

  Like normal snacks, yeah.

• 22:35Fortune Feimster?

  "What is a normal thing to eat?"

• 22:37Tig Notaro?

  What do you think? Do you think he doesn't really eat popcorn? And he's just trying to not sound like an alien type?

• 22:43Fortune Feimster?

  He's just trying to be relatable, but he has not lived a relatable life in decades.

• 22:47Tig Notaro?

  He hasn't been to a movie theater?

• 22:49Mae Martin?

  I think he even says like, "Oh, when they let me eat popcorn or something." And then, and then there's a video of him eating popcorn where, I think it was after this came out, so he was trying to prove, "No, I do actually eat popcorn." And he's just like throwing it into his mouth like that.

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  It's really wild.

• 23:06Fortune Feimster?

  But, but like, you know, his, his skills lay elsewhere. They just showed another video of him doing his own stunt where he's, he's tied, hands are tied behind his back.

• 23:16Tig Notaro?

  Dwyane, don't do this stunt at home for Tim.

• 23:19Fortune Feimster?

  I was going to do this stuff, but now I won't.

• 23:21Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 23:22Fortune Feimster?

  He's, he's on, he's tied to a pole and he like, Lifts himself up, like his body up.

• 23:30Tig Notaro?

  Wow, she's doing it anyway.

• 23:31Fortune Feimster?

  The pole.

• 23:32Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 23:32Fortune Feimster?

  And frees himself with his hands tied to the pole. It's, and they were like, he did this stunt and it's like crazy.

• 23:39Tig Notaro?

  He's superhuman.

• 23:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I don't, I, I don't know that he's all human. There's something, he's, the things he can do. And then, but I was really happy because Kate Winslet beat his record for holding your breath underwater.

• 23:53Tig Notaro?

  Oh, right. I think you said that.

• 23:55Fortune Feimster?

  She did?

• 23:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:56Fortune Feimster?

  I thought you were about to say, she held her breast and I was like.

• 24:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh, we should try and break the world's record by holding a fortune's breast.

• 24:07Fortune Feimster?

  And I was like.

• 24:08Tig Notaro?

  Let's hold a fortune's breast.

• 24:10Fortune Feimster?

  I was like, um, I was like.

• 24:14Tig Notaro?

  Put that on the list, Thomas.

• 24:15Fortune Feimster?

  Please let me see this video of her breaking the record of holding her breast.

• 24:22Mae Martin?

  But it seems almost like unbelievable, seven and a half minutes, holding your breath. Like that is insane.

• 24:30Tig Notaro?

  She probably cheated and.

• 24:31Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, and why did she do this?

• 24:33Tig Notaro?

  Drink water.

• 24:34Mae Martin?

  Avatar, I think, or there was something where she.

• 24:38Tig Notaro?

  She was in Avatar?

• 24:39Fortune Feimster?

  Is she in Avatar?

• 24:40Mae Martin?

  I guess so.

• 24:41Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 24:43Mae Martin?

  She was repairing the swimming pool, so she had to, I don't know.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  Well, now I gotta Google this.

• 24:49Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 24:50Mae Martin?

  And if you're just finding us on Hulu for the first time.

• 24:53Tig Notaro?

  Apologies and welcome.

• 24:56Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah, she did do this. You're right, May.

• 24:58Mae Martin?

  Thank you. Thank God. I would have been.

• 25:00Fortune Feimster?

  And she was in Avatar.

• 25:01Mae Martin?

  Thank you.

• 25:02Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 25:03Fortune Feimster?

  While filming Avatar, The Way of Water.

• 25:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh yeah, I forgot to do this.

• 25:11Tig Notaro?

  Should we get to our question?

• 25:13Fortune Feimster?

  Let's do it.

• 25:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:15Fortune Feimster?

  Today's question asker is a comedian, writer, actor, and podcast host who wrote and starred in the movie Fire Island. His podcast is called Bad Dates and you can follow him at I Hate Joel Kim on social media to check out his tour dates. Joel Kim Booster is asking today's question.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  Hello, handsome podcast. Love you guys. Please ignore this sweatshirt. I did not go to Harvard. This is stolen valor, literally because I stole it from a guy's house. But my question to you today is, what is a joke that you can remember that you absolutely loved, but the audience hated? And do you know why the audience hated it? Thinker.

• 26:01Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, where to begin?

• 26:03Fortune Feimster?

  I know. There's a number of these.

• 26:08Tig Notaro?

  Um, well, this is really, this is so terrible, but it's still a concept that I love. And it, and it's just, I, it amuses me. And I tried it, I mean, in my early, early days of comedy. You know how they say the camera adds 10 pounds?

• 26:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:30Tig Notaro?

  Have you heard that?

• 26:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 26:32Tig Notaro?

  Okay, so. This is so dumb.

• 26:37Mae Martin?

  And you would do this onstage?

• 26:39Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I wouldn't do this. I think I tried it two or three times. I was trying to work out the concept, but it was basically that if that's true, then just nothingness, there should be blobs of 10 pounds just appearing out of nowhere. Do you know what I'm saying? Guys, thank you.

• 26:58Mae Martin?

  I mean, I know what you're saying.

• 27:03Tig Notaro?

  If the camera adds 10 pounds, and even if there is just, you're filming nothing, just 10 pounds of something should appear. All right, next. And why didn't it go well? Well, because.

• 27:15Fortune Feimster?

  That's, that is a mystery. I'll never know. Why that one fell flat.

• 27:22Mae Martin?

  It's relatable.

• 27:23Tig Notaro?

  My material, look, it, I am not the fastest writer, okay? I, it takes me a while to work through. You're, you're the same, May?

• 27:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, it takes me a while to work out my material and then I have to drag it around the planet for a while. But that one I knew right off the bat. That's, that's not gonna fly.

• 27:47Mae Martin?

  But maybe there's a way to-

• 27:48Fortune Feimster?

  You did do it on stage though, right?

• 27:49Tig Notaro?

  Yes, like two or three times. It was like in my first couple of years and I was just like, okay.

• 27:55Fortune Feimster?

  And the audience was just like, what?

• 27:56Tig Notaro?

  No, thank you. Hard pass. Move it along.

• 27:59Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 28:00Mae Martin?

  You straight man, someone who doesn't bother you that much, if you think something's funny, if, would it, would it bother you if they, if the audience?

• 28:09Tig Notaro?

  Well, no, it's-

• 28:09Mae Martin?

  I guess time after time.

• 28:10Tig Notaro?

  Well, I mean, look, I want people to, to laugh.

• 28:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, right.

• 28:13Tig Notaro?

  And, and, and there's certainly things that like I have to get rid of and I didn't feel like I could get that concept off the ground. I did have this one also that ended up working out and it was, uh, I had a joke about, I was saying like, I've always been mature for my age. In fact, as a baby, I used to take showers. And then I would imitate, you know, just like a wobbly baby. You open the shower curtain and they're like taking a shower and I ended up closing with it.

• 28:42Mae Martin?

  That's good.

• 28:43Tig Notaro?

  It used to not work at all. Um, when I would, I didn't know how to get in there, but I always thought it would be such a funny sight to open a shower curtain and see like a one and a half year old trying to keep their balance while they're cleaning themselves.

• 28:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:59Tig Notaro?

  Anyway.

• 29:00Fortune Feimster?

  It is, it is hard to know. I mean, sometimes you can know right away when a joke's just like, oh, this is horrible and I should just abandon this. But there are instances, as you both know, where you try something and it's very lukewarm, but you're just like, no, I'm gonna, I'm gonna dig in. Like one of my more popular jokes was me talking about swimming on the swim team when I was in elementary school. And I, um, was really bad at it. So I, um-

• 29:33Tig Notaro?

  Bad at swimming?

• 29:34Fortune Feimster?

  Bad at swimming.

• 29:35Mae Martin?

  Give me a video of this.

• 29:37Fortune Feimster?

  That is adorable. I wish I had it. And I told this off the cuff in my hometown at the comedy club, just because there was a lot of people in the audience who grew up with me. And someone asked me something about being on the swim team and I was like, oh yeah, I was terrible at the swim team. I would run across the pool and do the motion with my arms of the butterfly.

• 30:00Mae Martin?

  Really funny.

• 30:02Fortune Feimster?

  And so, but there was nothing to it. People were just like, oh, okay. And I was just like, oh, that's, that's kind of like, like you're saying, Mel. I was like, that's a funny visual. But it took me like- Two years to figure that story out, how to like make it, build it and make it funny.

• 30:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:19Fortune Feimster?

  And I was just like, I'm gonna figure this one out if it kills me. And I eventually did and it became one of like the signature stories, but.

• 30:28Tig Notaro?

  You lived through it.

• 30:29Fortune Feimster?

  I lived through it, but you just never know. Like I could have spent two years and it just never gone anywhere.

• 30:35Tig Notaro?

  I know there's times when, when people are like, oh, that's not gonna work. And you're like, don't tell me that. You don't know how I'm gonna get in. I, I used to take 20 minutes to do my Taylor Dane bit and I almost gave up on that because I didn't know how to make it funny, because it's such a long story. And I realized that a lot of the humor was the repetition and repeating the excuse me, I'm sorry stuff.

• 31:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I love that story.

• 31:03Tig Notaro?

  Me too. You too.

• 31:11Fortune Feimster?

  I tried to tell a story early on. I don't really remember the details of it now, but I was committed to this story for years. And it just never would go anywhere. And I was like, I don't understand why this isn't working. And I finally just dropped it, but it was about going on a date with somebody. Um, and she had a child and I, the first date, the child was at home. And I was like, oh, okay. And, and she had bought lunch and I was really broke. This was a long time ago. And, uh, so we ate lunch and everything was great. She was lovely and she, she was like, should we go buy stuff to make margaritas?

• 31:55Fortune Feimster?

  And I was like, okay.

• 31:58Tig Notaro?

  For lunch?

• 31:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. And so we go, so I, and this didn't happen.

• 32:03Tig Notaro?

  The kid?

• 32:04Fortune Feimster?

  Like five or something like that. And, um.

• 32:08Tig Notaro?

  So you guys are just gonna get trashed with the little kid?

• 32:10Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I made a joke about like, we got in the minivan. We didn't actually get in the minivan, but like,

• 32:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:15Fortune Feimster?

  I was trying to build it like, we got the minivan, left the kid in the car. That didn't happen, but you know, you're trying to build the story.

• 32:21Tig Notaro?

  Of course, of course.

• 32:22Fortune Feimster?

  And then the joke was that like, I, I, I was broke, but I was trying to be chivalrous. And I was like, since you bought lunch, I'll buy the margaritas. But you know, I'm thinking like, you know, the cheap.

• 32:37Fortune Feimster?

  $15 tequila and she goes for the Patron, which was like, you know, 50, 60 bucks. And when you're broke, that's like, holy shit.

• 32:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:46Fortune Feimster?

  But not only that, but like the Contra or whatever you call it. Like the orange liqueur. So that's another like 30 and then like a specialty salt. I mean, a mixer, this thing ends up being like $120, which to me was like a thousand.

• 33:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:06Fortune Feimster?

  And I was just like sweating and we get back to her house. We start chatting for a while. We don't end up actually ever drinking the margaritas.

• 33:17Mae Martin?

  No.

• 33:17Fortune Feimster?

  And that was always so wild to me that we never drank them. And she ended up putting the stuff in her cabinet and keeping it. And I.

• 33:28Mae Martin?

  I'd be pissed.

• 33:30Fortune Feimster?

  I could never get over that. A, we didn't drink it and then B, she kept it. I couldn't even like, cause I was like, hey, you saw that receipt. I'd love to return this. Um, but I was trying to tell this story and it just never, everyone was just like, okay.

• 33:49Tig Notaro?

  Did you just end up playing peekaboo with her child? Completely sober?

• 33:54Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I just said, I wanted, I think I ended it with like, I wanted to open the bottle Patron and all the souls of the other women who bought liquor came out of the bottle. I don't know. I had some cheesy ending. It was not, I did not write it well, but also no one cared about the premise.

• 34:12Mae Martin?

  I think people were more distracted about this kid. That element of it was the beginning.

• 34:19Tig Notaro?

  Left in the car while you're buying alcohol. There's a lot of concerning factors here.

• 34:25Fortune Feimster?

  I know, but, but some of it was just me as a young writer trying to think what's funny.

• 34:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:32Fortune Feimster?

  You know, cause every story it tells is based on truth, but you elaborate to make it funny. You punch it up. And so I think in my punching it up, I confused people more like, wait, what? And, and but, but then at the end of the day, no one did care about the premise. And that is, if you don't care about the premise of a story, the story is not gonna work.

• 34:55Tig Notaro?

  You gotta bring it back. Now they have more of a following. Revisit. And I feel like the handsome followers are gonna wanna hear this story on stage now.

• 35:04Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think so, because it just kinda was like, I was broke and, you know, it was more of the mystery of like, why are we buying all this expensive margarita stuff? And then only to not drink it. I think she was running a racket. And then keep it. Yeah, it felt, it was like, did you, was this date just for you to get?

• 35:26Tig Notaro?

  See?

• 35:28Fortune Feimster?

  For you to enjoy this with someone else?

• 35:30Tig Notaro?

  This predated when you could get a margarita in a can, right?

• 35:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 35:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, cuz that would've been the quick fix for, for this.

• 35:39Fortune Feimster?

  And now it's weird to tell it cuz people would be like, well, you can afford, now you can afford Patron, and that's not even that nice of a tequila. No, I think you could still, you could still do this. But like, back then, I was like, I can barely pay my rent.

• 35:52Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's how you tell the audience is, this is when you were broke. People aren't gonna be in the audience now going, well, you can afford Patron.

• 35:59Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, I don't think people are gonna

• 36:01Tig Notaro?

  Bring it back.

• 36:05Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think, oh, and then I did, the other one I've told on this pod before, but was about me trying to use a gift card at the vegan restaurant. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually told it in, um, at JFL Montreal, yeah, yeah, yeah. On the show that May and I did together, and it got cut. No way. So you tried to get it in there? People really don't care about this gift card story. Oh, man. And, and just for those who didn't hear me tell it before, very quickly, I got gifted a gift card at a vegan restaurant. And I tried to treat some friends to a meal who loved this restaurant.

• 36:38Tig Notaro?

  Which one was it?

• 36:40Fortune Feimster?

  It was, um, oh, what's it called? Crossroads.

• 36:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's good.

• 36:46Fortune Feimster?

  And I was trying to be discreet about using the gift card because, you know, I didn't want them to think I was being cheap. And the waitress couldn't stop saying the word gift card and told me that it didn't work. And she was on the phone with the company, like she kept coming back to the table.

• 37:00Mae Martin?

  But I'm gonna speak to the gift card company. I think we can get this gift card working.

• 37:03Fortune Feimster?

  Flying it around in the air and the gift card never worked. And so I tried to tell this whole story of this buildup of like being discreet. And then she keeps coming back and won't stop saying the word gift card. Turns out no one really cares about that story either.

• 37:19Mae Martin?

  I just have had to abandon the thing from my tour show. After like three shows, I was doing it in LA in the previews. No one liked it there. Then I was doing it on tour. No one liked it. It was like, it's like a long thing about going on a school trip and I get a bag of. Well, it starts with me being like, what is human nature? Like I, because I, I don't recognize the like, like the horrors of the world. And I'm like, maybe I have some cruelty dormant within me. Because I remember that when I would go on like a school trip, I'd buy a bag of gummy bears. And I'd be massacring this bag of gummy bears and I'd start to feel guilty.

• 38:02Mae Martin?

  And then I would pick one to try to save and spare its life. And I would think, I will have you till I die. Like I will be buried with this.

• 38:10Fortune Feimster?

  There comes the bear portal.

• 38:11Mae Martin?

  Gummy bear.

• 38:13Fortune Feimster?

  Gummy bear portal.

• 38:15Mae Martin?

  That would have been the limb. That would have been it. And then I'd just talk about how then like I'd get hungry and I'd start to eat. I'd be like, what's a limb? Like I'd just chew off a limb of this gut. And he'd end up this like sticky torso of a gummy bear that I like mutilated, even though he was the one I loved the most. Even as I'm telling it now, I'm like, yeah, that's horrible to think of. But I swear there were good asides because I would talk about like how I'd want him to be in my tux, in my suit pocket at my funeral. And then I was like, it's crazy that we wear suits at.

• 38:47Fortune Feimster?

  Should we apologize to our listeners?

• 38:50Mae Martin?

  I feel like this is, this episode's become us describing our worst bit.

• 38:53Fortune Feimster?

  Our terrible stories.

• 38:55Tig Notaro?

  That would actually be a really fun standup show is if you brought your material that never worked and then you try really hard and other comedians give notes and like, maybe you can sculpt it into some.

• 39:09Fortune Feimster?

  You try to tell it again.

• 39:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I would do that. I would do that. I would do that. You know, also, real quick, I was on a walk the other day and a guy stopped me and he was like, Tig, I'm Taylor Dane's manager.

• 39:24Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 39:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Like, no way.

• 39:28Fortune Feimster?

  That's hilarious.

• 39:30Tig Notaro?

  So we're gonna maybe try and do a video of me and, and Taylor Dane together.

• 39:36Mae Martin?

  Well, we should get a question from her.

• 39:37Fortune Feimster?

  I would.

• 39:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:39Fortune Feimster?

  I would love to know how many times people mention.

• 39:43Tig Notaro?

  Have said that to her?

• 39:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I mentioned.

• 39:45Tig Notaro?

  Do you know how many times they say it to me?

• 39:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:48Tig Notaro?

  Every day of my life, somebody comes up and is like, excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you.

• 39:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 39:54Fortune Feimster?

  He like made her even more legendary. I mean, she had an amazing career on her own, but you know.

• 40:00Tig Notaro?

  Do you love her voice as well?

• 40:02Fortune Feimster?

  She's got a great voice.

• 40:03Tig Notaro?

  I love it so much. Have I mentioned that?

• 40:06Mae Martin?

  Tig, I always think about your bit, no molesta.

• 40:09Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm. That one's a really good one, too.

• 40:11Mae Martin?

  That echoes in my mind all the time.

• 40:13Fortune Feimster?

  That was the first time I saw you, Tig, was performing that joke in Montreal, Just for Laughs, in 2010?

• 40:25Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 40:25Fortune Feimster?

  I want to say, yeah, I was, I had, I knew you, but I had not seen you perform. And that was the first time I saw you perform live.

• 40:33Tig Notaro?

  Interesting. Did we, we didn't meet, huh?

• 40:36Fortune Feimster?

  We didn't meet.

• 40:37Tig Notaro?

  No, no.

• 40:38Fortune Feimster?

  We were like. I think we ended up meeting like a year later.

• 40:43Mae Martin?

  Except the past, the present, and the future. Could be happening at the same time they're saying now, so maybe it had already met.

• 40:52Tig Notaro?

  Who are they, these people saying this?

• 40:54Mae Martin?

  Harvard scientists. I saw a headline, Harvard scientists agree the past, the present, and the future are happening at the same time. It kind of checks out, right? Intuitively, don't you kind of go, yeah?

• 41:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I mean, I'd buy anything.

• 41:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like, I kind of, yeah, you know?

• 41:11Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, you tell me that, and I'm just like, I don't know what that means, but okay.

• 41:19Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just like, okay, if May is buying into it, sure.

• 41:24Tig Notaro?

  So should we see what Mr. Booster has to say?

• 41:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:27Tig Notaro?

  Booster!

• 41:29Fortune Feimster?

  Boosty Boo! By the way, Fire Island was such a good movie. Did y'all watch that?

• 41:34Mae Martin?

  Yes, I loved it.

• 41:35Fortune Feimster?

  I loved it. Those handsome fellows prancing around in their Speedos in Fire Island being hilarious.

• 41:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:43Fortune Feimster?

  So good.

• 41:44Speaker 04

  Okay, have I ever had a joke that does not connect with the audience? Hell, yeah. The real question is, is which one do I talk about? I guess the most recent example for me is a joke in which I talk about how I couldn't go back in time and kill baby Hitler, but instead I would go back to when he was a teenager and encourage his art.

• 42:08Speaker 04

  And it, to me, is a very funny joke. There's a lot of acting out in it. There's a lot of voices and character work. And I think the reason it doesn't hit for a lot of audiences is, A, the idea of rehabbing Hitler is not super welcome in this climate. And also, shockingly, I found this out, a lot of people do not know that Hitler wanted to become an artist. And so without knowing that context, it really doesn't make much sense.

• 42:38Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 42:39Mae Martin?

  The way Joel told it, it works perfectly. So now I'm wondering, is it in the acting out and the voices and stuff? That's where he's losing people, I wonder.

• 42:48Tig Notaro?

  I think sometimes also there's just that, those trigger topics where people are like, as soon as you say Hitler...

• 42:55Fortune Feimster?

  Their buttholes tighten.

• 42:56Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 42:57Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie! Fortune Marie!

• 43:00Mae Martin?

  What? They do!

• 43:02Tig Notaro?

  No, no.

• 43:03Fortune Feimster?

  You hear their name, your butthole immediately tighten.

• 43:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Your body just reacts very viscerally to this person, obvious, for obvious reasons.

• 43:14Tig Notaro?

  I was in Amsterdam with Stephanie and we had gone to the Anne Frank, Anne Frank's house.

• 43:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:23Tig Notaro?

  And we left with a brochure and I was, I was just looking through the brochure and it hit me. I turned to Stephanie, I go, that's not Anne Frank's house. The fact that it's called that, that was not her house.

• 43:41Mae Martin?

  It was the neighbors.

• 43:42Tig Notaro?

  It was, she was in hiding there.

• 43:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:45Tig Notaro?

  She wouldn't come back and be like, oh my God, there's my old house. You know what I mean? Yeah.

• 43:50Mae Martin?

  That's not factually correct.

• 43:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like, could you change that off of the brochure, please?

• 43:56Mae Martin?

  Well, do you remember when Justin Bieber went there and he wrote in the guestbook, Anne would have been a believer?

• 44:02Tig Notaro?

  Oh, no.

• 44:03Mae Martin?

  No. That, he did. And I, you could tell in the moment, he thought, yeah, he thought he was writing something pretty poignant.

• 44:12Tig Notaro?

  Anne would have been a believer.

• 44:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:16Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 44:17Mae Martin?

  When I went, I, when I went, I couldn't, I don't know, it's always weird, those things, like this, the way people. Did you write Anne would have been a May, Mayliever? No, I, I just couldn't believe the way people were like, taking pictures and laughing and joking and yelling at their kids. And I was like, can we have some reverence here? Like, I don't know. It always makes me think of, um, the story of my parents have, I think I've told it before, when they went on a tour of Auschwitz. And, um, there was this couple there who were arguing, whispering, arguing the whole tour, being like, I told you not to leave it in the car. And then finally the husband just snaps and goes, well, you've ruined Auschwitz.

• 44:53Tig Notaro?

  No, no. May, that didn't happen.

• 44:56Mae Martin?

  That, my parents swear that happened and it is a pretty good anecdote. But people are so self-absorbed. Well, I feel, yeah, I feel like they just aren't really grasping, like, they're just treating it like a museum of like. Yeah. You're looking at a painting, you're, you're, without really connecting what happened there.

• 45:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, what you're actually looking at. That's how I feel naming it Anne Frank's house is. There's a disconnect there because that is not her house.

• 45:28Mae Martin?

  Right. It's like they wanted a catchy.

• 45:31Tig Notaro?

  Not her house.

• 45:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 45:33Tig Notaro?

  Anyway.

• 45:35Tig Notaro?

  Well, there we are.

• 45:36Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. Well, so maybe one, maybe somebody will end up doing that show where everyone brings their terrible jokes and ideas and somehow turns them into either a fun, one night only situation, or those jokes go on to be real big hits.

• 45:51Mae Martin?

  Well, Tig, you had the idea of a tour called Not My Best or something?

• 45:56Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. This is not my best.

• 45:58Mae Martin?

  Maybe when you were starting out. Yeah. Maybe, yeah, this is not my best.

• 46:01Tig Notaro?

  This is not my best. Yeah, I guess I should be calling it that. No, I'm gonna run people off from coming to my tour.

• 46:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, no, call it that.

• 46:10Tig Notaro?

  My, my tour has been really fun.

• 46:12Mae Martin?

  Call it Top of My Game.

• 46:13Fortune Feimster?

  You might, I mean, I think all of us, I would say the three of us probably all are slower to write, but we, but we always get there.

• 46:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's because also I love crowd, I love chatting to people and I love doing the, like a question bucket and improvising. So then I, I'm not disciplined enough about really honing the jokes because I, I like to get a laugh from a joke failing too. So I'm like, I just let it be fat for so long, like with, and then I take stages, yeah.

• 46:41Fortune Feimster?

  I really would like one more story for my current tour, but nothing of any excitement.

• 46:47Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I have a good idea.

• 46:49Fortune Feimster?

  Has happened to me. What?

• 46:52Tig Notaro?

  Uh, you could do the, um...

• 46:55Mae Martin?

  Tits Out Tub?

• 46:57Tig Notaro?

  No, ma.

• 46:58Fortune Feimster?

  Fight up real hard with that. Tits Out Tub!

• 47:02Tig Notaro?

  Ew, with your kink. No, your alcohol, uh, uh, margarita story.

• 47:09Fortune Feimster?

  No, there's no way. Um, I got in the Tits Out Tub the other day. Tits Out Hot Tub.

• 47:16Tig Notaro?

  Tits Out Tub.

• 47:18Fortune Feimster?

  Tits Out Hot Tub the other night.

• 47:19Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 47:20Fortune Feimster?

  I kinda hope, I was kinda hoping that like, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's not as bad as I remember it. And I was like, nope, still tits out.

• 47:27Tig Notaro?

  Tits Out Tub. And you're topless at home?

• 47:30Fortune Feimster?

  You know me.

• 47:31Tig Notaro?

  Or you're just fully naked?

• 47:33Fortune Feimster?

  Tits out.

• 47:34Tig Notaro?

  But what is it? I can't remember.

• 47:36Fortune Feimster?

  Usually it's shirt, no pants.

• 47:38Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 47:39Fortune Feimster?

  Like Porky Pig.

• 47:44Tig Notaro?

  But wait, I can't remember. Are you naked or are you just tits out?

• 47:48Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not naked. No, I'm never naked.

• 47:50Tig Notaro?

  You in your little frilly onesie?

• 47:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 47:53Tig Notaro?

  One piece?

• 47:53Fortune Feimster?

  Well, even in the hot tub, I'm, I have my lesbian swimsuit on.

• 47:57Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 47:58Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but.

• 47:59Mae Martin?

  Which is t-shirt and shorts?

• 48:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 48:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:02Tig Notaro?

  Speedo?

• 48:03Fortune Feimster?

  Sleeveless cutoff.

• 48:05Tig Notaro?

  Oh, hello.

• 48:06Fortune Feimster?

  That one.

• 48:07Tig Notaro?

  Hello.

• 48:08Mae Martin?

  Show my guns.

• 48:09Tig Notaro?

  There's.

• 48:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Hold on.

• 48:12Mae Martin?

  Go, go to YouTube or Hulu.

• 48:15Fortune Feimster?

  YouTube or Hulu.

• 48:16Tig Notaro?

  Yes, please.

• 48:18Fortune Feimster?

  But, but my body is out of the water significantly.

• 48:23Tig Notaro?

  Your tits?

• 48:24Fortune Feimster?

  My tits are out in the hot tub.

• 48:25Tig Notaro?

  Well, it's tits out tub.

• 48:27Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. So I don't know. I mean, I think I could pay a lot of money to get it fixed, but it's a matter of do I want to go down that road? We'll see.

• 48:36Mae Martin?

  Well, why don't you pay money to have your tits surgically lowered?

• 48:39Tig Notaro?

  I was gonna say you could have your tits fixed.

• 48:43Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna be the only person in history to get them lowered and not lifted.

• 48:47Mae Martin?

  You gotta fit them in the tub, that's why.

• 48:49Tig Notaro?

  You get that for free in time.

• 48:50Fortune Feimster?

  They're already pretty low.

• 48:51Tig Notaro?

  I was gonna say in time, they, they go ahead and drop, right?

• 48:54Fortune Feimster?

  I've never had perky, perky tees.

• 48:58Tig Notaro?

  Well, okay.

• 48:59Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 48:59Tig Notaro?

  Should we end there?

• 49:00Fortune Feimster?

  The crowd goes silent.

• 49:02Tig Notaro?

  Mild.

• 49:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm not known for my perky breast disease.

• 49:08Tig Notaro?

  You should do an interview show called Tits Out Tub and you interview people with your tits afloat.

• 49:14Fortune Feimster?

  True. I, I'm keep in mind, because I'm the only one of us that has any and we need to, um, we need me for our Honeylove.

• 49:25Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what?

• 49:26Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh, right.

• 49:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 49:28Tig Notaro?

  Those that we.

• 49:29Mae Martin?

  One of our sponsors is a.

• 49:31Fortune Feimster?

  It's Honeylove.

• 49:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:32Fortune Feimster?

  And so y'all need me.

• 49:34Tig Notaro?

  Yes, we do.

• 49:35Fortune Feimster?

  My perky boobies.

• 49:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, tits out.

• 49:39Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. So.

• 49:40Tig Notaro?

  You could walk around holding them up.

• 49:42Fortune Feimster?

  I could, just like Kate Winslet for seven and a half minutes.

• 49:46Tig Notaro?

  All right.

• 49:49Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, this is our first day on Hulu and you do that?

• 49:54Fortune Feimster?

  Sorry.

• 49:55Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie, you do that on our first day.

• 49:58Fortune Feimster?

  I'm sorry.

• 49:59Tig Notaro?

  On Hulu.

• 50:00Fortune Feimster?

  Well, welcome to the podcast. For those who've never seen us before.

• 50:05Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 50:05Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome you to our handsome community.

• 50:07Tig Notaro?

  Thank you for being here.

• 50:09Fortune Feimster?

  Just know that it is always silly around here. We don't take ourselves too seriously.

• 50:14Tig Notaro?

  Sometimes it's kinky.

• 50:16Mae Martin?

  Sometimes.

• 50:17Fortune Feimster?

  Sometimes we actually do get pretty earnest, but

• 50:20Tig Notaro?

  It's rare.

• 50:20Fortune Feimster?

  A lot of this, you're gonna see a lot of silliness. So if you're not into fun, silly, happy, good, positive times, I don't know what to tell you.

• 50:28Tig Notaro?

  We really don't know what to tell you, except to subscribe.

• 50:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 50:32Tig Notaro?

  And review and rate our podcast online on wherever you get it. Yeah, tell your friends. Share episodes with people.

• 50:42Fortune Feimster?

  Episodes.

• 50:43Tig Notaro?

  Help us build this handsome community.

• 50:45Fortune Feimster?

  Build this community.

• 50:49Mae Martin?

  I am on tour right now. Should I do that?

• 50:54Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes, please tell us.

• 50:57Mae Martin?

  Well, I'm on tour right now and tonight I'm in San Francisco. If you want to come by, say hello. Uh, there's still some tickets left for Portland, Oregon on the 24th, or Vancouver on the 25th, Denver, Colorado. There's a late show on May 8th, but check out maymartin.net and also check out Wayward on Netflix.

• 51:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, why not?

• 51:20Mae Martin?

  How about you guys? What, what do you have to say?

• 51:22Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna be in Toronto, May 8th at Massey Hall.

• 51:25Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 51:26Fortune Feimster?

  Um, and then Reading, Pennsylvania, and then starting in the end of May, I'm going on a little European run. Berlin, Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, London and Dublin. Then in June, I'll be back in the States for Rochester, Minnesota, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Omaha. Portland, Maine and Detroit.

• 51:45Mae Martin?

  Love it.

• 51:46Fortune Feimster?

  So go to my website for that.

• 51:48Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna be in Newtown, Connecticut, Portland, Maine, Brooks, California, San Luis Obispo, Albany, New York, Peekskill, New York, Clayton, New York, Rochester, New York, Spokane, Washington, Eugene, Oregon, Colorado Springs, and the list goes on. Go to Tignotaro.com for all show information. And, um, you know, maybe check out that, uh, documentary I produced. Very beautiful about the incredible Andrea Gibson called Come See Me in the Good Light, Oscar nominated on Apple TV. Yeah. And also, did we mention May 4th Netflix?

• 52:28Mae Martin?

  Netflix is a joke. We're interviewing the cast of The Hunting Wives. Uh, and also just chatting, chatting to each other. So please come.

• 52:37Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what is that trophy?

• 52:38Mae Martin?

  What is going on?

• 52:39Fortune Feimster?

  I know that Tig got nominated for an Oscar, but, um...

• 52:43Mae Martin?

  That's a Just for Laughs trophy.

• 52:44Fortune Feimster?

  This is Just for Laughs, uh, Laughs Handsome Podcast of the Year.

• 52:49Tig Notaro?

  Wait, why didn't I get one of those?

• 52:51Mae Martin?

  Did you not?

• 52:52Fortune Feimster?

  They never sent you one?

• 52:53Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 52:54Mae Martin?

  Well, me and Fortune got them.

• 52:56Fortune Feimster?

  We got them in person.

• 52:57Tig Notaro?

  I would like one.

• 52:59Fortune Feimster?

  We should tell somebody, but...

• 53:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:01Fortune Feimster?

  I just, I didn't want to upstage your Oscar nomination, but...

• 53:05Tig Notaro?

  Well, you just did.

• 53:06Speaker 05

  I did get a, I did get a Ha Ha Ha Award.

• 53:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Thomas, put that on the list. Can you ask them for my trophy?

• 53:15Fortune Feimster?

  This is my one award and it's going right here.

• 53:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:20Fortune Feimster?

  Right by my snow globe.

• 53:22Mae Martin?

  Hey, you're really, the place is really...

• 53:25Tig Notaro?

  It's coming together.

• 53:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it really is.

• 53:28Tig Notaro?

  You can tell I'm a bachelor.

• 53:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:32Tig Notaro?

  Well...

• 53:33Mae Martin?

  Well, love you guys.

• 53:34Tig Notaro?

  Love you dearly, not queerly. Until next time, what do you say? Wait, uh...

• 53:45Speaker 05

  Hulu.

• 53:46Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media @handsomepod.

• 54:04Speaker 05

  What a podcast.

• 54:06Mae Martin?

  What a podcast.

• 54:10Fortune Feimster?

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 54:13Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 54:15Speaker 05

  And Hannah Simone.

• 54:16Speaker 06

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 54:37Speaker 05

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 54:50Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 55:01Speaker 05

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.