Pretty Little Episode #63

Tig and Mae discuss growing into your identity and their favorite people to have laughs with on an inspiring and hilarious Pretty Little Episode! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:34Speaker 03

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• 1:18Speaker 03

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• 1:37Mae Martin?

  Handsome. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Pretty little episode.

• 1:50Tig Notaro?

  Hello. It is your dear friend Tig Notaro coming straight at you from the handsome pod. Pretty little episode. I'm sitting here with my co-host.

• 2:02Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. This is perfect.

• 2:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Mae Martin.

• 2:06Tig Notaro?

  May, are you okay?

• 2:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you know what it was? I was gonna go into an Ira Glass impersonation and then I realized that that was a reference to a previous episode and wouldn't, it wouldn't work.

• 2:18Tig Notaro?

  Nothing on the show makes sense. So why?

• 2:21Mae Martin?

  Why start now? Trying to make sense? I'm Mae Martin, though, and I'm happy to be here. Happy to see you, Tig.

• 2:28Tig Notaro?

  Happy to see you. I have to say, I was on a flight coming back to Los Angeles and when I walked onto the plane, I was greeted. You know how you're kind of like, I don't know if you're, if you're like this, I'm in my own world, I'm in my head, I'm boarding the plane. The flight attendant, he said, "Welcome, handsome."

• 2:51Mae Martin?

  No way. I love it.

• 2:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And I was like, huh? What? And I, for a split second, I thought, oh, does he think I'm a man? Or does he think I'm so handsome, he had to tell me? Or, and then, and then I realized by the little twinkle in his eye, what was going on?

• 3:10Mae Martin?

  I always have that split second in the wild when someone says, "Hey, handsome," I'm like, "Oh, okay." And then I think, "Oh, right, right, right, right, right."

• 3:18Tig Notaro?

  I know. He came up to me also after and he was like, "I have to say, I told my wife, you're on this flight and she loves you. And so whoever you were, I feel like this is gonna get back to you because if your wife is so into this show that you know, and you're saying that to me, then hello to you both again."

• 3:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're right. That moment when you get on the plane and you're putting your thing away. And then if there's, I always get stressed if there's someone you know and you're starting like a seven hour flight and you're like, "Every time I get up to pee, am I gonna have to be like, "How's your flight going? Okay." Like, you know, and you're trapped.

• 3:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I think I told you, there was a while there where every time I was on a plane, I was on a plane with Tegan and Sara.

• 4:04Mae Martin?

  No, that's so funny. Yeah.

• 4:06Tig Notaro?

  It was just like, guys, come on, we need to get a question from them.

• 4:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're right, actually. What else is going on?

• 4:14Tig Notaro?

  I'm still really enjoying wandering around my house, singing, "I'm a normal person, having a normal life, doing normal things, because I'm normal."

• 4:26Mae Martin?

  What? Sorry, when did that happen? Did I miss that?

• 4:29Tig Notaro?

  Maybe I only told Fortune that. Maybe I didn't tell either of you that, but I'm just really enjoying. Oh, it is such a hit. I can't stop singing it. But I'm just really happy with the changes I've made in my life to allow me more time at home and with my family. And so, yeah, I wrote that hit song. "I'm a normal person doing normal things in my normal life, because I'm normal."

• 5:02Mae Martin?

  God, that slaps. So I'm gonna start singing that.

• 5:06Tig Notaro?

  I love loading the dishwasher. I love doing laundry. I love folding the Cubs' little clothing. I love taking them to school. I just, I just, I love it. I love it.

• 5:19Mae Martin?

  That's really satisfying. And in a way, it's like you're casting a spell, too. Like, you're going, "I am normal and I'm doing normal things," and then it becomes, "So..."

• 5:29Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna start singing that.

• 5:32Tig Notaro?

  It's the finding balance in life and like, really, really trying to make changes to make it happen, rather than... Because I think I've talked about this, but like, for years, I would tell people, "Oh, yeah, I'm finding that work-life balance." And then I realized one day, "No, I'm not. I'm still just taking any job. I'm just like, flying off and doing this and that." And then I realized, "Oh, I have control and I can..." I can decide what I'm gonna do for work, how much I'm gonna work, and how much I'm gonna be home. And it just, it feels really good. And I hope I can maintain this.

• 6:12Mae Martin?

  I really need to do that as well. And also with like having a wayward just come out, then the immediate next question from all your agents and everything is like, what's next? And, and, and you start, you know, but you gotta take a minute sometimes.

• 6:25Tig Notaro?

  Yes. And what, what are you gonna do to take a minute?

• 6:29Mae Martin?

  That's the thing. I'm not like I, I do, I'm, my year is filling up so fast and I'm, I'm feeling a little panicked about it. So I have to carve out that time for sure. Cause I want to be a normal person doing normal things, being normal.

• 6:43Tig Notaro?

  Having a normal life, cause you're normal.

• 6:47Mae Martin?

  You know?

• 6:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:48Mae Martin?

  Going up to Lake Arrowhead in an Uber with my synth. That's normal, right?

• 6:53Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's normal for you, May.

• 6:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 6:56Tig Notaro?

  It's normal for you. Yeah. What about you? You're just, um, you're doing well.

• 7:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm doing well. My heart feels good.

• 7:04Tig Notaro?

  Being a big TV star.

• 7:05Mae Martin?

  Well, if I put my phone away, nothing is happening, you know, it's all lives on your phone.

• 7:12Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 7:13Mae Martin?

  Sometimes I do wanna just live in a cottage by a river. I've never done it. So is this a thing in, in Mississippi, river floating, like tubing down a river where you drag your six pack in the water behind you in the icy river?

• 7:27Tig Notaro?

  I mean, that's happened in Colorado. That's hap- I mean, I don't, unless I'm missing something, I don't remember terribly icy rivers in Mississippi.

• 7:39Mae Martin?

  I've just never floated down a river on a tube with my six pack dragging behind me. And I really, I need to.

• 7:46Tig Notaro?

  You, you take your six pack everywhere you go, don't you?

• 7:52Tig Notaro?

  What's bringing up Mississippi and rafting and six packs and stuff? Did I say something about that?

• 7:59Mae Martin?

  I couldn't tell you why that came up or. I I'm kind of a just letting things roll off.

• 8:07Tig Notaro?

  You just woke up.

• 8:08Mae Martin?

  I just woke up. Let's be honest. I woke up about two and a half minutes ago.

• 8:11Tig Notaro?

  Yes, you did share that right before we got on here. You just woke up. It's 10:45 in the morning.

• 8:17Mae Martin?

  Well, mornings are tough for me. I because I stay awake, but pretty soon we're recording in the evening and I'm excited about that.

• 8:25Tig Notaro?

  And also, pretty soon, we're going to be recording very early in the morning. So I'm hoping to see you there. Yeah, we have an eight or 8:30 in the morning recording in person.

• 8:34Mae Martin?

  Oh, fine. I don't have to worry about that for now. And I'll tuck myself in so early the night before.

• 8:40Tig Notaro?

  Maybe Fortune and I could come over with Thomas and tuck you in.

• 8:44Mae Martin?

  Stop. That's all I've ever wanted is to be tucked in by you too.

• 8:49Speaker 04

  I want to wake up May.

• 8:50Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, if I wake up.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  In the morning.

• 8:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, all three of you are in my room yelling Martin and fruit.

• 8:57Tig Notaro?

  I've wanted to offer a service at a hotel of where you go in and you quietly wake somebody up. And you're like, hey, good morning. You have you have a zoom at 10. Did you want breakfast?

• 9:12Mae Martin?

  When you're a kid and your parent and your parents wake you up, it's I would see red because there was no way they could do it that wouldn't annoy me. You're even if they're just like, morning, you're like, ah.

• 9:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And then there's the reverse. I was scared one night and I went and woke up my stepfather in the middle of the night scared.

• 9:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:33Tig Notaro?

  And he popped up and punched me in the stomach.

• 9:36Mae Martin?

  No.

• 9:37Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 9:38Mae Martin?

  Take.

• 9:39Tig Notaro?

  He didn't mean to. He was like totally asleep.

• 9:42Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 9:45Tig Notaro?

  I mean, trauma, trauma.

• 9:49Mae Martin?

  God, your little body and you're.

• 9:53Tig Notaro?

  Hey, hey. It's like Rick, Rick. I was like, probably eight or nine. Yeah.

• 10:01Mae Martin?

  That is traumatic. How long did it take him to figure out what was going on? And were you both just panicked?

• 10:07Tig Notaro?

  I was too young to really understand that he was asleep and startled, you know?

• 10:12Mae Martin?

  You thought he was just wailing on you?

• 10:14Tig Notaro?

  I didn't know. I was just confused. I was so confused because I was so scared. I had gone in for some help. I got punched by him. To be, you know, the good news is he wasn't like the most aggressive person. So his punch was not impressive.

• 10:33Mae Martin?

  Right, right. Were you having a nightmare or something? What do you think scared you?

• 10:36Tig Notaro?

  I don't know if it was a night. I was, I was very scared as a kid. I was always, yeah, having nightmares. I thought some, something was under my bed. Somebody's looking in the window. I just, um, and who knows? Maybe there were people under my bed and looking in the window, but I, I, I, I was very, very surprised. So was he. He was mortified and very apologetic. But I was crying.

• 11:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 11:04Tig Notaro?

  Holding my stomach.

• 11:05Mae Martin?

  I was always, um, I didn't want to get in trouble for waking. I thought my mom would be angry if I woke her up and she might have been, but so I would go into their room and just stand and stare at them and hope that they would wake up naturally. Cause I didn't want to wake them up and say I'm scared. But it's way scarier to wake up and there's just someone standing staring.

• 11:24Tig Notaro?

  Oh, for sure.

• 11:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I would like burn a hole in their faces with my eyeballs.

• 11:29Tig Notaro?

  And would it wake them up?

• 11:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And then my dad would wake up and.

• 11:32Tig Notaro?

  Go over and punch you.

• 11:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:41Mae Martin?

  Well, should we listen? Should we get some questions from our?

• 11:43Tig Notaro?

  Let's do it. That's why we're here.

• 11:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 11:46Speaker 05

  Hi, this is Noah. I'm a middle schooler from Charlottesville, Virginia. And I was wondering if there was anything that you would tell your younger self about being queer in middle school? Or any advice you could give to me and my friends who are queer and are trying to navigate middle school? Thank you.

• 12:05Mae Martin?

  Noah.

• 12:06Tig Notaro?

  Feel like this is right up your alley, May.

• 12:08Mae Martin?

  Really? Why?

• 12:10Tig Notaro?

  Cause I, I didn't realize that I was gay until, you know, I was probably 20 or something.

• 12:19Mae Martin?

  I was a little older too. I think um, my main advice to young people or something that comes up for me a lot is to remind young people, because there's so much online out there and there's so much um, like worrying stuff in the news. And then there's also a lot of community online. And I would just say, just remember that your sexuality is just one small fraction of who you are. And even though it's totally empowering to like, step into it and, and know yourself in that way. You got so much other stuff going on as well. And it can sometimes, especially if you're having to defend your, your identity.

• 12:58Mae Martin?

  It can become like an inflated part of, of who you are. And, and it's, it's no bigger than any straight persons. You know what I mean? So, don't let it stress you out. And just know that it can be dynamic and change and be fluid and life is long and,

• 13:17Mae Martin?

  and nurture all the other parts of you too. All your interests, all your friendships, all your, yeah, your school and all kinds of things. But it's just hard if you're constantly having to defend it or you feel under attack. But just uh, it's always dangerous to enshrine the self. Like it becomes a little shell or armor. So just stay, stay loose, stay fluid.

• 13:40Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna have to agree with May. And I also, yeah, and I also hate to sound like a really boring parent. But I just feel like it's so true. And it's that who you are is really a superpower. Exactly who you are. And I don't care gender, sexuality, anything.

• 14:05Tig Notaro?

  I really, really am so thankful that I followed my own path and that I really tried to live as authentic of a life as possible because I really like who I am. And I didn't always, but I did follow my gut in life. And I think it's really important. And if people tell you that just being yourself is enough and is very special, I am here to put some power behind that statement as well because I really believe it.

• 14:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And I mean, we, I feel like in comedy, we get that reinforced all the time. Like, we learn that, yeah, the most specific things about yourself are the things that are gonna, yeah, connect you with other people and are gonna be applauded. And so, yeah, if you can tap into like, the most specific things, but what are you, what music are you into? What's your, you know?

• 15:12Tig Notaro?

  How you dress?

• 15:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:14Tig Notaro?

  The way you dance, the way you talk, the, all of those things that, that, I mean, I remember coming from Mississippi and Texas and moving to New Jersey for a little while. And I didn't know I had an accent. I shook it off, I think, over the years. But they laughed so hard when I opened my mouth. But it's also, it's that endearing part of you. Like, even after everybody's laughing, that's, you want little characters in your life. You want interesting people. And I, I want that for, for my kids. I want

• 15:53Tig Notaro?

  them to be around every type of person. I want them to have a crew of characters around them.

• 16:01Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 16:02Tig Notaro?

  You don't want everyone the same. It's so boring.

• 16:04Mae Martin?

  It's so boring. Yeah, this, there's this. Bulldozing over all the nuances of people. And yeah, but that's all the, all the magic is in the weirdness. Yeah.

• 16:15Tig Notaro?

  I grew up around a bunch of characters and yeah, I'm so thankful to know all of those weirdos.

• 16:22Mae Martin?

  Oh, totally. Yeah. And also just remember, middle school is notoriously so intense and it won't always be this intense. So see if you can enjoy the intensity because there'll be a moment later in life where you miss how intense those feelings are. And yeah.

• 16:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Go for it. Be authentic. Don't push too hard in any way. Just be you and have a blast. Be safe and enjoy it. And let's get to the next question.

• 16:53Speaker 06

  Hi, May, Tig and Fortune. This is Casey calling from Salem, Mass., home of the witches. I'm so excited. I finally thought of a question to ask and it was inspired because I got tickets to Fortune's show coming up in Boston. It made me wonder, who is your favorite person or people to laugh with and why?

• 17:11Mae Martin?

  Hmm. I feel like I know your answer.

• 17:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. Who?

• 17:17Mae Martin?

  Is it Stephanie?

• 17:19Tig Notaro?

  Ah, it is.

• 17:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I thought so. Yeah.

• 17:22Tig Notaro?

  But also I have, you know, a crew of friends from my childhood and it's that deep, deep level of laughter that you can have. I mean, yes, Stephanie and I have it to a painful degree of crying, laughing, and I'm so thankful. But I'm equally as thankful for my old friends of decades that they know all the good, the bad, the dirty, the messy, the beauty, all of it. And so those laughs together are so deep.

• 18:00Tig Notaro?

  And knowing and that feels incredible, incredible.

• 18:06Mae Martin?

  You build this rich lore as well. Like there's, yeah, every, yeah, I feel the same way. I have my two best friends from when I was 13 and I just saw them in Toronto and it's like,

• 18:17Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 18:17Mae Martin?

  It doesn't matter. Like, like my, my one friend Gabby, her mom's very sick. My other friend Nicole going through a divorce. I, you know, I'm always in some romantic drama or whatever. And we get together and even the fact that we all are a mess makes us laugh so hard. And then, and then it, I mean, we really laugh like that teen hysteria laugh and, and make fun of each other. And it's so, yeah, old friends, man. There's nothing better.

• 18:41Tig Notaro?

  There's nothing better. I mean, there's certainly people over the years and comedians that tickle me and I enjoy, but

• 18:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:51Tig Notaro?

  That I think.

• 18:53Mae Martin?

  Lisa Gilroy makes me laugh hard. I mean, she really makes me laugh hard because we do it like improv scenes of, uh, from like movie tropes. Like we did one where, because we were sitting by a fire and then we were like, imagine this is the romantic scene in the rom com and, and then she goes, you're different. And I go, in a good way? And she goes, I'm not sure yet.

• 19:20Mae Martin?

  And I laughed for like 20 minutes.

• 19:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she is very, very funny.

• 19:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:25Tig Notaro?

  I had, I had a, a friend, um, well, I know I've talked about him a million times, my old roommate, Chris Fairbanks, man. He, he really tickles me. Um, and then I had a, a very close friend, this guy that, um, we really went in different directions. And so it's compartmentalized in my mind where when I think back on funny things we did, I can laugh so hard and I'll be like, man, can't believe how things changed. You know, but yeah, we, we just aren't in each other's lives anymore.

• 20:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that happens. Yeah, it makes you grateful for the people that are.

• 20:09Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 20:10Mae Martin?

  And yeah, that's a major relationship goals and should be a sort of a non-negotiable, I think, is the person you're dating has got to make you laugh.

• 20:18Tig Notaro?

  Or even if they don't make you laugh, if they find, if they are connecting. Yeah, but I mean, truly, I think there is nothing, if somebody is not a funny person, I've dated plenty of people that would not be considered funny. Yeah, that they have a great sense of humor. And as long as you're laughing and connecting together, who cares who made the joke? But I, yeah, I need that in a relationship. I need a deep, deep laugh with somebody.

• 20:47Mae Martin?

  Should we hear Casey's answer?

• 20:49Tig Notaro?

  I think we should, May.

• 20:50Speaker 06

  I'm going to see Fortune with my brother and sister and each of their fiancés. And I love laughing with them because we can be really relaxed with each other. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face every week. Keep it handsome.

• 21:03Tig Notaro?

  Casey, thank you. You keep it handsome and enjoy Fortune Feimster.

• 21:12Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. I feel like we're wrapping up this episode here and people need to know. You gotta subscribe. You gotta share episodes with friends. You gotta help us build this community. You gotta go to speakpipe.com/hansampod and submit your questions. Yeah.

• 21:30Mae Martin?

  You got to.

• 21:31Tig Notaro?

  You got to.

• 21:32Mae Martin?

  You simply got to.

• 21:33Tig Notaro?

  Or you're gonna lose us. You don't want to lose us.

• 21:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and maybe ask the funniest person in your life, like the person who makes you laugh the most. Ask them to send us a question.

• 21:42Tig Notaro?

  I think that's a great idea, May.

• 21:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or send one together with like an old friend from high school.

• 21:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, May, I'm on your side about this.

• 21:50Mae Martin?

  Thanks.

• 21:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, my God, May, of course. Thanks for sending in. Thanks for sending in your questions and I don't know, I would say until next time.

• 22:02Mae Martin?

  Keep it.

• 22:03Tig Notaro?

  Keep it pretty handsome. What a podcast.