Pretty Little Episode #68

Tig and Mae gab about age gaps, muse on how to know if someone is "the one," and give advice on connecting with wayward youths in a jam-packed Pretty Little Episode! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mae Martin?

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• 0:13Tig Notaro?

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• 0:30Mae Martin?

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• 1:14Mae Martin?

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• 1:34Mae Martin?

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  Handsome. Chat to my friends on the handsome pod. Chat to my friends on the handsome pod. Pretty little episode.

• 1:53Tig Notaro?

  May.

• 1:55Tig Notaro?

  Well, first of all, welcome to the Pretty Little

• 1:59Mae Martin?

  Episode.

• 2:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I'm Tig Notaro and you're May, right?

• 2:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:04Tig Notaro?

  Okay, let's skip past all that. What was that?

• 2:07Mae Martin?

  I mean, I wasn't expecting such a response and I'm thrilled by it because it's electrically, I'm holding a banana peel, a classic comedy prop.

• 2:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 2:18Mae Martin?

  I ate the banana before we started recording and now I'm revealing the detritus.

• 2:22Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's so funny what you did.

• 2:26Mae Martin?

  You thought the little dance, it was like.

• 2:28Tig Notaro?

  Yes, I did. Of course I did. Have you ever slipped on a banana peel?

• 2:33Mae Martin?

  No.

• 2:33Tig Notaro?

  Do you know anyone that has ever slipped on a banana peel?

• 2:36Mae Martin?

  It must have been a thing at some point, right? But I would think in the olden days, bananas were pretty hard to come by, pretty rare. So I don't know when that started, the banana peels.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  Have I blown your mind with this information yet?

• 2:50Mae Martin?

  What?

• 2:51Tig Notaro?

  Bananas are berries.

• 2:53Mae Martin?

  Stop.

• 2:56Mae Martin?

  What do you mean?

• 2:58Tig Notaro?

  Bananas are berries.

• 3:01Mae Martin?

  There's no way.

• 3:03Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 3:03Mae Martin?

  Look at the shape and the.

• 3:05Tig Notaro?

  Google that up.

• 3:06Mae Martin?

  I mean, I want it.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  You're correct, Tig.

• 3:08Tig Notaro?

  Bananas are berries.

• 3:10Mae Martin?

  Really? But.

• 3:11Tig Notaro?

  And you know what isn't a berry? A blackberry.

• 3:15Mae Martin?

  What is happening?

• 3:16Tig Notaro?

  Thomas, will you Google that up?

• 3:18Mae Martin?

  Can I blow your mind?

• 3:19Tig Notaro?

  Always, every day that I see you.

• 3:22Mae Martin?

  Pumpkins of fruit.

• 3:24Tig Notaro?

  Oh, of course.

• 3:25Mae Martin?

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 3:28Mae Martin?

  Pumpkins of fruit. Wow. So banana's a berry. I guess it grows in bunches. I don't know what the qualities of a berry are.

• 3:35Tig Notaro?

  Seeds inside.

• 3:36Mae Martin?

  Are there banana seeds?

• 3:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:39Mae Martin?

  Huh.

• 3:39Tig Notaro?

  There should be.

• 3:41Mae Martin?

  I think I've been getting some weird bananas. What I know about bananas is a lot of people die every year picking them. It's a very dangerous job. Coconuts fall on your head and.

• 3:50Tig Notaro?

  And it's a, well, and you could slip on them.

• 3:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you could slip on those peels and there's black widow spiders that live in the bunches, you know?

• 3:57Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh, be careful out there. Thomas, are blackberries berries?

• 4:01Speaker 03

  It seems like they're not technically berries.

• 4:05Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:06Tig Notaro?

  Thank you. Okay. And bananas are?

• 4:09Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 4:10Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 4:10Mae Martin?

  That's so nuts.

• 4:11Tig Notaro?

  I know. No, not nuts, berries. Yeah. One of my favorite snacks that I eat almost every day is peanut butter on a banana and peanut butter on a Honeycrisp apple.

• 4:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's good.

• 4:29Tig Notaro?

  It's so good.

• 4:30Mae Martin?

  That's, yeah, peanut butter and bananas. I'll do a sandwich, like toast peanut butter banana and honey drizzled.

• 4:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Come on.

• 4:40Tig Notaro?

  Cause you don't care.

• 4:41Mae Martin?

  I don't give a shit.

• 4:42Tig Notaro?

  You don't, and I can tell. Yeah. I dare you to keep doing that.

• 4:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:46Tig Notaro?

  Do you like peanut butter on an apple?

• 4:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I like peanut butter on most things. Yeah.

• 4:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Yeah. It's not a bad food to eat. It is delicious.

• 4:56Mae Martin?

  I wonder who started peanut butter?

• 4:58Tig Notaro?

  Hmm. I don't know. Thomas, can you let us know?

• 5:03Mae Martin?

  Have we gone, I feel like we just went, we just, I feel like we just finally found Thomas's line. Like we went too far in asking him to Google who invented peanut butter. Oh, here we go. Marcellus Gilmore Edson was a Canadian chemist, a Canadian chemist and pharmacist. In 1884, he patented a way to make peanut paste, an early version of peanut butter. Oh, but the ancient Incas and Aztecs also ground peanuts into a paste centuries earlier. Of course.

• 5:32Tig Notaro?

  Okay. So, truth comes out.

• 5:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah. It's, you can't just patent something and then say you invented it.

• 5:38Tig Notaro?

  Right. Speaking of Canadians, I mean, this might blow your mind. I wish Fortune was here to witness it, but I know that Katy Perry is dating Trudeau.

• 5:49Mae Martin?

  You do, because that's huge. Yeah.

• 5:54Mae Martin?

  They made their first public appearance, right?

• 5:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that, like, did their marriages dissolve because they met type thing? Or?

• 6:04Mae Martin?

  Girl, I'm gonna weigh in. I'm gonna say that they, no, I think both their marriages had been on the rocks for a while, but it does seem pretty quick. The, or is it? I don't know when Orlando.

• 6:18Tig Notaro?

  I don't know, but like, or were they?

• 6:23Tig Notaro?

  Keeping an eye on each other from a distance and like their dreamboat became free and they're like,

• 6:30Tig Notaro?

  hello, I love you so and your, your legacy will be great.

• 6:36Mae Martin?

  I mean, when I look at them together, it makes sense. It, it, it works for me. I, I hope it lasts. Uh, I want to hear what songs she writes about him. I don't know what.

• 6:46Tig Notaro?

  Do you hope it lasts? Like, I, no offense to either of them. I don't care. I don't care if it lasts. If they broke up while we were talking, I, I don't wish anyone ill will. I just, I, I'm not invested at all.

• 7:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I gotta be honest. Neither am I. I'm not that invested. Yeah. But God love them.

• 7:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And God does love them. God loves them both. They're children of the Lord.

• 7:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah. Who else is dating that we, that we now have? That's new and exciting?

• 7:18Tig Notaro?

  Let's see. Who is dating?

• 7:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, Thomas is typing. Maybe he's going to reveal, oh, Sophie Turner and Chris Martin. Sophie Turner from Game of Thrones and Chris Martin from Coldplay.

• 7:34Tig Notaro?

  How'd you hear this, Thomas?

• 7:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Why is Tom?

• 7:37Speaker 03

  Came up, you know, in my news feed.

• 7:41Tig Notaro?

  While we were talking about it? Or girl, were you Googling hot goss?

• 7:46Speaker 03

  You know what? I think I heard about Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry and then I started kind of down a celebrity rabbit hole because of that a couple of days ago.

• 7:55Mae Martin?

  Well, I feel like as the weather gets colder, people start coupling up. People start wanting to stay in. They want to, feeling a little lonely. It does add an element of pressure when both people in a couple are in the limelight, right? Like, or, or when it would be a news story for them to break up or date or like, do you ever think about? Have you guys ever been the subject of like a headline? You and Stephanie?

• 8:18Tig Notaro?

  Well, didn't I tell you, this isn't a headline, but didn't I tell you when I went? On, I don't know what I was on, it must have been social media or something, but this thing popped up that said, are you involved in a May-December relationship? And the picture was me and Stephanie.

• 8:36Mae Martin?

  No.

• 8:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:38Mae Martin?

  And so a May-December is like an older?

• 8:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:41Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 8:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:42Mae Martin?

  Like an age gap relationship? Oh, my God.

• 8:45Tig Notaro?

  Or maybe that's what they said, an age gap relationship. And it was me and Stephanie in the picture.

• 8:50Mae Martin?

  That's insane.

• 8:51Tig Notaro?

  I can send it to you.

• 8:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Tig Notaro?

  I was like, this is hilarious.

• 8:56Mae Martin?

  Did you send it to Stephanie?

• 8:58Tig Notaro?

  I did.

• 8:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, of course. What's, so what's the age gap?

• 9:01Tig Notaro?

  Me and Stephanie?

• 9:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, is it 10?

• 9:03Tig Notaro?

  15 years.

• 9:04Mae Martin?

  15 years, yeah, yeah.

• 9:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Have we been in a headline? I mean, other than just like, we're celebrating an anniversary or

• 9:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:13Tig Notaro?

  we had babies or got married or, you know, any of that stuff. We're not really...

• 9:19Mae Martin?

  It is weird, like the parasocial relationships people have. Like, I feel, I feel connected to some celebrities I've never met. Like, I like to think of myself as being very aware that I don't actually know these people. But then you see someone out and you're like, yeah, I know this person intimately. Well, like, I remember hearing David Schwimmer's voice. I was in a restaurant, I heard his voice and my, I wanted to walk up to him because I was like, I know this guy.

• 9:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but you don't.

• 9:47Mae Martin?

  No, but you don't, you can't.

• 9:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, even if you've met them.

• 9:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:52Tig Notaro?

  A time or two, you know? It's like, is David Schwimmer coming up to you? Is he reaching out to you?

• 9:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I do think with the podcast especially, people do feel like they intimately know us and those can be tricky to navigate.

• 10:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but most people are cool and don't cross boundaries or get weird or, you know?

• 10:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, most people are.

• 10:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:18Mae Martin?

  Great.

• 10:19Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely, especially our handsome community.

• 10:22Mae Martin?

  God, they're so good.

• 10:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:25Mae Martin?

  They're so good. Speaking of which, shall we hear some questions?

• 10:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, let's hear from them.

• 10:30Speaker 04

  Hello, Handsoms. My name is Rhiannon and my question is a two-parter. First part for Tig, I'd like to know when and how did you know that Stephanie was the one for you? And for May and Fortune, I'd like to know if you, if and when you meet somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with, how will you know that they're the one?

• 10:51Tig Notaro?

  Hmm. Hmm. It's, you know, maybe I've mentioned this before, but I remember years ago when I had met Nick Offerman. And he is, what? He's the one for me. Well, yeah. But, you know, he's married to the actress Megan Mullally. And I remember him talking about realizing she was the one he was gonna marry. And, and I can't quite, I want to revisit this conversation with him because it really struck me. Because it was before I had ever met somebody that I for sure knew I wanted to spend my life with.

• 11:34Tig Notaro?

  And I remember him saying something to the effect of like, "Yeah." And then I was like, "Ah, I'm gonna have to marry her." Like, "She's the one I'm gonna marry." Like, it was something, like, it could have sounded like he's not excited, but he was like, "No, no, no, it's not that at all." It's, I think, now that I've met Stephanie and I felt that thing of like, it's undeniable, I guess. It's coming for you. It's like an avalanche. It's like, "We're getting married. This is it." And I used to always ask people, "Nick," I think that's why he was telling me. I was like, "How do you know?"

• 12:14Tig Notaro?

  I was always wanting to know, like, how, what was, what, because it's that thing that before you've experienced it, you don't know how to know. Right. "How will I know?" Like, like our listener is asking. And I think if it is that feeling of uncertainty, then you haven't had that feeling. Yeah. You know? And I for sure had it with Stephanie. I was like, "Oh, my God, I want to marry this person." I love that.

• 12:50Mae Martin?

  But then also, that's probably because partly you were both, you were ready for that. Like, I think, I think we get decision paralysis and that we're overwhelmed by all the options and choice and there, there are probably multiple people for everybody and, and sometimes the person who's the one is the person who you both are just like, we choose this, we want this. It's, and so we're going to choose it and keep choosing it. And then there's the thing that makes them the one is that they keep choosing it.

• 13:21Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, I definitely relate to that now that like, you know, Stephanie and I are, I mean, obviously, anything in life could happen, but I feel like we're very locked in to our life and our love and family and all of that stuff. And, and yeah, you're, you're choosing, but not because it's like, we're having a hard time, that we're going to just choose to do this. And, but of course, there are times when it's hard and you, you make those choices to stay in it.

• 13:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:53Tig Notaro?

  Which is great, because you should see what's on the other side of it. And maybe there's not anything. But I didn't feel out of the gate like I chose it. I felt like...

• 14:04Mae Martin?

  It chose you.

• 14:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:06Tig Notaro?

  It's like, wow, kind of like what Nick was saying, like, yeah, well, I guess we're getting married.

• 14:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:10Tig Notaro?

  You know? I want to revisit that conversation with him.

• 14:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like that.

• 14:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:15Mae Martin?

  Should we hear Rhiannon's answer?

• 14:17Tig Notaro?

  Yes, of course, we should.

• 14:19Speaker 04

  My answer to this question is that a few weeks into dating my wife, I realized that even though we spent just about every spare minute together, I never got tired of being around them. And I wanted, um, I didn't want personal space. I didn't feel like I needed any space. And so about 15 years later, here we are. I still think they're the most interesting person I've ever met. And I just, yeah, so I'm curious. Well, thank you for your podcast. You are keeping us laughing in dark times.

• 14:54Mae Martin?

  That's so nice. I mean, it is the person you're going to spend the most time with. You have to be friends. You have to... I remember with Parv, when we lived together, we'd often find ourselves in the kitchen, like...

• 15:07Mae Martin?

  Like losing track of time, just mingling almost like just talking would be standing in the kitchen for like an hour just talking and then was like, yeah, yeah.

• 15:16Tig Notaro?

  I love the idea of mingling with your girlfriend.

• 15:19Mae Martin?

  And mingling in the kitchen is crucial. Yeah.

• 15:22Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna invite Stephanie to meet me in the kitchen to mingle a bit.

• 15:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:26Tig Notaro?

  Before the day starts.

• 15:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, pretend you're at a party and you found each other and you, yeah.

• 15:30Tig Notaro?

  That's great. Should we get another question?

• 15:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 15:34Speaker 05

  Hello, I'm Indira. Sorry for my English. I'm not a native speaker. I'm your listener from Germany. And I have a question to May especially, but I would be happy to hear the answer from any of you. So I have a niece who I could call a wayward, a troubled teenager. And I would love to build a stronger connection to her or help my mom, her grandma, to build a stronger connection to her. And the question is, what can you recommend to a relative of such a teenager to build the stronger connection?

• 16:19Tig Notaro?

  Hmm. That's a really good question.

• 16:22Mae Martin?

  Really good.

• 16:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:24Mae Martin?

  I think the temptation is to be, well, I think you have to remember, so probably this person like wants to be with their friends all the time and is maybe like, I don't know what they're struggling with at the moment, but thinking, why is it that teenagers feel that pull to their friends and that that sort of individuation from family where they they feel like, I mean, I think everybody has that as a teenager, right? You get so bonded. Yes, it's so important. But thinking, well, what could we could, I have to get to know this person as an individual. What does she like to do? You know, if I want to connect

• 17:07Mae Martin?

  with her, how can I connect with her with things that she's interested about like? Take her somewhere that is in line with her interests or and yeah, like instead of being like, why won't she come to the family dinner and like sit?

• 17:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, if you're like, hey, take me to your ideal day.

• 17:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:23Tig Notaro?

  Show me your ideal day, start to finish.

• 17:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:26Tig Notaro?

  Where you want to eat, where you want to go, introduce me to your friends. I'm so curious about your life.

• 17:31Mae Martin?

  Totally, and I think a judgment free place for her to talk. Like if you want her to open up to you, then you then when she does, you've got to hold that. Like you can't, you, you have to be non reactive, you have to listen. And yeah, because I think it's so easy to tell people to be honest, but it has to be a safe environment for them to be honest in, you know? Yeah, but that's tough. I mean, I would, yeah, I would just resist any like labeling of her or pathologizing, like just really help her to feel that this is a fluid transitional time and that.

• 18:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, maybe sharing stories about your own life and naturally putting that into a conversation of times that you were maybe feeling a little off track or confused or

• 18:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:24Tig Notaro?

  troubled in some way. And I know when I've shared things with Max since then, struggles as a kid.

• 18:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:34Tig Notaro?

  They're blown away.

• 18:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, they like, yeah, kids love to hear the stories.

• 18:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, they're like, you really, Mary? You didn't, and I'm like, no, I didn't.

• 18:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:43Tig Notaro?

  They can't believe it.

• 18:45Mae Martin?

  I would also say like, pick your battles. Like if, like this is a, like, for example, and I'm sure this is not the situation, but let's say this person's like doing coke or doing drugs or like, then if they are going to hang out with you on the condition that they can smoke a cigarette around you, like, let them do that for now, like if, you know what I mean? Or?

• 19:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like pick your battles and let them, let them be.

• 19:11Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 19:12Mae Martin?

  As long as they're not putting themselves in danger, or you know what I mean?

• 19:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:15Mae Martin?

  I'm not being very articulate.

• 19:17Tig Notaro?

  Open. I want to know who you are.

• 19:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, like my, my friend Carolyn Taylor, who I've talked about so much, who would just, when I was like on sofas and such a mess, and she would just take me for a burger once a month and, and sometimes we'd do laser tag or we'd do painting and it was like sober activities that were really fun and I would look forward to it and I could, I could be a mess and I could, I could smoke cigarettes and you know what I mean, but I looked forward to it all month and it was so wholesome.

• 19:47Tig Notaro?

  I think that's great.

• 19:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:49Tig Notaro?

  Well, thanks for reaching out, asking the questions and just really, really appreciate you guys and gals and theydees and themdees and everybody.

• 20:05Mae Martin?

  We do.

• 20:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and share our episodes with friends, help build the community.

• 20:11Mae Martin?

  I've been really enjoying the advice questions, like that one from Indira, that's, that's juicy, or yeah, but anything.

• 20:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we remain open.

• 20:20Mae Martin?

  We remain open. If you, if you have like an encounter with a ghost or something that you want to share, I'd like to hear it.

• 20:28Tig Notaro?

  May's all ears and wide eyes. And go to speakpipe.com/hansampod to submit your questions. Yeah, share episodes, rate, review, check out YouTube, all of it. And I don't know, until next time?

• 20:47Mae Martin?

  Keep it pretty handsome.

• 20:50Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Themester. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media @handsomepod.

• 21:08Speaker 03

  What a podcast!

• 21:14Tig Notaro?

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.