Pretty Little Episode #71

Fortune and Mae talk about made-up laws and retirement-age jobs on a very merry Pretty Little Episode! Did you miss our holibobs show? You can still watch the replay for a few more days-- get your ticket here https://www.squadup.com/events/livestream-access-handsome-holibobs-extravaganza! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Handsome. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Pretty little episode.

• 1:50Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome to Handsome's Pre-Lip.

• 1:54Mae Martin?

  Welcome.

• 1:55Fortune Feimster?

  I'm Fortuna.

• 1:56Mae Martin?

  I'm Mae Martin.

• 1:58Fortune Feimster?

  And we're coming to you right after the big holiday.

• 2:03Mae Martin?

  Yes, indeed.

• 2:04Fortune Feimster?

  After Christmas. So everybody's probably filling their bellies with some leftovers today.

• 2:12Mae Martin?

  We hope all your dreams came true and your wishes were answered. I just Googled, before we started, I just Googled, why do they call Boxing Day Boxing Day? Do they call it that in America?

• 2:23Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I mean, I've heard of Boxing Day, but I don't know what it is.

• 2:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's the day after Christmas.

• 2:29Fortune Feimster?

  Isn't that celebrated quite a bit in Canada and England? It's not a big thing over here, I don't think.

• 2:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, maybe. Okay, yeah. Boxing Day is usually like, there's Boxing Day sales and.

• 2:40Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, no.

• 2:41Mae Martin?

  And it says, it's named after the practice of giving Christmas boxes filled with gifts, money, and food to servants and tradespeople who had to work on Christmas Day.

• 2:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 2:51Mae Martin?

  Whoa. It could come from the church alms boxes that collected donations for the poor, which were opened and distributed the day after Christmas. That's cool.

• 3:00Fortune Feimster?

  I see. I never knew. Because, yeah, when I was in England, England, I was in Spain for Christmas once and they, Boxing Day was a thing and they have something called Three Kings Day and like, there's just these different holidays that they celebrate that I, and I knew in Canada Boxing Day was a thing.

• 3:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you gotta hit the, you gotta hit the shops.

• 3:24Fortune Feimster?

  For in America, what's the big shopping day around Christmas? Is it, is it Christmas or is it New Year's?

• 3:31Mae Martin?

  I don't know. Do you, do you get like Cyber Monday or like Black Friday? Is that a thing?

• 3:36Fortune Feimster?

  That's Thanksgiving. Those are the big, I guess those are our big sales out here.

• 3:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:43Fortune Feimster?

  Um, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving.

• 3:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. So I don't know. I'm not a big shopper, so I could care less about that, those shopping days.

• 3:53Mae Martin?

  I'm trying to be less of a shopper, like trying to give a lot of Christmas presents that are paintings and stuff for things I make.

• 4:01Fortune Feimster?

  From the heart.

• 4:02Mae Martin?

  Fortune, I will, and I'm glad, I'm kind of glad it's just you today, you and me.

• 4:06Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 4:07Mae Martin?

  Because I have to, I don't, well, I don't want to be ridiculed for this purchase. So please let this be a safe space.

• 4:14Fortune Feimster?

  What if I ridicule you? What is this? A drum machine?

• 4:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's a drum machine. It's a drum machine.

• 4:22Fortune Feimster?

  You're gonna have a full electronic band in your house.

• 4:25Mae Martin?

  Seriously? And let me tell you, it's harder than you think.

• 4:28Fortune Feimster?

  The Chuck E. Cheese Band.

• 4:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and I sort of thought, I don't know, because it's small and electric, it would be easy, but you do actually have to know how to play the drums, which I don't.

• 4:39Fortune Feimster?

  This isn't like a pre, a pre-made beat.

• 4:43Mae Martin?

  I'm sure it has that, but it's been pretty fun, pound in a way.

• 4:47Fortune Feimster?

  Are you wanting to learn a drum?

• 4:49Mae Martin?

  What I want is to be able to create a full song just by myself, because I, I make demos and stuff with guitar and bass and things, but then I always have to go to friends or, or producers to, to add things. And it would be cool to.

• 5:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, okay. So we've got a drum, an electric drum thing, a synthesizer.

• 5:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I've got a little keyboard. I've got a bass.

• 5:18Fortune Feimster?

  You got your, your acoustic guitars.

• 5:21Mae Martin?

  Electric.

• 5:22Fortune Feimster?

  Electric.

• 5:23Mae Martin?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:24Fortune Feimster?

  And what, any other?

• 5:26Mae Martin?

  That's about it. It's, oh, harmonica. I play the harmonica.

• 5:29Fortune Feimster?

  Can you play harmonica?

• 5:30Mae Martin?

  A little bit. I'd, I'd really like to learn something like a violin, but.

• 5:36Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God. Don't do that to yourself. It's really hard.

• 5:40Mae Martin?

  You play the flute?

• 5:42Fortune Feimster?

  Not me?

• 5:43Mae Martin?

  Wait. Really?

• 5:48Fortune Feimster?

  I played a trumpet for a couple, like, two years in junior high.

• 5:52Mae Martin?

  Maybe Tig plays the flute.

• 5:54Fortune Feimster?

  Does Tig play the flute? I would be shocked if Tig played a flute.

• 6:00Mae Martin?

  Who plays the flute, then?

• 6:01Fortune Feimster?

  Lizzo.

• 6:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I swear one of us plays the flute, but maybe it was the trumpet I'm thinking of.

• 6:09Fortune Feimster?

  I talked to the ladies in the chicks band, formerly the Dixie Chicks. So Emily plays the banjo. And she said that's ridiculously hard, but it's nothing compared to how hard the, um, what it, it's not the violin. What's the other?

• 6:30Mae Martin?

  Oh, gosh.

• 6:31Fortune Feimster?

  Is it? No, it's another handheld thing, but like the violin. Is it a?

• 6:37Mae Martin?

  Fiddle?

• 6:37Fortune Feimster?

  No. Fiddle, yeah.

• 6:39Mae Martin?

  Fiddle.

• 6:40Fortune Feimster?

  So her sister Marty plays the fiddle and apparently it's like insanely hard.

• 6:45Mae Martin?

  So hard, but how impressive.

• 6:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 6:48Mae Martin?

  I did a show at Largo the other day where I, I sometimes do covers of Elliott Smith songs there and I had the Watkins Family Hour that musical brother and sister act have been around forever and they

• 7:00Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 7:01Mae Martin?

  She plays the violin and, and so they accompanied me and it was like the simplest acoustic song. And then as soon as that violin comes in, you're just, you want to weep like it's so beautiful. It just elevates any song to like, if we added violin to our theme song, we'd be winning all the Webby's.

• 7:20Fortune Feimster?

  Winning those Webby's.

• 7:21Mae Martin?

  Winning those podcasting trophies.

• 7:23Fortune Feimster?

  We could, we, they couldn't deny us because they're like, listen to that violin intro.

• 7:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:29Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I think, you know, what we have, it ain't broke.

• 7:33Mae Martin?

  You're right.

• 7:34Fortune Feimster?

  We'll fix it.

• 7:35Mae Martin?

  You're right. That's usually a sign when, when you're a fan of something and then something you love about it changes, it's a sign things are gonna go like when the Survivor theme song changed, I was like, wow. I think it's back to normal now.

• 7:49Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know it cha- I didn't know it changed.

• 7:51Mae Martin?

  Briefly.

• 7:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Do you still watch that show a lot?

• 7:55Mae Martin?

  Of course.

• 7:56Fortune Feimster?

  You're just hooked. Oh, my gosh.

• 8:00Mae Martin?

  This season's great. Um, I guess it'll be over by the time this comes out and then season 50 will be about to air, which is all previous players.

• 8:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:09Mae Martin?

  And a big season, 50 seasons of Survivor. It's gonna be epic.

• 8:14Fortune Feimster?

  Would you ever, like, I know Mike White has done it, like,

• 8:17Mae Martin?

  He's on, he's on season 50.

• 8:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really? Would you ever consider it?

• 8:22Mae Martin?

  I mean, it's so close to, to Parv and then I'd, I'd feel so like I'd want to do her legacy proud almost because then it's just she can't be touched. So I don't know. I'd, I'd, I'd like to just.

• 8:34Fortune Feimster?

  No, you'd have to do your own thing.

• 8:36Mae Martin?

  I think I'd be so anxious about washing my face and I think maybe when I'm like 50 if, and you know, then I would do it. I would like to do it.

• 8:46Fortune Feimster?

  You never know. Uh, I can tell you with great certainty, there's not a chance in hell I would do that show.

• 8:54Mae Martin?

  Would you do, would you do Traitors?

• 8:56Fortune Feimster?

  Uh-uh.

• 8:57Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 8:59Fortune Feimster?

  I got asked to do, I've been asked to do several reality shows. I got asked to do Celebrity Big Brother. I've been asked to do The Masked Singer. I've said no to all of them.

• 9:07Mae Martin?

  I just love games, but you're not, yeah.

• 9:10Fortune Feimster?

  I'll do like game, I don't mind game shows. I've done plenty of those. I was on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.

• 9:17Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 9:18Fortune Feimster?

  I've done like Pyramid. Um, but, but I reali-, I like those games a lot, but some of the games, um, is when, cause I always think I'm not an anxious person, but then under a timer, answering questions, the anxiety shoots through me.

• 9:35Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 9:37Fortune Feimster?

  Nothing else.

• 9:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and you just go blank, like.

• 9:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, so some of those, some of those, um, trivia games with timers on them, mm, cause I'm fairly decent at trivia, but you put a timer on it and I'm, I'm done for.

• 9:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think it's always a good strategy to just, and say something really confidently, cause then funny stuff comes out.

• 9:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 10:00Mae Martin?

  I'd love to go on those shows. I'd love to see you on Traitors though. I think you'd be incredible.

• 10:04Fortune Feimster?

  I love the game Mafia, but it, it gives me so, even in just a game with friends, it gives me so much stress.

• 10:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:11Fortune Feimster?

  Having to like be deceitful.

• 10:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:15Fortune Feimster?

  I, I don't care for it.

• 10:17Mae Martin?

  No one would see it coming with you.

• 10:19Fortune Feimster?

  I've, I played like a crazy ass game of Mafia with, uh, I'll never forget with my Sunday company and I was, but down the two of us. And I had to be so convincingly lying.

• 10:32Mae Martin?

  Cause you were, you were Mafia?

• 10:34Fortune Feimster?

  Uh-huh, and he was like, you guys, she's lying. And I'm like, I had to be like, you guys, you know, and everyone was like, she wouldn't do that. But it's, you know, for the game and.

• 10:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:45Fortune Feimster?

  And then I've just felt like a monster.

• 10:47Mae Martin?

  I mean, there's a thing, there's a UK season of Celebrity Traitors on right now and, uh, it's in, it's all famous, it's like. Like Stephen Fry and Jonathan Ross, like Alan Carr, these really famous British comedians and actors. And Celia Imrie is on and she's a like, I think she's like an Oscar winning, super respected actress. She's in her seventies. And so they're explaining one of the challenges to all the contestants and it's really tense and they're in this dark room and they're like, the host is like, okay, players, it's Claudia Winkleman. And she's like, you will have to find a shield. And then there's a silence and then you just hear, and then everyone

• 11:27Mae Martin?

  looks and Celia Imrie just farted. And she's like, and she goes, I'm so sorry. But I always own up when I've done it. That was me. I farted. It's incredible. Yeah.

• 11:38Fortune Feimster?

  I love that.

• 11:39Mae Martin?

  Don't you wish people were more confident with a well timed fart?

• 11:43Fortune Feimster?

  Their toots.

• 11:44Mae Martin?

  I wish it was more accepted.

• 11:45Fortune Feimster?

  Especially when you're that age, though, you can kind of be like, my bad.

• 11:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:49Fortune Feimster?

  How was my British accent?

• 11:51Mae Martin?

  My bad.

• 11:52Fortune Feimster?

  My bad.

• 11:59Fortune Feimster?

  Well, let's, uh, let's get to some questions. Let's do it.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  Hello to whatever combination of Tig, Fortune and May I am lucky enough to speak to. This is Sarah calling from Maine. My question is, if you could pass a law that's like, not super high stakes. So nothing about fixing all of the actual problems, but like just something that you think would make the world marginally better. What law would you pass and why?

• 12:28Mae Martin?

  Hmm. Great question. Oh, man. I actually have so many, like, I, my first thought was that it should be illegal to say, okay, slowly backing away now. You know, when people do that?

• 12:44Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think I've heard that much in real life, but I have seen it in a lot of movies or TV shows.

• 12:50Mae Martin?

  I, uh, I just remember working in call centers and stuff where I would do something not even eccentric, like just something I'd go, oh, yeah. You know, I'm just, I'm gonna have a glass of hot water. That's good for my, and they go, okay, slowly backing away now. And I'd be like, all right.

• 13:09Fortune Feimster?

  That's funny. Um, I guess maybe we would all be better for that.

• 13:15Mae Martin?

  I think we would.

• 13:17Fortune Feimster?

  You would be better for that for sure, because you hate it.

• 13:20Mae Martin?

  I think I would like to massively change all school curriculums. This is a big jump from my last suggestion, but I'm just like, we should be teaching relationship skills in schools and, and financial literacy and,

• 13:37Mae Martin?

  and gender and, and, and better history. And like, yeah, I would just make my own school curriculum. Whole unit on the Beatles.

• 13:46Fortune Feimster?

  Plus to like, um, yeah, just like throwing in some like empathy classes and like.

• 13:52Mae Martin?

  Emotional intelligence.

• 13:54Fortune Feimster?

  Communication stuff. And, and also the schools, uh, the curriculum currently is very, um, uh, centered. It's specifically designed for people, you know, when you deal with the right brain and left brain, the side of your brain that's creative is not the one that, why can't I think, um, which one's which? Right brain is.

• 14:18Mae Martin?

  I think right brain's like logical and.

• 14:21Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, so that's, yeah, so the, the, the logic side is what the curriculum is based on. So if your brain fires in that way, um, you tend to excel. But if you're a left brain or you're more creative or you're visual, um, you need to, you know, picture things. They don't teach that. And so you, those people tend to, to lag behind.

• 14:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they, I, I know a kid who at their school in, in grade one, they could, if they were kind or cooperative, they would get stars. And then if you get enough stars, you get like student of the week and you get a prize or something. Like it's, it's very like. Uh, yeah, and but if you have to go pee, you have to spend one of your stars. So you're like being

• 15:08Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, what?

• 15:10Mae Martin?

  I know. So all these kids were like, holding their pee and not wanting to go pee or blow their nose because they'd have to spend their stars. And I'm like, no, come on.

• 15:18Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 15:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah. You should be able to pee whenever.

• 15:21Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe having more, um, more bike lanes and like biking be more of, uh, you know how like in Amsterdam, bikes are so prevalent?

• 15:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:31Fortune Feimster?

  Having more of that would be kind of cool, you know, or right now you don't want to ride your bike because it's like, it's not very pedestrian friendly.

• 15:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:39Fortune Feimster?

  And, uh, so I think if it were more part of the culture, um, and it would be something a lot more people would do. I'd like that.

• 15:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah. Imagine if LA was a big bike city. That would be great. Yeah.

• 15:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 15:55Mae Martin?

  Should we hear Sarah's answer?

• 15:56Fortune Feimster?

  Let's hear it.

• 15:57Speaker 04

  My answer to this question, I have two. Um, the really unserious one is that I would make it a law that you could not do any advertising or merchandising for Christmas until after Thanksgiving because I think we would just really need to rein that stuff in.

• 16:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:10Speaker 04

  Uh, and then my slightly more serious one is that I think everyone should have to take refresher driver's ed and pass the test again every 10 years. Thanks so much for having me on. Bye.

• 16:21Fortune Feimster?

  She's not wrong about that because, uh, you're dealing with that right now, prepping or you've, you've just done it.

• 16:30Mae Martin?

  Well, I'm really notice, I'd noticing also in learning how to drive, how badly everyone I know drives. Like no one's doing all the things that they teach you in school.

• 16:40Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I wouldn't mind, and I don't mean to be ageist here in saying this, but at a certain age, I feel like there should be check-ins of like, otherwise it's up to your families to be like, hey, you shouldn't be driving anymore.

• 16:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:56Fortune Feimster?

  Like I know with my grandmother, like she, you know, probably should have not been driving a little bit sooner than when we realized it.

• 17:05Mae Martin?

  Totally.

• 17:06Fortune Feimster?

  So.

• 17:06Mae Martin?

  Actually, if now that we're here, uh,

• 17:12Mae Martin?

  I imagine it is really hard to stay on top of like cultural changes and the evolution of things as you get older and maybe having like every decade, you have a little course just to like technological changes that you need to be up to date on or like

• 17:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it'd be annoying for sure, but like it wouldn't hurt.

• 17:33Mae Martin?

  It wouldn't hurt and just to learn about like, um, yeah. New terminology and things that you need to learn.

• 17:40Fortune Feimster?

  And improving people's driving in general.

• 17:43Mae Martin?

  Sure.

• 17:43Fortune Feimster?

  Wouldn't hurt.

• 17:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:45Fortune Feimster?

  I like that, Sarah. Thank you.

• 17:46Mae Martin?

  Thanks, Sarah. Should we squeeze another one?

• 17:49Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, squeeze it in, squeeze it in, my friend.

• 17:52Mae Martin?

  Squeeze a nun?

• 17:55Mae Martin?

  Squeeze a nun.

• 17:56Speaker 00

  Hi, Tig. Hi, May. Hi, Fortune. This is Katie from Central Wisconsin. My question is, if you had to have a retirement job, what would it be? So like you retired and then you had to go or you wanted to go work some more because you can't sit on your butt like me. So you went and got a job after you retired. What would your retirement job be?

• 18:25Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm, well, I'd be older, so I don't want to, because like at this age, I'd be like wanting to be outside and on my feet, but at that age, I want a cush job.

• 18:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:37Fortune Feimster?

  And but still be on your feet because you want to stay active. I like those greeter jobs that some the older folks do, you know, at different like fast food restaurants or Walmart or something like that where you just say hello to people as they come in.

• 18:51Mae Martin?

  Is that a thing where you just go, morning, welcome? Oh, yeah, that'd be nice.

• 18:55Fortune Feimster?

  Or they like, you know, help clear tables or stuff like that. But it's mainly being social. I always said my mom would be so good at those. Now she's too old, but there was a window after she retired where she still had a lot of spunk.

• 19:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:11Fortune Feimster?

  And would get bored sometimes. And a greeter job would have, she would have loved. But she ended up doing that for the USO, but as a volunteer position for like 10 years. So she did scratch that itch.

• 19:24Mae Martin?

  Uh, yeah, that, I mean, she's a ray of sunshine to be greeted by Ginger anywhere.

• 19:28Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 19:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:29Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 19:30Mae Martin?

  I think I would, um, well, I'm thinking about the other jobs that I would like, like I would love to work with kids. Like maybe I would, so let's say I'm in my seventies or something. Maybe I'm getting a, I'm teaching a weekly mythology course to like 10 year olds. And I'm, I'm, I'm really trying to like make their minds explode. Maybe not mythology, but I'd like to teach kids, I think.

• 19:58Fortune Feimster?

  Something whimsical.

• 19:59Mae Martin?

  Something whimsical for kids. Yeah. Maybe putting on little shit, local community theater shows with kids or with like

• 20:06Fortune Feimster?

  I could see that.

• 20:07Mae Martin?

  special needs kids or something. That would be really fun.

• 20:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:10Mae Martin?

  Or I listen to a podcast about a guy who went into prisons and put on Shakespeare productions with the prisoners. Like that would be incredible. I'm noticing though, that I'm always like having to be in some kind of leadership role. Like I think I'm bossy. I think I

• 20:23Fortune Feimster?

  Are you?

• 20:24Mae Martin?

  I think I am. Yeah. And I don't, I like, I don't get to scratch that itch enough. I'd like to be in charge of a group of people and be like,

• 20:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:31Mae Martin?

  Guys.

• 20:31Fortune Feimster?

  Well, that's what, at least you got to do that with your show.

• 20:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun to give a pep talk to a group of people. We're gonna go out there.

• 20:39Fortune Feimster?

  Alright everybody, we've got a big day ahead. We, we're gonna get this done. We're gonna have a good time. Kinda like that.

• 20:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Okay.

• 20:48Mae Martin?

  Should we hear Katie's answer?

• 20:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:50Speaker 00

  My dream retirement job is to be one of those singing, um, like telegram people who dress in a ridiculous outfit and then make up songs to like parodies, um, for people's birthdays and what have you. I love to, um, just make up random songs and I think that would be so fun.

• 21:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like that. I think we once said that I would quit the podcast via, no, that you guys would tell me I'm fired from the podcast via singing telegram.

• 21:27Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my gosh, but we would never. We would never, I mean, we'll sing, uh, send you a telegram for something much more positive. How about that?

• 21:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it would soften the blow, though, if it was, yeah, a little barbershop quartet.

• 21:43Fortune Feimster?

  They always talk about singing telegrams on movies and TV shows, but have you ever? I've never seen one in real life.

• 21:51Mae Martin?

  I think at one of my, in middle school, there were like a couple of kids who wanted to do that. And they would go classroom to classroom sometimes on the charity day. You could, you could pay like a dollar and they would deliver a message to another student like, Karen has a crush on you. Really wouldn't fly these days.

• 22:10Fortune Feimster?

  We had that, but like around Valentine's Day at school, but it was like you could purchase a candy bouquet, which was just like a bouquet of like suckers. And you could write a little love note on it. And that's how some people would let their crushes know that they were into them.

• 22:28Mae Martin?

  Huge day. Oh, and so anxiety inducing. Oh, my God.

• 22:33Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. I didn't get one? That's all right.

• 22:37Mae Martin?

  No.

• 22:40Fortune Feimster?

  Usually the people getting them were like the, those like handful of eighth graders that were in a relationship.

• 22:48Mae Martin?

  Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:50Fortune Feimster?

  And I would have been like, what?

• 22:52Mae Martin?

  Where they, their boyfriends would have been in big trouble if they didn't send one.

• 22:57Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 22:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:59Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 22:59Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. Tyler didn't, Tyler didn't send me a candy bouquet.

• 23:04Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. Grounds for breakup, but weirdly enough, I did not have a boyfriend, so.

• 23:09Mae Martin?

  That is weird.

• 23:11Fortune Feimster?

  And I was not enough of a feminist yet to know that I could buy my own.

• 23:16Mae Martin?

  And send yourself a candy bouquet?

• 23:19Fortune Feimster?

  Why not?

• 23:20Mae Martin?

  Why not?

• 23:23Fortune Feimster?

  Well, that was another fun one.

• 23:25Mae Martin?

  It was indeed.

• 23:27Fortune Feimster?

  We always love, um, everyone asking us questions. Uh, you can submit your questions or advice requests to speakpipe.com/handsomepod. Uh, as we go into a new year, um, I'm sure there are things that you want to ask us, you guys, or advice you want as you start making your vision boards.

• 23:49Mae Martin?

  I, which I assume everyone is doing.

• 23:52Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. Thinking about your resolutions. Now is the time, y'all, as the year is coming to an end, to be thinking about what you want to accomplish in 26. Personally, professionally, love, relationships, all the things. I think it's good to, to just, you know, the manifestation thing. I believe in it.

• 24:19Mae Martin?

  I believe in manifestation. Also, I hope everyone's just chilling, sitting around, soaking up the end of the year.

• 24:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Enjoy the rest of the year.

• 24:30Mae Martin?

  Thank you for being with us.

• 24:32Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 24:32Mae Martin?

  We love you.

• 24:34Fortune Feimster?

  We love you a lot. Hopefully I'll see some of you guys in Seattle. I'm doing a New Year's Eve show that night. So if you are looking for a, a fun, uh, hang, come, come join me.

• 24:43Mae Martin?

  I'll be there in disguise, in a fake mustache and, and glasses. And then right at the countdown, I'm going to walk on stage, shed my mustache, plant one on you.

• 24:53Fortune Feimster?

  With a candy bouquet.

• 24:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, with a candy bouquet. Yeah. I'm going to close that loop.

• 24:59Fortune Feimster?

  What a treat.

• 25:00Mae Martin?

  Well, I guess all the, all the remains.

• 25:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yep. Keep it pretty handsome.

• 25:07Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Themester. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.